Oh dear, what can the matter be?

1.
HELEN: I have to stay in at night because my mam works and I have to look after my little
brother.
BARBARA: What about your dad?
HELEN: He is a taxi driver, he works at night too.
TRACEY: Haven’t you got a twin brother?
HELEN: Yes, but he doesn’t have to stay in.
TRACEY: That is not fair.
HELEN: Too right it’s not. But my mam and dad say I have to do it, because he is a lad and
wouldn’t be able to look after kids. So he goes out every night and I have to stay in.
BARBARA: You shouldn’t put your foot down, tell your mam and dad that you’ve both got to
share it.
HELEN: I’ve tried, but my dad says he’d rather I stayed in the house anyway then he knows
where I am. Oh, it is hopeless. It’s always been like that from the day we were born…

3.
YOUNG HELEN: I want to help fix the car.
TONY: Well, you can’t, you’ve got to do the dishes and then bake a nice cake for our tea.
YOUNG HELEN: But I want to fix the car!
TONY: Well you can’t ’cos you are a girl and girls can’t fix cars, only boys can.
YOUNG HELEN: But boys can do dishes!
TONY: No, they can’t ’cos dishes are soft and stupid and girl’s thing and boys don’t do those
girl’s things, only girls do.
YOUNG HELEN: Dishes aren’t soft and stupid and girl’s thing! You wouldn’t like it if you had to
eat off a dirty plate.
TONY: I don’t care, I can fix the car.
2.
(Helen becomes a narrator, Tracey and Barbara become the twins)
NARRATOR: Once upon a time, Mr and Mrs Waltron had baby twins, a pretty little girl called
Helen and a handsome little boy called Tony. Helen was given a lovely pink bonnet, and Tony a
nice blue helmet. Helen and Tony played nicely together.
(Tony and young Helen play, Tony hits Helen)
NARRATOR: Tony, don’t be so rough with Helen! Remember she is a little girl! There now
Helena, don’t cry. Now play together like nice children.
(Tony and young Helen play again, now young Helen hits Tony.)
NARRATOR: Helen, that’s very naughty! Little girls don’t do things like that! Tony, sit up like a
big boy, don’t cry.
(They play for a while, but watch each other.)
YOUNG HELEN: Can I play with your car?
TONY: Can I play with your dolly?
(They swop and play happily)
NARRATOR: Then they swopped their toys, silly billies, and mummy and daddy laughed. They
told Helen and Tony that boys couldn’t play with dollies and girls couldn’t play with cars.
TONY: But I liked playing with the dolly!
NARRATOR: Don’t be stupid, Tony, only softies play with dollies! You don’t want to be a girl, do
you?
4.
NARRATOR: One day Tony and Helen were watching the television and The Professionals was on. When
it was finished they played a great game.

TONY: Bang Bang, you are dead! Bang Bang Ow Ow I’ve been shot in the leg. Quick, Helen, come and
help me.

YOUNG HELEN: Be quiet, I’m playing with nurses.

TONY: But I’ve been injured. You can come and nurse me.

YOUNG HELEN: Oh, alright then. (Examining him) Hmmmm, there’s complications… I’m going to have to
amputate.

TONY: What?!

YOUNG HELEN: Don’t worry, it’s a simple operation.

TONY: Operation? You’d better get a doctor then.

YOUNG HELEN: I am a doctor.

TONY: No, you are not. You are a nurse.

YOUNG HELEN: I’m a doctor, I’m just qualified.

TONY: No, you’re not. You’re a girl, so you can only be a nurse.

YOUNG HELEN: I can be a doctor.

TONY: No, you can’t!

(Yes, I can/ No, you can’t, repeating)

MOTHER: Children, children, stop arguing!

YOUNG HELEN: But he says I can’t be a doctor!

MOTHER: What’s wrong with being a nurse, Helen?

YOUNG HELEN: Nothing, but I want to amputate his…

MOTHER: O, please, be a good girl and just be a nurse.

NARRATOR: When they were older, mummy brought in a lovely surprise – a baby brother! Helen had
practiced putting nappies on her dolly so she was a great help to mummy. Daddy and Tony were pleased
and they tried their best to keep out of mummy’s, Helen’s and baby’s way.

TONY: And they lived happily ever after.

HELEN: Except me, ‘cos I have to stay in every bloody night!