Case Study

R is a 23-year old woman who was raised in a middle-to-upper class suburban household. She is the second born and the
only girl out of three, where the oldest is nine years her senior, and the youngest boy is four years apart from her. Now,
the major gap between the oldest brother and her made for an interesting dynamic. In fact, R once told the older brother
that, “I looked at everything you did growing up, anytime you got in trouble for something, I made a note not to do that,
and when there was something you did that received praise, I wanted to outdo it!”

During R’s infancy, her mother, grandmother, and Mrs. Cook—the babysitter, cared for her. Mrs. Cook was introduced
into R’s life later in her toddler period, but her mother and grandmother took shifts in raising her during infancy. The
grandmother would be the caretaker during the day, while her mother would nurse her at night. In fact, R often slept in
the same bed with the mother, which provided for immediate response and care anytime R wanted it. R’s mother
reported mastering a schedule throughout some nights whenever she had to bring work home (which was quite often).
Fortunately, both her parents remained together throughout her lifetime with the intent on making her the brainchild
protégé. There is not as much known about her father’s participation during the infancy period. However, it was said
that when she was wet, he would change the diaper, when she would cry, he picked her up, and when she was hungry,
he would prepare the Similac; however, before R was born, it was reported that you “would never see him in the
kitchen—the guy could barely boil and egg!” Nonetheless, she was “Daddy’s little girl,” and he would do anything in
the world for her.

Her father, a very hardworking, militant man, not only provided heavy protection of his only daughter, but he instilled in
her to have an independent personality. He wanted her to break all gender typecasting when it came to occupational or
recreational work. His philosophy was a distortion of Plato’s concept—“the only thing you know is that you don’t know
everything”—but, you damn sure better strive to know everything, was his spin on it! Nevertheless, from infancy to
young adult hood, R was given anything she asked for from her father. “There was never a time when Daddy wasn’t
there,” she proclaimed. R recalled a time when her car broke down around 2:00am, after coming back from a party.
None of her friends knew anything about cars, including the gentlemen with her, so without a second guess she called
up her father who was an hour away. “He was a little upset, of course, especially since I didn’t bring my AAA card, but
once he knew I was safe and met my nice friends, he calm down,” she claimed. Her father eventually bought her a new
car.

Moreover, being the only cute protégé girl of that family generation (all her cousins in her generation bracket are male),
she was focused on with great detail. Every one of the family members stressed the necessity for her to read and become
proficient in arithmetic at five or six years old.

Now, as a young toddler, her family hypothesized that she would be a talented and gifted individual. R was walking,
speaking structured sentences, and even reading teenage books by the age of five. In addition, she became easily
acquainted to playing the violin and piano, while gracefully mastering ballet—her passion. Now, although R would try
to stray away from these activities, because of peer pressure or disappointments, her family was insistent on her
maintaining these goals.

R received great attention from the individuals in her family nucleus. She embraced the attention from her elders and
took pride in fulfilling their expectations. What were their expectations? Some version of Hillary Clinton or
Condoleezza Rice, or a combination of both it was said around the dinner table. There was an emphasis for her to
become a lawyer, doctor, or financial broker, whatever suited her preference, but as long as it made a lot of money.
When asked, her mother recalled taking her several times to her job on days that school was out and having no
babysitter, “I remember when R said: ‘Mommy, why do you tell people what to do?’ and I just chuckled,” her mother
relayed. R recollected on those moments, and said she only remembered “sitting in a room with a big long table and
people talking mumbo jumbo…and someone was laughing through a phone…and Mommy was at the easel one time!”

R’s aunt, a well opinionated, boisterous, but upstanding registered nurse would always lecture R when she was a young
adolescent. She would preach about the standards of dignified womanhood, along with the life of a professional. As if
she did not hear this already at home, R’s aunt would forcefully make the point of how she wanted R to be a successful
accountant or doctor. “My first discussion about making money, actually was with my aunt,” R recalled, “…and I can
remember when I opened my first savings account, this somehow lead to a discussion about stocks and bonds…I didn’t
know what the heck she was talking about, but it was actually interesting to see her passionate about it.” Now, R later
realized that the discussion at her mother’s board meeting was of a similar nature.
“Daddy never took me to his office job,” R recently said, “but he did take me to his client’s houses while he fixed their
computers, it was kinda cool that he made his own hours.” Actually, this was not out of luxury or fun, but this was her
father’s second job, the one he needed to help put her through private school and later college. Nevertheless, R admitted
that she learned a great deal about consulting and business interactions.

Her grandparents (both sides) had a similar tendency to hint at their career expectations for her, but they found it
necessary for her to have a strong religious footing. Each Sunday and sometimes throughout the week they would
consistently demand for her participation in the church service. “Grandma Vi still today recites to me bible verses and
wants me to pray with her over the phone,” R explains. “She wants me to be at church all the time, but I had to tell her
that I’m trying to juggle all kinds of things, sometimes I have to miss it…She ain’t listening though!” This was the first
time R really pushed against any authority to take control of her own life. In all, her immediate family continued to be
encouraging and was persistent in pushing her along a set direction.

Now, the parents expected the very best with little room for failure; and, anything less that an A-grade in academia was
unacceptable in the household. Although to the parent’s credit, the academic standards were applied to all the children,
not just to R. Now, unlike a good portion of the representatives in R’s generation, she has become a reliable,
responsible, and a fairly mature adult. She is a bit of a purist, leaning on an almost “nun-like” piousness by never getting
into trouble—staying away from drugs, alcohol, premarital sexual relations, and mostly all the un-Godly sins that young
people partake in today.

The parents never really had anything negative to say about R when asked about her childhood, other than she would
jump from one extracurricular activity to another, and they had to make her stick to certain activities beyond her own
will. The family mentioned that from her toddler age to the present day, R was rather firm on what she wanted and
didn’t want. If she did not want to play with a particular toy in “her time,” she would throw it and say “no fun!” R was
given a Barbie once and threw that into the wall, because she wanted to play with her stuffed animal Tigger instead. Her
love for Tigger never ceased; because when R was a bachelorette she plastered the walls of her room with different
types of Tigger stuffed animals and posters.

Her finicky decisiveness with toys and food as a toddler, carried over to her extracurricular activities as an adolescent.
Again, when R was disappointed or “bored” with her activities (violin, piano, and dancing), she wanted to jump into
something else instantly, such as Taekwondo, gymnastics, or basketball. Although, she was the most passionate about
dancing, there were times she wanted to quit because of the level of difficulty. She states, “…there were times I just
wanted to give up, but my parents, especially Daddy kept pushing me to make a breakthrough…that’s the only way I
will be the best, he said.”

Now, since her parents thought they made a mistake of allowing the first child to stop certain activities because of his
request, they wanted to prevent that from happening again. Therefore, beyond R’s own impulsive desire, they
encouraged her to minimally sustain her dancing, because she could become “rich and famous like Jennifer Lopez or
Beyoncé.” Now, although the parents stooped so low to use popular celebrities as idols, this did work in everyone’s
favor to keep R motivated to dance. In addition, R had immense trust in her parent’s decisions and saw fit to follow their
advice.
One thing her mother noted, was that R was extremely inquisitive, and when she was confident in knowing something,
she had a knack for teaching others. R eventually tutored the next-door neighbor’s daughter in mathematics, while
attempting to train her little brother as well. Unfortunately, it was exposed later, that when she didn’t know something,
she had a difficult time admitting she was unknowledgeable about the subject.

This was a point of crisis for R as she transitioned to her adolescent stage. The question is how would she resolve it.

Throughout her adolescence, she continued to show promise in her private school, becoming a favorite amongst her
teachers, meanwhile setting the standards high for her younger brother that followed her. She attended a private
religious academy from Kindergarten to Middle school (Junior-high school). Her teachers clouded her with praise and
inspiration, pushing her parents to permit skipping grades and try-out for outside extracurricular programs, especially in
dancing. According to her parents, the education was decent, but the private school gave her a “smothering” atmosphere,
and perhaps a little too much micromanaging with very little freedom to let her breathe. “They were going to force me to
join their congregation if I wanted to continue throughout high school there, and I said hell no…what if I have
commitments to other churches,” she explained.
With that said, R’s parents wanted her to have exposure to the “real world,” and never to live in some type of bubble.
So, they placed her into a public high school, with the idea of preparing her for everyday realities she might encounter in
college and the work force.

As was expected, she was in for a cultural shock, but she was trained enough to brace herself for the wild ride. Now,
with the egregious display of the counterculture that her generation gravitated toward, she held a strong resistance
“against all pressure,” she said.

Although R claimed to resist most of the pressure from uninspiring people, she felt the pressure of deciding on what
college she was going to attend. This for her was based on her career pursuit and if she wanted to stay in close vicinity
to her family. “I had to make a decision in 11th grade, although I had some idea already by 9th” she claimed. She
figured dancing would not be a long-term plan, even though she was purported to be very good.

Now, all throughout high school she breezed through the courses with honors and won the attraction of a professor,
whom she calls her mentor. This mentor pointed R in certain directions to get into a particular college program and
finish quickly. Additionally, R surrounded herself with people of like-minded interest and goals and continued to take
advantage of the support from her family. She claimed that all her friends were in her AP honors classes or either
extracurricular activities. “I decided early-on that I did not want to hang with the hoochie mamas or knuckle
heads…even in IBA [Independent Baptist Academy]!” R for certain kept that promise, by sustaining a long-term
relationship with some of those same friends.

R’s chose of school was close enough to family, but far enough away to move out. “It was perfect, I can go see my
parents when I want to, or for emergencies, but at the same time, it is far enough away where they won’t just show up at
my doorstep,” she excitedly explained. R’s college years were described as excessive freedom away from home and
family. However, she kept close contact with those individuals who had provided the intellectual and emotion support,
while meeting new people on the way. Now, R worked, went to school, and danced most of the time to stay in good
health. Her predetermined path of being a lawyer, doctor, or financial broker was going according to plan. However, R
dropped the lawyer and doctor idea, because she was dreading the long-term schooling that went beyond the
undergraduate level. So, she stuck to a timelier route of finance and business. She recalled always talking to her parents
about running her own business some day. Additionally, she wanted to have a deeper understanding of how the financial
system worked, especially after the 2008 financial crisis. “I really wanted to understand the stock market,” she said.
Hence, her major in Economics and History.
R’s pathway was seemly on the right track, she was on the fast pace to graduate early and she eventually met her future
husband, which she now lives happily with.

Up until that point, there were no real bumps in the road for R, and life seem to be a textbook fairy-tale; until her father
unexpectedly passed away in his sleep at the young age of fifty-two. Now, even with all the respect and support she had
from others, with her “Daddy” leaving forever that was a major emotional blow. “It did feel like the end of the world,”
she cried. Who does she go to when the car or computer is acting up? Who will be there for on-the-spot personal advice?
Who will walk her down the aisle in her wedding? These were pressing questions as she moved on pass undergraduate
college and jumped into the real world. This was a major turning point in her life, she said.

Justifiably, there was a “downbeat” in R’s life. She performed poorly on her MBA test, which was a new experience for
her, and she had excruciating pressure from all angles of the family to hold off marriage, to allow herself to mourn and
reflect on her life. In addition, her fiancé was off training for the military in another state, which did not make matters
any better. Moreover, her new job at Merrill Lynch was performing a mass lay-off. “Would I be one of the victims too?”
she asked.

These were times that try women’s souls.

Nevertheless, after some time of relief, R retook the MBA test and scored reasonably well enough for graduate school,
she eventually eloped and married her fiancé in the state he was training, and she not only outlasted the mass lay-off by
her job, but was promoted to a higher position in short order.

End Case Study.