Want To Stay For Tea?

 
[mario kart kids] 
 
George: ​An excitable 8 year old middle class boy. A little whiny at 
times and very naive but full of love for his family. He thinks Anya 
is super cool because she is bold and says ‘rudey’ words. They are 
in the same class at school and are best friends 
 
Anya: ​Also 8 years old, Anya is a bright and seemingly happy child. 
Although a little jumpy and quick changes in mood on the whole she 
is very likeable and extremely considerate of other people's 
feelings. 
  
GEORGE 
(with a sense of urgency)WAIT STOP! 
 
ANYA 
What why? What have I done.I’m sitting. Doing nothing I promise! 
 
GEORGE 
It’s my turn to be Yoshi!  
 
ANYA 
(relaxes) But I’m always Yoshi. We have a connection.(giggles)You 
can play with him when I’m not at yours. 
 
GEORGE 
But. But. But. You are ALWAYS at mine. 
 
ANYA 
(teasing)Hey! You can’t beat this connection.[Pause] Big word 
connection. I’m full of big words, big fancy words - 
 
GEORGE 
Shhh it's about to start… THREE…TWO…  
 
GEORGE AND ANYA 
ONE- HA![George] Dammit![Anya] 
 
They start playing intensely, showing with their bodies when they 
are going round bends etc, very overdramatic just as you would be if 
you were eight and playing mario kart. Small words may be said, 
think ‘HA or darn it etc’ After a while George interrupts the focus.  
 
GEORGE 
So when is my mum taking you home? Are you staying for dinner? 
  
ANYA 
I don’t know. Mummy doesn’t mind how long I’m out for, I don’t have 
to go home for ages and ages and ages. 
 
GEORGE 
(questioning) You’re lying. All mummy’s have a time. 
 
ANYA 
Honest. Swear on Yoshi’s life. Mummy lets me stay out all night if I 
want to.  
 
GEORGE 
(jealous) not fair! Mummy sometimes picks me up from play dates 
before we have even had tea.  
 
ANYA 
(playfully)Guess I just have the cooler mum 
 
GEORGE 
(definite in his mum’s coolness) No. My mummy is cool. Super cool 
actually. So cool I had chicken nuggets last night. And they were 
the good ones, we went to Sainsbury’s especially. 
 
ANYA 
That’s nothing. My mummy lets me have chicken nuggets every night. 
In fact she is so cool she lets me use the oven all by myself. No 
help. No parental supervision. 
 
GEORGE 
(in awe) Is that even allowed? 
 
ANYA 
It is in MY house. 
 
GEORGE 
My mummy says that ovens are dangerous. And I bet they aren’t the 
good ones.  
 
ANYA 
Are too 
 
GEORGE 
Are not 
 
ANYA 
 ARE TOO 
GEORGE 
ARE NO- 
 
ANYA 
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GET THE BLOODY BULLET BILL. THIS GAME IS FULL… IS 
FULL… IS FULL OF SHIT  
 
A moment of silence between them both. They look at each other for a 
few seconds before breaking into a cascade of laughter and giggles.  
 
GEORGE 
Yes! I have won. (super excited) OMG. I HAVE WON. [George scrambles 
out of the bean bag and struts around the room singing ‘We are the 
Champions’ by Queen, but some of the words are wrong or hummed 
because George doesn’t really know the words] 
 
ANYA 
(giggling) What are you singing.It sounds so funny. 
 
GEORGE 
I don’t really know. Mummy plays it all the time. Must be old 
people's music. She does this funny dance with Dad. It looks like 
this [George does proper dad dancing] 
 
They both burst into laughter again 
 
ANYA 
Quick George, it’s starting again! [starts miming moving the 
controller, signifying the start of the game] 
 
George​ scrambles back onto his beanbag/ seat on the floor, picks up 
his controller and joins A ​ nya​ playing together. As he sits down A
​ nya 
flinches slightly, her face stays focused but her body has a feared 
response to this sudden, large movement near to her. Both characters 
have utter focus, with the odd, ‘yes!’, ‘oh gosh!’ as they play 
(make it relevant to each character), this happens for a significant 
amount of time, only broken when ​George ​yawns. 
 
GEORGE 
(yawns) 
 
ANYA 
Tired already? We only got back from school like half an hour ago? 
Do you need a nap?[laughs] 
 
 GEORGE 
Hey I might be tired because of school. But i’m not sleepy. I’m not 
ready to go to sleep yet. My bed time isn’t for ages so I'm not 
sleepy. Only babies would be sleepy at this time,(looking for 
validation) right? 
 
ANYA 
[still laughing] Sleepy and tired are the same thing, and I am not 
tired or sleepy! No yawning.I don’t sleep for ages. I don’t sleep 
until super late, once everyone else is already in bed. 
 
GEORGE 
(Trying to impress Anya) Yeah well I go to bed super late. My 
bedtime is nine o'clock which is the latest of mine, Emily, Jacob, 
Anwar and Olive’s. It’s even dark when I go to bed in summer. 
 
ANYA 
(genuinely confused)You have a bedtime? 
 
GEORGE 
(innocently, almost a brush away comment) How else would your mum 
know when to come and kiss you goodnight? 
 
ANYA 
(internally) Kiss you goodnight- 
 
GEORGE 
[mimics the sound of the final lap of mario kart really loud] 
 
The focus builds between them both again until Anya jumps up and 
does a cartwheel towards the “TV” (audience) 
 
GEORGE 
AHHH CAREFUL! 
 
ANYA 
(freezes, terrified) WHAT? WHAT HAVE I DONE? 
 
GEORGE 
(almost like acting like a teacher) You can’t do gymnastics in here, 
the telly is valuable and mummy says you have to protect valuable 
things. If they break they cost lots of money to fix. 
 
ANYA 
Sorry. I had no idea. We don’t have one like this at 
home.[pause](internally) I don’t think we have valuable things. 
  
Anya​ comes and sits back down quite carefully. Mindful of her 
surroundings. The final game begins and they both begin to play 
again 
 
ANYA 
(Feeling terrible) I really am sorry, I will be super careful now. I 
promise. 
 
GEORGE 
(calming) It’s okay. We all make mistakes. Mum says that’s how we 
learn! And anyways. We all do naughty things sometimes, even mummy 
and daddy. 
 
ANYA 
[Giggles] What do you mean? 
 
GEORGE 
(enthusiastically - can’t wait to tell his funny story) Well once, 
mummy and her friend Lindsey went into the garden super late and 
started bouncing on the trampoline,but [giggles] THEY BROKE IT 
 
Eruption of laughter from both ends, they are eight. This is the 
peak of comedy. 
 
ANYA 
(joining the enthusiasm) My mummy does crazy things like that too! 
Dad tells me funny stories about her when he’s cooking 
 
There is a brief moment of pause until G ​ eorge​ thinks he has figured 
out that Anya lied about her chicken nuggets. 
 
GEORGE 
(proud of himself) I knew it! You don’t actually use the oven. Only 
grownups can 
 
ANYA 
(puzzled) Dad doesn’t cook for me...he cooks for when he goes out 
with his special friends’ 
 
Pause. ​George​ either reacts to an imaginary voice or to someone 
actually speaking offstage as G ​ eorge’s mum​. If there isn’t a mum, 
George ​should react as if he is hearing the line, adding the extra 
bits into his dialogue that are in brackets. 
 
GEORGE’S MUM (optional) 
 George, can you pause the game quickly? I need to have a chat with 
you. 
 
GEORGE 
Yes mum (I’ll pause the game) I’m coming! Gimme a sec and we will 
find who reigns SUPREME. 
 
ANYA 
Okay 
 
Anya sits on the stage by herself. A wave of sadness falls over her 
as she tries to hide her body from the world, attempting to make as 
little space as possible. She thinks it is time for her to go home. 
But the premise of home is quite scary, she feels much safer and 
happier with George, playing video games and spending time with his 
family. ​George ​pokes his head around the corner with a beaming smile 
 
GEORGE 
Anya? 
 
ANYA 
(apprehensive and reluctant) Is it time to go home? 
 
GEORGE 
Mum says do you want to stay for tea? 
 
---