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An alternative Nativity for Teens

by Trevor Marshall

An Alternative Nativity for Teens! © T P E Marshall 2010

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Onto the empty stage walk MARY and JOSEPH.They are dressed as for a traditional
nativity play, and MARY has an unsustainably large and obviously false ʻbumpʼ. She
fiddles with it and moves it around constantly during the scene. At the rear of the stage are
several stereotypically-dressed ANGELS. Throughout the play, they fidget, shuffle, look
bored and whisper among themselves. To the side CAESAR sits watching proceedings.

MARY:! Oh Joseph (she sighs deeply) must we go to Bethlehem?

JOSEPH:! Dearest Mary, you know we must. Caesar has decreed that we
must go to register for the census. (CAESAR nods sagely.
JOSEPH puts a patronisingly consoling arm around her
shoulder.) Donʼt worry, I will make sure you and the baby are
safe and looked after. (he pats the ʻbumpʼ, dislodging it
significantly.)
MARY:! Oh Joseph, the census. It seems so…senseless (she pauses
and looks meaningfully at the audience)
JOSEPH:! Dearest Mary, I have a surprise for you: I have managed to
borrow a donkey for you for the journey…
MARY:! Oh…
JOSEPH:! …dearest Mary, I know donkeys can be annoying, but I can
assure you, this one is as sweet as can be.
Enter DONKEY dressed as a donkey - and behaving as much like Donkey out of Shrek as
possible
DONKEY:! Shre…Joseph! Joseph! Joseph! Where are we going? Where
are we going? When are we going? When are we going?
(pause) Are we there yet?
JOSEPH:! Dearest Donkey, you must be calm. This is Mary, Madonna, and
you must take her and her precious cargo to Bethlehem.
DONKEY:! Hey! I can do calm! I can do it! I can do calm! Look! (he freezes,
then walks very slowly for 3 paces, then back to normal) See!
See! I did it! Oh yeah, I can be calm, I can be calm, I…CAN…
BE…CAAAAAAAALM!
! Hey lady! Hop on and hold on tight. I really liked what you did in
Evita. Iʼll get you to Bethlehem noooo trouble. Just hop on and
hold on.
Suddenly on the balcony, a commotion breaks out. Two TEENS are having an increasingly
heated debate. Suddenly one of them stands up
TEEN ONE:! (getting louder)…no itʼs no good…no, I canʼt let them get away
with it. (to MARY and JOSEPH) Hey! Excuse me! What is
this?
TEEN TWO: ! (hissing) Sit down!
TEEN ONE:! (to TEEN TWO) No! It has to be said. (To the stage) Mr
Joseph! I…I donʼt want to be rude, but this is rubbish.
MARY, JOSEPH and DONKEY look at each other, not sure what to do. They glance
anxiously at THE DIRECTOR sitting in the front row. THE DIRECTOR studiously avoids
their gaze.

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DONKEY:! er…Iʼll…er…(coughs nervously) Iʼll get you to Bethlehem

(gradually finding his stride). Yes maʼam! Iʼll get you and your…
baby…to Bethlehem quicker than you can say ʻfeast of the sun-
god.ʼ
TEEN ONE:! Nooooo! Just no! This is all wrong! Have you read your
Bibles?
DONKEY:! Hey! Donʼt look at me! Iʼm a donkey. Iʼm just a dumb-a…
JOSEPH:! …dearest donkey, we know. (to TEEN ONE) Dearest TEEN
person, I certainly have read my Bible. Perhaps it would be a
good idea if you were to watch for a while, and learn about the
real meaning of Christmas.
TEEN ONE:! oh, right, thatʼs it. Wait there! Iʼm coming down!
TEEN ONE leaves the balcony and goes down to the stage. While they are making their
way, MARY, JOSEPH and DONKEY make a brave effort to carry on. JOSEPH puts
MARY on DONKEY, who promptly collapses.
DONKEY:! OW! OH! OW! What have you been eating? Ow my back!
JOSEPH:! Dearest Donkey, please be brave and strong, I know the frosty
wind is making moan, but bear this burden to the little town of
Bethlehem.
DONKEY:! Iʼll be exhausted by the time I get there…have you seen the
snow…
JOSEPH:! Dearest Donkey, …
DONKEY:! …on snow…
JOSEPH:! donʼt worry, …
DONKEY:! Sno-o-o-o-ow on snow…
JOSEPH:! I can promise you deep and dreamless sleep when you arrive…
He stops, as TEEN ONE has arrived and comes up onto the stage. Looking up at TEEN
TWO
TEEN ONE:! Have they said anything else?
TEEN TWO:! Er…O little town of Bethlehem…
TEEN ONE:! (groans) Deep and dreamless sleep?
TEEN TWO:! (nods)
TEEN ONE:! anything else?
TEEN TWO:! (nods)
TEEN ONE: ! not…
TEEN TWO:! …yep…
TEEN ONE:! bleak…
TEEN TWO:! …midwinter…snow on s…
TEEN ONE:! Noooo! (Takes deep breath, turns to MARY, JOSEPH and
DONKEY.) OK, please, please tell me, where in the Bible do we
read that Mary rode to Bethlehem on a Donkey?
MARY, JOSEPH, DONKEY: well, er, you know, itʼs er… well if you look…

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TEEN ONE:! (to THE DIRECTOR) Could we move on to the next scene, and
try to get it right? (THE DIRECTOR nods) OK. Letʼs go. leaves
stage and returns to balcony.
MARY, JOSEPH and DONKEY scurry off.
Enter INNKEEPER and INNKEEPERʼS WIFE, looking slightly off-balance because of what
has happened before. There is a reception desk with a bell, and a sign saying NO
VACANCIES
INNKEEPER:! (coughs nervously) Now, my dear, tell me: how are the
occupancy rates tonight?
INNKEEPERʼS WIFE:! Occupancy rates! He wants to know about occupancy rates!
INNKEEPER:! Well…are we…ahem…are we full?
INNKEEPERʼS WIFE:! Full! He wants to know if we are full!
Enter MARY and JOSEPH in an exaggerated state of tiredness. Joseph drags himself to
the reception desk and rings the bell.
INNKEEPER:! Thereʼs someone ringing the anachronistic doorbell. Should I go
and see who it is?
INNKEEPERʼS WIFE:! Answer it! He wants to know if he should answer it!
INNKEEPER:! (to JOSEPH) Yes, young honest artisan, how may I help you -
although I hope youʼre not going to say you need a room,
(forced laugh) not tonight of all nights?
JOSEPH:! Oh dear (sighs). Yes I was going to, you see…my wife is about
to give birth to her first baby…and we have travelled for days…
and every inn is full…
INNKEEPER:! Thereʼs an honest young chap here needs a room - his wifeʼs
about to give birth. Are you sure we have nothing?!
INNKEEPERʼS WIFE:! Nothing! He wants to know if we have nothing!
INNKEEPER:! Iʼm sorry son…Iʼve got room for your donkey, a nice warm
stable with the ox, plenty of clean hay, warm lamp-light, no
draughts or manure or anything, and a feed-trough that really
reminds me of something, but I donʼt know what…
JOSEPH:! A stable!
INNKEEPER:! …itʼs like a pram, or something…
JOSEPH:! A stable would be fine!
INNKEEPER:! …maybe itʼs…thatʼs what it is, it reminds me of a cot! A cot!
(looks at JOSEPH as the penny drops) Youʼre having a baby!
(suddenly brisk) Well come on, thereʼs no time to lose! Wife!
Do we have hot water?
INNKEEPERʼS WIFE:! Hot water! He wants to know if we have hot water!
INNKEEPERʼS:! And towels!
INNKEEPERʼS WIFE:! Towels! He wants to know…wait…We havenʼt invented towels
yet!
TEEN ONE, having arrived back at the balcony, is looking on is disbelief.
TEEN ONE:! No, no, no, no! What now?

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JOSEPH:! Er…whatʼs wrong now?

TEEN ONE:! Whatʼs all this about stables, and trailing around loads of inns?
JOSEPH: ! Well, it says in the Bible that there was no room in any of the
inns…
TEEN TWO:! …in the guest room…
MARY:! huh?
JOSEPH:! But you canʼt argue with the stable - they laid him in a manger -
(smugly) There!
TEEN TWO:! (patiently) In the manger, in the main part of the house, where
the family lived.
THE DIRECTOR:! (standing up) So if all this is so wrong, what is true? (The cast
all look at each other)
TEEN ONE:! Tell them Mary. Tell them Joseph.
JOSEPH:! (taking off his tea-towel) Well, this much is true. This much we
find in Godʼs word. Mary, my fiancée, got pregnant. And I knew
it wasnʼt mine. You know, There was no way, if you get what Iʼm
saying. (pause). And thatʼs a pretty shameful thing, you know.
For me, but more so for Mary. I mean, it was the end for her.
She was finished. Ruined. You can only imagine how it felt for
her to come and tell me…
! And I…
! I…
! Letʼs just say, sleep and I were not good friends just at that
time. But if I had thought I was scared then, you can imagine
how I felt when I finally got to sleep - an angel visited me in my
dream and explained that the child was Godʼs. And I guess I
knew then…you know, Iʼve read the prophets, I know how my
people treat Godʼs messengers…I knew…
! Well, anyway. With impeccable timing Caesar required us to
return to our home town to register, so we went. Itʼs a long, long
way. When we arrived, we went to the family home - you can
imagine if Iʼd tried to stay in a hotel, but of course all my
brothers and sisters and cousins were there, so we were all
crammed in, and when finally the baby came, the nearest thing
at hand was the animal feeding trough. So there it was.
! But it was scary, you know? I mean, I knew God was in charge,
but, itʼs dirty and bloody and dangerous, and I hadnʼt realised
giving birth was so hard and tiring for the mum, and so scary for
the husband…
! And then he was born, and you know, although he wasnʼt mine
- although I had this gut feeling about how his life would be…
! when the woman you love gives birth to the Son of God - when
you see the joy in the eyes banish the tiredness and fear, and
then when the sky all around you explodes - I mean it seemed
to explode with light and sound and singing like youʼve never
heard, expressing a joy that seemed beyond human words and
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expression, beyond conscious understanding, and youʼre

standing looking at this bundle - and yes he cried…very
definitely he cried - and youʼre seeing this bundle and hearing
this sound, and the night sky - no the actual night itself is lit up
and lit round, and lit down and lit everywhere by this godly,
fantastical amazing light, then you…
MARY:! (as JOSEPH comes to the end of his speech, Mary stands up,
removes the bump and her head-covering, and she lightly
touches JOSEPH on the arm. Addressing him directly)…then
you sit, and you watch, and you listen. And you treasure these
things up, and ponder them in your heart. (turning to the
audience) And you know that nothing - nothing before or since -
has been more real than this. Nothing more flesh and blood
than this birth. Nothing more grounded in the earth, and testified
to in heaven - than this, the birth of the saviour.

An Alternative Nativity for Teens! © T P E Marshall 2010