Contemp Fam Ther (2010) 32:89–101

DOI 10.1007/s10591-009-9101-y

ORIGINAL PAPER

Bowen Family Systems Theory and Spirituality:

Exploring the Relationship Between Triangulation
and Religious Questing

Katie M. Heiden Rootes Æ Peter J. Jankowski Æ Steven J. Sandage

Published online: 18 September 2009

Ó Springer Science+Business Media, LLC 2009

Abstract In order to advance the literature on the integration of Bowen family systems
theory and spirituality, the relationship between triangulation and religious questing was
examined. A positive relationship between differentiated functioning and religious
questing was hypothesized. Contrary to the expected relationship, results indicated that
greater triangulation predicted greater questing. In addition, a significant quadratic rela-
tionship between triangulation and existential questioning was found. The findings may
offer a clarification of the process of differentiating a self in triangulated systems, where
moderate levels of spiritual exploration and seeking may be a means of gaining space for
self. It is suggested that questing behavior may help individuals achieve increased self-
differentiation.

Keywords Bowen theory
Triangulation
Differentiation
Spirituality

Religious questing

There is an emerging literature on the integration of Bowen family systems theory (Bowen
1978) and spirituality (e.g., Butler et al. 1998; Butler and Harper 1994; Butler et al. 2002;
Jankowski and Vaughn 2009; Williamson 2003). Spirituality can be defined as ‘‘ways of
relating to the sacred’’ (Shults and Sandage 2006, p. 161) that involve the experience of
significance (Zinnbauer and Pargament 2005). Central to the experience of significance is a
sense of a connection to the Transcendent, or God (Hill and Pargament 2003). Spirituality
also involves ‘‘deep and profound change’’ over the course of human development
(Pargament 2006, p. 11), and there are multiple ways of conceptualizing this change or

K. M. Heiden Rootes (&)

Family Innovations, 2115 B Cty Rd D, Maplewood, MN 55109, USA
e-mail: ktrootes@gmail.com

P. J. Jankowski
Bethel University, St. Paul, MN, USA

S. J. Sandage
Bethel Theological Seminary, St. Paul, MN, USA

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maturing process; that is to say, spiritual development (Kass and Lennox 2005). One
premise of the integrated perspective is that greater differentiation is thought to correspond
to greater spiritual maturity. Jankowski and Vaughn (2009) found initial empirical support
for this theorized assertion. Another tenet of the integrated perspective consists of the
conceptualization of God as a member of the relational system, at least in theistic spiritual
traditions. The experience of and functioning within the vertical relationship with God is
thought to exist in reciprocal relationship with the person’s experience of and functioning
in the horizontal realm of interpersonal relationships, where the vertical relationship can
influence the horizontal, and vice versa. Initial research support for this theorized assertion
also has been found (Butler et al. 2002; Jankowski and Vaughn 2009). Yet, there remains a
need to advance the empirical investigation of the theorized relationship between differ-
entiation and spirituality, particularly research that involves divergent conceptualizations
of both differentiation and spirituality. Accordingly, this study examined the relationship
between triangulation within one’s family-of-origin and spirituality expressed as religious
questing.

Bowen Family Systems Theory and Triangulation

Bowen (1978) theorized that families with lower differentiation utilized triangulation as
one way to deal with anxiety within the system. Differentiation is a process that involves
intrapersonal and interpersonal capacities (Bowen 1978; Kerr and Bowen 1988). In terms
of the intrapersonal capacity, differentiation refers to decreasing one’s emotional reactivity
within important relationships, and therefore responding intentionally to the other. Intra-
personal differentiation also refers to defining and communicating one’s own ideas and
experience in the face of anxiety. The interpersonal capacity of differentiation refers to
balancing the forces of separation and togetherness, taking responsibility for one’s expe-
rience, initiating and receiving intimacy voluntarily, and establishing clear boundaries.
Together intrapersonal and interpersonal differentiation provide a picture of optimal
relational functioning, or more simply differentiated functioning.
By contrast, triangulation is a potentially destructive pattern of relating (Bowen 1978).
Triangulation can become dysfunctional when the process of managing relational anxiety
involves bringing in a third person to avoid conflict, minimize responsibility, or pit one
person against another. For example, parents could triangulate a child to serve as a dis-
traction from the conflict in their marital relationship. It also could be that a parent–child
coalition forms against the other parent. A mother–child coalition may develop, for
example, if the father is seen as overly harsh. While triangulation is a response to anxiety
within the system and therefore reflective of a lack of differentiation within the individuals
and the system itself, it also simultaneously inhibits differentiated functioning from
occurring in all or some of those comprising the system. In a clinical context then, much of
the therapist’s attention turns to helping the client de-triangle himself or herself within
relationships, while simultaneously monitoring himself or herself for ways in which he or
she may be involved in some form of triangulation in the therapeutic relationship. Dif-
ferentiated functioning develops for the client as he or she is able to gain awareness of the
way in which anxiety drives the system, including his or her own relating. The client is
then encouraged to engage in concrete ways of relating differently to each person within
the system. Oftentimes different ways of relating to others within the system cannot occur
until the client is able to calm or soothe his or her own anxiety, which then frees him or her
to relate from a position of non-reactivity and intentionality.

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Despite generally being regarded as dysfunctional within relationships, some have

pointed out that triangulation also can serve productive purposes (Butler and Harper 1994;
Milstein and Baldwin 1997). Butler and Harper (1994) argued that a triangle exists for
religious couples who see God as an active member of their relationship. God as a dif-
ferentiated member of the relational system is seen as helping the couple work through
marital conflicts and issues. Destructive triangulation in the God-couple relationship can
occur when God is used to blame and pick sides in a conflict, or when God is used to numb
the pain of the couple, which then allows one or both spouses to maintain the status quo.
Nevertheless, pulling in a third person to manage anxiety within the dyad can be func-
tional. In fact, Butler et al. (2002) found initial support for the functional triangulation of
God in a couple’s relationship. In a sample of religious couples, relating to God through
prayer was found to facilitate the resolution of conflict in the couples’ relationships (Butler
et al. 2002). Prayer enabled greater intrapersonal differentiation, which led to differentiated
and improved relational functioning. Triangulation also can aid victims of violence in
abusive relationships when the non-abused parent and child form a coalition, thereby
‘‘mitigat[ing] the effects of the abuse and giv[ing] the child at least some sense of security
in what might otherwise be a frighteningly chaotic environment’’ (Milstein and Baldwin
1997, p. 126). This does not necessarily negate the harmful effect this could have on the
child caught in the middle, but it does suggest that the problem is more about the inequality
and the perpetrator’s abuse of power rather than a lack of differentiation on the mother’s
part.
Paralleling the contrasting functions of triangulation within systems, empirical research
on triangulation is mixed. Some researchers have found that triangulation did not predict
anxiety (Benson et al. 1993), while others have found that higher levels of triangulation
predicted difficulty in academic and personal adjustment to college life (Lopez 1991),
aversive communication in intimate relationships (Benson et al. 1993), and greater self-
reported health problems and lower self-esteem scores for female college students
(Protinsky and Gilkey 1996). A study by Smith et al. (1998) found that higher triangu-
lation, higher fusion, and lower individuation predicted lower ability to adjust to college
life. Additionally, some researchers found a relationship between depressive symptoms and
triangulation in children between the ages of six and ten (Wang and Crane 2001), while
others found no significant relationship between triangulation and depression in under-
graduate females (Jacobvitz and Bush 1996). Despite the mixed research findings and the
potential for a functional form of triangulation to occur within relational systems, it would
seem that there is enough theoretical and empirical support for the notion that triangulation
is a less than ideal form of relating and more often than not it has negative consequences
for at least one person within the system, if not the entire system.

Religious Questing

In contrast to triangulation, religious questing is an extensively researched construct.

Batson and Ventis (1982) described religious questing as the way in which an individual
experiences and expresses his or her orientation toward the sacred. Batson et al. (1993)
proposed that questing encompasses qualities of the ‘‘concept of mature religion’’ (p. 190),
pointing specifically to quest’s dimension of ‘‘open-ended, critical struggle with existential
questions’’ (p. 188). Other researchers have agreed, similarly concluding that questing
reflects a mature, advanced state of spiritual understanding (e.g., Beck and Jessup 2004).
Spirituality as questing involves openness to facing existential questions, acceptance of

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life’s complexity and ambiguity, perpetual doubting of unknowable truths, and the holding
of tentative understandings (Batson and Ventis 1982). A recent qualitative study with high
questers (using the Quest Scale) revealed a strong orientation toward spiritual experience
and complex or ambivalent ways of relating to religious traditions (Graham et al. 2008).
Wuthnow’s (1998) sociological work suggests that spiritual seeking or questing has been
on the rise in North America since the 1950s.
While some individuals emphasize differences between religion and spirituality, the
constructs frequently interact and overlap in people’s everyday experience (Hay et al.
2006; Hill and Pargament 2003). This is particularly true for many highly religious per-
sons, including many students in the context of religiously-affiliated colleges. For such
individuals, spirituality is often embedded in religious traditions, actively disembedded
from those traditions, or even both embedded and disembedded over time (Shults and
Sandage 2006). Thus, questing can be part of a process of spiritual development that
changes over time. Research on questing generally has supported the notion that it is a
measure of complex human development and mature functioning. High scores on religious
questing have predicted greater complexity of thought (Batson and Raynor-Prince 1983),
higher levels of moral reasoning (Ji 2004), and higher spiritual openness (Williamson and
Sandage 2009). Questing also has been found to be unrelated to hostility towards minor-
ities (Fulton et al. 1999), negatively correlated with hostility towards homosexual indi-
viduals (Batson et al. 1999; Fulton et al. 1999), and negatively correlated with prejudice
(Batson et al. 1999). Further, Batson (1976) found that ‘‘those with strong Quest orien-
tation [are] more responsive to the wishes of a person seeking aid’’ (p. 41). Batson and
Schoenrade (1991a) contradicted the assertion made by Donahue (1985) that questing may
reflect agnosticism by showing that seminarians scored higher on questing and other
measures of religiosity than undergraduates. Furthermore, Batson and Schoenrade (1991a)
and Batson et al. (1993) reported that across numerous studies seminarians and adult
churchgoers had similar to higher quest scores than undergraduates, indicating that
questing is perhaps reflective of maturity and beyond Donahue’s (1985) assertion of
questing as sophomoric doubting. Burris et al. (1996) and Krauss and Flaherty (2001)
found that questing scores increased when participants were confronted with a tragic event,
thus forcing existential thinking and questioning.
However, some researchers have found that questing is correlated positively with trait
anxiety and measures of religious conflict (Kojetin et al. 1987), and that individuals who
scored high on questing had lower self-esteem and greater depression (Genia 1996). Shults
and Sandage (2006) thus surmised that there does appear to be a form of questing that is
driven by relational anxiety and conducted from a position of emotional reactivity rather
than as a self-initiated exploration of change. Thus, questing may have a different phe-
nomenology depending on the underlying motivation. Given that questing itself may
generate anxiety, questing from a position of intentionality may allow the person to
experience and tolerate that anxiety and therefore initiate change. By contrast, questing
that is anxiety driven may simply reveal itself as doubting or questioning. This doubting or
questioning in some way binds the anxiety for the person and has the feel and appearance
of wellness but does not lead to transformation. It could also be that anxiety-driven
questing has the effect of exacerbating emotional reactivity, thereby contributing to indi-
vidual and relational difficulties.

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Triangulation and Religious Questing

While there is growing research on the relationship between differentiated functioning and
spirituality, research that explores this relationship using the constructs of triangulation and
religious questing is lacking. This study advances the research literature on Bowen theory
and spirituality by examining the relationship between a central construct in Bowen’s
theory, that of triangulation, and a widely researched conceptualization of spirituality, that
of religious questing. It was hypothesized that differentiated functioning as measured by
lower triangulation would be predictive of greater religious questing. Two rationales
supported this hypothesis. First, Shults and Sandage (2006) argued that optimal human
development ‘‘includes a willingness to explore, resilience in the midst of suffering, and a
healthy sense of boundaries’’ (p. 269). They theorized that ‘‘mature [intrapersonal] dif-
ferentiation of self should promote the ability to both face and soothe anxieties, including
those involving spiritual and religious doubts’’ (p. 184). Similarly interpersonal differen-
tiation within one’s family-of-origin should allow for the space and support necessary to
explore one’s spirituality. Second, Jankowski and Vaughn (2009) found differentiated
functioning to be correlated with a measure of spiritual maturity. Since questing can be
thought of as a measure of spiritual maturity, it was expected that differentiated func-
tioning would be correlated with increased questing, at least in terms of a self-initiated
form of seeking.

Method

Participants

The convenience sample consisted of 85 college students from two Midwestern, suburban,
religiously affiliated colleges. Eight participants were dropped from the study because of
the considerable amount of missing data on their survey responses. The remaining par-
ticipants consisted of 48 females and 29 males with an age range of 18–39. The average
age was 20.25 years. The majority of the sample was of White, Caucasian ethnicity
(92.2%, n = 71), while the rest of the sample was comprised of 1.3% (n = 1) African-
Americans, 3.9% (n = 3) Asians, and 2.6% (n = 2) Hispanics. Most of the participants
reported Protestant denominational affiliation (90.9%, n = 70), while 3.9% (n = 3)
reported Catholic denominational affiliation, 3.9% (n = 3) reported no denominational
affiliation, and 1.3% (n = 1) left the item blank.

Data Collection

Participants were recruited through postings on bulletin boards on campus and

announcements made during class times. Interested participants provided contact infor-
mation and then showed up at scheduled data collection times. Students earned extra credit
in their respective courses for participation and/or were entered into a drawing for a $25
gift card. The survey consisted of demographic items and eight self-report instruments, two
of which were used in this study.

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Measures

Assessing Triangulation

The Personal Authority in the Family System Questionnaire, Version C (PAFS-QVC; Bray
and Harvey 1992) is an 84-item self-report instrument that is used to measure intrapersonal
and interpersonal differentiation. The PAFS-QVC was specifically designed for use with
college student populations and has internal consistency alpha scores ranging from .73 to
.92 for the various subscales (Bray and Harvey 1992). Factor analyses have revealed the
construct validity of the PAFS-QVC (Bray and Harvey 1992). The subscale used in this
study was intergenerational triangulation (INTRG). In this study, Cronbach’s alpha for the
INTRG subscale was .84. Higher scores on this subscale indicate less triangulation and
therefore greater interpersonal differentiation within the system. Participants rated their
agreement with the items on a scale from 1 (very often) to 5 (never). Sample items on the
INTRG subscale include: ‘‘How often do you feel compelled to take sides when your
parents disagree?’’ and ‘‘How often does your mother intervene in a disagreement between
you and your father?’’

Assessing Spirituality

The 12-item Quest Scale (Batson et al. 1993) was used to measure spirituality. The items
cover three dimensions of the questing construct: ‘‘(1) readiness to face existential ques-
tions without reducing their complexity, (2) self-criticism and perception of religious doubt
as positive, and (3) openness to change’’ (Batson and Schoenrade 1991b, p. 434). Sample
items include: ‘‘As I grow and change, I expect my religion also to grow and change,’’ and
‘‘For me, doubting is an important part of what it means to be religious.’’ The scale has
demonstrated internal consistency with alpha scores ranging between .75 and .82. In the
current study, Cronbach’s alpha for the total Quest scale was .76, and for the three sub-
scales: .57 for existential questioning, .71 for doubts as positive, and .53 for openness to
change. The scale also has demonstrated construct validity in that research findings confirm
that it measures ‘‘the degree to which an individual’s religion involves an open-ended,
responsive dialogue with existential questions raised by the contradictions and tragedies of
life’’ (Batson and Schoenrade 1991b, p. 431). Participants rated themselves on a scale of 1
(strongly disagree) to 9 (strongly agree). Higher scores on the scale represent greater
religious questing.

Results

A frequency distribution was conducted for both variables. Each of the distributions
approximated normality. The mean INTRG score (M = 29.19, SD = 6.19 for the total
sample N = 77; M = 28.93, SD = 5.95 for n = 29 males; M = 29.34, SD = 6.39 for
n = 48 females) was higher than those reported by Bray and Harvey (1992) (M = 19.3,
SD = 4.9, n = 345 males; M = 18.7, SD = 5.1, n = 367 females). The mean in the
current sample suggests an overall perception of differentiated functioning within the
participants’ families-of-origin. The mean questing score for the total sample in this study
(M = 5.22, SD = 1.19) was somewhat higher than those found by Batson and Schoenrade
(1991a) with samples of undergraduate college students (M = 5.04, SD = 1.06, N = 210;

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M = 4.95, SD = 1.29, N = 214). The mean score in the current sample suggests a
moderate level of questing by the participants.
In order to test the hypothesis, a simple linear regression was calculated predicting
religious questing based on INTRG scores. A significant regression equation was found
(F(1, 75) = 5.31, P = .02) with an effect size of 6.6% (R2 = .066). Triangulation pre-
dicted 6.6% of the variance in religious questing scores. Triangulation was a significant
predictor of questing (b = -.26, P = .02), but the direction of the relationship was
contrary to the hypothesized relationship.
Given the contrarian finding, two additional analyses of the data were conducted to
explore more fully the significant negative relationship between INTRG and questing.
First, the three subdimensions of the 12-item quest scale (Batson and Schoenrade 1991b)
were used in subsequent regression analyses. While Batson and Schoenrade (1991b)
cautioned against the use of the subdimensions as distinct subscales, Beck and Jessup
(2004) suggested the need to examine the multiple aspects of questing when conducting
analyses. In addition, Burris (1999) mapped out how one might use the three aspects of
religious questing as subscales. A series of simple linear regressions was calculated using
INTRG as the predictor of existential questions, religious doubts as positive, and openness
to change subscales. Of the three subscales, INTRG was a significant predictor of only the
existential questions subscale scores (F(1, 75) = 6.6, P = .01, R2 = .081, b = -.28,
P = .01). INTRG was not a significant predictor of doubts as positive (F(1, 75) = 2.23,
P = .14) or openness to change (F(1, 75) = 1.71, P = .19). The analyses suggest that the
overall correlation between INTRG and questing is most accounted for by the correlation
between INTRG and the existential questions subscale.
Because of the complex nature of religious questing, Link (2007), based on an under-
standing of nonlinear spiritual development (Shults and Sandage 2006), proposed the need
to conduct curve estimations of the relationship between questing and different variables.
Using INTRG as the predictor variable, a series of curve estimations thus was conducted
with the total Quest score and the three Quest subscale scores as outcome variables. A
significant regression equation was found only with the existential questions subscale as
the outcome variable (F(2, 74) = 3.63, P = .03) with R2 = .089. INTRG was not a sig-
nificant predictor of total Quest score (F(2, 74) = 5.31, P = .08), doubts as positive (F(2,
74) = 1.11, P = .33), or openness to change (F(2, 74) = 1.31, P = .27). Religious
questing in the form of asking existential questions increased slightly at higher levels of
triangulation, peaked at moderate levels of triangulation, and then declined as triangulation
decreased. A hierarchical regression was conducted to determine whether the difference
between the linear and quadratic effects for triangulation in predicting existential ques-
tioning was statistically significant. In step 1, the linear effect for triangulation with
existential questioning as the DV was entered. In step 2, the quadratic effect for triangu-
lation was entered. The R2 change at step 2 was not significant (P = .41), indicating that
the difference between the linear and quadratic effects for triangulation in predicting
existential questioning was not statistically significant. However, given the comparable
effect size of the quadratic relationship compared to the linear relationship, the quadratic
relationship between variables is somewhat preferred based on theoretical grounds (Shults
and Sandage 2006). At the very least, a more nuanced understanding of the negative linear
correlations is provided by the quadratic equation. Moderate levels of triangulation were
associated with highest levels of questing, in the form of existential questioning (see
Fig. 1), while the negative linear relationship between questing and triangulation primarily
occurs at lower levels of triangulation or greater differentiation.

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Fig. 1 Linear and curve 10.00

estimation plots with
intergenerational triangulation
scores as the predictor and 8.00
existential questioning scores as
the outcome variable

Questioning
6.00

4.00

2.00

0.00
0.00 10.00 20.00 30.00 40.00
Triangulation

Discussion

Contrary to the predicted hypothesis, the results indicated that greater intergenerational
triangulation in the family-of-origin predicted a greater degree of spiritual questioning.
More specifically, triangulation predicted a greater use of existential questioning as a
means of questing. Interestingly, this seemed most likely when the individual was expe-
riencing moderate levels of triangulation. The significant negative linear correlations and
the significant curve estimation are largely understood in terms of the process of differ-
entiating a self within the context of triangulated relationships. In other words, higher
levels of triangulation may have an overwhelming and immobilizing effect on a person’s
efforts to differentiate while lower levels of triangulation may indicate less of a need to
differentiate, particularly in terms of existential questioning as a means of doing so. Three
possible interpretations of the negative linear correlations and quadratic relationship seem
likely. Two of these interpretations are based on whether the religious questing is
understood as reactive or intentional, and one interpretation rests on seeing the triangu-
lation as a response to the emerging adults’ self-defining movements.
First, the findings suggest that questing may be a means of gaining space in the
emerging adult’s family-of-origin so that he or she may be better able to achieve a pre-
ferred sense of self, one that stands as distinct from the influence of his or her family-
of-origin and yet seeks to see himself or herself still in relation to the family. It is this sense
of self-in-relation, or the sense of myself as unique, distinct, and agentic, and yet simul-
taneously intimately connected to the other, that is the essence of Bowen’s (1978) concept
of differentiation. The effort to gain space in order to differentiate may be a conscious
decision and intentional act by the person, or it may be an implicit, reactive seeking driven
by the anxiety experienced within the family relationships. Whether reactive, intentional,
or a combination of both, the questing may be a necessary move towards maturity and
health for the individual.
It may be that questing in the form of the subdimension of existential questioning, rather
than religious doubts as positive or openness to change, suggests a more reactive form of
questing and a less intentional attempt to differentiate. The subdimensions of openness to
change and doubts as positive seem to more clearly fit the notion of self-initiated seeking
and therefore intentional differentiation, whereas existential questioning has a greater

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potential to be anxiety based and therefore more implicit and reactive. The idea of exis-
tential questioning being more anxiety based seems consistent with Burris et al. (1996) and
Krauss and Flaherty (2001), who found existential questioning to increase in the face of
stressors and difficult life events. It is also worth noting that anxiety-driven processes are
not always pathogenic and can lead to growth, which can be nonlinear (Hayes et al. 2007).
The pattern of the quadratic relationship found in this study seems to support the notion of
existential questioning as anxiety based and reactive, even while potentially being pro-
ductive. Existential questioning was highest at moderate levels of triangulation, declining
when anxiety within the system was more overwhelming, and then declining when anxiety
lessened. It would seem that too much anxiety can have an immobilizing effect on seeking
while lesser anxiety may speak to an experience of comfort that therefore makes seeking
less necessary. The moderate levels of triangulation also could represent family systems
that seek balance in the face of a young adult questing toward new spiritual and existential
input.
An additional explanation for the negative linear correlations rests on the conceptual
grounds that a correlation does not necessarily distinguish the ordering of the relationship
between the variables, and therefore parental triangulation may be seen as a response to the
perceived movements of the emerging adult to separate from and/or within the system.
Questing then is a measure of the emerging adult’s efforts to distance. Combrinck-Graham
(1985) observed that the life cycle is filled with times of increased cohesiveness and other
times of increased separation. Emerging adulthood seems to involve a normative experi-
ence of increased distancing within family relationships. This distancing, while normative
for the college experience, emerging adult development, and the family life cycle, still can
produce significant anxiety within family relationships, especially if the distancing seems
misguided in the parents’ assessment or when other stressors or traumas are acting on the
system. Some families may respond or react to this distancing and the accompanying
anxiety with increased efforts to rein in or keep the emerging adult engaged in family life.
This reining in by the family then may be met by the emerging adult with increased efforts
to quest. Framed this way, questing within triangulated systems seems to be a reactive
response to the anxiety rather than an intentional act. Again, though, whether it is reactive
or intentional, the questing may be a necessary developmental move toward maturity and
health for the individual.

Implications for Therapy

In working with a questing young adult, two recommendations seem relevant. First, the
therapist needs to be keenly aware of his or her own orientation toward religion and
spirituality. Spiritual seeking on the emerging adult’s part may stir emotional reactions in
the therapist and perhaps influence him or her in such a way as to guide the questing person
toward a particular spiritual or religious ideal. Since this runs counter to the very nature of
questing, it may result in the questing person withdrawing emotionally or avoiding con-
versation about his or her spiritual turmoil. This may leave the emerging adult with few
options for spiritual dialogue. Therefore, therapists can benefit from examining their own
countertransference that might elicit pro-questing or anti-questing reactions. Second,
therapists may need to help the questing person identify the motivation for his or her
seeking and distancing. It may be helpful for the emerging adult to examine whether the
questing is of a reactive or intentional nature, or perhaps some complicated combination of
both. As part of this assessment, it may be helpful to identify relationships that are
exacerbating anxiety and/or enhancing efforts to explore and define oneself within the

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context of family relationships. There is also opportunity for the questing person to learn
how to more functionally navigate these difficult and/or constructive relationships, both
internally and interpersonally. Intra-personally, it may involve clarifying conflicted aspects
of self (Elliott and Greenberg 1997) connected to negotiating the competing desires for
togetherness and separateness. It also may involve learning to tolerate the ambiguity and
tension associated with the conflicted experiences of self. Interpersonally, it might mean
learning ways to engage with parents that allow for a level of connection that does not
negate the desire for separateness. It also may involve learning ways to communicate care
for family members without getting pulled into solving problems at home or managing the
anxiety in those relationships.
For therapists working with the families of a questing emerging adult, a few important
applications from this research project can be made. If a therapist accepts that seeking and
greater interpersonal distancing is to be expected as emerging adult children move from the
home, they can offer parents a normalizing experience and coach them on how to manage
the anxiety that this seeking and distancing may generate for them. One means of coaching
might involve educating parents on emerging adult development and spiritual exploration.
During this process, it may be helpful for the therapist to explore with parents their own
emerging adult experiences and discuss ways that they attempted to define themselves in
relation to their parents. This may help to normalize the emerging adult’s behavior and the
parents’ experience of anxiety. A second possibility would be to invite the parents to reflect
on their own spiritual or religious development. Since there is a prophetic, or ‘‘quest-like
stream’’ within most spiritual and religious traditions, this also may be an opportunity for
parents to broaden their understanding of their own tradition. In some cases, this might
buffer the perceived difference between parents and child and help create an inclusive
context for their differing horizons. However, a therapist will need sensitivity to the
anxiety or defensiveness parents might feel about this exploration, which could backfire
with individuals who are committed to fundamentalist religious systems. Quality training
in spiritual and religious issues in therapy could be helpful in making this type of
assessment (Worthington et al. 2009).
Parenting is, to some degree, influenced by the parent’s own level of self-differentiation,
and the adult child’s questing offers a chance for the parent to work on his or her own
intrapersonal and interpersonal functioning. Effective work with the parent in therapy may
involve coaching the parent to use strategies to engage emotionally with his or her child
other than triangulation, and to work with the parent on alternative ways to manage his or
her own internal reactions to the child’s behavior. It also may be helpful to explore the
parent’s own family-of-origin relationships and look for ways that the parent can alter his
or her behavior in those relationships.
Another therapeutic recommendation might be to coach the parents on the practice of
open, non-reactive, expressive communication with their child. Therapy sessions may
provide a context for parent and adult child to functionally triangulate the therapist and use
the therapist to help facilitate non-reactive communication and resolve any tensions that
might exist in their relationship as a result of the anxiety surrounding the child’s seeking
and differentiation within the system.

Limitations and Opportunities for Future Research

The current research project contains several limitations. First, the convenient, culturally
homogeneous sample limits some of the application of the ideas beyond those participating
in this study. That being said, the ideas do seem to have some relevance beyond this sample

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to those who identify as spiritual, particularly those engaged in religious questing. Future
research will need to include a more religiously and ethnically diverse sample. Addi-
tionally, there were small effect sizes that suggest there is more to questing than family-
of-origin influences. In future research, it seems beneficial to include a measure of anxiety
that could help clarify whether participants are experiencing anxiety as they navigate
family processes and questing. At this point, the experience of anxiety is theoretically
assumed to be indirectly assessed by the measures of triangulation and questing. Assessing
recent losses or traumas also might clarify further the contexts for existential questioning.
The contrary finding also may suggest a limitation in the use of religious questing as a
measure of spiritual maturity. In addition, the measure used in this study does not explicitly
delineate between reactive and intentional questing. Multidimensional measures of quest
(Beck and Jessup 2004; Miner 2008) might clarify how differing dimensions of quest relate
to spiritual development and other variables. Longitudinal studies also could serve to track
developmental processes of triangulation and questing over time with attention to studies
suggesting that some persons combine questing with internalized faith commitments
(Graham et al. 2008; Williamson and Sandage 2009).

Conclusion

This study advances the literature on the integration of Bowen family systems theory and
spirituality. Contrary to the existing literature, greater differentiation did not correspond to
greater spiritual maturity. One possible reason for this may be that the questing that occurs
in the context of triangulated systems is more reactive and therefore not consistent with
most conceptualizations of spiritual maturity as self-regulation (Jankowski and Vaughn
2009; Kass and Lennox 2005), particularly given that self-regulation is also a central
concept of differentiation (Skowron et al. 2003). Consistent with the existing literature, the
present study found a relationship between interpersonal functioning and persons’ way of
relating to God; parent–child relating influenced the religious questing of the emerging
adult child. The experience of and functioning in persons’ interpersonal relationships
predicted the experience of and functioning within their relationships with God. In addi-
tion, the results of this study help to clarify the process of differentiating a self within
triangulated systems. Religious questing was proposed as a means of gaining space for the
emerging adult within one’s family relationships in order to achieve a preferred sense of
self. While perhaps more reactive than intentional, placing the seeking in the context of
triangulated relationships and the life cycle stage of emerging adulthood somewhat nor-
malizes and de-pathologizes the questing; increased religious questing may be necessary to
achieve a more differentiated and preferred self.

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