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Midnight Musings
-A poetry collection

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BRINDA MANUEL

MIDNIGHT MUSINGS

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Book Title: Midnight Musings
Book Author: Brinda Manuel

Published by Brinda Manuel


Published in Chennai, India

Printed and bound by Pothi.com


Mudranik Technologies Pvt Ltd
#634, Ground Floor,
5th Main, Indiranagar 2nd Stage,
Bangalore 560038

This edition is published in August 2020

Copyright © Brinda Manuel 2020

Brinda Manuel asserts the moral right to be identified as the


author of this work.

This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to actual


persons, living or dead, events and locales is purely
coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be


reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or
transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electrical,
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without
the prior written permission of the author or publisher. Any
person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this
publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil
claims for damages.

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For every person who deserves to be
found, loved, and cared for.

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To the reader

Hello friend, thank you so much for


noticing my work. You are indeed
special for me because I’m going to
share my precious emotions, stories,
and thoughts with you through this
book. I don’t know much about you,
but I am sure that you might have
crossed tough times, happy phases,
loneliness, dilemma, and stress. These
poems are crumbs of my thoughts
which I wrote in my lonely nights. I
was at a very confused stage of my life
while writing these poems, and my
poems were like my little healer
friends. They’re like photographs of
the little soul residing within me. I
wrote whatever I thought and felt as
poems, and I wish these poems would
become an ear to listen to you or a
roof-top friend to tell you stories. This

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is an important book for me because
this is the first book I am publishing. I
don’t use much rhymes and rhythm in
poetry, but there is a tune in all my
poems which I can feel. So, these
poems will be scattered words, which
reflect emotions and thoughts which
were only mine, but I have decided to
let them out through words. I would
like to know if my writings made any
changes in you, you can write to me to
brindamanuelk@gmail.com. I will
be waiting to hear from you.

You can follow my writings and


poetry in Instagram @brindawrites

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Poems:

 The Queen and the little


stubborn girl
 Raindrops
 Invisible after the rains
 For one more night, so dark
 Where she always wanted to be
 She flew again, with broken
wings
 Without leaving me fall
 I belong to the woods
 Stupid silly dreams
 The hilltop tree
 Flowing aimlessly
 The unnoticed artist
 One world, only love
 Love
 Dream
 What the soul really needs

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 Lost
 The rose in the garden of weeds
 Till I start writing
 Dialogue of a baby’s soul
 I know I will never succumb to
death
 Sleepless nights
 Dream Immortality
 Stardust
 In her empty palace
 In love with letters
 Let them
 You only keep growing
 A silent conversation with
Nature
 Dwelling in the depths
 Morning rain
 Like Eden
 The hidden stardust
 Buried wounds
 The rainy night
 A Caterpillar dream

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The Queen and the little stubborn
girl

The moon dimmed behind the ragged


clouds
Craving for some sleep
It was a tiresome day for her
The little girl went atop the hill
In the bitter cold, in the wilderness
She thought she could touch the Queen
How naïve and stubborn was she
She wanted to cuddle with the Queen
The Queen of the dark skies and
waters
She wanted to cuddle with her
And with pride be seated
On the unseen Chariot

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Riding over the clumsy clouds,
She wanted to play hide and seek
With the stars
Catching them before they could
disappear
Atop the hill, still, the Queen was
away
Out of reach for the little girl, very sad
The Queen but swiftly rose a little
She was watching the pretty little
munchkin
She rose a little
Above the clouds, they seemed to be
resisting
She spread her warm rays around her
And smiled softly, for she knew that
love was precious
Pure, curious and innocent

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She rested over her favourite naughty
cloud
Who seemed a little possessive
The girl looked at her in an awe
Wide-eyed and satisfied
Even if she couldn’t have the ride
Sometimes love does give warmth
Even from some miles away.

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Raindrops

Each drop of the rain


Has a story deep to tell
The winds dance in exultation
Whilst they carry them down
The sky paints himself black
When clouds make some noise
For the lightning streaks just
To show off bright and august
The spectacle is so magical
Leaves me cheery and startled
Dancing to the song of the stories
Leaving behind my worries

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Invisible after the rains
When the wild pack of clouds
Move with war messages
Like a lost star hidden somewhere
Amidst the dark masses
I crave for a soft ray,
A voice calling out for me,
A torch searching for me,
A soul that wants me back.
So, I tried reaching out
And shouting amidst the chaos
Disappointed then I chose
To remain hidden and tranced
Getting lost within the dark
Behind the clouds,
Invisible after the rains
Disappearing forever.
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For one more night, so dark

Sometimes I feel so frozen,


In a stupor
Blank like a white wrinkled paper
Thrown away from someone’s
unfinished book
Was it meant for someone
To write a masterpiece on me
Or for the dust to settle on
And I going useless forever
When the vision becomes more
And more blurred
When I try to see my purpose
When I feel becoming more drained
Whilst still I am motionless

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Waiting for that sharp nib,
A tiny drop of ink, to fall on me
I feel so frozen, motionless
And dazed, for one more night, so
dark.

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Where she always wanted to be
She didn’t know where to she was
rowing her boat
Darkness, waves, wind, and monsters
tried pushing her down
She had to choose the direction each
time a divide came
She had to wait for the light every
night
She sometimes felt very directionless,
sometimes felt too tired to keep rowing
But the little voice from her heart told
her to keep moving
The boat sometimes let her rest and
just floated ahead
Deep inside she always knew
One day she will reach the land
Where she always wanted to be

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She flew again, with broken wings

Her wings were stuck within a


cobweb, it hurt her
The silky strings were so sharp, her
eyes saw only blur
The pain murmured to her, that she
needs to Escape
That she’s in a trap, but she belongs to
that blurred Skyscape

She tried to move, it did hurt her more,


she whined
She sometimes failed and fell
speechless with a heavy mind
The clouds suddenly showered, and
the rain fell on her hard, but soothing
It seemed that they wanted her to wake
up, and keep fighting

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She opened her eyes, she wanted to
once again feel the fly
She fought back, more ferociously that
if it frees her, she was ready to die
Her wings broke a little, but she broke
the cobweb strings too
She flew again with broken wings
happily into the blue.

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Without leaving me fall
I am a tree branching out there, into
the sky
Into the heavy air
Withstanding the cold winter nights
and hot summer winds,
And there are my parents – my Roots,
branching out into the thick soil
Nurturing me with everything I need.
When you see me,
You just see me and not the roots
Because they’re buried deep inside
there
Without whom I’ll wither out.
They never left me, always holding me
Straight above the ground, firm and
tight.

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When my dreams are somewhere high
in the sky,
Their dreams lie deep within the Earth
Without leaving me fall, ever.

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I belong to the woods

I know I am lost here; I don’t belong to


where I am right now
The whirring fans and buzzing
machines are alien to me
The dust, the smoke, the crowd,
everything here suffocates me
The tiles on which I walk, I know it’s
just a virtual world,
Where I don’t belong to
I belong to where squirrels are
chattering and birds chirping
Rivers are romancing with the free and
soft humming wind
The soil underneath softly reminding
me that I still live
Where I can feel the cold rains on my
skin

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No crowd No indifference
Pure love, Innocent life
Where I feel more than I think
The raw and naked fragrance of the
Forest
Yeah, I belong to the Woods!
I know I belong to the Woods!

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Stupid silly dreams

Sleeping inside a dewdrop,


Listening to an alien song,
Swinging in a weaverbird’s nest,
Waking up from the first jasmine
blossom,
Floating on a Chrysanthemum petal on
a river,
Were some of her silly dreams.

In the world where people teach her to


dream big,
She has these little dreams soothing
her soul,
Because sometimes life is all about
some stupid silly dreams

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The hilltop tree

And there is she,


Poised and smiling on a hilltop
The dusty winds could no longer shake
her
The lighting strikes could no longer
threaten her
Her roots have gone deep down the
rock
Layer by layer through the thickness
She gives a home to birds, snakes, and
squirrels
And she knew the rain comes because
she’s there.

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She thinks about her struggles when as
a seedling,
Between the thorny shrubs, so delicate
so thin
And how she grew slowly, very
slowly,
Strongly she smiles again.

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Flowing aimlessly
Like a raindrop from a random nimbus
cloud
Falling on a river
Which keeps moving with no fixed
aims.
Like that drop which mixes into,
An infinite number of drops
Forced to forget who she is
Suffocated amidst the alien water
drops
Trying to flow together,
There I am flowing aimlessly again
Sometimes like that drop,
Which sees up to the sun
Beseeching to take it back home
Sometimes trying to adjust to the flow.

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The river keeps flowing
And the drop too doesn’t stop moving.
So, I’m here flowing aimlessly.

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The unnoticed artist

Sheets of canvas came before her


Sometimes oiled, sometimes clear
Sometimes torn, sometimes already
painted
She one by one used her paints
To complete a picture
And tried to make it beautiful
And meaningful
She always created art
With whatever given to her
And the art always added
Some more life to her.
She was an artist,
Who nobody noticed
Nobody appreciated

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But as she added colours to the canvas
It always gave back happiness
And when each painting became
complete
She felt complete once again.

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One world, only love

What if people knew what not to seek


What if the world searched for only
love
What if people realized identities are a
myth
What if they stopped following the
legends

What if people stopped trying to fit


into boxes
What if humans stopped being
mechanical
What if the whole world became One
One beautiful world searching for only
Love.

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The poem “Love” is a tribute to Mother Teresa.

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Love

Love is not demanding someone


Love is not expecting someone to
change
Love can only grow someone
Adding a little magic to their love

Once did a grey-haired old woman


With soft wrinkled fingers touch
A corpse-like body waiting for death
That was an old man beaten down

Beaten down by poverty


Beaten down by war
Beaten down by disease
Beaten down by ignorance

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Her touch made him open his eyes
Who had by now hated the light too
She looked at his eyes, it was poetic
And told him, ”You’ll see life once
again”.

He couldn’t comprehend anything


For he has never met an angel before
He asked his angel, “Why” with half-
opened eyes
Mind murmuring, “Why in this world,
why?”

She smiled with a confident curve on


her lips
And replied, “Because I love you!”

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He felt life is giving him one more
chance
He realised life is not that dark

Love doesn’t know poverty


Love doesn’t die in war
Love gets no disease
Love can never ignore

Love is after all only, “Love”.

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Dream
I feel the real freedom
When I dream
Because when I dream
I travel to places I’ve never seen
Without money and energy
I can create my own memories
Which I couldn’t live
I can hold the hands of the one
Who never smiled at me.
I am the storyteller there and
I am the character there
My dreams are my living space
Where every night
I live with my fullest freedom.

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What the soul really needs
This planet is a wonder
It created your body and offers you
You have your time to find the reason
why
Then it consumes the body back
And sends you along with Death
In its cycle which is a secret
Hidden in Space and Time
You play a little part before parting
And call yourselves master
It could be funny for the animals and
plants
Looking at you, “Oh Human, where
are you striding to?”
Pause for a while and ask your soul
What it really needs.

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Lost
It was a continental winter night
And the stars seemed to be
Yearning for a little warmth.
Chalky dense clouds moved softly
Above the stars
Gently covering them,
Perhaps to give them a warm hug
In the winter chills.
The stars slept beneath them in
comfort
And the moon seemed to whisper
something.
Trying to listen to the unheard song,
I lost myself
Amidst the stars,
Craving for a fleecy fur cuddle.

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The rose in the garden of weeds

Feeling trapped often suffocated her


But she knew her bloom will be adored
by many someday
Grown with thorns, she was placed
between weeds
She felt alone at times,
Because the weeds didn’t relate to her
world of
Blossoms and fragrance!
She waited patiently for her first bud,
Because she always knew
When the bud blossoms, she will be
finally Seen,
Heard and Understood!
She waited for the bud, the sun burnt
her, and the frost hit her.

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But finally, one day the bud came up,
And when it started to open,
It suffused a mild fragrance over the
air around.
A bee started visiting her
The first guest to the garden of the
weeds,
A celebration it was.

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Till I start writing

Some memories fly away leaving us


chasing behind,
Some moments ride fast carrying us
blind along,
Some laughter remain
Some wounds won’t pain
I stand stranded,
Just empty and plain,
Like a white paper waiting for me
Till I start writing.

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Dialogue of a Baby's Soul
I could feel that I was something,
I could feel that I was existing
Inside my Mom’s womb, a magical
Existence
In a dome of water, she held me with a
soft thread
I couldn’t see anything
Underneath a coat of skin, I was kept
warm and firm
I could feel that I was in the safest
place
And she was longing so much to see
my face.

She sometimes stroked her stomach


gently
I felt a tickling current over me

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I didn’t know anyone else, but only her
Only she and I in a World of Pain
Where pain becomes an Ecstasy
She sometimes felt dizzy, sometimes
puked out, and day by day she turned
weak
I was helpless, couldn’t do anything, I
whispered to her in an Unheard voice
“Mom, everything is going to be Okay
soon”, and she felt a magical peace

The changes in my tiny world, quakes,


and currents hurt her intensely
But what she always did was - kissed
my coat with tightly closed eyes, and
smile calmly
The day I was born, it pained me to see
my Mom

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Crying, biting her teeth and pushing
me out to the Earth
I saw great willpower in her to
withstand all pain, to just push and see
me once
But she also took great care, that I
shouldn’t be hurt even a little, she
loved me so much
I whispered again, “Sorry mom, I’ll try
my best too; I love you Mom”
I tried to come out, but couldn’t, but I
believed she can, 'Coz she is a
Supermom

At some point, I just was pushed out,


and I saw a world outside my Mom, so
different
With so many people with wonder in
their eyes apparent

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It was alien to me, and I heard a high-
pitched scream of my Mom
My heart just broke to see her pain,
and I was merely helpless
I cried and screamed, so someone
would help her out from the pain
But someone took me, held me and
showed me to her
And… She smiled, I looked at her with
an Awe, it was magical
And everything seemed so new,
beautiful and I felt I saw something
subliminal

The most beautiful and contented


smile of the world, after the toil
A modicum of pure love, she appeared
like a jasmine flower on moist soil

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I smiled back, with tears in my eyes, I
looked at her eyes
I stopped crying and smiled nicely
seeing her sublime smile
That smile for the first time defined a
purpose for my existence
Yeah, Mom, you cared for me, you
nurtured me with your own body and
soul
and took me to this earth when I knew
only you, you were the Only Soul I
knew
She kissed on my forehead, it felt so
chill like a dew

When God wanted to place the egg


He emplaced it in her womb for he
knew

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She’s the epitome of love, strength,
and willpower
She turned the egg into a baby
She nurtured it
She transformed the pain to a Beautiful
smile.
She’s never the symbol of weakness.
But Again,
The Epitome of love, strength, and
willpower.

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I know I will never succumb
Dark barrels of lies around me
suffocate me and press hard on me
I search for a little crack in the wall,
For a tiny streak of light,
So that I can see,
the place where I am trapped.
I know I belong to the outside world,
Somewhere so close from here.
But drained and tired,
Not want to even slumber
Like a piece of lifeless body, I lie,
Waiting for a tiny streak of light,
To light my soul a little,
So, I have some life in me.
I know I’ll never succumb to death,
When I have this hope of life in me.
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Sleepless nights

Within the arms of a warm bed


In a still and silent night,
I sometimes try to chase away
the little thoughts clinging onto me,
And slowly doze off.
But they never allow me to
Slumber and get lost
into the deep dark world of dreams.
They start quarrelling with me,
To get my attention,
So that slowly they keep me
caged for some ransom.
Yeah, they tell me things so unusual,
Which I hesitate a little to accept.

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They tell me that I don’t belong to
luxuries,
Luxuries like the warm cosy bed
And the privileges which I carry,
And that I am tranced in a black magic
Spewed by a wicked witch.
That like a genie sleeping inside a
lamp I am.
But when I get rid of these privileges,
I belong to the world of Magic.
I am the master of many wands,
Out there waiting for me to wake up.
But a lazy young woman, confused I
am
I would rather believe that this is my
world,
Enjoying the privileges and be so
sweet.

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But they pull and fight with me so that,
Every night I walk little steps to the
door
Of the magic lamp.
Somewhere before I sleep
They sleep well satisfied
Of making me reach a little closer
To the door which opens to the world
Where I belong to.

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Dream immortality

The silent moon every day


tells us a story
A story of rejuvenation and new life,
fresh hopes and purity
A message to dream Immortality,
to understand that nothing dies forever.
My nights are filled with the hope she
gives me,
Of starting the journey to becoming
whole again
from the next day
Before I sleep a little.

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Stardust

My soul could have been within a star


Somewhere so far away,
Who was amused by the blue planet
In the deep space out there.
It could have craved to be born here,
And someone could have dropped it
here,
In a cell, with fragments of life.
Because I always feel a deep
connection
To the stars out there,
And I feel they crave for something
too,
When they see me.
Yeah, my soul could have been just
stardust.
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In her empty palace

While the winter covers the sleeping


trees with
A blanket of thick snow
There she stood, waiting for a shooting
star
Amidst a sky island,
In her empty palace.
The chills didn’t pull her inside,
Despite slumber falling heavy on her
eyes,
She embraced her quilt of solitude,
and stood waiting
For the shooting star,
In her empty palace.

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In love with letters

She was in love with letters


The way letters combine and
recombine into words.
The words which sometimes touch the
heart
and it feels magical,
Sometimes they hurt,
Sometimes like a soft feather,
They caress the benumbed nerves.

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Let them
Let them belittle you,
Let them demotivate you,
Let them shut the door before you.

Let them call you weird,


Let them judge you,
And let them laugh at you.

You will make sure at the end,


You live your dreams,
Breathe the magic,
And they’ll know for sure
Why they shouldn’t do that
To someone like you.

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You only keep growing

Sometimes the wind steals the


fragrance from you
to scent the air around for everyone.
The flowers from your branches wither
away too,
but it doesn’t kill you,
you only keep growing.
Sometimes your feet feel numb,
You will have to resist tornadoes,
To stand high with roots placed firm,
So, when the wind is over,
Many survive under your shade.

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A silent conversation with Nature

The new buds which open knowing


they’ll wither
The raindrops and the half-erased
rainbow
The jasmine scent which fills the air
still
The little lonely bird on a tree
singing a song of pain
The moon which melts away
and become whole again
The spider knitting a filament web
trapping the raindrops to shine
Nature does have a language
Which only the innocent soul can hear.

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Dwelling in the depths

I like to stay in the depths,


Not explored and unseen,
In the darkness, I hunt for the
mysteries
Which fascinates me,
The sunlight at the surface
Could blur my vision,
Because my vision is clearer
In the depths!

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Morning rain

Morning rain is a bliss,


When the sun is still sleeping,
The raindrops try to wake him up,
And there they fall.
Making noises and on touching the soil
They emanate a sweet smell,
Which wakes up the hungry sun.
After the rain,
The sun slowly peeps out from his
blanket,
Breathing afresh and ready for the
Photosynthesis.

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Like Eden

It’s so difficult to detach from the soul,


And to connect with the outside world.
Because with the soul, it’s like the
Eden!
World of pure and innocent love,
With no good and bad,
Naked and thoughtless,
No covers and no masks,
But only Love!
The only true love is the soul.

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The hidden stardust

When I sink every inch deeper


Into my soul
I know that the innocent speck of
stardust
Was hidden there just to be discovered.
It had the power to explode perhaps
Into another big bang
And, the strength to remain calm
It chose peace only because
It always craved to be loved
While surviving amidst the noise,
It always tried to find the place
Where the chaos can’t be heard.

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Buried Wounds
When the darkness fills
The vacuum little by little,
The wounds unhealed
Buried there deep within,
Wakes up to remind her
Those old photographs and stories
Moments and dramas
Where she was happy once
Dreamt of a future afar -
Designed and well-pitched.
But then when it bothers her,
She shuts them down
And sinks to sleep.
For sleep could perhaps heal her.

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Born again

It’s like she is born again


Out from the ropes of false beliefs and
mores
Like a milky morning breaks out
from the blood-spilled sky
With fangs of light spread out far
Towards the world of her dreams
Never to be capsized again.

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The rainy night

The kiss of raindrops on the glass


Slowly erased the dewdrops on it
There were deep red coccinea flowers
On the courtyard
And when the evening dissolved itself
in the night sky
A weaverbird sat shivering inside its
nest
Waiting for the rainy night to sleep,
Craving for a little warmth.

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A Caterpillar dream

A cute little green caterpillar


With yellow black rings on her body
Twists on a twig and falls
On a broken mirror piece.
She twiddles her torsos and wobbles
slowly.
The pane has a small layer of
Condensed moisture here and there
But still, it’s clear.
There lies a hibiscus flower fallen
on the mirror, on a corner.
She slightly tries to see upwards,
She could see a glimpse of a blurred
sight

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Of many blossoms,
On the thick green backdrop.
There is a soothing sound of a
waterfall nearby.
There comes a breeze swaying the
flowers,
And some pollen falls on her eyes.
She shakes a little and turns down.
I could feel the pricking pain she has.
She bites a little of the deep red flower,
Then crawls over the petal,
twisting her torsos over the filament
she moves ahead poignantly.
She slowly moves over the flower
Back onto the mirror pane,
The mirror is a little more chill now.
She notices something suddenly,

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A reflection on the mirror.
A beautiful black butterfly with
Radiant deep blue patch on the back
And bright yellow spots on the wings.
It creeps slowly from the back of the
mirror,
Flies a little now and then,
And hops back to the crawl
She shakes a little and looks at the
butterfly
With an awe

She feels that there is some


connection,
With that reflection
Which could be just her imagination.
She pauses for a while admiring the
beauty
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Of the alluring woven lines of the
wings,
And the tiny orange spot on one side.
A breeze comes again, with a little
chill drizzle,
And the insect shrinks a little
Holding onto the mirror tightly.
The reflection could be her own soul,
She smiles and moves on crawling,
The butterfly hops along,
The sound of waterfall and breeze
stays.
The caterpillar then slowly slept under
a leaf,
Dreaming about the butterfly.

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Thank you,
The stories which you crave to live might end incomplete,

The happiness you dreamt of might always seem far away,

The wounds which keep hurting might seem taking forever to


heal,

But try unfolding your wings,

Spread them wide,

And try flying once, just once,

Reluctant to succumb and fall,

To those who’re waiting to see you fall.

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Acknowledgement

Full of awe and gratitude to the one who created this


Universe and is the reason for our existence.

Thank you, Appa and Amma, for the infinite love


and care. You are the only reason that I am where I
am today, as I call – you’re my roots. Thank you my
Abish, my brother for being my support system, the
one who I look up for all my artistic first lessons.

Thankful to and proud of my teachers Sebastian


Kottakal (Kasava) and Paul Symphorian for
discovering the writer in me.

All my friends, thank you for keeping me moving on


all the time.

Thank you, Notion Press publishers, for helping


me print and publish my first ever book.

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Instagram: @brindawrites
Facebook Page: Minims of my Thoughts
YourQuote: yourquote.in/brindamanuelk
Gmail: brindamanuelk@gmail.com

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Copyright © Brinda Manuel 2020

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