six feet under

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/32115514.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: M/M
Fandom: NCT (Band)
Relationship: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Character: Zhong Chen Le, Park Jisung (NCT), NCT Dream Ensemble
Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, Hot Sauce Era (NCT Dream), apparently there's no
tag for that..., Character Study (kind of???), Misunderstandings, Getting
Together, sometimes teenage boys are just...DUMB, or just have
arrested development so [shrugging emoji], Feelings Realization,
Emotions, or the lack thereof LOL
Stats: Published: 2021-06-22 Words: 8519

six feet under

by fifty-one sunsets (idyleski)

Summary

Jisung's buttons have a shiny PLEASE TOUCH ME stamped all over them, begging for
Chenle to push and pull on them at any given moment. Chenle delights in the way Jisung
bristles and puffs out his cheeks when Chenle decides to hit all of the bright buttons. He
enjoys seeing Jisung's fingers furl and unfurl whenever they're in front of the cameras or in
the practice room. There's a certain tension in Jisung's jaw as he rises to take the bait, the
low murmur of "Chenle-yah"— it makes Chenle's blood sing and goads him to push even
harder, see just how far he can go before Jisung draws the line.

Notes

this fic was quite literally birthed because one day, i got the dumb idea of donghyuck
shouting jessi's iconic WE'RE NOT A TEAM THIS IS A COMPETITION to chenle and
my brain, being my brain, was of course like "let's make it CHENSUNG!!!" because you
know, logic amirite?? my mind is a onetrack (chensung) mind only. anyways a huge
shoutout to claire and rei who helped me read over this, beta this, and listen to my constant
complaints as i wrangled with words. I REALLY COULDNT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT
YOU TWO TT__TT after finishing this fic i quite literally never want to write chenle pov
again and never want to write KPOP CANON COMPLIANT RPF again. why did i do this
to myself...

title take from bibi's life is a bi... which i had stuck on repeat this whole time. i highly
recommend you listen to the album + watch the mv as well, her acting is superb!!
See the end of the work for more notes

It happens when they're filming for one of the many variety shows during Hot Sauce promotions.
Like all important decisions in life, Dream split into teams based on an exhilarating round of Rock
Paper Scissors. It's Chenle's turn and Jisung happens to be up for the opposing team. Chenle
catches Jisung's gaze and smirks.

They're standing facing each other with both hands raised, trying to knock each other over. Jaemin
dubs it the Gay Chicken Variation. Chenle totally has the upper hand because Jisung keeps leaning
back and only regains his balance at the last possible second.

"What's it feel like to lose?" Chenle taunts, hands hitting Jisung’s with a resounding slap. Jisung
doesn't budge. Chenle grits his teeth in frustration.

"You haven't won yet," Jisung retorts, the hint of a smirk dancing across his lips.

Jisung swings his arms back to hit Chenle's palms. They push against one another, neither able to
overwhelm the other. Chenle squares. He is so going to win this.

The next moment, Jisung's face is centimeters away from his, breath fanning across his face.
Chenle feels himself falling backward and instinctively, he grabs onto the only thing available to
him. It just so happens to be Jisung's hands. He grips them with all this strength, Jisung’s hands
firm and fingers snug between Chenle’s.

He lands with an unceremonious yelp as his butt hits the cold, hard ground. Jisung's head knocks
against his, then there's the briefest brush of something against his cheek and the corner of his
mouth. Shouts fill the air as Chenle attempts to regain his senses. Even though Jisung's head is
technically lighter than his, colliding foreheads still hurt like hell.

"Chenle. Chenle," A voice rises above the noise.

"What?" He snaps. Just a tad too sharp for broadcast appropriate but Chenle has never been one to
obsess over his image.

"You're still holding onto my hands," Jisung says softly but it still cuts across Donghyuck's fussing.

"Sorry." Chenle's cheeks burn and he untwines their fingers. His hands feel strangely empty.
They’re tinged a pale pink and still sting. Jisung didn’t hold back during that last hit.

The hosts end up disqualifying their match until Donghyuck whips out his puppy eyes and wit,
begging for pity points because poor Chenle was not only crushed by giant Park Jisung but also hit
his head and now has a raging headache. (Cue Chenle's subpar acting, clutching his head and fake
gasping in pain when in reality, it's something else that he can't pinpoint that’s causing the buzzing
in the back of his mind.)

Chenle's team gets the point this round and subsequently wins the game with Donghyuck easily
beating Jaemin. When they're finally seated for some Q&A, Chenle sneaks a glance at Jisung. It
doesn't feel like he's won.

Chenle is distracted for the rest of filming, more so than usual. Mark and Jeno nudge him multiple
times, snapping Chenle out of the strange trance he’s settled in. So, it’s to be expected that Jisung
tugs on Chenle’s jacket as everyone else heads into the waiting room.

"Hey, you good?" Jisung's fingers graze the inside of Chenle's hand, feather-light and gentle like
Jisung's scared of breaking him.

Stupid, Chenle thinks. He doesn’t crumble so easily. Chenle's not the one who wears his heart on
his sleeve. He's not the one with the big heart that cares too much and too deeply.

"You seemed a bit distracted today. Is everything alright?"

"M'fine."

Jisung's fingers stop and he curls his palm around Chenle's instead. Most of the time, Chenle can
read Jisung like an open book. Right now, he can't. Jisung's intense gaze threatens to split Chenle
apart, so he looks away.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Jisung squeezes his hand.

"Yeah, I know." Chenle squeezes back.

It’s well known that Chenle has a competitive streak a kilometer wide and ten times as long. Even
for the small things, he can’t help but get heated. He’s always been excited to be first, to be the
best. It's served him well, driven him through the grueling vocal lessons as a kid, and makes him
entertaining to watch on variety shows. If he's up against someone, he'll give it his all and then
some. Chenle needs the whole world to see how good he is but above all, he hates losing.

It’s not until someone yanks him back down, reeling him in like a stray kite, that Chenle is able to
reorient himself. More often than not, this responsibility falls to Jisung. There’s no point in
dwelling in shame and embarrassment, Chenle is beyond that. Still, sometimes he wonders why he
needs to chase this small sense of thrill.

Just what are you competing against? An unreasonably logical voice asks him.

Shut up, Chenle thinks as he flops onto his bed.

What are you competing for?

Promotions mean the start of their almost-annual extended sleepover. Before, it was the
combination of guilt and at the urging of his mother that Chenle started staying in the dorms during
promotions and before music shows. It's easier to force yourself to get up an hour before sunrise
when your best friend needs to wake up with you and drag his ass to the salon as well. Comradery
built on hardship and all that jazz.

"Oh," Shotaro says when he opens the door, eyes and mouth widened in surprise. "Hi."

"I stay over some nights during promotions," Chenle explains, batting away Shotaro's hands from
his suitcase. "Which room is Jisung's?"

There's also an unanimous agreement that when Chenle stays over, he stays with Jisung. It used to
be because they were roommates before Chenle moved out and it was easiest. At least, that’s what
the others claim, but Chenle knows it’s just because Renjun doesn’t want to deal with him late at
night because sometimes he gets up to Stuff. Even when Jisung started rooming with Jaemin, he
would push Chenle onto the couch and pull out a sleeping bag for himself so they could stay up
talking far past when they should have gone to sleep.

Shotaro quickly excuses himself, leaving Chenle to pull up some random game on his phone as he
waits. Normally, he'd be sprawled out on the living room carpet but since Sungchan and Shotaro
have moved in, Chenle has felt a bit awkward about lounging in the dorms like he owns the place.
Just because he's thick-skinned doesn't mean he was raised to be a Neanderthal.

"Seriously?" Jisung sighs. He's leaning against the doorway and the dark circles under his eyes are
more pronounced than usual. There's a small cowlick on the side of his head and Chenle bites
down a grin. It's unlike Jisung to not keep his hair in perfect order.

"Your bed is very comfortable." Chenle splays out like a starfish.

Jisung's at the edge of the bed now. "I wanted to sleep," he pouts.

"You're more than welcome to," Chenle deadpans.

Jisung climbs over Chenle, pulling Chenle's arms so they're wrapped loosely around him. Jisung
continues to squirm until he finally settles into a position that he deems comfortable, snug between
the wall and Chenle's chest.

Chenle pays Jisung no mind, continuing to tap away at his phone.

His focus is worse than usual. Chenle loses the first three rounds and every time he tries to reign in
his thoughts, all he can think of is the way Jisung’s fingers slipped out from his during that one
broadcast. With Jisung in his arms, Chenle can make out the rough patches of skin hidden behind
layers of makeup and camera filters. There’s Jisung’s birthmark he used to get so embarrassed
about. It’s a shame that it’s always hidden behind layers of makeup. Chenle can see the small black
dots from where Jisung’s roots have started to grow in. He can also smell how Jisung is in
desperate need of a shower.

At least Jisung seems similarly distracted. He can tell that Jisung hasn't fallen asleep yet because he
hasn't started snoring. Well, at least he's not fidgeting. Last time Jisung's mind had been so restless
he wouldn't stop squirming until Chenle shoved him off the couch.

The door bursts open with a loud creak. "Hey, Jisung, about that thing we were talking—"
Chenle whips his head back to meet Sungchan's wide eyes. There’s a hint of panic in them and
embarrassment sprinkles Sungchan’s face. Next thing Chenle knows he's on the ground.

"Oh, uh, sorry if I was interrupting something?" Sungchan says, voice climbing higher.

Jisung bolts upright. There's the resounding crack of his head against the wooden bedframe. That's
karma, bitch, Chenle thinks sourly as he rubs his ass.

"You weren't interrupting anything," Jisung assures him, a bit too quickly for Chenle’s liking.
Jisung's words make Chenle's own mouth feel sour. A small part of his mind traitorously whispers
how he wishes Sungchan had caught them exchanging more than the timid, stiff kisses they had
secretly exchanged when they were sixteen, both of them wanting to claim to at least have had a
first kiss. Chenle shoves that thought down immediately.

Sungchan nods slowly. He’s unable to meet Chenle’s eyes. "Uh, yeah. I'll just find you another
time?"

The door shuts and Jisung's words replay in Chenle's mind. The hidden panic in Jisung’s eyes, the
way his face had switched so quickly from scared-hamster.jpg to his on-camera calm facade— all
of it combined makes Chenle seethe for some unfathomable reason. It’s too much for him to
unpack so Chenle focuses on something he can unpack.

"What the hell was that?" He hisses. "My tailbone better be intact tomorrow morning, or consider
yourself a dead man, Park Jisung."

"I just, I don't know? Panicked, I guess?" Jisung explains as he pulls Chenle back into the bottom
bunk and into his arms.

Chenle sighs, bringing his game back up.

“Well, he’s one of your new roommates so you’re going to have to get used to it,” Chenle says. “In
five days it’ll be a blip in his memory. So don’t sweat it.”

Chenle knows too well how easy it is for Jisung to run in circles around a singular event until he’s
exhausted himself from the mental marathon. He thinks too much and too carefully about
everything.

“And besides, it’s not like we were actually doing anything. So it doesn’t matter.”

Jisung stays silent, frowning and Chenle can hear the gears in Jisung’s brain whirring. Jisung
presses a kiss to the back of Chenle’s neck in a silent apology. Chenle can feel the tension diffuse
from the Jisung’s body as he exhales. Yet, Chenle wonders why his heart burns and what unnamed
emotion was about to creep into his voice just now.
It takes Chenle all but two days before he takes Dream’s point system this promotion, where the
loser goes to Busan to eat a bowl of rice stew alone and in Shame, to another level. He goes above
and beyond making it on time for group schedules, making sure the waiting rooms are clear of his
belongings, and always wearing their ring. Chenle calls it a fierce display of his competitive spirit.
Renjun calls it acting like a petulant child.

"Um...what are you doing?" Jisung asks.

Chenle swallows the last bit of his breakfast before slamming his bowl down onto the table. Jisung
jumps up.

"Finishing breakfast. I finished first," Chenle proclaims, wiping his mouth with the back of his
hand. He meets Jisung's eyes, raising his chin as a signal that the battle has begun.

Jisung blinks. "Uh. Am I missing something?"

Back when they were fifteen and sixteen and then seventeen, they used to compete over every little
thing. Who could eat the most food, who could finish their dinner the fastest, who grew the most in
a month. Things like that. It escalated to the point where if either one of them so much as took a
breath, one of the other members would mark down a point. Eventually, after a perilous kitchen
incident, Jaemin got so aggravated he finally put his foot down and called a permanent truce.

"I didn't know this was on again," Jisung's lips quirk upwards.

Chenle shrugs. He opens his mouth to let out a big burp. Truthfully, eating so much at four in the
morning has never sat well with him but it's a necessity for promotions.

"You're disgusting," Jisung says around a mouthful of food.

"Shut up," Chenle scoffs, "Can you hurry up and finish? I wanted to squeeze in a round of AFK
before we leave."

Later, when Jaemin stumbles out of bed with a bird’s nest on top of his head, he takes one look at
them before letting out a deep sigh, muttering about dumb rules and point systems and even
dumber competitions as he eats breakfast.

"Okay, spill." Jeno commands one day in the practice room, yanking Chenle back by the collar of
his shirt as everyone else files out.

"Can't we talk after dinner?" Chenle huffs, "I'm hungry."

"No," Jeno says. "You've been acting weird since last week. It's messing with the group."

"Yeah, well, practice today seemed just fine,” Chenle counters.

Jeno narrows his eyes and crosses his arms. It's the same position that Mark used to assume
whenever he was displeased with something or someone. Jeno does it too. Chenle hates it.

"I think you're reading too much into things. Jisung and I are fine," Chenle says.

"You sure?"

Chenle scoffs. "We're fine. Two peas in a pod. Never been better."

"I never said it had to do with Jisung," Jeno smirks, looking far too satisfied with himself.

The thing with mosquito bites is that one day you look down and there's a big, fat ugly welt on
your skin. In that moment, all you can think of is how itchy and painful it is.

He scowls, "Stop hanging out with Renjun. You were more fun when you actually played by the
rules."

Chenle brushes past Jeno on his way out. He's usually not this irascible but Jeno's brought attention
to the bite and all Chenle wants to do is claw at it until it goes away. That deep-seated tension—
the one he’s been unwilling to even think about again— has been festering inside of Chenle. He
wants it gone.

"The amount of awkwardness between you and Jisung in the beginning of Dive to You was
suffocating," Jeno says, tapping his foot. Another habit he's picked up from Mark. Each thud
against the floor is like a drumbeat echoing off the walls of Chenle's skull.

"I literally don't know what you're referring to. And why's it always me and Jisung? Chenji's This
and That, Jichen's That and This. How come whenever something happens with me, everyone else
always assumes it's about Jisung? Last time I checked we weren't attached at the hip."

It's not like the other guys haven't performed in the middle of a spat. They've each had their fair
share of them. It'd be impossible not to bring some petty fight to stage, not when they're sixteen,
seventeen, now twenty and nineteen olds who live together and spend almost all their time
together. Chenle prides himself on keeping his private life separate from the camera. He’s been
doing it for as long as he can remember. So what Chenle doesn't get is why this is suddenly an
issue and why Jeno is on his back about it. Chenle can handle himself.

"You know that's not what I meant."

“Then what did you mean?” Chenle demands.

“Jisung...he’s been kinda different at the dorms.” Jeno scratches the back of his neck but it’s
Chenle’s insides that itch. “I think it started when you started getting extra competitive. It’d be nice
if you two could talk it out.”

Chenle rolls his eyes. "Can I get dinner now?" Inside, he bristles at Jeno’s words. Jisung is his best
friend. No matter how well Jeno claims to know Jisung, Chenle knows Jisung better. There are
parts of Jisung that the others have never seen just as there are parts that Chenle selfishly holds
close to his own heart. He’s only ever let Jisung take a glimpse at these bits of him.

Jeno purses his lips. "You know you can talk to me right? To any of us?"

Something hot and sharp pricks the back of Chenle's throat. Not trusting himself to speak or meet
Jeno's eyes, he nods.
Donghyuck is a walking contradiction in that food is a way for him to both show that He Cares and
to send a signal that he is passive aggressively seething in rage and silently cursing you every time
his eyes land on you. So when Donghyuck invites him to try the new restaurant three blocks away,
Chenle isn’t too sure what to expect. He doesn’t think he’s pissed Donghyuck off but then again,
one can never know.

The first warning sign was the fact that Donghyuck let Chenle choose not one but three dishes off
the menu. By the time they’re halfway through the meal, the alarms in Chenle’s head have been
going off for the past half hour.

“Okay, what gives?” Chenle sets down his chopsticks, crossing his arms.

“Whatever do you mean?” Donghyuck chews carefully. He smiles when he’s done.

Chenle scowls. “You haven’t even tried to get me to pay more than half the bill. Lee Donghyuck
would never do that, not unless he wants something.”

Donghyuck’s grin is as wide as the Cheshire cat. “And this is why we get along so well.” He dabs
at his mouth then folds his hands. “It’s about Jisung—”

“Seriously? You too? Jeno’s been all in my face about him already, did he really need to get you of
all people too?” Chenle wrinkles his nose.

“Hey, what do you mean by that!” Donghyuck protests.

Chenle leans back in the booth. “Exactly what you think I mean. Well, please tell your boyfriend to
stop being so overbearing. Jisung and I are best friends. If something’s wrong, he’d let me know.”

Chenle regrets the words as soon as he sees the way Donghyuck’s eyes light up. “Oooh, is
someone jealous?”

“No,” Chenle grimaces, blowing his bangs out of his eyes. “Why would I be jealous?”

“This is not a competition!” Donghyuck shrieks, slamming his fist on the table. “We’re a team.”
The waitress nearby jumps and sends them a nasty side-eye.

“Didn’t Jessi originally say it the other way around?” Chenle says.

Donghyuck tilts his head, as though contemplating. “Yeah, you’re right. Except I’m not trying to
compete with you for Jisung’s undying love on a scripted show with evil editing. Or trying to
compete with you at all. Like, please. Let’s be real here.”

Chenle scowls. “I mean there’s Jaemin? And Jeno and his massive crush on Jisung?” He tries.
Donghyuck raises an eyebrow, fixing Chenle with an incredulous look. “You’re fucking with me,
right?”

“Uh.”

Donghyuck draws Chenle towards him and sighs his signature You're-Full-of-Shit sigh. "Chenle,
Chenle."

Donghyuck has this expectant look on his face and Chenle must be missing something because he
doesn't get it. He and Jisung are fine. Just yesterday they had an invigorating debate over the exact
shade of Chenle's hair (baby pink vs peach) and Jisung's hair (brown dusted with purple vs mauve).
This then devolved into a small squabble on the merits of cold showers to help preserve hair color.
Unlike most people, Chenle is a firm believer in his daily dose of bickering. It prevents the worst
kinds of fights and gets all the pent up energy out. Killing two birds with one stone. In showbiz, it's
all about efficiency.

Donghyuck looks up and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Dear Father up in heaven, please save me
and Chenle. But mostly me." He looks back down at Chenle. "Don't you have perfect vision or
something? Jisung literally only has eyes for you. Big, gigantic heart eyes. Everyone knows this.
It'd be kind of pathetic if he weren't so cute."

Chenle frowns. Objectively, he knows that Jisung humors him endlessly but that's just Jisung. He's
always been attentive and conscientious to a fault.

“Like please. We all know your bickering is just your roundabout way of flirting. It can be
endearing. The key here is can be,” Donghyuck tells him. “Hey, if you’re not going to finish that,
can I have it?”

And there it is again. Chenle’s not sure what to make of Donghyuck’s casual statements and the
way he firmly believes in everything he’s just said. It draws attention to the discomfort that’s been
lodged at the base of Chenle’s throat this whole time. Chenle’s playful banter with Jisung has
always been just that and nothing more. Before he’s anywhere near done with eating his share, the
uneasiness in the pit of his stomach becomes so great that Chenle sets his chopsticks down once
more and allows Donghyuck to finish the remainder of the meal.

Chenle doesn't mean to tease Jisung relentlessly. If asked, he'd claim it was simply the natural
progression of things. Back when Korean still felt awkward in his mouth and Chenle clung to
Renjun like he was his lifeline, it was Jisung who first extended a hand. He'd speak with Chenle
during their breaks and on the way back to the dorms, patiently explaining what he meant and
miming actions until Chenle finally understood. Renjun may have been Chenle's first confidant, but
Jisung was— is— Chenle's best friend.

It's also not his fault that Jisung makes it so easy to tease him. Early on, Chenle discovered it took
very little to make Jisung turn red and flustered, nose scrunched and lips pursued in a displeased
pout but too polite to voice his dissatisfaction when they were still kids and fumbling around, not
quite knowing each other and not quite knowing themselves.

Chenle first started with imitation since that was the easiest. The first time he mimicked Jisung,
when they were lying on the practice room all covered in sweat, Jisung’s eyes had widened into
two big orbs. When the realization dawned upon him that Chenle, the kid who barely knew
Korean, was making fun of him, Jisung tried his best to look displeased but the corners of his lips
kept turning up. So, Jisung had turned his head and huffed. Chenle decided that he quite liked
Jisung’s reactions.

Jisung's buttons have a shiny PLEASE TOUCH ME stamped all over them, begging for Chenle to
push and pull on them at any given moment. Chenle delights in the way Jisung bristles and puffs
out his cheeks when Chenle decides to hit all of the bright buttons. He enjoys seeing Jisung's
fingers furl and unfurl whenever they're in front of the cameras or in the practice room. There's a
certain tension in Jisung's jaw as he rises to take the bait, the low murmur of "Chenle-yah"— it
makes Chenle's blood sing and goads him to push even harder, see just how far he can go before
Jisung draws the line.

And sometimes, especially as of late, there's a dark glimmer in Jisung's eyes. An emotion shining
through so intensely that it makes Chenle falter. Another can of worms he doesn’t want to unpack.

"You two flirt like little children," Kun tells him, "You're like the kid that tugs on some girl's
pigtails until she's crying because that's the only way you know how to show affection and Jisung
is too nice to say anything but also he secretly likes it."

“We do not flirt,” Chenle says, affronted, because he and Jisung flirt about as much as they fight.
That is to say: absolutely none. Zilch. Nada. Zero. “And I don’t like Jisung,” he adds petulantly.
He knew he shouldn’t have gone to Kun to complain.

What he and Jisung have going on is a good amount of friendly and healthy bickering. In fact,
Chenle’s certain that their constant squabbling is the reason why they haven’t had a major spat
that’s reached the proportions of Mark and Donghyuck’s fight that one blistering summer. Chenle
and Jisung argue over everything and nothing, never sparing a joke at the other’s expense.

“Uh-huh,” Kun says like a mother listening to a small child, “And I don’t have blonde hair. Go set
the table for me?”

“Technically your hair is black,” Chenle mutters sullenly, “so it’s not blonde.”

Chenle and Jisung do not flirt. Chenle isn’t jealous or competing for Jisung’s attention because, to
put it simply, there isn’t anything to be jealous about. Chenle likes Jisung a normal amount, the
amount he likes all his friends.

Although, if held at gunpoint, just maybe he’d admit he likes Jisung a smidge more.

So if there’s nothing to compete for, why does he still feel like he’s losing?
Chenle isn't as bad at separating his public and private persona as others think. What he is
horrendous at though is keeping his filter intact. He speaks his thoughts as they come. His
bluntness is especially bad whenever he's alone with Jisung. He attests it to the years of late-night
conversations and all their time spent together. With Jisung, Chenle doesn’t need to worry about
holding his thoughts back.

So, it's no surprise that the next time he and Jisung are alone, Chenle voices the thought that's been
niggling in the back of his mind.

"Kun says that I like you."

Jisung stops patting Daegal's head and Chenle notes that her fur hasn't quite grown back from when
he last cut it. It's not the lack of Jisung's response that makes Chenle squirm but rather the way he
keeps his head down and eyes focused on Daegal.

So maybe he should have led into that statement a bit better.

"He— and Donghyuck actually— thinks that bickering is our way of flirting, or whatever. Which
is why Jeno kept bothering me, I guess. Does everyone think I'm competing to get your attention
or something because that's a bit ridicu—"

"Is that what you think about it?" Jisung asks, quiet.

"Come again?"

"Is that what you think?" Jisung snaps, "That it's all just some— some big joke?"

Chenle flinches. Jisung's fingers slowly curl into fists, his fingers long and crooked.

"Other people have feelings too, Chenle. Maybe you should’ve asked me how I feel before you just
laugh it off." Jisung's chest heaves up and down and he unfurls his fingers only to fold them back
into balled fists that shake at his side. Chenle has never been at the receiving end of Jisung's anger
— his true anger— but there's a first in every friendship.

"Do you like me, Jisung?"

Jisung laughs, cocking his head to the side. "Always straight to the point, aren't you?"

"Jisung," Chenle says, pained.

Jisung's eyes flash with an emotion Chenle is too scared to name. For the longest time, he doesn't
say anything. The only sound in Chenle's living room is Daegal's panting.

"Yes, I do like you. But does it even matter?" Jisung's puffs out his cheeks then squares his jaw,
pushing himself up. Daegal whimpers, running around Jisung's feet.

"That's not what I meant," Chenle tries but Jisung is already halfway to the door. "Jisung."

"Then what exactly do you mean?" Jisung demands.

Chenle’s not sure what he means. Lately, everyone’s been telling Chenle what they think, what he
should be thinking. All his actions up to this point have been carrying a meaning that Chenle hasn’t
been privy to and he doesn’t know what to make of that. He’s never been one to linger— there’s no
point getting caught up in thoughts that will only weigh him down. But here is everyone, telling
Chenle what he should have known all along. Chenle looks up into Jisung’s eyes and feels more
lost than before.

"That's not fair and you know it—"

Jisung grimaces and he closes his eyes, chest rising and falling with each breath he takes. When he
opens them his face is calm but his eyes tell Chenle everything he needs to know. "I think I should
leave," Jisung says stiffly.

The door shuts with a quiet click. Chenle pulls Daegal towards his chest and buries his face in her
fur.

And here lies the differences between Chenle and Jisung.

Chenle is loud, brash, and hot-headed and throws caution to the wind. Jisung is more mellow, but
contemplative to a fault. He's a bundle of nerves and has a horrible tendency to get stuck in his
imagination, mind running in circles until Chenle knocks him off-course so he can remember to
breathe.

Chenle is what Jisung is not, just as Jisung is what Chenle is not. They're two halves of a whole,
opposite sides of a coin, meeting only to clash with each other and butt heads. But that's what
makes them work so well with each other. Jisung pulls Chenle back from charging off the cliff
without a second thought and Chenle yanks Jisung back down from the clouds, grounding him to
the earth.

The sky and the earth, or something like that.

Of the two of them, Jisung has always been the more poetic one. Each sentence on camera
rehearsed at least a million times over until it's been trodden to dust. Jisung treats his words like
gemstones. Chenle wishes he could be half as eloquent.

Maybe he is too blunt. Maybe he does speak his mind too often. He doesn't need to make every
small thing into a competition yet that's what Chenle ends up doing each time. Just because he and
Jisung know each other like the back of their hands doesn't mean one of Chenle's stray thoughts
can't turn into a piercing arrow. Even though he knows that Jisung needs space, it doesn't mean that
Chenle doesn't miss his best friend.

In front of the cameras, they still laugh and tease each other because that's what they're supposed to
do. In front of their friends they still bicker, but underlying each repartee are words wrapped in
barbed wire, meant to hurt. He feels like an outsider as he watches Jisung laugh with the others,
hand automatically coming up to cover that bashful smile of his.
At their next music show recording, Chenle watches as Jaemin and Donghyuck fawn over Jisung,
pulling and pinching his cheeks. Jisung's nose scrunches up and he feigns displeasure but Chenle
can tell by the spark in his eyes that Jisung is basking in the attention. Their eyes meet over Jeno's
shoulder and despite the heatwave, Chenle's body feels as though it's been doused in ice.

Slowly, Jisung turns away.

"Is everything alright?" Renjun inquires. "You've been rather quiet today."

"I'm just tired," Chenle lies, closing his eyes to the world around him.

"Come to Busan with me?" Jisung asks. The seven of them had all gotten together for dinner and
games tonight in the dorms. It makes Chenle feel ancient but that’s the way it goes sometimes, he
supposes. Right now, it’s just him and Jisung in the kitchen. Donghyuck wanted ice cream but only
a specific brand and he dragged Mark and Renjun out with him. Jeno and Jaemin’s whereabouts
are unknown, leaving him and Jisung alone. He’s ninety percent certain that this is the combined
efforts of Donghyuck and Jeno. They both lack subtlety.

Chenle stills. "Are you asking me?"

"There's no one else in the kitchen. Who else would I be asking?" Jisung scoffs.

"Okay," Chenle says but really he means is why me? He and Jisung still talk nearly every day— it's
not like they have a choice due to the job requirement and promotions— but their messages have
felt lackluster as of late. For the first time ever, Chenle finds himself not responding immediately.
He always responds within seconds of receiving a message, unless he's practicing, sleeping, or in
the middle of a video game.

He's not Donghyuck, not petty enough to give the silent treatment for days, nor is he Mark, bottling
up all his emotions on top of an inhumane amount of stress until the anger finally consumes him.
Sure, there was that one time when Chenle and Jisung were sixteen and didn't speak to each other
for a day. The main reason was because soon after their fight— about who would get the extra
half-sandwich at Music Core— they were shuffled off to different schedules. As soon as they had
both seen each other in the dorms that night, they both caved. There may have been tears involved.

"So is that a yes?" Jisung asks, a hint of hesitation creeping into his voice.

Since that incident in the waiting room, Chenle and Jisung have been in a weird limbo with each
other. They still sit next to each other for meals and laugh at each other's jokes with the rest of the
group, but they don’t engage in any of the familiar, playful bickering with one another. These days,
Chenle's laughter sounds hollow even to his own ears.

"What do you need me in Busan for?" Today is also the first time he and Jisung have been alone
together since the incident.

Jisung frowns, eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean by that?"

"I don't really know! It just seems weird to me that you'd suddenly invite me to go to Busan with
you," Chenle defends.

"You were the one who's been saying how much you wanted to go even if you didn’t lose our rules
game this whole time," Jisung mutters, "I just thought it'd be nice or something."

"To film content? Chenji’s This and That?" Chenle asks.

Jisung falls silent, twiddling his thumbs. Chenle wonders if he's misspoken.

"Never mind," Jisung finally says, as though he needs to wrangle each word from deep inside
himself. "Just forget it."

Chenle can't shake the feeling that he's missing something big, again. But when Jisung looks up to
meet his eyes, whatever jumble of words Chenle had just gathered die at the tip of his tongue.
Jisung's smile doesn't reach his eyes.

The day Jisung heads to Busan, Mark comes to Chenle's apartment.

"You look like you've just woken up," Chenle says, in lieu of a hello. "Is that for Daegal?" He
gestures to the plastic bag. Mark and Donghyuck have a bad habit of buying Daegal too many
treats. Chenle's pantry is overflowing with them.

Mark laughs awkwardly, smoothing down the cowlick on the side of his head. "At least I'm
dressed. You're still in your pajamas." He easily relinquishes the bag at Chenle's insistent hands.

Chenle peeks inside. Dog treats and a bottle of wine. Mark is definitely here with a Plan.

"Thanks," Chenle says, waving the bottle of wine. Chenle cackles as he dances back into his house
with the bottle of wine.

Hanging out with Mark is always fun. Chenle likes Mark and the sense of stability he provides.
With Mark, Chenle feels like nothing can go wrong. They don't get to hang out much these days,
just the two of them, but at least it's better than it was a year ago. Mark's a hot commodity and
Chenle is grateful for whatever time he's allocated. If Chenle needs to use Daegal's cuteness to
bribe his friends into coming over, then so be it.

The two of them settle for cooking ramen once they get bored of playing video games together.
Chenle refuses to allow Mark to do anything beyond turning on the stove to boil water because
while he does trust Mark, he’d rather still have his kitchen and Daegal intact. Mark busies himself
with entertaining Daegal as Chenle cooks.

While Chenle's back is turned he hears something shatter. Spinning around, he comes face to face
with Mark, holding up a singular wine glass and staring back at him with a guilty expression.

"I may have accidentally broken one of your wine glasses?" He says.

Rolling his eyes, Chenle goes to retrieve his broom. "I wasn't aware we were opening the bottle
tonight," he says as he discards the glass in the trash can. Mark lets out a nervous titter and Chenle
bites down on his smirk.

"So," Mark says, when they're almost done with their meal. At least he has the decency to wait
until then.

"So," Chenle parrots.

Mark coughs into his elbow, "I think we should talk about your Feelings."

"Oh great," Chenle mutters. Another Intervention. They're starting to get old. Maybe Chenle should
just stick to getting late night snacks with Kun and getting his ear lectured off.

"Well, are you not going to tell me I should have realized something a long time ago?" Chenle
snaps once Mark's silence becomes unbearable.

Chenle regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth. What makes it worse is that Mark
doesn't even flinch.

"I'm here to listen to you, Chenle," Mark tells him.

Chenle chews on his lips as he mulls over Mark's words. A bad habit that he still struggles with,
despite all of Jisung's efforts. It's hard to be angry at Mark when each of his words is wrapped in
sincerity and he has the patience of a saint. It's similar with Jisung; Chenle can never stay mad—
actually mad— with him for long.

But you aren't mad at Jisung, his mind whispers. So why exactly does his heart ache these days,
even though Jisung is still right here? Why does Chenle long for more— why has he always wished
for more than the casual touches and the way they'll burst out into laughter when their eyes meet?
When has Chenle started wanting more?

"I think I messed up," Chenle says quietly.

"You mean the ramen?" Mark jokes. "Sorry, sorry," Mark acquiesces at Chenle's glare. "But
continue. How have you been feeling about all this?"

"Just to double check, we are talking about Jisung, right?" Chenle inquires and Mark nods in
response. "I don't know. Everyone's been telling me that we've been flirting this whole time, which
I was unaware of, thank you very much. They've all just assumed I like him and I told Jisung. I
guess he thought I meant it as a joke because he got upset and told me he likes me. Now everything
is kind of awkward."

"Did you mean it as a joke?" Mark asks.

"No!" Chenle answers quickly. "Not at all! I just thought it was kind of weird that everyone thinks
this. Apparently. Donghyuck and Jeno literally cornered me because they thought I was acting
strange after Jisung accidentally kissed me on that variety show—"
"Wait wait back up a minute. I don't remember this?"

"Okay I say kiss but it was more like his lips accidentally touched mine. But really it's not that big
of a deal since we have kissed before?" Chenle explains.

Mark narrows his eyes. "You and Jisung kissed? Ooooh-kay."

"That's what you're surprised about?" Chenle tuts, "I have limited options for a first kiss. We all do.
Besides, it was only, like, twice."

Mark sighs as he presses the heels of his palms to his eyes. "Okay. I am just processing.
Processing..." Chenle patiently waits for Mark as he taps his foot with vigor. "Okay. All good. I
think you definitely need to talk about Jisung, but I also think you need to think about how you
actually feel about Jisung."

"I—" Chenle starts but he finds his voice lodged in his throat. "I don't know how I should feel." He
finishes weakly.

To say how he feels is like peeling back all the layers Chenle's so carefully built up over the years.
It's far easier to voice the unimportant thoughts, the ones that come and go freely and are trivial at
the end of the day. It's how Chenle makes himself seem more open and protects the him wrapped
up deep within. Somehow, Mark sees right through that.

"It's okay, you'll get it eventually," Mark laughs, clapping Chenle on the back. "I think you do
know, you just don't want to admit it yet."

"You're no help, Mark Lee." Chenle mutters darkly.

Mark narrows his eyes, as though searching for an indication of something on Chenle’s face. A
moment later, Mark nods to himself, slow and satisfied. He grins, “If anyone can figure it out, it'll
be you and Jisung. You guys are practically destined for each other."

After Mark leaves, Chenle does all he can to take his mind off their conversation. He cleans all of
Daegal's toys and utensils. He even sweeps his kitchen floor and wipes the bathroom counter. By
the time he’s finished, he sprawls out on his bed and allows the exhaustion to overcome him,
popping his AirPods in and wishing for sleep to overtake him. Despite his best efforts, Chenle's
mind still wanders back to his conversation with Mark about Jisung. He wonders how Jisung's trip
to Busan was and ignores the niggling feeling of regret. He hopes the rice stew Jisung ate alone
was pathetic.

"Yo." A familiar voice says. And there's Jisung, hair stuffed into a beanie and smelling faintly of
the salt and sea. He drops his backpack to the ground, simultaneously looking both out of place and
like he belongs in Chenle's bedroom.
Chenle pushes himself upright. "Did you just break into my apartment?"

"Oh, please," Jisung rolls his eyes, shutting the door behind him, "You practically begged me to
take one of your spare keys. Besides, I texted you!"

"Huh." Chenle checks his phone, and it turns out Jisung did text him around ten minutes ago.
Chenle even opened the message. He must have been really out of it just now.

Chenle's eyes narrow as Jisung approaches his bed. He rolls over to snap his foot out, making
contact with Jisung's left butt cheek with a resounding smack. Jisung stumbles forward with a small
yelp. Chenle: 1, Jisung: 0. Chenle grins to himself as he rolls back, propping his head back up on
his pillow.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Chenle questions, "Nu-uh. I don't think so. I'm not letting
you climb into my bed with all that filth. Shower first."

Jisung blows his cheeks out several times in rapid succession. "Like you don't do the same at the
dorms," he mutters, rubbing his back. Still, Jisung caves underneath Chenle's stare and dutifully
heads to the bathroom.

"And so you should!" Chenle shouts, turning the volume back up on his AirPods.

Chenle closes his eyes, trying to relax and allow the music to wash over him. He's too cognizant of
the low rumble coming from the shower, how the water will wash away the smell of the ocean
from Jisung's skin— now that Jisung is here, in his house, Chenle's heart aches. He missed their
familiar teasing, their late night texts and conversations, but most of all he missed Jisung. Strange
how they can stand right next to each other but the gap between them stretches to infinity.

"Your hair is dripping all over the place," Chenle complains after Jisung returns, "You're going to
get my bed wet."

Jisung rolls his eyes as Chenle kicks at his back. Truthfully, Jisung's hair is mostly towel-dried,
damp enough to clump up in places, and nowhere near as wet as Chenle claims it to be. With
Jisung's makeup removed and his unstyled, matted hair, Jisung radiates a boyishness that causes
Chenle's heart to stutter. He thinks this is his favorite look on Jisung. Selfishly, he wishes that he'd
be the only one able to see Jisung look so vulnerable— but he knows that the others have seen
Jisung like this too, so Chenle will just need to settle for being one of the few.

Jisung makes a show of drying his hair with the towel. "Happy now?" He pushes Chenle to the
side before he lies down next to Chenle.

"Marginally."

"You're impossible," Jisung sighs but Chenle sees how he needs to bite back his grin.

"How was Busan?" Chenle asks, once Jisung has stopped shifting and turning every which way.
He fears the precarious balance between them. Right now, there's a temporary truce but it feels as
though one misspoken word or silence a beat too long could send the scale tipping in the other
direction.

Jisung says, "It was nice, relaxing. The food was good." Which is code for please never make me
spend that much time in front of the cameras alone again. Jisung's been in front of the cameras for
as long as Chenle has, yet he still flounders when alone.

"My day off was amazing, thanks for asking. Mark came over and we had wine and ramen,"
Chenle sniffs.

Jisung falls silent. In that moment, Chenle swears he can hear their hearts beat in tandem.

"We should go together next time," Jisung says, brushing Chenle's wayward bangs out of the way.

"To Busan?" Chenle asks.

Jisung shrugs, "Busan, Shanghai, anywhere you want. As long as it's together."

His tone is nonchalant but his eyes speak a different story. That's what stops the you're being so
sappy from rolling off Chenle's tongue. Chenle almost can't bear to continue gazing into Jisung's
heart. He reaches down for Jisung's hand and squeezes. Maybe Jisung’s emotional vulnerability
will rub off on him and let him make the leap he needs to.

"Recently I've been thinking, and I also spoke to Mark yesterday—" He begins.

"You mean Mark spoke to you and you realized how emotionally constipated you are," Jisung
corrects.

Chenle pinches the soft skin in between Jisung's fingers, ignoring Jisung's protests. "You had your
emotional moment. Now let me have mine." He lets go and Jisung finally stops writhing. "As I've
been saying, I've been thinking. Lots lately, especially about what you said, and—," Chenle
swallows the lump in his throat; he can't meet Jisung's eyes for this because that's too much for
him, "I was being a bit of a pain because I was jealous. I don't like it when your attention is
elsewhere. I like it best when it's on me and I took your feelings for granted."

With each passing second that Jisung doesn’t speak, Chenle's hand grows sweatier and sweatier. He
can't fathom why Jisung is still holding on to his hand.

"Okay," Jisung finally says.

"Okay? Just okay?! That's all you have to say to my confession?" Chenle squawks.

"Would it kill you to just admit that you do actually like me?" Jisung snorts, "Well, what would
you rather have me say, hmm? Or do?" Before Chenle can inform Jisung that yes, it would in fact
kill him to admit it aloud because emotional vulnerability is scary, he catches the mischievous
twinkle in Jisung's eye. Jisung's hands come up to cup Chenle's cheeks.

Oh no.

And Jisung is kissing him, lips pressing on his with a quiet urgency that's never been there before.
It's unlike any of the clumsy kisses they've shared in the past. This one is without restraint and it
makes Chenle's head spin and his brain turn to mush. He sighs in content, bringing up his hand to
run his hand through Jisung's hair. Jisung grins and that's the only warning Chenle gets before
Jisung moves a hand to Chenle's waist, pulling him closer, and licks into Chenle's mouth.

When Jisung pulls back, his lips are red, his eyes are bright, and his hair is jostled in every
direction. He smirks and if Chenle's mind wasn't still reeling— because Jisung knew how to kiss
like this all along? Why has he never kissed Chenle like this before?— he would wipe that smug
grin off Jisung's face. Or kiss it off. The latter sounds like the much better option.

"You don't need to compete for my attention. It's always been yours," Jisung tells him.

"Says the kid who's told me about his crush on Renjun three separate times," Chenle mutters but he
thinks better of it, so he presses a quick kiss to the corner of Jisung's mouth to let him know he
doesn't actually mean it. Not really, anyways.

"But who didn't have a crush on Renjun at some point," Jisung huffs, "And don't get me started on
your Taeyong fanboying. Do you know how much I have to deal with?"

Chenle doesn't say anything for a beat too long. Jisung nudges Chenle's foot. Chewing on his lower
lip, Chenle asks, "Don't you think you should date someone who's better?" Someone who's kinder,
more considerate, and spends as much time as you thinking things over, Chenle doesn't say. He
waves to himself, hoping Jisung will understand the message he's trying to convey.

"What do you mean?" Jisung asks, tilting his head to the side. "I like you because there's never a
dull moment and with you, I feel grounded. You always remind me of the better parts of myself.
But you don't just do it for me, you do it for everyone. You always like to pretend you're tough and
stoic but deep underneath you care a lot about people, Chenle.”

Jisung pauses to catch a breath. He looks hesitant, then determination overcomes the uncertainty in
his eyes and he seizes Chenle’s hand, squeezing tight.

Jisung continues, “I like you because you give everything your all and never hold back. Sure, is it
annoying sometimes? Yeah but I still like you despite it. Maybe even because of it, sometimes.
Your laugh, your smile, your hot-headedness, the way you always inhale food even when we're on
cameras— I like you, Zhong Chenle, all of you, and all the bits that come with. So get that in your
thick skull of yours." With his free hand, Jisung raps his knuckles against Chenle’s skull and the
earnestness in his voice pierces Chenle to his core.

"I may like you too, Park Jisung," Chenle admits, smiling despite himself. And he spends the rest
of the night showing Jisung just that.

The next morning, Chenle wakes to the sunlight in his eyes and the soft breaths fanning across his
cheeks. He groans in discontent, throwing his arm over his eyes in an attempt to chase after the
lingering remnants of sleep. It's Jisung's quiet snort that finally gets him to open his eyes.

Jisung smiles at him, eyes brimming with affection. Part of Chenle squirms underneath the warmth
and focus of Jisung's gaze. The other part of him wins and Chenle smiles back.

It’s a good thing that Jisung is too much of a wimp to sleep on his own and came to Chenle’s
apartment last night. Otherwise, the other members would have seen them in their current state of
disarray. The teasing would be endless. Chenle tells Jisung the first thought and gets caged in by
Jisung's arms in retaliation.

Chenle looks up at Jisung and his roguish smile, hints of drowsiness still adorning his face that
soften the sharp edges of the years of exhaustion. It's a side of Jisung meant for him only. Chenle
 reaches up to tug Jisung down and, just before their lips meet, he decides he likes this look on
Jisung just as much.

End Notes

+ a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away alice used to watch an obscene number of kpop
survival shows until [redacted]
+ i aggressively listened to bibi and yorushika while writing this and these are two
distinctly different moods so... idk what this says about my music tastes
+ if anyone has a link to the original jessi clip from upr that'd be appreciated LOL ive
scoured the internet trying to find it...
+ why was it so hard to write the Zhong Chenle Confession when i too, like pwak jisung,
am in love with chenle

also i am so so so sorry for (kind of) using sungchan to further plot again
pls feel free to say hi or give me your zcl/pjs/chensung thoughts here

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