Reflective learning Journal - Week 1.

18/6/20201

Define the Terms of grief and Loss

This journal is to keep a record of my thoughts, reflections, notes, questions to myself and
learning through the ‘Working with grief and loss’ - level 2 module.

Grief in life is an overwhelming feeling and is a natural response to losing something or

someone. It gives us both pain and emotional suffering and the greater the loss the more
intense the grief. I learnt in this session the different types of losses in our lives that bring
us grief and loss. I find it helpful to remember grief is a natural response to loss and that
people from all religions and cultural backgrounds have different beliefs and rituals
surrounding it and we must respect and fully understand these differences. Every loss is
grieved in a unique way with it’s in own intensity, shape and timeline, grief is not linear.
Grief and loss are a unique journey with no right or wrong way to experience them.

Describe the key models of the grieving process

The five stages of loss by Kubler- Ross are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and
acceptance these stages make up the grieving process according to Dr Kubler-Ross whose
book ‘On Death and Dying lists these five stages. I learnt contrary to the books rigid
approach of the five stages that not everyone will necessarily go through all the five stages
or go through them in any strict order, some people will revisit stages many times.
Of the three main methods of the grieving process ‘The Dual Process Model’ by Strobe and
Shut, believes that people react to grief in an oscillating manner, they focus on the loss and
then switch to stop focussing on the loss. They believe that some distraction from grief is a
very natural way of coping, this model does not think grief should be dealt with head on.
Warden’s model - ‘Tasks of Grief ‘believes that grief is an active process and can be broken
down into 4 main tasks. Accept your loss and acknowledge the pain, adapt to the new
environment and reinvest in the new reality of your life. Worden’s model believes that by
avoiding grief and unpleasant feelings associated with it can be the cause of problems in the
long term. I relate to this model strongly as it sees grief as an ongoing journey that ebbs
and flows.
Tonkin’s model of ‘Growing around Grief”. The idea of this model is that grief does not go
away or get smaller, but we build a new reality around it in time making it a less intense
state of the mind. also known as the fried egg theory.

Awareness of self when working with grief and loss

I must have a strong commitment to self-awareness, self-care and professional

development in bereavement. Continuous supervision is paramount as a counsellor to

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maintain clarity and grounding so I can then be present for the client without feeling
overwhelmed by their story, especially if it resonates with a loss or experience, I have also
encountered through life.

Reflective learning Journal – Week 2 15/6/21

A discussion on how well counselling skills can be used in working with grief and loss

To have or to not have counselling in grief and loss, this is the question? Does it help or
not? Counselling for me when I was an awkward teenager grieving my fathers unexpected
death just fell on deaf ears, I blamed the councillor and found silences in the counselling
room unbearable. I asked myself was the councillor any good at their job. Was I just too
young or too scared /embarrassed to be open to a stranger? or was it just the wrong time
for me? I think I will never know the answers. In hindsight it was probably a combination
of all these things. I re-entered counselling when I had my first child and entered a deep
depression and realised, I was still grieving my father’s death. My second attempt at
counselling 15 year later was very helpful and I was able to process the feelings of the five
stages of grief in a warm, safe and supportive space where I was made to feel normal in my
grief and listened too. Having counselling and the learnt skills of a councillor it helped me
to understand the stages of grief and how to process them and move on with my life.
Counselling taught me how to deal with the emotions as they unpredictably reappear
through my life’s journey.
I believe this is the same positive outcome for others on their grief journey and exploring
counselling skills around grief can be very helpful but only when accessed but at the right
time and with the right therapeutic relationship. Being given a safe place to explore and talk
about your feelings and learn how to use tools to engage with one’s grief and the emotional
responses are key skills to counselling having a positive outcome. I learnt about continuing
bonds and how past bonds can influence the now and future without living in the past. I
believe if a counsellor has a good understanding and experience of grief and a strong self-
awareness their help through your feelings can help you cope better with your loss. Here I
have experienced both negative and positive aspects to grieving and counselling. People
may also be suffering from complicated grief and need different helping pathways; they may
have suicidal feelings and need very urgent medical care or medication. I think the answer I
have found from my own personal experience about whether counselling is helpful or not is
it really depends; it helps unless it doesn’t. Finding the right therapeutic relationship and
the right time in your own grief journey to embark on counselling is paramount to a positive
outcome.

In my role play I felt that I may have experienced some counter transference and I cried
after the session. Their story was familiar to a loss of mine and touched on similar
emotions. I was aware of this and felt awkward. I offered some helping advice and realised
this was wrong but felt the need to be practical. I am aware that I need to ‘sit on my hands’
when I get the urge to want to offer helping solutions. On reflection I was open, honest and
actively listened and these new learnt skills I was happy with.

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Reflection learning journal – week 3 22.06.21

Key challenges to working with ethical practise with people experiencing grief and loss

It’s important to understand that when counselling people experiencing grief and loss they
can be dealing with very raw and strong emotions as part of their grief and working within
the ethical practise and frameworks of the professional bodies (BACP, NCS) in counselling is
crucial for both councillor and client’s protection, counselling skills in grief and loss can
present many ethical dilemmas so the ethical framework is a very important to adhere too.

In the counselling the framework states it is ethical for the councillor to have regular
supervision as this is the one place a councillor can discuss the client without breaking
confidentiality, let off steam and ask for advice, regular supervision will also help to
maintain clarity and grounding so can then be present for the client without feeling
overwhelmed by their story, especially if it resonates with a experience they have also
encountered through life, this is important as a councillor who has not dealt with their own
grief might try to steer the client around their your own fears and losses. Supervision can
be reassuring that you are delivering a good practise of your skills and ethical practise.
Councillors are open to blind Spots, this is where councillors can unintentionally act in a
well-meaning way that leads to unethical work practise, i.e., allowing clients to text outside
of the therapeutic session, letting session go on beyond their timings. Transference and
counter transference can easily occur and cause ethical challenges in the relationship,
supervision can help with these challenges alongside the ethical codes laid out by the
governing bodies.

Having a strong commitment to self-awareness, ongoing self-care and constant professional

development and training to maintain a high standard and professional practise is all part of
the ethical code. These codes of ethics promote a good understanding of the different way
people from different cultures and with different rituals are respected and that grief is
whilst universally felt it is a individual process and this must be allowed for and respected by
the councillor in his/her practise.

Awareness of self when working with grief and loss

On reflection of my own grief and loss, it has been a great help to learn that grief is not a
state but a process relevant to every human being and I am more accepting of letting the
nature of grief and loss be present in my life and accept it as part of me. I believe it will
always be with me. Originally, I was worried counselling would be about closing my
memoires of my father and losing him even more, but it was so much more therapeutic, I
learnt to have a treasure box of my memories visually in my mind on a shelf and get the box

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down and open it and put it away again, I can now keep my internal memories of my father
alive in a healthier way. Prior to my grief counselling sessions, the box was just open and
falling off the shelf which left me in a constant state of grief and loss. I am at the most
accepting stage of my losses in my life right now.

Reflection learning journal – week 3 29.06.21

Risk management in the counselling interaction

Risk management is not a one-off occurrence and is an integral part to the helping role and
should be continuous in all types of counselling. There are five different types of risk
management in the helping relationship, and they are: situational, relational, contextual,
professional and personal. In situational risk they relate to events or situations and include
things like self-harm and suicidal thoughts of the client, safeguarding and terrorist attacks.
In relational they are embedded between the helper and the client, sexual attraction,
transference or countertransference etc. Contextual risk involves the risk of delivery of the
counselling /helping i.e.: poor work practise, bad time keeping, inconsistent expectations of
the helper to the client. Professional and personal risk management must prevent the
councillor from burning out, bringing their own problems to the relationship, being accused
of something that leads to a criminal action. These are just some examples of risk
management in counselling. Risk assessments are carried out with the aim of hopefully
preventing or minimising risk in the therapeutic relationship. If in the initial stages of the
counselling risk factors are not identified that does not mean they will not occur further
down the line. Any risk assessment should be carried out by a counsellor based on a high
expertise in this area and working to the ethics of risk management from their governing
body.

Awareness of self when working with grief and loss

I think it is really important as a councillor or a in a helping profession to make sure you are
constantly aware of your own self-care, identifying your own needs, seeing your supervisor
and discussing issues with them and protecting your own mental health is all part and parcel
of being able to help others, without allowing your own personal life of losses seep into your
practise with clients which goes against the ethical framework of counselling. It reminds
me of the oxygen advice on a plane when travelling with children, you should give yourself
the oxygen mask first then your children meaning you need to be well to look after them.
So, self-awareness and carrying through self-care measures are a essential part of the
process of being a helper and you must prioritise it.

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