CHAPTER ONE

Foundation of Love
Our sparkling love story blossomed from friendship.

A rlene and I were active members of our parish choir and active leaders in our
community. Every time we hang out, we would head to their house talking and laughing
about what transpired during the day. There were times that I would spend the whole
day in their house chit-chatting.

I was then given the chance to work as an educator in San Pedro, Laguna. Despite being
distant, my communication with Arlene did not stop. We would always call each other
through the phone and exchange our daily experiences. During my vacations, I would
visit their house. It made our friendship more nurtured. We had a close and special
bond. She even chose me to be one of the godparents of her child.

What is the connection of Arlene to my story of romance? Well, because of her, I

recurrently crossed paths with Demy. I often visited her in their house. As Demy was
also living there, he would always welcome me warmly. He and I would have short talks.
Our conversations were all cut short because I always felt shy chatting with him. I acted
timid around him. I would even avoid eating lunch and dinner in his presence. His being
reserved and respectable man drew me to avoid him. However, he would remark that I
shouldn’t be shy around him because he considered me as his younger sister. With his
words, I became slightly assured and comfortable.

I could vividly remember when my mother was still alive. She would tease me, “Halla ka
baka asawahin ka ni Demy kasi malimit ka pumunta sa kanila.” I would get annoyed
whenever my mom utters these words. I would get mad at her as I was afraid that
other people might hear her. It would be very embarrassing on my part if Demy would
come to know my mother’s remarks. Thus, I would always clarify that I just went there
to visit Arlene, not him. I would even share that he seldom joins us. He would already
head out in the afternoon and he would sleep early upon arriving at night. Thus, during
my stays in their house, we never had the chance to have a long conversation. There
were just typical short talks like asking, “When did you arrive?” and “When will you go
back to San Pedro, Laguna?”. After such, I would immediately exit the conversation.

Years passed, the same routine ran in cycles.

Sometimes, Arlene and I would speak over the phone about Demy. She would share
with me how loving and endearing Demy is to the daughters and sons of his relatives
who were also staying in their house. He was like a father to them. He would provide
them with what they want and attend their school activities. Acting like the proudest
father, he would pin their ribbons during recognition and commencement days. He
also helped them in their studies until they had stable jobs. He provided their needs
and genuinely cared for them. He would even get so worried if the children stayed out
late at night. As the kids wished to sleep beside him, he would gently caress their backs
for a gentle slumber. He stood as a very loving Tito. He was more than a father to them.

Arlene added that she was so delighted that Demy would also treat her only son with
utmost love and care.

Demy was also known as a peaceful man. He never engaged into arguments. Though
he came from a prominent family, his feet were always anchored on the ground. He
loved mingling with people. Never did he brag about his status in life. He was a very
humble person. What I also found remarkable about him was his loyalty to friendship.
Because of his traits, many people respected and loved him.

What really registered on my mind was his way of entertaining his visitors.
Whoever was the visitor, he would see to it that they were attended to warmly. He
would make them feel comfortable with grand food served on the table. He was such a
hospitable host.

I admired him. Sometimes, I would utter, “He loves kids who are not his own flesh and
blood, how much more if he has his own children?” I would also grinningly remark, “The
woman he is going to marry is very lucky. He is very handsome, humble, and attractive.
Above all, he is a loving and caring person.” There were even times that I would wonder
why he was not yet married. A lot of girls must be dreaming to be his wife. Apparently,
he was choosy with his previous girlfriends who came from prominent families. If I
were to compare myself to his girlfriends, I was far from them. I was not as attractive as
they were. Plus, I belonged to a poor family.

Our friendship though not that close was already enough on my part. It was already a
great experience for me to be treated by him as a younger sister. Sometimes, he would
give me pieces of advice about the problems I faced.
 CHAPTER TWO
Wave of Love
"A friend in need is a friend indeed.” He extended his
hand when I most needed one.

O ur family fell in despair in October 2007 when my mom was diagnosed with
Leukemia. We were crushed even harder as the doctor informed us that she had no
chance of surviving such disease especially since it was detected late. My mom’s health
was severely deteriorating with a lot of infection growing. Her room in our house was
just like an extension of her hospital room. She was always hospitalized. She would
need a blood transfusion every time her red blood cell count dropped. She would even
experience difficulty in breathing thus, she needed an oxygen supply using a nasal
cannula and oxygen tank.

Demy showed his care as he would always ask about my mother every time I visit their
house. He would also pack some papaya fruits for me to give my mom. My mom loved
eating papayas so she was pleased with the gift. There was even a time that he would
check on my mom in the hospital. Worry and sadness were evident in his face seeing
my mom’s condition. I was wondering why he would look so worried when in fact, he
was not even a relative. But on the other side of my mind, that was his nature. He is a
kind-hearted person.

A day that was supposed to be celebrated joyously was a miserable day for my family.
My mother died. On the day of Jesus Christ’s birth, she passed away. We were weeping.

Demy stayed beside me on my gloomiest Christmas.

He visited my mother’s wake. He accompanied and assisted us. He also showed

support and sympathy. His presence meant a lot to us especially to me. He comforted
and consoled me that I should be strong. He assured me that my mom has now joined
my father in heaven. They are finally at peace together watching over us.

On her first death anniversary, December 25 the year of 2008, my entire family decided
to go home to our town. We invited a lot of our friends and relatives and headed there
the day before. We paid our respects to our late mother. We then bonded and
celebrated the yuletide season joyfully.

I also invited Demy to join us. We felt so grateful that he agreed to come. Our visitors
were happily singing and dancing. In that event, my brother asked our cousin to sing
“Touch by Touch”. Such an upbeat song indeed brought a thrill to the crowd. To my
surprise, Demy stood up and held out his hand. He was asking me to dance with him. I
was shocked. It was very rare of him to dance in public in an informal gathering. I was
dazed as such an act of him was really unusual.

Strangely, as we danced to the tune, I was attracted by the way he moved. At first, I was
moving awkwardly. But then, I caught him smiling at me. My shyness faded away and
my body started waving with the beats. It felt as if it was just the two of us swaying
through the dance floor. I was so engrossed that for a moment, I spaced out. My senses
came back when he patted me on my shoulder giving me a sign that the music was
already over. I gave a shy smile. He then went back to his friends and I receded to my
seat beside my aunt.

My aunt teased me whispering that she has sensed something between me and Demy.
“Just the way you dance and the way he looks at you when you were dancing, there is
definitely something going on.” I got mad with her remark. I told her that there was
definitely nothing. Demy had brotherly love for me, nothing more, nothing less.

My aunt continued teasing me. She did not believe what I said. She stood firm with her
observation and theory. My aunt’s remarks bothered me during the entire Christmas
vacation. I spent sleepless nights convincing myself that he would never like me. I was
not his type and I was below his standards. I would even tell myself that I just belonged
to a poor family. But such thoughts would be overlapped by my Aunt’s words.

“…there is definitely something going on,” kept ringing my ears.

I would fail to resist my smile. Honestly, at the back of my mind, I was longing and
wishing that Demy did feel something for me beyond brotherly love. My mother’s
words would also come rushing back. She once remarked that someday, I would
become Demy’s wife. Mixed emotions would fill my heart and mind every day.

My nephews, nieces, and even my siblings observed the sudden change in my behavior.
They would ask what was bothering me but I would stay silent ignoring their queries.
Sometimes, I would even have drastic changes in my facial expressions. One second, I
was smiling and on the other, I was frowning. My family found this disturbing.

In spite of these, I would still go to their house to visit Arlene. As usual, we would chit-
chat about nonsense stories. However, the ease and comfort I felt before were not the
same anymore, instead, I felt awkward. There were times that I would steal glances at
Demy and observe his facial expressions and body movements. I would test if he acted
consciously or if he was happy in my presence. But to my disappointment, I did not
notice any unusual behavior from him. He was the usual Demy who was silent and
contentedly seating in the sala watching television. He didn’t even bother to engage in
long talks with me. Thus, I reached a conclusion that he felt not a bit of attraction to
me.

On the 28th of December 2008, I was again invited to have dinner in their house. After
eating dinner, I asked Arlene if I could go home already. She answered yes. However,
she told me that I had to be accompanied by her husband. I just nodded and hugged
her farewell. As I got out of the house, I saw Demy and Arlene’s husband chatting
around a table. They had some drinks placed below it. I approached them and told
them that I needed to go home because it was getting late. Demy suggested that
Arlene’s husband should accompany me. I could no longer refuse since both Arlene and
Demy suggested it. Arlene’s husband and I then walked the streets. It was a long silence
between us until he broke it. He asked me if I would allow Demy to court me and if
there was a chance for him to be my boyfriend. Irritated, I slightly scowled at him. I told
him that he was just drunk. He should not make such jokes. He looked straightly at my
eyes. In a serious tone of voice, he answered that he was not joking. He repeated the
same questions. I ignored him and just told him to go home. If he was indeed serious,
then it was not the right time to discuss such a matter. After all, he was drunk. He
laughed in response and headed home.

That night, I was feeling restless. I couldn’t sleep. My thoughts were flooding and the
words of Arlene’s husband kept replaying in my mind. “Why did he have to ask such
questions? And why was it he who asked, why not Demy? Demy should have asked me
personally if he was serious. It must be a joke, a bad joke at that…” However, I also had
thoughts that maybe Demy did like me. There was a big possibility because Arlene’s
husband was very close to him. I don’t think he would bluff on me. But I convinced
myself not to assume since I would just end up frustrated.

Confused, I fell asleep still with such questions grumbling in my mind.

 CHAPTER THREE
We are Called to Love and Respect
My mind was in turmoil.

I was seating on our veranda one morning. Busy people were rushing through the
streets preparing for New Year’s Eve. Days do fly fast. I was gazing blankly from afar as
my mind exploded with thoughts. Startled by my cellular phone ringing, I checked it
and saw that it was Arlene on the other line. I took her call. She invited me to have
lunch at our friend’s house. I immediately agreed.

After our lunch, we headed to Demy’s house as usual. As we were approaching their
house, I felt quite nervous. I strangely acted shy again when he was close. At some
moments, I would even lose my concentration and space out as my friends exchange
stories. They must have noticed my silence as they suddenly asked what was bothering
me. I looked around staring at their curious faces. No word came from my mouth. I just
shrugged my shoulders.
Suddenly, somebody called me. Startled, I flinched knowing that it was Demy. My heart
pounded rapidly and I could hardly breathe. Mixed emotions poured over me. I felt
excited that he was calling me but worried that I was again exaggerating and assuming.
I stiffly stood and approached him. As I was nearing him, my heart beat faster. My
hands were getting wet and my fingers were trembling. I cleared my throat and asked
him why he called for me. He ushered me to their dining area and asked me if I liked
perfumes. I nodded and softly uttered yes. “I have a gift for you.” (He has a gift for me) He
walked towards the cabinet. I saw a perfume displayed there. He said it was for me. It
was his Christmas gift for me. I felt ecstatic and charmed. Finally, he was engaging in
long talks with me. Plus, he had given me a gift which seemed to be so expensive.

“Do you like its scent?” he gently asked. I stretch out my hand softly asking him to hand it
over. But before he handed it to me, he sprayed the perfume on my neck. I could
already smell its fragrance. “Do you like its scent?” he repeated. With too much
excitement, I uttered a joyful, “Yes, I like it very much! Thank you!” We exchanged shy
smiles. Then I went back to my friends.

I whispered to Arlene if she could give me Demy’s number. “I want to thank him for his
gift.” She immediately gave it. I sent Demy a message on that very moment thanking
him for the precious Christmas gift. “It’s nothing,” he replied. He added that the
perfume’s scent suited me. He also invited me, together with my friends to celebrate
New Year’s Day at his house. I headed home overjoyed. I felt that the questions
bothering me for days were already answered simply by his sweet gesture of gifting me
on Christmas.

It was a colorful morning on the 1st of January 2008. I woke up with my heart exploding
with excitement thinking that I would be spending New Year’s Day with friends in
Demy’s house. I was humming tunes while grooming myself with a light-hearted mood.
I felt like going there already. I rushed outside. At around ten o’clock, I fetched one of
my friends and we headed to Demy’s house.

My friends and I were busy preparing the food. However, his looks kept distracting me.
He looked so handsome. He wore a soft white sweatshirt. I couldn’t avoid stealing
glances at him. He looked so different that day. I found him so good-looking, and my
eyes could not resist his charm. I urged myself to focus.

We then prepared the dining table. We gathered around and exchanged laughter and
giggles while eating. Those were the most appetizing and tasty food I have ever tasted.
We fixed the table and sat together in a corner. Demy asked us if like some wine. In
unison, we answered yes. To my surprise, he stayed with us when in fact, he never did
so before. He even enjoyed speaking with us although he was the only man in our
group.

I was so happy. It was a totally different New Year’s Day celebration. It was a heartfelt
casual gathering with my friends and of course, Demy.

I got too engrossed drinking wine. I got drunk. It was then time to go home. For me,
however, I couldn’t stand straight, let alone walk home. I felt myself losing balance. I
flinched as I was about to stumble. But then, I felt warm arms holding me up.

Demy caught me so that I would not fall from where I was standing.

At that very moment, I felt like a leading lady who was rescued by her knight in shining
armor.

I woke up at around five o’clock at dawn and was surprised to see Arlene and her son
sleeping beside me. I immediately got up realizing that I was not in my home. I carried
my shoes and tried to sneak my way out of Demy’s house. But as I got out of the room,
Demy was already seated in the sala watching the early morning news. He greeted me
and told me not to go home yet because Arlene’s husband was already cooking soup
for me. He added I must have a hangover from being so drunk.

I told him that I needed to go home immediately. I still needed to prepare my things
because I would travel back to San Pedro on that day on a six o’clock evening trip. He
assured me that I didn’t have to rush. He offered to fetch me at four o’clock in the
afternoon to head to the bus terminal. He even advised me to rest for a while at home.
Though hesitant, I had no choice but to say yes.

At around nine o’clock in the morning, my friend who was also going back to Manila
fetched me. We would be riding on the same bus. I no longer considered Demy’s offer. I
didn’t even inform him. I prepared my things and rode in my friend’s car.

At four o’clock afternoon, my phone rang. I knew already that it was a call from Demy. I
knew that he would tell me to prepare for he would drive me to Tuguegarao. However,
I told him that my friend had fetched me already and he should not bother anymore. I
could hear frustration from his voice. “Have a safe trip,” slight dismay was evident in his
tone of voice.

As we traveled, he monitored my trip. He kept checking up on me, messaging me, and

asking about my whereabouts. When we reached San Pedro, he sent me another
message stating that he was relieved and glad that I traveled safely. From that day on,
we had constant communication through text messages and phone calls. We enjoyed
chatting and we would not even notice that we’ve been exchanging messages for long
hours.

It was a flamboyant day on the 14th of February 2009.

I was instructing my students for a laboratory activity in Biology when I heard a clamor
of giggles and chuckles from outside the classroom. I could hear my co-teachers and
the nuns giggling with joy and excitement at the gate of our school. I approached them
and asked what was going on. They all approached me with wide grins. They hugged
me telling me that somebody sent me a dozen of red roses. They even read the card
inserted in the flowers because they were eager to know who the sender was. The
fragrant roses came from Demy… “How sweet of him!” they all giggled. They were teasing
me.

Upon receiving the flowers from the courier man, my phone rang and Demy was on the
other line. Back then, he was in Cagayan. He asked me if I already received his
Valentine's gift for me. I answered yes and I ecstatically thanked him. “You are as
beautiful as those red roses.” I was tickled pink by his sweet gesture. It became clear to
me that he indeed felt the same way as I do towards him. I had realized and finally
admitted to myself that I already loved him.

On April 19, 2009, I gave him my sweetest yes. It was the sweetest phone call we had as
it marked the start of our official relationship. I heard his heartfelt words that I
considered the most beautiful music I have ever heard in my life, “I love you, sweetheart.”
I felt butterflies grumbling within me. I replied joyfully, “I love you too, sweetheart.”

We didn’t feel the distance between us. We continued exchanging greetings daily. We
were very happy. We would talk through phone for hours. He was my alarm clock for
he would usually call me at three o’clock in the morning. We would talk until six o’clock
in the morning. We talked about various topics. We never got tired sharing the same
stories over and over again. Our conversations revolved mostly on our love for music.
He would give me the titles of the songs I am not familiar with. I would rehearse it so
that in the afternoon when I get home from work, we would sing it together through
phone.

I would go to work energized and inspired. My co-teachers, the nuns, and my students
observed changes in my day-to-day mood at work. From then on, I was always on the
go as if I never got tired of the toxic tasks.
Every day felt so heavenly. I could feel his love and care for me despite our distance. He
loved serenading me with our theme song, “For You”, by John Denver. It is a song about
an everlasting relationship. I would tell myself that he sings that for me because he
wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I would feel so elated listening to his sweet
voice. I gave him back a promise that I would always be faithful in our relationship and
that I was his forever.

Demy also introduced me to his only sibling, Manang Merly. She was residing in the
United States of America. We had a special bond from then on. We enjoyed speaking
through the phone. In fact, she would even gift me with dresses and bags that I could
use at home or at work. She treated me benevolently.

Oh, I almost forgot! By the way, our relationship was kept a secret. Our townmates
knew nothing about Demy being my boyfriend. Only his family and my family were
aware of our relationship. It remained under the hat for a long time.
 CHAPTER FOUR
Broken Yet Enduring Love
His words had my whole body numb as if a bucket of cold water
was poured over me.

O ur relationship ran smoothly and sweetly for almost a year. We were full of
endearment. However, I noticed a drastic change in his behavior. Before, his calls would
last for hours, but now, he would cut the conversation short. Before, he would check up
on me almost every hour of the day, but now, it seemed that he had lost time. It even
came to a point that I received no calls. Even with my text messages, he would only
reply with what I asked. I could no longer feel any excitement and affection. I began to
wonder why. I couldn’t think of any conflict between us that was left unresolved. I
couldn’t think of anything that could ruin our relationship.

I started begging him through text messages to answer my calls. I longed for an
explanation. He finally granted my plea and called me. He uttered words about his
personal reasons why he wanted us to have a cool-off. “We should have a cool-off.” His
words had my whole body numb as if a bucket of cold water was poured over me.
I couldn’t respond. I stood dazed and winded. It felt as if something was blocking my
throat. Tears welled up and I could no longer hear what he said next. I didn’t know how
to react.

I felt like dying at that time. The pain was too much to bear.

After that encounter, I still tried reaching him through phone calls and text messages.
However, I received no response. I kept crying questioning if it was my fault. Why did he
let me go that easily? I could not sleep because my heart was bleeding from the break-
up.

Came three o’clock at dawn. The time he used to call me and sweetly greet me for
another blessed morning. The time we used to talk about the silliest topics. I was
staring blankly in the dark still anticipating his call. Rivers of tears escaped my eyes.
That was the loneliest part of our break-up.

I longed for an explanation, not a separation. I longed for him…

With wine, I learned to drink myself to sleep. I got drunk most of the time. My work was
also affected. I lost my concentration and eagerness to do my best. My friends would
ask me what happened but I did not know what to tell them. I knew no reasons for our
relationship to end.

It took me two years to accept that our relationship was over. I managed to divert my
attention through my work and I also made myself busy tutoring my nephews and
nieces. I did my best to always leave my mind occupied. However, I never spent
vacations in our town for four years. I was hesitant to go home because I was afraid
that we might see each other and everything would come rushing back to me again. I
was afraid I would hurt myself again. Though Demy and I had zero communication
during such years, Arlene still updated me on what was he was currently up to. I
learned one time that he was dating another girl. I was hurt and once again, pierced.
But I told myself that whoever he was with, I had no right to question it.

In the fifth year of our separation, I finally decided to spend my Christmas vacation in
our town. After all, I also missed my family. While preparing for the Noche Buena, my
sister asked me to buy something from the store. As I was in the queue waiting for my
turn, I saw Demy passing by riding in his black Sportivo car. I swiftly grabbed the stuff I
needed to buy and rushed home. I couldn’t suppress my feelings. Tears fell from my
cheeks. The pain I felt came flowing back. My sister asked me what happened. I
sobbingly told her that I saw Demy.
“…I want to talk to him for the closure of our relationship. If ever we got the chance to talk
again and he would explain to me the real reason why he broke up with me, then I will be
fine already.” My sister worriedly advised me to wake up. She added that I needed to
come back to my senses because he doesn’t love me anymore. But I insisted that I
wanted to talk to him. She was silenced as I continued crying heavily. On the morning of
December 27, 2013, one of my sisters went out with her husband to practice driving
using their car. Little did I know that they actually went to Demy’s house to invite him to
our house. Though he did not say yes, my siblings still prepared food for him for they
were hopeful that he would grant my sister’s invitation. But sadly, he never showed up.
He did not come. We waited for nothing.

My siblings comforted me saying that I should not insist on speaking with him because
he was not interested. I composed myself and swore that I would never attempt to talk
to him again. I was just wasting my tears and time.

I went back to San Pedro somewhat calm and peaceful. I convinced myself that there
was no future in our relationship. Life continued and I made myself busy in school.

In April 2014, the sixth year of separation, we finally had the chance to talk. That was on
Holy Friday. My childhood classmate and I were chatting in front of a store. Demy saw
us and parked his car close to where we were standing. Upon realizing that it was his
car, my heart pounded fast. My hands were damp with sweat. My jaw dropped. I was
surprised to finally see him standing in front of me. “How are you? It’s nice to see you
again” he remarked. I just uttered, “I’m fine.” No other words came out of my mouth
because I was still in shock. I felt mixed emotions at that time. He asked me if I would
be going to Alcala the following day and I answered yes. He again asked me if I could
bring with me the son of Arlene for he was in our place at that time spending his
vacation. I answered that there was no problem. “He could go with me and there was
nothing to worry about.”

We planned what time that Arlene’s son and I would leave the following day. I added
that we would travel the shortcut route going to Alcala via Dungao. He then advised us
to be careful because we would be crossing the river. We parted ways that night with
my heart still drumming. I was so happy to see him again after a long time. I even got
the chance to talk to him. I was elated. I had a nice sleep that night. I was also excited
about my trip with Arlene’s son.
I woke up early the following day and prepared myself for the trip. My sister-in-law
called me telling me that Demy was in front of our house. I was planning to run outside
however, he already got inside the house before I could do so. He told me that he
would join us on our trip to Dungao. We would be riding in his car. I declined his offer.
However, he persistently convinced me thus, I gave in. It was for the sake of our
convenience in traveling. “Sit down for a while because I would just get my bag.” I rushed
to my room, groomed myself, and went out. I sat beside the driver’s seat. I felt so
suffocated being seated close to him. My heart was pounding so fast. I couldn’t even
understand most of what he was saying. I kept silent. Strangely, I was acting
consciously with how I looked.

Finally, we reached Dungao. We would then ride on a boat to cross the river. As I
neared the riverbank, I flinched in disbelief when I felt his hand holding mine. He must
have noticed so he told me that he will just assist me in going down because I might
fall. I went with the flow and felt his warm smooth hand holding mine. He didn’t let go
of my hand as he assisted me to get into the boat. He stood there watching us as the
boat we were riding sailed away towards the other side of the river. He kept calling me
through the phone for he was monitoring our trip with Arlene’s son going to Alcala.
When we arrived at Arlene’s house, he instructed her to prepare delicious food for me.
He called me again and told me that he enjoyed our trip going to Dungao. He added
that he felt good seeing me again after how many years. I felt shy as he told me that he
wanted to kiss me on my cheek when we parted and he liked the feeling of holding my
hand. A grin uncontrollably touched my lips. I told him that I was also glad to see him
again. After the Holy week, I went back to San Pedro for I had a seminar to attend to.

One day, I received a phone call from Demy. I was surprised that he was finally calling
me again. I answered his call and greeted him. He invited me to attend his birthday
party on May 23 of the same year. He added that he wanted to introduce me to his
sister who was coming home from Baltimore. I enthusiastically accepted his invitation.

As the date of his birthday was nearing, he kept reminding me to come. However, since
there were lots to do in school, I had to decline. He did not insist on inviting me. From
then on, he never called again. Once again, our communication was cut for months.
 CHAPTER FIVE
Rekindled Love
For some time, I have forgotten about Demy…

L ife goes on, indeed. I moved forward and concentrated on my job as a teacher. I got
the chance to transfer to a public school in Mandaluyong. I got busier in my work
because of the piled-up paper works we were asked to accomplish and the rigid
teaching we were tasked to do. Several things are really expected from us. For some
time, I have forgotten about him. However, I guess it lasted only “for some time”.
In August of 2014, my phone rang. Though it was not saved in my contacts list; I knew
that Demy was the one calling me. I have already memorized his number. I took the
call. I greeted him shyly. Since my birthda y was fast approaching, he was asking my
permission if he could attend my celebration. Without any second thought, I
immediately said yes. I could feel happiness from his voice. He even suggested that we
would celebrate it in a place where we could reunite with my high school classmates.
He informed me that a good friend and my high school classmate would drive him to
Manila. Thus, he could surely attend.
From that day on, we constantly exchanged phone calls and text messages. My heart
leapt with joy when one night, I heard him singing our theme song, “For you” over the
phone. With the way he sang the song, I could feel the spark and affection. It was as if
he too wanted to rebuild our broken relationship. It felt like he was telling me that he
wished to spend the rest of his life with me. That was the message of the song.
I fervently waited for my birthday to come. I would be celebrating it with him for the
first time. What made me more excited was, his sister called me telling me that she was
already packing Demy’s stuff to bring for his trip to Manila. Well, Demy was exerting an
effort to see me and be with me on my birthday. It was so unexpected that I have loved
him more for that.

On the 10th of September, two days before my birthday, he called me again. He told
me that they would now travel so that they could rest the following day. My feelings at
that time were unexplainable. I drowned in happiness. I was in the state of euphoria for
finally, the love of my life was on his way to visit me.

I admit, my love for him never changed through the years.

However, on their scheduled trip, I received a text message from him. “Bella, how are
you? Are you still sick?” A sudden rush of blood flowed in my head. I got so mad. I
immediately called him and asked about the message sent to me. He was shocked and
instantly clarified that I should not mind that for he was just checking up on his friend.
Jealousy enveloped me. I decided in anger and told him not to proceed anymore with
his plan to travel to Manila. He need not celebrate my birthday with me. After blurting
out those words, I cut the conversation. I no longer answered his calls. Arlene and his
sister even called me explaining his side. But I shut them off and told them that I was
not interested seeing him. Arlene attempted several times to explain but I did not
listen. A day before my birthday, my classmate who was supposed to drive Demy to
Manila called me. He tried convincing me to forgive Demy but again, I didn’t listen. He
had nothing more to argue and just informed me that though Demy retracted his trip,
he would still travel to Manila alone for an important errand to do. He added that in
spite of what happened, we would still push through my birthday celebration with our
classmates who already confirmed attending. Our meeting place was in Mall of Asia.
We would then find a fine dine restaurant where we could talk and celebrate. I
accepted their invitation assuming that Demy would not be around.

On the day of my birthday, my advisory students and my colleagues in our school

prepared something special. I was so happy. However, I felt that the day was
incomplete because the person I was longing for would no longer attend. Just because
of my impulsive decision, I was then feeling quite empty.
After my classes on that day, my high school classmate called me saying that he has
arrived in Manila. He reminded me about our meeting time and place. He also
reminded me to be on time so as not to let our classmates wait for long. While waiting
for the clock to strike at four o’clock, I decided to rest for a while. I fell asleep.

I was awakened with the sound of my ringing phone. It was already past our meeting
time. My classmate who was calling was very worried. I hurriedly groomed myself and
prepared my things. I assured him that I was already on my way. I rushed to the place
and upon reaching it, I called my classmate. From afar, I saw my classmate smiling. He
ran to meet me. He told me that he was so worried that maybe I would decline his
invitation on last minute. I gave a weak smile as a response and remarked, “We should
get going so that we won’t be stuck in traffic. Besides, we are already late with the agreed
meeting time with our classmates. We should hurry.” He told me not to rush for it was still
early. He invited me to have a snack first in one of the food chains in a certain mall in
Mandaluyong. Though I felt that something was off, I did not hesitate with his invitation
because I too felt hungry.

While seated inside the food chain waiting for our snacks, we were happy chatting for
we had not seen each other for such a long time. As we were busy talking, I saw
someone walking in and approaching us. He was wearing white pants. As I raised my
eyes to recognize the person, I was shocked realizing that it was Demy. My smile faded
away. I was irritated with the sight of him. I scowled at my classmate for lying. He made
me believe that Demy was not with him. I grabbed my bag and stood immediately. I
was about to leave when the two stopped me. They pleaded for me to sit and listen
first.

All the customers were already looking at us with puzzled faces. Not wanting to cause a
scene, I silently sat on a chair. Demy sat beside me. He embraced me tightly and he
asked for my forgiveness. Tears of mixed emotions welled up at that moment. I was
crying, angry that I was fooled by my classmate. And I was crying, touched that the
person I was longing to celebrate with did not give up. He was so persistent and
determined to see me on my special day.

He was not aware that while I was in his embrace, I was thanking the Lord because the
person who captured even the deepest recesses of my heart was already with me. I
thanked God that the man who made me feel special was now sitting beside me and
even embracing me. “Lord what a heavenly feeling being embraced again by the person I
love.” He looked so worried that I was crying because of my rage to him. He comforted
me. He kept apologizing for his mistakes. Little did he know that those tears were not of
rage but of unexplainable joy and excitement. I finally calmed down and he ushered me
to stand. We walked towards the parking area. We rode in his car to head to Mall of
Asia. I silently settled in the back seat. While the car ran, I was intently looking at his
handsome face. Oh, he was so endearingly handsome!

If only I had the guts to ask him to sit beside me, I could have embraced him.

My classmate was in an elated mood for playing a cupid role in our love story. I broke
my silence and asked Demy if he brought with him his medications. I knew that he had
problems with his sinuses again. He opened his bag and handed me a plastic
containing his medicines. I asked him the prescribed time when to take his medicines.
He grinningly answered my queries. I saw him doing a thumbs up sign to my classmate
who was our driver at that time. My classmate gestured the same way. I just smiled.

We arrived at the Mall of Asia and my high school classmates were already there
waiting for us. As we neared them, they were all staring at us with confused faces.
Though they did not speak, I knew what was running in their minds.

We looked for a place where we can have dinner. My classmates requested a good
restaurant with a live band so we roamed around the mall searching. Finally, we found
one on the seaside. We ordered food and drinks. However, as we were feasting, my
classmates could not hide their curious faces. It was as if everyone wanted to ask why
Demy and I were together. Because it was kept a secret, they did not know that we
were officially in a romantic relationship before.

After eating dinner, Demy and I excused ourselves. He asked me to accompany him to
a Havaianas store to buy slippers. We walked away from my classmates holding hands.
They were all staring at us with puzzled face expressions. I just ignored them.

When we came back, confusion seemed to have faded. My classmate who drove us
earlier must have told the story. They uttered kidding remarks that we were
outstanding in hiding our relationship. We just laughed with them.

We enjoyed that night with drinks and music. Truly, my 40th birthday celebration was
the best so far because I celebrated it with the love of my life. On that day, nothing
mattered but his presence. It seemed impossible at first but we had redeemed our
relationship Though we were with our friends, I could not stop myself from hugging
him. I missed him so much. “God, that was such a lovely and heavenly day.” With a
splendid ambiance, lovely music sung by the live band, and with my loved one seated
beside me; I could not ask for anything more.
We made the best out of his stay visiting beautiful places in Manila. Before he went
back to Cagayan, we had a serious conversation about his plan. He told me that he had
the intention of marrying me and he asked me if I had it too. I immediately replied yes.
We agreed that when he would go back, he would speak with my siblings and ask for
their blessings. Things ran smoothly as planned. We went home to Cagayan and
prepared the needed documents in filing our civil wedding. We thanked God because
everything went well. “Oh, what a feeling! It feels so wonderful that we are about to get
married. Soon, they will be calling me Mrs. Singson.”

He had wished for a church wedding because he knew that walking down the aisle was
the ultimate dream of a bride-to-be like me. However, since his sister residing in the
USA wouldn’t be able to attend, he apologized that we would first have a simple civil
wedding ceremony. He promised me that if her sister would spend her vacation, we
would have our church wedding validation. I sweetly assured him that whether it was a
church wedding or a civil wedding, it didn’t matter. What was important for me was that
I would finally become his wife soon.
 CHAPTER SIX
The Queen of his Heart
Mrs. Caroline Reyes Singson, it was music to my ears.

W e held our civil wedding with our closest friends on March 6, 2015. The man I
dreamt of walking up to. The man I dreamt of hugging at my slumber. The man I
dreamt of spending my every day with. He is finally my husband. Though it was a
simple wedding, it was my answered prayer. I was now officially Mrs. Caroline Reyes
Singson. I am now carrying his surname.

I continued teaching in Mandaluyong, thus, we lived there. Though he hated staying in

Manila, he sacrificed his comfort just to be with me. He did not want me to stay alone in
the condominium. After a tiring week, we would spend our special time together on
Fridays. In the afternoon, after my classes, we would visit to the mall and dine our
favorite food in fine restaurants. After enjoying the pompous food, we would watch
movies together. I found it amazing that we have the same preference when it comes
to movies. We both enjoyed watching action movies. We would then go to the grocery
and buy some things we need. As a newlywed couple, it was a new experience for both
of us discussing what to buy in the grocery. Once we reach home, I would also give him
a whole-body massage.

I felt like I was living in a fairy tale because my husband treated me like a queen. He had
his own style of making me feel special. How? I will specially mention it to you one by
one.

My husband was amazing in fashion that sometimes he gets mistaken for. One time,
when he visited me in school, my colleagues were shocked as they thought that he was
a visitor from the DepEd NCR. He was formally groomed because he wanted to surprise
me at work. As he entered the school premises, everybody made immediate
preparations. However, when he asked for me to one of my co-teachers, they burst out
laughing realizing that it was my husband. It was one funny encounter.

My husband was also very supportive. We both longed for my transfer since it would be
convenient for us if I am assigned in our hometown. When I was working on my
transfer papers, he was always there giving me full support. He would accompany me
to different offices to process my transfer. We would travel from the division office of
Mandaluyong to DepEd NCR office then to the DepEd Regional office and to the division
office of Cagayan. He would get so tired because of the heavy traffic. He would look
fatigued due to exposure to hot weather. He was also not used to commuting. Despite
these, I never heard him complain.

After seven months of waiting, an item was opened available in a school in Cagayan. I
grabbed the chance.

I could say that I married the most patient man in the world. He was always there as I
was worked on my documents needed for my transfer and some other documents
needed in the division office. We would wake up early in the morning and head to the
different offices in Tuguegarao for all the needed documents. Sunrise to sunset, we
would be on the road. Whenever we arrive home, we would get so tired. He endured
everything because he didn’t want me to go circles on the road all alone. Sometimes, he
would even wait for hours and yet he never complained.

Fortunately, our efforts did not go to waste. After weeks of processing and submitting
documents, I was assigned to report in my new school.

He did not stop supporting me. It was his daily routine to bring and fetch me to and
from the school twice a day despite it being only a ten-minute walk from home. He
never missed a day. His friends would even jokingly remark that he was an Ander De
Saya.

At nine o’clock in the morning, it was also his daily weekdays routine to call me and ask
what I want for my snacks. Whatever I asked for, he would buy it. My co-teachers
admired his thoughtfulness in bringing us snacks. If he would go to Tuguegarao during
week days, he would call me before he head home just to ask what I wanted. He would
come home exactly at snack time so that I could enjoy his pasalubongs for me.

His thoughtfulness was not limited to me. He would extend a hand to his friends and to
the community.

He never failed to surprise me with lovely flowers on my birthday and on our wedding
anniversary. To make those significant days worthwhile, he would hand those flowers
to me at dawn with an endearing look as he would sweetly greet me. During weekends,
we would go again to Tuguegarao to relax and bond. We loved eating in restaurants
and watching movies in the mall. When given the privacy, we would also check in to
hotels in Tuguegarao. He would always provide my needs even if I don’t ask for them.

He would also join me and my students to competitions. He would drive us to the

venue. He didn’t want us to commute since it would be somehow inconvenient. He
would stay with us and cheer on and encourage my students to do their best. When I
won as a coach in the national level, he was the proudest husband ever.

My student won in the national level in an essay writing contest. We were invited to
receive our award in Bacolod City. When my husband knew about it, he was hesitant
because I would be leaving for almost a week. However, he couldn’t deprive me from
going because he saw sparks of excitement in my eyes. He then helped me speak with
our town Mayor to ask for help. He helped me with everything in my preparation. He
even brought us to Tuguegarao in the bus station.

During our travel, he constantly checked up on me. He even remarked that he

regretted letting me leave. He was not used to my absence. Furthermore, he could not
sleep at night without me by his side. I assured him that I would get home soon. While I
was away, he would call me and ask in detail what went well and what happened during
the day. He would also ask me to go home immediately because he missed me. I would
reply, “I feel the same way. I too cannot sleep without you.”

Excited, my husband headed early to the bus station to fetch me. Upon arriving, I was
me with my husband with a wide grin painted on his face. His eyes were sparking
seemingly telling me, “Finally, you are home, my love!” I ran towards him and embraced
him tightly. “I missed you so much.”

He was a sweet and carinosa hubby. If we were together at home, we would always
enjoy the day dancing together to the sweet music. We both love music. We would
embrace each other and we would dance whispering words of endearment and
affection. “I love you.” It indeed is such a memory worth treasuring forever.

Every day is a special day worth celebrating. I am so happy and contented with our
marriage. He would attend all school gatherings because he wanted to support me.
Whenever I participated in any performing activity, I would always give my best
knowing that somewhere out there, my husband was proudly watching. I was trained
with the virtue of punctuality in all school paper works. However, I became more
inspired, thus more punctual in all my school tasks. It was all because of him. I could
say that our marriage was indeed a gift from God. He was truly my destiny.

We made God as the center of our relationship. In our married life, we would always
visit the church every Sunday to attend the Holy Mass. As we pray, he would hold my
hand so tenderly and lovingly.

Even in our sleep, he would hold me so lovingly. We had sweet nights together as we
both love to cuddle and being embrace each other while sleeping. We would then wake
up smiling from ear to ear. Sometimes, while my husband slept, I would kiss him and
observe every inch of his face thanking God that the man I would always dream of was
actually sleeping beside me.

My husband was my motivator with all my endeavors. He was the one who encouraged
me to get out of my comfort zone. He would always remind me that I have a lot of
potential. As an educator, it did not come into my mind that I would be taking up my
Master’s Degree. I had always thought that it would be exhausting. Somehow, I didn’t
have any interest of studying again. However, he kept encouraging and convincing me
that I could do it. I then enrolled my Master’s degree at St. Paul University Philippines in
Tuguegarao. I could also use it to be promoted.

He encouraged and motivated me to do my best. He would drive me to school. It

touched me how he would stay at the parking area from 8 am till 4 pm and patiently
wait until my classes were finished. He did not want me to commute in going home. He
supported me all the way. I promised myself that I would do my best in my studies. One
of my motivations was to make him happy.
Sometimes, I would decline his offer of driving me to school. I didn’t want him waiting
for hours. However, he would insist of bringing me to Maguilling in Piat and he would
stay with me until I get a ride going to Tuguegarao. At the course of my travel from Piat
to my school, he would monitor my travel. If I would go home after my class, he would
monitor again my travel. I would be surprised that somewhere down the road, he
would fetch me even though I was already riding on a jeepney. He would tell me that he
could not just relax and sit at home while waiting for me. He had too much fears. He
was such a caring and loving husband.

He was even very concerned on how I performed in class. If I was given a topic by my
professors and I could not find it in the library, he would accompany me to look for my
professors in school to seek help. He showed eagerness to help me in researching. He
would even accompany me inside the library just to help me find the book. If I was
scheduled to do the reporting, he would insist of coming with me. Oftentimes, I could
feel that he would be more nervous than me on my reporting.

While travelling, I would rehearse on my reporting. As I get down from his car, he would
gently kiss me and embrace me tightly. He would wish me good luck and with a light
pat on my butt, he would tell me, “You can do it sweetheart.” He would remind me to text
him or call him right after my reporting so that I could update him about my reporting.
Every time I tell him that my reporting went well, he would always say, “I am so proud of
you, my love.” That would make me so happy and inspired. After such a tiring day, he
would treat me to a restaurant.

As we travelled home, he would request me to narrate in detail how I presented my

report. And he would remark, “I have no doubt sweetheart that you could make it.” His
words led me to gain more self-confidence. It gave me more courage and
determination. With him, all the things I thought I couldn’t do, I did them. I always felt
secure and safe around him. He was always on my rescue. People admired us. They
would say that we were very fortunate because we have each other.

In parties such as weddings, birthdays, and anniversaries, he would request me to

render a song for the visitors and he would proudly tell his friends, “My wife is such a
good singer.”

The more that I adored him when I took my comprehensive examination. We were both
nervous then with the fact that I added physics among the subjects I would be taking
for the exam. But in spite of his doubt on my physics test, he would always assure me
that physics is an easy subject. He woke up and left the house early that first day of my
comprehensive exam. He said that he wanted to be with me as I take the exam. I did
not decline his offer and as we travelled, he was even giving me tips if ever I could not
get the answer.

Before we parted on that day, we prayed together for the success of my exam. He also
told me that I would stay and sleep with my classmates in one of the hotels for our
comprehensive test was scheduled for two days. He did not want me to be exhausted
in travelling going home and traveling again for the next day. He wanted me to
concentrate on my test. He even told me that it was an agony in his part not texting and
calling me that whole day thus he reminded me to text or call him after my first day of
test. He kissed me and hugged me. He gave his good luck remarks before he left. I
kissed him too saying I love him so much and reminded him to be careful in his driving
for he would be alone in going home.

After our first day exam, I failed to text or call him in spite of the too many missed calls
and text messages from him. I was too focused in reviewing my physics and
environmental science subjects. While having my review together with my classmates in
one of the hotels in Tuguegarao, there was a knock on our door at ten o’clock in the
evening. My classmates and I were asking if any among us was expecting a visitor. No
one answered. When we opened the door, I was shocked. It was my hubby’s relatives.
He asked them to look for the hotel where I was staying. He sent them for he was so
worried. He was worried on my exams and I did not update him on what transpired on
that day. He was even more worried on my security. I immediately grabbed his
relative’s phone who came searching for me and upon saying hello, I could feel his
irritation and anger as if he wanted to cry because of what I did.

He told me that he could not sleep because of anxiety and worry for there was no
response from me so he sent his relative to look for me. I cried at that time for I did let
him worry and ask his forgiveness on what I did. I could feel his frustration and told me
that I should never do that again. I could not imagine sending somebody to look for me
and travelled more than an hour just to locate me.

He had such a great love for me.

After the second day of my exams, I saw his handsome face with all his smile as I
approached him. He embraced me tightly and kissed me telling, “I am proud of you
sweetheart! You made it,” though we did not know the result yet. He assured me that
with all my preparation, I could pass my comprehensive exam. He brought me to our
favorite fine dine restaurant and he ordered all of my favorite foods. We fervently and
prayerfully waited for the result of my exam—my passport towards my graduation on
my master’s degree.
On the day of the release, I decided to commute from Maguilling to St. Paul University
Philippines. As I entered the school, two of my classmates met me. They happily
approached me and hugged me telling, “Let us go to a nearby studio and have our ID
picture.” I asked them for what was our ID pictures. They told me that it was for our
application for graduation. But I told them, I haven’t seen yet the result. They exclaimed
that I passed my test and I have no revalida. Out of glee, I called my husband right away
and he was so delighted. Without me knowing, he travelled alone just to fetch me. He
called me that he was already waiting at the parking lot of our school. I was surprised.
He told me to invite my classmates and he would give us a treat for lunch.

My husband also supported my love on plants. Whenever I was cultivating my plants,

he would get a chair or stay in his hammock (Duyan) and would watch me. He would
smile at me and remind me of my position for people passing by might see me in an
awkward sitting position. He would even tell jokes about the type of plants I should be
planting. I should plant what we could consume instead of ornamental plants. But then,
he would always support me on whatever I liked. We would even use his car to get the
plants I bought.

Life with him was too light that even though tragic situations and problems set in on my
biological family, everything was under control. His embrace and comfort were more
than enough to sooth my feelings assuring me that everything would be all right.
Especially during the death of my brother, he comforted me all the way.

As a dotting wife to him, I made sure that all his things were organized. I would cook his
favorite food. As they say, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

I also did the household chores and I would see to it that our house especially our
room was clean. It was for our comfort especially my hubby. I was very fond of
expressing my love for him. I really loved kissing his neck, his legs, and arms while he
was watching television in our sala. I know that he too loved those sweet moments of
ours.

During our siesta time, we would exchange stories. He would embrace me tightly and I
would really feel secured. That was our best bonding moments together. Though he
was known to be very reserved and a man of few words, I discovered that he had a
great sense of humor.

Every time he went to visit his friend, he would come home unexpectedly. He would
enter the house unnoticed and he would surprise me. Because I was surprised, I would
end up throwing the things I was presently handling. With such a reaction, you could
hear him laughing out so loud especially when he sees me so annoyed of what he did.
He would immediately embrace me and say, “I’m sorry sweetheart, I love you Bing Bing
taga laud.” The more then that I would get annoyed as he teased me with that name. As
my revenge, I would kiss his legs and arms as if he was a little baby while he was so
engrossed watching the television while seated in our sofa. He would laugh so hard and
even plead that I should stop. But I knew that he loved it.

He was also fond of making jokes with his closest friends. One thing that I deeply
admired about my husband was he loves doing surprises. Every important date in our
life, he never failed to give me flowers.

One time, he went to Tuguegarao without me knowing. He arrived in our school riding
a motorcycle. I asked him where his car and why he used a motorcycle to fetch me. I
looked closely at the motorcycle and noticed that it was new. The color was feministic.
He then told me that it was his gift for me. He confessed that he went to Tuguegarao to
purchase the said motorcycle to surprise me. I asked him why he had to buy something
I did not even know how to use. He answered that he did not want me to be left behind
so he bought that thing. His sister connived with him. Since he bought it, I told him that
I wanted to learn how to use it so that I could drive myself to school. However, he did
not allow me for he was afraid that I might be caught in an accident. He even regretfully
remarked that he and his sister bought something that may harm me.

That was his nature. He was so overprotective of me. But because of my desire to learn,
I constantly insisted. I told him I could do it. He finally gave in but with one condition, he
needed to be with me while I was learning to drive my motorcycle. I happily agreed.

As I rode my motorcycle, he was behind me riding also his motorcycle or his car. He
would teach me the signals and the road courtesy. However, whenever I asked him that
I would be using it to school so that he won’t be bringing and fetching me, he never
allowed me. He told me that even though I was so careful in driving, there were so
many reckless drivers that might bump into me. That was what he feared most.

Thus, we ended up riding in his car again. There were times that I did not ask his
permission and drove my motorcycle so that I could learn. He got so mad at me. I never
did it again.
 CHAPTER SEVEN
A Challenge of Genuine Love
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.

M y husband and I also had arguments. However, despite the petty quarrels,
misunderstanding, and heated arguments, we managed to reconcile our differences.
Part of our misunderstandings were because I tend to be too irrational in some
situations. As I would blurt out my petty arguments, he would just keep silent. I would
then avoid talking to him.

He was such a peaceful man. He really hated fights. He would even give in to my
childish acts just to avoid misunderstandings. One thing more was jealousy. I got
envious with his deep love for his relatives. I would even compete and compare myself
with them. He bore all the false accusations. (I am sharing all of these to enlighten
individuals who have the same experience as me. I have realized that all of these acts of
mine were against our wedding vows.)
There were also times that he would scold me with my wrong decisions. I would just
keep my mouth shut and listen to him knowing that it was my fault.

Because of our love for each other, we were able to surpass these trials that might
destroy our marriage. Because of these difficult moments, our love was molded to be
strong.

However, negative opinions of other people tested the bond of our marriage.
Some people despised our union. My husband was 66 years old and I was 41 years old
when we got married. Because of the twenty-five years age gap between us, there were
people who raised their eyebrows. There were even incidents that they thought that my
husband was my father or my sugar daddy.

There were people who questioned my love for him. Some said that I would soon have
an illicit affair. They accused me of marrying him just because of his wealth. Other
people also said that he married me just because nobody would take care of him. They
were even saying that my family would soon benefit and enjoy their wealth.

My husband advised me not to mind such remarks. He added that what mattered was,
we were happy together. He also told me that even though we have
misunderstandings, we should show to people that they were wrong with what they tell
us. He assured me that at the end of the day, we were getting better and better and our
marriage was getting stronger and those were what counted most.

The more they shot us with such remarks, the more that I showed how fortunate I was
as his wife. In fact, in all the schools I worked for, I proudly introduced him as my
husband to my colleagues. He would even join us in some gatherings. During my
Master’s degree, all my classmates and professors met him and they were so grateful
of his thoughtfulness. When I was still teaching in Mandaluyong, my students treated
him as their father even to the point of them visiting us in our house.

When I was new in the school in my home town, students would ask from their
teachers who was the man who would fetch and bring me to school every day. Our
students thought that he was my father/grandfather. My co-teachers would relay to me
our students’ comments. I would calmly clarify it to them.

Seeing us together every day, it proved to them that love indeed has no boundaries. We
were then a good example of what they call true and genuine love. Many among them
would even express how fortunate I was having him as my husband. From our
marriage and love story, values were caught by my students.
One day, while I was cleaning in front of our house, somebody came to our house to
seek financial help for those who lost a loved one. I told this person to wait for a while
because I needed to grab the money inside the house. After handing the money, the
collector told me to inform my grandfather that I have already given our contribution. I
was shocked and asked him, “What grandfather are you talking about?” He replied that it
was Demy. I felt a sudden rise of blood in my head and I got mad at him. I shouted at
him and even uttered a four Anglo Saxon word saying that Demy was not my
grandfather. I told to him that Demy is my husband. “I am Mrs. Singson, his wife.” He
apologized. He felt so ashamed and left me.

Even in restaurants, people would stare at us. As we walk inside holding each other’s
hand, we would be met with puzzled faces of the service crew and the other guests
from that restaurant. We did not mind them.

Also, the same happens inside a department store. His doctors would even tease him
that he was fortunate of having a very young wife. They would ask for tips on how he
courted and win a very young wife. He would just smile and say, “It’s a top secret.”
We bore all the despises and negative reactions of people.
 CHAPTER EIGHT
Love and Devotion in Crisis
“…in sickness and in health, till death do us part.”

H is health problem was another test of our love and devotion for each other.

On December 27, 2017, he complained that his burps would not stop. It would usually
happen during his rest time. It disturbed his sleep. We decided to have him confined in
St. Paul Hospital and requested his gastroenterology doctor. Since all the private rooms
were full, we had no choice but to be in the pay ward.

Although he was sick, he was so concerned about my comfort in sleeping. There were
no available beds where I lay on. It was just a chair. He was so worried. However, I
assured him that there was nothing to worry about. We stayed in the hospital until
January 4, 2018. We even welcomed the new year there. With just the two of us, we
survived his confinement. Her sister supported us financially as he covered the needs
of his hospitalization.
His Gastroesophageal Reflux disease became chronic so we constantly visited the
hospital. We were so worried why his GERD kept coming back. We decided to go to
Manila for a thorough check up. We stayed in the house of his relative and we were
referred to a Gastroenterology in a certain hospital. To further confirm his health
problem, he was advised by the Gastro doctor to undergo a CT scan in his abdomen.

The diagnosis was still the same and there was no abnormality in his stomach. He just
prescribed medicines again for his GERD.

He didn’t fail his medications. He diligently took them hoping that he could get well
again. However, at the course of his treatment, another health problem set in—
hyponatremia. It was caused by the decrease of the Sodium level in his body. He was
referred to a nephrologist. With this new health problem, he was constantly confined in
the hospital again. The big problem was every time he would be confined because of
hyponatremia, his GERD would also get triggered. He would be referred again to his
gastroenterology doctor. There was a need for the sodium level of his blood to be
monitored so he was subjected for a blood exam twice a month. He had lots of
medications then.

During weekends, we were always with his doctors for his check-up. There were even
times that he had infections in his sinuses so he needed to be with his pulmonology
doctor. Our waiting time with his doctors became our bonding moments too.

Days after my birthday, he was admitted again in the hospital. My husband’s gastro
doctor gave a prescription for his intravenous nourishment. I headed to the drugstore
to buy that IV feeding. I was shocked. The price of an IV consumable for twenty hours
was less than Php 10,000.00. The money I brought with me was not enough. I went
back to our hospital room sadly telling my husband that I was not able to buy the IV
feeding. I did not yet get the money sent by his sister from the remittance center. He
instructed me to grab his wallet from his pants hanging in the cabinet. He opened it. He
got the money neatly placed inside his wallet. It was Php 5,000.00. He told me that he
was saving that money for my birthday gift. He didn’t want me borrowing guitar from
my students whenever we have a prayer service so he planned to buy me one. I was
deeply touched and I cried a lot.

He was hesitant because it was intended for my birthday gift. He apologized for
spending such money for his needs. I embraced him tightly. I assured him that the
guitar he was intending to buy could wait. In fact, his sister already sent money and we
could buy anything that we wanted again with it. His hospitalization and his needs
should be our priority.
There, I realized that he wanted to give everything to me. He was such a loving
husband. To ease our worry, I filed a month-long leave from my work. We intended to
go to the National Kidney Transplant Institute in Manila. As usual, we spent long hours
waiting again for his doctors. I pitied him so much. He looked so tired. I tried my best to
look firm as I encouraged him that we could do it together. He would get well the
soonest. He would just smile and embrace me saying, “I love you sweetheart.” I would
embrace him back and tell him that he had nothing to worry about. I would always be
with him in sickness and in health.

We went home from Manila relieved that he was fine. The doctors stated there was no
abnormality from his laboratory test except his low sodium.

We then joyfully celebrated Christmas of 2018 and New Year 2019. We attended the
Misa de Gallo dawn masses and the new year mass. He and his best friend, our town
mayor, were the sponsors on that day. He was so happy.

However, on January 7, 2019, he had a slight fever and he struggled swallowing his
food. We immediately went to his pulmonology doctor for a consultation and he was
prescribed with medications. However, despite the medicines, the inflammation of his
tonsils did not subside. I asked his niece to accompany him for I needed to report to
school. He had another check up with his EENT doctor. Another set of medicines were
prescribed for his inflamed tonsils. However, his fever kept coming back and his tonsils
were still inflamed. We then requested a confinement.

Early morning on January 9, 2019, we went to Tuguegarao for his hospitalization in St.
Paul Hospital. However, there were no rooms available even in the pay ward so we
were referred to a hospital somewhere in Carig. It was an isolated hospital which was
far from the drugstores and other necessity stores. It was very inconvenient since it was
just the two of us in the hospital. But we were used to this, our usual scenario. Every
time he was confined, it is just the two of us.

I could not just leave him. I had to be with him all the time to attend to his needs. I
could not bear the thought that he would be left alone.

His nephrologist doctor told me that he needed to see a hematologist. I asked his
doctor the reason but he just told me that he wanted to be sure on the result of his
blood test. At evening, his haematologists came to the hospital room. My husband and
I were both seated in his bed while the doctor faced us. He was trying to make us feel
relaxed.
After introducing himself, he ushered me outside of the room and asked to speak with
in private. He explained to me the result of my husband’s blood test. He told me that
his red blood cells were abnormal. It was a sign of leukemia, a cancer of the blood.

Upon hearing his diagnosis, I shrieked in denial. I wanted to cry out loud just to release
the agonizing pain I felt. It was as if the entire world fell on me.

My husband heard me crying. I did not realize that he followed us outside. He opened
the door and asked his doctor what happened. He even slightly scowled at him asking
what he did to me. I immediately composed myself as if I did not hear anything so as
not to alarm my husband. I immediately held his arm and I assisted him back to his
bed. We sat again and his doctor talked to us. Tears welled up from my cheeks. I told
the doctor that I love my husband very much and I would do everything for him to get
well the soonest. I kissed the cheek of my husband gently. My husband comforted me
with a puzzled look on his face. Seeing us like that, his doctor was also teary-eyed. He
even apologized of the sad news.
 CHAPTER NINE
The Big Blow
A test of love, sanity and strength.

M y husband was unaware of his condition. I pretended as if everything was fine. My

chest was too heavy, it couldn’t bear the heartbreaking truth. I was in deep agony but I
hid it every day. I wanted to scream and cry as I embrace him.

I couldn’t sleep that night and as I laid beside my husband who was sleeping soundly
beside me. I was staring intently at his pale face. I pitied him so much bearing the
physical pain. If only I could help him, I would do it. As fresh tears rushed from my eyes,
I silently prayed to God for mercy, healing, and strength. I prayed that he would give a
miracle. I prayed that his doctor was only mistaken in his diagnosis.

The next day, I requested for his hematologists to repeat the test. There must have
been a mistake in his laboratory test. I immediately made a call on his sister living in
USA. However, I did not know how to tell her the dreaded news. I could not talk to her
because I felt as if there was a lump in my throat and the whole world was within my
chest. I knew how painful it would be for her.

She spoiled and pampered Demy so much. I knew that everything Demy liked was
provided by his sister. I was trying my best to get the courage of telling my sister-in-law
about Demy. Finally, with a heavy heart, I uttered the sad news.

She was crying so hard and immediately responded that she was going home. I told
Demy that his sister was coming home. I saw a wide smile on his face. He immediately
asked when she would arrive. I told him that we would be going to Manila and find the
best hospital where he would be treated. We would then be meeting her in Manila.

His sister provided everything that we need. She told me that we need to transfer my
husband to St. Paul Hospital for the mean time. We need a convenient hospital for our
relief and for an easy access of the necessities.

Good thing, his gastroenterologists called up St. Paul Hospital. Thankfully, they gave us
a positive response assuring that they would reserve a private room for Demy even
though all the rooms were fully occupied. After he was assessed by his gastro doctor, I
immediately arranged the bill so that we could transfer right away. At five o’clock in the
afternoon of Wednesday, we were already on our way to St. Paul hospital riding an
ambulance. When we were already in the Emergency Room, I could observe that his
nurse was preparing a lot. She instructed us to go up to the reserved room.

When we arrived, his doctor was already waiting for us. Demy settled in a comfortable
bed. I told him that I would buy something. However, he did not know that his doctor
just wanted to talk to me privately about the result of the second laboratory test.

As I walked towards the nurse station where his doctor was waiting, I prayed so hard
that he would give me good news this time. But God, Oh God…I was met with his sad
facial expression. I was crushed harder as I heard him say that the result was still the
same. I cried so hard. He advised a bone marrow test. The specimen would be brought
to Manila for testing. We called my sister-in-law and they agreed with the bone marrow
test to be performed in Manila. We wanted to transfer Demy to a good hospital as soon
as possible.

The doctor advised us for blood transfusion. It was because his white blood cells were
rising drastically and the doctor described them as too aggressive. So, my husband
underwent blood transfusion and with his intravenous feeding. Before sleeping, we
both prayed. I silently asked God to extend His healing hands for my husband. He slept
so calmly that Wednesday night beside me. As usual, I tried my best to control my
emotions.

Once again, from the diagnosis, I could not calm myself. I couldn’t stop myself from
crying beside my husband. I tried pretending that everything was fine but deep inside
me, I wanted to burst in tears and shout to the Lord, “why?”. Every night was a sleepless
one.

His best friend and his relatives came to visit him upon knowing his condition. The
second bag of his blood transfusion was continued the following day at six o’clock in
the morning. I would prepare him for his Holy Communion. On that day, he could
swallow his food already so I prepared his breakfast and thankfully, he ate a lot. He
asked me to hand him his cellular phone for he wanted to browse his Facebook
account. He comfortably lied on a chair beside his bed.

His nephrologist came in informing us that his sodium level is normal, however there
was a slight decrease in his potassium level. He told us that he needed to be
administered with potassium. He assured us that after a day, it would soon go back to
its normal level.

On that day, he spoke with his cousin and his sister. When his haematologist arrived, he
told us that my husband could travel already after a few days. I then called my hubby’s
best friend to assist us in the booking of our flight on the coming Sunday for his
confinement in Manila. We agreed upon that he would undergo bone marrow
extraction at four o’clock in the morning on Saturday. With this, the specimen would be
brought immediately to Manila by his niece. His niece already booked a flight and
would leave at nine o’clock in the morning of Saturday.

At night, I could not sleep again as my heart was so heavy bearing all the torment of my
hubby’s present condition. I kissed him on his cheek and I kept saying I love him so
much. We recited our prayers together.

On that night, he spoke queries about his condition. I couldn’t give him an answer so I
just assured him that there was nothing serious on his health. He sighed worriedly. I
tried my best to sooth him and make him relax. I embraced and kissed him gently on
the forehead. He grasped my hands and he whispered that he loves me. I answered
back. As I gently stroke his face, I told him that he is my life and we could surely survive
this ordeal. He replied with a smile. He embraced me. That night, he slept embracing
me. As he was fast asleep, I cried again stroking his forehead. I uttered fervent prayers
with high hopes that God would listen to my plea.
He woke up early the following day. I prepared him for his holy communion. After that,
he had his breakfast. While eating I told him that he should gently sit in the chair for
there were so many hematomas in his arms and legs. I got more worried. I bit my lips
to control my tears. After his breakfast, a nurse instructed me to buy all the necessary
materials that would be used for my husband’s bone marrow extraction at the dawn of
Saturday. After getting the paper where the materials were listed, I instructed our
companion and another relative to purchase the materials. His relatives arrived and
they went through with their conversation.

In the afternoon, my husband told me that he felt hot. We put the aircon of our room
into its coolest temperature. After a while, he fell asleep. After thirty minutes, he was
awakened complaining of a headache. We immediately reported it to the nurse on
duty. His nurse gave him an analgesic to take. However, his headache was not tolerable
anymore. When the nurse checked his blood pressure, it was very high. I was already
panicking but I was trying to ease my hubby’s discomfort. They called the doctor. As I
looked closely at my husband’s face, I was shocked and terrified seeing that his skin
color was turning bluish. I cried and asked the doctor for help. I begged them to save
my husband.

All the nurses and aids were rushing to and from bringing so many life-saving
equipment inside our hospital room. I heard the doctor say that my husband had
stroke due to high blood pressure. They needed to revive him.

Oh, I could not bear to see them reviving my husband. It was such a dreadful scene. I
bled seeing him like that. All I wanted was his comfort. All I wanted was he won’t feel
any pain. I was crying so hard and crumbled on the floor. I knew they were already
intubating my husband. I felt indescribable pain because the man I love so dearly was
in danger. I could not do anything to help him. Somebody hugged me and tried to calm
me. I was in distress and I wanted to go near my husband and hug him tightly. I wanted
to help him with his suffering. I wanted to tell him to hold on. I wanted to tell him that I
love him so much. I wanted to assure him that I will always be beside him.

I was deeply hurting and I was blaming God, “Why did You allow such things to happen if
You love us?”

My husband was revived. However, he was under comatose. He had to stay in the
Intensive Care Unit. He underwent a CT Scan to see how much was the bleeding in his
brain. He was immediately referred to a neurologist. After the CT scan, my husband
was already settled in the Intensive Care Unit. The neurologist called me and explained
the result. My husband’s condition was already hopeless. I guess the only thing we had
left was the hope for a miracle. I cried a lot. I did not want to hear more of what she
was saying. She embraced and comforted me. She encouraged me to be strong. She
advised me that if I was beside my husband, I have to control my emotions. I should not
let him hear me crying. I should hold on to my faith, hoping that his vital signs shall
improve.

Gosh, I really did not know if I could do it. The hardest thing to do was pretend that you
are fine but you are deeply hurting inside. That time, I felt that my heart was about to
explode. I wanted to shout the loudest just to release everything especially the anguish
I was feeling. As his doctors came one by one, they gave the same remarks.

His haematologists asked me to look for donors of blood. Demy was in need of
platelets to stop the bleeding. So, we went to RECOM to fetch the friends of Demy’s
niece. We headed to Cagayan Valley Medical Center for the collection of blood. When I
got back to the hospital, I asked permission from a nurse in the ICU if I could see my
husband. They gave me time to be with him. As I went near him, I was shocked with the
too many equipment, machine, and fluids attached to his body.

Oh God, what a pitiful sight of my beloved. My hurting hubby was lying in bed so
helpless.

God knows how I wanted to help him but how could I? I wanted to scream looking at
him but I was reminded of his doctor’s advice. I have to compose myself around him. I
prayed so hard to God as I stroke his forehead asking strength and courage to bear all
this pain of seeing him like that. As I lovingly stroke his forehead, I talked to him
updating him about his sister who was going home. I told him to hold on. In a day or
two, his sister, her only sibling will be around already. As I held his arm and gently
massaged it, I sang our favorite songs and our theme song. After singing, I gently kissed
him all over his face as I whisper in his ears that I love him very much. I whispered that
he must not worry because I will stay beside him and I will never leave him. As I kissed
his forehead, I told him that we would pray together for God’s mercy. I recited prayers. I
knew that he was with me.

One Saturday, I had a video call with her sister. I was so worried for her because the
plane she was supposed to ride on could not fly due to heavy snow. She was stuck in
the airport. I felt more anxious with the delay of her flight. I longed for her presence so
that we could both take care of Demy. I knew that she too was very eager to be with her
brother.

I couldn’t eat or sleep because of severe hurt and torment.

I stayed in front of the ICU waiting for the visiting hours. Inside, I would stay for hours
talking to him, singing our songs, and praying. Even without any response from him, I
still did these. With such courage, I also avoid breaking down if I am beside him.

As I walked out from the ICU, I would go straight to the chapel and talked to God. I
would speak all my heartaches. I would question Him. In the chapel, I released the
burst of tears that I controlled to flow by my husband’s side. I would then go back and
sit again on the floor in front of the ICU. I would patiently wait again for the next visiting
hours. I would hold and clutch my rosary praying and asking God for a miracle. I would
even write a lot of prayer intentions. I would even send messages to all my friends, to
nuns, and to priests asking them to include my husband’s recovery in their prayers. The
sight of my husband in comatose was such a torture. It felt as if my flesh was being
ripped off. I felt more apprehensive when his doctors updated me about his status.
Tears flowed from my cheeks with such fear that I could not describe.

The next day was another worrisome one that drained my mind and soul. I had no
sleep and ate no food, but my energy was not subsiding. As usual, I would visit my
hubby inside the ICU. It made me more worried knowing the he had a slight fever that
day. Strict monitoring was still carried on because his condition was not improving.

He was not recovering. Instead, his health was deteriorating.

I would sit beside him as I gently caress his face telling him that I love him so much. I
would remind him of his sister’s coming home thus, he should hold on. I would even
tell funny stories. I would force a laugh. Deep inside me was in grave anguish, crying. I
would also tell him that a lot of his good friends came to visit him. I would look at his
face intently memorizing his facial features. I would sing our theme song with a
quivering voice and soft sobs.

After staying with him, I attended the Sunday mass in the chapel and offered an
intention of his healing and recovery. As the mass was going on, I felt so cold as if
somebody seated beside me. I was weeping. I went back to my hubby’s side and told
him that he should be strong. We would survive this ordeal again together. One of
these days, he would recover and get home.

But God was really testing my faith. I received another call from my sister-in-law telling
me that she was stranded in Detroit. Her expected arrival would be delayed once again.
I became so desperate.

That afternoon, my hubby’s best friend came to visit him. We requested a priest to do
the anointing of the sick for my husband. He went inside the ICU to see my husband.
However, he did not stay long for according to him, he could not stand seeing Demy
like that. He was so worried too. He advised me to stay strong.

In the evening, exhaustion engulfed me and finally, after several hours, I fell asleep in
the floor of the quarter intended for us. In my deep sleep, I was awakened by a very
cold temperature. I was shivering as if somebody woke me up from my deep sleep.
From there, I realized that I dozed off. I was lying on the floor without any pad. My
memories of Demy’s acts of being protective came rushing back. I was thinking that
maybe he woke me up just to tell me that I should transfer in a comfortable place with
a pad or blanket to lie on so that I won’t get sick.

Fear enveloped me with the thought that maybe, the soul of my husband was already
wandering. I shrugged and cryingly erased that thought. I prayed and asked God to
keep me calm. I continued my rest so that I would have the energy the following day.
When I woke up at dawn of the next day, I went back to the ICU to wait for his
haematologists doctor. He usually conducts his rounds at dawn. When I saw his doctor,
we both went inside and headed to Demy’s bed. He told me that my hubby’s white
blood cells were rising fast. He advised me to prepare myself and expect the
unexpected. Tears flowed from my cheeks in denial. The doctor sympathetically
squeezed my hand.

I stayed with my husband for more than three hours doing my usual routine. As I
peaceably stroke his face memorizing every inch of his look, I burst into tears as I
uttered, “Whatever happens, I love you dearly. You will always be my love.” At three o’clock
in the afternoon, I went to the chapel again to pray. After that, I immediately went to
my husband again. I stayed with him until seven o’clock in the evening singing our
favorite song over and over again.

Then suddenly, a nurse came rushing in instructing the other nurses to prepare all the
things needed. I was alarmed as I looked to the monitor of his heartbeat…I saw a
straight line.

I panicked and asked them what was happening. My husband’s nephew grabbed me
and assisted me outside. He embraced me. I was crying and praying that it was just a
nightmare. “Please, this must be a nightmare.” However, as I caught sight of the nurses
and a doctor were doing the cardiopulmonary resuscitation, I knew that what was
happening was real.
I felt a tight cold embrace enveloping my already frozen and numb body. I could hardly
breathe.

As the cold embrace loosened, my hubby was pronounced dead.

My Demy whom I long dreamt of.

My Demy who made a difference in my life.
My Demy who treated me like a queen.
My Demy whom I loved with all my heart and soul.
My Demy who was my protector.
My Demy who pampered me with everything.
My Demy who was my very best friend.

My Demy, my Polaris.
My Demy who allayed all my fears
My Demy who saved me from my gloomy days.
My Demy who motivated me on every endeavor I take.
My Demy who inspired me to do my best in everything I do.
My Demy who was my confidante, My Papa, My sweetheart,
My husband,
My life has left me. He had gone.

I could not bear the pain. I could not accept what happened. As I embraced his lifeless
body, I was asking God, “why?” Why did He allow my husband to die when in fact, we
were still at the peak of our love and devotion as husband and wife?

But in spite of my doubts and questions, I still prayed for courage and presence of
mind. I asked for His guidance so that I could make sound decisions in preparing for my
husband’s wake. I promised myself that he deserved the best preparation. I knew my
sister-in-law would definitely approve for she was such a giver to Demy and me.

After paying the hospital bills, I went to the morgue with my best friend Jocelyn to see
my husband. As I removed the blanket covering his lifeless body, we both broke down
bawling my eyes out. We both gave him a tight embrace. I gave him a kiss whispering to
his ears, “I love you.”

I did not know if I could surpass this heart breaking loss. I couldn’t imagine life without
him.

After preparing him for his wake, I brought home his body. We were met with our
relatives and friends. They were waiting for us. They helped us in settling the coffin of
my husband. I was crushed harder because my sister-in-law does not yet know that her
beloved brother, Demy was already dead. I could imagine how sad and devastated she
would be. I felt needles pricking my already bleeding heart.

My sister-in-law arrived at around ten o’clock in the morning. She was screaming and
shrieking and even wailing on the floor when she saw her brother inside a coffin. I tried
my best to comfort her. A lot of people came to console us. With the overwhelming love
and concern from other people, relatives and friends, we knew that Demy was indeed a
good man. They too were saddened of his demise.
 CHAPTER TEN
Love that Never Dies
Wishing heaven has visiting hours…

U nexplainable pain and agonizing grief engulfed my days. It was as if I too have lost
my life. I felt like dying—I wanted to die. I could not bear the pain. Our dreams we built
together were then shattered to a thousand pieces.

As his coffin was nearing the tomb, everything around me went black. I found myself in
the hospital. My siblings told me that I collapsed due to hypertension. When I gained
my consciousness, I cried a lot. I wanted to go back to the cemetery to see my husband.
I was crying telling my sister that I had to go there. I didn’t want to leave Demy alone.
He could not sleep without me beside him. So, I was pleading for them to bring me to
my husband. As the medications were handed to me, we immediately proceeded to the
cemetery.

There, I screamed at the top of my lungs. I cried out loud calling for my husband. I was
seated beside his tomb repeatedly shouting his name. I needed him. Why did he have
to leave me so soon? I could not live without him. I wanted to die already.

My siblings urged me to head home. They assisted me to get inside the house. I felt
numb as my husband’s pictures met my eyes. My chest felt so heavy with grief and
pain. I miss him so much. I really could not accept the fact that he was in the cemetery
lying alone without me at his side. He was there lying alone in the cold weather. It was
even raining, he might get sick…

The next days were a torment in my mind and heart. I could not swallow my food as I
see his empty chair beside me. Rivers of tears flowed through my cheeks. I stood up
and opened the fridge. I could see his drinks piled up inside. His drinks supplemented
with sodium were still there. As I headed to the sala, I could see his favourite corner
while watching television empty. His nook where I usually teased him was already
empty.

Nights without him were too dreadful to imagine. I could not sleep for I was just staring
at the dark wishing that he was lying beside me. I was embraced by dark nights of
unbearable sufferings of losing him.

The name Bing Bing that he used to call me that irritated me was what I really miss
now. I miss his jokes and his surprises. I miss his boisterous laughter every time he
makes funny jokes. I miss his tight embrace. I miss his smooth hands. I miss his voice
singing our theme song. I miss everything about him.

I lose a lot of weight and people could observe the sudden change in my look. Many
said I was so thin and I looked so old. But I did not mind them. I isolated myself and
declined invitations for I just wanted to be left alone.

Because of these, I sank into depression and anxiety. I experienced psychosomatic

symptoms. I even collapsed leading mt to be confined twice. I underwent medication.

The worst scenario was once, I thought of ending my life. I felt that life without him was
useless. Life without Demy is nothing. He is my life and everything. I could not even
understand myself. These led me to have conflicts with my relationship with other
people. I lost my interests towards my work and my students were surprised as I would
just cry out of nowhere during class time. They would call other teachers to comfort
me. They call my sister-in-law to fetch me. I couldn’t concentrate on my work.

If I did not have classes, I would stay in the cemetery crying and talking to him.
Sometimes, I would even forget to attend my class for my mind was always occupied by
thoughts of him. I missed his presence. I missed how he used to buy me snacks and
spent most of his time with me in school. Never have I missed a day to visit him in the
cemetery thinking that he doesn’t want to be alone. All I wanted was to stay with him
regardless of the time. I feared nothing, not even death.

My sister-in-law was the only one who supported and comforted me. At dawn, even if it
was still dark, I would walk towards the cemetery and I would stay there alone skipping
my meals. There are even times that I stay with him until ten o’clock in the evening.
Oftentimes, some people would see me walking in the wee hours of the night alone
going there in his place. My companions at home thought that I was just inside our
room but they were not aware that I went to the cemetery already. Upon discovering
that I was not around, they would panic and get so worried. My sister-in-law would
send somebody to look for me. They would find me sleeping on top of my husband’s
tomb. I would get scolded by her. She feared that somebody might harm me while
walking going there.

My sister-in-law even encouraged me to sleep with her for she pitied me staying in our
sala alone. I didn’t even want to enter our bedroom because seeing his things would
make me cry so hard. Instead of sleeping in our bedroom, I stayed and slept in our sala
for two years.

Every Sunday, my sister-in-law and I would visit the church. But there, I would always
question God. Tears would continuously flow from my cheeks as I talked to God asking
him why my husband had to leave me so soon. We were still enjoying each other’s
company and why did He only gave us a short period of time to be together. There
were even times that I questioned Him of his plans. I questioned the reason why I had
to experience this.

Since his death, I could never see positive things happening around me. My mind and
heart were shut off with the belief that there was no reason for me to be happy again
because Demy was already dead.

A story shared with me by my student left me feeling a knot in my chest. This student of
mine stayed with us for more than five years already. She narrated that on the day
before my husband’s last hospitalization, he talked to her telling her that whatever
happens, she should continue taking care of me and should never leave me. When he
heard Demy’s words, she replied, “Yes Uncle.”

I was also deeply touched when the husband of my best friend Jocelyn told me
everything about a conversation with my husband when they were together in Isabela.
My hubby was telling him the he felt something odd with his health and that he was
feeling weak. The husband of my friend was shocked and replied that he should not say
those words. They went to the herbulario for their treatment. But my husband told him
that on his next vacation, he couldn’t see him anymore. My husband urged him to keep
that conversation a secret. He didn’t want me to get worried. He even said that
whatever happens to him, he was entrusting me to them. He pleaded that they should
also take care of me. Upon hearing that story, I got more hurt. We both desired for
Demy to get well and yet they didn’t inform me about these, why?

With his death, life was and will never be the same again. As of now, it had been more
than two years since he left, but I still visit him every day cleaning his mausoleum,
talking to him narrating my activities for the day. I would lie down on top of his tomb
imagining that he was also lying beside me, and praying for the eternal repose of his
soul. If ever I was on an out-of-town seminar, I would ask my companion at home to
visit him.

I stayed with him and told him everything especially my heartaches. It would make me
feel better. I believed that though I couldn’t see him, I could feel his presence in my
heart. Our memories together will definitely be stored in my heart and in my mind
forever.