1

00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:08,883

Are you
swallowing them whole?

2
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:11,844
You're eating them so fast, are
they even touching your tongue?

3
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:12,929
Yes.

4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,055
Why aren't you
having any, Angela?

5
00:00:14,139 --> 00:00:18,351
Oh, I ate so many already
when no one was looking.

6
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,353
Yeah, right.

7
00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:22,814
My baby's dieting.

8
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:26,109
She wants to fit into a special
child-size wedding gown for our big day.

9
00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:27,485
Why do those exist?

10
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,028
It's from
my pageant days.

11
00:00:29,113 --> 00:00:32,073
I was Miss Tiny Mid-Atlantic
Bride when I was 10.

12
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,324
Probably heard of it.

13
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,284
Brownies, is it?
14
00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:37,286
Pastry cubes
made of sugar and fat?

15
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,913
No, thank you.
I'll stick with my jerky.

16
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:40,206
So why'd you
come in here?

17
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,791
To socialize.
And inform.

18
00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:45,211
Brownies!
I'm taking two,

19
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:49,257
so I can parcel them up and eat
them at my leisure later on.

20
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,466
Much healthier.

21
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,759
You taking two?

22
00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:54,470
Yeah, but one of them
is for Toby.

23
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:57,557
Yeah. Why don't you send
that to him in Costa Rica?

24
00:00:57,641 --> 00:01:00,184
I'm just gonna hand
it to him right now.

25
00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:01,894
Okay, weirdo.

26
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,354
Why's that?
Why's that weird?

27
00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:06,274
She said she was going to
give it to him right now.

28
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,901
She's probably going to because
they sit next to each other.

29
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:10,695
Yeah, they used to.

30
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:12,739
Toby works here again.

31
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,407
Oh, can you imagine?

32
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:17,243
Oh, no.
You don't know.

33
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:18,911
I don't know. What?

34
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,497
You should probably
just meander back there,

35
00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,958
take a look,
see if he's back.

36
00:01:24,042 --> 00:01:25,251
Dare I?

37
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,464
You know what? I'm going
to, for old time's sake.

38
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:42,018
Great practical joke, Jim.
Got me to go to the annex.

39
00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:47,023
Hi, Michael.

40
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,232
No! God!

41
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:53,321
No, God, please, no!
No! No!

42
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,281
No!

43
00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:30,399
I blame the two of you.
This is your fault.

44
00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:32,777
Michael, Dwight and I
were talking about this,

45
00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:36,197
and we both don't understand how
you didn't realize Toby was back.

46
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,490
I'm concerned
you may have brain damage.

47
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:41,661
You cannot expect me to keep
track of all of my personnel.

48
00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:45,665
There are a lot of people here and a
lot of different shapes and sizes.

49
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:50,378
And there is nothing that is even vaguely
interesting about the way that he looks.

50
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:51,921
So, I'm off the hook.

51
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,298
Maybe you cleaned your ears
too vigorously with Q-tips.
52
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:56,092
I know where this is going.
You hurt the temporal lobe...

53
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,844
I'm not going to stop
putting Q-tips in my ears.

54
00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:00,221
I don't care
how much it hurts!

55
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:03,599
Maybe I just block Toby
from my mind.

56
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,893
Oh, interesting.
Continue.

57
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:09,105
Like someone
who's molested.

58
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:13,192
Doesn't remember it for years.
Toxic Shock Syndrome.

59
00:03:13,277 --> 00:03:14,861
Maybe it's
Stockholm Syndrome.

60
00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,821
Maybe it's
China syndrome.

61
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,948
Could be any one of them.
It's a messed up world.

62
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,033
It is a messed up world.

63
00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,953
But it's our messed up world.
64
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:35,965
Oh, come on!
Do you see this?

65
00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:39,468
Disgusting.

66
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:44,473
Look at him.

67
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,435
With his stupid face.

68
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,230
Stupid tan.

69
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,609
Yeah. He looks great.
Well-rested.

70
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:55,860
No. He looks worse.

71
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,620
Yeah.

72
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:06,829
David Wallace
is on the line for you.

73
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,624
Thank God. David, hello.
We need your help.

74
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,250
Michael,
is everyone okay?

75
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,336
Oh, well,
I'm afraid not.

76
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:18,007
Toby Flenderson of HR has
made a sudden reappearance.
77
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,718
I don't understand.
Is anyone hurt?

78
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:24,847
Not on the surface, no. But I can
tell people are disturbed, David.

79
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:28,768
Michael, you texted me,
"911, call me."

80
00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,645
Yes.
All in caps.

81
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,730
Do you know
what "911" means?

82
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:35,191
I learned a while back
that if I don't text "911,"

83
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,777
people will not
return my calls.

84
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,946
But now people
always return my calls,

85
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:44,241
because they think that something
horrible has happened.

86
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:47,453
Toby was hired back because
he knows the branch,

87
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:51,207
he was available, and I like him.
Okay? And that's that.

88
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,293
With all due respect, David,
this hardly seems like a dialog.
89
00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:56,170
That's because
it isn't, Michael.

90
00:04:57,047 --> 00:05:00,299
Now, what I'm curious about is how
you were able to go an entire week

91
00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,426
without knowing a member
of your staff was there.

92
00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:05,346
I did not want to
go back to the annex

93
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:08,140
because that is where Holly
worked, whom I loved.

94
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,392
Also, it's icky back there.

95
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,727
That's true.
People say it's icky.

96
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,481
Okay. I have to go.

97
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,066
David, wait.
No.

98
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,485
Is there no way
we can get rid of him?

99
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,028
Not without cause, Michael.

100
00:05:21,113 --> 00:05:22,530
I have cause.

101
00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,615
It is because I hate him.

102
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,493
You have to get
along with Toby.

103
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:28,744
No.
Yep.

104
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:29,829
I don't.

105
00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:30,955
Goodbye, Michael.

106
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:35,960
Don't do that.

107
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:40,297
So, Tunes, you still going
to buy your old man's place?

108
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,550
Yeah, I am. Wait.
How do you know that?

109
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,343
I didn't tell you that.

110
00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:45,845
No, I was just
walking by your desk.

111
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,388
I saw some e-mails.

112
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,515
I got peepers
of an eagle.

113
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:50,599
That's really not cool.

114
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:51,684
So, Jim,
115
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,310
you're going to live
in the same house

116
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,646
that you used to
pee the bed in?

117
00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:58,065
Yeah. I guess, technically,
Kev, you're right.

118
00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,359
Today's a big day.
Today's the day

119
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:03,612
that I show Pam the house
that I bought for us.

120
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,780
Without telling her.

121
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,700
But it's my parents' house,
the house I grew up in.

122
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:10,161
And, yeah, I bought
it kind of impulsively.

123
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:13,956
I mean, the price was good,
and I was helping out my mom.

124
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,042
It's got shag carpets.

125
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,377
I mean, you can't blame my parents.
It was the '70s.

126
00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:21,589
And why would you want to buy
ugly wood from trees
127
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:25,384
when you can have paneling and a
painting of some creepy clowns

128
00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:28,846
that is apparently crucial to the
structural integrity of the building?

129
00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:31,223
She's gonna love it.

130
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,309
Right?

131
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:34,769
Could you guys
all do me a favor

132
00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:36,729
and just not talk about
this until I tell Pam?

133
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:37,897
That'd be great.

134
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,566
You haven't told the
missus about the castle?

135
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,276
You're in for a
spanking, my friend.

136
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,904
Myself and my lady,
no secrets.

137
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:46,697
Jim, don't listen to Andy.

138
00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:48,407
I think it's so romantic.

139
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:49,617
Oh, thanks, Phyllis.
140
00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:52,078
Bob bought our house without
consulting me and I loved it.

141
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,829
Yeah? You didn't mind
not choosing?

142
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:54,914
Oh, no. Not at all.

143
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:58,250
But Bob's so extravagant, I
knew it would be spectacular.

144
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:01,170
There's a maze in the
back like The Shining.

145
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:02,797
Where's your place?

146
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:05,674
It's on Linden Ave.,
by the quarry.

147
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:09,095
Cool beans, man.
I live by the quarry.

148
00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:12,973
We should hang out by the quarry
and throw things down there.

149
00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,059
Definitely, we should.

150
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,812
"To whoever made
the microwave mess.

151
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:19,897
"The microwave is
a shared kitchen appliance.

152
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,441
"By not cleaning it up, you are
basically telling whoever follows

153
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,026
"that their time
is less valuable,

154
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:27,154
"as they will have to scrub
out your disgusting splatter.

155
00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:29,949
"Sincerely,
Disappointed."

156
00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:32,118
That is just obnoxious.

157
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,869
No kidding.
Yeah.

158
00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:37,748
Wait, what?
The mess or the note?

159
00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,917
The note.
So "holier than thou."

160
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:42,711
I liked it.

161
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,130
Don't you think the
person who left the mess

162
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,297
is the obnoxious one?

163
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:46,882
No.

164
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,510
The note is way more
obnoxious than the mess.
165
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:54,098
"Sincerely, Disappointed." Get
off your high horse, richie.

166
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,976
Just because someone likes things
clean doesn't mean they're rich.

167
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,061
Nah. They're rich.

168
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,648
Yeah, I wrote the note.
Not ashamed of it.

169
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:05,734
I'm not proud of it.
It is what it is.

170
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,737
Everyone keeps asking me if I
wrote the note on the microwave.

171
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:12,074
It was rude and condescending
and a little snotty.

172
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,327
I wish I had written it.

173
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,258
The nerve!

174
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:35,181
You want to see some
real high-caliber acting?

175
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:38,058
Well, Mr. Kurt Russell,
you are about to be served.

176
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,855
Hey, Toby.

177
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:46,192
Great to have you back, man.
Seriously. Just...

178
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:49,320
Just a real pleasure
to see you again.

179
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,362
Thanks, Michael.

180
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,655
You're welcome.
Missed you.

181
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,033
Missed you
as part of our family.

182
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:57,328
Well, that's sweet.
I missed you guys, too.

183
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,583
So Costa Rica, that was...

184
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,586
Did you have fun?
That must have been fun.

185
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:10,216
Well, it was amazing, really was.
Thanks for asking.

186
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,717
Beaches were pristine.

187
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:12,885
Nice beaches,
pristine beaches?

188
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,261
Yeah.

189
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,639
The whole thing was
incredibly cathartic.

190
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,891
Why'd you come back?
Why didn't you stay?

191
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:21,018
Well, it's actually kind of
hard to meet people, I found.

192
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,728
I bet. For you.

193
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:25,314
And, yeah...
Plus, it was hot.

194
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,609
Hot. Why didn't
you get an air...

195
00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:30,945
Should've gotten an air
conditioner for yourself.

196
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,112
Are you
all right, Michael?

197
00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,531
Yeah, I am. I am.

198
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:36,700
I tried. I tried.

199
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:40,913
I tried to talk to Toby
and be his friend,

200
00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:45,584
but that is like trying to be
friends with an evil snail.

201
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,338
I feel like
I'm dying inside.

202
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,884
I feel like Neve
Campbell in Scream 2.

203
00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:56,720
She thinks she can go off
to college and be happy.

204
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,807
And then,
the murderer comes back

205
00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:02,184
and starts killing off
all of her friends.

206
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,064
Learned a lot of lessons
from that movie.

207
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,607
This is just one of them.

208
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,361
Okay, just summarize.

209
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,280
Okay,
fireable offenses include

210
00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,448
workplace violence
and sexual harassment.

211
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:18,575
That's it.
That's it, perfect.

212
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,369
We will get him
to hit on somebody,

213
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,037
and then we'll
catch him in the act.

214
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,123
I love catching
people in the act.
215
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,457
That's why I always
whip open doors.

216
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:26,583
Me, too.

217
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:27,960
Okay,
let's get this started.

218
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,211
Okay.

219
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:32,214
What are you doing?

220
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,549
I am the bait.

221
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,633
For what?

222
00:10:34,718 --> 00:10:36,593
Men find me desirable.
No, no, no.

223
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:38,637
It's a good day, too.
I'm wearing my mustard shirt.

224
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:39,972
You're the bait for Toby?

225
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:43,225
No. For one thing,
he's not gay.

226
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,144
And if somebody
were to be bait,

227
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:48,397
it would be Jim
or Ryan or me.
228
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,107
Men find me desirable.

229
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,233
Yes.

230
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,402
Sure they do, Dwight.

231
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,904
When it comes down to it,
it's a health issue.

232
00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,323
I should've written that.

233
00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:58,824
Yeah.

234
00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:02,870
Why aren't you as mad or
interested in this as me?

235
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:06,665
Oh, totally. Sorry, are we talking
about the microwave still?

236
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,167
Are you inching away
from me?

237
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,335
No.

238
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,170
Reach your arms out.

239
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,173
I'm always this close.

240
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:17,509
Pamtown ladies sing this
song doo-dah doo-dah

241
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:18,761
Hello, Pam.

242
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,554
Jim, may I have a moment
with Pam, please?

243
00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:24,266
Yes. I just have to take
this call anyway, so...

244
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:28,020
His mistress!
No, I'm kidding.

245
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:29,646
No one would
ever cheat on you.

246
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,190
You are
the complete package, Pam.

247
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,316
What do you need, Michael?

248
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,277
Okay, what I would like you to
do is take this folded note

249
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:39,031
and deliver it to
Toby Flenderson.

250
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:42,618
I want you to just react to
whatever this note elicits.

251
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,370
Do not read it
beforehand.

252
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,537
Can you do that for me?

253
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:46,997
Sure.
Good.

254
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,291
No, no, no, no, don't...

255
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,794
"Please hug and kiss me,
no matter how hard I struggle.

256
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,504
"I am too shy to tell you
that I love you."

257
00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:56,131
Damn it, Pam.
You gave me your word.

258
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,263
You have a good day?

259
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:08,310
Hey. Hey, guys, that's
really inappropriate.

260
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,065
What's up?

261
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,401
I got some photos
from Costa Rica

262
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,111
if you want to see them.

263
00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:18,946
Yeah, yeah, I'll see them.
Cool.

264
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:21,407
Toby, can I see those?

265
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,909
What's the matter? What's the matter?
You scared?

266
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:24,993
Okay, those are
fighting words.

267
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,078
You mad?
You mad at me?

268
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,663
I hope he doesn't haul
off and just hit you.

269
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,289
Do you want to do that?
Do you want to hit me?

270
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:31,250
You want to punch me?

271
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,210
He might do it. I dare you to.
Punch him, Toby.

272
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,503
Come on.
Come on...

273
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:35,587
What's the matter?

274
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,214
Hit him.
Hit him, chicken!

275
00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:38,674
Yeah, punch him.
Hey, hey.

276
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,259
Come on, Ryan.
Whose side are you on?

277
00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:41,427
Ryan, come on, man.

278
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:42,678
No, do it. Do it.
I dare you.
279
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:43,929
Punch him as hard
as you possibly can

280
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,264
in the face.
I dare you, Flenderson.

281
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:46,432
Not... Not as hard as you can.

282
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:47,683
Just a good,
solid punch.

283
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,767
Come on, come on.

284
00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:51,270
I'm not going to
punch you, Michael.

285
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:53,981
Are you really not
going to punch him?

286
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:55,357
No, why would I punch you?

287
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:56,984
Son of a bitch.

288
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:07,619
Should have hit him, man.
The guy was asking for it.

289
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,663
Once in a lifetime, man.

290
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,960
"Hey, whoever was bashing
the first note, grow up.

291
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:18,172
"The microwave is filthy
and no one here is a maid."

292
00:13:18,256 --> 00:13:20,757
See? Someone
around here is sane.

293
00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:25,220
"You are all a bunch of idiots and privileged
ass-wipes who weren't raised right.

294
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,432
"If I find you, I'm gonna
knock your teeth out."

295
00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:31,643
Yikes. That's a
little over the top.

296
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:34,229
Their heart's
in the right place.

297
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,155
I thought you were going
to parcel those out

298
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,573
through the day.
Would you stop it?

299
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:47,534
You haven't done
anything helpful all day.

300
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,750
There's still one thing we
can do to get Toby fired.

301
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,251
What's that?

302
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,590
Frame him for using drugs.

303
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:03,634
Frame him?
Yeah.
304
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:07,387
It's illegal, but everything they
do on The Shield is illegal.

305
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,723
I've never framed a man before.
Have you?

306
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,475
No, I've framed
animals before.

307
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,186
I framed a raccoon for
opening a Christmas present.

308
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:17,523
And I framed a bear for
eating out of the garbage.

309
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,733
It just seems
awfully mean.

310
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,779
But sometimes, the
ends justify the mean.

311
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:33,956
Punch you, Michael.

312
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:47,678
Hello.
I've seen you guys around.

313
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,137
I'm Michael Scott,
Dunder Mifflin.

314
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,889
How you doing?

315
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:57,020
So I guess you
know why I'm here.
316
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:59,231
I need to
purchase something.

317
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,066
Like a fridge?
No.

318
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,656
I wanted...

319
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,992
I wanted to buy
some weed from someone.

320
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,076
What?

321
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:12,286
Grass, weed.

322
00:15:12,370 --> 00:15:15,080
What makes you think
we'd have weed?

323
00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:18,166
I heard you were drug...
I heard you dealt.

324
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,841
Hey, just hold on
one second.

325
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,680
I'm not wearing
a wire, so...

326
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,557
Why would you
even say that?

327
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,642
Hey, it's going
to be $500.

328
00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,311
How much?
$500.

329
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:39,605
It's a good price.
It's a steal.

330
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:40,897
How many pounds
is that?

331
00:15:40,982 --> 00:15:42,566
It's two pounds.

332
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,611
I'm losing money on this,
man, just give me the money.

333
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:46,653
Okay.

334
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,488
All right. Walk away,
walk away, walk away.

335
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:51,867
Hey, Pam? I just
wanted to let you know,

336
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:55,454
I'm totally on your side with
the whole microwave situation.

337
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,164
Thank you.
I was just back there

338
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,666
to make some Cup-a-Soup, the
thing is still a huge mess.

339
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:00,792
I know.
Can you believe it?

340
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,794
Yeah, it's crazy.
341
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:07,049
But I guess the thing is, at
some point, notes or no notes,

342
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,927
someone's going to have to just
get in there and clean it up.

343
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:14,765
I guess that's why
we have a temp, huh?

344
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,644
Oh, no, trust me, I would
just make it worse.

345
00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,479
How would wiping it with a
paper towel make it worse?

346
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,564
I would find a way.

347
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,149
You've seen things clean
before though, right?

348
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:27,569
I... Pam, I am hopeless
at that stuff.

349
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,325
Hi, Michael.

350
00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:34,785
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

351
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,745
I forgot...
I forgot...

352
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,501
Yes. I repeat,

353
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:45,045
a drug dealer is on the
premises of Dunder Mifflin.

354
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:47,422
His name is
Toby Flenderson.

355
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:52,052
And he recently returned from a
mysterious vacation in Central America.

356
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:55,097
I have risked a great deal
to tell you this information.

357
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:58,517
My name is Andy Bernard. Andrew
Bernard, that's my name.

358
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,060
See you soon.

359
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,065
Pervert!

360
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:07,526
Angela, I didn't
do that.

361
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,736
So is this what they taught
you at your fancy art school?

362
00:17:09,821 --> 00:17:11,697
Why would I draw
a penis on my own note?

363
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:15,200
Why do you wear bright colors?
For attention, Pam.

364
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:18,620
Everyone, I have
an announcement to make.

365
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,959
I'm the person who put the
first note on the microwave.

366
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,586
But I did it because
it needed to be said.

367
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,880
Why did you hide
behind anonymity?

368
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:31,633
Because I was scared.
But if that's my only crime,

369
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,261
is it a worse crime than
leaving a filthy microwave?

370
00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:35,387
Amen.

371
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,513
Don't.
This is for real.

372
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:39,224
Just clean it up yourself
if it bothers you so much.

373
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:40,392
It's not my mess.

374
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,645
It would've taken less time to clean
it up than to write all those notes.

375
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:44,771
That's not the point.

376
00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:47,774
Listen, New York,
that might fly...

377
00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:50,402
Why? Because I went to New
York for three months?
378
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,404
That and the black sweater,
Manhattan.

379
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,990
Okay, yes. I went to
New York, everybody.

380
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,908
I'm not gonna apologize
for it.

381
00:17:56,993 --> 00:18:00,454
I experienced more there in one week
than I experience here in three months.

382
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,913
I love New York.

383
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:04,624
You know, I especially love that people
there cleaned up after themselves.

384
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:07,794
Well, I work too hard all
day to be maid here, too.

385
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:10,255
I got a mess to clean up at home,
plus I'm a part-time maid.

386
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:11,631
And what about
the penises?

387
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:13,842
I thought those were funny.

388
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,761
- I didn't do them, Phyllis.
- It's the anonymity

389
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,679
that I find so cowardly, Pam.

390
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,765
Really? Can you just
get over that part?

391
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:23,018
Why should I? You couldn't get
over the messy microwave.

392
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:24,519
What?

393
00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:29,775
I can't do this.

394
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:30,942
Can't do what?

395
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:34,571
It's not fair to you and
it's really not fair to me.

396
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,115
Wait, what are you saying? I broke up
with Darryl so I could be with you.

397
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,534
That was your choice.
Don't put that on me.

398
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,369
I'm just going
on a little trip.

399
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:42,454
Can I come?

400
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,789
It's not
that kind of trip.

401
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:45,832
I'm going to Thailand with
some friends from high school.

402
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,292
Well, a high school.

403
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,294
And if I don't do it now,
I'll never get to go.

404
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:50,462
And I'll always
resent you for it.

405
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,506
You don't want me
to resent you, do you?

406
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:53,882
So you're dumping me?

407
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,842
Let's be adults about this.

408
00:18:55,927 --> 00:18:57,761
Let's have sex
one more time,

409
00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,472
and if you have any extra
cash, that would be amazing.

410
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,226
Okay.

411
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:09,064
Hi. We received a call.

412
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,982
I don't know
anything about that.

413
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:14,277
We were tipped off about a
possible narcotics situation.

414
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:15,362
Here?

415
00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:17,030
Hey, Pam, hey,
I got this, okay?
416
00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:19,032
Hello, officers.
Dwight Schrute,

417
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,826
former volunteer
sheriff's deputy.

418
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,828
Listen, I may have
inside information

419
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:26,122
that someone is hiding
drugs in this very office.

420
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,713
Just pretend like we're
talking until the cops leave.

421
00:19:37,218 --> 00:19:40,220
Those are real cops.
Real guns.

422
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:41,471
Wonder what's going on.

423
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,766
Officers, I reveal to you
the perpetrator.

424
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,351
Hey, what is this?
Search his things.

425
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,894
Sir, could you step away
from your desk, please?

426
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,521
Why? Sir, please step
away from your desk.

427
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:50,730
Hey, what's going on?

428
00:19:50,815 --> 00:19:52,440
You don't have my
permission to do this.

429
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,192
They don't need your
permission, Flenderson.

430
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,111
They've got the
company's permission.

431
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,404
Hey, hey,
what are you...

432
00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:58,697
Why are you doing this?

433
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:00,448
You know what?
I think this...

434
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,825
This is probably
a misunderstanding.

435
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,201
- Don't search my stuff.
- Sir.

436
00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:05,579
I have a reasonable
right to privacy.

437
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,706
Save your whining for the
jury there, Flenderson.

438
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:08,748
Yeah, let's just
cancel this, okay?

439
00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:09,833
Michael?

440
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:12,168
Sir, did you recently return
from a trip to Central America?

441
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:13,253
Oh, my God.

442
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,296
I went to Costa Rica
for a few months.

443
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,047
No, no, no. That was legitimate.
What is going on?

444
00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:17,757
- That was totally legitimate.
- Hey, check this out.

445
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:19,175
Oh, God!
That is not mine.

446
00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:20,969
Turn around please. I have
never seen this before.

447
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,470
No, no, no, no, God!
What is going on here?

448
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,055
No, that's... I don't
know what that is.

449
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:25,599
Do you have any weapons?
Of course not!

450
00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:27,392
I bet he has nothing
to do with that.

451
00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:28,560
That's mine.

452
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:29,644
No, Michael, no!
453
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:30,729
Yes, it's mine.

454
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,148
Some basil.

455
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:34,941
And salad dressing,
I think.

456
00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:36,067
Salad dressing?

457
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:37,903
Yeah, it's a Caprese salad.

458
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,988
There's a little bit of
mozzarella right there.

459
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,032
Are you kidding me?

460
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,326
That's my salad.

461
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:45,785
So wait a minute.
There's no drugs?

462
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:46,870
No.

463
00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:48,747
Oh, damn it. Come on!

464
00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:50,790
We got a fake tip.

465
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:51,875
Wait, officers,
are you sure you

466
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,251
don't want to
interrogate him?

467
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:55,086
No. You have laws
that protect you

468
00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:56,671
in any kind
of interrogation.

469
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,506
Why don't you use them?

470
00:21:01,135 --> 00:21:03,553
You must feel pretty good
about yourself right now.

471
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:08,016
I didn't put Caprese salad in
my drawer, Michael. Did you?

472
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:12,312
Since when is it illegal to
put Caprese salad anywhere?

473
00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,315
You know, the police
could have been out there,

474
00:21:15,399 --> 00:21:17,817
catching real criminals, instead
of here, searching my stuff.

475
00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:19,361
Are you kidding me?
Are you kidding me?

476
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,112
That's what
you're worried about?

477
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:23,782
You're worried
about the cops' time.

478
00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:27,619
You think I framed you and you're
worried about the taxpayer?

479
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,205
God!

480
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:36,503
Welcome back,
jerky jerk-face.

481
00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:41,925
You said you were leaving, and
you made liars out of all of us.

482
00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:42,968
I did leave.

483
00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,135
Yes, you did.

484
00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:45,428
And then you came back.

485
00:21:45,513 --> 00:21:48,765
Which makes you the
biggest liar of history.

486
00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:50,308
I don't see it
that way.

487
00:21:52,603 --> 00:21:53,687
Do you want to
hear a lie?

488
00:21:53,771 --> 00:21:54,771
What?

489
00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:56,189
I think you're great.

490
00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,149
You're my best friend.

491
00:22:02,405 --> 00:22:04,572
Hey, do you mind if we make
a stop on the way home?

492
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,074
Sure.
Cool.

493
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,705
What are we doing at
your parents' house?

494
00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:13,540
I have a surprise for you.

495
00:22:13,624 --> 00:22:15,917
All right. Ready?
Close your eyes.

496
00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:19,587
And now, open your eyes.

497
00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:21,756
Ta-da!

498
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:25,927
I don't get it.

499
00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,137
I bought it.

500
00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:30,306
It's ours.

501
00:22:33,644 --> 00:22:36,563
Let's go inside.
I'll show you inside.

502
00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:40,567
So if you can believe it,
I did it without a realtor.

503
00:22:40,651 --> 00:22:43,862
Saving on closing costs is good.

504
00:22:43,946 --> 00:22:47,782
And we can put all the money
to de-shag the carpet.
505
00:22:49,452 --> 00:22:53,246
Which I think will
help the color situation.

506
00:22:56,125 --> 00:22:58,460
Yeah, I am really
sorry about this.

507
00:22:58,544 --> 00:23:02,047
I tried to move it, but he
is really nailed in there.

508
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,591
Worried about
art theft, I guess.

509
00:23:04,675 --> 00:23:07,135
A lot of art thieves
in this neighborhood.

510
00:23:09,638 --> 00:23:15,226
This is the master bedroom, but
I'm actually not allowed in here.

511
00:23:15,311 --> 00:23:18,104
So, I'm still in the process
of converting the garage.

512
00:23:18,189 --> 00:23:20,106
It's got great light
in here.

513
00:23:20,191 --> 00:23:25,153
And I was thinking it could
be perfect for an art studio.

514
00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:38,416
Look, I know.

515
00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:40,043
I bought this
without asking you.

516
00:23:40,127 --> 00:23:43,838
And it doesn't look great.
I know that.
517
00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:48,343
And if you really hate it, I
totally understand. It's just...

518
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:49,761
I love it.

519
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:52,931
You do?

520
00:23:53,015 --> 00:23:55,141
Yeah, I love it.

521
00:23:55,226 --> 00:23:56,226
Really?

522
00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:57,769
I mean,
you bought me a house.

523
00:23:57,853 --> 00:23:58,937
Oh, my God.

524
00:23:59,021 --> 00:24:00,605
You bought me a house!

525
00:24:01,732 --> 00:24:03,149
Yeah, I did.

526
00:24:11,534 --> 00:24:14,577
Do we have to sleep
in your parents' bedroom?

527
00:24:14,662 --> 00:24:17,789
No. No, we'll just
board that up.

528
00:24:17,873 --> 00:24:21,334
It'll be that weird spare room
that people ask us about.

529
00:24:21,418 --> 00:24:22,544
And the clown?

530
00:24:22,628 --> 00:24:24,879
Yeah, I really
can't move him.

531
00:24:27,216 --> 00:24:28,800
What is my perfect crime?

532
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:31,136
I break into Tiffany's
at midnight.

533
00:24:31,220 --> 00:24:35,056
Do I go for the vault? No, I go for
the chandelier. It's priceless.

534
00:24:35,182 --> 00:24:37,308
As I'm taking it down,
a woman catches me.

535
00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:38,601
She tells me to stop.

536
00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:40,687
It's her father's business.
She's Tiffany.

537
00:24:40,771 --> 00:24:43,106
I say no.
We make love all night.

538
00:24:43,190 --> 00:24:46,317
In the morning, the cops come and I
escape in one of their uniforms.

539
00:24:46,402 --> 00:24:47,819
I tell her to
meet me in Mexico,

540
00:24:47,903 --> 00:24:50,155
but I go to Canada.
I don't trust her.

541
00:24:50,239 --> 00:24:52,490
Besides, I like the cold.

542
00:24:52,575 --> 00:24:54,033
30 years later,
I get a postcard.

543
00:24:54,118 --> 00:24:56,661
I have a son and
he's the chief of police.

544
00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:58,663
This is where
the story gets interesting.

545
00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:02,500
I tell Tiffany to meet me
in Paris by the Trocadero.

546
00:25:02,585 --> 00:25:04,169
She's been waiting
for me all these years.

547
00:25:04,253 --> 00:25:05,753
She's never
taken another lover.

548
00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:08,131
I don't care. I don't show up.
I go to Berlin.

549
00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:10,925
That's where
I stashed the chandelier.