The Onesie

written by

D.G. Sciortino

©2018 Dina Grace Sciortino

(914) 406-0465
dinagracezoe@gmail.com
 
INT. JENNA’S APARTMENT - EVENING

John, a 30-something man dressed in relaxed contemporary

casual work attire, standing outside of the bathroom door.
Hardcore sobbing from a terribly distressed Jenna is coming
from inside the bathroom. Jenna is a 30-something dressed in
a stylish purple onesie accessorized to be professional
looking. She has mascara streaked down her face and has
locked herself in the bathroom. John knocks on the door. 

JOHN
Jenna…

He knocks again.

JOHN (CONT’D)
Jenna, please come out. You can't
stay in there all day.

More wailing and sobbing is coming from the other side of the
door.

JOHN (CONT’D)
It’s gonna be OK I promise. Crying
isn’t going to solve anything and
besides, people barely noticed.It
happened so quickly.
JENNA
Are you fucking shitting me?

She wipes tears off of her face.

JENNA (CONT’D)

Of course they did.

JOHN
Well, technically you were the one
who was shitting but...
More screams from the other side of the door.
JOHN (CONT’D)
Honey, its really not a big deal.
 I think you are overreacting.
JENNA
Overacting… Overreacting?! My
career is over. My chances with
Rob... over. My life... over. It…
is.. Ohhh..veeeeerrr...heerrrrrrrrr

She goes back to sobbing.

 2.

JOHN
I bet not a single one of them
recognized you.You were looking
down. Plus there's a handful of
people in that office that have
already seen you naked, so no big
deal.
JENNA
Screw you John. That was one time
with one person and its something
neither of us have ever talked
about again, Ok. Well... maybe two
or three people. But that's
completely irrelevant.
JOHN
Jenna, there was only like a
handful of people who saw you.
JENNA
There were 20 people standing right
in front of that door, John. And if
they didn’t fucking see it then
they sure as hell smelled it for
Christ's sake.

John is holding in his laugher.

JOHN
(under his breath)
Or heard it.
JENNA
(furious)
What?
JOHN
Nothing, nothing.

JOHN (CONT’D)
I just think you need to take a few
deep breaths and come out of there
so we can talk about it and get
over it. What’s done is done. You
need to move on and heal from the
trauma. 
JENNA
There is no moving on from
something like that John. I'm gonna
have to quit my job. I can never go
back to the incubator again.
 3.

She starts to hysterically sob again. The front door to the

apartment opens. Jenna's roommate Chelsey, a 30-something
woman walks in and tosses her keys on the counter. She hears
sobbing and looks concerned and walks over to the bathroom
where John is standing.
CHELSEY
(to John)
What’s going on?
Chelsey tries to open the door and finds that its locked.

JOHN
She's been in there for over an
hour.
CHELSEY
Jenna, what's the matter? Are you
OK?

JENNA
(hysterical and half
screaming)
No. I'm not and I never will be.
CHELSEY
What the hell happened?
JOHN
Bad day at work.
JENNA
A bad day?! A bad day? I think it
qualifies a little more than a bad
day, John. I humiliated myself
because life isn't fair and is
fucking awful.

She wipes her nose with her hand.

JENNA (CONT’D)
And to think, the day started off
so good.
BEGIN FLASHBACK:

INT. HIPSTERY BUSINESS INCUBATOR - EARLIER THAT DAY

The office is buzzing with several different companies
working and sharing space. Jenna and John are sitting on some
brightly colored couches making their pitch to a client
trying to close a deal, and they are confident and killing
it.
 4.

JENNA
Believe me I understand where
you’re coming from. Keeping costs
down is number one for us too. And
going with the cheaper management
platform serves that goal. But let
me ask you, is your current
management software making you
money? You see that’s what
separates us from the cheaper
management platforms.

Jenna pauses. Her stomach growls loudly in a gassy fashion.

No one else hears it but she starts to look uncomfortable
like she has to go to the bathroom. John looks at her
slightly concerned. The client doesn't notice.
JOHN
Their software will manage your
relationships with your consumers,
and they do a pretty good job at
it. But our software delves into
your customer's psyche and assesses
why they choose to be a customer
and what can keep them as your
customer. As a result, our clients
haves reported, on average, a 20
percent increase in return
customers which vastly outweighs
the difference in cost between our
software and their software.
Jenna starts to sweat at this point. She is struggling to
hold it in. She needs to get to a bathroom ASAP. She is red
in the face.
JENNA
(showing her clients data
on an iPad )
I, uh, I.. Here we have
testimonials from our clients. You
can see that we've helped
innovative startups and industry
disrupting companies like YouRide,
Hum, and Jolly Juice. So as you can
see there really is a whole lot our
company can do for yours and we’d
like to help your company grow.
The client Ellen, a woman in her mid-forties who is dressed
in a contemporary skirt suit that is slightly more formal
than Jenna and John's attire, takes the iPad to review the
client testimonials. Jenna looks visibly in pain and is
squeezing her butt cheeks as hard as she can.
 5.

She is obviously not OK. John mouths "You OK?" to her. Jenna
painfully nods "no" while trying to keep her eye on the
client. Rob, a perky and positive super handsome 30-something
man dressed in bohemian attire that still looks stylish and
like he owns a youthful business, walks by.
JENNA (CONT’D)
Actually here is one of our happy
customers right now.
Jenna gives Rob a flirty smile as best she can.

JOHN
Ellen this is Rob Jacobson, CEO of
Masters Unlimited the fastest
growing spiritual education and
personal growth online platform in
the U.S. Rob this is Ellen
Masterson of Secoura woman's luxury
clothing and accessory brand.

Ellen and Rob shake hands.

ROB
Hey, Ellen, pleased to meet you.
These guys here, are just great.
They’ve helped us to grow our
return client base by 25 percent
within two months. It’s done
phenomenal things for us. Not only
that but Jenna here makes some
great chili. There’s some left in
the kitchen. Want me to go make you
a plate?
ELLEN
Oh, no Im fine. Thank you.
ROB
You sure? Jenna do you want any
more chili before it's all gone?
John?

JOHN
I'm good.
Jenna is sweating and just shakes her head. She is visibly
distressed but is trying not to show it. No one but John
notices.
ROB
Alright well, nice meeting you
Ellen. You guys have a great day.
Namaste!
 6.

JENNA
Great guy... as I was saying.
ELLEN
You know, I think you’ve said
enough and these testimonials speak
for themselves. We’d be happy to
have Happy Clients as our client
management software provider.
JOHN
That’s great! I'll go get our
contract and meet you over in the
coffee lounge where you can help
yourself to some coffee and a snack
and we can talk about setting up
the software.
Jenna is faking a forced smile and nod to cover up her
discomfort. They all shake hands. And Ellen gets up to walk
over to the coffee lounge. John turns to Jenna super excited.
JOHN (CONT’D)
We did...

Jenna bolts past him and off toward the bathroom. There’s a
line. She’s swaying back and forth because she has to go to
the bathroom so bad. A friendly 20-something hipster looking
guy walks by with a tray of cups.
HIPSTER WITH A WITH TRAY
Would you like a prune Jolly Juice?
Jenna shakes her head. The idea of prunes makes her have to
go even more. She looks like she's about to blow. There's a
woman, 30s in a casual dress, standing behind her talking to
someone while holding a coffee. The person she's talking to
walks away. She turns around to greet Jenna.
WOMAN ON LINE
Oh, hey Jenna! Did you check out
the new coffee from the lounge?

The Jenna has one hand up against the wall and the thought of
coffee is making her cringe. The woman takes a giant sip of
her coffee.
GIRL ON LINE (V.O.)
It smells and tastes so good. Want
a taste?
She holds the coffee up to Jenna's face so she can smell it.
Jenna painfully shakes her head.
 7.

GIRL ON LINE
It's really full bodied.
Jenna is hyperventilating and swaying in order to hold it in.
The bathroom door finally opens and Jenna runs in and slams
the door behind her. Someone opens a window in the incubator
and five seconds later the bathroom door swings back open at
the exact moment Jenna lets out the loudest fart ever as she
relieves her bowels. She is also wearing a onesie which means
she had to pull it down to go to the bathroom rendering her
completely naked on the toilet except for a pair of "chicken
cutlet" silicone boob covers. The office becomes dead silent
and everyone in the incubator just stops and stares.
Including John and Ellen in the coffee lounge and Rob who was
walking by. Jenna turtle walks over to slam the door. After a
few seconds of stunned silence, the office goes back to what
they were doing and the office hustle and bustle noise
resumes.

END FLASHBACK.

INT. JENNA’S APARTMENT - EVENING

CHELSEY
Wow, OK. Yeah, that's some heavy
shit, I'm not going to lie. OK
we're going to need a lot of
wine... stat. John, go in the
kitchen and grab the Rosé out of
the fridge. Pour two glasses and
leave the rest of the bottle for
Jenna.
John stands there for a minute and nods his head.
CHELSEY (CONT’D)
This isn't a drill John go. Move!
He runs off to the kitchen. Chelsey starts tapping away at
her cellphone. John comes back with the bottle and goes back
to the kitchen to grab the glasses. Chelsey knocks on the
bathroom door.
CHELSEY (CONT’D)
Here... drink this wine. I already
ordered three more bottles on
Postmates and have two pizzas,
garlic knots, and salad on their
way.
Jenna cracks the door open and sticks out half her body. She
takes the bottle of wine and swigs it, then sniffles.
 8.

JENNA
What kind of pizza?