ORANGE FLOWER WATER was produced at the Contemporary American Theater Festival (Ed Herendeen, Founder and Producing Director; Catherine Irwin, Managing Director; David Wanger, Assistant Managing Director) in Shepherdstown, West Virginia, in July 2002. Ie was directed by Leah C. Gardiner; the set design was by Marius Henry; the lighting design was by Paul Whiceshav; the sound design was by Kevin Lloyds the costume design was by Daniel rks the stage manager was Allison C. Wolookas and the assistant stage manager was Danny Huernzal. The cast was as follows: CATHY CALHOUN ... sven Mercedes Herrero DAVID CALHOUN ..... Jason Field BETH YOUNGQUIST.... Libby West BRAD YOUNGQUIST ... seve Pall Sparks ORANGE FLOWER WATER was produced ac The Jungle Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota, in July 2002. Ic was directed by Bain Bochlke; the set design was by Bain Boehlke; the lighting design was by Barry Browning; the composer and sound designer was Victor Zupanc; the costume design was by Amelia Cheever; the production manager was Barry Browning; and the stage man- ager was Elizabeth R. MacNally. The cast was as follows: CATHY CALHOUN.. DAVID CALHOUN BETH YOUNGQUIST.... BRAD YOUNGQUIST .. . Amy McDonald -. Brian Goranson mmm Jennifer Blagen Terry Hempleman CHARACTERS, DAVID, a pharmacist, 30s—40s CATHY, a choir director, 30s40s, wife of David BRAD, owner of video rental scores, 30s~405 BETH, wife of Brad, 303-405 SETTING ‘The time is the present. The play takes place in various local Pine City, a small town in north-central Minnesota. The set is a bed and bedside table and four chairs (ar che edge of the playing space) on an otherwise bare stage. On the bedside table, thee is a telephone and, chroughout the entire play, a small stuffed orange 1 — ideally, a “Beanie Baby.” PERFORMANCE NOTE The four chairs onstage are for the four actors and all the actors should be on stage and visible throughout che play. During the pre-set, at the top of the show, the stage should be dimly lit, with a gentle pool of light on the stuffed tiger. Once the show begins, no more special attention needs to be paid to it.“Ic is the facure generation that presses into being by means of these exuberant feelings and supersensible soap bubbles of ours.” SchopenhauerORANGE FLOWER WATER Scene 1 Music rises in the darkness. Light rises on Cath. CATHY. Dear David. Get ready, All three of the kids need to take lunches to school today. I have already made the sandwiches, but the rest needs to be assembled by yours truly. To make matters worse, Gus has early morning Math today as well, so you have to get him there by 7:30, come back and get the girls, and take them Tater. And try not to fight with Ruthie, If you wake her up early enough, it should all work out, and what I have found works wich har is to let her choose the radio station in the car and then shut up. Annie has Brownies after school. As for dinner, you'll be pleased to know I have reached a new state of self-awareness and have not prepared anything, confident that you will be taking the children out for dinner tonight regardless of whar the checkbook looks like. Have fun! Don't forget Gus has a soccer game on Saturday and Annie is going to Taylor's birthday party. Maybe you could take Ruthie to a movie? (Can you tell 'm concerned about you two?) Finally, and don't ask me why, the painters are coming ‘on Sunday morning and the fumes are not good for the kids, so either go to church — ha ha — or take them out somewhere. I should be home by 5:00 RM. Sunday afternoon. Please pick me up in the north parking lot of the school. The buses will all be in the south parking lot, bue T need 10 go through the building co divest myself ofall the accumulated crap these stupid choir festivals send you home with, so I'll come out the back door and wait for you there. Wish me luck! Cathy. PS. I stood at the end of the bed this ‘morning, once I was all dressed and ready to go, and the light was angling in from the hall, and you looked very sweet and innocent, 9very much the same young man who so charmingly and insinuat- ingly complimented my “nice music” so many years ago. [know we {get very busy around here serving the three litele Hitlers, but please know, if anything should happen to me this weekend, if for some strange reason, the bus drops through the bridge in Lite Falls, or i'm crushed to death by a mob of anxious sopranos, please know that I love you and feel ever so lucky and proud to be your wife in this strange and way-too-busy world we have procreated ourselves into, Yours more tuly chan truly can ever say... Cathy. (Cathy exits the playing area and sts down.) Scene 2 David and Beth rise and enter the playing area. Beth les on the bed and closes her eyes. David lies beside her and gently caresses her face. DAVID. Now. want you to putallchoughts ofthis world our of four min BETH. David. DAVID. (Gents) Come on. “Al thoughts of this world out of my BETH. (After a beat.) All thoughts of this world out of my mind, DAVID. ‘These four walls. The picturesque Holiday Haven Motel ‘The cars outside in the parking lot. Highway 59. es all... pixelating, like lice dots on a computer screen, its all pixclacing and slowly dis- solving away ... (Beth opens ber eyes 0 look at him) Shut your eyes BETH. Bur I think is kinda cute the way youre ... doing, youre .- you're like alittle gnome, making a spell. DAVID, Thank you, that’s my gnomish intent. Shut your eyes. BETH. OK. (He waves a hand over her eyes and she clases them: he shises her eyelids and then continues with his spell) DAVID. (Quietly bypnotic.) And now the whole town of Pine City Tet Mali Sundbeigs Café, The Sandwich Hut, The joyageur — is all falling, falling through the clouds, droppit down through mils of elouds unt you nee oa pe Beth, ita speck, and then it’s not even a speck, its gone. Goodbye, 10 Pine City. BETH. (Affera beat.) So where are we DAVID. Wete in a bay ina kingdom in the clouds, and its clear and it’s quiet and its beautiful ... and its just us BETH. 1 like that. DAVID. And in the distance ... (He begins to unbutton her blouse ery slowly. She apens her eye.) BETH. (Coy. What are you doing? DAVID. In the distance — BETH. (Coy) I see what youtte doing ... DAVID. In the distance, we can sce huge apples . BETH. Apples? DAVID. Yes, apples .... (He opens her bra, revealing her breasts.) “Apples as high as... buildings, apples like two tall ships, floating oon the water, golden and then shading into pink near the tops, and the sunlight and the mist, it’s all like music, like the sweetest, quietest music, and were there, and it all... it all safe ... and quiet ... and cool. BETH. I'm so sick of this hot summer. DAVID. Me ton. (He biire her reac) BETH. I finally got fed up che other day and bought a room air conditioner for the family room, it felt so extravagant, but — DAVID. No, you deserve it — BETH. They were on sale DAVID. Even if they weren't. Even if they weren't. (Brief pause as se kisses her breasts. Then the conversation continues with intermittent bissing,) BETH. Tell me something, DAVID. What? BETH. Do you really love me as much as you think you do? DAVID. 1 think so. BETH. Ic doesn't seem possible, DAVID. I don't think real love ever seems possible it just is. BETH. I'm serious, I worry sometimes ... DAVID. Beth ... listen — BETH. What? DAVID. I don't know what's possible or impossible .. BETH. I know. DAVID. I'm totally out of touch with reality BETH. I know. DAVID. All T know is when I'm with you, I feel alive, I feel like ulthe real history of my real life is really happening; and like I'm so DAVID. (With firmer conviction.) Three years of getting sicker lucky to be able to kiss you ... and touch you ... and be with you and sicker, vomiting in our hearts from nor being with each other, and be your partner, alittle while ... on the way ... you know? (He so you're calling me up in tears from your cell phone in the car at reaches behind her to unzip her skirt) midnight, “Brad did this, Brad did that, I need to see you” — BETH. Wait a minute. BETH. I know ... DAVID. What? What do you want? Wine? (Insinuatingly as a joke, DAVID. And I'm so sad and confused at work I'm filing prescrip- nowing its stupid.) Maple syrup? You wanna be my little hotcake? tions wrong and giving old ladies diarchea, and everybodys telling BETH. Irs not... ‘me I should go in for an MRE. After three years of that, and making DAVID. What? What is ie cout in cars and making out in bathrooms at parties, and promises, BETH. Nothing. (Brief pause.) promises, promises, after three years of that I finally get you in a DAVID. Oh shit. Long pause.) Beth, there is no God. room with me alone, and its God? This idea? BETH. But whac if there is? BETH, T'm sorry. I cant change. DAVID. ‘There isn. DAVID. Beth, I don't want you to change. BETH. How do you know? BETH. You do, though. DAVID. Because. DAVID. No, I... look. BETH. Because why? BETH. What? DAVID. Because if there was a God, Beth, come on, if, if there DAVID. T don’t want co fight. was a God, then the, uh, the Crusades wouldn't have been allowed BETH. I dont cither. to happen; and the, uh Holocaust wouldn't have been allowed to DAVID. I'm here because I'm in love with you, not to fight. pen. This whole world of shittiness wouldn't have ever been BETH, I know that. allowed to happen if anyone who really cared was watching. DAVID. And I don't want to make you unhappy. BETH. (Overlapping.) I know what youre saying — BETH. Tim not unhappy; I'm just ... DAVID. Overlapping.) — and we suffer and He just sits there and DAVID. What? judges? BETH, I mean, you dont really wane to da this anyway, right? You BETH, I just can’t be as sure as you about everything — love Cathy, you love your kids ... DAVID. { know — DAVID. Dont tell me what | don't want to do, please — BETH. And you werentt raised in the church and I was, and you BETH, Don't be a jerk. have to — DAVID. Then dont tell me what I don't want to do. DAVID. I know chat — BETH. Wal, you dont, realy, do you? You love Annie and Ruthie BETH, And I know you think thar’ stupid — and Gus. DAVID. I dont think irs stupid — DAVID. Annie and Ruthie and Gus are not any happier than I am. BETH. I just can't be as sure. (She pulls her shire closed, crosses her BETH. David, they're the happiest kids | know. ‘arms and sits there. Long pause.) DAVID. Not inside. DAVID. OK, so let me gee this straighe. BETH. You'e weird. BETH. What DAVID. No, Beth, they're very uptight. And they know, I swear DAVID. (Trying to make ber laugh.) Ym sorry, just need to under- they know something isnt right, because they're like always... con- stand whar’s happening to me right now because my penis is kind of soling me in some odd way, it’s creepy. asking me a lor of questions. Three years of being friends, standing BETH, And what about Cathy? next to each other at soccer games; three years of slowly realizing DAVID. Cathy ... is a mistake chat I made, and I am a mistake ‘we're martied to the wrong people — that she made — BETH. Don't say that. BETH. (Partially overlapping previous line.) So am I a mistake 2 3Byouite making? Are you a mistake I'm making? DAVID. (Rushing, overlapping.) 1 don't love Cathy anymore, Beth, Llove you. I cant help it. BETH. And what happens when you donit love me anymore? DAVID. Beth, what do you want me to do? How horrible do | have to feel? Do I wish it was different? Yes. Do I wish I didn’ have to make other people miserable in order co follow my heart? Yes. But I can’t help how I feel. I love you, I love you more than any- thing I've ever loved in my life. BETH. Really? DAVID. Really. [want — BETH. Really really? DAVID. Yes. BETH. I mean, because, if there was ever atime when you have to be honest with me and yourself, David, ics now — DAVID. Tm being honest with myself, I want to be with you all the time. My life is so much better when I'm with you, I don’t know how to do without you the rest of the time. BETH. You know what? Youte in love with being in love, I think. DAVID. Oh, does that thought comfort you? Does that make it casier for you to not give in and do chis? BETH. No, it doesnt — DAVID. Look, I'm sorry I have dreams, I'm sorry I wish life was different — BETH. You're not the only one — DAVID. (Simply without too much anger.) Well, you're talking like Tim the only one, “youre in love with being in love”... BETH. I have dreams too! DAVID. (Knowing bei going to far as be sy ic) el, you don act that way.* BETH. David, I'm scared of how big my dreams are and how much they make me fecl, and thats why, OK, I'm sitting here try- ing not ro do the wrong thing for any of us, OK? DAVID. Its not your job to keep me out of hell, or keep me safe or something — BETH. David, | just don't want to lose you as a friend. DAVID. You won't Youll never ever ever lose me a a friend. BETH. (Referring to * above.) 1 dont believe you said that. DAVID. Wha BETH. No. DAVID. Tell me. Come on. Come on, I'm sorry. Forget it. I'm sorry. 14 Just say what you want to say. Please. Just say what you want to Say BETH. Every night {lay in bed next to Brad, you know, and I think about 1. Every night. Even when I dont want to, when it would be easier to just forget, these thoughts come to me from somewhere underneath everything. I think about you and me and ... DAVID. And what? BETH. You're gonna think this is stupid. DAVID. You think about a baby. BETH. Yes. DAVID. I think about a baby oo sometimes. BETH. You do? DAVID. Yes. BETH. Why didnt you tell me? DAVID. I didn't want to seem like ... BETH. Like what? DAVID. Like I wanted you for... having my babies or something. 1 figured you had enough kids BETH. You should have cold me. DAVID. Yeah? BETH. Yeah, I wouldnt have minded hearing thet. DAVID. Sorry. I think about our baby. BETH. Me too. (They kiss a moment, tenderly) Last night, I was thinking ... you and Tand Lily .. DAVID. Tily? BETH. That's her name, in my head. Lily. DAVID. Lily. BETH. Yeah. Lily. She was, like, four years old, wich long dark hair and really serious eyes and smart? And we went to the store at Christmastime to get stuff to make cookies — DAVID. You? BETH. I know, I can cook, it’s a dream! But we all went to the score and ie was snowing, thase big fat luffy lakes ... dream flakes vu. and we got stuff to make sugar cookies, and on the way home, she was in her car seat and she reached in the bag and pulled outa tte plastic bottle of orange flower water? Which I've read about in Gourmet, you know, but never seen? And she ended up spilling this orange flower water stuf all over the back seat. And you and I had to roll down the windows, the scent was so strong ... and the sa Brief pause.) DAVID. What? BETH. (Full of longing.) And the scent of the orangey air and the 15‘coolness rushing into the car and you and me happy and Lily in the back ... giggling .... we were so happy. We were so happy. And that’s just one night of laying there thinking in that bed. T do that every night. Bvery night for the pase three years. So don't tell me I donit have dreams, OK? DAVID. T'm sorry. BETH. I have dreams, What I don't know is whether us taking this forward is gonna make any of them come true, of if it's just gonna make you hate me and I'll lose you as a friend, and then thae'l make everything worse. (She clasps her bra, buttons ber blouse, and swings around to sit on the edge of the bed.) DAVID. How could ic be worse? You're martied to, like, che fuck- ing most — BETH. David, don't talk about Brad. DAVID. I'm sorry thac thing you told me the other day, where he ‘was so concerned thar you should keep the kids quier while he watches the game? BETH. He nor easy to live with, I know! And he takes his work very seziously — DAVID ON mame on, dene? And Tappine he feet ie ime BETH. He does! DAVID. You've got to be kidding me. “Keep the kids quict while T wach the fucking game”? That's not goad, Beth. That’, like, “Bad Facher.” Thar’, like, one step short of The Shining. (By now, Beth has slipped on her shoes and is standing up.) BETH. (Lite a bullet) David, do you really want to be one of them? You think you could really take being one of them? (She points outside, i.e, towards the audience, You spent all that time try- ing to convince me the world our there had disappeared. Why? Because it’ fall of people who do this, David. It’s full of people who shic all over each other, and whose word doesn't mean anything, and whose kids are so screwed up, coming home to no Dad or no ‘Mom, and ie’ all sold to us like ies almost normal, are we really gonna be like them? Isnt thac what we're asking each other to do? DAVID. (Searching for « way back 10 ber,) No, we've asking each other for ... fora moment of .. goodness .. ina life chat is mostly unpleasant and way 100 short — BETH. (Searching just as bard.) But there are no moments of goodness that dont... come with responsibilities. DAVID. T know that. BETH. I don't think you do. (After a beat, David lays down on the 16 ‘bed and screams into she pillow for a good ten second.) DAVID. (into pillow.) Aahhhhh! BETH. (Afier « beat.) We should go. DAVID. (Looking up from pillows after a beat.) You know what my mistake was? BETH. David, this is not a mistake. DAVID. You know where I screwed this up? BETH. David, we're doing the right thing, You have a life. ! have a life. Our kids have lives. This is — DAVID. I never should have talked. Hesitation twins everything into a discussion. And we've been hesitating ever since we met. (He rites.) T never should have talked. (He goes to ber, puss his arms «around her. They look at each for a while, and then he kisses he. After a moment, she pulls away) BETH. No. DAVID. (Giving up.) OK. OK. (A moment passes, and then he takes ‘the bottom of her skirt sn his hands and pull it up, and pull her rightly against him.) Beth, I canit make it seem right, and I can’t make the ‘world go away, and I can even kid myself’ right. [just want you, ‘OK? Ewant to be with you ... and for you ... and in you. Right now. OK? (Brief pause.) BETH. (Almost dizey,) OK. (They his. Musie riser, David and Beth exit the bed area. Beth sits down in her chait,) Scene 3 Brad stand: and meets David in a sunny pool of light. They {gaze out towards the audience, watching a soccer game. BRAD. Looks like old Arshavir Blackwell’ gonna score our only goal again, Christ, he must absolutely hate fucking life being on this team. (Zo the field.) Go! Now take it downfield DAVID. Everybody feeds him the ball, that must be kinda fun for him — BRAD. 1 know, but the only reason — (To the field.) Don't be scared to get in front of him, Car! (To David.) The only reason his parents have him playing ree soccer at all is to teach him a lesson. 7DAVID. Yeah? BRAD. Yeah, he used to be on a traveling team in the Cities, but they thought he was getting a big head — (To the field.) Ataboy, Carl, get in his face! — (To David.) so they scuck him with our kids for a season. They live in Albertville so the commute’s the same cither way. What the hell kinda name is that anyway, Asshavie? DAVID. I think it’s Armenian, BRAD. If my parents had done that to me, given me a name like that, I woulda taken a shie on the dining room table every night. I woulda crapped ‘em out a great big bow! of snakes. (After a beat.) You played sports? Back in school? DAVID. Sure. Nor soccer, but I, I was on the cennis team — BRAD. (Sardonicall,) Yeah, thats a sport. Where’ the little woman? DAVID. Oh, she took, um ... Ruthie and Annie started ballet today, so — BRAD. That new place across from the movie theatre? DAVID. Yeah — BRAD. Tchoughe that’s what that might be. I wasnt sure, looking in. DAVID. Yeah, its a baler studio. BRAD. You seen that babe who runs it then? DAVID. Mmhmm. BRAD. Would you? DAVID. Ob stir. Torlly BRAD. I saw her in there painting the other night, a couple months ago, T guess it was, but she was hot. She had on a leotard and all that long black hair. And she’s single? DAVID. 1 think so, yeah. Bue I chink she might be the gielftiend of that new guy at the radio station, Wigdahl whacever, but — BRAD. OK, tell me something. DAVID. OK. BRAD. (Afier much thought.) Her or ... (He points to a woman nearby) Katie Amundson. Desert island, which one do you take? DAVID. (A little uneasy) I donit know ... you tell — BRAD. Come on, have a fucking conversation with me, which ‘one? (To the field.) Hand ball! Ref! Ref! That was a hand ball! (To David.) Which one? (To the field.) Carl, dont let him get behind you Tike thac! DAVID. Katie. BRAD, Yeah, I know, I know, for one night, the other maybe, but — you'e right — its very deceptive — (To the field.) Don't be 18 afraid to get hurt, Carl! You cant play afraid! (To David.) So. Katie. DAVID. Yeah. She’ gor something, BRAD. Tl ell you what she gor, she's got chat as. She’s got that undeniable ass. (Ta the field.) Hey, Gus, nice D! (To David.) Did you see that? DAVID. Yeah. (To the field.) Way to go, Gussie! BRAD. He’ a good kid. DAVID. Thanks. BRAD. OK. Katie Amundson or ... (He surreptitiously points o another woman nearby) DAVID. Elena? BRAD. Yeah DAVID. Are you serious? BRAD. You getting picky? DAVID. Ir would drive me crazy, I think — BRAD. [Fit went out, yeah, like a walleye, yeah, but ix a litte like that’s kinda sweet. It’s kinda helpless looking, like you could catch her, you know? Like she'd be at the back of the herd, dawdling (Brad croses his eye.) DAVID. No. BRAD. (Still with ees crosed,) You don't see any charm in this at all? DAVID. No. BRAD. Sce, I'm taking Elena on that one. Does Katie know you feel this way about her? DAVID. No. BRAD. You want me to get her over here and you two could set up some time maybe? DAVID. No. Thanks. BRAD. Cathyid bite your balls off, wouldnt she? DAVID. Oh yeah. BRAD. So what about Beth? (To field.) Got Got Go! Gol DAVID. Your Beth? BRAD. Yeah. My Beth. Katie or my Beth? DAVID. (Bewildered.) 1 don't know, what about Cathy? BRAD. Cathy or Katie? DAVID. Yeah. BRAD. For me? DAVID. Yeah. BRAD. That's easy, Ill take Cathy. (Immediately to the field, elap- 19ping.) Good game, you guys! Good game! Way to hustle out there! Good hustle, Arshavir! Good hustle, Cael! (7 David.) Wouldn't you take Beth? DAVID. Over Katie? BRAD. Over Cathy, (To the field.) Nice game, Gus! Catl, get your stuff together! DAVID. Uhh ... BRAD. I'll see you next weekend and hey, by che way, Beth cold ime to ask you, she knows her insurance wont let her refill her pills until the end of the month, but Oscar got into her purse and ate "em...2 DAVID. Is he OK? BRAD. He doesn't seem any sicker than usual. He ate her lipstick and blush and everything. ms DAVID. Cheise BRAD. Yeah, he eats her old tampons if she docsntt cover the bathroom trash tight enough. (With 100 much edge.) Ie fucking disgusting. (Brad puss our bis band ro shake.) Nice talking to you, Tl'see you next week. (They shake hands. As Brad exits, be calle upstage, in a joking sotto voce...) Hey, Katie, | think David over here ‘wants 4 word with youl No, Dim just kidding, byt (Le ait tv is chair; followed by a disconcerted David. Music rises. David sits down.) Scene 4 Beth sands, goes to the bed area and pulls a suitcase out rom tinder the bid, st ison the ed, and pens te, She ph several articles of clothing and sets them beside the suitcase on the bed. She changes blouses, Meanwhile, Brad has put on an apron that says “World's Greatest Dad” and he enters the scene carrying a large spatula and a consainer of charcoal lighter fluid as Beth begins pussing the clothes “och back into the suitcase, BRAD. Have you seen the other one of these? BETH. No. BRAD. I thought I asked you to buy two, we're always running 20 out — BETH. Gosh — BRAD. This one’ hardly got enough to — BETH. (Tense and fall.) Gosh, honey, Pm sorry, | must not have gotten around to ic BRAD. What are you doing? What are you doing? BETH. What docs it look like l'm doing, Brad? I'm leaving, BRAD. What? BETH. You heard me, I'm leaving, BRAD. (Gesturing to where he entered.) Because of that down there? Because — BETH. I'm not stupid, Brad! BRAD. No, this is funny ... BETH. The boys arent stupid and I'm not stupid, and to say something like that — BRAD. I didn't mean you were stupid, it was just a ... comment, for Christ's sake ~ BETH, In front of my friends. BRAD. Beth, they know — BETH. That you think you can say something like that is so scary BRAD. Beth, they know I'm a prick, they don't listen to what I BETH. They know youte a prick. BRAD. Yeah, everybody knows I'm a prick! BETH. And youte able to live with that? BRAD. It’s who I am! Look, 'm sorry, I — I say things! I don't ‘mean them, I just say them! You know that! BETH. No, what I know is ... I'm really not happy ... and I haven't been happy fora long time, and that’... just .. I gotta go. (She closes the suitcase.) | gotta go. BRAD. No. BETH. What does that mean? BRAD. It means no, I won't let you go. You can't — BETH. Do you want me to scream? Do you want to make a big scene with Denny and Sonya downstairs? BRAD. Go ahead. BETH. Brad! BRAD. Denny and Sonya can go fuck themselves for all I care, my wie isnt walking out che door! BETH. Like I'm some character in a story! aBRAD. What the hell does — BETH. You say it like I'm some licele character in a story, “my wife’ not gonna...” Tin nor some litte character in a story. (As she picks up the suitcase and attempts to exit past him, be touches her. She drops the suitcase and screams at the top of ber lungs.) DON'T ‘TOUCH ME! DON'T TOUCH ME! (He backs of) BRAD. Sorry! BETH. Every ime you couch me, ie like being raped! BRAD. Jesus Christ, you're a fucking freak! BETH. No, I'm not. BRAD. Just tell me where you're going. BETH. Not Ie none of your business! BRAD. Youte gonna run to what'-his-name, your litle boyfriend? BETH. I'm going to the cabin, you don't know what — BRAD. You're gonna go run to your litte fucking boyfriend. BETH. I don't know what youte talking about. BRAD. Oh, fuck you! BETH. No, you think I need someone to run to like I need some- body, like living in the same house with you for fifteen years isit enough 10 make me sick to my stomach? I don't need another reason to be miserable, Brad! You're all the reason anyone would ever need! BRAD. Beth, | know you and that pharmacist have been fucking around behind my back, I wasnt gonna do anything about it — BETH. (Overlapping.) You are so wrong about — BRAD. (Overlapping.) — because | didn't wane the boys to find cout their mother was a whore! (She picks up the suitcase.) BETH. You know what; I'm going. You obviously have some idca in your head that is totally of your own creation and — (He reaches 10rap ber Beth, like an animal.) SAID DON’T TOUCH ME! (She starts to 0.) BRAD. (A ttle unnerved.) So, so, so tight in front of Denny and Sonya... BETH. Everyone knows you prick, Brad! fm ute thee BRAD. He wont leave Cathy, you know that, don't you? BETH. I'm noc even gonna have this discussion because, you know what’ I don't know what ie aboue! BRAD. He won't! BETH. (Suddenly shifting) Look, he knows what he wants and I know what [ want and we've been very clear with each other — BRAD. Aha! So you are fucking this guy! 22 BETH. Yeah, Brad, I guess | am, I'm “fucking this guy!” BRAD. Oh, maybe I shouldn' use such bad language, you'e right. Tes such a beautiful thing when two people who are married co other people can put their stinky little pars in each other, I'm sorry if| made it sound cheap! Fuckin’ AL BETH. I know its cheap. BRAD. Oh, you do? BETH. Yes, I Anaw it’s not good — BRAD, But you don’ know there's no way he’ leaving those three little kids? Come on! You've gotta know shat, right? He's never gonna leave those kids. That bitch wife of his has him wound around her finger tighter than a Duncan fucking yo-yo, Have you ever seen him with her at the store picking out movies? Irs Merchant Ivory, Jane Austen, Merchant Ivory, Jane Austen, English every single fucking time, he's not going avywhere! You must know that, Beth. You're not stupid, you must. Affer a beat.) So look, le’s go downstairs and have a beer and — BETH. No! BRAD. Come on, you can bitch to Sonya, Denny and I'l cake the boys to the lake for a swim or something — BETH. NO! BRAD. Do you want me to just send ‘em home? BETH. No. I don't know! BRAD. Look, let me go down there and tell “em we need a litle time — BETH. No! BRAD. Yes, I'll let them get the coals started, maybe Denny can figure out how to use that thing of yours where it works without fluid and well... Il be right back up. (Brief pause.) BETH. (Resignedly,) Whatever. (Bréd exits and sits in bis chair. Beth carries the suitcare back into the room and set it down. She sits on the edge ofthe bed and bursts into tear. She cries for a minute or tuo; then stands and looks around the roam at all the things shel! be leaving ‘Note: This whole sequence should take longer than is normal — for a ‘play — or comfortable. Then, finally, Brad rites and enters the scene «again, having taken off bis apron.) BRAD. They decided to go home. BETH. Tm sorry. I'll call Sonya later and explain — BRAD. No, they understand, its not a big deal. BETH, es big deal, Brad. BRAD. You know what I mean. 23BETH. What did you tell them? BRAD. I said you're fucking the pharmacist at Sundberg’s and we gotta tak. BETH. You did nor. BRAD. No, I didn't, I just said we had to talk, thats all. And they took the boys. BETH. Where? BRAD. I donit know. they'll go co Perkins or somewhere and have some dinner I guess. (Brief pause.) BETH. God. BRAD. What? BETH. Everything actually has to happen, doesn’ i? You think in your mind things can happen without happening, but in the end, they always have to actually happen. Actual kids have to get driven away by actual friends ... and actual people have to sit there and actually ... live. (Brief pause.) BRAD. So you know for a fact he’s leaving Cathy? BETH. (Beaten down.) God, I don't know, Brad. And I don' care, we're ... this is not about that. That’ as much of a mistake proba- bly as chis was, I'm the queen of romantic mistakes — BRAD. You and me. BETH. What? BRAD. A mistake? BETH. Yeah! BRAD. Ic wasn't a mistake for me. BETH, What am | supposed to say to thar? BRAD. Nothing, but that’ .. BETH. All of a sudden you have feelings...? BRAD. (Honest.) No, its just what I'm saying, Is it perfect all the time? No way. But its not a mistake. But you, you really think — BETH. Look ... do you really want to have this conversation? Because, truthfully, I just want to go. BRAD. Then go! Fuck it! (He screams fiercely, right in her fice.) Go! Go! Go! Go! BETH. (Overlapping) Don't you understand, you stupid idiot, this doesnt make me happy? BRAD. (Overlapping.) Go! Go! GO! GO! GO! BETH. Dont you understand that? If I fel like I had a choice, Yd Td have one! (A pause. He steps atvay from her, After a moment, eth rises.) BRAD. (Still angr.) Youre going up co the cabin? 24 ee BETH. Yeah. BRAD. Is he gonna be up there? BETH. No. BRAD. Yes. BETH. I dont know! Does it matter? BRAD. Yes, its my fucking cabin! I buile it { donit wane some shit- for-brains pharmacist fucking my wife in that cabin! BETH. Then he won't come up! BRAD. I'm just asking for the common courtesy of not having him spray his come all over my pillow! BETH. I said he wont come up, shut up about it already! I wasn’t planning on it anyway, but — BRAD. Thank you! BETH. God! Youre such a pig! BRAD. Does Cathy know? BETH. [don't know! told you, that’s not what this is about! This is you and me, Brad! David or no David — BRAD. Fuck, dontt you say that name in my house ... BETH. David or no David BRAD. Dont say that motherfucker name in this house, Beth! BETII. [fe docanit know what I'm doing, I haven's told him about this, Ie not like we're on walkie-talkies all the time, it's not that BRAD. So you don't know if Cathy knows? BETH. No, I dont, and I dortt care BRAD. Because the minute you walk out the door, 'm gonna call ‘over there and tell her her husband is facking my wife. BETH. Is that supposed to make me stay? You want me to stay swith you for his sake? BRAD. I dont know, Beth! You're the one who said this shit has to actually happen! All I'm saying is, walk out the door and things will start co actually fucking happen! BETH. And you have to hurt everybody else? BRAD. Yeah, I dot BETH. This is not about them! BRAD. Bullshit! Bull-fat-fucking-bull-shit! We were happy — BETH. We were never happy, Brad, like people are supposed to be— BRAD. Bullshit! We were happy for fifteen years — BETH. I was never happy! BRAD. Is that what he tells you, that you've never been happy? 25BETH. No! BRAD. This wonderfl guy — BETH. Its the sruth? BRAD. He takes half your fucking life and pisses all over it just so he can get in your pants, getting you to believe you've never been happy? We've fucked in this bed, shit, how many times, Beth? A thousand times? Two thousand times? And you're fuckin’ telling ime you've never been happy? What, that you fuckin’ faked it every time? Just tell me you faked ic every time! Every time you said you loved me, every ime you pus shat pussy of yours i. my face and said you loved me — BETH. There's more to life than sex, you idiot! BRAD. (A sudden rush, a new thought) And you owe me nothing? BETH. Whac? BRAD, I made a promise to you and I've kept i all these years and. you owe me nothing? BETH. I've cleaned your house and fed you and fed your kids and made sure everything — BRAD. I'm talking about a promise — BETH, Ifanything, you owe me — BRAD. I'm not talking about housework, 'm talking abou a promise! | took my life, T could have done whatever I wanted co with it, but I chased you down — stupid fucking me — and you never let me forget that — “oh, he had to chase me down’ — “I wasn't realy ready, but he was so persient” — and stupid me, | chased you down because I thought you were the most beautiful ‘woman Td ever seen in my life and I thought, “Shit, Brad, you are an idiot, but maybe, just maybe, shell see something in you that you dont even see, you know? BETH. know, Tm the worst thing that ever happened to you, now tha! BRAD. ‘Nobody, none of my friends thought you'd go out with me, [remember Slick said it was a “logical impossibility” — BETH. And it still is, chats the problem! BRAD. So why did you say “yes"? You bitch! Why did we have kids? Why did you waste my time for the past fifteen motherfuck- ing years? BETH. Because I didn't know what clse to do! And I didnt think I would ever be good at anything! And I didn’e think it would last this long! BRAD. Oh, should I have died? Did I miss my cue? 26 BETH. No, it’s jus... li gets long sometimes! BRAD. You know, you're full of shit BETH. Iam not full of shit, Brad, I'm just tired of being married to you, and that’s all ic is! I's nothing as complicated as you seem. to want to make ic. BRAD. You loved met BETH. I didn't love you, I was scared to live! BRAD. No, you loved me, you did! And when this whole thing turns to shit on you, you're gonna know that t00, in the pit of your fiicking heart, youre gonna know it like you never knew anything! (Hl picks up the phone.) Whats his number? BETH. Dont call him. BRAD. What’ his fucking number? BETH. Brad, if you wanna be mad at somebody, be mad at me! (he tries to hang up the phone.) BRAD. Don't touch that fucking phone again! BETH. Look, you want me to stay I'l stays but — (Again, she tries to hang up the phone.) BRAD. I said, dont touch this fucking phone! (He pushes her ‘away,) You think it feels like being raped every time I touch you? TLhiow you down and fuck you right now, you fucking cunt BETH. Tim leaving, Before you do something that gets you locked up in prison, Because that wouldn't be good for the boys. (She picks up the suitcase) BRAD. (Yélling.) Oh, do us alla favor! BETH, Lam! BRAD. (Yelling.) Save me from myself! What a fcking joke! BETH. You can stop yelling, Brad, 'm leaving! BRAD. (Tp of his lungs.) Go ahead! And I'l tell the boys when they get back all abou their mother the fucking whore! (Beth goes upstage «and sts down in her chair. Brad yells in her direction. Even louder, so all the neighbors can bear.) I oughta screw you right through this bed and straight down to Hell where you came from, you fucking cunt! You moth cexfucking cunt! (Music rises. He dial the phone, waits. Still rarled, his soice hoarse) Hi, Audrey. Pull up David Calhoun on the computer. ‘What's his number? Thanks. (He wait. He hangs up. He dials. He waits.) Hi, is this Cathy? Yeah, this is Brad Youngquist. Yeah, from the video store. No, I know, there’, it’s not overdue yet, listen, 1 just thought you should know your husband's fucking my wile. (He slams down the phone, sts on the bed. Lights shift as music rises.) 7Scene 5 After a brief pause, Brad rises slowly fiom the bed and moves into a pool of light downstage. BRAD. Dear Beth. The boys are staying at Denny and Sonya’s tonight, the house is mess, and I'ma litte drunk. (*No, youre a big drunk,” I can hear you say in my mind.) As you of all people know, T'm not very good with words. And I know I'm not easy to live with. But [ hope youll give me another chance. I'm willing to puc ll ofthis shit behind us if you'll give me another chance. T want another chance. I need another chance. You the best thing that has ever hap- pened co me in my life, and I cant believe Pm sitting here on the edge oflosing you forever. youte really happier with the pharmacist, then, {guess you should be with him, but really hope that after afew days up there at Chez Youngquist, you'll wane to come home to me. I'll build you your own bathroom up thers you wane. [love you Beth Fm not perfec, but [do love you the best I know how, and I ean learn and change and be better, if youll just come home. You are so pretty. Looking around right now, I see you are the pretty part of everything here. Without you here, this place is really a dump. And I don't mean leaning-wise. You know what I mean, Please come home if you want to and we will be lovers again. Erom the bottom of an ocean of that awful beer your brother makes and which 1 finally got desperate enough to takea crack at .. your biggest fan .. Brad. (Brad exits and sits down in his seat. Music continues.) Scene 6 David and Cathy are on the bed. The atmosphere is one of grim, slightly absurd resignation. Note: This entire scene should be done quietly enough to indicate that neither partie- pant wishes to wake the children. 28 CATHY. I'm nor going to tell the kids for you. DAVID. [wouldn't ask you to. CATHY. Oh, I think you would, I think you were just about to, DAVID. I wasnt. CATHY. Is going to seriously mess up Gus. DAVID. Pil work it out with him, CATHY. The girls I can handle, I can erain them not to hate men — I would have had to do that anyway — but Gus, I dont have access co him. DAVID. I dont either, really — CATHY, That’ an excuse. DAVID. Look, I said Pl ralk to him! Tl talk to them in the CATHY, Thea eave the hous, because I dont chink Team ake it DAVID. Look, do you want me to go? CATHY. No. (Long pause.) You know whac 1 want? DAVID. Whar? CATHY. You wane to do what I want? You want co console me? ‘Make yourself feel better? DAVID. What? (She crawis on top of him, clearly rying 10 initiate sex. Brief pause) Ucante CATHY. Why? Because you don't “love” me anymore? Your license to say shie ike thar has been permanently revoked. DAVID. Cathy, this wont stop me from leaving, CATHY. Oh, stop being so vain, Did it ever occur to you thar ‘maybe I'm glad to be rid of you? You're such a shit ro the kids lacely anyway, David, its probably all for the best. DAVID. Honey; I think you're a litdle confused. (She slaps his face hard.) CATHY. No. I'm not. I know exacely what I'm doing. OK? DAVID. OK. (Straddling him, she begins slowly moving her hips up and down. Justa litle) CATHY. Give me your hands. DAVID. No. CATHY. Come on, hold me up a little. (After a moment, He offers his hands, They link hands.) DAVID. I carve get it up. I won't. I cant. CATHY. You'e so noble. Ir’ touching, Let's get Beth on the phone and tell her how youre enduring this trial so gallantly by refusing, to get an erection. DAVID. This really doesn't seem like you. 29CATHY. David, youre so selinvolved, I don't think you really know what seems like me or doesnt seem like me anymore. DAVID. You might be right. CATHY. Hold me around the back. DAVID. No! Just ... get off me CATHY. David, if you want to go stay somewhere else, then do it, but if you're gonna stay here, then ... DAVID. What? CATHY. (After a long beat.) Get on the team! DAVID. “Get on the team.” CATHY. Yes! Get on the team ... you jerk. (Brief pause. He laugh a ltte, she laughs back, and he relents, puts bis hands on her bebrind, beneath her nightgown. She continues moving above him. Afier a while, she leans down and kisses him. He does not respond. She begins Kissing his face, shoulder and chest every now and then.) How is it with Bech? DAVID. Whae? CATHY. The sex. DAVID. You dont want to know. CATHY. Yes I do. DAVID. Ie’ great. CATHY, Its easy for it to be great when you don't have to watch the person pee every morning, DAVID. So I should wake up and realize Beth wont do ie for me once I've got her all co myself, twenty-four hours a day. CATHY. That, and the self-hatred for what you've done to the kids. And Brad showing up every morning to take a shit on your porch. DAVID. Did he tell you thae CATHY. Yeah. DAVID. That guy is fascinated with shitting on things. I chink he ‘must hold his tension in his ass, that's why he's always got prostate problems CATHY. And where do you hold yours? DAVID. My tension? CATHY. Mmbmm DAVID, The obvious answer is my dick, I guess, I don't know, you obviously have a plan — CATHY. I think you hold ie in me. DAVID. hold my tension in you. That’ a trick. CATHY. Isnt i See, | think, in lieele ways you ask me to hold it for you, and I do, and then you hate me for helping you, so you 30 run off and generate passionate feelings for other women. DAVID. There are no other women, its just Beth. Ies always been just Beth CATHY. Katie Amundson, | DAVID. Did you and Brad have dinner or something together? CATHY. We had coffee. DAVID. Where? CATHY. Ar Sundberg. DAVID. You shit! CATHY. Ie wasnit my idea. It was Brad's, he said he wanted to infiltrate the enemy camp. DAVID. Right in front of everybody at Sundberg’? CATHY. David, its a free world! You've proved that, les a great, big, ugly free world, (Long silence. Suddenly they kiss with real aban- don, tinged wich anger, for the firs time. Afer a while she pulls back.) Today in class, 1 was handing back tests... DAVID. Yeah? CATHY. [id given them this very simple ear training test, just for fin, and little Jason Pearson, he said, “Mrs. Calhoun? I got nine out of twenty-five. Is chat good?” So I sent him down to Ed's room, Tsaid, "Go ask your math teacher” DAVID. You still like teaching? CATHY. I do. Its ... you know what itis, ultimately? I chink ie’s as simple as I enjoy the company of kids. (Affer a moment.) You know who doestit like school, though DAVID. Ruthie CATHY. She vias complaining to me today about how all her teachers expect her to be perfect. She said, “The more I do better, the mote they expect me to do better. It's oo much.” She said chat about twenty times, staring into the rear view mitror like this tral drama queen: “Its too much. It’s too much.” : DAVID. Are you trying to make me sentimental about the kids? Tes working, CATHY, I'm juse telling you about your cl as cagey as you think DAVID. Youte the smartest person now. CATHY. Tam not. DAVID. No, you know what I mean. You're smart about bullshit. CATHY, So why do you want to be with her? You want somebody dumb? DAVID. She’ nor dumb. She's just little more natve than you. Idten, David. I'm not 31