Torrey Braman

Intro to Philosohpy
4/12/11
Dr. Mehring
Reflection Paper #9: What is Romantic Love?
This topic is one that I admit to knowing only a small portion of. I used to believe that I
knew everything about love; this of course was when I was entangles in its complicated grasps.
Now however I believe there is no finite definition of love. I believe that my opinions on love
will always be changing, not because I do not care or long for it, but because of the definitions
we place on it as a society, and its many different meanings it may hold throughout the different
relationships I experience. Now, however, I know only of my current opinions on love, lust and
friendship; all of which compose Romantic Love.

As I said previously, I used to “know” everything about love. Through a relationship (too
complicated for the lengths of any one-page philosophy assignment) that I was part of, I not only
lived what I knew to be love, but also experienced my first shift in attitude/opinion towards the
subject. Love then, was being with someone you knew you were meant to be with, “loving”
them, and growing old together. This of course was accompanied by all the sexual aspects of
which are all incorporated in the term “romance”. What I experienced at the time I would have
referred to as Romantic Love. Now however, I would call it lust.
To straighten things out, let me define my view on love itself. Love, in my current
opinion, is a relationship with someone in which your connection is stronger than other “normal”
relationships; you would do anything for the person you love. You put up with the person you
love. You accept the person you love, no matter their faults or imperfections. And most evident
are the feelings of despair as you envision your life without them; in fact it would be mentally
incomprehensible. Love has no relation to sexual desires or activities. It is because of this that we
may love our parents and friends. As for our spouses and partners, there is no deference. But,
you say, it is very common to think of love which must involve sex. This I reason the term lust.
In a strong loving marriage, I believe love must remain permanent, and the lust must
cycle. Lust is an important part of a relationship but all of course in moderation. The
relationships that I see lasting the longest almost always consist of two individuals who would
most certainly be friends had they not been in a partner/spouse relationship first. They are friends
first and lovers second. I see that their friendship and love hold them together, while their
romance comes and goes. This is why my (and so many others) relationship which focus more
on lust than love have failed. Had we given more significance to our friendship (love), we would
most likely have lasted much longer. But, because we focused on lust, its’ powers which held us
together were bound to end; we experienced one cycle of lust.
On that note, Romantic Love is what I see in strong relationships and marriages. These
couples are in love. They could not be without, and would do anything for each other. But there
is lust present among them. They, however differ from the other/ less stable marriages due to
their ability to maintain sight of which is more important, love. As soon as their Romantic Love
becomes Romantic Lust they will begin to fall apart.
We need to Love-Romantically, not Romantically-Love