Rebellious Love (The Stanfield Heir #2)

by AyamiLu

#StanfieldBook2: ZekeSteele

"I've made mistakes out of my rebellion. But I embrace them because they made me
who I am and what I am now. I found a brother, people I can trust, and a girl who
meant the world to me...

And I fell in love.

I thought I don't deserve her love because I have always blamed myself for her
brother's death. And she hated me for the past. We suppressed the feelings we had
for each other, and buried them for so long.

But it was a rebellious love.

We couldn't fight it. We're weak against each other, and the only way to win was to
lose."
_________________________
Started: June 2015
Ended: February 2016
AyamiLu © Copyright 2015-2016
All rights reserved.

=================

♠ Synopsis ♠

I am seeking for redemption. My soul needed salvation. But how will I ever find it
when the man I killed was the man who was attached to my cord, the man who shared
my dreams, my breath and my being?

He's my friend—no... he was more than that. 

He was my brother, perhaps not by blood—but by heart.

But I killed him.

How can I ever repay for my sin?

_____________________

This story or any portion thereof may not be reproduced in any written, electronic,
recording, or photocopying or used in any manner whatsoever without the express
written permission of the author.

All of the characters in this story have no existence whatsoever outside the
imagination of the author, and have no relation to anyone having the same name or
names. All the incidents are merely invention.

Copyright © 2015 by Ayamiℒu

All rights reserved.

=================

♠ Prologue ♠

THE FUNERAL

THE SUN shouldn't be shining like that. Gusto kong bumuhos ang ulan at kumulog ng
malakas. I want something ominous for everything to darken. I want storm and
thunder lashing me to pieces. Not this bright, sunny sky. I don't feel sunny at
all. I feel crap and shitty fucked up!

Wala akong ibang maramdaman kun'di galit—galit para sa sarili ko. Galit dahil hindi
ako ang namatay kun'di siya. He shouldn't be the one inside that coffin sinking
under the ground. I should be in that coffin. It's me who should've died, not him.
Ako ang dapat na namatay nang gabing iyon. Ako.

Pinagsisisihan ko na ako lang ang nabuhay at nailigtas. At pagsisisihan ko iyon

habang buhay, habang may natitira pang hininga sa katawan ko. Habang buhay kong
pagbabayaran ang kasalanan ko... na iniwan ko ang kaibigan ko sa gitna ng sunog na
iyon. Hinayaan kong mamatay ang kaibigan ko.
I wish I could mute every sound, even the heartbreaking sound of his sister sobbing
as she watched her brother lowered to the ground. The sound cuts me in halves as I
stood here hiding in the shadow behind a tree, watching all of the people mourning
for him.

I am a fucking coward. Ni hindi ko magawang lumapit sa libing ng kaibigang

itinuring ko ng parang kapatid. The world should damn me for what I did. The world
should hate me.

He should hate me.

The people started to move away and leave. And then, there was only one left.

Victoria.

His sister. Abandoned and orphaned, because of me.

I should've left him alone. I should've listened to her then, the first time she
told me to stop flirting with the danger her brother loved so much. But I was too
damn stubborn, obstinate and pig-headed. Kasalanan ko lahat 'to. Kung sana hindi ko
siya pinagbigyan, sana buhay pa siya ngayon. Sana... hindi mag-iisa si Victoria at
hindi siya iiyak sa pagkawala ng kuya niya.

The cold wind blew and then Victoria turned her head around, her eyes pinpointed at
the exact spot where I stood hidden, as if the intensity of my gaze and thoughts
had touched her. And I was too late to hide anymore. I couldn't run. I couldn't
look away as she looked at me for a long moment.

Putlang-putla ang mukha niya at lalo pang lumitaw ang kaputian niya dahil sa itim
niyang damit. Today, she wasn't wearing her usual jeans and loose, boyish shirt.
She was wearing a dress—a black dress—just for her beloved brother. My gut clenched
at the sadness it brought me... because Five won't see her. He would never see her
wear a dress again, just as he dreamed for his sister.

Kahit nasa malayo, kitang-kita ang mugtong-mugtong mga mata niya. Her face was
puffy from crying. I could see the grief behind the shadow darkening her eyes, the
sadness, and the anger I know was directed towards me. I know I put that in there.
I'm the one who caused this irreparable damage.

I looked away as I remembered her voice that night.

"Pigilan mo si kuya, Zeke. Masyadong dilekado. Hindi pa maayos ang parte ng motor
na iyon. Baka mapahamak siya."

"'Wag kang mag-alala. Kasama niya ako at babantayan ko siya."

Now, hearing those words mocked me. My stupidity and self-assurance were
astounding. At ngayon, nawalan ako ng matalik na kaibigan, ng kapatid, dahil sa
kapabayaan ko.

Nakita kong naglakad siya papunta sa akin. She walked so calmly slow yet I can see
her hands curled around in a fist by her sides and her face was contorted with
naked anger and grief. Tumigil siya ng ilang pulgada ang layo mula sa'kin . She's
not too so close yet not too far, enough to smell the scent of her hair. And it
reminded me of my loss. Our loss.

Naningkit ang mga mata niya. "Ang kapal din ng mukha mong magpakita pa sa'kin
pagkatapos ng ginawa mo." Her voice was rough and husky from crying. At hindi ko
maikakaila ang galit sa bawat salita niya.

"Gusto..." I stopped when I felt the familiar tightening of my throat. I swallowed

hard and tried again. "Gusto ko lang makiramay. Iyon lang."

Five, her brother and my best friend, had been the only person I trusted. I had a
struggling life as I grew up in a family that was strong and uptight. Nobody tried
to listen to me. Not my friend, and not even my own family. Yet Five was there at
the beginning. He helped me to build a better person of me. He guided me when my
father should have.

All my life, all I know was my father's disappointment. Kahit anong gawin ko, kahit
anong subok ko, hindi ko makitang proud siyang naging anak niya ako. I was always
the black sheep of my family, a reckless and unprincipled son. Always known as the
rebellious son.

But Five saw something better in me. And he mad me believe I am better than what my
father believed I ever was.

Yet now, staring at the rage in Victoria's eyes, I could feel the sting of
humiliation that was still etched in me like a scar tattooed on my skin.

"Hindi ko kailangan ng pakikiramay mo." Nanginginig ang boses niya. At alam kong
dahil iyon sa galit na kinikimkim niya. How I wish she would just hit me hard in
the face and subject me in a cruel laugh and ridicule. That way, it might ease her
heartbreak even just a little.

"Siya na lang ang pamilyang meron ako. Pero nang dahil sa'yo, mag-isa na lang ako.
Salamat sa'yo. Patay na ang kuya ko."

I felt the blood drained completely from my face to hear her words. "I'm so...
sorry," I said faintly. Wala akong ibang masabi kun'di ang humingi ng tawad, nang
paulit-ulit.
"Sorry?" Her voice was sneering now, her dead eyes put a lead in my chest.
"Kasalanan mo itong lahat at hinding hindi kita mapapatawad dahil nabuhay ka at
siya hindi. Hinding hindi kita mapapatawad dahil hinayaan mo siyang mamatay. At
kahit anong gawin at sabihin mo, hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ang ginawa mo."

Her words felt like shards of glasses in my skin. It stung more than she could ever
know. Siguro kung nakatayo kami sa malapit na bangin, marahil ay itinulak na niya
ako. And she would happily watch me falling down and finally crash to pieces when I
hit the ground.

"Gustong-gusto kitang saktan, suntukin ka hanggang sa hindi ka na makatayo diyan.

Pero alam kong hindi iyon gusto ni kuya. Kaya bago ko pa makalimutan ang ipinangako
ko sa kanya, mas mabuti pang umalis ka na lang. Sa karera mo idaan ang pakikiramay
mo. Tutal, iyon lang naman ang alam niyong gawin."

Something gripped my heart when she wiped her tears with her hands and turned
around. Maybe Five hates me now for making his sister cry, I thought as I watched
Victoria walking away from me. She stood on his grave and pressed a gentle hand on
it before she left.

And then I was alone.

In that moment I wanted to die more than anything else in the world. So badly I
could taste it. My rock, my brother and my best friend was gone now. He was gone
forever. I felt that everything good and promising and hopeful was broken and
destroyed. And the feeling was lot worse, I thought, than if Victoria spit on me or
if she punched me.

Cold wind wrapped around my body, and the sky turned gray. Thunder rolled above the
clouds and lightening lit up the sky.

But suicide would be too easy for me, I thought bitterly. Too easy than living with
this pain and guilt everyday. My sin will forever punish my soul. My life will
forever be in debt. And no amount of forgiveness will save me from the wrath of
fire of hell.

This is my life, my truth, and I will live with it for the rest of my life.

=================

Chapter ♠ 1

GHOST OF THE PAST

"ZEKE!"

I looked over my shoulder and saw my old friend walking to where I was sitting for
five minutes. "Jack," I acknowledged and noticed he was still the same, mahangin pa
rin at punong-puno ng kayabangan.

I wouldn't really call him a friend. In my car racing career, siya palagi ang
nakakalaban ko na hindi sumusuko para talunin ako. But tough. He always fall in the
loser end. Pero matagal na iyon. Iniwan ko na ang buhay ng karera. Right now, I'm
focused on running our family business. Since dad lost the empire, Duke rebuild it.
Dad needed to take care of mom so Duke had to take over. But with our vast wealth,
Duke needed to delegate few establishments.

That's why I'm here, I thought grimly.

"It's good you came. Akala ko hindi ka na tutuloy." Tinapik niya ako sa balikat at
umupo sa tabi ko.

I shot him a glance. "You want me to change my mind?"

"Of course not! Nagulat lang naman ako na pinagbigyan mo ako," he said laughing.
Napansin kong may kung ano siyang hinanap sa tabi ko. "Mag-isa ka lang ba?"

Nagdekuwatro ako ng upo. "Bakit, kailangan bang may kasama ako?"

Umiling siya. "Hindi naman. Akala ko kasama mo si Doug."

"Tumawag siya kagabi. Pero wala ako rito. Kararating ko lang galing Italy kaninang
umaga."

I saw how he whipped his head to look at me. "Wala ka bang jet lag?" Parang hindi
siya makapaniwala na kakalapag lang ng private jet ko kanina.

I just shrugged. "Nakasanayan na."

"Tao ka ba?" He was shaking his head.

I don't blame him. Sa buhay meron ako ngayon, kailangan kong sanayin ang katawan
ko. I always fly abroad for business ventures. Target ngayon ni kuya Duke na mas
palaguin ang automotive business namin. Balak niyang makipag-negotiate kay Avesto
Riccardo Patrese, isang Italian businessman na nagmamay-ari ng Avesto Series. My
brother saw it an opportunity to make a business deal with him, and Avesto was
taken by my brother's brilliant ideas kaya pumayag siyang maging partner ang
kompanya.
Pero dahil ako ngayon ang tumatayong President and CEO ng Steele MotorCar Inc., I
needed to fly back and forth to Italy para matutukan ko ang progress ng naging pag-
uusap ni kuya at ni Avesto. I'm just glad it's a close and done deal.

"Well, we should call for a celebration! Mukhang kompleto tayo ngayon."

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko at tiningnan ko si Jack. "May ibang darating?"

"Oo naman. Ipapakita ko ang bagong obra ko." He grinned. "Tingnan ko lang kung 'di
maluha si Tyrone sa makikiita niya mamaya." Binuntunan pa niya iyon ng tawa. Hindi
na talaga nagbago ang isang 'to. Lagi na lang naghahanap ng kakompitensya. "So ano,
pare? Reunion tayo mamaya."

"No. I'll pass," mabilis kong tanggi. I need to catch up on my sleep. Kailangan ko
din bumili ng regalo para kay Serena. Baka kainin ako ng buhay no'n 'pag nalaman
niyang wala pa akong regalo sa birthday niya. Besides, I don't have the luxury to
have fun. I never did.

"Come on, pare! Matagal ka ng hindi nakakasama ng grupo. Darating din si—"

I inhaled and pointedly looked at him. "I came because of your business proposal,
Jack. Hindi para mag-party."

He threw up his hands. "Alright, alright!" sabi niya at umiling-iling.

"Napakaseryoso mo talaga. Alam mo, masama 'pag puro ka na lang trabaho. You ever
heard of the saying, 'Work hard and play hard'?"

I cocked my head sideways. Umangat ang isang sulok ng bibig ko to show a meaty
smile, "I play hard."

Humalakhak siya bigla. I know he got the message. I'm not living a celibate life.
At twenty, girls fall under my feet. Kahit pa noong nasa high school ako, kahit
bully ang tingin nila sa'kin, I know those same girls put love letters and leave
gifts inside my locker.

Oh yes, I loved playing with their hearts and breaking them. I was a bully—iyon ang
totoo. Boys feared me, and girls chase me. I guess the more I broke girls' heart,
the more they kept on chasing me.

But now that I'm twenty-seven, I know now not to play with women who don't know the
rules of my game. I don't do emotional relationship. It's a lot of baggage for me.
At marami na akong dalang bagahe. Ayoko ng dagdagan pa iyon.

"Walang duda pagdating diyan," sabi ni Jack. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"Just show me the car." Ayokong pinag-uusapan ang pribadong buhay ko.
"Hindi pa dumadating iyong iba."

"I don't care. May hahabulin pa akong meeting mamaya." I flipped my watch. Ala-una
na pala. My meeting starts at four. I still have time to pick a gift.

"Iyan ang problema ninyong mayayaman. Kaliwa't kanan ang trabaho."

I sighed miserably. Ever since my brother, Duke, got married almost four years ago,
mas lalong bumigat ang trabaho. I admit, mas magaan ang trabaho noong wala pa
siyang asawa. He single-handedly manage the empire kahit siya lang mag-isa. 

He was obsessed with work. I doubt if he ever sleep at all. Pero no'ng pinakasalan
niya si Louraine, nawala ang oras niya sa trabaho. And with their second child
coming, mas lalong naging limitado ang oras niya sa trabaho. He was so attentive
with his wife and their two years old child, Empress Beatrice, my cute little
niece.

After what happened with Louraine before, mas naging maingat na si Kuya. Kaya
nagdesisyon siya noon na sa Casablanca muna silang dalawa imbis na sa bahay tumira.
Since then, Duke has to run the empire from there. I thought he hated there. But I
guess Love really does change a man. 

I still find it amazing though na hindi bumababa ang stock market ng kompanya kahit
na hindi na siya masyadong hands-on ngayon sa trabaho. He comes back from time to
time, but only if there's an urgent matter that calls his immediate attention. Pero
kung wala, he stuck himself to his wife like a glue, especially now that they are
expecting baby number two. 

"Hindi na mahalaga kung hindi nila mapanood ang test drive. Just show them the car
later," inip na inip na sabi ko.

"Bakit ba kasi ang tagal ng mga iyon?" reklamo ni Jack habang nakatutok sa
cellphone niya. "Ah! Bago ko nga pala makalimutan. Iyong kinuha kong driver na
magtetest drive mamaya, siya din ang kinuha ko para maging model sa bagong
launching ng Avesto Series."

I nodded. Buti nabaawasan ng isa ang problema ko. "Is he any good?"

"Good?" He snorted. "Panoorin mo na lang siyang magdrive, pare." Tinuro niya ang
track field na nasa harap namin. Sa bleacher kami nakaupo dahil mas kita doon ang
buong circuit. I don't want to miss any bend and curve.

"This one's a hell of a rider," pagmamalaki pa ni Jack sa'kin. "Six times champion
ng mg car racing competition. Kasali din siya sa mga nakapasok sa GT4 European Cup,
at nitong huli sa Fuji Grand Champion Series sa Japan. At wala pang talo. Ang linis
ng record!"
I frowned. He's that good huh?

"I heard tinalo din niya si Nico last summer sa 8-lap sportscar competition." I
looked at Jack. Si Nico ang isa sa pinakamagaling na sportscar driver sa grupo
namin. Maliban sa'kin, wala pang nakakatalo sa kanya sa 8-lap circuit.

"Pero hindi iyon ang nagpabilib sa'kin pare," dagdag ni Jack. He looked so
awestruck. Lalo akong nagtaka. It's Jack. Mayabang at laging malaki ang kompyansa
sa sarili. Hearing him talk like this was making me curious.

"What is it?"

"Napanood ko ang sa isang race niya sa NASCAR. It was my first time to see a racer
drive like that. May techinique siyang wala pang nakakagawa. Talagang tumayo ang
balahibo ko no'ng napanood ko iyon. Lalo pa nang malaman kong Pinoy din siya."

"But not as good as me though," I flung suddenly. As a car racer, it was my pride
that I am the top driver of the country. I've raced hundreds and thousands of
competition and I never lost. I had been living a suicidal life. I know it will be
an easy death. Pero hindi ko pwedeng iwan ang isang bagay na alam kong komokonekta
sa amin.

But eventually I had to stop racing and give up. My brother needed our full
cooperation and ever since I drowned myself in the business.

Pero habang pinapakinggan ko si Jack at ang mysteryosong driver na tinutukoy niya,

my blood stirred and adrenaline pumped throughout my bloodstream. I suddenly missed
the road, the cockpit, sitting behind the wheel and the danger I always encounter
when driving.

"Alam naman nating wala pang nakakatalo sayo," Tinapik pa niya ako. "...maliban kay
Five."

I thought I heard a thunder above my head and a lightening slashed across the sky.
I blinked and I was back to that time when I stood above a grave under the dark
sky, the rain beating down on me.

And then I heard a phone ringing.

"EJ? Oo, andito na siya... ilabas niyo na ang mga sasakyan."

"Si EJ?" Mas lalong lumalim ang kunot ng noo ko. I know EJ. But I never knew he was
that good. O baka matagal lang akong nawala kaya hindi ko lang nakikita.
"Hindi si EJ," Jack said grinning again. "Siya." May itinuro siya sa garahe at may
lumabas na dalawang kotse sa track field. One orange and one blue.

"Alin diyan?" tanong ko.

"The orange one. EJ's on the other car." I looked at the orange sportscar. Tahimik
at kalmado. Unlike the blue one, sumisipa na ang makina. EJ was heating the engine.

Tiningnan ko si Jack na prenteng nakaupo sa tabi ko. "Why the race? Test driving
lang tayo 'di ba?"

Nagkibit balikat siya. "I just thought it would be fun to have a little bit of
competition on the ground. Isa pa, gusto kong malaman kung ano'ng top speed ang
kayang abutin ng obra ko."

"Gusto mo lang yatang ipagyabang sa'kin ang driver na iyan."

He grinned wider. "Well, something like that." At sumenyas na siya sa referee na

itaas ang flag.

"Let the race start," Jack whispered amusingly.

I just smirked. Mukhang malaki ang tiwala niya sa driver na iyon. I leaned down and
crossed my arms as I looked at the green lights. The car speed away at natuwa ako
nang makita kong naungusan kaagad ni EJ ang isang sasakyan.

"Bad move, EJ. Bad move." I heard Jack said. He looked engrossed in watching at
parang nakalimutan na niya ako rito. But that's okay. Gusto ko ring makita kung ano
ang maibubuga ng taong iyon sa track field na ako mismo ang gumawa.

Pagkalipas ng limang minuuto, isang lap na ang natapos pero nauuna pa rin si EJ. I
looked at Jack. "Are you sure he's the one you want to model for us?"

Ngumisi siya. "Maghinaty ka lang, Zeke. And keep your eyes on the field. You don't
want to miss this one."

I turned back to the field and my brows furrowed. Paano siya nakalapit kaagad kay
EJ ng gano'n kabilis? And then I saw it. How the car rotated around the sharp
curve. EJ slowed down but the orange car didn't. He quickly passed EJ in seconds.

But I didn't care if EJ lost. It was what I saw made the fine hair at my neck stand
up.

"Dang! Did you see that?! Nakita mo iyon!?" Tumayo si Jack. "Kinilabutan ako!"
And I did too. Iisang tao lang ang kilala kong kayang gumawa no'n. I only know one
person who can do that stupidly dangerous stunt. At patay na siya.

I couldn't possibly be watching a ghost, right? He's dead. I saw it. I was there.
Pinanood ko siyang gawin ang technique na iyon at nawalan siya ng control. The car
went upside down and then it blew off.

Tumayo ako at umalis sa kinauupuan ko . Hindi ko na kailangang tapusin ang karera.

I know EJ already lost. Imposible nang mahabol pa niya ang kalaban niya.

"Zeke! Saan ka pupunta?" Jack followed me. Hindi ko siya sinagot at bumaba ako sa
racetrack. I intend to know the man behind that wheel.

Sometime later, I watched the orange car slowed down and pulled a stop.

"Hell yeah!" sigaw ni Jack habang sinasalubong ang sasakyan niya. I'm impressed by
his work. Top speed, 294. At mas tataas pa iyon kung nasa mas mahaba at malaking
racetrack kami.

My eyes squinted when the door slid open at bumaba ang isang naka-tracksuit at
helmet na driver. For his ability, he seemed short and small. I wonder he was not
thrown out of the window when he took that sharp curve. He needs to weigh a lot
more than me to keep seated on the cockpit.

"Well done!" Niyakap ni Jack ang driver. Hindi na ako nagtagal sa kinatatayuan ko
at lumapit na rin ako sa dalawa.

"You're good," I said as I approached. Nakatalikod sa akin ang driver but I saw how
he straightened his back when he heard me. "Congratulations." Dahan-dahan niya
akong nilingon. I couldn't see his face behind his helmet. Tinted ang salamin niya.

"I'm Ezekiel Al Steele. You can call me Zeke." I shot out a hand. Pero tiningnan
lang niya ang kamay ko. I wonder why he was acting strange. Hindi ba niya alam na
ako ang magiging employer niya sa bagong project na 'to?

"V, he's the one I'm talking about," Jack cut in. "Kilala mo naman siya 'di ba?"
The small man nodded. "Siya ang makakatrabaho mo para sa Avesto Series Project."

I looked at Jack and back to the man. Naiinip na ako sa kanilang dalawa. I am in a
hurry at kailangan ko ng matinong usapan. But I guess they read the impatience in
my face kaya hinubad na ng driver ang gloves sa mga kamay niya at ang helmet sa ulo
niya. I frowned when I saw his hands while he was fumbling with the knot under his
head. He was a skinny man, no doubt.
I can't believe ito talaga ang napili ni Jack na magiging model ng kompanya ko.

Mayamaya ay tinatanggal na niya ang helmet sa ulo niya. Long silky straight black
hair fell down and something twisted in my guts when I finally saw the face behind
the helmet and the tinted glasses.

"Hi Zeke," she said and gripped my hand, her cold familiar eyes boring inside my
head. "Long time no see."

Vera Victoria Alteza. She was the ghost of her brother I thought I saw back on that
filed.

_________________________

A/N: Please support the second series of The Stanfield Heir. Don't forget your vote
and drop down your comments po. Thank you and God bless! ^_^

Add me on Facebook (Yumi Lu) and follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

=================

Chapter ♠ 2

THE REBEL

EZEKIEL AL Steele.

After 4 long years, he's now standing in front me. He still looks the same. Kung
meron mang nagbago sa kanya, iyon ay mas lalo siyang gumuwapo at tumangkad.

He's got muscles that weren't there before. I can see the trace of the hard ridges
and hollows of his abs and the expanse of his muscled chest in his blue shirt made
in the finest silk. His tailored white chinos hugged his powerful thighs
emphasizing his strong built and height. He was bigger now, taller, and heart-
stoppingly handsome.

He always had a striking look, kahit pa noon. Para siyang modelo na madalas makita
sa isang magazine. I often see him in gossip columns, but those pictures didn't do
him justice.

Raven-dark hair that was carelessly swept back from his face, coal black eyes that
seemed to bore through your soul, perfectly thick-set of eyebrows, sexy lips,
strong jaw that was shadowed with growing beard giving him a rugged look. He looked
more mature, rough and harsh. His autocratic features was hardened through time.

But with Zeke Steele, it was not just about the looks. He had always possessed a
powerful magnetism demanding attention. Maliban sa pagiging bully niya noon,
kinakatakutan siya dahil sa aurang bumabalot sa kanya. He always had that cloak of
invincibility and superiority surrounding him. Darkness followed him. And it suited
him well.

But as I stared at the man standing in front of me, I couldn't see the boy I once
admired. No doubt the man he has become now was very impossible to ignore,
especially with his supreme confidence and, according to the article I read, his
devastating sex-appeal and river of money.

Pero hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan ang kasalanan niya. It was there lurking behind
his eyes. His guilt and his grief. Nakikita ko iyon.

I know it has been four years. At kung nandito pa si kuya, kung buhay pa siya, alam
kong gusto niyang patawarin ko siya. He was that kind.

But that's him. And I am me. I am not kind and forgiving like my brother—I never
was.

"Long time no see, Victoria." The curl of his tongue as he said my name pulled me
out from my thoughts.

Mabilis kong binawi ang kamay ko mula sa kanya. My smile was tight against my face,
trying to hide how his deep molten voice made my heart skip a beat. Holding his
hand again evoked memories I had of him—the day I first met him, the first
heartbeat, the first smile...

"Bigatin ka na pala ngayon," biro ko, at pinilit na pakalmahin ang sariling tibok
ng puso ko. I opted for civility and politeness, kahit na ang gustong gusto ko
talagang gawin ay ang tumalikod at umalis. Only my sense of professionalism was
stopping me from doing it.

"And you're a car racer." Hindi nakalusot sa akin ang pagtalim ng paningin niya.
Pero mabilis iyong nawala.

I know he was as surprised to see me as I was. At siguro mas nagulat siyang

malamang isa akong car racing driver—katulad ni kuya. It was ironic—I hated the
world that took my brother's life, but it's the same world I know where I can find
him again.

Kapag ipinagtabuyan ko ang mundng minahal ng kuya ko, para ko na rin siyang
kinalimutan at ang mga pangarap na binuo namin noon.
"Surprising isn't it?" Ngumiti ako. "Nakakapaghinayang lang dahil hindi na kita
mahahamon sa karera. Nagretire ka na, 'di ba? Gusto pa naman kitang talunin."

"That's interesting!" Jack jumped. Noon ko lang naalalang kasama pala namin siya. I
grimaced at the realization that Zeke Steele always rob me of my attention.
"Hinihintay ko ring makita 'tong si Zeke na matalo eh," excited na sabi ni Jack
habang tinatapik ang balikat ni Zeke.

Zeke pulled a face. "Hardly..." he said dully.

Alam kong wala pang nakakatalo sa kanya, but my brother did. Pero walang ibang
taong may alam no'n maliban sa akin at sa mga kaibigan nila. Pero para sa
karamihan, walang makakatalo sa katulad niya. He's the king of the road. Undefeated
and unbeatable.

Pero hindi sa'kin. Dahil tatalunin ko siya.

Biglang tumunog ang cellphone niya. "Excuse me," he said curtly and snapped his
phone. "Stacey."

Stacey? Girlfriend niya ba iyon? Kaibigan? Kakilala?

Narinig kong may kinukuwento si Jack sa'kin kaya nakipag-usap na lang ako sa kanya.
I ignored the churning sensation in the pit of my stomach and focused on Jack's
joke. Pero wala akong maintindihan sa mga sinasabi niya dahil ang buong pandinig ko
nasa isang lalaking nakikipag-usap sa cellphone niya.

"Pasensya na." Pareaho kaming tumingin kay Zeke. "Kailangan ko ng umalis." Napansin
kong hindi niya ako tinitingnan.

"Aalis ka na? Paano iyong usapan natin?" ani Jack. "At iyong kontrata ninyo?"

"I'll speak to Stacey to draw up a contract. Tatawagan kita mamaya para sa business
proposal mo," sagot pa rin niya na hindi tumitingin sa'kin.

"Hindi ka na pupunta sa reunion mamaya?" tanong pa ulit ni Jack.

Zeke shrugged nonchalantly. "I'm tied up."

Bumuntong hininga si Jack. "Sayang naman." Pero mabilis din siyang ngumiti at
tinapik ng malakas ang likod ko. "Buti na lang pupunta 'tong si V."

Pinigilan kong suntukin sa mukha si Jack. Anong akala niya sa likod ko, bakal?
Ngumiti na lang ako ng mapakla sa kanya.
"Enjoy then," Zeke said, he's looking at me. Pero mabilis din siyang tumingin kay
Jack at tinapik ito sa dibdib bago umalis.

"Sino si Stacey?" tanong ko kay Jack habang nakatingin sa likuran ni Zeke.

"Secretary niya."

"Ah.." Tiningnan ko si Jack. "Saan ba'ng malapit na kainan dito? Nagugutom na kasi
ako," tanong ko na lang imbis na pagtuonan ng pansin ang pagluwag ng dibdib ko sa
sagot niya. It was not a safe ground to snoop into. At ayokong analisahin kung
bakit ako nakaramdam ng bigat sa dibdib nang maisip kong baka may ibang tao na ang
nag-aalaga kay Zeke.

Wala na siguro ang Zeke na nakilala ko noon, but I can feel that behind that hard
grim façade, was the lonely boy my brother found.

THE CLUB was a pack of crowd when I arrived. The roar of music was banging loud and
bouncing everywhere inside the walls as the neon lights spun around.

For a second, I contemplated on turning my feet around and leave. Mas gugutsuhin ko
pang magbasa ng paborito kong suspense novel, uminom ng hot choco at magtalukbong
ng kumot, suot ang pajamas ko. That's what I call life. Hindi ito.

What the heck... It's just one night, Vee. Babalik ka naman sa apartment mo. Minsan
lang 'to, tudyo ng isang bahagi ng utak ko.

Oh well. I shrugged and stepped inside. I'm twenty-six now. At hindi masamang mag-
enjoy paminsan-minsan.

"Vee!" I turned and saw Jack grinning widely as he walked his way to me. "There you
are! Kadarating mo lang?"

I smiled too and nodded, obliterating any thoughts of leaving right away.

"Tara, nando'n iyong iba. Gusto ka nilang makita," yaya niya habang inaakay niya
ako papunta sa isang grupo ng mga taong pamilyar na sa'kin. They were my brother's
friends, and second family. Nandoon sila nang ilibing si kuya. Ando'n sila nang
mawala siya.

Flashes of pitiful smiles with eyes full of sorrow was thrown at me. And right
there and then, I regretted my sense of impulsiveness.
Few minutes later and I extricated myself with a pathetic excuse of the loo.
Because seeing those faces made me think about that day my brother left me forever.

Nagmukmok ako sa loob ng isang cubicle sa CR. I should have never come here, I
thought. Alam kong walang maidudulot na maganda kung makikita ko sila. I was better
off somewhere, driving the fast lane.

Pero bumalik pa rin ako dahil ang buong akala ko makakalimutan ko lahat at kaya ko
ng harapin ang nakaraan.

But after seeing Zeke again... I knew I wasn't strong enough to face the demons of
my past. And now, its rearing its ugly head raising memories that are long
forgotten and they floated inside my head before I had the chance to slam the lid
on them.

10 years ago...

"VICKY!"

Nrinig ko ang boses ni kuya kaya nagmamadali akong lumabas sa ilalim ng kotseng
minimekaniko ko.

"O, kuya. Dumating ka na pala." Pinagpag ko ang damit ko at natigilan ako nang
makita ko siyang may akay na... lalaki?

"Kuya... Sino iyan? Anong nangyari sa kanya?" Natataranta ako sa nakikita ko.
Walang malay iyong kasama niya, at duguan.

"Tulungan mo muna kaya ako bago ka mahimatay diyan," nahihirapang sabi ni kuya.
Nanginginig na iyong isang binti niya habang sinusubukan niyang patayuin iyong
lalaki. Hindi ko pinansin iyong dugo sa damit at mukha niya. Kinuha ko iyong isang
kamay niya at tinulungan ko si kuya na papasukin siya sa loob.

"Inaway mo ba 'to, kuya?" tanong ko nang maihiga namin iyong lalaki sa kama sa
kuwarto ni kuya. Iyon lang kasi ang kuwartong nasa ibaba.  Mas mabuti sana kung sa
kuwarto sa atik namin siya dadalhin dahil hindi siya makikita doon ni aunty. Kaya
lang hindi namin kakayanin kung iaakyat pa namin siya.

Huminga ng malalim si kuya bago inayos ang paa no'ng lalaking walang malay.
Tiningnan niya ako nang nakakunot ng noo. "Dadalhin ko ba siya dito kung ako
bumugbog?"

"Oo. Gano'n kasi ang ginawa mo no'ng sinuntok mo si Diego."

Hindi niya ako pinansin. Ganyan talaga kabait si kuya. Sa sobrang bait niya,
ginagamot niya ang sugat ng taong binugbog niya. Tss... Pero alam ko namang hindi
talaga siya ang bumugbog kay Diego noon. Sinabi niya lang na siya para hindi
palayasin ni aunty si Diego na halos hindi na makatayo.

"Sa'n mo ba 'to napulot?" sabi ko na lang.

Napabuga ng malalim na hininga si kuya. "Ang dami mo namang tanong. Kumuha ka na

lang ng mainit na tubig do'n."

"Inuutusan mo pa ako, ikaw na nga nag-uwi diyan," reklamo ko pero lumabas pa rin
ako para kumuha ng mainit na tubig sa thermos.

"Vicky, iyong maligamgam!"

Kainis!

Bumalik na ako sa kuwarto at halos mabitawan ko iyng bimpo nang makit ko iyong
ginagawa ni kuya.

"Kuya! Anong ginagawa mo! Ba't mo siya hinuhubaran!?"

Tiningnan niya iyong lalaki at saka huminga. "Ang ingay mo talaga," naiinis na sabi
niya. "Kailangan nating gamutin ang sugat niya." Kinuha niya sa'kin iyong bimpo.
Lumapit ako at doon ko nakita iyong sugat sa bandang gilid niya.

Halos lumuwa ang mata ko sa dami ng dugo sa katawan niya at pasa. "Kuya! Kailangan
niya ng doctor!"

Umiling si kuya. "Ayaw niya."

"Ano?" Nababaliw ba ang lalaking iyan? "P—pero—"

"Basta. Tumahimik ka na lang diyan," sabi niya habang nililinisan niya iyong sugat.

"Nagpapakamatay yata iyan eh!" Tinuro ko iyong lalaki. Pero hindi ako pinansin ni
kuya. Sinong normal n atao ang ayaw pumunta sa doktor sa ganyang kalagayan? Halos
hindi na nga makatayo at tantiya ko parang nabalian pa yata ng buto eh. Ano namang
ginawa ng lalakin 'to at binugbog siya ng ganyan? 

"Hindi malalim ang sugat. Pero kailangang diinan," sabi ni kuya nang malinisan na
niya iyong sugat. "Kunin mo iyong first aid box sa banyo."
Sumunod ako. Pagdating ko, may pinupunit nang puting tela si kuya. Seventeen pa
lang si kuya pero ang dami na niyang alam. Matalino siya kaya hindi na katakatakang
nakakuha siya ng scholarship sa Stanfield university. Hindi tulad ko, kahit
simpleng pagluluto, hindi ko magawa. Pero hindi naman ako interesado sa pagluluto.
Ay mali. Matalino nga pala ako. Tamad lang akong mag-aral.

Pero si kuya, kahit ano, kaya niyang gawin. Kahit siguro ang pagtatahi ng damit,
alam pa niya kesa sa'kin. Isang taon lang ang agwat namin, pero kung ituring niya
ako, parang sampung taon ang layo ng edad namin. Siya na nag-alaga sa'kin simula
no'ng mamatay ang nanay sa sakit. Pitong taon pa lang ako no'n.

Si tatay... hindi ko na siya nakilala kasi nasa sinapupunan pa lang ako ni nanay
no'ng mamatay siya. Sabi ni nanay, seaman daw si tatay. Lumubog daw ang barkong
sinasakyan niya. May mga tao siyang nailigtas, pero sa huli, siya iyong namatay.

Si nanay na lang ang nagpalaki sa amin. Pero nagkasakit siya sa sobrang pagod sa
trabaho. Kaya si tito Ernie ang kumupkop sa aming magkapatid no'ng malamn niyang
may sakit si nanay. Siya na rin nag-alaga kay nanay. Bagong kasal pa siya no'n,
kaya gano'n na lang ang inis at galit sa'min ni tita Sally.

Tinitigan ko ng maayos iyong mukha no'ng lalaki. Ano kaya ang gagawin ni aunty
kapag nakita niya ito? Naku, baka malagutan na ng hininga iyon.

Hmm...

Parang kaedad lang namin ni kuya iyong lalaki. Magkasingkatawan lang din sila ni
kuya. Hindi malaki pero hindi rin payat. Tama lang. Mahaba iyong buhok niya, puwede
ng itali, tapos... aba, masa maputi at makinis pa yata ang loko kesa sa kutis ko
ah.

Hmp! Guwapo sana... kaso mukhang basagulero naman.

"Vicky, huwag mo siyang paglawayan. Baka bangungutin iyan."

Nalukot ang ilong ko sa sinabi ni kuya. "Ewe! 'Di naman iyan kaguwapuhan eh."

"Guwapo iyan," tumatawang sabi niya.

"Mamaya magnanakaw iyan. O kaya masamang tao?"

Pinitik niya ako sa noo. "Aray! Kuya naman eh. Masakit iyon!"

"Kung anu-anong sinasabi mo diyan. Kilala ko siya."

Tumaas ang kilay ko. "Kaibigan mo?"

"Kaklase ko."

"Naku, kuya. Huwag kang makipagkaibigan diyan. Kita mo nga o."

"Sige na, lumabas ka na. Baka magising 'to sa lakas ng boses mo."

Inirapan ko si kuya bago ako lumabas. Kahit pa sumigaw ako hindi iyon magigising
eh. Iniwan ko na lang sila doon at pinagpatuloy ko iyong ginagawa ko kanina. Para
naman makatulong ako kay tito Ernie.

Ito ang isa sa mga trabaho ni kuya, ang pagiging isang mekaniko. Tinutulungan din
niya si Tito Ernie sa talyer niya at alam ko may pinapasukan din siyang kainan
bilang waiter. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano pa niya pinagkakasya ang oras niya sa
trabaho at pag-aaral niya.

Alam kong napapagod si kuya kaya ako na lang ang tumutulong kay tito sa mga kotse
na inuuwi niya sa bahay para ipaayos kay kuya. Lumaki akong nanonood kay kuya kaya
natuto na rin ako sa ginagawa niyang pagkukumpuni ng kotse, makina at kung anu-ano
pang sirang gamit na puwedeng aysuin. Electric fan, TV, radio, makenilya... lahat
iyon kaya kong ayusin. Kesa naman sa sumama ako kay tita Sally sa debisorya at
magbilang ng butiki habang nakikinig sa bunganga niya, mas gutso kong nandito na
lang at nagkukumpuni.

Ewan ko ba kung bakit siya pinakasalan ni tito Ernie. Tahimik si tito at habulin ng
babae. Mabait at ang napakahaba ng pasesnya. 'Di tulad ni aunty.

Mabait naman si tita Sally. Kaya lang, minsan lang iyon, kapag may marami kaming
kinita. Pero madalas, galit iyon. Kasi kami ang sinisisi niya kaya daw hindi sila
makaahon sa hirap. Pero sa tingin ko, menopausal lang iyon kaya palaging mainit ang
ulo.

Minsan, naiispi kong umalis. Sinasabi ko iyon kay kuya at pinipilit ko siyang
umalis na lang kami. Pero ayaw niya kasi masyado pa daw akong bata. Gusto niyang
masiguradong ligtas ako at maayos na nakakakain, katulad ng pinangako niya kay
nanay. Maliban kay tito Ernie, si kuya na lang ang pamilya ko. Kaya nagtiyatiyaga
na lang ako rito.

"Vicky, labas muna ako. Kailangan ako ni Tito sa talyer," sabi ni kuya. Napansin
kong nakabihis na siya. "Ikaw na muna ang magbantay sa kanya."

Nanlaki ang mata ko. "Ano ka ba kuya! Iiwan mo ako at ang bahay sa lalaking iyon?"

"Ano naman ang gagawin no'n sayo?"

"Aba malay ko. Mamaya magananakaw iyon." O kaya mamamatay tao... o kaya... naku!
Kapag hinawakan ako ng lalaking iyon, talagang babalian ko siya ng turon!

Tinawanan lang ako ni kuya. "Hay naku, Vicky. Mas natatakot nga ako na ikaw ang may
gawing masama sa kanya. Mas malakas ka pa kesa sa kanya. At saka ano naman ang
nanakawin no'n? Mayaman iyon."

"Kahit na!"

Kinuha niya iyong sombrero sa ulo ko at sinuot niya iyon saka niya ginulo ang buhok
ko. "Sige na, alis na ako." Pero lumingon ulit siya bago siya lumabas ng gate.
"Vicky, magpakabait ka sa kanya."

Tinanguan ko lang siya. Mukha pa rin siyang hindi kumbensido kaya ngumiti ako sa
kanya. "Huwag kang mag-alala kuya. Magpapakabait ako sa kanya." Habang tulog pa
siya.

Umalis na si kuya kaya pinagpatuloy ko na ulit ang pamemekaniko ng sasakyan.

Nanatili pa ako sa ilalim ng sasakyan ng ilang oras hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang
pawis. Nanlalagkit na ako ng pawis at punong-puno na ng grasa ang mukha, kamay at
damit ko. Kaya pumasok na ako para maligo. Alas tres na naman, manonod pa ako ng
inaabangan kong anime.

Kinuha ko iyong sabon at tuwalya ko sa kuwarto saka bumaba. Iisang banyo lang ang
gamit namin kaya kailangan ko pang umakyat at bumaba. Ayos lang iyon. Kesa naman sa
wala akong mapagliguan.

Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto ko sa banyo at nang matanggal ko na lahat ng grasa sa

katawan ko, lumabas na ako.

"May pagkain ba kayo dito?"

Umangat ang ulo ko at nalaglag ang panga ko nang makita ko iyong lalaking dala ni
kuya kanina. Gising na siya. At nakatayo siya sa kusina, hawak ang takip ng
kaldero, walang damit at...

Napayuko ako sa tuwalya ko. Walang hiya!

"Aahh!! Manyak!"

_________________________

A/N: Don't forget your votes and your comments po. Thank you! Mwah! ^_^

Add me on Facebook (Yumi Lu) and follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

=================

Chapter ♠ 3

THE CHALLENGE

THIS WAS a bad idea.

I should've left fifteen minutes ago. Partying is not my scene, ever. I know I
should have been used to it by now, considering my career as a successful car
racer. Laging may afterparty at celebration sa tuwing naiuuwi ko ang trophy.

My manager, Avon Trinidad, doesn't tolerate my antisocial nature. After all, social
appearances provides exposure that will definitely help my career. Kaya
pinagbibigyan ko siya at pumupunta ako sa mga party na para sa'kin. But I don't
stay too long.

So what am I still doing here?

Tiningnan ko ang relo ko—it's still seven. Masyadong maaga pa kung uuwi ako, and I
will broke Jack's heart. Gusto daw akong makita ng asawa niya dahil, ang sabi niya,
isa sa number one fan ko ang asawa niya. She was running late dahil sa traffic and
that's why I am still here...

Pitch black eyes flashed across my mind.

Suddenly I burst out laughing. Nakita ko pang tiningnan ako ng bar tender na para
bang isa akong baliw na nakawala sa mental.

Hindi ko lang kasi maiwasan pagkatapos kong maalala ang araw na iyon—him holding
that pot lid and standing in my aunt's kitchen, topless and looking so lost.

Pinagbabato ko pa siya no'n ng sabon at lahat na ng nadadampot ng kamay ko. He used

the lid as a shield. Tapos tumakbo na ako paakyat sa kuwarto. I slammed the door
shut and I can still clearly remember how my heart was beating erratically for the
first time. And suddenly I realized, it was also the first time I felt conscious of
myself around a boy.

I acted out of my character that day. Hindi ko kasi matanggap na may nakakita
sa'kin sa gano'ng kalagayan. Hindi ko nagustuhan ang naramdaman ko sa mga oras na
iyon. I felt girlish and feminine.
Zeke really has a knack on turning girls to be a woman. Kahit ako hindi pinalagpas.

Growing up with my brother, my uncle and his friends, and with the job I do, it was
no wonder why I turned out to be one of the guys too. Madalas pa akong pagkamalang
lalaki ng mga costumer ni tito at tinatawag akong 'bata' o 'hijo'. And I never
bothered to correct them.

I had pexie cut hair, at lagi akong may suot na sombrero. I always wear baggy
shirts, jumpsuits, and jersey shorts. Gano'n din ang suot ko sa klase. Hindi pa uso
ang uniform no'n sa amin. Nalalaman lang nilang babae ako dahil sa pangalan ko.

Kaya siguro walang gustong makipagkaibigan sa'kin kasi akala nila tomboy ako. Duh..
mukha naman talaga akong tomboy no'n.

But I still had a friend. Si Sheena. Kapitbahay namin siya kaya alam niyang hindi
talaga ako lalaki at tibo. Naging kaibigan ko na siya simula no'ng lumipat kami
kina tito. Pero magkaiba kami ng eskuwelahan. Nasa private school siya, ako sa
public lang.

Si Sheena ang kabaliktaran ko. Maganda, makinis ang balat, maputi, mahinhin, mabait
at higit sa lahat, babae. Kaya hindi na ako nagtaka kung bakit ang daming
nanliligaw sa kanya. Lahat yata ng binate sa barangay namin, nagpapalipad hangin sa
kanya. Pero ni isa, wala siyang natipuhan.

Puwera sa isa. At ang lalaking iyon, siya lang din ang hindi nanliligaw sa kanya.
Si Felix Vincent Alteza—ang kuya kong walang ibang inatupag kun'di pag-aaral at
trabaho.

Mabilis kong nilagok ang laman ng baso ko. The death of my brother still pains me.
Kahit pa maraming taon na ang nakalipas. I've lived with it and I'm still trying to
survive from it.

The DJ played an upbeat song and people lose their inhibitions.

I should dance. Kesa naman sa mag-isa lang ako dito kasama ang masasakit na
alaalang iyon.

I left my empty glass on the table and walked into the throng of people moving with
the music. I was never a party girl but I enjoy good music. Kaya hinayaan kong
gumalaw ang katawan ko. I danced and danced, not caring about anyone.

Until a guy came next to me.

"Hey, you're the famous girl car race driver, right?" The man smiled. "I'm Eric."
He looked harmless kaya tinanggap ko ang pakikipagkamay niya.
"I'm Vee."

"Yeah, I figured." Humarap siya sa'kin habang sumasayaw. Then he leaned down to my
ears. "Can I buy you a drink or something?" Then he stood up and I didn't miss the
glitter in his eyes. This guy was hitting on me.

Lumayo ako sa kanya. "No, huwag na." I started to leave when he suddenly grabbed my
arm.

"Oh, come on. It's just a drink. One drink," he smiled. And I thought, how ever did
I think of him harmless? With his hand that was tightly gripping my arm and that
sly smile on his face, nothing in them that tells me he is.

Tiningnan ko siya ng masama. I was about to say something but it came out a gasp
when a hand spanned around my waist and I was being pulled to a hard, warm body.

"You heard her. Now drop your filthy hands off."

Napatingala ako sa nagmamay-ari ng kamay at malalim na boses na iyon. My heart

drummed a heavy beat on my chest.

Zeke.

His scent assaulted my senses. And, hell, I feel giddy. Ramdam ko ang pagdiin ng
bawat daliri niya na bumabaon sa balat ko. He looked like an eagle with his
calculating eyes.

Eric stood no chance. Sa nanlilisik na mga mata pa lang ni Zeke, para ng dagang
nagsipaglayuan ang mga tao sa amin. With one scathing glance at Zeke's hand around
my waist, Eric backed off and skittered away.

Mabilis na tinanggal ni Zeke ang kamay niya sa akin bago pa ako makapgsalita. I
felt my heart sank. For a short while there, I was happy he was here. He came. And
I realized, I've been waiting for him. And it irritated the hell out of me.

Lumayo ako sa kanya. "Hindi mo na kailangang gawin iyon. I can handle myself, you
know." I clenched my hands to stop myself from rubbing that lingering touch of his
hand against my waist.

"I know," aniya. Saka lang niya ako tinapunan ng tingin. "Try to stay away from
trouble."

I gasped from his remark. "And what exactly do you mean by that? Iniisip mo bang
sinasadya kong mapahamak?" The nerve of this man! He really don't deserve my
gratitude on this one. All pretense of goodness and politeness was gone.

He shrugged like it wasn't so important for him to answer. "Not that I care
anyway." And he turned away.

Brute! Kahit kailan hindi na nagbago ang lalaking iyon! Mayabang at walang modo pa
rin siya.

Inis at nanggagalaiting bumalik ako sa dating puwesto ko sa bar. The bar tender
offered me a drink right after I sat down. "LQ?" he grinned.

"Really?" I asked him wide eyed. Mukha ba akong pumapatol sa katulad ng lalaking
iyon?

You once did, Victoria.

My nose flared and I quickly rejected that thought. It was a long time ago. My
ignorance of youth, I admit. That was the time I was naïve enough to believe love
could change everything. Even a man who was so cynic and hopeless about life.

"Hi!" May babaeng lumapit sa'kin. She's wearing a crisp floral blouse, pencil skirt
—at was all business. Ano naman ang ginagawa ng isang 'to sa ganitong lugar?

She smiled and offered her hand. "I'm Martha. Jack's wife."

Jack's wife. "Ah..." Ngumiti din ako sa kanya. Right... I was waiting for her, not
some man I can't tolerate. "Hi!" Kinamayan ko siya.

"Sorry. Sobrang excited lang ako na makita ka. Overtime ko dapat ngayon pero
tumakas ako para lang makita ka," she said.

"Ha?" Nagulat ako. Paano kung masesante siya?

"Biro lang." She giggled and made a peace sign. She's cute. I imagined Jack being
married to a serious type, o kaya iyong medyo nasa bandang elegante. This woman
looks happy and cherry. "Nagpaalam ako sa boss ko. Baka sesantihin ako no'n. Buti
nga pumayag pa iyon e," paliwanag niya habang umuupo sa tabi kong bar stool.

"Ang strikto naman ng boss mo."

She waved a hand. "Hindi na sekreto iyon. Kita mo nga," may kung sino itong
tiningnan sa bandang likuran ko. "Kahit nasa bar house, nakasimangot pa rin siya."

I looked behind me and squinted my eyes to see further at the back. "Sino..." I saw
a group of men in the VIP seats and among them, may isang lalaki lang ang
nakasimangot at mukhang walang pakialam sa mga babaeng dumadaan sa kanila na halos
nakahubad na.

"Si Zeke?"

"Oo. Si Mr. Steele," sabi niya habang tumatango. That was when I realized he was
wearing a business suit. Three buttons of his shirt was popped open, revealing his
strong throat and his necktie was untied hanging around his neck. He looked sexier
than he was in the morning.

Argh! I groaned inwardly because of my wayward thoughts. Iuuntog ko na talaga 'tong

ulo ko! Galit ako sa kanya diba? Galit ako sa kanya.

"Bagay na bagay talaga sa kanya iyong apelyido niya—bakal. Isang malamig na bakal,"
ani Martha. "Nagulat pa nga akong pumunta iyan dito. Sa tagal kong nagtrabaho sa
kanya, ngayon ko lang siya nakitang pumunta dito. Napaka-antisocial niya. Sabi ni
Jack, simula daw no'ng nag-retire siya, hindi na siya pumupunta dito lalo na kapag
nagkakaro'n ng reunon ang grupo nila."

I see. So iniiwasan niya ang mga bagay na nagpapaalala sa kanya kay kuya. Somehow,
it didn't set well with me. So he moved on by forgetting everything.

"Magkakilala kayo, diba?" tanong niya bigla. I simply nodded. "Ah. Kaya pala.
Nagtaka lang kasi ako sa ginawa niya kanina." She gestured at the dance floor. Then
she leaned on to me and whispered, loud enough to hear beyond the music. "Hindi
kasi siya madalas na lumalapit sa mga babae. Alam mo na."

I frowned. Hindi ko siya na-gets. Pero bago pa ako makapagtanong ay nagsalita na

siya kaagad.

"Ay, oo nga pala. Hihingi sana ako ng autograph mo, kung okay lang. Nagiging
madaldal na naman ako."

She handed me a poster of myself when I won the Golden Race Cups, my first trophy
in my first race.

Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto pang pag-uusap, nagpasya ng umuwi si Martha kasama si

Jack. It was already past nine. Pero wala pa rin akong balak na umuwi.

Yeah, right. Kanina nga, atat na atat akong umuwi. But now, I can't seem to leave.

Sige na... uuwi na ako pagkatapos kong maubos ito, sabi ko sa sarili ko at sa hawak
kong tonic. Since Eric, wala ng nagtangkang lumapit sa'kin. But I can see men
looking my way. Iyong iba, nakatayo lang sa tabi ng bar, pasilip-silip. But they
all look afraid.
What? Did they think I'd bite their head off?

But then, I don't think I want their attention either. Kaya okay lang kung ang
tingin nila sa'kin, isang amazona. I really care less. Lalo na kung iyon ang totoo.

Tatlong mga lalaki ang pumuwsto sa tabi ko, but not too close. They're models,
iyong isa, baguhang artista. One of them throw me a smile, the kind of smile that
will melt a girl's heart. Well, tough... I don't think I have a girl's heart.

I frowned when someone blocked my view.

Zeke. I recognized as soon as I smelled his particular scent. I sighed. What is he

doing now?

Hindi ko siya pinansin, at hindi rin siya nagsalita. He just stood there, looking
at his watch every minute. Nalibadbaran ako sa ginagawa niya. I want to think he
was barricading me from something—or someone. Pero bakit naman niya gagawin iyon?

I exhaled an annoying breath. "May meeting ka ba na kailangan mong habulin? Date na

kailangang puntahan?"

He just stared at me for a while. And it was a very unnerving seconds. "How long do
you plan to stay here?"

I snorted. "Hinihintay mo ba ako?"

"Gabi na. You should go home."

Lalong nagdikit ang mga kilay ko. At kelan pa siya naging tatay ko? "Mamaya na.
Uubusin ko muna 'to."

Hindi siya nagsalita. That was fine. So I took my time. Inunti-unti ko ang
pagsipsip ng baso ko. I don't know. Maybe I'm just tripping him. Hindi ko lang
nagustuhan ang mga narinig ko kay Martha kanina. That he was trying to avoid the
things that would remind him of Five.

He seemed to move on. And I hate him for that. Dahil hindi ko magawang pakawalan
ang lahat.

"God dammit!" he suddenly gritted. Napapitlag ako sa biglang pag-agaw niya sa baso
ko. He drowned it in one go and slammed the glass down. "Now let's go." He grabbed
my wrist and pulled me out of my chair.

"Zeke, teka! Ano bang ginagawa mo?" tanong ko habang sinusubukan kong huwag madapa.
"Taking you home."

"At sino ka para kaladkarin ako? Don't boss me around!" sigaw ko nang makalabs na
kaming dalawa.

"Did you bring a car?" tanong lang niya na parang hindi niya ako naririnig.

Buwisit na lalaki! "Oo! At bakit—"

"Where?" putol niya sa'kin. I tampered my own anger that was beginning to explode
inside my head. Sa lahat ng ayaw ko, iyong pinapangunahan ako. As if I have no
freedom and will to exercise on my own.

I heaved and shrugged his hand away from my wrist and walked towards my car. Nasa
malapit lang ako nagpark kaya madali ko iyong natunton. It was a matte black Aston
Martin Vanquish, painted with a neon pink V on one side. It had double meaning—V
for my name, and V for Five.

At alam kong alam iyon ni Zeke, base na rin sa paraan ng pagtagis ng bagang niya
habang nakatitig siya sa parting iyon ng kotse ko.

"Give me the keys," sabi niya mayamaya.

It was my turn to be surprised. "Bakit ko naman ibibigay sayo?"

"I'm driving you home," he simply answered, as if that was the most natural thing
he do—ang ihatid ako pauwi.

"I can drive perfectly on my own. I'm a professsional driver, remember?"

Matagal na naman niya akong tinitigan. I swear, if he keeps on doing that, I'll
scratch his eyes off.

"Okay then." He shrugged.

Thank God! I pressed the button on my key and the lock went off. I pulled the door
open and went in. But I wasn't alone.

"What the—" Tiningnan ko si Zeke na prenteng nakaupo sa passenger seat. Somehow, my

car seemed small and tiny with him sitting there. "Wala ka bang dalang kotse?"

"Sumabay ako kay Martha kanina."

I breathed and counted to five to contain my anger. "You know I'm not starting this
car if you don't get off right?"

He shrugged. "I'm not going anywhere either." Then he pinned me an impatient look.
"Just drive, Victoria."

Argh! Nakakinis na lalaki! Buwisit! Buwisit!

I tried to block him out. I really tried. Blocking him out shouldn't be this hard.
Damn this evil man! I am a professional driver and I never failed to focus on
driving everytime I'm winning a race.

I eyed him beside me. Nasa daan lang ang mga mata niya. He seemed uncaring and
quiet, but I know he was in tune with every move I make.

I shifted the gear and passed another car. "You're checking me out, aren't you?"

He ignored my question, instead, he asked, "Since when did you start driving?"
Tiingnan ko siya. I know he didn't like the fact that I am throwing my self into
the danger they left, him and my brother. Pero wala na siyang magagawa.

"Four years ago," I said nonchalantly.

I saw his lips compressing in a tight line. Yeah. I know what the words entailed.
What happened four years ago was something we can't forget. But he seemed to
desperately want to forget about it.

Well, I'm here and I won't give him that satisfaction.

"You know he won't approve." I heard the anger behind that steel icy voice.

"By 'he', you mean my dead brother?" I gave out a snort. "Don't start lecturing me
now, Zeke. You're four years too late, don't you think?"

I know I'm being a bitch, but I can't help it. I feel betrayed. May gana pa siyang
magalit sa'kin? Flash news! It's not his goddamn business what I do with my life!

Hindi na siya nagsalita kaya mas lalo akong nainis. I want to throw a fit. Gusto ko
siyang inisin, galitin, just to have a reaction from him. But he have his steel
iron bar surrounding him. He was controlling his emotions. Or maybe he just don't
care at all.

I really hate him. Ni minsan hindi ko nakitang umiyak siya sa pagkawala ni kuya. He
never cried. He never said sorry. He never did anything. Pagkatapos ng burol ni
kuya, umalis kaagad siya ng bansa.

He took the car racing world by storm. Nagsunod-sunod ang mga panalo niya. People
say he was suicidal. Sometimes I indulged myself to think he was doing all those
crazy dangerous stunt to kill himself because he was guilty of my brother's death.

I was ready to believe that. Until I read an article sa isa sa mga interviews niya.
He said he was living somebody else's dream. I was so ready to forgive him...
because he lived my brother's dream. But it suddenly bored the hell out of him and
quit.

He quit.

That's why I am here—living what they left behind. I don't want to forget.

It took minutes to finally reach my apartment. Sabay kaming bumaba.

"You sure ayaw mong ihatid kita?" I asked.

"It's okay." He was already leaving when some idea came inside my head.

"Zeke, race with me."

He stilled but he didn't turn around. "Go inside, Victoria," he said with a certain
catch in his voice. "Have a good rest." And then he walked away, refusing me
flatly.

_________________________

A/N: Don't forget your votes and your comments po. Thank you! Mwah! ^_^

Add me on Facebook (Yumi Lu) and follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

=================

Chapter ♠ 4

I'M SORRY
I SLIPPED through my bed and sank in my pillows still thinking of the challenge I
threw at Zeke out of the blue. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung bakit ko naisip
iyon. But I'm sure I meant it. I really want to beat Zeke, for once.

I want to defeat the king.

And then maybe it could give me the easy ticket to race in the upcoming world race
championship.

Gusto mo lang ipamukha sa kanya ang mundong iniwan niya. You just want to see the
man who took you to exhilarating heights—the man without inhibitions and without
fear.

I frowned and shoved that little voice out of my head. Clearly, Zeke still think I
can't beat him at anything. Iniisip pa rin niyang isa akong mahina, a girl who
acted on pure impulse, naïve and head over heels in love with him.

Urgh!

I punched my pillow and closed my eyes, forcing away those unpleasant thoughts that
always came with a pang of bitterness.

Ilang beses pa akong nagpagulong-gulong sa kama trying to find some sleep, but it
seemed elusive at the moment. I'm still wide awake.

I gave up trying. I lied on my back and stared up at the dark ceiling, watching the
memories in my head like an old black and white movie...

Year 2005, 10 years ago...

"Vera!"

Tiningala ko si Sheena na papalapit sa'kin habang nakaupo ako sa kalsada sa labas

ng bahay namin. Pati siya hindi nakaligtas sa masamang tingin ko. Galit ako at
naiinis ngayon. Sobra! Para na akong mapapraning sa sobrang inis ko ngayon. Kaya
lumabas na lang ako kesa sa makita ang dahilan ng pagkairita ko.

Buwisit na lalaki iyon!

Umupo si Sheena sa tabi ko. "O, napano ka? Bakit ganyan ang mukha mo ng ganito
kaaga?"

Asar na tiningnan ko siya. "Vicky ang pangalan ko. Ba't ba palagi mo na lang akong
tinatawag na Vera? Ang baduy." Hindi bagay sa'kin. Masyadong pambabae.

Tumawa siya. Siya lang yata ang taong hindi tinatablan ng matatalim na mata ko.
"Hindi kaya. At saka para malaman ng mga tao rito na babae ka."

"Tss... pagkakamalan lang nila akong bakla."

"Ikaw talaga." Lalo pa siyang natawa sabay hampas sa braso ko. Lalo ding nagdikit
ang kilay ko sa ginawa niya. "Teka, ba't ba ang sama ng mukha mo ngayon? Bakit
nandito ka sa labas?" Naningkit ang mga mata niyang tumitig sa'kin. "Huwag mong
sabihing napikon ka na naman sa pang-aasar sayo ni Zeke?"

"Kelan pa ako naging masaya sa pang-aasar niya?" Simula no'ng dumating iyang
lalaking iyan dito sa bahay, wala ng nangyari sa buhay ko kun'di puro kabalbalan.
"Mas magugulat pa ako kung hindi niya ako binabara eh."

Grabe! Pakiramdam ko ang tulis-tulis na ng sungay ko sa ulo at tinubuan na rin ako

ng buntot dahil sa kademonyohang naiisip ko pagdating sa lalaking iyon!

Ang sarap saksakin ng hairpin! Argh! Pasalamat siya wala akong hairpin!

Ewan ko ba kasi kung bakit pumayag pa si tito na patuluyin ang abnoy na iyon sa
bahay. Ni hindi ako makakain ng maayos kapag kasabay namin siyang kumakain. Mukha
pa lang niya nakakaasar na eh! Hindi na rin ako pinapapunta ni tito sa talyer niya
kasi hindi na raw ako kailangan. Pati iyong inaayos kong kotse, wala na. Pinaandar
na ng pangit na iyon sa isang araw. Samantalang ilang araw ko na iyong inaayos!

Pasikat kasi! Buwisit!

"Pinapansin mo naman kasi," ani Sheena. "Alam mo namang gustong-gusto ka niyang

inaasar. Kung minsan nga gusto kong isiping may gusto siya sayo e."

Pinandilatan ko siya. "Yuck naman, Sheena!" Kumatok ako sa semento ng dalawang

beses. "Grabe! Nagawa mo pa talagang isipin iyon?"

"Bakit ba? Maganda ka naman ah."

Tss... "Ewan ko sayo, Sheena." Kung makapagsalita naman 'to... alam ko, sinasabi
lang niya iyon kasi kaibigan ko siya. Argh!

Sinabunutan ko iyong sombrero ko. "Ayoko na talagang tumira dito. Aalis na lang
ako."
"Sumusuko ka na kay Zeke, gano'n?"

Umikot ang mata ko. Hindi ko mapigilan kasi. Hindi ko ma-gets ang pinagsasasabi
nitong kaibigan ko.

"Wala akong dapat isuko no," sabi ko na lang kay Sheena. "Ayoko lang na dumating
ang araw na mapatay ko siya. Baka hindi ako makapagpigil, mapukpok ko siya ng
sandok, o kaya ng bato!"

Buwisit talaga! Punong-puno na talaga ako sa lalaking iyon! Ano bang plano niya?
Dito na tumira forever? Akala ko ba mayaman siya? Bakit siya nagpupumilit na
sumiksik dito? Ayos lang sana kung mabait siya. Pero grabe! Ang barumabdo!

"Don't make that face."

"Ano ba!" Napatili ako nang maramdaman ko iyong init ng hininga na iyon sa tenga
ko. Parang tumayo lahat ng balahibo sa katawan ko. Alam ko, kahit hindi ko siya
tingnan, si Zeke iyon. Siya lang naman ang gagong may ganang asarin ako sa araw-
araw na ginawa ng diyos!

At ang gago, may gana pang tumawa. Nag-init ang mukha ko dahil sa galit! "Gusto mo
talagang mamatay ano?!"

Nagkibit-balikat lang siya. Buwisit 'tong lalaking 'to. Hindi talaga niya
siniseryoso ang mga sinasabi ko. 'Pag ako napundi sa lalaking 'to—

"I can't help myself when you sulk," sabi niya. "Ang cuuute, cute mo kasing
asarin." Sabay kurot sa pisngi ko.

"Aray! Lumayo ka nga!" Sinuntok ko iyong kamay niya. Asar! Anong akala niya sa
mukha ko? Goma? Rubber band? Gulong ng kotse? Elastic?

"Ang cute niyong panooring dalawa." Tatawa-tawa lang si Sheena habang pinapanood
kami.

"What were you talking anyway? Tungkol sa'kin no?" Tumataas-baba pa iyong kilay ng
mokong. Ngumiti siya sa'kin na parang may malisya. "Crush mo 'ko no?"

Nalaglag ang panga ko. "Tingnan mo na!" sabi ko kay Sheena. "May tililing sa utak
iyang lalaking iyan eh! Argh!" Kaasar!

Nagmartsa ako papasok sa gate namin. Ang kapal!! Ang kapal, kapal talaga!
"Aalis ka na?" Nakangiti pang nakasunod sa'kin ang lalaking 'yon.

Tiningnan ko siya ng masama. "Huwag mo akong kausapin! Pangit!" Kapal talaga!

"Buwisit na lalaki!" Sinarado ko ang pinto. Yumuyogyog pa iyong mga nakasabit sa
dingding dahil sa lakas ng pagkakasarado ko. Mabuti na lang walang tao sa bahay.
Baka mapagalitan pa ako.

Naghihimutok na ang mga ugat ako sa highblood. Grabe! Mamamatay ako ng maaga kapag
hindi ako nakalayo sa lalaking iyon!

Umakyat ako sa kuwarto. Magmumukmok na naman ako dahil sabado ngayon. Wala na akong
aayusing makina, hindi na ako makakapunta sa talyer ni tito. At ayokong samahan si
aunty sa dibesorya. Nang dahil sa Zeke na iyon, nawalan na ako ng kuwenta. Hindi na
ako kailangan ni kuya.

Nakarinig ako ng tawanan sa labas ng bintana. Lumapit ako sa bintana at nakita kong
nando'n pa rin si Sheena at ang buwisit na lalaking iyon. Nag-uusap silang dalawa.
Biglang tumawa si Zeke ng malakas at dinig na dinig ko iyon sa kuwarto. At sa unang
pagkakataon, nagduda ako sa sarili kong paniniwala.

Palagi kong iniisip na si kuya ang gusto ni Sheena. Hindi niya naman direktang
sinabi sa'kin iyon. Inisip ko lang. Kahit naman ganito ako, babae pa rin naman ako.
At nakikita ko iyong pag-iiba ni Sheena kapag nasa malapit lang si kuya. Namumula
siya kapag kinakausap siya ni kuya. At lagi siyang tulala kapag nandito siya sa
bahay at nandito din si kuya.

Pero habang pinapanood ko silang dalawa ni Zeke na nagkakatawanan, nakaramdam ako

ng... pangamba? Hindi ko alam. Basta hindi ko gusto ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Hindi malayong magustuhan ni Sheena si Zeke. Labag man sa kalooban kong aminin,
guwapo talaga ang mokong. Simula yata no'ng nagtrabaho siya sa talyer, hindi na
nawalan ng babae ang talyer. Palaging may dumadaan para lang magpapansin kay Zeke.
Dati rati, si kuya lang ang hinahabol. Pero dahil kilalang manhid si kuya, napagod
na rin sila.

Si Sheena kaya? Posible bang magbago ang gusto niya?

O baka mali lang talaga ako ng akala at walang gusto si Sheena kay kuya?

Sinarado ko na lang ang kurtina ng bintana bago pa nila ako makitang nakasilip sa
kanila. Sa pagdaan ko sa salamin ko, hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin sa sarili ko.

Hindi na ako nagtataka kung bakit lalaki ang tingin sa'kin ng mga nakakakita
sa'kin. Lalaki naman talaga ang hitsura ko. Mula ulo hanggang paa. Sa tanda ko,
pitong taon pa lang ako no'ng huling beses na nagsuot ako ng bistida. Pero hindi ko
na masuot ang mga bistida ko kasi tumangkad ako. Ayoko ding sabihin kina aunty at
tito na ibili nila ako. Hindi ko rin naman magagamit dahil baka madumihan lang ng
grasa. Sayang lang.
Puro lumang damit ni kuya ang nasa aparador ko. Hindi na ako bumibili ng bagong
damit kasi magastos. Nag-iipon pa kami ni kuya para sa pag-aaral ko sa kolehiyo.

Muli kong tinitigan ang mukha ko sa salamin at napaisip ako. Ano kaya kung humaba
ang buhok ko? Magsuot ako ng bistida at ng sapatos? Mamukha na kaya akong babae?

Ay! Ano ba 'yan, Vicky! Bakit ngayon ka pa nag-iisip ng ganyan?

Naalala ko na naman iyong narinig kong usapan ni kuya at ng impaktong lalaking iyon
no'ng unang gabi niya dito. Pupuntahan ko sana si kuya para ihatid ang unan at
kumot na gagamitin ng bagong salta nang marinig ko ang usapan nilang dalawa.

"Iyong totoo, wala ka talagang ginawa sa kanya?" tanong ni kuya. Nagmadali akong
nagtago sa likod ng pintuan. Hindi ko alam ang usapan nila pero may pakiramdam
akong ako ang pinag-uusapan nila.

"Ano naman ang gagawin ko sa kanya? Siya nga 'tong bato nang bato ng kung anu-ano
sa'kin. I couldn't even look at her."

Tumawa si kuya na parang aliw na aliw siya. "Pasensya na. Gano'n talaga si Vicky
minsan. Pero mabait iyon."

Sabi ko na nga ba. Ako nga ang pinag-uusapan nila.

"I can see that." Kahit hindi ko makita ang mukha ni Zeke, alam kong sarcastic
siya. Tono pa lang niya. Hmp! Ano ngayon kung hindi siya naniniwalang mabait ako?
Hindi ko kailangang maging mabait sa kanya no.

"Nagulat lang siya dahil sa nangyari," sabi naman ni kuya.

"Oh, you mean the towel thing?" Narinig kong tumawa si Zeke. Napayuko ako na parang
suot ko pa rin iyong tuwalya kanina. "Don't worry, Felix. Hindi ko siya nasilipan.
I swear I thought he's a boy—until she shrieked. Wait—she's not a boy right?"

"Sira ulo ka talaga. Babae ang kapatid ko. Walang duda iyon." Natatawa na lang din
si kuya, pero ako hindi. Hindi ako natuwa sa sinabi niya.

Siguro nang dahil do'n kaya laging mainit ang dugo ko sa kanya. Sa tanang buhay ko,
sa paulit-ulit na pagtawag sa'kin ng mga tao ng 'totoy', sa ilang beses na
pinagkamalan akong lalaki ng ibang tao, ni minsan hindi ako nagalit o nahiya o
nakaramdam ng kung ano. Hindi ko sila pinapansin at wala akong pakialam.

Pero ewan ko. No'ng narinig ko iyong usapan nilang iyon, parang gusto kong
ipagsigawan na babae ako.
Sa sumunod na araw, maaga ulit akong nagising at naligo. Kailangan lagi akong
nauuna sa banyo dahil ayokong maulit ang nanagyari no'ng nakita ko si Zeke sa labas
ng banyo. Pero maliban do'n, maaga talaga akong nagising para maghanda. Ngayon ang
birthday ng anak ng kumpare ni tito at naimbitahan kaming pumunta.

Pagkalipas ng halos sampung taon, binuksan ko ang maleta kung saan nakalagay ang
mga damit ni mama. Tinago iyon ni kuya, dahil daw baka kailanganin ko baling araw.
Siguro may magkakasya na sa'kin sa mga damit niya.

Ewan ko kung anong ginagawa ko, pero gusto ko talagang magmukhang babae sa araw na
'to. Hindi naman siguro masama iyon diba?

Kaya pumili ako ng isang bestida na kasya sa'kin. Isa iyong pulang bestida na may
mga bulaklak. Mahaba ang tabas, lagpas tuhod ko na at hanggang siko ang manggas.
Medyo malaki pa rin sa'kin pero ayos lang. Payatot lang talaga ako. Buto't balat.
Pero kapag nagkalaman na ako, siguro sasakto na sa'kin ang damit na 'to.

Wala na akong ginawa sa buhok ko. Naglagay lang ako ng puting headband. Bigay pa
sa'kin iyon ni Sheena no'ng nakaraang birthday ko. Hindi ko naisip na kakailanganin
ko iyon pero buti hindi ko tinapon.

Bago ako lumabas, nilabas ko iyong mga koloreteng pinahiram sa'kin ni Sheena no'ng
isang araw. Hindi na daw niya masyadong ginagamit iyon kasi marami pa raw siya kaya
pinahiram niya na lang sa'kin. Gusto niya sanang ibigay, pero saan ko naman
gagamitin? Kaya sabi ko, ibabalik ko rin sa kanya. Alam kong nagulat siya no'ng
naghiram ako sa kanya, pero hindi na siya nagtanong.

Nagpulbo ako, kinulayan ko ng pula ang mata ko para terno sa damit ko, at
naglipstick din ako. Alam ko naman kung saan ginagamit ang mga iyon dahil madalas
pinapanood ko si Tita Sally sa tuwing nakaharap siya sa salamin. Pero sa totoo
lang, hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ang ginagawa ko. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang
mga pinaggagagawa ko.

"Vicky!"

Lagot! Si kuya!

Tinapon ko kaagad sa kama iyong mga make up at tinabunan ko iyon ng kumot.

Kumakabog ang dibdib ko. Pakiramdam ko, para akong magnanakaw na malapit ng mahuli
sa akto. Wala naman akong dapat na ikakaba ng ganito.

Pagtingin ko sa salamin, nanlaki ang ulo ko nang makita ko ang mukha ko. 'Lang hiya
naman o!

Ang pula-pula ng mukha ko, pati damit ko!

Hindi ko kayang lumabas na ganito ang hitsura ko! Nakakahiya! Siguradong
pagtatawanan nila ako! Lalo na ang uod na Zeke na iyon!

Sandali. Huminga ako ng malalim. Kalma lang, Vicky. Kalma. Kinuha ko iyong tuwalya
at isa-isa kong pinunasan ang mukha ko. Tanggalin mo muna iyong lipstick...burahin
mo na lahat—Argh!! Bakit kasi ayaw matanggal?!

"Tapos ka na ba diyan? Ikaw na lang ang hinihintay!"

"H—ha?" Patay na! Kailangan ko pang magbihis ulit. At hindi ko pa matanggal ng

maayos ang lintik na make up na 'to. Napatingin ako sa oras. Mag-aalasnuwebe na
pala! Ilang oras ba akong nagbihis? Matatagalan pa ako neto. "Uhm... Mauna na lang
kayo, kuya!" tawag ko.

Tangi! Hindi ko naman alam kung saan iyong party!

Nanlaki ang mata ko no'ng narinig kong may kumakatok sa pintuan ng kuwarto ko.
Mabuti na lang nakakandado iyon! Kun'di, sobrang kahihiyan ang aabutin ko sa
hitsura ko ngayon.

"Hindi ka pa ba bihis?" tanong ni kuya sa labas ng pinto. Gusto ko ng maiyak. Isa

'tong desgrasya! Napakalaking desgrasya!

"H—hindi na lang ako sasama, kuya. Masama ang pakiramdam ko." Humiga na lang ako sa
kama at nagtalukbong ng tuwalya. Wala akong magagawa. Hindi ko naman puwedeng
paghintayin sina kuya. Lalo na si tita Sally.

"Nilalagnat ka ba?" tanong ni kuya.

"H—hindi, hindi!" mabilis na sagot ko. Ayaw kong mag-alala siya. Baka hindi pa siya
sumama at bantayan pa niya ako dito. Malalaman pa niyang nagsisinungaling ako.
"Ano... masakit lang ang ulo ko."

Narinig ko siyang bumuntong hininga. "O sige. Magpahinga ka na lang dito. Kumain ka
muna bago ka uminom ng gamot ha."

Hindi ako lumabas ng kuwarto hanggang sa narinig kong sumara ang gate at naging
tahimik ang bahay. Ako na lang mag-isa sa bahay kaya bumaba ako para maghugas ng
mukha sa banyo. Pesteng lipstick 'to! Ayaw kasing matanggal!

"Akala ko ba may lagnat ka?"

Tumigil ang mga paa ko nang marinig ko ang boses na iyon. Parang lumabas na iyong
puso ko sa sobrang gulat at kaba. Jusko Lord! Bakit siya pa?! Napalunok ako at
napapikit habang dahan-dahang tumatalikod. Hindi ko kayang magpakita sa lalaking
iyon! Ikamamatay ko!

"Boo!"

Nanigas ang buong katawan ko nang bigla siyang lumitaw sa harap ko. Ginulat niya
ako pero mukhang siya ang mas nagulat sa nakita niya. Nakita ko kung paanong
nanlaki ang mga mata niya. At nangyari nga ang kinakatakutan ko. Pinagtawanan ako
ni Zeke dahil sa hitsura ko.

"What the hell did you do to your face?" tawang-tawang sabi niya habang nakaturo sa
mukha ko.

Alam ko, hindi ako mukhang babae sa paningin ng iba, lalo na sa kanya. Alam ko ring
hindi kami magkasundo at palagi kaming nag-aaway at alam niyang mainit ang dugo ko
sa kanya. Pero kailangan bang pagtawanan niya ako ng ganyan?

Naramdaman ko ang pag-init ng ilong ko. Kinagat ko ang dila ko para pigilan kong
umiyak. Hindi ako iiyak sa harap ng uod na 'to. Hindi!

Bigla siyang tumigil sa pagtawa nang makita niya ang mukha ko. "Victoria—wait!"
Pinigilan niya ako pero hindi ko siya pinakinggan. Tinulak ko siya at tumakbo agad
ako sa banyo.

Simula no'n, hindi na niya ako inasar. Hindi na niya
niya ako kinakausap. Ayos lang sa'kin iyon. Mas okay
sa kanya. Minsan, nararamdaman kong gusto niya akong
ako, pero hindi niya ako magawang lapitan kasi hindi
pagkakataon.
ako pinapansin at hindi na rin
pa nga, dahil galit pa rin ako
kausapin 'pag mag-isa na lang
ko siya binibigyan ng

Isang linggo kaming gano'n at napapansin na din iyon ni kuya. Pero hindi siya
nagtatanong. Hanggang sa isang araw napuno na ako sa galit ko.

Buong araw kong hinintay si kuya. Gabi na pero wala pa rin siya. Birthday na
birthday ko pero ang sama-sama naman ng loob ko. Sa tuwing birthday ko, palagi
kaming pumupunta sa libing ni nanay. Pero hindi ngayon.

Nakarinig ako ng mga boses na paparating. Pinigilan kong huwag sumabog sa mga oras
na iyon. Ang sama-sama ng loob ko na hindi ko na napigilang umiyak.

"O, anong ginagawa mo dito?" sabi ni kuya nang makita niya akong nakaupo sa
pintuan. Nakangiti pa siya. Lalong nadagdagan ang sama ng loob ko nang makita ko
kung sino ang kasama niya. Mabilis na pinunasan ko iyong mata ko. Dahil sa lalaking
iyon kaya nawawalan na ng oras si kuya sa'kin. Kaya niya nakalimutan ang promise
niya sa'kin.

Nawala ang ngiti ni kuya at nag-aalala siyang lumapit sa'kin at umuklo sa harap ko.
"Teka, umiiyak ka ba?"
Hindi ako nakapagpigil dahil sa sobrang galit ko. Hindi ko na kayang kimkimin ang
sama ng loob ko, lalo na sa Zeke na iyon. Tumayo ako at napatayo din si kuya.
"Galit ako sayo, kuya!" sigaw ko, at nagulat siya sa sinabi ko. "Nagpromise ka na
pupunta tayo kay nanay! Sinabi mo sa'kin na pupunta tayo sa kanya sa birthday ko!"

"Vicky..."

"Hinintay kita. Pero dahil sa kanya," tinuro ko si Zeke na tahimik na nakatayo sa

likuran niya. "kinalimutan mo na pati iyon!"

"Vicky, hindi kasalanan ni Zeke—"

"Kasalanan niya lahat ng nangyayari dito!" sabi ko. Mas lalo akong nainis dahil
kinakampihan pa niya ang lalaking iyon. "Ikaw," Tiningnan ko si Zeke. Nakakunot noo
siya at nakikita kong nagi-guilty siya sa nangyari pero hindi siya nagsalita.
"Simula no'ng dumating ka dito, wala ng nangyari sa buhay ko kun'di puro kamalasan.
Ano bang pinagmamayabang mo? Iyang pera mo? Kung mayaman ka, kagaya ng sinasabi mo,
bakita nakikisiksik ka pa dito! Bumalik ka na sa pinanggalingan mo! Wala ka namang
pakinabang dito!"

"Vera Victoria!"

Sumigaw na si kuya at alam kong galit na siya dahil ginamit na niya ang buong
pangalan ko. Pero wala na akong pakialam. Masama ang loob ko, galit ako, at gusto
kong ilabas lahat iyon dahil pakiramdam ko sasabog ang dibdib ko kapag hindi ko
ginawa iyon.

"Ano kuya, kakampihan mo siya? Sige, kampihan mo iyan. Wala akong pakialam! Aalis
na ako dito! Tutal hindi mo na ako kailangan!" sabi ko at pumasok na ako sa loob ng
bahay. Hinabol pa ako ni kuya.

"Vicky! Bumalik ka dito!" sigaw niya, pero hindi ko siya pinakinggan. Pumasok ako
sa kuwarto ko at hindi na ako lumabas hanggang sa kinabukasan.

Pero hindi ako nakatulog ng maayos no'ng gabing iyon. Nakonsensya ako sa mga sinabi
ko. Kahit naman galit ako, hindi ako gano'n kasalbaheng bata. Hindi ko sinasagot si
kuya, ni minsan. Kahit pa galit na galit ako sa kanya. Pero na-realize ko na kaya
ko nagawa iyong ginawa ko kagabi kasi dahil sa galit ko kay Zeke.

Sinisi ko siya kahit na hindi naman talaga niya kasalanan kung bakit nakalimutan ni
kuya ang pangako niya.

Alam kong nakakahiya ang ginawa ko. At gaya ng tinuro sa'kin ni nanay at ni kuya,
dapat tayong humingi ng tawad sa mga taong nagawan natin ng masama. Kaya kahit
naiinis pa rin ako, kailangan kong harapin si kuya at ang buwisit na kaibigan niya.
"Okay ka na?" iyon agad ang sabi ni kuya nang makita ko siya sa kuwarto niya. Nag-
aayos ng kama. Medyo nabawasan ang kaba ko dahil wala do'n si Zeke at mag-isa lang
si Kuya sa kuwarto.

Dahan-dahan akong pumasok at pumuwesto sa isang sulok na medyo malayo sa kanya.

Tinitigan ko ang paa ko at kiniskis ko ang dingding sa likod ko. "Sorry na kuya.
Nabigla lang ako kagabi. Nagalit lang naman ako kasi..."

"Oo, alam ko. Pero hindi mo dapat sinisi si Zeke sa pagkakamali ko. Wala siyang
ginagawang masama. Wala siyang sinabi sa'kin na dapat mong ikagalit. Pero nagawa mo
pa ring sabihin iyon sa kanya."

Bumuntong hininga siya at tiningnan niya ako. "Bakit ba galit na galit ka kay
Zeke?" Nameywang siya na madalas niyang ginagawa kapag pinapangaralan niya ako.
"Dahil palagi ka niyang inaasar?" aniya. Hindi ako sumagot. Natatakot ako na baka
magalit siya sa'kin.

"Alam mo ba kung bakit siya nakitira sa'tin?" tanong niya pero hindi siya naghinaty
ng sagot ko. "No'ng araw na nakita ko siya, limang lalaki ang bumubogbog sa kanya
dahil nalaman nilang anak siya ni Stanfield, ang may-ari ng pinapasukan kong
eskuwelahan. Walang tumulong sa kanya hanggang sa mawalan na siya ng malay sa daan.
Malaki ang problema ng pamilya nila ngayon. May nagbabanta sa buhay nila kaya
kailangan nilang umalis ng bansa. Ayaw niyang sumama sa Canada kaya umalis siya at
nakiusap siya kay tita Sally na dito muna tumira." Tinitigan ako ni kuya na parang
isa akong limang taong gulang na bata na kulang sa pansin, makasarili at walang
ibang alam kun'di ang magmaktol. "Alam mo ba kung ano'ng ginawa mo, Victoria?"

Nakagat ko ang labi ko. Ang sama-sama ko. Pero... hindi ko naman alam na may
problema si Zeke at ang pamilya nila. Kung alam ko lang sana...

Tumingin ako sa kanya. Gusto kong itanong kung nasaan si Zeke. Nakita ni kuya ang
hitsura ko at alam na niya ang laman ng utak ko.

Bumuntong hininga siya at pinagpag ang unan niya. "Kung gusto mong humingi ng sorry
sa kanya, kailangan mong maghintay ng ilang taon bago mo siya makausap."

"Ha?" Kinakabahang akong tumingin sa aparador, pero naisip ko rin kaagad na walang
dala si Zeke no'ng dumating siya dito. Mas lalo akong nginatngat ng konsensya ko
nang mapansin kong iisa na lang ang unan sa kama. Hindi na dalawa. Nagtataka akong
tumingin kay kuya.

"Umalis na siya," sagot niya sa tanong na hindi ko magawang sabihin. Hindi ako
nakapagsalita kaagad. Ni hindi ko agad naintindihan ang sinabi ni kuya.

"Heto." May ibinigay sa'kin si kuya. Tinitigan ko ang maliit na kahon na iyon na
naka-wrap ng papel. "Regalo ni Zeke sayo sa birthday mo. Hindi na niya nabigay sayo
dahil maaga siyang sinundo ng driver nila at tulog ka pa no'ng umalis siya." Tapos
lumabas na siya ng kuwarto at iniwan ako do'n.

Tinanggal ko ang papel at nakita kong isang lip balm ang laman ng kahon. Ewan ko
kung ngingiti ako o malulungkot. Sa huli, nalungkot ako, dahil sa nabasa kong
nakasulat sa papel.

I'm sorry.

Parang naipit ang puso ko. saka lang unti-unting nagiging klaro sa'kin ang ibig
sabihin ng lahat ng 'to. Umalis na si Zeke. Umalis siya dahil pinalayas ko siya
dito. Wala na siya.

Hindi ba dapat masaya ako? Kasi wala ng manggugulo sa'kin, wala ng mang-aasar at
makakabalik na ako sa pagmemekaniko? Magiging normal na ulit ang buhay ko.

Pero... bakit ganito? Pakiramdam ko, hindi na ulit babalik sa normal ang tibok ng
puso ko.

_________________________

A/N: Don't forget your votes and your comments po. Thank you! Mwah! ^_^

Add me on Facebook (Yumi Lu) and follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

=================

Chapter ♠ 5

HELLO AGAIN

YEAR 2010, Graduation Day.

"Congrats!" Magaang pinatong ni Diego ang braso niya sa balikat ko habang nakangisi
siya sa'kin.

Tiningnan ko naman siya ng masama. "Lubayan mo ako, Diego, kung ayaw mong dumiin
sayo 'to," banta ko at pinakita ko pa ang palad ng kamay ko para alam niya ang ibig
kong sabihin.
"Ito talaga," sabi niya habang umaataras. "Hindi ka pa rin nagbabago. Mas brusko ka
pa sa kuya mo."

"Vicky!"

Hindi ko na nagawang sagutin si Diego dahil sa bisitang dumating.

"Kuya!" Mabilis akong tumakbo sa labas at yumakap kaagad ako kay kuya nang makita
ko siya. 

Ang tangkad na niya ngayon kumpara sa huling araw na nakita ko siya. Kailan nga ba
iyon? No'ng nakaraang tatlong buwan pa yata. Masyado siyang busy sa trabaho niya sa
Maynila, habang ako, naiwan dito sa probinsya para magtapos ng pag-aaral. Umuuwi
naman siya minsan dito sa bahay, pero hindi naman kami nagkikita kasi sa boarding
house na ako halos tumira.

"Namiss mo 'ko ng sobra no?" nakangiting tukso niya.

Sinuntok ko siya sa dibdib. "Mas namiss mo kaya ako."

Humalakhak siya. Napansin kong mas humaba ang buhok niya ngayon at medyo lumaki ang
katawan niya. Sigurado akong marami na naman itong pinaiyak na babae. Tsk, tsk.
Pero pagdating sa talagang gusto niya, napakatorpe.

Bigla niya akong hinawakan sa balikat at bahagyang lumayo para titigan ako ng
maayos. "Bakit?" tanong ko at tumingin din ako sa suot ko. Dahil graduation ko,
napilitan akong magsuot ng 'gown'. Sleeveless at halter neck iyon. Kulay green pa—
ang pinakapaborito kong kulay. Yack!

Hiniram ko pa nga 'to kay Sheena kasi wala akong formal gown na masusuot. Buti nga
nagkasya pa sa'kin 'to dahil masyado akong payat. Kung ako nga ang papipiliin,
isusuot ko ang favorite slacks ko na may ternong blazer jacket. Mas komportable pa
ako do'n. Pero ayos lang, basta hindi ko huhubarin ang toga ko.

"Uy, babaeng-babae na ang kapatid ko ah," proud na proud na sabi ni kuya. "At
magiging engineer pa."

Inirapan ko siya. "Oo na, kuya. Ipagdiinan mo pa na transgender ako." Tinawanan

lang niya ako. "Oo nga pala. Akala ko ba may trabaho ka ngayon?"

Inakbayan niya ako. "Joke lang iyon. Siyempre, graduation mo. Kailangan nandito
ako."

"Vera!!"
Sabay kaming napalingon ni kuya sa likod.

"Sheena!" Excited na niyakap niya ako. Nakita ko si kuya na lumayo sa'min tapos
kunyari pang nagkakamot. Torpe talaga 'tong kuya ko.

"Congrats!" sabi ni Sheena at may ibinigay siyang regalo.

"Salamat. Pumasok ka na sa loob para makakain ka."

"Sige." Saglit pa siyang tumingin kay kuya at ngumiti sa kanya bago tumuloy sa
loob.

Siniko ko si kuya. "Kuya, bakit ba ang torpe mo?" bulong ko sa kanya. Kumunot naman
ang noo niya. "Obvious na obvious naman na ang lalim ng tama mo do'n kay Sheena."

"Huwag ka ng makialam." Nilayo niya ang mukha ko sa kanya.

"Torpe mo talaga. Sige ka, mamaya maunahan ka pa." Lalo pang kumunot ang noo niya.
Hindi yata niya alam na marami siyang kaagaw kay Sheena.

Ang ganda-ganda ni Sheena at halos lahat ng 'guwapo' sa university, lahat nakapila

na maka-date siya. Buti nga ako ang ka-room mate niya. Bantay sarado ko kaya siya.
Kung hindi lang talaga torpe 'tong si kuya, matagal na siyang sinagot ni Sheena.

"Hay naku, kuya. Malapit nang gumraduate si Sheena. Pero hanggang ngayon, wala pang
nagiging boy friend iyan kahit na madaming umaaligid sa kanya. Kasi palagi akong
nakabakod sa kanya. Masuwerte ka nga may kapatid kang astig no. Pero ngayong
graduate na ako, wala ng magbabantay sa kanya. Anong gagawin mo kapag may nag-alok
ng kasal sa kanya?"

Bahagya pang nanlaki ang mata ni kuya. "Kasal? Ano ba iyang pinagsasasabi mo?"
defensive na sabi niya. Pero kitang-kita ko namang medyo nabahala siya sa sinabi
ko.

"Ligawan mo na kasi, para hindi masayang ang ilang taong pinaghirapan ko." Hindi
niya ako pinansin at naglakad siya papasok ng bahay. Hinabol ko siya. "Kuya, kung
natatakot ka na mabasted, sinasabi ko na sayo, hindi mangyayari iyon." Kailangan
yata niya ng konting tulak eh. Masyado siyang torpe sa edad niya. Baka pumuti na
ang buhok niya, hindi pa rin siya nakakaamin kay Sheena.

Tumigil siya at tiningnan niya ako. "Bakit, sinabi niya sayo iyon?"

Ngumuso ako. "Hindi."

"Puro ka naman salita e. Sige na, ikuha mo na lang ako ng pagkain sa loob."
Pinanood ko lang siya na lumapit sa mga kaibigan niyang nasa iisang malaking mesa
sa labas.

Hay. Ano bang gagawin ko sa kuya kong iyon para umamin? Kawawa naman kasi si
Sheena. Iniisip niyang may ibang gusto si kuya. Kung puwede nga ako na lang ang
umamin kay Sheena. Pero hindi ko puwedeng gawin iyon. Ayokong pangunahan si kuya.
Baka hindi pa siya handa kaya hindi pa siya umaamin. Pero naman... ang kupad niya!

Pumasok na lang ako sa loob at hinubad ang toga at graduation cap ko. Baka
madumihan iyon, magpipicture-taking pa kami mamaya. Magmukha pang apron ang damit
ko.

"Vicky, hatiran mo ng pagkain ang kuya mo," utos ni Tita Sally sa tabi ko. "Naku,
madami na namang hugasin."

Pinalabas ko na lang iyon sa kabilang tenga ko. Graduation ko ngayon kaya dapat
masaya. Masaya lang. Aalis din naman ako dito bukas, kapag nakapagempake na ako.
Hindi ko na maririnig ang mga litnaya ni aunty at ang bunganga niya.

"Pare!"

Nabitin sa ere ang kamay ko no'ng aabutin ko sana iyong isang plato dahil sa boses
na iyon. Umiling-iling ako. Imposible. Hindi naman siguro siya iyon. Baka kaboses
lang. Isa pa, matagal ko na rin siyang hindi nakikita eh. Malamang nakalimutan na
kami no'n.

"Uy! Zeke!" sigaw ni Tita Sally sa likod ko. Parang may dumaang kuryente sa katawan
ko no'ng marinig ko ang pangalan niya. Pakiramdam ko, lumubo ang ulo ko sa gulat.

Zeke. Si Zeke? As in Zeke the buwisit?

Shacks! Bakit ako kinakabahan? Ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Kalma lang. Hingang
malalim...

"Buti nakapunta ka, hijo."

"Thank you po sa invitation, Tita."

Nanlaki ang mata ko nang marinig ko ang boses niya at lalo pang nanigas ang katawan
ko. Alam ko, nasa likuran ko lang siya.

Napayuko ako sa sarili ko. Pambihira! Hinubad ko pa ang toga ko! Hindi puwede 'to.
Kailangan kong umalis dito bago pa niya ako makita o mapansin. Baka pagtawanan na
naman niya ako sa hitsura ko. Bakit pa kasi ako nagpamake-up kay Sheena?
Bakit pa siya pumunta? Sige na lupa! Lamunin mo na ako ng buhay! Now na!

"Excuse me, where should I put this?"

Nanigas ang paa ko sa semento at napapikit ako ng mariin. Bakit ba hindi na lang
ako nabigyan ng power of invisibility?

Jusko Lord! Sana 'di niya ako makilala. Sana 'di niya ako makilala—Paulit-ulit na
panalangin ko habang umiikot ako paharap sa kanya.

"Um..." Tinuro ko ang bakanteng mesa na hindi tumitingin sa kanya. "Puwede na

diyan."

"Victoria?"

The end na, Vicky. Katapusan mo na!

Pinaskil ko ang pilit na ngiti sa mukha ko bago ako tumingin sa kanya. At nahigit
ko ang hininga ko. Ilang beses pa akong pumikit para lang masigurado ang nakikita
ko.

Ibang Zeke ang nakikita ko. Ang tangkad na niya ngayon. Hindi na luma ang damit
niya at hindi na rin punit-punit ang pantalon niya na puro lang niya hiniram kay
kuya. Bago lahat. Pati amoy niya, amoy pangmayaman. Pero hindi iyong masakit sa
ilong. Mahaba na iyong buhok niya ngayon. At ang nakakainis pa, kung ano
ikinaguwapo niya noon, mas nadagdagan pa iyon ngayon.

"H—hi," bati ko kaagad nang mapansin kong nakatitig lang siya sa'kin. Buwisit!
Bakit parang sobrang liit ng boses ko na parang inipit? At bakit ba nangangatog
'tong mga binti ko? Magtino kayo!

"Hi..." sabi niya rin sa wakas. At nakita ko kung paano namula ang mukha niya bago
siya tumalikod at nagmamadaling umalis. Nakasalubong pa niya si kuya sa may pintuan
pero dire-diretso lang siyang lumabas.

Sabi ko na nga ba. Pagtatawanan na naman niya ako. Katawa-tawa ba talaga 'tong
mukha ko?

"Napano iyon?" nagtatakang tanong sa'kin ni kuya.

Nagkibit-balikat ako. "Ewan ko."

"Vicky." Pinakatitigan niya ko ng maayos.

"Promise kuya! Wala akong ginawa sa kanya!" Ako na nga 'tong napahiya eh. Tss...
Hindi pa rin nagbabago. Asungot pa rin siya sa buhay ko.

"O sige, ako na'ng bahala dito. Mukhang kailangan ka do'n ni Sheena."

Sinuot ko muna iyong toga ko, pero dinala ko na lang iyong graduation cap ko at
hinayaan ko nang nakalugay ang buhok ko bago ako lumabas kina Sheena. Hindi ako
sanay na hindi nakaipit ang buhok ko pero dahil kay Sheena, napilitan akong
nakabuhaghag iyon.

Since no'ng nakagraduate ako ng highschool, hinayaan ko ng humaba ang buhok ko

hanggang sa umabot na hanggang beywang ko. Noong nakaraang buwan ko lang naisipang
pagupitan kaya balik hanggang balikat na siya ngayon.

Maraming nagbago simula no'ng umalis si Zeke sa bahay. Lalo na sa'kin at sa sarili
ko. Nagsimula ako sa maliliit na bagay, tulad sa mga gamit ko at kung paano ko
dalhin ang sarili ko—particularly sa pagiging babae ko. Hanggang sa unti-unti ko ng
naipapakita sa iba na babae talaga ako, hindi totoy, at hindi rin ako binabaeng
bakla.

Sinubukan kong huwag mapatingin sa gawi nina Zeke habang kinakausap ko sina Sheena
at ang iba pa naming kaibigan. Pero hindi ko akalain gano'n iyon kahirap. Sa tuwing
naririnig ko siyang tumatawa o nagsasalita, parang umaabot hanggang outer space ang
antenna ko.

Nako-conscious ako sa bawat galaw ko. Pakiramdam ko, nasa'kin nakatutok ang mga
mata niya. Tss... baliw na yata ako.

Hindi ka baliw, Vicky.

Bumuntong hininga ako. Oo nga, hindi ako baliw. Umaalingawngaw lang iyong mga
damdamin na matagal ko ng hindi pinagtuunan ng pansin simula no'ng umalis si Zeke—
na ngayon ko ulit naramdaman.

Ang hirap para sa'kin na aminin 'to... pero ito ang totoo. Bumigat ang loob ko
simula no'ng umalis siya. Inisip ko no'n na dahil iyon sa konsensya ko kaya gano'n,
na hindi ako nakahingi ng tawad sa kanya bago siya umalis.

Pero habang tumatagal, napapansin ko na hindi ako makatulog na hindi siya ang
iniisip ko. Sa tuwing nagigising ako, siya agad ang naaalala ko. At namimiss ko ang
pang-aasar niya sa'kin, pati iyong pambabara niya.

That's the word. Miss. Namiss ko siya.

At ngayong nandiyan lang siya sa tabi... ewan ko pero ang saya ko. Kahit na
desmayado ako dahil pinagtatawanan pa rin niya ang hitsura ko kanina.
"Need help?"

Muntik ko ng mabasag ang hawak kong plato nang biglang sumulpot sa tabi ko si Zeke.
Akala ko wala na sila at umalis na siya kanina pagkatapos ng picture taking. Kaya
nga ngayon ko pa niligpit ang mga pinagkainan nila kasi ayaw ko siyang makita.

Tadhana nga naman o.

"Ikaw na lang magdala ng mga baso," sabi ko at binigay ko sa kanya ang basong hawak
ko. Tahimik naman niyang inipon ang mga baso.

"Kailan ka pa dumating?" tanong ko para hindi masyadong tahimik. Nakakatakot. Baka

marinig pa niya ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.

"Two years ago."

"Ah..." Two years ago pero hindi man lang sinabi sa'kin ni kuya. Ang tagal na pala
niyang nakabalik dito sa Pilipinas.

Nauna akong pumunta sa kusina para ibalik doon ang mga platong nagamit na. Ang dami
na namang huhugasan. Sumunod siya at nauna na naman akong lumabas para balikan ang
mga naiwang pinggan. Tahimik na naman ulit kami pagbalik niya. Hanggang sa
nagsalita siya.

"Pumunta ako dito no'ng araw na bumalik ako." Napatingin ako sa kanya habang
iniipon niya isa-isa ang mga bote ng soft drinks. "Pero ang sabi ni Five, sa
boarding house ka na raw tumutuloy."

"Pumunta ka dito?" Vicky naman! Bakit ganito? Kinikilig yata ako.

"Oo. Madalas akong nandito." Umangat ang ulo niya at ngumiti siya sa'kin. "You
don't still wear that jumpsuit, do you?"

"Hindi na." Hindi ko na napigilang mapangiti. Sa lahat ba naman ng itanong niya,

iyong jumpsuit ko pa ang naaalala niya. "Hindi na kasya eh," natatawang sabi ko at
nagulat pa ako no'ng tumawa din siya.

Teka, may hidden camera ba dito? Bakit ang bait niya yata sa'kin ngayon?

Tinulungan niya akong magligpit ng mga pinggan at maglinis. Sinuway ko pa siya kasi
baka hindi siya sanay pero nagpumilit pa siya. Mabuti na lang hinila na siya ni
kuya kasi baka tulungan pa niya akong maghugas ng pinggan kapag nagtagal pa siya sa
bahay.
Ibang-iba na talaga si Zeke. Hindi na siya iyong bully na kilala ko. Siguro marami
ring nagbago sa buhay niya simula no'ng nagmigrate sila.

Nagpakawala ako ng hininga. Iyon na lang siguro palagi ang ginagawa ko kapag
naaalala ko ang mga sinabi ko sa kanya no'n. Ako ang dahilan kaya siya umalis.
Kailangan ko pang humingi ng tawad sa kanya. Para sa gano'n, hindi na ako
nakokonsensiya kapag nag-uusap kami. At nang sa gano'n, hindi na ako naguguluhan sa
nararamdaman ko.

NAKAKAPAGOD magshopping.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit gustong-gustong libangan ng mga kaibigan ko ang pagsa-
shopping. Ang sakit ng likod ko at halos puputok na ang paltos sa paa ko. Kung
ganito lang din naman ang aabutin ko sa paglalakad sa mall, mas gusto ko pang nasa
ilalim ako ng koste kahit mapuno pa ng grasa ang kamay ko.

Naramdaman kong kumalam ang sikmura ko. Anong oras na—ano?! Alas dose y media na?!
E damit pa lang ang nabibili ko a. Kulang pa ng sapatos.

Hay. 'Di bale na nga. Kakain muna ako bago ako bumili ng sapatos.

Hinanap ko kaagad kung nasa'n ang McDo. Makakatipid ako sa McSavers nila eh. Pero
bago pa ako makarating sa pupuntahan ko, may nakita akong pamilyar na dumaan sa
gilid ng mata ko. Nanlaki ang mata ko nang makita ko kung sino iyon.

Si Zeke!

Alam kong siya iyon kahit na nakasalamin siya. Kahit nga yata nakabtakip ng maitim
na bonnet ang buong mukha niya, makikilala ko siya. Gano'n kalakas ang pakiramdam
ko 'pag nasa malapit siya. Ito namang puso ko, parang nagwawala na.

Naglalakad siya papunta sa direksyon ko pero hindi pa niya ako nakikita. Kailangan
kong magtago. Bilis!

Teka nga, bakit ba kailangan kong magtago?

Ah basta!

Nagmamadali akong pumasok sa McDo. Sana hindi niya ako makita. Sana hindi niya ako
makilala—paulit-ulit na panalangin ko habang naghahanap ako ng maikling pila. Ayoko
pa siyang makita. Hindi pa ako handa!
"Hey! Victoria!"

Napahawak ako sa noo ko. Jusko naman Lord! Tadhana ba ito?

_________________________

A/N: Pasensya na sa update. Hehe. Don't forget your votes and your comments po.
Thank you! Mwah! ^_^

-Lady A

Add me on Facebook (Yumi Lu) and follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

=================

Chapter ♠ 6

STOLEN

"WHAT?" inosenteng tanong sa'kin ni Zeke habang kumakagat siya ng French fries.

Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang kaharap ko siya at kasabay ko siyang kumakain dito
sa McDo. Sinabi ko namang busy ako ngayong araw na 'to pero nagpilit pa siyang
samahan ako. Bakit ba kasi ang kulit-kulit niya? Nagmumukha tuloy kaming... nagdi-
date.

Bruha ka talaga, Vicky. Magtigil ka diyan!

Tumikhim ako sandali para ayusin ang pag-iisip ko. Hindi ko na lang papansinin ang
mga taong tumitingin sa mesa namin. Alam ko namang nagtataka sila kung bakit kasama
ng isang babaeng katulad ko ang napakaguwapong lalaking 'to.

Bumuntong hininga ako. "Ang kulit kasi," bulong ko na lang.

"Ha?" Lumapit pa siya para mas marinig ako. Shacks naman! Bakit ang bango niya?

Umurong ako ng kaunti. Nakaka-intimidate naman ang hininga niya. Mamaya, amoy
palaka na 'tong bibig ko.

"Wala," sabi ko. "Ang weird lang na..." —magkasama tayo. "...na makita kang
kumakain sa ganitong lugar."

Pinatong niya ang siko niya sa mesa at nilagay niya ang baba niya sa palad ng kamay
niya. Tapos tinitigan niya ako ng mabuti. Iyong tipong nakakakiliti na nagpapalakas
ng tibok ng puso. "You mean that we're eating alone together?" sabi niya ng
nakangiti.

Sa tanang buhay ko, hindi ko inakalang magagawang pumula ng pisngi ko. At mas
lalong hindi ko rin inakalang magagawang kiligin ng katawan ko hanggang buto—sa
ngiti pa lang na iyon.

"Well, I hate to break it to you, Victoria, but there's a lot of things you don't
know about me," kampanteng-kampanteng sabi niya.

Hindi ko pinansin ang paraan ng pagkakasabi niya sa pangalan ko. "Tulad ng ano?"
nakataas kilay na tanong ko. 

Tss... Siguro nga wala akong alam sa kanya, kahit pa nga no'ng sa amin siya
nakitira, hindi ko masasabing kilala ko talaga siya. Pero ang alam ko, mayabang
siya—hanggang ngayon. At alam ko ring hindi na iyon magbabago dahil parte na iyon
ng pagkatao ng asungot na guwapong lalaking 'to.

Naalala ko tuloy ang pulang brief ni kuya na nahanap ko sa laundry basket sa bahay.
Nagdahilan pa siya na hindi daw kanya iyon. Tss... Siguro gano'n din si Zeke.

"Siguro nagsusuot ka rin ng pulang brief kapag natutulog ka no?" biro ko.

"No, I don't wear red briefs," aniya sa mababang boses. Ngumiti siya sa'kin. Pero
napansin kong kakaiba ang ngiti niya kumpara sa nauna. This one's dangerous.
Nakakapanindig balahibo—pero hindi nakakatakot. "Or more particularly, I don't wear
anything at all. In fact, I sleep naked."

Namatay ang tawa sa bibig ko at nanlaki ang mata ko sa narinig ko. At ang mas
kahindik-hindik pa, hindi ko napigilang isipin ang isang imahe na ngayon lang
pumasok sa utak ko—si Zeke na nakahiga sa kama at walang saplot!

Kaagad na hinagilap ng kamay ko ang soft drinks ko. Napainom ako dahil sa pag-iinit
ng mukha at ng buong katawan ko. Bastos na lalaki! Ano ba 'tong pinagsasasabi niya
bigla?

Biglang humalakhak ng malakas si Zeke kaya mas lalo kaming nakaagaw ng atensyon.
Tiningnan ko siya ng masama para patigilin siya. He just grinned wider. "Stay out
of my bedroom, Victoria, or you'll blush even more."

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko naitawid ang pagkain ko habang kaharap ko si Zeke, lalo
na pagkatapos ng mga sinabi niya. Hindi na rin ako nagtanong pa sa mga bagay na may
kinalaman sa kuwarto niya o sa mga sinusuot niya dahil baka mabilaukan ako at
ikamatay ko pa.

Nagiging OA ka naman, Vicky. May nabubuntis ba sa titigan lang?

Mabuti na lang at hindi na siya nagbanggit ng mga bagay na... nakakabuntis. Jusko
Lord! Mababaliw ako sa lalaking 'to! Ano bang ginawa Niyo sa kanya?

"May kulang pa ba diyan?" tanong ni Zeke pagkalabas namin ng McDo. Ni hindi yata
napapansin ng lalaking 'to kung paano siya paglawayan ng mga babaeng staff sa loob,
lalo na iyong grupo ng mga bakla do'n. Siguro sanay na sanay siya sa mga gano'ng
klaseng atensyon kaya hindi na niya napapansin.

Hinigpitan ko pa lalo ang hawak ko sa mga paperbag na kanina pa sa'kin inaagaw ni

Zeke. "Kailangan ko pang bumili ng sapatos."

Lagpas alas dos na pero wala pa rin akong nabibiling sapatos. May inaabangan pa
akong palabas mamaya at kailangan kong umuwi ng maaga. Hindi ko naman inakalang
aabutin kami ni Zeke ng lagpas isang oras sa loob. Isang French fries lang naman
ang kinain niya.

"Para saan ba iyang binili mong mga damit?" tanong niya, nakasabit na ulit sa tenga
niya ang itim na salamin niya. Nagmukha tuloy akong alalay sa tabi niya.

"Para sa job hunting ko."

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa'kin bago siya ngumiti. "I know exactly where. Come."
Walang sabi-sabing kinuha niya ang kamay ko.

Napatingin ako sa kamay niya bago ako tumingin sa mga mata niya. Nakatingin din
siya sa'kin. Pero bago ko pa maitanong kung ano iyong bagay na naramdaman ko no'ng
hinawakan niya ang kamay ko, hinatak na niya ako papunta sa kung saan.

Ang lalaki ng hakbang niya kaya kinailangan ko pang tumakbo para makahabol sa
kanya. Hindi na siya nagsalita hanggang sa makarating kami sa isang store ng mga
sapatos.

"Go on," udyok niya sa'kin no'ng hindi pa ako pumapasok.

Tiningnan ko siya. "Mahal dito." Hindi aabot ang pera ko. Well, kasya naman. Pero
kailangan kong magtipid dahil may gagastusin pa ako sa paghahanap ko ng trabaho.
Tapos magre-review pa ako. Kailangan kong magbayad ng advance sa review center para
sa unang buwan ng review namin.

Nagulat ako no'ng bigla niyang hinawakan ang noo ko—iyong hinalalaki niya na
tinatanggal ang pagkakakasalubong ng kilay ko. "You worry too much," sabi niya at
saka niya ibinaba ang kamay niya. "Just have a look around."
Hindi na ako nakatanggi. Hawak na niya ang balikat ko e, at tinutulak na niya ako
papasok. Hindi ko na lang pinansin ang maiinit na kamay niya sa balat ko at
pinigilan ko rin ang sarili kong ibalik iyon no'ng bitawan niya ako.

Nababaliw na yata talaga ako.

Nagsimula akong tumingin sa mga high heels. Iyon kasi ang sabi ni Sheena, dapat daw
high heels ang bilhin ko. Napapangiwi na lang ako kapag nakikita ko kung ga'no
kamahal ang mga nakalagay sa prize tag. Baliw lang yata ang bumibili ng ganito
kamahal na mga sapatos.

Naagaw ang atensyon ko ng isang babaeng tawa. Iyong tawang pa-demure pero halatang
peke? Galing iyon sa isang sales lady at nakita kong kausap niya si Zeke.

Kaya pala.

Bumalik na lang ako sa paghahanap ng sapatos habang pinipilit kong huwag mahilo sa
mga nakikita kong presyo.

Tss... Babaero na din pala si Zeke ngayon.

Nakikipag-usap lang sa babae, babaero na kaagad?

At bakit ba ako desmayado? Wala naman akong inaasahan sa kanya.

Wala ba talaga?

Imbis na tulungan niya akong maghanap, mas inuuna pa niyang mambabae. Siya pa 'tong
nagdala sa'kin dito. Siguro kaya niya ako dinala dito para maligawan niya ang
babaeng pa-demure na iyon.

Selos ka lang.

Se—selos? Ako? Nagseselos? E kung sabihin ko kaya sa kanilang natutulog iyang

lalaking iyan ng hubo't hubad?

"Did you find anything you like yet?"

Muntik ko pang mabato ng hawak kong sapatos si Zeke sa sobrang gulat. "'Wag mo nga
akong ginugulat ng ganyan!" Dahan-dahang kumunot ang noo niya habang nakatingin
siya sa'kin. Umiwas kaagad ako ng tingin. "Hindi pa," sagot ko sa tanong niya
kanina.
"You're upset," sabi niya nang hindi ako nilulubayan ng tingin.

"Hindi ah," mabilis kong tanggi. Asar! Ba't niya alam iyon?

Nakita kong sumandal siya sa dingding para mas makita niya ang mukha ko. "You're
frowning, Victoria. I can tell when you're upset. Kilala na kita."

Gano'n ako ka-obvious sa kanya? Hello? Ang tagal-tagal na kaya kaming hindi
nagkita. Tapos sasabihin niyang kilala niya ako?

O, e kung sa mukha nga lang ang pagbabasihan, sa nakabusangot kong mukha talagang
malalaman na ng ibang taong gusto kong pumatay at sumakal ng tao. Pero hindi naman
alam ni Zeke kung ba't ako nagmamaktol e. Pasalamat na lang akong hindi niya
nababasa ang isip ko.

Bumuntong hininga ako. "Hindi lang kasi ako makapili ng gusto ko. Sobrang mahal
naman kasi dito."

Ngumuso siya na parang nag-iisip habang nakatingin sa mga paa ko. "What size are
you?" tanong niya bigla.

"Six and half."

May kinawayan siya. Lumapit ang isang sales lady, iyong tumatawa kanina. "Bring me
everything you have in size six and half or seven," utos ni Zeke at umalis na
kaagad ang sales lady.

Saka ko lang naisip ang inutos ni Zeke. "Zeke!" Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata.

"What?" inosenteng tanong niya habang umuupo siya sa isang sofa. "You said you
can't choose. So I'm trying to help you choose."

Nahulog ang panga ko sa sinabi niya. "Pero hindi mo naman kailangang ilabas lahat
ng stocks nila." Baliw ba siya? Ni hindi ko nga kayang bilhin, pahihirapan pa niya
ang mga tao rito. Paano kung wala akong maggustuhan? Mapipilitan pa akong bumili
kung gano'n?

"Miss! Sandali!" sigaw ko sa sales lady baka sakaling marinig niya ako.

Dalawang kamay ang pumigil sa'kin sa paghahanap ko do'n sa babae. Pinaharap ako ni
Zeke sa kanya. "Victoria, just relax, okay. Let me help."

"Zeke—"
"Sssht," putol niya at pinilit niya akong umupo sa sofa. "Umupo ka na lang diyan."

Mayamaya pa ay nagsunod-sunod ng dumating ang mga sales lady na may dala-dalang mga
kahon ng sapatos. Pinilit kong huwag maduling sa dami. Sa totoo lang, magaganda
lahat. Walang itulak-kabigin. Ang kaso lang, mahal. Kung milyonarya lang ako, sana
nabili ko na laha ang mga 'to.

Kung milyonarya lang ako, hindi ko na kailangang bumili ng sapatos at hindi ko na

rin kailangang maghanap ng trabaho.

Umuklo si Zeke at may inabot siyang isang sapatos na kanina ko pa tinitingnan. Iyon
pa naman iyong may pinakamahal ang presyo. Pero maganda siya at alam kong matagal
iyong masisira sa tibay ng pagkakagawa. Babagay din iyon sa kahit anong kulay ng
damit, kahit casual o formal. Multi-functional. Kaso nga, mahal.

"Here, try this on."

Nalaglag ang panga ko pero mabilis ko ding sinara ang bibig ko. "Ayoko—" Hindi ko
pa natatapos ang sasabihin ko, nando'n na ang kamay ni Zeke sa paa ko. Na-realize
ko na kung ga'no katigas ang ulo ko, gano'n din katigas ang ulo ni Zeke. Mas
matigas pa nga yata kesa sa'kin.

Pinanood lang kami ng mga sales lady habang hinuhubad ni Zeke ang rubber shoes ko
at siya na rin mismo ang nagsuot ng sapatos sa paa ko, habang ako, higit-higit ko
ang hininga ko.

Buwisit kasing kamay iyan!

"You like it?" tanong ni Zeke. Kanina pa pala siya tapos. At kanina pa ako
nakatunganga.

"Ha? Ah, Oo... Oo. O—okay na 'to." Buwisit! 'Wag mo akong tingnan ng ganyan! Please
lang!

"You sure?"

"Oo. Puwede na 'to," sabi ko. Yumuko kaagad ako para tanggalin ang sapatos. Baka
mapansin pa ni Zeke kung gaano ako naapektuhan ng pagiging mabait niya at pagiging
maasikaso niya at pagiging guwapo niya. Nakakapanibago kasi. Hindi ako sanay. Sanay
akong palagi niya akong binabara, inaasar, ginagalit at pinagtatawanan.

Mabilis na inagaw sa'kin ni Zeke ang sapatos at ibinigay iyon sa sales lady. "Wrap
this up." Hindi pa ako nakakahinga ng maayos, hinila na kaagad ako ni Zeke patayo.
"Let's go."
"Ha? Teka, babayaran ko pa iyon." Pinigilan ko siya dahil lumalabas na siya. Ni
hindi pa namin nakukuha iyong sapatos e.

"No need."

"Zeke! Anong no need?"

Hindi niya ako pinansin. "Send it to my unit and the other one," sabi niya sa
cashier tapos hinatak na naman niya ako palabas ng store.

"Zeke! Bakit mo iniwan do'n iyon? Hindi ko pa nababayaran iyon! Baka makulong ako!
Huy! Nakikinig ka ba sa'kin?" Nakalabas na kami ng mall at saka niya lang ako
hinarap. Barumbado talaga. Hatakin ba naman ako ng parang bata palabas dito?

"Hindi ka makukulong," nakangiting sabi niya. "Not unless I want to."

I know that smile. Iyan iyong ngiting mayabang eh.

May kung an siyang tiningnan sa itaas. Tiningala ko kung anuman iyon, at sa

pangsampung beses sa araw na 'to, nanlaki ang mata ko sa nakita ko.

Stanfield Shopping Center

Stanfield University...

Suminghap ako. "Sa inyo 'to?!" Bakit hindi ko napansin iyon?

Lalo siyang ngumiti ng malapad. "I know. Hindi rin ako makapaniwala e."

"Iyong sapatos—"

"Just leave it," mariin niyang sabi kaya naitikom ko na lang ang bibig ko. "Take it
as a present. For your graduation."

"Kaya lang—" Hindi ko na itinuloy ang sasabihin ko kasi mukhang iritado na siya.
Kaya lang, hindi ko puwedeng tanggapin iyon. Ang mahal. At isa pa, nagbigay na siya
ng regalo niya no'ng graduation ko eh—dalawang ticket para sa isang linggong resort
vacation. Napakagalante at sobra-sobra pa nga iyon. Pero dahil kailangan kong
maghanap ng trabaho ng maaga, ibinigay ko na lang iyon kina tito at tita Sally.

Alam niya yata ang ginawa ko sa regalo niya, kaya mukha siyang iritado ngayon.

Napatunganga ako nang biglang may humintong pulang kotse sa harap namin. Isa iyong
convertible. At base sa tatak, alam kong mahal iyon.

Ferrari! Tsong! May Ferrari sa harap ko!

Pinanood kong bumaba ang driver tapos bigla niyang tinapon ang susi kay Zeke.

Sa kanya ang Ferrari na iyan? Seryoso?

Nakita ni Zeke ang hitsura ko at malamang, nakasulat doon ang bawat letra ng
iniisip ko. Ang yabang na naman kasi ng ngiti niya eh.

Naglakad siya sa kotse niya at ngayon, hindi na niya hinila ang kamay ko. Binuksan
lang niya ang passenger seat saka tumingin sa'kin. "Get in. Let's celebrate your
job hunting."

Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko bigla. "K—kailangan pa ba iyon?"

Tumango si Zeke at lalo pa niyang binuksan ang pinto. "For good luck," nakangiting
sabi niya.

Napangiti na rin ako sa araw na iyon.

Habang nakasakay ako sa isang Ferrari na sa panaginip ko lang nasasakyan, habang

nilalaro ng hangin ang buhok ko, at habang nililibot namin ang magandang tanawin,
alam kong sa mga pagkakataong iyon, hindi ang mga bagay na iyon ang nagpapabilis ng
tibok ng puso ko.

Tinapunan ko ng tingin ang katabi ko. Zeke was smiling serenely with one hand over
the wheel, the other hanging in the air. At narealize ko na sa buong araw na
magkasama kami, lagi siyang nakangiti at nakatawa. And somewhere along those
smiles... alam ko at dama kong may nangyaring hindi ko inaasahan.

Ninakaw ng mga ngiting iyon ang puso ko.

_________________________

A/N: Comment po kayo ah. Hehehe. Mwah! ^_^ ♥

Follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

- Lady A
=================

Chapter ♠ 7

YOU GOT ME

ISANG BESES ko pang binasa ang nakasulat sa karatula habang nakatayo ako sa labas
ng isang building.

LEGACY.

Napabuntong hininga na naman ako nang maisip ko ang ginagawang past time ni kuya.

He's a freaking car racer!

Ni hindi man lang niya binanggit sa'kin ang tungkol do'n. Nalaman ko lang no'ng
aksidenteng nasabi sa'kin ni Zeke nong isang araw. Mukhang wala talagang balak si
kuya na sabihin sa'kin iyon kaya gano'n na lang ang pigil sa'kin ni Zeke na
kausapin siya.

Pero nanaig ang galit ko kaya hindi ko rin napigilang kausapin si kuya. I had to
ask him and talk to him. Nagalit pa siya kay Zeke dahil nalaman ko. But it's not
Zeke's fault. Kung hindi lang niya itinago sa akin ang bagay na 'to, hindi sana ako
nagalit sa kanya.

Nakakapagtampo lang na nagawa niyang isekreto sa'kin ang tungkol sa bagay na 'to.
Hindi sapat na dahilan ang ibinigay niya, na ayaw lang niya akong mag-alala kapag
nalaman ko. Mas gusto ko pang malaman kesa isang araw, malalaman ko na lang na
naaksidente siya.

Kaya nandito ako ngayon para makipag-ayos kay kuya. Ilang araw na niya akong
tinatawagan pero hindi ko siya kinakausap kasi sumama talaga ang loob ko sa ginawa
niya.

Growing up, kuya never hide anything from me. Ito lang. Kaya naisip kong
papalagpasin na lang ito. This time, sinisigurado ko na mababantayan ko siya sa
bawat karera niya. Siya na lang ang pamilyang meron ako, maliban kina Tito. Kaya
kailangan naming alagaan ang isa't isa.

Sinalubong ako ng isang malawak na lobby pagpasok ko. Puro trophies at medalya ang
nando'n. Nakakita pa ako ng trophy na nakapangalan kay kuya. 3rd placer. At nakita
kong last year lang iyon.

Two story building lang iyon kaya hagdan lang ang meron, walang elevator. Pero
sobrang lawak naman. Walang masyadong tao sa ibaba kaya umakyat na lang ako sa
itaas para doon hanapin si kuya.

Apat na lalaki kaagad ang nakita ko. Nakilala ko ang isa sa kanila. Si David.
Madalas siyang kasama ni kuya kapag umuuwi siya minsan sa bahay. Iyong tatlo,
nginitian ko na lang.

"Si kuya?" tanong ko kay David. Saglit na humiwalay siya sa tatlo at hinayaan
niyang magpatuloy ang mga iyon ng paglalaro ng billiard saka lumapit sa'kin.

"Wala pa siya e. Mamaya pa raw darating. Hinatyin mo na lang," nakangiting sabi

niya.

"Sige. Sa labas na lang muna ako maghihintay." Bumaba na ako at lumabas ng

building.

Nasa'n kaya si Zeke? Akala ko ba nandito siya ngayon?

Isang araw ko pa lang siyang hindi nakakausap, namimiss ko na kaagad siya. Hay.
Malala na yata ako.

Isang linggo na ang nakakalipas no'ng nagkita kami sa mall. Nakalimutan ko na ang
inaabangan kong plabas dahil sa kanya. Halos gabi na ako nakauwi no'ng araw na
iyon. Kung hindi pa niya pinnaalala ang oras, baka hindi na ako umuwi.

Masyado akong nawili habang pinapasyal niya ako. Pakiramdam ko nong mga sandaling
iyon, parang akin lahat ng oras. Parang ako si Cinderella. Masaya. Nakakapanibago.

Ang akala ko doon na matatapos ang... koneksyon na iyon sa pagitan namin ni Zeke.
Hindi ko rin naman inaasahang magiging magkaibigan kami. Zeke is no woman's friend.
Hinahabol siya ng babae. And as far as I know, hindi isang simpleng
pakikipagkaibigan lang ang habol nila sa kanya. At isa na ako do'n.

Pero hindi ko rin naman sinasabing hahabol-habulin ko siya. May gusto nga ako sa
kanya pero hindi naman makapal ang apog ko para akitin siya. Baka kilabutan pa
siya.

Kaya nagulat ako nong bigla siyang dumating sa bahay kinabukasan dala ang sapatos
na binili niya. "Actually, it's an excuse to see you," sabi pa niya.

Agad kong tinapik ang pisngi ko. Kinikilig na naman ako e. Kailangan kong kontrolin
ang sarili ko dahil kung hindi, baka sumabog na lang ako dito bigla at magsisisigaw
pa ako.

He took me out again the following day. Kumain kami sa labas, namasyal, nanood ng
sine... iyong mga bagay na madalas kong ginagawang mag-isa. Tapos hinatid na naman
niya ako sa bahay. Sa sumunod na araw, halos lumuwa na naman ang mata ko nang
makita ko siyang nakasandal sa kotse niya sa labas ng bahay. At nagsunod-sunod na
iyon, na bigla siyang susulpot sa bahay para lang mamasyal.

Tapos sa gabi, tumatawag siya. Nanginginig pa nga iyong kamay ko nong unang beses
niya akong tinawagan. I find his actions weird and strange. Kahit naman hindi ako
dalaga kung umasta, hindi ibig sabihin no'n wala na akong alam pagdating sa pagdi-
date.

Pero hindi naman niya sinasabing date iyon. Siguro baka nakikibonding siya...?

Naglakad-lakad na lang ako sa daan. Mag-iisip na naman ako ng kung anu-ano. At sa

huli, ako rin ang mababaliw. Gusto ko ring kausapin si Zeke, kaya lang nauunahan
ako ng kaba. Baka ako lang ang nag-iisip at nagbibigay ng kahulugan at malisya.
Baka nakikipagkaibigan lang talaga siya.

"Vicky!"

Nakita ko si Tyrone na lumalapit sa'kin. Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa hitsura niya.
Basang-basa siya at wala pa siyang pang-itaas. Ano na naman ang arte ng isang 'to?
May balak pa yata akong patusin.

Sa lahat ng kaibigan ni kuya, si Tyrone ang pinakaplayboy. Kabilaan ang girlfriend.

Ni hindi niya ako pinalagpas no'ng unang beses ko siyang nakilala. Ayon tuloy,
nabigyan siya ng black eye ni kuya. Depensa niya, hindi daw niya alam na kapatid
ako ni kuya.

"Bakit nandito ka?" nakangising tanong niya habang ibinabalandra niya sa harap ko
ang dibdib niya. Guwapo nga siya, pero pasensya na. Hindi bumibilis ang tibok ng
puso ko, hindi katulad 'pag kasama ko si Zeke.

"Hinahanap ko si kuya," sagot ko na hindi pinapansin ang nakahantad niyang katawan.

"Ano bang ginagawa mo?"

"Nililinis ko lang ang kotse ko."

Nakita ko ang koste niyang kumikinang sa ilalim ng sikat ng araw. Isa rin pala
siyang car racer, tulad ni kuya. Napaisip tuloy ako kung sino sa mga kaibigan ni
kuya ang may pakana kung bakit siya nasali sa ganitong aktibidad. Masyadong kasing
mapanganib at hindi gawain ni kuya ang maging pabaya sa sarili. Responsable siya at
ayaw niyang maiwan akong mag-isa.

Sinabayan ko si Tyrone sa paglalakad pabalik sa kotse niya.

"Can you drive?" tanong niya habang iniispeksyon ko ang nakabukas na hood ng
sasakyan.
"Ha? Hindi eh." Marunong lang akong umayos ng sasakyan pero hindi ko pa
nasusubukang magmaneho. Though alam kong mabilis ko ring matututunan iyon. Ang kaso
lang, hindi ako pinapayagan ni kuyang magmaneho.

Hindi ba ipokrito ang dating ng ganong tao? Car racer si kuya pero ako hindi niya
pinapayagang magmaneho. Wala naman akong balak na maging isang car racer ah.

"Well, I can teach you, if you want to," bulong ni Tyrone. Hindi ko napansin
nakatayo na siya sa tabi ko. Hinarap ko siya at hindi ako umatras kahit na may
malisya na iyong ngiti niya. Ito ang unang pagkakataong umasta siya ng ganito
pagkatapos ng ginawa sa kanya ni kuya. Siguro panahon na para malaman niyang hindi
lahat ng babae, nakukuha niya. Definitely not me.

"Tyro—" Nabitin ang sasabihin ko nang biglang may humigit sa braso ko at hinatak
ako palayo.

"No, Tyrone. You won't teach her."

"Zeke!" Halos mabali ang leeg nang tingnan ko si Zeke. Saan siya nanggaling? At
bakit na naman ganito ang tibok ng puso ko? Parang sinipa ng kabayo sa sobrang
bilis. Kelan ba ako masasanay?

"Chill, bro. Binibiro ko lang naman si Vicky," natatawang sabi ni Tyrone.

Nakagat ko ang bibig ko nang dumiin ang daliri ni Zeke sa braso ko habang
binibigyan niya ng masamang tingin si Tyrone. Hindi niya siguro alam ang ginagawa
niya. Pero bakit ba siya galit na galit kay Tyrone?

"Let's go." Marahas akong hinila ni Zeke palayo kay Tyrone. Napansin kong masama pa
rin ang timpla ng mukha niya kahit na nakalayo na kami.

"Bakit mo naman ginawa iyon?" sabi ko nang hindi siya nagsasalita. Masyado siyang
galit. Nagseselos ba—ay hindi, hindi. Hindi naman siguro. Bakit naman siya
magseselos? Hindi ko naman siya boyfriend. Hindi rin niya ako gusto.

Nagtatakang tiningnan ko siya nang bigla siyang tumigil sa paglalakad. "Don't stand
near that guy again, you understand?"

Napakurap ako sa sinabi niya. "Ha? Bakit naman? Mabait naman si Tyrone kahit gano'n
siya." Nagseselos ba siya?

Oh my God, oh my God! Nagseselos si Zeke!

"Five will hang my head if I let you near a car."

Daig ko pa ang nadulas, nadapa, at nahulog galing sa 20th floor building sa sinabi
niya. Si kuya lang pala ang inaalala niya. Akala ko... akala ko...

Iyan kasi. Masyado kang feeling at assuming!

Naglakad na lang ulit ako. I am sulking, pero hindi ko iyon ipapakita sa kanya. "E
'di ba pinasakay mo na ako sa Ferrari mo?" komento ko na lang.

Mas makakabuti kung ibang bagay na lang ang pag-usapan namin kesa isipin kong hindi
talaga ako magugustuhan ni Zeke. At sa ngayon, si kuya ang safe ground.

"That's because I'm the one who's behind the wheel," nakasunod na sabi ni Zeke.

I threw him a look. "Natatakot ka kay kuya?"

"Of course not," tanggi niya.

"Tss... takot ka eh," naiiling na sabi ko sa kanya.

"And you're not?" Tumaas ang kilay niya. "Unlike you, I don't want to be the
receiver of his wrath."

"Takot ka nga."

Hindi niya pinansin ang sinabi ko at iniba na naman niya ang usapan. "Bakit ka nga
pala nandito?"

Nanigas ang likod ko dahil sa tono ng boses niya. He sound suspicious. Alam kong
alam na niyang kinompronta ko si kuya. At alam ko ring hindi naging maganda ang
epekto no'n sa kanila ni kuya. Malaki ang tiwala ni kuya kay Zeke. At dahil
aksidenteng nasabi sa'kin ni Zeke ang tungkol sa sekreto niya, trust was being
tested. Pero hindi naman habang buhay puwedeng itago sa'kin ni kuya ang tungkol sa
bagay na 'to. But Zeke was like a brother to Vincent. Kaya hindi din matitiis ni
kuya si Zeke.

"May... may sasabihin lang ako kay Kuya." Naramdaman ko ang mga mata ni Zeke na
halos tumutusok sa likod ko. Malamang alam na din niyang hindi ko kinakausap si
kuya nitong mga nakaraang araw.

"He's not here," aniya mayamaya.

"Narinig ko nga—teka, saan tayo pupunta?" sigaw ko nang bigla na naman niyang
kinuha ang kamay ko at hilahin ako sa ibang derksyon papunta sa race track.
"I'll give you a tour."

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko—hindi dahil sa pabigla-biglang panghihila niya. Medyo

nasasanay na ako sa ugali niyang iyon. Nagulat lang ako dahil hindi na siya
nakasimangot tulad kanina. Nakangiti na siya.

Napapailing na lang ako sa sarili ko. Isang ngiti pa lang niya, nakakalimutan ko na
ang palagi kong sinasabi sa sarili ko—na huwag mahuhulog sa kanya. But I have a
feeling it's already too late to hold back.

Kahapon ko lang siyang hindi nakita at hindi nakausap, pero pakiramdam ko habang
kasama ko siya ngayon, parang ilang araw na kaming hindi nagkita. Hindi ba
nakakatawa iyon? Kahapon pakiramdam ko tag-ulan, kahit na nakakasilaw ang sikat ng
araw. Pero ngayon, kanina no'ng dumating siya, para akong low battery na sinaksakan
ng charger.

Siguro nga wala na akong pag-asa. This man, whom I used to hate so much, got me.

He got me.

TININGNAN ko ulit ang relo ko. Fifteen minutes ng late si kuya. At kung magtatagal
pa ako dito ng isang minuto, talagang sasakay na ako sa susunod na darating na bus.
Ang lakas na ng ulan at gabing gabi na. Basang basa na ako at giniginaw. Sana hindi
ko na lang siya hinintay. Sana sumakay na ako kanina.

Si kuya naman kasi. Gusto pang magcelebrate, hindi naman kailangan. Natanggap lang
ako sa trabaho, kung makareact... hindi naman isang stable job ang napasukan ko
dahil wala pa akong lisensya.

Nalaglag ang panga ko nang makita kong may pumaradang pulang Ferrari sa harap ko.
Pati ang mga maiingay na babaeng kasama ko sa tent nawalan ng imik.

Bumukas ang pintuan at nakita ko si Zeke sa kabilang gilid, nakangiti at... tuyong-
tuyo. 'Di tulad ko na para ng basang sisiw.

"Get in!" sigaw niya sa malakas na ulan.

Sumakay na kaagad ako sa pangalawang sigaw niya. Masyado akong nagulat sa biglaang
pagsulpot niya. Tatlong araw ko na siyang hindi nakikita dahil sa trabaho ko pero
madalas pa rin kaming nagkakausap. Pero kahit gano'n hindi pa rin nagbabago ang
paraan ng tibok ng puso ko sa tuwing nakikita ko siya.

"Bakit ka andito?" My voice was too breathless. Huminga pa ulit ako ng mas malalim.
"Si kuya, asan?"

Nagkibit balikat siya. "Something came up so he asked me to be here instead," sabi

niya habang pinapatakbo ang sasakyan.

"Urgent ba iyan?"

"Apparently." Tiningnan niya ako saka maingat na nagsalita. "Na-move ang schedule
ng competition. So he'll race tomorrow night."

Inayos ko ang pagkakaupo ko nang makaramdam ako ng kaba. Hindi ako mapakali habang
iniisip ko si kuyang nagmamaneho sa ganito kasamang panahon.

"Hindi ba delikado iyang pagkakarera ninyo?" hindi ko napigilang itanong.

Akala ko matatanggap ko na ang ginagawa nila, pero hindi pa rin pala. Natatakot pa
rin ako para kay kuya. Para sa kanilang dalawa ni Zeke. Masyadong mapanganib ang
car racing. Wala na bang ibang puwedeng gawin maliban sa pagkakarera? Iyong hindi
delikado at walang buhay na puwedeng mawala?

"Magaling si Five. He's good at what he does, so you have nothing to fear."

Kampanteng-kampante siya sa mga sinasabi niya. Siguro nga wala akong dapat na ipag-
alala. But accidents happen.

"Ikaw, hindi ka ba natatakot na baka maaksidente ka? O si kuya?"

Tumaas ang isang sulok ng bibig niya. "Concern ka na sa'kin?"

"Seryoso ako, Zeke."

Tiningnan niya ako at agad na nawala ang bahid ng panunukso sa mukha niya.
Sumeryoso din siya saka tumutok sa daan. Akala ko hindi na siya magsasalita
hanggang sa huminto ang sasakyan dahil sa stop light.

"Nothing bad is going to happen, Victoria. We look after each other and we take
care of ourselves. You just have to trust Five..." binalingan niya ako. "And me."

Nakatitig lang siya sa mukha ko, at bumaba iyon sa bibig ko... Biglang nag-init ang
pakiramdam ko. Hindi ako makagalaw. Ni hindi ko magawang igalaw ang bibig ko at
lumunok dahil sa ginagawa niyang pagtitig.

Lalo pang uminit ang katawan ko nang makita kong bumaba pa sa dibdib ko ang mga
mata ni Zeke. Sa kaba ko, para ng tambol ang tibok ng puso ko na pakiramdam ko
lalabas na sa dibdib ko iyon. Hindi ako makahinga ng maayos.

I was suddenly aware everything about my body. Iyong basang buhok ko na halos dikit
na sa anit ko, ang basang tubig sa mukha ko na dumadaan pababa sa leeg ko, at ang
basang damit ko...

Walang hiya!

Mabilis kong hinila ang blazer ko nang makita ko kung ano ang tinitingnan ni Zeke.
Kitang-kita na pala ang bra ko dahil sa basang damit ko!

Nakakahiya! Gusto ko ng lamunin ako ng lupa!

Nakarinig ako ng tumikhim. "Take off your jacket" Nanlaki ang mata ko pero hindi
ako nakapagsalita kaagad dahil bigla siyang may tinapon sa mukha ko. "Use it para
hindi ka ginawin."

Isa iyong malaking itim na leather jacket na madalas niyang sinusuot. Pinigilan ko
ang sarili kong singhutin iyon, baka isipin pa ni Zeke na baliw ako.

"Where do you want me to drop you off?" tanong niya nang maisuot ko na ang jacket
niya. Pinaandar na ulit niya ang sasakyan.

Balik na ulit sa normal ang boses niya at pati ang tensyon sa loob ng sasakyan.
Pero mabilis pa rin ang tibok ng puso ko. Napaisip na lang ako kung totoo ba ang
nangyari kanina, o baka imahinasyon ko lang.

"Sa bahay," sagot ko na lang. Bukas pa ang dating nina tito kaya kailangan ko
munang bantayan ang bahay.

Hindi na ulit nagsalita si Zeke sa beyahe hanggang sa nakatulugan ko na ang

katahimikan. Pagdating namin sa bahay, umuulan pa rin.

"Magkape ka muna sa loob. Hintayin mo munang humupa ng kaunti ang ulan," yaya ko
kay Zeke bago bumaba. Sandali siyang nag-isip saka bumaba na rin at sumabay sa'kin
papasok ng bahay.

Nadatnan ko siyang nakaupo sa mahabang bangko habang nakatingala sa ulan paglabas

ko dala ang dalawang baso ng kape.

"Ang lakas pa rin ng ulan."

Tiningnan niya ako at kinuha ang isang baso. "It will take a while."
Umupo ako sa tabi niya at nakitingala rin sa ulan. Tahimik lang kaming humihigop ng
mainit na kape. Suot ko pa rin ang jacket ni Zeke kaya naamoy ko pa rin ang amoy
niya. It smells good. Nakaka-adik amuyin.

Sa totoo lang ayoko pang ibalik sa kanya ang jacket niya kasi pakiramdam ko yakap
niya ako. Pero siyempre, joke lang iyon. Imagination ko lang iyon. Feeling ko naman
yayakapin talaga niya ako. Tss...

Masyado nang tahimik at nagiging awkward na ang dating kaya nag-isip na lang ako ng
puwedeng pag-usapan.

"Hmm... Nabanggit sa'kin ni kuya ang pagpunta ninyo sa Canada dati," sabi ko at
nilingon ko siya. I was struck to see him looking at me. Iyong tingin niya kanina
sa kotse. It was unnerving.

Naramdaman ko na namang ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Humigop ako ng kape ko at
napangiwi ako dahil nakalimutan kong mainit pa iyon.

"O—okay na ba kayo?" sabi ko na lang para lang may mapag-usapan kami. Hindi ko alam
kung ano ang gagawin ko sa mga ganitong situwasyon. Nakakanerbyos. O baka dahil sa
kape kaya gano'n?

Hindi siya umimik. Itinaas lang niya ang isang kamay niya at marahang dumampi ang
isang daliri niya sa ibabang labi ko para punasan ang basang parte doon.

Lumukso ang puso ko nang tingnan niya ako sa mata. "I really want to kiss you right
now."

_________________________

A/N: Hehehe. Sana po makapag-comment kayo. Thank you! Mwah! ^_^

Follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

=================

Chapter ♠ 8

KISS AND BREAK

I FROZE. Unconsciously, my tongue darted out to lick my dry lips. Hindi ko alam
kung papaano ako magrereact sa sinabi ni Zeke dahil ang utak ko parang naging
blanko. I can feel the dull beat of my heart before it turned frantic and wild as I
watched Zeke's head lowered down.

Nahigit ko ang hininga ko habang umuurong ako nang hindi ko sinasadya. Kinakabahan
ako—hindi dahil sa balak gawin ni Zeke, kun'di dahil sa nararamdaman ko. If this
kiss happens, I have a feeling that I will truly, irreversibly, irrevocably fall in
love with him.

Napasinghap ako nang biglang pumaikot sa leeg ko ang isang kamay niya, at ang isa
naman ay nakahawak sa likod ko para hilahin ako palapit sa kanya at pigilan ako sa
paglayo. Ni hindi ko na namalayang wala na sa kamay ko ang basong hawak ko.

His eyes turned unfathomable, so hypnotizing and mesmerizing, commanding me to

close my eyes and succumb to this heavenly promise. The time seem suspended and I
could only hear the thundering rush of blood in my ears. And then there he was,
pressing a light, feather-like kiss on my lips.

A tremor ran along my spine and I was thankful we're sitting because I don't think
my legs would hold me upright for a while. Another gasp tore from my mouth when I
felt his hot tongue tracing my trembling lips. I found it very strangely erotic and
intimate—and it should terrify me. Only it didn't.

Wala na akong ibang naririnig, not the bullet drop of rain in the roof, not even my
own breath. Lalo pang humigpit ang kamay ni Zeke sa balakang ko nang ipasok niya
nang tuluyan ang dila niya sa bibig ko at nakulong ang ungol ko sa halik niya.

Gumalaw ng kusa ang mga kamay ko at dumaan iyon sa mga braso ni Zeke na nakapalibot
sa'kin. Lalo akong kinakapos ng hininga sa malalalim na halik na ginagawa niya. He
tasted like coffee, and something addicitively sweet.

Pero biglang tumigil si Zeke at marahas na napatayo. "Fvck!" marahas niyang mura.

I was feeling light headed, hanggang sa nakita ko ang natapong kape sa tabi ko.
"Sorry!" singhap ko nang makita ko ang basang pantalon niya at wala sa sariling
pinagpag ko ang pantalon niya. Hindi pa rin bumabalik sa normal ang utak ko
pagkatapos ng nangyari kaya hindi ko namalayang kung saan-saan na umaabot ang kamay
ko hanggang sa pinigilan ako ni Zeke,

"Careful, sweetheart. You're boarding into a sensitive spot," aniya sa malalim na

boses.

Nanlaki ang mata ko nang pumasok sa isip ko ang ibig niyang sabihin at naramdaman
ko ang pamumula ng pisngi ko.

"S—sorry," bulong ko saka umiwas ng tingin. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang pamamaga ng mga
labi ko at hindi ko na namang mapigilang mamula nang maalala ko kung bakit namamaga
iyon. Zeke just kissed me thoroughly!
"It's okay." Narinig kong sabi niya.

Nilinis ko na lang ang basang bangko at inabala ang sarili ko kesa tingnan siya.
Nakakahiya! Gusto kong magtakip ng mukha at—

Hawakan ang labi mo na matamang hinalikan ni Zeke?

I almost jumped when Zeke reached for me. Nararamdaman ko pa rin ang kuryente sa
katawan ko na tila hindi mamatay-matay.

Hinila niya ako patayo. "Hey," aniya sabay hawi ng buhok ko. Hinawakan niya ang
baba ko nang hindi pa rin ako tumitingin sa kanya. "There, that's' better,"
nakangiting sabi niya nang umangat ang mata ko sa kanya.

Nawala ang agam-agam ko nang makita kong walang bahid ng panunukso o panunuya sa
mukha niya. He seemed genuinely happy and... warm while he stroked my cheeks. Pero
naputol na naman ang moment namin nang tumunog ang ringing tone ng cell phone niya.

Nakita kong kumunot ang noo niya nang tingnan niya kung sino ang caller niya, pero
hindi niya iyon sinagot. Binalik lang niya iyon sa bulsa niya.

"It's Five," sabi niya. At napaisip ako kung ang tawag na iyon ang dahilan ng pag-
iiba ng mukha niya at bigla niyang paglayo. Tumingin siya sa labas at saka ko lang
naalalang hinihintay nga pala niyang humupa ang ulan.

"The rain stopped. I guess that's my cue."

Tumango lang ako at sinubukan kong ngumiti kahit na gusto ko siyang tanungin kung
bakit niya ginawa iyon. Kung bakit niya ako hinalikan. May ibang pagkakataon pa
naman para pag-usapan namin ang nangyari.

Pero ang talagang gusto kong itanong, maski sa sarili ko, ay kung bakit ko siya
hinayaang halikan ako. At habang pinapanood ko si Zeke na sumakay sa kotse niya,
saka ko lang rin na-realize na nangyari na ang first kiss ko ngayong gabi.

"KUYA, may problema ba kayo ni Sheena?" tanong ko kay kuya habang nakatayo ako sa
hamba ng pintuan ng kuwarto niya.

Sheena sounded off this morning. At lalo pa siyang naging tahimik no'ng tinukso ko
siya. Unbeknownst to me, nag-umpisa na palang manligaw si kuya kay Sheena
pagkatapos ng graduation ko. Nalaman ko lang iyon nang aminin sa'kin ni Sheena
no'ng nagkausap kami no'ng gabing hinatid ako ni Zeke sa bahay. The night of my
first kiss.
Sinuway ko kaagad ang sarili ko na huwag madesmaya. It's been two days since that
night pero hindi pa rin tumatawag si Zeke o nagpapakita. Hindi naman sa inoobliga
ko siyang tawagan ako. Pero nakakapanibago lang dahil palagi naman kaming
nagkakausap, lalo na at ipinangako niyang ililibre niya ako dahil sa unang trabaho
ko.

Siguro pinagsisisihan na niya ang nangyari. Siguro...

"Nagkausap kayo?"

Hinila ng boses ni kuya ang isipan ko mula sa pag-iisip ng kung anu-ano. Kung saan-
saan na naman pumupunta ang utak ko.

Nagfocus na lang ako kay kuya na nakaupo sa gilid ng kama niya habang sapo ang ulo
niya. He didn't look much better as Sheena had sounded. Pareho silang apektado. And
again, I am worried. Hindi pa nagsisimula ang dalawang 'to pero nag-aaway na sila.

"Ano bang nangyari? Bakit malungkot iyon? May ginawa ka bang hindi niya
nagustuhan?"

"Sinabi niya sayo?" tanong niya habang nakabaon pa rin ang ulo niya sa mga kamay
niya.

"Hindi, pero hindi ako bingi, kuya. Malungkot si Sheena no'ng kausap ko siya at sa
mukha mo ngayon, imposibleng wala kayong pinag-awayan. Ano ba kasing nangyari?"

Umupo siya ng maayos at tiningnan niya ako. Nakikita kong nagdadalawang-isip pa

siyang sagutin ako. At maiintindihan ko kung sasabihin niyang personal ang naging
away nila ni Sheena. Pero nagulat ako sa naging sagot niya.

"Gusto niyang makipag-ayos ako kay Zeke." Bigla siyang tumayo bago ko pa siya
matanong. "At sinabi kong ayoko."

Wala sa sariling pumasok ako sa kuwarto at umupo sa kama ni kuya saka naguguluhang
tiningnan ko siya. "Teka, ibig sabihin nag-away kayo ni Zeke? B—bakit?"

Huminga siya ng malalim bago siya humarap sa'kin. "Gusto kong layuan ka niya."

Napatayo ako bigla. "Ano?" Bakit?

Iniwasan ni kuya ang mata ko. He's done it again. Paulit-ulit na lang. At ngayon,
si Zeke naman ang nilagay niya sa isang tabi. Pinamukha na naman niya sa ibang tao
na hindi siya karapat-dapat para sa kapatid niya.
"Matalino ka, Vicky. Kaya alam mo dapat na hindi makakabuti sayo si Zeke," tahimik
na sabi niya.

Makakabuti? "Kuya, akala ko ba best friend mo si Zeke? Bakit ganyan ka kung

makapagsalita sa kanya?"

"Iyon nga iyon," giit niya. "Kilala ko siya kaya alam ko, kaya ko 'to sinasabi
sayo. Hindi makakabuti sayo si Zeke, Vicky."

Wala na akong masabi sa sobrang galit ko kay kuya kaya lumabas ako ng kuwarto niya.
Hindi ako makapaniwalang magagawa niya ang bagay na iyon. Lalo na kay Zeke.

Ano ba ako? Hindi ako santo at lalong hindi ako prinsesa. Maswerte pa nga ako at
may naglalakas-loob na ipakita sa'king mahalaga ako sa kanila. Bakit kailangan pang
gawin 'to ni kuya? He's treating me like I'm a forbidden fruit for any man getting
close enough.

Oo, mahal ko si kuya. Pero minsan nakakasakal na siya. Sana alam niyang kailangan
ko ding mabuhay sa sarili kong mga paa.

PAGDATING ko sa Legacy, dire-diretso akong umakyat sa taas at nakita kong marami na

ang tao doon kumpara sa huling beses na nagpunta ako dito. Pero hindi katulad no'n,
hindi si kuya ang pakay ko.

Alam kong wala dito si kuya ngayon kaya ako nandito. Gusto kong kausapin si Zeke.
Malakas ang kutob kong dahil kay kuya kaya niya ako iniiwasan nitong mga nakaraang
araw.

"Vicky!" Lumapit kaagad sa'kin si David nang makita niya ako. "Bakit nandito ka?
Wala si Five dito e."

"Alam ko." Kumunot ang noo ni David. "Si Zeke ang hinahanap ko," paglilinaw ko.

"Ah. Nando'n yata siya sa Lounge area." Tinuro niya ang hallway sa likod ng bar
counter. "Diretso ka lang do'n at may makikita kang kuwarto sa dulo."

Nagpasalamat ako at agad na hinanap si Zeke. Hindi ko talaga alam kung ano ang nasa
Lounge area, pero mas lalong hindi ko inasahang mahahanap ko si Zeke doon na may
kasamang dalawang babae.

Lahat sila natahimik sa pagdating ko. Those women were all over Zeke, iyon agad ang
unang napansin ko at hindi man lang sila tinataboy ni Zeke.
Why would he? Kutya ng maliit na boses sa utak ko. Oo nga. Bakit nga ba niya
itataboy ang mga babaeng iyon? Dahil nasa harap niya ako? I'm not even his
girlfriend kaya bakit naman niya gagawin iyon?

But then, I expected something after that kiss. Ang akala ko...

"Oh, hey Vicky!" magaang bati ni Zeke pagkaraang ng ilang sandali. He didn't seem
to be bothered as I expected him to be. Sa hitsura niya ngayon, parang wala siyang
pakialam na nagkasagutan sila ni kuya. Does he really care?

"This is Miles and Divone," pakilala niya sa dalawang babaeng halos hubad na sa
maiikli nilang mini skirt at masayang nakaupo sa hita niya habang nakadikit ang
malalaki nilang dibdib sa katawan ni Zeke. "Girls, say hi to Vicky."

Hindi ko pinansin ang pekeng ngiti ng dalawa. I focused on what he said. Tinawag
niya akong Vicky. Not Victoria.

Tinanggal ko ang hapdi sa dibdib ko at tiningnan si Zeke. "Puwede ba tayong mag-

usap?"

"Sure." Nagkibit balikat siya na parang wala siyang kainte-interes sa kung anumang
sasabihin ko. Ni hindi siya gumalaw para umalis sa tabi ng dalawang babaeng iyon.
He just sat there waiting for me to say something in front of those bimbos.

Naiinis na humalukipkip ako. "Nang tayo lang dalawa," pagdidiin ko pa.

"You can say it here."

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at pinilit kong kumalma dahil alam kong walang
mangyayari kung hahayaan kong matalo ako ng galit ko dahil sa inaasta ni Zeke
ngayon. Hindi ko siya maintindihan kung bakit siya nagkakaganito. He's acting like
a total jerk.

Bumuntong hininga si Zeke at sinenyasang lumabas muna ang mga bisita niya.
Napagtanto niya sigurong wala ako sa mood para sabayan siya sa nakakaasar na pag-
uugali niya. Inirapan pa muna ako nong isang babae bago siya lumabas. Naku,
pasalamat siya hindi ako pumapatol sa mga katulad niya.

"What is it?"

Kumunot ang noo ko sa boses ni Zeke. Parang hindi siya makapaghintay na umalis ako.
Kung iniisip niya na magiging mabilis lang ang pag-uusap naming 'to, well, he's in
for a big shock!

Tiningnan ko siya. Tiim ang bagang niya at kunot ang noo niya. Kung iisipin, mukha
siyang galit sa itsura niya, katulad ng boses niya.

"Alam kong kinausap ka ni kuya," diretsong sabi ko sa kanya. Kaya ba siya nagagalit
ngayon dahil sa mga nasabi ni kuya?

Bigla siyang tumayo na parang hindi siya mapakali. "He always talks to me," aniya
habang naglalakad palabas ng Lounge area.

Sinundan ko siya. "Alam kong kinausap ka niya dahil sa'kin."

"You sound so sure."

Pinalagpas ko ang pagiging sarcastic niya. "Zeke, huwag ka ng magkaila sa'kin. Alam
kong kinausap ka niya kaya ka nagkakaganyan. Kaya mo ako iniiwasan."

"I'm not avoiding you." Bigla siyang tumigil at humarap sa akin. "Look, if this is
what you want to talk about, then drop it. You're wasting my time."

"Sandali!" Sinundan ko pa rin siya hanggang sa lumabas siya sa veranda kung saan
kita ang buong race track.

"What?" he snapped.

Hindi ko alam kung papaano ko siya kakausapin lalo na't iritado siya. Pero hindi ko
puwedeng palagpasin ang ginawa ni kuya. He was setting me in a small corner that
Zeke could not reach, katulad ng ginawa niya sa iba. And it's time he stop doing
it.

Pero kailangan ko ring kausapin si Zeke. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanyang walang
nagbago. Walang magbabago kahit ano pang sabihin ni kuya.

"Alam kong protective si Vincent sa'kin kaya niya nasabi sayo kung anuman ang
sinabi niya sayo. Pero hindi habang buhay, gano'n. Hindi niya puwedeng diktahan ang
buhay ko, kung ano ang gusto ko at kung ano ang hindi—"

"He's your brother. He knows what's best for you."

Napatingin ako sa mga mata niya. "At ano ang makakabuti sa'kin?"

Sinalubong niya ako sa makahulugang tingin. Pumalibot sa mukha ko ang mga mata niya
at nagtagal pa iyon sa mga labi ko. Para na namang sinipa ng kabayo ang puso ko
pero hindi ko magawang magsaya sa kaisipang naaalala niya ang nangyari. I know he
still thinks about the kiss. Pero dahil kay kuya, diterminado siyang kalimutan
iyon.
Bumawi siya ng tingin at lumayo siya sa'kin. "If you're wise enough, you'll do what
Five said."

"Naniwala ka naman kay kuya?"

"You deserve someone better, Vicky."

I can't believe this. Hindi ako makapaniwalang sinabi niya iyon. At tinawag na
naman niya akong Vicky. Sinasadya ba niyang tawagin akong Vicky para hindi
personal? Siya lang ang taong tumatawag sa'kin ng Victoria. At dahil do'n kaya
naging espesyal sa'kin ang pangalan ko. But right now, I don't feel special.

Akala ko pa naman kaya niyang panindigan ang nangyari. Akala ko, mayron siyang
nararamdaman sa'kin kaya niya ginawa iyon. Mali ba ako? Mali ba ang pagkakaintindi
ko?

Pero siguro nga umasa lang ako sa wala. Dahil puro ako 'akala'. Hindi naman niya
sinabing gusto niya ako o may nararamdaman siya sa'kin. Ako lang ang nagbigay ng
kahulugan sa lahat. Ako lang ang umasa.

Pinuno ko ng hangin ang dibdib ko. "Bakit mo ginawa ang bagay na iyon?" Bumaling
sa'kin si Zeke nang nagtataka. Alam kong puwede akong masaktan sa isasagot niya
pero kailangan kong sumugal. Kailangan kong malaman. Kaya hinarap ko siya. "Bakit
mo ako hinalikan?"

He shrugged. "It was just a spur of moment. Nothing special."

"Sinasabi mo lang iyan dahil sa sinabi sayo ni kuya."

"Sinabi ko iyon dahil iyon ang totoo!" sigaw niya bigla.

Naikuyom ko ang mga kamay ko. Gusto ko siyang sampalin, saktan, katulad ng
nararamdaman ko. Pero alam kong hindi iyon ang totoong nararamdaman ni Zeke. Hindi
ako kumbinsido sa sinasabi niya. Alam kong mayro'n siyang hindi masabi-sabi sa loob
niya.

"Hindi mo man lang ba itatanong kung ano ang gusto ko?"

"Hindi." Umikot siya para umalis pero pinigilan ko siya.

"Zeke—"

"Just let it go, okay?!" Napaatras ako sa marahas na pagkakatanggal niya sa kamay
ko sa braso niya. Nagsilipan na rin sa gawi namin ang mga tao sa loob dahil sa
lakas ng sigaw niya. Pero wala akong pakialam kung palibutan man nila kami dahil sa
ngayon, ang iniintindi ko lang ay ang pagpipigil ko sa sarili kong huwag umiyak sa
harap niya. I am not weak.

"You don't know me, Victoria. You don't know anything about me," marahas na bulong
niya. "I wreck lives, I break hearts, I rob innocence and more than anything else,
I don't do love. I am a cruel man, Victoria. So if you know what's good for you,
you will listen to your brother. He loves you enough to protect you from me. So
please, do yourself a favor and stay away from me."

_________________________

A/N: Vote and Comment po kayo. ^_^ Thank you! See you sa next update!

Follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

=================

Chapter ♠ 9

WHO IS SHE

"I DON'T think it's a good idea, Av," I said with a grimace.

I mean, anything that has to do with working any where near Zeke, especially being
under his beck and call, is close to being a disaster. And I don't think I would
appreciate being bossed around by him. No, definitely not a good idea.

"Why not?" Avon, my ever dearest manager, asked curiously over the phone. "You need
a job, you want to work as close to your racing career, and you will be hitting two
birds with one stone on this one," she even explained with practicality.

Yes, she's right, I admit wryly. Gusto kong magtrabaho dahil alam kong hindi habang
buhay ipagpapatuloy ko ang pagiging professional car racer ko. I only have a goal.
At kapag naabot ko iyon, then perhaps I'll move on—like how Zeke had.

Pero hanggang maaari, gusto kong maging malapit sa daang tinahak ko. At least, that
would ease my conscience...

I mentally pulled myself out from the thoughts that was bordering to the past I
don't think I can handle right now and focused on what Avon said—which was the
practicality of the job. Safe ground.
"I'm sure there's a lot better option than that," I suggested. Hindi lang naman si
Zeke ang kayang magbigay sa'kin ng ganong oportunidad. There are more.

"Better than Zeke Steele?" Avon asked.

Yes. "Better than Zeke Steele." Siguro walang kayang pumantay sa perang puwede kong
kitain kung sakaling pumayag akong magtrabaho sa kumpanya nila. But money does not
matter to me. May naitabi naman akong pera.

Working with Zeke, seeing him everyday and knowing we are inside the same building,
same place... No. It will greatly test the equilibrium I cultivated within myself
with such difficulty, because I am aware that Zeke is the only man who can disrupt
it, who can destroy my sanity effortlessly, as he did years ago. And reminiscing
the past did not very well helped.

"You really hate this man, do you?" I can hear an hint of amusement in Avon's
voice. But I'm not going to satisfy her curiosity. After all, there's nothing to
satisfy.

"Nothing personal." I shrugged nonchalantly that could have deceived her if she
could see me. But then, my eyes would probably betray the gesture and Avon would
surely grill me with questions I am not prepared answer.

"Ako na lang ang maghahanap ng trabaho," sabi ko na lang.

Avon sighed. "But the offer won't stand for long, Vee. Marami ang gsutong pumasok
sa SMI. This is your golden chance. 'Pag pinalagpas mo 'to, it's like throwing a
bag of gold across the river."

"I know." Siguro iniisip ni Avon na nababaliw ako at nagiging matigas ang ulo ko
ngayon, at wala akong pakialam. I just don't want to see him again, let alone work
with him.

"Just think it through. Give it more time before you decide on anything, okay? I'll
hold the offer as long as I can. But you have to promise me, Vee. You will have to
compromise."

Tumango na lang ako bago naputol ang linya.

I never said no to my manager. I know she's trying her very best to give my career
a boost and she's always considering my best interest at heart everytime she sought
out a deal for me and my career.

Since that fateful day that Zeke chose Vincent's words over me, which completely
broke my heart for the first time, I never saw him again. Lumayo ako katulad ng
gusto ni kuya, katulad ng sinabi niya. I stayed away and let nursed a broken heart.
Ginugol ko ang oras ko sa pagtatarabaho at sa pagrereview. And when I passed the
board, I grabbed that chance to work abroad. Pero hindi pa ako nakakalabas ng bansa
no'ng nakatanggap ako ng tawag galing kay tito. A call that turned my life upside
down in a blink of an eye.

It was such a long time but I can still clearly remember the shock, the despair,
and the fear that gripped me. And the rush of guilt...

Stop it! saway ko sa sarili ko. That's enough.

I sucked on a deep breath as I mentally stamped a hard seal on my brain. I made my

decision and tell Avon that this time, I have to say no.

I SLUNG my gym bag inside an empty locker after changing. Hindi ako nagpupupunta sa
gym kaya first time ko ngayon, dahil kay Avon. According to her, kailangan kong
magpa-tone ng katawan para sa photoshoot.

I sighed. Kung hindi ko lang pangarap na makita ang isang model ng Avesto Series,
hindi na sana ako pumayag sa kontratang 'to.

It's okay. Hindi naman ibig sabihin makikita ko si Zeke sa photoshoot diba? He's
hardly a model. Siya nga ang CEO at President ng SMI at alam kong masyadong busy
ang schedule niya para tingnan ang photoshoot.

So I guess it's okay.

Without knowing what to wear, I just threw on a black tights, white vest over a
loose thin black top and paired it with my favorite violet sketchers. After tying
my hair in a loose knot on top of my head, I head out and started stretching and
warming up as I waited for Tania, ang gym instructor na kinausap ni Avon para
sa'kin.

I don't know what's the fuss, though. Sa tanang buhay ko, ang korte ng katawan ko
ang pinoproblema ng mga kabigan ko. I am not well-endowed in many department,
especially my chest and my hips. Para na akong naglalakd na poste.

Tapos papapuntahin ako ni Avon dito para magpapayat pa? I really don't get it. Or
maybe gusto lang niyang palagyan ako ng muscles? At tanggalin ang mga fats ko? Oh
my... e iyon na nga lang ang nagpapadagdag ng timbang ko, tatanggalin pa?

I heard someone shriek and I saw a girl run towards the door.
Argh! Great! My day couldn't even get any worse than this, I thought grimly as I
watched Zeke strode inside the gym like a panther ready to kill.

Of all places... Of all people...

He looks like a demigod walking the face of the earth. So hard, brooding, and
intense. I guess that smouldering darkness around him gave him the air of mystery
that girls wanted to discover—a girl like me who's brave enough and ignorantly
naïve to take the challenge and reveal the real man behind that shield.

But it was a challenge that seemed insurmountable ever since the beginning. And
because I missed that one important fact, I failed and risked my heart.

"Hi Zekeee!" The girl purred and stopped Zeke from walking. Tiningnan niya ang
babae.

The girl was short, busty, sexy, fairly pretty, and morena. Yep! Definitely Zeke's
type. Ganyang ganyan ang hitsura no'ng mga babaeng madalas kong nakikitang kasama
niya sa mga magazine at newspaper.

Ever since he left his racing career, mas lalo siyang dinumog ng media at
reporters. It seemed he never really left the spotlight. Kahit saan siya pumunta,
may nakasunod na paparazzi. Well, no body can blame them. With his looks and his
wealth that was hanging like a price tag on his neck, he is a man that is
impossible to ignore.

Zeke started to walk away but then another girl came to stop him. "Zeke!"

I almost laughed at the look of impatience stamped across his face as he glared at
the woman, pero mukhang hindi man lang natakot ang babae.

"Ang akala ko hindi ka na darating. Tatlong araw akong nagpabalik-balik dito pero
wala ka raw." The woman pouted. But then she suddenly broke into a wide, sunny
smile. "Pero buti andito ka na!"

Napangiwi ako dahil halos idikit na ng babae ang dibdib niya sa katawan ni Zeke.

Umiwas na lang ako ng tingin at ipinagpatuloy ko ang ginagawa kong pagwawarm-up.

It's fun to watch him squirm, pero nakakasuka ang mga babaeng dumidikit sa kanya.
Bahala na lang si Zeke sa mga babae niya. It's his life anyway. I just hope he
won't see me or if he happens to see and recognize me, which could surely happen, I
wish he won't come over and talk to me.

"Hi, Ms. Alteza?" Biglang may lalaking tumayo sa harap ko. Tumayo ako ng maayos at
inabot ang kamay niya. "I'm Ivan Garcia," nakangiting pakilala niya.
"Unfortunately, male-late ng dating si Tania kaya ako muna ang magiging personal
trainer mo ngayon."
Ah... so that explains the bulk and the excessive muscles on his biceps. "Okay," I
said with hesitation, thinking about my own biceps. Ganyan ba ang gagawin niya sa
braso ko? Ngumiti na lang ako imbis na ngumiwi. "Tapos na akong magwarm up."

"Good." Steady lang ang ngiti niya. Not the remote, professional smile, but a
friendly smile. "I checked Tania's workout plan for you kaya iyon ang susundin
natin." He moved at sinundan ko siya habang nagsasalita siya.

"We'll start with your leg exercise. Una muna tayo sa Leg Extension Machine bago ka
tumakbo sa treadmill." Tumigil siya sa harap ng isang gym equipment saka ako
pinaupo doon. "Here. Sit here and put your shoes in here." Tinapik niya ang isang
parte ng machine kung saan ko pinatong ang paa ko.

"Use your leg muscles while pushing this to extend your legs," sabi niya at itinuro
ang parte ng legs kong kailangan ko daw gamitin. I did what he told me as I pushed
and extended my legs.

"Good. Keep going," he encouraged. Nakakailang extensions na ako nang biglang may
umagaw sa atensyon ng instructor ko. Tumalikod siya para harapin kung sino man
iyon.

"I think someone needs your attention," came a familiar drawl that immediately sent
my nerves tingling.

"Excuse lang sandali," paalam ni Ivan bago siya umalis para puntahan ang 'damsel in
distress' na ipinunta pa ni Zeke sa kinaroroonan namin.

"Wow... So you just came over here to yank my trainer's attention because someone
needs him and I don't?" I can't help the sarcastic tone in my voice, just as I
can't help the way my heart slamming againg my rib cage seeing him wearing a white
shirt and grey sweatpants instead of his tailored suit.

A face like that shouldn't wander around. Dapat silang kinukulong para hindi na
naghahasik ng lagim. They make minds go insane.

His dark eyes glazed and narrowed on me. "Do you really have to hire a man to coach
you so just you can flaunt your figure and let him drool over your body?"

I gasped and looked around, grateful that no ones on earshot. "You brute!" Inis na
umalis ako sa kinauupuan ko. "Anong gusto mong palabasin?" I'm not even dressed
like those bimbos sticking to him like a leech, hanging to his every words! Tapos
sasabihin niya sa'kin na nakikipag-flirt ako sa instructor ko?

"My life isn't your property kaya wala kang pakialam kung sino ang gusto kong
maging instructor ko!" I hissed. "At imbis na ako ang pinapakialaman mo rito, iyang
mga babae mo ang pakialaman mo!" Ewan ko kung anong meron sa lalaking 'to na palagi
na lang nagpapaandar sa natutulog na bomba sa katawan ko.

Lalong naningkit ang mga mata niya at nagtagis ang mga bagang niya. "Your brother
will rise up from the dead to put some sense into your head."

Hurt lanced at me like it always had at the memory of my brother. For once, I
itched to slap him. But hostility isn't the best way to get even with this man.
"Baka nakakalimutan mo. Ikaw ang dahilan kaya nakalibing si kuya ngayon?"

His nose flared and a muscle twitched at his jaw as his lips tightened. I know I've
scored a sore spot—his guilt. But I don't exactly feel victorious.

Since Vincent's death, alam kong sinubukan ni Zeke na tulungan ako. Even when I
hated him, he never left me alone with my grieving. When I was in deep trouble
because of my recklessness, I know he's the one who always saves me. He took care
of me when I couldn't cope with the death of my brother. But it has to stop, some
way or another.

"Don't act like an old brother, Zeke, because you never are," I continued against
his seething silence. "If you want to fill up the role that you emptied four years
ago, then don't bother. I don't need being taken care of."

His face pulled taut as he tried to control his
daggers. "I know what I did, Victoria," he said
and bitterness. "And don't think for one second
that you hated me for it. I am punishing myself
includes looking after you, then so be it."
anger. But his eyes were shooting
as his lips curled with distaste
that I forgot what I did to him and
hard enough for my sin and if it

I was heaving with so much anger. So ang ginagawa niyang pagtulong sa'kin ay hindi
dahil sa awa? Hindi dahil sa nagi-guilty siya sa kasalanang ginawa niya?

"Zeke!" Someone called before I could open my mouth. Sabay kaming napalingon sa
babaeng bagong dating. Nakangiti siya sa amin naparang hindi niya nararamdaman ang
tensyon sa pagitan namin ni Zeke.

"Ano'ng ginagawa mo dito?" Zeke asked irritatedly.

Pero imbis na matakot at umalis ang babae, ngumiti lang siya at nagawa pa niyang
tuksuhin si Zeke. "PMS ka na naman ano?"

Hindi iyon pinansin ni Zeke. Tiningnan lang niya ang dalang grocery bags ng babae.
"And what is that?"

"Galing ako sa condo unit mo kanina."

Lalong kumunot ang noo ko sa babaeng 'to. Condo unit ni Zeke? Who is she? May
girlfriend ba si Zeke? Siya ba?

I observed the two of them and I noticed the closeness they have. And the way
Zeke's eyes softened. Something tugged at my chest ad forced it down violently.

"You rummaged through my ref again?"

The woman smiled sweetly and I saw how beautiful she is. She's so different from
those bimbos I often see around him. "Correction—checked. I checked. At natagpuan
kong walang kalaman-laman ang ref mo."

Inagaw bigla ni Zeke ang grocery bag sa kamay ng babae at nag-isang linya ang kilay
niya. "You want to fill it with jellies again?!"

Binawi ng babae ang bitbit na bag at imbis na sagutin si Zeke ay bumaling ito
sa'kin. "Hi!" she greeted cheerfully.

"H—Hello," I said awkwardly, realizing that Zeke almost forgot about me and I just
stupidly stood here watching them.

"Pasensya na. Napansin ko lang, inaaway ka ba nito?" Tinuro niya si Zeke. Then she
waved her hand. "Don't mind him. NagkakaPMS lang talaga siya—"

"Serena," banta ni Zeke.

Umikot lang ang mata ng babaeng tinawag ni Zeke na Serena. "Are you his friend?"
tanong pa ulit niya sa'kin.

This woman's so straight forward. Ganito ba ang mga tipo ngayon ni Zeke?

"Or girlfriend?"

"Okay. That's enough." Biglang hinatak ni Zeke ang kamay ng babae. "Let's go."
Hinila na siya ni Zeke palayo bago ko pa masagot ang tanong niya.

"Nakikipag-usap pa ako sa kanya," narinig ko pang reklamo ni Serena habang

lumalabas sila ng gym ni Zeke.

And there I was, still standing where they left me, with my head replaying the
scene. The closeness that I never thought I could see with anyone who involves
themselves to a man like Zeke. That sudden change in his hard as granite eyes...
The easy way she talked to him.

Serena.
Damn! Why do I suddenly hate that name?

_________________________

A/N: Please leave your comments po and tell me what you think, guys. ^_^

Follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

- Lady A

=================

Chapter ♠ 10

PULL OUT

"I'M GLAD you didn't kill him yet," natatawang biro ni Sheena sa telepono
pagkatapos kong ikuwento sa kanya ang naging pagkikita namin ni Zeke. She seemed so
amused by my story. Kung alam lang niya.

Oh, I love to kill that man!

Hindi ko pa rin makalimutan ang mga sinabi niya. The more I think about everything
he said, the more I find myself getting mad. How dare him! Sino ba siya sa akala
niya para sabihing nagpapakababa ako para lang makakuha ng atensyon?

I can perfectly watch over myself. Hindi ko kailangang alagaan niya ako at
protektahan dahil lang napipilitan siya.

I hate him! It's because of him why I lost my brother. At kahit bali-baliktarin pa
ang mundo, hindi iyon magbabago. He's committed a crime against me. And that I
should never forget.

"Ikaw, baka gusto mong gawin iyon," I told Sheena with a dry humor.

Saglit na natahimik si Sheena bago siya nagsalita. "He wouldn't want that." 
My chest tightened at the sad note of her voice and I almost cursed myself for
giving her a reason to remember Vincent. Iniisip ko lang ang sarili ko. But
Sheena... she lost her heart too when my brother died.

"I knew you'd say that." I nodded almost absent-mindedly. Sheena never blamed Zeke
for Vince's death as I do. Aksidente daw ang nangyari at walang may gusto sa
nangyari. But still...

"'Wag kang mag-alala. Kasama niya ako at babantayan ko siya."

I shut my eyes hard as if I could force those words out of my head. I tried to warn
Zeke that night. Pero pinagkatiwalaan ko pa rin siya. Naniwala akong babantayan
niya si kuya at nangako siyang hindi mapapahamak si kuya. But he failed me. Vincent
died.

I forced out a smile and said too brightly, "Anyway, aalis ako ngayon."

"May lakad ka?"

"Yep! May contract signing ako ngayon. Isang photoshoot." I walked out of my flat
and took the lift, ignoring the fact that I'd see Zeke again, and berated myself at
the way my heart beat wildly at the thought of it.

"Ha? Akala ko ba hindi ko ba break mo ngayon? Bakit magtatrabaho ka?"

I sighed. Sinabi ko ngang hindi muna ako magtatrabaho sa ngayon. Kaya lang... "I
can't pass up on this one. Matagal ko ng gustong makakita ng modelong gawa ni
Avesto Patrese."

No'ng natanggap ko ang balitang iyon kay Jack, hindi ko na pinalagpas at pumayag na
ako kaagad.

"Vince's car photo collection," tahimik na sabi ni Sheena nang makasakay na ako sa
kotse ko.

I smiled at myself. Pero alam kong hindi iyon isang masayang ngiti. "You still
remember."

"I still remember everything about him."

And for a minute, we fell silent reminiscing how Vince used to collect Avesto G2
Series, when Avesto just start running his car business since he retired because of
his injury. Isa ng malaking fan ni Avesto si kuya at isa sa mga pangarap niya ang
makilala ang italiyanong racer.
But he'd never had the chance.

"Well, send me a selfie sa photoshoot mo," putol ni Sheena sa katahimikan. "Sayang

hindi kita makikita sa first photoshoot mo. It will be awesome seeing people
fussing over you."

Narelax na rin ako nang marinig ko ang sigla at saya sa boses ni Sheena. Ilang taon
din siyang nakulong sa pagdadalamhati niya sa pagkawala ni kuya. And it's nice she
has finally found her happiness again and moved on from that tragic night.

"Nasaan ka ba ngayon?" tanong ko sa kanya habang pinapaandar ko ang makina ng

kotse.

"Sa Hongkong. Dalawang araw pa kami dito tapos lilipad na kami pabalik sa New
York."

I simply nodded with understanding and said nothing.

"Vee?" Sheena hesitated.

"Hmm?"

"You'll come, right?"

I detected the doubt in her voice. "Oo naman," sabi ko kaagad para panatagin ang
pag-iisip niya. "I wouldn't want to miss it for the world. Kasal mo iyon e." And I
want to see her happy and smiling, not crying. I want to see her in love again.

"Thank you, Vee. It will really mean a lot to me if you're there."

By the time I put my phone down, I came to realize how everyone was moving on...
except me.

I CROSSED my legs again and checked my phone to see what time is it. And sighed.

"How long do we have to wait here?" tanong ko kay Avon.

It's been over thirty minutes and we are still waiting. We we were supposed to sign
the contract some minutes ago but it seemed we're just wasting our time. Hindi ko
maiwasang madisappoint. Is this how Zeke handle his business?
"Relax, Vee." Ngumiti sa'kin si Avon. "May pinag-uusapan pa daw sila sa opi—"

Suddenly, the door swung open and my breath was stuck at my throat as I watched
Zeke entering the room.

"Oh, here they are."

Hindi ko narinig ang sinabi ni Avon. All I was aware of was how the room shrunk
with his enormous presence stifling the atmosphere. He looked every inch of a
millionaire and powerful with his sleek tailored navy suit that was perfectly
molded to his muscular physique.

Unwantedly, an image of him wearing white t-shirt and grey sweatpants flashed
inside my head, his biceps moist from sweat, his breath warm from exhaustion...

My eyes climbed up to his face and stopped and stared at those unsmiling lips. My
mouth felt parched and dry, barely remembering how those lips tasted. Before I
could look away, Zeke's startlingly brooding gaze held mine in a knowing look. And
then, a very slow, sexy smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, his eyes glittered
wickedly.

Naramdaman kong umakyat lahat ng dugo sa pisngi ko kaya bumawi kaagad ako ng tingin
bago pa niya mabasa ang takbo ng utak ko.

Geez! What the hell was that? What's suddenly gotten into me? Sinaniban ba ako?

"I'm very sorry for keeping you waiting." Zeke's deep voice filled the room and I
squirmed on my chair to stop myself from shivering. "Shall we start?"

I frowned when someone pulled a chair in front of me. Noon ko lang napansin ang
dalawa pa niyang kasamang pumasok kanina. Strange, I thought. For a while there, I
thought it was just me and Zeke.

Me and my stupid imagination.

Everyone took there respected seats and then a woman in same sleek business suit
came in with folders in hand. Isa-isa niya iyong nilapag sa harap namin.

"Thank you, Stacey," sabi ni Zeke sa babae.

Oh, so she's the secretary, I thought as I watched the woman smiled warmly to Zeke.
Yep! Not so immune with her boss's charm.

I avoided looking to where I knew Zeke was sitting as I signed the papers, yet I am
fully aware of his body propped nonchalantly against his chair and his fingers
tapping mindlessly on the conference table. Aware of his eyes and the feeling it
evoked inside me.

Zeke was watching me. And knowing it without even seeing him was unsettling me to
distraction.

He was so dark and brooding, and so gorgeous that seeing him again after two days
since that gym incedent felt like someone just punched me in the stomach. There was
something in the way he's looking at me that no other man had ever made me feel. It
was so alien and scary I don't know what to do with it.

"Thank you very much, Mr. Steele." Avon shook Zeke's hand after all has been
settled.

I was keeping my safe distance from him. Ewan bakit ako nagkakaganito, when I am
supposed to be mad at him, right?

I turned around hoping to find Avon but no, it wasn't her who was standing behind
me.

"Ms. Alteza," Zeke drawled as he shot out a hand. He was looking at me with those
intense eyes.

My heart skittered away and I took a deep breath to steady my heart beat. Tinanggap
ko ang pakikipagkamay niya at matapang kong sinalubong ang mga mata niya. If he
thinks he can intimidate me with those eyes, then I'm afraid he'll be disappointed.
Though if I don't get out of here soon enough...

Binawi ko kaagad ang kamay ko at hinanap si Avon. I found her talking with Mr.
Diaz. "Mauna na ako sa labas," bulong ko sa kanya. Tumango siya at nagmamadaling
lumabas na ako ng conference room.

Pinindot ko ang down button ng elevator at taimtim na nagdasal na sana hindi ako
abutan ni Zeke.

I frowned at myself. Why was I so affected? It's not that I'm scared of him. I'm
scared about something else. Kung sana hindi ko na lang pinanaginipan ang panaginip
na iyon kagabi. Then maybe I'd be as stable as I had been with him and this
attraction I can well do without.

Naramdaman kong tumalon ang puso ko nang marinig kong bumukas ang pintuan ng
conference room.

Damn it!
I really am feeling damn frustrated when my silent prayers were not answered and I
almost groaned out loud when I felt his presence beside me.

Oh, I know it was Zeke. Hindi ko na kailangang lingunin siya para malaman iyon. He
was so near I thought his body heat was almost engulfing me.

I was so stiff I almost jumped when he reached for the down button again.

"You can relax, Victoria" he murmured grimly. "I am not planning to jump out on
you."

Just then, the lift door opened. He stepped back and waited for me to get in before
he stepped inside. I gritted my teeth as he walked past me and stopped myself from
arching when his shoulder brushed my own. Hindi naman maliit ang elevator pero
ramdam na ramdam ko siya.

The awareness that I was suffering from since he walked inside the conference room
intensified now that we are alone inside this confined space and I am ten times
aware of his height, his large built, his gaze as he stood exactly right behind me.
And that enticingly musky smell.

There's something really wrong with me.

I punched the ground button harder than I inteneded to, silently pleading for the
ride to be fast and quick. Pero biglang tumigil at bumukas ang elevator.

Medyo nagulat pa ang babae nang bumukas ang elevator at tila nagdalawang isip pang
umapak sa loob dahil siguro kay Zeke. Who can blame her? Maybe I'm not the only one
who can feel this damn tension.

Mas lalo pang dumami ang mga sumakay sa elevator at natulak ako nang natulak
hanggang sa maramdaman ko ang mga kamay sa braso ko. Zeke hissed under his breath.

"Sorry," sabi ko. Mukhang naapakan ko yata siya. O baka naiipit na rin siya sa
likod.

"Just don't come too close."

The hair on my nape stood up as his breath whispred on my ear. My heart was
pounding heavily from his close proximity. It was excruciatingly intense. And I had
to endure his warm breath on my neck until the space cleared. I practically bolted
away from him as soon as I had the chance.

I heard him laughed with such derisiveness that made me turn around and look at
him. 
"It's very inconvenient, isn't it? This attraction between us?"

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa gulat. So he did feel it too? Hindi ko lang imahinasyon
iyon?

"I knew this wouldn't do," he continued looking down with a frown. "And believe me,
I tried to desuade my board to choose another model who will do the job. But
they're too impressed with your performance."

"What?" Iyon ba ang dahilan kaya matagal kaming naghintay kanina? Kaya sila na-
late?

He looked at me and I noticed his face dimmed and his mouth thinned. "I wanted to
talk to you privately, that's why I followed you," pag-amin niya. Alarm bells rang,
loud and insistently, in my head.

"Tungkol saan?"

"I know you feel it too. And don't try to deny it, Victoria, because it's useless.
I can read you like an open book. And before I lose control and do something
inappropriate," he paused as the lift vibrated to a halt and the doors opened. "I
want you to pull out from the contract."

_________________________

A/N: Salamat sa pagbabasa, guys! Keep reading po and thank you sa votes! Hope
you'll drop down your comments! ^_^

Follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

- Lady A

=================

Chapter ♠ 11

POINT TAKEN
FOR A LONG moment, I just stood there gaping at him with my mouth hanging open. I
barely heard the sound of the elevator closing.

"What?" I snapped and blocked his hand when he moved to stop the door from sliding
close.

"Victoria," he warned softly, his temper hardly concealed behind it. "Move."

Too late, because the door was already closed.

I heard him hiss when I quickly pushed the stop button. His eyes narrowed. "Open
the damn door and get off."

Hindi ko siya pinansin. I stood my ground—all of my five feet five inches height.
"Nababaliw ka na ba?" asik ko. "You can't seriously expect me to pull back out just
because you find something you don't like! It's too late. Nakasulat na ang pirma ko
sa kontrata," giit ko. Like hell is he going to make me nod and agree to him. "Kung
may plano ka palang 'wag ituloy, sana sinabihan mo ako ng mas maaga!"

He shrugged coolly. "Yes, well, there has been changes, apparently, and I had to
know it myself this morning," he stated without even feeling guilty or sorry about
it. "If you are worrying about the legalities, don't be. I'll take care of it."

The final note in his voice hit home inside me. He's dead serious about it. At wala
na akong magagawa.

No, sigaw ng utak ko. I can still change his mind. Just throw away that towering
pride.

"Zeke," I breathed to keep my voice steady. "You're being unreasonable here. This
is a job and I expect professional dealings from your side. Sa lahat ng sinabi mo,
wala akong nakitang sapat na rason para gawin ko ang gusto mo. First of all,
there's no 'attraction' whatsoever between us—and don't talk. Hindi pa ako tapos,"
I interjected when he was about to interrupt me.

Yeah, I can see he was about to tell me I'm wrong about what I said—that there was
a tangible attraction swirling around us before. But that was before. All I feel
now was my suppressed anger and frustration.

"Second, I don't see why I have to consider your opinion. Yes, with all due resect,
you are the president and CEO of this company, but I'm the one who will be doing
the photoshoot. Isang araw lang iyon. I can hardly see you while I pose for a
camera, right? Just think about it."

His mouth compressed into a grim line. "Stop arguing, Victoria. Just give up and
withdraw back."
"Ayoko!" matigas na sabi ko. Forget about being civil with this man. It's quite
impossible talking to him logically. Parang gusto ko na lang na iwan siya dito at
hayaan siyang mangisay.

So why shouldn't I do that?

Nag-isang linya ang kilay ni Zeke at lalo pang tumiim ang bagang niya. "You are
being stubborn."

I looked up at him and sent him a saccharine-sweet smile, knowing it would tick him
even more. "Thanks, though I thought you knew that already."

He's very annoyed now, I can see that. He's a man who always got whatever he wants
and he's not used to people saying 'no' to him.

But he has to change his vocabulary very soon, because with me, his ears will
strain to hear me say the foreign word always and he will have to deal with it.

He suddenly took one step closer to me, changing the atmosphere almost abruptly,
catching me off guard. The hard angles of his face softened, but not too gentle.
Gone was the tight leased anger that I could handle better than his alluringly sexy
smile and intense dark eyes. Too intense they speed up my heart beat, sending my
blood to woosh in my veins.

He did this too easily, blowing hot and cold. And I don't like it one bit. I hate
the way I am reacting to it.

I squirmed away and a satisfied smile curled his lips when he read my discomfiture.

Damn this brute!

Humakbang pa siya nang humakbang hanggang sa nasa likod ko na ang elevator panel. I
glared at him. He was breaching on my personal space! And he was enjoying it very
much.

"What are you doing, Zeke?"

He shrugged. "Proving a point." His breath fanned my cheeks. "You sure you're up to
it?" His voice husky.

I swallowed hard, afraid that he might hear the drumbeat of my heart. Even
breathing was hard with him standing this close. He was so near, his spicy
masculine scent teased my nose. God! Why did he have to smell this good?
Pero pinilit ko pa ring salubungin ang mga mata niya. I licked the dryness of my
lips with the tip of my tongue, my throat felt hoarse and dry. "W—why not? May
dahilan ba para hindi ko ituloy?"

His eyes darkened from the challenge and his nose flared. For a minute, I thought
he was going to back away, but then, I'm wrong.

"This..." he growled as he lowered down his head.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa balak niyang gawin. I know I have to move, turn my head
around, but pathetic as it was, my body seemed to have its own mind and I can't
seem to look away. All I could see was his lips and kept thinking how it would feel
kissing me. Will it be the same devastatingly knee-buckling, toe-curling as it had
been years ago?

My eyes started to flutter close, anticipation burning inside me. But something
felt not right. Some part of my sixth sense kicked in and my eyes flew open only
too see the hard glint in Zeke's eyes. And that felt like a bucket of cold water
dousing my stupid brain.

Zeke was not planning to kiss me at all. He was proving something... in a cruel,
cold way.

"You proved your point now," I bit harshly, keeping my clenched hands at check.

Umiling siya at nanatiling nakatayo sa harap ko. "Not entirely. No." Emotions
played across his taut face, one of them was anger, the other I don't know.

"You are an inconvenience to me, Victoria. Something I will not have. But from the
moment I saw you again, I only have one thing in mind." His eyes zeroed on my lips,
making them tingle and my heart picked up a beat. "I wake and sleep thinking how
much I wanted to kiss you again, have a taste of your lips. But I also know how you
feel about me."

That made me frown. I was so tempted to pull him back when he started to lean back,
suddenly I craved the warmth of his body blanketing me. I felt bereft.

"So before I make you despise me even more," he rasped. "Do what's best for both of
us."

I barely saw him reaching out behind me and pressed the lift to open. The elevator
bell rang sharply above my head and I was hit with the realization that I am likely
to lose my brother's dream, right this moment.

No. I can't.
"O, andiyan ka lang pala!" sigaw ni Avon sa labas. Pero nanatiling nakay Zeke ang
paningin ko.

His face was back to its social mask, cold and hard, not a single trace of those
emotions passing his eyes, not even his anger and frustration. He's giving away
nothing.

Harsh, cold-blooded, and cruel. He just played with me and my feminine

vulnerability. How? How could I ever forget that this man... this man was every bit
of the man who killed my brother?

Naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Avon sa braso ko, pulling me out of the lift. "Ang akala
ko nauna ka na. Buti nakita ko iyong koste mo sa labas..." she trailed when she saw
my face.

"Mr. Steele." She smiled at Zeke when I stepped out.

"Good day, Ms. Trinidad," Zeke said with a polite nod before the doors closed.

"Okay ka lang? Namumutla ka," mabilis na tanong nI Avon nang sumara ang pinto.

"I'm fine," I gritted out. 

Other than the fact that my heartbeat was out of control?

No. I'm not really fine. I can't drop this contract. Ilang taon kong sinubukang
makalapit kay Avesto, kahit man lang isa sa mga racing campaign niya. And I always
fail.

Pero may pagkakataon na ako. Ito.

Why did Zeke have to tell me to withdraw?

No. It's out of the question. Hindi ko gagawin ang gusto niya. I will not tolerate
him bullying me into running away. Hindi ako aatras sa kontrata, kahit pa bayaran
niya ako ng malaking pera. The hell I will.

And then later that night, when I was completely alone in my flat, staring blankly
above my ceiling, I couldn't forget the way he said those words...

"So before I make you despise me even more... Do what's best for both of us."

I cringed. Did I almost let him kiss me back there?

Yes, you did.

And he thought if he kissed me, I would hate him. Well, I would. But at that time,
if I'm going to be honest, I wouldn't. That's how I wanted him to kiss me. Badly.

But I will hate him after.

Just how far does he want to go to bend me to his will? He has a girlfriend for
crying out loud! At hindi ko iyon maaalala kung hindi ko nakasalubong ang babaeng
nakita ko sa gym na bumababa sa sasakyan niya kanina. She was there to visit Zeke,
of course. And thinking about what he almost did inside the elevator with me was
just horrible.

I really hate him now. I really, really do.

"YOU LOOK perfect!"

Sinubukan kong ngumiti at huwag iikot ang mga mata ko habang inaayos ni Orla ang
buhok ko na halos tuwid na tuwid sa likod ko.

My head ache. Kung wala lang 'tong photoshoot, baka umalis na ako. But since today
was the photoshoot, I have to endure everything while they pulled my hair, ironed
it until it straightened and shone like a fine silk on my back.

"Are you sure you don't want to be a model?" tanong sa'kin ni Orla habang
tinitingnan niya ako sa salamin. I look like a perfect human mannequin, I thought
as I stared at my make-upped face.

"Very sure."

Ngumuso siya. "What a shame. Pagkakaguluhan ka ng mga model agency kapag nakita ka
nila."

I hid a shiver. "Thanks for the heads up, anyway." The last thing I want was people
scouting me to model fo them. Not in a million years.

Sumilip ang isang babae sa loob ng dressing room. "Ms. Alteza. Puwede ka na daw
lumabas kung ready ka na."

I nodded, excitement coursing through my nerves. This is it! Makikita ko na ang isa
sa mga Avesto Series.
I walked down the hallway, praying that Zeke will not show up today.

Bakit ko ba iniisip ang lalaking iyon? So what kung pumunta siya dito? He's not my
problem and I don't care what he'll say. Isa pa, wala akong sinabing hindi ako
pupunta. I never agreed to what he wants. In fact, I have no intention to pull out
from the contract. He knew that.

All my worry and doubts evaporated in thin air when I saw a beautifully built car
displayed outside, waiting for me.

My God, but it was utterly beautiful!

I thought I fell in love all over again.

"What the hell re you doing here?"

A surprised gasp was torn from my mouth as I whirled around to look at the man
standing behind me.

Zeke!—with his angry look and stormy eyes.

"I—iyong photoshoot," I said lamely. Of course, what else could be the reason I'm
here for. Besides, I refused to feel guilty I'm here! I have a job to do, as far I
am concerned. "Ikaw ang dapat kong tinatanong ng ganyan." Humalukipkip ako. "Anong
ginagawa mo dito? Don't you have an empire to run?"

Dumating si Orla kaya hindi ko narinig ang sasabihin sana ni Zeke. "Ezekiel. You're
late."

He dragged his eyes away from me to look at Orla. "My meeting lasted longer than I
expected."

"Oh, well. Mabuti nandito ka na. Magbihis ka na para maumpisahan na natin ang
photoshoot." Naunang maglakad si Orla pabalik sa loob. Zeke casted me an impatient
look.

Confused, I asked what was running in my mind. "What's happening?" Bakit kailangang
magbihis ni Zeke? Did I miss something?

Zeke let out a frustrated sigh. "You really test a patient of a saint, Victoria."

Iyon lang ang sinabi niya saka sinundan si Orla. And I was left there standing,
feeling like an idiot and answering stupid questions on my own.
_________________________

A/N: Drop down your comments and cast your votes! Thank you po. ^_^

Follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

- Lady A

=================

Chapter ♠ 12

HOT AND COLD

ISANG MAHABANG buntong hininga ang pinakawalan ni Bobby bago niya binaba ang
camerang hawak niya.

"Guys, give me something to work with," desmayadong sabi niya. Hindi ko na mabilang
kung ilang ulit na niyang sinabi iyon, I actually lost count. But if anything
that's obvious, Bobby was not in a good mood right now.

Tiningnan niya ako. "Vee, you're too stiff," he added seriously. "Hindi ito isang
robot animation. I want soft. Smooth. I want to see affection and love. I want you
two to love the car. Come on, work with me here!"

I flinched when he suddenly raised his voice to us. Owkaay... So he's not so scared
of Zeke, is he?

Pumikit siya at hinilot ang sentido niya. I heard he has a temper, lalo na sa mga
palpak na modelo. Well, that doesn't sound so good to me.

"We'll take a break and come back after fifteen," sabi niya mayamaya. "Sinasayang
niyo lang ang oras. Be sure you are prepared to give me what I want when you come
back," he dismissed. Tumayo na siya at umalis dala ang camera niya.

Saka ko binalingan si Zeke na prenteng nakaupo sa hood ng kotse. Damn! He looked so

great in those black shirt and beige trousers, with his tousled, sexy, bad ass
hair.

"What?" He squinted between the hairs that fell from his head covering his brows to
look at me.

Naningkit ang mga mata ko sa kanya. "Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa'kin na kasama ka sa
photoshoot?!"

"Was it necessary?" he said lazily. He looked up and closed his eyes as he leaned
boredly back against the car.

Buwisit na lalaki 'to. 'Was it necessary?!' Of course it was! Kung alam ko lang,
sana—

"I told you to back out, didn't I?"

"Yes! But you forgot to mention about this little fact!" Hindi ko mapigilang tumaas
ang boses ko. I am feeling so damn mad and frustrated! Bakit hindi nabanggit sa
kontrata na makaksama ko siya sa photoshoot? That was a very important detail they
had simply ignored to tell me.

"I don't see why I had to tell you," he silkily countered. "Besides, why do you
think I kept emphasizing about—"

"Stop!" I cut violently. Not that 'attraction' thing again! I swear I'm going to
break his arms if he keeps on bringing that up.

He smirked with his eyes still closed. "I hate to tell you this but, I told you
so."

Urgh! This man is so infuriating! He's making me crazy! I know why he's
outrageously flirting with me, at hindi ako makapaniwalang ginagawa niya iyon sa
harap ng maraming tao! The nerve of this man! He was humiliating me!

"It's funny," biglang sabi niya. "I can feel you glaring at me."

I held my breath and counted to three, or else, baka maibato ko ang sapatos ko sa
mukha niya. "I know exactly what you're doing, Zeke."

His eyes slitted open straight at me, his mouth twisted into a sultry smile that
hid a mystery. "And pray tell what is it?"
"That you are deliberately trying to scare me away," I answered bravely. I hitched
up my chin to show him I was not a bit terrified and not likely to go away whatever
he intend to wish. "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Zeke, pero hindi ako takot
sayo."

Lalong lumapad ang ngiti niya, amusement dancing in his dark eyes.

Oh no. Hindi ako magpapadala sa ngiting iyan. I stuck on my wits and focused on
what this evil man was trying to do. He's blind-siding me again with his charm,
katulad ng ginagawa niya kanina sa photoshoot at noong isang araw sa loob ng
elevator. Pasalamat siya hindi ako bayolenteng tao.

He pulled his lithe body away from the car in a graceful manner any man couldn't
muster. I crossed my arms to stop myself from moving when he started to walk
towards me.

"You're not," he repeated as if willing to make himself believe what I said.

"Hindi." Tiningnan ko siya ng masama. "And what do you think you're doing now?" My
teeth clenched. What's he up to now?

He cocked his head smugly. "Doing some expirement."

My hackles rose at the meaning of his words. "Proving a point again, you mean,"
bitterness laced my voice as I remembered what he did—or almost did—in the closed
space of the lift the other day to humiliate me.

Ang yabang niya talaga! Who does he think he is anyway to do this to me? At bakit
ko ba siya hinahayaang guluhin ang buhay ko?

"Puwede ba Zeke, tigilan mo na iyang pagyayabang mo. If you're so against about the
fact that I am here and not running away then you might as well accept it. Hindi
ako aalis dito and I refused be bullied again. Kung iniisip mong natatakot ako sa
mga ginagawa mong iyan, well, think again!"

"Good," aniya at saka tumigil ng ilang hakbang mula sa'kin. "Because I'm not trying
to scare you and I don't intent to." Muling naging seryoso ang mukha niya.

"Really?" Hindi ko napigilang tumawa ng sarkastiko. "Then forgive me if I find it

hard to believe." Dahil iba ang nakikita kong ginagawa niya sa mga salitang
lumalabas sa bibig niya.

Isinuksok niya sa mga bulsa ng pantalon niya ang mga kamay niya. "Believe what you
want, Victoria. But rest assured I don't have a plan to do anything to you. You
already hate me enough already." His eyes turned predatory. "But if you insist on
fighting me in every goddamn opportunity, then I'll have to do the best I can to
shut your mouth and make you listen," he bit out dangerously.

Well, I don't react well to threats like that. "Then perhaps I need to warn you
ahead that I will never bow down to you and maybe you can get use to the idea that
not all people are fool enough to kiss your hands and even the road you walk on.
Hindi ako magiging sunud-sunuran sa mga gusto mo."

His lips flattened into a stern displeasure and a muscle ticked at his formidable
jaw. He's angry.

"What? Are you going to put a tape on my mouth and force me to listen?" I taunted.

"I'd love to shut your mouth if you provoke me any further," aniya habang
makahulugang nakatitig sa parteng labi ko.

I hissed. "Alam mo kung ano ka?"

His eyes climbed up to mine and I nearly staggered at the bleakness and naked
torture shadowing them. "I know exactly what I am to you and I don't need you to
spell it out for me." He flicked his watch in a dismissive gesture, ending the
discussion. "Now we have at least five minutes to settle this problem."

"Your problem, not mine. Wala naman akong magiging problema kung wala ka dito e," I
said stubbornly, hating the way he shifted the topic so easily.

"Stop being annoyingly stubborn and do what Bobby says," he muttered irritatedly.

"Ginagawa ko naman ang sinasabi niya a!"

"He tells you to come closer to me and you stand stiff five meters away! You can't
even look at me in the eye! How was that going to work?"

Kumunot ang noo ko sa tono ng boses niya. He sounded... hurt. Tss... Imposible.

"Anong magagawa ko? Hindi ko napaghandaang m—may kasama ako." Kung sana sinabi nila
ng maaga, sana hindi ganito kasama ang mangyayari.

The photoshoot wouldn't be a disaster. At sana, mas na-enjoy ko ang kotse ni

Avesto. Hindi iyong oras-oras, nawawala ako sa focus dahil sa lalaking nakatayo sa
tabi ko na kayang pabilisin ang tibok ng puso ko nang hindi niya nalalaman.

Nanliit ang mga mata niya sa'kin. "Well, we have to rectify that, don't we?"
Kinabahan ako sa kakaibang titig ni Zeke sa'kin. "Mas mabuti pa, umalis ka na lang
at kausapin mo si Bobby na nagback-out ka. Na may meeting ka, o kahit ano. Bahala
ka. Just tell him you're leaving."

He smiled dangerously. "Is that the best solution you can think of?" His eyes
gleamed causing a heat to flow inside my viens like a molten chocolate syrup
sliding down my body.

What the hell?!

Lalo kong hinigpitan ang pagkakayakap ko sa sarili ko. "At ano naman ang inaasahan
mong gagawin ko?"

"For a start, we can try this." He closed the gap between us in two quick strides
until he was standing mere inches from me.

My eyes widen when his fingers came up to trace my chin and his palm cupped my jaw,
his purpose clear as his gaze dropped to my lips.

I was about to open my mouth for some protest when he lowered his head and crushed
his lips over mine. Smooth, firm, and demanding. That mouth, that mouth, was
incredibly sensational, driving all rational thoughts out of my head.

My lips parted, unable to resist him, and tiny electricity ran along my spine when
I felt his seeking tongue dipped into the heat of mine. A groan of male
satisfaction vibrated low in his throat as his hand slid through my scalp, closing
his fingers around my hair and curved my head back to deepen the kiss—to stamp his
complete ownership.

My knees wobbled slightly and he anchored his other hand onto my waist to keep me
standing. My hands pressed against his hard chest when he pulled me into the wall
of his body as he continued to explore the curves of my mouth with such expertise I
never stood a chance and all I could do was be blown away, helplessly.

His tongue slid along mine in an erotic dance that made my brain useless. I wasn't
even aware my fingertips was digging hard into his chest, breathing him in, and
reeling how delicious he smelled. He was a potent mix of heady masculinity and
spicy mint, and I felt so lost—completely and irrevocably lost.

I shuddered as he ran his hand down my back, his knowing fingers searching and
untying a knot of tension in my spine. I moaned, feeling the exquisite tension
breaking free.

A discreet cough echoed in my hazed mind and reality slammed back in. Zeke felt me
stiffened and stopped. Mabilis niya akong tinulak at lumayo sa'kin. He raked a
rough hand through his hair and muttered a curse under his breath as he swung
around and walked away. I watched him disappear inside, wondering what the hell
just happened.
"Uhm... magready na raw po kayo, sabi ni sir Bobby," nahihiyang sabi ng assistant
ni Bobby.

A blush crept in my cheeks, realizing where I was and how public it was. It's a
racetrack for Pete's sake! At dito pa niya ako...

That outrageous rake! I can't believe he did it again!

Oh, you can't hardly blame him alone, Vee. You lost your head too in that kiss.

I had to force him out of my head when Bobby returned, his brows knotted together.
"Umalis si Zeke. May emergency meeting daw siya kaya ikaw na lang muna ang magsho-
shoot ngayon." Sinenyasan niya ang assistant niya. "We'll start."

The photoshoot resumed, at walang ibang naging laman ang utak ko kun'di si Zeke.
And it was more distracting than him standing near me.

Bobby finally put his camera down and announced we are finished. Kabado akong
lumapit sa monitor na tinitingnan niya.

He smiled proudly. "You did great, Vee! These shots are worth the day, kahit wala
si Zeke." Nagulat ako sa mga kuha niya. They were...

"They're exactly what I wanted. The passion and love, they looked authentic!"

I simply nodded. The love shining through my eyes... they looked real and alive.
Was it for the car, or for entirely different reason? I wonder.

"OH, HI!"

Nagtatakang tiningnan ko ang babaeng papalapit sa'kin. I know her. She's Zeke's
girlfriend, Serena.

Pauwi na sana ako dahil napagod ako sa kakatapos lang na photoshoot, not to mention
the strain I endure with Zeke.

"I'm Serena," aniya.

"I remember." I smiled politely. Of course, who wouldn't remember her and that
face? Sa gandang meron siya, hindi na nakakapagtaka kung bakit siya nagustuhan ni
Zeke.

An irrational fury drove inside me when I remembered what he did a while ago before
he disappeared. Hinalikan talaga niya ako kahit na may girlfriend siya. Para lang
sa ano?

"Wala si Zeke dito," sabi ko na lang. Sa susunod na magkita kami ng lalaking iyon,
talagang babasagin ko ang bungo no'n.

Tumawa si Serena at saka umiling-iling. "Oh, no. I wasn't looking for him. I was
looking for you, actually."

Kumunot ang noo ko. Ako? Hinahanap niya ako?

Biglang tumambol ang kaba sa dibdib ko. Oh no... did Zeke do something? Alam ba
niya ang nangyari kanina?

"Here." She suddenly handed me a card. Napatitig ako sa sobreng binigay niya. "I
wanted to personally give you that as an invitation for my birthday."

Napatunganga ako sa sinabi niya.

She smiled at me. "I want you to come. Please."

_________________________

A/N: Thanks for waiting guys! ^_^ I hope you liked the update. I love reading what
you think so I hope you can comment too. Mwah!

You can also post in my facebook page, Ayami Lu's Stories, and share your favorite
lines or quotes. ^_^  

Follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

- Lady A

=================

Chapter ♠ 13
STEELE BROTHERS

I DREW a lungful of air before I decided to walk inside the elegant foyer after
wrestling with my ridiculous thoughts and for the last time, I scolded myself that
I am not dressed like this to impress anyone, least of all him. Besides, it's his
girlfriend's birthday. Hindi naman ako baliw para akitin siya sa araw na mahalaga
sa girlfriend niya. That's just plain stupidity. And insane.

Natural lang siguro na mag-ayos ako dahil party ang pupuntahan ko 'diba? No other
reason. Just none.

I ran my sweaty palms down the length of my black dress and ignored how revealing
it was with its deep V-neck and halter neck straps, baring the skin of my back. I
didn't realize this dress could be this body-hugging.

I sighed and mentally cursed Avon for giving me this dress to wear tonight. I
shouldn't have trusted her. I knew there was a hidden agenda behind those glint in
her eyes, yet I still let her pick this dress for me.

"Vee!"

My wandering eyes halted at the woman in a glittering gold, strapless gown

sauntering in the crowd full of men in suits and women in elegant gowns. Yet her
beauty wasn't lost in them. She truly is a beautiful woman.

She walked aiming towards me with her welcoming smile as I met her halfway.

"Hi! Thank you for coming!" nakangiting sabi niya at walang anu-anong niyakap niya
ako.

"Thanks also for the invitation," I said awkwardly. Hindi pa rin ako nasasanay
kapag niyayakap at binibeso niya ako.

No'ng araw na inimbeta niya ako, nagpasama pa siyang mamasyal sa'kin pagkatapos
no'n. I wanted to decline but there was just something in her pleading eyes that I
couldn't resist. Nagulat pa nga ako na may mga kasama pa siyang dalawang malalaking
body guard. She's that rich, I guess.

Pagkatapos ng pamamasyal namin, natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili kong tumatawa.

Magaan siyang kasama at hindi siya maarte katulad ng ibang nakilala kong katulad
niyang anak mayaman. I think I would want her to be my friend, if only...
Well, she's still Zeke's girlfriend. And I've decided long ago that I don't want to
be attached to anything that's part of his life.

"Anyway, I'd like you to meet my brother," aniya nang humiwalay siya at saka ko
lang napansin ang lalaking kasa-kasama niya. "Vaughn Sage."

The man smiled. "Hello, miss pretty lady," sabi niya at sabay abot sa kamay ko. He
was already lifting it up to press a kiss on my knuckles before I could pull my
hand away.

Isang ngiting aso ang pinakawalan ko. He's handsome, definitely handsome, and he
has this sexy eye smile that no doubt will melt any girls at the knees. But does he
always greet women like this in first encounter?

"It's Vera Victoria Alteza," sabi ko na lang at saka ko binawi ang kamay ko. "You
can call me Vee."

"Alteza," ulit niya na parang may inaalala. His eyes narrowed and twinkled, and I
suddenly realized how familiar they were. Nakita ko na ba siya dati?

Pinakatitigan niya ako ng maayos. Wait, does he know me?

"Are you the professional driver Zeke hired for the Avesto series poster?" he
asked.

Oh. So hindi pala kami nagkita. He just happened to see the poster of me with
Avesto Patrese's car. But why do his eyes look so familiar? And his nose too. In
fact, his face. But I don't know exactly where I met him.

Inalis ko na lang iyon sa utak ko at pinaskil ko ang propesyonal kong ngiti sa

mukha ko. "Yes. That would be me."

"It's a pleasure to meet you in flesh. I must admit, you look much lovelier in
person."

This guy is such a flirt, I thought sternly as I smiled with my teeth. That way, I
can always check my tongue is properly glued in the roof of my mouth.

Nakita kong siniko ni Serena ang kapatid niya. "Stop it, kuya. I told you not to
flirt on my birthday," she said glaring at him.

Hindi na nakapagsalita si Sage dahil may dalawang tao ang lumapit sa puwesto namin.
A very gorgeous man smiled at Serena at may kasama siyang napakagandang babae, and
I almost didn't notice her rounded billy with her elegant black dress.
Hindi siya katulad ng madalas kong nakikitang nagbubuntis na nadadagdagan ng
timbang o di kaya'y nagmumukhang haggard. She's glowing with pregnancy.

"Happy birthday, babe." The man kissed Serena on her cheek as she hugged him, at
gano'n din ang ginawa ng babaeng kasama nito. I was kind of lost as I watched them
greet each other, and Sage too. I felt like a fish out of aquarium.

I was contemplating to leave when Serena suddenly grabbed my hand and made me stand
beside her. "Oh, by the way, I want you to meet Vee, my special guest," sabi niya
sa kanila.

Maang na napatingin ako kay Serena. Special guest? Ako?

Either she didn't see the question mark on my face or she completely ignored it and
continued talking. "Vee, this is my kuya Duke and his always gorgeous wife, ate
Louraine," she finished smiling.

The couple smiled at me rather interestingly as I shook their hands one by one.
"Good evening po."

"Hello," nakangiti ring bati sa'kin ng asawa ng kuya ni Serena.

I must admit, Serena and his brothers share very good genes—no, not good—great
genes. Siguro no'ng nagpaulan ng kaguwapuhan at kakinisan, sinalo na lahat ng
magulang nilang tatlo. That's how good-looking ther are. At siguro, matatawag ka ng
diyosa kapag sinuwerte kang masali sa pamilya nila. And Zeke definitely passed the
look test, I thought as I watched them conversing.

"Hi, guys! Sorry I'm late." Isang lalaki ang biglang sumulpot at niyakap si Serena
at gano'n din ang asawa ni Duke.

"Oh, hi," sabi niya nang mapansin niya akong nakatayo sa tabi ni Serena. He too was
unmistakably handsome, like the other two. And I suddenly thought, what on earth am
I still doing, standing here with them?

"Her name's Vee," pakilala ni Sage sa'kin bago pa ako magkapagsalita.

"Vee, huh?" The man sent me an open, appreciative look I often see in guys who
watch me driving a race car, faster than a bullet train.

"Vee, this is Beau Luther, another annoying brother," Serena cut in. Ah. Kaya pala
kasing guwapo din siya ng dalawa.

Wala bang pandak sa kanilang magkakapatid? Iyong hindi pinalad?

"Blue," pagtatama nito sa pangalan niya saka naglahad ng kamay. And just like what
Sage did, ito na mismo ang umuha ng kamay ko, pero hindi niya iyon hinalikan.
"Finally, a beauty to behold," he murmured as he held my hand far too long for my
liking.

Is it me or nasa dugo lang din talaga nila ang pagiging mahangin?

"Careful, he's a heartbreaker," bulong ni Serena sa'kin pero alam kong narinig din
naman iyon ng mga kapatid niya. I even saw Louraine softly laughed at the joke.

"Thank you, Serena," Blue said drily. "I really appreciate the compliment."

Hindi iyon pinansin ni Serena dahil may biglang umagaw ng atensyon niya. "Oh, there
you are!" she called directly behind my back, and strangely, I felt the goosebumps
rising at the back of my neck like a warning for something—or someone—that was
coming. And I made a mistake by turning around.

Zeke's eyes shot immediately into mine. I watched his eyes shift from shock, to
disbelief, confusion, and finally settled into a stony, unhappy face. He must've
realized I am not an apparition he didn't want to conjure tonight, of all places
and event.

And why did I feel like my heart soared up high and suddenly its wings were cut
down and it quickly fell down?

Silly, I know. Right?

"Victoria?" Zeke said after regaining from his undisguised surprise. "What are you
doing here?" he asked me harshly, and I felt slightly embarrassed having an
audience for that none too kind hospitability and unappreciated hostility.

"I invited her," Serena opined too enthusiastically before I could answer for
myself.

Zeke flashed her a warning eye. He's clearly not happy to see me, I can see that
much. And why would he? After our last encounter? But even so, hindi siya dapat
umaakto ng ganyan.

Unang-una sa lahat, si Serena ang nag-imbeta sa'kin na pumunta rito. How can I say
no with those almost pleading eyes? Wala naman siyang kasalanan sa'kin para hindi-
an ko siya, kahit pa girlfriend siya ni Zeke.

Pangalawa, ako ang dapat na nagagalit sa aming dalawa, for suddenly kissing me like
that. In fact, may kasalanan pa sa'kin ang lalaking 'to eh. And he needs to know
that he has to stop kissing me whenever he's in the mood. Hindi iyon nakakatuwa.
Lalo na kung may girlfriend siya!
"Anyway," Serena said smoothly, turning to me and ignoring the murderous glare Zeke
was sending her. "You already knew Zeke, my favorite brother."

My mind went blank and I know, I'm aware I must've had a stupid look on my face at
that moment, but hell...

"Brother?!" I blurted out.

Six pair of eyes bore into me, one of them causing my heart to flap rapidly like a
baby bird's wings learning to fly.

Malalaki ang mata ni Serena habang nakatakip ang kamay sa bibig niya. "Oh my... you
didn't actually think..." then she burst out laughing. At gano'n din ang ginawa ng
iba. They laughed so hard everyone was looking our way now.

They really find the idea hilarious, except Zeke. Ang pakla ng mukha niya. Para
siyang nakalunok ng ampalaya.

Argh! I can't believe this is happening right now. I really wish the ground will
crack open and swallow me whole!

Oh God! This is so embarrassing!

"That's a first." Si Sage ang unang nakabawi sa pagtawa. He even wiped a tear from
the corner of his eyes from laughing so hard.

Lalo akong namula sa kahihiyan. "I'm sorry. Hindi ko alam na..." Hindi ko naituloy
ang sasabihin ko dahil sa mukha ni Zeke. I think he really wants to strangle my
neck with those seriously glaring eyes.

Argh! This is unforgivable. Pero hindi ko naman talaga inakalang magkapatid sila.
They look different. Besides, what was I supposed to think when a woman goes to
some guy's condo unit?

Because you didn't bother to ask and you have such a green mind?

Okay. So even my conscience is not so cooperative right now.

"It's okay. Marami rin siguro ang nag-iisip ng gano'n," nakangiti pa ring sabi ni
Serena. She seemed not slightly offended. "Pero ito ang unang pagkakataong may
nagsabi niyan."

The joke was dropped when people started to come and greet Serena. Zeke instantly
fade out of the blue at naghiwa-hiwalay na rin ang magkakapatid, but not the
married couple. Duke was very attentive to his wife. Konting galaw lang ni
Louraine, mabilis nang nasa tabi niya si Duke.

And the way Duke looked at Louraine, the way they look and stare at each other,
parang sila lang dalawa ang tao dito. They're a perfect couple and the love they
had for each other was so deep and strong, something you couldn't miss when you
look at them. And some part of me yearn for that something.

But I will not elude myself for something I will never have.

Why not? You just found out Serena and Zeke are not in that kind of relationship?

Ang sarap sabunutan ng maliit na boses na iyon na hindi na tumigil sa kakasabi ng

mga walang katuturang bagay simula no'ng nakaraang gabi.

Since that day Zeke kissed me, I haven't had a decent sleep. Buti nga natakpan pa
ng make-up ang malalalim na eyebags sa ilalim ng mga mata ko. Insomnia was haunting
me again from its wake.

I tossed and turned, I messed up and tangled in my bed and still I couldn't get
Zeke out of my head. And right now, thinking about that memory was conjuring up the
feel of his mouth, the taste of his tongue and the power of his stroking hands.

Damn! I need a drink.

Maybe it was a good thing that Zeke was out of nowhere. I wouldn't want to see him
with my head and emotions in riot.

"HERE YOU ARE."

Nahihiyang nginitian ko si Serena habang lumalapit siya sa'kin. "Sorry."

She smiled understandingly. "Wala iyon. I just find it hilarious. And it's a good
thing because Zeke is not particularly inclined to laugh at a good joke. Especially
if it's about him."

Yeah. I certainly knew that now.

"So you and Zeke, huh?" Serena gave me a mischevious look.

I played innocent. "I just knew him before. Years ago."

"Well, if I think about it, I don't really know kung sino ang mga naging kaibigan
ni kuya noon. He's just so isolated, you know." Her face turned thoughtful. "He
felt like the blacksheep of the family, but he wasn't. He's been a bad boy, a
bully, and a rogue," she joked, "but I know he's a good man and he has a good
heart. Kung tutuusin nga, siya ang may pinakamalambot na puso sa lahat ng mga
kapatid ko, kahit na gano'n ang pag-uugali niya sa iba."

"So how did you meet?" tanong niya pagkatapos ng sandaling katahimikan.

"Kai... kaibigan siya ng kuya ko." Pinilit kong ngumiti ng normal, na parang hindi
tinutusok ng karayom ang puso ko. I swallowed a lump in my throat. "Dinala siya ni
kuya sa bahay dati no'ng natakita niyang halos hindi na makatayo si Zeke dahil sa
sakit ng katawan."

"When was that?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Serena.

"Bago kayo umalis patungong Canada."

Tumango siya. "That was a rough time for us," malungkot na sabi niya. "Ayaw niyang
sumama. Kaya naglayas siya."

"Sa amin siya tumuloy no'n." I smiled when Serena's eyes widen from surprise.
"Akala ni kuya nakakatulong siya sa pagkupkop namin kay Zeke. Gano'n naman si kuya.
He has this habit of helping stray kittens and feeding them, giving them home. Kaya
gano'n siguro ang pagmamalasakit niya kay Zeke. Pero habang tumatagal..." Huminga
ako ng malalim at nagpatuloy, "Mas lalong lumalim ang pagkakaibigan nilang dalawa."

"Wait... I think I remember a name." Hinintay kong mag-isip si Serena. "Your

brother is called Felix Vincent, right?"

I smiled as I nodded, and pretended that hearing my brother's full name again
didn't hurt, reopening an old scar.

"But where is he? Hindi ko siya nakikitang kasama ni kuya e. Gusto ko sana siyang
makilala."

That sacr burst open like a floodgates holding out a dam of water, and the ugly
emotions flowed like deadly poison. I couldn't stop them. And they crushed me like
a tidal wave.

"Excuse me lang sandali." Mabilis akong umalis at naglakad patungo sa kung saan. I
could only thank Serena for not following me. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mangyayari
kapag pinigilan niya ako. But I certainly knew I'd break down if I don't get away.
IT WAS AFTER a good half an hour when I controlled my emotions again. Ni hindi ko
naisip na magtatagal ako sa banyo ng ilang minuto.

But I think it was enough time for me to be in control again. Hindi ko alam kung
bakit nangyari ang nangyari kanina. Maybe I was just too emotional. Or maybe from
lack of sleep. I should probably learn how to keep my feelings tightly looped and
closed para hindi na maulit iyon.

Napalingon ako sa salamin nang marinig kong may lumabas sa isa sa mga cubicle.

"Vee, right?" nakangiting sabi ni Louraine, ang asawa ng kuya ni Serena. Ngumiti
rin at tumango lang ako sa kanya.

I noticed the strain in her face. "Okay ka lang ba?"

She nodded. "I'm fine." Pero lalong lumalim ang kunot ng noo niya. "Well, I think
I'm having labor pains."

_________________________

A/N: If you remember guys (sa nakabasa ng story ni Duke at Louraine), they were
married at the age of 23 and 25 (Duke) Though I planned it na maging older pa sila,
kaso hinayaan ko na. 6 years is too long. So iyon. Since nagbirthday si Louraine sa
story, 24 na siya until the end of the story.

Dito sa story ni Vitoria at Zeke, 4 years have passed since they saw each other
again after the death of Five. So 27 na si Zeke at 26 si Vee. Magkaedad si Zeke at
si Louraine, so what I am trying to say is, sa and part ng chapter, it's Duke and
Louraine's second child. ^_^

Thanks for reading, as always! You can also like my facebook page, Ayami Lu's
Stories, or join Lady A's Story group and share your favorite lines or quotes or
anything you'd like to share. ^_^ Nasa comment box lang po ang link ng group. ^_^

Follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

- Lady A

=================

Chapter ♠ 14
PLEASE

"ZEKE! WHAT ARE you doing?"

Tumigil siya sa paghila sa'kin pero hindi niya pa rin binitawan ang braso ko.
"What? Are you just going to stand here?" 

He didn't give me time to answer and started to pull me again. "Sumama ka na lang.
The party's about to end anyway."

I groaned inwardly. Stubborn brute!

Mas gugustuhin ko pang umuwi na lang kesa sumama sa kanya, sa totoo lang. Pero ewan
ko ba. Hindi ko magawang sabihin iyon sa kanya. 

Hinayaan ko na lang siyang hilahin ako hanggang sa makasakay na ako sa koste niya.
Sinundan namin ang kotse ng kuya niyang papuntang hospital sakay ang asawa nito na
muntkan nang manganak sa banyo kanina.

Naalala ko tuloy ang nangyari. Mabuti na lang talaga at nando'n ako nang mga oras
na iyon dahil kung hindi, baka kung ano na ang nangyari kay Louraine.

She looked as white as paper. Ang akala ko talaga doon na siya manganganak kaya sa
sobrang pagkataranta ko, halos sumigaw na ako sa buong lugar ng tulong. Mabuti na
lang at nakita ko kaagad si Zeke na malapit sa labasan ng comfort room.

Muli ko siyang tinapunan ng tingin habang nagmamaneho siya. He held his jaw tight,
his eyes deep in thoughts. Mukha siyang nag-aalala. I would think he's Louraine's
husband if not for the way he was holding my hands. Kahit ngayong nakasakay na kami
sa kotse, hindi pa rin niya ako binibitawan.

Kung sa ibang pagkakataon siguro, baka kinagat ko na ang kamay niya. But there was
something with the way he gripped my hand that stops me from pulling away. It felt
like he needed someone to be with him tonight.

That's silly a thought. Bakit naman e hindi naman niya asawa ang manganganak? Kung
mag-alala naman 'to...

Pagdating namin sa ospital, nando'n na sina Sage at Blue, nakaupo sa waiting area
sa labas ng delivery room. Tinanguan lang nila kami nang dumating kami. 
Pareho silang naka-kunot noo at alalang-alala. The easy and charming smiles they
wore earlier this evening was completely wiped off from their faces. And for a
minute, I saw the resemblance of the Steele brothers.

Sage, Zeke and Blue. They're all brooding males in this instant. Kahit si Duke na
halos lumipad na yata ang ulo sa sobrang pag-aalala at takot no'ng dumating siya sa
banyo. He clearly went nuts. I can only imagine how Louraine's pregnancy tied him
in knots.

"Where's kuya Duke?" Pare-pareho kaming napalingon sa humahangos na si Serena.

Tumayo si Sage at sinalubong ito ng yakap. "He's in there with Louraine. Why are
you here? How about the party?" tanong nito nang umupo si Serena sa tabi ko at ni
Zeke.

Serena shrugged. "Ando'n naman sina Donatello para i-entertain ang mga bisita.
Besides, I want to be here."

Muling umupo si Sage pagkatapos nitong maglakad-lakad ng ilang sandali. Tahimik

lang silang apat habang naghihintay. Tunog lang ng pintong bumubukas, mga boses ng
mga nurse, at takong ng sapatos ang naririnig ko.

They all looked worried. Ako lang yata ang hindi. Wala naman sigurong mangyayaring
masama kay Louraine, diba? Manganganak lang siya. Well, okay, the pains of labor is
really ugly pero, hindi ba sila excited na makita ang pamangkin nila? What are they
so worried about?

Pero siyempre, hindi naman nila ako kapamilya kaya siguro hindi ako gano'n mag-
alala. At wala rin ako sa lugar para magtanong ng gano'n sa kanila. They must feel
apprehensive because Louraine's a family.

"I hope she's okay," narinig kong sabi ni Serena.

Kinuha ni Zeke ang kamay ni Serena. "Louraine is strong. She'll be okay, just like
the first time."

"She almost didn't survive when she delivered Tris. Paano kung mangyari ulit iyon?
What do you think will kuya feel? Si Mama? Si Tris?"

Hindi ko mapigilang mapatingin sa kanila nang marinig ko iyon. So that must be why
they're so scared right now.

Zeke was looking at the floor frowning. I noticed how his hands tightened on his
sister's. At saka ko naisip, the gesture was not just to comfort his sister but
also, it was for him to feel okay too.
I curled my own fingers at my lap before instinct override my good senses. I don't
think I want to go there.

"Empress was a big baby," ani Zeke. "There were complications. But the doctor said
Louraine is healthy."

Nag-aalalang tumingin si Serena sa nakasarang pintuan ng delivery room. "I hope

kuya's doing okay there."

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako sa sarili kong pag-iisip. I shouldn't be here.

Hindi na sana ako sumama kay Zeke na pumunta rito. He clearly needs someone and
that should be his brothers and sister. Who else it should be? I'm not even their
relative. Ni hindi ko nga kaibigan si Louraine.

I shifted and Zeke turned to me. "Um..." simula ko. 

Kumunot ang noo niya at tumiim ang bagang niya nang mapansin niyang tumatayo na
ako. I want to leave them and give them privacy. It was enough I helped. Louraine's
here now and safely giving birth to her baby.

"It's late," sabi ko kay Zeke.

Mabilis siyang tumayo at ipinasok ang mga kamay sa bulsa. Nag-iba ang ekspresyon sa
mukha niya. Parang may gusto siyang sabihin pero ayaw niyang sabihin.

Hindi ko na siya tatanungin dahil mukhang wala naman siyang balak na magsalita.
"Just let me know the good news," sabi ko na lang saka siya tumango.

"Aalis ka na?" tanong ni Serena.

Tumango ako at saka ko siya niyakap. Magpapaalam na sana ako sa iba nang biglang
may nagsidatingan. Isang matandang babae at lalaki, at isang bata. A three or four
year old cute, little girl.

"Bea!"

"Tris!"

Halos sabay na tawag ni Blue at Serena sa batang tumatakbo na papunta sa kanila.

Sage caught her at scooped her up.

"Si Louraine?" nag-aalalang tanong ng babaeng bagong dating pagkatapos siyang

halikan ng magkakapatid sa pisngi.
She looked fortyish pero itim na itim pa rin ang buhok niya habang nakapusod iyon
sa likod ng ulo niya. The man behind her looks older from the fine gray hair on top
of his ears. Pero kahit matatanda na, ang guwapo at ang ganda pa rin nilang dalawa.

"She's still in labor, Mama, kasama si Duke," sagot ni Sage habang karga ang bata
na abala sa paglalaro sa buhok niya.

Mama. Now why I didn't think about that? Kaya pala gano'n na lang ang mukha ng
magkakapatid. Lahat sila nagmana sa daddy nila, except Serena who looked like her
mother.

"Ma, bakit niyo naman sinama si Bea dito?" It was Blue who asked.

"I asked her the same question but your mother is too stubborn," the old Steele
muttered.

Hindi lang pala ang mukha at tangkad ang minana ng magkakapatid sa daddy nila. Pati
ang boses, tono, at paraan ng pagsasalita. They're really are brooding alpha males.
Boses pa lang, nakakakaba na.

"It runs in the family, dad," komento naman ni Serena habang inaakay ang mommy
nila.

"She's been crying. Hinahanap niya ang nanay niya." Their mother looked at all of
them with a motherly stern, disapproving face. "Now don't look at me like I've lost
my mind. It's called 'Mother's instinct' that you men don't understand."

"Here we go." Narinig kong bulong ni Zeke sa tabi ko.

"Okay, enough about that," Sage said dismissively with a smile. 

There was a family joke going on that I obviously have no idea, and that made me
wonder even more, what the hell am I still doing here?

Isa-isa na silang nagsi-upo at nakipaglaro naman sina Blue at Serena sa batang

babae. Ang cute-cute niya talaga. And they seemed very fond of her.

"Hello, hijo."

Nawala ang tingin ko sa bata nang maramdaman ko ang biglang pagdantay ng palad ng
kamay ni Zeke sa balat ng likod ko. Tiny electricity zinged through my nerves. 

"Ma."
I frowned from the lack of warmth in his voice. Hindi katulad ng iba niyang mga
kapatid, siya lang iyong hindi humalik sa magulang nila kanina. But her mother
rectified that when she embraced her son with a motherly hug that he returned
rather stiffly.

Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang magtaka.

"And who is this beautiful young lady?"

My brain scattered when the woman suddenly turned to me with a smile—a smile that a
mother give to her child. Warm and delicate.

Ang tagal... ang tagal ko ng hindi nararamdaman ang ganitong klaseng init ng haplos
sa dibdib ko...

"V-victoria Alteza po." Mabilis kong iniabot ang kamay ko sa kanya.

Her smile slightly wavered and her eyes turned sad before she offered me that same
hug he gave Zeke. "I remember your brother," bulong niya bago humiwalay sa'kin. "I
never said thank you for what he did to my son."

I forced myself to smile. "Alam niya na po siguro iyon ngayon."

Tumango lang siya at makahulugang hinaplos ang pisngi ko bago tumabi sa asawa niya.

"Zeke—" Nahigit ko ang hininga ko nang makasalubong ko ang dibdib niya. Akala ko
gusto niya akong yakapin, and I actually waited for the comfort he would give. Pero
isang tela ang naramdaman ko sa balat ko.

He was tucking me in his suit jacket, warming me with the lingering heat of his
body in it. Hindi ko napansin kung gano na ako nilalamig, considering what I am
wearing. At least, it saved me from being cold. But I don't think it's enough to
melt the icy guilt lodged in my chest everytime I think or talk about Vincent.

"Salamat," sabi ko nang hindi siya lumayo. "Though you didn't have to do this.
Paalis na naman ako."

He still didn't move. Hindi siya kumibo. Kaya ako na lang ang umatras para hubarin
ang jacket niya. Pero pinigilan niya ako. He stopped my hands from shrugging off
his jacket. Napatingin ako sa kanya.

"Stay. Please."

And all words died in my mouth.

_________________________

A/N: Baby Empress sa media. ^_^

Comment po kayo. Thank you in advance! Hehehe. ^_^ Mwah!

P.S.: Dedicated ulit kay Miss Jonaxx. Congrats po sa #GITY. I really loved it!
Actually lahat ng story niya. Hehe. God bless po. ^_^

Follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

- Lady A

=================

Chapter ♠ 15

LONE MAN

I SHOULD REFUSE. I know I have to refuse him. But this surprising vulnerable side
of him was not being kind to my rationality.

And my goddamned mouth is not working!

"Up!"

Sabay kaming napayuko ni Zeke dahil sa matinis na boses na iyon. The little girl
was tugging at Zeke's pants with an earnest look in her eyes.

"No." Zeke shook his head, pero tinaas lang ng bata ang maliliit na braso niya.
"Tito, up! Up!"

Zeke squatted down to level her a look. Nagulat pa ako sa pagiging malambot ng
boses niya. "Empress, baby, you're a big girl now. And big girls walk."

"Miss kita, tito Zekiel," she pouted adorably. "Please! Up!"

Zeke sighed resignedly. "Alright." Then he scooped his niece with a grunt and
walked away from me.

What the—I think he just found something to do to avoid what my answer would be.
This man...

Naglakad siya papunta doon sa tabi ng may binatana para ipakita sa pamangkin niya
ang mga ilaw sa labas. Sinundan ko na lang sila kesa naman sa magpaiwan ako doon
kasama ang mga magulang niya at mga kapatid.

"So how's your day, baby?" narinig kong tanong niya sa bata pagkatapos niyang
halikan ito sa pisngi.

"Laro kami Lolo, Lola."

Sumandal na lang ako sa dulo ng bintana paharap sa kanila habang nakikinig sa

usapan ng magtito. Nakakatuwang pakinggan at panoorin ang bata, especially when she
wave those tiny hands in the air.

"What did you play with Lolo and Lola?" Zeke asked indulgently, that made me want
to smile like that little girl did.

I didn't expect Zeke could be this gentle and affectionate. It made him look
endearing and loveable... like the man I thought I had glimpsed before, na akala ko
hindi ko na makikita.

"We play bike!" masayang sagot ng bata.

Zeke smiled at his niece. And I couldn't stop staring at him. Ngayon ko lang siyang
nakitang ngumiti ng gano'n after those four years that we haven't seen each other.
It was unguarded and real.

Well, at least, talking with this little angel was easing his tensions away.

If life hadn't been cruel... I wonder what would happen then.

Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa pinatutunguhan ng pag-iisip ko. Of course nothing's
going to happen. Nangyari na ang mga nangyari. Past is past nga sabi nila. Life
moves on.

"What?"

Napakurap ako sa boses ni Zeke. He was looking at me now with an annoyed frown.
Nakalimutan kong nakatitig nga pala ako sa kanya.

I lift up one shoulder. "Wala lang. Namukha ka lang na normal na tao ngayon."

He scowled deeper. "Do I look like a monkey to you?"

"Monkey? Monkey tito?" The small girl pointed at Zeke.

Umiling si Zeke habang inaalis ang kamay ng pamangkin niya sa mukha niya. "No,
baby. I'm your handsome tito."

Zeke glared at me when he heard my sniffled snort. "What? Masama bang matawa sa
joke?"

"Don't start feeding her bad words."

I rolled my eyes. "Sa'kin ba nanggaling ang salitang unggoy?"

"'Goy?" ulit ng bata kay Zeke.

Zeke covered her ears and glared at me again. "See?"

"You started it."

"Tito, away kayo?" The girl pouted.

"No, baby." Nakunot ang noo ni Zeke dahil mukhang nagtatampo ang bata. Pati ako
nag-alala dahil baka umiyak siya at kami pa ang masisi. Pagalitan pa kami.

It's not like I did something wrong, diba? Diba? Hindi ko naman sinabi na mukhang
unggoy ang tito niya.

"Huy, ano iyang ginagawa mo?!" sabi ko kay Zeke nang abutin niya bigla ang kamay
ko.
'Wag kang maingay, he mouthed. Tapos ay tumingin sa pamangkin niya. "See? We're
friends. We're not fighting."

Tss... pakitang tao talaga 'tong lalaking 'to. Niloloko pati bata.

"Who is she?" The girl was looking at me with wonder. Hindi ba siya natatakot sa
strangers?

"Her name's Victoria."

"Hi, Vittoria." She grinned and waved. "Please to meet you."

Ay! Ang cute naman ng batang ito. Kahit mali ang banggit niya sa pangalan ko.
"Hello, din. What's your name?" I pinched her cute pink cheeks.

"I am Empress Bea... Beatrice."

"Empress Beatrice..?" Zeke prompted.

"Allegra-Steele!"

"Very good, baby!" At pinudpod ng halik ni Zeke si Empress at pati ako nahahawa na
rin sa hagikhik ng bata. It was so contagious.

"Where's nanay?" tanong ni Empress no'ng nakaupo na kami sa upuan malapit sa

bintana. She was getting a little cranky. Inaantok daw siya sabi ni Zeke at kanina
pa niya sinusubukang patulugin ang bata pero mukhang may hinahanap ito at hindi
mapakali.

"Nanay is..." Now Zeke looked really troubled. Empress was looking for her mother.
Pero nasa loob pa siya ng labor room.

"Nanay is with... tatay," sabi ko na lang bigla. Zeke was surprised too, by the way
he was looking at me. Pero hindi siya nagsalita. "They're waiting for you baby
brother," sabi ko kay Empress.

"Si baby tummy?" tanong niya kay Zeke.

"Yes, baby. Si baby tummy."

"Where?"Empress asked him and Zeke turned to me.

"You want to see baby tummy too?" Kinuha ko si Empress kay Zeke at pinaupo ko siya
sa hita ko. Tumango siya kahit na naghihikab. "Then you have to be a good girl and
wait for them, okay?" Tumango ulit siya at walang imik na yumakap sa leeg ko.

Hinintay kong humiwalay siya sa'kin pero hindi siya gumalaw at mas bumigat pa siya
sa braso ko. Nakatulog na yata siya sa paghahanap sa nanay niya. Tiningnan ko si
Zeke. "Tulog na yata siya," bulong ko.

He moved to take a look. "I guess she likes you," aniyang nakakunot na naman.
"Hindi iyan natutulog sa kani-kanino. Not even Sage and Blue can make her fall
asleep that fast."

Magsasalita pa sana ako nang mapansin kong wala na sa akin ang atensyon niya.

"I think it's over," sabi niya at hinila niya ako patayo. Pero hindi niya kinuha si
Empress kaya karga ko pa rin siya nang bumalik kami sa labas ng delivery room.
Medyo nagtaka pa sina Sage at ang iba nang makita nila si Empress na tulog na tulog
sa balikat ko. Si Serena lang yata ang nakita kong ngumiti at natawa.

"Congratulations," the doctor announced once she took off her mask. "It was a
success."

I heard everyone expelled a sigh of relief almost synchronizely that it made me

smile. Pati si Zeke, halos bumagsak ang balikat sa sobrang relief niya.

"Thank you, doc!" Their mom said.

"Wala ho iyon, Mrs. Steele. It's a good thing you brought Louraine her before her
water broke. Magiging komplikado ang panganganak niya kapag nangyari iyon,"
paliwanag ng doctor. "Anyway, you can see her 'pag naitransfer na namin siya sa
private suit niya."

Serena came to me to scoop Empress as the doctor disappeared. "Thank you, Vee. Kung
hindi dahil sayo, baka doon na nanganak si Louraine sa banyo," she said, careful
not to wake the sleeping little girl.

"It's okay. Nagkataon lang na nando'n ako sa loob."

"You brought Louraine here?"

Napatingin ako sa Mama nilang mukhang narinig ang sinabi ni Serena. I started to
shake my head. "Hindi po. Kasama ko po si Zeke na pumunta dito."

Zeke snorted unhelpfully. "She just screamed down the hallway for help when
Louraine was about to push the baby."
Nginitian ko na lang ang mommy nila kahit na gusto ko siyang sakalin talaga.
Kainis! Sinong hindi sisigaw sa lagay na iyon? Someone was having a baby!

Naku! Alam ko na eh... na wala talagang malambot sa katawan ng lalaking 'to. He's a
devil! Kunwari pang mabait sa harap ng pamangkin niya kanina, e nagbabalat-kayo
lang din pala. Sara sapakin!

Mrs. Steele reached for my hands then, disrupting my murderous thoughts. "Thank
you, hija. You saved both of their lives, the baby and my daughter. Hindi naging
maganda ang unang panganganak ni Louraine kaya napakaingat namin ngayon sa kanya."
Tapos ay muli niya akong niyakap katulad no'ng dumating sila kanina. "Thank you,
hija. My family owes you and your brother a lot."

"Ando'n na raw sila ni Duke," Sage called, stopping me from speaking. Mabuti an rin
iyon dahil ayokong pag-usapan ang kuya ko. Lalo na kung nandito kami sa ospital, at
si Zeke sa likod ko.

"Let's go?" yaya sa'kin ng mommy nila nang hindi pa rin ako gumagalaw. "My son,
Arjun, might want to speak to you too."

I felt Zeke's hand on my back, urging me to go. And I did, even though I know
there's really no need. But I still went because... well, because Zeke wanted me to
stay. That simple.

"DUKE ARJUN," Mrs. Steel called when we entered Louraine's suit. He was fussing
over his wife endlessly as if Louraine wasn't exhausted enough from delivering a
baby for hours. "Your wife's tired. Hayaan mo muna siyang magpahinga. Papagurin mo
pa siya sa mga ginagawa mong iyan."

Sage and Blue shared a laugh as they kissed Louraine who was lying spent on the
hospital bed. Saglit siyang nagmulat ng mata at ngumiti ng pasasalamat nang makita
niya ako bago ulit pumikit.

She's still beautiful kahit na bagong panganak lang siya. Seriously, mga tao ba ang
pamilyang 'to?

Napansin kong sa akin nakatingin si Duke habang kausap niya ang mommy nila. He
looked like someone who stayed in a cave for twenty days and crawled out with hands
and feet. He's a mess. Pero hindi pa rin nabawasan ang pagkaguwapo niya.

Yeah. These people are definitely not normal, I thought as he walked to where I
was.

"Thank you," he said sincerely when he reached me. "I don't usually owe people
anything but I think I owe you my family's life."

"I just helped, that's all. Hindi mo na kailangang magkaron ng utang ng loob dahil
dito."

"You helped my family, Ms. Alteza," he insisted very firmly. "My wife and my son. I
think that's a great deal for me. And Zeke knows it too."

I glanced at Zeke who was leaning at the door pane, broodingly staring at us.

"Tatay!" Nagising si Empress at kumawala kay Serena para tumakbo sa daddy niya.

"Hey, princess," Duke picked her up with ease na parang sanay na sanay na siya.

"Is nanay sleep?"

"Yes. She's tired. Do you want to kiss nanay?"

"Where's baby tummy?" Empress asked while Duke walked around his wife's bed.

Napapangiti na lang ako sa mag-ama. Ang cute talaga nilang tingnan. At nadagdagan
pa sila.

I'm sure they'll have a strong, happy family, with these people keeping them
intact. Sana makahanap din ako ng isang taong magbibigay sa'kin ng ganito kalaking
pamilya. Kahit hindi na ganito kayaman. Basta kaya niya akong protektahan at
alagaan.

Napapailing na lang ako sa sarili ko. Now I'm thinking about having a family.
Nakakahawa talaga ang pamilyang 'to.

Kung sana hindi kasing-itim ng puwit ng sunog na kalan ang ugali ng kapatid nila—

I frowned when I saw the doorway empty. Nawala doon si Zeke. Pati sa loob ng
kuwarto ay wala siya. That insufferable man!

Saan naman pumunta ang lalaking iyon at hindi man lang nagpaalam? At talagang
iniwan pa niya ako rito mag-isa e siya naman 'tong may pa-stay-stay-please na
nalalaman!

I quietly slipped away from the room and followed where he might be. At nakita ko
siya sa labas. He's walking alone in the empty corridor. Gusto ko sana siyang
sundan at pagsabihan. Pero napigilan ko ang sarili ko dahil napansin kong may
kakaiba sa kanya.
Habang pinapanood ko siya... I realized for the first time what was it about him
that sets him apart from everyone else. It's his air of loneliness. Nandon iyon sa
hitsura ng likod niya habang naglalakad siya. How he was bending his head, the way
he moved his legs and step each foot.

I only have my tito and tita Sally as a family. But even so, we don't see each
other quite often. I am alone and I can get lonely, especially without my brother.
But looking at Zeke, he seems lonelier than I did, even though he had a big, warm
family.

And as I watched him disappear into the darkness of that empty corridor, I felt my
heart ache for him.

Zeke is a lone man. And he stayed like that because... why?

_________________________

A/N: Keep voting, reading, and throwing your comments, guys! ^_^ Mwah!

Follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

- Lady A

=================

Chapter ♠ 16

HATE ME MORE

I KEPT ON swirling my cocktail drink inside the glass I held as I closely surveyed
the wedding banquet. Everything was kept elegantly soft and white... It was close
to perfection.
This was how Sheena dreamed her wedding would be. Pure, intimate, and happy. It's
filled with love. Nando'n iyon sa bawat sulok, sa mga ngiti ng mga bisita, at sa
mukha mismo ng bride at groom.

I just wish...

"What's with the deep sigh?" Napalingon ako kay Avon. She was smiling impishly,
eyeing my untouched drink. "You will bring bad luck to the newly weds if you keep
frowning."

Inunat ko kaagad ang noo ko nang maramdaman kong nakakunot nga iyon. I was not
aware I was frowning. May iba lang na umuukopa sa utak ko. And it was entirely
someone else's fault.

"I saw the posters and I'm impressed," Avon said conversationally, hiding that kind
of smile I knew too well. Avon is my friend even before she became my manager. At
alam na alam ko na ang ibig sabihin ng bawat ngiti niya. Like that smile she was
trying to suppress.

She was referring about the Avesto Series photo shoot, obviously. And I had the
distinct feeling she also knew about the little detail they technically omitted in
the contract.

And it made me wonder if that smile knows what was behind the success of that photo
shoot.

"Yeah... well," I shrugged as if I didn't care about it--as if it was nothing.

Kahit na sa loob-loob ko, naiinis ako. At disappointed.

It's been a week since that night Zeke left me in the hospital with his family. I
was mad at him for leaving me there without a word, even he was the one who asked
me to stay. Pero hindi iyon nagtagal. Dahil habang dumadaan ang mga araw na hindi
ko siya nakikita, lalo ko siyang inaalala.

Hindi ako mapakali. He bothers me too much, especially that last night I saw him.
And as much as I hate to admit to myself, it left a mark.

That was why when I heard Sheena sent him an invitation to her wedding, I felt a
great relief that he was doing and sounding okay, according to Sheena when she saw
him to personally give the invitation.

But more than that, it was the sensation I detected in the prospect of seeing him
again. I was kind of looking forward to this day that I even forgot to bring my
wedding gift. How crazy was that?

And that, I guess, was basically the reason why I feel so disappointed right now.
Because he was not here.
Inaasahan ko pa namang pupunta siya. Na makikita ko ulit siya. Na masigurong okay
lang siya. But why he isn't here? Wala siya kanina sa kasal at wala din siya ngayon
sa reception. Did Sheena mean anything for him? Naging magkaibigan din naman sila
diba? So what's with not showing up? Doesn't he care?

I caught a fleeting glimpse of something white approaching and I immediately smiled

when I saw the lovely bride. Ang saya-saya niya, at kitang-kita iyon sa mukha niya.

"Salamat talaga pumunta ka." Mahigpit niya akong niyakap nang makalapit siya sa'kin
at ginantihan ko din siya.

"Sabi ko naman sayo diba, hinding hindi puwedeng hindi ako pumunta."

Inikot ko siya para makita ang wedding gown na pinasadya pa talaga nila sa
Hongkong. It has a low wide neck line and sleeveless bodice with a modest cut skirt
that hugged her slim body with perfection. The dress was stunning, but not as
stunning as the bride herself.

"I'm happy for you Sheen," sabi ko nang hawakan ko ang mga kamay niya. "You deserve
to be happy. Kung nakikita lang siguro tayo ni kuya, I'm sure he's very happy for
you, too. And I know Greg will love you like Vince did."

If there was anyone who deserved happiness, Sheena did. Pagkatapos ng nangyari sa
kanila ni kuya...

"I loved him," emosyonal na sambit niya. Her smile grew bittersweet and regrets
dimmed the sparkle in her eyes. "At kahit wala na siya, mananatili pa rin siya
rito. He will always be my first love."

But not the last...

"I know. At alam din niya iyon." Nanlaki tuloy ang ulo ko nang makita kong umiyak
siya. "Sheen, huwag kang umiyak, ano ka ba?" saway ko sa kanya habang maingat na
pinupunasan ang mukha niya. "It's your wedding day! You shouldn't be crying. Baka
isipin ng mga bisita niyo may utang ka sakin at sinisingil kita sa araw ng kasal
mo."

She laughed heartily. "I'm sorry." Nakitawa na lang din ako sa kanya. I know I
shouldn't have brought my brother up. Remembering him was good. But the pain was
still there. And I guess we just learned how to live with it so remembering him
will make the pain bearable. Somehow.

I know how much they loved each other. I was their number one fan. Ako ang unang-
unang natuwa nang malaman kong nagpropose si kuya sa best friend ko. I witnessed
how Vince adored and worshiped Sheena. And I also watched her care for him. They
had that kind of love. Perfect and whole.

But it didn't last forever.

"SHEENA!"

"Please," Sheena pleaded earnestly for the nth time, kahit na ilang beses ko na
siyang tinanggihan.

"No way! Ayoko," ulit ko. I will not dance with that weird stalker guy! Kahit pa
pinsan siya ng prinsipe, ayoko pa rin. Hindi ko akalaing pinsan iyon ni Greg. Of
all people. Ang stalker na iyon?

"Kahit isang beses lang. Please?"

"Kahit hindi na."

"Do it for me?"

Tiningnan ko siya ng masama. "Sheena naman!" I groaned frustratedly. "Stalker ko

iyan!"

"Pinsan pa rin siya ni Greg. At saka, gusto ka lang naman niyang makausap. Wala
naman siguro siyang masamang balak lalo na kasal 'to ng pinsan niya. Sige na."

"Well, sabihin m okay Greg na siya ang makipagsayaw sa pinsan niya."

"Please Vicky.."

I sighed. Hindi ako tatantanan ni Sheena, alam ko iyon. "Just one dance."

"One dance," she promised before the first dance started and she was whisked away
by her dotting husband.

I visibly cringed when I saw Greg's stalker cousin smiling at me. Ewe! He looked
really creepy, kahit mukha siyang harmless. To be honest, he reminds me of Dexter,
the little scientist boy from that cartoon Dexter's Laboratory. Short, nerd, weird,
the thick eyeglasses and all, and that white suit looked a lot like a lab gown. But
still, I'd prefer the cartoon version much.

"Hello, Victoria."
Napangiwi ako nang makita kong malapit na siya sa akin. Ang bilis naman yata niyang
maglakad nang 'di ko napapansin.

"H--hello," bati ko rin. Kulang na lang sa kanya, metal braces.

"Can I have the first dance?"

I was about to say no but I held my peace as Sheena and Greg looked at me with a
pleading--not hopeful--look.

Napabuga ako ng hininga. Okay, Vee. This is just a dance. Kapag may ginawa sayo
iyang weirdong lalaking iyan, sipain mo sa gitna.

And so I held his offered hand with a painful smile.

"AW!" I hissed under my breath. Buwisit! Inapakan na naman ako ng Arnold na ito!

"Sorry, sorry!" I glared and he quickly clamped his mouth shut. Sorry siya nang
sorry pero apak din naman siya nang apak. I swear, if he steps on my feet again,
I'm really going kick him!

He looked at me worriedly. At gano'n din ang tingin sa'kin ni Sheena. She was
asking me to be nice and keep my bitchy tongue locked.

Muntik ko ng ikutin ang mata ko. Pasalamat talaga 'tong Arnold na 'to dahil kasal
ngayon ng best friend ko.

"Nauuhaw ako," iyon na lang ang sinabi ko. He better be gone before I snap at him.
Nakuha naman niya ang mensahe ko kaya siya na ang nagepresentang kumuha ng maiinom
ko.

Sinilip ko ang mga paa ko sa ilalim ng floor length pleated skirt ng gown ko.
Namumula na ang mga hintuturo ng paa ko mula sa open sandals ko at kulang na lang
magkabukol iyon, kung nagkakabukol pa ang paa, sa dami ng beses niyang inapakan ang
mga iyon.

I frowned when a pair of black shiny shoes stopped in front of me and appeared in
my view. I lifted my head, expecting someone annoying, and felt my heart slammed
painfully against my chest.

"Zeke!" I was suddenly breathless.

Sh*t! What's happening to me? I suddenly feel giddy. What the hell? There's
something wrong with me.

The corner of his mouth curled in a familiar sexy smile. "Hi," he said smoothly.
Too smooth.

Sh*t! That smile... it's a breath-stealer. Someone should call a police.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga nang mapansin kong nakatingin lang din siya
sa'kin. "Y-you're here!" I said finally, and mentally slapped myself. That still
didn't sound normal.

"May nakakagulat ba doon?" Nakangiti ang mga mata niya, a sign he's enjoying
something. And I have a feeling it was me.

"W-wala naman," I shrugged for an effect. Baka isipin niyang ang saya-saya kong
nandito siya.

But you are.

Binale-wala ko ang boses na iyon. "Akala ko lang hindi ka na darating."

Lalo tuloy siyang ngumiti. "Well, I was late."

"Oh..."

Noon ko lang napagtuunan ng pansin ang damit niya. He looked pretty disheveled. He
had his tie hanging around his neck, the first two buttons of his shirt was open
revealing those throat, there were early morning stubbles growing around his strong
jaw, and his hair, man!

Just damn that hair!

Kahit hindi siguro iyon madaanan ng suklay ng ilang buwan, makukuha pa rin siyang
modelo sa front page ng 'The Sexiest Man on Planet' magazine.

He's so heart-stoppingly handsome! Legal ba ang ganyang klaseng kaguwapuhan? He

could wear sacks and act like a bad ass but still, girls will drool for him. No
doubting about that. And look how my heart was going wild and crazy!

"You wanna dance?"

My brain screeched a break. "Huh?" Tinitigan ko lang siyang nakabuka ang bibig.

"He's coming." Then he cocked his head behind me.

"Ha?"

"Your partner," he said sounding like he's talking to a three year old child. "He's
already coming."

Great! Now he thinks I'm a retard!

"I thought your feet might want a break." There was a wicked gleam in his eyes.

Sh*t! Has he been watching me limping?

Maingat niyang inilabas ang kamay mula sa loob ng bulsa niya at inabot iyon sa'kin
habang hindi nilulubayan ng mga mata niya ang mukha ko, watching me closely.

He's freaking serious, isn't he? He's really asking me to dance.

"Come on." Bigla na lang niya akong hinila palayo. "I won't watch you limping
soon."

My mouth twitched at the hint of his joke. "Pinagtatawanan mo si Arnold, no?"

"Admit it, you want to kick his ass the moment he turned around."

Natawa na ako sa sinabi niya. I'm surprised. Alam na alam niya ang tumatakbo sa
utak ko. When we stood face to face again, the music suddenly played a different
tune.

We'll do it all

Everything

On our own
I jerked when I felt him reached for my hands. He laughed. "Relax. You're so
jumpy," sabi niya habang magaang ipinatong ang mga iyon sa magkabilang balikat
niya. And I thought that was it.

But then, he suddenly laid a hand at my back, lower down my spine and pulled me
closer... closer that I could feel my nose almost touching the side of his neck. I
sucked an air of surprise and I felt him shiver, his fingers digging onto my back
as I breathed out.

This was the attraction he was talking about, wasn't he?

But damn! He smells really good. Pero hindi ko magawang huminga ulit. I'm very
aware that if I breathe in, my chest would be touching him. And that awareness was
making me feel all feminine. And excited.

"Breath, Victoria," his voice turned raspy and low. Was he feeling the tension too?
"I don't want you dead on my feet after this dance," he continued, adding a playful
note in his tone.

Still standing stiff, I slowly let out my breath and filled my lungs with his
earthy scent again. My God! He's a walking and talking addiction.

He started to sway his hips with the music, and I stilled as I felt his strong
thighs brushing against my skirt. I swear I never thought that would feel so...
sexy.

"Just relax and dance," bulong ni Zeke sa tenga ko. At naalala ko bigla ang araw ng
photo shoot. The hot, stinging kiss...

What the hell is wrong with me?

Nagsimula akong lumayo pero hinigpitan lang niya ang hawak niya sa balakang ko.

"Thank you," biglang sabi niya nang tingnan ko siya.

"Saan?" tanong ko habang nagsasayaw pa rin.

He shrugged at naramdaman kong lumuwag ang hawak niya sa'kin. "I haven't thank you
for helping Louraine."

He let me step back, pero hindi rin gaanong malayo. But it was enough to regain my
calm, even it did little to slow down the rapid beating of my chest.

"Wala iyon. Kahit naman sino iyong nasa kalagayan ko, gagawin din ang ginawa ko."
Ngumiti siya. "Though I sill can't believe you actually thought Serena was my
girlfriend."

Napangiwi ako do'n. Malay ko ba? Hindi ko naman talaga alam na kapatid niya si
Serena. "So how is Louraine and the baby?" pag-iiba ko na lang.

"Doing fine. It's a baby boy, by the way. Duke was pretty ecstatic about it."
Nakulot pa ang mukha niya. I wondered if he want to have children.

I momentarily smacked my head mentally. Nagsisimula na namang lumangoy ang utak ko.

"Anong pinangalan niyo sa kanya?" tinanong ko na lang. Better stick to trivial

questions than those personal ones.

"Earl Christopher."

"Empress. Earl," I said, thinking. "Obsess ba ang kuya mo sa mga ganong pangalan?"

He shrugged again. "Ask him."

I was about to ask him again about his family when he interrupted me. "Sheena looks
happy."

Napatingin ako sa kinatatayuan nina Greg at Sheena. Her head was resting on his
chest and Greg's hands were wrapped around her as they danced. And for a moment, I
remembered a scene where Vincent and Sheena was dancing like that on her prom.

"I'm sorry. I should... go."

Hindi ko inasahan ang ginawa ni Zeke. Mabilis niya akong binitawan at nagsimulang
maglakad paalis doon. Anong nangyari do'n?

But after a moment of shock and indecision, I ran after him. Sinundan ko siya
hanggang sa makalabas na kami ng wedding reception hall.

"Zeke!" sigaw ko. Hindi ko ininda ang lamig ng hangin sa balat ko. Sinundan ko siya
hanggang sa nahabol ko siya bago pa siya makalapit sa koste niya. "Sandali!" I
grabbed his arm and swung him around. Pero hindi niya ako tinitingnan.

"This was a bad idea. I shouldn't be here."

Lalong nakunot ang noo ko. "Bakit hindi? Inimbitahan ka ni Sheena, hindi ba? You
should stay."

Umiling-iling siya. "I can't."

There... That pain again. That look of guilt on his face. I know he's thinking
about him.

I sighed. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan niyang isipin si kuya palagi. Kung
bakit niya ginagawang komplikado ang lahat. Did hhe think he doesn't deserve to be
happy? Kahit isang araw lang? Hindi ba pwedeng huwag muna niyang isipin si kuya
kahit sandali?

"Zeke, kung inaalala mo si Kuya--"

Biglang dumilim ang mukha niya habang dahan-dahan niya akong binalingan. The stark
emotions playing across his face forced me to stop and I felt that sudden pang of
pain in the center of my chest.

He was warning me not to go there. Pero matigas ang ulo ko.

"Look," I ignored the flash of anger in his eyes. "We all remember him, Zeke. Pero
alam ko ring matutuwa si kuya kung andito ka. Si Sheena."

"How about you?" tanong niya na nakapagtiklop sa'kin. "Do you feel the same,
Victoria?"

"It's hardly important what I feel."

A cynical smile twisted in his face, and the pain suddenly felt sharp around my
chest. "I feel like I'm tainting this place with my presence."

"Zeke." I tried to reach hi arms but he caught it. Lumapit siya sa'kin, and this
time, I didn't move back. I let him cup my jaw and tilt my head to meet his
emotionless, dull, bleak eyes.

"Getting soft for me now, Victoria, are you?" he taunted me with those empty smile.
"You seem to forget. Or perhaps you need a reminder that I am the reason why Sheena
had to marry someone else. That I killed the man she was about to marry four years
ago."

"Stop it!" I hissed and slapped his hands away. I feel angry because he kept on
reminding me. Paulit-ulit niya lang sinasabi sa'kin kung bakit kailangang manatili
akong galit sa kanya.

"Yes, Victoria." Naningkit ang mga mata niya. "Be angry. Hate me. 'Wag kang maging
mabait sa'kin. I can't handle you when you look at me like that. You make me feel
like a complete bastard when you do that."

He took a step back and completely turned away. Pinanood ko siyang maglakad papunta
sa kotse niya.

Gusto ko siyang habulin at pigilan. Gustong-gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na

nagkakamali siya. Na mali lahat ng akala niya, ng lahat ng sinabi ko sa kanya. Pero
hanggang sa nakasakay na siya sa kotse niya at humarurot iyon palabas ng gate, wala
akong nagawa. Hindi ko pa rin nasabi sa kanya.

I don't hate him. I don't even know how to do that anymore.

But then, kahit siguro pigilan ko siya, hindi ko pa rin sigurado kung ano ang
sasabihin ko sa kanya.

Nagagalit ako sa kanya dahil palagi na lang niyang pinapaalala sa'kin ang mga
nasabi ko sa kanya noon. Na dapat ko siyang kamuhian. Na dapat ko siyang parusahan.
Pero hindi niya alam ang hinihingi niya.

Four years and I buried my guilt with hate. But now, I realized, that hate was only
on the surface and I scratched them out, uncovering the old feelings I fear would
destroy me.

But I also know I have to help Zeke slay his dragons and I can't help him if I
don't face my own. This time, I won't hide. I have to face them and do the right
thing: Free Zeke and help him chase his demons away.

And then maybe, I could be free and move on completely.

_________________________

A/N: Nagiging malambot na ba ang puso ni Vee kay Zeke? >.< Oh, Zeke... don't be too
hard on yourself. Hehehe.

Salamat sa pagbabasa, guys! Keep reading po and thank you sa votes! Hope you'll
drop down your comments! ^_^

Follow me on twitter @iamAyamiLu

- Lady A
=================

Chapter ♠ 17

FIFTH LEGACY

"ARE YOU SURE?"

Pinakatitigan ko si Jack habang nasa loob kami ng opisina niya sa bahay nila.
Martha said he's here, working with his new car models kaya nandito ako.

I inhaled a deep breath. I have been asked the same question by at least four
people, and my answer is still the same.

"Yes. I'm very sure, Jack." I nodded with determination.

Napabuntong hininga siya. "You really want to join the league?"

Umiling ako. "Hindi lang iyon ang gusto ko, Jack. I want to be the fifth legacy."

Nanalki ang mga mata niya at napaupo ng maayos. He was taken aback. I know that.
Kahit naman no'ng kinausap ko si Tyrone, ganito din ang naging reaksyon niya. And I
can understand why.

"Gusto mong palitan ang kuya mo?" He asked that same question Tyrone asked. Avon
did too. She still think I'm crazy but she said she will support me. She knows I
need this. At naiintindihan niya iyon.

"I want to be his legacy," I corrected Jack. Hindi ko naman papalitan ang kuya ko.
As far as I am concerned, Vincent is always the fifth legacy of the league. Siya
ang isa sa mga taong unang nagtayo ng Legacy.

Since then, there were five Kings: David, Doug, Tyrone, Five and Zeke. David
married two years ago, at nagretire na rin siya no'n. They left the country to live
in California where his wife was based kaya tumiwalag na rin siya sa league. But he
still kept in touch with them. And Jack came as his replacement.
But Vincent never had his replacement. The fifth legacy he emptied still remains
empty. And I want to fill that space. I need to fill that empty space.

Tumango-tango si Jack habang nakakunot ang noo. "I think you should talk to the
four of us," sabi niya mayamaya.

"Nakausap ko na si Tyrone," sabi ko. "And he's okay with it. Nakausap na rin niya
ang iba and they all agreed." Except for one, I thought with a sigh.

Binalak ko munang kausapin si Tyrone bago ang iba, dahil alam kong makukumbinsi
niya si Doug. Doug said he approved if the rest will approve, no questions asked.
Hindi madaling sumali sa Legacy. Everyone in our field knows that.

Legacy is the wild racers' guild, the champions' team. They train drivers into
their full potential. And they never lose any race, unless they race against each
other.

Pero hindi iyon ang dahilan ko. And Tyrone and the others know that.

"Zeke said yes?" medyo gulat ang tono ni Jack. Then he clapped his hands and
smiled. "Kung gano'n wala na palang problema."

"Well..." I trailed off. Nawala ang ngiti sa mukha ni Jack. "Hindi ko pa siya
nakakausap e."

He moved forward from his seat. "Hindi niya alam ang plano mo?"

Umiling ako. I don't think Zeke knows. I asked Tyrone not to tell him. Hindi naman
sa ayaw kong kausapin siya. It's just that I want to secure their approval first
before I talk to him. At least, when he rejects me, may back up ako.

I don't think he would approve so easy like the others did. I'm sure about that.
Everything about Zeke is complicated. Lalo na kung ako ang subject. And that's
maybe because we have unfinished business.

Jack put a hand under his chin with a thoughtful look. "For the longest year, wala
siyang pinaupo sa bakanteng position na iniwan ni Five. And believe me, many had
tried. But Five remains as the fifth legacy. And you are his sister. I think Zeke
will agree to it. Hindi siguro magiging mahirap kapag kinausap mo siya."

"I hope so too." I sighed and mentally crossed my fingers. Hindi yata alam ni Jack
ang takbo ng utak ni Zeke. If he ever opens the vacancy, the least candidate he
will think about is me.

Bago ako umalis ng bahay nila ay nangako si Jack na tatawagan niya ang iba para sa
isang meeting. Siguro doon ko na rin sasabihin kay Zeke ang plano ko, para hindi na
siya magkaroon ng pagkakataong tumutol. I won't want that to happen. I want him to
agree by hook and by crook.

I ALREADY HIT the mattress when I felt my phone vibrating inside my jeans pocket. I
grabbed it with a groan. Gusto ko ng i-off na lang iyon pero hindi ko nagawa dahil
sa caller.

"Jack?" sagot ko habang nakadapa pa rin sa kama.

"Zeke wanted that meeting," seryosong sabi niya.

Pumintig ang puso ko. "Kelan?"

"Gusto ka niyang makausap ngayon."

Napabalikwas ako mula sa kama. "Ngayon na?"

"Yeah."

"Pero kakauwi ko lang."

"I know. I'm sorry." Jack sighed. "Pero si Zeke kasi..."

I screamed inwardly kahit na parang marathon ang tibok ng puso ko. "Okay. I
understand," I mumbled and got up pushing on one hand. What Zeke wants, Zeke gets.

"Give me thirty minutes," sabi ko nang makatayo na ako. I feel dead tired. Hindi pa
ako nakakatulog ng maayos dahil sa insomnia ko. And Zeke won't give me my rest.

Ibababa ko na sana ang tawag pero natigilan ako sa sunod na sinabi ni Jack. "He
wants you in his office."

"Ha?"

"Sa SMI," aniya na prang hindi ko naintindihan ang sinabi niya. Yeah. I know
clearly where it is. Pero bakit doon? Masyadong... territorial. It's his turf, and
it makes me uncomfortable.

"Pumunta ka na bago pa magbago ang isip niya," udyok ni Jack sa pananahimik ko.
I just sighed. I guess I have no luxury to say no. Ako ang may kailangan sa kanya
at hindi ko puwedeng takasan na lang ang paghaharap namin, ulit.

After our last parting sa kasal ni Sheena last week, hindi na ulit nagkrus ang
landas namin ni Zeke. I guess that's just how it will stay between us. We meet by a
certain circumstances, we fight and separate with ugly words spoken. And the cycle
goes on.

But that has to stop.

THE CLOCK ON my wrist says it was already five pm when I reached Steele MotorCar at
hindi ko alam kung nasa taas pa si Zeke at naghihintay.

Buwisit kasi na traffic iyon. Sana hindi na lang ako umuwi kaagad kanina. Pero
hindi ko naman alam na ngayon ang meeting nina Jack at dapat kasali ako. It was
supposed to be only them talking. But Zeke has anoother idea, it seems. Sana lang
hindi sila nainip sa paghihintay sa'kin.

Mabilis na tumayo si Stacey nang makita niya akong lumabas ng elevator. It looks
like she was expecting me.

"Mr. Steele is expecting you, Ms. Alteza," magalang na sabi niya nang makalapit ako
sa kanya. "You can go inside," dugtong niya habang iminuwertsa ang daan papunta sa
malaking pintuan ng opisina ni Zeke.

I murmured my thanks and walked with steady feet, my heart beating a dull thud
under my ribcage. Palagi ko na lang nararamdaman ito sa tuwing iniisip kong
makikita ko ulit si Zeke. I still feel nervous in a kind of giddy way. Not a good
mix.

Agad na sumalubong sa akin ang nakatalikod na anyo ni Zeke pagbukas ko ng pintuan

ng opisina niya. And that sight was enough to throw my heart into a free fall.

I quickly caught it, grabbed it, tucked it in and tied it with a string. Tight as a
knot. There. All tight and secured.

"Where are the guys?" I asked just before Zeke turned around to look at me. And
damn! It was a wise move before I slip out of my tongue.

This mind-numbing, good-looking man does nothing good on my nerves, much less on my
head, especially when he's in a sleek suit and roughly edged hair. He looked every
inch like a bad ass billionaire. And that's exactly what he is.

He moved away from the glass window and gestured a hand to a near couch. "Sit," he
ordered, completely ignoring my question. And thank God he didn't notice me oogling
him.

Umupo ako sa kulay maroon niyang sofa na bumagay sa interior design ng opisina
niya. It has a high-tech edge. Napakamoderno ng pattern ng mga furnitures, mula sa
desk hanggang sa carpet. It's very appropriate para sa isang futuristic at
innovative business man na katulad ni Zeke.

"They left minutes ago."

Naudlot ang pag-iikot ng mata ko at napatingin ako kay Zeke na nakaupo na ngayon sa
tapat ko. He had his legs crossed over, his hand resting on the arm chair and the
other on the head rest. He's very comfy, I see.

Tumango ako. Okay... So it's just him and me, I guess.

"So?" I breathed a deep air to settle down my pulse rate. It's good to see you
again, I wanted to say. Pero iba ang lumabas sa bibig ko. "Did they tell you?"

He nodded once. "I heard," he answered, giving me his famous blank expression.

And? I almost rolled my eyes in impatience. Bakit ba ang hilig-hilig niyang

mambitin? Urgh! Huminga na lang ako ng malalim at naghintay ng susunod na sasabihin
niya.

Seconds ticked before he spoke again. "The position has been vacant for four
years," he was saying as he moved, uncrossing his legs and leaning forward with his
elbows on his knees, hands clasped in front of him. Saka niya ako tiningnan ng
diretso. "And I'm afraid it will stay that way for as long as I am the head of the
Legacy."

No surprise there. But goddamn it! I hoped. I thought he would at least think of me
as my brother's sister. Only sister. Surely, that would tell him something.

But no. It didn't.

"Are you refusing me to be my brother's legacy?" mahinahon ko pa ring tinanong

kahit na halos gustong sumabog ng mga ugat sa katawan ko. I didn't expect I'd be
this disappointed.

"Yes," simpleng sagot niya habang nakatingin pa rin sa akin. "And that goes the
same for the membership as well."

"Why not?!" Napatayo ako sa gulat. Hell! He's not just refusing me. He's outright
rejecting me! At ayaw pa niya akong bigyan ng chansang maging isang membro? What
the hell? Saan galing iyon?
Napapikit siya. "Sit down, Victoria, and don't ask questions." He then opened his
eyes and tilted his head to look at me with a blunt face. "It's a simple, plain,
flat 'No'."

Hindi ako umupo. Hinawakan ko ang pagitan ng kilay ko at minasahe iyon. Sumasakit
ang ulo ko. He's being unreasonable again. At nakakainis na iyon. I hate it when
he's monopolizing me and my life like this. Why does he always have the upper hand
anyway?

"Zeke, what really is your problem?" Humalukipkip ako at nanatiling nakatayo. I

can't sit and not squirm from anger and frustration. "Bakit mo ba ako pinipigilan?
Ano ba talaga ang problema mo at palagi mo na lang akong pinapakialaman?" Hindi ako
gumalaw nang tumayo din siya. "Stop doing it. Hindi na ako bata. I'm a big girl and
I know what I'm doing and I will do what I want!"

I was heaving when I finished, and I saw his jaw worked. He's pissed, I know. But
I'm pissed too.

"The answer is still no and it's non-negotiable," he said in a hard tone. Final and
definite.

Pinigilan kong sabunutan ang sarili kong buhok. Nakakainis na ang ugali ng lalaking
'to. I'm starting to wonder if the vulnerability I saw in him from the past days
was real. Or did I imagine it.

"Give me at least one damn good reason why not?" Naiirita na ako sa blankong
pagmumukha niya. "What? Dahil ba babae ako? Is that it? You can't take a girl as a
member because it will hurt your male egoistical pride, gano'n ba iyon?" I babbled.
Pero alam kong hindi iyon ang rason niya. He just don't want me here. Period.

He sighed. "Just drop this, Victoria."

I watched him with narrowed eyes. Naglakad siya papunta sa likod ng mesa niya at
doon umupo. He leaned back and let his head fall back at the headrest and closed
his eyes. That's a sign of stress. Ayaw niyang pag-usapan ito. He doesn't want to
argue.

But I can't drop this. I don't want to. I want my brother's legacy. Iyon lang naman
ang gusto ko. But Zeke was making it complicated.

Sinundan ko siya. "Alam mo, gusto kong isiping personal ang rason mo kaya ayaw mo
akong pagbigyan. Kaya mo ginagawa 'to."

He pulled his head up and fixed me with an intense look that digs through my head.
"And what if it is, what are you going to do about it."
Nothing. And he knew it.

"That's really unfair, Zeke. Gusto ko lang naman sundan ang kapatid ko. Is that too
much to ask?" Lumapit pa ako lalo sa mesa niya. "You know it's the closest I can to
be with him. To be his legacy. Please don't stop me."

There's still no emotion broke from his poker face. Nothing. Not even a slight
frown. It stayed hard, blank, and grim.

"Then," he said carefully. "If that's the case, do you want me to kill you too?"

Everyhing inside me stilled for a moment. And I could just feel one thing---a
slight pinch deep in my chest that radiated throughout my entire unmoving body.

What is he thinking? Ano bang tumatakbo sa utak niya at nasabi niya ang bagay na
iyon? "That's not even remotely funny, Zeke."

He cocked his head with a cynical smile. "Who said I was kidding?" He laughed non
too happily and it grated on my nerves. "The last thing I want to do right now is
to joke about this."

What did he say about him wanting me to hate him? Isa din ba 'to sa mga iyon? Para
mas magalit ako sa kanya? Para ipaalala ulit sa'kin ang pagkakamali ko?

"Do you really want me to hate you that much?" Nagtagis ang mga bagang niya. That's
anger. At least his poker face is breaking.

"Well, stop trying, Zeke, because I won't. Kahit pa ginagawa mo 'to. But that
doesn't mean I will let you stop me from becoming a part of my brother's legacy.
You can't."

"Believe me, I can," he said stiffly.

I noticed the mini car models displayed inside the glass shelves behind him, and
then an idea lit up inside my head.

Lalong nanliit ang mga mata niya nang ipatong ko ang mga kamay ko sa mesa niya. I
leaned down until I had our heads leveled in. Head to head. Eyes to eyes. Breath to
breath.

"Why don't we have a deal?" I challenged, smiling from the flash of anger in his
eyes.

"As I've said, this is non-negotiable," he muttered, his eyes glancing down. And
yet keeping them in my eyes.

Napangiti ako sa pagpipigil na ginagawa niya. Yes. He's fighting to look at my

lips. "Makinig ka na lang, puwede?" And I leaned further on him.

I heard him suck his breath and held it in. Good. I like this better than his poker
face.

"Victoria-" I lifted a finger and pressed it into his soft mouth to shut him up.

"Listen," I breathed, still touching his lips. "I have a better idea. Why don't we
settle this in the racetrack? Just you and me."

I dropped my hand and moved away quickly, leaving Zeke stunned and blushing red.

_________________________

A/N: Ang tagal ng update. Sorry po. ^_^ May pinaghahandaan lang na chapter ni Zeke
at Victoria. Hehe. Salamat po sa pagbabasa. Mwah!

- Lady A

=================

Chapter ♠ 18

THE LAST DRIVE

"DON'T PUSH IT, Victoria," Zeke warned, still on his chair. "You don't know what
you're asking." I watched his eyes changed. From fire to ice.

I sighed. Teasing him was not working. "Seryoso ako, Zeke. Just one race, that's
all I'm asking. A deal. I can't let you say no without giving me a valid
explanation. Kaya daanin na lang natin sa karera."

Napahawak siya sa tungki ng ilong niya. "You really want to cross me."

"I just want to be my brother's legacy. Iyon lang ang hinihingi ko. At handa akong
gawin lahat para matupad iyon."

"That's suicide," he grunted low before he raised his head. "We both know you can't
win against me. Nobody."

"That will have to change because I will beat you." The muscle in his jaw ticked,
but I just quirked my eyebrow in a challenge. "So? What do you say?"

He stared at me for a long silence and I didn't dare break it because I know he was
thinking to say yes.

Come on, Zeke. Just say yes!

"And if you lose?" he contemplated. I almost threw a fist in the air in victory
because I can feel him very close to yeilding. I just need to goad him. A little
bit more.

"Alam mong hindi iyan mangyayari."

Tumaas ang kilay niya. "Really? You're that confident, huh?"

"I am that good, Zeke. I know I can win."

Bigla siyang tumayo at naglakad palapit sa bintana. Nag-iisip. And then he turned
around to me with a stern look on his face, and uncertainty. "Before I agree to
anything," he paused to think again. "I have conditions too." Tumango ako. Kahit
ano pa iyon, basta pumayag lang siya.

"If I win, which will happen, you won't be the fifth legacy," aniya. Tumango ulit
ako. That's a given and that's why I need to win.

"And," dugtong niya. "If you lose... I won't take you in as a member of my league."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi niya. "What?—"

He raised a finger. "I'm not done yet," matigas at malamig niyang sabi. Then he
said very slowly, "If I win, you will stop racing."

And it was my jaw's turn to drop. "That's too much! I can't give up racing. Alam mo
iyan!" Damn! He was driving a hard bargain. Naiinis na ako sa takbo ng pag-uusap
namin.

"That's my deal. Take it or leave it," sabi niya na parang wala siyang pakialam sa
mga sinabi ko.
Sh*t! He was asking for too much. Paano kung matalo ako? I can't give up racing. I
can never give up my brother. Siya ang dahilan kaya pinili ko ang buhay na 'to. If
I lose this...

No. I will not lose him. I have a promise to keep. I have my guilt to ease. Hindi
ko pwedeng talikuran iyon.

"But," Zeke broke the doubts circling inside my head. "If you manage to beat me,
then I promise I won't interfere with your life again."

Pain shot in my chest. Sharp and deep. What the hell does he mean by that? Was he
asking me choose between him and Vince? If I win or lose?

Time to decide, Vee.

If I took the deal, and win, I'd lose him. But if I don't take his condition and go
home, I'd lose my brother.

Zeke or Vince? Vince or Zeke?

The silence stretched excruciatingly for me.

Sh*t!

"Do you really want this?" he asked me in my sparring silence. Tumango ako. Gusto
kong Manalo dahil kailangan kong gawin 'to para sa sarili ko. I have to resolve my
own pain before I heal him. Pero kapag nangyari iyon at tinanggap ko 'to..

"That settles it then," he suddenly decided. "Ten PM tomorrorw night. Meet me at

the racetrack."

He made the decision for me. And he chose Vince over himself.

Win or lose. I have to choose my brother too.

I WAS HIKING my boots up high on my knees when Tyrone came up beside me and gently
thumped a fist at my shoulder.

"Break a leg out there," he said grinning.

Yes. If I don't get my focus, I'll break more than just my legs.

"Salamat, pero hindi mo naman ako kailangang suntukin," sabi ko na lang sa kanya.

I can't still figure out why Zeke offered that deal. What did he really want? Ayaw
ba talaga niya akong mapasama sa team kaya niya ako pinapili? O baka talagang hindi
gano'n? Na baka ako lang ang nag-iisip na pinapipili niya ako.

Siguro nga gano'n. I was just reading too much between the line. Thinking about
things that weren't there. Right?

Pero bakit sa tono niya, parang gusto niyang magpaalam? He won't interfere with my
life again? Saan galing iyon?

Napabuga ako ng hininga nang maisip kong tama siya. He's always a thorn sticked to
my side. But did he really need to promise that and bargain it as a chip?

Argh!

Lalong uminit ang ulo ko nang makita ko ang oras sa relo ko. Pasado alas dyes na
pero wala pa rin si Zeke. "Darating ba talaga ang kaibigan niyong iyon?"

Tyrone looked around then shrugged. "Maybe he's jammed in a traffic. Pero darating
iyon."

"He better be," I muttered, not very convinced. Traffic? Sa ganitong oras?

Pero paano kung nagbago ang isip niya at hindi na siya dumating? Panic and
something giddy tugged at my guts. I focused on panic.

Hindi puwedeng magbago ang isip niya. He can't back out now and change his mind
when I'm already here.

"Hey, okay ka lang?" Pumatong ang kamay ni Tyrone sa balikat ko. "Nervous already?"

Natawa tuloy ako sa tanong niya. He misunderstood the look on my face. "Not even
slightly," sabi ko saka ako umiling. "Iniisip ko lang na baka magbago ang isip ni
Zeke."

What if kung magbago ang isip niya? Does that mean the deal is off too?

"Nah. Kilala ko si Zeke. Hindi iyon aatras sa isang hamon," he said confidently
before his eyes turned thoughtful. "Hindi ko lang akalaing makikita ko ulit siyang
aapak dito."

That had me frowning. "He's a legacy," I reasoned. "Walang rason para hindi siya
pumunta rito kahit na retired race driver na siya, diba? No one's stoppig him."
He's the king, after all.

"Hindi mo alam?" Nagtataka akong tiningnan ni Tyrone.

"Ang alin?"

"Kung bakit siya tumigil."

Natigilan ako at napatitig sa kanya. I know why Zeke quit driving. It was because
he couldn't take the guilt. He quit because he wanted to breakfree from the shadow
of my brother's death.

My heart crippled and doubt clouded my brain. Was I wrong?

I just stared back at Tyrone with my head juggling. Sh*t! I'm wrong, wasn't I? May
ibang dahilan kaya tumigil si Zeke.

"Sa bagay," biglang sabi ni Tyrone. "No one knows exactly why he decided to throw
the chekered flag. Hindi rin siya nagbigay ng heads up sa amin. He stirred away
from racetracks and cars the first months after he left at matagal bago ulit siya
humawak ng manibela."

"Why? Naaksidente ba siya dati?" I can't help but ask because I couldn't seem to
remember Zeke having one. Palagi siyang nasa unahan ng mga sports tabloids ang
magazines, laging may hawak na trophy. No magazine or news ever said about an
accident. So why did Tyrone sounds like Zeke had?

Isang pigil na hininga ang pinakawalan ko nang umiling si Tyrone. "Not that I know
of. Wala pang nangyayaring ganyan kay Zeke, as far as we all know. On and off the
records. He always have the gears in control kahit pa nasa limit na siya. He's
always been like that, testing the limit." He sighed. "We thought he was fine. But
then one day, we saw a shrink came out of his apartment a week after his last
race."

Hindi makapaniwalang nalaglag ang panga ko. Tyrone gave me a look that says Yeah,
it's fvcking true. At lalo akong nalunod sa pagtataka ko. Pero bago ko pa magawang
magtanong, isang tunog ng makina ang umagaw sa atensyon naming lahat.

Zeke's here.

My eyes squinted when the headlights hit my eyes, daring me in a challenge. But I
didn't move, nor blinked, knowing that behind those flaring lights were a pair of
eyes watching me closely. Then the lights came off and I saw a blue car parked
beside my Vanquish. Someone whistled.

Damn Zeke! Really? A Koenigsegg Agera R?

He couldn't have picked a more appropriate car for himself. It's unconventional,
eccentric, and beautiful in a devil-may-care touch. Just a total bad ass, like him.

Tumaas ang pintuan ng driver's seat at bumaba mula doon si Zeke. I felt, really
felt, my heart thudded close to my rib cage at the very familiar sight of him—the
Zeke I knew. He's not in his usual sleek tux or business suit or even a polo shirt.
He's just wearing a snug jeans and a simple white shirt that hugged his upper torso
just fine. Just fine.

Damn those hard pecs showing!

Napalunok ako nang makita kong nakatitig din siya sa'kin. Pero hindi ko maaninag
ang mukha niya. The shadow of the night covered his face, pero ramdam ko ang bigat
ng tingin niya sa'kin.

"You're late," I said, wanting to sound irritated, but it came out too breathless
for my liking.

Pero hindi siya kumibo. He just closed the door and I saw the tension gripping his
shoulders as he walked towards where Jack and the others were standing—my car—
checking inside the hood of my car to make sure everything was good and in order.
Tinapik ako ni Tyrone at nagpaalam na lalapit muna sa kanila.

I busied myself, tying my lucky black leather gloves tight on my hands as I watched
them. Nag-aalala ang mukha ni Jack, pati si Doug at Tyrone. They were whispering
words and I wonder if they intentionally don't want me to hear their conversation.
Pero narinig ko si Tyrone nang tanongin niya si Zeke kung sigurado ba ito.

And I had to ask myself, what was a psychiatrist doing in Zeke's apartment? Unless
she's a girl. Baka may ibang rason... I muttered a curse. The race hasn't even
started yet and my nerves are already worked up. Bakit hindi ko natanong si Tyrone
kanina at nang hindi tino-torture ng mga tanong na iyon ang isip ko?

Muli akong tumingin sa kanila at nakita kong sa akin na nakatingin si Zeke. My

breath hitched in my throat when I saw the bleakness shadowing his eyes and I had
to swallow hard when he started to walk to me.

And it was gone when he stopped right in front of me and I felt his heat wrapping
around me immediately. My fingers itched to swipe that hair that fell to his brow
so I can see his eyes properly.

"Hi," he greeted as his hands slipped at the back of my neck, tilting my head up to
meet his slanting lips.

"Anong—" I managed to say before his lips locked my mouth shut. My mind was still
registering what was happening when I felt his tongue brushing across my mouth and
my eyes widen still from the electric current firing my nerves. Zeke was kissing me
hard. Damn if it wasn't good. And it got even better when his tongue slipped in
between my lips and my knees buckled at the taste of him.

Nakabukas pa ang mga mata ko nang bigla siyang tumigil at lumayo sa'kin. He was
breathing harsh, his eyes were intensely dark.

Someone cleared a throat and I snapped out of the haze Zeke put me in. Napahawak
ako sa bibig ko sabay tingin sa paligid namin. Nakita ko ang pagpipigil ni Jack na
matawa. Pati si Tyrone ay napapakamot sa batok niya habang lahat sila nakatingin sa
loob ng makina ng sasakyan ko. They were trying not to look at us.

Blood rushed through my face and I thumped Zeke's chest. "What the hell!" I hissed
at him. "What do you think you're doing?!"

His mouth quirked and curved into his signature smile. A smirk. "That was for
teasing me yesterday, Victoria," aniya sabay hawak sa ilalim ng baba ko. Lalong
nag-iniit ang mukha ko nang maalala ko ang ginawa ko sa opisina niya. I knew he
didn't like that. But it was fun teasing him than looking at his stoic face.

"Don't tempt me again," he warned as his fingers stoked my jaw up and down, causing
my pulse to quicken and my breath stilling. "Because the next time you do that
again, I'll make sure you feel how exactly you had me all tied up all night."

What?

"I don't appreciate being backed up in a corner like that. I hate that you made me
do this. But I'm still giving you a shot." Air swooshed out of my body when he
stepped backward, his hands dropping beside him. "So you better beat me tonight. Or
lose."

That had my brain straightened out. The race. Beat him. And lose him. That's
clearly what he wanted.

Was that kiss meant to distract me? Because it worked like magic.

I snorted in a very unlady-like as I crossed my arms to drive off that chill inside
me. "Oh, I will beat your ass and you know that."

Something sparked in his eyes. "It's not a good time to talk about asses right
now."
"I meant your ass—"

He closed the distance in a fastest speed, gripped my head to stop me from moving
and then he kissed me again, without the tongue. Yet it still reduced me to
immobility, except for my heart that was thumping twice its normal beat.

"I told you no ass talk right now," he breathed when he pulled away, brushing a
thumb across my bottom lip with a satisfied look on his face. "There. You
definitely had your luck in spades now."

I swatted his hands down, irritation coming in rescue. "Who says I need a good luck
kiss?"

Ipinilig lang niya ang ulo niya saka ngumiti ng nakakaasar. "Every driver needs a
good luck kiss before a race, Victoria. Didn't someone teach you that?"

"Nakakatawa," iritado kong sabi habang pinipilit kong huwag pansinin ang naiwang
bakas ng haplos ng daliri niya sa labi ko. "Baka gusto mong ipaalala ko sayong ako
ang tatalo sayo ngayon?"

"Oy, kayong dalawa," biglang tawag ni Jack sa amin. "Tama na iyan. Baka gusto niyo
nang magsimula."

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ni Zeke bago siya lumapit sa kanila. Sinundan ko siya.
"We already checked both engine and everythings good. All clear for the green
flag," pahayag ni Doug at saka sinara ang hood ng koste ni Zeke.

Nilagpasan ko si Zeke saka pumasok na rin sa kotse ko. The leather skin of my seat
was comforting. Na-miss ko 'to, ang pakiramdam na 'to.

Pagkatapos kong ayusin ang seatbelt sa katawan ko ay narinig kong sumara ang hood
ng sasakyan ko. Zeke stood there. Wala na sina Doug. He obviously sneaked on my
engine. Cheating ass.

Naglakad siya palapit sa akin at umuklo siya sa bintana ko. "Aluminum 29 V12
engine. Top speed 201?" he smirked. "You will lose."

"Just show me all you got, Zeke," hamon ko sa kanya. I know I had the less kick ass
ride, but, I trust V. I know I will win tonight. And if that means losing Zeke,
I've got to take the risk and throw the cards.

I just have to remind myself that I need this. And if Zeke wanted out of my life,
then it's his choice. Not mine.

Hinintay ko siyang magsalita, dahil hindi pa rin siya umaalis sa bintana ko. Then
he absoulutely caught me off guard when he reached out and tucked a stray hair
around my ear. The playful, arrogant smirk was gone and I saw... fear...?

"Drive safe for me." Then he stood up abruptly and walked away.

Nagtatakang pinanood ko siyang papalayo. The tension I saw when he showed up was
back there again, hanging heavy around his tight shoulders and in every jerky steps
he took as he walks to his car.

Naisip ko ang ginawa niyang paghalik sa'kin kanina. It was a sudden, hard, and... a
fleeting kiss. Almost as if he just wanted something to make him feel. Was he
nervous? Scared? Whatever it was, I'm sure something was wrong with him.

Naalala ko ang tanong sa'kin ni Tyrone kanina. Why did Zeke really quit?

His engine roared, pulling my thoughts away. Right now was not the time to ask
questions and wonder. It's a thing about car racing. Remembering memories,
thinking, never mind feeling that kiss, and wondering will only run you to loser's
end. You forget the present when your head is off to some memory lane, then you
lose your footing. That's why memories and images are dangerous and are unwelcome
distractions. Especially when you want to win a race.

Forget. Focus. And drive fast.

I started the ignition and let my body feel the rocking wave of energy pulsating
under my feet and the thrill every race has always brought me.

Sure, Zeke's Koenigsegg Avera has the advantage of having a 5.0 liter twinturbo
charged V8 engine that sprints from zero to 62 mph in just 3 seconds and then come
to a full stop in just 12 seconds. That's an impressive car engine, particularly
when you can go at a top speed of 447 mph.

But I'm more than okay with that. I'm always up for a challenge. Ayoko namang
isiping pinagbibigyan lang ako ni Zeke. Pero sa lagay na iyan, it's very clear that
Zeke was desperate to beat me and not to let me in his team.

Jack held the green flag as he stood in the front, between our cars. The roar of
the engine was dancing with the staccato of my heart beat. Tonight, I'll beat Zeke.

Jack raised the flag. Eyes trained on the road, my hands gripping the wheel, heart
pounding. Forget. Focus. And drive fast, I repeated like a mantra as I stepped on
the gas. That's it, give me fast, V.

And then Jack waved the flag.

My heart kicked off against my chest as the car flew off the position lane and off
the road, almost simultaneously with Zeke's blue one. And then he was heading off
after me in a heartbeat. I was in his tail. And damn, he was liking this I bet.

We are doing this a one lap race, and being on his tail was not a good indication
of winning. I gritted my teeth and shifted the clutch, stepping further into the
pedals. Pinag-aralan ko na kanina ang racetrack and I had them in burned in my
head. I know where to strike, and I could only hope I could pull the technique down
without losing control of the tires.

Shit!

Zeke was still leading the race and he's crowding every attempt I made. He's really
serious to win and beat me. I know he's good. He was born to be the king of the
road. At nakikita ko kung bakit siya tinawag na Ace of Speed. Pero hindi rin ako
tinawag na Bullet Ranger sa wala.

I can beat Zeke. I will take down the Ace.

I stomped on the accelarator forcefully, and the engine kicked angry increasing the
speed. Yes, more. More. Images blurred, everything was obscured and it was just the
road and Zeke's blue car I can see. And then there it was, my favorite curve.

Time to win this, V.

I moved the wheel right as I spotted a narrow space and Zeke took the bait. He
followed and blocked my entrance.

Gotcha!

I grinned, shifted the clutch, steered the wheel left hard until the car slanted
diagonally across the road and slid perfectly inside the apex of the curve. That
had my body throwing right but thank God the safety belt was snug and tight.

Zeke was right behind the tail of car, facing his side. So I stepped on the
accelerator while pushing half the break down and moved closer to the curve as I
turned, never leaving an eye to my mirror, watching as I lose the falshing blue
car.

Yes!

I beat him. I took the Ace down! "Ha! Take that, Mr. Steele!" I was grinning from
ear to ear, imagining Zeke flustered and nursing a broken ago, as I drive off and
completely losing him behind me.

But my grin didn't last long when I saw Doug waving a red flag. STOP. I slowed
down, but just before I could take my seat belt off, Doug was running off the
racetrack, yelling something.

And then the next thing I heard was a loud crash.

_________________________

A/N: Hay. Natapos ko rin. T^T Salamat sa paghihintay, guys! Sorry din sa tagal ng
update. :3 Hope you'll drop down your comments! ^_^

- Lady A

=================

Chapter ♠ 19

SHAME OF GUILT

MY HANDS WERE shaking when I kept my hair out of my face and I can't stop them.
Nanginginig pa rin ako kahit na naitakbo na namin si Zeke sa ospital.

God! What happened?, I thought closing my eyes. Nakikita ko pa rin ang nangyari
kahit na nakapikit ang mga mata ko. The loud crash... The smoke... and the fire.

My lungs literally stopped breathing when I saw Jack pulling Zeke out of his car
before the fire took him. Nanginginig pa ang mga kamay ko no'ng tinanggal ko ang
set strap sa katawan ko at mabilis na tumakbo papunta sa kanila. And my body shook
violently when I saw Zeke covered in his own blood...

I covered my face as I remembered that image again. Para na yata iyong nakatatak sa
utak ko, hindi ko matanggal-tanggal. Because it terrified me. It really scared the
shit out of me when I saw him like that. Ni hindi ko alam kung buhay pa siya no'n
at humihinga.

I just stood there paralyzed from fear as they were frantically calling for help
and trying to save Zeke. Ando'n lang ako, nakatayo, paralisado, at umiiyak na
nakatingin sa katawan niyang halos hindi na gumagalaw.

I didn't even realize I was crying then. I was under shock. Kahit no'ng dumating
ang ambulansya, Zeke was still unconscious and profusely bleeding. And I was slowly
dying from fear with every second of it.
I can't go through this again.

"Hey, are you okay?" Isang kamay ang pumisil sa balikat ko at nakita ko si Tyrone.
Gusto kong magsalita, pero walang salitang gustong lumabas sa bibig ko. I was just
crying, terrified.

Hinawakan niya ang magkabilang balikat ko at pinilit niya akong tumingin sa kanya.
"Vee, it's okay. He's safe. He will be okay..."

Napatitig ako sa nag-aalalang mga mata niya. I saw myself reflected in them. And
what I saw was myself four years ago... the same scared, frightened girl who was
about to lose someone she mostly treasured and loved. Time relapsed and there I
was, scared as I entered the hospital hallway, looking for my uncle. It was Tyrone
who greeted me...

"Vicky." Sinubukan niya akong pigilan nang binalak ko siyang lagpasan sa hallway.

Kinakabahan ako dahil sa tawag ni Tito. Nasa trabaho pa ako no'ng mga oras na iyon
nang mabalitaan kong nasangkot sa aksidente si Kuya at si Zeke.

Sinubukan ko pang pigilan no'n si Zeke na 'wag niyang hahayaang gamitin ni kuya ang
motor bike na iyon dahil hindi pa iyon naayos at natitingnan ni tito. Pero ang sabi
ni Zeke, babantayan niya si kuya. Pinangako niyang siya ang gagamit ng motor at
hindi si kuya.

"Nasa'n sila?" tanong ko kay Tyrone. Gumapang ang matinding takot sa katawan ko
nang makita ko ang kakaibang lungkot sa mata niya.

Napalunok ako kahit tuyo ang lalamunan ko. Hindi ko mapigilang sisihin ang sarili
ko dahil pinilit ko si Zeke na sumakay sa bagay na iyon kahit na alam kong
ikapapahamak iyon ni kuya.

Pa'no kung... Hindi... Hindi puwede.

"Anong nangyari, Tyrone? Nasan si Zeke?" Huwag mong sabihing...

"He's okay," nahihirapang sagot niya. "Nasa emergency room pa siya, at ang sabi
nila responsive na siya."

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko at nasakmal ko ang damit ko dahil sa nawalang takot sa

dibdib ko. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko kapag may masamang nangyari kay
Zeke. Natatakot ako.

Pero hindi nagtagal ang paggaan ng damdaming ko nang biglang umiyak si Tyrone.
Nagtatakang tiningnan ko siya habang nakatakip ang isang kamay niya sa mukha niya
at yumuyugyog ang mga balikat niya.

"Tyrone..." hinawakan ko ang braso niya. Tinanggal niya ang kamay niya sa mukha
niya at nakita ko ang pulang-pula niyang mga mata habang nakatitig siya sa'kin. Mga
titig na nagsasabing 'patawad', at ng maraming salitang hindi ko magawang
paniwalaan. Parang sinakmal at dinukot ang puso ko sa nakikita ko.

Si kuya...

Umiling ako nang umiling habang nakatitig siya sa'kin, pilit na itinataboy ang
gusto niyang sabihin. Hindi... Hindi totoo iyon. Hindi pwedeng mangyari iyon...
Nangako si Zeke. Nangako siya...

Napalunok ako dahil sa namumuong luha sa lalamunan ko. Sinubukan niya ulit akong
pigilan nang layuan ko siya para pumunta doon... doon sa lugar kung saan alam kong
naroon siya. Kung saan niya ako hinihintay ng buhay... nakangiting babatiin at
yayakapin.

"Padaanin mo ako." Tinulak ko si Tyrone pero pinigilan niya pa rin ako. "Gusto ko
siyang makita!"

Kumapal ang tubig sa mga mata niya at lalong nanikip ang dibdib ko. "Vicky..."
garagal niya. "Sinubukan ni Zeke... he tried to save him..."

"Hindi... Padaanin mo ako!" Kailangan kong makita si kuya. Kailangan ko siyang

makita!

Niyakap ako ni Tyrone habang nagpupumilit ako. Humahagulgol. Hanggang sa tumigil na

ako. Naghina na ako. Wala na.

"I'm sorry, Vicky..." bulong sa'kin ni Tyrone. "Pero wala na siya."

Napapikit ako ng mariin nang dumaan ang sakit na iyon sa dibdib ko. It still feels
so vivid and raw. Real. Never gone.

Ang sakit na mawalan ng taong importante sayo, mahal mo, at pamilya mo. Ang
realidad na kailangan mong tanggapin, na wala na ang taong iyon at hindi mo na
makikita't mayayakap, na hindi mo na maririnig pa ang boses niya... At ang kamay ng
konsensyang sumasakal sa'kin.

Lahat iyon bumalik. Naniningil.

"Vee..." Tyrone shook me out my reverie. "Are you okay? Nanginginig ka."
I opened my eyes and Tyrone saw what was gripping me. Haunting me.

"What is it?"

"It's happening again," my whisper sounded like a tremor. The air turned chillingly
cold. I felt deathly cold.

"Hindi, Vicky," mariing sabi niya. "Buhay si Zeke. Buhay siya. At hindi mo
kasalanan ang nangyari kanina. Nawalan ng control si Zeke at hindi mo iyon
kasalanan. Naiintindihan mo ba ako?"

Nangangatal ang bawat buto ko sa lamig, pati ang mga ngipin ko habang tumatango
ako. Nakatayo lang kami sa labas ng emergency room ng ospital, dahil hindi ko
magawang pumasok sa loob. At hindi ang malamig na hangin ng gabi ang nagpapalamig
sa kalamnan ko at nagpapangatog ng mga binti ko.

Natatakot ako sa mga alaalang iyon. Natatakot ako sa pwedeng mangyari kay Zeke.
Natatakot ako sa konsensya ko. Natatakot ako para sa sarili ko.

Natatakot ako.

"Shit," mura ni Tyrone habang tinatanggal niya ang jacket niya saka iyon ipinalibot
sa balikat ko. "Come on. I'll take you home."

I didn't protest. Masyadong nanghihina ang pakiramdam ko.That accident shook me

through deepest of my core, threatening my insanity to break loose.

Hindi ako iniwan ni Tyrone nang hindi nasisigurong maayos ang kalagayan ko. Palagi
din siyang tumatawag kay Jack para alamin ang nangyayari sa ospital. Zeke was still
unconscious pero stable naman na daw siya. He had three broken ribs and a left arm
fracture. May concussion din siya sa ulo pero hindi naman daw masyadong
nakakabahala.

"He's going to be okay, Vicky. What happened was an accident as much as what
happened before. Don't beat yourself too much about it. It was not your fault,
neither this. Magpahinga ka na. Bukas, bisitahin mo siya. He'll be awake by then.
Okay?" sabi ni Tyrone bago siya umalis.

Mahigpit kong niyakap ang kumot ko nang mag-isa na lang ako. Darkness fell and it
engulfed me, filling me. Weighing me down.

Tonight... I felt the shame. Shame for my brother.

I know tonight was my fault. Pero hindi ang nangyari noon. Tyrone was wrong. I
don't blame myself for what happened before. I blamed Zeke, for a long time. Siya
ang sinisi ko dahil hindi ko magawang harapin ang nakakahiyang sarili ko. I hated
myself.

Anong klaseng kapatid ako? Right after I knew about the accident, I only thought
about Zeke. Takot na takot ako na mawala siya. Pero hindi ang kapatid ko.

I turned to Zeke and blamed him for everything. I turned my hate onto him. Sa kanya
ako nagalit at pinamukha ko sa kanya ang kasalanang hindi niya ginawa. I spat on
him because I couldn't face that shame.

Iyon ang totoo. Iyon ang nakakahiyang mukha ng konsensya ko.

"HE KEEPS ON passing out," Serena sighed, exhaustion was visible on the hollow of
her eyes. Ngayon ang pangalawang araw na nasa ospital si Zeke. Pero ngayon din ang
araw na unang beses akong dumalaw simula no'ng gabi ng aksidente.

I was feeling miserable the whole day yesterday kaya hindi ko na nagawang lumabas
ng apartment ko. I still dreaded this day. But knowing that Zeke was still here,
unconscious and injured made it bearable. And I want to be with him now, when I
couldn't have the first time.

"You okay?" tanong sa'kin ni Blue. Tumango lang ako. I was biting on my nails to
keep my hands from shaking again.

"Tulog pa siya pero okay lang na pumasok kayo." Binuksan ni Serena ang pintuan
papasok sa suit ni Zeke at hinayaan kaming tumuloy ni Tyrone.

My feet stuck and I stopped biting my nails when I saw him lying on the bed,
motionless, with his head cover in white bandage, his left arm surrounded with a
cast, and what almost made me turn away was the bandage around his eyes.

Is he...?

Lumalim ang bawat hininga ko sa takot habang tinititigan ko si Zeke. Muntik pa

akong mapatalon nang tumunog ang cellphone ni Tyrone. He quickly rummaged through
his pockets and answered his call. Lumabas siya ng kuwarto at iniwan akong parang
bato sa kintatayuan ko.

I drew my breath steady and slow, fighting the fear that was sinking at the pit of
my stomach. Nandito na ako. Hindi ako puwedeng umalis nang hindi nakikitang maayos
si Zeke. He's okay right?

Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kama niya nang hindi siya nilulubayan ng tingin.
Kaya ko 'to. Kakayanin ko.

Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang mga kamay ko nang makatayo ako sa tabi niya.
Nanginginig na ako at nararamdaman kong gusto ng tumakbo ng mga paa ko. I took a
deep breath again and looked at Zeke's face properly, trying to erase the memory of
his blood on his face.

Nakita ko ang malalalim at magaang pagtaas-baba ng dibdib niya. I reached out and
placed my cold palms above his chest, right there, in the place where his heart was
beating strong and alive.

A long, shaky sigh hissed out of my mouth at the evidence that Zeke was okay now.
He's safe.

Pero bakit hindi sa 'kin sinabi ni Tyrone ang tungkol sa mga mata niya?

I immediately snatched my hands away when Zeke suddenly growled as if he was in

pain and he began thrashing around his bed restlessly. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko
kaya hinawakan ko ang magkabilang balikat niya para pigilan siya.

"Zeke!" I called. "Zeke, naririnig mo ba ako? Zeke!" Hindi ko alam kung ano ang
nangyari sa kanya. Was he having a nightmare or did he just got scared of waking up
and not seeing?

He suddenly stilled and I felt him tensed. "What—" he croaked and the relief I felt
almost floored me from hearing his voice again. "Victoria?" he guessed wonderingly.

"It's okay, Zeke," I said, swallowing a lump in my throat. It surprised me he knew

it was me, kahit nakatakip ang mga mata niya.

"What are you doing here?" tanong niya habang tinatanggal ang mga kamay ko sa
balikat niya. He was using that tone again. Kahit hindi ko nakikita ang mga mata
niya, I could almost see them piercing a hole throught the bandage.

It pinched my chest, naiinis ako dahil umaakto pa siya ng ganito. Gusto kong
magalit sa tono niya pero wala iyon sa nararamdaman ko ngayon. The fear easing out
my shoulder, the relief... It was overwhelming me. At hindi ko maiwasang umiyak. I
was feeling myriad of emotions.

I sniffed and moved away from him, but I still kept standing beside his bed where I
could easily reach him. "Masama bang bisitahin ka at alamin ang kalagayan mo?"

"I'm fine," he said coldly. "I'm obviously not dead yet."

"Sh*t! Zeke!" I lashed, not liking what he said. "'Wag ka ngang magsalita ng ganyan
ngayon!"

Hindi ko na napigilang mapahikbi. Hindi ko maintindihan ang nangyayari sa'kin pero

gusto kong umiyak ngayon. Gusto kong malaman niya kung gaano ako nag-alala sa
nangyari. Kung gaano kao natakot para sa kanya. At nakakainis na ayaw pa niya akong
makita siya.

"You shouldn't have come here," he muttered and I just kept on crying. Spilling my
tears everywhere on my face and I didn't care. Parang mas nababawasan pa ang
nararamdaman ko habang umiiyak ako. At gusto kong ibuhos lahat iyon, ilabas
hanggang sa wala ng matira.

I was so scared.

Bigla ay inabot ni Zeke ang kamay niya at agad na nahuli ang kamay ko na parang
walang nakapiring sa mga mata niya. "Come here," he gently said before pulling me
down. Napahiga ako sa dibdib niya, at doon, rinig na rinig ko ang tibok ng puso
niya. Somehow, the soft thud of his heartbeat calmed me down.

"I knew you'd be like this," he muttered again while his hands stroked my hair
down, keeping my head where it was, as if knowing how the sound of his heart gives
me comfort.

We stayed like that for a while, me leaning on his chest and him steadily stroking
my hair, until my eyes felt dry and I finally felt a little better. Tumigil ang
kamay niya at itinaas ko ang ulo ko para tingnan siya.

"I'm sorry," I said, imagining how his eyes would look at me. "Hindi na dapat kita
pinilit. Hindi ko na sana ipinilit ang gusto ko. I'm such an idiot."

A small tug lifted up in the corner of his lips. "Yeah. You were." I secretly
glared at him and he actually laughed. "You're thinking of punching me right now,
aren't you?"

No, I silently answered as I lifted my hands and touched his forehead. He grew
tense at first and the he relaxed as I traced the bandage where his eyes were
hidded, down to the line of his nose, his jaw... and his lips.

"Vitoria," he whispered gruffly, not even trying to remove my hands. "You should
go."

"Zeke—"

Tinaas niya ang kamay niya at nahanap niya ang balikat ko, pataas sa batok ko. He
caressed my nape sending butterflies across my tummy. And quickly dropped it to my
shoulder again and kept it still.
"You won. And the deal is a deal."

Napatitig ako sa kanya. He was saying that I am now a part of the team. He's giving
me my brother's legacy. And that he will never interfere with my life again.

Didn't he realize it yet? That the reason why I wanted to be in the league, why I
want to race with him, was not just to beat him... but because I want to be with
him.

Napatingin ako sa kamay niyang nakadiin sa gilid ng kama nang marinig ko ang
pagtunog buzzer. He was calling a nurse, a move to send me away. And within three
seconds, someone knocked on the door and a nurse came in.

That was my cue to leave. Tumayo na ako ng maayos at saka ko naalala si Tyrone na
hindi na bumalik. The nurse smiled at me as he attended to Zeke.

But I won't stop here. I can't just stop, hit the brakes, and pull over now that I
am a step closer to the finidhing line. A red button can't stop me either.

This is my chance and it's time I wave my own green flag.

=================

Chapter ♠ 20

THE NANNY

THE FOLLOWING DAY, Zeke shut off. He refused to see anyone. Hindi siya tumanggap ng
bisita, maliban sa mga kapatid niya. He kept all of us outside the door.

Nagalit si Doug at Tyrone pero kinausap sila ni Jack at pinahinahon. Jack was
right. Hindi namin alam ang pinagdadaanan ni Zeke ngayon at kung ano ang dahilan
niya para gawin 'to. Ang tanging magagawa lang daw namin ay ang maghintay kung
kailan ulit siya magbubukas ng pintuan.

"It's not the first time he did this," narinig kong sabi ni Jack kina Doug. "Bigyan
na lang muna natin siya ng oras."

"Nag-aalala lang naman tayo sa kanya," Tyrone reasoned. Halatang naiinis pa rin sa
inaasal ng kaibigan.

Jack patted his shoulders. "And that's precisely what the man hates."

I stayed a little bit longer after Jack and the other boys left. Umaasa na baka
magbago ang isip ni Zeke at mamiss niya ang mga tao. But he's a loner. Mas gusto
niya ang tahimik niyang mundo.

I was starting to log off on the bench I've been sitting since I came when I saw
Serena walking out of Zeke's suit. Gumuhit ang kunot sa noo niya nang makita niya
akong nakaupo pa rin doon.

"Victoria, bakit andiyan ka pa?" Lumapit siya sa'kin at umupo sa tabi ko. Napansin
kong dala niya iyong bag at overcoat niya na hindi niya bitbit kanina no'ng lumabas
siya para bumaba sa cafeteria. "Tapos na ang visiting hours."

Antok kong sinilip ang relo ko at nakita kong lagpas alas-kuwatro na pala. Ilang
oras na din pala akong nakaupo doon at naghihintay.

She slouched down and I heard her sigh. "I'm sorry about Zeke. I know he's being...
I don't know...hard-headed, self-pitying mule. He's acting like a baby." Ngumiti
siya sa'kin, iyong pagod na ngiti. Siya lang kasi ang nagbantay kay Zeke simula
kahapon. Idagdag pa ang pagiging matigas ng ulo ni Zeke.

"Ayos lang iyon. Naiintindihan ko naman siya," sabi ko kahit na ang totoo, hindi.
Zeke had this complex mind. Lahat nagiging komplikado.

"Buti ikaw naiintindihan mo siya," nakangiti pa ring sabi niya saka siya bumuntong
hininga. "If only dad could do it too, you know." Her wary smile turned into a sad
line. "He's been giving Zeke a hard time again, lalo na ngayon na nalaman niyang
bumalik si kuya sa car racing. He was furiously mad pero naiintindihan ko din naman
siya. Natakot lang siya sa nangyari kay kuya, nabigla siya, kaya hindi niya na
naisip ang mga nasabi niya. I know he didn't mean what he said."

Bumaha ang konsensya sa dibdib ko dahilan para mapaupo ako ng maayos.

"Kaya ayaw na ni kuyang tumanggap ng bisita. He's not even letting mom see him.
Nakakainis nga eh. Pero gano'n talaga si kuya. Sensitive siya pagdating kay dad.
Kaya psensya na kung pati kayo, nadadamay sa mood swings niya."

"It's my fault." I can't help a groan habang binabaon ko sa mga kamay ko ang mukha
ko. "Kasalanan ko ang mga nangyari. I shouldn't have dared him to do it. Hindi
naman siya makikipagkarera kung hindi ko siya pinilit eh. Hindi siya maaaksidente."

"Hey, it's okay." Naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Serena sa likod ko. "Walang mangyayari
kahit pa magsisihan tayo dito. And I know my brother," aniya. "He attracts danger."
I know Serena was trying to make me feel better. At nakakahiya dahil siya itong
pagod pero ini-stress ko pa siya sa kagagahan ko.

I sighed. "I'm really sorry, Serena. Kung pwede lang sana, ako na ang nag-alaga kay
Zeke. Kaso ayaw naman niya kaming makita."

Serena suddenly smiled, a wicked one. "You really want to take care of him?"

"Well..." simula ko na hindi pinapansin ang panunukso sa mga mata niya. "Gusto ko
lang kasing makabawi sa inyo. At kay Zeke." I don't know how pero kung hahayaan
niya lang kaming makita siya, then maybe we could help him feel a little bit
better.

I still think about the way he growled yesterday. Para siyang nananaginip ng
masama. Pati ang pagngiwi niya sa tuwing gumagalaw siya, hindi ko makalimutan. I
know he's in so much pain right now. And not seeing while lying in bed, plus all
the restrictions he's experiencing because of his pain... no wonder he's very
irritable and sensitive.

"Sa ngayon, mahihirapan kayong makausap siya. He's that stubborn," she said with a
pointed look. "He likes to think he's invincible and independent and all that pride
of his. Kung hindi ko nga siya kilala, baka iniwan ko na. But it's just me who can
tolerate his foul mood. Baka umiyak pa ang nurse sa kanya."

"Yeah, I can imagine..." I muttered. 'Di nga malayong mangyari iyon.

"But I can grant what you want." Natitigan ko siya. "But until then, ako muna ang
magbabantay sa kanya. And you have to do some preparation first before I hand him
over to your care."

"Hindi ba siya magagalit kapag—"

"As I've said, kilala ko ang kapatid ko. Down to his waterloo, Achilles heels,
weaknesses, whatever you call it. Alam ko. And I most certainly know you can handle
him well." Ngumiti siya at bumulong sa'kin. "Sekreto lang natin 'to ha, pero minsan
ka na niyang nakuwento sa'kin. That was when I got him drunk back when we're in
Canada."

Laglag panga ko siyang tinitigan at pinanood habang tumatayo siya.

"Come on. Why do you think I like you?" She winked before she slid her Aviator
sunglasses on. "Sige, mauuna na ako. Dad awes me an icecream. Pero tatawagan kita
kapag duty mo na. So you better be ready. Okay?" She smiled again before walking
away.

What the heck did she say again?

FOUR WEEKS later and Serena gave me that call. Isang buwan na ang lumipas. Akala ko
nakalimutan na ni Serena ang naging usapan namin sa hallway na iyon.

Ang daming nangyari. Naging busy din ako sa pagpo-promote at pag-eendorse ng iba't
ibang model ng sasakyan, mga photoshoots para sa ilang ads at posters. Pero
sinusubukan ko pa ring bumisita kay Zeke at palagi ko siyang pinapadalhan ng
bulaklak kahit na hindi niya iyon makita. Pero at least nakakain din naman niya ang
mga pagkain. Kaya lang, talagang strict ang order ni Zeke na 'no visitors allowed'.

I can only shake my head. Para namang siya ang doctor na pwedeng magbawal ng
bisita. Pero siguro rights din iyon ng pasyente, kahit na nakakaasar. Nauubos na
rin ang pasensya nina Jack, but they all came around when Zeke talked to them one
night.

Nagulat ako no'ng nalaman ko iyon at hindi ko maiwasang hindi magalit kay Zeke. I'm
the fifth legacy now, pero bakit hindi ako nasali sa conference call na iyon? Gusto
ko ngang isiping iniiwasan ako ni Zeke.

I sighed when I remember the deal. Oo nga pala. He wants nothing to do with me
anymore.

But that was about change.

"Kung magrereklamo siya ng masakit, give him pain killers," paliwanag ng doctor ni
Zeke saka inabot ang isang papel sa'kin. "Sinulat ko na diyan ang mga kailangan
mong tandaan at kung kailan siya dapat uminom ng painkillers niya..."

"Dammit!" Pare-pareho kaming napatingin kay Zeke na nakaupo sa gilid ng kama niya,
nakapiring pa rin ang mata pero wala na ang cast sa kaliwang braso niya pati ang
bandage sa ulo niya. "I don't need a personal nagging nanny—"

"Tumahimik ka nga diyan, Zeke. Nagsasalita pa si doc," I cut him off. Kitang-kita
ko pa ang pagbukas ng bibig niya nang bumaling siya sa amin. I heard Blue
snickered.

"Did you just tell me to shut the—"

"Sshh!" putol ko ulit. Nagsisimula na naman siyang mainis. Kanina pa siya ganyan
simula no'ng dumating si Blue na kasama ako. I guess he really didn't expect me to
show up after a month of trying to keep me away. Pero tapos na ang mga maliligayang
araw na iyon ni Zeke.
I'm here and I don't intend to go anywhere else. Kahit pa ubusin niya sa'kin ang
mura niya at inis niya. He will have to deal with my agonizing presence.

"Go on, doc," udyok ko kay doc na mukhang nag-aalinlangan pang magpatuloy. "We're
listening."

He sighed and shook his head slowly. "He really gives me headache," bulong pa niya.
"Anyway, don't worry about his fractured ribs and his stitches. They're healing
fast and good. Kailangan niyang kumain ng maraming protein-rich food para mas
mapabilis ang paggaling niya. Bawal muna siya sa mga strenuous activities,
lifting..."

Zeke grunted. "I heard that too many times. Can we please go now? I stink and I
really need a shower!"

I sent him a glare, and then sighed frustratedly because it was useless. Hindi
naman niya nakikita. My God. Ano bang pinagkakakain ng lalaking 'to at naging
ganito 'to?

Natatawa naman si Blue habang lumalapit siya sa amin. "Thanks doc." He thrusted out
a hand. "Kami na po ang bahala dito sa pasyente ninyo."

"Shut up, Blue." Zeke muttered. Napapailing na lang din si doc habang papalabas
siya ng kuwarto.

Blue cocked a grin. "You want me to call Serena instead."

Zeke just grunted again. Hindi ko na alam pang-ilang beses na iyon. I started
counting since Blue said I'm with him, at hanggang ngayon, gano'n pa rin siya ng
gano'n.

But still, it was nice to see him like this; almost normal and back to his old self
again. Na hindi na siya nasasaktan sa tuwing konting galaw lang niya. I just wish
he wouldn't be so annoyingly pesky.

"Ihahanda ko na ang kotse sa labas. Sumunod na lang kayong dalawa," sabi ni Blue
saka lumabas na siya bitbit ang mga bagahe at gamit ni Zeke at iniwan kaming
dalawa.

Owkay... well...

Ano bang dapat kong gawin? Should I say something? Ano naman ang sasabihin ko?

Sh*t! Why do I suddenly feel nervous? Para namang isang buwan ko lang siyang hindi
nakikita.
"Are you just going to stand there?"

Nawala tuloy ang kaba ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Sinimangutan ko kaagad siya. Buwisit
na lalaki talaga! Ang sarap sakalin! Hinila ko na lang ang wheelchair sa tabi ng
pintuan at dinala iyon sa tabi ng kama niya.

"Where's the nurse?" tanong niya.

"I think they're celebrating right now because they're pretty happy you're going to
leave," sarcastic kong sabi. "Kaya hali ka na. Umupo ka na dito."

Hinawakan ko ang kanang braso niya para alalayan siyang tumayo, at mabuti na lang
hindi siya nagreklamo katulad ng inaasahan ko.

"Fvcking stupid wheelchair," he just muttered.

"Bakit ba napakairitable mo?"

"Naranasan mo na bang hindi maligo sa loob ng ilang linggo?" asar na tanong niya.

"Kaya nga pasalamat ka nakalabas ka na ng ospital," sabi ko habang tinutulak ko

siya paupo sa wheelchair niya. "At saka hindi ka naman mabantot e."

"Thanks a lot." He grunted sarcasically.

Hindi ko siya pinansin. "Umupo ka nga lang diyan." Inayos ko ang mga paa niya sa
footplate.

"Why are you here, Victoria," he asked all of a sudden. "I already said—"

I rolled my eyes. "Blah, blah, blah, Zeke. Pwede ba, mamaya ka na magsermon. Oo na,
sinabihan mo na akong 'wag pumunta dito at hindi magpakita sayo. Pero kailan ba ako
nakinig sayo?"

Tumayo na ako at nagismulang itulak ang wheelchair nang marinig ko siyang bumulong.
"Ang tigas talaga ng ulo."

Napangiti tuloy ako. "I know. So stop grunting and stop telling me to go away."

Sumandal siya sa backrest. "Just don't start crying on me or I'll kick your pretty
ass." My smile widened. Buti na lang at hindi niya iyon makita.
Nakita ko ang isang babaeng nurse na bumulong sa katabi niyang nurse pagdating
namin sa nurse station. Apat ang nurse ang naroon, isa ang lalaki. Lahat sila
ngumiti sa'kin nang mapansin nilang nakatingin ako sa kanila. I smiled too. Siguro
ang saya-saya nila ngayon na lalabas na si Zeke ng ospital. Balita ko kasi, mas
malala pa daw si Zeke sa pasyenet nilang nasa ICU.

He started poking at the bandage on his eyes. Ang sabi ni Tyrone no'ng tinawagan ko
siya, dahil daw iyon sa mga bubog ng na tumama sa mata niya. It wasn't serious,
dahil hindi naman daw natamaan ang lens niya at hindi na-injured ang ugat sa mata
niya. Just some abrasion.

"Hanggang kailan daw iyang bandage mo?" tanong ko kay Zeke habang naghihintay kami
sa labas ng elevator. Akala ko mas mauunang matanggal ang bandage niya sa mata kesa
sa cast niya sa braso.

"They'll take it off soon this week." Tumunog ang elevator at bumukas iyon. Mabuti
na lang at walang tao.

"Where are we?" tanong niya habang papasok kami.

"Sa elevator." He quickly sat upright. Tiningnan ko siya at napansin ko ang

pamumutla niya. "Ayos ka lang?"

His throat bobbed. "Yeah... just ... your hands."

Nagtatakang inabot ko ang kamay niya at mahigpit niya akong hinawakan nang sumara
ang elevator. "Ayos ka lang?" tanong ko ulit sa kanya. He's acting like he's
nervous.

"I'm fine," pilit iyong lumabas sa bibig niya. Pero nararamdaman kong hindi. The
way he was holding my hand in a death grip somehow told me otherwise.

He's not claustrophobic, is he?

The elevator kept on stopping, opening and closing, as people enter and leave. At
lalong humihigpit ang hawak ni Zeke sa kamay ko habang tumatagal kami doon. Tahimik
lang siya at halos hindi humihinga pero nanatiling hawak pa rin niya ang kamay ko
na parang doon kumukuha ng lakas.

It was strange and disturbing pero hindi ko siya tinanong. I just kept his hand in
mine, stroking my thumb over his knuckles to lessen his tension. Ang lamig ng kamay
niya at pinagpapawisan na kahit na malamig sa loob ng elevator.

When we finally hit the ground floor at nakalabas na kami sa elevator, hindi pa rin
ako binibitawan ni Zeke. Though I can see he was starting to breath easy. Gusto ko
sana siyang tanungin kung ano ang nangyari kanina pero dumating si Blue.
"Ready?"

I felt Zeke letting go of my hand kaya hindi agad ako nakasagot. Blue started
walking back at his car and opened the backseat. Isa iyong SUV na minsan ko lang
nakitang gamit ni Zeke dati.

Nang maalalayan na ni Blue si Zeke na pasakayin sa likod ay ibinigay ko sa security

guard ang wheelchair ng ospital.

"Victoria," Blue called me nang pasakay na ako sa passenger seat kung saan ako
pumuwesto nang ihatid niya ako dito. "Dito ka na rin sa likod para mabantayan mo
'to," he pointed at Zeke who was sitting behind the driver's seat. Bigla itong
tumingin kay Blue.

"Call her Vicky."

Blue frowned. "Why? Victoria naman ang pangalan mo diba?" tanong niya sa'kin.

"Vicky," Zeke answered for me.

Ngumisi lang si Blue habang umiiling. "Whatever, dude. Sige na, sakay na."
Tinanguan niya ako at sumakay na din ako sa tabi si Zeke. Nasa likuran na ang ibang
gamit ni Zeke at nasa unahan naman ang akin. Blue already transferred it there so I
can have a room here.

The travel was short and silent, kaya mabilis kaming nakarating sa condo unit ni
Zeke. Blue helped Zeke to sit on his wheelchair that they already bought for him
before he was discharged at saka naman nito binitbit ang mga bagahe ko, kasama ang
mga gamit ni Zeke.

"Tulungan na kita diyan," alok ko kaya lang ngumisi lang siya at tinapik ang push
handle ng wheelchair.

"Nah, just drive him."

Hapon na nang makalabas si Zeke sa ospital kanina kaya madilim na nang dumating
kami. Mabuti na lang at puno ng ilaw ang basement parking lot.

Tiningnan ko si Zeke nang pumasok si Blue sa elevator. He was very silent.

"Gusto mo bang sumakay ulit?" I asked carefully slow. Tumango lang siya. And this
time, he didn't ask for my hand. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya. Blue's brow shot up
when he saw what I did and then he grinned, but he kept silent.
Tiningnan ko si Zeke na tahimik na nakaupo sa wheelchair niya. Hindi naman siya
takot sa elevator dati. So what was he afraid of?

"Blue," Zeke broke his silence as we got off.

Naglalakad na kami papunta sa unit niya when I stopped pushing. Hindi ko siya
maitulak dahil bigla niyang hinawakan ang push ring ng gulong ng wheelchair.

"Ano na naman?" It was Blue who grunted this time. Nangangawit na kasi ang balikat
niya dahil sa dami ng dala niya. Pero dahil hindi makakita si Zeke, he actually
didn't care.

"Push the fvcking wheelchair," he just simply said.

"Dude, bulag ka ba?" ani Blue. Muntik ko pa siyang supalpalin e. Kita na nga niyang
may piring ang kapatid niya. Blue sighed irratatedly. "Hindi pa ako tinubuan ng
dalawa pang kamay kaya 'wag mo akong utusan."

"Then I'll walk."

"Teka, teka, teka sandali!"

"Ops, ops, ops!"

Halos sabay naming sabi ni Blue nang biglang tumayo si Zeke.

"Ano bang ginagawa mo?" I pushed him down on his ass.

"Pwede ba, tantanan niyo akong dalawa. I can walk okay, kaya 'wag niyo akong
tratuhing parang baldado."

"Dude, gusto mong bumalik sa ospital? Sabihin mo lang, payag naman kaming ibalik
ka."

Zeke grunted and kept his ass stuck on his seat.

I sighed. Grabe talaga 'tong lalaking 'to. Sa tingin ko mauubusan agad ako ng
pasensya nito. Maybe Serena was wrong. I can't tame Zeke. Nakakaubos ng kilay.

"Fine," Zeke said after awhile. "But she can't go inside."

"What?" My jaw dropped.

"This is freakin' funny!" Blue laughed. "Kinakabahan kang papasukin si Victoria sa
loob ng condo mo?"

"Talagang uupakan na kita kapag tinawag mo pa siyang Victoria."

Blue laughed harder. "Now you're starting to sound like Duke."

"What sound?"

"That sound."

"Fvck off, buddy."

"Sandali nga muna!" sigaw ko sa kanilang dalawa. "Sandali, okay. Anong hindi ako
pwedeng pumasok? Bakit hindi puwede?"

"Because he's nervous," Blue said laughing again.

Zeke grimaced. "Babalian talaga kita ng buto 'pag nawala 'tong buwisti na—"

"Tumahimik nga kayong dalawa! Ang gugulo niyo eh," sabi ko.

"Pumasok na nga lang tayo. Natatawa ako sa inyong dalawa eh. Pabebe kayo." Natatawa
pa ring naglakad si Blue papunta sa pintuan ng condo ni Zeke at ini-slide doon ang
card key niya.

"I'm serious, Vera." Zeke stopped me again when I pushed his wheelchair. "You're
staying out here."

"Seryoso ka? Kung gano'n, seryoso din ako, Zeke. I told you, you can't stop me."
Nothing will and can stop me. Kahit pa si kuya at ang multo niya.

"Fvcking stubborn woman," Zeke muttered because he knew he can't stop me either.
And maybe then, he will learn not to try to stop me again.

"Ang sabi nga pala ni kuya Sage, dadaan sila dito mamayang hapon," sabi agad ni
Blue pagpasok namin. He was already placing our luggage down the floor.

"Tell them don't," sabi ni Zeke.

Lumingon si Blue. "Gusto mong paputukan ka no'n ng baril?" Zeke fell silent and
then grunted. "That's what I thought. So, ano? Wala na ba kayong kailangan dito?"
"I need a pain killier. Sumasakit ang ulo ko dahil sa inyo," sagot ni Zeke nang
iwan ko siya sa living area para ihanda ang kama niya.

Narinig kong tumawa si Blue nang mahanap ko ang nag-iisang kuwarto doon. "You're
getting better, bro. That's good."

Zeke's bed was a mess. Iyon agad ang napansin ko. Actually, maliban lang sa kuwarto
niya, malinis at maayos ang buong sulok ng unit niya.

It was actually the first time I saw Zeke's place, or anything that belongs to him.
Dati kasi no'ng tumira siya sa'min, lahat ng gamit niya kay kuya. At simula no'n,
nakilala ko siya bilang anino niya. And then when he came back from Canada, Vince's
shadow still hovered around him like a protection shield.

Gano'n silang dalawa; wala ang isa kung wala ang pangalawa. They're like a brother
to each other. Kaya nga pinigilan ni kuya si Zeke dati. At pinili din ni Zeke ang
pagkakaibigan nila ni Vince. And that's why I always felt like Zeke and I have
unfinished business.

Lumabas na ako ng kuwarto pagkatapos kong ayusin ang higaan. I saw Zeke walking
alone, at wala itong kasama. Apparently, Blue already left.

I tried not to panic. Ano na lang ang nangyari sa kanya kung hindi ko siya nakita?

"Saan ka pupunta?" mahinahong tanong ko sa kanya.

He sighed but he still continued to walk blindly. "Could you stop asking
questions?" iritableng sabi niya habang nangangapa sa hangin.

"Aba't!" Huminga ako ng malalim. Easy lang, Vee. Easy, paalalako sa sarili ko.
Unang gabi ko palang pero napupudpud na ang timpi ko.

"Hoy, dodong," sabi ko habang umaagapay sa kanya. "Baka nakakalimutan mo po.

Nakatakip iyang mga mata mo."

"Yes, but it doesn't mean I have to stop moving."

"Hindi nga, pero hindi masama ang mag-ingat. Uso ang humingi ng tulong ngayon."
Inalis ko kaagad ang maliit na sofa sa harap niya. And then he touched a wall. Iyon
ang ginawa niyang mapa.

"Saan ka ba pupunta?" Ako ang nahihirapan sa ginagawa niya.

He exhaled impatiently and stopped. "I'm getting inside the shower and I'm getting
naked so if you want to watch, then please, be my guest."

I smiled when I saw a twin blush on his cheeks. "Tinatanong ko lang naman kung saan
ka pupunta. Ang dami mo na agad sinabi."

"That's why don't ask."

"Okay. Pero sasamahan pa rin kita." Sinundan ko siya.

"Victoria," he warned.

"Sabi mo maghhubad ka. Kailangan mo ng tulong—"

"I can take a damn shower alone," he growled, his face was getting red.

I wanted to laugh then. Pero kinagat ko na lang ang bibig ko. "Naku, Zeke. Itaboy
mo na iyang pagiging mahiyain mo. Halika na. 'Wag kang mag-alala, 'di kita
sisilipan."

"What?" tanong niya bago ko mahawakan ang braso niya.

"Tara na," sabi ko sabay hila sa kanya. I'm starting to like Serena's idea, after
all.

=================

Chapter ♠ 21

DAUNTLESS

HINDI KO TINANTANAN si Zeke kahit no'ng makapasok kami sa banyo, kahit na halos
itulak na niya ako palabas. Serena warned me he will do this. And she's right. Pero
hanggang hindi pa natatanggal ang piring niya, kailangan niyang tiisin ang pagiging
matigas ng ulo ko.

Tinulungan ko siyang hubarin ang t-shirt niya at saka niya na ako tinulak palabas
pagkatapos ko siyang tulungan sa pagtatanggal ng bandage na nakatakip sa dibdib
niya. Hindi na ako nagpumilit na tulungan siyang maligo dahil baka masagad ko na
ang pasensya niya at hindi na ako patulugin dito.

Inabala ko na lang ang sarili ko sa kusina niya. Naghanap ako ng recipe na madaling
lutuin at mabuti na lang kompleto ang stock niya sa ref kaya sinimulan ko na ang
panghihiwa ng mga kamatis.

I was waiting for the chicken to boil when I heard the door opened. Zeke was
wrapping the bandage back around his chest when I found him.

Okay, so I stopped and stared. Guilty!

But who wouldn't, when you find a guy as sexy as him wearing only a small towel
hanging low around his hips?

"Tulungan na kita diyan," I forced out before I started to drool on his floor.
Hindi siya nagsalita habang iniikot ko ang bagong bandage sa dibdib niya. Pero ang
bango niya talaga.

"You can leave now," mabilis niyang sabi pagkatapos.

"Kaya mo na?"

"Yeah."

"Iyong braso mo? Hindi ba masakit?"

He inhaled sharply. Alam kong nasasagad ko na naman ang inis niya. "Okay, okay," I
said, throwing my hands up. "Heto na, aalis na." Tss... sayang.

"You really test a man." Narinig ko pang bulong niya. Napakairitable talaga. Para
naman hindi iyon sanay maghubad sa harap ng babae. Tss... parang inaamoy lang naman
e.

"Tawagin mo lang ako 'pag may kailangan ka," sabi ko uli bago lumabas.

"Like I'm going to ask you to zip my pants—are you cooking something?" tumigil siya
sa pagpunas ng buhok niya.

"Yep!" Deym! Ganda ng katawan o.

"Can you cook?"

"No," I answered still looking.

"NO?!"

Natawa ako sa pagtaas ng boses niya. "Relax. I'll try not to burn your kitchen."

"Stubborn woman!" He grunted when I left to look at my chicken.

Ilang minuto pa ang itinagal bago naluto ang tinolang manok na niluluto ko kanina.
Sinabayan ko na rin ng maraming gulay ang pagkain niya para mas lumakas ang
resistensya niya. So far so good. Hindi naman masama sa panlasa at mukhang sakto
naman ang timpla ng niluto ko. Puwede na siguro iyon, kahit medyo malambot na ang
gulay.

Pinuntahan ko na si Zeke sa kuwarto niya para sabihing luto na ang hapunan. "Zeke."
Sinilip ko siya sa loob ng kuwarto niya at nakita ko siyang nakahiga sa kama.

"Natutulog ka ba?" bulong ko habang lumalapit ako sa kanya. Hindi siya gumalaw nang
umupo ako sa gilid ng kama niya.

"Zeke, luto na iyong pagkain..." sabi ko ulit pero hindi pa rin siya gumagalaw.
Susubukan ko sana siyang gisingin dahil baka naidlip siya. Pero hindi ko na
itinuloy. He looked so tired.

Tumayo na lang ako at inayos sa kanya ang kumot niya. Medyo basa pa ang buhok niya
kaya maingat ko ring nilagyan ng tuyong tuwalya ang ilalim ng ulo niya. He never
stirred. Mukhang mahimbing na ang tulog niya ngayong nakaligo na siya.

With a sigh, I switched off the lights and left his room. Tinakpan ko na lang ang
mga niluto kong pagkain at nilagay iyon sa ref para initin na lang bukas.

Inaayos ko na ang puwesto ko sa sofa nang maalala kong walang kasama si Zeke sa
kuwarto niya. Serena instructed na 'wag ko daw iiwan mag-isa si Zeke, lalo na pag
tulog siya. He tends to wake up in the middle of the night at bigla na lang daw
itong tumatayo.

Kaya dala-dala ang sleeping bag ko, naglakad ako pabalik sa kuwarto ni Zeke. He was
still in the same position when I left him, at naririnig ko pa siyang humihilik.

I don't know, for some reason I found myself smiling. I should find it gross, kasi
maingay sa'kin ang natutulog na humihilik. Pero ang cute ng hilik niya. Ang sarap
pakinggan. And it makes me feel safe, na andiyan si Zeke at okay siya. Na masarap
at mahimbing ang tulog niya.

But when my head hit the pillows, I suddenly remembered that vulnerability I
witnessed when we were inside the elevator. I know he was scared that time. Hindi
man sabihin at aminin iyon ni Zeke, alam kong natatakot siya. Pati iyong araw na
nagising siya sa ospital.

Habang tinitingnan ko siyang mahimbing na natutulog sa kama niya, I wonder what

could he be dreaming tonight? What was scaring him?

MOVEMENTS woke me up. I snapped my eyes open when I remember where I was and what I
was supposed to be doing. Mabilis akong napaupo nang makita kong bumababa si Zeke
sa kama niya.

"Zeke, ano bang ginagawa mo—?"

"What the hell?!" He nearly jumped out of his bed. Nagulat ko yata siya. "Fvck!"
daing niya at napahawak sa gilid niya nang umikot siya paharap sa'kin.

I quickly reached his side. "Ayan. 'Wag mo kasing binibigla ang katawan mo. Saan ka
ba nagbabalak na pumunta ha?" I forced him to lie down again. Tinaas ko ng kaunti
ang unan niya sa likod para nakasandal siya sa headboard at nang makahinga siya ng
maayos.

Jusme, hihinatayin ako sa nerbyos dito sa lalaking 'to. Ang tigas ng ulo.

"You're still here?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya nang makaupo siya ng maayos.
He was not hurting anymore but I can still hear the irritation in his voice.

"I'm pretty sure I'm not a dream," sabi ko na lang kesa pukpokin ang ulo niya.

"Stupid woman!" he muttered. "Bakit ka natulog dito?!"

"I can't possibly leave you with your situation," I answered dryly. Heto na naman
kami.

"I am a big man and I can handle myself alone."

I sighed. "Alam ko naman iyon. Pero hindi naman kailangan mag-isa ka lang e."

"I don't need help."

I sighed again. Ang sama yata ng gising niya ngayon. Akala ko pa naman mababawasan
ang pagiging irritable niya kapag nakapagligo na siya. Mas lalo lang yatang lumala
e.
"Maniniwala ako diyan kapag wala na iyang bandage sa mata mo." At kapag tuluyan ng
gumaling ang sugat niya sa dibdib.

"Are you thinking?" he asked skeptically. "What if someone knew you slept in here
with me? You're a girl for fvck sake!"

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. O... so iyon pala ang inaalala niya. Akala ko naman
ayaw niyang tulungan ko siya. Well, that's a step, right? At least inaalala niya
ang kapakanan ko.

Binulsa ko na lang muna ang ngiti ko dahil baka mainis pa siya lalo. I know he'll
going to sense my smile as much as he can sense my glare.

So I shrugged nonchalantly. "It's the 20th century. No one cares what anyone does."

"But not in our world, Victoria," seryoso namang sabi niya.

Yep. His Ezekiel Al Steele, the ex-car racer with unbeatable records, the
Philippine pride, one of the CEO of the multibillionaire Steele Empire and the
road's Ace of Speed and I'm the rookie; the Bullet Ranger; the rising hope.

But who cares anyway?

For me, we're still that same boy and girl who knew each other way before we own
those titles.

"Shit!" he cursed again. "If Five was alive, he will skin me to death."

Napatitig ako sa kanya. I was stunned. And he didn't even realize it himself...
that he actually said my brother's name again.

I wasn't exactly aware of what I was doing. I just let my emotion rule over my
head, my rationality, and my sense of reality. So I let myself lean down and press
my head against his chest, closed my eyes and listen... feel his heartbeat again.

This... I want to live for this.

"What are you doing?" Zeke held my shoulders in poise to push me away.

"Nothing..." I whispered and waited for him to push me. But he just held me there,
close to him.

"Victoria, do you know what you're doing?"

"No..." I don't know. I don't want to know. I just want his heartbeat to comfort me
again. Erase the pain. The tormenting guilt.

"This is a bad idea," he said. I had to pull away myself when he started to push me
up. He was starting to close up again, lock himself to somewhere I couldn't reach
him. I can feel it.

Umupo ako at pinatong ko ang kamay ko sa dibdib niya para pigilan siyang bumangon.
"You never really mentioned his name," I said and he visibly tensed, his heart beat
harder against my palms. "Why, Zeke?"

Hinid siya nagsalita. Hinuli niya ang kamay ko para tanggalin iyon pero nagmatigas
ako. Alam kong oras na mawala iyon, he will shut himself back into his shell again.
And I don't want that to happen. I don't like it when I can't reach him. So I
clenched my hand around his shirt and held onto him.

"You know why I can't say his name anymore," he said stiffly as a rod stick.

Memory of my shattered self passed in the back of my head, telling him to never say
Vince's name in his mouth again. My chest tightened. Pinapaalala na naman niya
sa'kin ang mga masasamang salitang nasabi ko sa kanya noon. And it hurts that he's
using them to remind me why I thought I used to hate him. But...

"I never really hated you Zeke," I confessed in a whisper. Naramdaman ko ang
paghigpit ng kamay niya sa kamay ko. He doesn't believe me. But I had to try.

"Oo, nagalit ako sayo dahil sa nangyari, but I didn't hate you, Zeke. So stop
reminding me. Stop forcing me to. Dahil hindi ko magagawa iyon. I... I already hate
myself for a long time and I don't want to hate myself more."

Nag-init ang sulok ng mga mata ko pero hindi ko pinansin iyon. "Alam kong wala kang
ibang inisip kun'di ang kapakanan ni kuya noon. Alam ko kung ga'no mo siya kamahal
at itinuring na kapatid. Alam ko lahat iyon... at alam ko rin kung ga'no ka
nasaktan no'ng nawala siya."

"Victoria, stop," he rasped. Tinanggal na niya ang kamay ko sa dibdib niya at

nagpumilit siyang bumangon at umupo sa gilid ng kama. Alam kong naapektuhan siya ng
mga sinasabi ko kaya gusto niyang umiwas. Pero ayoko pa ring tumigil. I had to tell
him.

"No, Zeke. We have to talk about him," I told him and held his arm. "Hindi puwedeng
habang buhay na lang natin siyang hindi babanggitin na parang hindi siya naging
parte ng buhay natin. He lived, Zeke. He existed."

"He did. But he's gone now," he gritted against his clenched teeth.
"Alam mo ba kung bakit ako galit na galit sayo noon?"

His mouth quirked in a disdainful smile. "Because I killed him."

"Kung makapagsalita ka parang pinatay mo talaga siya."

"We both know what happened."

"No. Iba ang pinaniniwalaan mong nangyari, Zeke," I argued. "At kasalanan ko na
iyon ang inisip mo, na sarili mo ang sinisisi mo. But it's not anybody's fault. It
was an accident."

"That's enough." Tumayo siya bigla at nasagi niya ang sidetable niya. Kumalog ang
lampshade doon at lumikha iyon ng ingay. But the noise only added to the tension
that was building up around us.

"I don't need to remember what happened," sabi niya nang tumigil ang lampshade sa
paggalaw. "I know what I did. Alam ko nang mali ang pagbigyan siya sa gusto niya. I
know it was wrong to give him what he was asking from me, but he was as stubborn as
you are. He just won't take no for an answer. And now look! I just did it again."

I slightly cowered back when his voice rasied. But more than that, I felt my guilt
spike up a little bit more from what he said.

Naalala ko iyon. It was the night a week before the accident when Vince called me.
Pinapauwi niya ako para tulungan si Sheena sa kasal nila. I knew about the upcoming
wedding bells, and I was happy for them. But it wasn't enough to make me come home.
Ayokong umuwi dahil sa isang rason.

Si Zeke.

I couldn't be in a place just a meter away from him and knowing he couldn't
reciprocate my feelings. Masakit. Nasasaktan ako kapag nakikita ko siya at gano'n
din si kuya. I still feel angry for what he did, pero tinanggap ko pa rin dahil
mahal ko siya. I love them both. At iyon ang mahirap.

The friendship that Zeke and Vince had was one of a kind. A brotherhood that lasts
a lifetime. And getting in between them was painful for me. So I decided to be the
one to stay away and leave. At alam iyon ni kuya.

Hindi niya ako sinubukang pigilan no'ng umalis ako, kaya nagulat ako na pinapauwi
niya ako.

"I'm sorry," biglang sabi niya no'ng gabing iyon. "Alam kong ako ang dahilan kaya
ka umalis. Hindi mo man sabihin sa'kin, alam kong kasalanan ko na galit ka sa'kin.
Pero iniisip ko lang ang kapatid ko. Mahirap din sa'kin ang mga nangyari. Ang akala
ko ginagawa ko ang tama... pero hindi ko alam. Dahil sa ginawa ko, mas lalo kayong
lumayo sa'kin, kayo ni Zeke.

Gusto kong bumalik lahat sa dati. Kaya para sayo, para kay Zeke... gagawin ko 'to.
Ayokong magsimula ng bagong buhay na hindi ito naayos, na hindi kayo masayang
dalawa."

"Kuya, ikakasal ka lang naman. Kung magsalita ka, parang sa ibang bans aka na
titira," sabi ko pa sa kanya at tinawanan lang niya ako. "'Wag mo ng isipin iyon.
Masaya naman ako ngayon sa nagyayari sa buhay ko."

"Oo nga, kaya hindi ka na umuuwi rito kasi masyado ka ng nag-eenjoy diyan," pang-
aalaska niya. Pero rinig ko ang tampo sa boses niya. "Umuwi ka na kasi namimiss ko
na ang kapatid ko."

"Sige na, magpahinga ka na. Gabi na. Alam kong pagod ka sa trabaho," sabi niya ulit
habang nagpipigil akong umiyak sa kabilang linya. How I wish I could've told him
how much I love him then instead of putting up with my pride.

"Nga pala. Hinamon ko si Zeke sa isang karera. Kaya 'pag nanalo siya, ipangako mong
alagaan mo siyang mabuti ha. 'Wag mo siyang papabayaan. Alam kong mukha siyang
palaban at matigas, pero kailangan niya ng taong kagaya mo—isang taong magpapasaya
sa kanya. May the best man wins," sabi niya bago niya ibaba ang tawag.

Naguluhan ako sa sinabi ni kuya kaya tinawagan ko si Sheena pagkatapos no'n at

nalaman kong hinamon ni kuya so Zeke para sa'kin. Just like what I did, Vince asked
Zeke to race with him and I being the winning trophy.

For the first time in months, I called Zeke and talked to him...

Tiningnan ko si Zeke na naglalakad habang kumakapa sa dilim. He reached the window

and stayed there, looking outside even though he couldn't really see what lies
before him.

"Drive safe for me."

Iyon ang sinabi niya no'ng gabi ng laban namin. Was that why he was so reluctant to
accept my challenge because of what happened? Was that the fear I saw that night?
The tension hovering around him?

Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang sinuntok ang dingding ng bintana. The wall didn't
budge, but I heard a loud thud that told me he was reeking of angry frustration.

"I did exactly the same fvcking mistake," galit ang bawat salita niya.

But I just sat there, watching behind him... watching him fighting his own self. My
heart ached. I could feel it twisting inside my chest.

"Hindi iyon isang pagkakamali, Zeke," I voiced out, swallowing past a lump. "Vince
asked you to do it because he's my brother. Ginawa niya iyon bilang isang kapatid.
Katulad ng ginawa ko. I forced you to say yes for him. At naiintindihan ko kung
bakit niya hiningi iyon sayo. He was trying to keep us. Gusto niyang maging masaya
tayo. But accidents... they're beyond us. Alam mo iyan."

"But I could've said no then."

"Yes, you could. Pero hindi mo ginawa iyon. At naiiintindihan ko naman kung bakit."
He always valued Vince over me. I always know that. Magpahanggang ngayon.

"Zeke, nangyari na ang mga nangyari. There's no sense in looking back, hindi mo na
mababago ang mga nangyari. W—wala na si kuya..." huminga ako ng malalim dahil sa
naramdaman kong sakit. "Wala na siya." And we have to accept it. Really accept it.

Bumaba ang ulo niya at umiling ng marahan. "There's no point in discussing this."

He was ending the discussion, putting a dot in the line, fold the paper and seal it
close.

"Well, you're wrong." Tumayo na ako at lumapit sa kanya. It's time to lay my cards
in the open and end this game we were playing. Maybe I'd lose my own game, but I
know I won't be regretting it. There's no point in winning when at the top, I will
forever be alone and unhappy, with no one to share it with.

Humarap din ako sa labas ng bintana. I can see the city lights, but they were
getting blurry. Damn! I was not speaking yet but there were already tears in my
eyes.

I cleared my throat as I blinked away the tears in my eyes. "I have a confession to
make." He kept silent. But I took it a good sign, so I continued.

"Maybe I'm too late to do this now when I should've done this a long time ago...
but I still want to ask for it, say sorry and apologize for everything I did. For
hurting you when you were already hurting and grieving alone when we lost him. I
broke my promise, you know. No'ng huli ko siyang nakausap, ang sabi niya alagaan
daw kita ng mabuti." I smiled, because I realized he sounded like saying goodbye
that night. "'Wag daw kitang pabayaan... pero hindi ko ginawa iyon. Instead, I put
the blame on you. I told you things—mean things that left a scar inside you. I'm
sorry."

"I'm sorry for slapping you—no, not on your face, but it still felt like I did, the
day of his funeral. Nando'n ka para makiramay pero hindi ka man lang makalapit
habang nililibing na siya. God, maybe Vince hates me for that... I know he hates me
for doing all of that to you."
I bent my head down and teardrops fell down on the window pane. "I'm a horrible
sister, Zeke. Nahihiya ako kay kuya dahil ang sama ko." Hindi ko na napigilan
kumawalang hikbi sa lalamunan ko. Zeke's fingers twitched pero hindi niya iyon
inalis doon. And I was thankful for that, because I don't think I can go on if he
gave me comfort.

"Alam mo bang ikaw agad ang hinanap ko no'ng malaman kong naaksidente kayo?" sabi
ko habang pinupunasan ko ang mata ko. "Takot na takot ako no'n. Akala ko mababaliw
ako sa takot. Hind ko kaya kapag may nangyari sayo no'ng gabing iyon. I was so
scared to lose you... kaya gano'n na lang ang pasasalamat ko nang sabihin ni Tyrone
na ligtas ka at walang nangyaring masama sayo."

Ngumiti ako ng mapait sa mga alaalang lumalabas sa bibig ko. "See, I was so scared
for you that I didn't even think about my own brother who was already dying in the
other room."

"Fvck..." Zeke reached for me and pulled me against him. Pinahilig niya ako dibdib
niya at niyakap ako ng mahigpit. There's the sound of his heart again.

"Zeke—"

"You can stop now," he grumbled. Bumaon ang mga daliri niya sa buhok ko habang
lalong humihigpit ang braso niya sa katawan ko.

"Hindi, Zeke. Kailangan mong marinig ang totoo."

"I already heard enough."

"But I still want to say a lot."

"You're crying and you're hurting, dammit!"

"I've been hurting for four years, wala 'to kompara do'n." He just sighed, but he
still kept me close. "I'm really sorry, Zeke. Galit ako sa sarili ko at hindi ko
matanggap ang nagyari. So I shoved my mistakes on you and I let you believe it was
your fault when it was my guilt I couldn't swallow."

My eyes closed when I his fingers started to stroke my skull. That was his silence
comforting me, and I want to accept it. Because this time, I need it.

"I thought I'd never admit that to you.
konsensya ko at pagtakpan iyon ng galit
mindedly hugged him closer. "Somehow, I
created to hunt you." Kusa akong lumayo
ulo ko. I want to look at him.
Akala ko habambuhay ko nang maitatago ang
ko sayo. Pero nagkamali ako." I absent-
know I have to free you from the demons I
sa kanya kaya natanggal ang kamay niya sa
"So let me, Zeke. Just let me help you and make things right. And then maybe, we
could move on. It's been four years, pero pakiramdam ko, dala-dala ko pa rin ang
mga nangyari sa loob ng maraming taon. Nakakapagod. Ayoko ng maalala si kuya na
laging may lungkot sa puso ko. I want to remember him the way I know him."

Tinitigan ko siya ng ilang segundo. Will he let me?

He sighed, his hands finding my face this time. "I want that too..."

Kumunot pa rin ang noo ko sa kabila ng kakaibang sayang dumapo sa dibdib ko. "So
what are you saying, Zeke?" I asked him carefully while he kept stroking my jaw and
my neck.

"What I'm saying is, yes, I'm letting a fvcking stubborn woman slay my dragons for
me and fuss over me." He smiled, that genuine happy smile I only saw when Vince was
still alive. And damn it if I didn't feel my heart sang.

"But you have to sleep out of my bedroom," seryosong sabi niya. "This is off
limits. Lalaki pa rin ako."

My own lips split into a wide grin. My heart was really singing happiness. And
hope.

"Zeke, if you're thinking some pervy thoughts, forget it. Your eyes are lilterally
closed."

He slanted his head sideways in a very arrogant gesture. "You think this can stop
me from kissing you right now?"

My mouth slowly dropped and I felt every muscle of my body tensed.

He chuckled then stopped. "I'm hungry," he said. Lalong lumaki ang mata ko.

OMG! OMG!, sigaw ng utak ko habang gumagala ang mga mata ko sa buong kuwarto.

"What did you cook for dinner?"

My brain hit the brakes. "Gutom ka?!"

"That's just what I said."

Ay, tange! "Halika na nga. Kung anu-ano pang pinapasok mo sa utak ko e." Asar na
hinila ko siya.
"What?"

"Wala." Ilampaso kita diyan e.

He chuckled, then swung me around. I don't know how he did it but he just found
where exactly my lips were and kissed me. "Thank you," sabi niya saka ako inunahang
lumabas ng kuwarto.

May butas ba 'yung bandage niya sa mata? I thought distractedly as I watched him
left. 

=================

Chapter ♠ 22

EYES FOR YOU

IT'S ALREADY OVER half an hour pero nasa loob pa rin si Zeke sa clinic ni doc
Sullivan, ang ophthalmologist na tumitingin sa mata niya. Ngayon ang araw na
tatanggalin ang eye bandage niya at sa sobrang excited niya kagabi, hindi na siya
nakatulog ng maaga.

Unlike him, masyado akong kinakabahan sa araw na 'to. Pinagtatawanan na nga lang
niya ako. Hindi ko lang talaga maiwasang isipin ang mga pwedeng mangyari oras na
matanggal ang benda niya sa mata. Pero ang sabi naman niya, maayos daw ang paningin
niya no'ng huling chineck 'yun ng doctor kaya kahit do'n man lang, napapanatag na
rin ang kalooban ko kahit papaano.

Narinig kong tumunog ang cellphone ko at nakita kong tumatawag si Serena.

"Serena? Papunta ka na ba?" sagot ko habang lumalapit ako sa may bintana,

nagbabakasakaling makita ang kotse niya.

"Naku, Vicky. Sorry ah. Mukhang hindi ako makakarating diyan on time e. Alam mo na,
school drama. Besides, I don't want to ruin your moment with kuya." Natawa na lang
ako sa panunukso niya. "Anyway, just tell kuya I'll drop off this evening at
dinner, okay? I'll cook."

Tumango na rin ako. "Sige, sasabihin ko."

"Thanks a lot, Vicky..." She sighed. "For everything, especially for being there
with kuya."

"Wala 'yun." It was the least I can do. Gusto ko rin namang alagaan si Zeke. Aftter
all I've done, kulang pa yata ang pag-aalagang ginawa ko sa kanya sa loob ng
dalawang araw.

I thought it would be hard. But after that night, Zeke started to loosen up slowly,
gradually. May mga pagkakataong ayaw niya akong tulungan siya, pero napagsasabihan
ko din siya. He can be a royal pain in the ass, but I can't say I didn't have fun.

Taking care of Zeke was the most fulfilling thing I've ever done, besides racing.
Para siyang libro na may page turner na story. Mysterious. Laging may panibagong
natututunan. And I loved every tiny pieces I learn about him, every discovery.
Kahit pa simpleng brand lang ng shampoo na ginagamit niya.

I think it helped when I confessed my fear, when I bared everything. It made

everything light and good. No baggage to carry. It was something new and fragile
for the both of us but we're comfortable. Iyon ang mahalaga.

With a deep sigh, I whirled around and almost jumped when I found Zeke standing
outside the door.

"Zeke!" I exclaimed out of surprise. Umangat ang isang sulok ng bibig niya habang
nakatingin siya sa'kin. I immediately felt something soar in my chest. Butterflies.

"K-kanina ka pa diyan?" I blurted out when he started to walk to me. I kind of felt
anxious for no apparent reason, which was absurd and crazy. But I did. Or maybe
it's because of him. Or his eyes.

"Kakalabas ko lang," he said and I found my feet statically unmoving when he stood
in front of me. I was stuck and I could only stare at his eyes in a mute silence. I
forgot how gorgeous his eyes were, and how much they weaken my heart.

"Ready to leave?" His eyebrows quirked.

"Uhm... Ikaw? Tapos na ba?" I gestured to the clinic's door. I had to move my hand
to do the talking because I just couldn't speak the words right out of my mouth. I
was flustered. Totally and laughably flustered. And my heart was beating
erratically.

His shoulder lifted up in a shrug. "Everything's done. But I have to be back after
a week."
"Ah..." Huminga ako ng malalim na hininga, at least trying to pacify myself.

"Tara na?" yaya niya saka inabot ang kamay ko. Gusto ko pa sanang titigan siya.
Pero wala, hinila na niya ako paalis at pasakay ng elevator.

There were two female nurses inside and they both smiled at us. Pero pansin ko pa
rin ang kakaibang tingin nila kay Zeke. I just mentally shook my head. Normal na
sa'kin ang gano'ng mga reaksyon lalo na kung si Zeke ang nakikita nila. I know the
feeling, I've been there, done that, and it's not wearing off. Never, actually.

Ako ang unang pumasok at sumunod si Zeke. He stood beside me at kinuha na naman
niya ang kamay ko. Tiningnan ko siya dahil naalala ko iyong nangyari noong may
benda pa ang mga mata niya.

Was he feeling scared right now?

"What?" he asked me when he looked down. Nakangiti siya at mukhang maayos naman.
Umiling lang ako at hindi na nagsalita. I just kept my thoughts in my head.

The elevator stopped. Tumabi ako dahil nakita kong lalabas ang dalawang nurse. Then
I noticed Zeke was not moving. Kunot ang noo niya habang nakayuko. Hinila ko ang
kamay niya para kunin ang atensyon niya and that's when he started to move na
parang saka lang niya na-realize na may dadaan.

"Ayos ka lang?" tanong ko nang makalabas ang dalawa.

"Yeah." Pinindot niya ang close button at hindi na ulit nagsalita. That made me
even more worried—kapag hindi siya masalita, kapag nagiging tahimik siya.

May sinabi ba ang doctor sa kanya kanina? Did something happen inside the clinic?
May masama bang nangyari sa mga mata niya?

Hanggang sa nakalabas na kami ng ospital ay punong-puno ng katanungan ang utak ko

at habang dumarami ang mga iyon ay lalo akong nadadaganan ng kaba at pag-aalala.

What if something happened to his eyes? Will he go blind?

"Hey." Zeke turned me around to face him before we reached his white Lotus Exige V6
Cup, ang bagong bili niyang kotse, dahil nasunog ang Koineggseg Ageara R niya noong
huli. Isang buntong hininga ang napakawalan ko nang maalala ko ang insidenteng
iyon. It was my fault.

Suddenly, Zeke's hand tilted my chin and once again, I had the chance to look at
his eyes that I almost ruined.
He sighed. "Maybe I should tell you I'm fine before you start fidgeting."

Umangat ang kilay ko. "Ha?"

Zeke tried to smile before he started to stroke my hair out of my face. "I'm fine,
Victoria," sabi niya. "You can ask the doctor if you want, but he'll probably tell
you the same assurance. So stop worrying, okay?"

"I'm sorry, I just can't help it. Pa'no kung mayrong... pa'no kung may masamang
mangyari? What if you go blind?"

"Come here." Hinila niya ako palapit sa kanya at niyakap. He laid my head against
his chest and I felt him kissed the top of my hair. "You have this worst habit of
blaming yourself. Stop it."

Hindi ako makapagsalita. All I could do was to nod my head. And just like everytime
I hear his heart beat, I started to feel calmer. Better.

"Let's go," sabi niya nang hindi na ako nagsalita at saka ako pinakawalan. "Baka
dumating pa si Serena."

"Ah... hindi daw siya makakapunta," mabilis kong habol kay Zeke nang makalapit siya
sa sasakyan. He smiled at that before he slid inside.

Sumunod na rin ako at sumakay ulit sa driver's seat. Ako ang magmamaneho since
hindi pa masyadong okay ang fracture niya sa dibdib.

"But she said she'll come over mamayang dinner. Siya daw ang magluluto," sabi ko sa
kanya.

"Cool," aniya. Tumigil ako sa pagkabit ng seatbelt ko at tiningnan ko siya ng

masama. "What?" he asked defensively.

"So inamin mo ring ayaw mo sa mga luto ko."

"No, I didn't!"

Tss... Sinong inuto niya?

Inayos ko na lang ang seatbelt ko saka pinaandar ang makina ng sasakyan.

"Vera," Zeke called. I ignored him and started to pull the car out of the parking
lot and took off.
"Victoria," he called again, pero hindi ko pa rin siya pinansin.

I'm mad. Pinaghihirapan kong iluto iyong mga pagkaing iyon tapos hindi lang pala
niya ma-aappreciate? Oo, alam kong hindi ako cook at lalong wala akong talent sa
pagluluto. Pero 'wag naman niyang ipagduldulan sa mukha ko ang tungkol sa bagay na
iyon.

"Vera Victoria."

He! Bahala ka sa buhay mo. Manigas ka diyan!

"Honeybunch..?"

What?

Napatingin ako sa kanya. "Yuck! Eww!" bulyaw ko sa kanya.

Napapikit siya. "Ikaw kasi," sabi niya pa.

"Anong ako?" Wow a, ako pa ang sinisi. Sipain ko 'tong lalaking 'to e.

He shifted in his seat to face me. "Please don't be mad. I admit, your food is
inedible at times..." Nagpantig ang tenga ko at nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi
niya. Akala ko pa naman magso-sorry na siya. Wow lang ha. As in wow!

"Unappetizing at most..." dugtong pa niya na ikinabuka ng bibig ko. The hell!? Was
he seriously looking for butt-ache?

"But I still want to eat them because I know you try your best to cook for me and I
like that. A lot. Matagal nang may gumagawa no'n sa'kin since Five died."

Hindi ako kumibo. Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong huwag kumibo, kahit na gustong-gusto
ko siyang lingunin ulit. I still feel bad but his sencerity was melting my
tantrums, especially when he was remembering kuya.

"Honeybunch." Tinusok niya bigla ang braso ko.

"Ewe!" ingos ko. "'Wag mo nga akong tawagin ng ganiyan." It's so freaking corny!

"Ayaw mo kasi akong pansinin."

I rolled my eyes and tried not to smile. "Oo na, oo na!"

"You're not mad anymore?" Tinusok ulit niya ako sa braso.

"Hindi na."

"Good." He sighed smiling and sat back properly on his seat. Mayamaya ay naramdman
ko ang kamay niya sa buhok ko.

"Bakit na naman?" Ang kulit ng lalaking 'to.

"You cut your hair."

"Ha?" Kumunot ang noo ko at napatingin sa buhok kong hawak niya, and I remembered.
"Ah, kasi nung photoshoot." The hair stylist cut a few inch from it for the
photoshoot. Pero hindi naman halata.

How come he noticed it?

Binitawan niya ang buhok ko at umayos ulit siya ng upo. "Don't cut it short," sabi
nya. "I like it long. It suits you."

Napangiti na ako. "Gusto mo yatang ipagluto kita ulit e."

He just laughed. And then he suddenly reached for my hand that was resting on the
gear shift as he settled comfortably on his seat. I glanced at him at nakita kong
nakapikit siya ng mata.

There he goes again. Palagi na lang siyang gumagawa ng mga bagay na lalong
nagpapabilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Katulad nito. He always holds my hand, stroke my
hair, and he even sniff it. Small things, but they brought me closer to him. And
it's frighteningly new, that he was letting me get close.

Nasanay akong palagi niya akong tinutulak palayo sa tuwing lumalapit ako noon.
Nasanay akong umiiwas siya at laging nagsusungit. At nasanay din akong palaging
nagtatago sa likod ng galit ko sa kanya.

But now that everything had been shed off... what comes next?

"DO YOU HAVE everything you need?" I asked Zeke when he opened the door and climbed
in. Galing siya sa pharmacy para bilhin ang gamot na nireseta ng doctor.
"Yeah," sagot niya at sinara ang pinto. I was starting the engine when his phone
rang. He answered it when he saw the caller.

"No, it's fine," aniya at mayamaya ay ibinaba ang cellphone.

That was a short call, I observed.

"Sage wants me to drop off to the office."

Muntik ko nang maapakan ang brake pedal dahil sa biglang sinabi niya. "Bukas?"

He nodded. "May emergency appointment siya and Blue can't take over right now. May
board meeting bukas at kailangan kong pumunta."

Board meeting.

Shit! I forgot!

Avon told me about it and I totally forgot. At ang mas malala, nakalimutan kong
banggitin kay Zeke ang tungkol sa bagong trabaho ko. I'm their new engineer.

Shit!

"YOU WANT TO tell me what's bothering you?"

"Ha?" Napalingon ako kay Zeke habang sakay kami ng elevator paakyat sa condo unit
niya. He was leaning on the side wall while looking at me.

"You've been quiet since we left the pharmacy. Did something happen?" Tapos ay
kumunot ang noo niya na parang may naalala. "Are you still mad about what I said
earlier?"

I quickly shook my head. "No, I'm not mad." I'm worried.

He was about to say something when the door opened. And I was very grateful for the
timing. I'm not sure how to tell him that I applied for a position in their company
when he was still recovering in the hospital. Magugulat siya. At hindi ko alam kung
magandang gulat iyon o masamang gulat.

Nauna akong pumasok sa unit niya pagbukas niya ng pintuan. I was wringing my
fingers together, thinking how to start the conversation, when I saw him standing
still in the open door and wondering.

Gumala ang mga mata niya sa bawat sulok ng unit niya. He started to move and closed
the door behind him. Sinundan ko siya at pati ang galaw ng mata niya.

Tumigil siya sa sofa na may nakatuping kumot, unan, at libro. Hindi siya tumingin
sa'kin pero alam kong alam niyang akin ang mga iyon.

He walked again and stood in the kitchen. Binuksan niya ang loob ng fridge niya at
agad na kumunot ang noo niya nang makita ang laman niyon. I had three gallons of
ice cream inside it.

Hindi siya nagsalita at hindi pa rin niya ako tiningnan nang isara niya iyon.
Sumilip siya sa kuwarto niya. Nang makitang wala namang nagbago ay dumiretso siya
sa banyo. He opened the door and sucked a deep breath. Pagkatapos ay bigla siyang
napasandal sa pintuan at napapikit.

Fear hit me, kaya mabilis ko siyang nilapitan. "What is it?" I asked and touched
his chest, worried if he's in pain.

Isang maliit na ngiti ang pinakawalan niya. "Nothing..." he whispered and held my
hand. Lalo akong nag-alala nang huminga siya ng malalim.

"Huy, okay ka lang ba?" Marahan kong tinapik ang pisngi niya. Saka lang niya
minulat ang mga mata niya. "May masakit ba sayo?"

"I'm alright," he said as he tuck my hair behind my ear. "It's just..." he inhaled
again ang sighed. "You're everywhere."

Ako naman ang napatingin sa paligid, and I saw what he meant.

I know. Nagulo ko ang pag-iisa ni Zeke at ang pananahimik niya. Hindi siya sanay na
may kasama. He's a lone man.

Pero dumating ako dito, and I feel like I left my mark and myself in here. At
ngayong wala na ang benda sa mata niya, hindi na niya ako kailangan.

That means I have to leave. And the desolation that was clouding his eyes tells me
that he knew it too.

"You're not used to it," I voiced out.

"No. I'm not." Sinabayan niya iyon ng iling. "But I liked it, with you being here.
You probably don't have any idea how much. I'd ask..." he sighed. "But I won't."
My brows knotted. What did he mean? What would he ask? Ang gulo niyang kausap.

"I'll miss... everything. You, your food, your foot steps, your scent..." he sighed
again.

Something was growing inside me. I can feel it. At gusto kong sabihin sa kanyang
hindi naman niya kailangang makaramdam ng gano'n kasi magkikita naman kami halos
araw-araw e.

Kaya lang...

Mabilis niyang inangat ang mukha ko nang humiwalay ako ng tingin. "Wala ka ba
talagang sasabihin sa'kin?" Nagtatakang tinitigan niya ako.

I chewed the bottom of my lips. Would it be safe if I told him about it now? Hindi
kaya siya magagalit? Matutuwa ba siya?

"Stop biting your lip and tell me," sabi niya at pinakawalan ang kagat-kagat kong
labi gamit ang daliri niya.

Siguro hindi naman siya magagalit. Maybe I'm just being paranoid and I'm letting
myself worry about something petty. Right... maybe I should tell him now.

Huminga muna ako ng malalim. "May—"

The door buzzer cut me off. Hindi iyon pinansin ni Zeke at mukhang hinihintay pa
rin niya ang sasabihin ko.

"Do you want to get it first?" I slowly asked.

Napabuntong hininga siya bago niya ako pinakawalan at lumapit sa pintuan niya.
"It's Serena," he announced after peeking through the peephole. Pagkatapos ay
pinagbuksan niya ito ng pinto.

"Hi Kuya!" Masayang hinalikan ni Serena si Zeke sa pisngi. "Wow! May mata ka na
ulit!" excited na sabi niya. Zeke was doing his annoying act again while his sister
examine his eyes.

Habang pinapanood ko silang dalawa, I found myself breathing from relief. I still
feel reluctant to tell him the news. Siguro mamaya ko na lang sasabihin pagkatapos
ng dinner namin, bago ako umalis. Mag-iipon muna ako ng sapat na lakas ng loob. I
know it's irrational. Pero kapag kinakabahan ako ng ganito, I usually go for my
guts. And right now, it's telling me to shut up.
_________________________

A/N: I'm so sorry po sa matagal na walang UD. My head was elsewhere these past few
days. Pagpasensyahan niyo na po ako. Hehe. Salamat po sa pag-unawa. Mwah! Mwah!
Love you all.

- Lady A

=================

Chapter ♠ 23

WARNING: Slight SPG

----💋----

UNIVERSE AND MORE

LAST NIGHT was the first night I slept at home again after three days I've been
taking care of Zeke. Iniwan ko muna ang ibang gamit ko doon sa condo niya at
sumabay na ako kay Serena pauwi pagkatapos ng dinner namin.

I know I was escaping from him. I just wanted to get away as soon as possible and
avoid the questions he will ask me once we're alone again. In the end, I was a
coward who couldn't tell him about the simple thing that I did.

It's an irrational fear. Kahit ako, hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nangyayari sa'kin.
But I just remember that time when he kept on sending me away at the photoshoot,
how he was opposed to it. He really did not like that.

Pero noon iyon, bulong ng isang bahagi ng utak ko. Nagbago na ang sirkumstansya
ngayon. We're okay now, or at least we're starting anew. What we established was
still frail and it might break if one of us take one wrong miscalculated step. And
I don't want that to happen.

Kaya maaga akong pumunta sa SMI at hinanap si Avon bago pa pumasok si Zeke para sa
meeting. I know Avon will be there because she will represent our agency for the
upcoming cup race. I have to stop her from spilling the beans before I destroy
something that was important to me.

I started to jog up to get to the closing elevator nang makita ko si Avon na sakay
niyon.

"Vee?" Av said with a surprised look on her face as I stepped in. "What are you
doing here? Hindi ba next week ka pa papasok?"

"Emergency," sagot ko at nilingon ang dalawang taong kasama namin sa loob.

Mabuti na lang at parehong abala ang mga ito sa pakikipag-usap sa telepono. I don't
want some evesdropper lurking behind us and start a gossip. Naintindihan iyon ni Av
kaya hindi na din siya nagtanong.

"Emergency? What kind of emergency?" she asked once we were inside the conference
room kung saan magaganap ang meeting. The room was empty and I was grateful for
that. Medyo may kalaikhan iyon kesa sa nauna naming pinasukan noon. Mukhang mas
marami ang dadalo sa meeting mamaya.

"Papasok ngayon si Zeke," kinakabahang sabi ko kay Av nang maalala ko ang meeting.
At si Zeke.

"So totoo ang balita na okay na siya?"

Tumango ako. "Yeah. He's okay, pero kailangan pa rin niyang mag-ingat dahil sa
fracture niya. He still needs rest kaya lang pinapabalik na siya ni Sage sa
trabaho," I stated as I paced near the window, as if moving could help me calm
down.

Saglit na nag-isip si Av. "And the emergency is...?"

"Av," I sighed. Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at tiningnan ko siya. "Hindi ko pa

nababanggit kay Zeke ang tungkol dito."

"So? Just tell him if that's worrying you," she suggested as if that was the
easiest thing to do. Siguro sa pananaw niya, oo. Pero sa'kin, mahirap. I groaned
out of frustration and started to pace again.

"Vee, would you calm down?" sabi ulit ni Av. "Just tell him."

"Av, hindi gano'n kadali iyon," I cried as a protest.

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms—a familiar stance she uses when she's
trying to put some sense into my head.
"What's so hard about it? Sasabihin mo lang naman. It's not as if you committed a
huge crime. And I'm sure he will understand if you explain it clear. Besides, asset
ka ng kompanya nila so he might as well be happy about it."

That actually made me pause and think. Maybe I'm overthinking. Well, I am
overthinking. "God, I'm freaking out!"

Lumapit sa'kin si Av at marahang tinapik ang braso ko. "You think too much, Vee."

Yeah. Av's right, I thought with a sigh. "But do me a favor, Av. Don't tell him
about the line up yet."

"Tungkol sa cup race? Bakit?" naguguluhang tanong niya.

"Just not yet. Ako na lang ang magsasabi no'n sa kanya. Okay?"

"Well, kung iyan ang gusto mo—"

We both turned at the door when we heard it opened. Sumabay ang tambol ng tibok ng
puso ko sa bawat yabag ng sapatos na nanaririnig naming papasok. I could feel my
feet were preparing for a flight reaction as we waited for our unexpected intruder
to show up.

What if it's Zeke?!, my mind screamed and then a man came in view.

"Mr. Steele," Av acknowledged. It was Sage.

"Ms. Alteza. I wasn't expecting you here until next week," sabi niya sa'kin
pagkatapos niyang tanguan si Av.

"Uhm... kinausap ko lang si Avon..." I stopped when I saw a familiar face stood
behind Sage and I had this strange feeling like my heart sank deep under my
stomach.

"About what?" Zeke asked me.

"Zeke..." Iyon lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko.

I couldn't manage to say anything when his face looked so critical and hard as
granite. Lalo na rin kapag gano'n kaseryoso ang tono ng boses niya. It was enough
to send a man into a heart attack.

"Well, the meeting will start at any moment. You might want to settle that later,"
Sage inserted carefully. I know they felt the tension and the awkward air. Zeke was
breathing it.

I felt Av pushing me to walk and go, but Zeke eyes were pinning me to the spot.
Just then, few members of the board entered and started to take their respective
seats. At nakita ko si Zeke na lumalapit sa'kin.

I held my breath as he walked pass me. Akala ko hindi na niya ako kakausapin, pero
bigla siyang tumigil sa tabi ko.

"We'll talk later," sabi niya sa mababang boses at nilagpasan ako. Warning bells
started ringing inside my head as I released the air I was holding.

Sh*t! He's angry.

I DIDN'T GO anywhere. Hindi ako umalis ng building kahit na ilang oras ang itinagal
ng meeting. I just stayed inside Zeke's office dahil alam kong doon siya didiretso
pagkatapos no'n.

We'll talk later.

I shudder as I thought about what he said, how dangerous it sounded. Pati na rin
ang mukha niya. Hindi ko alam kung kailan ang later na iyon pero hindi ko na
patatagalin. I have to talk to him right after the meeting.

Mabuti na lang at hinayaan ako ng secretary ni Zeke na patuluyin ako sa opisina

niya. At least here, I know I can talk to him rather than waiting at his condo.
Baka kasi umuwi iyon, hatinggabi na.

My heart stopped a beat and started to pound harder when I heard the door knob
clicked. And then Zeke was there, opening the door with a dark, tight face. At lalo
pa iyong nagdilim nang makita niya ako.

"Zeke, galit ka ba?" tanong ko. And then I realized it was a stupid question
because I was asking the obvious. And his silence was really speaking volume.

Naglakad lang siya papunta sa bintana at tahimik na tumayo do'n. Lalong lumalala
ang kaba at takot ko sa patuloy na pananahimik niya kaya nagsalita na ako.

"I'm really sorry I didn't tell you—"

"This was what's bothering you yesterday, wasn't it?" biglang sabi niya. "At hindi
mo sinabi sa'kin." The accusation in his voice rendered me to stop.
"I'm sorry." Iyon lang ang nasabi ko at napako sa kinatatayuan ko.

"You could've told me when I asked instead of being sorry."

"I know, I know. Naunahan lang ako ng takot ko." Damn it! But he really knows how
to make me feel bad.

I sighed and I remember what Avon said. Explain.

I hesitated for a while before I took a small step forward, and another one until I
was standing five steps away from him. At least in this distance, he wouldn't feel
so far away. Looking down at the busy crowd below us, I told him my only excuse.

"I know I should've told you when I applied pero hindi ko kaagad nasabi sayo dahil
ang daming nangyari. I was preoccupied. I didn't want you to think about business
dahil baka hindi iyon makatulong sa pagpapagaling mo. Isa pa, inisip ko na
magagalit ka kapag nalaman mo, katulad no'ng nangyari sa photoshoot. You tried to
stop me." He threatened me to back out, hell, he even kissed me. Dahil do'n kaya
akala ko, baka pigilan ulit niya ako sa gagawin ko.

Tiningnan ko siya nang 'di siya kumibo. "I'm so sorry, Zeke, please don't get angry
with me."

Finally, he sighed, getting rid off the tension out of his shoulders. "I'm not
angry," he said, dropping that stern tone, and faced at me. Noon ko lang nakita ang
pag-aalala sa mukha niya.

"I just don't like it when you're keeping something from me. I was up the whole
night thinking what was bothering you. Tinakasan mo pa ako. You think I didn't know
what you were trying to do?"

"I'm sorry," sabi ko ulit habang pinapanood ko siyang hinihimas ang pagitan ng
kilay niya. Nang dahil sa'kin kaya tuloy siya hindi nakatulog ng maayos.
Katatanggal lang ng benda niya sa mata tapos heto ako, binibigyan ko pa siya ng
eye-strain at stress.

I was about to reach out when he suddenly asked, "Why did you do this?" Seryoso
niya akong tinitigan. "What about your career?"

"Ang totoo niyan, I planned to take a break from racing before I came back here in
the Philippines," I confessed. Nakita kong kumunot ang noo niya pero hindi siya
nagsalita. He was waiting for more.

"I asked Avon to look for a job that will still keep me close to cars and racing
and Jack knew about it. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nalaman, basta kinausap niya
ako at nabanggit niya sa'kin na kulang kayo ng engineer para sa Avesto series na
ila-launch ninyo next year."

I turned to look outside the window. "At first, I didn't want to take the offer,
kahit pa iyon ang gusto ni Avon. It was my pride and my misplaced anger. Ang akala
ko no'n kinalimutan mo si kuya kaya ka nag-decide na mag-retire...

"But I was wrong and I know that now. At nagbago na rin ang isip ko simula no'n. I
want to make things right."

"But you didn't have to do this just for that," Zeke said. Nilingon ko siya.

"Pero gusto ko." I wanted to do more than just making things right. I wanted
something more than fighting his demons away. I wanted a lot.

"Everything's changed, Zeke, and I don't want us to go back to the way we were
before. I just want this, what we have now. And if I can, I'll close this distance
between me and you."

Matagal at tahimik niya akong tinitigan. His face didn't change, but not his eyes.
They're more intense. Curious. Anticipant.

"Why?" he asked in a dangerous tone as he stepped forward, slowly closing our

distance.

I had the craziest urge to step back—crazy because I just told him what I wanted,
always has been, even before when I thought I hated him. But he was acting very...
intense.

"Because," I just shrugged as my heart sped up.

He took another step forward... and another... and then he was so close I could
feel his body heat and smell him.

"Because why, Victoria?" his voice dropped into a low note. His eyes intensified
and I knew he wouldn't drop the subject anytime soon without a satisfied answer.

I took a deep breath to clear my head. But the scant air trapped between us was not
doing any help. My head got fuzzier as I breathed him in. I tried hard not to lean
forward and nuzzle my nose in his neck and revel in it. So I just focused into his
eyes. And then I was trapped.

"Because I don't want to lose you again," I answered mindlessly and it was too late
to take it back.
"Careful, Victoria. You're making me think you're staring to fall in love with me."
He smiled. A dangerous one.

It could've fooled me, up until I saw the vulnerability in his eyes. He's not
really trying to warn me off. He's just afraid what I'd say.

"I was always in love with you, Zeke." I told him truthfully. I don't know if it's
a bad idea, or because of lack of oxygen in my head that made me say it, but I'm
sure I wouldn't be regretting this later.

Saglit siyang natigilan bago kumunot ang noo niya.

"Bakit sa tingin mo hinamon kita ng karera kahit na alam kong ayaw mong pumayag?
Bakit sa tingin mo gusto kong mapasama sa team mo?" tanong ko kaagad bago pa siya
makapagsalita.

"Just like you said, because of your brother."

Tumango ako. "It's partly the truth. But to be honest," I paused to look at him in
the eye. "I just wanted to be where you are. Kahit saan, basta kasama kita. Do you
get that?"

"Kaya kahit dito sa opisina ko, sinundan mo ako?"

I nodded, still holding his gaze.

He grimaced. "But this is a fvcking male infested area, you idiot. How do you think
I would feel about that?"

"Hindi naman a—" Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko dahil bigla siyang nagmura.

"I hated it when some jerk look at you before, even when you had that old jumpsuit
on. Kahit pa tinatawag ka nilang pare. And that doesn't change. I still hate
assholes appreciating you."

"What?" Napanganga ako sa mga sinabi niya. "Seriously?" I really thought he found
me unattractive before.

"You don't believe me, I see." He then closed that tiny space between us and pulled
me against his hard, warm body.

His body heat immediately surrounded me, as well as his masculine scent. I had
always loved his scent—but right now, I wanted his essence. I needed to imprint him
on my sensory memories. Taking a deep breath, I inhaled more of him, and a shiver
ran along my body as I felt my breasts came into contact with his chest. He emitted
a sound like a growl.

"I am a very selfish guy, Victoria." The guttural voice vibrated through me.
"Especially when it's mine."

Then his big hand was pulling my head back, tilting me as his own was coming down.
And then our lips were touching in an electrifying kiss.

It was careful at first, gentle, tender. Then, we were devouring each other. Lips
and teeth were moving, nipping, and clashing. He never kissed me like this, not
that I remember. And I had never kissed like this way either.

I couldn't get enough of the feel of his lips, of the taste of his mouth, of
anything. He was all sort of wonderful... amazing... So perfect. So erotic, like we
were making love with our mouths. So possessive, like we were marking each other as
ours. Staking a claim. So intent, like nothing and no one else existed in our own
universe.

"Hold on," he breathed.

Suddenly, strong hands gripped my butt and Zeke was lifting me up until I had my
legs wrapped around his waist, bringing the apex of my thighs flushed against his
unmistakable hardness that made me moan.

The bunching of his muscles told me we were moving, but I was so focused on the
kiss I didn't care where. I just felt the hard wall pressed against my back and
that hardness was poking insistently against me in a way that scent jolts of
electric pleasure zinging throughout my body.

And still the kiss went on. And on. And on. Zeke tasted me with his tongue
dominating the interior of my mouth. It was hot. And mindlessly passionate.
Desperate little noises came out of my mouth, muffled by his lips and tongue.

He pressed his body against me, harder, and I felt him more fully between my legs.
Despite the barriers we wore, the sensation was so intense I groaned into his mouth
as my body racked from pleasure. It was all consuming. So out of my depths. And I
felt like I was going to explode from it.

This was so much more than a kiss. This was a melding of our souls. Of our past.
Our present. And our future.

"Damn!" Zeke muttered as he broke away from the kiss, we're both catching our
breaths. "This is exactly why I had to keep you at arms length. I don't know how to
control myself when you're around near me. And I don't think you're helping my
anger-control therapy at all. Not when I know you're in here."

Then just when I thought he will put me down, he started kissing me again.
"Shit," he stopped for the second time. "I have to stop kissing you before someone
else comes in."

He kissed the tip of my nose before he let me go and put me down. But he was still
pinning me against the wall.

"Fine," he said after a while. "I'll let you work here. But you have to promise me
to stay away from trouble. I don't want to fire every fvcking guy you came across
with."

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya, still feeling light-headed. "I'm hardly a goddess,
Zeke."

"You have no idea what I see, do you?" seryosong sabi niya saka hinawakan ang
pisngi ko. "You're like a universe and more, Victoria. And you're mine."

=================

Chapter ♠ 24

THE LABEL

"WHAT'S UP?" tanong ko kay Avon habang umuupo ako sa bakanteng upuan sa tapat ng
kanya.

Kakarating ko pa lang ng bahay kanina nang tawagan niya ako at sinabing kailangan
niya akong makausap. Kaya kahit pagod ako sa kakaakyat ng naiwan kong mga gamit sa
condo ni Zeke, I drove up here.

But, I didn't expect this talk would go down to this. She sounded so calm over the
phone, but as she looked at me right now with that suspicious eyes, I am starting
to think this was anything but calm and friendly. She looked so serious and all
business-like.

"I already ordered for you," she opined when she noticed I was looking for the
waiter. Hindi pa ako nakakapag-dinner at nagutom ako sa pagbubuhat ko.
Gusto pa sana akong ihatid ni Zeke kanina no'ng dumeritso kami sa condo niya para
kunin ang mga gamit ko. But I was so rattled with what happened in his office.
Hindi ko magawang mag-isip ng matino habang kasama ko siya. Mabuti na lang at
tumawag si Blue sa kanya kanina kaya hindi na niya ako naihatid pa sa bahay.

I cleared my throat and tried to pacify myself before I started squirming in my

seat thinking about that hot, steamy kiss. And there goes the butterflies again...

"So," I sighed and ignored those pair of scrutinizing eyes boring into me. "Is
there any particular reason we're here?"

May kung ano siyang kinuha sa loob ng bag niya. "Tell me about this," she said a
while later and handed me her phone.

At first, I didn't react. I was just looking at the picture of two people—a boy and
a girl whose face were blurred in purpose. And then reality slowly sank in as I
read the caption:

'Dalawang kilalang personalidad ng racing industry, huling magkasamang sweet na

sweet at magkahawak-kamay habang papalabas ng SMI...'

"Well...?" Av prompted.

I have no alibi... Nope, none at all, especially when I wore the stark evidence
that the girl on that photo was me. I could feel the heat creeping up on my face
and warming my body as I read the silent accusing look on my friend's face, because
she was looking at me like she knows everything—even that short rendezvous in
Zeke's office.

Yep, remembering what happened this afternoon didn't help.

I just shrugged nonchalantly, hoping Av won't pick up on my blushes. "Well what?"

sabi ko na lang at ibinalik sa kanya ang cellphone niya. No, I won't justify what
was implied or not in that picture.

She sighed and dropped her managerial face and looked at me with a worried
expression. "Vee," she said, "just tell me if any of that was true or not. I have
to know if there's anything I should know about you and Zeke."

I could see she was really concerned about the rumor and despite my irritation of
this sudden intrusion of my privacy, I know she was right. She has to know the
truth.

But as I opened my mouth, nothing came out. Kumunot ang noo ni Avon na halatang
naghihintay ng sasabihin o explanation ko, pero... ano ang sasabihin ko?
Zeke and I are not dating, are we? Nor did he say or mention we're exclusively
together. Wala siyang sinabi, at hindi rin ako nagtanong. So what happens after
that kiss? And then there's the four-letter word I told him.

Does a kiss change everything?

Well, it was not just a kiss. It was a lot more—bigger and sublime than just a mere
touching of lips. It was ethereal. Beautiful.

But did Zeke feel the same as I felt?

Avon drummed her fingers on the table out of impatience. So I just sighed, shrugged
and told her what I know.

"Nothing's going on," I said as I felt the energy draining out of me. The strain
was knocking on my back and every bone in my body ached. The butterflies were gone.

Av looked at her phone that was placed on the table and arched an eyebrow. "Hindi
iyon ang nakikita ko."

I shoved my hair out of my face and slumped back at my chair. Clearly, she wasn't
convinced.

What the heck?! Kahit ang sarili ko rin naman, hindi kombinsido sa sinabi ko. But
how can I tell her when I'm as confused as she is? What would I say when I myself
don't even know the real score, the answer to what she was asking?

Hindi ko boyfriend si Zeke at wala kaming relasyon. Iyon iyon.

But he kissed you like a starved man and he told you you're his, bulong ng utak ko
sa'kin. I uttered a deep frustrating sigh.

Still, I could not consider that something like an assurance.

"What's wrong with holding hands?" I told Av, kung iyong bagay lang na iyon ang
ipinaghihinala niya o ikinababahala niya.

She crossed her arms and leaned back too. "Listen, Vee," malumanay na sabi niya.
"I'm not saying you can't date him or anyone. Hindi hawak ng trabaho ko ang
pribadong buhay mo. And as a friend, I honestly want you to be happy. But right
now, I am talking to you as your manager here. Whatever you do, kahit saan ka pa
pumunta, the press will hound you and Zeke like bees because of that pictures and
you know they won't stop until they squeezed you both to submission."
She sighed and leaned closer to me. "I'm just asking you a simple yes or no
question, Vee. I know I am trespassing your personal life but, please, help me with
my job. Just tell me what's the real deal so I know how to handle the press and
what to tell them and what to keep before I open my mouth."

Alam ko... alam kong may punto siya. It's her job to keep the press and the media
away. To turn down the rumor. I could just tell her nothing was really going on
between me and Zeke, but she's a friend too, the closest I had since Vincent died.

Pero pati ako naguguluhan.

I want there to be an 'us'. That's why I won't settle for doubts and assume that
there is. Mahirap umasa. Masakit.

Avon suddenly touched my hands. "Okay, I'll drop this but you have to keep me on
tabs with this one. Remember, it's Zeke. He's one of media's sweetheart and I can't
keep every camera coming your way." Pinisil niya ng mahigpit ang kamay ko at
makahulugang tinitigan ako. "Whatever's between you and Zeke, you know you can tell
me, right?"

Hindi na ako nagsalita dahil dumating na rin ang waiter dala ang mga pagkaing in-
order ni Avon para sa amin. Av didn't bring up the rumor again and we just talked
about the upcoming World championship race.

But during the entire time, I still think about it at the back of my mind.

I wanted to confide in her, tell her what was confusing me, ask her what's going
on. Kung pwede sana sa kanya ko rin itatanong ang mga sagot. I want a friend, not a
manager. And I know she will listen.

But I just continued my silence because...well, I just want to figure this out all
by myself. Isa pa, hindi si Av ang dapat na kausapin ko. She can't give me the
right answers.

It's Zeke who can.

Later that night, before I gave into sleep, his words echoed in my dream...

You're mine.

I JOLTED OUT of my bed when I heard the my phone ringing. I grunted when I saw what
time it was. Alas-sais pa lang ng umaga at halos dalawang oras lang ang itinulog
ko. I need sleep! Pero parang hindi iyon alam ng kung sinong tumatawag ng ganito
kaaga.
Urgh! Just leave me alone!

Tumigil iyon sa pag-ring pero hindi rin nagtagal ay muli na namang tumunog. In
irritation and annoyance, I plucked my phone from its misery and answered it, not
even bothering to look at my caller.

"Morning," said a deep masculine, toe-curling voice that made me think of hot
kisses. And all at once, my irritation fled.

"Hi," I answered smiling, as if I was not cursing him to go to hell two seconds
ago.

Nakita ko ang mukha ko sa vanity mirror ko, and damn! I certainly looked like an
idiot grinning so wide with my eyebags hanging below my eyes. And I didn't care. I
felt great hearing Zeke's voice first thing in the morning.

"How's your sleep?"

I grimaced. "Bad."

"Me too."

He must've stayed up all night because of the emergency. Nabalitaan ko kay Av

kahapon na nagkaroon ng problema ang security system ng Stanfield Empire kaya
hinahanap nila ngayon kung sino ang may pakana ng virus na iyon.

I sighed. Well, at least Zeke doen't know I barely slept last night because—

"I kept thinking about you," sabi niya bigla. At napangiti na naman ako. I really
can't help it. So I just smiled there, sitting on my pajamas, and played his words
over and over in my head. Para akong bumalik sa pagka-teen-ager.

I guess love defies the span of time, age and maturity.

I smiled at my own thought. I sighed again and thought about telling him I did too.
That he occupied my thoughts and put restless questions in my mind. But those
things are better off discussing upfront than over the phone.

"Talaga? Kaya ginising mo ako, gano'n?" kantiyaw ko na lang. "Kelan ka pa naging

alarm clock ko?"

"Since yesterday," makahulugang sagot niya. "Now, get up and get ready. You have at
least thirty minutes to get down here."
Napatuwid ako bigla ng upo. "What? Wait—where are you?"

"Outside your apartment."

I practically jumped from my bed. "Ngayon?" tanong ko habang tinataboy ang kumot ko
pagkatapos ay tumakbo ako palapit sa bintana ko.

And true enough, Zeke was there. Standing beside his flashing car in the middle of
daylight, leaning back like a royalty with his hand in one pocket and the other on
his ear.

Just then, his eyes flickered up to my window, where I was standing, and smiled
disarmingly that basically caused my heart to skitter away from my rib cage.

"Anong ginagawa mo diyan?!" I shrieked rather than asked.

"Can't you tell?" sabi niya. Kahit na medyo may kalayuan siya, kita ko pa rin ang
pagtaas ng kilay niya. "Today's your first day at work. Or did you already forget?"

Ngayon?

Pero...

"Come on, the clock's ticking. Ayaw mo naman sigurong ma-late sa unang araw mo?"

I rolled my eyes. I know that tone. Wala yata talaga siyang balak na umalis. "Oo
na."

"Oh, and by the way," bigla ulit siyang nagsalita nang ibababa ko na ang tawag, "do
you always look that hot in the morning?"

"He!" natatawang sigaw ko. "Bola-boal ka pa diyan. Sige na. Bye!" Binilatan ko pa
muna siya bago ako umalis sa binatana at nakangiting pumasok sa banyo.

Mabilis akong naligo at nagbihis, pero hindi pa rin ako umabot sa thirty-minute
time limit ni Zeke. I didn't prepare for a corporate wear or kahit na anong damit
kaya kung ano na lang ang nahila ko sa cabinet ko.

I put on an off-shoulder grey top and ripped jeans then left my apartment with my
hair barely dry. Okay lang, matutuyo rin naman 'yun e.

"I have a car, you know," sabi ko kaagad kay Zeke nang mapagbuksan ko siya ng gate.
But what the fudge! He blew me like feather. He's just too good-looking—which is
very bad for my health.

I thought I couldn't be more blinded by the sunlight. Buti na lang may suot akong
salamin at hindi nakikita ni Zeke kung paano naghugis puso ang mga mata ko sa
pagkakita ko sa kanya ng malapitan.

He was just so... sleek with that million dollar suit. Parang hindi siya nagkaro'n
ng aksidente. He's looking so virile and potent. He can be so intimidating if he
wants to, and my heart just melts with gratitude because somehow, he let me cross
that line.

"And so?" he shrugged. "I still want to give you a ride."

Naalala ko bigla ang unang araw na pinasyal niya ako sakay ang Ferrari niya. I
actually thought it was a date. Kumain kami sa McDO, binilhan niya ako ng
sapatos... back then, he was so charming, laid-back and carefree. He used to smile
indulgently. And laugh.

Now he does so little.

Lumapit siya sa'kin. Tinanggal niya bigla ang suot kong salamin at hindi na ako
nagsalita habang tinatago niya iyon sa bulsa ng suit jacket niya.

This way, there was no barrier. Naked. Like an open book.

"Are you sure about this?" tanong niya sa'kin. He still have doubts about my
decision about working in his turf.

I smiled and pinched his nose. "Pumayag ka na, 'di ba?"

Umingos siya. "Fine," sabi niya na parang labag pa sa loob niya.

And then my laugh trailed when he suddenly kissed me, catching me off guard. At
wala na akong nagawa kun'di ang magpatangay sa halik na iyon.

He broke the kiss and touched my hair. "Just don't look too damn hot and pretty
like that again or I will break necks."

Confusion warred inside my head again and doubts laid weight in my chest but I
chose to laugh at him anyway. Because I was happy.

"You're being paranoid."

Hinila ko na siya papunta sa sasakyan niya habang natatawa. I was laughing even
when I actually found my words mocking.

Zeke was just being overprotective while I was the one being paranoid.

=================

Chapter ♠ 25

I AM YOURS

"WHAT DO YOU want to have?" Craig, one of the engineers I was working with, asked
me while we're checking for the displayed food in buffet-style.

Nakilala ko lang siya kanina at ang iba pang ka-team namin. We are assigned in
designing, the brain department. But honestly, I was asking for mechanical work
like constructing and building the engine. Mas ginaganahan akong magtrabaho 'pag
gano'n.

But for some vague reasons, dito nila ako nilagay. But I heard from Yanie, ang nag-
iisa ring babae sa team namin bago ako malipat sa kanila, it was Zeke's special
request to put me in this team. And I am guessing why.

"Ito, baka gusto mo nito?" He pointed a finger to a dish that I terribly missed.
Sushi.

"Oh, I forgot to ask if you eat raw foods," biglang sabi ni Craig habang nagkakamot
ng batok niya. "Baka mamaya, vegetarian ka pala."

Natawa ako sa biglang pamumula ng mukha niya. He looked sheepish and cute. Parang
bata.

"Don't worry," sabi ko habang nakangiti. "Actually, Japanese foods are my favorite.
At hindi rin ako vegetarian."

"Talaga? Kung gano'n dapat matikman mo 'yung Ramen nila dito. Isa iyon sa mga
specialty ni Chef..."

Craig trailed as he looked behind me. And then he was starting to step back away
from me na parang may nakita itong multong paparating sa amin. And actually, I can
feel him coming too by the way my hair at the back of my neck stood in goosebumps
and my skin prickled.

Zeke was nearby.

I think that was my sixth sense reacting to him.

"Uhm..." Craig stammered and even faltered as I felt my spine tingled. Umikot na
ako at tama, halos nasa likod ko na si Zeke.

"Hi!" masayang salubong ko sa nakakunot-noo niyang mukha.

I readily expected him to say 'hi' as well, or smile and nod, and pass us by, but
he did none. Instead, he snake an arm around my waist, pulled me close to him and
pressed his body into mine in a plain display of intimacy like it was the most
natural thing we do. And then again, for the third time that day, he stole a
passionate, mind-numbing kiss from me—there in front of Craig and everybody else in
that restaurant.

Yep. Kiss like that was nothing close to impersonal. In fact, it spelt
'terretorial'. Like the way he was tightly holding me.

"Hi," he drawled silkily as we came up for air and stared at me with those knee-
buckling, dark, molten eyes. He still looked unaffected after that surprising,
well, shocking, kiss and I was far too breathless. Was that even fair?

Tumikhim ako at pasimpleng dumistansya pero talagang may ibang plano si Zeke. His
eyes glinted sending me a dangerous warning not to push him again, simply because
he did not like it.

Well, he was definitely acting territorial.

Nginitian ko na lang siya kahit na alam kong kumakalat na ang balita sa loob ng
building na ito. That their stone cold boss was kissing some girl in broad
daylight. And I'll bet my dime that after lunch, the news will spread like a wild
fire.

I suppressed a sigh. Pagpipiyestahan na naman kami neto. At mag-aalala na naman si

Av sa'kin. Then she will call me again just like yesterday and we will have the
same conversation. She will ask and yet, I still have no answer.

Some slippery slope.

"Dumaan ako sa cubicle mo pero wala ka do'n." Medyo niluwagan niya ang pagkakahawak
niya sa beywang ko. But he still had that soft tone in his voice which belied his
anger. "I was hoping we could have lunch together."

Uh-oh. He's unhappy.

"Uhm... We were just grabbing luch." Tinanguan ko ang mga kasama ko na halatang
nagkukunwaring busy sa pag-oorder kahit na alam kong kanina pa sila tapos.

"I can see that," sabi ni Zeke na hindi man lang sila tinatapunan ng tingin.
"Didn't you read my message?"

Mistake number two, I counted as I shook my head. "I haven't been looking at my
phone since this morning."

Napapikit siya na parang pinipigilan niya ang sariling huwag mainis. Then he
sighed. Tiningnan niya ang isa sa mga staff at pina-cancel ang order ko.

"Wait, why did you do that?" tanong ko habang hinihila na niya ako.

"Because I already ordered for us."

Okay, I like a person whose spontaneous. But right now, I'm starting to hate it
when Zeke keeps on pulling me at my feet. Ni hindi ko nagawang magpaalam sa mga ka-
team ko. Nakakahiya. They were kind enough to ask me to eat with them tapos basta-
basta ko na lang silang iniwan.

"Don't just stand there." Pinaupo niya ako at mayamaya ay isa-isang nagsidatingan
na ang mga pagkain namin.

Lahat iyon, Japanese cuisine na wala sa menu. Lahat paborito ko.

I eyed Zeke and he just shrugged and started to pile up food on my empty plate.
Napabuntong-hininga ako.

If this continues to happen, we will draw up a completely wrong idea. People will
see things in a wrong perspective and take it in a negative direction. That kiss
was enough to initiate a week's gossip, enough to fill a newspaper and magazine
pages just so people can have something to talk about, but please, he doesn't have
to go overboard.

He can just ask me out on a date. Iyon lang naman ang gusto kong marinig, ang
malaman ko na may patutunguhan ito.
Maybe I should ignore my doubts. Maybe I should let things slow. But I can't. Dahil
sa totoo lang, natatakot ako. I'm not sure where I stood. Ayoko rin namang mag-
assume. Because that was just asking for a knife to cut your heart and open up a
scar, just like what happened years ago and I wouldn't go through with it again.

I want clarity. I want him to say the words.

Ano bang malay ko sa pakikipag-date? I never had a boyfriend. And before I knew
someone was asking me out on a date, I'm already turning them down.

Pagkatapos naming kumain, sabay kaming umakyat ni Zeke kahit na may dapat siyang i-
check sa kabilang building. Mayro'n siyang private elevator pero mas pinili niyang
hayaan ako nang sumakay ako public elevator.

"Okay, so what is it?" agad na tanong niya pagsara ng pinto. We're just alone
inside together.

Patay-malisya akong tumingin sa kaniya. "Ha?"

"You've been acting strange. Did I do something?"

I sighed. He can be an insensitive ass sometimes.

"Don't try to dodge me again for the second time," he warned when I didn't answer.

"Okay." Hinarap ko siya. "I didn't like what you did there. Ano na lang ang
sasabihin ng mga tao do'n?"

Ano na lang ang iisipin ko? Am I right to assume we are what I think we are? Do I
have a claim on you? Because you can be all territorial on me and I won't mind.

He scoffed. "You think I give a fvcking damn about what they think?"

"Maybe you don't, but I do, Zeke," mahinahon kong sinabi. "Avon is worried as it
is, at ayokong dagdagan pa ang sakit ng ulo niya."

Kumunot ang noo niya. And I thought about what I said too.

Man! I'm saying the wrong things, ain't I?

Napabuntong-hininga uli ako at sinubukang magpaliwanag. Ikinuwento ko sa kanya ang

naging pag-uusap namin ni Av kahapon.
"She can tell them the truth, I don't mind," sabi niya mayamaya.

Iyon na nga, e. Hindi niya alam ang totoo, kasi hindi ko din alam ang isasagot ko,
halos isigaw ko na pero minasahe ko na lang ang gitna ng kilay ko. Sumasakit ang
ulo ko.

"Hey," Zeke whispered. He held my face and tilted me up so he could look at me.
"There's something else you're not telling me here, aren't you?" he said, his eyes
searching for my face.

Napalunok ako. Sometimes I wish he couldn't read me so easily. But I guess, he

reads me just as much as I can read him too.

His thumb caressed my cheek. "Tell me what are you thinking?"

And for the nth time, I sighed. "I'm just..." Napapailing na lang ako. Dapat ko
bang itanong?

Bago ko pa masagot ang tanong ko, biglang tumunog ang elevator at bumukas iyon.
It's my stop.

May mga tao sa labas pero dahil nandoon si Zeke, tila na-estatwa lang sila at hindi
alam ang gagawin. But Zeke made the decision for them. He pressed the close button
and the door slide close.

"Zeke?" protesta ko dahil pati ako hinarangan niyang makalabas.

But he was not having any of my brush offs. He pinned me with those careful eyes
while he stayed standing against the elevator's door, guarding it.

"You're just what?" he adamantly asked, pertaining to his unanswered question.

I resigned my case. Mukhang hindi niya bubuksan ang elevator kapag hindi kami
nagkakausap ng maayos. And maybe I just have to tell him...?

But... what if I scare him off? Hindi ba siya matatakot kapag tinapat ko siya?

"Victoria? I'm waiting."

Fine.

"I'm just thinking... well, I want to know what we are," I calmly said but there
was nothing calm about the way my heart was running off my chest. Lalo pa akong
kinabahan nang bumuka ang bibig niya na parang hindi siya makapaniwala.

Oh no! I ruined it, didn't I?

"I know, I know," mabilis kong salo, "I shouldn't have asked. Pero ayaw ko rin
naman kasing mag-assume kung ano tayo. Wala kang sinabi kahapon, hindi tayo
nakapag-usap pagkatapos... pagkatapos no'ng nangyari—"

"I just kissed you yesterday," hindi makapaniwalang sabi niya at napatayo na siya
ng maayos. "And I kissed you again this morning, outside my car and, hell, as much
as I hated public display of affection, I still kissed you in there like a jealous
boyfriend and now you're asking what are we?"

I stuttered. "B-but you kissed me before and that's hardly tells me we're...
together. At saka hindi ka naman nanliligaw 'di ba?"

He stopped moving and his frown deepened. "Iyon ba ang gusto mo?"

"Not really... well, I want to. But—"

"No buts," he cut. "Kung naguguluhan ka, then let's settle this once and for all,"
he said clearly and slowly as he put his hands on the wall, trapping me between
them. Parang mas lalong lumiit ang space ng elevator at hindi ako makahinga ng
maayos. But I wasn't suffocating. I just felt heady.

Pinakatitigan niya ako sa mata. "I told you aleady, didn't I? You. Are. Mine. And
I. Am. Yours," he said so low yet I felt his words screaming at me. "Is that
clear?"

I breathed his scent and his warmth and it was growing like a balm in my body. "Are
we...?"

He smiled and suddenly he chuckled. "I don't usually like the tag but to clear
things up, yeah, I'm your boyfriend and you're my girl now."

Finally...

And out of all the overwhelming emotions swirling inside me, all I could do was
throw my hands around him and hug him tightly. Ang saya-saya ko.

Zeke laughed. "Does this mean I can always call you in the morning and buy you
lunch?"

Tumango ako dahil hindi ako makapagsalita. My throat was burning.

He pulled away and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. "And kiss you all the time?"

Tinapik ko siya. "Loko ka talaga. Bago ka manghalik diyan, kailangan muna nating
lumabas dito at baka magalit na sa'tin ang mga tao sa labas."

"I really don't care about them."

"'Wag ng matigas ang ulo."

He grimaced. "Tss..."

Napangiti ako sa hitsura niya. Ang guwapo talaga kaya hindi ko napigilang hablutin
ang kamay niya nang abutin niya ang panel. This time, it's me who kissed him and
caught him off guard.

Yep. Nothing beats spontaneity at its best.

"READY TO LEAVE?"

Umangat ang ulo ko mula sa inaayos kong blueprints nang marinig ko ang boses ni
Zeke. And my face automatically lit up in a smile. It's my second day at nagiging
hatid-sundo na niya ako. Sooner or later, I probably will forget I'm a professional
race driver.

"Seryoso ka talagang maging driver ko, no?" biro ko nang mailigpit ko na ang mga
gamit ko. He immediately wrapped me in a warm hug and I sighed heavenly.

"I just want to see you come home safe," sabi niya at hinalikan niya ako sa tenga.

"Hmm... Tara na nga." I took his hands and we walked outside the room.

Wala ng masyadong tao sa opisina dahil maaga silang umuwi. I stayed a bit late kasi
hinintay ko si Zeke na matapos sa meeting nila. Mabuti na rin iyon dahil natapos ko
ang ibang designs na kulang.

I wonder if he's fractures were healing okay now. Who does his bandages?

Tatanungin ko sana siya pero napansin kong titig na titig siya sa nakasarang
pintuan ng elevator.
I tugged at his arms. "We can take the stairs if you like," sabi ko sa kanya.

Nawala ang kunot ng noo niya pero tumaas naman ang kilay niya sa suot kong sapatos.
"You're in heels," he pointed out.

"So? I drive wearing these."

Umiling siya at hinapit niya ako palapit sa kanya. "Nah, elevator's fine."

"Okay," tumango na lang ako, at hindi pinansin ang panlalamig ng kamay niya.

He didn't seem so anxious the last time we talked inside the elevator. So why now?
What's with him and elevators?

The thought didn't give me a rest until we got inside his car so I decided to talk
about it with him.

"Akala ko claustrophobic ka."

Tiningnan niya ako nang nakakunot ang noo at nakangiti. "Why would you think that?"

Nagkibit ako ng balikat. "Well, I just thought about the day you were released from
the hospital. You were so scared when we're inside the elevator. Ang lamig pa ng
kamay mo. Pati na no'ng paakyat tayo ng condo mo."

He was silent for a while. I glanced at him and saw the strain in his face and his
stern mouth was pressed tautly.

"It was nothing," sabi niya mayamaya.

"Are you sure? Baka mamaya—"

"I'm sure."

Hindi na ako nagsalita. Minsan makulit ako, pero alam ko kung kelan na nagiging
sensetibo ang isang bagay para sa isang tao. And I know when someone's trying to
drop the subject.

I know. Minsan, ganyan din ako noon, lalo na kapag ang tungkol kay kuya ang napag-
uusapan. I understand.

But still, there's a sting in it.

Suddenly his phone rang. Sinagot niya iyon agad. "Kuya."

Mas dumilim ang mukha niya habang tumatagal ang pananahimik niya.

"I can't..." he sighed. "Okay, I'll try but I won't promise." And he clicked it
off.

"Bakit? May problema ba?" Hindi pa ba maayos ang problema nila sa hacker?

"Wala," he denied.

"Really? Well, you look upset."

He sighed again and relaxed a bit. Inabot niya ang kamay ko at hinalikan iyon. "I'm
sorry," sabi niya. Siguro ay narinig niya ang inis sa tono ng boses ko. "It's just
that... they want me to go."

"Saan daw?"

He shrugged disinteredly. "Just someone's birthday."

"At ayaw mong pumunta? Bakit naman?"

Umiling siya. "May lakad ako." Then he offered me a smile. But this time, it was
different. It felt sad.

Hinawakan ko na lang ang kamay niya. Pangalawang araw lang namin bilang
magboyfriend-girlfriend at marami pang araw ang darating. There's still a lot of
time to heal him completely. There's still a lot of time to love him. I just have
to be more understanding, more patient, and brave.

=================

Chapter ♠ 26

LOST SOUL
I WAS SILENTLY listening to Ian's instruction, ang captain ng team namin, nang
marinig kong nag-beep ang cellphone sa bulsa ko.

I didn't want to look at it while he was discussing something important, lalo na't
tungkol iyon sa main frame ng model ng kotse pero naalala ko iyong binilin ni Zeke—
what he's actually telling me every time—to never turn off my phone during work
time at palagi kong titingnan kung sino ang nagme-message.

'Di ba baliktad? Dapat naka-off ang phone 'pag oras ng trabaho. Some employer he
is.

Sinilip ko muna si Ian at saktong nakatalikod siya. I took out my phone and saw
Zeke's name.

I want to see you so bad.  ❤

I smiled at the heart icons. Ang cute.

"Nagtext na naman si Mr. CEO no?"

I looked at Yanie. She was teasing me again. Palagi na lang niya akong nahuhuling
sumisilip sa cellphone ko at nadadatnang nakatunganga, day dreaming.

"Araw-araw na lang kayong ganyan. Nakakaumay na. Para namang hindi kayo palaging
magkasama. At isa pa 'yang si Mr. Steele," tawag niya kay Zeke, "hindi ko akalaing
may tinatago siyang kakornihan sa katawan."

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. Kahit ako nagugulat kapag biglang naglalambing si Zeke.
He would just pop out somewhere and surprise me with a kiss or a flower. Maaga niya
akong sinusundo sa apartment ko at ibibili ng kape at breakfast. Tapos pagdating ng
lunch, either paaakyatin niya ako sa opisina niya para doon kami kumain o sa resto
sa baba.

For three days, it has been like that. At hindi pa roon kasama ang gabi.

"Kayong dalawa," biglang tawag sa amin ni Ian. Agad namang namula ang mukha ni
Yanie. "Mamaya na kayo magchismisan. We're in the middle of work. Vee, pakisabi kay
Zeke na mamaya na mangistorbo. I need your full attention here," sabi niya sa'kin.
"At pakisabi na rin sa kanya na asikasuhin at atupagin niya ang mga asungot na
reporter sa labas. He better do something imbis na magpa-cute sayo."

Yanie giggled beside me. Ako naman, ngumiti at tumango lang.

Kasali din si Ian sa Legacy at malapit niyang kaibigan si Zeke kaya nagagawa niyang
magsalita ng gano'n. But unlike Tyrone and the other boys, hindi masyadong active
si Ian sa racing. He's more focused in designing and handworks, and he's good at
it. Kaya siguro siya kinuha ni Zeke para sa series na 'to. He's nailing every fine
details.

"Gwapo sana, kaso ubod naman ng sungit." Narinig kong bulong ni Yanie na tinawanan
ko lang.

The discussion resumed, pero hindi nawawaglit sa isip ko ang mga media reporters sa
labas ng building. They've been tailing us since the photo came out. Apparently,
kahit blind item lang iyon, alam nila talaga kung sino ang mga object ng issue.

And Av was right, Zeke is a media sweetheart.

We wrapped up the meeting after an hour at pabalik na ako sa cubicle ko. But I
changed my mind as soon as I saw the elevator. Gusto kong puntahan si Zeke. I
wanted to see him. Pero nagtaka ako nang makita ko si Serena na papalabas sa isang
elevator.

"Serena!" I called. Galing siguro siya sa opisina ni Zeke.

I called her again when she didn't hear me and then she turned to me. Natigilan
ako. She was scowling.

Nilapitan ko siya. "Ayos ka lang ba?"

She tried to smile. "Yeah. I'm just disappointed, but I'll be fine."

"Nag-away ba kayo ni Zeke?"

Umiling siya at bumuntong hininga. That's all I need to know that there was
something going on.

If there was anyone who can tolerate Zeke, it's his sister. At ni minsan, hindi ako
nagkaroon ng impresyon na magagawang magalit ni Serena kay Zeke.

But she looked so upset right now.

Hinawakan ko ang balikat niya. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Dumaan ang pagdadalawang-isip sa mukha niya, pero sa huli ay umiling siya.

"I probably should not talk about it with you."

I nodded my head in an understanding. It must be personal, or baka family issue.

"But maybe you can help me," aniya bago ko maibaba ang kamay ko mula sa balikat
niya. I smiled at kaagad na natanggal ang naramdaman kong insecurity na umahon
kanina.

Kinuha ko kaagad ang bag ko sa cubicle ko at nagpaalam kay Ian. Serena wanted to to
go somewhere relaxing, dahil na-stress daw siya sa pakikipag-usap sa kuya niya. So
we went to an ice cream shop, dahil pagkain ng ice cream daw ang paraan niya ng de-
stressing.

"Hindi ko alam na nagtatrabaho ka na sa kompanya," she said as soon as she started

to dig into her bowl of ice cream.

"It was a good prospect kaya hindi ko natanggihan ang offer. Last week lang ako
nagstart."

"So does that mean na ayaw mo ng ituloy ang car racing?"

"We'll see," I shrugged my shoulders. "If this works for me, then maybe baka hindi
na ako bumalik. But as of now, I'm still experimenting." And I have a feeling I'll
stay longer.

Gusto ko pang makasama si Zeke. Besides, ngayong maayos na ang lahat, Zeke and I
are starting over, siguro panahon na para patawarin ko na rin ang sarili ko. It's
time no move on.

Car racing will always be a part of my life, gano'n din si kuya at si nanay. But
sometimes, in life, we have to let go of things that's not there anymore to make
room for something new.

"Did you guys fight?" I asked her as I sipped on my smoothie. Ito lang ang in-order
ko dahil baka mabusog kaagad ako tapos iinit na naman ang ulo ni Zeke kapag hindi
ako kumain ng marami mamayang lunch.

Serena sighed. "Nainis lang ako kay kuya," sabi niya. "It's my dad's birthday this
weekend."

Naalala ko noong may tumawag kay Zeke at ang naging itsura niya. He said something
about someone's birthday.

"...they wanted me to go."

"And I'm guessing that he's not coming," I told Serena. Tumango siya nang
nakasimangot.

"Dad's not getting any younger, you know. He looks tough and strong, pero nakikita
ko ang nababawas sa timbang niya. He's lying everytime I ask him if he's okay."

She looked down but I saw a glimpse of her eyes turning misty. Nilalaro na niya ang
ice cream niya.

"I'm worried about him. At naiinis ako kay kuya dahil hindi man lang niya
mapagbigyan ang gusto ko. Ayaw na naman niyang pumunta sa family dinner namin dahil
hindi pa rin sila nagkakaayos ni daddy."

"Na naman?" I frowned.

Umiling siya. "He never went to dad's birthdays. I don't know why, he just stopped
being a son one day.

"Since they had that major fight, he never slept home. And that was four years ago.
Umalis siya ng bahay. Kahit pa noong nagpunta ng Hawaii sina mommy para
magbakasyon, saglit lang siyang dumadalaw. Hindi ba dapat na niyang kalimutan ang
mga nasabi ni dad sa kanya noon? Galit lang si daddy dahil sa ginawang pagkakamali
ni kuya. But it wasn't his fault. Aksidente ang nangyari. At na-realize iyon ni
daddy."

She sighed. "Kahit hindi sabihin ni dad, I can see that he regretted everything he
said that night."

Yumuko ako at pinaikot ang straw sa loob ng baso. And I thought about what exactly
happened four years ago.

"Your dad blamed him for my brother's death." Just like what I did.

I felt her touching my hand. "I'm sorry."

Her sincerity made me want to cry. Pero sinubukan kong ngumiti. "No, it's okay.
He's been gone for too long. Tanggap ko na iyon."

At ganoon din ang katotohanang walang may kasalanan sa mga nangyari. Walang may
gusto no'n. It was a tragedy.

"At matagal na iyon. Everybody has to move on."

"You're right," she agreed with a sigh. "Pero masyado nang malalim ang sama ng loob
ni kuya kay daddy. I think it will not mend by the time I have my babies. Or even
before I get marry." Tumawa siya sa biro niya, ngunit isa iyong malungkot na tawa.
"Bakit? Gano'n ba kalaki ang galit ni Zeke sa daddy ninyo para hindi sila
magkaayos?"

"You can't even imagine." She dug her spoon under her ice cream and sighed
forlornly. Tunaw na ang kalahati ng ice cream niya at pinaglaruan lang niya iyon
nang parang walang gana.

"You know what, I realized, I never really saw them talking together. Alone. Or
staying inside a room just the two of them. Palaging may kasama. There's this
awkward air around them that I never understood and I thought it was normal, until
I was old enough to see the tension between them."

She tried a smile as she remembered their past. "Growing up having all this wealth
surrounding us, the fame, the business... it wasn't easy. It wasn't a fairytale.
Lumaki kami na halos wala si dad sa tabi namin. He was so busy running the family
business. Palaging si Mama ang kasama namin, kahit sa mga school events, special
occasions, at kahit simpleng araw lang. Dad was always missing.

But he tried to make up for his shortcomings. Gifts. Short vacation sa ibang bansa.
Family outing, kahit once a year lang. They were happy times," she said with a real
smile.

"Palagi sa aming pinapaalala ni mama kung gaano kaimportante ang negosyo kay dad at
sa pamilya, so we can understand why dad was always not around. But you know how
kids are." She looked at me knowingly.

"Children have ways in coping. They are resilient—they can recover easily. At least
that was our case. Except Zeke... he didn't cope well like we did. He became
complicated." Umismid siya. "Well, he became a rebel."

Napatitig ako kay Serena. I was trying to imagine the man I know and the boy she
was describing. But I didn't see the rebel one. What I saw was a lost child. Lonely
and wounded.

"Hindi naman siya gano'n e. He was an aloof kid pero hindi siya salbahe. Siya nga
ang pinakatahimik sa lahat ng mga kuya ko. And then one day, biglang pinatawag sa
school si Ma.

"Zeke had a fistfight. Nagulat kami sa nangyari, especially dad. He was very
disappointed about what happened. Nag-away pa nga sila ni 'Ma e, kasi nasaktan ni
dad si kuya. Napagbuhatan niya ng kamay si kuya. It was an initial reaction of a
parent, lalo na kung ang may-ari ng school ang magulang mo, 'di ba? It would
reflect on him. But mom didn't care."

Iyon ba iyong dahilan kaya parang hindi malapit si Zeke sa mga magulang niya?
Serena finally took a spoonful of her melted ice cream. "I think Zeke was doing
that on purpose," she said thoughtfully. "I mean he continued acting like a
butthead after that. Naging bully siya sa school, naging gangster, at palagi na
lang siyang nasasangkot sa gulo. He lived up to everyone's expectation, that he's a
reckless heir of Stanfield Steele. The blacksheep. The misunderstood son."

"Bakit naman niya gagawin iyon?"

Serena shrugged. "To spite dad. To get him mad and furious."

"To get his attention," dugtong ko. Serena nodded.

Muntik pa akong mapangiti. Gano'n din ang ginagawa ko kay kuya noon. I did tantrums
just to get his attention. Ginagalit ko siya kapag hindi niya ako
pinapansin.Ginagawa ko ang mga kinaiinisan niya. Hindi ako naglalaba, nagkakalat
ako at hindi ako pumapasok sa school. And it always worked.

But Zeke...

"Did it work?" tanong ko kay Serena.

"Somehow it did. Nakukuha nga niya ang atensyon ni dad—only to fuel his anger. I
think he's the reason why dad is hypertensive e," she joked.

"Kaya 'yun, lumaki nang lumaki ang agwat nilang dalawa. The gap between dad ang
kuya got bigger and larger everytime Zeke defied him. Kahit noong nagkaroon ng
problema ang kompanya noon, hindi pa rin sila nagkaayos na dalawa. Even after we
left the country, mas lalo silang lumala. And Zeke got worse."

Serena looked at me with a meaningful gaze. "And then, there's your brother too."

I nodded, finally seeing the side of Zeke that I never saw. The part that was
hidden. Kilala ko lang siya bilang batang natagpuan ni kuya sa daan, bugbog sarado
pa. Ang kilala kong Zeke, iyong nakakainis, may nakakaasar na ngiti at sakit sa ulo
na walang ibang ginawa kun'di ang sirain ang araw ko. Yet still I fell for him.

But that was when Vince was alive.

Now, he became a stone cold man. Ubod ng sungit at palaging nakasimangot na parang
galit sa mundo. Pero saksakan pa rin ng guwapo.

He's always been mysterious. Palaging mag-isa. He's almost soulless. Like he was
living an empty life. At ngayon, parang nakikita ko na ang totoong Zeke. I
understand what he is, where he is coming from.
Behind that strong and hard façade was a fragile heart.

"They never talked again after that night. Ni hindi nga nagpakita sa amin si Zeke
ng ilang buwan," basag ni Serena sa pananahimik ko. Nangangalahati na siya sa ice
cream niya pero ako, hindi ko pa rin nauubos ang iniinom ko.

"We just see him on TV everytime he'll have a race, sa mga sports news, interviews.
Halos nawawalan ng lakas si Ma kapag nakikita niya si Kuya na nakikipagkarera. He's
killing her everytime he drives away. Parang hinihintay lang naming mabaliitaan na
maasksidente siya at parang wala siyang pakialam. He was suicidal and crazy. Kahit
sino, walang nagawang pigilan siya. Not even kuya Duke. He shut all of us out."

Suicidal. That word tugged something at the pit of my stomach. The same feeling I
had when I learned that Vince was racing cars. That same shiver when tito Ed called
me that night.

It was the metallic taste of fear.

And then something hit me.

Curious, I asked her, "Why did he retire?"

Umiling siya. "Nobody really knows but kuya Duke. Siya ang nagpilit kay kuya Zeke
na magpatingin ng psychiatrist. He told me Zeke needed help because he was losing
grip."

I stopped sipping my drinks because I felt like the floor tilted. My blood ran cold
and a shiver strung my spine at what her words were implying.

Zeke was not that weak. Hindi niya maiisip na gawin iyon.

A shrink. Iyon ang nakita nina Tyrone na lumalabas galing sa condo ni Zeke 'di ba?

Everything was starting to connect. It felt like I'm solving a mystery, yet I
wasn't feeling happy about it. I was scared.

"Duke asked Zeke to take a break from racing and help him instead. I don't know how
he managed to make him say yes, pero simula no'n, iniwan na ni Kuya Zeke ang racing
at inasikaso na lang niya ang ibang negosyo para tulungan si Kuya Sage at Kuya
Duke."

"I see."

"But he's still not talking to dad," malungkot na sinabi niya. "This silent war
between them had gone too far. And dad, kahit hindi siya nagsasalita, kahit parang
wala siyang pakialam, I know he missed kuya. I can see he wanted to make amends
pero hindi lang niya alam paano kakausapin si kuya. Hindi kasi talaga showy si dad.
Emotions kind of embarass him. Kaya ako na ang gumagawa ng paraan para magkausap
sila. I want them to talk kahit isang beses lang..."

Bago mahuli ang lahat.

Those words hung heavy in the air as Serena looked at me with naked fear in her
eyes. Those same wretched feeling that kept on clamoring, burning in my chest.

"I'm sorry, sayo ko pa tuloy nasasabi ang mga frustrations ko."

I smiled and drew on a shaky breath. "It's okay," I said.

Kailangan kong kontrolin ang emosyon ko. Zeke's okay. Iyon lang ang kailangan kong
isipin. He's okay now. It's all over now.

Nang masigurong kalmado na uli ako ay huminga ulit ako ng malalim bago ko tanungin
si Serena.

"You said maybe I can help with something...?"

Tumango siya. "Lahat ng mga kapatid ko matitigas ang ulo. But Zeke has the hardest
resolve. Once he made a decision, hindi na iyon magbabago. But I also know that he
will listen to you."

"How are you so sure?"

Bigla siyang ngumiti ng pilya. "You think hindi ko malalamang kayo na ng kuya ko?"

Right, I thought dully. Kasalanan iyon ng mga tsismosa.

"I just thought that maybe if you talk to him, he might see reasons. Baka magbago
ang isip niya at pumayag siyang pumunta."

I thought about what she was asking. She's right. Si Zeke ang kilala kong taong may
pinakamatigas ang ulo. He always stood his ground, never budging. And trying to
change his mind would be impssible. Lalo na pagkatapos ng mga narinig ko.

But I have to try. Para rin naman ito sa kanya. Ayokong dumating ang araw na maulit
ang mga nangyari. That he would blame himself for being a bad son when his father
died.

"Gusto mo bang pilitin ko siya?"

Bumuntong hininga si Serena. "I'm sorry, I know this sounds like a lot to you, Vee.
Pero wala na talaga akong ibang maisip na paraan e. Just try and talk to him. Huwag
mo na siyang pilitin kung ayaw niya talaga."

Inabot ko ang kamay niya. "Don't worry. He will be there. I will drag him if I have
to."

I know it's not my place to put demands on him about his family, but I want Zeke to
be okay. I recognize it now.

Zeke was troubled even before my brother found him. At si kuya ang naging sandigan
niya noon. He was a lost child and he found his self-worth because my brother
helped him find it.

But when Vince died, he was damaged. At sinisi ko pa siya sa pagkamatay ni kuya.

God, what have I done to him then?

Para ko na rin siyang pinatay dahil inakala din niyang siya nga ang may kasalanan,
na siya ang pumatay kay kuya sa taong importante sa kanya at naniwala. And his own
father thought so too—the father he wanted to please but never managed to. The
person who should be believing him.

Now I see what I caused him. How deep I wounded him.

He's a broken man. At hindi siya magiging buo kung hindi niya magagawang patawarin
ang sarili niya... at ang daddy niya.

And because of that—more than wanting to help Serena—I wanted to do this because I
want to help Zeke to be complete. To give him back what he lost... of what I
stripped him off.

His soul.

________________________

A/N: Hey guys, plug ko lang, hehe. You can join my fb group, Lady A's Story or like
my fb page AyamiLu's Story. Salamat po. Mwah!

- Lady A
=================

Chapter ♠ 27

TRY

"VEE, 'DI KA pa ba uuwi?"

I saw Yanie turning her table-lights off.

"Pauwi ka na ba?" I asked her. Kami na lang dalawa ang natitira dito sa opisina at
mukhang naghahanda na rin siyang umalis.

"Oo e. May kailangan pa akong daanan." She grabbed her car keys on her table.
"Ikaw?"

Tiningnan ko ang mga sample drafts sa working table namin at napailing ako. "Mamaya
pa siguro. Tatapusin ko muna 'to." Ayokong iwan ang trabaho ko nang nakabinbin.
Kung wala lang siguro kaming hinahabol na deadline, baka kanina pa ako umalis.

"Hmm.. inaantay mo lang yata si Sir Zeke e."

I laughed at her teasing. "Busy iyon."

He's been inside the conference room with Ian and the other head team, talking with
with Avesto. They were discussing some few updates about the Avesto series
launching, at dahil doon kaya hindi ako nasundo ni Zeke kaninang umaga. It was a
first. Pero kung kailan gusto ko siyang makausap, saka pa siya hindi available.

Sa makalawa na ang family dinner nila, and yet I haven't seen Zeke since Serena and
I talked. Wala siya sa office niya pagbalik ko kahapon at nagtext lang siya na
sumama raw ako sa mga ka-team kong kumain ng lunch dahil may aasikasuhin raw siya.

Akala ko hindi na siya babalik sa opisina pero nagulat na lang ako no'ng nakita ko
ang koste niya sa labas ng building. He was inside sleeping. Saglit lang siyang
umalis at pumunta sa opisina para ihatid ako pauwi tapos bumalik din siya kaagad.
Seeing him that tired and sleepless made me decide to talk to him today. Gusto kong
makapagpahinga muna siya bago ko siya kausapin.

Pero natapos na ang araw at hindi ko pa rin siya nakakausap tungkol doon. I'm
running out of time.

Lumapit sa akin si Yanie at sinilip ang mga nagkalat na papel sa mesa. "Antayin mo
na iyon, malapit na namang matapos ang meeting nila. Bukas mo na iyan tapusin. Baka
ma-extend pa nga tayo dahil sa mga dagdag na detalye."

"Nah," I said waving a hand. "I brought my car with me kaya okay lang ako."

"'Ku, okay lang daw e buong araw ka kayang nakasimangot. 'Di lang kayo nagkasama,
para ka ng lantang dahon. "

Tinawanan ko lang siya at hinayaang isiping dahil doon kaya ako wala sa mood buong
araw. I could only sigh inwardly.

"Hay..." Yanie sighed dramatically. "Nakakamatay talaga ang pag-ibig ano? Hindi mo
lang siya nakita ng isang araw, pakiramdam mo, para kang nakapatay na ilaw. Walang
buhay."

"Wow a. Kung makahugot ka diyan parang damang-dama mo a. Sino, si Cap Ian ba iyan?"

Mabilis na nalukot ang mukha niya. "Bakit ko naman iisipin ang lalaking iyon?!"

I grinned. "Kunwari ka pa, e lagi kitang naririnig tuwing bumubulong ka.

Naguguwapuhan ka kay Cap 'di ba?"

Inikot niya ang mga mata niya. "Guwapo nga, palagi namang naka-beast mode. Daig pa
niya ang babaeng may PMS," reklamo niya. "Aynaku, makaalis na nga. Baka kung ano pa
ang masabi ko. Sige, una na ako. Ingat ka sa pag-uwi."

Natatawang tinanguan ko siya habang papalabas siya ng opisina. "Ikaw din."

I sighed when I was left on my own.

I'm worried, more than running out of time—I'm worried what I would say. How will I
talk to Zeke and make him go?

It's not my place to put demands on him if it's about his family. Siguro sa ibang
bagay oo, pero hindi sa pamilya niya. Pero hindi naman siguro masama kung susbukan
kong kausapin siya 'di ba? Gusto ko lang namang maayos ang relationship niya sa
daddy niya dahil alam kong makakatulong iyon sa kanya.
But how?

That question plagued me last night and put me awake 'til two in the morning. At
kahit noong nagising ako, wala pa ring sagot ang dumating.

Ten minutes later and I was half done with my inputs. Inayos ko na lang ang mga
gamit ko para makauwi na ako. It was already past seven and I'm tired. Iyong iba,
dadalhin ko na lang sa bahay at doon ko na gagawin.

Bigla ay may dalawang mainit na braso ang pumulupot sa beywang ko mula sa likuran.
"Hi sexy," Zeke's deep voice whispered behind my ear.

"Hi." A smile curled on my lips when I smelt his masculine scent. Na-miss ko iyong
amoy niya. Para tuloy nawala iyong pagod ko. Lahat, pati na ang mga iniisip ko at
pinoproblema ko. They just disappeared in thin air and all I could see and feel was
him, his vision, his warmth... Iisang araw pa lang kaming hindi nagkikita pero
pakiramdam ko tatlong araw na.

Humigpit ang yakap niya sa 'kin at naramdaman ko ang paghalik niya sa leeg ko, sa
ibaba ng tenga ko.

"I miss you," he said.

"Patawa ka," natatawang sabi ko. "Hindi mo lang ako naihatid, miss na agad?"

He turned me around and all at once I was mesmerized with his strong jaw, sinful
lips and those eyes—all set in a face of this man I'm so... I'm so in love with.

Man, I'm wearing my heart in my eyes right now, am I?

Zeke smiled and pulled me to him. I instinctly wrapped my hands behind his neck and
stared at his eyes. I couldn't help it... that I'm falling deep into this wonderful
feeling every minute. It felt so right and good and I don't want to lose it, ever.

I love where I am right now. I love how he makes me feel, love every thud of his
heartbeat, every smile of his eyes, and every minute I'm with him. I love the way
he's making me feel alive. I just love this man so much that it's terrifying.

"Why, didn't you miss me?" he pouted.

Napangito ako sa histura niya. "Oo na," I said and pinched his nose. "Nagpapa-cute
ka na naman a."
He didn't say anything, he just pulled me again, closer, and silently hugged me
tight. We both sighed, at naramdaman ko ang init ng hininga niya nang bumaon ang
ulo niya sa leeg ko.

"Tired?" tanong ko habang minamasahe ang batok niya. He answered me with a groan.

Napagod nga yata talaga siya sa video conference nila kay Avesto. Buong araw silang
hindi lumalabas ng conference room at sa pagkakaalam ko, mahirap na kausap ang
italyanong businessman na iyon.

"Kumusta ang meeting ninyo? Masyado ka yatang stressed ngayon," sabi ko habang
minamasahe ang likod niya. 'Di ko mapigilang mag-alala.

"Okay lang ba na mapagod ka ng ganito? I mean, your still recovering from the
accident." He still needs rest.

"It was hectic but it went fine. At saka magaling na ako. I've had too much rest."

Bago pa ako makapagsalita ay lumayo siya para tingnan ako. "Kumain ka na?"

Napatingin ako sa trash bin na nasa likuran niya. "Kung tinatanong mo kung inubos
ko ang pagkaing pinadala mo, naubos ko na."

"Good," he said with that satisfied tone. Tumaas tuloy ang kilay ko.

"Good? That was too much, Zeke." Kung alam lang niya kung gaano ko pinagpilitang
ubusin ang lahat ng pagkaing binigay niya.

"You need to put on some weight."

I looked at myself and glared. "Hindi naman ako malnourished a."

"You're still thin."

What? "Ano'ng gusto mo? Magkabilbil ako?"

He grinned wickedly. "Malambot naman ang bilbil, so I won't mind." Kinurot pa niya
ang tagiliran ko. "There's nothing wrong for being healthy."

"I am healthy," giit ko habang isa-isa niyang kinukuha ang mga gamit ko sa mesa.

"Let's go?" Hinatak na niya ako ako palabas ng department namin at pumasok sa
private elevator niya. He leaned against the wall, closed his eyes and massaged his
nape when the door slid close. He looked so tired.

Maybe I should let him rest tonight. Bukas ko na lang siya kakausapin tungkol sa
family dinner nila. But that would give me less than a day to talk him through it
and make sure he will go. Or else, I'll have to drag him there.

I sighed. Of course I can't do that.

Niyakap ko na lang si Zeke at humilig sa dibdib niya. I don't know, I just felt
like hugging him. Kahit na nagtatalo ang kalooban ko ngayon I actually felt happy
and grateful that I can hug him so easily and free.

I'm worried about him. He's acting like there's nothing wrong, na wala siyang
iniisip na problema maliban sa trabaho niya but I know that somehow, Zeke still
pines for his father's attention and affection. He grew up without expressing that
need and pride eventually hardened it.

I just wish I knew how to tell him he needs to shed that pride and talk to his dad.

Inakap na lang din niya ako at tahimik kaming ganoon hanggang sa bumukas na ang
elevator. I tugged his hand when I realized he was walking to his car. Napalingon
naman siya sa akin.

"'Wag mo na kaya akong ihatid." Kumunot ang noo niya sa sinabi ko.

"You should head home para makapagpahinga ka. Mukhang pagod ka na e. Dala ko naman
ang kotse ko," maagap kong sabi dahil mukha siyang magpro-protesta.

"Then let's leave it here," he still said and pulled me again.

"Zeke, really, you need rest—"

He suddenly stopped walking and faced me.

"Babe," sabi niya, "I know you're worried, but really, I'll live."

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin pero tinawanan lang niya ako.

"I haven't seen you all day. Hindi rin kita nasundo kaninang umaga. So just let me
drive you home tonight okay? Pagbigyan mo na lang ako, hm?"

I heard the exhaustion in his voice and saw it in his eyes too. And it made me
wonder if it was all because of work.
Napabuntong-hininga ako. "Okay..." I nodded, "but I can't leave my car here."

"Alright." Ngumiti na ulit siya. "I'll take care of that but let's get out of here
first."

Tahimik akong sumunod sa kanya at sumakay sa kotse niya. I was thinking about
tomorrow. Iyon na lang ang natitirang oras ko para kausapin siya.

Damn! I kept on talking about the same thing and it's frustrating the hell out of
me.

Time. I need time. Pero wala. Bukas lang talaga ang meron ako. At hindi ko sigurado
kung matutupad ko ang pangako ko kay Serena.

I sighed as I tucked myself into the seatbelt.

Tiningnan ako ni Zeke. "You okay?"

"Mhmm."

Hindi na siya nagsalita. He turned the engine on and put the car on reverse.
Mayamaya ay nasa daan na kami.

"Hey."

"Hm?" Nilingon ko siya at napatingin agad ako sa kamay niyang hawak-hawak ang kamay
ko. He always holds my hand when he's driving.

"You kept on sighing. Napagod ka ba sa trabaho?"

"Wala naman akong ibang ginawa ngayon bukod sa umupo buong araw," biro ko.

"You mean aside from missing me?" He smiled playfully and kissed my hand.

That smile made me sigh again. And to think hindi niya sa'kin binabanggit ang
tungkol sa bagay na 'to. He never talked about his family with me.

"Okay, so what's that sigh about?" Nakangiti pa ring tanong niya.

"May..." I hesitated. Umiling ako. "Wala. May iniisip lang ako."

"About what?" Lumingon si Zeke sa akin. "Pinapahirapan ka ba ni Ian?"

"No," mabilis kong tanggi. "Ian's a bit strict but he's fair."

"So it's not about work?"

Umiling ulit ako. "I'm just thinking about something else," sabi ko at wala sa loob
na binawi ang kamay ko sa kanya. Kumibot ang kilay niya pero hinayaan niya lang
ako. He continued driving.

"You want to tell me about it?"

Pinagmasdan ko siya. Seryoso lang siyang nakatingin sa daan.

I could feel my heart shrinking like a balloon losing it's air. It's not a big
deal, really, Baka masyadong personal para sa kanya kaya hindi niya sa'kin sinasabi
ang tungkol sa pamilya niya.

But, what the heck? I've always treated him like a part of my family. Doesn't that
count to something?

Irratonal jealousy. Unreasonable irritation. They pretty much grated on my nerves

that made me want to ask him about his father's birthday or why he was not telling
me anything.

Pero hindi ako nagpadala sa iritasyon ko. Naisip kong may oras pa para sa bagay na
iyon. Isa pa, may mas importanteng bagay akong dapat unahin.

"Victoria?"

Nilingon ko si Zeke. Nakakunot na ang noo niya at mukha na siyang nag-aalala at

naiirita.

"Nakasalubong ko si Serena kahapon," sagot ko sa tanong niya. "She was pretty

upset," dagdag ko nang hindi siya nagsalita.

"We had an argument, pero maliit na bagay lang iyon." He kept his tone light, pero
nakita kong humigpit ang hawak niya sa manibela. And it was not a good sign.

"Nagkausap kami kahapon, and she told me about it," I traded carefully. I shouldn't
have opened my mouth, pero ayoko rin namang palagpasin ang pagkakataon.

Urgh! This sucks, feeling torn between helping Serena and Zeke's peace of mind.
Alam kong mas mas-stress si Zeke kapag kinausap ko siya. He needs rest tonight.
Pero ewan, mas gustong manaig ng kagustuhan kong tulungan si Zeke at ang daddy
niyang magkaayos.

"Really," Zeke said grimly.

"Yeah..." sabi ko at hindi ko pinansin ang pagbilis ng takbo ng sasakyan namin.

"Sinabi rin niya sa 'kin ang tungkol sa inyo ng daddy mo. At sa tingin ko hindi
iyon maliit na bagay lang."

"I bet she also told you other things, huh?"

I sighed. "Zeke, 'wag kang magalit sa kapatid mo. She's just concerned. At saka ako
naman ang nagtanong e. Siguro wala naman masama kung magtatanong ako tungkol sayo
'di ba?"

"You could've asked me. Sasagutin ko naman kung ano'ng gusto mong malaman."

So if I ask him to tell me about his relationship with his dad, why was he
declining to go, sasabihin niya ba sa'kin?

Maybe that's it. Hindi ako nagtatanong sa kanya because somehow, I doubt he will
tell me. Serena was right about Zeke, he's very quiet. Secretive even. Kahit
minsan, hindi siya nagbahagi ng kuwento tungkol sa pamilya niya, except his mom.
But never his dad.

At ngayon alam ko na kung bakit. And when he does not want to talk about some
things, it's giving me hint not to ask either.

But still, I wish he would just tell me, na hindi ko na kailangang magtanong.

"I'm sorry," I just said. "Hindi ko lang naisip na tanungin ka. But listen, hindi
sa nanghihimasok ako sa desisyon mo o sa pamilya mo, pero ba't ba ayaw mong
pumunta? I mean he's your father, right?"

His jaw clenched. "Nasabi ko na kay Serena ang desisyon ko."

Okay. So much for wishing for a small miracle, I sighed and thought about giving up
tonight. But then I remembered Serena's troubled tears because of their father's
failing health.

If I stopped trying and continued to puddle in my own indecisiveness and doubts,

then I'd be adding more to Serena's distress. Dadagdagan ko lang ang pag-aalala
niya at ang takot niya. And it would seem like I'd be wasting her wish and trashing
her hope.
Well, I don't want to be the one killing that optimism—that silver lining she was
holding onto, for the sole reason that I know what it felt like trying to live and
breathe even when your hope was dying. I've been there. And I don't want to be the
one telling Zeke 'it's too late'. I really don't have much enough time, and so does
he. Nakakalungkot lang na hindi niya iyon makita.

Someone needs to tell him that.

"Zeke," I tried again, igrnoring my own disappointment and remembering that I have
a mission here: to get him there.

"Hindi naman sasabihin ni Serena sa'kin ang tungkol sa bagay na 'to kung hindi sa
kanya importante. Fine, kahit hindi ka na pumunta dahil birthday niya, but at
least, do it for her. Your sister's worried about your dad, Zeke. Hindi mo ba siya
pwedeng pagbigyan?"

"She already tried to convince me," he answered in a clipped tone.

"Pero Zeke—"

"Did she tell you to talk me out of it? Well, don't try to change my mind about
it," he turned to me with those glittering eyes, "you can't."

I went still and silent. And then I looked away to hide the turbulent surge of pain
that lance through me.

Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko.

I heard him hiss a curse and then he started honking irritably to a car that was
just trying to drive on the other lane.

Naisip kong sana hindi ko na lang siya hinayaang ihatid ako. 'Di sana, hindi kami
nag-uuusap ng ganito ngayon. Para kaming nag-aaway. 'Di sana, hindi ko na narinig
ang salitang iyon. Para na rin niyang sinabing walang halaga ang mga sinasabi ko sa
kanya.

I'm just trying to help. Masama ba iyon? Nag-aalala ako sa kanya. Wasn't that my
place? To feel for him?

"Well then," I said when I found my voice again. "If I can't, then at least try to
change your mind. For once, 'wag mong pairalin ang tigas ng ulo mo at iyang pride
mo. He won't always be there. You, of all people, should know that."

"You call this a pride?"

"Oo."

"Bullshît."

I sighed. "You know what, for your age, you're acting like a child, Zeke. It's your
dad and it's his birthday. And more than that, you're his son. He needs you there."

"Childish?" Hindi makapaniwalang tiningnan niya ako. "I'm not trying to act like
one and this isn't about a battle between male pride or my precious ego, Victoria,
and believe me, that old man does not need me there. Gano'n lang kasimple iyon. So
stop this nonsense."

"Fine. Suit yourself. Wala na akong sinabi."

I kept my mouth shut for the rest of the ride. Mas lalo lang akong maiinis kapag
sinubukan kong kausapin siya. Mas lalo lang kaming mag-aaway e.

He was strung and I am being sensitive. Siguro tama nang kinausap ko siya. It
seemed that Serena was right, again. Zeke has already made up his mind.

And it was a lonely choice he made.

I wonder what would Vince do? Makikinig kaya si Zeke kung si kuya ang pumilit sa
kanya?

What a stupid and useless thought, Vee.

Hindi kami nag-usap hanggang sa dumating kami sa tapat ng apartment ko. Gusto ko na
siyang sakalin, dahil hindi pa rin siya nagso-sorry. Pero naisip kong baka ako nga
ang may kasalanan dito.

But I'd never say sorry for this. Why would I? He's the one acting like a complete
jerk. I only have good intentions.

Sa huli, hindi ko rin napigilang hindi siya kibuin. After chucking the seatbelt
away, hinarap ko siya kahit na hindi niya ako tinitingnan.

"A piece of unsolicited advice; life's too short, Zeke. Don't waste it raising the
roof, hating your father and holding grudges. It's not worth it. Trust me, I know."
I opened the door, stepped outside and left him with another choice.
=================

Chapter ♠ 28

FOR YOU

"KUMAIN KA NA muna, 'nak, para naman sumigla iyang mukha mo." Nakangiting tumabi sa
'kin si Tito Ed sabay abot ng platong puno ng pagkain.

"Salamat, tito," sabi ko saka bahagyang ngumiti sa sinabi niya. Tinanggap ko na

iyong plato sa kanya kahit na wala akong ganang kumain. Kararating ko pa lang naman
kaya gusto ko munang magpahinga bago kumain.

"Pasensiya na, medyo nawala sa isip ko ang tungkol dito."

"Hayaan mo na. Ang mahalaga nakarating ka."

Napansin kong hindi sa akin nakatingin si Tito kun'di sa mga batang masaya at
magulong naglalaro sa playground. Sinundan ko ng tingin ang mga mata niya at nakita
ko ang dalawang bata, isang lalaki at isang babae. The boy looks a bit older than
the young girl. May kung anong hinihipan ang batang lalaki sa kamay ng umiiyak na
batang babae. They look cute.

"Naalala ko bigla kayo ng kuya mo," biglang sabi ni Tito habang nakamasid pa rin sa
dalawa. Pero nawala na iyong ngiti sa mukha niya.

"Sa tuwing nagpupupunta kami rito ni Salya, palagi kong naaalala si Vince. Mga nasa
ganyang edad din kayo noong mapunta kayo sa pangangalaga ko. Ang bata-bata niyo pa
noon. Para ko na rin kayong naging tunay na mga anak simula no'ng ibilin kayo ng
nanay niyo sa 'kin..." Sinundan niya iyon ng malalim na buntong-hininga.

"'Ku, kita mo 'tong si tito. Kung kailan tumanda, ngayon pa naging madrama." Siniko
ko ang tagiliran niya. Dinaan ko na lang sa biro ang usapan dahil baka pati ako
maiyak, magtaka pa iyong mga bata sa amin. Ang taas ng tirik ng araw nagdadrama
kami rito ni Tito.

"Tumatanda na nga talaga ako." Umiling-iling siya habang nakangiti. "Kung anu-ano
na ang sinasabi at naaalala ko."
Tinapik ko siya sa balikat niya. "Ganyan talaga, Tito. Lahat po talaga dumadaan sa
ganyan." Ngumisi ako nang tumawa siya.

"Si Tita Sally po? Hindi ko pa siya nakikita kanina pa."

"Ayun, sinamahan si Ella na paliguan ang mga bata sa loob. Sandali at sisilipin ko
lang sila. Baka kailangan nila ng tulong. Sasabihin ko na ring andito ka."

"Samahan ko na kayo."

"Naku, 'wag na, hija." Pinigilan niya ako sa pagtayo ko. "Diyan ka lang at kumain.
Sa hitsura mong 'yan, alam kong kailangan mo ng pahinga."

Sumang-ayon na lang ako at muling umupo habang pinapanood ko siyang pumasok sa loob
ng bahay. Kailan ba no'ng huli kaming nagkita ni Tito? Parang limang buwan na ata.
Hindi ko na maalala. Pero mabuti na lang at hindi siya namamayat. Katulad pa rin
siya ng dati. Siguro nakatulong din ang trabaho niya sa talyer para ma-maintain
niya ang kalusugan niya.

Kahit pa sinasabihan ko siyang isara na niya ang talyer at siya na ang humawak sa
pinatayo kong car shop para sa kanya, ayaw niya. Mas gusto pa niyang magtrabaho
kesa umupo lang sa opisina. Pinahawakan na lang niya iyon kay Warren, ang asawa ni
Ella na nanggaling din sa ganitong lugar—sa isang bahay-ampunan.

Dahil hindi na magkakaanak si Tita Sally, dala na rin ng matandang edad niya,
naisipan nilang uampon na lang. Mabuti na rin iyon dahil nagkaroon sila ng
makakasamang dalawa. Simula no'ng namatay si kuya, hindi ko na sila madalas makita.

Naging abala ako sa ibang bagay—katulad na lang ng pagpupursige kong maging isang
katulad ni kuya, ang maging isang race car driver. Iyon ang naging paraan ko para
matanggap ko ang pagkawala niya. I tried to fill in the space he left unexpectedly.
I tried to step inside his shoes and live his life—to ease the guilt.

Umalis ako ng bansa, sumali sa iba't ibang racing competition, hanggang sa nakilala
ko si Avon. She's one of the organizer sa isang nasalihan kong 5-laps competition.
Naging kaibigan ko siya hanggang sa siya na ang tumayong manager ko. She helped me
get into the NASCAR, pati sa iba pang international racing cups.

Paminsan-minsan na lang akong umuuwi simula no'n. And if I am going to be honest

with myself, it's because I was afraid to go back here and remember everything, of
my loss, and Zeke. Natatakot akong makita siya at bumalik ang sakit.

But I also knew all along that I had to come back home one day and face him and my
past. That was the only way for me to move forward.

And I've done it. I finally shed my last nightmare.

Sa isang buntong-hininga, pinaraanan ko ng mata ang buong foundation. Kuya built
this a year before he died. Marami siyang pangarap para sa foundation na 'to, para
sa mga batang ulilang kinupkop niya rito at inalagaan. He wanted to take care of
the street children who left home, who have no shelter and those who were
parentless.

And then, when he was gone, Tito Ed decided to run the foundation. Si Ella na ang
tumayong organizer habang sin Tito Ed and Tita Sally ang nag-aalaga sa mga bata.
Mayroon din silang mga kasamang volunteers, teachers at social workers para maging
kaagapay rito. We also have school inside, para turuan ang mga bata ng libre.

Ngayon ang 6th anniversary ng foundation at patuloy pa rin naming pinapalago at

papalaguin ito dala ang pangarap ni kuya para sa mga batang naging katulad namin.

I'm sure that wherever he is, he's happy. But I still grieve for him. I miss kuya.
I miss him so much... Nasa loob ko pa rin ang pangungulila sa pagkawala niya.
Naghihinayang ako sa oras na sinayang ko na hindi ko siya nakasama.

I guess that's just how it is. You only realize the value of time once it's over
and done—once you lost someone.

"Ate, ate!"

Isang bata ang biglang kumalabit sa damit ko.

"Pam!" Mabilis akong umuklo para yakapin siya. Grabe, ang tagal ko ng hindi
nakikita ang makulit na batang 'to.

Bumungisngis siya. "Sabi ko na nga po, kayo iyan e."

"Wah! Bakit parang ang tangkad mo na?"

Ngumuso siya bigla. "Bansot pa rin po ang tawag nila sa 'kin, ate."

"Naku, hayaan mo na sila. Inggit lang sila kasi cute ka." Ilang ulit ko pang
kinurot ang pisngi niya. Siyam na taon lang siya no'ng huli ko siyang nakita pero
parang dalawang taon na ang nadagdag sa tangkad niya. Samantalang walong buwan pa
lang naman iyong huling dalaw ko rito.

"Bakit ngayon lang po kayo dumating? Sani po ni Miss Ella, matagal na po kayong
nakauwi," nakangusong sabi niya na halatang nagtatampo dahil sa matagal kong hindi
pagdalaw.

Kahit na busy ako noon sa mga commitments ko sa ibang bansa, hindi ako nawawala sa
mga events dito. Palagi ko silang kinukumusta at hindi ako nawawala sa mga birthday
nila.

Pero simula no'ng umuwi ako nitong huling buwan, hindi na ako nakadalaw. Parang ang
daming nangyari, ang daming kailangang tapusin at asikasuhin.

"Pagpasensyahan niyo na si ate Vicky ha? Naging busy lang kasi ako. Bakit, na-miss
niyo ba ako?"

"Na-miss ka po namin. Lalo na si Kuya Jepoy."

"Nasaan na nga pala ang batang iyon?" Luminga-linga kaming pareho sa paligid pero
hindi ko makita si Jepoy. Malamang matangkad na rin iyon ngayon.

"Nagtatago po siya kasi po nahihiya siyang magpakita sa inyo."

"Ha? Bakit naman?"

Nagkibit-balikat siya. "Ewan ko po do'n."

"Pamela!" Isang batang babaeng kasing edad niya ang tumawag sa pangalan niya.
Kumakaway ito na parang excited na excited. "Halika dali! Dumating raw si kuyang
pogi!"

"Talaga? Ay ate, sandali lang po a."

Natatawang tiningnan ko na lang iyong bata na tumatakbo palapit sa kaibigan niya

habang napapaisip ako kung saan napunta ang araw. Ang bilis dumaan ng oras.

She's just five when kuya found her and her brother, Jepoy. They were one of the
few victims sa mga nasunugan sa barangay namin at namatay pareho ang mga magulang
nila dahil sa insidente. Gusto sana namin silang ipaampon noon, kaso ayaw
maghiwalay ng magkapatid. And that was basically how kuya came up with the
foundation.

Ngayon, ang laki-laki na niya. At mukhang nagkakaroon na siya ng crush. Baka sa

sunod na dalaw ko, dalaga na siya.

"Vicky."

Ella was walking to me. Tumayo ako ng maayos at sinalubong ko kaagad siya.

"O, Ella. May problema ba?" tanong ko nang mapansin ko ang nakangiwing mukha niya.
"Wala aman. May... uhm... may gusto lang sana akong ipakilala sayo."

Parang gusto kong umiling. Hanggang nagyon kasi, napakamahiyain pa rin niya.

"Sino?"

"Iyong sinasabi ko sayo dati. Iyong nag-sponsor sa mga bata noong nakaraang taon."

"Ah, oo, naaalala ko. Bakit, andito ba siya?"

"Oo e." Saglit pa siyang nag-alinlangan. "Gusto sana kitang ipakilala, tutal andito
ka lang din naman."

"Iyon lang ba? Naku, okay lang, walang problema. Gusto ko ring magpasalamat ng
personal sa ginawa niyang tulong sa 'tin."

"Si Tito Ed?" tanong ko pagkatapos kong ligpitin ang pinagkainan ko.

"Nagkakilala na sila."

"Ah gano'n ba? Mukhang ako lang pala ang hindi nakakakilala sa kanya."

Ngumiti lang siya sa biro ko.

"Hindi ka pa rin nagbabago, Ella. Hanggang ngayon, para ka pa ring 'di makabasag
pinggan. Buti na lang hindi ka nahahawa sa pagiging bungangera ni tita Sally."

She suddenly burst out laughing. "Ay," bawi niya at saka tinakpan ang bibig habang
tumitingin-tingin sa paligid.

"'Wag kang mag-alala. Wala si tita."

"Ikaw kasi." Hinampas niya ako sa braso. "Tara na nga."

Sinundan ko siya papasok sa loob. Habang naglalakad, chineck ko ulit iyong

cellphone ko.

Still no messages, not even a single call. Well, why am I still surprised.

My goodness.
Parang gusto kong pagsisihan ang nangyari kagabi. Pero para saan pa? I would
understand why Zeke wouldn't want to talk to me right now. But still... I can't
bring myself to talk to him no matter how much I want to talk to him now.

How crazy was that?

Maybe I am going crazy.

Kahit na nasaktan ako sa mga sinabi niya kagabi, I still worry about him. At
naiinis ako na ganito ako ka-disappointed na makitang hindi man lang siya tumatawag
para kausapin ako o humihingi ng sorry samantalang ako, heto.

How could he be so hard like that? Na nagagawa niya akong tiisin ng ganito katagal
habang ako, halos hindi makatulog sa pag-aalala, pagsisisi, lahat-lahat na lang. I
even forgot about this important event. Kung hindi ko pa pinaandar ang cellphone
ko, hindi ko makikita ang alarm ko.

I had to turn off my phone last night because I don't think I can stop myself from
calling him. I was feeling insane with all the emotions crowding inside me. Gusto
kong marinig ang boses niya at malamang okay lang siya. At sumbatan siya dahil sa
sinabi niya para malaman niyang nasaktan ako sa mga sinabi niya.

If this will continue... Zeke will definitely be the death of me. Hindi ko alam
kung kailan niya ako kayang tikisin. I couldn't do it.

Hindi ko kayang pabayaan siya. I can't leave him in that darkness alone, lalo na
ngayon pagkatapos ko ng marinig ang mga sinabi ni Serena.

Ayoko mang isipin, pero possible pa rin—that Zeke tried to kill himself. At
napigilan iyon ng kapatid niya by asking him to give up his profession.

I thought he left racing because he wanted to forget about Vince. But I was wrong.
He didn't turn his back on racing. He just saved his life.

Right now, what he needs is his family's support. He needs someone who will stick
up to him, who will look out for him. Someone who will take care of him, love and
understand the man he was hiding.

But more than that, he needs a father who will give him strength to hold him up.
Pero paano? He was too stubborn to reconcile with his dad. No matter how hard we
try, or what we do, all of our efforts would be wasted if he won't try to open
himself up.

"Pasensiya na kung pinaghintay ka namin," sabi ni Ella nang buksan niya ang pintuan
ng main office. Sumunod ako sa kanyan pumasok, expecting to meet the sponsor.
But it was Zeke I saw.

Natigil ako sa may pintuan dahil sa gulat. I thought my heart just took a flight
but it slammed back in a hard thud. I just speechlessly watched him slowly getting
to his feet when he saw me.

Tiningnan ko si Ella, nagtatanong kung bakit nandito si Zeke? But she just smiled
at me.

"Hi," Zeke smiled tentatively. He looked uncomfortable, like he didn't quite know
what to do or what to say. But he sure doesn't look so surprised too, na para bang
alam niyang andito ako.

Isang katok ang nagpalingon sa'min sa pintuan. Sumilip doon si Jepoy at agad siyang
namula nang makita niya ako.

"O, Jepoy, may kailangan ka ba?" mahinahong tanong ni Ella.

"Ano po kasi... pinapatawag po kayo ni Aunty Sally."

"Ah, sige. Maiwan ko na muna kayo rito," sabi sa 'kin ni Ella. "Mukhang kailangan
niyong mag-usap na dalawa." Nagpasalamat si Zeke kay Ella bago siya lumabas ng
opisina.

And then there were just the two of us.

Napansin kong hindi siya nakasuot ng business suit. He was just wearing a simple
white shirt with a sunglasses tucked at his neckline and a pair of printed white
and blue pants.

So he wasn't so busy after all.

Tinitigan ko siya. Hindi ako umupo at hindi ako lumapit sa kanya para yakapin siya
katulad ng ginagawa ko madalas. I just stood there, far away from his reach.

Kailangan kong pigilan ang sarili ko. I'm feeling too happy seeing him here and at
the same time, disappointed and upset. My feelings were conflicting and I don't
know how to deal with it, especially under shock.

I didn't expect him here. Ang akala ko busy siya ngayon. I was just thinking he
didn't want to talk to me, pero andito siya. At siya iyong taong gustong ipakilala
ni Ella.

"Kailan ka pa naging sponsor ng foundation?" I asked directly. Hindi ko alam na

siya ang sponsor na tinutukoy ni Ella last year. Why didn't he tell me?
Zeke lifted his shoulder in a nonchalant shrug. "After I retired," maikling sagot
niya.

Gano'n katagal? 

"And yet you didn't tell me about it?"

"I was planning to."

"Oh. So you're here to tell me now and to surprise me as well."

"No, that's not why I'm here," seryosong sagot niya habang diretsong nakatitig siya
sa akin.

That's not why he's here. Then what?

Hindi kaya...?

Napatingin ulit ako sa kanya. He was still looking at me with such intensity and
purpose that I had to catch my breath. Bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko kapag masyado
niya akong tiititigan. It's like his intense gaze held a patch of electricity that
could accelerate my heartbeat and my blood was rushing like a frantic waves in my
veins.

He's here to say sorry, isn't he?

Bigla ay nagsimula siyang maglakad palapit sa akin, and I instinctly moved

backward. I need to keep my distance. Dahil baka hindi ko na mapigilan at bigla ko
siyang mayakap bago pa siya makahingi ng sorry.

Nasaktan ako sa sinabi niya kagabi, hindi ko ikakaila iyon. And I want him to know
that. Gusto ko ring ma-realize niya na hindi lang isang simpleng request ang
hinihiling ko sa kanya. I care about him. At dahil sa sinabi niya, parang bale-wala
lang iyon sa kanya.

"Si Tito?" I asked to distract him. But I failed.

"He knows," sagot niya at patuloy na lumalapit sa akin.

"Alam ni Tito pero hindi niya rin sa 'kin sinabi?"

"I told him not to tell you. Dahil alam kong galit ka sa 'kin," dugtong niya kaagad
bilang paliwanag. "At hindi mo tatanggapin ang tulong ko kapag nalaman mong sa 'kin
nanggaling iyon."

"Maybe." Siguro baka isinaksak ko pa ang tulong na iyon iyon sa baga niya sa
panahong iyon, and I wouldn't even bat an eyelash to slap his money back to his
face.

"Stop," I said when he kept on coming. Ang lapit na niya sa 'kin. He was just two
steps away from me.

"Stop what?" His eyebrows shot up.

I breathed out and took another step back. "Just... don't move," I told him in a
wary tone.

I thought he'd do what he's good at—defy me. Knowing Zeke, he would do what he
wants to do. But he didn't move. His shoulders sagged and his face fell when he saw
the seriousness of my face. 

Matagal niya akong tinitigan habang ang puso ko sasabog na sa nakikita kong lungkot
sa mukha niya. In that silent passing moment, I could feel my knots unraveling
watching him looking so lost and troubled. His face said it all. He was sorry, and
he was trying to tell me that but he doesn't know how to start.

I want him to try—try to tell me what he feels, what he thinks, everything that he
wants to say. He just have to say it.

"Aren't you going to ask why I'm here?" he suddenly asked me.

I stared back at him. "Obviously you're not in the office. Ang sabi ni Ian may
appointment kayo sa—"

Words froze in my throat when he quickly took that remaining two steps and clamped
a big hand around my waist, stamping his hard body into mine.

"Ask me what I am doing here," he breathed every word in my ears and suddenly I
felt dizzy.

Sinubukan kong lumayo sa kanya pero mas lalo lang niya akong niyakap sa katawan
niya. "Ask me," he whispered now.

Tiningnan ko siya sa mukha. "Zeke, I know why you're here. But I want you to say
it. Tell me you're—"

He didn't let me finish. I just felt his other hand holding my nape and felt him
pulling my head. I didn't even have the time to catch my breath when his lips
claimed me in a sweet, sweet, drugging kiss. Mabilis akong napahawak sa balikat
niya para kumapit dahil pakiramdam ko mawawalan ako ng panimbang. He was working
wonders with his tongue sweeping inside my mouth. Hindi ako makahinga.

And then he let me go.

"I'm sorry," he rasped, his lips still inches away from my face. "I know I was a
total fvck up last night. Hindi ko dapat sinabi iyon sayo. I don't have an excuse
for the way I behaved, but I didn't mean to hurt you either. I wasn't ready when
you brought it up. I guess I acted on impulse. I know, I know how lame I am doing
right now, but damn it! I can't think of what else to do. I wanted to call you last
night but I also want to look at your eyes and know that you're not crying. That's
why I'm here... I want to know we're okay. That I haven't lost you yet."

My heart calmed. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niyang nasa pisngi ko at naramdaman ko ang
panginginig niyon.

"Ang lamig ng kamay mo."

Ngumiwi siya. "Just scared witless waiting here. I was kind of thinking what to
say."

Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya. Imagining Zeke scared witless was enough to melt an
iceberg. Even me.

"I'm sorry din," mahinang sabi ko. "Kasalanan ko rin naman e. Alam ko namang pagod
ka kagabi pero pinilit kong sabihin sayo. Hindi ko lang kayang palagpasin ang oras.
I worry too much," pag-amin ko at nakita ko ang pagdaan ng kung ano sa mata niya.
Relief maybe?

"Silly," sabi niya at hinawi ang buhok ko na nakatabing sa mata ko at nakita ko ng

maayos ang mata niya. They were shining.

"Ako dapat ang humihingi ng sorry, hindi ikaw. You just wanted to help, and I
appreciate that. Kahit naiinis ako sa ginawa ni Serena—"

"Na sinabi niya sa'kin ang tungkol do'n?"

Huminga siya ng malalim habang tumatango siya. "At humingi ng tulong sayo. She knew
I can never say 'no' to you."

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at pilit na tinatago ang kilig sa ngiti ko.

"Yeah..." he said dryly. "That's the harsh truth. Deal with it."
Nangingiting hinarap ko siya ng maayos. "So. Are you saying...?"

He brought his hands up and touched my face with an intent look on his eyes.

"I'm not doing this for anyone else—but you," saryosong sabi niya. "I'll let go and
forget tomorrow night. Just once. I'm going home, eat dinner with them and act like
a decent person. I can't promise anything but I will try. I'll do that for you."

"Pero Zeke..."

He shook his head and touched my lips. "I don't want you to worry about me anymore.
I just want everything to be alright and I feel okay when I know that you're happy.
Napapanatag ang loob ko kapag nakikita kong masaya ka."

"Tinagalog mo lang e," biro ko.

"Baka kasi hindi mo maindtindihan."

I grinned. "So you're really going huh?"

"Yeah... and shoot my head too."

Hinampas ko siya sa dibdib. "That's not funny, Zeke."

"Bakit ba 'di ka mabiro?" he said laughing.

"Just don't joke about killing yourself and I'll laugh."

"Fine, 'di ko na uulitin iyon." Hinapit ulit niya ako. "And one more thing, babe."

"Ano iyon?"

"I will bring you with me."

"Ha?" I stared at him, not feeling so good anymore. It's overrated but I really
felt like my eyes are popping out from my head because of his news. "Zeke, it's
your family dinner." Kailangan ko pa bang ipaalala iyon sa kanya?

He just shrugged. "And?"

"I can't go."

He stopped me from walking away. Tiningnan niya ako nang nakakunot ang noo. "Who
says you can't? It's a family dinner."

I rolled my eyes. "Kaya nga. Family dinner 'di ba?" Hindi na kailangang pati ako
isama niya.

"Exactly," giit niya.

"Zeke." I looked at him with a glint of warning.

"I'm serious, babe." He sighed and looked at me with pleading eyes. "I want you to
meet my mom and I want her to meet you. Besdies," he shrigged, "you think they
don't watch gossips?"

"Oh... right." Napabuntong-hininga ako. Gusto ko rin namang makilala ang mommy
niya, pati na buong pamilya niya. Though I had the chance to meet them in the
hospital, hindi pa rin ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataong makausap sila.

"Come with me, please?" Niyakap niya ako bigla at naramdaman ko ang paghalik niya
sa toktok ng buhok ko. "Just stay beside me tomorrow," he whispered. "I need you
there."

I sighed. Ano pa nga ba ang magagawa ko. I got him into this... at ayokong
talikuran siya. Not when he needed me.

So I just silently nodded my head and hugged him back, giving him the strength he
needed.

=================

Chapter ♠ 29

BLOOD FEUD
ZEKE HANG OUT with us for the whole remaining time as we celebrated the 6th
anniversary of Vince's foundation. He named it after our mother. Ito raw kasi ang
unang naisip ni kuya habang nag-iisip siya ng pangalan. And I loved him more for
that, that he honored it with the memory of our mom.

It was a great day.

Nagsimula ang araw ko nang masama, but still, what counts is at the end of the day,
Zeke and I are okay and we're happy. I hope na sana sa susunod na magkaroon uli
kami ng tampuhan, we can make it through out of it. At hindi ko na uli hahayaang
lumagpas ang isang gabi na hindi kami nagkakaayos. It was a hell of a night. It's
worst. At ayoko na ulit maranasan iyon.

It was seven in the morning when I heard my phone beeped. Binaba ko iyong iniinom
kong hot choco at tinungo iyon. Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pag-iisip para mamayang
gabi. Kinakabahan ako.

Though I already met the family, kinakabahan pa rin ako. Ngayon kasi, pormal at may
pag-uusap. At hindi ko alam paano ako haharap sa kanila. I'm worried what they'll
think about me. Importante sa akin ang opinyon nila dahil... well, simply because
they're Zeke's family.

Nag-beep ulit ang cellphone ko. Naroon pa rin iyong pakiramdam na parang tumatalon
ang puso ko kapag naririnig kong tumutunog iyon, and more often when I feel that,
madalas ay si Zeke ang nagtetext o tumatawag. Katulad ngayon. He sent me two
messages.

Morning, babe. How's your sleep?

....

Can't wait to see you. Love you. 💕

Umalma ang puso ko bigla at ilang beses akong napapikit-pikit. What the—

Matagal na tinitigan ko ang screen ng phone ko at paulit-ulit na binabasa iyon. And

I sill can't get over those last two words.

Love you.

Napakawalan ko ang ngiting hindi ko mapigilan. I felt like screaming.

Zeke's not very vocal about his feelings. Pero natututo siya unti-unti. Now, he
tells me when he misses me. When he's worried about something he talks to me, kahit
na minsan pinipilit ko pa muna siya. But everytime he hugs me, kiss me and stroke
my face, I can feel the words he can't say.

And I thought it was enough. Pero hindi pala.

Seeing those words in mere text was a sheer happiness. Parang gusto kong
magtatatalon sa tuwa at saya. Childish, maybe, but I feel so happy. Parang nawala
ang agam-agam at kaba ko sa mangyayari mamayang gabi. With just reading those
words... I felt a shooting rush of confidence, certainty and assurance that I have
Zeke. I have him no matter what happens.

Paano pa kaya kung marinig ko iyon mismo sa bibig niya?

Narinig ko ulit na tumunog ang phone ko at nasundan ng isa pang message ang text ni
Zeke.

I'll see you soon, okay? Wear something sexy tonight. 😉😘

I giggled. Hindi ko alam saan ako natatawa; sa sinabi niya o sa mga emoticons niya.
He's into it nowadays.

Napapailing na lang ako. Sira ulo talaga 'tong lalaking 'to. Balak pa talaga niya
akong pagsuotin ng skandalosong damit sa family dinner nila.

I grinned while I was typing my reply.

You want me to bring a whip, baby? 💋💕

I laughed when my phone suddenly rang. Napatawag tuloy siya.

"Morning, babe," I answered. I tried to sound husky and sultry to tease him, and I
laughed more when I heard him groan.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" sabi niya sa kabilang linya.

"Relax, babe. I was just trying to say hi."

"Really huh?"

"Mhmm... and to tell you that that is the farthest 'sexy' I can go."

"Well," he dropped his voice low, "try the limits then."

"Seriously, Zeke. Ayaw mong makita ako ng mommy mo nang naka-nightgown lang, 'di
ba?"

"Hmm... honestly?"

"No, don't answer it." Pinigilan ko siya. Baka mamaya kung ano na ang sabihin niya.
Narinig ko siyang tumawa.

"I'll see you tonight, okay."

Tumango ako kahit na hindi naman niya ako nakikita. "I'll see you."

"Babe," tawag niya nang ibababa ko na ang phone ko.

"Hmm?"

"Thank you.. for doing this for me." Bigla siyang naging seryoso. "I'll see you
soon. Bye."

Napabuntong hininga ako habang iniinom ko ang lumalamig na hot choco ko. There's
more to this night, more than me meeting his parents and his family. Tonight is
about Zeke and his climb to his greatest mountain.

I WAS BEYOND speechless when I saw the house. Hindi iyon isang bahay lang—it was a
freaking mansion. Ang laki. There was even a huge fountain upfront the house, may
garden at gazebo pa.

Tiningnan ko si Zeke, accusations burning in my eyes. "Akala ko ba family dinner

lang 'to?"

He frowned. "Oo nga," sabi niya habang pinapatong niya sa 'kin ang overcoat ko.

Napatingin ako sa mga kotseng nakahilera sa tabi ng sasakyan niya. So those—

precisely eight—prestigious cars belong to them? All of those? Hindi sa mga bisita?

"They belong to my brothers," paliwanag niya nang masundan niya ang tingin ko. "You
know how boys are."

Boys and their toys, I thought dimly.

"Ready?" He tucked my bag into my arms.

"You?"

"I'm fine." He smiled. "Shall we?"

Kinuha ko ang kamay niya at hinawakan iyon. Nilingon niya ako, and then he smiled
wider, gripped my hand before walking ahead.

Bukas ang pintuan kaya hindi na namin kailangang kumatok. My heart was pounding as
we neared the door. Pinagpapawisan ang mga palad ng kamay ko. Tatanggalin ko na
sana ang hawak sa akin ni Zeke para punasan iyon pero hindi niya ako pinayagan.
Kaya hinayaan ko na lang kahit na hindi ako komportable.

Pagpasok namin, nakuha kaagad ng pansin ko ang napakahabang grand stair at ang
malaking chandelier na nakasabit sa taas. It shone like crystal diamonds. Maganda
pero napaka-intimidating.

I looked around. "Saan sila?" tanong ko kay Zeke. Masyadong tahimik ang bahay.

"I think they're at the backyard." Napansin kong nakakunot ang noo niya.

"Hindi mo sinabing sa mansyon ka nakatira." Biniro ko siya para ma-distract siya. I

know he's nervous and worried. And he's trying to hold himself up.

Ngumiti siya. "I'll tour you around later. Let's go?"

Ngumiti din ako. "Promise iyan a."

Dinala niya ako sa likod ng bahay nila. Dumaan siya sa living room nila kung saan
may nakabukas na panel door palabas ng bahay.

Napaka-impressive ng design ng bahay. It's not a modern design. Para siyang

victorian mansion. Tipong pang sinauna ang detalye ng desinyo, mula sa mga
furnitures hanggang display. Iyong wall paint, pastel pink. Everything was looking
vintage.

"O, ayan naman pala sila."

I instantly felt Zeke tensing up beside me. Hinigpitan ko ang hawak ko sa kamay
niya para bigyan siya ng lakas ng loob. I know this will be hard for him but I
really hope he can go through this night without breaking.

Agad na lumapit sa amin si Beatrice. "Tito Zeke!" she shrieked excitedly while
running.
Mabilis na kinarga ni Zeke si ang pamangkin niya. Well, at least there's this
little angel who can make Zeke smile for a little while. Kailangan niya iyon.

Pinalibutan kami ng mga kapatid niya. Naunang bumati sa amin ang mag-asawa. Sumunod
si Blue na kinindatan ako at nakangising tinapik si Zeke sa balikat.

Sage shook my hand and smiled. "Thanks for bringing him here."

"Why, you miss me?" asar na sabi ni Zeke sa kanila.

"Hi guys." Serena gave me a tight hug and a warm smile. "Thank you," bulong niya sa
'kin bago humiwalay at humalik sa kuya niya.

"Ang tagal niyo, kuya. Bakit ngayon lang kayo? Kanina pa kayo hinihintay ni Ma.
Hali kayo, dali." She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the gathering table.

Bigla ay lumabas mula sa isang pintuan ang.mommy nila. Agad na lumiwanag ang mukha
niya nang makita niya si Zeke.

"Finally!" She greeted him with a hug. "My son."

"Hi Ma." Humalik si Zeke sa mommy niya pagkatapos ay tiningnan niya ako at nilahad
ang kamay niya para sabihing lapitan ko sila.

"Ma, this is Victoria."

"Yes, I've met her, 'di ba hija?" Niyakap niya di ako pagkatapos ay kinuha ang mga
kamay ko. "It's very nice of you to come."

My heart fluttered from her warmth. "It's my pleasure po, tita. Buti nga po sinama
ako ng anak ninyo."

"I particularly told him to bring you. It is my great wish to meet you, at alam
iyon ni Ezekiel." She gripped my hand tighter. "I always say that who ever have my
sons' heart will also have a piece of mine."

Ngumiti na lang ako. I didn't know what to say. Masyadong mabigat ang mga salitang
iyon lalo pa at nanggaling iyon mismo sa mommy ni Zeke. Nakakatuwa pero at the same
time, nakakanerbyos.

"Well, make yourself comfortable. I'll check on the main course at tatawagin ko na
rin ang daddy ninyo," baling niya kay Zeke. He pursed his lips and nodded.
This is it, he's knocking chance.

Nakita kong sumabay si Louraine kay Tita papasok sa nilabasan niya kanina. Siguro
ay iyon ang kusina.

I sighed. Narinig iyon ni Zeke at tiningnan niya ako.

"You okay?" He took my hands with his. "You seemed speechless back there." His eyes
were suddenly smiling in amusement. Pinagtatawanan niya ba ako?

I glared. "You're mom just told me that. And that should scare you."

"Why would I be?" He smirked.

Binulong ko siya. "Because that sounded like a wedding bell to me."

Tinaasan lang niya ako ng kilay pero hindi siya natakot sa sinabi ko. He was still
amused. Kahit paano napangiti na rin ako. That word scares most men but he seemed
not so bothered about it.

Lumapit sa amin si Serena at inabutan niya kami ng maiinom. "Here."

I took a sip pero inisang lagok lang iyon ni Zeke.

"Whoa! Slow down bro. Wala pang appetizer." Natatawang tinapik ni Blue ang likod ni
Zeke.

"Where's Duke?" Sage tucked his phone inside his pocket and looked around us.

"He put baby Earl asleep upstairs, kasama si Tris. Inaantok na sila e," Serena
answered.

"Nasa taas sila?" excited na tanong ni Zeke. "You wanna come?" yaya niya sa akin.

Serena held my shoulder in a possessive gesture. "You can go kuya. Girls need to
prepare the table kaya dito lang si Vee."

Zeke pulled a face. Tumawa ako. "You heard her. Sige na."

"Okay," he sighed. "I'll be back." Humalik muna siya sa sentido ko bago siya
umalis.
Tinulungan ko si Serena na ayusin ang mesa. We set the tables while Blue and Sage
took care of grilling some meat.

"You're with my son, correct?"

Napalingon ako sa malalim na boses na iyon mula sa likuran ko. And I almost dropped
the spoons I was holding when I saw it was Mr. Stanfield Steele himself who owned
that deep accented voice.

Anyhow, hindi ko makita ang sinasabi ni Serena noong isang araw tungkol sa sakit ng
daddy niya.

The old Steele still wore that powerful aura around him like a cloak. He exudes
power and sophistication even without his suit and tie. Naka-casual yellow polo
lang siya ngayon at black slacks. At katulad pa rin siya nang huli ko siyang
makita, noon sa ospital. Except for his pronounced cheekbones and hollowed eyes.

"Good evening po, Sir." I suddenly felt intimidated.

He chuckled. "Sir? Now that sounds too formal, young lady. You can call me Tito.
Hindi naman ako nangangagat, if that's what people are trying to tell you."

"Wala naman po akong naririnig na gano'n."

Tumaas ang kilay niya at bigla ay parang nakita ko ang mukha ni Zeke sa ginawa
niya.

"Really? I guess you've heard sordid words, haven't you? Because I can't think of
otherwise."

Napangiti rin ako. Hindi naman pala siya gano'n kaseryoso palagi. He has dry sense
of humor, katulad ni Zeke. But it's still humor.

We were laughing when I froze. Zeke was walking outside the house and he was
looking at us. Tumigil siya sandali at nakita ko kung paano dumaan ang ilang
ekspresyon sa mukha niya.

To my dismay, he continued walking to his brothers at hindi sa akin.

Tiningnan ko ang daddy niya at nakita kong nakatingin din siya sa mga anak niya. He
had that same longing look I just saw on Zeke's face.

"You should take a seat, tito." I offered him a chair. Umupo siya na parang pagod
na pagod.
"Old age," he grunted and smiled casually. But it was strained.

Parang gusto kong hilahin si Zeke papunta rito. His father was getting frail and
weak, and I want him to see it—with his own eyes. And believe it.

Dumating si Serena at ibinaba niya ang mga baso sa mesa.

"Hi, Dad." She kissed his cheek. "How are you?"

"Famished. Kailan ba matatapos ang iniihaw nila doon?"

"I'll check," presenta ko at iniwan na ang mag-ama.

Paminsan-minsan ay sinusubukan kong papuntahin si Zeke sa mesa kung saan nakaupo

ang daddy niya, pero palagi siyang may dahilan. Alam ko ang ginagawa niya. Umiiwas
siya.

Mayamaya ay nagtipon-tipon na kami sa round table. It was occopied with foods I

couldn't count with one hand. Ang dami.

"Dad, where's your glasses?" tanong ni Serena nang bigyan niya ito ng gamot at
basong tubig.

"I left it in our room—it's okay," pigil niya kay Serena. "Leave it and take a
seat."

Zeke kissed my head before settling himself down into the chair beside me.

"You okay?" tanong ko sa kanya, at tumango lang siya.

I saw Blue grinned. "Someone's smitten."

"Gumaya ka na lang kay kuya, Blue. At least siya may seryosong relationship."

Blue tried to look offended at Serena's comment. "What, I also have one."

"One too many," she muttered.

"So, when do we have the next Steele wedding?" Duke looked at us. Namula bigla ang
pisngi ko.
"Sage?" Si Tita ang nagsalita, pero nagkibit lang ng balikat si Sage. "I'll find
her first."

"How about you two? Do you have plans?" biglang pasa niya sa amin ni Zeke. What are
we, playing volleyball?

Tiningnan ko si Zeke. He looked calm eating his food.

"Uh... that's too early. Hindi naman kami nagnamadali e." Ako na ang sumagot dahil
mukhang walang balak si Zeke na magsalita.

"So wala kayong balak?" tanong ni Blue. "Siyempre, doon din naman ang bagsak ninyo.
Why don't you tie the knots already?"

"Ang babata pa namin, 'di ba Zeke." Tinadyakan ko siya sa paa.

"Mhmm." Sumubo ulit siya ng kanin.

Argh! Kainis na... Gutom na gutom ba siya?

"Sila nga din," turo ni Serena kina Duke. "Ate Louraine got married when she was
just... 23?"

"That's because we're fixed," sabi ni Louraine.

I frowned. Talaga? Fixed sila? I thought they're a couple and eventually got
married.

"Hindi minamadali ang kasal," suddenly Tita enlightened, "It's a life-long

commitment. Kailangan ninyong pag-isipan kung kaya niyo at handa kayo sa buhay may
asawa. It's not all rainbows and fireworks."

"It's also an issue of your feelings and how willing are you to sacrifice your
freedom," dugtong naman ni Sage. Natukso tuloy siya ng mga kapatid niya.

"I want to marry her."

Muntik ko ng mabitawan ag tinidor ko sa biglang sinabi nI Zeke. I turned to him and

he was casually eating like he didn't just drop a bomb.

"But it's still up to her." He shrugged. Tiningnan niya ako bago ulit sumubo ng
pagkain.
What the heck was that? Joke ba iyon?

Lahat sila nakatingin sa akin, and they're wearing the same faces—expectant. Lalo
akong kinabahan sa titig sa akin ng mga magulang nila, especially that hopeful
shine on their mom's eyes.

I smiled nervously. "Naghihintay lang ako ng proposal," I joked, but I was actually
strangling Zeke's neck in my head. Kung isa 'tong malaking joke sa kanya, sa akin
hindi.

"I heard you started working for my son."

Napalingon ako sa daddy nila. Ngayon lang ulit siya nagsalita, and suddenly the
table hushed down. Nakita ko pang saglit na huminto ang kamay ni Zeke. I even heard
him took a deep breath.

"So what are your plans in the future? You haven't announced your formal retirement
from your car racing profession. Do you still want to pursue it?"

Tumikhim ako. Pakiramdam ko nasa hotseat ako. "Well... pinag-iisipan ko pa rin po

ang bagay na iyan. I still have options. There's no rush."

"It's better to decide early, hija. Masyadong delikado ang napili mong career. Your
life's in risk for one blind mistake." His head lifted up to look at me. "Your late
brother was a car race driver too, yes? And he lost his life because of that
unfortunate accident."

Zeke shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"I'm curious why did you choose the same profession that took away your brother's
life. Considering you finished a degree, surely there's other suitable job you can
choose from."

"Fvck," Zeke suddenly hissed and threw his napkin at the table before pushing his
chair back. "Excuse me."

"Zeke wait," tawag ko. Napigilan ako ng daddy niya sa pagtayo ko.

"Let him," he ordered. Natingin siya sa mga pagkain sa harap niya pero hindi siya
mukhang galit, 'di tulad ng boses niya. In fact, he looked tired.

Everyone was tensed and anxious. Nakita ko ang nag-aalalang mukha ni Serena habang
nakatingin sa nilabasan ni Zeke at pabalik sa daddy niya. Sage, who was sitting
beside me, sighed.
"It's alright. Kakausapin ko siya." Tumayo si Duke at sinundan ang kapatid niya.
Louraine followed him with worried eyes.

I was worried too. At gusto kong puntahan si Zeke. He needs me. I know he needs me.

Nabasa ni Tita ang pag-aalala sa mukha ko. Nakaupo siya sa katabi ng upuan ni Zeke
na iniwan niya kaya madali niyang naabot ang kamay ko.

"It's okay. Ezekiel just needs a breather."

Tinanong na lang niya ako tungkol kay kuya at kung paano sila nagkakilala ni Zeke.
Kinuwento ko sa kanila kung paano siya inuwi ni kuya sa bahay na bugbog sarado.

Nagkuwento lang ako nang nagkuwento, sa kabila ng pag-aalala ko. Naikuwento ko kung
gaano ako inaasar ni Zeke dati, kung paano kami unang nagkita. Bumalik din kaagad
ang masayang usapan dahil tawang tawa sila sa mga kuwento ko, lalo na si Blue. Even
their father was laughing with us. Pero hanggang sa bumalik si Duke at natapos na
kaming kumain ay hindi pa rin bumabalik si Zeke sa mesa.

Hinanap ko siya pagkatapos at nakita ko siya sa labas sa may pool area. He was
smoking. Hindi ko alam na naninigarilyo siya. I silently walked up to him.
Naramdman niya sigurong may tao kaya napalingon siya.

He sighed when he saw me. Tinapon niya ang sigarilyo niya kahit na hindi pa ubos
iyon. Pero hindi lang naman iyon ang nagamit niyang stick. There were cigarette
butts everywhere.

Inabot niya ang kamay ko at hinila palapit sa kanya. Niyakap niya ako. He smelled
like cigarette, pero may halong mint. Hindi ako naninigarilyo, pero hindi naman ako
repulsed doon. I just don't like that it's unhealthy.

"Hindi ka ba nagugutom?" Tiningala ko siya. He's still tall even though I'm wearing
heels.

May kung ano siyang tiningnan sa loob. And I realized it was his dad.

Hinawakan ko ang mukha niya at ibinaling ko pabalik sa akin. "Nasa kuwarto na ang
daddy mo, pinagpahinga ng Mama mo."

He sighed again. "I'm that transparent huh?"

"Kumain ka na, sige na. Sasamahan kita."

Pumayag din siya at sabay kaming pumasok sa loob. Pagkatapos niyang kumain ay
nakipaglaro muna siya kay Blue ng Chess habang kaming mga babae ay naghugas ng
plato at nagligpit ng pinagkainan. Umalis ng maaga si Sage dahil may flight daw
siya bukas.

Past 9 pm na kami nakaalis ni Zeke at 10 pm na ako nakauwi ng bahay. Hindi ko

binuksan ang topic tungkol sa inakto niya kanina, kahit ang tungkol sa usapang
kasalan, at lalo na ang tungkol sa daddy niya. He doesn't want to talk about it,
nararamdaman ko iyon.

He's quiet, at kapag may tinatanong ako sa kanya, tango, 'Oo', kibit ng balikat, at
maikling sagot lang ang sinasabi niya.

It was frustrating, dahil para namang walang nangyari ngayong gabi. He didn't talk
to his dad. Kahit na nagkaroon na sila ng pagkakataon, nasayang pa rin. It was
useless.

I know Zeke said he would go to the dinner for me. Pero sana sinubukan niya ring
makinig sa concern namin ni Serena. Pero wala. Sinayang lang niya ang gabi.

I don't know who's fault this is. Hindi rin naman sinubukan ng daddy niya na
kausapin siya, but at least his dad didn't act like what he did. Umiiwas siya kung
nasaan ang daddy niya, at hindi siya halos nagsalita noong kumakain na kami. He was
obviously trying to get away with chance.

Sana naman magkaayos na sila ng daddy niya.

It was when I was inside my room that I realized he forgot about his promised tour.

KINABUKASAN, sinamahan ko si Zeke na pumunta sa ospital para sa appointment niya

kay Doc. Sullivan para sa mga mata niya. Tatanggalin na din ngayon iyong bandage
niya sa dibdib depende sa resulta ng X-ray niya.

"Ezekiel!"

Sinalubong kami ng isang nakaputing lalaki. It was a doctor's robe, at may

nakasukbit ding stethoscope sa balikat niya. He smiled at me at tinanguan ko rin
naman siya. I wondered how old he was. Nagtatrabaho pa rin siya kahit na may edad
na siya.

"Tito Rence." Tinanggal ni Zeke ang salamin niya. "You work here?"

"May mga pasyente ako rito kaya kailangan kong mag-rounds. And it was a good
opportunity na nandito ka."
Pinanood namin siyang habang may kinukuha ito sa bulsa ng puting roba niya. "I was
about to call your father to give him this."

An eyeglasses.

Napatingin ako kay Zeke. Hindi ba ang sabi ng daddy niya kay Serena na nakalimutan
niya ang salamin niya sa kuwarto? Bakit na sa tito nila?

"Nakalimutan niya no'ng huling nagpa-chek up siya." The doctor explained.

"Check up? When was that?" tulalang tanong ni Zeke habang nakatitig sa salaaming
hawak niya.

"Last week. Sumasakit na naman daw ang dibdib niya kaya dinala siya sa'kin ni
Andrea."

"Is he okay?" Hindi ko napigilang magtanong. Zeke stopped talking.

Tiningnan niya kami ni Zeke at binigyan niya kami ng ngiti na madalas nakikita ko
sa mga doctor na sinusubukang magpapalakas ng loob.

"I'll be honest with you. Hindi maganda ang lagay ng daddy mo, Ezekiel. He's old
and his heart is getting old too. Kailangan niya ng pahinga. I personally suggested
to Andrea to take him somewhere. Magbakasyon. Some place where he can relax. Pero
matigas ang ulo ni kumpadre." Malungkot siyang umiling.

"Try to talk to your dad, Ezekiel." At tinapik si Zeke sa balikat.

Hindi nagsalita si Zeke. Tumango lang siya pero blanko ang tingin niya.

Time. Time was knocking on Zeke's door, and I really hope he listen to it once
more.

=================
Chapter ♠ 30

REACHING IN

I TOOK A long side-glance at Zeke who was driving grimly quiet beside me, saka
napatingin ako sa mga kamay niya. His left hand was on the wheel and the right one
was absent-mindedly stroking on his temple with his elbow rested on the window.

I sighed as I tucked my hands on my lap. I tried not to be disappointed, even

scolded myself for being sad, that he was not holding my hand like he always does.

Well, I guess it's not 'always' now. Magbabago talaga.

Pinigilan kong bumuntong-hininga na naman. Kanina pa siya tahimik simula no'ng

makasalubong namin ang tito niya. Wala siyang imik kanina habang nasa clinic kami
ni Doc. Sullivan hanggang sa natanggal na iyong benda niya sa dibdib. Kahit no'ng
sinabing maayos na ang fracture niya, he was still like that—wordless. Soundless as
an air.

I know he's bothered. Nakikita ko naman iyon. He was worrying about his father.
Natural lang iyon na maramdaman ng isang anak. And I guess that's good, at least.
Dahil nakakaramdam na siya ng emosyon para sa daddy niya.

Siguro kakausapin na niya ang daddy niya at makikipag-ayos na sa kanya. I mean,

time is of essence now. It should tell Zeke what's he going to lose if he doesn't
take his chance to talk to his father now.

Well, that should make me happy, kasi kahit papaano, may mangyayaring maganda kahit
na parang nasayang ang pagkakataon kagabi.

Pero bakit para akong kinakabahan?

Nonsense, I thought as I tried to shrug that unreasonable edginess away. Siguro ay

dahil lang to sa sinabi ng doctor kanina tungkol sa daddy niya.

But it didn't go away. Instead, it seemed to grow with each passing minute that
Zeke continued his silence.

"Zeke," simula ko. Hindi ko na matagalan ang pagiging tahimik niya. It's because of
how he was acting right now that was making me even more worried.

"Ano na'ng plano mo ngayon?" tanong ko. Gusto kong malaman kung ano ang tumatakbo
sa isip niya.
He shrugged. "What plan?"

Sinimangutan ko ang sagot niya. He sounded apathetic. Blasé.

"About your dad," paglilinaw ko. "Aren't you going to talk to him?"

He frowned. "Why would I talk to him?"

Ako naman ang napakunot ng noo. "What do you mean why? Ayaw mo pa ring makipag-usap
sa kanya?" After what we heard?

Akala ko pa naman ay kakausapin na niya ang daddy niya dahil sa sinabi ng doctor.
Pero hindi. Nagmamatigas pa rin si Zeke.

Sinuklay niya ang buhok niya. He seemed really frustrated.

"I really don't want to talk about it right now."

"Zeke, you can't not talk about it. Hindi lahat ng oras puwede mong iwasan ang
daddy mo. At some point, you'll have to talk to him. Alam mo iyan."

Marahas siyang humugot ng malalim na hininga pero hindi siya nagsalita.

"Fine," sabi ko nang patuloy siyang hindi nagsasalita. "Ayaw mong pag-usapan? Okay.
Hindi kita pipilitin." Naiinis na humarap ako sa bintana. Pinipilit kong kumalma.

Why couldn't he try to open his eyes? Bakit niya ba hinahayaang ang pride niya ang
magdesisyon sa kanya?

I heard him sigh again. Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang inabot ang kamay ko.

"I'm sorry." Hinalikan niya ang palapulsuhan ko. "Please don't be angry. Ayoko lang
munang pag-usapan ang bagay na iyon."

I stayed irritated, pero nilingon ko pa rin siya. "Naiintindihan ko namang galit ka

sa daddy mo dahil sa mga nangyari noon. Pero, Zeke... hindi na bata ang daddy mo.
He's trying to reach you, pero ikaw hindi mo sinusubukan. Mahirap bang isantabi ang
galit mo sa kanya?"

"I'll try..." He pressed his lips out of my provocation and I know I hit a raw
spot, pero kailangan kong sabihin iyon.
Binawi ko ang kamay ko sa kanya. "No one can force you to talk to him, Zeke. It's
your own choice to make. Pero sana naman, Zeke, huwag mong antaying mahuli ang
lahat. You once lost someone and you know how it felt. Just don't let your time go
to waste. Don't wait for something bad to happen to wake you up." And I'm sure he
knows exactly what I meant.

Tumiim ang bagang niya. "I know. " Iyon lang ang sinabi niya at muli na naman
siyang tumahimik.

Inilipat ko sa labas ang paningin ko. I hate that I'm hurting right now. I hate it
when Zeke was shutting down. Dahil nakakaramdam ako ng takot, na hindi dapat.

I looked back at him, and as I did, I realized that it was not just the silence
that was making me worried—it was the palpable emotional distance between us.

"HINDI MO PA nabibigay 'to sa daddy mo?"

Tiningnan ko si Zeke habang binubuksan niya ang walk-in closet niya sa kuwarto
niya. He went in without answering my question.

I frowned on what he did. Ibinaba ko ang salamin ng daddy niya sa coffee table at
sinundan siya sa kuwarto niya. I thought he gave it to him yesterday after he
dropped me off from the hospital.

Kagagaling lang namin sa opisina ngayon at gusto niyang mag-dinner kami sa labas
pero gusto raw muna niyang magbihis dahil pawisin na siya sa trabaho, kaya kami
nandito sa condo niya.

"Don't you think he needs it?" sabi ko pagpasok ko. I scanned his room and I
noticed how neat it was. Noong unang beses na dumating ako rito, his bed was a
mess.

"He can always buy another one." Narinig kong sagot niya mula sa loob.

"Papahirapan mo pa ang daddy mo. It's his, you should give it back to him. Kaya nga
sayo iyon binigay ng tito mo 'di ba? So you can give it to him yourself." Umupo ako
sa gilid ng kama niya habang hinihintay siyang lumabas.

"Saka na 'pag may oras na ako."

I sighed. "You still don't want to talk to him."

Tumigil siya sa ginagawa niya sa loob. I waited for him to talk but I just met his
silence, until I heard him moving again. Pero nanatili siyang hindi nagsasalita.

This is hopeless.

I suddenly felt tired. Itinaas ko ang mga paa ko at ipinatong iyon sa kama. I
leaned back against the headboard with a soft sigh. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang
gagawin ko kay Zeke para matulungan ko silang magkaayos ng daddy niya.

Paano mo nga ba tutulungan ang isang taong ayaw tumanggap ng tulong? Paano mo
babaguhin ang isip ng taong ayaw magbago ng isip?

Zeke was resisting help. He was turning away instead of opening the door. He was
refusing to talk to his father and forgive him. And if he won't try to open his
heart and shrug off his pride, he won't be able to come back. He won't be complete.

He'd still be a broken man and he would remain damaged.

Naipikit ko na lang ang mga mata ko dahil doon sa pumasok sa isipan ko.

I don't want that to happen... not to Zeke. I want to help him. Hindi ko siya
puwedeng hayaan sa ginagawa niya sa sarili niya.

"Don't worry. I'll give it to him soon."

I opened my eyes and I immediately saw Zeke who was leaning on the door while
rolling up his sleeves. He changed into a more casual, laid back cotton blue polo
shirt.

"Ikaw ang bahala," sabi ko sa kanya.

His lips curved into an impishly sexy smile that spelt trouble. Dahan-dahan siyang
lumapit sa'kin at saka umupo sa tabi ko. He quickly put both his arms beside me
when I tried to scoot away, trapping me in between.

Pinakatitigan ko siya. Nagpapa-cute na naman ang isang 'to.

"Magbihis ka na." Tinanggal ko iyong buhok niyang nakatabing sa mukha niya.

Humahaba na naman ang buhok niya.

I actually missed his long, bad ass hair. Dahil siguro sa posisyon niya ngayon kaya
hindi niya mapahaba iyong buhok niya. But I liked it better when it was long.

"What are you thinking?" tanong niya bigla.

"Wala lang. Naalala ko lang iyong buhok mo dati."

His hand reached out and stroked my face. "Sure?" Tumango lang ako. "You seem ready
to sleep. Gusto mo bang dito na lang tayo kumain?"

"Sayang naman, nagbihis ka pa."

"It's fine. We can order some take out, or pizza, if you want."

"Hindi na. Sayang iyong pina-reserve mo," giit ko at bumuntong-hininga siya.

"You look tired, babe. Let's just eat here okay?" He leaned down and placed a quick
kiss on my lips, kaya hindi na ako nakahirit pa. Pagkatapos ay tumayo na siya at
bumalik siya sa walk-in closet niya. Doon narinig ko siyang may kausap. He was
placing orders.

The bed looked inviting, kaya humiga na lang ako nang maayos at tumagilid sa kama.
Ang lambot unan ni Zeke at ang bango pa. I could still smell him in it. Hindi ko
tuloy mapigilang idiin ang ilong ko sa unan niya. I closed my eyes, inhaled deep
and sighed.

Anything... I want anything that could fill-in this void I was suddenly feeling.
Pero alam kong iisa lang ang kayang pumuno no'n. Si Zeke.

Pero ang kanya? Alam kong mas malalim ang butas ng dibdib niya. At, alam ko ring
hindi ako ang kayang pumuno no'n. Kung puwede lang sana, kung puwede ko lang buksan
ang puso niya... I'd do it and fill the hole, cover the scar.

Pero hindi e. Zeke doesn't allow anyone near it. Ngayon, nakikita ko na iyon.

He's still closed up like a clamp. The barriers were still there, tall and erect.
His heart... it still remained untouched. It's still cold. Kahit na pinaparamdam
niya sa'king mahal niya ako, may kulang. Kasi hindi pa siya buo. He was still that
boy—that lonely, lost boy.

I curled up on his bed to ease down the ache centered in my chest. I don't like
this feeling. I couldn't stand it. Natatakot ako.

I can't stand waiting for something that seems like impossible. Pero hindi naman
imposible iyon, 'di ba?

Magiging buo rin si Zeke. He will let me in...

"Hey."
Naramdaman kong lumukso ang kama sa likod ko. Zeke's arms surrounded me and I
shivered because they strangely felt cold.

I shifted to face him. Gusto kong makita ang mukha niya. My eyes danced as I took
in his face while under my ribs was my heart racing because of the pain.

"What is it?" kunot-noong tanong niya. "You look like you're figuring me out. May
iniisip ka na naman ano?"

Instead of answering, niyakap ko na lang siya. I burrowed my head in his chest and
listened to his calm heartbeat. Medyo nagulat pa siya pero saglit lang iyon bago
niya ako niyakap pabalik.

"What? Are you trying to seduce me again?" he teased.

I tried to smile. "Gusto lang kitang yakapin. Puro ka naman SPG diyan."

"SPG?" His chest vibrated when he laughed. "Well, I'm feeling SPG at the moment."

Natawa ako bigla. "Walang SPG."

"Damn," he laughed again, "I'm so tempted."

"Tempted naman saan?"

"To ask you to move in with me."

Nawala ang tawa ko nang ma-realize ko ang ibig sabihin ng sinabi niya. Mabilis na
umangat ang ulo ko sa kanya at nakita kong nakatingin siya sa akin sa seryosong
mukha.

"You're serious?" Tinitigan lang niya ako.

What the— Bumilis lalo ang tibok ng puso ko. He's freaking serious, isn't he?

"Akala ko ba inaalala mo ang sasabihin ng ibang tao?"

"Fvck them," he hissed and tilted my chin. "I just want you here with me. I like
the feeling when you're here. Since you left, you were everywhere it almost drove
me insane. It feels like I miss you everyday."
"Miss? OA ka naman. Araw-araw kaya tayong magkasama at nagkikita."

"I know. But that's different." He exhaled. "I don't know... I just, one day I woke
up and I imagined you here like this. Lying beside me. And I badly wanted it. Gusto
kong lagi kitang nakikita. I miss the days when you took care of me. Gusto ko ang
pakiramdam na inaalagaan mo ako. I missed the sound of your footsteps... when you
hum in my shower. Even the food you cook. I want you here with me always, day and
night. Gusto kong umuwi na andito ka, gusto kong gumising na nandiyan ka."

"Zeke..."

What should I say?

He's willing to be with me. He wants to be with me. Gusto ko rin namang makasama
siya palagi. I want to take care of him and know he's okay. But...

"I understand if you're not yet ready." Ngumiti siya. "I just want you to know what
I think."

He's right. I'm not ready yet. What he was saying, they seem frightening.

I realized that what I see in him was just the surface, and as much as I bare
myself to him, I still couldn't reach him. I couldn't find him. That's what scares
me.

He have me. He will always have me. Pero siya... hindi ko sigurado. He's not
letting go of himself. I can't hold him yet.

He's trying to be vocal... yes. But it wasn't enough. Because he was holding back
something. He's just showing me what he wanted me to see, keeping the man inside
who was incomplete. At iyon ang guso kong makita—kung ano ang nasa loob. Siya ang
gusto kong makasama.

I want his soul. I want his heart... I want his emotion. Not just the mask he likes
to wear for the people to see.

But I can't have them when he's trying to shut that vulnerable part of him. Wala
siyang pinapalapit.

"Hindi ka na umiimik diyan," pukaw niya sa akin.

"Zeke, alam mo namang mahal kita 'di ba?"

He was slightly taken aback. Hindi niya siguro inasahan ang sinabi ko bigla.
"I know that." He recovered. Hinalikan niya ako sa noo bago niya ako tiningnan sa
mata. "And you know I love you too, right?"

"I know..." I just nodded. I know he loves me. I can see his sincerity and the
truth in his eyes. His honesty was there.

But I can't feel it—his heart in it. Zeke was far away, locked up in a vault with a
lost key. And it scares me that I may not be able to open him.

Yes, he loves me. But it's not enough to heal him. It's not enough to reach him.

"WHAT DO YOU think?"

Tiningnan ko si Ian na hawak-hawak ang baba niya. He was looking at the layout of
the design with such critical eyes that could make a worm squirm.

Man, I thought. How the hell was he able to pull that out?! Ilang araw na naming
pinag-iisipan kung paano namin ii-execute ang design na iyon, but Ian did it in a
day! I can't help but to be amazed. Namamangha talaga ako sa kakayahan niya.

Tama nga si Zeke. Ian's a genius.

"That' a masterpiece!" Tuwang-tuwang sinilip ni Yanie ang buong visual graphic

design ng kotse sa laptop ni Ian.

I saw Ian moved away. Napangiti tuloy ako habang naiiling. These two are
suspicious.

"Keith, nasabihan mo na ba ang suppliers natin? We need those materials tomorrow,"

sabi ni Ian sa isa naming kasamahan.

Keith nodded. "We'll expect them tomorrow. Iyon ang sabi nila."

So, ang hinihintay lang namin ngayon ay ang approval ni Avesto at ang go signal ni
Zeke, and then we are good to go.

And then the glowing neon lines on the screen was gone. Biglang lumiwanag ang buong
3D room.

"What the hell?!" Narinig kong nagmura si Ian dahil sa pagbukas ng ilaw. Lahat kami
tumingin sa pintuan.
Zeke was standing there looking like a furious tiger. At me.

Kinabahan ako sa galit na mukha niya at sa nakatiim niyang bagang. Mabilis akong
nag-isip kung ano ang nangyari kanina at kagabi. Iniisip ko kung may ginawa ba
akong mali na ikinagalit niya. Pero wala naman akong maisip.

"Leave us," marring utos niya sa lahat nang hindi bumubuka ang bibig niya. Lalo
akong kinabahan.

Sh*t! What happened this morning?

Nag-aalinlangang lumabas sina Yanie at ang iba. Ian tried to speak pero hindi niya
na naituloy ang sasabihin niya dahil sa matalim na tingin ni Zeke sa kanya. He just
gave me a sympathetic glance before leaving.

Hindi natanggal ang mga mata sa akin ni Zeke hanggang sa nakalabas na silang lahat.
The door finally closed behind him with a resounding click.

"Zeke, what's wrong?" I asked him. Galit na galit pa rin siya sa hindi ko malamang
dahilan.

"What's wrong?" he gritted. "I want to ask you that, Victoria, what is wrong."

I stared confusingly at his taut, angry face. "Hindi kita maintindihan, Zeke. Why
are you so mad? May nangyari ba?"

"Fvck, Victoria!" I flinched when he suddenly shouted. "Why didn't you tell me
about the line up? That you are racing again! Why did you lie to me?!"

=================

Chapter ♠ 31

DISOWNED
"WHY DIDN'T YOU tell me?"

I shivered at the vehemence of his tone as he had his jaw in a tight lock. Kitang-
kita ko ang galit niya habang naghihintay siya ng paliwanag ko. Napalunok ako.

"Zeke, would you please calm down," I said and hesitated to approach him. He was so
mad. Pinilit kong pahupain ang sariling tibok ng puso ko at nag-isip ng paliwanag.

"It's just a line up. Hindi pa naman final iyon e. They still have to choose from
the list "

"It doesn't matter if that was just a list, Victoria. You know very well that they
will pick you." Nagtatagis ang bagang niya sa bawat bigkas niya ng mga salita. And
he was right.

Nasabi na sa akin ni Avon na ako ang nagunguna sa listahan sa paparating na

competition. Alam ko ang posibilidad na iyon. Pero hindi pa naman ako nagbibigay ng
full commitment ko e. I haven't signed up for anything yet.

"Sino ba'ng nagsabi niyan sayo?" Naiinis na sinuklay ko ang buhok ko. Whoever told
him should have mentioned that. Hindi pa ako pumapayag sa anumang kasunduan.

"It's not important who spilled the beans, Victoria. What I want to know is why you
didn't tell me you are racing again. Bakit hindi mo sa akin sinabi?"

I tried not to shiver again from the fury coming off from his eyes. I bloody want
to curse who told him.

"I'm sorry..." I closed my eyes in dismay. "Hindi ko lang naman sinabi sayo kasi
alam kong ganyan ang magiging reaksyon mo e."

Lalo lang nagdilim ang mukha ni Zeke sa sinabi ko. I noticed how he clenched his
fists tightly at his sides.

"And you chose to hide it from me? To lie to me?"

"I didn't lie to you," I quickly amended. "Yes, I kept it a secret but I didn't
lie."

"Kahit ano pa'ng itawag mo do'n, pareho lang iyon. I still feel cheated and lied
to."
"I didn't mean to." Gusto ko siyang lapitan pero inunahan niya ako. He moved away
with an accusing look stamped all over his face.

"I told you not to keep things from me. I asked for honesty. Pero bakit hindi mo
sinabi ang tungkol sa bagay na 'to? Don't you trust me?" Hurt ran across his eyes.
Bigla ay nanghina ako.

"Babe, it's not like that. Of course I trust you."

"Then why?" naguguluhang tanong niya.

I shrugged. "Natakot lang ako na baka hindi mo maintindihan."

"Hindi maintindihan?" Tumawa siya ng pagak. "How would you know if you didn't try?"

Umiling-iling siya at napahilamos ng mukha. Pagkatapos ay tumalikod siya na parang

ayaw niya akong kaharap. Hindi ako makapagsalita habang pinapanood ko siyang
ganoon. He seemed really disappointed in me.

But hell, it was just a minor slip. Hindi ko intensyong magalit siya o kaya ay
isipn niyang niloko ko siya kaya ko hindi sinabi iyon. I just don't want him to
worry.

He suddenly swung around. "Akala ko ba gusto mong magtrabaho dito? I thought you
wanted to be with me?" sumbat niya sa akin. "Have you changed your mind now and
suddenly you wanted to go back to racing? Is that it?"

"Zeke, please. Huwag mong isipin iyan."

"This is... fvck!" He ran a frustrating hand to his hair and heaved a deep sigh. "I
just can't understand why you have to keep racing, why you still want to race.
Can't you just stop and give that up?"

Sa loob ng ilang segundo, nakita ko ang buhay ko—ang buong buhay ko—habang
nakatitig ako kay Zeke. I stared at him and as he stood there in front of me, all I
see was some man who is selfish and vain.

I can't believe he just told me that. I mean... damn! I feel really disappointed—
that he was actually asking me to give up something he knew was important to me.
Pero ang sarili niyang pride hindi niya kayang i-give up, ni ibaba iyon kahit
kaunti, hindi niya magawa.

But I did. Kahit hindi niya hilingin... gagawin ko pa rin. Kahit bago pa niya
hiniling, ginawa ko pa rin. And he didn't know that. He doesn't even realize it.
"I don't know, Zeke." Ramdam ko ang nakasunod niyang tingin sa akin habang uumupo
ako sa katabi kong silya. Pakiramdam ko nauupos na ang lakas ko sa nangyari.

"Don't do it," pakiusap niya. Napamaang ako sa kanya.

I was speechless for a while. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa kanya, at
sa hinihingi niya. Does he really need to ask?

"This is ridiculous," bulong ko. Pero hindi ako natatawa.

"I'm serious, Victoria."

Tinitigan ko siya. "Do you realize what you're asking from me?" I asked him.

My shoulder fell as I shook my head. I feel really dejected because of how he was
acting. Parang napakadali lang para sa kanyang magalit sa maliit na bagay na 'to,
napakadali lang para sa kanyang sabihin sa 'kin na bitiwan ko ang isang bagay na
matagal kong kinapitan noong mga panahong nalulunod ako sa sarili kong konsensya.

Pero higit sa lahat, naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil ang dali kong makinig sa kanya.

"Twice, Zeke. You asked me to stop racing twice, kahit na alam mo kung gaano
kaimportante sa akin iyon, you still wanted me to quit. And yet I listened to you.
I was willing to do it, quit racing and give up my brother's dream because I want
to be with you. Mahirap para sa'kin iyon. But you..." Tumayo ako at lumapit sa
kanya. "You are enough reason for me to let it go. Dahil alam kong magiging mas
masaya ako kapag pinakawalan ko iyon, kasi mahal kita."

Pilit kong hinuli ang mga mata niyang ayaw tumingin sa akin.

"Ikaw Zeke. Can't you do that too? Kaya mo bang ibaba iyang pride mo, iyang galit
mo at humingi ng tawad sa daddy mo para maging masaya ka?"

Pain flashed in his eyes but it was quickly masked by anger. Lumayo siya sa 'kin at
mas pinili niyang tumayo sa tabi ng bintana, as if that could make him safe.

"Hindi iyan ang pinag-uusapan natin dito, Victoria."

I hid a bitter smile. He did it again—he just slammed a door in my face.

"Gano'n ba kahirap sayo na gawin iyon? It's your father, at kahit pa bali-
baliktarin mo ang mundo, kahit ilang beses mo pang itanggi, that fact won't
change."
His nose flared. By the grim look on his face, I know he didn't like what I said—
just as I didn't like what he just did.

"Stop pushing it," he said barely opening his mouth, "huwag mo nang ipilit ang
bagay na ayokong pag-usapan."

Kailan? Kailan siya magiging handa?, pepeng tanong ko sa kanya. Alam kong hindi rin
naman niya sasagutin iyon e.

I dropped my head, closed my eyes and heaved a sigh as I fought it... that gnawing
sensation inside my chest, and tried to breath even when my heart felt like sinking
deep in the pit of my stomach.

Inangat ko ang tingin ko sa kanya at nakita kong napalunok siya. He must've seen
the pain in my eyes, but he held his pride towering still.

"You're being selfish, Zeke. Alam mo ba iyon?" I smirked sarcastically, pero hindi
umangat ang bibig ko. It quivered instead.

"Nagagalit ka dahil hindi ko nasabi sayo ang maliit na bagay na 'to, pero ikaw
hindi mo magawang sabihin sa akin ang parteng iyan ng buhay mo. Do you know how
that makes me feel? Gusto ko tuloy itanong sayo kung gaano ako kaimportante sayo,
kung ano ako sa buhay mo."

"Maliit na bagay?" hindi makapaniwalang sabi niya. "Fvck!" He turned around and
cursed more before facing me again. "Victoria, hindi maliit na bagay iyon. It's
your life I am trying to point out here. Buhay mo." He pointed a finger at me. "I
can't let you race, okay. I am worried about you. I care about you. Now tell me
you're not important to me."

Nakita ko ang takot sa mukha niya. Kaya ba siya nagagalit sa nalaman niya dahil
natatakot siyang mangayari sa 'kin ang nangyari kay kuya?

Somehow, naintindihan ko siya. Ang takot na iyon na dala-dala ko simula noong

malaman ko ang pagkakahumaling ni kuya sa racing. Takot na baka isang araw, mawala
siya ng tuluyan. Silang dalawa ni Zeke. Dahil doon kaya medyo lumuwag ang dibdib
ko.

But still...

"Zeke..." Nilapitan ko siya ulit at hinawakan ang magkabilang pisngi niya, willing
him to listen. This time he didn't move back. Sinalubong niya ang mga titig ko.

"I want to be with you, closer to you. Alam mo naman iyon, 'di ba? That's why I did
what I did. Hinamon kita, pinagpilitan ko ang gusto ko, naging dahilan pa iyon ng
pagkaka-aksidente mo. Lahat na ginawa ko. Kaya naiintindihan kita. At kung iyon
talaga ang gusto mo, gagawin ko. I'll give up my career. Kaya hindi mo na
kailangang mag-alala."

Kitang kita ko ang pagkawala ng pag-aalala sa mga mata niya. But I wasn't done yet.

I know I was stepping across a line I shouldn't cross over, so I took a deep breath
and held his hands between mine. I need him to know that I want him to let me do
it... go over it. But he has to break the wall first.

"How about you, Zeke?" Hinigpitan ko pa ang hawak ko sa kamay niya, preparing him
for what was coming.

"Will you throw away your pride if I ask you to listen to your father and forgive
him?"

His eyes narrowed into tiny slits. Pinilit niyang agawin ang kamay niya sa 'kin
pero pinigilan ko siya. Please, my eyes pleaded, do it.

He stared at me, his eyes were sending me some warning.

"Don't. Go. There," he said clenching his jaw.

Alam kong sinasagad ko na siya, pero hindi pa rin ako bumigay.

"Kung talagang importante ako sayo, gagawin mo iyon."

Hindi ko alam ba't ko nasabi iyon. I just wanted him to say yes. Gusto kong subukan
pa rin niya, katulad ng ginawa ko.

Pero isa-isa niyang tinanggal ang mga kamay ko. I tried to fight him, hold him
still... pero unti-unting nalaglag ang mga kamay ko nang magsimula siyang umiling.

"I can't do this."

He dropped my hands and walked pass me. He turned the door knob, opened the door
and walked out.

I stared blankly on the floor. To the empty space he just walked on. To my hands
that was desparately holding him... that he just let go of.

Zeke just left me.

HINDI AKO UMUWI pagkaalis ko ng opisina.

I already learned from the last argument we had. Hindi ko palalagpasin ang araw na
ito na hindi kami nagkakaayos ni Zeke. Lalo na at nasaktan ako sa biglaang pag-alis
niya kanina. I can't let him do that, leave me hanging in the air. Masakit maiwan
sa ere.

Kailangan ko siyang makausap. Kailangan kong ayusin ito kaya sa condo niya ako
dumiretso. Magbabaka-sakali.

I couldn't reach him on his phone. Hindi ko alam kung ayaw lang niyang sagutin ang
tawag ko o kung ano. Pero malakas ang kutob kong iniiwasan niya ako at sinasadya
niyang huwag akong kausapin.

I just hope he's in there, or else, I might never get a wink tonight.

I sighed when I finally reached his door. Hindi ko na kailangan ng susi niya dahil
alam ko ang pin number ng lock niya. Kinailangan kong makuha iyon noong mga
panahong inalagaan ko siya.

I said my prayer as I punched his password, na sana ay hindi pa niya iyon

pinalitan. Pero nagulat ako nang biglang bumukas ang pintuan.

Zeke, with a flushed face, blocked the doorway with his body. Namumungay ang mga
mata niya pero hindi maikakaila ang gulat at pagkairita sa mukha niya nang makita
niya ako.

Nalukot agad ang ilong ko nang lumabas ang lamig ng aircon galing sa loob. I got a
whiff of alcohol. And then I noticed his hair. It looked messy, like he had been
running his hands through it. His wrinkled clothes wasn't any better. Iyon pa rin
ang suot niyang damit kaninang umaga. Nakarolyo ang manggas niya hanggang siko,
kita rin ang dibdib niya dahil sa nakabukas niyang butones.

"Have you been drinking?" tinanong ko siya.

He smirked and quirked an eyebrow. "You still want to talk?"

Akala ko ay hindi na niya ako papapasukin. Pero niluwagan niya ang awang ng pintuan
at tumabi siya para bigyan ako ng daan. So I went in.

Agad na bumungad sa akin ang ilang bote at lata ng beer. So all the time I've been
calling him, he's been sitting here, burning his ass in this dark room, drowning
himself, drinking.
Naiiling ako habang sinisimulan kong pulutin ang mga kalat, pero bigla ay inagaw
niya sa 'kin ang hawak kong lata.

"Leave it. Ako na ang magliligpit niyan."

Ipinatong niya iyon sa mesa at kinuha ang boteng may laman pa. He drank from it
hanggang sa maubos niya ang laman no'n. Pinanood ko siyang umupo sa sofa.

"Zeke, what are you doing? Bakit ka umiimom?"

I heard him scoff. "Do I really have to answer that?" Tapos ay tiningnan niya ako.
"Why are you here, Victoria? Oh, wait, let me guess... nandito ka kasi gusto mo
ulit akong pilitin sa gusto mong mangyari, tama?"

I realized he wasn't so drunk at all, dahil kaya pa rin niyang magsalita ng

diresto. And maybe he's not so wasted he's well aware what he was saying.

I sighed and ignored his jibe. Inalala ko kung bakit ako narito sa condo niya.

"Nandito ako para makipag-usap sayo—nang matino," dugtong ko. Ayokong mas lumala pa
ang away namin so he better sober up.

"Okay, let's talk." He leaned back and rested his arms behind his head.

"Huwag kang sarcastic, Zeke."

Umalis ako sa harap niya at nagpunta ako sa kusina para maghanap ng garbage bag. I
began to clean his table at isa-isa kong nilagay sa cellophane ang mga lata ng
beer.

"Ang tigas ng ulo," he muttered and suddenly he was taking the bag from my hand. "I
said leave it."

"I will if you stop acting like a jerk."

He stared at me in naked anger. "Then you should have think twice before you came
here." Tumalikod siya at pumunta sa kusina bitbit ang garbage bag.

"Wow!" Sinundan ko siya. "Nagpunta ako dito dahil gusto kong magkaayos tayo, kahit
na hindi ko nagustuhan ang ginawa mo kanina sa opisina. You know we have to talk."

Itinabi niya sa trash can ang bitbit niya at iniwan doon saka muling naglakad
pabalik nang hindi nagsasalita.
"What, hindi mo na ako kikibuin?"

"Just go home, Victoria."

Hinatak ko ang braso niya at naiinis na tiningnan niya ako. "Sinabi ko na, 'di ba?
Ayokong pag-usapan ang bagay na iyan!" Tumaas ng kaunti ang boses niya at galit na
tinanggal ang kamay ko sa braso niya.

Nasaktan at nainis ako sa ginawa niya, pero pinilit kong tinanggal iyon sa dibdib
ko at huminahon.

"Ano ba'ng mahirap do'n?" sabi ko habang tinitingnan siyang nagbubukas ng isa pang
lata ng beer. I sighed. "Ang tagal na ng mga nangyari, Zeke. Bakit hindi mo pa rin
mapatawad ang daddy mo? He already forgive you. Hindi mo ba nakikita iyon?"

Hindi siya sumagot. Inom lang siya nang inom. Kaya nilapitan ko siya, kinuha ang
lata sa kamay niya at nilapag iyon sa mesa saka ko sinalubong ang galit at asar
niyang mga mata.

"You know he's old and sick. Akala ko kakausapin mo na siya. Pero mali ako, ayaw mo
pa ring makipag-ayos sa kanya. Why, Zeke? Ano ba'ng hinihintay mong mangyari bago
mo siya kausapin?"

"May dahilan kaya ayokong sabihin sa ibang tao ang problema ko. That's because
people tend to be so nosy with someone else's baggage—katulad ng ginagawa mo
ngayon. It's my problem, Victoria. So stay out of it."

Iniwan ulit niya ako at naglakad siya sa kung saan. Pero hindi ko na siyang
magawang sundan dahil parang napako ako ng mga salita niya. They really put me
into my place—my rightful place in Zeke's life.

"I see," I nodded, but I wasn't really seeing anything. Nilingon ko siya at nakita
kong nakatayo lang siya sa likod ko habang nakatingin siya sa 'kin.

"You're being a first class asshole right now, you know that?"

He cocked his head and flashed his cynical smile. "I've been an asshole my whole
life, Victoria. Haven't Serena told you that?"

Hindi si Zeke ang lalaking iyan. He can't be. Dahil hindi ako sasaktan ni Zeke
katulad ng ginagawa niya. Hindi niya sasabihin ang mga bagay na iyon para durugin
ang puso ko.

Nasaan... nasaan ang lalaking kausap ko kahapon? Ang Zeke na nagsabing mahal niya
ako? Ang taong minahal ko? Nasaan ang lalaking gustong pakasalan ako?

This was not turning out fine. Akala ko maaayos namin 'to. Pero puro na lang ako
akala. Kaya ako nasasaktan e... kasi umaasa ako sa wala.

"Do you see it now?" basag ni Zeke sa katahimikan. The smirk on his face was gone
now. Napalitan na iyon ng isang seryosong mukha.

"Imposible ang hinihingi mo sa 'kin, Victoria," aniya, "and even if I try... it

won't fix things." Umiling siya. "You can't fix me."

"I am not trying to fix you."

"Yes, you do!" mariing giit niya. "You want me fixed."

Dahan-dahan siyang lumapit sa akin at tumayo sa harap ko. "You think that I don't
know, but you're wrong. Everytime you look at me, I see the look on your face. You
look at me like I'm some lost puppy."

Parang pinipiga ang puso ko sa lungkot na nakikita ko sa mata niya. "Zeke, gusto ko
lang naman na sumaya ka. Ginagawa ko 'to dahil alam kong kailangan mo. You need to
heal."

"And you think apologizing to my dad would fix my problem? That he holds the key to
my happiness?" He smiled bitterly. "Well, newsflash! I'm not a wreck, baby, and I
don't need fixing."

Yumuko ako dahil hindi ko siya kayang titigan. The bitterness in his face was
constricting my chest and my lungs. Habang tumatagal na pinakikinggan ko siya, mas
nasasaktan ako sa mga sinasabi niya.

"I'm sorry if you feel that I'm wrong," sabi ko habang nakayuko pa rin. "That I
have no right to think about your happiness. I'm sorry kung iniisip mong nagiging
pakialamera na ako sa buhay mo."

Huminga ako ng malalim at tiningnan ko siya. "I just want all of you, Zeke. I want
to love every side of you. Every part of you. Your unhappy soul. The emotions you
can't let go. I want to see you bare naked. But you just won't let me do that,
dahil hindi mo ako hinahayaang makalapit sayo. That's so unfair. You asked me to
stop racing and I did. I gave up my whole life, my brother and yet you're just
willing to give me half of yourself. Do you think I deserve to settle for less?"

"Less." He said it like the word left a bitter taste in his tongue. Sinundan ko
siya ng tingin nang lagpasan niya ako. I was preparing for the rejection again,
pero tumigil siya at humarap sa 'kin.
And I was struck to see the harsh line on his face. It's like every painful
memories he had was carved on his handsome face, leaving scars that no one saw...
not even me.

"Fine. You want the truth?"

I quivered from the roughness of his tone. Mabibigat ang bawat hakbang niya pabalik
sa akin. I suddenly wanted to run and hide. Pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko dahil
pagkakataon na ito.

He stopped and fixed me with an intensely bleak, expressionless eyes. Nanginginig

ang buong katawan niya. At ang lalim ng bawat hininga niya.

Nakaramdam ako ng natakot... hindi dahil sa kanya. I'm scared of the savage anger
that was burning inside him. Pakiramdam ko, may pinakawalan akong isang mabangis na
lion na nakakulong sa loob ng katawan niya.

"Tell me Victoria," he drawled. "Ano ang gagawin mo kapag nakilala mo ang Zeke na
gusto mong makita? Hm? Mamahalin mo pa rin ba ang lalaking walang kuwenta? Ang anak
na hindi kayang ipagmalaki ng mga magulang niya? Ang anak na itinakwil ng sarili
niyang ama?"

Napasinghap ako at gulat na napatitig sa kanya. He smiled grimly and it chilled me

to the bones. He walked slowly to me and stopped when his body was inches away from
me.

I shuddered, because I could feel the waves of anger coming off from his body. I
felt pathetic, nahihiya ako sa pagkakamali ko. Bakit hindi ko nalaman iyon?

"See, you're wrong," he suddenly whispered behind my ear. My breath hitched and I
felt the thud of my heart getting harder and faster. "I didn't destroy my
relationship with him. And I don't need to apologize to him, because he clearly
doesn't need it."

"I'm..." He stopped me by touching my chin and tilting my head so he could look

straight to my eyes and I held my breath as I stared back at him.

"Do you want to know why my father disowned me? Why he won't talk to me?" he asked
me. I saw the conflict running in his eyes, but they hardened as he set his face in
an emotionless, bland mask.

"It's because of your brother."

Pakiramdam ko nalaglag pati puso ko dahil sa sinabi niya, kasabay ng pagbaba ni

Zeke ng kamay niya, at lumagapak iyon sa sobrang lakas.
Tumawa siya ng pagak, na puno ng kapaitan. "My own father believed that I am
capable of killing my best friend. He blamed me for his death. Just like what you
did."

Napaatras ako dahil hindi ko na makayanan ang mga nalalaman ko. Everything was...
too much. But he snatched my wrist and pulled me back.

"Do you want more, Victoria? Gusto mong ituloy ko pa?"

"Zeke..."

"Tinanong mo ako, hindi ba? Why, Victoria? Do you feel it now? That numbness...
that icy cold hands gripping your soul and your guts? That guilt?"

Nakagat ko ang labi ko dahil nasasaktan ako sa higpit ng pagkakahawak niya sa akin.
But it seemed he's not aware he was hurting me. Masyado siyang nalulunod sa galit
niya—galit na alam kong para rin sa akin.

"Since Five died, I wake up every fvcking day feeling like a hollow. I just wanted
to die. But it was just so fvcking easy. So I tried to live with it, sleep with it
every night, letting it skin me alive, until it ate me whole and turn me into this.
A body with no soul."

"Zeke.. tama na." Hindi ko na kayang makinig pa sa kanya. The sheer agony in his
voice was an acid to my blood. Ang hapdi sa dibdib.

Pero hindi niya ako marinig. He just kept talking. Nalukot ang mukha niya sa
sobrang pagpipigil niya sa galit niya, sa sobrang emosyong pilit niyang kinikimkim.

"And you... you came back like a living nightmare. A ghost." Binitawan niya ako
bigla at lumayo sa 'kin. He swung around and raked his hair with his hands.
Nagtatakang pinanood ko siya, nag-iisip kung ano ang ibig niyang sabihin sa huli
niyang sinabi.

"I tried hard to push you away. I really did. But every time I do that, you kept
coming closer. You just won't stop. You're like a mole. A malignant one. I couldn't
get rid of you."

Get rid of me?

"Zeke... what are you saying?" I said, barely in a whisper. Hindi ko siya
maintindihan. Why would he try to get rid of me...

And then just like that, I remembered the times when he was pushing me away. The
invisible wall I could feel around him. The distance...
"You love me, right?" bulong ko pero hindi siya sumagot.

Nahihirapan na akong huminga pero pinilit ko pa ring huminga. Pinilit kong tumayo
kahit na gusto ng bumigay ng tuhod ko, dahil kailangan kong marinig ang sagot niya.

"Zeke... Did you really love me?"

Bahagya siyang humarap sa 'kin, but his eyes was cast down.

"I did," tahimik na sagot niya, pero para iyong sigaw sa pandinig ko. "But I hated
my self every day for being with you. Because you remind me so much of my mistake,
my sin. Why my father hated me. Why he couldn't accept me. You... you are a
constant reminder of the man I killed."

Noon niya ako hinarap. And I wished he didn't. Because I saw how empty his eyes
were. And it hurts. Inside. It fvcking hurts.

=================

Chapter ♠ 32

LIKE AN AIR

SOMEWHERE, THE CLOCK was ticking. And somewhere inside me, I could feel something
was breaking.

My heart was tearing apart. And I couldn't do anything to stop it, and neither can
Zeke.

Parang sa isang iglap, nawala ang lahat ng pinaniniwalaan ko. Nawalan ako ng
panghahawakan. All I've got was a string of lies, doubts and stroke of pain.

"So," I croaked, trying to get past the bile clogging up my throat, "after all that
I've said and done... after everything that I've lost... sa lahat ng bagay na
binitawan ko... I only get this from you. You still can't bring yourself to love
me."
My lips arched in a resentful smile. "Tell me, Zeke... sa lahat ng mga sinabi ko
kahapon, alin doon ang totoo? Siguro wala. Dahil lahat iyon puro kasinungalingan
lang." I shook my head and laughed. Para akong baliw sa pandinig ko. Well, I feel
like one. Gusto kong mabaliw sa dami ng naglalarong damdamin sa dibdib ko.

Nanatiling tahimik si Zeke. Hinayaan lang niya akong mag-isa—mag-isang masaktan. 

"I can't believe this... I actually believed—no, I let myself believe that you're
not capable of hurting me. Pero ano nga ba'ng bago? Pagdating sayo, lahat ng
iniisip ko, mali. Lahat ng akala ko, mali. And after all these years... si kuya pa
rin ang dahilan kaya hindi mo magawang makita kung ano ang nasa puso mo. Hanggang
ngayon, hindi pa rin ako ang pinili mo, dahil andiyan pa rin si kuya sa pagitan
natin, nakaharang. Mas gusto mong magpatalo sa nakaraang hindi na natin mababago.

Pero ako... naging totoo ako sa nararamdaman ko sayo. Sinubukan kong tanggapin ang
nakaraan. Pinatawad ko na ang sarili ko, dahil hindi habang buhay, ikukulong ko ang
sarili ko sa konsensya ko. Gusto ko rin namang sumaya. But I see now... it's not me
who can make you happy. I only make you feel worst."

I let a tear slip from my eyes. Hindi ko na kayang pigilan ang mga luhang gustong
lumabas. I just can't hold it any more.

"I just wish you didn't lie. Sana hindi mo na sinabing mahal mo ako. Masakit, Zeke.
Ang sakit dahil naniwala ako sa mga sinabi mo."

I moved back, attempting to leave. But Zeke still made no move. Ni hindi niya ako
tiningnan o piigilan nang tumalikod ako. He seemed like he was waiting for me to
leave. 

Despite the tears, I was able to find the door and left. The air was so
intoxicating it actually hurts to breath them in. Hindi ko na napunang hindi na ako
humihinga sa loob. My lungs just wouldn't expand. I thought I just stopped
breathing from the pain.

Hindi ko na alam kung papaano ako nakauwi ng apartment ko. All I know was
everywhere I look, I only saw tears. And everything inside me was dying.

PINATAY KO KAAGAD ang alarm clock nang tumunog iyon. Pangatlong beses nang tumunog
iyon, pero hanggang ngayon, nakatalukbong pa rin ako sa ilalim ng kumot ko.

I waited for a minute before I pushed my blanket away. Slowly, I opened my swollen
eyes and stared at the dark ceiling—exactly what I was feeling right now. Soon, the
sun will light up the sky... but never my heart.

I closed my eyes again and sighed when a tear escaped from it. Ayaw pa rin paawat.
Ang hapdi na ng mga mata ko, na kahit hangin masakit na, pero hindi pa rin
natatapos ang iyak ko. It's as if they're just there, waiting behind my eyes until
they flow everytime I feel that sting.

Sa isang buntong hininga, iniwan ko ang unan ko at napangiwi ako dahil sa

naramdaman kong pintig sa sentido ko. I immediately clutched my head and groaned. I
feel like sh*t.

Hindi ko alam kung kaya kong pumasok ngayon sa opisina nang ganito. Hindi ko alam
kung kaya kong gumalaw nang hindi nasasaktan. Oh, hell! I don't even know if I can
face Zeke today after last night.

Kung ako lang ang masusunod, I'd choose to lie on my bed all day and stay under my
blanket—seek for its warmth and comfort that my body was clamoring for.

Pero hindi ko puwedeng gawin iyon. In the end, professionalism won over my heart's
desire to weep.

Pinilit kong gumalaw sa kabila ng pagpoprotesta ng ulo ko at naghanap ng gamot.

This should teach me a lesson not to cry the whole night.

Pagkatapos kong magbihis ay agad akong nakatanggap ng tawag galing kay Avon.

"Where are you?" tanong niya kaagad.

"Paalis na ako ng bahay," walang ganang sagot ko habang lumalabas ako ng gate.

"Are you okay?"

My heart twinged at the concern in her voice.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. I just thought I should check on you after what happened yesterday.
Yanie told me. And from Zeke's mood this morning... Is everything okay?"

Hindi ako sumagot. What's there to say? Siguro alam na rin ng mga tao sa opisina
ang tungkol sa nangyari kahapon.

Av sighed on the other line. "I guess not. I take he didn't like what Jack told
him."

"Jack? Si Jack ang nagsabi tungkol sa line up?"

"Aksidente, Vee. Na-corner siya ni Zeke. So he told him about the race. Ang sabi ni
Jack, hindi pa siya tapos magpaliwanag, Zeke already bolted out."

I sighed. There's no use blaming Jack, or anyone. What happened was bound to happen
anyway. The truth came out—the harsh truth—and that what hurt me. Zeke hurt me. So
it wasn't really Jack's fault.

"He was angry," sabi ko na lang.

"But it was just a list."

"Yeah... it's just a list," bulong ko. "Pero tama naman siya, Av. Isa pa rin ako sa
pipiliin ng committee na mag-reprepresent sa bansa."

Hindi nakaimik si Avon, dahil pati siya alam ang tungkol sa bagay na iyon.

"He asked me not to race... and then things got out of hand," I said, not
mentioning that Zeke wanted more than that. I don't think it's a good idea if I
tell Av about it over the phone. Mas mabuting sa personal ko sabihin iyon sa kanya.

"Pag-usapan niyo iyan ng maigi."

"Yeah..." I said abjectly as I went inside my car. Kung alam lang ni Avon... I
tried to do that, ag kausapin siya ng maigi. But look where it took me. I was back
at square one.

I sighed. "I gotta go, Av. I'll see you later." At pinatay ko na kaagad ang tawag
at pinaandar ang kotse ko.

I immediately shut my eyes and willed myself to breath. I am trying to survive, but
I have to shut down to do that. Talking about it will only drag me farther down.

Pagdating ko sa opisina, agad na sumalubong sa akin ang katahimikan ng buong

department. Pati si Ian, hindi nagbibigay ng pasigaw na utos. He was just sitting
silently in his table, avoiding my eyes.

I sighed and walked to my cubicle, ignoring that curious glance their eyes were
doing. Something was off today. Alam kong nararamdaman nila iyon at alam ko ring
alam nila ang dahilan. It was written all over my puffy face. I know, even if I'm
wearing glasses, kita pa rin ang ebidensya.

I really should've stayed home. I don't think I can work in this state. Sumasakit
pa rin hanggang ngayon ang ulo ko. Masakit lahat ng parte ng katawan ko. Kahit sa
loob... masakit. I think I need a second dose of my pain killer.
"Hey," narinig kong lumapit sa akin si Yanie at may dalda-dala siyang kape.

"Kape, baka gusto mong uminom," alok niya. I just nodded and smiled slightly at
her. Iniwan niya ang cup ng kape sa mesa ko at umalis na.

Tinitigan ko iyon at bigla ay naramdaman kong namasa ang pilik-mata ko. My lungs
were constricting. Kahapon lang, bumili ng kape si Zeke para sa 'kin. It was only
yesterday...

"Sh*t!" I cursed and dropped my head on the table.

What went wrong? Where did things start to fall down? How the hell did we come into
this?

Oh, yes... he said he did love me. But not anymore—because I freaking remind him of
Vince. Of my brother who he thought he killed.

But still I'm here. I still came here despite last night. Kahit na nasaktan ako sa
mga sinabi niya—kahit na nasasaktan pa rin ako dahil sa kanya, pinili ko pa ring
pumunta. I must be really insane.

Nakarinig ako ng katok sa glass door namin, at kasunod no'n ang pagsinghap ni
Yanie.

"Sir Zeke!"

His name was like a whip. Mabilis na umangat ang ulo ko kasabay ng pagtambol ng
puso ko at nakita ko siyang nakatayo sa pintuan.

"Meeting after fifteen minutes," ma-awtoridad na sabi niya habang nakatingin sa

buong team. "Prepare for your presentation and show me your final design."

Nakita kong tumayo si Ian nang nakakunot ang noo, naguguluhan sa biglang sinabi ni
Zeke. "But the presentation's until tomorrow."

Matalim na tumitig si Zeke kay Ian. "I need it now."

Nagkatinginan sina Craig at ang iba na may opare-parehong mukha. And I was there
watching, not even sure what was happening. Ang alam ko lang, ando'n si Zeke, galit
at mukhang hindi nalipasan ng tulog kagabi.

"Fifteen minutes," ulit niya. "Present it to me or I will find another designing

team." Pagkatapos ay umalis na siya nang walang lingon-likod.
"Anyare do'n?" takang tanong ni Yanie kay Keith. Keith just shrugged his shoulders
and looked at me before he went back to work.

I groaned inwardly and dropped my head again. This day was about to become a
nightmare.

INAYOS KO ulit ang salamin ko na halos hindi naman gumagalaw sa ilong ko. I can't
keep still knowing Zeke was inside this room. Ramdam na ramdam ko siya kahit na may
tatlong upuan ang nakapagitan sa amin. He may not be looking at me right now but I
can sense his awareness of me, as if there's a live wire between us that was trying
to re-connect but too volatile to touch.

Mabuti na lang at nagawa naming itawid ang presentation kahit impromptu. Fifteen
minutes was too short. Parang sinasadya niyang pahirapan kami.

Ewan ko kung anong tumatakbo sa utak ni Zeke kung bakit niya naisipang gawin ito,
but I'm sure he was trying to vent his temper on us because I'm a part of this
team. That's how I feel. And I hope I'm wrong.

"Victoria will explain the rest of the mechanical detail and the engine."

Mas lalo akong kinabahan nang tawagin ni Ian ang pangalan ko. Pepeng panalangin na
lang ang naiuusal ko. I don't even have any idea why I was feeling so nervous.

I almost buckled when I stood up. My knees were wobbling, they were almost knocking
off each other. Buti na lang at nakahawak ako sa upuan ko. But I was not yet out of
my chair when Zeke spoke and broke his silence for the first time since the
presentation started.

"Stop," he ordered. Stacey immediately turned on the lights and my butt froze in
midair. Bumalik agad ako sa pagkakaupo ko.

Huminga nang malalim si Zeke bago nagsalita. "I gave you weeks and you only came up
with a crap like this," he said boredly and flicked an annoyed finger to push the
papers away from him. "Tell me, how can we impress Avesto if you give me this
bullsh*t?"

I saw Ian clenched his jaw but he never made a single move. Naiiritang tiningnan ko
si Zeke.

"Do you really have to say it like that?" sabi ko.

Binalingan niya ako at lalong nag-igting ang mga bagang niya. The tension spiked up
and I thought everyone inside the room stopped breathing.

Pero hindi ako pinansin ni Zeke. He ignored me and looked at everyone.

"This is Avesto. He wants a unique design that fits to his G2 series. I gave you
this specific project because I know you can surpass my expectation. I expected a
lot from you. But this..." he pointed to the scattered paper in front of him, "this
is disappointment."

I couldn't believe he just said those words to Ian and my team. Pinaghirapan namin
ang mga designs namin. Lalo na si Ian.

Tumayo si Zeke para lumabas at tumayo rin ako para pigilan siya. I was about to say
something but Ian cut me off.

"I'm sorry," ani Ian at tumigil naman si Zeke. "I-rerevise na lang namin ang mga
parteng hindi mo nagustuhan."

"Fine, I'll give you a chance. But don't fail me again."

Again, Zeke left cold-heartedly as if he just didn't slay a friend's heart.

"I'm sorry," sabi ko nang maiwan kami ni Ian sa loob. Hinintay kong umalis muna ang
iba bago ko siya kausapin.

"Bakit ka nagso-sorry?" Ngumiti siya.

"For what happened." I sighed. "You're idea was really good, Ian, at alam iyon ni
Zeke. Nasabi lang niya iyon dahil galit siya sa'kin. Pinapahirapan lang niya tayo
dahil nag-away kami."

"I know," walang kiming sabi niya sa akin habang inaayos ang mga gamit niya.
"That's why I didn't punch him."

Hinarap niya ako nang matapos siya sa ginagawa niya. "Kaibigan ko si Zeke, and I
worry for him. Whatever happened to the both of you, we're out of it but I hope you
can fix it soon. Dahil ayaw kong konsentihin ang ginagawa niya ngayon."

AGARANG BINAGO ni Ian ang ibang detalye ng design na ginawa namin. Pagsapit ng
lunch break, halos nangangalahati na kami sa revision namin.

"Mauna na kami sa baba, sumunod ka lang ha!" sigaw ni Yanie habang palabas sila ng
opisina.

I was still reading Avon's message. Ngayong hapon na daw ire-release ang final list
ng mga qualified para sa competition ng Avesto Cup Race na isasabay sa launching.

Si Zeke agad ang naisip ko at ang sinabi niya.

Don't do it, Victoria...

I tucked my phone inside my bag and walked out considering what he said.

Pagbaba ko ng lobby ay nakasalubong ko ang daddy ni Zeke.

"Sir—I mean, tito!" gulat na sinalubong ko siya. What was he doing here?

Ngumiti siya nang makita niya ako. He looked like he was about to leave the
building.

"Hinahanap niyo po ba si..."

Umiling-iling siya. "No, no... I just came here to get this." Itinaas niya ang
salaming ibinigay ng doktor kay Zeke. "Stacey called Philip telling she has this."

"Ah..." I nodded and smiled, hiding my own disappointment. Hindi pa rin pala si
Zeke ang nagbigay kun'di ang secretary niya.

"Are you off to somewhere?" tanong niya sa akin.

"Kakain po sana."

"Do you want some company?"

"Po?" Nagulat ako kaya hindi agad ako nakasagot.

He laughed. "My treat."

Hindi na ako nakatanggi sa kanya kaya tumango na lang ako. "Sige po."

Sabay kaming lumabas ng building. Tumanggi pa siyang sumakay ng kotse dahil mas
gusto daw niyang maglakd. Mabuti na lang at may mga malalapit na restaurant sa
paligid namin. I was kind of worried because of his health. Pero nakikita kong
itinatago niya iyong sekreto.
Naririnig ko ang mga salitang inilalarawan nila sa kanya. Some says he was a
devil's incarnate, and his pride was as conceited as his empire.

But honestly, as I watch him sitting in front of me and enjoying a simple meal, si
Zeke and nakikita ko—his older version.

They were so similar in looks and mannerism, kahit simppleng pagtaas lang ng kilay,
even the tone of their voice were so alike. Maybe that's why they clash, because
they both possess a strong personality. After all, Zeke share his father's blood.

"So how are you and Zeke?" biglang tanong niya.

"Uhm... okay naman po kami." I faked a smile. There's no point in telling him that
Zeke and I are on a rough patch. Ayokong problemahin pa nila iyon.

"That's good, that's good..." he nodded almost preoccupiedly. "We didn't expect
he'd have a serious relationship this early. He's a free spirit and, well, boys,
they like to think of themselves as wanderer."

Tumango lang ako bilang pagsang-ayon.

"He's not really so expressive. That boy..." umiling pa siya, "he makes me worry so
much."

"Malaki na po siya."

"Yes... he is. Pero malayo pa rin ang loob sa akin ng anak ko," he said so quietly
that I have fallen quiet too.

I didn't know what to tell him. Kung dapat ko bang sabihing oo, alam ko ang agwat
niya sa anak niya at kung ga'no kalaki ang galit sa kanya ni Zeke.

I don't know if it was my place anymore. Pakiramdam ko, hindi na.

"I'm sorry about your brother," he said gravely.

"Matagal na po iyon." I smiled sympathetically. Napapansin kong nagiging seryoso na

ang pag-uusap namin.

He nodded thoughtfully. "It's been 4, 5 years... but I can see my son was still
having a hard time accepting what happened. And sometimes I think maybe it was
because of what I did." Tumitig siya sa tasa ng kapeng iniinom niya, pero nakikita
kong wala doon ang isip niya.
"I always tell him to stop racing because I was very afraid for him, for what he
was doing to his life. He was just a kid and he didn't know what he was doing. I
thought he was doing that to take it against me. A simple act of rebellion. Until
that night of the accident... when I told him those harsh words I regretted
everyday of my life."

Sorrow and anguish fell on his aged face as he brought up a past that seems a great
link in our lives.

"Naiintindihan ko po kayo. Katulad niyo po, I also blamed Zeke for what happened.
Nakalimutan kong isa rin siya sa nawalan. He and Vince were like brothers, and his
death made an impact on him," I said and tried to sound okay and controlled, kahit
na ang totoo, parang nadadaplisan ang puso ko sa nakikita at naririnig ko.

Ang akala ko maayos na ako sa parteng iyon ng nakaraan. But after last nigt... I
realized I caused Zeke a deeper scar, with his dad. I thought I can't hurt him
again if I tell him I love him. But I was completely wrong.

As it turned out, I still hurt him just by living and staying beside him.

"I realized that too late," sabi niya at kitang-kita ko ang pagsisisi sa mukha
niya. Just then, he looked at me and a bittersweet smile touched his face.

"But I think he's starting to move on now that he's with you. He's getting better.
Iyon din ang nakikita ni Cedes. My wife thinks you can help him find his own way
back."

"I think not..." Hindi ko napigilang ngumiti ng may lungkot.

"I tried to talk to him," paliwanag ko nang makita ko ang nag-tatakang tingin sa
akin ni tito. "Pero sa tingin ko po mas makakabuti kung kayong dalawa ang mag-
uusap, hindi kami. He needs to talk to you. At siguro gano'n din po kayo."

Hindi ko alam kung maling sabihin ko iyon, but I don't really think Zeke will
listen to me again. He probably won't.

"Maybe you're right." He breathed and nodded with determinitation. "It's time to
sit him down and have that talk. Noon ko na dapat sana ginawa ang bagay na iyon
pero hindi ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob. Ang laki ng pagkukulang ko sa mga anak
ko, especially to Ezekiel."

I reached for his hand and gripped it. "It's never late to try, tito."

"I'm glad we had this talk." He smiled, but this time, I saw a different light into
his eyes—just like the smile Zeke does when he's genuinely happy. And it made me
feel okay. For a while.

"Ako rin po."

"GOOD AFTERNOON, MA'AM!"

Nginitian ko lang ang babaeng receptionist sa lobby at nagtuloy na ako sa elevator.

Kakaalis lang ng sasakyan ni tito pagkatapos niya akong ihatid pabalik dito. I was
late, but I didn't mind. I was actually glad I was out for quite a few hours.

My phone beep when I heard the elevator opened. Tiningnan ko iyon nang makapasok na
ako.

"I've got the list. You're on."

It was from Avon.

My heartbeat started to pound... pero alam ko hindi ito katulad noon—it wasn't from
excitement. I wasn't even thrilled.

Kumakabog ang dibdib ko dahil naiisip ko ang sinabi ni Zeke kagabi... at hindi ko
alam ang gagawin ko. My heart was beating like this because I feel scared—afraid
even that I might make a wrong choice agin this time.

The door opened and suddenly, I felt Zeke's presence. Silly. Because all I see was
an empty space.

I miss him... but I was too hurt.

I sighed, shaking my head and stepped out of the elevator. Strange, but I can
really feel Zeke around. I sighed again and ignored that familiar feeling, but when
I looked up I saw him standing at the opposite end of the hallway.

My feet slowed down until they stopped. Saglit din siyang tumigil pero nagpatuloy
pa rin siya. Time slowed down, but my heart was fast beating as I stood there
watching him walking towards me.

Words stumble in my head. Ang dami kong gustong sabihin sa kanya. Gustong-gusto
kong hablutin ang damit niya at sabihing nakausap ko ang daddy niya kanina. I
wanted to tell him how he terribly regret everything. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya
ang tungkol sa binalita sa akin ni Av. Gusto kong siya ang magdesisyon, kahit na
alam ko kung ano ang pipiliin at sasabihin niya.
But I forgot... for a while, I forgot he hurt me last night. That he broke my
heart.

And I was reminded of it when he didn't stop walking. He didn't even take a glance
at me. Nilagpasan niya ako at dinaanan lang niya ako na parang hindi niya ako
kilala. Na parang wala ako sa harap niya.

Naramdaman ko na lang ang malamig na hanging iniwan niyang bakas, na siyang dumampi
sa balat ko. Na humaplos sa puso ko. Narinig kong tumunog ang elevator at alam kong
pumasok siya doon. And I was just there, standing still. feeling frozen.

I felt like an air, floating.

Feeling suddenly weak, I leaned against the wall and inhaled. His scent still
lingered, and that only made me miss him more—and it was a knife straight to my
chest. Because in those few seconds, I knew... I felt... that I have lost him.

=================

Chapter ♠ 33

WASTED

"ANO NA ANG plano mo?"

I just toyed with my coffee and puffed a breath. I feel tired. Energy was draining
fast outside my body these days and everything just seemed dull and colorless for
me.

"Vee," Av called and touched my arm which dragged my attention back to her.

"Hm?"

"Tinatanong kita kung nakapagdesisyon ka na."

Pumikit ako at hinilot ang noo ko. My head hurts. Hindi ako nakatulog ng maayos
kagabi dahil sa dami ng iniisip ko. I don't know what to do anymore.

"Vee, you know you have to decide soon. You don't have much time," ani Av.

Dumiin ang mga daliri ko sa noo ko nang maalala kong malapit na ang open house ni
Avesto sa Italy. Ilalabas na rin niya ang sample ng S series, ang ginagawang
project ng SMI ngayon—ang pinaghihirapan ng team namin.

Pero mukhang hindi ko na makikita ang bagong revision ni Ian. If ever I agree to
it, I will have to fly to Italy this weekend to vouch for my participation.

Kaya lang...

Av sighed. "Come on Vee. What's holding you back?" Nasa boses niya ang pag-aalala.
"Is it Zeke?"

I tried not to recoil from the pain. But dammit! Why does his name hurts?

"Hindi pa rin ba kayo nagkakaayos?" tanong ni Av sa akin nang hindi pa rin ako
nagsasalita.

Desmayado akong umiling. "Hindi pa rin kami nagkakausap. Ayaw niya akong kausapin."

I even tried to call him last night, pero pinatay ko kaagad ang tawag ko dahil
masasaktan lang din ako kapag hindi niya sinagot iyon. I know he wouldn't answer my
call.

I sighed and looked at Av. "Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko, Av."

She pursed her lips—a gesture she does when she's thinking deep.

"If you want my advice as your manager, of course I want you to do it and try. May
tiwala ako sa potential mo at sayang kung hindi mo iyon maipapakita. Since we met,
I knew you were bound to be a racer. You will make an excellent one. And you didn't
disappoint."

Ngumiti siya. "But as your friend, I'd say follow what's in here," tinapat niya ang
kamay niya sa dibdib ko kung nasaan ang puso ko, "I want you to listen to what it
says. Kahit ano pa ang maging desisyon mo, sususportahan pa rin kita. Just as long
as you're happy."
She clasped my hand. "But my advice won't matter if you know already know what you
want. I know you, Vee. You already made your decision. Pero nauunahan ka ng takot
kaya ayaw mong sundin. You're not really confused. You just have to be brave. It's
your decision, Vee. You decide for your happiness."

I stared at her because I realized how much she knew about me. And she was right at
that point—I've already made up my mind the moment Zeke made me cry.

"BUTI HINDI KA pa umuuwi."

Umangat ang ulo ko mula sa kontratang binabasa ko at nakita ko si Jack na

nakangiting naglalakad papunta sa cubicle ko.

"Jack!"

"Overtime?" he asked when he got to my table. Tinitigan niya ang hawak kong mga
papel.

"Hindi naman," sagot ko habang pasimpleng itinago ang hawak ko sa ilalim ng mga
folders na nakapatong sa desk ko. "May chini-check lang ako bago umuwi. Ikaw? What
brings you here? May meeting ka kay..." I pointed upwards instead.

"Yup."

Napansin ko ang pagkawala ng gana sa tono ng boses niya at ang ngiti sa mukha niya.

"How did it go?" I asked.

"Ayun," he shrugged, "mukha nang gangster ang presidente ninyo. I think someone
should send him to prison before he kills somebody."

I grimaced. "That bad, huh?"

"Hayaan mo na iyon." He then smiled excitedly. "Anyway, napadaan lang ako rito kasi
naalala kong andito ka."

"Bakit, may kailangan ka sa'kin?"

"Not really." Umupo siya sa gilid ng mesa ko. "Gusto lang kitang balitaan tungkol
sa party mamayang gabi sa HQ."
I frowned. "Party?" I didn't know may party sa headquarters. Hindi ba dapat isa ako
sa unang nasasabihan bilang isa sa mga Legacy?

"Victory party para kay Nico at EJ."

"Really? They won?!" Alam kong sumali sila ng Asian's Cup, pero nakalimutan ko na
ang tungkol doon dahil sa dami ng nangyari.

"Too bad for EJ, Nico took home the trophy. Pero ayos pa rin dahil third placer
siya," masayang binalita ni Jack. He was practically beaming from pride.

"Wow! That's a good news."

"I'll bet you will beat his ass kung ikaw ang sumali sa Asian's Cup."

I can't help but shake my head at his smugness. "Masyado ka namang bilib sa 'kin,
Jack."

"It runs in your blood," he said confidently and winked before he stood up. "So
paano, aasahan ka namin sa party mamaya."

"Uhm..." I hesitated. Kung sa headquarters iyon, malamang pupunta siya. He's a

Legacy after all, kaya siguradong pupunta siya.

"Tyrone's expecting you tonight. Pang despideda na rin kasi niya ang party mamaya."

"Why? Where's he going?"

"Maghahanda siya para sa Motocross Racing sa Europe. He's becoming addicted to

motorbike nowadays."

"Nagiging busy na yata kayong lahat sa mga competition," sabi ko habang sumasandal
sa upuan ko. I felt envious somehow. Parang ang tagal ko na ring hindi
nakikipagkarera. I suudenly missed the wheels and the smell of the leather and the
gas fuel.

"Ikaw rin naman, mukhang kailangan mo nang maghanda para sa Open House ni Avesto."

I sighed and nodded. "Seems like I do." Pero bago iyon, may mga bagay pa muna akong
dapat na tapusin.

"I know you'll make the league proud," sabi niya. I just smiled. "So paano, alis na
ako."
"Ah, sandali." Nagtatakang nilingon niya ako. "Itatanong ko lang kung pupunta si...
si Zeke mamaya?"

Sumimangot siya. "I think not. Masyado iyong busy magalit ngayon. Bawal pa naman sa
party ang mga anti-social." Binuntunan pa niya iyon ng tawa.

"Sige." He smiled and waved goodbye. Kumaway din ako at hinatid siya ng tanaw.

Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako nang mapag-isa na ulit ako.

If Zeke woun't be coming, is it safe to go?

I really don't want to see him. Pagkatapos niya akong iwasan ng dalawang araw, I
already got his message. Who wouldn't? He was acting like a stone-cold man and he
kept on treating me like a stranger. A stranger.

Kaya mas mabuti nang hindi muna kami magkita. Maybe he will talk to me once his
temper cooled down. Or not.

I don't even know if he was still angry. O kung bakit siya nagagalit. Sa aming
dalawa, mas ako ang dapat na magalit sa kanya. Ako ang mas nasasaktan. But I guess
I can't measure that. For years, he was hurting. Katulad ko.

But I moved on. Siya, hindi pa. Dalda-dala pa rin niya ang nakaraan na parang
kakambal ng kapalaran niya. At isa ako sa mga taong nagpapaalala sa kanya noon.

Maybe it would be easier for me to ignore him too. Maybe that's what I need right
now—distraction. Maybe if I get away from all of these... I could do it too—act
like he was a stranger.

I'VE ALWAYS avoided parties as much as possible. Ever since I became a racer, I shy
away from the limelight, the crowd and the fame. But it was next to impossible with
every victory and every trophy I won.

And now, being here in this almost same set up, celebrating someone elses's
victory, the déjà vu and the yearning it brought was hitting home in me. Somehow, I
kind of miss the world I lived in.

I took a glass of cocktail drink on the bar counter when I felt a tap over my
shoulder.

"Hi! I'm Rica Suarez from KC TV." A woman my age smiled at me as she offered her
hand. Hindi ko siya kilala, but judging her corporate attire and her ID, I could
guess she's a journalist.

Great... I thought dully. Despite being annoyed, I pasted my social smile and shook
her hand out of social politeness.

"Hello," I said and didn't bother to introduce myself.

"I was just wondering if you could do an interview about your relationship with the
business tycoon's rebellious son, Ezekiel Steele?"

She's too straightforward. But I guess it was part of their job's nature. Even so,
I was still not impressed. Mas lalo lang akong nainis sa sinabi niya.

I was about to tell her to get lost, pero isang kamay ang pumatong sa balikat niya
bago pa ako makapagsalita.

"Rica, you promised no work tonight,"ani EJ sa journalist saka bumaling sa akin.

"I'm sorry, Vee. Desperada lang 'tong pinsan ko e."

"I'm not desperate," inis na singit ni Rica pero parang hindi siya pinansin ni EJ.

"Enjoy the night anyway. Ako na ang bahala rito." At hinatak na niya palayo ang
pinsan niya.

I sighed gratefully feeling relieved I didn't have to say rude words to her or to
someone tonight.

Maybe some other time I would agree to the interview. Pero ngayon, wala ako sa mood
paunlakan siya lalo na kung tungkol kay Zeke ang pag-uusapan namin.

I came here with a full intention to get away from all the painful thoughts
occupying my head. To breath. To distract myself. Pero kahit dito sinusundan ako ng
mga bagay na siyang mismong tinatakasan ko.

If only getting drunk would make me forget and numb all this ache. But it wouldn't.
It will just offer a night of oblivion, and a serious headache in the morning.

The crowd got bigger as the night deepens. I saw familiar faces at kahit papaano, I
was able to act sociable as I can. I mingled, I danced, I laughed, I drank. I did
what people do in parties. And for a while—even just for a little while—I was able
to forget Zeke.

"Why don't you try it, Nico? Beat her in a race?" patuloy na hamon ni Jack kay
Nico. "So we can set the records straight once and for all."
I laughed at the harassed look on Nico's face. Here he was, celebrating his
victory, and yet his friends were cracking up his ass.

"I can beat anyone, Jack." Nico put on an arrogant smirk. Tinawanan ko lang siya.
This talk was seriously too ridiculous for me.

But I guess I just find everything funny because of too much cocktail. It was
making me feel too giddy.

"What? You think I can't?" tanong sa akin ni Nico. Akala siguro niya hinahamon ko
din ang sinasabi niya.

I smiled. "I'm looking forward to kicking your ass, Nico. Count on it." I winked
and clinked my glass on his bottle.

Hindi tumigil si Jack sa pang-aasar kay Nico. Pati sina EJ at Tyrone ay nakisali na
rin sa pang-aasar sa kanya. They even tease him about a girl named Gabrielle who
was apparently eyeing him from the corner of the room.

"I heard you're racing for Avesto," Tyrone quietly said beside me that eventually
took everyone's attention. "Jack told me."

Funny because I thought the room fell silent when the music was practically banging
the walls. Just then I felt my skin prickle at the back of my neck. Napahawak ako
roon.

"Ang bilis talaga ng balita," natatawang biro ko habang hinahagod ang batok ko. I
looked around and all I saw was people having fun.

"Kailan ang alis mo? Maybe we could catch the same flight." Narinig kong sabi ni
Tyrone.

I smiled and ignored that strange chilly feeling. Maybe I should stop drinking.

"Sa weekends," I told Tyrone.

"That's four days from now."

"Inaayos na ni Av ang passport at lahat ng kailangan ko." Since she became my

manager, she always do things like that for me. And it suited her well because of
her adept organizing skill.

"Zeke, did you know about it?" biglang sabi ni Nico sa likod ko.
I immediately froze on my seat, and I thought I felt my heart stopped for a second
before it hammered back to life. Kahit ngiti ko tumigas sa mukha ko.

Kanina pa ba siya nakatayo sa likod namin? Was he listening?

Sh*t! Akala ko ba hindi siya pupunta? Why was he here?

I tried to calm down. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng lingon ang gagawin ko, knowing Zeke
was standing behind me. Hindi ko tuloy nakita kung ano ang sagot niya, o kung
ano'ng itsura niya. But I'm pretty damn sure he wasn't so happy about the news.

"Ano'ng plano mo? Are you going with her?" tanong ni EJ kay Zeke, pero hindi ko pa
rin narinig ang sagot niya.

"He should," sinagot na ni Tyrone ang tanong para kay Zeke. But in my head, I
disagreed. Because Zeke would probably say other wise. He won't be coming with me,
dahil iiwan ko siya rito. At alam niya iyon.

"Excuse me," Zeke said behind me and I almost shuddered at the curious wave of
vibration his voice created strumming my nerves.

Even if I don't turn around, I know he was not behind me anymore. I felt him walk
away. Saka ko lang napakawalan ang hiningang pigil-pigil ko na pala.

Tyrone casted a questioning glance at me. "What was that?"

I just shrugged and made no answer, as if what happened was natural, na parang
normal lang sa akin na umaalis si Zeke na hindi ako kinakausap.

If only it was.

"VEE, WHAT ARE you doing hiding here?" Pumasok si Av ng banyo. "Kanina pa kita
hinahanap, andito ka lang pala."

"Just taking a fresh air."

"Well, you need to get out of here. Bakit mo ba inaaksaya ang oras mo dito?" Hinila
niya ako mula sa inuupuan kong lababo. I've been sitting on it for, I don't know...
30 minutes ever since Zeke came. Nagkulong na ako sa banyo. Ayoko lang siyang
makita. Just seeing him breaks my heart all over again.
"Do you want to go home? You look tired."

I sighed. Hindi pa naman masyadong lumalalim ang gabi. Isa pa, this would be the
last night I'd see Tyrone. Aalis na siya at ganoon din ako. So maybe I can stretch
my time to hang around.

"Give me an hour," sabi ko. An hour and then I would leave.

Tumango si Av bago lumabas ng banyo. Sumunod ako sa kanya. Alcohol, smoke, cologne
and sweat mingled altogether filling the air. Parang ang hirap na tuloy huminga sa
dami ng tao, and the party was not yet near to its end. Ang dami pang tao.

From the looks of it, marami na ang mukhang lasing. Iyong iba sumasayaw na sa
sobrang kalasingan. While ehe party was getting louder, the people was going
wilder.

My eyes wandered on its own volition, searching for that familiar frame and built.
I know I will be able to spot Zeke even in the dimmest part of the room. Bigla ay
may tumapik sa balikat ko.

"Where were you? I thought you already left." Nakasigaw na sabi ni Jack sa akin.

"Huminga lang sandali," I shouted back too.

He nodded and looked around us, particularly behind him. Napansin ko ang pag-aalala
sa kunot ng noo niya. He looked worried about something. And then he turned to me
and smiled nervously.

"Oh! Dumating din pala si Doug at ang iba." Bigla ay inaya niya akong sumama sa
kanyang lumapit kina Doug. I didn't mind, kahit na nagtataka ako sa kinikilos ni
Jack.

"Oh my God!" I heard someone gasped. Paglingon ko, nakita ko si Rica—ang pinsang
journalist ni EJ. She looked floored. Nagtaka ako lalo nang tumingin siya sa akin,
then her eyes got wider.

I realized hindi lang siya ang may ganoong tingin sa akin. Apparently, some eyes
were on me wearing the same... mortified look of shock.

Babalewalain ko sana iyon, but just then someone shouted. Maingay ang party,
idagdag pa ang napakalakas na tunog ng musika. But I heard what the shouter said:

You go, Zeke!

"Vee? Tara?" pukaw sa akin ni Jack. If someone could look so scared and worried
both at the same time, then Jack does. Pakiramdam ko tuloy parang mayroon siyang
tinatago sa akin.

Somehow, I felt what that is—or who it is.

"Where's Zeke?" tanong ko sa kanya na mas ikinaputla niya lalo, if that was even
possible in a hot crowded place like this. And it only confirmed my suspicion.

Jack was hiding something about Zeke.

Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya. I whirled around and went back to the thick
throng of people who were dancing insane. At hindi ako nagkamali.

Zeke was there—and he was not alone. He was dirty dancing with some bitch.

I snatched a breath as I watched their bodies that were practically grinding to

each other. Para akong pinako sa kinatatayuan ko. Even when I know it was the bitch
who was rubbing her body against his stoic one, at kahit na halos hindi gumagalaw
si Zeke para sumayaw, his hands were still holding her waist. And that still was
offensive for me. Bakit hindi niya tinutulak palayo ang babaeng iyon? Why wasn't he
doing anything?

I felt green. No, it wasn't because I feel sick. It was because I'm green with
jealousy. At hindi ko inakalang ganito kasakit ang magselos. Na tipong hindi ka
makahinga sa sobrang higpit ng kapit niya sa baga mo. This was too much...

I dropped my eyes and blinked rapidly to get rid of the sting. My breath was
getting shallow and fast and my throat was beginning to burn. Napahawak ako sa
dibdib ko.

Sh*t! Bakit ang sakit?

I took a staggering step back. Hindi ko na kayang panoorin ang nakikita ko sa harap
ko. I have to get out of here before he saw me watching. Mas mapapahiya lang ako.

I faced around and collided at someone and luckily, strong hands gripped my
shoulders before I stumbled and completely make a fool out of myself.

"You okay?" Concern laced Tyrone's voice as he held me steady. I could only stare
blankly at him. I wasn't feeling okay. I could never be.

Kung bakit ko pa naisip na pumunta sa party na 'to. It clearly didn't help me

breath just a little bit. It only made me feel more suffocated I could die from it.
"Come, let's find you a seat."

Sabay na hinawakan ni Jack at Tyrone and magkabilang kamay ko. Noon ko lang
nakitang kasama niya si Jack. I let them escort me somewhere. Inalalayan nila ako
hanggang sa nakahanap kami ng mauupuan.

Av went immediately beside me. Hindi niya ako tinanong kung ayos lang ako. Instead,
she just silently offered me her comfort.

Mabuti na lang at kaunting tao lang ang nakakita sa nangyari. Everyone seemed to be
enjoying the scene that they didn't even noticed me standing there. It was a
comfort too, for me. Ayokong kaawaan ng iba. No, I really don't need their pity. I
don't want it.

"Shouldn't you be pulling him out there?" asar na sabi ni Tyrone mayamaya. Kitang-
kita ko ang frustration niya. That almost made me smile, and cry. He's too
protective of me, bagay na ginagawa ni kuya dati. Pero ngayon, ang mga kaibigan na
niya ang gumagawa noon.

But ironic as it was, kaibigan at mismong best friend din ni kuya ang dahilan kung
bakit ako nasasaktan.

Umiling na lang ako bilang tugon sa kanya. I don't want to make a scene. Not when
he was openly flirting with that bitch. Ayoko.

I tried to hold onto the tears that was burning behind my retina. I don't want to
cry... not in front of these people. Ayokong magalit sila kay Zeke.

I know he was deliberately doing that... perhaps to hurt me, or to provoke me

because of what he heard earlier. I know I hurt him about my decision to fly away
to Italy. To race. Pero hindi ko naman alam na nakikinig siya, na pupunta pala
siya.

I also didn't plan on keeping it to him either. Sasabihin ko rin naman sa kanya ang
desisyon ko e, pero hindi sa ganoong paraan. It was out of proportion. I just
thought I needed time to tell him properly because I know he won't like it.

Pero tama si Av. I have to decide for my happiness. And my happiness is not here at
the moment. At kailangan ko munang hanapin ulit iyon.

"Don't tell me hahayaan mo lang si Zeke na maagaw sayo ng ibang babae?" ani Av sa
akin.

I almost laughed. Hindi ba nila nakikita? Gusto ni Zeke iyang ginagawa niya. At
wala akong balak na pigilan siya. If he wants to be a dickhead tonight, then it's
his choice.
I won't give him the satisfaction of seeing me affected and going mad just because
he was trying to fight me like this. I really don't.

Av started to shake her head in disbelief. "Parehong matitigas ang ulo ninyong
dalawa." She did an exasperated sigh.

"Ang mabuti pa, ihahatid na kita pauwi. Baka mabasag ko ang bungo ni Zeke sa
ginagawa niya," Tyrone said with barely contained anger and then he grabbed my arm.

"You don't have to," sabi ko at tinanggal ang kamay niya sa braso ko. "If I want to
go home, I can go home. I am not going to crumble down because of Zeke so you can
relax."

Tumayo ako ng maayos at huminga ng malalim. It was never good to lie, but
sometimes, you just have to for other people's sake. White lies, they say.

I may not crumble in front of them right now, but later, when I'm all alone with
mytears and my broken heart, I know I will.

"Saan ka pupunta?" pigil sa akin ni Av.

"Getting a drink."

Tyrone tsked. "If you want distraction, dancing is the best choice."

Hinila na niya ako bago pa ako makapagprotesta. We went back to the dance floor.
Hindi ko nakita si Zeke at ang malanding kasayaw niya pero nararamdan kong andoon
pa rin siya.

"Now put your hands on my shoulders," mahinang utos ni Tyrone.

Tinitigan ko siya. "Why?"

He smiled. "Because we are dancing."

"Tyrone, hindi slow dance ang bagay sa kantang 'to." It was an upbeat song and it
requires jumping and movements.

"So? Wala namang rules dito diba?"

I sighed resignedly and did as I was told. "Fine, whatever."

"May I?" Inilahad niya sa akin ang dalawang kamay niya na parang humihingi ng
permisong ipatong iyon sa katawan ko. That made me laugh.

"Yes, you may," I told him, saka ipinatong niya sa beywang ko ang mga kamay niya.

Tyrone wasn't really bad at entertaining, though I don't get why he thought dancing
was a better choice for distraction than drinking. Parang hindi lang talaga
gumagana sa akin ang pagsasayaw.

What if I go home? What if I leave now and let Zeke be swallowed by that bitch?

I gasped at the pain when something like a knife struck my chest at the thought of
two bodies lying naked on a bed.

"What is it? Naapakan ba kita?" Tumingin pa siya sa babapara tingnan kung naapakan
niya ako.

Umiling ako. "No... hindi naman. Ayos lang ako." I assured him with a smile, though
I felt a tremor ran along my spine from the imagine that was stuck in my head. It
was just imaginary, but the pain was real.

My God, but this pang in my chest was becoming an obsession.

"Leave me alone!"

My head whipped around because of that shout, at sinundan pa iyon ng nabasag na

bote. Alam ko kung kaninong boses iyon.

"Shit!" biglang mura ni Tyrone at mabilis na binitiwan ako. Umalis siya at may kung
sinong pupuntahan. I followed him, my heart was pounding hard against my ribs
because of the fear that was stirring inside me.

Every body was in static paralysis. Lahat nakatingin sa iisang direksyon, sa kung
saan patungo si Tyrone.

"What's happening?" Narinig kong tanong ni Tyrone kay Jack nang makarating kami sa
may pinakamataong lugar.

I moved inside the circle, and I saw Zeke. His head was bent resting on the table
while he had one bottle of beer on his other hand.

"He's wasted. Kailangan na natin siyang iuwi," ani Jack.

=================

Chapter ♠ 34

KISS OF SOUL

"GET YOUR HANDS off me," Zeke scowled at Doug who was trying to take away the beer
from his grip and I swear I saw Doug winced from it.

Mabilis na binitawan niya si Zeke at umiling habang nakatingin sa amin. Mission

Failed.

Sabay kaming bumontong hininga ni Jack. It was at least a good thing the party
resumed pretty fast after Doug and Tyrone pulled Zeke forcefully and took him here
outside. Makakabuti ang preskong hangin sa kanya, or so we thought.

"We should take him home." Nag-aalalang tinitigan ni Jack ang kaibigan. Zeke
looked dead drunk sitting on the waiting bench outside the building, his left hand
still held a bottle of beer that he was not even drinking.

"I will take him home," presenta ni Tyrone. Pero bigla ay gumalaw ang ulo ni Zeke.

"Don't even try," mariing banta niya saka tumayo. His gait was rather unsteady but
he kept his balance properly upright enough not to drop down the floor. "Kaya kong
umuwing mag-isa," aniya.

I jerked to catch him when his feet tripped against each other but Doug beat me to
it. Mabilis siyang nakarating kay Zeke at pinigilan ito sa pagkakabagsak.

"You obviously can't stand," sita ni Doug, "Let Ty drive you back."

Again, Zeke glared at him as he shrugged off his hands. "I will kill him if you
left him alone with me. Do you want that?"

Mariin akong pumikit. He's at it again, with his Tyrone thing.

He's been drilling Tyrone since we took him out here. Mabanggit lang ang pangalan
ni Tyrone, nanlilisik na ang mga mata niya. And he would always flash his sarcastic
smile everytime Tyrone talks. Tapos ngayon tatakutin niya ang mga kaibigan niya ng
ganoon?
Seriously, why was he so enraged with Tyrone?

"Kung ganoon," tumingin sa akin si Jack, "Vee, ikaw na lang ang maghatid dito."

Zeke looked at me and our eyes met. Iyon ang unang pagkakataong tinapunan niya ako
ng tingin simula nang lumabas kami ng party, and my heart trembled from the wave of
strong emotions that I know he could see in my eyes.

At isa na doon ang sakit.

Pero kahit pa nasasaktan ako dahil sa nasaksihan ko kanina, hindi ko pa rin

maiwasang hindi mag-alala sa kanya. I never saw him act like this.

"Kung ayaw mo..." Jack shrugged, "pwedeng ako na lang."

"Martha is pregnant," paalala ni Zeke kay Jack habang kumakawala siya kay Doug.
"Kailangan mong umuwi nang maaga."

Sa isang lasing, he's rather caring and concerned.

Kaya siguro nag-file ng leave si Martha dahil sa pagbubuntis niya. Hindi ko na siya
naabutan nang magsimula akong magtrabaho sa SMI.

"You all go back inside. I'm okay." Kumindat pa si Zeke sa mga kaibigan niya habang
naglalakad siya papunta sa kotse niya. He couldn't even walk in a straight line.

I sighed and followed him. Nakita kong nilabas niya ang susi ng kotse niya mula sa
bulsa niya. Inagaw ko iyon sa kanya at binuksan ang passenger seat.

"Dito ka."

Tinaasan niya ako kilay. Pero hindi siya nagreklamo at tahimik na sumakay. Napansin
kong dala pa rin niya ang beer niya kaya inagaw ko din pati iyon sa kanya.

I glared when he won't let go of it. But then he sighed and silently handed it over
to me, saka ko isinara ang pinto niya at ibinato ang beer sa kung saan.

"Ikaw na ang bahala sa kanya!" sigaw ni Jack sa akin habang kinakawayan naman ako
nina Tyrone at Doug.

I went inside and saw Zeke leaning down against the dashboard with his eyes closed.
Nahihilo siguro siya.
Pinaandar ko na lang ang sasakyan at binuksan ang bintana para makapasok ang hangin
sa loob. Baka mas mahilo pa siya sa aircon.

Tinext ko muna si Av bago kami umalis. Sinabi ko sa kanyang ihahatid ko si Zeke

pauwi at siya na muna ang bahalang umuwi ng kotse ko.

We traveled in silence. He always had his eyes shut at hindi ko tuloy alam kung
nakatulog na ba siya o nakapikit lang.

I let out a breath of relief. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko kapag kasamang
umalis ni Zeke ang babaeng kasayaw niya kanina. But I wasn't happy that he's like
this. He was downing alcohol like water.

Why was he doing this to himself? What was the point?

Kung tungkol ito sa pag-aaway namin, then he shouldn't be grieving like this. It's
pointless, because he was the one who put up a wall between us. Dapat nga siya ang
nagpa-party. He's close to being single now.

So why was he acting like someone who's nursing a broken heart?

AFTER A GOOD measure of thirty minutes of driving, nakarating din kami sa condo
niya. I helped him out of the car but he insisted to walk all by himself.

Hinayaan ko na lang siya at siniil ang sarili kong damdamin. I should get used to
his rejections by now, but I guess it wouldn't be anytime soon.

Matagal kaming nakarating sa condo niya. He was walking slowly, at palagi rin
siyang nabubuwal kaya madalas siyang tumitigil hanggang sa kaya na niyang maglakad
ng maayos.

"Fvcking elevators," he muttered when he entered the empty space. That made me look
at him.

He leaned against the wall while holding his eyes close.

I wanted to ask him what made him say that and ask him if he was okay, but the grim
expression on his face stopped me.

When the elevator pulled to a halt, narinig ko siyang bumuga ng malalim na hininga.
He's body shuddered.
"Are you okay?" I couldn't hide the worry in my voice. Nag-aalala talaga ako sa
kanya.

"Yeah," he grumbled shortly and walked out. 

He went slightly out-balanced pero mabilis din siyang nakahawak sa dingding ng

hallway. He shook his head as if trying to refocus his vision.

Nilapitan ko na siya at hinawakan sa braso. "Don't fight me," I told him when he
attempted to shake me off again. "Saka ka na magreklamo kapag naihatid na kita sa
condo mo."

Hindi na siya nagsalita nang akayin ko siya. I was a bit surprised that he was
letting me without putting much up a fight, but I was grateful that he didn't.

I felt him lean on me, naramdaman ko ang buong timbang niya sa balikat ko habang
nakaakbay siya sa akin. And for me, it didn't matter. I missed being this close to
him. Kaya kahit na nabibigatan ako sa kanya, I still carried him until we got
inside his condo. Ako ang nagbukas ng pinto niya dahil masyado na siyang hilo.

Pinaupo ko siya sa sofa niya at mabilis siyang nahiga doon.

Nagpakawala ako ng isang malalim na hininga dahil sa pagkawala ng mabigat na

timbang niya. He was heavy. Buti na lang hindi siya unconscious dahil mas bibigat
pa siya lalo at hindi ko siya kayang iakyat nang mag-isa.

Zeke stirred and sat up slowly. Humilig siya sa upuan at tumingala sa taas. "I feel
so drunk," he muttered as he pinched the bridge of his nose as if relieving some
tension in his head.

I almost laughed at him. "That's because you are drunk," sabi ko na lang habang
hinuhubad ang leather jacket ko saka itinali ang buhok ko. Naisip kong igawa muna
siya ng kape bago umuwi. That will help him sober.

I went to his kitchen and found his cup. And I stopped. Another cup was sitting
beside his—the cup I had been using when I was here. Andoon pa rin iyon.

It wrenched something out of my chest, something I haven't felt ever since that
night... the last night I was here.

And then, those feelings—almost like hope and happiness—were gone quickly when I
remembered his words that night. Words, when they were spoken out loud, they will
never be unsaid.

Sighing, I prepared his coffee. Zeke doesn't eat dessert but he has a sweet tooth.
He prefers his coffee black with two tea spoon of sugar.

I walked back to the living room holding the cup with my hand. Nadatnan ko si Zeke
sa ganoon pa ring puwesto.

"Here, drink this." Ipinatong ko ang baso sa coffee table niya. He made no move to
look at it or to open his eyes. Nanatiling nakatiklop ang mga pilikmata niya.

Well, if he won't drink that, it's okay. Bahala siya. Basta ako, tapos na rito.
It's getting late.

Kinuha ko ang jacket ko sa upuan at tinungo ang pintuan nang bigla siyang
magsalita.

"There you go again..." he brought his head up, opened his eyes and pinned me to my
spot, "walking in here," he finished.

His words made a jarring blow to my heart, it almost felt like a physical pain.

Lumunok ako. "I'm sorry if you feel I'm barging in. Kailangan ko lang maglakad para
ipagtimpla ka ng kape to help you get sober."

He looked at the coffee while shaking his head. "No, that's not what I meant."

I stared at him, lost. Then his eyes returned to me, but now they were not what
they were before.

Emotions—strong emotions—were showing, bursting like fireworks inside them,

catching me off guard and I suddenly felt like he can see right through me.

Slowly, he brought his hand up and I followed it until his finger pointed to his
chest. "Here," he said almost inaudibly, "you're walking inside here again."

Time slowed down. And stopped. I curled my fingers to stop myself from touching my
chest when I felt it convulsed.

"Why..." I whispered, "did I ever walked out?"

He met my challenging gaze. "Yes," he answered. "I pushed you out, didn't I?"

Hindi ako sumagot. I don't need to, because the answer was obvious. And I guess he
was pretty somber now. He can take care of himself.
"I'm leaving," paalam ko at tinungo ulit ang pinto.

"I heard..."

Napabaling ako sa sagot niya. Iba yata ang pagkakaintindi niya sa sinabi ko.

"Ang ibig kong sabihin, uuwi na ako."

His mouth tightened, but he kept quiet. He reached for the cup and took a sip, his
brows knitted together.

I watched him patiently, though I know I should be going. But I don't know. Hindi
ko alam kung bakit ayaw ko pang buksan ang pintuan niya at umalis.

After taking another sip, he downed it in one go and put the cup down heavily it
made a thumping sound. Pagkatapos ay tumayo siya at naglakad patungo sa akin.

"You don't have to see me out," sabi ko at hinawakan ang siradura ng pinto. I'd
rather he stay and take a rest.

But a hand shot out from behind me, preventing me from opening the door.

"Why did you let him touch you?" Zeke whispered behind me, his warm breath caressed
my neck.

Napakunot-noo ako habang iniisip kung ano ang ibig sabihin niya. And then something
clicked inside my head.

Was he jealous? Was that why he was acting like a prick at the party? Kaya ba siya
uminom at naglasing? Somehow I seem to understand why he reacts that way when he
hear Tyrone's name... but did he have to dance like that with someone else? I don't
get it.

"Do you mean Tyrone?" tanong ko na hindi pa rin humaharap sa kanya, at nakita kong
dumiin ang kamay niya sa pintuan. "Bakit, may masama ba doon?"

"It was offensive," he muttered.

I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. How  typical of him. "Well, I didn't feel
offended."

"I did," he said harshly, wanting me to understand what he was trying to tell me.
But I refuse to understand him, because that would mean reading between what he was
saying and what's not. And I am done assuming.

I sighed and clutched the knob. "Mukhang hindi ka na lasing. Siguro puwede na akong
umuwi."

Naramdaman ko ang marahas na paghinga niya sa likod ko. "You are not going anywhere
until you don't tell me why," mariin niyang sabi.

That made me turn around. "Why Zeke?" Inis na sinalubong ko ang tiim-bagang niyang
mukha. "Do I have to explain to you? I just simply danced with him. Is that a good
enough answer?"

Rage fired his eyes. He obviously didn't like my answer. But what the hell!

Sinalubong ko ulit ang mga mata niya. "What's so big deal about it? I just did what
you did. But unlike you, I didn't dirty danced with somebody."

He suddenly slammed his hands against the door that had me flinching, but I refused
to shrink back.

"Nagagalit ka? Bakit, wala na ba akong karapatang gawin iyon sa iba?" Tumaas na ang
boses ko dahil sa ginawa niya. He was displaying violence, and even though I know
he won't hurt me, he might hurt himself because of that anger. Lalo pa't nakainom
siya ngayon.

He cursed and backed away, pero bumaling uli siya sa akin, his eyes were burning.
"No one is allowed to touch you anywhere. Not in front of me. Not ever."

I gave a short laugh of disbelief. "Isn't that a form of chauvinism? Inequity

even?"

Unbelievable.

Napapikit ako at bigla ay bumalik sa akin ang mga nangyari kanina sa party—the girl
who was dancing beside Zeke as he held her waist, letting her touch him all over
his body. At kasabay noon ay ang sakit na dumagan sa dibdib ko noong mga oras na
iyon. How stupid I looked.

Bitter acid spread like wildfire in my blood as I glared at him. "I watched you,
Zeke. You were pretty heating up with that woman." 

I watched the fire in his eyes die. He looked back at me, stricken.

"If you want to hurt me, nagawa mo na. Ilang ulit pa. So please, spare me the
possessive boyfriend act. Tyrone didn't do anything wrong."

Mabilis siyang nakalapit sa akin. He wanted to touch me, hold me. I can see it in
his eyes. But he didn't.

A muscle in his jaw twitched as he contained his temper. "I danced with her because
I had to stop myself from doing drastic move and burn the whole place down."

I gasped, infuriated. "Are you mad? Bakit mo naman gagawin iyon?"

"Yes, I am mad!" pabalik niyang sigaw. "I'm going insane because of you!"

"Me?" I asked shaken. Hindi ko na nasusundan ang mga sinasabi niya. I watched him,
wondering, as he ran his hands frustratedly through his hair, ruffling it in a
disarray.

"I shouldn't feel jealous... but I do," aniya na mas lalong nagpagulo sa sa puso at
utak ko, quieting my fury. "I went mad seeing you with someone else, it pissed me
off. I wanted to rip his hands away from you. Fvck! I really wanted to kill him."

"Kung talagang ayaw mo, bakit wala kang ginawa?"

That made him halt and turn around, his eyes turned wistful—regretful and repentant
—as he looked at me. "Because I know I hurt you."

He knows. But he still hurt me every time.

Naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa ilalin ng mukha ko. He was tilting my face up and I
met his emotion-filled eyes.

"I tried to get you out of my head, but I couldn't. No matter how much I pushed you
out here," he pointed to his head, "you're stuck in here..." itinuro naman niya ang
dibdib niya.

Just then, I realized something: Zeke was trying to forget me. That's why he
tortured me with his silence treatment. He wanted to shove me out of his mind, even
if his heart doesn't want to.

Do I rejoice to that fact—that he was admitting he might at least have feelings for
me despite what he said that night?

I sighed as I imagined myself shaking my head. Fantasy... that was just fantasy.
And this is reality, where Zeke will always try to block me out.
I touched his chest where his heart lays and beats, and I smiled. "You don't have
to worry about that anymore," I said, "I'm leaving and you won't have to push me
away again."

For a split second, he stared at me with no words, and then fear flared in his
eyes.

"God dammit!" he growled and before I could have the chance to think, he was
gripping the back of my head holding me in place and covered my mouth with his in a
fervent kiss.

It wasn't gentle or tender. It was hard, punishing—but I didn't feel near being
punished. It was bittersweet—because this kiss was me saying goodbye.

A whisper of tear trailed down my face, and he must've felt it because he was soon
moving away. Naguguluhang tinitigan niya ako.

"Did you already forget what you told me?" Tinanong ko siya. "Zeke, you don't kiss
someone who mirrored your sin."

He cupped my face so gently it was breaking me apart. "Even if it felt right?"

Mariin niyang pinagdikit ang mga labi niya nang tumango ako bilang tugon. I just
can't open my mouth because I have a feeling that I might give him an answer that I
will regret later.

"I guess I finally drove you away, didn't I?" He smiled but it didn't reach his
eyes. He caressed my face, my jaw, and stopped just as he dropped that sad smile.
"You finally hate me now, that's why you're leaving, right?"

My heart clenched. 

No. I'm leaving because I want you to find yourself, not because of me, but because
you. I want you to heal all by yourself... because that's when you'll find your
true purpose.

I stared at him and screamed those words with my eyes. But he wouldn't hear them.
And he wouldn't be able to read them either.

"Why, Zeke? Do you really want me to hate you?"

Strong fingers tightened under my jaw. "What I want is your kiss," he rasped, then
his thumb stroked the curve of my bottom lip.

Nahigit ko ang hininga ko sa nababasa ko sa mga mata niya. He wasn't only asking me
to kiss him—he was asking for more.

Heal me. Find me.Love me.

I don't know if I can give it to him. Love, yes... he already have that from me.
But I can't heal him nor find him. Hindi ako ang makakagawa noon kun'di ang sarili
niya.

"Kiss me, Victoria."

And I saw it happen—the shift in his gaze. Heat flared in his eyes, and the tension
thickened around us. He was still stroking my jaw with gentle fingers that was
bringing my resolve down.

Just a kiss... just a kiss, Vee, and say goodbye.

With a breath of surrender, I closed my eyes as I saw a glimpse of his descending

head and I let him take my lips and kiss me in the most serene kiss I've ever felt.

Perhaps I can't give him the cure to his soul, but I will try... I will try to give
him a kiss that could heal his heart and his soul, and let the fate take its own
course. 

=================

Chapter ♠ 35

WARNING: SPG

----💋----

GOING TO LOVE YOU

MAYBE THIS IS WRONG. Perhaps I'm letting myself be duped. Masokista nga siguro yata
ako dahil hinahayaan ko ang sarili kong makaramdam kahit na sa bandang huli, alam
kong masasaktan ako.

Pero kahit na ano pang pigil ko sa nararamdaman ko, kahit magalit ako sa kanya,
kahit na nasaktan ako dahil sa kanya, hindi magbabago ako nararamdaman kko para kay
Zeke. Mahal ko pa rin siya. I will always love him no matter how much he hurt me.

Ganoon siguro ang kapag nagmahal ka, kailangan mo ring masaktan. You love and you
get hurt. But even if you fell apart and let your heart broke in pieces, the
feelings won't go away. It will stay until you finally let go of the pain. Saka mo
lang mapapakawalan ang pagmamahal na iyon kapag hindi ka na nasasaktan.

Letting out a little sigh of pleasure, I yielded to the firm pressure of his lips
and let my lips part slightly.

His tongue swept inside, claiming my mouth demandingly all at ounce with
unhesitancy. I tasted alcohol in him, mixed with something earthy and masculine
that was all him. They made me feel weak.

My arms moved on their own to hang onto him before I let myself fall. My hands
clasped behind his neck and my knees trembled as I melted into him.

I felt his body shuddered when our bodies touched. And he moved to whisper in my
ear. "You're the only woman who can make me feel like this, Victoria. You're a
minx."

I know what that feels. Zeke was the only man who can make me feel this jitters
with every touch of his hands, he can make my stomach squirm by the way he kiss my
lips. The sparks fly when he's near me and I don't think I could feel that with
someone else. I don't want him to forget me. I don't want him to speak another
woman's name.

No, I don't think I can see a future without him. Siya lang ang lalaking minahal ng
puso ko, mula noon hanggang ngayon. My sixteen-year-old heart fell in love with him
and so does my twentysix-year-old heart.

My breath became heavy and I was nearly panting. His nearness was doing lots of
constriction in my lungs. Air was difficult to breath in but I wasn't near
suffocated. His scent was a wonderful delight assauging my senses.

Driven by yearning and longing, I curled my hands around his neck and tried to
catch a wiff of his scent. His essence. I want to keep it, remember it. And the
more I took him in, the stronger the reality was sinking in deep.

Zeke was here. With me. Now. And he was not fighting me, he wasn't pushing me away.
He was holding me close to him, as if he was asking me to stay.

But that was just a wishful thinking.

I quickly shut down the lid on that part of my head before it took over me.
Like this... the bitterness of the past few days was lessening. Like this, the hurt
was washing away. And I only wanted this, just for tonight, I want to take what is
not going to be mine.

Feeling a little bit lightheaded, I pressed my lips in his neck and kissed that
spot between his ear and neck snagging a deep breath out of him.

"Fvck!" he hissed appreciatively. And that made me feel bolder.

I flicked my tongue out to taste his skin that looked so tempting to me. And that
earned a growl rumbling his chest.

I smiled against his skin and tasted him again, this time letting my tongue linger
just a bit longer. Salty. Warm. Sweet. And addictive. I can't seem to get enough of
him.

"Bite me," he gritted harshly against my ear, his guttural voice vibrating through
me.

I pressed more into him and gently nipped at his skin, sucking it a little, taking
more of his scent, tasting its flavor into my mouth.

He shuddered beneath my palms, against my body, and it was a wonderful feeling that
I can elicit such pure reaction from him. It made me feel more feminine. And
powerful.

Suddenly, he took my hands away from his neck and pinned them against the wall
behind me, to either side of my head. And without warning, he kissed me with such
intensity, taking full control of the kiss.

I responded to his kiss with equal passion. I tangled my tongue with his as he took
the kiss into another level it was making my head spin.

One moment, we were arguing, hating each other, and now, we seemed so ready to tear
each others clothes off.

But this was better than arguing. Much better than the distance the past was
creating between us. This close, I could feel the emotions he wanted to hide, hear
the words he couldn't seem to say. And I wanted all of that—I want him like this,
not holding bars.

I moaned when he's hands began exploring my body through the fabric of my dress. I
didn't realize he already let go of my hands and I found them curling against his
hips, as if I was holding on for dear life.

Shiver travelled all over my body down to my toes when his fingers traced along my
spine. It was a rapturous feeling that made my toe curl against the floor.

Zeke seemed to understand my reaction because he did it again, and it made me

tremble in earnest. I felt like a string being strummed by a skillful fingers.

Unwantedly, pictures of Zeke and a woman dancing at the party came up inside my
head. It made me gripped his hips harder, my fingers digging against his shirt.

I pulled him closer, wanting to feel more of him, all of him. I wanted to erase the
memory inside my head. Erase all the traces of that woman on him. But I just don't
know how.

As if he could read my mind, he brought his hands down to cup my bottom and lifted
me to press my body into his.

The full-on contact from chest to thigh made it impossible for me to ignore that
unmistakable evidence of his desire that was pressing into me intimately with its
impressive length and hardness. It felt too overwhelming I couldn't suppress a
needy whimper into his mouth.

How could this feel so good? How could I feel so out of control already? We aren't
even naked yet.

My heart felt ready to explode. If this is what his kiss could do to me, then I
will never going to survive what was to come.

Sensing his need to touch me as much as I did, I allowed myself to melt into him in
a surrender. And was that really surrender at all, or a victory? Because I
certainly felt like I was winning.

And then I suddenly felt being lifted. Zeke was swinging me up in his arms and I
felt him walking, though his mouth never left mine.

He was still kissing me even when he was lowering me down onto a bed, his heavy
body covering mine.

Breaking the kiss, I stared at him staring at me, proof of his desire pressed into
my stomach.

"Zeke..." my voice came out raspy, asking, even though I know what was going to
come next.

His eyes turned somber. Was he really drunk or awake all this time?

"Just tell me if you want me to stop, and I will," he said in an underatanding.

He lifted his body away from me, and I suddenly felt bereft of him. Without any
thought, I touched his waist and brought him back to me.

"Victoria..." He said my name like a question.

I touched his lips and shook my head. "No talking, Zeke. Just kiss me." And let me
love you for the last time before I let you go.

But those words were better off unsaid. Because I don't want to ruin the moment.
This magic.

A harsh growl vibrated deep in his chest and claimed my lips once again. He took
the kiss into something wildly carnal as he thrust against me, his essence
surrounding me.

I felt the heated moisture between my legs and I spread them, seeking more of him.
But our clothes were preventing me from getting close to him as I wanted to be. I
want nothing between us. Not even a scrap of fabric.

So I tilted my pelvis and grind against him. Sensation unlike anything I've ever
known hit my nerve bundles, making my womb clench.

He made a sound of satisfaction as he continued to kiss me. Naramdaman ko ang

maiinit niyang kamay na tinataas ang damit ko, my jacket was long lost along the
way and I don't really mind. I helped him het out of his clothes too.

He took a sharp breath when he took off my bra, completely exposing my mounds to
his heated eyes. I felt hot, embarassed, and naked before him. I never had a man
look at me like this, it was so intimate and so open.

My heart seemed so ready to jump out of my chest, my breath was growing ragged, but
I wasn't scared. I want to drown in him.

He came back and kissed me again, taking his time, kissing my mouth, my face, my
neck. And then his warm big hands were there, gently cupping my brëästs.

He knew exactly how to touch me, playing with my brëästs and teasing my nïpplës
into turgid aching nubs that had my back arching off the mattress.

Pero hindi siya tumigil doon. Zeke seemed to know intimate secrets about my body
that only a lover knew.

He caressed my inner thigh, the back of my knee, that spot in the center of my
back, my nape, and I was already passed the point of thinking about rationality and
irrationality. Every kiss, every caress almost felt like an aphrodisiac drugging my
body.

I writhed underneath him, silently begging for more, to tell him to end this.But he
was taking his time so leisurely. He came down and I watched his head tracing a
kiss down to my chest and onto my mounds.

His eyes came up to look at me just before he opened his mouth and flicked his
tongue out to taste one nïpplë. My body shuddered at the pleasure spiraling down to
my core that had me squeezing my thighs, his body still in between me.

He rewarded me with another flick of his tongue before he took a nub inside his
mouth and suckled it like a starved man. He lavished my brëästs until I was arching
like a bow against him.

"Zeke..." my voice sounded pleading. The center of my body was aching and I don't
know how to relieve it.

And then Zeke pulled away, leaving me aching still. But my protests died on my
mouth when his hand came down and started to unbuckle his belt.

Gusto ko siyang sabayan, I want to move my hands to stop them from touching him and
pulling him back. I started to unbutton my pants.

"Leave it," saway niya sa akin. "I want to take it off myself."

My throat dried out, but I still swallowed as I laid there and watched him strip.
May kung ano siyang ibinato sa kama, and from the dim light, I suspect it was a
condom.

Tinahip ng malakas na tambol ang dibdib ko. Because seeing that was making
everything seem more so real. Naramdaman kong inaatake na ako ng mga tanong. Doubts
were bulldozing my head, and my heart was trembling.

Zeke crawled back to me. Nakita niya siguro ang mga iniisip ko sa mukha ko. He
cupped my face and looked at me. "Hey, we don't have to do this if you're not
ready," he told me.

He seemed so sure, so ready to let me get away, but there were strain along the
line of his mouth. I looked down his boxers shorts and I realized why. He was still
hard, and the ache inside me intensified.

This isn't a matter of life and death. But this for me, was precious. An oxygen I
needed to breath. A matter of choice. A matter of love and hope. A night that I
could bring with me forever.
Kung may lalaki akong pagbibigyan ng sarili ko, ng buong puso ko, si Zeke iyon. He
owns my heart from the very start, my mind, body and soul... And tonight, he will
have me completely. Just as I can have him. Complete or not.

So I kissed him and it was a millisecond of hesitation before he kissed me back.

Later, he was pulling my jeans off my hips. Tinulungan ko siya sa pagtanggal no'n.
But still, he took his time removing my wet underwear.

And then, instead of covering me with his body like I expected, he surprised me
when he pressed my thighs wide apart. I trembled from the hot, appraising look he
had as he stared at me intimately, so darkly.

I feel so embarassed that I had to turned my face away. Nag-iinit ang pisngi ko.
Now, I am completely naked from head to toe. But he brought my face back to look at
him.

"Don't look away from me," he whispered, "I want to see your face when I make love
to you."

And then he kissed me just as he began to touch me down there with his careful
fingers.

"Fvck!" he hissed when he found me soaking. "You're so wet. So beautiful," he

grumbled approvingly.

His mouth abandoned my mouth, his tongue trailed down past my ribs, over my belly,
pausing for one torturous second over my curls before kissing me where his fingers
had just been.

I gasped and almost jerked off the bed from the heat of his mouth on me. My hands
were gripping the sheets.

I didn't expect that. I wasn't prepared he would do that. And most shockingly, I
didn't know how good it would feel to have his mouth on me.

Then he flicked out his tongue and a long, low moan escaped my throat. It was so
hot and thick and so good I had to lick my dry, parched lips.

"You need to stop," I said in a harsh whisper. But I don't really want him to stop.
I like what he was doing. But it was making me feel embarrass and out of breath.

But he kept at me, lapping and stroking up and down, in and out, his hand teasing
my nïpplës, his nose tickling my clït.
"Zeke, stop..." I grasped his hair, and bit my lips. The pressure was getting
harder and the tension continued to build higher and higher inside me.

Heels digging into the mattress, I tried to back away and push his head because I
couldn't handle the pressure.

But he didn't go anywhere and that was when everything exploded. My legs tensed, my
back bowing off the bed, my breath stopped, and I moaned silently as I came on his
mouth, gripping his head and grinding every last drop of pleasure out of my orgasm.

I fell back, gasping for breath, my legs trembling as he pulled away. But with
barely a pause, Zeke started to slide his fingers in my quivering flesh, fueling up
my body even more.

"Zeke," I shivered. I don't think I can do it all over again. It was too much.

But he kept on pressing, gently pushing against the barrier. He rubbed carefully,
pressing, always pressing. Then there was the dull ache. A small tolerable pain
that caused my breath to stop for a little bit.

He continued to kiss my neck and my chest as he dampen the ache. His thumb pressed
against my clït and all thoughts of pain flew out of my head.

I let out a long moan as I felt the stunning pleasure starting to build again, my
breath coming out chappy, my throat running dry, anticipation burn inside me
knowing what it would lead to.

My body went rigid with tension as he pressed through the barrier. I still felt the
sting of pain, but somehow it was natural, and the pleasure he was creating inside
me was making it bearable.

Higher and higher, I was climbing, and then I was bursting again for another
orgasm. It gripped me hard making my body jerk and shudder at the same time.

God! Another orgasm and I think I'd die.

But Zeke was not yet done. My womb was still quivering from that toe-curling
ecstasy when he drew his hand away. I heard a him opening a pack of foil and some
seconds later he was holding my legs, bending and spreading them wider as he looked
into my eyes, his own so wildly intense and dark.

"Now, I'll make you mine," he said with such determination, as though he was
marking me.
I opened my mouth but I didn't reply. I couldn't say anything because I know the
truth of tonight. I couldn't face the fact that he can't make me his. And come
tomorrow, this dream would end.

He moved between my legs, not breaking his eyes away from me. I bit my lips when I
felt his steel-like hardness pushing inside me, stretching me, filling me slowly,
gently. He was much thicker and bigger than his fingers had been inside me. Hotter
and warmer.

"Stay still," he groaned and held my waist back when my hips strained instinctively
towards him as I accomodate his length and girth. "I want to make this good for
you."

The muscles in his arms were bulging from the tension of holding back his obvious
need.

"Zeke, you don't have to hold back," I said and tilted my pelvis to him, pushing
him inside me a bit. I want to give him the same pleasure he gave me. Wantonly.

He gritted his teeth, his jaw clenching, trying to contain his control. "I need
to."

Zeke leaned down and placed the gentlest of kisses on my lips as he started to rock
his hips, going deeper with each small thrust.

Our gazes remained locked, making the connection something more than just physical.
I loved this man with my whole heart and making love to him was stealing my heart.

And then he pushed in with one hard stroke that forced the air out of my lungs. The
pain was still there, but it was impossible not to get hurt when he was just so
big.

Zeke stopped, his eyes closed, his jaw clenching, as he fought for control. "Fvck,
you're so tight. You feel so good around me."

"Zeke..." was all I can say. I can feel him buried deep inside me, big and
throbbing. The sensation of not only being joined to him, but completely filled by
him washed over the pain, causing the swell of tears in my eyes.

Then he shifted and started to move again, starting a careful, steady rhythm. Each
stroke of his hard flesh was creating a new type of pleasure, very different from
the first.

This, for me, felt so intimate and primal that I could do nothing but moan and meet
each of his thrust. But soon, it was not enough.
I gripped his arms, bit my lips, and silently begged him for more. But he was
keeping it steady still.

I couldn't hold it in. "More, Zeke, please..." I cried out. The steady pressure of
his pounding rhythm was killing me. I couldn't stand it.

Instead of going faster, he brought his hand down between us and pressed my clït
with his thumb. And that's when my third orgasm hit me hard and tight. But he
wasn't done yet, though.

"Fvck!" he growled and then he kneeled, swung my trembling legs to his shoulder and
started moving again, thrusting harder, faster, surging inside me, filling me
beyond comprehension.

It wasn't merely my body he filled, but my heart and mind until I could not breathe
without breathing him in, could not think without thinking of him, could not feel
without feeling him.

Something moved in his gaze as another orgasm came over me in a wave of such
intense pleasure, it bordered on pain that left me gasping.

I watched him as his eyes drifted close,mouth opened, his head thrown back as his
erection paused inside me, pulsing. And then his orgasm joined mine, his shouts
mingling with my silent scream. Our bodies tightly connected in a shuddering, mind-
shattering passion.

It was the most amazing feeling where fantasy dissolved and reality vanished. All
that mattered was now. No matter the cause, Zeke and I was one at this moment in
time.

I couldn't breathe... or think. I could only feel and it was too much. Too intense
and yet I never wanted it to end.

But something this big has to end, or it will kill me. I was sure of it.

Pulling out of me, Zeke moved around on the bed, took care of the latex and came
back. He laid beside me and reached for me. He tucked me into his side, his arm
going around me, and yanked up the blanket over us.

I wanted to say something, but I felt too tired, spent and sated. The room was
fading even as I hear Zeke whispering words next to my ear.

And as I closed my eyes, I thought I felt rested better than I did after two
sleepness night. And so I let myself sleep beside the man I could never unlove—the
man who can only make my body, mind and heart feel at peace.
THEY SAY THAT a satisfied man fall asleep fast.

Like hell they do.

But then, I wasn't really a man satisfied. Sated, maybe. But never satisfied.

It was already dawn but I'm still wide awake, lying next to a sleeping beauty. She
was exquisite, with her hair in a sexy mess, her mouth half-closed, her chest
moving shallow in steady breathes. She looked so serene lying here beside me.

This is the kind of picture I want to see right before I closed my eyes and after I
opened my eyes. To see this face, to be with in her reach. And it will happen if I
don't mess this up.

Tonight was a special night that both of us shared and this will be a night that
will forever live in my memory. Every curves, every swell, every sighs and moans...
they're all in my head.

But I couldn't rub the look on Victoria's face as she stared at me with those
beautiful dark, doe eyes. As she kissed me... it felt like she was saying goodbye.

I grimaced at the bitter taste rising in my tongue. It was my fault she was
leaving. I fvcking messed up, big time! Everything was my fault, and I still hurt
her despite knowing that.

But goddammit! She's here! She's with me. And I can't mess up again. I can't let
this slip away.

I can make her stay. I need to make her stay... and maybe I can give her the ring.
Maybe then, she will not leave.

But I know it was not that easy.

Victoria wanted something from me more than the ring. She want me—the whole me. And
if I give that to her, I know I will make her the happiest girl, than a ring could
offer.

But first, I have to start at some place.

=================

Chapter ♠ 36

BAD NEWS

NAGISING AKO MULA sa kalabit na naramadaman ko. It was nice waking up today. For
once, hindi mugto ang mga mata ko at walang iniindang sakit ang ulo ko.

I opened my lids and sunlight streaming from the window greeted my view.

Weird. Hindi nakaharap sa akin ang bintana ng kuwarto ko.

A soft sigh that was coming from behind me told me I am not alone in this foreign
room.

My sleepy-dazed eyes widened when the realization hit my lagger-head.

I am not in my room! I'm in someone else's!

Drat!

I shifted and I became aware of the heavy arm lying around my waist and a masculine
leg twisted along my legs. Heat burned my cheeks when I felt something hard
cradling my behind. And that basically answered the questions probing my morning-
hazed brain.

I slept with Zeke last night.

Napapikit ako and I waited for the wave of regret to wash over me, or for the worst
to come. But nothing. If there's anything I feel now, it's contentment and
complacency. 

For everything that happened last night, my broken heart swelled in happiness from
it—except I don't feel broken at all.

Sighing, I turned around carefully to face Zeke. Sinalubong kaagad ako ng mainit
niyang hininga. Alcohol lingered in his breath and I was reminded of how drunk he
was last night.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Was he drunk when he made love to me?
I mentally shook my head at my own question. Hindi siguro. How he made love to me
told me he was all but drunk. The gentleness of how he took my virginity, the look
in his eyes as he moved inside me. He took care of me and gave me pleasure before
he took his own and that's something no drunken man could give and share.

Bigla ay nag-init ang pisngi ko. Memories of last night were like a fever in my
head, burning me...

Marahas kong ipinilig ang ulo ko. Thoughts like that are dangerous, especially when
I'm lying under this covers stark naked with an aroused male flesh. Totoo pala ang
sinasabi nila tungkol sa morning hard-on. I always thought it as overrated.

I sighed. I should get up. As much as I wanted nothing but stay here with him and
cuddle, I know I can't. I need to leave. Besides, kailan ko pang pumasok ng maaga
sa opisina.

Planting a soft kiss on Zeke's pouting mouth, I carefully removed his arm and leg
from me and got out of bed.

He didn't move as much as twitch. Siguro ay talagang napagod siya kagabi.

Tumayo ako at napangiwi sa kirot na naramdaman ko sa pagitan ng mga binti ko.

Damn, but it stung!

I tried to walk against the muscles that were aching in some places of my body that
I didn't pay attention before.

Pinulot ko isa-isa ang mga damit ko at hinanap ang cell phone ko. There were 12
missed calls at walong unread messages. Iyong iba, galing kina Ty at Jack asking
about Zeke at karamihan ay galing kay Av.

Shacks! I forgot to call her last night.

Tatawagan ko na sana siya nang bigla siyang tumawag. Without thinking twice, I
answered her call—and wished I didn't. Because what she said only made all of these
seem more temporary than it already was.

"YOU'RE STILL HERE..."

Napalingon ako mula sa piniprito kong sausage at itlog para tingnan ang boses na
iyon sa likod ko.
Zeke stood in the kitchen wearing a rumpled shirt that looks like he threw it on
without finesse and a pair of boxers.

In some other circumstances, I would find him hot and sexy. But with the odd
expression on his face right now as he looked at me, I was more concerned and
bothered than feeling hot.

He looked so lost and... anxious. Almost like he's scared. His eyes were wide
opened, his lips were parched and pale like the rest of his face. He looked grey.

"Hey, are you okay? Are you sick?" tanong ko sa kanya saka pinatay ang electric
stove.

Hindi kaya may hangover siya dahil sa dami ng nainom niya kagabi?

He nodded slightly and leaned a hand against the wall. "Fvcking shit," marahang
sabi niya habang nanghihinang humilig sa dingding.

He obviously was not okay.

Nilapitan ko siya para hilahin paupo sa isa mga stool ng kitchen isle niya, pero
bigla ay siya ang humila sa akin at ikinulong niya ako sa isang mahigpit na yakap.

"Zeke... ayos ka lang ba?" I tentatively put a hand on his back and rubbed it
trying to ease whatever he was feeling.

"No," he rasped, his voice thick from emotions choking him. Lumayo siya sa akin
para tingnan ang mukha ko. He cupped my face and without a word, he leaned down and
kissed me. It was a quick kiss, but long enough to feel his desperation in it. His
fear. And the relief from the way his body shuddered.

"I woke up and you were gone. I thought you left me," he said as he held my face,
his forehead pressed in mine.

"I'm sorry kung nagising kita. I just thought I'd prepare some food for your
hangover."

"No, hindi mo ako nagising. I woke up because I didn't like the feeling when I felt
the other side of my bed empty. I didn't like finding you gone."

I pulled away, scared he might hear the secrets my head was screaming.

"I wasn't really thinking of leaving wearing your shirt on," I teased to disguise
the sadness lying in my voice. Then he looked at me like he was just realizing I
was wearing the black shirt he was wearing last night.

He frowned. "Do I look that hot last night?"

I felt a smile as I rolled my eyes. "Nice try," I said and pulled him to the table.
"Kumain ka na lang diyan. Pinagluto kita ng breakfast. Inumin mo na rin iyang kape
mo bago lumamig. May pain killer na rin diyan kung masakit ang ulo mo."

He looked at the food with a frown of interest. And then he pursed his lips. "To be
honest, I was not really drunk last night." Napalingon ako sa kanya. "I was tipsy,
but not drunk. I remember what happened. Everything," he confessed.

"Hindi ka lasing?"

He sighed. "I wanted to be. Kaya ako pumunta sa party. But I sobered up pretty fast
when you drove me home. I intended to talk to you last night with a clear mind."

He then smiled and said, "But I'm alright with this. Thanks." Umupo na siya at
nagsimula nang kumain.

I stifled a sigh of relief, that he did not push with the subject he was obviously
inclining on. He probably didn't want to ruin this morning by opening a can of
worms.

"Hindi mo ba ako sasabayan?" tanong niya nang mapansin niyang wala akong kinakain.

Umiling ako. "I need to freshen up. Kailangan kong pumasok nang maaga sa opisina."

Tumayo na ako para umalis. Pero pinigilan ako ng isang kamay niya.

He pulled me close to him until I fell into his lap. Tinitigan niya ako nang may
kahulugan sa mga mata niya. I caught my breath as he showed me a window to his
soul--his marred and untamed soul.

"I'm really glad you stayed."

My smile was strained for trying to hold up my tears at bay. Niyakap ko siya para
maitago ko ang pamamasa ng mata ko.

"Kumain ka na. Sasabayan din kita pagkatapos ko," sabi ko at tumayo na.

I need to get away, bago pa magbago ang isip ko at bumigay sa gusto at sinasabi ng
puso ko.
Last night, I let myself follow what it says... what it wants and I took it. The
previous night would probably be the chapter of my life that I will always read and
go back to.

But sadly, a night of passion doesn't fix the problem. It doesn't make things okay
like nothing happened.

Reality bites hard.

ZEKE PULLED in front of my apartment. It was past seven and I only have less than
an hour to prepare.

"You sure you don't want me to wait for you?"

Umiling ako. "Hindi na. Andiyan naman iyong kotse ko. Besides, baka ma-late ka pa
sa appointment mo."

A forlorn look flashed in his eyes before it was masked with a smile. "It's been
years since I visited him and I shouldn't probably keep him waiting." Then he
leaned in and caught my unguarded lips in an unerring precision. Even after last
night, I still feel surprised every time he kiss me.

"I'll see you in the office later."

Tumango lang ako at tinanggal ang seatbelt ko. But right before I opened my door,
Zeke stopped me by taking my arms.

"Last night..."

Napatitig ako sa kanya. Kumakabog ang dibdib ko habang hinihintay ko ang susunod na
sasabihin niya. It was the first time he mentioned it since he woke up.

"We need to talk about it," aniya sa seryosong tono.

Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya sa braso ko. "Zeke," I said. But stopped. How can I
tell him that I have to go? That I have to leave tomorrow? Would he understand?

"I'm not saying right now," he clarified. "I have to sort things out first, and
then we will talk and settle things down. I want to tell you something."
Tumango ako. "Ako rin, may kailangang sabihin sayo." I don't know if I was doing
the right thing, but he knows I'm leaving. He doesn't have to compromise because I
already made up my mind.

"I'll find you in the office, okay?"

I nodded in silence. Pinakawalan na niya ang braso ko at lumabas na ako ng kotse

niya. He waited until I was safe inside.

Standing beside my window, I watched him go and disappeared with my stinging eyes.

It wouldn't be too bad to cry right now. At least it will help my eyes run dry and
I could only hope there won't be anymore tears left by the time I bid my farewell
out loud.

Naalala ko ulit ang mga sinabi sa akin ni Av habang tinutungo ko ang mac book ko.

"You have to leave tomorrow. Lahat ng qualifiers, darating bukas para sa isang
grand opening sa Friday. And then by Saturday, Avesto well hold the vouching. You
need to go."

"Pero paano ang trabaho ko sa SMI? Hindi pa ako nakakapagpaalam." I even protested
because I was planning to leave with a proper resignation. I don't want my team to
think that I am dropping them off just like some hot potato. May obligasyon ako sa
kanila. I'm part of the team.

But it is what it is.

I have a choice, I know. But my only other option was not to go.

And was that a better option? To stay?

I'm not sure anymore.

With a sigh, I closed my eyes as I shut my mac book off. I already send my
resignation letter via email. Ang sabi ni Av, na-notify na raw ang HR tungkol sa
pag-alis ko at magbigay na lang daw ako ng resignation letter.

It was just less than a month since I started working in SMI. It was a short
stay... pero masaya ako sa naging trabaho ko at sa lahat ng mga nakilala ko.

I hope they will accept me when I come back.

And I hope too that when that time comes—when I return—Zeke is whole again. Gusto
kong mahanap niya ang sarili niya hindi para sa akin, kun'di para sa sarili niya. I
don't want him to ever feel so alone.

He has to find himself, heal on his own. At alam kong magagawa niya iyon. And then
maybe, he will find it in himself to forgive himself, and his father. And if he
truly, honestly feel something for me, if he loves me, then he will come back to
me. He will find me.

Because I will be waiting for him. And it is a promise.

But right now, this is my orange stoplight. I need to close this chapter of my life
and end it with this race, throw a checkered flag into it. It's time I have to cut
my brother's dream and start driving my own destiny and give it a green light.

IT WAS ALREADY quarter to ten when I arrived at the office. Everyone looked sullen
and depressed.

Maaraw naman at hindi maulan. So why do people look like it has been raining for
seven days in a row? Kahit sa department namin, halos kapareho na ng mukha ng mga
tao sa ibaba ang itsura ng mga ka-team ko.

Hindi kaya nalaman nila ang tungkol sa pag-alis ko?

That was a ludicrous assumption. Bakit naman sila magmumukhang nagdadalamhati nang
dahil sa akin? It's not like I am the president who pays their work or something.
Isa pa, hindi pa ako nagtatagal rito ng isang buwan para maka-close ko ang lahat ng
tao rito.

So what's with the depressing atmosphere?

"Vee?" Gulat na tinitigan ako ni Ian habang lumalapit siya sa akin. "Bakit nandito
ka?"

That made me frown. "Bakit, saan ba dapat ako?"

"I heard about the news." He pointed me a knowing look that says he knew what
secret I've been trying to hide. "You're supposed to be preparing for your flight
tomorrow."

I almost groaned. I forgot he was a racer too.

"Relax," ngiti ko. "I just came to grab my stuff."

"Aalis ka na raw." Malungkot na tumabi din sa amin si Yanie. "Bakit ang bilis naman
ng pag-alis mo?"

"Kailangan e."

"Vee, kapag nandoon ka na, ilampaso mo silang lahat!" sigaw ni Keith sa sulok.
"Ipakita mo sa kanila ang bangis nitong pinaghirapan natin."

Yeah. It would be a great pride of mine to race using the car we've been working on
for how many days and nights.

"Does Zeke know about this?" seryosong tanong ni Ian at mabilis na sumimangot si
Yanie sa kanya. I caught Craig's sad expression and it made me tick.

"Hindi," iling ko, "hindi pa siguro alam ni Zeke. Pero malalaman din niya kapag
nandito na siya." Or maybe he knew already. Who knows. He's the president after
all.

Ian shook his head gravely. "He won't probably show up today."

"What do you mean? May business trip ba siyang pupuntahan ngayon?" Paano na iyong
sinabi niya? He said we will talk. I need to tell him about tomorrow.

"Hindi mo alam?" nagtatakang tanong no Yanie.

"Ang alin?"

Ian and Yanie exchanged looks I didn't understand and I didn't like.

"Ian, anong ibig mong sabihin? Bakit hindi pupunta si Zeke ngayon dito?"

Ian drew a heavy breath. "Zeke won't be here. He won't even think about the company
after the accident."

Naguguluhang tiningnan ko silang lahat. "Why, what happened? Anong accident?"

"His dad had a massive heart attack," sagot ni Yanie. And I thought I also had a
heart attack. Nanikip bigla ang dibdib ko sa narinig ko.

"Hindi mo ba nabalitaan? It's all over the news. Critical siya ngayon sa ospital."

My head was racing, and then it all stopped with an image of an old man so much
like Zeke, smiling... and fading.

Si Zeke, kailangan kong makita si Zeke.

"You go," udyok ni Ian sa akin. Yanie tild me where the hospital was at wala na
akong sinayang na oras para makarating doon.

I took my phone at napamura ako nang makita kong naka-off pa pala iyon. I did not
turn it on when I charged and unplugged it.

Why so stupid!

I was not surprised to see the number of messages I received and the calls I
missed. Mas nagulat at nabahala ako na wala si Zeke sa mga tumwag sa akin.

Shit!

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa manibela saka pinabilisan ang takbo ng sasakyan. This is
messed up! Bakit kailangan pa itong mangyari?

I hope he's doing okay, I prayed even though I know he probably won't.

Now more than ever, Zeke needs someone to stand and stay beside him.

=================

Chapter ♠ 37

TERRIFIED

"MISS, ANO'NG ROOM number po si Mr. Steele?" tanong ko sa babaeng nurse sa nurse
station. Dito sa ICU ako itinuro ng receptionist sa lobby nang itanong ko ang daddy
ni Zeke.

"Immediate family member po ba kayo, ma'am?" balik-tanong sa akin ng nurse.

I stammered. I was torn between telling her yes and no. Alam kong hindi niya ako
papayagang makita ang pasyente kapag sinabi kong hindi, but I really need to see
him.

"Vee?"

Mabilis akong umikot nang may tumawag sa pangalan ko, and fortunately, it was Sage.

He was holding a grocery bag with a frown on his brows. "Are you looking for dad?"

Tumango ako. "I heard what happened."

Huminga siya at tumango din, though I didn't miss the exhaustion and wariness
coming out of that sigh.

"Mag-isa ka lang ba?" tanong niya habang lumilinga-linga na parang may

hinahanap.Was he looking for some media reporter?

"Ako lang mag-isa ang pumunta rito," sabi ko. And I realized he was looking for
someone else because he wouldn't be looking so disappointed like that.

"Let's go." Inaya niya akong maunang maglakad. "It's okay miss," sabi niya sa
babaeng nurse. "I got her."

Itinuro niya sa akin ang daan patungo sa kinaroroonan ng daddy niya. With one last
turn, I found a door with his father's name written on the name plate.

"Nasa loob ba si Zeke?" I asked Sage. Gusto kong ihanda ang sarili ko sa madadatnan
ko. Pero umiling siya.

"He's not here."

My brows knitted together. "Hindi ba niya alam ang nangyari?"

Tumigil siya sa pagbubukas ng pintuan para lingunin ako. "He knows. Siya ang
nagdala kay daddy dito." Pagkatapos ay pumasok na siya sa loob. Hinayaan niyang
nakabukas ang pintuan para sa akin bago niya iyon isinara.

I wanted to ask him what happened, what did he mean, but a man wearing a blue scrub
suit came over us and handed us clothes. Tiningnan ko si Sage at nakita kong
sinusuot na rin niya ang kanya.

"For precautionary measures," sabi niya bago niya tinakpan ng mask ang mukha niya.
Hindi ko na siya nagawang tanungin dahil iniwan na niya ako para magbihis.

If Zeke was the one who took his father here, does it mean he was with him when he
had the attack?

Posible. Pero posible ring natagpuan niya ang daddy niya, hindi ba?

But why was Zeke with his dad?

Pagkatapos kong isuot ang mga dapat isuot ay pumasok na ako sa kuwartong pinasukan
ni Sage. Doon, nakita ko ang walang malay na daddy nila.

Machines surrounded him, tubes and patches were attached to his body. Those things
made the man who was once the king of his empire look brittle and vulnerable-
because they technically and mechanically support his life now. Doctors could do as
much.

I saw Tita Andrea, pinapalibutan siya nina Blue at Louraine. Duke was beside the
window talking with someone over his phone, si Sage naman tumabi kay Serena na
nakatayo sa bedside ng daddy nila.

They all looked grave, sad and worried. Kahit si Blue, hindi maitago ang takot niya
habang yakap niya ang mommy nila na umiiyak.

I never saw Zeke cry, not really. But if he was here, I know this sight will surely
break his heart and the cold shoulders he was giving him.

Pero bakit wala siya rito?

Serena came to me and I met her halfway. Sinalubong niya ako ng yakap, at
naramdaman kong pinipigilan niyang umiyak.

Niyakap ko rin si Tita nang lumapit ako sa kanya. Hindi pa niya ako natandaan noong
una dahil sa pagkabalisa at pagkatulala niya sa nangyari sa asawa niya.

"How is he?" I asked Serena while we stayed beside her father's bed. Putlang-putla
ang mukha ng daddy niya. I can't help but worry about him too.

"Tinitingnan pa ng doctor kung kailangan niya ng Bypass surgery. He's too weak and
unstable for the surgery yet. Kailangan pa nilang i-monitor ang kalagayan niya,"
bagsak ang balikat na paliwanag ni Serena.

"Si kuya Zeke, hindi mo ba siya kasama?" Umiling ako at mas nalungkot siya sa sagot
ko. "I thought he's with you. Wala na siya rito pagdating ni Kuya Duke."

"Sinabi ba niya kay Duke ang nangyari?"

"Wala siyang sinabi. Hindi namin alam ano ba talaga ang nangyari. Pero ang sabi ni
Ma kanina, nagpaalam daw si dad sa kanya dahil may pupuntahan lang daw siya
sandali. She wanted to go with him, pero hindi daw siya pinasama ni dad kasi
mabilis lang daw ang lalakarin niya."

Serena sighed. "I hope kuya Zeke's here. Hindi namin alam kung nasaan siya. Nag-
aalala na din kami sa kanya dahil hindi namin siya ma-contact. And now you're here
and he's not with you, hindi namin alam saan siya at kung sino ang kasama niya. O
kung ano ang ginagawa niya."

"You think he was with your dad this morning?"

"I don't know," naguguluhang sagot niya. "Hindi ko alam kung tama ang hinala ko.
But if he was really with dad when the incident happen, then maybe that's why Kuya
was not here. Maybe he felt bad. Siguro nagkasagutan na naman sila kaya inatake si
dad, at iniisip niyang sinisisi namin siya. I really don't know."

Sh*t!

Napapikit ako dahil alam kong tama si Serena. Zeke will blame himself for this.
Again. Ganoon lang talaga siya... mahilig umako ng kasalanan. Katulad ko noon.

I always blame myself. Naging obsession ko na ang pagkakaroon ng guilt-trip. Kaya

naiintindihan ko si Zeke. At alam kong nahihirapan siya ngayon mag-isa.

This isn't right. Bakit ba paulit-ulit na lang itong nangyayari sa kanya? Why does
this have to happen to him? Hindi pa ba sapat na pinarurusahan na niya ang sarili
niya dahil sa nangyari kay kuya? Pagkatapos ito?

I know that everything happens for a reason. But I wish I know what that reason
was. Para hindi magulo at hindi nakakalito. So Zeke could be saved from all of
these.

But I guess life doesn't always work like we wanted it to be. It's just that—
unpredictable and hard. Who says life is full of rainbows after all?

LATER THAT AFTERNOON, Duke and Louraine decided to take their mom home nang biglang
manghina ito. They were alarmed she might collapse because of too much distress.
Sinabi na rin ng ICU nurse na kailangan nang magbawas ng bisita kaya minabuti na
lang nilang umalis muna.

Blue and Sage left after a few minutes too dahil sa mga trabaho nila. They don't
want to leave, pero pinilit sila ni Serena na umalis. But they promised their
sister they will come back soon.

They appeared almost calm when they left, but the haunted look in their eyes betray
that calmness. Siguro ay alalang alala sila sa daddy nila. Sinong anak ang hindi?

"Thanks for coming, Vee," Serena said when we were left with her dad who was still
unconscious and critical.

"Nagpunta agad ako nang malaman ko ang nangyari. Is your mom going to be okay?"

She sighed as she looked over at her dad. "She was devastated and inconsolable at
first. But she calmed when the doctor said dad was going to be fine. We're worried
about her. Hindi dapat siya nas-stress ng ganito dahil mahina din ang puso niya.
And then there's kuya."

Nagpakawala ng mahabang hininga si Serena pagkatapos niyang silipin ang relo sa

braso niya. I looked at mine too, at nakita kong pasado alas-singko na.

"Gumagabi na pero hindi pa rin siya nagpapakita. Hindi pa rin siya ma-contact nina
kuya. I wonder where he is."

"He will show up, don't worry," I told her. "Bigyan muna natin siya ng oras, maybe
he needs time on his own. Magpapakita rin siya kapag handa na siya," I said and
comforted her with my words. And even in my own ears, they sounded as clumsy as
wishful thinking. As fantasy. As false hope could ever be.

But Serena believed them.

Well, at least she did. Iyon naman talaga ang gusto ko, ang mawalan siya ng pag-
aalala.

"Ikaw, kumusta?" I asked her.

She was facing her dad, but I could tell when a tear slipped from her eyes just
before she caught it. Tumingin siya sa akin nang nakangiti. And it pained me
because that smile shouldn't be on her face.

"I'm alright," she said, but I eyed her unconvincingly. She sighed and shrugged. "I
have to be, for mom. Kailangan niya ng lakas namin ngayon."
I feel sad for her, dahil kailangan niyang labanan ang luha at takot niya para sa
pamilya niya. But I admire her for that, because of her strength and her braveness.
Naaalala ko sa kanya si Kuya.

He never cried when mom died. Ni minsan hindi ko siya nakitang sumuko sa buhay. He
always keeps a smile on his face because he never wanted me to worry about him, and
to make me feel lonely.

Now I realized maybe he cried alone every time I turn my back and eyes away from
him.

Niyakap ko si Serena at hinagod ang likod niya. "It's okay to cry. Hindi iyon
senyales ng kahinaan. Keeping the tears inside is."

Tiningnan ko siya sa mata sabay hinawakan ang mga kamay niya. "I know you don't
want your mom and your brothers to worry about you too, but you're family. Normal
iyon na mag-alala kayo para sa isa't isa. Huwag mong sarilinin ang lahat, Serena."

"I know one day this time will come," aniya habang nakatingin sa mga kamay namin.
"And I've always prepared myself for this. Pero nang sinabi sa akin ni Kuya Duke
ang nangyari, natakot pa rin ako. Hindi pa rin ako handa. I don't want to lose dad.
Hindi ko kaya."

Hinayaan ko lang siyang umiyak nang mga sandaling iyon. I just let her shed all her
tears and worries, just like what Av did when she found me so lost and broken. She
let me cry.

And it made me strong and accept the fact that Vince will never come back, even if
I cried bottles of tears for him.

"AV, I DON'T know if I can go tomorrow. Hindi ba pwedeng i-reschedule na lang muna
natin ang flight ko bukas?" tanong ko habang hinihila ang isang malita pababa ng
hagdan.

Av sighed on the other line. "Vee, I understand the reason why you wanted to do
that, believe me. Pero hindi natin hawak ang oras at desisyon ni Avesto." She
sighed again. "I know you want to stay because of what happened. Gusto kitang
pagbigyan... pero kapag hindi ka dumating sa Friday, you will be disqualified. You
will lose the opportunity, Vee."

Napaupo ako sa isang baitang ng hagdanan at napapikit.

Why? Why does this have to be so hard? Why do I have to choose? Bakit kailangan
pang mangyari ang lahat ng ito?
"Vee," tawag muli ni Av sa akin nang hindi ako nagsalita. "If you really want to
stay, then we will have no other option."

"We will pull out, ganoon ba iyon?" I asked even though I know what the real score
was.

"Yes," simpleng sagot niya. "It's that simple."

I nodded. "Naiintindihan ko."

"You only have this night to think and decide, Vee. Walang tama, walang mali.
Sinabi ko na sayo ito dati at sasabihin ko ulit sayo ngayon—sundin mo ang puso mo.
Don't think. Mas maguguluhan ka lang."

I sighed. I doubt if following my heart will be best, dahil magulo ang puso ko
ngayon. Hell, I don't even recognize which is more confused—my heart or my head. I
have no idea what to do anymore.

I want to stay, but I also need to go.

"Vee, I know this is a hard decision for you to make. But it doesn't really matter
if it isn't a wise one. As long as you don't come to regret it, then it's alright.
You will make a good choice."

After talking with Av, nalinawan din kahit kaunti ang isip ko. She is right. I
don't want to live in regrets and what if's or if only's. And I don't want to start
living it now.

Making up my mind, I stood up and started to pull my stroller back down. Umakyat
muli ako para kunin ang isa pang bagahe sa kuwarto ko.

Hindi ko alam kung tama itong ginagawa ko, but I want nothing more than a future
with Zeke. He's my dream now and my reality. Iyon lang ang tama sa gagawin ko.

Something outside my window caught my sight and stopped me from what I was doing.
Nilapitan ko ang bintana ko para sumilip at bigla ay nakaramdam ako ng isang
mabigat na bagay na natanggal sa dibdib ko.

Zeke...

I started to run out of my room and out of my house.

Hindi ako nagkakamali. Kay Zeke ang kotseng nakahinto sa harap ng gate ko.
Siguradong-sigurado ako.
"Zeke!" I called just as I wrenched open my gate. Hindi ko siya agad nakita, not
until I heard a noise.

He was slumped on the sidewalk and his big body was curled, his legs tucked in his
chest. He reminded me of a child who lost their mom and couldn't find his way back
home. And my heart poured out to him.

Lumapit ako sa kanya at umuklo sa harap niya para tingnan siya. "Zeke! Ano'ng
ginagawa mo dito?"

It was dark outside so I couldn't make out his face when he looked up.

"Victoria..." he rasped and pulled me close. The hoarseness of his voice told me
enough that he has been crying. Kaya hindi ko napigilang yakapin din siya.

We probably looked silly out there outside my apartment, embracing. But I really
don't care. All I care about was to ease this broken man's tears and fear.

Cold air swept around us and I felt him shiver. He was only wearing thin polo shirt
at medyo basa pa ang likod niya. I wonder where he had been all these time.

"Halika, pumasok ka muna sa loob. Malamig dito."

Hinila ko siya sa loob ng apartment ko bago pa siya manginig sa lamig at

magkalagnat. The last thing his family wants was him getting ill. They've had
enough sick person for a day.

Pinaupo ko siya sa sofa sa guest area. "Dito ka muna sandali. Ikukuha lang kita ng
—"

He took hold of my hand and looked at me in that scared, lost eyes.

"Dito ka lang, please..."

His fear reached out to me, twisting something inside my chest. Hindi ko kayang
nakikita siyang ganito.

Tahimik akong umupo sa tabi niya at hinayaan siyang hawakan ang kamay ko. He held
it like a child holding a safety blanket.

For all Zeke's arrogant pride and temper, he never showed his vulnerable side, even
in business dealings. Because for a man like him, slipping his mask of
untouchability would mean letting people know where to strike his Achilles heels.
But right now, I've never seen him so terrified like this it was breaking my heart.

"Where were you? Alalang alala sayo ang pamilya mo, si Serena... ako. We've been
trying to reach you."

Hindi siya umimik. Nanatili siyang nakatitig sa kawalan na parang takot na takot at
gulong-gulo. He looked worst than his father did.

"Zeke, what happened?" I insisted. Mas gusto kong nagsasalita siya kesa ganitong
tahimik siya at kung anu-ano ang iniisip niya. Mas nag-aalala ako sa kanya sa
pananahimik niya.

"Zeke, tell me."

Umiling siya. "I... I don't know..." he rubbed his face as if that could erase
something from his mind. "He was fine and then he started to..."

Tumigil siya at nagmura nang nagmura. He took deep puff of breaths and fell silent
once again.

"Kinausap ko siya, Victoria," he told me after a while of silence. He sounded

calmer now, but his hands were still trembling in mine.

"I saw him... I saw him on Five's grave. He was there..."

"What?" tulalang napatitig ako sa kanya. "Anong ginagawa niya doon? Ikaw? What were
you doing there?"

"I wanted to talk to your brother. Pero nakita ko si daddy doon..."

I still looked at him clueless of what he was talking about. Anong ginagawa niya at
ang daddy niya sa puntod ni kuya?

"I thought about what you told me," he said, "I thought about a lot of things. And
when I saw him standing there, I knew I had to talk to him and try to put
everything in the past behind us. I thought it was going to be easy." His throat
convulsed. "And then the next thing I know, we were raising our voices at each
other and then he... he said he couldn't breath."

"Zeke.." I gripped his hands. Umiiyak na siya at alam kong nahihirapan siya.

Agony and fear strained his face, as if just remembering what happened brought back
the monster of fear he felt.
"He was clutching his chest... he was in pain... and I didn't know what to do. I
couldn't move. I just watched him... I watched him..."

Hindi ko na nakayanan ang basag na boses niya at ang takot sa mga mata niya. I
hugged him because that's the only thing I could think of to offer him comfort, and
wished I could blanket his shivering heart too.

"I almost killed him, Victoria."

"Zeke, please don't do this to yourself."

"I almost killed him," he whispered again.

"Hindi totoo iyan, Zeke." Lumayo ako at tiningnan ko siya, but he refused to meet
my eyes.

"Zeke, look at me." I shook his shoulders. But he averted his gaze.

No, I can't let him do this to himself again. He can't keep on living like this.

I cupped his face and forced him to look at me. "Look at me."

Tiningnan niya ako at nasasaktan ako sa nakikita ko sa mga mata niya. He was
lacerating his old scar and beating his bruises.

Hinawakan ko nang maigi ang magkabilang pisngi niya. "This isn't your fault, okay.
Okay? Wala kang ginawang masama. Wala kang kasalanan sa nangyari."

"But I do. It's because of me why he had a heart attack. I triggered it. I made him
angry."

"'Wag mong isipin iyan."

He shook his head and moved away, dropping my hand away from his face.

"I thought he would accept me... I thought he would understand me. But more fool of
me..." Lumarawan sa mukha niya ang matinding hinanakit. "Para sa kanya, isa lang
akong walang kuwentang anak," mahinang bulong niya.

"Zeke, mahal ka ng daddy mo."

"Mahal?" He said it like it was a foul word. "Bakit sa akin hindi niya masabi?
Bakit hindi ko maramdaman ang sinasabi mong pagmamahal? I am his son, pero ni
minsan hindi ko nakita ang pagiging ama niya."

"He knows he made mistakes, at pinagsisisihan niya iyon."

"Yeah... like he ever apologized for them. He was so always ready to judge me, to
look at my rough edges. At kahit anong gawin ko, he still couldn't see me past my
flaws, my mistakes. What kind of a father he is?"

Kinuha ko ang isang kamay niya at hinawakan ko ang pisngi niya. All this bitterness
he was feeling was hurting him too, pero hindi niya iyon maamin.

I willed him to look through my eyes and see the honesty in them. The truth he
won't afford himself believe.

"He's a father who needs a son to make him realize that he's human—weak and feeble.
And he needs someone who can offer him strength. He's a father who makes mistakes
but willing to ask for forgiveness.

Zeke, don't listen to what your father says. Look at what he was not saying. Doon
mo makikita na mahal ka ng daddy mo. Pinagsisisihan niya lahat ng pagkakamali niya
sayo.

And right now, he was fighting alone for his life. And don't think it's your fault
because life happens. And as well as death."

"Don't talk about death, please."

"Then don't talk about his shortcomings. And your guilt-trip."

He fell silent, but it wasn't a bad silence. He was thinking about something...
better.

"You think it's not too late yet?" he asked, and I almost smiled from the music of
hope in his voice.

I slid my arms around his waist and looked up at him. "You're not too late, Zeke.
Your father's still in the hospital waiting for you."

"I don't know," he sighed and stroked my face with a trembling hand. "I'm scared.
Paano kung..."

"Sshh..." hinawakan ko ang labi niya, "huwag kang mag-isip ng ganyan. He's as
frightened as you are right now and he needs all of your support."
He still looked unconvinced and doubtful.

"Zeke, walang mangyayaring masama sa daddy mo. He will be okay. Ang sabi ng doctor
ligtas na siya at pwede na siyang operahan. He has a greater chance at recovering.
And once he's fully recovered, huwag mo nang sayangin ang pagkakataon. Time is your
enemy, Zeke. Not your dad."

Isang maliit na ngiti ang pinakawalan niya, and yet for me, it felt like the sun
shined down from the night sky full of stars.

SAKA KO LANG iniwan si Zeke nang huminahon na siya. Hinanda ko siya ng dinner dahil
sabi niya hindi pa siya kumakain. At least before he tried to see his dad, may
laman ang sikmura niya.

Inabutan ko siyang nakatayo at nakaharap sa bintana. He looked so stiff and rigid,

na parang hindi siya umiyak kani-kanina lang. Somehow, his stance felt
intimidating.

"Uhm.. handa na ang pagkain. Kumain ka na muna sandali bago ka pumunta sa ospital."

Hindi siya lumingon o sumagot man lang. But the tension on his shoulder went even
tighter when I called him.

Unease snaked down inside me, clenching my stomach into knots. Pero ipinilig ko rin
iyon. Siguro ay guni-guni ko lang ang nararamdaman ko.

"Zeke," I repeated, calling his attention again. Lalapitan ko sana siya pero bigla
siyang humarap.

The angry expression on his face forced me to stop dead on my feet. A muscle ticked
on his jaw as his lips pressed into an unforgiving and unsmiling line.

"Tell me," he said in clenched teeth, his voice reeked of silent fury, "when are
you going to tell me that you are leaving tomorrow?

=================

Chapter ♠ 38
SHATTERED

I OPENED MY mouth but then closed them because I couldn't say something. Hindi ko
kayang salubungin ang mga mata niya. They were so furious.

Ano ang sasabihin ko? How do I tell him the truth without hurting him?

"Ano? Hindi mo kayang sabihin?" he taunted. "Kailangan sa iba ko pa malaman bago mo

sabihin sa akin?" He pointed an angry finger to somewhere. "Those baggage? Para
saan ang mga iyan, Victoria? Tell me!" he shouted and my body recoiled from the
ferocity of his rage. Halos nanginginig na ang katawan niya sa galit.

This was not supposed to happen. Hindi dapat ganito.

He looked at me with cynical perusal. "You're making it a habit to lie to me,

aren't you?"

"Zeke, hindi—"

"Hindi ka nagsinungaling sa 'kin?" putol niya sa akin. "You don't see withholding
information from me a form of lying, do you? Lie or secret, they still look the
same, Victoria—You. Fooled. Me," mariin ang bawat bigkas niya. "Hindi ako
makapaniwalang nakinig ako sa mga sinabi mo. I actually believed you cared... But
all along, you were thinking about leaving me."

"Zeke, please. You have to believe me. Hindi ko intensyong maramdaman mo iyan.
Hindi ko lang alam kung papaano ko sasabihin sayo. I was waiting for the right
time."

His nose flared. "That's bullshit, Victoria, because you've had the chance to tell
me pero hindi mo pa rin sinabi."

"I was going to tell you pero may nangyari. You think I can tell you I'm leaving
when your father lies on a hospital bed?"

"Pero itutuloy mo pa rin."

Napatitig ako sa kanya. I wanted to take away the pain in his voice, in his eyes,
but he was miles away. The damage was done.

"Zeke, kung aalis man ako, it's not because I want to leave you."
"Fvcking bullshit!" He spat volume of curses, his eyes screaming with hurt but he
was trying hard not to show it. "You know, Victoria! Alam mong kailangan kita
ngayon!"

I closed my eyes. "Alam ko..."

"But you already made up your mind," basag na sabi niya at pakiramdan ko nabasag
din ang puso ko sa mga oras na iyon.

I was letting him down.

"Tell me... is that why you let me make love to you? Dahil nagpapaalam ka? You let
me take your virginity because you thought it as a parting gift, didn't you? Didn't
you?!"

"Oo, pero hindi ganoon kasimple iyon, Zeke! Mahal kita kaya ko ginawa iyon!"

Nagpakawala siya ng tawa—one that was full of stinging sarcasm and incredulity. He
doesn't believe me.

"You love me?" tuya niya. "You want me to buy that when you're fvcking leaving?
Ganoon ba ako kagago para sayo?"

"Dammit, Zeke! Ano'ng gusto mong sabihin ko?" I frustratedly took a seat.
Nanghihina ang mga tuhod ko. My chest was burning and Zeke doesn't believe me.

But more than that, I wounded him.

Silence fell like a tight rope around our neck. It was suffocating. Rinig na rinig
ko ang bawat hininga niya, at ang nakakabinging sigaw ng galit niya.

He moved to take a seat, but he chose the one that was farthest away from me. That
was more than telling something. Hindi ko alam kung papaano ko pa siya lalapitan.

Kailangan kong ipaintindi sa kanya. Kailangan kong maunwaan niya ang gusto kong
mangyari. Pero paano? I can see he was already building an invisible wall between
us.

But I have to try.

Hinarap ko siya. He was looking down with a grim set face. "Zeke, I didn't know I
had to go tomorrow until Av told me this morning. Maniwala ka. That was what I was
going to tell you when you said you would talk to me. Sasabihin ko naman sayo e.
Pero hindi ko nasabi dahil sa nangyari sa daddy mo.
When you told me you don't love me... that every time you look at me you remember
your mistake, I can't leave that alone. Nasaktan ako sa sinabi mo. But I still
loved you. I still do. Kaya ko gagawin 'to.

I want to live my future with you, Zeke. Pero hindi ko magagawa iyon kung palagi
kong bitbit ang pangarap ni kuya, ang nakaraan. I know you don't want me to race.
But this isn't just for my brother and for myself. It's for you too. Kailangan mo
ring maging malaya. Ayokong sa tuwing tinitingnan mo ako, iniisip ko kung sino ang
nakikita mo."

Umiling ako. "I never planned to leave like this... hindi ko hawak ang mga
nangyari."

"Just like you don't own your choices," mahinang sabi niya, pero naintindihan ko
ang ibig niyang sabihin.

He thinks I'm choosing this over him.

"I knew you would think that. Nauuna pa ang iniisip mo at pinapaniwalaan mo kaagad
iyon kesa sa paliwanag ko. Pero gusto lang naman kitang protektahan dahil alam kong
—"

"Masasaktan ako?" Umangat ang mga mata niya sa akin, his gaze challenging me to say
no. "You think knowing will hurt me, but you will still do it, right? Alam mong
masasktan at magagalit ako kapag umalis ka pero wala kang pakialam dahil aalis ka
pa rin."

"Zeke, hindi totoo iyan. I care for you, I always have. Pero alam mong aalis ako,
hindi ba?"

"And I also thought I can make you stay."

For a few breathless moment, he held my eyes, and turned away, and I felt like he
was giving up on something. And that something was me.

"I was ready to give you what you were asking from me. I was ready to forgive my
father, and move on. But I was not ready to let you go... pero malinaw na sa akin
kung ano ang pinipili mo. At kung sino ang pinapakawalan mo..."

My throat closed up. Masakit marinig iyon, lalo na't sa kanya nanggaling iyon. It
hurts to listen to him while watching how his dreams were crushing, how his hope
was being trampled on—all because of me.

Nakikita kong gusto-gusto niya akong pigilan. Nakikita ko sa mga mata niya ang mga
bagay na gusto niyang sabihin. Nararamdaman ko sila.
I took the risk. Lumapit ako sa kanya at umuklo sa harap niya. I held his hands and
I breathed thankfully that he let me.

"Zeke, please... it's not like that—"

Bigla siyang umiling. "I'm used to people leaving me. Because they think I'm less
important. They never chose me because they don't need me." He looked at me and his
lips twisted in a humorless smile, the desolation in them seared my heart. "I
thought you're different... pero katulad ka rin pala nila."

"Zeke, hindi totoo iyan kaya 'wag mong sabihin iyan."

He smiled again. "Why? Because the truth hurts, right?" He dropped my hand and
stood up. Lumayo siya sa akin na para bang kailangan niyang maglagay ng distansya
sa pagitan namin.

Tumayo rin ako pero nanatili ako sa kinaroroonan ko. Zeke turned calmer now, more
placid and quiet. But his serenity was nothing but chilling to me.

Turning with his heels, Zeke looked at me and I found... nothing. Empty. His eyes
were completely devoid of emotions. Not even anger was there.

"You know, from where I am standing, it's not me you're trying to protect, but
yourself. Ayaw mong masaktan ako dahil sa desisyon mo. Ayaw mong magalit ako sayo.
Well, that's so hypocrite of you, Victoria."

My God! This was getting twisted and complicated.

"Ginagawa ko lang naman ito para sa atin."

Tumiim ang bagang niya. "Don't. Tell. Me. That. Dahil hindi mo alam ang gusto ko."

For a second, I thought his coolness cracked up, pero mas lalo lang siyang
nagmukhang yelo. He was freezing me out with his words, his eyes, and his distance.
I felt like he was disentangling me from him—from where he was keeping me.

Napakapit ako sa braso niya. It was an instinct. "Zeke, babalik din naman ako e.
It's just one race. Iyon lang. Hindi mo ba maibigay sa akin iyon?"

"And what about me, Victoria? Bakit ngayon mo pa kailangang umalis? Why can't you
just..." he stopped and sighed shaking his head.

"You know what? Hindi ko na susubukang baguhin ang isip mo. I won't try to stop you
anymore if you really want to leave. Because I'm done choosing and loving the wrong
person. I'm done expecting and asking for something I can't have."

Tinanggal niya ang kamay ko sa braso niya. A sheen of moisture beaded his eyes. "So
leave, Victoria. I don't care anymore."

Ilang sandali akong napatitig sa kawalan. I heard him open the door and I watched
him leave through it.

My eyes blurred. My heart was sinking fast down my chest. My head was screaming his
name, telling him to come back, but he couldn't hear it.

And I saw it... the look in his eyes.

Tears.

Zeke was crying.

In a snap, my feet sprang to life. Tumakbo ako sa labas at pinigilan ko si Zeke na

lumabas ng gate.

"Zeke, wait!"

Tumigil siya, pero hindi niya ako tiningnan. He kept his face hidden from me.

"Let go," he said.

"I can't leave you like this." I can't.

I saw him breath deep. Then he touched my hand, lingered, and squeezed it before he
pulled it away for the second awful time.

"Just go, Victoria. Do whatever you want to do. Because I'm tired of this. Ayoko
nang makita ka pa."

Somewhere around my numb brain, I heard him ride his car, fired the engine, and
took off.

And then silence.

Zeke was gone and left with a bleeding heart.

I never really thought I'd hurt Zeke. I never thought I would one day cut him deep
and cause him pain. But now I did.

I hurt him.

I know I hurt him.

I shattered him.

I abandoned him.

And he never want to see me again.

I CRIED MYSELF to sleep last night, hating every minute of what happened—loathing
every words that had been spoken.

But still hurting that I have come to worst.

Was I so wrong to do this? Was I so unreasonable? Was it a mistaken choice?

I hugged my pillow close, letting the moisture in my eyes be swallowed by its

softness. But it didn't soothe me as I wanted. I still feel miserable even without
the tears.

When the alarm went off for another hour, I still found myself lying in bed, trying
to find the courage to face the day.

Av called me two hours after I took a shower, forcing myself to move despite the
pain engulfing me, sucking me. She reminded me the flight time and ran down the
schedule I have ahead of me.

And I found myself thinking, this is it. I will not regret this.

I wouldn't. I couldn't. I don't want to.

And I convinced myself by sending my luggage to the airport. Pinauna ko na doon si

Av habang hinihintay ang flight namin. It's 11 am, and I still have an hour to
spare before I go...

I found myself spending them beside Stanfield Steele's bedside.

Nadatnan ko si Serena na mag-isa sa kuwarto. She was oblivious about what was
happening between me and his brother, and I want it to remain that way. Ayoko nang
dagdagan pa ang inaalala niya.

"Kumusta siya?" tanong ko kay Serena habang nakatingin sa daddy niya.

"Thank God, he's getting better. But he's still in recovery state. Ang sabi ng
doctor, he's due to surgery this afternoon."

"That's good news."

"Zeke's here last night."

I faked a smile. "Talaga?"

"He looked so miserable. He must've felt so bad about what happened."

I didn't speak. I couldn't. Hearing that he was miserable because of me was enough
to shut me up and choke with my words.

A knock resounded in the room and a nurse came in. Tinawag nito si Serena dahil may
kailangan daw siyang kailangang pirmahan.

Matapos magpaalam ay iniwan na ako ni Serena mag-isa sa kuwarto kasama ang daddy
niya.

I don't really know what I was doing here. Maybe subconsciously, I was finding a
way to see Zeke one more time before I go. Perhaps I still want to stay and I want
him to stop me.

But it's better this way, na wala siya dito. Because even if he asked me, I know I
can't stay.

Tama si Zeke, I already made my decision. But he couldn't understand my reason. At

dumating din ang ganitong sitwasyon.

Timing's a bitch.

Tinitigan ko ang monitor kung saan nakasulat ang bilang ng pulso ni Tito, hininga
at blood pressure niya.

"Hi tito," I whispered carefully. "It's me, Vee. Andito po ulit ako para
magpaalam." Kinuha ko ang kamay niya, so he could feel my presence kahit na tulog
siya.

"I'm sorry po kung wala ako rito para sa anak ninyo habang nagpapagaling kayo. I
know he need someone beside him, while you get through this... mahirap po ito sa
kanya. He was blaming himself. And I'm worried about him."

I wiped my eyes with my free hand and sniffed. "Sorry, nagiging iyakin ako sa harap
ninyo. I just feel so confused. Parang ang sama-sama ko. I think I'm selfish for
doing this—or at least that was what Zeke thinks. He thinks I'm abandoning him."

I smiled against my tears and I felt stupid.

"Does this makes me a bad person? All I was trying to do was drive that final race,
and that was it. Come back and finally tell Zeke that I am not my brother's
clone... I'm not his vessel... and maybe Zeke can love me without the doubt of the
past."

I started to shake my head in confusion. "I don't know if I make sense... but I
need this. At alam ko rin na makakatulong kay Zeke na mag-isa muna siya. To find
himself. Pero hindi niya ako maintindihan. Hindi ko na alam kung may katuturan pa
lahat ng 'to."

Ayaw na niya akong makita. Zeke hates me now. Nasaktan ko siya.

I wiped a tear again, and another one. But they just kept streaming...

"I've always thought I can slay his dragons for him... but I'm not the one who can
do that. It's you." I gripped his old, clammy hand that was as good as a lifeless
hand.

"Zeke needs your acceptance, tito. He needs your paternal love. He was far too
deprived of your presence in his life. And I think if he found that sense of
belongingness from you, I know he will find it himself the peace his soul hungered
for."

I smiled and patted his hand. "Kayo lang po ang inaasahan ko ngayon, tito. I've
already ruined my chance last night. And I don't know if I can take him back now. I
probably can't..."

"Don't waste your breath..."

That weak rumbling voice snapped my head up. At natagpuan ko si tito na nakatingin
sa akin. His eyes were weak but they were open.

Bigla ay itinaas niya ang kamay niya para tanggalin ang oxygen mask sa mukha niya.
But I stopped him.
"It's okay..." he mumbled and took it off. "That's even better," hinga niya.

"Pero tito..."

He shot me weak glare. "You're leaving." It wasn't a question, merely a

confirmation. Tumango ako.

I wonder how much did he hear?

"Go."

I blinked. "Po?"

He inhaled. "Your choice doesn't define you who you are or what you are... it's
your reasons." Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko ma nakapatong sa siderails ng kama.

"If you're worried about him, if he's holding you back... don't let it. If you know
and believe that is best for both of you, then you go. Zeke is a strong man. Badly
hurt, but he is a survivor. He's a rebel after all. And he took after me."

I don't know how it happen but I felt the heavy weight disappearing from my chest.

"Hindi man naging maganda ang pag-uusap namin... I will try my best to worm my way
into him," he said and squeezed my hand before placing the oxygen mask back onto
his face. But the smile he gave me was all I needed to have that assurance that he
will not let me down. And definitely not his son.

"READY?"

For the last time, I let my eyes roam around the crowd. Pero hindi ko pa rin
nakikita ang taong gusto kong makita. Zeke was nowhere in sight.

I'm still waiting, even though I know there was a little chance he'd be here.

"All passengers boarding the flight 1055A, please proceed to Gate 12. All
passengers boarding the flight..."

"Vee, tara na."

No, he won't be coming. I told myself, and yet deep inside, my mind was still
expecting him, trying to conjure him up.

Two, three... five minutes and still nothing.

Zeke won't be coming.

Av took my arm and stared at me with sympathy. "Vee, hindi siya darating,"

I sighed and nodded, accepting the fact that Zeke will never come. Ayaw na niya
akong makita.

"Let's go," sabi ko at hinila na ang mga gamit ko.

I boarded the plane and as we lifted above the ground, I had a distinct feeling
like I was leaving a piece of me behind.

=================

Chapter ♠ 39

BEGIN AGAIN

Eight months later...

THE SOUND OF the buzzer from the intercom pulled me out from the thoughts that had
been insistently filling my head for months now—thoughts and memories that I
realized I had never been able to exorcise, and God knows I tried.

For months, I supposed I was able to forget them, I even told and convinced myself
that I did. But hell, they just won't go away. Not even for a long while.

They're just kept hidden at the back of my mind. Lurking and waiting for my most
vulnerable time to consume me.

"Sir, Ms. Patrick is here to see you." Stacey's cool professional voice seeped into
my head, breaking my train of thoughts again.

I sighed. I can't seem to get my head straight right now. At may dumating pang
panira ng araw.

"Okay," I told her and didn't bother to direct her to send my regular visitor in
because I know she will invite herself inside even if I tell her no.

And just as I predicted, my office door swung open and a lady without grace, much
less a decency to knock, poked her head in.

"Hello, Mr. Billionaire. Are you busy?" she grinned.

I ignored her and went back to work. But she didn't get the signal and the
impression that I am busy. Pumasok pa rin siya at isinara ang pintuan.

"May gagawin ka ba pagkatapos mo diyan?"

"Antoinette, I'm in the middle of work," I said and that earned me a scowl. Pero
alam kong hindi siya galit. She just doesn't like that I'm working and
'disgustingly' rich. Her words, not mine.

Lumapit siya sa mesa ko at sinilip ang laptop ko saka lumayo.

"Burning your brows again, I see." Sumampa siya sa gilid ng mesa ko.

Ilang beses ko na siyang sinasaway na huwag umupo doon, pero ewan ko kung
malilimutin lang talaga siya o hindi lang makaintindi.

"This is hardly burning my eyebrows—and it's still my work time," I added for good
measure. Alam kong sisitahin na naman niya ako kapag nagtagal ako rito sa opisina
ko, or worse, she'll think I'm back in isolating myself again—which is I'm done
doing.

"Haynaku, Ezekiel, kailan mo ba matututunan ang salitang relax?"

Seryosong tinitigan ko siya. "Until you remove your face out of here."

"Hmp! Mami-miss mo rin ang alindog ko."

I snorted. "Akala ko ba wala iyan sa dictionary mo?" I'm surprised she even knew
that word.
"Well, surprise!" proud pang sabi niya. "Mas magugulat ka pa kapag nalaman mo ang
iba pang sekreto ko."

"Not interested."

"Kunwari ka pa, alam ko namang stalker kita."

I just sighed. Wala talagang magawa.

"So why are you here? May appointment ba ako sayo?"

She made a face. "I'm your friend. You're my friend. Natural lang na bumisita ako
sayo, 'di ba?" She pouted. "Ikaw lang naman itong ayaw akong bisitahin sa opisina
ko e."

Nagpapatawa ba siya? "I always go to your office."

"But you don't bring me flowers."

"Cute. Very cute," I said flatly. "Kung wala kang importanteng sasabihin—"

"Go out with me tonight?"

I stared at her and I suddenly burst out laughing. "Seriously?"

She grimaced. "Kung makatawa 'to... parang nagpapasama lang e."

Ngayon ko lang napansin ang suot niya. She's wearing a pink sleeveless floral dress
—something I never imagined she would wear, neither did she.

She hates pink. She abhors anything feminine. And she's allergic to flowers.

She glared when I started to crack up again. "Sige, tumawa ka."

I tried to mask my face, pressed my lips, cleared my throat, and tried to be

serious.

"Don't tell me you have a date."

She sighed, her shoulders sagging. "Parang ganoon na nga."

"So, who's the lucky guy?"

"Bryan," walang ganang sagot niya.

"The guy from last week?"

"Yep... may promise ako sa kanya e."

Nagpakawala ako ng mahabang buntong hininga. I know where this was going.

"Isasama kita," sabi niya.

Just as I thought.

I leaned back and crossed my arms. "Don't you even want to know my answer?"

"Nope. Not really." She leapt out of my table, avoiding my antagonistic expression.
"And I was not asking."

Well, she definitely didn't sound like she's asking for a favor. She's commanding
me to come with her.

She's very bossy, it's annoying me. But I got used to it.

"Sorry, pero busog ako."

"Edi 'wag kang kumain," she shrugged, as if I could do that.

I'm hungry but I won't tell her that.mas pipilitin lang niya akong sumama. And I
prefer to eat in my office while I finish my work. Pero kilala ko si Pat. She won't
stop until I go. It's in the nature of her job.

"Well?" tanong niya.

"Mas gusto ko rito. I don't want to be your third wheel," sabi ko habang umiiling.
"Hell no."

Ayoko nang maulit ang palaging nangyayari sa tuwing may date siya. She even tried
double dates sometimes, but they still ended in a disaster.

The problem's not with me, or her. Hindi lang talaga marunong pumili si Pat ng
matinong lalaki. Guys she went out with are jerks and cockhead.
In my opinion, I think she should just leave dating alone. But I know she won't,
that's why I don't tell her.

"Okay. Edi wala ring clearance para sa daddy mo."

My finger froze on my keyboard just as I started to continue reading the report I

was studying. Tiningnan ko siya, and damn! She looked challengingly cocky.

And she knew she's winning. She got me.

Holy sh*t!

"I can't believe this," I groaned. "You're blackmailing me."

She grinned and I could almost see two horns on her forehead.

Fvck! This is so frustrating. She even dared to laugh at me when I'm thinking about
committing a murder in my head.

"You're evil, you know that? Hindi iyan pwede sa trabaho mo," sabi ko sa kanya.

She just shrugged nonchalantly and said, "But I can."

"I hate you."

She even smiled wider, because she knows it's not true and I don't really mean it.
Natutuwa pa siya na naiinis niya ako ng ganito.

Lumapit siya ulit sa mesa ko. I watches her leaned in wearing that sassy smile she
often uses to irritate me.

"No you don't," she said. "You know you love me. You can't live without me. I
helped you, remember?"

Urgh! This crazy woman will put me to my deathbed! I just know it.

Tumayo na siya at tiningnan ang wristwatch niya. "So, dinner's on 7 PM. 6:30 na.
Tic tok, tic tok."

"I really want to strangle your neck right now," I muttered but I was already
closing my laptop. What choice do I have?
Kapag hindi niya ibinigay kay daddy anh clearance ko, he will keep on sending me to
see this... psychotic woman. Mas baliw pa ata 'to kesa sa akin e. Nahawa na yata.

I never knew depression or mental illness is transmittable.

Tumayo na ako at inayos ang damit ko. She was walking to me while watching me roll
my sleeves down.

"'Wag kang lalapit sa'kin kung ayaw mong masakal kita."

She smiled sweetly—too sweet. "Ezzy, my boy. Relax ka lang. Gusto mo lang yatang
hawakan ang leeg ko e."

I snorted and shook my head in disbelief. "You really like to piss me off every
damn day, don't you?"

"Zeke naman, hindi mo pa ba alam? You're my favorite boy friend," she said when she
was standing beside me. And she fvcking pinched my cheek!

"Don't do that," I scowled and violently rubbed my stinging face. "And stop calling
me that."

"Ayoko nga." Kumapit pa siya sa braso ko.

"It creeps me out," I said while shaking her away. Pero para siyang linta kung
makakapit.

"Papa Zeke, gusto mo?"

I gaped at her like she was someone who had lost her mind. This woman is beyond
crazy!

"No? So boy friend it is, then," she concluded and satisfiedly tucked herself
beside me.

"Whatever," I muttered and gave up trying. Alam kong hindi na siya aalis sa tabi ko
kahit pa anong gawin ko sa kanya. She's worse than Serena.

THIRTY MINUTES LATER and I found myself sitting and eating alone in an intimate
table for two while I watch Pat talk with her date.
He's a psycho, like me, but he's a lot more dangerous than me. He's obsessed. Kaya
nagpapasama lagi si Pat. But then, she always brings me along a lot every time she
meets with her dates.

I sighed. Mas pinili ko na lang na kumain. The food is superb. Iyon na lang ang in-
enjoy ko kesa makinig sa usapan nilang dalawa. Baka bumulagta pa ako rito sa
kakatawa.

I was almost finished with my coffee when Pat came back in my table after sending
her unfortunate date away, ready to mess around.

She took the seat in front of me, put her elbow on the table and laid her chin on
her hand. Nginitian niya ako. "Bored?"

"You need to ask me that?" Tinapunan ko siya ng masamang tingin. But just like any
other look I gave her, she just returned it with an annoying grin.

"But you've been eating alone your whole life. You told me that."

Yes, I did. And now I'm beginning to regret it.

"But not in restaurants." At least I eat with someone when I'm dining out.

"Is there a difference?"

I ignored her and paid the bill.

Kaya nga ba ayokong sumama sa kanya e. Nagmumukha akong kawawa. At least at home,
nobody watches me eating alone.

Malay ko ba kung may mga tag-media rito? What well they say if they find me eating
alone? That's too pitiful.

"Don't ever drag me again if I have to eat by myself," I told her when the waiter
left with my bill.

"Sinabi ko naman kasi sayo na antayin mo akong kumain 'di ba? Ikaw 'tong ayaw
makinig e."

"I was hungry."

"Sabi mo busog ka."

"Nagbago ang isip niya." I was referring to my stomach. She glanced at it.

"Stomachs don't have brain."

I closed my eyes and groaned inwardly. Doesn't she recognize a stupid remark if she
heard one?

"Zeke!"

Tiniis ko ang inis ko para tingnan kung sino man ang tumawag sa akin.

"Whoa! Don't shoot me, pare," nakataas ang kamay na sabi ni Tyrone habang
nakangiti.

"Bad mood ka yata?" EJ joked and bumped a fist onto my shoulder.

Thank God some sane people are finally here. Konti na lang mababaliw na ako rito.

"Kasama mo pala si Antoinette." EJ waved at her.

Kumaway din si Pat sa kanila. "Nag-date lang kami ni Ezekiel."

Damn! Where was the scotch tape when you need one?

"Date?" Tiningnan ako ni Tyrone.

"Don't mind her. Bakit kayo nandito?"

"Magpapabook sana kami ng reservation para sa party bukas," ani Tyrone na

nakatingin ulit kay Pat.

"Here?" I asked. I know they're curious. But they will stay like that.

"Kailangan namin ng malaking venue, at naisip namin dito." Si EJ ang sumagot.

"I see." Though why were they looking for a place? Madalas naman sa HQ ang party.
Unless this one's not a part of our league.

"This is actually a good place," Pat said. "Maganda ang accomodation nila dito pati
ang service crew. You'll be lucky to have the party here."
Ty smiled. "Iyon nga din ang sabi ni Avon."

Out of the blue, an image sprang in my mind, taking hold of my breath, squeezing my
lungs and my chest, and I quickly slammed a lid on it before they spill out and run
havoc inside my head.

Thoughts of her are dangerous. Too dangerous.

EJ elbowed Ty. "Pero 'di ba sabi niya ayaw niya ng mahal."

"Edi sabihin nating mura. Problema ba iyon?"

"Sa bagay." Nagkibit ng balikat si EJ.

"So okay na ang venue?" Pat inquired at nag-thumbs up naman silang dalawa.

They seemed quite satisfied and ready to leave, but the curiosity they stirred in
me doesn't want them to leave yet.

"Wait," pigil ko sa kanila. I don't know but my guts was telling me to leave it and
let them go. Pero hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko. I wanted to know if I'm right.
Or wrong.

"What was the party all about again?"

I saw them hesitate. EJ turned to Ty, trying to gauge him. But Ty was looking at
me.

And my heart started to pump faster. Sweat started to break out of my forehead and
my breath stalled for a second.

No fvcking way...

Ty sighed. "It's for... her. She's coming home tomorrow."

"WELL?"

I forced the clutch and stepped onto the gas, trying to act like I didn't hear Pat.
Malapit na kaming dumating sa bahay niya at ngayon pa niya naisipang magtanong.
"Huy, naririnig mo ba ako?"

I deep-breathed. "Well what?"

"Ay, ang pangit ng boses mo ngayon a. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I don't want to talk about it and don't start analyzing me, Patrick." Wala
akong pasensya para makinig sa kanya ngayon. Gusto ko nang umuwi at magpahinga.
I've had a long day.

"'To naman, 'di na makausap."

I thought she'd drop it, pero talagang mahina siya sa pick up.

"Pero ano ba'ng plano? Pupunta ka ba o hindi?" Humarap pa siya sa akin mula sa
puwesto niya.

"I'm not invited," I answered in a clipped tone, hoping she would notice that I
don't want to talk about it.

"So hindi ka pupunta?"

I didn't response to that. I should better drive fast. Yes... that's a good idea.

"Ayaw mo ba siyang makita?"

I sighed. Pambihira talaga 'tong babaeng 'to. Ayaw tumigil.

"Ezzy boy?"

"I'm busy tomorrow."

"That was not my question."

"Drop it, Patrick."

"Tsk tsk tsk. Always so dodgy." Umayos siya ng upo at tumingin sa bintana. "Pero
kapag nagbago ang isip mo, isama mo ako a."

I frowned. "Why?"
"I like to meet her," seryosong sagot niya na nakatingin pa rin sa labas. Hindi ko
tuloy alam kung seryoso talaga siya o nagbibiro lang.

I slowed down. I'm starting to act like a jerk again. Inuunahan na naman ako ng
galit at iritasyon ko.

Sinubukan kong ngumiti. "'Wag na. Baka magselos ka lang," I teased. Ayokong
nagtatampo si Pat sa 'kin.

Her laugh was short. "Sa kanya o sayo?"

"Sa kanya."

She turned around. "Why? Do you think I like you?"

Lumuwag ang dibdib ko nang humarap na siya. She looked at me unsmiling, but I could
see that her eyes were laughing. Napangiti ako.

"You're a hopeless case, Ezekiel."

I grinned wider. "I know." And she knew how desperately hopeless I was.

Nakita niya kung gaano ako kamiserable noon. She was there. She helped me. And even
when I was worse than a psychotic patient, how twisted I was and furious I had
been, she didn't give up on me.

WELCOME TO PHILIPPINES! MABUHAY!

I still remember the last time I read that sign, five months ago, and how happy I
was.

The adrenaline that was fizzing in my bones, spreading throughout my blood and my
body.

I was so excited I was so drunk on it—so happy I was almost sick from it.

Pero ngayon, habang kinakapa ko ang sarili ko, ang loob ng dibdib ko at hinahanap
ang ganoong pakiramdam...
I sighed disappointedly. I feel nothing but an empty hole where my heart was.

Since that five months... I think I never felt that feeling again, it almost seemed
foreign.

In the dimness of my Channel sunglasses, I spotted a group of people waving their

hands in my direction, trying to catch my attention.

Their lips were moving, shouting, screaming... but I couldn't hear them. To me,
they looked like a muted movie. Soundless.

Tinanggal ko ang earphones sa tenga ko, at sa isang iglap, binaha ng realidad ang
mundo ko.

I'm back.

Back to where everything ended. Back to where I left my numbed heart behind.

I told myself then that I would never come back. Dahil wala na akong babalikan.
Wala na akong dahilan. Tapos na. Huli na ako.

But I can't live like this every day anymore. I can't keep on living with this
emptiness. I want to feel alive again.

Kaya ako bumalik. Hindi ko man mabuo ang nabasag na, hindi ko man mahanap ang
nawala, alam kong hindi pa huli ang lahat para magsimula.

It's time I should pick the pieces up. One by one—until I can feel again.

=================

Chapter ♠ 40

ONCE HOME

IF THERE WAS anything that stayed the same after eight long months, maybe it was
the fact that I still have no inclination to join a social gathering.
I still don't like parties, just as much as I hate happy music. I hate a lot of
things now. Or maybe because I just don't care.

Av looked at me expectantly while driving, waiting for my answer. Sa kanya ako

nakisabay pagkatapos nila akong sunduin ni Tyrone sa airport.

Napabuntong hininga ako saka umiling. "I'm not really in the mood to have fun and
party right now, Av. I'm sorry. Gusto ko sanang magpahinga sandali."

I saw it dampened her mood. She was expecting me to say yes. Ngayon lang ulit kami
nagkita pagkatapos ng apat na buwan—since she terminated my contract—at alam kong
masaya siyang umuwi na ako ng Pilipinas. I was finally home, after all.

Home...

Yes. I am home. Though I don't really know where is home anymore.

She smiled and tried to brighten up her face. "It's okay. Dumiretso na lang tayo sa
hotel kung gusto mong magpahinga. Mamaya pa naman ang party e. Pero pupuntahan kita
mamayang alas-sais ha? We don't want to start without you."

"Okay," I agreed, sounding much like I didn't care. I had been using that word for
far too many times without even meaning them.

I don't feel okay. I feel nothing. Desires no longer exist in my empty heart and
I'm afraid there's nothing that could ever fill the space again.

Sinuot ko uli ang salamin ko at nagkunwaring tulog hanggang sa maihatid niya ako sa
hotel kung saan din gaganapin ang party.

I didn't have to check in because Av already did. Kahit hindi ko na siya manager,
she still manages to take care of me.

My room was as sterile as it should be, clean to a fault, and very pleasant—it
looked a lot like ephemeral—as temporary as life looked like to me.

Ibinabi ko ang mga gamit ko sa paanan ng kama at hinawi ang malaking puting
kurtinang nakatabing sa binata.

Scarlet light brightened the room, reminding me of the red fire burning beneath the
yellow flame of a candle. And it was a beautiful sight I opened.

With a sigh, I sat down near the edge of the hotel bed and watched the vision of
the sun as it kissed the borderline of the horizon.
Most people find this particular scene fascinating. Breath-taking. Some fall in
love with it. And then, there are few like me who don't.

But even then, I still found myself sitting and watching for minutes without moving
or thinking. And it was in these quiet, few seconds that I feel at peace—a very
much short glimpse of both heaven and hell.

And then, there's none but oblivion and a dead weight on my chest.

Nowadays, I think there's nothing I can deem permanent. All was fading. Slow, but
eventually, they go. Nothing ever stayed—only that sense of... losing.

I stopped racing more than months ago. No one heard of me ever again since I won
the Avesto Cup race.

And so what did I do for the last months? Kahit ako hindi ko sigurado.

For five months, my life has been like a big land of green grass covered in a thick
white snow.

Once it was alive and breathing, now it was nothing but cold and grey. Empty as far
as the eyes can see. No colors. No signs of life. It's just white and pale.

It was worse than death.

DALAWANG ORAS ang lumipas pero hindi ko man lang naramdaman iyon. Nagising na lang
ako mula sa pagkakatulala ko at naririnig ko nang kumakatok si Av sa pintuan ng
kuwarto ko. I didn't even slept at all.

"Buti gising ka na," sabi niya pagpasok niya. May key card siguro siya kaya niya
nabuksan iyon.

Kumunot ang noo niya nang mapansin niyang nakaupo lang ako sa gilid ng kama at
nakaharap sa bintana.

"Did you rest?"

Umiling ako. "Hindi ako nakatulog."

She sighed. Naramdaman kong tumabi siya sa akin. "They're waiting for you
downstairs."
I looked down at my wristwatch. Alas-sais na pala.

I sighed, wishing they just didn't bother with all of these. I like to be alone. I
find comfort in solitude.

"And what's with the sigh?" tanong niya.

I lifted a shoulder. "You really didn't have to do throw me a party." I could do

without one. In fact, I would appreciate if they didn't.

"Ano ka ba? Siyempre kailangan may welcome party ka. Na-miss ka ng mga tao rito.
Everybody thought you'll never come back."

The last time I came home, nobody did this stuff.

Well, that's because no one knows you came back.

That thought made me sigh. "Okay. Magbibihis lang ako sandali."

"Vee," Av suddenly held my arm and looked at me warily, "are you okay?"

"I'm okay." I nodded. People has been asking me that question for million times now
and I always tell them the same answer that even my voice was starting to sound
like a dead tone.

"Are you sure?"

And just as I usually do, I nodded my head and convinced her with a smile, even
though I know I could never convince her.

"I'm sure."

Tinitigan niya ang ngiti ko, pagkatapos ay bumuntong hininga siya at walang
salitang pinakawalan ang braso ko. Saka ako tumayo para pumunta sa banyo.

"You want me to wait on you?"

"Hindi na," sagot ko habang binubuksan ang banyo. "You go ahead. Mabilis lang ako."

"O sige. Bumaba ka lang kapag ready ka na."

I didn't answer as I slipped into the privacy of the bathroom. Mayamaya ay narinig
ko nang bumukas at sumara ang pintuan sa labas ng banyo.

I did a quick bath and it was after a good thirty minutes when I decided to leave
my room. Wearing a new shirt and a pair of jeans, I descended the stairs instead of
taking the elevator. Mas gusto kong maglakad sandali bago ako magpakita sa mga tao.
I want to calm my nerves first. And I find stairs very helpful in pacifying them.

People started to cheer when I entered the packed room. I could see familiar faces
around me. Andoon si Jack, kasama ang asawa niyang si Martha, sina Doug, EJ, Nico,
Tyrone, at ang ibang nakilala ko sa league. Nandoon din sina Ian at Yanie.

For a split second, I felt happy, genuinely happy, when I noticed Ian's arm wrapped
around Yanie's shoulder keeping her close. But it died out pretty quickly when a
wicked voice of envy whispered in my ears.

They have what I lost months ago.

Pero kahit ganoon, pinilit ko pa ring ngumiti sa kanila.

"Look, the girl who swept the car racing world in a storm is finally here!" Av, who
stood on the stage holding a microphone, announced. "But if there's a thing she
can't do, she sucks at swimming," natatawang dugtong niya na ikinailing ko.

Lumapit sa akin si Tyrone at binigyan ako ng wine, and then Av held up her glass in
the air and smiled at me warmly. "Welcome home, my dear."

"Welcome home!" Everybody toasted a cheer at pinuno ng ingay ng mga baso ang
paligid.

"Welcome home," bati rin sa akin ni Tyrone at nagulat ako nang halikan niya ang
pisngi ko. Pero hindi ko pinahalata iyon. It was just a friendly kiss, no big deal.

"Late na pala tayo, sabi ko naman kasi sayo bilisan mo."

Nagdikit ang kilay ko nang marinig ko ang babaeng nagrereklamo. Pamilyar sa akin
ang boses na iyon.

Yes...

It's the voice of a woman I would never be able to forget, kahit na minsan ko lang
narinig ang boses na iyon sa buong buhay ko. I know that voice... because it was
the voice who slayed my heart, five months ago.
Tyrone took my arm, his eyes telling me it would be a bad idea if I turn around.
Pero nandito na ako, at alam ko, inasahan ko nang muling magtatagpo ang landas
namin. At hinding hindi ko matatakasan iyon kahit pa piliin kong huwag na siyang
makita.

I have to face Zeke. Now.

I sighed and smiled at Tyrone reassuringly as I put his hand away.

Somehow, I feel very conscious about everything—my hair, my clothes, how I look,
and the tensed silence that was stretching around me was calcifying my spine.

But I forced myself and turned around with my head up. And then my eyes immediately
clashed with the most mesmerizing pair of eyes I've ever seen that still had the
power to freeze time and stop my lungs from breathing.

Napalunok ako at naramdaman ko ang panginginig ng kalamnan ko, ng bawat buto ko,
dahil hindi ko inaasahang biglang bumukas ang pintuan ng utak ko para magbigay daan
sa nakaraang muntik nang sumira ng buhay ko... hanggang ngayon.

The painfully familiar woman standing next to him moved and linked her arms around
his in a possessive gesture that wasn't lost to me.

I looked at her face and it was those eyes that pushed me to that moment of my life
when I thought I had died a thousand times even when I was still completely alive
and breathing.

IT WAS THREE months after I left Zeke and flew to Italy. Nagtagal ako ng tatlong
buwan doon dahil kailangan kong maghanda sa pagitan ng racing at sa launching ng
Avesto S series.

Lahat ng qualifiers ay nagkaroon ng car testing drive sa bawat sample ng series na

ilalabas ng Avesto group. Doon nila ini-evaluate ang quality ng sasakyan bago ito
i-launch. At iyon din ang gagamiting kotse ng participant sa araw ng karera.

It was more than two months when SMI showed the final output. Ang sabi ni Ian,
hinintay ni Zeke na gumaling ang daddy niya bago nito inasikaso ang tungkol sa
project. At naintindihan ko iyon.

I wanted to go home during the first month, dahil inaalala ko si Zeke at ang daddy
niya. But the contract was binding me. Hindi ako pwedeng umuwi, or it will mean I
quit. And it will put SMI into greater damage.

Avesto was a paranoid businessman. Iniisip niyang may magle-leak ng mga desinyo na
ilu-launch ng kompanya niya kaya siguro siya ganoon kastrikto.

So for three months, I stayed.

On the day of the race, wala akong ibang panalangin na sana dumating si Zeke. I
prayed that he would be there, kahit na hindi na ako manalo. I just want him there.
Watching.

But in the moment of my victory, when the whole Italy was celebrating with me, it
was that one man, that one face I was looking for.

Pero wala siya doon.

And it was that time that I've never felt so alone in my whole life. Mag-isa ako sa
tagumpay ko.

Everyone was congratulating me, Avesto was very impressed he wanted to keep me in
his team, and some international racing team tried to talk to me to sign a contract
with them... lahat sila gustong kunin ako.

But I turned them down, because for me, I belong to Legacy. And there was only one
man I wanted to hear how proud he is to me.

And I thought, now that everything was finally done, I could finally go home. I
could finally be with Zeke. Makikita ko na ulit siya.

I really didn't care if he didn't want to see me. Tatlong buwan na ang lumipas,
surely he won't stay angry, right?

Pero naisip ko na kung galit pa rin siya sa akin at ayaw pa rin niya akong makita,
I will still try to make him talk to me.

Unsure and scared as I was, I was still hopeful and I couldn't let that hope die. I
couldn't let fear get the best of my future.

And so I went home.

Av was furious when she knew what I did. She was very mad, dahil umalis ako nang
walang paalam. Naka-oo na raw kasi siya sa mga interviews at isang malaking gulo na
umuwi ako.

But I didn't care about the interviews, the forums, the pictorials and all the
media exposure. Unang-una, hindi naman iyon ang dahilan kaya ako sumali sa karera.
At pangalawa, gustong-gusto ko nang umuwi ng Pilipinas at makita si Zeke.
I couldn't even wait for the plane to touch the ground when I was finally at the
Philippine airport. Sabik ba sabik na akong makabalik.

No one was there to welcome me. Walang sumundo sa akin pero ayos lang iyon. It
didn't matter. Ang mahalaga, nakauwi na ako.

Diretso akong pumunta sa SMI para puntahan si Zeke, dala-dala pa rin ang mga gamit
ko.

I wanted to say sorry, that I hurt him and I left when he needed me. But I am here
now, I came back and I will promise I will never leave him again. Ever. No matter
what.

I wanted to tell him that we can finally start our own life—together. That I was
finally free... I finally won my own race. And maybe he won't look at me with the
same eyes as he did before.

Ang dami kong gustong sabihin sa kanya nang mga sandaling iyon, na sa tingin ko
halos gusto nang sumabog ng dibdib ko pagdating ko ng lobby ng SMI.

The same woman greeted me. Pero agad niya akong pinigilan.

"Wala po si Sir Zeke dito, ma'am. Nasa business trip po siya sa Japan."

I was disappointed. Hindi ko inasahang hindi ko siya maabutan. I didn't think he

could not be here.

"Kailan daw ang balik niya?"

"Next week pa po e."

Umihip ang malamig na hangin at binalot ng pagkadismaya ang aking dibdib. Pero
nilabanan ko iyon. Isang linggo lang naman e. Kaya kong maghintay ng isang linggo.
Wala iyon sa tatlong buwang pag-alis ko.

So I waited... Like a fool waiting for her heart to be broken.

But I didn't know what was coming. I was nothing but a nerve tightly wrung with
anxiety and a heart fluttering with excitement.

A week passed and no Zeke came.

My hope faltered, but I tried to keep its fire burning. I couldn't afford to lose
it.

Hindi tumigil si Av sa kakatawag sa akin, at kakatanong kung nasaan ako, but I kept
on ignoring her phone calls. Alam niya kung nasaan ako.

I was done with racing at nasabi ko na iyon sa kanya bago ako umalis ng Italy. All
I wanted now was Zeke and to talk to him.

So I stayed and waited still.

Habang tumatagal ay nakikita na ako nang mga kaibigan ko at nang mga media
reporter. Kaya hindi na ako nagtaka nang tawagan ako ni Serena.

Nagalit siya sa una dahil sa pag-alis ko nang walang paalam noon. At ngayon naman
daw, hindi ko siya sinabihang dumating na ako.

"Ayaw ko lang kasing isipin mo na inaabandona ko kayo nang mga oras na iyon. Your
dad was in hospital, and I didn't think you needed to know. I'm sorry," sabi ko sa
kanya nang magkita kami.

She invited me to lunch at hindi na ako tumanggi sa kanya. Na-miss ko rin kasi
siya.

"So bakit ngayon ka lang nagpakita kung last week ka pa umuwi?" nagtatampong sabi
niya.

"Ang gusto ko kasi, magkaayos muna kami ng kuya mo. I want to see him first." Ayaw
kong lumapit sa pamilya niya hanggang hindi pa kami nagkakaayos.

"I had no idea you were having trouble before. Pero naiintindihan kita kung bakit
mo ginawa iyon." She sighed. "I just wish you told me you were leaving. Zeke was
just so miserable when you left. At nadagdagan pa iyon nang operahan si daddy. He
was restless. Nakakaawa nga siya e."

Guilt squeezed my throat. "I'm really sorry I did that to your brother. Hindi ko
inasahan ang mangyayari iyon kay tito..."

She reached for my hands and held it with a smile of sympathy. "It's okay.
Naipaliwanag na ni Dad kung bakit ka umalis."

"Si tito?"

"Tinawag niya kaagad si kuya nang magising siya sa operasyon. Honsetly, I think dad
just used his weak disposition to trick kuya into talking to him. But it worked."
Ngumiti siya. "Sabi ni dad, nagdadalawang-isip kang umalis noon, pero pinilit ka
niyang umalis. He also said you were crying worried about Zeke."

Bigla ay nag-init ang pisngi ko. Her dad doesn't really keep secrets, does he?

"I know why you feel the need to leave, and I understand it now. Aaminin ko, sinisi
kita sa nangyari kay Kuya, pero reaksyon ko lang iyon bilang isang kapatid, siguro.
Alam ko naman na mahal mo si kuya at hindi mo siya kayang saktan." She gripped my
hand to give me comfort and smiled gratefully. "I think you made the right choice,
Vee. Kasi nakikita kong unti-unti nang nagbabago si kuya. He's doing great now and
I think he's happy. Antoinette helps him to get better every day."

I remembered smiling at Serena that day, and I also remembered how it hurt to fake
it.

Everything she said, every word she spoke, was like a breath of cold air dousing my
hope. I felt like with just one more whisper and the fire will die.

But despite that, I still waited. And forever, I was willing to wait.

I still have things I wanted him to know, words I wanted to tell him. But I had a
strange feeling they would remain unuttered.

TWO DAYS AFTER Serena and I talked, I heard Zeke was back. Iyon ang tinext sa akin
ni Jacky, ang receptionist. Iniwan ko sa kanya ang number ko noong nakaraang linggo
at sinabihang itext niya ako kaagad kung sakaling bumalik na si Zeke.

Halos hindi ako magkaugaga sa pagbibihis noon, dahil madaling araw pa lang at
kailangan ko daw magmadali dahil lilipad na ulit si Zeke pabalik ng Japan. Nandito
lang daw ito dahil sa isang board meeting.

I disguised myself into a black overcoat, a beanie over my head, and a blck
sunglasses. Alam kong marami na namang nakaabang na reporter sa labas ng building.

At hindi nga ako nagkamali.

Kumabog nang malakas ang dibdib ko nang may tumigil na magarang sports car sa harap
ng building. At lalong trumiple iyon nang mamukhaan ko ang driver.

The cameras started flashing, blinding anyone who can see them. Kahit ako
napapangiwi sa sobrang silaw niyon kahit nakasuot ako ng itim na salamin.

Nagkumpulan ang mga tao makalapit lang kay Zeke, pero naroon na ang mga security
guard bago pa ito maipit ng mga ito.
Hindi ako makalapit sa dami ng tao. I didn't even know if he could hear my voice as
I called out his name. Sunod-sunod at sabay-sabay na kasi ang mga tanong ng mga
reporter sa kaniya.

Suddenly, a woman from somewhere shouted, "Padaanin niyo nga kami! Tabi!"

Everyone fell silent and the people moved away like an ocean parting in two. And
then I saw two heads walking amidst the crowd. One taller with short spiky hair,
one shorter with long brunette locks.

My heart spasm when I realized it was a woman who was walking beside Zeke. Umakyat
sila ng hagdan at mas nakita ko ang sana ay hindi ko na dapat nakita.

The woman was beautiful. Graceful. And I can see the chemistry the two of them
have. Bigla ay tumigil ang babae at may tiningnan sa mga nakatipong tao.

Her arm snaked around Zeke's arm and looked up at him. The concern she had on her
face almost floored me. Lalo na nang ngumiti si Zeke sa kaniya. Hindi man lang ito
nagalit o nairita sa ginawa ng babaeng pag-abrisete sa kanya.

"He's doing great now and I think he's happy. Antoinette helps him to get better
every day."

Siya ba si Antoinette?

"Zeke!" I tried to call him again but my voice was obliterated by a question that
almost felt like an earthquake shaking my body.

"Totoo bang may relasyon kayo ni Ms. Patrick? Nakitang magkasama kayong nagbakasyon
sa Japan—"

"So?" mataray na sabi ng babae sa reporter. "Nagpunta kami sa Japan dahil—"

I watched Zeke grabbed her by the nape and I prayed with my eyes open that he
wouldn't do it. But my prayers wasn't answered because Zeke kissed her.

Naramdaman ko... nadama ko ang naghihingalong sindi ng kandilang bumubuhay sa

kakarampot na pag-asa sa puso ko.

This time, there was no cold or strong wind, but still, I felt the last flame of
the candle died.

A hoarse voice broke out and I realized it came out from me.
I was crying. At hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko. Sa nanginginig na tuhog, tumakbo
ako paalis sa lugar na iyon.

Hindi ko kayang panoorin si Zeke na hinahalikan ang babaeng iyon habang marubdob na
nalalagas ang mga luha ko.

Everything ended there. My heart was slayed. And I fled.

I left for the second time, with no other choice but to acknowledge that the living
flicker of hope inside me died that day in a painful death.

"LOOK, THE GIRL who swept the car racing world in a storm is finally here!" Narinig
kong sabi ni Av pagkapasok namin ng venue.

Hindi napansin ng mga tao ang pagdating namin at mukhang nakatuon iyon sa iisang
tao lang—everyone was looking at the woman with pixie short hair who had her back
on us.

I felt my chest picked a rhythm of beat and I had to exert a great amount of self-
control to stop myself from reaching her.

Alam ko, kahit na hindi siya nakaharap sa akin, alam kong siya iyon.

"But if there's a thing she can't do, she sucks at swimming," Av laughed, at natawa
rin ang iba sa sinabi niya.

But it was hardly funny to me, because that just shows how so little I knew about
her. And I didn't like the feeling it conjured in me. I hate that I didn't know
that little fact about her.

A man walked from the crowd, taking my attention when he stood beside her, at
nakilala kong si Tyrone iyon. He handed her a drink and everyone made a toast. But
I kept looking at the two of them.

Nag-pantig ang tenga ko nang may binulong si Tyrone sa kanya, at naikuyom ko ang
mga kamao ko nang dampian siya nito ng halik sa pisngi.

My hands clenched and flexed beside me. Fvcking asshole! I'm going to rip his neck
and pull his eyes out—

"Late na pala tayo."

Bigla ay natigil ang pag-iisip ko. I frowned and I realized it was Pat who was
annoyingly whining again.

"Sabi ko naman kasi sayo bilisan mo," iritadong umismid siya.

Hindi ko na lang siya pinansin. I was already irritated and I don't want another
irritation, especially when I'm looking at Tyrone holding her bare arms like that.

Fvcking damn it!

I need to control this.

Dahan-dahan akong nagpakawala ng hininga, pero nauwi rin iyon sa wala nang humarap
siya sa akin.

I thought it was only in the movies where everything slowed down. But I just got
that fvcking feeling right now when she turned around.

This is fvck!

Hindi ako makahinga habang nakatingin siya sa akin. I thought time stood still and
everybody else disappeared. It's just me and her, just like what happened when I
first saw her standing outside our school gate waiting for someone.

I was in high school, and I was a bully. But for the first time, I felt something
I've never felt before—I felt tamed.

And then I was irritated when a boy came to her. Iyon siguro ang taong hinihintay
niya.

I admit, I bullied Five then. Dahil akala ko boyfriend siya ng babaeng iyon. Pero
nang makita ko ang litrato nilang dalawa sa inarkela kong pitaka niya, I saw the
resemblance.

Simula noon, marami na ang nagbago sa buhay ko.

But they never were right. I always end up hurting people. I fully understood that
now. And I want to make them right. Bend the crook and straighten things up.
Starting now.

But I'm also aware that there are things that can never go back to what it was
before. Some things are worth letting go.
Or not.

Victoria stared at me, right into my eyes, and I had a distinct feeling she wasn't
really looking at me. She's looking at someone stranger.

Those doe eyes that once looked at me with light and warmth and passion... they
were gone now. They looked waxy.

And something hit me—she looked different. It was not just about her short hair, or
her lost weight, or her unsmiling face.

It was her.

She had changed.

Damn it! Why do I feel bad about it?

=================

Chapter ♠ 41

CHANGES

"AHEM," SOMEONE CLEARED a throat which pulled me back into the present. Napatingin
ako sa babaeng kasama ni Zeke—the woman who triggered bitter memories from the
past.

"Hi! I'm Antoinette. Antoinette Patrick," she introduced with a smile and extended
a friendly hand at me. Sandali kong tinitigan iyon bago ko tinanggap at tahimik na
kinamayan siya.

"Kilala kita. You're Victoria Alteza, right?" sabi niya nang maibaba ko ang kamay
ko. "Ikaw iyong sikat na Pinay car racer."

Saglit akong nagtaka kung bakit niya ako kilala. But then, maybe she saw my face or
heard my name somewhere.

"It's Vera Victoria Alteza," I confirmed crisply.

"Ah..." she smiled. "Ang ganda talaga ng tunog ng pangalan mo. Ang astig pakinggan.
Bagay na bagay sayo."

Zeke suddenly coughed noisily beside her, intentionally cutting her off.

"May sakit ka ba?" iritadong sabi ni Antoinette nang lingunin niya si Zeke pero
inirapan lang siya nito.

They exchanged an angry look at each other, completely ignoring of me. It made me
feel awkward and uneasy. Para akong nanonood ng palabas na hindi ko dapat panoorin.
I felt like I was stepping into a private scene and territory.

"Excuse me," I said, taking both of their attention. "Maiwan ko na muna kayo
sandali."

"Ay..."

Nakita kong namula ang pisngi ni Antoinette. Siguro ay nahiya siya dahil
nakalimutan niyang nasa harapan pa rin nila ako.

I smiled to ease her concern. "It's okay. It was nice to meet you, by the way, and
thank you for coming. I hope you enjoy your stay."

"Ah, nice to finally meet you din," mabilis na sabi niya at napansin ko ang palihim
na pagsiko niya sa tagiliran ni Zeke.

I turned to Zeke and found him looking at me closely. I had the sudden urge to run,
or hide, because I felt like he could see right through me.

But it's impossible. Wala naman siyang makikita e. Wala.

Kaya pinilit kong pahupain ang anumang kumakabog sa dibdib ko at dahan-dahang

inangat ang kamay ko para kamayan siya. Tahimik na tiningnan niya iyon hanggang sa
maitaas ko iyon sa tapat niya.

I never thought I could say them out loud again, but my lips moved and I heard my
voice spoke his name once again.

"Zeke," sabi ko at pinigilan ang sarili kong huwag pansinin o analisahin ang
damdaming sumisikil sa dibdib ko. "It's nice to see you again," sabi ko nang walang
bahid na tuwa sa boses. In fact, I sounded too cool and unattached, as if I was
just talking about the weather.

His face suddenly turned grim and then, something shifted in his gaze. But before I
could name it, he was already looking down, shielding his eyes from me with his
lids.
Matagal niyang tinitigan ang kamay ko hanggang sa mangalay ang braso ko. Bumalik
ang tingin niya sa'kin, pero hindi na siya mukhang galit. His expression turned
searching.

I averted my eyes and sighed. Zeke doesn't seem to be in the mood for a hand shake
kaya ibinaba ko na lang ang braso ko kesa hinatayin siyang kamayan ako.

Nahigit ko ang hininga ko nang bigla-bigla na lang niyang sinalo iyon at pinigilan
ang kamay ko.

Napipilan ako dahil sa bulta-bultaheng kiliting dumaan mula sa mainit na palad niya
papunta sa kamay ko patungo sa buong katawan ko.

Napatitig ako sa kanya. Again, his eyes shifted. But this time, I named one.

Desire...

Suddenly, the air grew thick and heat radiated from his palm throughout my body,
spreading like a wildfire. And I felt like a helpless moth drawn to a dangerous
flame.

I looked away, not liking how my body was responding to it. But I felt Zeke gripped
my hand tighter, harder, but not hurting enough, and tugged me closer to him. Bigla
ay natagpuan ko na lang na magkalapit na kami. His hot breath mingled with mine, at
halos hindi na ako humihinga sa tindi ng tibok ng puso ko.

He leaned down and I felt his lips brushed my ear. "Strangers now, are we?" bulong
niya sa akin.

I shivered. Bigla ay nadama ko ang mga titig ng mga tao sa paligid namin. Kahit may
mahinang tugtog na pumupuno sa katahimikan, nakakarinig pa rin ako ng mga bulungan.
Kahit sariling tibok ng puso ko, ang lakas sa pandinig ko. And then I remembered
who's with him.

Mabilis akong lumayo mula sa kanya. I thought I looked like I almost jumped away
from Zeke. I was horrified.

He was with his girlfriend for God's sake!

Kunot na kunot ang noo ni Zeke habang nakatulala siya sa'kin na parang hindi niya
maintindihan ang ginawa ko. Pero kahit sino naman siguro ganoon ang gagawin lalo na
kung nasa malapit at nanonood lang ang girlfriend 'di ba?

So why did he look like he was hurt?

Of course not.

Maybe he was just shocked from my reaction. Iyon lang siguro iyon.

Hinarap ko si Antoinette na mukhang hindi rin makapagsalita. "I-I'm sorry," I

stuttered and stifled a curse for being so affected. "Kailangan ko nang umalis."

I quickly turned around before anything else happened, pero si Serena ang
nabungaran kong papalapit sa amin habang kausap si Tyrone.

"Vee!" she almost shrieked in my ear and threw herself around me. Kahit na gulat
ako ay natawa pa rin ako sa ginawa niya.

"Oh, it is so nice to see you again after five months! Bigla ka na lang kasing
umalis dati. Hindi ba sinabi ko na sayo noon na magpapaalam ka kapag aalis ka
ulit?"

Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi ko at napapikit ng mata habang nananalangin na sana

hindi iyon narinig ni Zeke. Ayokong malaman niyang umuwi ako dati, at ang
katangahang ginawa ko noon. At least not now.

"Oops! Sekreto ba dapat iyon?" Serena whispered when she saw my soured face. "Naku,
sorry! Hindi mo naman sinabi agad."

I sighed and shook my head. "No, it's okay. It's nothing."

"Sure ka?"

Tumango ako at nagbalak na umalis. Pero hinarangan niya ako. "Hi kuya!" Nakangiting
sinilip ni Serena sa likod ko si Zeke at kumaway pa siya kay Antoinette. "I thought
you had other plans tonight."

"I cleared my schedule," narinig kong sagot ni Zeke mula sa likod ko.

"Oh... I see," Serena nodded and smiled unconvinced. "Nung ako ang nagyaya sayo,
busy ka?"

Hindi ko na narinig ang sagot ni Zeke dahil lumapit na rin sa amin pati ang ibang
miyembro ng League. Saglit nila akong binati bago sila lumapit kay Zeke.

Kinuha ko na ang oras na iyon para umalis habang abala silang nagkukumustahan, pero
sinundan ako ni Serena.
"So you've met already," sabi niya, "you and Antoinette."

"Apparently," sagot ko nang hindi siya nililingon at mabilis na inubos ang laman ng
wine glass na hawak ko.

"Kailan ka pa dumating? I mean, the last time we talked, nasa New York ka pa. And
that was three days ago. Hindi mo man lang sinabi na uuwi ka pala this week."

"I'm sorry. It was all so sudden."

Tumigil siya at pinigilan ako. "Sudden? You mean babalik ka pa sa New York?"

Hindi ko siya sinagot at pinili ko na lang na tumahimik at umiwas. And I was

thankful Serena get the message. Hindi na ulit siya nagtanong tungkol doon, but I
also think she already guessed the possibility.

No, I don't think I should answer a question that was still undecided for me. Pero
habang nandito pa rin ako, maybe I could make the most out of my stay.

MATAPOS KONG MAGPAALAM kay Av ay umalis agad ako ng party. It wasn't boring,
really. Hindi ako umalis dahil doon. The party was steaming it up, at nakikita kong
nagsasaya lahat ng bisita.

Everything was perfect. The drinks kept flowing and the music was on fire. The
night was almost alive. But I just don't feel it.

I don't think I can stay long, lalo na at alam kong nasa paligid lang si Zeke,
kasama si Antoinette. I couldn't pretend I don't see them. Or pretend I'm okay that
they were there. Kaya mas mabuti na sigurong umiwas.

Naisipan kong sa likod na dumaan para walang makahalata. Sabi naman ni Av, may
daanan doon papunta sa itaas.

Isang malaking pool ang nakita ko sa labas. The place was empty, though. Patay ang
ibang ilaw sa ibang sulok kaya medyo madilim. Gabi na rin kasi kaya walang katao-
tao at napakatahimik pa, maliban sa lagaslas ng tubig na nanggagaling sa built-in
waterfall sa gilid ng pool.

Sa isang malaking hininga, naglakad ako palapit doon. The water was just so
beautiful, it looked like a sapphire crystal glowing deep under.

Umihip ang malakas na hangin at napayakap ako sa sarili ko. Nakalimutan kong
magsuot ng jacket kanina noong lumabas ako ng hotel room ko. Nanunuot tuloy ang
lamig sa katawan ko.

I stood near the edge of the pool and stared down beneath the water. I wonder if it
feels just as cold as the night air.

Sa pagkakatanda ko, iilang beses lang akong nakapunta sa mga resorts at nakaligo sa
pool. Minsan na rin akong nalunod noong college ako sa isa sa mga barkada trip
namin dahil sa hindi ako marunong lumangoy.

Simula no'n, madalang na lang akong pumunta sa mga beach resorts. Ngayon lang yata
ulit ako nakalapit ng pool. And it made me curious.

Nagsimula akong umuklo para hawakan iyon. Pero bigla akong nakarinig nang malakas
na sumigaw.

My feet slipped over the edge from my surprise, and I thought I'd fall. But strong
arms came around my waist so fast and spun me around, pulling me away. The next
thing I know, my chest was plastered against a firm, warm, heaving chest.

His painfully familiar scent smothered my breath, kicking up my chest. I looked up

and my voice was trapped on my throat when I saw my angry-faced knight in shining
armor.

"Zeke!" halos bulong ko. Hindi na matino ang paghinga ko.

"What the hell are you thinking?!" sigaw niya na mas ikinagulat ko.

"Wha..." Napapikit-pikit ako nang ilang beses. What was he doing here?

"God dammit! Ikaw itong hindi marunong lumangoy pero ang lakas ng loob mong lumapit
dito!"

I stared at him dumbfounded. How did he know I can't swim? And why was he so
furious?

His chest heaved deeply and I suddenly realized he was still holding me and
literally breathing down on me. Mabilis akong naglagay nang distansya sa mukha
namin. But I could still feel all of him.

Siguro ay napansin din niya iyon kaya mabilis niya akong pinakawalan, like he
couldn't get away fast enough.

I felt something pinched my chest and chose to ignore it. Tiningnan ko si Zeke na
halos hingal na hingal sa galit. Again, it made me frown.
"I was just looking at it..." paliwanag ko pero bigla ulit niya akong pinagalitan.

"Kahit na!" sigaw niya. "Delekado pa rin! Paano kung nahulog ka? What if you
slipped and fell? Paano kung wala ako rito? Fvck! Nag-iisip ka ba?"

Wow. What's with him?

"What are so mad for?" inis na sabi ko. "Hindi naman ako tanga para tumalon diyan.
At huwag kang mag-alala dahil hindi naman malalim ang pool na iyan kung sakali mang
mahulog ako diyan. It wouldn't even drown me."

He opened his mouth but decided to close it and glare at me. Ilang beses siyang
huminga nang malalim para sikaping pakalmahin ang sarili niya at pinanood ko lang
siya nang may pagtataka.

"Bakit ka ba nandito? Aren't you supposed to be inside?" And where's your

girlfriend?

He took a side glance back at the party and lifted his shoulder in a giveaway
gesture. "I had to make some calls. Masyadong maingay sa loob kaya lumabas na lang
ako." Tiningnan niya ako. "How about you? Ikaw dapat ang wala dito."

Ako naman ang nagkibit-balikat. "I was just leaving."

"Leaving. Aalis ka?"

Tumango ako habang nagsisimulang humakbang paatras sa kanya. He frowned and took a
single step forward. Pero tumigil siya, and suddenly he looked somewhat lost, na
parang hindi niya alam kung ano ang gagawin niya.

"Iiwan mo na lang basta ang mga bisita mo sa loob?"

I shrugged again and continued walking away. "Av can take care of them. Kailangan
ko nang magpahinga. Sige, maiwan na kita," I said and turned around.

Nakakailang hakbang pa lang ako nang marinig kong tinawag niya ako.

"Victoria, wait!"

Naramdaman kong nanikip ang dibdib ko. I closed my eyes and bit back a tremble.

What a shame.
How was it that with just a single name, Zeke could still let loose an army of
tears in my eyes? That he could still untie bitter emotions I carefully tucked and
buried deep under my hollow chest for five depressing months?

I sighed and stopped. Seconds passed and I wanted to run. Pero pinigilan ko ang
sarili ko dahil gusto kong maging malakas. I wanted to show him that I am fine
without him—even if it was just a lie.

So I turned around and faced the man I cried millions of worthless tears. Nakita ko
siyang papalapit sa akin, pero bigla siyang tumigil nang harapin ko siya.

We looked at each other for a long moment of silence, and I felt like I was seeing
the memory of him crying and leaving, the night when he told me he didn't want to
see me again. That he was tired and done—the night I hurt him.

Zeke sighed, and smiled. "I'm happy you're back."

I nodded and walked away without turning back, thinking, why? Why did he look so
sad when he said that?

"WHERE ARE YOU?" mabilis kong sagot nang tumawag sa akin si Av. "Please tell me
you're coming?"

"I'm sorry, Vee. Ma de-delay lang ako ng kaunti sa appointment natin. Nagkaroon
lang kasi ng urgent situation dito sa agency. Pero mabilis lang naman 'to.
Promise!"

I sighed after peaking on my wristwatch. "Okay. Pero bilisan mo."

Thirty minutes na akong naghihintay rito sa restaurant na 'to, at halos ala-una na.
Nagugutom na ako. Hindi pa ako nagbe-breakfast dahil late na akong nagising kanina.

Balak ko sanang kumain sa hotel kanina, pero tumawag bigla si Av at sinabing may
gusto raw siyang sabihin sa akin over lunch. I should've ate already.

"Vee?"

Napatingala ako at nakita ko si Tyrone na nakauklo sa harap ng mesa ko.

"Ty?"
Mukhang gulat din siya na makita ako roon pero mas nagulat ako sa sinabi niya.

"Sa inyo 'to?"

Nahihiyang nagkamot siya ng batok. "Family business. Pinag-aaralan ko lang

patakbuhin. Alam mo naman kapag mga magulang..."

"Why? They want you to retire?"

"Well, tumatanda na raw ako sabi ni Ma. At kinukulit na rin nila akong mag-asawa at
nang magkaapo na raw sila." He chuckled. "Imagine? Wala pa nga akong girlfriend,
apo na kaagad."

"E bakit kasi hindi ka pa maghanap?" tudyo ko sa kanya. "How about your sister? 'Di
ba may kapatid ka?"

"She's still in college. Bata pa iyon."

"Kung ganoon, kailangan mo na talagang maghanap ng babae."

He grimaced.

"Oh, bakit?" natatawang tanong ko sa kanya.

"You make it sound so horrid."

I laughed. "Sorry."

"Umorder ka na nga," he said laughing too and handed me the menu. Itinuro ko iyong
mga gusto ko at siya mismo ang nagsulat noon.

"Ito lang?" Kunot-noo niyang tiningnan ang listahan ng order ko, pagkatapos ay
napailing. "Hay... mga babae talaga."

Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang itinapon ang listahan sa basura. "Wait here. Ako na
ang bahala sa pagkain mo."

"Okay. But I'm telling you, Ty. Don't try to give me your expensive food 'cause I
won't pay for it."

Tinawanan lang niya ang banta ko. "I know. Besides, libre ko naman 'to." He winked.
"Tsk tsk tsk." Nakangiti akong umiling-iling. "Malulugi itong resto mo kung
ililibre mo lahat ng babaeng dadaan dito."

"Sa maniwala ka't sa hindi, kuripot ako. Ngayon nga lang ako manlilibre e."

Natawa ulit ako nang kumindat siya. I forgot he was such a charmer. Nakakapagtaka
na hanggang nagyon, wala pa rin siyang nagiging steady girlfriend.

"Mukhang nagkakasiyahan kayo rito."

My face froze and my smile slowly faded. And I realized that for a blissfully
unconscious moments, I actually felt happy and light again. I forgot it's been
months I haven't actually smiled... until that voice resounded behind me.

"O, Zeke! Pare!" Tumayo si Tyrone at nakipagkamay kay Zeke. "I was just keeping
Victoria entertained."

"I can see that," Zeke said grimly.

"Teka, nakarinig ako ng libre," chirped a female voice. So Zeke was not alone after
all. She's with him again. Antoinette.

"Aba, unfair naman iyan, Ty. Dapat kasama kami diyan. 'Di ba, Ezekiel?"

"Panira ka talaga." Umiling-iling si Tyrone. "Sige na, sumabay na kayo sa amin."

"Ganyan nga. Mas marami, mas masaya," masayang sabi ni Antoinette at umupo sa harap
ng inuupuan ni Tyrone.

There was a moment of silence. An awkward pause that made me want to go.

Ty. I groaned inwardly. Bakit pa kasi siya pumayag?

Antoinette smiled at me. "Vee... uhm, okay lang ba na tawagin kitang Vee?"

I shrugged, and uncomfortably shifted on my seat when Zeke sat in front of me.
"Sure. Kahit ano naman pwede."

"Nagtataka lang kasi ako," sabi ni Antoinette, "matagal ko nang sinusubaybayan ang
mga race mo simula pa no'ng una. At alam mo ba, nagulat ako na 'magkakilala' pala
kayo ng lalaking 'to." Tiningnan niya si Zeke nang sinabi niya iyon saka umismid.
"Matagal na kaming magkakilala pero hindi man lang niya nasabi na kilala ka pala
niya."
I almost laughed and told her not to worry about it so much. That he also failed to
mention her to me.

But then, why would he? Kung tutuusin, wala pang ilang buwan na nanging kami. At
hindi na bago ang sekreto sa relasyon namin.

Yes, we did fell in love. But the pain that we had taken care inside us for years
was bigger than our love. And it eventually killed it.

"Pero matanong ko lang ha, kung ayos lang?" tanong ni Antoinette. I nodded
encouragingly at her. "Nagretire ka na rin ba kagaya ng lalaking 'to? Hindi na kasi
kita nakikita sa mga compitition e."

"Sinong tinatawag mong 'lalaking 'to'?" masungit na sabi ni Zeke kay Antoinette.
"Ikaw ha, ayusin mo iyang—"

"Ano? Ano?"

"Hindi mo yata kilala kung sino ako?"

Antoinette rolled her eyes. "Yeah? You're the Loser, right?"

"Loser? Tinawag mo ba akong loser?"

"Loser! Loser! Loser! Lo—"

"Ahem..." I coughed. Gusto ko nang batukan ang sarili ko nang bumalik ang tingin
nilang dalawa sa'kin. I sounded and acted like someone I shouldn't be. And it was a
piss off.

"Ay... Sorry," nahihiyang sabi ni Antoinette. "Ang sarap lang kasing asarin ng
lalaking 'to e. 'Di ba?"

I don't know, I thought and just smiled instead. I caught Zeke's eyes staring at
me, a peculiar expression on his face.

Isang waiter ang lumapit sa mesa namin at isa-isa nang dumating ang mga pagkain.
Hindi ko na tuloy nasagot ang tanong ni Antoinette. And it was fine. Ayoko din
namang sagutin iyon, at least not now.
"WHAT DO YOU think?" tanong ni Tyrone nang makailang subo ako nang kanin.

"Hm?"

"Masarap ba?"

"It's good, Tyrone," biglang sagot ni Zeke at parang aburidong kumakain. "Kakainin
ba namin kung hindi?"

Tyrone laughed and looked at me again. Narinig kong bumuga ng iritadong hininga si
Zeke.

"Sa tingin mo, Vee? Papasa na ba ang recipe ko sa menu?"

"Niluto mo 'to? Talaga?" Gulat at hindi makapaniwalang napatitig ako kay Tyrone.
"Wow! Hindi ko alam na marunong at masarap kang magluto, Tyrone!"

His cheeks flushed and smiled shyly. Napangiti tuloy ako sa itsura niya.

"Fvck!" Zeke muttered. Kumunot ang noo ko sa inasta niya.

"Sshh!" saway naman agad ni Antoinette sa kanya pero nanatiling aburido ang mukha
ni Zeke.

I frowned at him. Hindi ba niya nagustuhan ang luto ni Tyrone? Doesn't he agree
with me?

"Nakakainggit ka naman, Tyrone. Pang-chef nga talaga ang sarap ng luto mo."
Antoinette made a thumbs up.

"Salamat." Tyrone looked at me. "But I bet you cook much better."

Zeke suddenly snorted and laughed, as if he was enjoying a secret joke.

"Anyare sayo?" takang tanong ni Antoinette sa kanya.

"I just remembered something."

Nagkasalubong ang mga mata namin at isang alaala ang pumasok sa utak ko.

Zeke smiled. "She's the worst cook, Tyrone. You remember when my eyes was bandaged?
Kung natikman mo lang ang mga niluto niya..." he snickered. "Buti na lang hindi—
Aw!" Masama niyang tiningnan si Antoinette dahil sa pagkakasapak nito sa braso
niya.

She was giving him eye-signals, telling him that I was here and listening, at baka
na-offend ako sa sinabi niya

"It's okay," singit ko sa kanila at tipid na ngumiti. "Totoo naman ang sinabi ni
Zeke. I can't cook, even the simplest dish."

Tyrone nudged my elbow. "Walang kaso sa'kin iyon. Pwede naman kitang turuan e." He
grinned. "Kumain ka na."

He took a spoonful of the shrimp at binalatan niya ang mga iyon mismo bago nilagay
sa plato ko. "Heto... masarap 'to. Subukan mo."

"That's too much," sita ni Zeke at kinuha ang ibang pagkain sa plato ko. "Bawasan
mo, baka sumakit ang tiyan niya," sabi niya habang nilalagay sa plato ni Antoinette
ang mga pagkain ko.

I stopped his fork at nagtatakang tinitigan niya ako. I could see that he was
frustrated and angry at the same time. Kung bakit, hindi ko alam. And I don't want
to know why.

I don't know what he was trying to do or why he was suddenly acting like a jealous
man, pero hindi ko nagugustuhan iyon. Nakakairita na at kanina pa siya.

"Mind your own food, please. Gutom ako."

He held my gaze for several seconds before he withdrew his hand away. "I'm sorry."

Ewan ko pero mas nainis ako sa sinabi niya.

Zeke just said sorry. He smiled and laughed a lot. Pumapatol na rin siya sa mga
pang-iinis sa kanya. And he's okay. He's moved on.

At naiinis ako dahil lahat iyon nagawa ni Antoinette. She succeeded on what I
couldn't do. She drew Zeke out of his shell and freed him. She changed Zeke.

And what about me?

Oh yeah... I stopped living.

Ilang sandali pa ay dumating si Avon. And then everything was forgotten.

=================

Chapter ♠ 42

UNMATCHED

"SIGURADO KANG wala ka talagang gusto sa mga 'to?" tanong ulit sa akin ni Serena
habang sinusukat niya ang isang pares ng sapatos.

Napapangiting umingos ako. "Ayos lang ako."

I picked up a strapless blue stilettos with four inches heels and brought it to
her. "Here, try this on. It will look good on you."

Agad na lumiwanag ang mukha niya nang makita niya ang sapatos pero tiningnan niya
ako at naningkit ang mga mata niya sa akin. "Hmm..."

"'Di mo type?" tanong ko, pero kinukuha na niya ang sapatos sa kamay ko at sinukat
iyon.

"Why are you giving me every great shoes you see?"

I just smiled and stared at the pair of black shoes in front of me. They almost
looked the same as the one I got when I was hunting for a job after graduation.
Ngayon ko lang ulit naalalang nasa bahay pa pala iyon. I still kept it.

I sighed. "Hindi lang ako mahilig sa mga ganitong sapatos." I prefer boots and
leathered shoes, or the gladiator type.

"Whoa, Miss Athlete, you sure are missing the best things in life."

Nakita ko ang sarili ko sa salamin at napatanong ako kung tama ba ang sinabi ni
Serena? Was I really missing out on something? Do I?

Napailing na lang ako sa sarili ko. Bakit ko ba iniisip ang mga sinasabi niya? Good
shoes are still shoes. They don't keep me happy but at least they're useful.
Wala sigurong nagpapasaya sa akin ngayon katulad noon, but I'll live. I will be
happy again, one day. Darating din ang araw na iyon.

INABUTAN NA KAMI ng tanghalian sa kakasukat ng mga sapatos pero tatatlo lang ang
binili ni Serena sa dami ng naisukat niya kanina.

It was her idea that we go shopping today, kaya sinamahan ko na lang siya kahit na
may plano ako sa araw na 'to. May oras pa naman at wala pang kumokontak sa akin
hanggang ngayon.

"Nakakapagod talagang magshopping." Pagod na ibinagsak ni Serena ang katawan niya

sa upuan at hinayaan ang mga paperbag sa sahig. She looked strung out, kaya 'di ko
napigilang biruin siya.

"Best things in life, huh?"

"Tss..." she giggled. "Nga pala, busy ka ba tomorrow?"

I thought about my meeting with a client, pero umiling ako. "Hindi naman. Bakit?
Magsa-shopping ka ulit?"

Her smile weaned. "Well, pinapatanong kasi ni Ma."

Napalunok ako bigla. "S-si... Tita? Bakit naman?"

She moved her shoulders. "They know you're here. At gusto nilang pumunta ka sa
family dinner bukas."

"Family dinner?"

"Yeah... that dinner thing we're having every once in a month?"

"Alam ko," I said laughing at her sarcasm, but I was not the very least happy with
her news.

Tinitigan ko siya ng mabuti, and then suddenly a thought hit me.

"Dinala mo ako rito dahil diyan, 'no?"

Ngumiwi siya. "I just don't want to ask you over the phone. Alam ko kasing aayaw
ka."

Dumating ang isang waiter at nakangiting ibinigay sa amin ang menu. Umorder kami
saglit.

"Pasensya na, Vee. Gusto ka kasing makita nina Ma at Dad. And I think it would be
great if you'll come."

I shook my head because I didn't think so. I think it would be a disaster, for me.

Going there would mean one thing—to see Zeke. At ayoko siyang makita. As much as
possible, I want to avoid him and Antoinette.

"Sige na, please?" Serena pleaded. "Kahit ngayon lang. For mom and dad?"

"Serena... kasi..."

"I understand. Dahil kay kuya kaya ayaw mong pumunta. Pero hindi mo naman
kailangang kausapin si kuya e. Please?"

I sighed. "Serena, I just think it's not a good idea. Matagal na kaming hiwalay ni
Zeke. We both have our separate lives now... at katulad ng sinabi mo noon, masaya
na siya."

Napalunok ako dahil sa barang bumikig sa lalamunan ko at ngumiti. "I think... it

would be best if I don't go. Mas makakabuti siguro kung ikumusta mo na lang ako sa
kanila."

"Vee," she looked at me and it pained me to see the hurt in her eyes. "Are you
trying to avoid us too?"

"Hindi naman sa ganoon."

Pambihira. Paano ko ba ipapaliwanag nang maayos na ayokong gawing komplikado ang

lahat. Na may iba nang babae sa buhay ni Zeke at hindi na ako dapat nakikihalubilo
sa pamilya nila—not because it's awkward. It simply hurt.

"Serena, I really appreciate that you still remember me and that I felt I mean
something to you and your family. But we all know that at some point, it has to
stop." Well, we have already reached that point, actually.

"Vee, ano ka ba." Inabot niya ang kamay ko at hinawakan iyon. "Kahit naman wala na
kayo ng kapatid ko, you're still my friend. Sa simula pa lang, hindi ako
nakipagkaibigan sayo dahil may gusto sayo si kuya e. I wanted to be your friend. At
ganoon din ang pamilya ko. They love you, we all do, at hindi iyon magbabago kahit
pa iba na ang asawa ni kuya."

May pumiksi sa dibdib ko nang pumasok sa isip ko ang hitsura ni Zeke na nakasuot ng
puting tuxedo habang nakatayo at naghihintay sa babaeng may hawak na bulaklak,
naglalakad papunta sa kanya nang nakangiti at masayang-masaya.

I know it will be a happy wedding. But just thinking about it brought me pain,
because I also know that the bride would never be me.

Serena sighed. "Well, I'm still hoping my brother will come to his senses pero
ngayong nandito ka na, ngayong bumalik ka na, I can feel that it will be soon."

"You watch too much love story," I just told her.

"But seriously though, I used to think that women would be the lucky one to have my
brothers. Pero mali ako." She smiled at me. "Si kuya ang mas maswerte sa inyong
dalawa. And I think he knows it. 'Cause if he didn't, then Zeke is officially a
dickhead."

I just laughed. So ano si Zeke? A dickhead?

If Zeke really did realize it, he wouldn't let me go so easily, would he? But he
still did. And I think he made the right choice, dahil nakikita kong masaya siya
ngayon.

"I'm happy for my brother and you, dahil nakilala ka niya at dumating ka sa buhay
niya. Alam mo, sa mundo mayroon kami, mahirap sa amin ang magtiwala, especially
with all of the attention we get. Steele men are hard to understand. They're
stubborn, full of pride and male superiority, and they're disgustingly arrogant.
And those who will love them will need patience and, well... if they love them and
not the package, ayos na iyon."

Ironic, I thought. I loved Zeke, but it wasn't obviously enough. Our love broke us
apart. Pero hindi na iyon kailangang malaman ni Serena. Maybe our case was special.

"But you know, how you met my brother was pretty cool. I mean, hindi mo siya
hinusgahan base sa pangalan niya, na madalas nangyayari. At dahil doon kaya alam
naming totoo ang pinapakita mong pagmamalasakit kay kuya. Na talagang
pinapahalagahan mo siya. That's why you're special to us."

Napahugot ako nang malalim na hininga. I expected that Serena would convince me.
She has a way of tapping on my conscience and my sympathy. Pero hindi ko inasahang
makokombinsi niya ako.

"So please? Kahit itong request lang na 'to ang pagbigyan mo."
I really could feel the word 'No' was at the tip of my tongue. But whoever said
saying no was easy?

"Please?" she pleaded again and I couldn't do anything but to breathe a sigh of
resignation, because I know I was losing my fight on this one.

ILANG BESES PA akong huminga ng malalim bago pumara ulit ng isa pang taxi sa
pangatlong beses. The taxi stopped in front of me and waited, until another car
honked impatiently behind it.

Narinig kong nagsipagbuntong-hininga ang mga kasabayan kong nag-aabang din ng taxi
at iyong iba ay medyo aburido na sa paghihintay habang nakatingin sila sa akin at
hinihintay na sumakay ako.

"Ma'am, sasakay po ba kayo?" tanong ng driver nang ibaba niya ang bintana ng kotse
niya. Halatang naiinis din dahil sa kotseng nasa likod niya.

"Miss, baka gusto mo nang sumakay," naiiritang sabi nong babae sa likod ko. Mukhang
inip na inip.

I sighed. "Sorry. Baka gusto niyong mauna—"

"Hay, salamat naman." Hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko dahil sumakay na siya sa
taxing naghihintay sa akin.

Napabuntong hininga ulit ako at napailing na lang sa sarili ko. Hindi ko talaga
alam ang ginagawa ko.

Naglakad na lang ako sa main high way para doon na lang maghintay ng masasakyan.
Mas mabuti siguro kung mag-isa akong nag-aabang dahil ayokong may atakihin sa puso
dahil sa inis sa akin.

Mag-iisang oras na yata akong nasa labas at pumapara ng taxi pero hindi ko rin
naman sinasakyan. It's already past four, at kailangan kong dumating kina Serena
bago mag-alas-singko ý medya.

Well... bahala na siguro kung ma-late ako ng dating. I think that would be okay,
dahil mababawasan ang oras ko sa kanila at hindi ko na kakailanganin pang magtagal
sa bahay nila kung sakali man.
Mayamaya ay isang silver Audi ang tumigil sa harap ko. Hindi na ako nagulat dahil
alam ko kung kanino iyon. It was Tyrone's.

Ibinaba niya ang tinted window niya at sinilip ako mula doon.

"Vee, bakit nandito ka?" He looked around me and frowned. "Where's your car?"

Umuklo ako para makita siya. "I left it in New York."

Mas lalong nagdikit ang kilay niya. "Why, I mean, you're not coming back there, are
you?"

I simply smiled and walked over to his car instead of answering his question.
"Pwede bang magpahatid sayo? Kung okay lang sana?"

"Sure, sure," mabilis niyang sagot saka in-unlock ang pinto. "Hop in."

"Thanks," I murmured and went in, trying to hide my dismay. I was hoping he would
say no, or that he was busy. Pero mukhang wala na akong magagawa. Wala na akong
kawala.

I silently tucked the seat belt around me and sighed, thinking about the
conversation I had with Serena yesterday.

I wish I could just call her and tell her I can't go, I'm busy or maybe tell her
honestly that I really don't want to go. But damn! Why was it so hard to say no?

"So," basag ni Tyrone sa pagmumuni-muni ko, "ever since you came back, you've been
taking cabs?" tanong ni Tyrone na panakanakang lumilingon sa akin habang
nagmamaneho. "Sana nabanggit mo kaagad para nahiraman kita. Or better yet, I can
drive you instead. I think that's a good idea." Napangiti siya sa naisip habang ako
naman ay napapailing at hindi iniintindi ang mga sinabi niya.

Of course I wouldn't let him do that. He's got more important things to do than
drive me around. Maaabala ko lang siya.

"Anyway, saan ba ang lakad mo ngayon?" tanong niya na nakangisi pa rin.

"Kina Serena sana," sabi ko at biglang nabura ang ngisi niya.

"Kina Zeke?"

Tumango lang ako at hindi na nagsalita. I heard him sigh. "Vee..." he stalled,
"tungkol sa inyo ni Zeke..."
Here we go again, I though unhappily.

Pagkatapos naming kumain noong isang araw sa restaurant niya kasama sina Zeke at
Antoinette, Tyrone had been trying to talk to me about them. And it meant talking
about Zeke and me and the past. At ayokong pag-usapan iyon—kahit kanino. I don't
even want to think about it.

Ako naman ang napabuga ng hininga saka ko siya tiningnan. "Tyrone, just drive."

"Ayaw mo talaga siyang pag-usapan, huh?" natatawang sabi niya.

I know he's trying to lighten up the atmosphere, so I just pasted a smile on my

face too and shrugged.

"Wala naman kasing dapat pag-usapan. It was eight months ago, at hindi na dapat
binabalikan ang nakaraan."

Nakita ko sa gilid nang mata ko na tumingin si Tyrone sa'kin pero wala siyang
sinabi.

He tried to open another conversation, nagtanong siya tungkol sa naging buhay ko sa

Italy at kung bakit ako nakarating sa New York at nagkuwentuhan kami. Pero hindi na
ulit niya binanggit o sinubukang magtanong tungkol kay Zeke sa natitirang beyahe
namin.

I was thankful, but I still think he didn't buy what I said earlier. He just let it
pass but he didn't really believe me.

But it doesn't matter. I don't have to explain to him. Para sa akin, wala nang
dahilan para balikan ko ang nakaraan o pag-usapan pa iyon. They're all in
yesterday, and yesterday is best left to the past. Deeply buried and forgotten.

Ilang sandali ay dumating na rin kami sa bahay nina Serena, sa Stanfield Manor.
Ngayon ko lang nalamang iyon ang pangalan ng mansyon nang mabasa ko ang nakasulat
sa taas ng gate. Gabi na kasi noong unang punta ko rito kaya hindi ko nakita.

"Salamat sa paghatid. Dito ka na, hindi mo na kailangang bumaba," sabi ko kay

Tyrone nang tangkain niyang bumaba ng kotse niya.

Inayos ko saglit ang damit ko bago ko binuksan ang pinto at lumabas. I was fifteen
minutes late, pero maaga pa rin iyon kesa sa inaasahan ko.

"Vee, wait!"
I turned to Tyrone when he suddenly stepped out of his car.

"Bakit?"

Nagtatakang tiningnan ko siya habang nanatili siyang nakatayo sa kabilang dulo ng

kotse niya, tahimik na nakatingin lang sa akin na tila nag-iisip. Then he sighed
and smiled.

"Nothing. Saka na lang siguro tayo mag-usap. Sige na, pumasok ka na."

Sa tingin ko alam ko na kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip niya, pero tumango pa rin
ako kahit na wala akong balak na pag-usapan iyon.

"Sige. Salamat ulit."

Naudlot ang pag-alis ko nang bigla ay may isang kotse ang dumating at umibis sa
likod ng Audi ni Tyrone. The headlight turned off and that's when I was able to see
the car clearly. Isa iyong puting Lotus... ang kotse ni Zeke.

Napahinga ako nang malalim na hininga dahil sa kabang biglang umahon sa dibdib ko.

My God! Bakit ngayon pa siya dumating?

Sh*t! Napamura ako tuloy ako.

Napapikit ako nang marinig kong bumukas ang pinto at bumaba ang sakay noon.

I knew this was a bad idea. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have come. Kailangan
kong umalis!

"Tyrone! Pare!"

Naidilat ko ang mga mata ko dahil hindi boses ni Zeke ang narinig ko.

"Blue?" Naguguluhang pinanood ko sila ni Tyrone habang nagkakamustahan silang

dalawa. Magkakilala rin pala sila?

And why did he have Zeke's car? Akala ko tuloy siya na ang dumating kanina.

Now I'm not so sure if I could do this at all. Muntik na akong atakihin kanina sa
sobrang kaba ko, to think that I don't even have a heart condition. Paano pa kung
nasa loob na ako?
"Vee?"

Nawala ang iniisip ko nang lapitan ako ni Blue at walang sabi-sabing niyakap ako.

"Wow! So it is true!" sabi niya nang pakawalan niya ako at gulat na gulat na
tinitigan ako. "You're back! But wait, did Zeke know?"

I nodded. "Oo. Nagkita na kami."

"Ah..." Ngumisi siya. "Kaya pala parang tulero iyon ngayon. Eh kayo, bakit
magkasama kayo?" Tinuro niya si Tyrone at ako.

"Nagpahatid lang ako kay Tyrone dito."

"Then what are you still doing out here? Tara sa loob."

"Kasi..." Napatingin ako kay Tyrone na naguguluhan din.

I started to protest but Blue was already pulling my arm and dragging me inside the
house with him. Nakita kong sumunod sa amin si Tyrone habang napapakamot sa ulo.

"I'm home!" excited na sigaw ni Blue pagpasok namin.

Maliban sa mga kurtina, pillow case, carpet at cover ng sofa, katulad pa rin ng
dati ang bahay. It's still the same that it almost remind me of the first time I
was here. And then I asked myself again, why am I here?

Hindi na ako nagtanong kung nasaan ang iba dahil malamang nasa likod uli sila, but
I was surprised to see people in the dining area. And I felt I was already freaking
out.

Lahat sila mukhang abala pero nabulabog iyon nang biglang magsalita si Blue.

"Look who's with me guys!"

Everyone turned around and Serena almost ran to me when she saw me.

"Oh my gosh! I really thought you're not coming!" sabi ni Serena nang yakapin niya
ako. Mukhang tuwang-tuwa siya na dumating ako.

"I tried," sabi ko sa kanya pero tinawanan lang niya ako.

I looked around again with apprehension, pero agad iyong nawala nang mapansin kong
wala doon ang taong inaasahan kong makita.

I felt something sank in my stomach. Napakunot noo ako dahil doon.

Why do I feel disappointed that Zeke was not here?

Nonsense.

Lumapit sina Duke at Louraine sa akin, pati rin si Sage at nagulat ako nang yakapin
nila ako isa-isa. They were very welcoming. Pakiramdam ko tuloy, talagang hinintay
nila ang pagdating ko.

If only that was true.

Kinamayan din ako ng babaeng kasama ni Sage. She looked cool and uptight, very
professional. Siya ba ang girlfriend niya?

"I almost didn't recognize you with your hair," sabi ni Sage nang nakangiti.

"Date?" bulong ko sa kanya nang tumalikod ang babaeng kasama niya.

He grinned. "She's my legal adviser."

Tinaasan ko lang siya nang kilay na ikinatawa niya. "Nagagaya ka na rin kay Zeke,"
sabi niya. Nginitian ko lang siya habang pilit kong binubura sa isip ko ang mukha
ni Zeke.

He looked at something behind me. "I see you brought a date too."

I turned back and saw Tyrone greeting everyone too. Hindi ako nagsalita at hinayaan
na lang si Sage na isipin iyon. It doesn't matter anyway.

"Is everyone here?"

Lahat kami napatingin sa pinanggalingan ng boses na iyon. Both husband and wife
entered the room with their arms around each other and a bright excited smile on
their faces.

Nakaramdam ako nang kasiyahan nang makita kong malakas na ang daddy nila. He still
looked like how he was before when I first met him—powerful and intimidating. Ni
hindi ko maisip na dumaan siya ng bypass surgery sa tikas ng tayo niya at sa
nakangiti pero seryosong mukha niya.

Stanfield Steele was definitely back.

Suddenly, I found their eyes trained on me. I swallowed a bile before smiling at
them, hoping it would come out normal and not strained.

I went to them and gave each of them a polite peck on their cheeks. "Magandang gabi
po tita, tito."

"Magandang gabi rin, hija," nakangiti sabi ni tita habang hawak-hawak ang mga kamay
ko.

Ang hirap tuloy magpanggap at ngumiti habang nakatingin siya sa akin nang ganoon.
She doesn't deserve my soulless empty smile, kaya umiwas na lang ako ng tingin.

"How are you, hija?" tanong niya habang tinatapik ang kamay ko.

"Okay naman po."

"Serena told me you might not be coming," Mr. Steele said with his stern voice,
telling me he was not happy about it.

"Stan, don't scare her. Kakarating lang niya kaya natural na abala siya. We should
have let her settle down first before we invited her."

Ngumiti ulit sa akin si tita. "I'm sorry, hija. Naabala ka pa tuloy namin."

"Wala po iyon, tita. I'm happy you invited me here."

Pinakatitigan niya ako. My smile wavered when she reached out and gently stroked my
face. "Don't push yourself too hard, okay?"

Tapos ay hinila na niya ang asawa kasama si Sage para umupo sa mesa, and I was
thankful for the small allowance of space.

Mrs. Steele has a sharp keen eyes. Or maybe it's her maternal instinct that she can
see what was real and not.

I mentally laughed at myself. Really? Maternal instinct? Hindi naman niya ako anak
para maramdaman niya iyon.

Kung anu-ano na lang ang pumapasok sa utak ko.

"Pero nasaan na ba ang lalaking iyon?" narinig kong sabi ni Serena nang lapitan ko
sila.

"Sino?" tanong ni Ty sa kanya.

Serena sighed. "Si kuya." Tapos ay tinapik niya si Sage na nakalapit na sa kanila.
"Hindi kaya sinunog na niya ang mga iyon?"

Sage laughed. "Let him learn."

I frowned. Were they talking about who I think they were talking about? Andito ba
siya?

Surely not, I denied. But deep down, I have a feeling he's here.

"Are you okay?" Ty touched my back with a concerned face. "Namumutla ka."

"I'm alright. I just—"

"I swear I'm gonna grill every damn pieces to flame."

Something lurched painfully in my chest and I felt my back went stiff. That was the
voice I wanted to hear, and I know, if I turn around now, I would see the face I
had been wanting to see and forget at the same time.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko. My head turned towards the door and I let
myself soar up high and fall down apart.

For a moment, I saw Zeke's eyes lit up, just as exactly as they did before every
time he see me. Pero nawala iyon nang makita niya si Tyrone na nakatayo sa tabi ko,
and I watched his eyes traced Ty's hand that was resting on my back.

The silence was unnerving as Zeke continued to stare at Tyrone like a lion ready to
pounce.

"Tyrone," he said, his grim lips barely moved in a greeting. But it sounded more
like a warning.

I know enough that Tyrone's intention was innocent and courteous. Walang ibig
sabihin ang ginagawa niya. Pero bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko? I felt defensive,
like I was cheating on a boyfriend.

And that was funny, dahil wala naman akong boyfriend sa kanilang dalawa.

"Heto na po ang ultimate Chicken—"

And just like that, my ridiculous defensiveness disappeared into the thin air.

She's here again.

"Uy! Vee!" Masaya akong binati ni Antoinette habang nakatayo siya sa likod ni Zeke,
dala-dala ang isang plato ng pagkain.

"Antoinette." I greeted back, injecting an enthusiastic tone in my voice. But it

still came out cool.

I know I shouldn't feel like this. Hindi dapat ako naiinis at naiirita sa tuwing
nakikita kong magkasama sila. I was in no place to feel jealous. But I do. At mas
naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil doon.

Zeke was not mine anymore. Si Antoinette na ang nagmamay-ari sa kanya. Siguro kung
lagi kong tatandaan iyon, hindi na ako makakaramdam ulit ng ganito.

"Okay, everybody," biglang sigaw ni Blue sa katahimikan habang pumapalakpak. "Let's

eat!"

=================

Chapter ♠ 43

REASON

"VEE, DON'T DRINK too much, please."

I laughingly patted Av's shoulder. I know she's worried, but she really didn't have
to be. "It's just one drink and I'm hardly drunk. Besides, you said you wanted me
to have fun tonight, right?"

She grunted. "Yes, but I didn't say you get yourself drunk. Mukhang iyon ang
ipinunta mo rito e."
"Come on, Av. Alam mong hindi ako malalasing sa isang baso lang."

"You can't drink, Vee. Mahina ang alcohol tolerance mo."

I gave her my cocktail drink. "Then go ahead and check my drink if you want."

Bumuntong hininga siya at tiningnan si Tyrone sa tabi ko. "Tyrone, don't give her
hard drinks, okay?"

"Promise." Tinaas pa ni Ty ang kamay niya.

God, they make me want to laugh, really.

Here we were in a club, where everyone was having fun and crazy dancing with the
beat of the music, and yet this two were all worried about a girl in distress.
Really, what madness is that?

"Av... I'll be okay, I promise. You don't have to babysit me here. Go and have some
fun."

Pero kahit na sinabi ko iyon, hindi pa rin umaalis si Av sa tabi ko.

Oh, well. Suit herself.

In-enjoy ko na lang ang pag-inom sa margaretta ko. I drank it like a thirsty woman.
Masarap. Nagustuhan ko siya kaya nag-request ulit ako ng isa pa.

I almost laughed out loud when I saw how Tyrone watched the barista mix my drink.
Para namang lalagyan iyon ng barista ng drug, or maybe he was measuring the alcohol
mix.

"You know what? I feel like a teenager with a parents hanging out with me rather
than my friends."

Av sighed beside me. "Vee, I know you're sad and emotional but getting drunk won't
fix your problem."

"Sad? Emotional?" I snorted. "Sino'ng may sabi?" Binalingan ko si Tyrone pero

sumenyas siya na sarado ang bibig niya.

"Look guys, Hindi ako nagpapakalasing, okay? You were the one who came up with this
idea and dragged me here. I'm only trying to have fun just like what you wanted. So
please, just go away and don't worry, okay?" Kinuha ko na ang baso ko at iniwan
silang dalawa.

"Don't follow me," banta ko nang makita ko si Tyrone na naglakad palapit sa akin.
He looked back at Av but she just nodded and sighed.

"Go dance, Ty. I'll find you guys later." I waved at them before diving into the
crowd of dancing bodies and disappeared into it.

If only I could just really disappear.

Nang masiguro kong malayo na ako sa dalawang iyon ay saka ako naghanap ng mauupuan.
Pinili kong pumuwesto sa isang madilim na sulok, kung saan walang makakakita at
walang makakapuna.

I sighed and let my body drop on the sofa, grateful that I finally got myself
alone. I really don't want my friends to worry about me. Mas nakakadagdag iyon sa
bigat na nararamdaman ko.

Sa isang malalim na hininga ay pinilit kong itinaboy ang sakit na namumuo sa dibdib
ko mula pa sa nagdaang gabi.

I shouldn't have been there that night. Pero kahit na alam kong hindi dapat,
nagpunta pa rin ako. So maybe it was as good as fate trying to tell me what I was
afraid of knowing.

I know Av was right. Hindi maayos ng alak ang problema ko. Nothing can.

But this is what I need right now—oblivion. Kailangan kong makalimot. I want my
senses numbed, my pain to freeze, and stop myself from crying because of my loss.
At magagawa lang iyon ng alak, kaya ako narito. Stupid maybe, but alcohol will
grant me my escape, even just for tonight.

I just don't want to think about anything. Gusto kong makalimutan lahat, pati na
ang mga sinabi ni Zeke kagabi. I want all of them out of my head. Kung pwede lang
sana, ibabagok ko na ang ulo ko para magka-amnesia na lang ako. But that would seem
so foolish.

Napalagok uli ako ng iniinom ko nang pumasok sa isip ko ang mga nangyari kagabi.

Sh*t!

Gusto kong sabunutan ang sarili ko. Hanggang kailan ba ako magiging ganito?

Vee, why do you live such a pathetic life?

Kumuha ulit ako ng isa pang baso sa dumaang waitress nang maubos ko ang iniinom ko.
It wasn't a cocktail drink, but it was okay, I guess.

Ininom ko iyon sa isang lagok at agad akong napangiwi. The liquor felt like a fire
burning my throat down through my chest I almost choked on it.

Sh*t!

Napahawak ako sa ulo ko dahil bigla akong nahilo. The booze really hit me hard.

Pero imbis na tumigil ako ay kumaway ulit ako sa waitress at kumuha ng parehong
inumin. Hindi ko na alam kung ilang baso pa ang nainom ko, pero hindi ako
nagrereklamo. In fact, I felt light. The heavy weight I was carrying in my chest
for five months was slowly fading, easing away and I was able to breathe again.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyayari pero parang bumagal ang oras. Mas lumakas ang
naririnig kong ingay at nararamdaman kong sumasabay ang bawat tibok ng puso ko sa
tugtog ng kanta.

Wow... I couldn't believe I was feeling my heart beating to life. Akala ko namatay
na iyon sa araw na nakita ko si Zeke at ang babaeng iyon...

I really want to close that gate, but the alcohol was slowly tearing out my
defenses. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong isipin ang mga nangyari kagabi,
noong lumabas si Zeke at ipinatong niya sa balikat ko ang isang makapal na jacket.
I could still remember the smell of it. Kay Zeke ang amoy na iyon.

I feel happy every time I smell Zeke's scent. But right then, it made me want to
cry. I miss him so much, and it was painful that I couldn't even tell him that.
Pinagkasya ko na lang ang sarili kong amuyin ang jacket niya noong mga oras na
iyon.

"You shouldn't be here. Malamig dito," he said while he was tucking me into it,
covering me against the cold. But not enough to warm me inside.

"Kumusta?" tanong niya, pero natawa siya bigla. "I just figured I didn't had the
chance to ask you that since you came back," he explained when I looked at him.

"So kumusta?"

My chest tightened when he smiled. He did that a lot now.

"I'm good." Umiwas agad ako ng mata at tumingin sa malayo.

Hindi ba siya galit sa akin? Bakit niya ako nginingitian ng ganyan? May kasalanan
ako sa kanya, hindi ba? So why was he being so nice to me?

I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Binilisan ko na ang pagkain ko kanina sa loob
para lang hindi makita si Antoinette na katabi si Zeke at masayang nag-uusap kasama
ang buong pamilya niya. I couldn't even properly eat and digest my food as I
watched how everyone was laughing while she told them her funny stories. Kaya
lumabas ako kaagad. I couldn't pretend anymore. Mahirap. Sobrang hirap.

Pero ngayon sinundan pa rin ako ni Zeke. Why couldn't he stay inside and let me be
alone?

"I saw you and dad were talking there." I felt him stood beside me. Close.

I sighed when I felt my stomach tingle. Kahit ngayon, hindi pa rin nawawala
iyon."Kinukumusta lang din niya ako. I noticed you're not fighting anymore."

"Yeah..."

Nilingon ko siya at nakita kong nasa akin ang tingin niya. Sinubukan kong ngitian
siya. "Masaya ako para sa inyo."

"I am too..." He stared at my face and down to my lips, and I saw his hand moved,
pero isinuksok na lamang niya iyon sa bulsa ng pantalon niya. "Hindi ka ba
nilalamig rito?"

Umiling ako. "Pumasok ka na sa loob kung nilalamig ka na. Okay lang ako rito."

"Ayaw mo talagang pumasok? Bakit, para iwasan mo ulit ako?"

Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa jacket sa balikat ko. I thought he would notice that
before. Bakit niya pa tinatanong?

Narinig ko siyang bumuga ng hininga. "I know you don't feel comfortable around me
anymore. But you don't have to avoid me, Victoria."

Comfortable? Now that was an understatement. I just don't feel uncomfortable around
him. I feel a lot. So why would I not avoid him?

Umihip ang hangin at sumabay ang maikling buhok ko sa hangin. Tumabing iyon sa
mukha ko. I didn't mind, until Zeke's hand was there tucking a stray of strands out
of my face.

Tinabig ko ang kamay niya. "Stop it."

"Stop what?"

Tinitigan ko siya nang maayos. He seemed really ignorant.

"Why are you so nice to me, Zeke? You're supposed to be angry with me. May
kasalanan ako sayo, 'di ba?"

I left and abandoned you. I hurt you, very bad. Kaya kinalimutan mo ako, 'di ba?
Hindi ba?

Gusto kong isigaw sa kanya iyon, pero naagaw ng sakit ang mga salita ko. Unti-
unting nabubuhay ang matagal ko nang inilibing noon.

"I admit," Zeke said calmly, "I was angry at you for leaving. I went mad for a
while and I almost destroyed myself because of it. Pero noon iyon. I woke up from
it and I've learned to accept my mistakes at naintindihan ko na rin ang dahilan mo
kaya ka umalis. Kaya wala nang rason para magalit ako sayo. You don't have to avoid
me."

Yes, I do. I have to avoid you. I have to protect myself, dahil kung hindi, I don't
think I can ever survive again.

When the silence stretched for long, nagdesisyon na akong tapusin doon ang gabi.
There was no point in trying to fill the space with silence. Mas lalo lang
lumalalim ang lungkot.

"Sige, papasok na ako sa loob." I turned shrugging the warm jacket off my shoulder,
wrenching away from his essence, and handing it back to him.

Inabot niya iyon at umalis na ako. But I felt a hand on my arm stopping me from
taking another step.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "for everything."

Bigla ay naramdaman kong nanginig ang binti ko sa sinabi niya. Why was he saying
sorry to me all of a sudden?

"I really wanted to tell you that before. I was even ready to get on one knee in
case you wouldn't forgive me, you know. But things happened. My dad had the
attack... and it was a hard time."

"I know," sabi ko at humarap sa kanya. He wasn't smiling, pero hindi rin siya
malungkot. But I could see regret in his eyes.
"And it was the same night I saw your packed bags. Tinawagan ko kaagad si Jack at
sinabi niya sa 'kin na aalis ka na kinabukasan." He gave a short laugh that didn't
sound so humorous.

"I thought I could make you stay. I believed I can, after all that happened between
us. I couldn't let you go. It's not easy letting you go. But I also know I can't do
anything to stop you. And I got angry. At you. At myself. I was angry with
everything for a while. At ikaw lang ang sinisi ko dahil doon."

"Alam ko. Hindi rin naman madali sa 'kin ang pag-alis ko. But you were right. I had
to make a choice..." and I lost you.

Umiling siya. "But it wasn't entirely your fault. I know that now. You were trying
to reach out for me. At hindi ko nakita iyon. I lashed out every time you try at
alam kong nasaktan kita sa mga nasabi ko sayo noon."

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kalaki ang ipinagbago ni Zeke. Pero nakikita ko ngayon na
malaki ang naitulong ni Antoinette sa kanya.

I should feel grateful, alam ko iyon. Dahil sa kanya kaya napatawad ako ni Zeke.
But why do I feel this hatred? Why do I feel angry?

Bakit ako nalulungkot sa mga sinasabi ni Zeke ngayon?

"You were right then. I needed a fix. But I denied it because I wasn't ready to
face my demons. I was scared."

Huminga siya nang malalim at ngumiti siya sa 'kin. "You know, what they say is
true, that you only realize the value of what you had once you lose it." Naging
malamlam ang mga mata niya at naramdaman ko ang pagsisisi niya.

Para saan? Dahil hinayaan niya akong umalis? Dahil nawala ako sa kanya? I didn't.
It was the other way around.

"When you left, I felt a hole inside me and it was sucking me in. I know it sounds
metaphoric, but it is how I felt. Saka ko naisip ang mga sinabi mo sa 'kin dati. I
looked at it in a new perspective and I understood what I was then. A selfish
bastard. I was the one who pushed you away. I hurt you that's why you left."

Naglaro ang iba't ibang emosyon sa mukha niya, at hinyaan lang niyang ipakita iyon
sa akin. The determination, the fire, the vulnerability... he showed himself to me.

"So I tried to look for the man who you wanted me to be. The better man you
believed I was and will be—the man I am inside. It wasn't easy. But Pat helped me,"
he chuckled, as if he thought of something amusing, and I watched his lips
transformed into a boyish grin. His smile almost lit up his face, and it was a
sight to behold.
"She's crazy and annoying, but she's full of life. She understands me better than
anyone. Tinulungan niya akong magbago at hindi siya napagod kahit na madalas ang
hirap kong pakisamahan. She made me realize things I didn't. At dahil sa kanya kaya
hindi ako bumibitaw hanggang ngayon."

His eyes strayed, and it stung when he's looking somewhere when he's talking about
someone.

A bitter smile curved my lips. So was that what I saw all about? He fell in love
with her, is that it?

"But you know what was the hardest part?" he asked with that sad low tone I was
always used to. And then his eyes looked up to me, seizing my breath and heartbeat
altogether.

"I had to free the past and let everything go so I could find and forgive myself."

"Everything..." I sighed and stopped, realizing what everything meant. And I

crashed. "I see..." I inhaled the cold air and filled my lungs with it. "She did
well."

"Yeah... she did."

"She made you whole again."

Something lodged in my throat and it remained stuck in it. Ang tagal ko nang
gustong mangyari iyon. I thought it will be a happy memory for him, and worth
keeping... for me. But I just found myself wanting to cry.

Pero sinubukan ko pa ring maging matapang. Kahit ngayong gabi lang, gusto kong
talunin ang kirot na dulot ng nakaraan. Maybe if I can stand against it, it would
be easier for me to accept the changes of what I left behind.

Naging tahimik kami, hindi alam kung ano ang susunod na sasabihin. Pero ramdam ko
ang mga salitang gustong kumawala sa akin. But I kept them. Hindi na niya kailangan
pang malaman ang mga iyon.

"It's what you wanted, right?" he asked me silently, watching the unseen distance.
"Sabi mo dati, gusto mong patawarin ko ang sarili ko, and maybe that will be the
start. Well, you're right, Victoria. I was able to give me and my dad a second
chance."

"You both deserve the chance, Zeke." And I meant it. Probably the only words I
meant the whole night.
His hand came out and tucked my hair. This time, I didn't stop him, because I was
too surprised and my fight was deserting me. Bumaba ang kamay niya sa pisngi ko
hanggang sa leeg ko at tumagal iyon doon habang makatitig siya sa akin.

The world disappear. It was just me and him, wrapped up in a bubble of dream that I
had forgotten.

"I'm sorry," he murmured in the air. "I didn't listen to you before. Kung sana
nakinig ako sayo, maybe we won't end up like this. Maybe you didn't have to leave."

"I'm sorry too..."—for us—"For leaving you like that."

But I was more sorry to myself. I had won a battle. But I didn't feel much like a
winner because I lost someone who mattered to me the most.

"TY, YOU BETTER get her out of here."

Narinig kong galit na galit na sabi ni Av. Inangat ko ang ulo ko mula sa
pagkakayukyok at nakita ko si Av na magkasalubong ang kilay habang nakapameywang sa
akin.

"Don't mind her," sabi ko kay Tyrone at inabot ang bote. I want to drink some of
it. Nakakagaan sa pakiramdam.

"Vee, we should go home. Lasing ka na."

"Hey!" Mahinang tinabig ko ang kamay ni Tyrone nang abutin niya ang baso ko. "I am
not drunk. I'm just having fun." And I was having tons of fun. I've never felt this
kind of lightness, iyong tipong pakiramdam mo nakaangat ang paa mo sa lupa. I think
I was on a cloud nine. I'll probably regret this, but I really feel good.

"Come on, Vee. Umuwi na tayo." Naramdaman kong may humawak sa beywang ko at itinayo
ako mula sa stool. "Can you stand?"

I giggled. "I can fly."

"Okay," sabi ni Tyrone habang binabalanse niya ang tayo ko. "We will walk okay?
Ready?"

Tumango ako. "I can walk perfectly just fine." Bakit ba sila alalang-alala?
Binitawan niya na ako at sinubukan kong humakbang. I thought the ground moved and
the room swayed.

"Whoa!" I swung. Naramdaman ko kaagad ang isang kamay sa likod ko.

"Whoa, whoa, easy!" sabi niya. "You okay?"

"She's obviously not okay," sagot ni Av sa tabi namin.

I giggled again and tried to stand upright. "I'm fine. Really." Itinaboy ko ang
nakahawak sa beywang ko pero hindi ko magawa. Ang lakas ng kapit niya.

"You're so drunk."

I smiled at Av. "It's not so bad."

"Tell me that again when you wake up," the voice came from the man holding me.

Tinitigan ko siya nang maayos, but he was too tall. Hindi ko maaninag ang mukha
niya sa madilim na ilaw ng club.

"What the hell is going on?" he shouted over my ear in a very disapproving tone.

I glared at him. "Don't shout. Masakit sa ulo." Pero hindi niya ako pinansin.

"Can someone explain why she's drunk?"

"Sshh..." tinakpan ko ng daliri ang bibig niya, pero tinanggal din niya iyon.
"Hindi ako lasing. I can still count my fingers you know."

"You're fvcking drunk, Victoria."

I giggled. "You sound like someone I know. But you're not him. He's dead.." bulong
ko at humilig sa dibdib niya.

"What?"

"I killed him..." I sighed. "But he's still beating."

Naramdaman kong lumuwag ang kamay sa beywang ko kaya nagawa kong lumayo sa kanya.
Hinanap ko si Av at nakita ko siyang nakatayo sa tabi ko. "I'm tired, Av. I want to
go home..."

"Okay, we'll get you home."

"I mean my hotel room. Someone's buying my house, you know. Kailan nga ulit iyong
meeting namin? It was supposed to be yesterday pero dahil sa dinner—"

"Okay, that's enough."

And the rest of my words was gone when I felt my feet suddenly leaving the floor.
Napaigik ako dahil may bumubuhat sa akin.

"I'll take her home," he said.

I know it was Tyrone. But I still thought of Zeke. Magkapareho sila ng amoy. But I
couldn't trust my judgement right now. Baka siguro dahil sa alak kaya kung anu-ano
na ang mga nakikita at iniisip ko.

I would really offend Tyrone if he knew I was thinking he was someone else. But he
really smell nice. Hindi ko mapigilang kumapit sa leeg niya at idikit ang ilong ko
sa kanya. I needed an anchor, anyway. Ipinikit ko na lang ang mga mata ko habang
naglalakad siya palabas ng club.

"Ty...?" tawag ko sa kanya pero hindi siya sumagot. But it's okay. I'm always
comfortable with silence.

"Ikaw na ang bahala kay kuya ha? Tell him I'm always okay. Kuwentuhan mo siya
palagi. He loves funny stories, kaya alam kong kayang kaya mo iyon. Just don't tell
him I cried. Ayoko siyang mag-alala."

"Then why don't you tell him that yourself?"

"You know why," sabi ko sa kanya. "I'm leaving." Nakalimutan ba niya?

Naramdaman kong tumigil siyang maglakad. "What do you mean?"

Tiningala ko siya habang nakakunot ang noo ko. "I told you."

"Remind me again." He started walking again. The music was drifting farther away
and later he was walking out of the club.

Nilanghap ko ang presko at malamig na hangin at napangiti ako dahil sa gaan ng

pakiramdam ko. Even the warmth of his body and the beat of his heart were offering
me comfort and a sense of peace.

"Are you sleeping?" inip na tanong niya.

Ah. Oo nga pala. He was asking me about something.

Lalo akong sumiksik sa kanya. "Aalis na ako. At hindi na ako babalik rito."

He took a sharp breath and I thought I heard his heartbeat skipped. "Why?"

"Because I don't have any reason to stay."

"Why not? Si Tito Ed at Tita Sally? Si Serena? Si Av? Aren't they enough? Si Five?
Do you think he will be happy if you leave us behind?"

I frowned. Why was he getting angry all of a sudden? Hindi naman siya nagalit
kagabi.

"Well, he will probably get angry. But I know my brother will understand me and he
would want me to be happy. Alam niyang malulungkot lang ako rito."

"So you think you can be happy if you leave?"

Umiling ako. "I think I can smile again without hurting if I leave. At least."

Hindi na siya nagsalita hanggang sa maingat niya akong napasakay sa kotse niya. The
smell of the leather seat cover was odd and it had my head throb.

"Nahihilo ako," sabi ko nang makapasok na siya.

"Just lie down and go to sleep." Ibinaba niya ang sandalan ng upuan ko at
naramdaman ko ang telang ipinatong niya sa 'kin para maging kumot ko. Amoy pa rin
ni Zeke ang naamoy ko.

Mayamaya ay narinig ko nang binuhay niya ang makina ng sasakyan.

"Gisingin mo lang ako 'pag dumating na tayo," sabi ko pero hindi siya
umimik."Tyrone?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you..." I looked at him but I only saw the back of his seat. "You're a good
guy. I think if I'm not so messed up, I'll say yes to that date you asked me last
night. But you deserve someone better than me. I'm sorry."

Narinig ko siyang bumuntong hininga. "Just sleep, Victoria. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Okay." Ipinikit ko na ang mga mata ko at hindi ko na nilabanan ang antok ko.

=================

Chapter ♠ 44

ANCHOR

ARGH! ANG SAMA ng pakiramdam ko. My head was pounding and it felt like exploding,
pati mga mata ko parang gustong lumabas sa ulo ko dahil sa sakit.

I feel like sh*t! And the glare of the sun was not helping at all. And what's that
noise? Damn! Anong oras na ba? Bakit ang taas na ng tirik ng araw?

Dahan-dahan akong bumangon sa kama at saglit na pumikit hanggang sa nawala nang

kaunti ang pagkahilo ko. My stomach was churning, and I can tell that it was not a
good sign.

Iginala ko kaagad ang mga mata ko para maghanap ng masusukahan, pero biglang nawala
ang paghalukay ng sikmura ko nang mapansin ko ang kakaibang ayos ng kuwarto.

For one thing, the room was not my hotel room.

The sheets and the pillowcase were blue instead of the soft beige I was used to.
Wala rin doon ang hotel logo na palagi kong nakakaharap sa tuwing nagigising ako.
The walls were painted white and summer blue, and the floor was made of wood tiles.
Mayroon ding napakalambot na kulay puting kurtinang nililipad ng hanging pumapasok
galing sa nakabukas na pintuan palabas ng balkonahe. But there was no window.

Okay... so where am I? This was obviously not a hotel.

Pinilit kong inalala ang mga nangyari sa nakaraang gabi, pero hindi ko sila
mapagtagpi-tagpi. I could remember I was with Av and Tyrone in a club. Niyaya nila
akong lumabas, I got drunk... and...

Oh yeah... I definitely did that, huh?

Nagpakalasing ako because of a broken heart. And now, I'm here—in a strange place,
somewhere I don't know, with my bloody drunk head.

Oh sh*t! Sino ang nagdala sa akin dito?!

I took a moment. Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko nang ilang sandali, and I didn't
feel anything unusual. I feel fine, except the extreme headache.

And where the hell is this place?

Kahit na umaapaw sa sakit ang ulo ko, pinilit kong gumalaw at umalis sa kama.
There's no way I'd lie down on top of it again knowing that I'm with someone I
don't know.

Wait... si Tyrone ang nagdala sa akin diro kagabi, tama? Pero bakit parang hindi?

Nahinto ako at agad na kumunot ang noo ko nang makita ko ang isang baso ng tubig sa
maliit na mesang katabi ng kama kasama ang iilang gamot at isang maliit na sulat
doon.

Drink this when you wake up. It will help you feel better.

Tumaas ang kilay ko dahil sa tono ng sulat-kamay ng sumulat noon. Napaka-bossy. But
it still sounded concerned. And I drank it anyway. My head needs it, and I need no
take away the pain.

Tumayo na ako at hinayaang mahulog ang kumot sa sahig. The fabric slid down my
body, down to my legs and whispered against my bare skin.

Tulalang tinitigan ko ang nakahantad na mga paa ko.

Holy sh*t!

I'm only wearing a white shirt that was half covering my thigh, and nothing else!

"What the heck?!" I almost shrieked.

What am I wearing? Nasaan ang mga damit ko? Did someone take it off me? At talagang
hindi ko man lang iyon naramdaman at maalala?

Oh no! No, no, no. They did not do that.

God! I groaned, covering my face with my hands. I couldn't believe I was that drunk
last night?

Mabilis akong gumalaw para hanapin ang mga gamit ko. I need to find my phone. My
bag. My clothes! Where are them!?

Hinalughog ko ang buong kuwarto, pero wala akong mahanap o makita. Even the
cabinets were empty. Lumabas ako sa veranda, and I was arrested.

I'm seeing a sea—an aquamarine water under a vast blue sky. A fvcking sea. And
sands. And coconut trees. Ngayon ko lang na-realize na ang dagat ang naririnig ko
kanina.

Okay. This is getting weirder, and scarier. I really need to find my phone!

Mabilis kong nilisan ang kuwarto at agad na sumalubong sa akin ang amoy ng pagkain.
Someone was cooking.

I ran downstairs, pero hindi ko mapigilang mapatigil para tingnan ang bahay. It was
so beautiful and relaxing. It's a beach house type. Woods were the main materials
used, and glasses for the wide windows. Sa baba, bukas na bukas ang isang pintuan
katulad sa kuwarto sa taas, at kitang-kita mula roon ang lawak ng dagat. 

It was a dreamy house. Pero hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutang hindi akin ang bahay na
ito at narito ako dahil may nagdala sa akin dito. And I was hoping, very much, that
it was Tyrone who was with me last night.

Agad kong nahanap ang daan patungo sa kusina dahil sa tunog ng pinipritong mantika.

A man in a red apron was standing there, and I could hear him humming while
cooking. Kumabog ang dibdib ko dahil hindi si Tyrone ang lalaking iyon. He was
nothing like any man I know.

I know who he was, kahit nakatalikod siya sa akin. I know, because he's the only
man who could make me feel this way, who can make my heart beat wild and crazy.

Pero bakit siya nandito? Bakit ako nandito at kasama siya? Oh God! Don't tell me...
siya ba ang naghatid sa akin dito? And he saw me drunk?!

Oh, I'm so screwed!

Bago pa ako makatakbo at makaalis doon ay bigla itong lumingon.

"GISING KA NA pala."

Oh shit, Zeke! Just shit!

Hindi ko napigilang magmura. Ang lakas ng sipang iyon sa dibdib ko nang makita ko
si Victoria sa likod ko. She surprised me, and took my breath away, always.

I tried to calm myself down and smiled wider. I still feel weird smiling, but it's
even weirder seeing myself smiling. So I really couldn't blame her if she looks at
me like that, like I'm one of those unidentified alien species.

Real smooth, man. Smooth.

"Umupo ka na," I invited her in and went back to cooking. But when I looked at her
again, she was still standing there, not moving.

Iniwan ko sandali ang niluluto ko at pinuntahan ko siya. I saw her stepped back, at
hindi ko nagustuhan iyon. Kaya kibuha ko ang braso niya at hinila ko siya palapit
sa akin.

She looked at me with a confused expression. Siguro ay iniisip niya kung papaano
siya nakarating rito. Well, we have to talk about that soon. But as of now, she
needs to eat. Tanghalian na.

Pinaupo ko siya sa isa sa mga upuan at walang imik naman siyang sumunod sa akin.

"Just sit here," I said and walked back to the stove. Sandali kong pinag-aralan ang
niluluto kong sopas at tinantiya iyon kung luto na.

The room was very quiet. I didn't mind when I was alone a while ago, but now that I
got a girl sitting at the back, the silence was making me feel all nervous.

Hell, I was cooking for her and she's right there watching me. I could feel her
staring.

I sighed and stopped myself from shaking my trembling hands. So much for looking
all cool and swag. Very nice, Zeke.

Naalala ko ang gamot na iniwan ko para sa kanya sa kuwarto kanina pagkagising ko. I
know she'll need it once she wakes up.
Binalingan ko siya, at pilit na ikinubli ang pagbilis na naman ng tibok ng puso ko
sa tuwing nakikita ko ang mukha niya. "Nakita mo ba iyong gamot sa kuwarto?"

She just nodded.

"Did you take it?" tanong ko agad nang ibaba niya ang tingin niya. She brought her
eyes back to me and slowly nodded again.

"Good," I said and started to stir the soup. "Kumusta na ang pakiramdam mo?"

"Where's my clothes?"

First words after last night. Napangiti ako sa boses niya. Just damn!

I switched off the stove and reached for an empty bowl, saka ko siya nilingon.
"Nilabhan ko kaninang umaga."

I watched her eyes comically widened. "What?"

"Huwag kang mag-alala," nangingiting sabi ko habang nilalagyan ng soup ang mangkok.
"Marunong akong maglaba. Matutuyo din iyon mamaya."

She gave me that frown again. Napailing na lang ako. Para siyang striktang school
principal kapag ginagawa niya iyan.

"You really didn't have to do that," sabi niya.

"Well, believe me, I do. You might want to thank me later."

Dinala ko sa kanya ang pagkain pero nasa t-shirt kong suot niya ang tingin niya.
"If you're worried about that shirt, hindi ko pa naman nagagamit iyan."

Hindi siya nagsalita. Tiningnan niya ang mga pagkain sa mesa, pagkatapos ay sa
buong bahay. Kinuha ko ang pinapainit kong tea habang ginagawa niya iyon.

"Wala kang ibang kasama rito?"

Oh, so she was looking for a person. I thought she's checking the place. Hindi pa
rin ba niya nahahalata?

I brought her a cup of tea and sat on the opposite side of her chair. Tinitigan ko
siya. "Walang ibang tao rito maliban sa 'ting dalawa.
Her brows furrowed again and looked beneath her shirt. "Kung gano'n..." She stopped
and her cheeks grew pink. "Sino...?"

I love to see her flustered, dahil kahit papaano, nakakakuha ako ng ibang reaksyon
sa kanya. But I'm also aware that if I joke around her now, baka mabulilyaso ang
plano ko.

So I'll go with the 'Honesty is the best policy' rule. Sinabi kong si Aling Susan
ang nagbihis sa kanya kagabi habang umuungol siya sa kaladingan.

She was so beat last night, I almost strangled Tyrone for letting her drink. Pero
pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. All I cared about was Victoria. I had to take her home.

"Sino siya?"

"Care taker nitong bahay. She helped me carry you inside last night. Hindi mo
siguro naaalala. Masyado kang lasing kagabi. I bet you also can't remember the
reason why I needed to change your clothes."

That was not a pretty sight, at ako pa talaga ang sinukahan niya kagabi. Pero ayos
lang. Kasalanan ko rin naman. Dapat hindi ko na siya pinasakay kay Odyssey. Pero
kailangan, para makarating kami rito sa isla.

"Where's my phone?"

"I charged it. Pero hindi ko muna ibibigay sayo iyon."

Her jaw worked. I know she's getting pissed, but I don't mind.

"Zeke, why am I here? Where is this place? Bakit hindi mo hinatid sa hotel?"

I filled my lungs with air and met her angry, confused eyes. "I wanted to talk to
you."

"At kailangan mo pa akong dalhin dito para kausapin ako?"

"You are avoiding me. I don't need a brain of a rocket scientist to know that. So I
might as well kidnap you for a day."

She gasped. "Kidnap me?!"

Sumandal ako sa likod ng upuan ko, humalukipkip at tinanguan siya.

"Zeke, wala akong panahong makipaglaro sayo."

Tumaas ang kilay ko. "Who says I'm playing? I take this very seriously, Victoria."

"Sorry, but I don't like people manipulating me."

"I'm not doing anything, Victoria. I'm just taking care of you. If you call that
manipulation, then it's up to you."

"Hindi ba manipulation na dinala mo ako rito nang hindi ko alam at wala ang permiso
ko? You took advantage of my weakness."

She doesn't understand why I need to do this. Why I needed her here. Pero
sisiguruhin kong maiintindihan niya ngayon.

"Okay," mahinahon kong sinabi. "I'm sorry I took you here against your will. But
after last night, I can't leave you alone."

"You will," giit niya, and I knew what she meant.

I sighed. "I know. But it's still up to me. Kaya dito ka muna ngayong araw na 'to,
hanggang sa matuyo ang damit mo."

"You're kidding me."

"Nope. I'm not. Thirty minutes of your time won't be enough for me. I need a day
and all your attention on me. Without any distractions. Because we gotta whole lot
of talking to do."

Nanliit ang mga mata niya sa galit. "Zeke, you can't really force me. Labag iyon sa
—"

"Sue me if you want," I shrugged, "but do that after this. Besides, you can't
really leave without me. So you might as well agree with me. Now enough with that.
Kumain ka na."

She sighed and I could see the frustration in her face. She knew I got the upper
hand here and she has no choice. Hindi siya makakaalis sa isla na 'to nang wala ang
tulong ko.

"Nasaan ba tayo?" tanong niya na hindi pa rin kumakain. I tampered down my own
annoyance. I never cooked for anyone until now. Tapos hindi lang niya papansinin?
"In my beach house." Kinuha ko ang tea at inilapit iyon sa kanya.

"Where exactly is this place?" tanong ulit niya sa akin nang hindi tinitingnan ang
baso.

I told here where. This place was once an oppressed area. Gustong bilhin ng mayor
ang buong isla para patayuan ng plastic factory. And that would ruin the beautiful
island. Pati ang pamumuhay ng mga tao rito, maaapektuhan.

"Paano ang condo mo? Do you still have it?"

"Umalis na ako sa unit ko. I thought I needed a lot of space." A lot of space. Pero
hindi ko alam kung naging tama ba ang desisyon kong itayo ito.

Nakita kong may dumaang lungkot sa mukha niya bago bumaba ang tingin niya. My hands
flexed, pero pinigilan ko ang sarili kong abutin siya. I really don't like it when
she does that.

"Hindi ka na ba nahihilo?"

She gazed up and the blank mask was back on her face. "The medicine helped, I
think."

"Mabuti kung ganoon. Kumain ka na habang mainit pa ang mga iyan."

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"I'm still full."

She started to pick up the spoon and examined the food on the table. "You cooked
all of these?"

"Iyong iba, luto ni Aling Susan. Ininit ko lang. I did the soup and the tea. Sabi
ni Ma, effective iyon sa hangover."

Mukha siyang nagulat sa sinabi ko. "Alam ni tita na andito ako?"

"Why? Does that bother you if they know?"

"Zeke—"

"I'm just kidding," I chuckled. "Relax. Hindi nila alam," I lied. Well, not really.
Hindi alam ni Ma na para kay Victoria ang soup at tea. I called her last night and
asked her pero akala niya, para sa akin iyon.

Only Duke knows that she's here. He's the one who gave me this crazy idea na
kidnap-in ko siya. He said it's effective. Now I see why he said that.

I wonder kung ginawa rin ba niya ito kay Louraine.

"Sige na, kumain ka na."

She looked at me warily, and that made me sigh.

"Come on, Victoria. Just eat. Alam kong gutom ka na. I promise we will talk later."

Bumuntong hininga siya at tahimik na kumain. She spooned the soup and took a sip.
Sandali niyang tinikman iyon saka tumingin sa 'kin.

"How is it?" I asked, a little bit nervous. Pero nang tumango siya at nagpasalamat,
parang napawi lahat ng pagod ko sa paglalaba at pagluluto, pati antok ko.

I watched her eat silently. I didn't expect that taking care of her would feel this
good. I like it.

I know it's useless thinking of what ifs, or what has been, but I couldn't help it.
So much happened between me and Victoria. We shared the same past, we've been
through the same pain, hurt, and suffering, and we both want happiness that we both
deserve.

I thought I'd never get out of the past unscathed. But time healed me. At hindi ko
magagawa lahat iyon kung wala siya.

This woman was my anchor, that even when I was drowning deep in my misery, even
when I was gripped with the tides of turbulent fear, my anchor kept me safe. She
kept me safe. Kahit na minsan na siyang umalis, alam ko na kung bakit. Even when I
thought she gave up on me...

But it doesn't matter. Ang importante, bumalik siya. She's here and I couldn't let
her go away again. Hindi ko iyon kaya.

I have to hold on to my anchor. Hindi ko siya hahayaang tangayin ng kahit sino... o

kahit ano.
I CAME BACK and she was already washing her plate.

"Hayaan mo na iyan. I can wash it later."

She went on. Napabuntong hininga na lang ako. She's not listening to me anymore.
Maybe I should do something about that too.

I went to her and touched her forehead. Nagulat siya pero hindi niya ako pinigilan.

"Are you feeling much better now?"

She rolled her eyes. "Zeke, what I have is hangover. Not a fever."

"I know." I just wanted to touch you.

She just glared at me and continued drying her hands with a towel. Napangiti ako.
She's so cranky. Ganyan ba siya 'pag may hangover siya?

"Ano naman iyan?"

"Here." Inabot ko sa kanya ang dala kong malaking kahon. Ayaw pa niyang kunin iyon
pero wala na siyang nagawa nang ipahawak ko na iyon sa kanya. She took it with a
frown.

"What's in here?"

"Clothes. Don't worry, pambabae ang damit na iyan."

Mas lalo siyang naguluhan. "Why?

"We're going out." I really liked seeing her in my shirt, but I don't want her out
wearing those. They're for my eyes only.

Naiinis na tinitigan niya ako. "Zeke, I really want to go home."

"Sorry, pero hindi pa tuyo ang mga damit mo. And we still have to talk."

"Then let's talk."

I smiled. "Now, you're spoiling the fun. Just humor me, okay?" Tumayo ako sa likod
niya at hinawakan siya sa balikat niya para igiya siya palabas ng kusina. "Go and
change. I'll wait here downstairs."

Walang salitang umakyat siya sa taas, pero nasa mukha niya ang pagkaaburido. That's
cute. But I want her smiling, not scowling.

Nang hindi pa siya nakakababa pagkalipas ng tatlumpong minuto, nagpasya na akong

sunduin siya sa itaas. But the sound of her footsteps stopped me. Umangat ang ulo
ko sa hagdan, and there she was. My Victorian princess.

"So now what?"

Mukhang inis pa rin siya. But I'll make sure she smiled today. She will smile to
me, at me, at hindi sa ibang tao. Sa akin siya ngingiti.

I reached for her hand and tucked it in mine. "Now, I'll tour you around my
paradise."

=================

Chapter ♠ 45

BOUND TO ME

I THOUGHT ZEKE was exaggerating, but paradise was an understatement.

Ang ganda ng buong lugar! Ang daming puno. Kahit saan ako lumingon may puno ng
niyog, puno ng mangga, at ang daming bulaklak, iyong tipong hindi ko masalas makita
sa siyudad, kahit sa America at Italy. The sand were white and soft, almost gentle
beneath my feet at ang linis.

I didn't realize that place like this exist. Kung bakit kasi hindi ako marunong
lumangoy. Nakakapanghinayang. Masyadong maganda ang islang ito. Kahit ang mga tao,
ang babait at ang gagalang. Somehow, they made me feel a little bit home. Pero
bakit wala masyadong dumadayo rito?

I sighed and looked around. Kanina pa ako iniwan ni Zeke mag-isa rito. May kinuha
siya sa bahay saglit, at hindi ko alam kung ano iyon, pero ang tagal niya. Anong
oras na ba? Hanggang ngayon wala pa siya.

But I don't mind. Nai-enjoy ko naman ang paglalakad ko nang mag-isa. At least it
helped me breath properly and it calm my heartbeat down after all the surprises and
the shock I had in the short span of time.

Pero ano bang pumasok sa utak ng lalaking iyon? He brought me here because he just
wanted to talk to me? At balak pa niya akong hindi paalisin dito ng buong araw?
He's crazy.

I really don't get what was Zeke was doing, but honestly, it was not really making
me feel happy. Well, a small part of me was feeling that spark again, but the other
huge part of me was saying it's not right.

I get that we have a lot to talk about. But I would prefer if it's not here. This
place is just so warm and its affecting me in some ways I can't understand. Kung
ako ang pipili, I'd choose somewhere distant and cold. At least that would help me
straighten and organize my thoughts.

Nanlumo na naman ako sa sarili ko. If only I could remember what happened last
night. Baka mamaya mayroon na pala akong sinabi sa kanya sa kalasingan ko.

Oh God! I groaned. Did I say something? What if I did tell him things he was not
supposed to know? From the way he was acting... I think I did. And that's a
terrible mistake.

Inabala ko na lang ang sarili ko sa pagmamasid kesa isipin ang mga bagay na iyon.
Mas lalo lang akong naiinis sa sarili ko.

Isang vendor ng mga necklace ang napuntahan ko. They sell coral necklaces, shells,
pearls, at bato na may iba-ibang kulay. They actually look very nice. Ang gaganda
ng mga iyon. I wonder if they made these all on their own.

"May gusto po ba kayo diyan, ma'am?" tanong ng babaeng tindera sa akin. Medyo
makurba ang pangangatawan niya and she looks like she's in her 40's. Nakangiti siya
sa 'kin habang hinihintay ang sagot ko.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Uhm... do you want to buy that, ma'am?" she tried in
English. "That look good on you. You have beautiful skin and face, ma'am. Match
with the necklace." Nag-thumbs up pa siya sa akin. Napangiti tuloy ako sa ginagawa
niya.

"Magkano po ba 'to, 'nay?"

Her eyes widened. "Ay, Pinay po pala kayo!" sabi niya nang makabawi. "Mukha po kasi
kayong mestisa. Akala ko po dayo lang din kayo rito," nahihiyang paliwanag niya.

"Wala po iyon," nangingiting wika ko.

"Ano ka ba, Eloysa. Iyan iyong kasama ni Sir Ezekiel kagabi!" sabi no'ng tindera sa
kabilang puwesto. Payat ito at mukhang magkasing edad lang sila ng tindera. Umalis
ito sa puwesto niya at lumapit sa amin habang nakangiti sa gawi ko.

"Talaga? Aba! Totoo nga ang sinasabi ni Alona. Napakagandang dalaga ng bisita ni
sir."

Napangiwi ako. "Salamat po." So, habang tulog na tulog ako nang parang mantika
kagabi, wala man lang akong kaalam-alam na pinag-uusapan na pala ako ng mga tao
rito.

"Kung hindi mo mamasamain, hija," kuha ng bagong dating sa atensyon ko, "ikaw ba
ang nobya ni sir?"

"Po?" Umiling-iling ako ng ilang beses. "Naku, hindi po. Mali po kayo. Hindi po ako
—"

"Hay, sa wakas naman at dumating ka na, hija," sabi ni aleng Eloysa na parang hindi
narinig ang sinabi ko. "Kawawa si sir kung habang buhay na lamang siyang
maghihintay sayo. Aba e, handa na ang bahay at lahat-lahat na. Ikaw na lamang ang
kulang."

What?!

What nonsense was she saying? Anong handa na ang lahat? And why would Zeke wait for
me? Ano bang sinasabi ni Zeke sa kanila?

"Uh, ale... nagkakamali kayo. Hindi po kasi ako iyong girlfriend ni Zeke,"
paglilinaw ko. Ayaw kong mapunta sa ganitong situwasyon, lalo na at alam ko kung
sino talaga ang taong tinutukoy nila. Pero nagpatuloy pa rin sa pagsasalita ang
dalawa.

"Hija, napakasuwerte mo at nakahanap ka ng isang katulad ni sir," ani Aling Eloysa.

"Talagang napakasuwerte mo kay sir," segunda noong isa. Napapatulala na lang ako sa
kanila. Didn't they hear me or were they just not listening?

"Napakabuting bata. Naku, kung hindi dahil sa kanya, siguro ay matagal nang
naibenta itong isla kay Mayor at malamang napalayas na kami rito."

"Pero dahil kay sir, nailigtas ang buhay ng marami rito sa amin, pati na ang mga
trabaho namin. Alam mo bang halos lahat ng pamilyang nakatira rito, dito na
nagkapamilya't tumanda. Kaya kami ni Mildred, at lahat ng kababayan namin, nais
naming manatili rito dahil para na naming tahanan ang isla." Malungkot na ngumiti
ang ginang sa'kin. "Isang hulog ng langit sa amin ang batang iyon."
"Kaya ikaw, magandang dalaga," tinuro ako ni Aling Mildred, "huwag mong papakawalan
ang taong katulad niya. Aba, wala ka nang makikitang kasing bait niya. Guwapo,
mayaman at maginhawa ang buhay, mabait, magalang, at higit sa lahat, may malasakit
sa kapwa. Kaya huwag mo nang paghintayin si sir Pogi."

Wala sa sariling napatango ako sa kanya. I don't even know what they were saying,
pero naiintindihan ko sila. Kaya lang, mali ang iniisip nila.

"O siya," paalam ni aling Mildred nang may lumapit na costumer sa tindahan nito.
"Ma'am, para po ba sa anak ninyo?"

"Narinig kong doon ka nagpalipas ng gabi sa malaking bahay."

Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Aling Eloysa. Gusto kong bumuntong hininga. Akala ko pa
naman matatapos na ang usapan sa pag-alis ni aling Mildred pero hindi pala.

"Huwag kang mag-alala. Alam kong mabait na bata si Ezekiel, at naroon naman si
Susan kaya tiwala akong mahimbing ang naging tulog mo kagabi." Ngumiti siya sa
'kin.

Now they think I'm a loose cannon.

Ngumiti na lang ako sa kanya at nagkunwaring nakatingin sa mga paninda niya.

"Pagpasensyahan mo na ang katabilan ng dila ko, hija. Natutuwa lang talaga ako at
ganoon din siguro ang ibang tao rito dahil nagkaroon ng bisita si sir. Palagi na
lang kasi siyang mag-isa sa tuwing bibisita siya rito. At palagi rin siyang
malungkot."

"Hindi naman po siguro ako ang unang bisita niya rito." Surely, he brought his
family here, at si Antoinette.

"Alam mo, hija, iyang bahay na iyan, matagal na niyang tinapos iyan, apat na buwan
na ang nakakaraan. Ang kuwento nga e para daw iyan sa nobya niya. Oras daw na
dumating ito ay aalukin na niya ito ng kasal at diyan sila titira. Pero ewan ko ba
sa batang iyon." Umiling-iling siya.

I frowned when she stopped talking. Mukhang wala yata siyang balak tapusin ang
kuwento niya. But my interest was piqued because of what she said. Naalala ko ang
sinabi ni Zeke.

"...I thought I needed a lot of space."

So I was right. He was planning to marry, kaya siya umalis sa condo niya at nagtayo
ng bahay. And who else would he be marrying? Obvious namang hindi ako iyon. Four
months ago, sila na ni Antoinette. Kinalimutan na niya ako nang mga panahong iyon.

But did Antoinette left him before?

Maybe not. I was the one who left him.

Oh, God! Will you stop it, Vee! Stop analyzing about it too much. Aasa ka lang e.
Alam mo naman na wala na. Wala ka nang babalikan dito. Nawala na ang inaasahan mo
noon pa. So stop.

I sighed. I thought I was throught it. Pero niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko.

"Bakit naman ho?" tanong ko na lang kay Aling Eloysa at pilit na pagaanin ang mukha
ko at boses ko. Bakit pa ba ako nagpapaapekto?

"Nang matapos iyang bahay na iyan, ni minsan hindi siya tumira diyan. Paminsan-
minsan, dumadalaw siya dito pero hindi nagpapalipas ng gabi dito iyan. Ngayon
lang," sabi niya nang nakatingin sa 'kin.

I frowned. I thought Zeke was living here now. Iyon ang sinabi niya kanina, na
umalis siya sa condo niya para tumira rito. Pero bakit iba ang sinasabi ni Aling
Eloysa? I don't get it.

At bakit hindi pa niya dinadala rito si Antoinette? Was he scared that she might
not like it?

Nonsense.

Kung natatakot o nagdadalawang isip si Zeke na baka hindi iyon magustihan ni

Antoinette, well, he's really crazy to think that.

Bumalik ang tingin ko sa beach house ni Zeke. It suited well how she called it:
Malaking bahay, dahil iyon lang sa tingin ko ang malaking bahay na nakatirik sa
parteng iyon ng isla. It stood magnificently like an enchanting kingdom in the
heart of this island. At napakaganda nitong titigan at tingnan. I think everyone
who see it will love it. And I'm sure Antoinette will fall in love with it too.

I LET OUT a slow breath when I immediately spotted her standing in one of the shop
talking with the vendor.
Even without her favored skinny jeans and loose shirt, even when she cut her hair
short, she still stood out against the crowd. Kahit siguro nasa dilim kami, o sa
napakataong lugar, mabilis ko pa rin siyang makikita at mahahanap.

I guess it just says that by simply following your heart, you can never be lost.
It's more effective navigator than any map or compass could offer.

Agad ko siyang pinuntahan at tinabihan. "There you are."

She jumped in surprise when she heard me but other than that, she didn't say
anything.

"Iniwan lang kita nang saglit, kung saan-saan ka na nakarating."

Umirap siya. "Oras ang binilang ko sa saglit na iyan."

I grinned. "Ah... so you were actually checking the time then."

Umirap lang ulit siya sa akin saka ngumiti sa kaharap niya. "Salamat po rito."

"Wala iyon, hija. Natutuwa ako na napadaan ka rito at nakausap ka."

I looked at both women. "Bakit may pakiramdam akong ako ang pinag-usapan ninyo?"
People here do that, especially the elders.

"Of course not." Kumaway si Victoria kay Aling Eloysa bago umalis.

"Sige po," sabi ko kay Aling Eloysa at nag-two thumbs up pa siya sa akin bago ko
sinundan si Victoria.

"Let me guess, she told you about the house, did she?"

She just glanced at me sideways and kept silent. I chuckled.

"Don't worry, I'm aware of it and I know all about what they're saying about it.
Dumaan na rin iyan mismo sa tenga ko."

She suddenly stopped walking and turned to me with an irritated expression on her
beautiful face. "So why did you tell me you were living here?"

"I didn't say that. Ang sinabi ko, umalis ako sa unit ko."
"You implied it kaya iyon ang naisip ko." She's angry.

"Okay," I said and tried to calm down, "are we going to fight about that?"

Hindi siya sumagot. Para siyang natulala at unti-unting nawala ang galit sa mukha
niya. Was she really angry I mislead her to think I live here? Big deal ba iyon sa
kanya?

Siguro. She wouldn't get angry if it's not.

"Look, I'm sorry. Hindi ko nalinaw ang sagot ko sayo. Kaya huwag ka ng magalit sa
'kin, okay?"

Umawang ang bibig niya at kumunot ang noo niya habang nakatitig siya sa 'kin. I
wondered why she was looking at me like that. Mukha siyang hindi makapaniwala, sa
totoo lang.

"What?" I asked her, pero umiling lang siya at muling naglakad.

Hinabol ko ulit siya. "Sandali lang!" I grabbed her arm and stopped her. "Hindi ka
na galit?"

"I wasn't angry."

"Yes, you were. You frown every time you're mad at me before. Kabisado pa rin kita.
I can still read you like an open book."

Mabilis na tumigas ang mukha niya at umiwas siya ng mga mata.

I sighed. It seemed I still need time to soften that face and that mouth. Hindi ko
magagawang masabi sa kanya ang mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin kung galit siya. I
want to look at the woman I knew and not this hallowed face of a stranger when I
confess.

Sa loob ng shorts ko, nakapa ko roon ang isang bagay na nakapagpaalala sa akin ng
kailangan kong gawin.

"Don't move."

Naguguluhang tiningnan niya ako. "What? Why?"

"Why are you always asking why?"

Inilabas ko sa bulsako ang bagay na matagal ko nang gustong ibigay sa kanya, noon
pa.

It's a golden shell pendant with an anchor lock. I bought it that night when I told
her to move in with me. Pero hindi ko na nagawang ibigay iyon sa kanya dahil
nalaman kong aalis siya. That's why I was so angry.

I stepped in close to her, crossing that small distance between me and her and put
the necklace around her neck. I heard her took a tiny gasp when she gazed what it
was. It suited her well, just as I imagined.

The shell rested delicately on her collarbone, teasing my fingers to trace it. And
I did. I felt her shiver with my touch. My nose flared and her scent immediately
wrapped around me, hypnotizing me and making me forget that we were standing in the
middle of nowhere, with people around us.

I found her eyes staring at me, and there goes my heart shooting arrows. Everything
disappeared and all I could smell was her air, her scent. She smelled like jasmine
and roses. Katulad pa rin ng dati.

My fingers caressed her throat, touching her soft skin beneath my fingertips. I
felt her pulse beating erratically just like mine.

I missed being this close to her, touching her like this, feeling her, and looking
deep in her eyes. I missed the taste of her.

But I hate it when she looked at me with that empty blank eyes. I hate it when she
smiles like a ghost. I hate the person she had become, dahil parang nakikita ko sa
kanya ang dating sarili ko, when I was lost and miserable.

The spell broke when she stepped back away from my hand, as if she was afraid of my
touch.

No, she didn't not like it. I felt her shiver, saw something flared in her eyes.
She might deny it, fight it even, but it's still there. She's still affected to me.
She's bound to me.

"Ano 'to?" tanong niya habang nakahawak sa kuwentas. Pinaglalaruan ng mga daliri
niya ang pendant niyon. "Why are you giving me this?"

"It's yours," I shrugged. "I'm just giving you what I should've given you before."

"Or you could've just thrown it away."

"Yes... I could. But not that." I held onto it when she's gone. And it's time she
have it.

Tiningnan lang niya ako. I know what she was thinking right now. I could read it in
her eyes. The past. The damage. The lost months. The regret.

Ayokong magmura, pero habang nakikita ko siyang nasasaktan, parang gusto kong
magwala.

I could see the tears shimmer in her eyes, but she didn't let them fall. I wish she
did. I fvcking wanted to reach out to her, but I constrained my hands and put them
inside my pocket.

"Salamat." Iyon lang ang sinabi niya. Tinanguan ko siya.

"Your hair suits you. But I liked it better when they were long."

"Part of change. New hair, new life," she smiled, not empty, but a sad one.

Did I hurt her that bad? Did I do that to her? Turn her into this?

I should rectify that. I want Victoria back. And to do that, I know I have to fight
her walls and take her away from whatever that's keeping her cold.

"Let's go?" Kinuha ko ang kamay niya, and I interlaced our fingers. I felt her
tensed. She's resisting me and it set my teeth on the edge. I didn't like it nor
the doubt in her eyes. But I held her hand tighter.

"Zeke..." she protested when I started to walk. "Pinagtitinginan tayo ng mga tao."

Sinubukan niyang kunin ang kamay niya pero hinatak ko siya palapit sa 'kin. I
looked at her with a raised eyebrow, silently saying, 'And so?'

"They think I'm your girlfriend, which is not true."

Once upon a time, it was true. And it will be true.

"Hayaan mo na sila." Mas mabuti nga iyon e. Hinawakan ko ng mabuti ang kamay niya.
"Just hold my hand and don't let go, okay?" And I pulled her again beside me as we
explored this paradise together.

Hindi ko na hahayaang malungkot si Victoria. Hindi ko na siya hahayaang umiyak mag-

isa. I know I caused it, we both hurt each other in the past. Pero hindi pa naman
huli ang lahat. I can still make it right.

"HERE." Binalik ko kay Victoria ang cellphone niya sa kanya. She stopped drinking
her buko juice and just looked at her phone. "Ayaw mo?"

Tahimik na inabot niya iyon.

"Kinuha ko na iyan sa saksakan bago tayo umalis kanina sa bahay. I planned not to
give it to you just yet, pero baka gusto mong tawagan si Avon. She's kind of
worried where you are."

I let her talk to Av for a while. Medyo lumayo pa siya para hindi ko marinig ang
usapan nila.

"Did you tell her where you are?" I asked when she came back.

"Hindi."

"Why?"

Tiningnan niya ako. "She will come here and get me."

"You don't want that?"

"Akala ko ba may sasabihin ka sa'kin?"

I smiled. "So you're willing to stay then?"

"Bakit hindi mo na lang simulang sabihin sa 'kin para makauwi na ako?"

"Hindi pa tuyo ang mga damit mo."

She rolled her eyes. "Kanina mo pa dinadahilan iyan."

I've been caught but I still found myself enjoying this moment.

"Why don't you relax, Victoria. Isipin mo na lang na date 'to."

She gave me a bored look.

"Ayaw mo ng date? O sige, picnic? Out of town vacation?"

Her phone beeped. Tiningnan niya iyon at pinagmasdan ko ang ekspresyon ng mukha
niya. Nakangiti siya.

"Do you like it here?" I asked her again, but she was too immersed in her phone.

I can't believe this. Hindi pa nangyayari ang ganito sa 'kin sa tanang buhay ko.
Wala pang taong nagagawa akong hindi pansinin sa tuwing nagsasalita ako. I'm a
Steele. An heir to a multi-billion empire. I demand complete attention, hindi lang
sa boardroom, but to everything.

Tapos siya, nandito sa napakagandang isla kasama ako, pero mas gusto pa niyang
magbabad sa cellphone niya? That's a serious, major strike to my ego.

My annoyance perked when her phone beeped again. "Sino ba iyang katext mo?"

Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya at mablis kong inagaw sa kamay niya ang
cellphone niya.

"What are you doing?"

Hindi ko siya pinansin. I read the list of her messages at pangalan ni Tyrone ang
nasa pinakataas.

"Si Tyrone?" inis na tanong ko.

"Zeke, ibalik mo na iyan. You shouldn't read someone else's messages. It's invasion
of privacy."

Kelan pa siya naging lawyer?

Well, I don't care if she's angry. Mas galit ako ngayon dahil hindi niya ako
pinapansin, at mas naiinis ako dahil si Tyrone lang pala ang ka-text niya. Sino ba
ang kasama niya ngayon? Obviously it's me.

"Nanliligaw ba si Tyrone sayo?"

She pressed her mouth shut. Hindi siya sumagot.

"Nanliligaw ba—"
"Oo. Bakit?"

I took a deep breath to hold down my anger. Gustong-gusto kong suntukin si Tyrone
ngayon pero pasalamat siya dahil wala siya rito. Because I swear I'm going to ruin
his face if he's here.

"Akin na iyan."

I held onto her phone. "Tell me, do you like him?"

Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. I know what it was. Fear. I'm scared what she will
tell me. What if she said yes? What is she likes him too?

Nakipagtitigan siya sakin. Matagal. Pero sa huli, siya rin ang unang bumawi.

"Hindi," mahinang sagot niya.

"Fvck..." I breathed out, and I swear I felt myself tremble from the huge relief.
Ni hindi ko na-realize na pigil-pigil ko na pala ang hininga ko. "Good."

She glared at me. "Now can I have my phone back?"

"But no more texting."

"Fine," sagot niya pagkaraan ng ilang segundo. And that was enough. Ibinalik ko na
sa kanya ang cellphone niya at tiningnan ko siyang itago iyon sa bulsa ng damit
niya. "Happy now?"

I grinned. "Very happy."

"Ewan ko sayo." She turned away from me, but I saw her lips lift up in a smile
before she could hide it.

Now, I'm happy. Very, very happy. The idiot smile on my face says it all.

=================

Chapter ♠ 46

SUNSET
IT WAS A FUN date. Kahit na ayaw tawagin ni Victoria na date ito, para sa akin,
it's a date. A one-sided date.

I realize we never really had the chance to go out like this before. Iyong
mamasyal, kumain ng kung anu-ano, iyong simpleng magkasama lang kami buong araw.

Things were very different back then. But they will be even better now. I'll make
sure of that.

Lulubog na ang araw mamaya, and I still want to take her somewhere before the sun
sets low. I want to show her the best place I've ever seen—to the highest part of
this island.

But I'm worried she might want to take a break. Buong hapon kaming namasyal kanina.
Kakababa lang namin kay Odyssey dahil pinakita ko sa kanya ang malalim na parte ng
dagat kung saan madalas nakikita ang mga dolphins. And seeing her so awestruck and
happy was priceless.

Kahit nasa gitna kami ng dagat araw-araw para abangan ang mga dolphins, ayos lang
sa 'kin. Just as long as I could see her smile and laugh so alive like that.

"Pagod ka na ba?" I asked her while we're walking side by side.

Nakangiti siyang nakatingin sa akin. She seemed not aware of it. Siguro ay epekto
pa rin iyon ng mga dolphins kanina.

"Hindi naman." Tumawa siya. "Ang ku-cute ng mga dolphins. Ang dami nila. Imagine?
They were just below us! My God! I'm sure, Av will freak out if she sees them. Iyon
pa, e, in love na in love iyon sa mga dolphins. She adores them! She's crazy with
dolphins!" Tumawa ulit siya. And I felt like I was in heaven.

Kanina pa siya salita nang salita tungkol sa mga dolphins. Naiinis pa siya sa akin
no'n bago kami sumakay kay Odyssey, my yacht. Ayaw niya pa niyang pumayag. But she
changed her mind when I told her about the dolphins. My surprise was spoiled, but
at least I got her to say yes. And quite frankly, I like it better when she talks
like this. Ang saya niyang tingnan at pakinggan. It made me miss her even more.

"So, are you still up for the next one?"

She grinned wider. Damn! Pumalya ang tibok ng puso ko doon a.

"Game!" excited na sabi niya kaya natawa na lang ako sa kanya.

Her energy was infectious. Nakakawala ng pagod. Well, I don't even feel tired.
Kahit siguro buong araw kaming magkasama, kahit araw-araw, I won't feel tired being
with her and spending my time with her.

"Kuya!"

Nagulat kaming pareho ni Victoria nang biglang sumugod sa amin ang isang dosenang
mga bata. The one in front was holding out a guitar. Mas malaki pa iyon kesa sa
kanya.

"Kuya Zeke, puwede po magpatulong sa inyo?"

I looked down at his guitar. Mukha namang maayos iyon.

Umuklo ako para pantayan siya. "Ano iyon?" Naramdaman kong umuklo rin si Victoria
sa tabi namin.

"Marunong po ba kayong umayos ng gitara, kuya? Sira po kasi ang tunog nitong gitara
ni itay."

"Gusto mong gamitin ito? Hindi ba mabigat?" Kinuha ko ang gitara sa mga kamay niya.
It was light, but still bigger than the boy.

"Susubukan lang po namin. Kasi po bertday ni nanay sa linggo. Gusto po sana namin
siyang kantahan ng kapatid ko."

"Okay," nakangiting sang-ayon ko. This boy reminded me of myself, when I used to
sing for my mom. And still does.

Nakakita ako ng lugar na walang masyadong tao at doon ko dinala ang mga bata. We
sat under the tree and the children gathered around. Sumunod din si Victoria at
itinuro ko kaagad ang tabi ko para doon siya umupo.

Kinausap niya ang mga bata habang sinusubukan kong ayusin ang tono ng gitara. Ilang
sandali pa, naririnig ko na silang nagkakatawanan.

"Marunong ka pong kumanta?" tanong ni Jun-jun, the boy from earlier. Nakaupo siya
sa kaliwa ko at masinsinang tinutukan ang ginagawa ko.

"Oo naman. Gusto mo ba ng kanta?"

"Sige po!" he said excitedly.

I slid my hands down the smooth surface of the guitar. I missed playing this babe.
Ilang taon na rin akong hindi tumutugtog.

Nobody knows the love I had for music, only my mother. Naririnig na ako ng mga
kapatid kong tumutogtog noong elementary at high school, before I met Five, and
they thought I wanted to be a rock star. But I love racing more.

From time to time, I play it, kapag nakakahawak ako. Katulad ngayon, at sa tuwing
birthday ni Ma. Minsan, tinutigtugan ko din si Serena per request. Pero sila lang
naman ang audience ko.

When I was satisfied with the tune, I tried to think for a song. I still know some
basic cords.

"So you're not joking, huh?"

Victoria stole my thoughts. At isang kanta ang biglang lumitaw sa isip ko.

"I'm a man of surprises. You should know that by now."

She chuckled and it lured my eyes to look at her smiling lips. I'll be damned if I
don't kiss her tonight.

"Kanta ka na," untag niya sa 'kin.

I smiled. She just doesn't have a clue what I was thinking, does she?

Napailing na lang ako sa sarili ko. What I think don't actually include singing.
But I'd get to that at the right time. Besides, I think I know just a perfect song.

"Here goes," I said and cleared my throat. Sinenyasan ni Victoria ang mga bata na
makinig kaya nagsitahimik sila. Then I strummed the strings.

Oh, these times are hardYeah, they're making us crazyDon't give up on me baby

I looked at the girl sitting beside me and strummed again.

Oh, these times are hardYeah, you're making me crazyDon't give up on me baby

She's all laid up in bed with a broken heartWhile I'm drinking jack all alone in my
local barAnd we don't know howHow we got into this mad situationOnly doing things
out of frustrationTrying to make it workBut man these times are hard
But we're gonna start by

Drinking old cheap bottles of wineSit talking up all nightSaying things we haven't
for a whileA while, yeahWe're smiling but we're close to tearsEven after all these
yearsWe just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time...

Oh, these times are hardYeah, you're making me crazyDon't give up on me babyOh,
these times are hardYeah, you're making me crazy

"Don't give up on me baby..."

"WELL, THIS WAS fun," nakangiting sabi ko habang nakatingin sa papalubog na araw.
Ngayon lang ata ako ngumiti nang ganito habang pinapanood ko iyon.

I don't know. Maybe it was because of the person who's watching it with me. It
somehow made the difference.

Zeke was constantly surprising me today, I don't know if I can keep up anymore.

This necklace, the dolphins, the song, and then this. Sunset. I never thought he
could be this romantic type of guy.

Tiningnan ko siya sa tabi ko. He was lying down on the sand with his arms stretched
above and his hand beneath his head. He looked relax and very cozy.

He smiled when he found me looking at him. Masyado na akong nasasanay sa mga

ginagawa niya at sa ngiti niya.

"Thank you, Zeke." Alam kong hahanap-hanapin ko ang lahat ng 'to.

"Don't I get a thank you kiss?"

Iningusan ko siya at tumingin ulit sa pagitan ng dagat at ng pulang ulap.

"I'm glad you liked it here."

Glad? "What's there not to like?" sabi ko sa kanya. "This place is plain
beautiful."
The water, the cool wind, the sand... lahat. It's a definition of paradise.

"You really have a beautiful place here, Zeke. And a beautiful house." Antoinette
is a lucky woman.

"Kung makapagsalita ka, parang hindi ka na babalik dito. You can always come back
here."

I laughed, hiding the wistfulness welling inside me. "Well, that depends if I learn
how to swim," biro ko na lang. The moment was just so precious and I don't want to
ruin it.

"I honestly had no idea you can't swim, you know."

"Ditto." I meant the guitar. Nagulat ako nang marinig ko siyang tumugtog at
kumanta. He have a good voice, at ngayon ko lang iyon narinig.

"It seems we don't know each other that well. Marami din akong hindi alam tungkol
sayo." Nanatili ang ngiti sa mga labi ko.

"Yeah well, playing guitar was my teen-age hobby. I used to have a band in high
school, but I didn't take it seriously, kaya hindi iyon nagtagal. Unlike racing.
Ikaw, takot ka ba sa tubig kaya hindi ka pa rin marunong lumangoy?"

"Hindi naman. Hindi lang talaga ako marunong lumangoy. I just gave up trying. I
drown every time I try to get into a pool," natatawa kong kuwento habang inaalala
ang mga naging karanasan ko noon pagdating sa paglalangoy. "How about you?"

He frowned. "What about me? I'm a good swimmer."

"Hindi iyon. What I meant was, do you have something you're afraid of?"

"I had," sagot niya at biglang simeryoso ang mukha niya. "Alam mo na siguro kung
ano iyon."

The answer hit me then. "Elevators."

He nodded. "Anything that is close-spaced. They said it's because of the accident
your brother and I had."

"I thought you said you're not scared of it." Kahit pa nagduda ako noon,
pinaniwalaan ko siya.

"I lied..." dahan-dahan siyang bumangon at umupo, "and I wasn't proud of it. It was
out of instinct when I said that. I just don't want you to know I was wreck that
time. At ayoko nang dagdagan ang pag-aalala mo nang mga oras na iyon."

I sighed. Pero pagdating sa ibang tao, nagawa mong magbago.

Sinubukan ko pa ring ngumiti sa kanya sa kabila ng bulong ng boses na iyon. "Then

why are you telling me this now?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm trying to come clean."

Yumuko ako para ngumiti ng mapait. "You really changed a lot, Zeke. Ang kilala kong
Zeke, hindi iyan sasabihin. He won't say sorry because he's so arrogant and full of
pride. Hindi siya palatawa, hindi rin siya palangiti. But when he does, it makes
him shine."

I missed that Zeke... I want that Zeke... dahil ako lang ang nakakakilala sa taong
iyon. Dahil ako lang ang kailangan niya.

But you left him. You threw him away and wasted what you had.

His hand came up. Naramdaman kong hinawakan niya ang mukha ko at iniangat iyon. His
eyes held mine in a heart-stopping seconds.

"Don't you like what you're seeing now?"

Napalunok ako. Yes... I'm happy he had moved on. Nagbago siya, and I can see that.
Natanggap na niya ang pagkukulang niya sa daddy niya, napatawad na niya ito at
higit sa lahat napatawad na rin niya ang sarili niya. He can talk about the past
now without the guilt, the self-blame, anger and the hatred. Lahat iyon nagawa
niya.

But why was it crushing me?

"Hindi ba ito ang gusto mo, Victoria? To see me whole again? I am."

Tango lang ang nagawa kong isagot sa kanya. My throat was burning.

"Then why are you crying?" naguguluhang tiningnan niya ako.

I tried to hide my unshed tears, but he didn't let me and cupped my face firmly.
His thumb brushed the wet skin beneath my eyes.

"You should be happy. Sa lahat ng tao, maliban sa pamilya ko, ikaw dapat ang unang-
unang natutuwa. You're supposed to be smiling right now."
"Masaya ako, Zeke. I am. Overwhelmed lang ako, iyon lang."

"Then tell me what took you so long to come back?"

I held his hand at tinanggal iyon sa pagkakahawak niya sa 'kin. "We should go back
now. Dumidilim na."

He pulled me back before I could even had the chance to stand up and run away.
Galit na tiningnan niya ako. "Do you really need to leave again?"

Umawang ang bibig ko sa gulat. I almost cursed that he knew about that. I couldn't
believe I was singing a tune when I was drunk!

"Why, Victoria?" Narinig ko ang hinanakit sa boses niya. "Hindi pa ba kami sapat na
dahilan para hindi ka umalis?"

"Zeke, you moved on. At nakikita kong masaya ka na. Gusto ko ring gawin iyon. I
want to be happy."

"Are you saying you don't need us? That we can't make you happy? What about me? Did
I hurt you so bad that you wanted to get rid of me? When you left me, I tried to
understand your reason. Kahit ayoko. Can't you do the same?"

I stared blankly at him. Hindi ko siya naiintindihan. "Anong gusto mong gawin ko?
Zeke, you don't need me anymore."

"You are fvcking wrong." His eyes were blazing. "Don't you get it? All this?" He
spread his hands as if to make his point. "My God, Victoria! I was busting my ass
all day, showing you, and yet you don't see it, do you?"

He was clearly frustrated, but I don't want to rekindle what was dead all those
months ago. I have my reasons—hundreds of them. At isa na doon si Antoinette.

"Hindi na mahalaga kung ano ang nakikita ko. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Bullshit!" mura niya. "So what? You want to give up, just like that?"

"Zeke, please. Huwag mo nang gawing komplikado ang mga bagay."

"Komplikado? I just want you to give us a chance!"

My throat convulsed. Oh God! What was he saying? Was he seriously thinking... paano
si Antoinette?

"Zeke, don't you think it's best to leave the past behind? Hindi mo na kailangang
gawin 'to. You already said you let everything go. Why can't I do that too?"

Saglit siyang natigilan at napatitig sa 'kin. "You're right... I let everything go.
But it's you that I can't," he said harshly just before his hand held my nape.

My eyes widened when his other hand cupped my face, completely preventing me to
move away, and then his mouth imprisoned my lips in a searing kiss.

His kiss always felt like star bursting sweetly in my mouth. Sa bawat hagod niya,
sa bawat diin. His warm breath whispering subtly on my skin, his hands secured
around me, the tingle on spine, the taste of him and his essence. They were
achingly familiar to me. And I had forgotten all about them, how they had
wonderfully felt.

But Zeke was giving me what I had been missing for so long, what I thought I had
forgotten, what was buried in cold, and they were slowly reviving me to life.

Rainbow of emotions glittered my blood, and I thought I felt  wings spreading

splendidly wide behind me, like I could soar again. And it made feel scared,
because the last time I felt this, I ended up falling, face down.

So I did what I thought was right—to push him away. Tinulak ko siya. Sinubukan ko.

He pulled back, his face only inches away from me. His breath was ragged and his
eyes were searching for my face, I don't know what for, but I was too enthralled
watching the emotions running across his face. They all made me feel even scarier—
that what I was seeing was wrong. That I will get myself broken again if I believed
them.

"Eight months, Victoria. Hinintay kita ng gano'n katagal. Ang dami kong gustong
sabihin sayo. Ang dami kong oras na sinayang. And now that you're here, I cannot
let you go again."

I shook my head, telling him no, because I couldn't say it. But he was crossing the
distance again.

"Zeke... you can't—" kiss me...

My protest was gone because he was already kissing me again with the silent
promises his lips were spelling. And I felt them—the yearning, passion, and hope—
all the emotions I saw in the window of his new found soul.

I know this was wrong for all the reasons I could think of, but it just felt so
right. And there was nothing I could do but to kiss him back and give into the hope
sparking in his dark heated eyes—just give into this man and let him resurrect me
from death.

=================

Chapter ♠ 47

ACCEPTANCE

"HEY..."

The stars disappeared from my sight when I felt Zeke's arm easing around me,
enclosing me with his body heat. Shiver ran down my spine when he pressed a kiss
onto the crook of my neck down to my bare shoulder.

"Hey," I hummed. Nag-init ang pakiramdam ko kahit na nakatayo kami sa labas ng may
veranda. I smiled, because Zeke was giving me back my life. He was making me feel
again.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, resting his chin on me. "You're not regretting
it already, are you"

Mabilis akong umikot paharap sa kanya aaka siya pinakatitigan. I took in his face,
the line of his nose, the sexy curve of his lips, and the arch of his thick brows
where those dark deep eyes were hiding as they stare down on me with ambivalence...

Umiling ako bilang sagot sa tanong niya. I know I wouldn't regret this. Pero
natatakot ako. Kinakabahan. What if this is wrong? No... wala ng what if doon. Mali
ito. Kaya lang...

Nagdadalawang-isip ako sa pinapasok kong ito dahil hindi ko alam kung ginagawa ko
ba ang gusto kong mangyari.

Pero ano nga ba ang gusto kong mangyari?

I know he's the man who can fill this huge void inside me. My heart recognizes it.
At iyon naman ang mahalaga 'di ba? Ang maghilom ang sugat sa dibdib ko? Ang sumaya
ulit ako? Hindi ba? I deserve this, right?

Yes, Vicky.
I smiled to that. Parang naririnig ko ang boses ng kuya ko na sinasabi iyon. He
would definitely say that, in his soft brotherly reassuring tone, and then he would
mess my hair.

"You're smiling. Ano na naman ang iniisip mo?"

Obliterating all the thoughts in my head, I held his face and kissed him.

For a tiny moment, I sensed his surprise before his lids flutter close. He held my
waist firmly and let me kiss him with abandon.

I kissed him slow, nipped his bottom lip, I tasted him, and took all I wanted. I
kissed him with all the tears I've cried every night in my sleep, with all the pain
I've endured for months, and all the feelings I suppressed, until my doubts were
erased and faded.

I really don't know what's gonna happen, but then, when it comes to fate, all you
have to do is to trust it, that everything will fall to its rightful place.

So I'm giving this a try. Yes... this bruised heart will give us another chance.

"Care to tell me what was that about?" he asked me amusingly when the kiss ended.

"Just showing you what I was thinking."

"You sure iyon lang ang iniisip mo?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"Ikaw ha. 'Wag kang ganyan." Hinampas ko ang braso niyang nakapulupot pa rin sa
akin. Humalakhak siya.

"God, I miss you," sabi niya nang mahimasmasan siya.

"Do you think we can work this out?" I asked him instead. I know he can see the
vulnerability in my eyes. Hindi ko lang talaga kayang itago iyon. I want to know if
he really want this.

Dahan-dahang siyang nagpakawala ng malalim na hininga bago marahang hinawakan ang

pisngi ko. He dropped a kiss on my temple and hugged me.

"I don't know what will come to us," he whispered, "what will happen... I can't
guarantee perfection, that this road we're taking isn't going to get bumpy along
the way. All I know is that I will fight for us, for you. I know struggles will
follow us, but they won't matter, as long as I got you." He pulled away and looked
me in the eye. "I won't let anything stand between us again, Victoria. Not this
time. So don't throw the checkered flag yet, okay?"

"Okay."

Hinawakan niya ang necklace na binigay niya sa akin, at nakita kong nanginginig
iyon kamay niya. I reached him.

"Nilalamig ka ba?"

"No... no." Kabado siyang tumawa. "It's just that... your thoughts scare me
sometimes. I'd give a fvcking million damn just to know what's going on inside that
head of yours."

Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya. So Zeke grew some insecurities too, I see.

"Look who's talking. Ikaw nga 'tong nakaisip na kidnapin ako rito."

He grinned. "I'm not really sorry that I took you here."

"Bakit mo nga ba ako dinala rito?"

He gave me a meaningful look. "So I can show you this place and this house."

I flashed back to what Aling Eloysa and Aling Mildred said this afternoon. Does it
mean na ako... ako iyong tinutukoy nila at hindi si Antoinette?

Does it matter?

Pero bago pa ako makapagtanong ay biglang may tumunog. I recognize it was phone
ringing in a weird tone. Iyong kanta ng minions. Zeke even winced when he heard it.

"Sayo?" Kasi sigurado akong hindi gano'n ang ringing tone ko.

"Pat," he said and sighed in annoyance. "She does that."

"Si Antoinette?" I said blandly. Pero hindi niya iyon napansin.

Tumango siya. "It's her calling. Kanya ang ringing tone na iyan. I don't even know
how she changed it."

Oh. So nahahawakan na rin pala ni Antoinette ang cellphone niya.

The ringing went off, and started again.Muli siyang bumuga ng huminga. Kulang na
lang mag-facepalm na siya.

"Sasagutin ko lang 'to saglit. Babalik din ako kaagad."

Hindi na niya nakita ang pagtango ko dahil naglalakad na siya papasok sa loob ng
bahay para sagutin ang tawag ni Antoinette.

I sighed and wrapped my arms around myself. Bigla akong nanlamig sa pagkawala ni
Zeke. Pumasok na lang din ako sa loob at inayos ang pinagkainan namin.

There's no reason to overthink things, right? If Zeke really wants me back... then
he can have all that I am. He can take me back.

But, we will have to talk about Antoinette first. We can't possibly have this
relationship if he's with her. I don't want him to hurt someone who helped him, who
meant something in his life.

Tanggapin ko man o hindi, I have to acknowledge that she did a great impact in
Zeke's life. And perhaps, I am making decision with my blue heart that needs
reciprocation of love—something that I feel, still feel, for Zeke. But I just can't
close the door on this one.

Sa tanang buhay ko, ngayon ko lang ginustong maging makasarili, lalo na ngayong
nakikita kong may pagkakataon pa sa amin ni Zeke.

Hindi pa rin nagbabago ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. I still love Zeke. Mahal ko pa
rin siya kahit na paulit-ulit akong nasaktan noon. Kahit sa kabila ng dumaang
buwan, kahit na noong nalaman kong andiyan si Antoinette. Wala akong magagawa kung
si Zeke lang ang nakikita at tinitibok nitong puso ko. It's only him who can take
away this pain, and fill the hole inside me.

Maybe that was why the pain hurt too much, that I find it hard to let go and move
on. I still want us to be together again, just like before. I want to be with Zeke
and have this kind of life with him. I truly want this happiness that only he could
give, for the rest of my life.

Hindi naman siguro masamang sumubok ulit, 'di ba?

Peace settled in my chest. Siguro nga ito na ang hinihintay kong sagot, ang
hinihintay kong mangyari—ang bumalik kay Zeke at magsimula ulit kami.

I smiled when I saw Zeke in the laundry area. Tinutupi niya ang mga damit ko habang
hawak ng isang kamay ang kanyang cellphone. Seryosong-seryoso ang mukha niya.
I walked and stepped closer until I could hear him talking. At natigilan ako sa
narinig ko.

"...I know it's too soon, but I love you, and I can't wait for you to be mine..."

My smile froze. I love you?

"... Marry me?"

Mabilis akong nagtago sa dingding habang tutop ang dibdib ko. My heart was
pounding. Hard. And it hurts. Zeke was proposing to someone...

I heard him sigh. "Pat, can you please be serious. I'm trying here..." Zeke's voice
was grave. "I'm telling you right now how I feel. At hindi ko sigurado kung tama
ang ginagawa ko..." He fell silent.

Sinilip ko siya at nakita kong ang bigat sa mga balikat niya at ang kunot ng noo ng
kalahating mukha niya. I bit my lip and stopped myself from calling his name and
demand an answer.

Zeke looked torn. And that was all I needed to see to wake up from this fantasy I
led myself to believe.

In a silent footsteps, I left and walked away. Ayoko nang marinig pa ang mga
sasabihin ni Zeke at bigyan ng dahilan ang sarili ko para masaktan. I shouldn't be
there, listening to their moment. Hindi ko kaya.

Umakyat ako sa itaas at pumasok sa kuwarto saka nagtungo sa banyo. I filled the tub
with a lukewarm water at tulalang pinanood ko ang lagaslas ng tubig hanggang sa
mapuno iyon. Nagsimula na akong maghubad ng damit bago lumusong sa tubig, just what
I usually did for the last five months when I needed warmth to kill that cold hands
seizing and twisting my chest.

At doon ko hinayaan ang sarili kong huminga. Umiyak. Malungkot. Magdamdam.

I don't understand why Zeke would want me back when he was obviously in love with
someone else. Pinaglalaruan lang ba niya ako?

No... he's not.

He won't scheme for revenge. Kahit na nasaktan ko siya noon, kahit na iniwan ko
siya, Zeke won't try to hurt me. At least, that I'm sure of.

Pero bakit, Zeke? Bakit ganito? He said all those words, that checkered flag thing,
all that assurance, but why was he going to marry someone else?
I don't get it.

One second, we were in a bubble of dream, now he's there, saying I love you over
the phone.

Hindi na ako natuto. Ngayon ano? Titiisin ko na naman ba itong sugat na dumagdag sa
puso ko?

Our separation left too much pain and it cut deep wounds. Dumating sa buhay niya si
Antoinette, and she took the space I emptied in his life and in his heart. Pero
siya... no'ng nawala siya, wala nang pumalit sa kanya kaya nanatiling butas ang
parting iyon ng puso ko.

Ang gulo ng buhay na 'to. What was he trrying to prove? Na mahal niya kaming pareho
ni Antionette?

Bullshit! He loves Antoinette more than me. Hindi niya ito aalukin ng kasal kung
hindi. While he may have said he wanted to marry me before, but he didn't ask me
either. Ano ang panghahawakan ko doon?

Maybe that's it. He thinks he want me back, dahil iniisip niyang mahal pa rin niya
ako. But I'm sure, kung anuman ang nararamdaman sa akin ni Zeke, it was just a
lingering feeling from the past. Hindi niya siguro nare-realize iyon sa ngayon,
pero alam ko, naguguluhan lang siya sa amin at sa kanila ni Antoinette, kaya siya
hirap na hirap kanina—hirap siyang mamili.

But he doesn't need to choose between me and Antoinette just because he's confused
with his feelings. Kung hindi siguro ako dumating, maybe this wouldn't happen.

Kailangan ko na sigurong tanggapin na wala na talaga sa akin si Zeke. He needs to

lose me. He has to.

Mabilis kong pinunasan ang mukha ko nang marinig ko ang katok sa labas ng banyo.

"Victoria, you in there?"

"Mmm..." ungol ko. My throat felt hoarse because of my tears and he would know what
I had been doing here if he heard me.

"I'm sorry, nainip ka yata sa paghihintay sa akin."

I cleared my throat before speaking. "Ayos lang."

"Siya nga pala, kinuha ko na iyong mga damit mo sa baba. I'll just leave them here.
But you're free to slip on my clean shirts to sleep on tonight, if you want."

"Sige. Salamat."

I sighed. I guess it will help that I know he still have feelings for me somehow,
kahit na hindi iyon pagmamahal. He was just making up for his shortcomings. Katulad
nga ng sinabi niya, naghuhugas-kamay lang siya sa mga nagawa niya noon.

But honestly, he doesn't need to do it anymore. He didn't have to make up for

anything. Pareho naman kaming may kasalanan sa isa't isa e.

"Victoria."

Nagulat ako nang muli siyang magsalita sa labas ng pintuan. I thought he was gone.

"Bakit?"

"Wala," he hesitated. "I'll just wait downstairs till you finish up there."

Hindi ako sumagot. I know he will talk to me about Antoinette. It was there in his
voice.

Pero ayokong harapin siya ngayon, not when everything was fresh and raw. I don't
think I can bear another blow.

Alam kong ipipilit niya pa rin ang gusto niya, to give us a chance. And I swear to
God, I want it more than anything.

Kaya lang alam ko ring sa huli, kami lang ding dalawa ang masasaktan. Hindi ako ang
mahal niya. Hindi na ako. Pareho lang naming masasaktan si Antoinette kapag
ipinagpilitan niya ang gusto niyang mangyari. And I will hurt myself if I continue
this.

It's better if we stop this before we both commit another mistake. Kung gusto
niyang pakasalan si Antoinette, then that meant I should back off and move away.
Iyon ang tama.

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang makita kong wala si Zeke sa kuwarto paglabas ko ng
banyo. Ang sumalubong sa akin ay ang mga nakatuping puting t-shirt at itim na
jogging pants na nakapatong sa kama. Isinuot ko ang mga iyon at agad kong
naramdaman ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko. Zeke's scent was all over it, I almost felt
like he was wrapped around me. It was breaking my heart even more.

I sniffed and crawled under the cover. I lied down, closed my eyes and tried to
breath fine. Gusto kong matulog habang wala pa si Zeke. Maybe if he saw me
sleeping, he won't try to talk to me.

My eyes were gritty, swollen and heavy-lidded that when sleep came, it claimed me
with ease. Darkness fell and it completely swallowed my reality.

MAAGA AKONG nagising kinabukasan at mabilis na naligo't nagbihis. Nahanap ko ang

damit kong naka-hang sa cabinet. Hindi ko na iyon napansin kagabi nang iwan iyon
doon ni Zeke. I still can't believe he washed it himself. Kung sa ibang
pagkakataon, baka pagtawanan ko pa siya. But right now, I just don't have the
energy to laugh.

It was still dawn, kaya naisip kong lumabas para panoorin ang pagsikat ng araw.
Zeke said that sunrise here are beautiful, kaya dito niya naisip itayo ang bahay,
paharap kung saan sumisikat ang araw. Mukhang pinag-isipan talaga niya ang
pagpapatayo niya sa bahay na 'to.

Tulog pa si Zeke nang lumabas ako. Tahimik ang buong paligid, maliban sa mga huni
ng ibon at hampas ng dagat sa laot. They sound very calming and relaxing.

Umupo ako sa buhangin at doon hinintay ang pagsikat ng araw. I didn't care about
the morning breeze chilling me. It wasn't really bothering me.

Ilang sandali pa ay nakikita ko na ang mabilis na pagbabago ng kulay ng ulap. And

then there was the sun, rising from the horizon.

It's quite amazing watching the sunrise. Seeing and witnessing how the sun
illuminates the sky within seconds, how it rises after the dark... it kind of
reminded me about someone. Para siyang araw na bumangon pagkatapos ng kadiliman.
Now, he shines brightly with his fire. He burns with it, far from the distance.
Nakakasilaw at nakakapaso.

I could never touch him again. He's better alone without me.

Nagsimula na ulit akong bumalik sa bahay nang makita ko ang iilang taong
nagmamadali papunta sa isang bangka. Lumapit ako roon, and it turned out that it
was a boat tripping back to the city.

"Miss, sasakay ka ba?" tanong ng mama. "May bakante pa."

I looked back at the house. Gising na kaya si Zeke? Hinahanap na kaya niya ako?

"Miss?" untag niya.

I don't know if this was fate telling me something, but I already decided to trust
it.

Kaya sumakay ako sa bangka.

I let the boat and the water take me far away from the island of paradise I fell in
love with. I watched it disappear into dot as I sailed back without Zeke.

Ayokong magsisi siya sa huli kapag na-realize niyang hindi pala ako ang mahal niya
kun'di ang babaeng tumulong sa kanya, ang taong hindi nang-iwan sa kanya at ang
nakasama niya sa mga panahong wala ako sa tabi niya. Si Antoinette iyon.

That's what I'm doing—stupidity, called letting him go. Because he deserve her,
hindi ako. She's the one who can have Zeke.

I know he will be happy now, sila ni Antoinette. I can't be selfish now. I don't
want to be selfish anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone, not even Antoinette. Kahit
papaano, siya pa rin ang babaeng tumulong kay Zeke. Ipagpapasalamat ko iyon sa
kanya.

So I guess that's it. I need to end this here. I am going to stop here and trust my
destiny now. Move forward. That's life, right?

THREE DAYS akong hindi nagpakita kina Av, pati kay Tyrone. Tatlong araw na, simula
noong umalis ako sa isla nang walang paalam. At alam kong nagalit ko na naman si
Zeke. Pilit niya akong kinokontak, tinatawagan, pero ni minsan hindi ko sinagot ang
mga tawag niya. Hindi ako nagpakita sa kanya dahil alam kong oras na nalaman niya,
susubukan niya akong pigilan.

Pero kailangan kong gawin 'to. I don't want to ruin his happiness again with
Antoinette. Tama na sa aking nakasama ko ulit siya kahit isang araw lang, sa
magandang paraiso niya. Naging masaya ako, at nagawa kong makita kung papaano ako
makakabangon mula sa kadilimang kinasadlakan ko.

I wan to be my own sun too. I have to move on and find my own resolution. At
magsisimula ako sa lugar kung saan hindi ko makikita ang alaala ng nakaraan. Pero
kailangan ko munang tapusin ang kailangan kong tapusin dito.

Kina Tito Ed at Tita Sally ako tumuloy. Paraan ko na rin iyon para magpaalam ng
maayos sa kanila, at makasama ko man lang sila saglit bago ako tuluyang magpaalam.

Acceptance. That's the key to moving on. It's hard, I know. But nothing's really
easy in this cycle of life.
Hindi ko man magawang tanggapin ang lahat, at least now I'm starting to. Zeke and
Antoinette, sa kanila ako magsisimula. Paunti-unti. Hanggang sa kaya ko na.

Doon naman nagsisimula ang lahat, sa maliliit na bagay. Darating din ang panahon na
matatanggap ko na ang lahat, ng buong-buo. And then maybe when the time comes, I
will find my own happiness too.

Pumunta ako sa HQ, at naabutan ko doon si Jack. Kinausap ko siya tungkol sa Legacy.

"Are you sure?" gulat niya akong tinitigan. "I mean, pinaglaban mo 'to kay Zeke
noon, hindi ba? Ang makuha ang puwesto ng kuya mo? So why do you want to give it
up?"

"It's the rule, Jack. You know the drill. It wouldn't seem fair to David if I left
and don't give up the title."

"But no one could replace your brother. Ikaw lang."

"Then leave it empty, katulad noon. Let Zeke protect it."

He only sighed. He knows when I'm serious and can't be persuaded to change my mind.

"We thought you'd stay this time. What about Zeke? Pumayag ba siya?"

"He will know." Pretty soon.

"Kung iyan talaga ang gusto mo, then I guess I'll have no choice but to talk to the
guys and tell them your decision."

Ngumiti ako. "Thank you, Jack. You're the best."

Umiling-iling siya. "Kung 'di mo lang fan ang asawa ko..."

Pagkatapos ay pumunta kaagad ako sa sunod na appointment ko. Av sent me the address
where I'll be meeting the buyer of my apartment. Naroon na si Av, kaya ayos lang
kung mahuli ako ng kaunti.

Kaunti na lang, matatapos ko na rin lahat 'to. And then, when everything is done,
I'm all set and ready to disappear from here, start somewhere and chase my own
beginning.
=================

Chapter ♠ 48

I know all you wanted was to hold me. I should have known that you were
lonely. Baby tell me it's not to late, my heart...Stop the world, I don't want to
lose my girl. I just need a second of time to show her that I love her,  Second of
time to kiss her and hug her... Stop the world, my baby's leaving.

---- 🎶🎵🎶 ----  

STOP THE WORLD

I DRANK THE rest of my orange juice as Avon watched me silently from the opposite
side of the table. Kakaalis lang ng lawyer no'ng buyer ng appartment ko at
pinigilan agad ako ni Av bago pa ako makaalis. Any time soon, she will break her
silence.

"O-order pa ba tayo? sabi ko nang maubos ko na ang desert ko.

She dropped a sigh. "Bakit kasi hindi mo na lang siya harapin at kausapin?" she
said instead, going for the plunge. "He clearly wants to talk to you. Ilang araw ka
niyang hinanap at ilang araw mo na rin siyang iniiwasan. I can tell you that
avoiding him is not a good idea. You've been going around in circles and now Zeke
is going desperate."

"There's no use, Av. Nakapagdesisyon na ako. Buo na ang isip ko."

She clasped her hands and rested them in the table. Hinanda ko na rin ang sarili ko
dahil nakikita kong sermon mode na siya ngayon.

"Vee, if you're leaving just because of Zeke, fine. Hindi kita pipiliting mag-stay
kahit na ayaw kitang umalis. I just hate that you're doing this to yourself.
Obvious na obvious naman na hindi ka masaya sa gagawin mo. May choice ka naman
maging masaya e."

"And I'm doing it right now."

"No!" she argued. "What you are doing is plain stupidity. I'm sorry, but I'm your
friend that's why I'm telling you this. And I'm telling you right now that you are
making a big mistake."

"Av, if you really want me to be happy, hayaan mo na lang ako. Tell me I'm doing
great, that everything will be okay." Kailangan ko ng kaibigang iintindi sa akin
ngayon.

"Pinagdaanan mo na 'to. And look, you're still not okay." She rolled her eyes at
me. "Bakit ba kasi kailangan may abroad-drama pa? Hindi mo ba nakikita? That poor
guy is still madly in love with you. Bulag lang ang taong hindi makakakita no'n. At
ikaw, you still have feelings for him. I know, kaya huwag mo nang ikaila. Kaya
bakit pa kailangang gawing komplikado ang ganitong simpleng bagay?"

Napabuga ako ng hininga. "Because it's not that simple, Av." It's never been.

Tumirik ang mata niya sa akin na para bang hindi siya makapaniwala. "My God!" she
exclaimed. "What's so complicated about it? The facts and signs are all there,
screaming at you loud and clear. Just give him a break, Vee, and talk to him. Hindi
iyong takbo ka nang takbo. Pagdating sa racing, ang tapang-tapang mo. Pero itong
simpleng bagay na 'to..." she made an audible sigh. "You always run away at the
first sign of distress."

Siguro nga tama siya. I'm a coward. But I would rather take the physical blow than
submit myself into an emotional pain. At least bruises and wounds on the surface
heal faster than those scars that run deep.

"Iniisip ko lang naman dito, ikaw. I remember how you were before, the first time
we met. You were mourning and grieving for your brother, at mag-isa kang lumalaban.
Mag-isa mong hinarap ang buhay. But now you have Zeke, he's your chance. You can be
together for the rest of your life. Hindi mo na kailangang mag-isa."

Inabot niya ang kamay ko at hinawakan iyon. "You've been hurting for a long time,
Vee. Kaibigan mo ko pero wala man lang akong nagawa noon. At least this time, I
know I can. You just have to listen to me."

"Av, you've been my best friend and my sister when I lost my brother. That's more
than enough for me. Kaya sana, suportahan mo na lang ako ngayon. I know what I'm
doing. Don't you want the best for me?"

Matagal niya akong tinantya. And then she sighed and dropped the subject. Wala na
siyang sinabi pagkatapos no'n pero alam kong marami pa siyang gustong sabihin sa
akin. But I'm also prepared to disagree.

Hindi na magbabago ang isip ko. I've already booked my flight and I'm not going to
cancel it just because Av told me.

Yes, maybe I am a coward. Duwag na kung duwag. Pero ayoko talagang harapin si Zeke.
I don't want to talk to him because I know he will try to make me stay and change
my mind. But I'm done pining for the past. I want to move on now.

Zeke wanted to marry Antoinette. Soon, she will walk down the aisle and he will be
waiting for her at the end of the altar. They will speak their avowal of love and
seal it with a kiss while I watch them from a distance.

Ayokong dumating ang araw na iyon na durog pa rin ang puso ko. Gusto ko, masaya ako
sa araw na iyon.

KINABUKASAN, maaga akong naghanda para sa pag-alis ko. Naayos ko na ang mga gamit
ko. Kaunti lang ang dala kong mga gamit noong bumalik ako kaya ang mga iyon lang
din ang dadalhin ko. I left the rest in New York. Iyong ibang maiiwan ko rito na
hindi ko na kakailanganin ay isinama ko na sa donation nina Ella.

Isang katok ang nagpalingon sa akin sa pintuan.

"Ready ka na?"

Tinanguan ko si Tyrone. Siya ang nagrepresentang ihatid ako sa airport ngayon dahil
hindi makakarating si Av. May kinailangang daw siyang lakarin kaya hindi niya ako
maihahatid. Hahabol na lang daw siya sa airport bago ako lumipad pabalik ng New
York.

"Hindi ka na ba namin mapipigilan?" Tyrone asked as he approached me, his face

mirrored his tone—sad and mournful.

Nginitian ko siya. Kahit papaano nagagawa ko na ring ngumiti nang hindi

nagmumukhang pilit ngayon. I guess being kidnapped by Zeke has its own perks too.

"Come on, Tyrone. There's no need to look like someone's dying. Aalis lang naman
ako, but I'm still a call away. There's Skype, Viber, Facetime."

"Pero iba pa rin kapag alam naming nandito ka sa Pinas, malapit sa amin."

I sighed. "Okay, you've already did that speech. Sige na, tulungan mo na lang akong
ibaba ang mga ito." Binigay ko sa kanya ang dalawang carry-on bag.

Inabot niya ang mga iyon at walang kahirap-hirap na binitbit ang gamit ko. He
looked around my hotel room.

"Sinigurado mo talaga na wala kang maiiwan, ah."

Yes. I made sure that this time, wala na talaga akong babalikan. Lahat ng bagay na
makakapagpaalala sa akin sa nakaraan, iniwan ko. They all belong here.

I touched the pendant hanging around my neck. But this I will keep. Just this
little one...

"Hindi ka na talaga babalik?"

I offered him a sympathetic smile. I know how he felt about me. Sinabi na niya sa
akin noong ihatid niya ako pauwi pagkatapos ng family dinner sa bahay nina Serena.
Pero hanggang kaibigan lang ang tingin ko sa kanya.

"Thank you for everything, Tyrone. You're a good man and I'm sure marami ang
magkakagusto at magmamahal sayo."

"But not you."

No. Not me...

He just smiled understandingly at my silence.

I took a deep breath, held it in, and slowly, I let everything go. With a smile, I
turned to Tyrone and patted his shoulder.

"I'm all set. Let's go?" I dragged my trolley as I stepped out of the room.

Nakausap ko na si Serena noong nakaraang araw. I told him not to tell anyone, at
huwag na rin niya akong ihatid. I really don't want to watch people saying goodbye
to me. I don't want to cry in the day of my departure.

Nang makababa na kami, hinanda na ni Tyrone ang kotse niya. I looked down at my
watch. It's past 1 PM. May dalawang oras pa bago ang flight ko. Dalawang oras din
ang ibebeyahe ko doon, just in time to catch my flight.

In just a few minutes, Zeke will receive the scheduled voice message I sent him.
And by the time he gets it, I'm already up in the sky, far, far away from him.

MY PULSE THROBBED painfully when I heard the door opened. I turned my chair to look
at who ever tried to trespass my place and glared at the sight of my secretary. I
told her not to disturb me!

"S-sir..." Stacey stuttered, for the first time since she's been working for me,
and flushed profusely.

"Stacey, did I forget to tell you that I don't want to be disturbed?"

"Uhm... no, sir, I'm sorry. But you have an urgent meeting with Mr. Genevha this
afternoon."

"Well, cancel the damn meeting!" I roared.

"B-but, sir, we already rescheduled it twice."

"I fvcking don't care!" I huffed and tunneled my fingers in my hair.

Fvck! Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. My head is a mess and my life is in the
gutter. I can't face anyone right now. Hanggang hindi ko pa nahahanap si Victoria,
hindi maayos ang isipan ko. She keeps on messing with my head.

Umayos ako at tiningnan ko si Stacey na nakatayo pa rin sa tabi ng pintuan. "Clear

my schedule today and for the rest of the week. Reschedule all my important
meetings and call Blue to step in for me for the charity event."

"How about your dinner reservation, sir?"

I sighed and pinched my nose. "Cancel that too."

"Yes, sir." She turned around and opened the door. Pero bigla ay may naalala ako.

"Stacey," I called her before she could walk out of my office. "Did you call her?"

"Yes, sir."

And...? I waited silently. Then sighed.

I know what's she's going to say next. Still no answer.

That was my last try. Pero wala pa rin.

There's no use. Mabuti na ring i-cancel ko ang plano kong iyon. Wala rin naman ang
babaeng balak kong dalhin doon. Hindi ko siya mahanap.

I smiled, mocking myself. Paano mo nga ba hahanapin ang taong ayaw magpakita?

"Thank you."

Hindi na nagsalita si Stacey. She knows I hate sympathy and pity. And I don't need
it.

I watched her close the door behind her, and once again, I'm all alone with my
bleeding thoughts.

It's ridiculous, really. I thought I was doing it right. Akala ko okay na lahat. I
showed her the island, and she said it was beautiful. She liked the dolphins...
well, fvck the dolphins!

What went wrong? May nakalimutan ba ako? Sinunod ko na lahat ng sinabi ni Pat.

Maybe I should've gone through my first plan. Seduce her and get her pregnant. But
Pat said that's too barbaric.

Barbaric, my ass!

Now Victoria disappeared. Hindi ko siya mahanap. Pati sina Avon hindi alam kung
saan siya nagpunta. Where the hell was she hiding?

Fvck! I don't even understand why she was hiding or why she needed to hide from me.
I just woke up that day and she was nowhere to be seen. How's that for a 'good
morning'?

I heard something. It's my phone beeping again. Alam kong hindi siya iyan.
Tinanggap ko nang hindi na siya babalik. She doesn't want to come back to me.

But it still hurts, damn it! Ang sakit ng ginagawa niya.

Why did she have to leave me like this? I thought she wanted to give me a chance. I
thought she wanted what I want. Pero ano iyon? Bigla siyang nawala nang parang
bula. She left me and made me feel like an idiot living a fool's dream. And what's
more ridiculous? Hinanap at hinabol ko pa rin siya.

I'm such a big stupid fool.

I heard another sound. Siguro si Ma iyon, o kaya si Serena. They've been worried,
dahil ilang araw na rin akong hindi umuuwi sa mansyon.

I sighed as I reached for my phone and scanned trough my messages. I felt my

forehead creased when I saw it was Avon who sent me the recent message.

"Vee is leaving today. 3PM ang flight niya. Aren't you going to stop her?"

I thought my world shook underneath my feet. Leaving... Flight? Itutuloy pa rin

niya ang pag-alis niya? Fvck!

My blood went from hot to icy cold. Para akong bumalik sa nakaraan, when I watched
her board the plane eight months ago. Wala akong nagawa para pigilan siya. I just
stood there on the corner and let her go.

At nauulit na naman iyon ngayon. Aalis siya nang walang paalam. Aalis siya nang
hindi ko alam. At wala na naman akong magawa.

Wala nga ba?

Fvck! Even if there is, if she really wants to leave, if she really needs to go
away from me, if she doesn't want to stay here, I can't stop her, can I?

My phone rang. Nakita kong si Avon iyon. I don't plan to answer it, or to even talk
to anyone. Pero hindi tumigil si Avon. Even my phone seemed so urgent ringing in my
hand. So I answered it.

"Zeke, please, please tell me you're on your way to the hotel right now and stop my
friend from being unreasonable."

"I'm not going."

Natahimik siya sandali. "What?!"

I just sighed and slouched in my seat. Ayokong magpaliwanag. Nakakapagod na.

"Wala kang gagawin? Are you serious?!"

"What's the point? She doesn't love me anymore, Av. That's why she's leaving,
right?"

"E, epal ka rin pala," sigaw niya. "Naku! Ang sarap ninyong pag-uuntugin! Honestly,
hindi ko alam kung sino ang mas tanga sa inyong dalawa."

My temple twitched. I didn't like what she said. "Tinawag mo ba akong tanga?"

"Oo. At bulag. Can't you see? She loves you, you moron! Kaya siya bumalik noon 'di
ba? Pero ikaw, wala kang gagawin? Tell me, do you really love her?"

"What are you talking about, Av? Anong ibig mong sabihing umuwi siya rito dati?" I
can feel my feet sinking again.
"She flew back here right after she won the race. She went home for you. She
dropped her racing career for you! Binalikan ka niya dahil mahal na mahal ka ng
kaibigan ko..." She stopped. "Wait, hindi mo alam?"

I jerked out of my chair and almost knocked it off. Ang sama ng sipa ng dibdib ko.
"Where is she?"

"Finally," she sighed. "Nasa hotel pa siya. Room 452. She's still packing sabi ni
Tyrone."

What the hell? "Si Tyrone?"

"Mamaya ka na magselos. Habulin mo na siya! Bilis!"

"Okay, thanks, Av." Pinutol ko na agad ang tawag at kinuha ang suit jacket ko sa
upuan.

My movements were jerky as I march out of my office. I can't believe it. Bumalik?
Bakit hindi iyon sinabi ni Victoria sa akin? Bakit hindi siya nagpakita?

"Sir?" I heard Stacey called when she saw me leaving. Pero hindi ako tumigil sa
paglalakad ko maabot ko lang ang elevator. I have to rush. I need to catch her and
get to her.

Tiningnan ko ang relo ko. It's almost 1 pm. Fvck! I just hope she's still there.
Kundi, pipilipitin ko ang leeg ni Tyrone. Humanda sa akin ang lalaking iyon.

Mabilis akong sumakay sa kotse ko at pinaharurot iyon. I drove away like a madman,
at wala akong pakialam sa mga naiinis na driver sa daan.

My heart was pounding so hard in my chest, I thought it would burst out in any
minute. Panic was escalating in my veins, my bones, and every part of my body,
holding me in prison. Because I know that in any moment, Victoria will be gone if I
don't stop her. She will leave me. Forever.

Just thinking about her leaving was enough to put me into a heart attack and the
mere thought of not seeing her in my future was killing me. I can't face that.
Hindi ko kaya.

I drove fast, the fastest I can. Dati rati, nakikipagkarera ako para sumuong sa
kamatayan. I was running my death down, going after it, just to escape my fear, my
guilt.

But now, I'm racing for love. For time. Hindi ko pwedeng hayaan na lang si Victoria
na umalis at lumayo sa pangalawang pagkakataon. I have to tell her yet.
No... hindi puwedeng wala akong magawa. I'm a fvcking Steele and I am the miracle.
I can and will stop her, no matter what. I need a fvcking decent explanation. I
want to hear her justify what she did. Kung bakit siya umalis bigla. Kung bakit
iniwan niya ako. Kung bakit niya nilihim na bumalik siya noon. At kung bakit gusto
niyang lumayo ulit ngayon. Because none of this make sense to me. She's getting me
fvcking crazy.

I didn't bother to park my own car when I reached the hotel. Tiningnan ko ang oras,
and it's fvcking 1:30.

A valet approached me and I tossed him my keys. Tumakbo ako papasok ng lobby.

Fvck! The elevators were all closed and running. I looked for the stairs, pero
bigla ay mayroong isang bumukas. Mabilis akong sumakay doon nang mawalan iyon ng
sakay at pinindot ang 4th floor, praying to the heavens and all of the angels to
hear my pleas.

Just please, let her be there!

I nearly leaped out of the lift when it opened on the right floor, at mabilis kong
natunton ang kuwartong hinahanap ko.

452

Waves of emotions slammed into my back and went through my chest when I saw the
open door. I held my breath.

Fvck! Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. But I stuffed it as I turned the knob in and
pushed the door wider.

Her scent greeted me, but it was the empty silence that told me what I needed to
know.

I was panting and my sweat was starting to turn clammy cold as I surveyed the
hollow room. Magulo pa iyon at hindi pa nililinis. Wala sa loob na binitiwan ko ang
siradura ng pinto.

There was no one inside. Wala akong naabutan. I was late. She's already gone.

I stood in the middle of the room. The air felt devoid of any presence and I sensed
desolation enclosing around me with every second. Parakiramdam ko, parang may
namamatay sa akin, dito sa gitna ng dibdib ko.

My heart felt like dying inside the walls of my body. Unti-unting humihina ang
tibok niyon na parang mayamaya lang ay titigil na lang ito bigla.
My feet moved. Naramdaman siguro ng utak ko na babagsak na ang katawan ko na ngayon
ay nagluluksa sa kawalan ko.

I badly wanted to kick something, punch and shout... scream till my fvcking throat
hurt. But I just found my body shaking and trembling, felt the hot liquid sliding
down my face.

Pinunasan ko iyon. Tears are pathetic.

Pero hindi ko iyon mapigilan. Because right now, I was feeling worse than being
pathetic.

I heard my phone rang, and it echoed through the walls of the room, reminding me I
was alone.

I just stared at it. Isa iyong voice mail from an unknown number. Without thinking,
I pressed it.

"Hi, Zeke..." a sad, mellow voice flowed and I felt my heart contract in pain.

It's her—the woman who can't be found. The woman I want for the rest of my life.
Victoria.

"I know you deserve an explanation from me, for disappearing on you like that, for
leaving without saying my proper goodbye. So here I am, leaving a message and tell
you sorry I am.

I'm sorry if I didn't answer your calls. Natakot lang ako na kapag nakita kita,
kapag narinig ko ulit ang boses mo, magbago ang isip ko. Kaya sinadya ko talagang
pagtaguan ka. I thought that maybe if I give you time, mas mapag-iisipan mo ang mga
desisyon mo, at ma-realize mo na hindi talaga ako ang babae para sayo."

I wanted to press stop and delete it. Wala akong pakialam sa sasabihin niya at sa
paliwanag niya. I was hurting so bad. She did it again, torn me apart and break me
into shreds. Twice.

Pero ayaw makisama ng katawan ko. My body vibrated to life because of her voice and
it was moving on instinct to cling on to it. Kaya hinayaan ko na. I laid down the
bed where I could smell her more vividly, and listened to her when she spoke again.

"I used to think that I'm your savior, your soldier in a mission, your princess in
a shining armor slaying your dragons. But I didn't realize that what I was doing
was fixing you. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you're not enough for me. That I
wanted more. Gusto ko lang kasing makita kang masaya e. To see you laugh, smile...
You've been living under the shadow of my brother's death. Pero na-realize ko rin
na hindi lang si kuya ang namatay noon, Zeke... pati ikaw. You were a living like a
man with a dead soul. Yes, maybe you're right. I tried to fix you.

Pero nakita kong ikaw lang ang makakatulong sa sarili mo, at hindi ako ang
kailangan mo para makawala ka sa nakaraan. So I stopped trying to fight away your
demons."

A long pause followed.

"And I thought I was right. Pero mali pa rin ako. Hindi dapat kita iniwan. Sana
ipinagpaliban ko na lang ang pag-alis ko. Pero wala e. Nangyari na. Iniwan kita.
Nasaktan kita. Nasaktan ako..."

I heard her sniff. Umigting ang panga ko nang magsunod-sunod iyon.

"Noong araw na tinalikuran kita, I regretted it. Everyday. And I thought maybe if
you showed up in the airport, I think I would've stayed."

Shit! Mariin akong napapikit ng mata. I was fvcking there!

"Pero lagi kong naiisip ang mga sinabi mo noon, na ayaw mo na akong makita ulit.
You were done. I always remember how I hurt you. Umiyak ka nang gabing iyon, and my
heart bled when I saw you cry because of me.

I failed you that night. Umalis ako kahit na alam ko kung gaano ka nasasaktan. It
was a selfish decision, I guess.

Pero ngayon, ayoko nang maging makasarili. I am leaving because I don't want to
ruin what you have now. Masaya ka na. At nagawa mo iyon nang wala ako. You're a
brave man, Zeke. The bravest I know, after Vince.

I wish I am like you, guys. Pero hindi ako kasing tapang ninyo. That's why I'm
hiding behind this message before I leave.

Zeke, I want you to know that I'm not leaving because you're less important to me.
Or because I don't need you. I do need you, Mr. Steele, but I don't deserve you.

The truth hurts, yes, but I have to acknowledge it and I need to accept it, too.
Para sa sarili ko. Don't worry about me. If what they say is true, then I have time
to heal my wounds.

'Wag mo sanang isiping hindi ka mahalaga sa buhay ko. You've been a part of my
life, most of it. Alam nating pareho iyon. And I know how much you deserve this
happiness. Iyon lang ang ginusto ko noon, at hanggang ngayon.
That's why I'm doing this. Your happiness comes first to me. So please... chase
your own happiness, Zeke. Be happy."

My hand gripped the phone tighter, my knuckles almost turning white.

Fvck! Fvck! Fvck!

After all that I've heard, wala akong matinong maisip kundi ang magmura.

What the fvck was she saying?

Chase my happiness?!

What did she think I had been doing for the past few days?! I have been chasing my
happiness but she kept on running away from me! She's hiding from me! How am I
supposed to catch her? How am I supposed to be happy?

She's fvcking leaving! Tapos sasabihin niyang importante ako sa kanya? That she
doesn't deserve me? I don't deserve her?

Fvcking bullshit!

Where did she get that stupid idea anyway?!

I breathed an angry air and finally, slowly pulled myself up.

In my world, I don't do the begging. I am Ezekiel Al Steele, the reckless ghost in

racing suit. I am the fearless king of the road, the bully who never shed a single
tear. Not to anyone. Hindi ako ang naiiwan. Hindi ako ang nanghahabol. Hindi ako
ang nasasaktan.

But when it comes to this woman, nakakalimutan ko lahat iyon. Because she's always
been the exception to that rules. And she always make me break my rule.

She's my redemption, the atonement of my sin, my salvation. Hindi siya ang parusa
ko. Never that.

I guess she doesn't see it that way. Para sa kanya, ako ang iniiwan. Ako ang parusa
niya. And I don't want to be that man again. I won't.

Katuald ng sinabi ko sa kanya, I will fight for this. I will keep it and do what
she said—follow my happiness.
I heard footsteps approaching. Lumabas na ako ng kuwarto bago pa ako abutan ng mga
hotel maids na nakatayo rito. But I was arrested because of the woman who was
standing inside the room looking at me, and I couldn't move as I watched her doe
eyes widened in surprise.

"Zeke?"

=================

Chapter ♠ 49

You're so indecisive of what I'm saying Trying to catch the beat, make up your
heartDon't know if you're happy or complaining Don't want for us to end Where do I
start

---- 🎶🎵🎵🎶
🎧🎵 🎶 ----

MY OWN REBEL

MY HEART STARTED to pick up a frantic rhythm, my breath was suddenly cut short, and
my palms grew moist as I gawked at the man standing inside the room.

He was looking right at me and I felt the air flew out of my lungs. In a dark suit,
shirt and a discarded tie, he looked wild, unshaven and bleary-eyed. His hair was
messed up and he looked he hadn't been to bed since the last time I've seen him.

Katulad ko, gulat din siya na makita ako. But there was the unmistakable feral
intensity in his eyes. My throat suddenly ran dry.

"W-what are you doing here?" I asked and tried to stave off the emotional pain of
seeing him again.

It was weird, and I couldn't articulate it in words, but it felt strangely right
that he's here, with me. Strange, because this shouldn't feel right. He shouldn't
be here. I shouldn't feel relieved and happy.

Kinakabahang hinintay ko ang sagot niya. But he didn't answer. He just continued
staring at me with grim face, his eyes sparked I thought I could feel them burning
at me, pinning my feet on the ground.
In slow motion, he started to walk to me and my heart almost stopped only to pump
faster. Without taking his eyes off me, he took every purposeful steps to close the
remaining space between us and I couldn't blink as I watched him coming nearer, my
heart increasingly beating faster.

In the back of my mind, I knew what he was intending to do. And I knew what I had
to do. But I was not moving. I didn't want to.

So when his head dipped down, closer and closer, when his mouth finally touched
mine, I dare not push him. And that was the only moment I let my eyes drift close
and relive the moment, couldn't fight the way my body sang.

I felt his big hand cradled the back of my head, angling me so he could deepen the
kiss with expert sensuality. The sensation of those soft, yet firm mouth was so
exquisite against my waiting lips that I had to grab onto the fabric of his shirt
to hold on.

His other hand found its way to my spine, pulling me into him, arching my spine,
pressing me to his hard chest as he kept on tasting me with his tongue, kissing me
harder by the seconds.

When he stopped and pulled away, we were both panting and running out of breath,
his hands still cupping my face, his forehead touching mine.

"Zeke...?" I breathed out, wondering, my heart pumping painfully against my ribs.

"Tell me you're staying," he rasped with hope glittering in his eyes.

For a while, I wasn't comprehending what he said. My head was still spinning from
lack of oxygen, until the haze slowly faded and I was left staring at Zeke... and
remembered the reason why I came back.

Napasinghap ako. "Iyong passport ko!"

Mabilis akong kumawala sa kanya at tumakbo papunta sa loob ng kuwarto. Bibuksan ko

ang drawer ng bedside table at agad kong nakita ang hinahanap ko. I sighed. Sa
lahat ng puwede kong makalimutan, itong passport ko pa. Mabuti na lang naitanong ni
Tyrone dahil maaga ko pang nabalikan. I could have missed my flight if we were too
late.

Tiningnan ko ang relo ko. I only have hour and half left before I go.

Zeke.
I didn't expect that he would be here. Hindi niya alam na aalis ako ngayon, but
now, it seemed that he does. And he would do something to stop me.

Just then, I heard something. A thud and a resounding click. My heart kicked off
when I realized it was the door, and Zeke was right outside.

Mabilis akong tumakbo palabas. I found him standing and leaning against the closed
door, guarding it like a feral dog—only, he looked suspiciously calm.

Napabuntong hininga ako habang lumalapit ako sa kanya. I had to force down the
memory of the kiss earlier and how I missed it and his presence. I don't have time
for this. I have a flight to catch and Tyrone was waiting for me outside this
building.

Humarap ako sa kanya nang nakahalukipkip. "What are you doing?"

Umangat ang ulo niya at agad na itinuon ang mga mata sa akin. Napalunok ako sa
kaba. My stomach was clenching from apprehension because of the look on his face.
He had that firm and determined jaw that was loudly screaming he had no intention
to move away from there.

"Sit down, Victoria," he ordered curtly.

"Zeke, please. Don't do this."

Umigting ang panga niya. "Hindi mo ba narinig ang sinabi ko? I said, sit down."

"No," I said stubbornly.

His nose flared. "I'm already mad and angry after what you din four days ago, and
I'm warning you. Don't antagonize me. Now sit."

Pinilit kong kumalma. Walang mangyayari kung gagalitin ko siya dahil mas lalo lang
niya akong itatago rito.

"Okay. Ten minutes."

I heard him mutter a curse when I reached a vacant chair. Nilingon ko siya. "Seyoso
ako, Zeke. Ten minutes and I will walk outside that door."

He shrugged. "Not unless I move."

"Well, you will let me go."

His eyes narrowed on me as he watched me lowered myself on the seat. Kumuha rin
siya ng isang upuan at hinila iyon sa pintuan. My jaw dropped when he sat there
like a jail guard watching over a thief.

"Now let's talk," he said in a deceivingly calm voice.

"Seriously? You're going to sit with me? Now? Zeke, you can't hold me up here. May
flight akong kailangang habulin."

"I don't care, and believe me, I will tie you up if I have to. I told you,
remember? I won't let you go again this time."

"I'm not asking you to do that. I'm telling you to move away from that door and let
me walk away."

"Bakit ba ang tigas-tigas ng ulo mo?" he snapped.

Medyo nahimasmasan ako sa pinaghalong inis at galit sa boses at mukha niya.

"Bakit mo ba kasi 'to ginagawa?" Hindi pa ba malinaw ang mga sinabi ko sa kanya sa
voice mail na iyon?

"You don't know why?" Hindi makapaniwalang tinitigan niya ako. "You just left,
Victoria. What was I supposed to do? I spent days thinking where the hell you are?
Pero hindi kita mahanap. Hindi ko alam kung may nagawa ba akong hindi mo
nagustuhan, o kung ayaw mo lang talaga sa mga ginawa ko. But you were so happy on
the island. I thought you liked the place. I thought..."

He sighed frustratingly. "Binalik ko lang sayo ang damit mo, nawala ka na agad.
What the fvck was that?" Kunot na kunot ang noo niya.

"I did what I had to do, pero ano pa ba ang kulang? Why did you do that? Tell me,
Victoria. What do you want me to do to make you stay and choose me this time? Do
you want me to beg?"

Umiling ako. "Of course not. I don't want that. Hindi mo na kailangang gawin lahat
nang 'to."

"Then what's wrong? I told you not to give up on me, pero iyon pa rin ang ginagawa
mo. What else do you want, Victoria? Please, just... help me. Tell me, because I am
going fvcking insane, thinking what did I miss?" He heaved and waited for me to
speak. His eyes were so raw, I could only stare at them in the distance.

"What? Tititigan mo na lang ba ako?" inip na sabi niya nang nanatili akong tahimik.
I sighed and pulled my gaze away from him. "It won't work, Zeke."

"What?"

"I already told you. Hindi mo ba narinig ang—"

"You want me to believe that stupid fvcking voice mail? You really think I'm
fvcking happy? Look at me, Victoria, and tell me what do you see?"

Hindi ko mapigilang tumaas ang mata ko sa kanya. His eyes burned fiercely now. "Do
I look happy to you?"

He looked like someone who hadn't been eating and living. Parang nawala ang Zeke na
nakita ko sa isla.

But even so...

His mouth twisted with biting acidity. His voice was bleak. "Victoria, wala kang
alam no'ng umalis ka at iwan mo ako. When you left, you reduced me into a madman.
Bumalik ako sa dati, iyong Zeke na walang pakialam sa buhay, sa mundo."

Something pinched my heart to see the despair in his eyes and I tried not to reach
him. That would mean defeat. Kaya nanatili ako sa kinauupuan ko.

"But you know what? I tried to fight it. The sadness, the world you pushed me into.
I learned to live with it. At sa kabila ng lahat ng ginawa mo, inintindi kita.
Dahil alam kong may kasalanan din ako sayo. That's why I waited patiently for you
to come back. Tapos iiwan mo na naman ako?"

"Hindi mo kasi naiintindihan..."

"Then make me understand!"

My throat worked. I could feel my emotions getting too close to the surface, and I
couldn't rein them in. Hearing how much he suffered because of me, that I was wrong
thinking he was happy and I did that to him... it felt like it's breaking my heart
in two.

But I saw what I saw. Zeke should realize what's he was losing.

Tinitigan ko siya sa kabilang dulo ng kuwarto. "Zeke, I think you're just confused.
Si Antoinette na ang mahal mo. You will marry her, right?"
His brows furrowed deep on the center of his forehead. "What?"

I smiled and blinked several times to ease the tightness in my chest. This wasn't
supposed to be painful, right? Tanggap ko na e. Did he think I wouldn't know about
it? Did he think I'd let him do this? I shook my and tried to clear my head with
tears.

"Sa tingin mo ba hahayaan kitang pakawalan mo ang isang taong mahalaga sayo ngayon?
Maybe I'm the worst kind of coward for doing this, but it's the right thing to do.
You both deserve each other. She completes you. So don't hurt her, Zeke. Don't
throw away what you build with her just to let the past in. Kaya nga past, 'di ba?
Nakaraan na ako. Wala na akong lugar sa inyo."

I paused when the ache in my throat got worse and swallowed. "So don't make this
harder any more than it already is. Hindi mo na kailangang mamili. I'll stay out of
your way and you will never see me again."

He just looked at me in a mute seconds. Bigla siyang tumayo at naglakad-lakad sa

harap ko. And then he laughed a derisive mocking laugh.

"So is that what this is all about? That's it? Si Antoinette?" His mouth firmed as
he ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Are you fvcking kidding? You really thought we had that kind of serious
relationship? Kaya mo ako binaliw dahil do'n?" He laughed curtly and looked up at
the ceiling before looking down at me again.

"My God, Victoria! She's my fvcking psychiatrist. And I'm hardly her type. Kahit pa
maghubad ako sa harap niya, she won't look at me with hearts in her eyes."

"You mean, s-she's..."

"She's a lesbian."

I just looked at him, barely hearing his words. I could feel my heart expanding in
my chest, as if it already realized what he said, what it meant.

Napatayo rin ako. I need to move. I need to get rid of this fleeting feeling.

Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Zeke. He was still standing there, his eyes following my
movements

"B-but I saw you... you kissed her!"

"And when exactly was that?" he asked very slowly.

There was a suspicious look on his face and it had me wondering if he knew about
five months ago.

But did it matter? Wala rin namang magbabago.

I sighed and confessed. "Five months ago... when I came back. Nakita ko kayo sa
labas ng SMI, kagagaling niyo lang sa Japan. You were standing there and I wanted
to call you, pero hindi mo ako marinig. And then... you kissed her."

"So you decided to run away again because of that scene instead of going to me and
ask me."

"What do you expect? You hated me when I left and you said you don't want to see me
ever again. Pero sinubukan ko. I hoped. Bumalik ako para sayo. I expected that you
were still angry at me, but I didn't think you already moved on. And then I saw
that... you were kissing her, in public! Nagulat ako. Nasaktan. Nagalit ako sayo,
pero mas nagalit ako sa sarili ko. I lost you completely because of me."

"Damn it!" bulyaw niya bigla na ikinagulat ko. He pinned me with his dark hard
eyes. "You don't have any idea how much I love you, do you?" I looked at him and my
stomach hollowed out.

"I'm already in love with you when you stepped outside that bathroom door with your
pixie cut hair, kahit binabato mo na ako ng mga kalan at kamatis. I was fascinated
to you when you tried to grow out of your boyish puberty. Hindi mahalaga sa 'kin na
mas siga ka pa umasta kesa sa kuya mo.

When you were sixteen, I had to pretend I don't like you to stop Vincent from
suspecting my motives for staying at your house. Alam niyang may iba pa akong
matutuluyan, but I insisted to stay there because of you. When I came back from
Canada, ikaw agad ang gusto kong makita. But I waited until you graduated. Iyon ang
sinabi ngvkuya mo sa'kin. He knew that I was only interested in one girl—his
sister, and he wanted to see how far I can go. That's why he asked me to stay away
from you.

Pero hindi ko kaya. Five would have killed me if he knew I kissed you that night I
took you home. Hell, I would have killed me too if I was him. Pero hindi ko
napigilan ang sarili ko. Keeping my feelings from you, pretending in front of you
hurts like hell. Alam mo ba iyon?"

Napatitig lang ako sa kanya. Shock was rendering me mute. I was feeling suddenly
light-headed like I wanted to sit down on something solid that would hold me from
falling on my knee. Kaya umupo ako sa malapit na upuan.

He rubbed his hair again, messing it. "I never felt like this to anyone, not even
close. I've never fell this crazy in love with any woman, only you," titig na
tigtig niyang sinabi sa 'kin.
"I love you, Victoria. That kind of love that never tires, never fades, and brave.
When you asked me to race with you, kahit anong takot ko no'n, pinagbigyan kita.
Because I know how much you wanted to reach for your brother's dream, dreams that
would have been fulfilled if his life was not snatched away from his grip. And I
wanted to give you that dream I stole from him. I fought my fear, and not to
succumb into it. I did all that for you." His voice was so rough with emotions that
were visible on his face. Ang hirap huminga habang naririnig ko ang mga sinasabi
niya.

He stepped closer. "I love you even when you hurt me, and I still love you when you
left. I really wanted to give up when you tried to disappear again, but I just
can't. Iyon ang masakit. Because what you wanted to throw away is soul deep for me.
I love you so much it's tearing me to pieces.

So tell me, how can I stop and let you go without putting up a fight? Just like
what you said, chase my happiness. How can I do that if you keep running away?
You're my happiness, Victoria. Kahit saan ka magpunta, susundan kita, just so I can
be with you. And I will forever chase you even if it's at the end of this world."

I couldn't prevent the tears from clogging up my throat and flooding my eyes. I was
so overwhelmed by all that was happening, all he was saying, the emotions he was
pouring out, him saying he loved me... all this.

"Susundan mo ako?" I choked out, hardly believing that he's willing to do that. For
me.

"Have you been listening to everything I just said? Of course I'm coming with you.
There's no way I'm going to let you off the hook. I've let you go, once. And I know
how stupid that was. But I told myself to wait, even when patience was not on my
side, even if it felt like death in process. This time, no more waiting. Tapos na
akong maghintay. I'm coming with you and I want to watch you go after your dream."

Napahikbi na ako. I can't seem to help it. "Kahit pa gusto kong ituloy ang racing?"

His mouth curves into a softest smile. "If you still want to race, if that what
makes you happy, I'm all in."

He was a blur now and harsh noises kept flowing from my throat.

"Do you get it now?" masuyo niyang tanong.

"I'm sorry..." My hands covered my face and cried. Hard. I can't believe I was
so... My God! "Ang tanga, tanga, tanga ko!"

"Come here, I need to touch you," sabi niya. Umiling-iling ako. I felt ao fragile
and vulnerable. Na kapag hinawakan niya ako, mababasag na lang ako.
But he ignored me. "I promise I will forgive you everything if you come here, right
now."

In tear-stained eyes, I looked at him. Hinihintay niya akong lumapit sa kanya. I

stood up and walked over him in small hesitant steps. I stopped when I was arm wide
from him.

"Closer," he directed, his voice was gruff. He didn't waste another seconds. He
pulled me against him and in a heartbeat, I was cocooned with his hard body. His
warmth instantly enveloped me, washing through me.

Naririnig ko na naman ang tibok ng puso niya. I closed my eyes and let it soothe
me, like the way it always does. How on earth did I think I could live without
this? That I could live without him?

Hindi ako makapaniwalang sa loob ng ilang buwan, naghirap ako at nasaktan nang
dahil lang sa maling akala. I should've stayed when I saw them that day... but the
pain was excruciating. I didn't think I was brave enough to stand for my love for
Zeke.

But if Antoinette was lesbian, and not his girlfriend, then...

"That last night," I pulled back and looked up at him, "when we were on the island,
I heard you were talking to Antoinette. Narinig kitang nagpo-propose sa kanya."

His mouth quirked in a sheepish smile. "I was... practicing."

His words dropped between us and I struggled to believe the thoughts that were
bombarding my head. Parang nagsilabasan ang paru-paro sa loob ng tiyan ko nang
ngumiti siya ng malapad.

"Pat knew what I was planning to do, kaya siya tumawag. I was kind of nervous that
night, dahil hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko, kung paano ako magsisimula, how to
convince you, and she was just laughing at me."

His eyes went down to look at something on my neck, and his hand reached for the
necklace. His smile faded and his face turned serious.

"Do you remember that day, when I asked you to move in with me?"

I nodded and felt that tiny pause of my heartbeat.

"I was serious about it," he continued. "But I know Five would probably kill me in
my sleep before that happens. So, as a respect for our friendship, I wanted to make
things right for us. I started planning about us, our future, and our life
together. Pero nalaman ko na lang na aalis ka. And you never told me about it."

"You were so angry..."

He grimaced. "Because I was prepared to give you my name and ask you to spend the
rest of your life with me. But you had other plans." He sighed, still playing with
the small pendant.

"But more than that, I realized that what you said were right. I had to face my
past, heal my scars and forgive myself so I can move on. You can't marry the
selfish brute who have hang-ups in life, an emotional wreck, and who don't even
want to talk to his father. You deserve much better than that. You deserve me."

Muli akong nakadama ng lungkot. I rested my head on his chest and listened to his
heartbeat again. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." That I put that dark bleak
clouds in his eyes.

"Hey..." his finger brought my chin up. "You have no idea how much your worth to
me. Someone might have helped me but it's you who kept me from sinking every time I
felt like drowning. Even when you left, I still kept you as my anchor to keep me
alive. Kaya hindi ako bumigay at sumuko. Dahil iyon sayo. Why do you think I built
that house and bought the island?"

"Bought?!"

He grinned and then he bent down and pressed a soft lingering kiss into my lips and
I sighed dreamily. He cupped my face and looked at me so deeply.

"I love you, Victoria. I love you in eight months you were gone, and I will still
love you in eight months after, in eight years, until we're old enough to remember
our name. I will still love you then."

He smiled again and this time it looked slightly nervous. Naramdaman ko ang kamay
niyang bumaba muli sa leeg ko. He took the pendant and popped it open.

Naguguluhang tiningnan ko iyon pabalik sa kanya. Hindi ko alam na isa iyong locket
at nabubuksan iyon.

He smiled at my confusion. "This is the other reason why I had to look for you when
you suddenly disappeared and why I have to go after you in case you're on your way
to somewhere."

I looked down and gasped when I saw a stunning heart-shaped diamond ring glittering
on his palms. It made fresh tears well in my eyes.
He took my left hand in his and my heart felt like bursting out of my body from the
hopeful look glistening in his eyes.

I took a deep shaky breath. "Zeke..."

"You have my ring, my heart..." he said as he slowly slipped it on my finger, never

leaving his eyes on me, "and my future. Marry me, Vera Victoria Alteza."

"Is that a question?" I stupidly asked. I couldn't think properly of what to say.
My head was spinning.

"No. I'm not going to ask you a question, because I don't want to give you a chance
to say no. So just say yes... and kiss me." His hands came up to cup my face,
thumbs wiping away my tears.

What else could I say?

I just silently nodded my head and then his mouth was on mine. I was shaking too
much to do anything but submit and allow myself to believe that this was happening
and this was real.

At last, Zeke and I are going to start our own happily ever after.

When he pulled back, my mouth was still tingling. His hands were still on my jaw,
cupping my face.

"Iyong flight mo?" bigla niyang tanong.

"Screw it. Mas gusto ko rito."

He laughed and it made my heart sing. "Ayaw mo ng early honeymoon?"

"Baliw." Natatawang hinampas ko siya sa braso.

"Well, I am crazy for you."

I looked into his eyes, searching, and all I could see there was pure happiness and
joy. Then his head started to descend slowly.

"I love you..." I whispered before I let myself get lost in this magic of forever,
with my rebel prince.
=================

Chapter ♠ 50

You've got the most unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seenYou've got me almost
melting awayAs we lay there under a blue sky with pure white starsExotic sweetness,
a magical time

Say, say it again

I love you always foreverNear and far, closer togetherEverywhere I will be with
youEverything I will do for you

---- 🎶🎵🎵🎶
💝🎵 🎶 ----

WARNING: SPG

COMPLETE ME

HOURS LATER, my slumberous eyes opened and found myself lying across a warm broad
chest.

Zeke...

His arms were wrapped around me, holding me very close against him, as if he was
afraid he would wake up and find me gone. Hinigpitan ko pa ang yakap ko sa kanya at
ibinaon ang ilong ko sa leeg niya, silently telling him I won't go anywhere now.
Not ever.

I smiled from the heaviness settling in my heart—heaviness from the kind of peace
and satisfaction that I'd never felt before.

"You're awake."

My heart thumped from the sound of his voice, hoarse from sleep. It made me wonder
why I still have that reaction even after that soul-shattering, mind-blowing
passion we shared just now.

"Mmm..." I mumbled.

I sighed heavenly when I felt his hand started to move lazily up and down my spine,
his fingers were barely touching my skin but enough to set off tiny explosions in
my nerves. Ramdam ko tuloy ang tumatayong balahibo ko sa katawan.

I could get use to this, waking up every morning like this. Him, beside me. His
arms wrapped around me. My body humming at how good it felt to have every inch of
my body pressed intimately into him. Baka hindi na ako umalis sa kama nito.

The light outside the windows was changing. It was not quite sunset but the end of
the day had come. But I don't mind. As far as my stay prolongs here, checked-in pa
rin ako sa hotel na 'to hanggang isang linggo.

"How's your sleep?" I asked, my finger tracing invisible circles on his chest.

"Good, since four days ago. I haven't slept properly looking for you..."

Napangiwi ako dahil sa konsensya ko. "Sorry..." I murmured.

"It's okay... going after you was worth the head ache, the struggle, and the
sleepless nights."

Mas lalo akong napanguso. "Pinapasama mo naman ang loob ko e."

His chest moved because of his laugh. "I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. But if
you really want to make up for me, then let's start with your swimming lesson."

Gulat na tiningnan ko siya. "Seryoso?"

He opened his eyes to look at me. "We will spend our honeymoon on an island. I want
to teach you how to surf, but you need to learn how to swim first."

"You surf?"

He grinned. "Your husband surfs, my sexy wife."

"Kung anu-ano nang pinagkaabalahan mo ha."

"Well, I had to do something since I stopped racing."

Hindi na ba siya babalik sa pagkakarera? His phobia... does it stretch to cars?

Pero hindi naman. He drives his own car.

Giving into curiosity, I asked him softly, "Zeke... hindi ka na babalik?"

He took a minute to answer, almost long enough for me to think he wouldn't. But
then he said, "I guess I won't be racing anytime soon... pero hindi ko pa rin
kayang talikuran iyon ng buong-buo. It's still a part of me. At hindi iyon
magbabago."

Our eyes met, and I recognized the hurt in the depths of his gaze.

"What happened?" I found myself asking. "In that accident? You never really told me
about your phobia? The accident."

Zeke's hand stilled in its hypnotic motion up and down my back. I felt the initial
tension in his body, and then slowly, he took a deep breath, his chest moving
beneath my cheek.

"It was the fire," he said almost absent-mindedly. Then his hand resumed again at
my back. I rested my cheek on his chest again and listened to his steady heartbeat.

"Five said you were going abroad for work. Tinanong ko kung nasaan ka, dahil ayaw
niyang ipaalam sa 'kin. I wanted to see you then. But he was keeping you away from
me deliberately. And I was so..." he sighed heavily.

"I was so damned desperate to see you. Nagalit ako sa kanya. It was the biggest
fight I've had with him. I almost hated him for doing it. And then Five suddenly
came to me one night. He asked for a truce. He said that if I really love you, I
should beat him in a motorbike race.

"Ayokong pumayag, dahil alam kong may ibang paraan para ipakita ko na seryoso ako
sayo. But he said that if I don't do that, hinding-hindi na ako makakalapit sayo.
He knew I can't beat him, and what he was asking was impossible. But that was my
only chance to prove to him how serious I was about you. To see you before you go.
So I said yes.

"Pero kinausap mo ako bago ang gabing iyon. You told me to stop him, but I couldn't
do what you were asking from me. Pero kinausap ko pa rin si Five. I convinced him
to get rid of that damn bike. But he could be so darn stubborn sometimes. So I made
him a deal instead to switch rides. Pumayag naman siya, dahil gusto niya akong
pahirapan at alam niyang mas mabilis ang akin kesa sa kanya.

"So there I was, leading the race that night. Confident that I could beat him and I
was thrilled to win. All I could think about was to win for you. And then there was
the blind curve he loved too much. He used his curving technique, but he
miscalculated his moves." Bumaba ang boses niya. "Next thing I knew, he was
spinning out of control."

I held his hand. Hindi ko alam kung para sa akin iyon o para sa kanya. Maybe I did
that for both of us. For the first time, he was telling me his biggest demon—and
one of my worst nightmare. And together, we're giving each other the courage to
know the death of a person who was very close to both of us.
"Nasagi niya pati ako. The impact was so hard, I lost my control and my body just
flew in the air. I was thrown out. Nakita ko si Five, nakahiga na rin siya sa daan.
His gas was leaking beside him and I knew I had to get him out.

"I tried to help him out, hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakarating sa kanya kahit na
bali ang balikat ko. I couldn't feel the pain. Iniisip ko lang sa mga oras na iyon,
ang iligtas siya. His leg was stuck and he broke his ankle. Hindi niya magawang
tumayo. Sinusubukan ko siyang hilahin palayo pero hindi ko nakayanan. Siguro dahil
sa sakit, nawalan na rin ako ng malay. I kept passing out, hindi ko na maalala ang
sunod na mga nangyari. But I remember the fire, the smell of gas, and Five lying
beside me, trying to tell me something. Hindi ko na siya marinig."

His chest was breathing rapidly, and I could hear his heartbeat pounding hard. I
tried to shake off the tightness in my own chest because I know, Zeke needed my
strength more than I needed his.

Gumalaw ng kusa ang kamay ko para ilagay iyon sa dibdib niya. He held it there.
Kept it there, making sure I was with him.

His voice came hoarse. "Nobody was there to help us, dahil kami lang ang nandoon
no'ng gabing iyon. I was so scared that night, I didn't know what to do. My head
was anywhere. And when Tyrone came, it was too late."

Silence followed. But there was peace... and acceptance.

"I'm sorry..." I softly said. That was the only word I could say.

Sorry, that he had to endure that kind of memory for so long. Sorry that he had to
punish himself because he couldn't save his best friend, his brother, even if his
own death was looming over him too. Sorry that he had to live with the self-guilt
he took to himself together with his painful loss. Sorry that he was all alone
through it.

"Nang magkamalay ako, nasa hospital ako. I kept asking them about Five, pero hindi
nila sinasabi sa akin. Hindi ko alam ang nangyari sa kanya. I thought he was okay.
Until I read your message that day of his funeral.

"Lumabas ako ng hospital at pumunta sa libing niya. I didn't care about my own
injury. I just wanted to see him before he was completely gone.

"I watched you bury him... and I wished it was me in that casket. I wished I was
the one who died that night. I wished you were not crying and I wished he was
alive." His voice sounded bitter.

"Ginusto kong mamatay, dahil pakiramdam ko, inagaw ko ang buhay na para sa matalik
kong kaibigan. Sinisi ko ang sarili ko dahil ako ang nabuhay. Sinisi ko ang sarili
ko dahil kung hindi sa akin, hindi niya maiisip iyon. He wouldn't consider that
race.

"But I chose to live... because dying would be so easy if I do it myself, if I took

my life in my own. So I lived as my punishment. I carried that guilt for years to
pay for my sin. I punished myself every day."

I pressed my cheek down on his chest and I had to close my eyes for a second
because of the emotion that coursed through me. I felt a tear leaked out of my eye,
because hearing all of this confession, this dark past he lived, was painful. It
was keeping me from breathing. Nasasaktan ako, pero naroon ang pasasalamat na tapos
na.

"I'm scared of riding a car after that, even in elevators. Dahil naalala ko ang
nangyari. I couldn't breathe every time I'm inside a narrowed space places. Sabi ni
Pat, it was because of the trauma I had. A fear developed psychologically.

"I should've stopped, but I continued racing, kahit na nilalamon na ako ng takot
ko. And it slowly ate me whole. I was no longer myself anymore. Hindi na ako takot
sa kamatayan. Every time I'm in that cockpit, I chased death. Maybe that's why they
feared me.

"Hindi na ako kilala ng mga kapatid ko, ng mga kaibigan ko, kahit sariling mga
magulang ko. They thought I'm a threat to myself, that I'm a suicidal. That my life
was hanging by a thread. They feared for my life, lalo na si Ma.

"Kaya humanap sila ng tulong. Duke helped me. He asked me to quit racing, begged
me. When he promised me he will find you, and he will take care of you, para akong
binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. It felt like a punch in the gut. Kaya pumayag ako. I
don't want to lose you too."

"Si Duke?" I asked, wondering. Hindi ko alam na may nagbabantay sa akin.

He must've nodded because of the movements I felt. "Yeah... he kept on checking on

you at binibigyan niya ako ng mga monthly report. Hindi ko binabasa ang mga iyon, I
just wanted to know you were okay. I wasn't aware you became a car racer."

"The anonymous donations..." I thought out loud. Noong nagsisimula pa lang ako,
someone paid for my own car. I thought it was from Av, pero sabi niya, may nag-
sponsor daw sa akin.

"Duke made sure you won't know about it. Kaya pumayag ako nang patingnan niya ako
sa isang Psychologist. That's how I met Antoinette. The rest, they say, was
history."

I lifted my head and rested my chin on my hand on his chest. His eyes were closed
and his face was relaxed now.
"I thought you fell in love with her."

His mouth quirked before he opened his eyes. He cupped my cheek and caressed my
earlobe. "Sabi ko na, 'di ba. Hindi kami talo. And even if she's a woman, I can't
still look at her the way I look at you. It took your brother's death to prove
myself to him, and that won't go to waste."

"Then why did you kiss her that day?"

He sighed and looked at me intently. "Kailangan ko siyang protektahan no'n. There

was a rumor circulating about her, questioning her gender identity and it was
affecting her profession. After all she's done to me, it was the least I can do for
her."

He shifted and I had to lie down on bed when he came up on one elbow to look down
on me. "But if you were really there and stayed long enough, you'd see I never
really kissed her here," he touched my lips then, "dito ko siya hinalikan." He
brushed his lips on my cheek.

Again. Me and my own stupidity.

Napabuntong hininga ako, "I'm sorry... dahil sa kakitiran ng utak ko... We both
wasted those months. We both suffered for my foolishness."

He smiled assuringly. "Tapos na iyon. We're here now. That's what matters. You,
here... with me."

I shivered and felt my breath hitch when he placed a hand over my belly. Then he
moved that big hand up on the side of my ribs, stroked the underside of my breast,
until it cupped my mound, rousing me again, turning my eyes slumberous.

He bent his head to kiss me, and I sighed, wounding my arms around his neck and
pressed myself into him.

He pulled his head back slightly for a second to look at me. "I won't give you any
reason to walk away from me again."

I smiled. "I wouldn't doubt that. Masyado kitang mahal para umalis." I caressed his
face. "Thank you for building that house... for waiting for me."

He held my hand on his face and kissed my palms. "Waiting was a fvcking hell, but
as long as it's you... I was willing. The house was just my back up plan, so you
can't say no if I popped the question. And I built that with you in my mind," sabi
niya habang bumababa ang halik niya sa braso ko patungo sa pisngi ko.

I bit my lip to stop me from smiling. "Ako?"

"Mhmm... you," he hummed. "Complicated," he whispered and kissed my jaw.
"Beautiful..." and kissed the corner of my mouth. "Breathtaking. You brought me
light when I was in darkness. You're my sunrise, my moon in the deep night sky...
you complete me, Victoria. All of me," he murmured while kissing my collarbone,
nipping my shoulder and all I could do was sigh and feel.

"Nagiging makata ka na, babe." I giggled, dipping my fingers into his hair,
clasping his head. "No more talking, Steele." And pulled his head back down and
drowned everything out and focused on this heady rush.

We melted into each other like the first time. My arms were around his neck, one of
his hands was in my hair, cupping my head, the other across my back like a steel
bar, keeping me pressed to his hard body. I moved boldly and sinuously along his
length.

My body tingled with fresh awareness when he shifted too and felt his fast-
recovering erection brushing below my stomach. I'd never known it could be like
this. I felt pole-axed all over again.

It was a spontaneous combustion. We kissed again and again, in a desperate passion.

Mouths open, tongues dueling, as if we would never get enough of kissing like this.

Naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa pang-upo ko. I groaned softly, pressing closer to
him, my hips instinctively circling against him. Then I felt his hand explored down
my heated body, fingers searching along the seams and curves of my body.

When his fingers found and slipped in my wetness, I groaned in earnest and it only
fueled him more.

Our mouths close to each other, but not touching, our breaths suspended as his
wicked fingers stroked me intimately, up and down, inside out, stoking the fire
building inside me.

I broke away, looking up into his dark, dark gaze. Shocked all over again at how
deep this desire between us was, and always will.

"I need you, Victoria. Now," he rasped hotly.

My body responded to his words, felt the moisture weeping between my legs where his
fingers were. I bit my lip and nodded my head.

He straightened up, tall. Proud. A warrior. The anticipation in my body was almost
shooting up high when I saw him, so aroused and ready. He'd been big before, felt
him inside me, stretching me. But now, he seemed even bigger than I remembered. How
would he fit me?
Then he sat up and leaned his back against the headboard. His gaze dark and
brooding on me.

"Come here, Victoria."

I somehow managed to get up from the bed, the covers sliding down over my naked,
sensitized body and moved closer to him. He reached for me, his hands spanning my
waist, pulling me onto him.

I straddled him, my legs spread between his thighs, my knees locked beside his
hips. A gasp escaped me when he brought me down onto him, my feminine center
rubbing against his arousal, creating electricity firing through my core.

"What you do to me," he said in a tight voice, his teeth clenched as I grind my
body against him, coating him wet with my own desire.

His hands were already busy brushing and stroking the curves of my body,
heightening the sensations building all over my body, between my legs where I could
feel him.

He cupped my mounds with his big, warm hands, thumbs moving back and forth over the
hard tips, making me open my mouth to gasp in pleasure.

My head went back and I squeezed my eyes shut against the delicious friction. My
hips moves eagerly against him, up and down, seeking that deep connection again
between our bodies. He made a deep groan, held his jaw tight, eyes closed, when his
erection slid tantalizingly close to where I wanted him to slip. I hovered above
him, my thighs screaming with tension.

As if reading my mind, he shifted slightly so that the head of his rigid erection
rested at my entrance securely, his eyes burning on me. No more teasing.

Zeke took his hands off my brėäst and slid them down on my waist, holding me still
and poised above him, ready to sink down and take him inside me.

I was close to panting, my heartbeat was racing as I met his cloudy, sexy eyes. My
body wept with desire, inner muscles already clenching with greedy anticipation.

And then he was pulling me down onto his iron-hard length, my secret folds
spreading wide to accommodate his dewy head and simultaneously he bent forward and
put his mouth to one of my pouting brėäst and suckled it fiercely.

"Ah..." I gasped from surprise and pleasure. My hands fastened to his firm broad
shoulders and bit back a scream when I felt him surge up fully inside my tight
body, so thick and hard, filling me completely.
He stilled and closed his eyes, groaning softly. "Fvck... you undo me."

I tried to move but he kept my hips still, his mouth on my brėäst, his hard arousal
pulsing inside me, embedded in my body. I could feel myself starting to splinter
already.

"Move, Zeke..." I rasped. He was torturing me with this earth-shattering pleasure I

couldn't contain much longer.

He took his mouth off me and looked into my eyes. And then slowly, very carefully,
he pulled me up, until I was already at the tip of his length, and brought me back
down in a hard thump, making the tremors stop and yet drawing out the torture.

He did it again, once. Twice. Until I moaned from the unbearable tightening of my
womb in pleasure-pain. I couldn't stop myself. I was suspended, closer to the edge.
My hips moved on their own volition, following the urges of my body. But his hands
were welding me, keeping every stroke steady.

I was rising and falling, in perfect unison with him. The glide of his body in and
out of me, the friction, was erotically exquisite. More than anything I'd ever
known on this earth. I had to put a hand to the headboard behind his head, to hang
on to anything I could.

Zeke leaned forward again and put that hot mouth to the other brėäst, and my head
was thrown back when his teeth nipped hard at the hard tip, making me want to
scream.

My movements got more desperate, frenzied, as I rode him hard. My hand was in a
tight grip on the back of the bed, my knuckles turning white. And then his head
reared back, leaving my breast as he brought me down forcefully onto his shaft and
I could swear he touched my heart. He was so deep, so hard.

He kept his hand firm on my hips, my waist as he brought me up and down, again and
again, meeting each of his powerful thrust and kept hitting my sweet, sweet spot.

I couldn't see straight, couldn't think. Everything was tightening, spiraling,

coiling inside me. I couldn't hold on any more.

"Zeke..." I gasped. I couldn't take it anymore. It was too much. With him... it
always feels too much.

I was already having mini-orgasms around his length as he drove in and out,
ruthlessly. He cupped my breast possessively, fingers trapping a nipple. Pinching.

"Come for me," he gritted, veins distended on the cord of his neck from the obvious
control he held himself with.

A tear leaked from my eye as I gasped and finally, I was there. Completely reaching
him. Completely bound to him. And I was tipped over the edge, tumbling into the
dizzying heights, from the rush of pleasure and heat and oblivion.

My body convulsed around him as he still thrust up powerfully and rhythmically. My

brain felt melted.

"Victoria... fvck!" he growled. And with one final thrust, he surge up into my
clenching inner walls, before shuddering his own release underneath me. My body was
still clenching around him, milking him.

He caught me when I collapsed forward, my head burying between his neck and
shoulder, breathing roughly against his hot damp skin. The smell of musk and heat
in the air.

I felt him moved and rolled us over the bed. I could hear him whisper words but I
was too sleepy and tired to hear him. He went behind me and spooned my behind,
pulled the cover over us and kissed my head tenderly.

"Sleep, Mrs. Steele. Dream of me."

I smiled and slept with my fantasy—a fairy tale of reality.

Losing someone we loved was always painful. The memory will always bring sadness
and sorrow and grief. But we can't bury ourselves in that dark side of what death
brings. In every side of everything, there's always light.

Vince might have left us here, where the living still exist and struggle to
survive, to live with love, peace and happiness. But he's up there, or somewhere,
painting rainbows, or pouring happy drops of rain. And wherever he maybe, I know
he's happy. Always happier more than I'll ever be.

This is the last chapter. 

AyamiLu © Copyright 2015

Thank you po sa lahat ng nagbasa at sumuporta sa story ni Zeke. I can't thank you
enough properly for all the votes, the comments, kahit negative pa iyon, I still
appreciate it. All kinds of comments are highly appreciated. Basta 'wag lang
mambash. Hehe. ❤
Thank you for all the love, guys! As in. I love you more to the moon and back!
Lahat kayong nagbasa. As in, super! Kahit yung mga silent readers diyan, hindi kayo
exempted. Hahaha. 

But I hope you can leave your comment about the story. I love to read them.
(Galawang hokage. Haha!) Bonus niyo na sa'kin iyon. Lels. 

Love you and God bless. Mwah! ( ˘ ³˘)❤ 

See you sa Epilogue at sa story ni Papa Sage. ^_^

xoxo,Lady A

=================

♠ Epilogue ♠

 We could build a universe right hereAll the world could disappearI just want you
near...

---- 🎶🎵🎵🎶
💏🎵 🎶 ----

MY HERO

MY MOM WAS hugging Victoria when I came back. Hindi muna ako lumapit sa kanila
habang pinapalibutan siya ng mga kapatid ko. I stayed beside the door and watched
them fuss over her and the ring on her hand.

After sharing breakfast, I decided to take her home and tell mom and dad about our
engagement. Ayaw pa sana ni Victoria, but I won't waste any more time. I want to be
with her, forever.

I called mom, at sinabi kong may importante akong sasabihin sa kanila. She seemed
to guess what will happen, kaya pati mga kapatid ko pinapunta niya. I wish she
didn't. They were practically harassing me. Kinokombinsi pa nilang magbago ng isip
si Victoria. 

Dickheads.
I couldn't actually believe I was breaking in cold sweat right before my parents'
scrutinizing eyes. And having my brothers' fvcking presence here was not helping
either. Bakit kailangan pa nilang maging asungot sa buhay ko? Mga wala talagang
magawa talaga sa buhay.

Akala ko hindi sila papayag. Not because they don't like the woman I want to marry.
In fact, mas concern pa sila kay Victoria kesa sakin. They thought I can't keep her
happy. I fvcking swore I was gonna rebel again if they didn't give us their
blessing.

But to my relief, dad gave us his permission. My mom was very happy about it at mas
excited pa siya sa amin. She was already planning for the wedding kahit na five
months pa ang date ng kasal.

Well, kung ako ang tatanungin, I would marry Victoria as soon as possible. Kahit
bukas na bukas pa. I don't want to wait for another months. Pero ayoko ding
madaliin si Victoria. She doesn't want to rush things. She wanted everything
settled first, and I respect that. Sabi nga ni Ma, hindi minamadali ang kasal.

I guess I'd just have to wait again.

Just then, dad came in. Naramdaman ko ang kamay niya sa balikat ko bago siya
pumasok at tumabi kay Ma. He wrapped his arms around her in a very familiar
automatic gesture.

"Welcome to the family, hija." My father told Victoria.

I watched her face slowly lit up into a smile, her eyes sparking with happiness.
The picture made me grow weak in the knees.

Dad was right. I found my living angel.

He talked to me right after the announcement. It was a nice father and son talk.
Marami siyang ibinahagi na ngayon ko lang nalaman. And I appreciate that he was
giving me advices. Medyo nakakapanibago, pero nakakatuwa na nagkakaroon na kami ng
ganoong usapan.

I might not say it or show it openly, but I love my dad, especially now that I
understood why he did things he had to do before. He worked so hard for us, and for
the future of our own families. He kept us secure and safe by working selflessly.

Sure it wasn't easy growing up without a father. But thinking about the sacrifices
he did, the time he gave up to spend it with us and with Mom, I know he suffered
being alone.

Mag-isa niya kaming tinaguyod. He had to endure the struggles by himself. His
fierce sense of responsibility and protectiveness over us made him tough and hard.
Because we are his weakness. And weakness, in the harsh world of business and
politics, can be used against us.

Our family was not ideal. It wasn't even close to being perfect. We are just humans
who are bound to make mistake. But what's important are the lessons we learn from
each mistake.

I made mistakes out of my rebellion. But I embrace them because they made me who I
am and what I am now. I found a brother, people I can trust, and a girl who meant
the world to me.

And I fell in love.

I thought I don't deserve her love because I have always blamed myself for her
brother's death. And she hated me for the past. We suppressed the feelings we had
for each other, and buried them for so long.

But it was a rebellious love.

We couldn't fight it. We're weak against each other, and the only way to win was to
lose.

That's how much I love Victoria. I can risk everything, I would even lose a battle,
as long as I have her in the loser's end. To me, she's all that matters.

"Buti naawa ka na sa kapatid ko. Muntik na nga niyang pakasalan ang psychiatrist
niya sa sobrang lungkot niya."

Narinig kong banat ni Blue. Minabuti ko nang lumapit sa kanila dahil kung ano-ano
na ang sinasabi niya sa fiancée ko. Baka maniwala na siya sa kagaguhan ni Blue.

"Shut up, Blue."

I stood behind Victoria and slipped my hand around her waist. And I almost smiled
when I remembered about what dad did a while ago.

I heard Victoria's small intake of breath before she tilted her head to look at me.
I kissed her exposed temple.

"Alam mo bang bully iyan nong high school iyan. Marami na iyang napaiyak na babae."

I glared at Blue. "Nagbagong buhay na ako."

Narinig kong humagikhik si Serena. Sage just smirked.

"Kaya tularan mo siya, Blue," Duke said in a blank face.

Mom laughed. "Ikaw, Vaughn?"

We all turned to Sage. Now it's my turn to smirk.

"What about me?" patay-malisyang tanong ni Sage.

"Naunahan ka pa nitong kapatid mo. Kailan mo ba aalukin ng kasal si Sharmaine?"

Serena rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. Not that girl, mom. Kahit sino, basta 'wag
siya, kuya."

"Sharmaine is just my legal adviser, Ma. And she's nice," sabi ni Sage kay Serena.

They continued grilling Sage at pati si Victoria ay nakisali na rin sa pamimilit na

makasal na siya. But I know better. Alam kong may babae na 'tong si Sage. I'm sure
of it. Though hindi ko lang alam kung bakit ayaw pa niyang ipakilala kay Ma ang
girlfriend niya. He's been flying to Italy too often. Kahit wala namang dahilan.

If Duke was the serious one, Sage is the most secretive in the four of us. Kaya
siguro sa kanya pinahawakan ni Duke ang Steele Bank, because Sage is very cunning.

I looked at my watch. Mukhang kailangan na naming umalis ni Victoria.

I tugged her hand to take her attention. Tiningnan naman niya ako.

"Let's go?" She frowned, pero tumango pa rin siya.

"Ma, alis na po kami. May kailangan pa po kaming puntahan ng fiancée ko."

Blue tapped my back. "I'm convinced. Natuluyan na talaga ang isang 'to."

Hinayaan ko na lang siyang mang-asar. Just wait 'til he found his match, talagang
pagtatawanan ko siya kapag umiyak siya. Ha!

Matapos magpaalam ni Victoria sa kanila ay sumakay na kami sa kotse.

"May pupuntahan tayo? Saan?" Victoria asked while tucking the seatbelt securely
around her.
"You'll see," sagot ko habang nakangiti sa kanya. She pouted pero ngumiti na rin
siya at hindi na ulit nagtanong. And I'm glad because I don't want to spoil the
surprise and the fun of watching her being caught off guard.

We have to travel early dahil malayo ang pupuntahan namin. It was good that today's
a good sunny day because rain would certainly ruin my plan.

Half an hour later, nakarating din kami sa paroroonan namin.

Victoria seemed puzzled, but she was still quiet. Her eyes looked at me, asking
questions as we stepped out of the car. Kinuha ko lang ang kamay niya at iginiya
siya papasok sa gate kung saan naroon ang taong gusto kong pasalamatan.

She gripped my hand as we walked closer to the tombstone of her brother. I looked
over her and her misty eyes met mine. She bet her lips to stop them from trembling.

"Zeke... ano'ng ginagawa natin dito?" She asked me when we finally stood in front
of Five's grave.

I shrugged, but God knows how nervous I am now. "I want to talk to him first, bago
tayo humarap sa nanay mo, at sa tito at tita mo. Nangako ako sa kanyang hihintayin
kita... at sa susunod na pupunta ako rito, kasama na kita. Nangako ako na kahit na
anong mangyayari, babalik ako ritong kasama ka. So here we are..." Here in the
place where I know Victoria felt the closest to him.

I kneeled down in front of his grave. I heard Victoria gasped in surprise and she
even tried to stop me, but I want to do this.

Huminga ako nang malalim at lumunok ng ilang beses. I don't know why I am getting
nervous all over again. This is Five, my best friend.

But then, it's Victoria we're talking about here—and my future with her.

I might not see him, or hear him, but I know he does. I know he's somewhere in the
heaven, listening and watching over us. So I might as well tell him everything I
haven't told him before, when I first tried.

"Five," I started anxiously as I rubbed my palms, that were growing sweaty, over my
knees.

Victoria sat beside me and kneeled. She reached over my hand and held me, telling
me silently that I can do this.

I focused on her face and her smile. Somehow, that made my heart still, as if it
also stopped and stared.
Nang masiguro kong maayos na ang daloy ng utak ko, I faced Five's grave again.

"I know you can hear me out there, somewhere. I'm sorry, I broke my promise. Kaya
siguro hindi mo na ako pinatahimik, dahil palagi kong pinapaiyak ang kapatid mo.
I'm sure that if you're here, I know you'd punch me and break every bones in my
body. And it won't probably be enough." I laughed at my joke.

"I missed you, bro." I smiled again. "Honestly, hindi ko iyan magagawang sabihin
sayo ng personal, dahil malamang pagtatawanan mo lang ako. You're probably laughing
hard right now, but I don't care."

I held Victoria's hand tighter when I felt my chest tightened. "Hindi ka lang
naging kaibigan sa akin, Five. You've been a brother to me as well. A family. And
it was hard losing you. I guess the years after your death had been the darkest
years of my life, while I know you're happy on the other side if this world.

But then, one night, you came to me in my dream... when I was losing myself.
Kinausap mo ako. You asked me to let you go and accept what happened. You told me
to stop blaming myself and move on. I know it was only a dream. But I'm certain it
was you.

You told me that everything happens for a reason. But I couldn't understand the
reason why you had to die that night, why I had to watch you there... kung bakit
ako lang ang nabuhay..." I felt Victoria gripped my hand tighter while I held hers.
"Victoria lost the only person who protects her. She lost her hero."

I looked at Five's name on engraved on the stone and up to the sky and I felt my
heart swelling inside me.

"But right here, right now, in front of your grave, on my knees, I will swear to
the heavens and to the earth, to the sky, the sun and even the moon... I will hold
the promise to take care of her just how you will, if you're here. I will protect
her like a knight protects a kingdom, like a prince fight for his princess. I will
stay loyal and faithful to her, not just because I promised but because I love her.
And I will love her, like a king loves his queen.

I know I'm not perfect, Five. I am flawed and I've made mistakes that I was not
proud of. You know how I earned my scars, how they ran deep. But I don't want to
give her up because of them. I fought my own self, hard, so I could be the man who
could look at her eyes and be proud of what I've become. She makes me want to be
better. To live. And for her, I will do anything to keep her, to make her happy. I
would take any bullet for her if I have to."

"Ano ba 'yang pinagsasasabi mo?" bulong ni Victoria sa tabi ko.

I looked at her and she was wiping her cheeks. I sighed. "I'm just telling him I
love you."
"Sa akin mo sabihin 'yan."

I smiled at those cute pouting lips. I wanted to kiss them, pero baka magalit si
Five. Kaya iyong kamay na lang niya ang hinalikan ko. "I will, every day."

Tumango siya. "But no more talking about taking bullets for me."

She's so darn cute. And innocently clueless.

Hinarap ko ulit si Five. "Looks like I just made her cry again. She does every time
I confess my undying love for her. And now look, she's crying again and she tells
me not to die."

Hinampas niya ako sa braso at natawa na lang ako. Until my laughter died, and I
recognized the sense of peace in my heart. That kind of feeling once the storm
passed and the waves starts to calm.

"Five, you once told me to be happy. This is it. I found my happiness—I could never
be any happier than I am now. And I want to keep this happiness with me, every day,
in every turns and curves, every bump. Kahit dumating ang mahirap na pagsubok,
hindi ko siya bibitawan.

I'm nothing without her. She's what keeps me going. She fills my heart and my soul
with life and color. She's very important to me, more than life itself."

I heard her sniffing. Hinawakan ko na lang ng mabuti ang kamay niya. Nangangawit na
ang mga binti ko, pero hindi ko iyon pinansin.

"I don't really know if you wanted me to win or lose on that race. Hindi ko alam
kung bibigyan mo ako ng pagkakataong makita si Victoria, but I was hoping you
would. Alam kong gusto mo akong pahirapan. Victoria is that special to you. You
love her so much and you want to protect her, I understand that. But you crossed
over to somewhere we couldn't reach you.

And I think I lived for that reason. I stayed for Victoria, because you know she
can resurrect me. Thank you, Five. You've done enough for me. Now, it's my turn to
fulfill my promise to you."

At hindi ako mapapagod na tuparin iyon nang paulit-ulit.

I felt Victoria's hand running on my arm. "I know he's very happy right now," she
said. "If he was here, he'll tell you to take care of me and keep me safe. And I'm
also sure he'll tell me to do the same thing for you."
Then she pulled my head to kiss me. Pero bigla kaming nakarinig ng kulog sa langit.

"Uh... I don't think Five's happy right now."

Victoria grinned. A drop of rain fell on her cheekbones and she burst out laughing.
Hinatak ko na siya paalis doon dahil nauulanan na kami, pero pinigilan niya ako.

"Let's stay here for a while."

"It's raining." I sulked. "Who knows? Baka magalit pa si Five at bumagyo pa bigla.

She giggled. "He's not the one controlling the rain."

Bumuhos ang napakalakas na ulan at lalong nalukot ang mukha ko. "It's a sign and
it's a bad one."

Pero imbis na tumakbo kami ay nanatili kami sa ilalim ng ulan. Unlike me, Victoria
seemed to be enjoying herself and the rain. Tinakpan ko na lang ang ulo niya gamit
ang kamay ko, kahit na parang walang silbi iyon.

She smiled. "Ang sabi sa 'kin ni Sheena dati, gusto ni kuya na umuulan sa araw ng
kasal nila. She said he believed rain is a blessing." She touched my face, wiping
the rain away, but like my hand over her head, it was useless. Yet I liked it.

"He's happy for us, Zeke," she said and stepped closer to me, her hands snaking
behind my neck. Basang basa na kami, pero bale-wala lang iyon sa aming dalawa.

"You think so?"

She smiled. "I know so." And kissed me again and swept me off with her sweetest
lips.

My fingers thread through her wet hair and I tilted her head so I could kiss her
back, deep and passionately under the rain.

Naramdaman ko ang ngiti ni Victoria nang lalong dumagundong ang kulog sa

kalangitan. I could even see the flicker of lightening lashing the sky with my
closed lids.

I bet Five must be very happy right now.

I grinned as I think of the man who would forever be my hero.

  ---- 🍀 💞 🍀 ----  

END

    ---- 🍀 💞 🍀 ----    

This story or any portion thereof may not be reproduced in any written, electronic,
recording, or photocopying or used in any manner whatsoever without the express
written permission of the author.

All of the characters in this story have no existence whatsoever outside the
imagination of the author, and have no relation to anyone having the same name or
names. All the incidents are merely invention.

Copyright © 2015-2016 by Ayamiℒu

All rights reserved.

=================

♠ Pasasalamat ♠

THANK YOU! 😘

Ang dami kong gustong pasalamatan. As in. Sa lahat ng nag-abang talaga ng UDs
nitong story, salamat ng sobra. I know you know who you are, lalo na yung masipag
mag-comment every after I post the update. Hindi niyo lang alam guys kung paano ako
natutuwa at kung gaano ako ka-excited mabasa ang reactions ninyo (katulad ng
excitement ninyo pag may update. 😂) Salamat, as in! Ng napakadami.

Sa mga nagbabasa pa rin, comment po kayo. I really want to know what you think
about the story. (💡 Your comments really make an impact on author's mood, lalo na
sa pagsusulat. ^_^)

Sa mga nakabasa na ng story ni Duke at Louraine (Dangerously Mine), sana nagustuhan

ninyo din ang story ni Zeke at ni Victoria. I hope lahat ng nagbasa nito o
nagbabasa pa lang makapag-comment, pati iyong mga silent reader so I can thank you
properly and of course, to know how you feel. ☺☺ Neverthelesss, gusto ko kayong
pasalamatan lahat. Maraming maraming salamat sa inyong lahat. Thank you for reading
this 'til the end.

Sana po basahin niyo rin ang story ni Duke (Dangerously Mine), sa mga hindi pa
nakabasa. Complete na po iyon at sana magustuhan niyo rin. Ganoon din po ang story
ni Sage (Scandalous Affair). On-going pa rin siya pero sana mabasa ninyo kapag
natapos na. 😊😊

Naumpisahan ko na rin ang kay Blue (Sensuous Gamble) at saka ko pa sisimulan ang
kay Serena (Mysterious Heart) kapag natapos ko ang kay Sage. Gusto ko sanang
pagsabay-sabayin pero hindi talaga kaya ng stamina ko. 😂 Pero tatapusin ko ang
series. God willing. ☺

Sa mga silent reader, sana po maabot ko kayo sa facebook page or sa facebook group
na binuksan ko. Kahit doon ay makilala kayo. Add niyo lang po ako dito--->
facebook.com/ayamilu27 Send me love, (charot! Haha) Mas active ako dun kesa diito
sa watty e at madali akong makaka-reply doon.)

You can also search for AyamiLu's Stories and like the page. Or join the Lady A's
Story group. Nagpopost ako doon 'pag may updates. Pwede kayong magpost doon ng mga
reactions ninyo, or if you want to ask me anything. ^_^

God bless sa inyo! 💗