Skip to content

 Home

 Travel Tips

o Africa

 Botswana

 Egypt

 Kenya

 Malawi

 Mauritius

 Morocco
  Mozambique

 Namibia

 Nigeria

 South Africa

 Sudan

 Tanzania

 Zambia

 Zimbabwe

o Americas

 North America

 Barbados

 Canada

 Costa Rica
  Guatemala

 Mexico

 Nicaragua

 United States

 South America

 Argentina

 Bolivia

 Brazil

 Chile

 Colombia

 Ecuador

 Peru

 Uruguay
o Antarctica

o Asia

 Afghanistan

 Bahrain

 Bangladesh

 Bhutan

 Cambodia

 China

 India

 Indonesia

 Israel

 Japan

 Jordan
  Kazakhstan

 Laos

 Malaysia

 Myanmar

 Philippines

 Singapore

 South Korea

 United Arab Emirates

 Taiwan

 Thailand

 Turkey

 Vietnam

o Europe
 England

 Finland

 France

 Germany

 Greece

 Hungary

 Iceland

 Ireland

 Italy

 Kosovo

 Netherlands

 Norway

 Poland
  Portugal

 Russia

 Scotland

 Spain

 Sweden

 Switzerland

 Wales

o Oceania

 Australia

 Fiji

 Marshall Islands

 New Zealand

 Samoa
  Solomon Islands

 Vanuatu

o More Travel

 Budget Travel

 Gap Year

 Party Tips

 Food & Drink

 Coffee

 Weird Food

 Shopping

 Luxury Travel

 Travel Books

 Travel Clothes
  Travel Insurance

 Travel Jobs

 Transport

 Airports!

 Air Travel

 Buses

 Cruising

 Space Travel

 Trains

 Travel Blogging

 Travel Gadgets

 Travel Photography

 Travel Movies
  Travel Podcasts

 Travel Satire

 Travel Songs

 Travel TV

 Travel Video

 Travel Websites

o Interviews
 About

 Blog

 Work With Me
o Advertise

o Digital Content Creator & Marketer, SEO

& Social Media Specialist

o Press Trips, Famils & Promotions

o Travel Writer Jobs & Content

Development – Hire Me!

o Travel Writing Examples!

o Australian Society Of Travel Writers

Member

o Travel Influencers Australia

o Blogger Trips
 More
o Surviving Cancer
o Travel Articles & Popular Blog Posts

o Resources

o Links

o Beer Index

o Sitemap

 Camels

 Celebrity Chefs

 Chickens!

 Cows

 Crocodiles & Alligators!

 Engrish

 Funny Cricket Moments

  Jokes & Memes

 Language Guides!

 Music

 Street Signs

 Swear Words & Slang!

 Toilet Humour!
 Contact

Search for:Search Button

Flight Attendant Announcements – Some
Funny Airline Safety Scripts We’d Love To
Hear!
By Anthony Bianco - The Travel Tart / Air Travel / 4
Comments

Be a share millionaire! Tell the world!








 





There’s lots of in flight safety announcements can

become one and the same. But here is a list of
some funny Flight Attendant
Announcements and airline safety scripts we
would love to hear just to make that flight a little
bit more enjoyable.
An example of this is the really cool Flight
Attendant Rap. I’m sure flight attendants could go
that little bit further by injecting some humour and
irony into their in flight safety announcements.
You probably won’t come across any of these in
some of the funny Air Crash Investigation episodes
(or on a Medical Repat), but maybe you could in
some of the alternative airline safety cards that are
floating around! And maybe in Confessions of a
Hostie: True Stories of an International Flight
Attendant.
Anyway, here they are:
Some Funny Flight Attendant Announcements We’d
Love To Hear

 “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover,

but there are only 4 ways out of this aircraft
…”
 “Free BEER!“
 “Your seat cushions can be used for
flotation and, in the event of an emergency
water landing, please take them with our
compliments.”
 “We do feature a smoking section on this
flight; If you must smoke, contact a
member of the flight crew who will escort
you to the wing of the aircraft.”
 “If you thought that take off was bad, just
wait for the landing!”
 “How do we turn left?”
 “Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited.
Any person caught smoking in the
lavatories will be asked to leave the plane
immediately.”
 “Folks, we have reached our cruising
altitude now, so I am going to switch the
 seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about
as you wish, but please stay inside the
plane till we land … It’s a bit cold outside,
and if you walk on the wings it affects the
flight pattern.”
 “If you see one of the engines fall off the
wing mid flight, please kindly inform one of
the cabin crew.”
 “Thank you for flying with with us.  We
hope you enjoyed giving us the money as
much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
 “This aircraft is equipped with a video
surveillance system that monitors the cabin
during taxiing. Any passenger leaving their
seat before the aircraft comes to a full and
complete stop at the gate will be strip-
searched as they leave the aircraft.”
 “Duty free alcohol cannot be opened or
consumed on the aircraft by anyone, except
for the pilots.”
 “If there is a doctor on board, please
identify yourself to one of the cabin crew
immediately. The pilot has passed out in
 the front seat and no one is flying the
plane.”
 “We’ve reached our cruising altitude now,
so I’m turning off the seat belt sign. I’m
also switching to auto pilot. This means I
can come back there and, for the remainder
of the flight, go for a nap.”
 Shouting over the loudspeakers when
landing: “Whoa, BIG fella …WHOA..!”
 “Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen
masks will drop from the overhead area.
Please place the bag over your own mouth
and nose before assisting children. Or
adults acting like children.”
 “A warm welcome to our frequent
fliers today, especially the ones that
survived connecting flights to be with us
today.”
 From the cockpit – the pilots singing
any John Denver or Buddy Holly song (i.e.
they both died in plane crashes)
 “As you exit the plane, please make sure to
sure to gather all of your belongings.
 Anything left behind will be distributed
evenly among the flight attendants. Please
do NOT leave children or spouses! Last one
off the plane must clean it.”
 “Please bear with us as we try to find
the cause of this delay. We will try to patch
up the fault with a bit of super glue as soon
as possible!”
 “You’ll be pleased to know we have some
of the best flight attendants in the industry
… Unfortunately none of them are on this
aircraft!”
 “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to our
destination. Please remain in your seats
with your seat belts fastened while the
Captain taxis what’s left of our aircraft to
the gate!”
 “If you want to join the mile high club, your
liaison will be uploaded for all to see on the
internet.”
 “We ask you to please remain seated whilst
‘Captain Kangaroo’ bounces us towards a
terminal.”
 “Please take care when opening the
overhead compartments  because, after a
landing like that, sure as HELL everything
has shifted.”
 “If you are seated in the emergency exit
aisle, please enjoy the extra leg room as the
other passengers scramble past you in the
event of an emergency.”
 “If you are seated in first class, please be
aware that you will be the first to perish in
the event of a sudden nose dive towards
the ground.”
 “Welcome aboard. To operate your seat
belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle,
and pull tight. It works just like every other
seat belt, and if you don’t know how to
operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out
in public unsupervised. In the event of a
sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen
masks will descend from the ceiling.  Stop
screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over
your face. If you have a small child
travelling with you, secure your mask
 before assisting with theirs. If you are
travelling with two small children, we now
suggest you think VERY seriously and
rapidly decide which one you love most.”
 “Thank you for flying with us today, we
hope your will is updated.”
 “Weather 27 degrees with some broken
clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed
before we arrive.”
 “Today, we will be serving a meal that is
actually better quality than for what you
can eat at home.”
 “Thank you for flying with us and
remember. Nobody loves you, or your
money, more than us.”
  
Still Bored At Work? Then Check Out: Flight Attendant Rap - Funny Video and
Lyrics From Southwest Airlines!

More funny Flight Attendant Announcements

What about you? What funny flight attendant

announcements have you heard on your travels?
Leave a comment below and share the love!
I would think some of these should appear
in Cruising Attitude: Tales of Crashpads, Crew
Drama, and Crazy Passengers at 35,000 Feet.
Check out more satire about air travel here,
including Aviation Safety:
 Travel Ban Jokes and Memes
 Richard Branson launches new airline to
North Korea!
 The Plane Finder – When It Goes Wrong!
 Private Jets – What I’d Like To Say If I Ever
Set Foot on One!
 Airline News – When The Media Gets It
Really Wrong!
 The Mile High Club – How To Join It!
 Plane Spotting! Like Train Spotting, but for
Planes!
 Flight Delays & Status – How To Amuse
Yourself at the Airport!
 Plane Crashes and Incidents For Those Who
Fear Flying
 Duct Tape Uses – Fixing an Aeroplane!
 Jet Lag Symptoms and Recovery – The
Shonky Version
 How To Find Cheap Flight Tickets. The
Stupid Way.
 Aircraft Passenger Seat Types – The Worst
Ones To Sit Next To!
 Flight Status Updates We’d Love To See!
 Emirates A380 First and Business Class –
The Best Way To Fly! Ever!
 Flight Attendant Announcements – Some
Funny Airline Safety Scripts We’d Love To
Hear!
 Airline Passenger Boredom – Ransom Note
Letters
 How To Earn Frequent Flyer Points – Travel
Hacking Genius!
 Air Crash Investigations (Mayday) –
‘Funniest’ Accident Episodes
 Boeing 787 Dreamliner Test Plane –
Experimental!
 Murphy’s Laws For Frequent Flyers
 Airport People at FreakJet.com. Like People
Of Wal Mart When Flying!
 Flat Bed Seats on Air Asia Airlines – Try an
Upgrade From Cattle Class
  Airline Safety Card – Alternative Meanings
For Their Images
 Ryan Air – 10 Potential Benefits of Standing
Up On Their Planes
  
Still Bored At Work? Then Check Out: Warning Signs That Are Useless - Do Not
Cross at The Grand Canyon

More Silly Travel Posts:

Richard Branson launches new airline to North Korea!

Warning Signs That Are Useless - Do Not Cross at The Grand Canyon

Flight Delays & Status - How To Amuse Yourself at the Airport!

Murphy's Laws For Frequent Flyers

Be a share millionaire! Tell the world!









 



Post navigation
← Previous Post
Next Post →
4 thoughts on “Flight Attendant Announcements – Some Funny Airline Safety
Scripts We’d Love To Hear!”

1.
HOSTIE
AUGUST 16, 2013 AT 11:42 AM
Funny as! Airlines should embrace these!

Reply

1.
ANTHONY THE TRAVEL TART
AUGUST 16, 2013 AT 2:56 PM
Yeah, would make the flight pretty
entertaining!

Reply

2.
YENNY LEE
 SEPTEMBER 9, 2013 AT 2:07 PM
Anybody who would say these things in an
actual flight should get promoted
immediately! 

Reply

1.
ANTHONY THE TRAVEL TART
SEPTEMBER 9, 2013 AT 8:30 PM
Sounds good to me!

Reply
Leave a Comment
Your email address will not be published. Required
fields are marked *

Type here..

Name*

Email*
Website
Post Comment »

Search for:Search Button

About Anthony The Travel Tart

Hi, I’m Anthony, a travel writer and blogger from

Australia who loves the funny side of travel.

From press trips to content development find

out what The Travel Tart can do for you!

The Travel Tart Newsletter!

Email address:
Sign up

Say Hi! Social Media Profiles!

             

What I’m Reading!

Recent Silly Travel Posts

  Funny Indian Road Signs!

 Shit for Sale at Slab City!

 Sport in Australia – The Mainstream, Weird, and

Wacky!

 Fook Yuen – Funny Restaurant Name!

 Bong Coffee – Funny Shop Name!

Travel Blog Categories

Travel Blog

Categories                                                                   

                                                     
Home » Travel Tips » Air Travel » Flight Attendant

Announcements – Some Funny Airline Safety

Scripts We’d Love To Hear!

Copyright © 2021 The Travel Tart