CHAPTER THREE

THE FAMILY AND RELATIONSHIPS

(Final Period)

There are basically four (4) kinds of relationship: friendship, infatuation, love and exploitation. They are distinct
from each other, but in real life, they overlap a lot.

A. FRIENDSHIP

Friendship begins when one discovers that somebody cares. Good friendship is not based on material things.
It is one of the greatest things that will ever happen to persons.

- A real friend is one with whom you can be yourself.

- A real friend is one with whom you don’t have to pretend.
- A real friend is someone with whom you can say what you feel.
- A real friend will never betray your trust.
- A real friend is someone who makes efforts to be there when you need him.
- A real friend is someone who can always inspire you to do good no matter how many miles apart you
are from each other.

B. INFATUATION

Infatuation is a kind of relationship that involves sexual attraction or sexual feelings.

The “IN” Elements:

1. The person is INterested.

2. The person wanted to be INvolved.
3. The person wanted to be INlove.
4. The person becomes INtimate.
5. The person wanted to have INtercourse.

C. LOVE

- Love is based on mutual interest and a sharing of ideas.

- The need of the loved one comes first.
- Lovers have the freedom to grow as persons.
- The relationship grows deeper despite difficulties or separation.
- Love is a decision; it does not hurry up, but lasts and endures the test of time and absence.
- Love is person-centered, brings confidence, welcomes friends, others and is not jealous.

D. EXPLOITATION

- This relationship is based on selfishness.

- It is a relationship were people are used as objects to benefit a person directly or indirectly.
- It is a relationship were people are taken for granted.
- It is a relationship were people are abused, manipulated, exploited.

COURTSHIP, DATING AND GOING STEADY

Courtship is:

- A social process.
- A way of communicating thoughts and feelings.
- It is primarily the venue were a man expresses his love for a woman.
- It is primarily the venue were both man and woman know each other fully well.
- Allows a man to behave according to the norms of society.

Dating is:

- A socialization process.
- Mixing around and learn to be comfortable with the members of the opposite sex.

Going Steady is:

- Being ready to enter into a relationship.

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 - A process of knowing and discovering yourself well and more.
- A process of knowing your likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses.
- A process of knowing whom you want to share your life with.

THE FAMILIES IN THE OLD TESTAMENT

A. ABRAHAM’S FAMILY

Abraham was already old, he was seventy-five years old when he left Haran. Abraham took Sarah his
wife, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated and the people they had acquired in
Haran. They set out for the land of Canaan – The Promised Land. God was calling him and Abraham only
knew that God wanted to give him what he had longed for during his entire life and he welcomed this
promise. They arrived at Canaan and Abraham traveled as far as Shechem to the oak of Moreh, pitch his
tent east of Bethel and finally set out in the direction of Negeb.
Sarah, Abraham’s wife is barren, but she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar and Sarah permitted
Abraham to have a child from her. Hagar became pregnant and subsequently gave birth to a son and was
named Ishmael. Hagar obeyed what the angel told her, “you shall name him Ishmael, for Yahweh has
heard your distress.”
Yahweh was kind to Sarah and she became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham who was a hundred
years old. He named his son Isaac. Abraham was now old and well on in years. He dispatch his servant
Eliezer to find a wife for Isaac among Abraham’s kinsfolk. Sarah was one hundred and twenty-seven when
she died. Abraham for his part was one-hundred and seventy five years old when he died and he left
everything he owned to Isaac his son.

B. ISAAC’S FAMILY

Isaac was forty when he married Rebekah, daughter of Bethuel, the Aramean from Paddanaram. Isaac
and Rebekah have children, Esau and Jacob. The former became a skilled hunter and the latter was a
quiet man living in tents. Famine struck Canaan and Isaac and his family moved in Gerar, in the land of
Abimelech, King of the Philistines. Isaac sowed crops in the land and harvested a hundredfold. Meanwhile
Esau at the age of forty married Judith, daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath, the daughter of Elon,
the Hittite. Isaac was one hundred and eighty years old when he died and his sons, Esau and Jacob buried
him.

C. JACOB’S FAMILY

Esau, the firstborn son of Isaac hated his brother Jacob because the latter took his birth right and blessing
from him. Esau threatened to kill Jacob and the latter escape to Haran. There he met the daughters of Laban,
son of Nahor. He first married Leah, the eldest daughter and subsequently married also Rachel, the youngest
daughter. Leah bore children from Jacob, namely, Reuben, Simeon, Levi and Judah. Rachel bore also children
from Jacob, namely, Issachar, Zebulun, Dinah and Joseph.
Jacob reconciled with his brother Esau and gave him gifts out of his labor from the house of Laban for
fourteen years, namely, two-hundred (200) female goats, twenty (20) male goats, two-hundred (200) ewes,
twenty (20) rams, thirty (30) camels in milk and their calves, forty (40) cows, ten (10) bulls, twenty (20) female
asses and ten (10) male donkeys. Jacob died at the age of one hundred forty-seven and was buried in a cave
in Machpelah, east of Mamre in Canaan.

D. JOSEPH’S FAMILY

Joseph, next to the last of Jacob’s sons, is shown as the most important of the twelve brothers. The
dreams of the young Joseph tells us that what will happen to him will not be pure coincidence, but rather will
serve God’s plans; through him God will save the whole family from hunger.

Because he was the favorite son of Jacob, his other brothers get jealous and attempted to kill him by
throwing him down in a dry well, and after finding him still alive, finally sold him to the Ishmaelites and was
subsequently sold as slave in Egypt. His brother made it appear that he was devoured by a wild animal and
informed their father Jacob of his death.

In Egypt, Joseph was imprisoned after having been accused of rape by the wife of Potiphar, an officer of
Pharaoh and commander of the Guard. In prison, after interpreting the dreams of Pharoah’s chief cupbearer
and chief baker, he interpreted the dreams of Pharoah about a great famine that will strike the land. Pharaoh
was well pleased of Joseph’s interpretation and of his proposal to prepare for the famine ( 7 years of
abundance but followed by 7 years of famine) he made him second in command in Egypt. Pharaoh named him
Zaphenath-paneah and gave him in marriage Asenath, the daughter of Potiphera, Priest of On. Asenath gave
Joseph children, namely, Manasseh, Ephraim. Finally, Joseph died at the age of one hundred-ten, was
embalmed and laid in a coffin in Egypt.

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 E. THE HOLY FAMILY

Joseph, the Carpenter is the foster father of Jesus. The Bible claims that he is an upright and dignified man
and a descendant of King David. Joseph having adopted Jesus makes the latter also a descendant of David.
Few is said about Joseph other than being the husband of Mary, protector of the baby Jesus, and historically,
educated Jesus until he reached the age of twelve years old. Thereafter, no more is heard from him in the
gospels.
The name Mary is attributed to many titles in salvation history. She is the Virgin, the Blessed, the Mediatrix,
the Mother of the Church, the Mother of Jesus, the first disciple of Jesus, the mother of the Apostles.
Historically she is the daughter of Joachim and Ann from a little village in Nazareth and according to the gospel
of Luke is the cousin of Elizabeth, whose husband-priest is Zechariah, the parents of John the Baptist.
Jesus was born near the end of the reign of Herod the Great. His mother was Mary and his putative father
is Joseph. He was conceived through the Holy Spirit. He spent about thirty years of his life in Nazareth and he
was by profession a carpenter (Greek: tekton). Jesus began his public ministry during the reign of Emperor
Tiberius. He was baptized by his cousin, John the Baptist and earned to himself twelve apostles and a
numerous followers who believed in his teachings and of the proclamation of the Kingdom of God. Finally, he
was condemned to die by way of crucifixion.

T H E C H R I S T I A N F A M I L Y

Christ wishes to continue his evangelizing work not only through individuals but through groups,
communities and institutions which he wishes to manifest and transmit his truth and love.

A. FOUR TASK OF THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY

1. FORMING A COMMUNITY OF PERSONS

- The family is meant by God to be the first school of discipleship where the parents are the first
catechists of their children, and where all the members mutually evangelize each other.
- It is also the first school of evangelization where the members learn to share with others the grace and
light of Christ.
- The family is to be a place where the Gospel is transmitted and from which the Gospel radiates.

The Father

- The Father of the home must see themselves as the head of the family.
- The Father of the home image Christ who loves the Church with a faithful love and sacrificed himself to
make her holy.

The Mother

- The Mothers are the heart of the home.

- They set spiritual tone of the family.
- They are identified as in charge of rearing up children in the home.
- They play a very decisive role in the growth of their children to maturity as persons and as Christians.
- Their love and compassion, of their character, their piety and patience influence the children long
beyond their childhood years.

2. SERVING LIFE THROUGH THE PROCREATION AND EDUCATION OF OFFSPRING

- Christian parents must exercise responsible parenthood.

- Christian parents must nurture generous attitude towards bringing new human life into the world.
- They should strive to beget only those children whom they can raise up in the truly human and
Christian way.
- Hedonistic Mentality (personal pleasure is the chief good), Economic difficulties, influenced of Mass
Media severely limits the responsible procreation and education of children.
- The church condemned directly-willed abortion, sterilization and contraception as wrong in themselves.
- The Church opposed any pressure, coercive action or policy that removes from couples the right to
decide the number of their children.
- Catholics should be guided by the teaching of the Pope and the Bishops.

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 Official Documents of the Church on Life

1. Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World

2. Humanae Vitae
3. Familiaries Consiortio
4. The Regulation of Population
5. Pastoral Letter: Love is Life

3. PARTICIPATING IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF SOCIETY.

Women

- They people the ranks of many Catholic organizations.

- From them lay catechists and teachers are drawn.
- They advance the Church’s mission not only by their church-related work but also by their various
professional contributions to the development of society.

Young people and Children

- They are truly the present and future of the church.

- They grow in the maturity of Christ.
- They must increasingly assume responsibility in the task of evangelizing which they share with their
elders by right of Baptism.

4. SHARING IN THE MISSION OF THE CHURCH.

- Family Associations and Marriage Encounter are a great aid to prevent broken homes and marital
separation.

- The Church and Society should do all they can to preserve marriages.

- Couples in difficulties should also know that they do not have to remain together at all costs, except if:
Under certain conditions, living separately may be the will of the Lord for them, especially when
continuing to live together poses dangers to the physical, psychological or spiritual well-being of one of
the partners, or the children. However, separation must be considered as a last resort. Separation in
itself (no matter how long) does not give marriage partners the right to marry another person prior to the
death of his or her marital partner.

- In case where the breakdown is irreparable, any of the parties may explore the possibility of marriage
annulment. But neither partner is allowed to marry without the church’s declaration of nullity of the
previous marriage.

- Even parties in broken marriage can become effective evangelizer and bear witness before others to
the power of the cross and resurrection in their lives. From their experience they can guide other
couples to avoid the pitfalls of married life.

B. OBSTACLES IN FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

A. The Querida System - It is an act of a married man keeping a mistress. It is clearly a serious violation of
the marriage vows and contrary to the divinely-willed unity of marriage.

Q: How to deal with it?

1. Catechesis on the equality of the obligation of both husband and wife to marital fidelity.
2. Marriage partners should be taught before and after marriage that both husband and wife lose
themselves when either breaks the promise of fidelity to each other.
3. Woman should also be taught to be more, and they should be supported when assert this right.

B. Broken homes and Separated couples

Broken homes and separated couples are increasing in number. Many of these unfortunate cases can be
prevented by adequate pre-marriage catechist and counseling. But to this must be added post-marital
counseling to help couples cope with pressures that tend to undermine their unity. Often too the causes of
broken homes and separation of couples are to be found in their economic situation which forces both
marriage partners to work far apart from each other. This is one reason for the Church to urge both the
government and the people to seek for better economic conditions for all.