Usama Waheed

Muhammad Zain Bin Asad

Consumer Psychology
17 October 2021
Assignment 2: Possessions and the extended Self
There has been a realization in me for a long time about how we create our sense of self
through the things that we own, but never have I ever been so reflective on my possessions and
what they mean to me or how they shape me as a person. But this assignment is my chance to
reflect and understand myself. There are multiple possessions and right now I am not sure which
one of them will give me the most content to write about on the subject.
One of things or maybe an event that significantly changed how I saw myself as a person
was in O Levels, when I achieved stellar grades, which no one ever expected, obviously because
of how irresponsible kind of a person I was. There was a group of friends I was part of, I still am.
The most dreaded group of the school, the rowdy ones, getting a punishment every other week
outside principles office. My grades came out to be way better than what everyone expected of
me and since my grades were significantly better than my friends’ group, I was immediately
started to be held in high esteem by the teachers and the principle. As if my grades
overshadowed my previous identity of being a rowdy fellow of a rowdy friends group. I enjoyed
that. Everybody enjoys a little bit more respect than what they are used to.
However, little did I know, slowly but surely, these high grades would change the way I
used to see myself. From someone who loved to waste his time, I was shifting or ‘acquiring’ a
new identity of a nerd. Where all of the sudden I started caring about my studies, about being in
the good books of the teachers, even if it meant ditching my friends who would call me multiple
times. The streak of outdoing my friends and other expectations continued in A level and then
getting an offer from LUMS, which no one ever believed I could get.
Fast forward, I got into LUMS, worked hard, did not socialize a lot because I had to care
about my studies. This is something I regret now. In the process of becoming a better student, I
gained the identity of a nerdy student and lost the identity of being an introvert. My batchmates
would come to me to understand things, would recognize me as someone who does not leaves
library all day. I ditched all plans of going out. However, my academics were not the only
reason, my religious self was another thing that contributed to me not going out. The loneliness
became addictive, and sometimes burdensome as well, but I think being alone itself became a
part of my extended self.
I was a hostelite, so I wouldn’t go to home to meet my family because I always thought it
will have an impact on my grades. The class average started to matter the most for me, and I just
did not ever think of it as possibility that I can land on the class average. I had to remain above it.
Scored a 3.92 in the first semester, and yayy got even more social recognition. In the evenings,
as a part of my religious self or the activities conducted at the Masjid, I started sharing my
CGPA with the people I met. The reason behind sharing my CGPA was just to motivate others
and show them how we can practice religion while maintaining our academics, or I just thought
that was the reason. I did not realize at that time how I am just creating a separate identity for
myself, my extended self, on the basis of the GPA that I managed to get.
I was respected, professors would get impressed by the questions I used to ask, they
would expect me to contribute to class intellectually. All this spotlight I had on me made me
associate my self-worth with the grades I had. One bad quiz/assignment and the day would be
ruined.
It was in my junior year, when I realized what I have traded in to get a high GPA, which
was no longer there. The GPA dropped. I started ignoring the religious gatherings which I very
actively participated in. I would not go out with my friends just because I had a 3% quiz the next
day. I left my weekend cricket, something that made me fresh. Concisely, I gave everything to
my academics and my identity of being a nerd who wants to go for a PhD. Meanwhile, people
out there were making real friends, they were growing socially, I too wanted to, but I was so
trapped in the idea of getting a higher CGPA, that nothing mattered to me more. I did not realize
it back then but probably it was the fear of sacrificing the idea of ‘fake’ self-worth I had.
I became part of groups which I knew were interested in PhDs, I would go around and
flaunt my knowledge about economics and how my amazing CGPA is going to get me into
Harvard, my connections with the professors and how much they value me.
However, all of it did not remain intact for the long time. My CGPA started dropping as
the university went online. I lost my interest in studies. I no longer had those interesting
conversations with my professors. I lost the DHL, but mainly I lost the recognition that my
CGPA brought me through the praise of my peers on campus. The online scenario did not really
provide a chance to have that recognition, the recognition that I craved but did not realize that I
crave. The extended self as I understand now was murdered. There was not any identity to stick
on. Who I was after all? I invested everything for the academics and now even my academics
were not there to help me uphold my self-worth. Now, when I reflect, I realize how maybe it was
just the social recognition my grades and CGPA brought that motivated me to work hard and get
good grades, and once it was gone, my motivation to study was gone too. All of this pushed me
into a vicious cycle of not receiving any positive feedback to performing bad and the cycle
repeats. I think, it was not only the lack of recognition or the positive reinforcement/feedback
that was not there anymore, the realization of sacrificing my dream of getting into a top-notch
graduate program because of bad CGPA too contributed to my loss of self. Something, that I
used to talk about very passionately with everyone I would talk to.
I am the same Zain I used to be when I came to LUMS. I still have same friends. The one
thing that I do not have is the good CGPA to flaunt, and it feels like it was the only thing that
mattered. My fragile sense of self was supported by the stellar CGPA I managed to score,
perhaps for all the wrong reasons. Now, after performing bad for three consecutive semesters and
scoring a GPA I never imagined I would, I try to no longer care for my academics and just take
them as a by product of who I am genuinely. I just hope this time around I create an identity for
my self which does not crumbles with something as volatile as CGPA, and not with the products
which are prone to loss. The goal is to create a sense of self based on my authentic self and
qualities that can be carried forward into the world, but nothing seems to be static in this ever-
changing world.
My other material possessions have never mattered enough for me to determine my self
or the extended self through them. Most of the possessions I own, I will most probably have the
same sense of self as I have right now with little to no impact. However, that is to know when it
actually happens, just like my CGPA.