ONLY

£2 APRIL 2021

Ashley
HELLO, Benson
GREAT On how not to be
defined by your

SKIN!
M Expert hacks
relationships

M Insider secrets
M The ultimate
Are
you
blemish-busters

YOU good in
bed?
...BUT LET’S TALK

RICHER SLEEP, AND

HOW TO GET
MONEY MORE OF IT
MOVES TO
MAKE NOW
(and cash in later)
HOW
ONE YEAR
The CHANGED
THE
£10,000 WORLD
orgasm The story of the
pandemic told
But is it worth it? through nine lives
Turn to p86 to find out
04

9 770141 055313
 We’v e THIS
always got MONTH
your back
IN
COSMO

COVER STORIES

22 Hello, great skin!

36 Are you good in bed?

From the 58 Money moves to

make now

editor
70 Ashley Benson on how
not to be defined by
your relationships

78 How one year

changed the world

T
his month, it’ll be one year since
the UK entered its first lockdown.
And while the pandemic has
undoubtedly affected almost
everyone in some way, there’s
HAIR EXTENSIONS, TRADEMARK BEAUTY. MAKE-UP SHANE PAISH AT CROSBY CARTER MANAGEMENT, USING DIOR MAKEUP. CARDIGAN, MICHAEL
COVER PHOTOGRAPH RAMONA ROSALES. STYLING SCOT LOUIE AT THE WALL GROUP. HAIR JOSEPH MAINE AT THE WALL GROUP, USING RPZL
feels. Over on the other side of the world, 86 e £10,000 or
The orgasm
we spent the day with Ashley Benson in
LA (p70), chatting about her journey as
a young woman in Hollywood, and her
experiences of dating under the glare of

no question that women have been hit cameras (“Nobody should get bullied for
COSTELLO X REVOLVE. JEANS, FREE PEOPLE. JEWELLERY, MARTINE ALI. THIS PAGE: CLAIRE’S PHOTOGRAPH SARAH BRICK. HAIR AND MAKE-UP
JOLANDA COETZER AT LHA REPRESENTS, USING URBAN DECAY AND SACHAJUAN. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, STUDIO 33

especially hard. With retail, beauty and who they love”). We’re reflecting on the
hospitality sectors tackling particularly love lessons we’ve learnt from our mums
high levels of unemployment, women (p114) and we’ve rounded up the most
are disproportionately impacted. And as empowering things to read, watch and
society calls on its caregivers, it’s often listen to this month (p14 & 17). Plus, INSIDE
women who are required to step up to the we celebrate the trans models taking
plate. That’s all before even mentioning the world by storm right now (p50), the 11 PLAY
the heartbreaking rise in domestic abuse, female-fronted fashion brands to support
the increase in calls to LGBTQ+ support (p104) and so much more throughout the 19 GLOW
charities, and the ongoing racism issue, including our expert guide on how
33 MOVE
experienced by Black, Asian and minority to get your finances in shape (p58).
ethnic women across the country. So whatever the last year has 43 STYLE
But as we mark a year of struggle, gle, looked like for you, please
this issue, we’re also marking a yearear remember that there’s no
remem 57 EARN
of immense strength – of the enduringuring “right” way to be a woman.
“right AX
RELAX
63
power of women. In a month thatt There’s no such thing as being
There
includes Mother’s Day, International nal too lloud, too emotional, too 78 AD
READ
Women’s Day and Trans Day Of se
sensitive or too tough, too
Visibility, what better time to feminine or too masculine. 113 LOVE
celebrate all of the things we And most importantly, 121 EXPLORE
are as women – the kindness, there’s no such thing
the empathy, the passion, the as being too you. Project Body Love is a campaign
grit and the determination. that aims to change the way
Our special report on p78, women think, feel and speak
about their bodies. This logo
in which we hear from women here, and in issues to come,
across the country about how thee means the content should help
to improve body confidence
last 12 months have changed C L AIR E HO DG SON from the inside out.
their lives, will give you all the E d i tor- in- Chi ef

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 5
 LE T’ S TA K E IT
O LD SC HO OL .. .
What was your first
ever Facebook
profile picture?
CLAIRE HODGSON
Editor-in-Chief
Executive Editor (Print) AMY GRIER Executive Editor (Digital) JESS EDWARDS
Creative Director STUART SELNER

ENTERTAINMENT
Entertainment & Special Projects Director LOTTIE LUMSDEN
Entertainment Editor ZOE SHENTON
I have no idea
Senior Entertainment & Lifestyle Writer DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT
where or when this
Editorial Assistant & Junior Writer DANIELLA SCOTT
was, but I’m
clearly thrilled! FEATURES
Features Director CATRIONA INNES Senior Editor CYAN TURAN 4th May 2007: Me
Sex & Relationships Editor PAISLEY GILMOUR clutching a drink, which
Features Editor CATRIONA HARVEY-JENNER Features Writer JENNIFER SAVIN definitely looks about
DESIGN right (also as far as first
Art Editor JESSICA LOCKETT Senior Designer (Digital/Motion) ALICE COWLING Facebook pics go, I think
Designer KATIE WILDE this is pretty harmless).
Quite relieved tbh.
PICTURES
Picture Director CAT COSTELLOE Picture Editor JODIE MCEWAN

PRODUCTION
Chief Sub-Editor HANNAH JONES Deputy Chief Sub-Editor REBECCA HASTINGS
A selfie with an
unfortunate X-ray filter BEAUTY
over the top, which Beauty Director VICTORIA JOWETT Beauty Editor CASSIE POWNEY
didn’t do a very good Deputy Beauty Editor LAURA CAPON Beauty Writer KATE PASOLA
job of hiding my FASHION
teenage angst. This Strongbow box/
Fashion Director AMY BANNERMAN (maternity)
Acting Fashion Director NATALIE MICHAELIDES Fashion Editor NATASHA HARDING makeshift dress earnt me
Bookings Editor SOPHIE LEEN Acting Shopping Editor MADDY ALFORD approximately zero likes
back in 2009.
SOCIAL & VIDEO
Social Media Manager SOPHIE BOYDEN
Video Lead ALEX HERING (maternity) Acting Video Lead EDIE JEFFERYS
Snapchat Editor FIONA HAYWARD Junior Video Editor/Producer TYRA CHUCK

CONTRIBUTORS
AMANDA STATHAM (Travel) KEEKS REID (Beauty)
LAUREN NICOLE COPPIN CAMPBELL (Fashion)
Group Managing Editor CONNIE OSBORNE Editorial Business Manager STACEY TOMLIN
Back when I was fresh
‘n’ (semi) famous. C H I E F I N T E R N AT I O N A L B R A N D O F F I C E R Me with a dog in a coat.
Of course.
MATT HAYES
Executive Assistant to the Chief International Brand Officer, TANYA STEWART
Group Brand Director STEVEN MILES

H EAR ST M AG AZ IN E S UK HE A RS T M AGA Z I N ES I N TE RN ATI O N AL

CEO, Hearst UK|President, Hearst Europe JAMES WILDMAN
Executive Assistant to the CEO, Hearst UK|President, Hearst Europe FAYE MCNULTY
Chief Financial, Operations & Data Officer, Hearst Europe CLAIRE BLUNT
Chief Strategy Officer ROBERT FFITCH
Chief People Officer, Hearst Europe SURINDER SIMMONS
Chief Content Development Officer BETSY FAST Director, PR & Communications EFFIE KANYUA
Marketing & Circulation Director REID HOLLAND Head of Consumer Sales & Marketing JAMES HILL
Head of Subscriptions JUSTINE BOUCHER Head of Marketing Promotions AOIBHEANN FOLEY
Digital Marketing Director SEEMA KUMARI Deputy Head of PR BEN BOLTON
Head of Business Management LUCY PORTER
Business Manager BETH RONAN (beth.ronan@hearst.co.uk)
HEA RS T C O M M E RCI A L
Chief Commercial Officer JANE WOLFSON (jane.wolfson@hearst.co.uk) Head of Partnerships MARK
MCCAFFERTY Head of Clients OLLIE LLOYD Head of Digital Sales RYAN BUCKLEY
Branded Content Director ALI GRAY Client Director, Health & Wellness NATASHA BAILEY
Client Director, Beauty LEE BAILEY Client Director, Fashion EMMA BARNES
Client Director, Motors JIM CHAUDRY Client Director, Finance PETE CAMMIDGE
Client Director, Travel DENISE DEGROOT Head of Classified LEE RIMMER (lee.rimmer@hearst.co.uk)
Senior Vice President/Editorial & Brand Director KIM ST CLAIR BODDEN
Deputy Brands Director CHLOE O’BRIEN
Editor-in-Chief, Cosmopolitan (1965-1997) HELEN GURLEY BROWN
I N TE RN AT I ON A L E DI TI ON S
Editor, Bulgaria SAVINA PETROVA Editor, China YVONNE LIU
Editor, Croatia ALEKSANDRA ORLIĆ Editor, Czech Republic SABRINA KARASOVA
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Editor, Germany LARA GONSCHOROWSKI Editor, Hong Kong RUQIYAH LAW KAM YING
Editor, Hungary JOHANNA SABJÁN Editor, India NANDINI BHALLA
Editor, Indonesia FILISYA THUNGGAWAN Editor, Italy FRANCESCA DELOGU
Editor, Kazakhstan ANEL ABDUALIYEVA Editor, Korea HYE SOO PARK
Editor, Latin America LUCÍA SOTELO SANTOS Editor, Malaysia NISA HALID
Editor, Middle East MILLI MIDWOOD Editor, Netherlands JOSEPHINE KAY
Editor, Romania DIANA COLCER Editor, Russia EKATERINA VELIKINA
Editor, Serbia NASJA VELJKOVIC Editor, Slovenia AJDA HOVNIK PLEŠEJ
Editor, South Africa HOLLY MEADOWS Editor, Spain CECILIA MÚZQUIZ HERRERO
Editor, Sri Lanka SHIHAAM HASSANALI Editor, Turkey ÖZGE ZEKI
Editor, Ukraine OLEKSANDRA BURYNSKA Editor, USA JESSICA PELS

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8· C O S M O P O L I TA N
 This month at
Dogs, knitting and walks with
friends are keeping us going…
Caught in the act
This issue, our creative
team did their first
remote photoshoot
in LA with Pretty Little
Liars star Ashley Benson
(see page 70). Here,
Ashley models what
can only be described
as “roadside chic” as
she, er, nets herself the
April Cosmo cover…
WORDS AMY GRIER. ASHLEY BENSON PHOTOGRAPH RAMONA ROSALES. STYLING SCOT LOUIE AT THE WALL GROUP. HAIR JOSEPH
MAINE AT THE WALL GROUP, USING RPZL HAIR EXTENSIONS, TRADEMARK BEAUTY. MAKE-UP SHANE PAISH AT CROSBY CARTER
MANAGEMENT, USING DIOR MAKEUP. ASHLEY WEARS T-SHIRT, SAINT LUIS. SKIRT, SHEIN. NECKLACES, DALMATA AND VITALY
Doggy style
You know those days when
you spend hours in hair
and make-up for a fashion
shoot (see page 104 for the
finished article), only to have
your locks upstaged by a
pooch? If anyone knows the
leave-in conditioner this pup
uses, hit us up – we need it.
Shooting the breeze
We might not have been able
to do much this month, but
here, picture editor Jodie
proves all you need is some
fresh air with a mate to make
things OK. Fancy a chilly dip?
Turn to page 41 for our pick
of the best wetsuits.
Hobby buddies
How do you fight lockdown-
induced boredom and give
your wardrobe a refresh at
the same time? Knit, that’s
how! Here, deputy beauty
editor Laura shows When Louis met Dusty
off her new skill, Interviewer became interviewee this
encouraged by beauty month, when senior entertainment
contributor (and and lifestyle writer Dusty grilled the
knitting pro) Keeks. one and only Louis Theroux. See
what they chatted about on page 15.
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 9
 play
T V, M O V I E S, M U S I C , B O O K S , P O D C A S T S , C E L E B S

AC - 1 2 a r e
back on screen
It’s been two long years, but finally
Line Of Duty is back for series 6. And
WORDS DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT. PHOTOGRAPH PIP/CAMERA PRESS

they’re straight on it, as the hunt for

corrupt coppers continues. After 2019’s
season finale revealed that “H” is
actually four people – three of whom
are dead or in witness protection –
Ted Hastings, Steve Arnott and Kate
Fleming (played by Vicky McClure, left)
are still searching for the missing piece
of the puzzle. Joining the show is Kelly
Macdonald as DCI Joanne Davidson,
whose unconventional conduct raises
suspicions. In the words of Hastings,
“Now we’re sucking diesel.”

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 11
play tv
T I G E R K I N G
a y e ar o n
The documentary became an overnight phenomenon during lockdown
in March 20
2020, but what have Joe Exotic et al been up to
o since?
nc
WHO? Animal rights activist,
founder of Big Cat Rescue
and Joe Exotic’s arch enemy.
WHAT’S SHE UP TO NOW?
Making the most of her new
fame, Carole appeared on
Dancing With The Stars (right)
CAROLE BASKIN
in 2020. She’s also become a
WHO? The self-styled “Tiger
King”, former owner of
Greater Wynnewood Exotic
Animal Park and wannabe
country singer was sentenced
to 22 years in prison in 2019
for animal abuse charges and
JOE EXOTIC paying someone to kill Baskin.
WHO? Another interesting
character and zoo owner,
Doc runs the Myrtle Beach
Safari in South Carolina.
WHAT’S HE UP TO NOW?
In October, Doc was charged
with wildlife trafficking and
BHAGAVAN “DOC” ANTLE animal cruelty, which he
WHO? One of Exotic’s
employees, Saff was attacked
by a tiger at the wildlife park
in 2013 and lost his arm.
WHAT’S HE UP TO NOW?
Not only did Saff leave Exotic’s
zoo in 2018, the unsung hero
KELCI “SAFF” SAFFERY of the series has also said he
12 · C O S M O P O L I TA N
fashion icon – Kim Kardashianan
a n
even dressed up as her for
Halloween. Carole still runs
Big Cat Rescue and is a
champion of the Big Cat
kss
Public Safety Act, which seeks
to ban the private ownership
of lions and tigers.
WHAT’S HE UP TO NOW? year afterr he
After the series came out, he failed to pay her
launched an appeal to get his £800,000 00
sentence overturned and even during a
wrote to Kim K (we’re kinda trademark rk
sensing a theme here) for help. dispute.
As for his Oklahoma zoo, it Double
was handed over to Baskin last ouch.h
Purrrfect
denied. Despite prowling
the charges, the
D, GETTY IMAGES, NETFLIX, SHUTTERSTOCK
Myrtle Beach Safari fari
Instagram account unt
pdated
ed
is still regularly updated
with pictures of his
animals, including ng ligers,
r,
himps.
elephants and chimps. WORDS ZOE SHENTON. PHOTOGRAPHS BACKGRID,
will never work in the business ont
contact with Joe Exotic,
again. Saff has relocated to which isn’t entirely
California, where it looks surprisin
surprising.
as though he’s been loving
outdoor life with his wife and
kids, judging by his wholesome
Instagram feed. He also
appears to have cut off all
 play tv

You’ve binged
Line Of Duty…
now what? CRIMINAL
What’s it about? This police drama takes place
Hastings, Kate and Steve are back on our screens entirely within the walls of the interrogation room, with
a group of exceptional detectives questioning suspects.
this month. Once you’ve charged through series Who’s in it? The cast includes Kit Harington, Sophie
Okonedo, David Tennant and Sharon Horgan.
six, this lot will fill the gap Will it really fill the LOD void? We all love the
LOD interrogation scenes, and this is basically a whole
series of them. Plus, LOD’s Rochenda Sandall also stars.
Series 1-2 are on Netflix

UNFORGOTTEN BAPTISTE

What’s it about? Two London What’s it about? The spin-off

detectives, DCI Cassie Stuart
and DI Sunny Khan, investigate
sinister unsolved cases.
Who’s in it? Nicola Walker
and The Kumars At No. 42’s
Sanjeev Bhaskar.
Will it really fill the LOD
void? It’s a good old-fashioned
cop drama – plus, there are 24
episodes across three seasons,
so it’ll keep you going for ages.
Series 1-3 are on Netflix
WORDS DANIELLA SCOTT. PHOTOGRAPHS BBC, NETFLIX, NOW TV, SKY
from the hit series The Missing
follows detective Julien Baptiste
as he investigates the case of
a missing girl in Amsterdam. 
Who’s in it: Tchéky Karyo plays
Baptiste, alongside Killing
Eve’s Fiona Shaw (above).
Will it really fill the LOD
void? Baptiste not playing by
the rules is essentially a homage
to DS Steve Arnott, in our book.
Series 1 is on BBC iPlayer

TRUE DETECTIVE
What’s it about? A different set of detectives is
followed each season as they investigate crimes,
unearthing secrets about themselves along the way.
Who’s in it? Each of the three seasons features
a brand-new cast – Matthew McConaughey, Rachel
McAdams and Mahershala Ali have all starred.
Will it really fill the LOD void? The only duo we
could love more than Kate Fleming and Steve Arnott
is McConaughey and Woody Harrelson.
Series 1-3 are on Amazon Prime
GANGS OF
LONDON
What’s it about? The
series delves into a powerful
family in London’s criminal
underworld, which becomes
increasingly turbulent and
political when a notorious
crime boss is assassinated.  
Who’s in it? Peaky
Blinders’ Joe Cole, His Dark
Materials’ Lucian Msamati and Game Of Thrones’ Michelle Fairley.
Will it really fill the LOD void? Yep – it’s wall-to-wall drama.
Series 1 is on Now TV

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 13
play culture

The playlist:
International Women’s Day
You don’t need a specific day to celebrate being a woman, but
these suggestions will put a spring in your step on 8th March
TUCK
GET S
INTO...
E
LENG
CHAL
RBG YO U R S E L F.
..
This Oscar-nominated
documentary is about the life of Hood
Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the legendary Feminism by
associate justice of the Supreme Court Mikki Kendall
of the United States. She served for A collection of essays that questions
almost three decades and became whether or not the feminist
an icon thanks to the trailblazing movement has been truly inclusive
moves she made for women’s of disability, race, class and
rights. Available sexual orientation. A tough
on Netflix but crucial read.
Out now

.
TEN..
E I T A LIS
GIV

Stuff Mom BE I
NSP
Never Told You IRED
...
Anney and Samantha, the hosts of
this podcast, explore what it means to Hidden Figures
identify as a womxn today. They look at When astronaut John Glenn
everything from activism to fangirling was launched into orbit in 1962,
and much more. Episodes range three Black female mathematicians
from 15 minutes to over an hour. played a pivotal role, all while
Available on Spotify and facing discrimination. This film,
Apple Podcasts now starring Taraji P Henson, Octavia
Spencer and Janelle Monáe,
tells their story. Available
on Amazon Prime

WORDS DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, MOVIESTILLS DB, NETFLIX

Grrrl
power

HE
GET T
D...
REA GIGGLES..
E A .
HAV

Alonement:
How To Be Alone Moxie
A comedy-drama from Mean
& Absolutely
Girls’ Amy Poehler? Sign. Us. Up.
Own It by
Based on the novel of the same
Francesca Specter
name, a 16-year-old sets up a feminist
Alexa, add “alonement” to our
revolution at her high school, after
vocabulary. This handy guide is
being inspired by her mum’s past
packed full of tips that’ll encourage
as part of the punk movement
you to value your own company
Riot Grrrl. Available
and dedicate some quality
on Netflix
time to yourself.
Out now

14 · C O S M O P O L I TA N
 play celebrity

Ask
Q&A

me
anything
Louis Theroux talks famous
friends, boozy ski holidays
and outrageous rumours

What’s the most you heard, you would

surprising rumour be vulnerable. You’d
you’ve heard need special protection
about yourself? from con artists. 
I once read that I’d had You were on The
my ears pinned back. Great Celebrity
If I have, they didn’t Bake Off. Tell us an
do a very good job. insider
insi secret...
Dream way
to spend
When the hosts
say “Bakers,
sing Chandelier as
a karaoke song.
“I’m liable comes mental health.
I have a wrinkly old-
a Sunday? you have What’s your best to sing Sia’s man head anyway.
A lie-in, 15 piece of advice? What’s your guilty
which means minutes Charge your phone Chandelier pleasure?
about left”, overnight. The worst Bourbon whisky, mixed
8.30am, they do it thing is to have low at karaoke” with orange juice,
followed by irrespective battery, because it will freshly squeezed
AS TOLD TO DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT. PHOTOGRAPHS CHANNEL 4, GETTY IMAGES

pancakes with the of the actual go dead by lunchtime lemon or tonic water. 
radio on. Then a time. They basically and you might be advice I’ve ever heard”, Ever been surprised
walk in the park in say to you: “Just ignore presented with a crisis. but you’ve still got to by what a guest
the sunshine, a pub that. We need that You’re going to say remember it.  has shared with you
lunch, and a relaxing clip for the show.” “That’s the most boring Would you rather on your podcast?
afternoon at home Who’s the most be 20 years older I’ve been more
with some football famous person Louis, above or below surprised by what I’ve
is that
or a board game.  in your DMs? y o u?
the neck? shared. I told Frankie
Would you rather Sia reached out to This may surprise you, Boyle about how I once
lose the ability me a few years ago but above the neck. drank so much wine on
to lie, or believe as she’d seen some I’d rather have an old a skiing holiday, I ended
everything you of my programmes, face and a young body. up pooing my pants.
hear? and wanted to get As you get older, diet
I’d rather tell the truth together for a meal. and exercise become Grounded With Louis
all the time. If you If I’ve had enough more important, and Theroux is available
believed everything tequila I’m liable to with physical health on BBC Sounds

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 15
play music

From
Montana to Miley
Somehow, it’s been 15 years since Miley Cyrus shot to fame as a befringed
country-singin teenager. Here are some of her biggest moments along
country-singing ong the
he way

2006 2008 2009

HAN
HANNAH MONTANA MILEY RELEASES HANNAHAH
MAKES HER DEBUT
MAK BREAKOUT ANA HITS
MONTANA
Fifte years ago, the first
Fifteen Millennials the world over will G SCREEN
THE BIG
ep
episode of Hannah Montana remember Miley’s Breakout The release of Hannah
aired on the Disney
ai album as a seminal work. From Montana: The he e Movie
C
Channel. The episode 7 Things to Fly On The Wall, supercharged ed
introduced
in us to Miley every track was an undeniable Miley’s glittering
ering
Ste
Stewart, who was living banger. The album career. Plus,,
a secret
s double life as teen reached number the soundtrack
ack
po sensation Hannah
pop one on the featured The e
Montana. It was an instant
M Billboard 200, Climb, whichch
h and we all immediately
hit, and has since was permanently
nently
gave ourselves ill-advised gone platinum in set to repeatt on
DIY fringes. the US and the UK.
th our
ur iPod Nanos. 
Naanos.
a nos. 

The ultimate will-

2013 2012 t h e y - w o n’t
’t - t h e y

THE WRECKING BALL ERA CY

CYRUSWORTH
C
This was the year Miley’s brand BEGINS
BE
completely changed, with Thr years after they met
Three
her new bleached hair on the set of The Last Song
and red lipstick. In back in 2009, Miley
ba
August, the same day announced her engagement
an
she released Wrecking to H
Hunger Games star Liam
Ball, she famously Hemsworth in an interview
He
twerked at the VMAs. with People magazine,
wit
In September, she and following months of denying
foll
Liam announced rumours that were sparked
rum
they’d split up. Boo. by a huge rock on her finger. 

Sing it to
2018 2019 2019
us, Miley WORDS DANIELLA SCOTT. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES,

SECRET HOT GIRL ALL HAIL MILEY

EY
WEDDING SUMMER Not only did Miley
BELLS The pair split again, appear on Billboard’ss
INSTAGRAM/@MILEYCYRUS, MOVIESTILLS DB

After reuniting a and Liam filed for Greatest Of All Time

couple of years divorce. Miley Artists Chart in 2019,,
previously, Miley embarked on but she also starred
and Liam married in “hot girl summer”, in Black Mirror, played
ed
a secret ceremonyy on captioning photos Glastonbury and, in
Christmas Eve. Thee low- and videos with 2020, released her epic
key occasion appeared
eared the buzz phrase new album, Plastic
on the Instagram story coined by Megan Hearts. We can’t waitt
of a friend of the couple. Thee Stallion. to see what’s next.

16 · C O S M O P O L I TA N

The
of all stories
The bond between mums and their children isn’t exactly straightforward, and neither is thinking about
becoming a parent yourself. But don’t worry: these new books don’t sugar-coat it, wherever you’re at
If…
you’re
freaking
out
NON-FICTION
THE PANIC YEARS
by Nell Frizzell,
out now
WORDS CYAN TURAN AND CATRIONA INNES. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES. *ACCORDING TO RESEARCH BY THE EQUALITY AND HUMAN RIGHTS COMMISSION
It’s the big decision that affects all the
smaller choices you’ll ever make, and
it’s one that’s impossible to take back:
whether or not you should have a baby.
In this memoir, Nell Frizzell unpacks her
“panic years” (which, she says, can hit
at any time between 25 and 40), all
the while offering advice and feminist
learnings on how to survive when it
feels as though everyone around you
is becoming a parent.
If…
you’re the
odd one
out in your
family
FICTION
THE TALK OF
PRAM TOWN
by Joanna Nadin,
out now
Eleven-year-old Sadie adores her wild,
vibrant mum, Connie. But then Connie
is found dead, leaving Sadie to move
in with the grandparents she’s never met
– as Connie fled the family home when
she was 17 and pregnant. Following
the stories of three generations of
women across several decades as their
differences are unpicked, this book asks:
is it always like mother, like daughter?
mother
If…
you’re
struggling
with
infertility
THE MOTHER PROJECT
by Sophie Beresiner,
out 27th May
After a cancer diagnosis stole her fertility
when she was just 30, Beresiner began
a decade-long journey to parenthood.
Her rollercoaster entailed hope, despair,
three countries and multiple surrogates,
but – as her Instagram followers will
know – it ultimately ends in joy. Her story
might just make anyone struggling with
infertility or loss feel slightly less alone,
and shows that there’s more than one
way to become a mother.
If…
things are
complicated
with your
mum
SURROGATE
by Susan Spindler,
out 1st April
Lauren has been told that the only way
she and her husband will get their
longed-for baby is via surrogacy. Up
steps the unlikeliest candidate, her
54-year-old mum, Ruth, who discovers
that with the right hormones, she could
carry her daughter’s baby. But as the due
date approaches, Lauren’s envy and
Ruth’s isolation mean things unravel.
A gripping take on an under-discussed
topic for fans of Apple Tree Yard.
play books
If…
you’re
pregnant
PREGNANT
ANT THEN
SCREWED
by Joeli Brearley,
out now
Pregnant women found themselves low
on the government’s priority list during
the pandemic, but Brearley fought their
corner. Her organisation Pregnant Then
Screwed battles pregnancy and maternity
discrimination (54,000 women per year
are pushed out of their jobs for being
pregnant or taking maternity leave*). This
book exposes why, when you’re pregnant,
the world can feel rigged against you.
If…
you’re
feeling
fractured
WHAT’S MINE
AND YOURS
by Naima Coster,
E-book out 1st April
How do our parents’ decisions affect the
rest of our lives? That’s the question asked
by this North Carolina-set novel, in which
we meet Gee and his mother, Jade, who is
determined to help her sensitive Black son
survive school. There’s also Noelle, who is
half-Latina, but whose mum refuses to see
her as anything other than white. When
the two families’ lives become intertwined,
the consequences are haunting.
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 17
 glow
BS -FREE BEAUTY THAT WORKS FOR YOU

Beauty director USING NEXT

Victoria Jowett
B I OS S A NC E S QUA LA NE +
on this month’s V ITA M I N C DA RK SP OT
#empties S E RU M, £4 9
It takes a lot for a serum to turn my
head, but Biossance has done it. This
new formula is packed with vitamin C
and soothing squalane, which means
it brightens and decongests skin as
well as calming inflammation. It’s
become my favourite for applying after
breakouts, as it helps prevent acne
scarring while also keeping my face
looking bright and glowy.

USING UP

DR UNK ELEPH ANT C -FIRMA

DAY SERUM, £6 7
PHOTOGRAPH AND FOOD STYLING ELLIS PARRINDER

This has been my go-to vitamin C serum

for the past year – I’ve religiously slathered
it all over my face every morning (and
become as addicted to it as I have my
morning coffee). It smooths any texture,
minimises under-the-skin spots, brightens
and helps fade pigmentation. The formula
is one of the best I’ve found for ticking
every box – plus, the packaging is airtight,
which allows the vitamin C to stay fresh
and stable for longer.

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 19
 Beauty lab
Clarifying
Victoria Jowett
BEAUTY DIRECTOR

clay masks
Each month, our beauty team tests the newest products to
see what reigns supreme. Here, Cassie Powney slathers
on some earthy delights to blitz her blemishes
Cassie Powney
BEAUTY EDITOR

PICK
EDITOR’S

Institut Esthederm
Intensive Propolis+
Purifying Mask, £28
Pore-clearing kaolin is teamed
with soothing, antibacterial
propolis – a Korean favourite
for combating anything from
excess shine to adult acne. I
was left with a noticeable glow
after only one use, and a few
Laura Capon
underlying spots even came
DEPUTY BEAUTY EDITOR
to the surface. Silky to apply
and with a subtle coconut
scent, this purse-friendly face
fixer ticks every box for me. LOVES
2021

Keeks Reid
BEAUTY CONTRIBUTOR

Soak Sunday Rose Utopia

Transformative Clay Face Mask, £16
There’s something therapeutic about mixing
up a clay mask by hand. This pink kaolin
powder offers a best-of-both blend of
gentle white and more absorptive red clay,
but despite drying quickly, left no tingling or
dryness. I loved the subtle scent of lavender
and rose petals, and more importantly, the
soft, glowy (not greasy) skin it left me with.
Glow Hub Calm & Soothe
Face Mask Stick, £10
As a stick-mask virgin, I was impressed by the
smooth, mess-free application of this kaolin
clay mask. Good for people with pristine white
bathrooms and skin that errs on the sensitive
side, thanks to calming hemp-seed oil and
jojoba. Great price, but it felt more like a good
cleanse than a deep, decongesting skin reset.

Kate Pasola
BEAUTY WRITER

Chanel Le Masque
Anti-Pollution Vitamin
Clay Mask, £43
Heavy-duty clay formulas are
great for soaking up excess
oil, but if you find them a
little too drying for your skin,
consider this coral-coloured
cream instead. The French
clay and kaolin is balanced
nicely with hydrating passion-
fruit extract (I skipped my
moisturiser afterwards), plus
vitamins C and E, giving
my skin an instant radiance
boost without any tingling or
tightness. Just take my money.
For more of
our favourite face
masks, go to
Cosmopolitan.com/
uk/face-mask
Volition Detoxifying Silt
Gelée Mask, £53
Once you get past the “foraging in the
forest” smell, this is a joy to use. It applies
smoothly, removes easily after 10 minutes,
and purifies skin without flaring up
any sensitivity (thanks, soothing quinoa
protein). The only downside? It’s a little
more spenny than others on the page.
glow
L A Y Q&A
C
1
Which clays won’t dry out
my combination skin?
Kaolin is the mildest form, meaning
it absorbs impurities without stripping
the skin of its natural oils. Found in
most clay-based products, it offers
gentle exfoliation rather than
hardcore pore-purging. 
2
Are clay masks the natural
alternative for acne-prone skin?
You can channel your inner
cavewoman and seek out the pure
stuff, but most clay-based products
are far from “natural”, often boosted
MAIN PHOTOGRAPH STOCKSY. STAFF PHOTOGRAPHS SARAH BRICK. HAIR AND MAKE-UP JOLANDA COETZER, USING URBAN DECAY, ANASTASIA BEVERLY
with other skin-loving ingredients and
(perfectly safe) cosmetic colourants.
HILLS AND SACHAJUAN, AND JENNI DAVIS, USING MAC AND KENRA, BOTH AT LHA REPRESENTS. STILL LIFES GETTY IMAGES, LUCKY IF SHARP
3
How often should you be
applying a clay mask?
How regularly you apply clay and
the length of time you leave it on for
depends on your skin type (and the
product instructions, obviously). But
as a general rule of thumb, aim for
a 10-minute session three times
a week if you’re dealing with a daily
oil slick. Only battling a little bit of
shine? Apply on the T-zone for five
minutes once or twice a week.
4
So I can’t just take the mask off
once it’s cracked?
Contrary to popular belief, you should
never wait for your clay mask to dry
out and crack before removing it.
Satisfying? Yes. Dehydrating for all
skin types? Totally.
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 21
 a
glow

cn
I still
have

e: a memoir

If spots are plaguing you

in your twenties and thirties,
don’t do anything until you’ve read
Carly Cardellino Vaccaro’s story ›

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 23
hi
I work in beauty,
I have for years,
and I don’t have
clear skin.
This is despite having access
to the country’s best
dermatologists and the most
cutting-edge treatments.
The most frustrating part?
I’m no longer 16 – I’m a
grown-up. A spotty-faced
adult. For me, acne is like that
one frenemy who just keeps
popping back into your life.
Here’s the hard truth: acne
is almost always chronic, and
it’s getting worse for adults
– it’s not something you cure,
but something you control.
So buckle up, because I
(and some people with actual,
spot-fighting medical degrees)
am going to show you how.
First, it helps to know that
there are two main kinds of
acne, teenage and adult-
onset, explains dermatologist
Dr Shari Marchbein. The
former typically shows up
in the T-zone (forehead,
nose, chin), while adult acne
tends to invade the jawline,
mouth area, cheeks and neck.
They both stem from four
causes: bacteria in your
skin, inflammation caused
by said bacteria, enlarged
oil glands and hormones.
Imbalanced hormones force
your sebaceous glands (which
spit out waxy, pore-clogging
sebum) into action. This may
provide a clue as to why
breakouts have become
a big problem for twenty-
and thirtysomethings recently,
explains Dr Marchbein. “One
theory we have now is that you
have an increase of hormones
in your skin that causes your
oil glands to overproduce,”
she says. This could be due
to contraception use.
In addition to hormones,
though, there are a lot of
other factors that can make
adult-onset acne worse –
and unfortunately, they’re
things many of us have to
deal with every day…
STRESS
Feeling frazzled means the
stress hormone cortisol is
coursing through your body,
triggering the inflammation
that leads to flare-ups.
POLLUTION
Debris in the air can
basically sit on your face,
clogging pores and causing
spots. Avoid this by using
anti-pollution skincare
ingredients like vitamin C.
PRODUCT OVERUSE
“People want to try every new
beauty trend, but few consider
what’s right for their skin,”
says Dr Marchbein. Her
recommendation? Stay strong
against Instagram beauty
bombardments and pare
back your regimen.
DIET
Eating a high-glycaemic
diet (one that contains
lots of sugar and refined
carbohydrates), as well as
consuming certain dairy
products, could make you
break out. “The latter contain
a protein that spikes certain
hormone receptors, creating
acne,” explains Dr Marchbein.
3
w ays a
d e rm atol og i st
ca n cl ea r u p
your s ki n
TOP ICA L CRE A M S
Prescription antibiotic gels
and anti-inflammatory
creams like benzoyl
peroxide can calm red,
inflamed breakouts, while
topical retinoids promote
skin-clearing cell turnover
and help with scarring. 
M E DICIN ES
Birth control pills regulate
the acne-causing
hormones oestrogen
and progesterone, halt
ovulation (which can spike
breakouts) and calm
testosterone (which can
send oil glands into
overdrive). Spironolactone
is another drug that
dermatologists swear
by – it’s used to treat
high blood pressure,
among other concerns,
but also used off-label
to keep hormones in
check. “If a patient’s
acne still hasn’t cleared,
I suggest Roaccutane
– an oral retinoid that’s
very strong,” says
Dr Marchbein.
S TE RO ID
IN JEC TION S
Got cysts (aka deep,
invisible pimples) or a
giant red blemish that
needs to go right now?
Ask a dermatologist for
a spot treatment. They’ll
inject a mild steroid right
into the area to deflate it. 
To
p tips
fr om t he C o sm o
b e a ut y t e a m
“Online
dermatology
services like Dermatica
can prescribe ingredients
like Tretinoin, which has
helped clear my skin.”
V ic to r ia J o w e t t,
b ea ut y
di r e ct o r
“I go
for soothing,
hydrating skincare
ingredients like hyaluronic
acid, and an exfoliating acid
every other night.”
C as si e Po w n ey,
b ea u ty e dit o r
“When
I get a breakout,
I use hydrating serums.
I’ve made the mistake of
drying out my spots before,
and that just leads to flaking.”
L au r a Ca po n ,
de pu t y b e au t y
ed it o r
“LED
wands and
masks, ibuprofen and
oral CBD help with my
cysts, and I love Gallinée’s
prebiotic supplements.”
Ka te Pas o la,
b ea ut y
w r it er
“If you
wear a
PHOTOGRAPHS HANNAH KHYMYCH/
headscarf to bed,
change it weekly. This will
stop bacterial breakouts
ART PARTNER LICENSING
on your forehead.”
Ke ek s Re id,
b ea u ty
c o n t r ib u to r
 glow

A n on - ov e r wh e lmi n g
skin ro u ti ne
that a c t ua l l y wo rks
The best way to calm your skin? Take your
routine right back to basics. Snap a pic
of this gentle, dermatologist-approved
guide and follow it every single day.
If you’re still breaking out a month later,
book a dermatologist appointment.

AM PM

Use a cleanser that won’t Apply a retinoid such as La

dry out your skin, like Roche-Posay Retinol B3
Avène Extremely Gentle Serum, £38, every other
Cleanser, £11.50. night after cleansing.

Add vitamin C with On nights you don’t use

Nip & Fab Vitamin C Fix a retinoid, give your skin
Concentrate Extreme a swipe with StriVectin
3%, £24.95 – it contains Daily Reveal Exfoliating
pollution-fighting Pads, £39, which promote
antioxidants. cell turnover.

P ut a s ticker o n it Apply a sunscreen like Finish with a good

REN Clean Screen moisturiser – Honest
1 2 3
Mineral SPF30, £32, Beauty Hydrogel Cream,
Standard spot treatments aren’t all they’re cracked up to which protects, but won’t £25, locks in moisture
be. “Overusing them can dry out already infected areas pill under
nder your mak
make-up. without feeling greasy.
1. Starface Hydro-
around your pimple, creating micro-cracks in your skin’s
Stars, £12 for 32
barrier that invite more bacteria in, putting the skin at risk
of infection,” explains dermatologist Dr Joshua Zeichner. 2. Zitsticka Killa
Your new fix? A spot sticker. These non-irritating treatments Kit, £27 for 7
are made from a hydrocolloid material designed to heal
wounds. Also, they look cute, and help you resist picking 3. Dots For Spots,
your spots. Out of sight, out of mind, right? £5.99 for 24

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 25
b Step awayy
evenn
a
an expert how
w

W po
e’ve
e all dealt with blackheads at some
point or other – and as a long-time sufferer
BACK TO BASICS
You can’t tackle the issue until you understand the
myself,f I know how frustrating they can be. Most
f, cause, right? So let’s break this down…
of the time, I live my life without giving them a
Why do we get blackheads?
second thought. I mean, who o really cares about
“We all have pores, and when those pores become blocked with
a couple of tiny clogged pores on my nose, osee
debris, oil or dead skin cells, that’s when you get a blackhead,” sa says
right? But every now and then, I’ll be in the midst
Dr Mahto.
M “The reason they look black is because all the oils in th them
of my evening skincare routine and end up
become e oxidise oil.” 
oxidised. It’s not the dirt that is black, it’s just oxidised o
lingering a little too long over my T-zone. That’s
OK, but how are re bl
blackheads different to whiteheads?
when it happens – I start to consider doing the
“When it comes to blackheads, ds the p
ads, pore remains open, whereas
where
unthinkable, and squeezing the tiny spots.
when you get a whitehead, the pore becomes omes blocked over – and
comes
Of course, I know better. I’ve been told by
then you get a little pustule.” Nice, eh? h?
PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES

countless skincare experts about the perils of

And why are they so damn hard to get rid of? 
picking and popping blackheads, but I can’t
“The underlying problem is the excess oil being produced,” says
deny, the temptation remains. So, in an attempt
Dr Mahto. “So whatever treatments you do, blackheads will
to (literally) save my skin, I spoke to consultant
always naturally reform every 20 to 40 days. This means
dermatologist Dr Anjali Mahto, to find out how
doing a one-off treatment won’t permanently
to declog my pores for good…
get rid of them – they will come back.
Tackling them needs to be an
26 · C O S M O P O L I TA N
ongoing process.”
 glow

THE
BLACKHEAD -
BUSTING
CHECKLIST 1
Buff it out
“Exfoliation removes that upper layer
of dead skin cells,” says Dr Mahto. “You’re
effectively preventing everything from old
cells to dirt and make-up getting blocked
inside the top layer of pores. There are two
ways you can do this – mechanical exfoliation,
such as a face scrub, and chemical
exfoliation, using skincare acids to
dissolve the dead skin cells.”
T R Y: La Roche-Posay Ultra-
Fine Scrub, £10

ds
Ace your acids
Not a fan of scrubs? Then it’s time to
work with the acids in your arsenal instead.
“AHAs, or alpha-hydroxy acids, are really
good for treating blackheads – they’re your
glycolic acids and your lactic acids,” explains Dr
Mahto. “Then you have BHAs, or beta-hydroxy
acids, such as salicylic acid. They cause a
chemical disintegration of the top layer of the
skin cells, so they dissolve everything and
that unblocks the pores.”
T R Y: The Ordinary Lactic Acid
10% + HA, £5.80

3
Mask up
“If you have acne or blemish-
prone skin, using a clay mask once a
week can be really beneficial. They’re
super-effective when it comes to drawing
impurities out of the skin and reducing oil
production,” says Dr Mahto. “Exfoliate
before applying the mask, as this will
allow it to really penetrate the skin.”
TRY: Origins Clear Improvement
Active Charcoal Mask To
Clear Pores, £24

4
Rely on retinoids
“Retinoids are great if you
have blackhead-type acne, or a
predisposition to blackheads,” explains
Dr Mahto. “They are vitamin A-based
formulas and cause an accelerated
exfoliation, helping to de-clog stubborn
pores. You have to be patient, though, as
they take about 12 weeks to kick in.”
T R Y: Sunday Riley A+
High-Dose Retinoid
Serum, £70
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 27
 h y o u r
tc
di
to
w

nd for all)
Ho

e a
n c
(o

Eyes look like you’ve

had a night on the
pornstar martinis
when you were in bed
by 9pm with a hot
cocoa? You might
want to read this…

28 ·
28 COSMOPOLIT
TA N

Un
der-eyes
plained
ex
Not- so -fun fact:
The skin under your eyes is
10 times thinner than the
rest of the skin on your face,
making it more prone to
swelling (caused by excess
fluids) and discolouration
(blood vessels visible
through transparent skin).
Other factors can play a
part too – such as allergies,
stress, fatigue, genetics and
good old ageing. “As you
age, your skin thins and
your face loses fat, not
to mention elastin and
collagen, which give skin
its support and fullness,”
explains Dr Daniel Ezra,
a specialist ophthalmic
and oculoplastic consultant.
It could just be that your
folks passed on the gift
of deep-set eyes (cheers,
guys), something even an
industrial-strength concealer
won’t fix. “Pigmentation
problems can also run
in families of colour due
to extra melanin in the
WORDS CASSIE POWNEY. PHOTOGRAPHS CAROLINE TOMPKINS/REFINERY29 FOR GETTY IMAGES, GETTY IMAGES
skin,” adds Dr Ezra.
Revolution Cooling
E y e R o l l e r B a l l, £ 8
GREAT
FOR
Lymphatic
drainage
GRE AT
F OR
Anti-
ageing
Olay Collagen
P e p t i d e24 E y e
C r e a m, £ 3 4 .9 9
y-
Earl bird
b a gs
Ri d d le u s th is :
If sleep is so important for
well-rested eyes, then why
are our peepers puffier in
the morning? “A good
night’s sleep will stop
congestion from building up
in the veins and making the
under-eyes appear darker,”
says Dr Thivi Maruthappu, a
consultant dermatologist for
the Skin Health Alliance and
Olay. But when we sleep,
we lie flat and don’t blink,
which allows fluids to gather
and settle temporarily.
Try raising your head up
with an extra pillow to
encourage drainage, and
apply your eye cream using
M o v e o v e r,
sweeping outward motions cucumber
from the inside corner to
help speed up lymph
drainage. Fluid retention
can also be nixed by staying
hydrated, avoiding too
much salt and eating
potassium-rich foods.
Q+A
Caf feine
Eye
S e r u m,
£6.50
GREAT
FO R
Reducing
puffiness
glow
The eye-
m myt
re a Doctor ’s
h
o r d er s
Question:
Can applying a topical
product for a few weeks
completely blitz under-eye Wan t n o t ic ea ble
bags and make you forget
r e su lt s n o w ?
they were ever there?
Tear trough filler is a
In a word, no. But they
non-surgical treatment
often contain ingredients
that involves injecting
that help to reduce
hyaluronic acid into specific
inflammation, tighten skin
and support the delicate areas around the eyes
under-eye area, housed to replace lost volume.
in light formulations that “Not everyone is a good
won’t exacerbate puffiness. candidate,” explains Dr
“Look for active ingredients Ezra, who administered my
such as peptides to treatment. “For example,
stimulate collagen people with excess skin
production,” advises beneath the eyes, genetic
Dr Maruthappu. “It’s the hyperpigmentation, or
skin’s natural cushion.” a medical condition that
increases their risk of
complications.” There are
flashes of pain as the needle
is inserted, but it’s over fairly
quickly, and after a few days
of mild bruising, the results
are pretty breathtaking.
Dr Ezra charges £725 for
the treatment – pricey, yes,
but the results can last
anything from nine months
to a couple of years.
Murad Vita-C
Eyes Dark Circle
C o r r e c t o r, £ 5 6
GR E AT
FOR
Calming and
strengthening
Pai Sys tem D Cooling
E y e S e r u m, £ 3 9
GR E AT
G RE AT
F OR
FOR
Brightening
A restful
pigmentation Spacemasks sleep
S e l f- H e a t i n g E y e
M a s k , £15 ( f o r 5 )
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 29
J O I N THE

PA N E L
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and having the chance to help
edit this magazine? Then we
want to hear from you…

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COSMO PANEL
WHAT YOU’LL GET:
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PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES

Hearst-panel.co.uk
to sign up today!
 glow

My life in
beauty
YouTube and TikTok skincare king Hyram talks
us through his life milestones in products

bareMinerals
Complexion
Rescue Tinted
Moisturiser, £30 Shani
“While recovering from my Darden
eating disorder, wearing Retinol Reform,
this was the first time £80*
I felt beautiful.” “This is the best retinol I’ve
found so far. There’s no
sensitivity, but I notice
really good results.”

The
Ordinary
Niacinamide 10%
+ Zinc 1%, £5
“Niacinamide is my
favourite skincare
iUNIK ingredient – it’s simple,
Tea Tree Relief but super-effective.”
Serum, £15†
“I rarely hear about this
brand on social media,
but it has some of my
AS TOLD TO LAURA CAPON. PHOTOGRAPH AKONI PHOTOGRAPHY. *CULTBEAUTY.CO.UK †FEELUNIQUE.COM

favourite formulas of
all time.”

Kylie
Skin Walnut
Origins
Face Scrub, £24
GinZing
“I posted a video saying,
Oil-Free Gel
‘Don’t buy this, it’s not worth
Moisturizer, £25
it.’ I got 100,000 views in
“Working as a make-up artist
a day – that’s when my
got me into skincare. This
channel really grew.”
was the first moisturiser
I ever bought.”

CeraVe
SA Smoothing
Cleanser, £12
“The response I usually
get when I meet people is,
‘You got me hooked on
CeraVe, you changed
my skin.’” 

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 31
 move
STRETCH YOUR BODY AND YOUR MIND
*ACCORDING TO AN ESTIMATE BY BEAT EATING DISORDERS

What not to say to someone with

WORDS JENNIFER SAVIN. PHOTOGRAPH STOCKSY.

an eating disorder
If you’re supporting one of the 1.25 million people in the UK with an eating disorder*
this Eating Disorders Awareness Week (it’s 1st-7th March, FYI), finding the right words can
be tough. But when we asked a group of people who’d experienced an eating disorder
first-hand, one comment they said they wished people wouldn’t make was “You look well!”,
adding that this reinforces the idea that eating disorders are purely physical, when they’re
actually mental illnesses. Instead, show you care by asking “I wondered if you’d like to talk?”
or “Is there anything I can do to help you?” Learn more at Beateatingdisorders.org.uk

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 33
Before-and- after
fitness pics:
friend or foe?
They’ve become a social-media staple, but body-confidence advocates
are questioning their impact. Jennifer Savin takes on the debate
 move

On the left, a place value on how their body PROUD TO

transformation is received.”
woman stands in While Danielle acknowledges that BE PICTUR
ED

everyone’s journey with their body is

greying underwear personal, she says the problem is that the “Legend!”, “Your posts show me I mustn’t

or clingy gym gear, “before” image automatically positions

her shoulders
slightly hunched.
The lighting is perhaps less
complimentary. The focus is meant
to be on her shape – on her soft
stomach or pillowy upper arms. On
the right is a more toned version of
the same body. The accompanying
caption details the trick to which the
poster owes their “body glow-up”.
A new eating plan maybe, or a
workout app. An increase in time
spent on the rowing machine.
The likes amassed are often in the
thousands, the comments a flurry
of flame and heart-eyes emojis.
If sets of “before-and-after” images
have ever appeared on your social-
media feed, chances are you’ve
stopped scrolling to take a look. But
does doing so make you feel inspired
and motivated, or press play on the
pesky voice in your head that screams
“You aren’t enough”? It seems that
for many, the answer is increasingly
the latter. So should we consign them
to history along with fat-shaming gym
adverts and diet pills?
NO CONTE
ST
For mental health and plus-size
confidence influencer Danielle Catton,
the argument is clear-cut. “As somebody
who has struggled with disordered
eating and body image, I find before-
and-after photos harmful,” she explains.
Danielle adds that when she recently
saw someone who positions themselves
as part of the self-love community on
Instagram post a side-by-side weight-loss
image, she felt compelled to unfollow
PHOTOGRAPHS STOCKSY
that body shape as “less worthy”. “If
somebody wants to lose weight, that’s
absolutely their business alone, but when
it comes to before-and-after set-ups,
they imply there was something wrong
beforehand,” she says. “That somehow
the bigger body is less valuable.”
Dr Omara Naseem, a counselling
psychologist who specialises in eating
disorders, agrees that these sorts of
photos can be difficult to see. “People
with eating disorders or low self-esteem
tend to negatively compare themselves
to others,” she explains. “These images
could be triggering and lead to feelings
of inadequacy, or result in unhelpful
negative comparisons.” She adds that
what we see online doesn’t
always represent reality.
“Images on social media
can be edited and
filtered. They also “They imply
often play into the
idea that we should
that the bigger
all aspire to look
a certain way, as
body is less
opposed to doing valuable”
what’s healthiest and
best for ourselves.”
On Danielle’s
Instagram feed, she’s
posted her own “reverse”
before-and-after picture – a
photograph of her thinner self
contrasted with her current larger er
body. Her caption is all about
the internal journey she’s been
on: “Here is my then and now.
I’ve gained a lot of weight and
I don’t need an excuse for it.
I don’t drink any more. I’m
beating an eating disorder
and kicking bipolar disorder’s ’s
butt. Isn’t it time we stop
assuming someone else’s health ealth
by just looking at them? Isn’t ’t it time
give up on myself” and “You’re an
inspiration” are examples of the types of
comments that Rachael Kent, a marketer
and fitness instructor, receives whenever
she shares a before-and-after post. “I
took pictures throughout my weight-loss
journey, and I should be able to celebrate
the fact I’m a couple of stone lighter
and a million times happier,” she says.
Everyone’s health concerns and priorities
are different, so following a doctor’s
advice is essential. For Rachael, there was
a lightbulb moment when she realised her
weight was putting her in the danger zone
for certain health conditions, such as heart
problems or a stroke. “Taking photos of
my progress kept me motivated,” she says.
Progress photos on a personal
trainer’s account are a way
for them to advertise their
services, explains
Rachael. She adds
that it’s not about
celebrating
smaller sizes,
but motivating
those who want
it, whatever
their goal.
It’s also important
to remember that how
ssomeone lost weight is
just as important, and isn’t
always shown through a
alway
picture. Sustainable methods
picture
that foc
focus on both mind and
body are ar always healthiest. If
before-and-after
before-a posts make you
spiral, DrD Naseem suggests
unfollowing
unfoll hashtags or users
that prompt upsetting feelings,
and setting yourself time limits
on certain
c apps. “We all have
an iindividual weight range and
shap which is healthy for us,”
shape
s
she says. “Acceptance
of a range of o healthy bodies

them. “It invalidates everything they were we treated fat bodies with the he same – including different genders,
trying to say. Even if it did include a lovely respect as thin ones?” She regularly abilities and
races, abilit
caption about how their weight loss tells her followers that she’ss in a background
backgrounds – is the most
doesn’t define them, the fact they posted happier place now than shee was realistic, he
helpful message.”
it at all indicates that they do actually when she was thinner. Amen to that.

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 35

a v e t he
nıght
H
of fe
Fed
up wi
th ca tchi
s cie
nce a
nd put a
Y
ou know those nights
when you stare at the
ceiling, imagining to an
outsider your eyes must
resemble bloodshot Ren &
Stimpy-style balls glowing
in your skull? Yeah, those.
If you’ve been experiencing
more of them lately, don't worry.
So has pretty much everyone.
New research shows that the
number of us struggling with our
sleep rose from one in six to one
in four last year – with anxiety
named as the key culprit (hmm,
wonder what could be causing
that?), along with financial stress
and the pressures of juggling
modern life. So how can we ace
something that should be so
simple, but often isn’t?
your li
n g l e s s t h a n 4 0 w i n k s? Ta p i n t o t h
n e n d t o a n y t h i n g l e s s t h a n 10 0 %
How long is a
piece of sleep?
We all know the golden rule of eight
hours a night, but actually, it turns
out one size doesn’t fit all. A review
of 320 research papers concluded
that seven to nine hours of shut-eye
is optimal for over-18s, but one
sleeping expert says it can be even
less for some. “Individual sleep
requirements are like height,” says
Dr Neil Stanley, author of How To
Sleep Well. “To a large degree, it’s
genetically determined and anywhere
between four and 11 hours would
be considered normal.” He advises
listening to your body when trying
move
m b er
e l a t e s t slu
o z i ng
p e r f e c t sno
to figure out your personal magic
number. “It’s simply the amount of
sleep that allows you to wake up
alert and refreshed the following day,”
explains Dr Stanley. If you’re nodding
off again by mid-afternoon, try
tweaking your bedtime and tracking
your body’s response in order to
identify your sweet spot.
What happens
when you’re asleep?
When it comes to your sleep activity,
Dr Sophie Bostock says we can identify
four main stages. “A sleep cycle is
made up of the body passing through ›
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 37
move

three stages of non-rapid eye movement

(NREM) sleep to get to REM sleep (the
deeper, dream-inducing kind), before
repeating all over again.” Another sleepy
term you need to know is “circadian
rhythm”. This simply refers to the body’s
natural cycle of sleep and wakefulness
(changes in sunlight can disrupt it, making
us sleepier in the winter than in summer
due to more melatonin – “the sleep
hormone” – being produced by the brain).

While you sleep,

your brain is hard
at work, in one of
these four stages…
1

Stage one: “You’re just losing

consciousness here – it’s very easy to
wake up again,” says Dr Bostock. This
period typically lasts for around 10
minutes before moving into stage two.

Stage two: Ooh, this is a good’un

– the stage that scientists refer to as
“true” sleep. Your heart and breathing
rates slow and your body temperature
drops until you fully lose consciousness
(hello, drool). “It’s where you’ll likely
spend most of your time asleep,”
says Dr Bostock – between 20 to 30
minutes are often spent in this phase.
3 Calculate your window
Stage three: Up next, the most physically
restorative chunk of sleep, referred to as
slow-wave sleep (SWS) by those in the
know. Here, your body works hard to
secrete growth hormones from the brain
and helps cells to re-energise and repair.
4
REM Sleep: So called because your
eyes are darting about all over the
shop, this phase is normally associated
with dreaming and sees your brain
being pretty active. And then it’s
back to phase one to do the cycle
all over again. Easy, eh?
How to nail it
Alright, so now you’ve got the intel,
here’s how to put it into action…
Not, like, the actual window –
this is not a tip about measuring
for curtains – but your sleep-
restriction window: limiting the number of
hours spent in bed to closely match the
time we can sleep for creates a stronger
drive to fall asleep, and improves sleep
quality over quantity, says Kathryn
Pinkham, founder of The Insomnia Clinic.
“First, work out your sleep efficiency – how
long you’re asleep for versus how long
you spend in bed in total,” she adds.
Divide your sleep time by the number of
total hours spent in bed and multiply that
by 100. For example, six hours of sleep
÷ eight hours in bed x 100 = 75%. This
gives you the percentage of time you’re
actually asleep. The remaining 25% is
how much you’ll reduce your “sleep
window” by. For example, your new sleep
window would be 12am-6am, spending
six hours in bed for a six-hour sleep, rather
than eight hours in bed for a six-hour
sleep. This short-term restriction should
create a stronger drive to fall asleep.
Be strict
Pinkham advocates being
stern with your sleep window
– no matter how tired you
are, stay awake until your new bedtime.
Sadly, no lie-ins allowed either, or
naps after 3pm (or longer than
20 minutes). Use the extra hours
productively, whether that’s meal
prepping, doing your laundry or
reading a book (anything that’s
screen-free). Reserve your bedroom
solely for snoozing too – no working,
eating or TV in there, please.

38 · C O S M O P O L I TA N
 Tackle anxiety perfect life, or perform brilliantly at Sleeping
Anxiety is the enemy of sleep. It
sends a “fight or flight” message
to your body that keeps you
work, says Pinkham. “Sleep is not going
to fix all of those things. If you’re sleeping
well, but you still feel tired during the
on the job
feeling alert and your heart rate up. But day, that’s because our busy lifestyles
a new study has found that, before bed, can be exhausting.” She adds that it’s In the name of journalism,
listing 10 tasks you need to accomplish important to acknowledge that if you
over the coming days can help you nod are often stressed or anxious, you may
two Cosmopolitan writers
off 15 minutes faster. If you’re worrying find you still feel pretty wrung out, as (attempted to) put the
about your sleep during the day, block it’s your body’s way of letting you know
out 20 minutes to write these feelings something is wrong. Don’t be hard on
biphasic and dymaxion
down. “This is about getting it out of your yourself and, if needed, reassess whether cycles on trial for a week
head and onto paper to give a different some lifestyle changes are necessary.
perspective. It’s not about suppressing
BIPHASIC
anxious thoughts, but choosing when to
tackle them,” says Pinkham. Extreme sleeping
Trialled by Fiona Hayward
We’ve discussed more
Sip cherry juice “standard” sleep cycles, Pre-lockdown, I slept for eight hours
A review in but did you know there a night, waking at 7am. Working from
Advances In 4 extreme are four other types home (and not having to look presentable
Nutrition
concluded that cherries,
sleep styles identified by sleep
experts* for those who
24/7) gradually meant my bedtime
slipped and I started setting my alarm
for just 30 minutes before starting work
which naturally contain are unable to get a solid – cue feeling sluggish and unproductive.
melatonin, could be a stretch, such as shift Going to bed at 1am, I found the 6am
legit insomnia cure. In workers? Some of them starts a struggle at first, but by the end of
one study, participants net a mere two hours’ the trial my deep sleep was 10 minutes
drank 230ml of tart kip in total. These come higher on average (according to my
Three and a half hours’ Garmin watch) and I felt more alert. I also
cherry juice or a cherry- with a word of warning
sleep at night and three stopped working through my lunch breaks
flavoured placebo every from Dr Chris Dickson, to take a guilt-free nap instead (that said,
20-min naps in the day.
morning and evening for executive chairman it took another 30 minutes to get back in
a fortnight. Those given of Cambridge Sleep the zone after). If done properly, this
the real deal slept longer Sciences, though. routine could offer a positive alternative
and were less likely to “Changing your to my usual sleep pattern – but it’s not
wake in the night. sleeping pattern can easy to do on weekends, or while trying
to sustain a social life.
be damaging to your
WORDS JENNIFER SAVIN, EMILY PRITCHARD, KATIE AVIS-RIORDAN AND SOPHIE BOYDEN. PHOTOGRAPHS SAM
ARMSTRONG. HELLOMAGIC SILK SLEEP EYE MASK AND EURHINE SILK SLEEP EYE MASK, AMAZON.CO.UK. *AS

Make “weekend physical and mental

Five to six hours’ sleep at
coffee” a thing
New research
shows that
cumulative
coffee consumption
(over 60 cups a year,
so… more than one
a week) could lead to
shrinkage of a gland in
the brain that produces
melatonin. Gulp. Can’t
IDENTIFIED IN THE 2OO1 BOOK AT DAY’S CLOSE
night and an hour and
a half nap in the day.
Four 30-min
naps throughout the
day and night.
health, if either the
length of time or the
quality of your sleep
is compromised,” he
explains. “Resulting
sleep deprivation can
affect everything from
mood to memory to
motor functions.”
He adds that a lack
of quality sleep also
DYMAXION
Trialled by Jennifer Savin
Anyone else feel there aren’t enough hours
in the day? I hoped the dymaxion cycle
would help me carve out more time to
write my new book. Unfortunately, the
opposite happened. For starters, I found it
impossible to pick a “bedtime” – one night
I stayed up until 3am, slept until half past,
then wandered around my flat for hours
and tried writing but couldn’t concentrate

face Sunday-only lattes? increases the possibility due to exhaustion. I also spent a lot of my
Try scaling back to one a of heart attacks, while allotted naptimes worrying about not
day. *Slides Pret loyalty compromising the falling asleep fast enough. By the end of
card back into pocket* immune system. day two, I’d started getting a bit Macbeth
“If you were to adjust – “Is this a dagger which I see before
Be realistic your sleeping pattern, me?” – and tapped out to preserve my
Six to eight 20-min naps, sanity. Dr Dickson says, “Dymaxion and
People who this should take place
equidistant throughout uberman sleep patterns would endanger
sleep for eight over a phased period your health if tried for a longer period,”
the day and night.
hours a night of at least six to eight and adds that they’re usually reserved for
don’t suddenly have a days,” he advises. military operations. I can see why. V
 move kit

Try before
you train...

wetsuits
Team Cosmo took the plunge into some Lido on your
lunch break?
To t a l l y
(very) cold water to give you the lowdown doable

on the best suits out there. Brrrrrrrr…

Purse-
friendly

Perfect Moment Imok Neo
Full Wetsuit, £380
At first glance, this wetsuit
looked incredibly thin, so I wasn’t
convinced that it would keep
me warm in the middle of
December. I was wrong. It was
also so breathable that it made
moving in the water easy.
L o t t i e, Entertainment Director
Gul Response 3/2mm
Back Zip Wetsuit, £79.95
at Wetsuit Outlet
I’m a 16-18, and many wetsuit
brands simply don’t offer suits
in my size – but affordable label
Gul goes up to an 18. This wetsuit
fitted well and protected me from
bitter December temperatures.
C a t r i o n a , Features Director   A m y G, Executive Editor (Print)
Speedo Xenon Fullsuit, £250
If you have a bit of a need for speed
in the water, this is the suit for you.
The purple core stabiliser helps keep
you in a good swimming position,
while the mega-buoyant material
lets you glide along smoothly.
The neon designs keep you visible
when wild swimming, too.

Light
and airy
COMPILED BY SOPHIE LEEN. MAIN PHOTOGRAPH ZONE3 AT WIGGLE.CO.UK

Zone3 Women’s Azure Wetsuit,
£140 at Wiggle.co.uk
The last time I wore a wetsuit,
I ended up with burst blood vessels
due to inadequate boob-fabric
allocation. When I first tried on
Zone3’s, I had flashbacks – but
once I was in the lido, the fit felt
divine, with super-flexible fabric.
K a t e, Beauty Writer
Rip Curl Flashbomb 3/2
Chest Zip Wetsuit, £339.95
at Wetsuit Outlet
I’m a wimp when it comes to
outdoor swimming, but in this suit, I
felt so confident. I considered sizing
up, as I’m 5ft 10in, but my normal
size was fine. It felt secure, but not
restrictive – like a second skin.
S o p h i e, Bookings Editor
Roxy 3/2mm Performance
Chest Zip Wetsuit, £280
Incredibly lightweight, this suit
moulded to my body perfectly.
Despite it being thinner than some
other wetsuits, it still protected
me from the cold – it uses
technology that traps air against
the skin for added warmth.
F i o n a , Snapchat Editor
PSST… WA NT TO
BE EVEN WARMER
IN THE WATER?
Try popping a rash vest
under your wetsuit for extra
protection against the cold.
Gul Swami Long Sleeved
Rash Vest, £27.50 at
Wetsuit Outlet

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 41
 S u bs c rib e t o
COSMOPOLITAN
DIGITAL EDITION

AVAILABLE ON THESE DEVICES:

HEARSTMAGAZINES.CO.UK
OR VISIT ANY OF THESE STORES
 style
FA S H I O N T H AT M A K E S YO U F E E L A S G R E AT A S YO U LO O K

Bag of tricks
In this world, there are only a few
universal truths we can all agree on.
If you’re wearing a white shirt, you
will drop pasta on it; Lizzo is a god
among women; and rain and handbags
don’t mix. Or do they? These colour-
pop pouches by Berlin-based brand
VeeCollective are water-repellent, so
you can say goodbye to the soggy purse
life. Better yet, they’re made from 100%
recycled nylon and thread, meaning
they’re a no-brainer on all fronts.
Bags, £150 each, VeeCollective
WORDS NATASHA HARDING. PHOTOGRAPH AGATA PEC

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 43
 Photographs

ALISE JANE

Worn and styled by

LAUREN NICOLE COPPIN CAMPBELL

D r e s s , £ 6 0, J o h n
Zack at ASOS

POWER
Need a burst of confidence?
Tap into your own greatness with
spring’s best and brightest looks.
From bold sleeves to eye-
catching earrings, these pieces
are sure to give you a boost…
 the style guide

The joyful dress

Bold, swishy, and oh-so-comfy: find a throw-it-on frock that
makes you smile and you’ll never have a wardrobe crisis again

2 3
4

SUGARY
SHADES

ADD
TA L L
BOOTS
8

WEAR
THE
RAINBOW
6
BUCKLE
UP

5 11
7

10
9

12
12
JOIN
THE
DOTS

FRILLS
F O R DAY S

1 To p, £ 59; s k i r t, £ 59, b o t h N e v e r F u l l y D r e s s e d 2 D r e s s , £ 3 5, M o n k i 3 D r e s s , £ 4 4 .9 9,
To p s h o p 4 D r e s s , £ 95, G h o s p e l l 5 B a g, £ 24, N a s t y G a l 6 D r e s s , £ 57, D a n c i n g L e o p a r d
7 B e l t, £12.9 9, M a n g o 8 D r e s s , £75, O m n e s 9 Tr a i n e r s , £ 24 .9 9, D e i c h m a n n
10 D r e s s , £119, H u s h 11 D r e s s , £ 2 9.9 9, Z a r a 12 E a r r i n g s , £ 2 8 , H u s h

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 45
the style guide

The bold print

Go big or go home with painterly patterns and oversized
motifs. Style it all out by adding some cool neutral pieces

2 GOLD
D E TA I L S 3
1

7
PRETTY
IN
POLKA

6
4 SAFETY
FIRST

5 8
CHIC
V- N E C K
VESTS
SMART
STRAPS
9

10 12 13

14

P I C K-
11
1 ME-UP
SKIRTS

1 D r e s s , £75, G h o s p e l l 2 Tr o u s e r s , £12 0, D r e a m S i s t e r J a n e 3 C a r d i g a n, £ 3 5 .9 9, M a n g o 4 C o a t, £ 5 8 , N e o n R o s e
5 S k i r t, £ 69, A l i g n e 6 Ve s t, £ 45, & O t h e r S t o r i e s 7 M a s k , £19.95, H i l l & F r i e n d s 8 Tr o u s e r s , £ 49.9 9,
Z a r a 9 S a n d a l s , £ 8 5 , & O t h e r S t o r i e s 10 C a r d i g a n, £ 4 0, R i v e r I s l a n d 11 S u n g l a s s e s , £18 , A J M o r g a n
12 B l a z e r, £ 49.9 9, M a n g o 13 S k i r t, £110, K a i C o l l e c t i v e 14 S c r u n c h i e, £7. 5 0, S l i c k B a c k S c r u n c h i e s

46 · C O S M O P O L I TA N
 S h i r t, £ 9 0;
t r o u s e r s , £12 0,
both Kai
Collec tive.
S andals,
£ 49.9 9, Z a r a

47
 D r e s s , £ 95, L a v i s h
Alice at ASOS. Ring
(m i d d l e f i n g e r o f l e f t
h a n d ), £ 2 9 8 , T h o m a s
S a b o. O t h e r r i n g s ,
m o d e l’s o w n .

Shopping compiled by
Maddy Alford. Hair and
m a k e - u p A i m e e Tw i s t

48
 the style guide

The statement sleeve

Spring’s prettiest tops have one thing in common: eye-
catching sleeves. Go on, treat yourself to some arm candy…

2
3
THE
WILD
SIDE
1

5
4

PA R T Y
PIECE
9
8
6
7 GLAM
LITTLE
EXTRAS
11
12

10

ALL
13
TIED
UP
COSY
CARDI

15

ZOOM
READY

14

1 To p, £ 2 5, To p s h o p 2 C a r d i g a n, £ 45, D a n c i n g L e o p a r d 3 To p, £13 0, S a m s ø e S a m s ø e 4 S u n g l a s s e s ,
£ 24, T K M a x x 5 R i n g, £15 .9 9, M a n g o 6 B l o u s e, £ 62, S i s t e r J a n e 7 E a r r i n g s , £ 2 9, Q u a y 8 D r e s s , £78 ,
G h o s p e l l 9 B a g, £ 2 2, N a s t y G a l 10 B a g, £ 2 9.9 9, M a n g o 11 C a r d i g a n, £ 8 9, H u s h 12 B o o t s , £ 6 5, O f f i c e
13 To p, £ 59, N e v e r F u l l y D r e s s e d 14 To p, £ 8 9.9 9, S c a m p & D u d e 15 To p, £19.9 9, M i s s S e l f r i d g e

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 49
 A N S M O D EL
T R S
TO KNOW
Fashion should be a space for acceptance, and while the industry still
g
has a long way to go, it’s encouraging to see transgender and non-
or campaigns,
binary people gaining more visibility in major campa a igns, fashion shows
and magazines. These multi-hyphenates are e also blazing trails within
rememmber their
m
activism, TV, film and more – so remember the
e ir names…

Hari Nef
The first trans woman signed to top
modelling agency IMG Worldwide,
and the first openly transgender
person to appear on the cover of
a British commercial magazine
(ELLE’s September 2016 issue),
Hari has since modelled for
Interview, Vogue and CR Fashion
Book. She’s also starred in the TV
shows You and Transparent, as well
as the 2018 film Assassination
Nation. Talk about multi-talented.

Munroe Bergdorf
An activist for both transgender rights and the Black
Lives Matter movement, Munroe speaks out against
Andreja Pejic issues of misrepresentation and racism in the fashion
Having walked in both h the menswear
and media industries, winning Changemaker Of The
and womenswear showshows for Jean
Year at our 2018 Influencer Awards and bagging
Paul Gaultier in 2011,
11, Andreja’s
numerous modelling gigs. She was dropped from
androgynous look has as defined her
a L’Oréal campaign in 2017 after posting about
career. She came out as trans in
systemic racism on social media. The company
2014, later becoming g the first openly
has since apologised, and Munroe now sits on
trans model to be profiled
ofiled for Vogue,
its UK diversity and inclusion advisory board.
as well as one of the first trans
models to secure a major cosmetics
campaign when she signed on as the
face of Make Up Forr Ever in 2015.
 style

Jari Jones
An actress, artist, model and activist, Jari recently
graced a giant billboard in New York as part
of Calvin Klein’s 2020 Pride campaign. She
spoke of the importance this representation has:
“I think it’s so important to see the rage and fight,
but also to see imagery of what the possibilities
can be – imagery of Black joy, trans joy, because
often all we see is the negative imagery.”

Casil McA
McArthur
Dara Allen With shoots for GQ
Dara became a sought-after face in fashion France and British Vogue
when she
sh made her catwalk debut for Marc under his belt, Casi
Casil has been
Jacobs as
a an unsigned model in 2017. Since modelling since he was 10
she walked for brands including Prabal
then, she’s years old and strug
struggling with
Gurung, Kenzo
K and Erdem, as well as appearing gender dysphoria, and
a began
on the ccovers of Candy and i-D magazines. transitioning in his teens. A
cosplay
osplay enthusiast,
enthusiast h hee expresses
himself through characters.
ch
haracters.

Nathan Westling
Nathan’s successful career has gone from
strength to strength since he walked the Marc
Jacobs runway in 2013. He took a break
from modelling in 2018 to focus on himself
and his health, and began transitioning.
Speaking with CNN Style in 2019, Nathan
credited his experience in the fashion world
with his self-discovery. He has graced the
covers of both i-D and Dazed magazines.
WORDS SOPHIE LEEN. PHOTOGRAPHS ALAMY, GETTY IMAGES,
INSTAGRAM @MUNROEBERGDORF, @CASIL_THE_GOAT_LORD

Aaron Philip
Aaron’s rising career is driven by the lack of representation
of both trans women of colour and disability in the fashion
media. Last year, she featured in Italian Vogue, shot by
Tyler Mitchell, and has also appeared on the cover of
Paper magazine. She’s posed for campaigns for Sephora
(celebrating the trans and non-binary community) and
Dove (focusing on diversity in beauty), and was the face
of Jeremy Scott’s A/W 20 Moschino campaign.

51
 o m -friendl
Z o y
accessories
This spring’s essentials? Bold, eye-catching extras that will a) show
up over a blurry connection and b) perk you up on camera – even
if you only got out of bed five minutes before your meeting…
0, A k i l a
£80
Compiled by M A D D Y A L F O R D

£ 3 9, Q u a y £13 6 , L a c o s t e a t F a r f e t c h £ 9 9, J i m m y F a i r l y

£10 5, G u e s s x M a r c o l i n £14, C l a i r e’s

’ £ 9 9, S p e c s a v e r s

Glasses CAROLINE
VA Z Z A N A
Eye strain isn’t
cute. Grab yourself
some prescription
frames, or protect
your eyes with
a blue-light-
blocking
pair.

£10 0, A c e & Ta t e £ 3 5, Q u a y
 Hair K AT E
M I D D L E TO N
accessories
Bad hair day?y?
Pin your locks
ks into
a quick up-do
do
with bejewelled
lled
clips, or sweep
eep
back greasy
strands with
a pretty
hairband.
£ 2 5, L u l u G u i n n e s s £ 24, R i x o

£ 4 0, Va l l e & V i k £ 2 f o r s e t, M o n k i £ 6 , C l a i r e’s

£ 26 ( p a r t o f m a s k a n d s c r u n c h i e
£19. 5 0, O l i v e r B o n a s £ 5, C l a i r e’s s e t ), L o v e r s + F r i e n d s a t R e v o l v e

£ 5, H u s h £14 .95 e a c h, Te g e n A c c e s s o r i e s £ 45, L u l u G u i n n e s s

 £159, M i s s o m a £17.9 9, M a n g o £14 .9 9, Z a r a

£28, Orelia £6, M onki £ 49, Q u a y

Neck
k wear
In a sweatpants-and-
atpants-and-
a-jumper er rut? Add
a necklace
ace that
catchess the light,
or a statement
atement
collar. Et voilà,
a real outfit.
Almost.
st.

ELLIE
DELPHINE £ 9.9 9, T K M a x x £14 .9 9, Z a r a

PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES

£ 2 9.9 9, T K M a x x £ 3 0, O m n e s £ 2 0, M o n k i
 EL AINE
W E LT E R OT H

Earrings
Big, bold ear bling
frames your face
and gives your
complexion a
boost. Not that
any of us
need that
now…
*pours
fifth
£ 27,
2 & Other Stories £10,
£ 0 C l a i r e’s
’
cup of
coffee*

£ 8 9,
9 Missoma £12.9 9, T K M a x x £19.9 9, H & M S t u d i o

£75, R o u j e £ 25, L u l u G u i n n e s s £ 61
61, L PA a t R e v o l v e

£ 3 0,
0 Quay £14, R i v e r I s l a n d £12.9 9, M a n g o
 earn
WORK SMARTER, NOT HARDER

Time to stop
working for free
If you’ve ever found yourself working a bit
longer than you should, you’ll know the
hours really add up. New research*
suggests we’re working an extra 42 days
per year just by starting early and finishing
late. Ouch. To avoid taking on too much,
Paul Naha-Biswas of recruitment firm Sixley
recommends letting your manager know
“what other work you’d have to drop to
take on a new task, or the extra resources
you require to complete it successfully”.
Having the confidence to communicate that
you don’t have capacity – if you do it
professionally – can enhance your
reputation, he adds, because it shows
awareness of time management. Now all
you have to do is dream about how you’re
going to spend the hours you get back...
WORDS DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT. PHOTOGRAPH JUAN MOYANO/STOCKSY.
*HITACHIPERSONALFINANCE.CO.UK

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 57
Money
moves
to make

NOW
 earn

Does your bank balance feel

permanently out of control? It
It’s
time to switch things up. Mak
Make
these smart financial tweaks
and future you will be grateful ›

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 59
 Do you only log on to
your online banking
if you really have to?
Hand over your debit card with your fingers
crossed? We know, turning a blind eye to
your finances feels much easier than getting
to grips with them. But if the last 12 months
have taught us anything, it’s that having
a plan (and some wriggle room) when it
comes to your money is No. Bad. Thing.
Especially as money worries can snake into
all corners of our lives – 61% of adults
aged 18 to 34 admit they stress about
their financial situation,* which in turn
impacts their overall wellbeing and even
their abilities at work. Being permanently
skint, not having savings to fall back on,
or being unable to afford big-ticket items
has a tangible impact. And while you may
think you’re not in a position to future-proof
your finances, there’s always something
you can do. From budgeting to saving and
(whisper it) investing, here are the money
shifts to make now to ensure you’re set
up for whatever comes your way.
START BUDGETING
Wait, it’s not as snoozy as it sounds.
A budget is simply an understanding of
what you earn and spend, and creating
one is the most important thing you can
do to get your finances under control.
To start, list all your expenses (rent,
bills, food, entertainment, gym) and your
income. Money Advice Service’s budgeting
tool (Moneyadviceservice.org.uk) can help.
“Be honest about your spending,” says
Lisa Conway-Hughes, financial advisor
and co-founder of Ladies Finance Club UK.
How to save
– in spades
(OK, not
literally)
Ideally, you’ll have more coming in than
going out, but don’t worry if that’s not the
case. Then, take a look at where you can
cut back. Start with bills, such as your
phone or broadband. Shop around for
a better deal using comparison sites like
Uswitch or Compare The Market. Free
apps like Snoop and Emma link with your
current account and can help you identify
better deals. Emma will analyse all your
active subscriptions, alert you if prices are
creeping up, and highlight ones you don’t
use. Snoop works in a similar way, but
also gives you money-saving tips, lets
you know if there are any voucher codes
available, and finds cheaper utilities,
broadband or mobile phone deals.
Once you’ve cut your spending back
“EVEN WITH A STRONG BUDGET, WE
ALL NEED A CUSHION SOMETIMES”
to an amount that is below your income,
try the 50/30/20 rule of budgeting. On
payday, split your money up into three
pots: 50% goes on essentials (bills, food
and travel to work, for example), 30% is
for wants (clothes, make-up and eating
out), and 20% goes towards savings.
Don’t panic if this rule isn’t working
just yet. You can mix it up: if you can
only afford to save 10% of your income,
start with that, then increase it over time.
Banks like Starling and Monzo make this
approach easier by letting you set up
separate savings pots and automatically
transferring money for you on payday.
SWITCH YOUR OVERDR AFT
Even with a strong budget, we all
need a cushion now and then. But
if you dip into an ove
overdraft, you could
be slapped with intere
interest charges as high
as 40%. Ouch! So make ma sure you only
use an overdraft if it iis an emergency
and there is no alternative. If you
find yourself
yourse in that position
regularly, move to a bank
regula
with an interest-free
wit
buffer – First Direct
or M&S Bank, for
example, will
allow you up to £250 without charging
interest.† If you’re struggling with debt,
contact StepChange (Stepchange.org
or 0800 138 1111) for free debt advice
and help with solutions.
BOOST YOUR SAVINGS
With your budgeting plan sorted,
you’ll soon be ready to save – even
if you feel like you can’t right now.
Your first aim? To build a slush fund. This
is money you can use for unexpected life
events – like a pandemic-induced job
scare, dare we say, or a new laptop when
yours gives up. These are savings to
cushion life’s blows. Money experts say
this should be around three to six months’
income, but if that’s not possible, think
about what would be – perhaps a month’s
rent, or two months’ living costs? Once
you’ve got that, start building saving pots
for your life goals – a house deposit,
your first car or a much-needed holiday.
Depending on where you bank, you can
create dedicated saving pots for each aim.
Starling Bank allows you to put up pictures
of your goals and add money to different
pots when allocating your savings. 
Save your money in an account with a
good interest rate – they’re scarce at the
moment, so it could be that your current
account offers a competitive rate, or look
into a fixed-rate account, where you don’t
touch your money for a year or two in
exchange for more interest. Compare bank
accounts and rates at Moneyfacts.co.uk.
START INVESTING
While saving is always a good idea,
once you’ve been doing it a while, you
might notice that you haven’t gained
much interest, if any. “If you put £10 per
month into a standard savings account, in
five years, you would have contributed
£600 and have £616, assuming an annual
interest rate of 1%, which is generous in
the current climate,” says Myron Jobson,
personal finance campaigner at Interactive

Investor. But here’s the thing: as the cost
of living increases, your money needs to
grow with it. If it doesn’t, then what you’re
saving will be worth less in years to come.  sexy as getting a root canal, but
The solution? Investing. “If you invested
£10 a month, in five years it would be
£683, assuming an average return of 5%
WORDS KALPANA FITZPATRICK. PHOTOGRPAPHS GETTY IMAGES, GALLERY STOCK. *SCHRODERS
per year,” continues Jobson. “In 10 years,
PERSONAL WEALTH MONEY & MIND REPORT. †SUBJECT TO STATUS. ‡NUTMEG REQUIRES AN
you’d have £1,559.” And you don’t have
to be a city banker to start – in fact, you
can start with £1. If you’ve never invested,
INITIAL INVESTMENT OF £500, BUT YOU CAN START WITH £1 ON WEALTHIFY
start small with an app like Moneybox,
which can round up your spare change
and invest it for you. So if you buy a
£2.45 latte, it’ll shift 55p into investments.
Once you’ve built up your confidence,
move to other platforms and start paying
in a regular amount. Some providers, like
Nutmeg and Wealthify, assess your attitude
to risk and your goals, then automatically
create an investment portfolio for you.‡
Investments can go up and down,
depending on how markets perform, so be
in it for the long-term – at least five to 10
years. This gives your money a chance to
grow and outride any dips in the market.
SAVE INTO A PENSION
We know, pensions are about as
starting young is super-savvy. Why?
“Someone earning £25,000 and aiming
to retire at 65 could bag a retirement pot
of £169,000 if they start in their twenties,”
says Jess Miller, pensions and investment
expert at Schroders. But if they start in
their thirties, this drops to £93,000.”
Anyone over 22 who earns over £10,000
will be automatically enrolled in a work
pension scheme, and your employer will
add money as well as you. Free money?
From your boss? Yep. The minimum you
have to pay into a pension is 5% of your
income, and your employer has to pay in
3%. But if you pay in more, your employer
will match it – so that’s extra free cash.
CHECK YOUR CREDIT SCORE
This number shows lenders your
reliability when applying for credit
(that includes everything from buying
earn
a sofa on finance to bagging your first
mortgage). If it’s bad, you won’t get the
best deals and could even be rejected.
So bite the bullet: it’s better to know your
score before applying for credit, because
a rejected application will leave a mark on
your report and reduce your score further.
Check your credit score for free using
Experian, Equifax or TransUnion. The
score is colour-coded, and if yours is
in the red zone, it’s a warning sign that
you need to take action to improve it
before applying for any credit. “Simple
steps like registering to vote or reducing
your debt will improve your score,” says
James Jones, head of consumer affairs
at Experian. “Missed bill payments will
reduce your score, so set up direct debits
for them.” Experian’s “Boost” service
also makes sure that payments to your
multimedia accounts, like Netflix or
Spotify, count towards your credit score,
while Natwest is rolling out a bill-splitting
app called “Housemate” this year, which
allows your rent payments to count
towards building your score. ◆
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 61
 relax
CHILLING OUT NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD

Time to
spring-clean
You know what they say about “tidy
house, tidy mind”? Well, there’s actually
a lot of truth in it. Living in a cluttered
home means you’re likely to have higher
levels of the stress hormone, cortisol.*
A recent study† also revealed that 61%
of people feel “de-stressed” after tidying
up, while 54% said it leaves them feeling
relaxed. Ready, set, declutter…
*PERSONAL AND SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY BULLETIN †OFFERUP 2019 SPRING CLEANING REPORT
WORDS DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT. PHOTOGRAPH NATALIE JEFFCOTT/STOCKSY.

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 63
 is S a tu rn
return?
o r t, it ’s t h e a s t ro l o gi c al r e
In sh a s o n yo u h a ve a lif e
e t we ntie s.
s i n your lat A s trolo g y
c r isi Ta r o t b e
ex p e r t Ke r r y
,A K A l l a , ex plai
Wa r d n s t his p l a n e t a r y p e r io d

Y
ou know that “on edge” feeling many of us
get as we approach 30? Well, it’s not just
panic about getting older – the stars could
also be to blame. The culprit is “Saturn
return” which, put simply, is Saturn returning to
the same zodiac sign it was in when you were
born. It takes about 29.5 years for this particular
planet to complete one full orbit around the sun,
which is why we don’t encounter this astrological
event until our late twenties. Its echoes, though,
can be felt into our early thirties, as it can take
up to three years to unfold. But why does it make
Y
us have a meltdown? Saturn is the “taskmaster” IDENTIT LOVE CAREER
planet, a cruel-to-be-kind coach. During Saturn
return, you will face your demons and reflect on If you’ve been kidding This emphasis on self and The more you’ve messed
yourself that you want your place in the world about in your twenties,
your path so far. All the wrong turns and missed
one thing from your life, means love is not top the louder a wake-up call
opportunities you’ve endured in the preceding 30 but you actually want priority. It’s not that you Saturn return can be.
years seem to resurface, meaning some of us feel another, you’ll realise it won’t fall in love, marry or Irresponsibility and partying
low around this time. The trick is to focus instead on now. Big questions will start a family during Saturn are not on this planet’s
the lessons you can learn from the past. Saturn is come up, like “What do I return, but romance is not agenda; it’s about your
here to make you acknowledge, understand and contribute?”, “What is my what this planet is nudging duties and contribution.
legacy so far?”and “What you to think about. Saturn If you identify what’s
process your negatives so they don’t trip you up
role do I want in life?” return makes us more important to you, and what
any more. It also serves to help you acknowledge Set some time aside for pragmatic. Does your you want to do with your
that time and opportunity are not endless – if it inspiration and relaxation, partner share your values? life, then Saturn will be your
could talk, Saturn would say, “Get serious about and a new, more authentic What kind of partner will hype girl. Find your niche,
your life and take control of where it’s going.” picture will emerge. help you fulfil your aims? occupy it and own it.

How to find your
Saturn sign
Look up the date below that’s on
or before your birth, e.g. if you
were born on 4th May 1997,
your sign’s Aries.* Then discover
what that means to the right.
Born on or after: 29/11/82
Saturn return sign: Scorpio
Born on or after: 6/5/83
Saturn return sign: Libra
Born on or after: 24/8/83
Saturn return sign: Scorpio
Born on or after: 16/11/85
Saturn return sign: Sagittarius
Born on or after: 13/2/88
Saturn return sign: Capricorn
Born on or after: 10/6/88
Saturn return sign: Sagittarius
Born on or after: 12/11/88
Saturn return sign: Capricorn
Born on or after: 6/2/91
Saturn return sign: Aquarius
Born on or after: 21/5/93
Saturn return sign: Pisces
Born on or after: 30/6/93
Saturn return sign: Aquarius
Born on or after: 28/1/94
Saturn return sign: Pisces
Born on or after: 7/4/96
Saturn return sign: Aries
Born on or after: 9/6/98
Saturn return sign: Taurus
Born on or after: 25/10/98
Saturn return sign: Aries
Born on or after: 28/2/99
Saturn return sign: Taurus
COSMOPOLITAN.COM/UK/ENTERTAINMENT/HOROSCOPES-MONTHLY/
PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES. *FOR OTHER DATES OF BIRTH, GO TO
Born on or after: 9/8/00
Saturn return sign: Gemini
Born on or after: 15/10/00
Saturn return sign: Taurus
Born on or after: 20/4/01
Saturn return sign: Gemini
Born on or after: 3/6/03
A25828418/SATURN-RETURN/
Saturn return sign: Cancer
Born on or after: 16/7/05
Saturn return sign: Leo
Born on or after: 2/9/07
Saturn return sign: Virgo
o e s this mean
t d
h a
w
So
SATURN IN ARIES
A tendency to take control
can mean you miss opportunities
to go further faster by garnering
the support of others. This will
change as you mature and
learn to temper your drive
by listening to other
people.
SATURN IN TAURUS
Taureans value quality and
luxury, but are you living the right
life to manifest these dreams? A
natural laziness can be your worst
enemy. Visualise your ambitions
and use your determination
to make them
happen.
SATURN IN GEMINI
Despite Gemini being the
zodiac’s greatest talker, when it’s
in Saturn, it can mean you rarely
voice your own opinions – and
follow others’ agendas. Your
confidence to act on your
own desires will grow
at this time.
SATURN IN CANCER
You’ve constructed a tough
shell to protect yourself. Thiss
can manifest as extreme shyness, ss,
a reluctance to leave home,
and defensiveness. It’s time
to realise there is a safe
place for you to
contribute.
relax
for
y
ou
SATURN
IN SCORPIO
Saturn return represents a
?
transformation in your identity and
lifestyle. Money, power and sex
are all up for review. At the end
of these years it’s likely you’ll
be heading in a new
SATURN
direction.
IN SAGITTARIUS
A wanderlust often emerges for
Saturn in Sagittarius around this
time. Perhaps you yearn to live in
a different place, or to see the
world. If you’ve been
travelling, you might
SATURN IN LEO
want to nest.
Leos love to indulge in the
high life, but this sign in Saturn
can hint at excess driven by
self-doubt and performance
anxiety. You’ll spend this time
finding your confidence, and
balance between work
SATURN
and play.
IN CAPRICORN
This combination can represent
men, so this time might be a call
to address any issues with male
figures. It can also mean an
overdose of ambition, so ease
SATURN IN VIRGO the pressure you put on
yourself.
Virgos are living, breathing
versions of the Saturn planet’s
energy: conscientious, ordered
and critical. Maybe too much, as
perfectionism can be an issue.
You’ll learn how to accept
your own and others’
SATURN
flaws. IN AQUARIUS
Aquarians love looking at the big
picture – the state of the world and
where they can make it better.
Campaigning for global issues,
or finding solutions to them,
will become more
SATURN IN LIBRA
important.
Librans are all about
partnerships and collaboration,
but in Saturn, the compromises it
takes to maintain a relationship
are revealed. You may struggle
to find the balance,, but it’ll
worthwhile
be wor hwhile
learning.
lear ng. SATURN IN PISCES
Compassionate, ethereal
PPisces awakens an interest in
healing, medicine, psychology
he
or esoteric arts. Your natural
o
inclination to put others ahead
in
of yourself is also up for
review. Stop being
so passive.
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 65

O N LY
THE
scone recipe
you’ll
EVER need
Fancy yourself an impromptu afternoon
tea? Then whip up this classic
S
cones are as
quintessentially
British as the
Queen, Coronation
RECIPE MATTHEW LOCKWOOD. PHOTOGRAPH ERIK BERNSTEIN
Street, tutting and
the Paul Hollywood
handshake – but they
can be divisive. Do you
pronounce them “scown”
or “scon”? Does the
cream come first or the
jam? Whatever your
preference, the canvas
itself is easy to make,
with this foolproof recipe.
relax
2
1
Stir in the sugar
and sultanas
and mix to
combine.
Preheat your oven to
200ºC (180ºC fan). Sift
the flour into a large mixing
bowl. Add the butter and rub
with your fingertips until the
butter dissolves and the
mixture resembles fine 3
breadcrumbs. In a jug, mix together
half of the beaten eggs
and the buttermilk. Pour into
the flour mixture and lightly
mix until everything has come
together. You might want to
use your hands to do
this as the mixture
hardens up.
4
Lightly sprinkle a
worktop with flour and
gently knead the dough until
smooth. Roll out to about 2.5cm
thick. Grab a round cookie
cutter to cut out your scones.
Don’t have one? Use the
floured rim of a wine
glass instead. 5
Stamp out your scones
MAKES 8
two at a time, re-rolling the
INGREDIENTS mixture gently each time.
Continue stamping until you
450g self-raising have eight scones. Arrange
flour them on a lined baking
100g butter, cubed tray and brush each one
6 with the remaining
100g caster sugar
beaten egg.
100g sultanas (you Bake your scones for
can leave these out 12-15 minutes. They’re
ready when risen and
if you prefer) lightly golden. Serve with
2 eggs, beaten clotted cream and
100ml buttermilk strawberry jam.
Clotted cream
and strawberry
jam, to serve
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 67
 relax

4. WHAT’S MOST
M O S T LY A :
LIKELY TO STRESS
YOU OUT ABOUT THE MEME
YOUR GROUP QUEEN

Which
CHAT? With relatable GIFs
and memes at the
A No one gets my
ready, you’re the
Mean Girls reference
go-to for turning

group-text
(to be fair, it was from
“haha” to “OMFG
the bonus DVD).
RIP ME!!!”. Things
B A 30-minute silence would get real quiet

stereotype
after my “What’s real fast if you
everyone doing this weren’t constantly
weekend?” text. popping in, and
everyone knows it.

are you?
C Someone else leaving
the chat. I bet that
freedom tastes so good.

M O S T LY B :
S en d t h is to y our 5. WHAT ARE YOU
THE
M O M AG E R
W h a t sAp p gr oup, MOST LIKELY TO
You’re the Kris
IGNORE?
we d a r e y ou… A Anyone’s cute
Jenner of the
WhatsApp world
baby pics. How am – the only one with
I supposed to make the initiative and
fun of those? follow-through to
B I read every single keep things going.
message because If it weren’t for you,
that’s what friends some messages
are for (and they’re would just go
usually replying to un-responded-to,
something I said). and we can’t have
that, can we?
C Basically anything
that doesn’t require
a quick response.

1. AT ANY 3. WHAT DO YOU

M O S T LY C :
GIVEN MOMENT, RELY ON THE
HOW MANY GROUP CHAT FOR? THE LURKER
6. LOOK AT YOUR
NOTIFICATIONS In this thread,
A Distracting myself PHONE: WHAT’S
DO YOU HAVE? you’re like Kendall,
THE LAST THING
WORDS CARINA HSIEH. PHOTOGRAPH DANIELLE OCCHIOGROSSO DALY

from the utter banality

Shiv and Roman’s
A Zero. I’ll take any 2. WHAT GETS THE of everyday life. YOU TEXTED TO
mum Caroline in
possible opportunity FASTEST RESPONSE YOUR GROUP
B Updating people Succession. You
to ignore the things FROM YOU? THREAD?
on my daily activities, may not be in every
I should be doing. A Any text ripe for a meals, screenshots A A screenshot of episode (read:
B None, because the Kim K ugly-cry GIF. from my ex’s IG… an Insta post from almost none), but
past 10 messages @NotAllGeminis when you decide to
B When anybody is left C Making occasional
were from me. that felt relevant. make an obligatory
blue-ticked for more IRL plans. That’s it.
appearance,
C Loads – I can never than five minutes. That’s the answer. B “Have you guys read
everybody’s happy
be bothered to open any good books lately?”
C Someone sending to see that you still
my messages. Sorry. a text to make sure C I can’t scroll back give a damn.
I’m still alive. that far.

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 69
 eve
“A C C E P T A N C E R I G H T N O W
IS

She’s been in showbusiness since she was five years old,

but even Ashley Benson struggles with fame sometimes
Wo r d s LOT T I E L U M S D E N P h o t o g r a p h s R A M O N A R O S A L E S
rything ’’
celebrity

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 71
 N OT LONG A FT ER
P R E T T Y L I TTL E LI AR S E N D ED,
A S H L E Y B EN S O N TOO K A YEAR
time
O F F. S HE D E SP ERAT ELY
N E E D E D SO M E
out.
Time out from Hollywood, from
the scrutiny that comes with fame,
but most of all, from work. “I wanted
a break,” she tells me over the phone
from LA. It’s lunchtime there, and
she and her boyfriend, rapper
G-Eazy, are home after a morning
hike. “Coming off a show after so
long and doing TV continuously
throughout my whole life… I
needed to take a mental break.”
It’s no wonder. When the final
episode of the teen drama Pretty
Little Liars aired in June 2017,
Benson had filmed 160 episodes
across seven seasons over seven years.
She was exhausted, and decided to
relocate to New York. “It was the best
thing I ever did,” she says. “I didn’t
work for a year and studied directors
I wanted to work with and looked
at actresses who inspired me, who
came from TV and made it into
film. I started to compartmentalise
my wants and needs.”
72 · C O S M O P O L I TA N
The break did wonders for her
self-confidence, and allowed her
to focus on her priorities for her
future career. It was the same year
she became a founder of sunglasses
company Privé Revaux with Jamie
Foxx and Hailee Steinfeld. She now
splits her time between LA and
New York. Similarly, being forced
to slow down during lockdown
over the past year has given her
another dose of much-needed
reflection. “I wrote two scripts
and am about to start filming one,”
she says. “That’s super rewarding.”
This year, she will also star in a new
film, The Birthday Cake, with Ewan
McGregor. “It’s been interesting
working on projects that I normally
wouldn’t have time to focus on.”
It’s hardly surprising that she
enjoys the downtime. Benson,
now 31, has been working almost
consistently in the industry since she
was five years old. She grew up in
Orange County – her father owned
grocery stores, while her mum
looked after Benson and her sister
Shaylene at home. Benson started
dancing professionally when she was
three (“Tap and ballet,” she recalls),
which then led to modelling in
dance catalogues, and by the age of
seven, she had been signed by Ford
Models. Soon she was landing TV
adverts and minor roles on shows
like The West Wing, and then at 14,
she won the role of Abby Deveraux
on soap opera Days Of Our Lives. 
Her friends at school should have
been delighted for her success.
Instead, Benson was bullied. “Kids
can be mean and jealous,” she
remembers. “At the time, it wasn’t
cool to be on TV. Every week, I was
working on commercials and all the
kids would see me. I got bullied and
hated it. But I was really proud, and
it made me more determined to get
on a TV show. My parents said if I
did, I could be home-schooled. So
I tried and tried and tried, and when
I did, it was the best day of my life.” 
Landing a part on a mainstream
soap opera was exciting, especially
for her parents, who were lifelong
fans. “At that point, my mum was
taking me to set and it was funny
for me to meet people she grew up
watching. I didn’t know who any
of them were!” Her time on the soap
opera was invaluable. “You film three
episodes a day. It was crazy to be
thrown into that environment at a
young age. I wasn’t prepared for it.
I thought we’d do a couple of takes
here and there, but you only get
one take. So it made me learn to
memorise my lines quickly. I was
completely intimidated.”
After three years on the show, she
left to pursue other projects. She
landed various film roles, as well
as the part of Mia on teen show
Eastwick. The day she discovered
that Eastwick wasn’t being
recommissioned for a second ›
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RINGS, JOHN HARDY AND MISHO. PREVIOUS PAGE: TOP, SAINT LUIS
celebrity
 celebrity

season in 2010, she got a call from “N O BO DY S HO ULD personal life. But when she started
the producers of Pretty Little Liars. dating Delevingne in 2018 (they
“I didn’t think anything of it,” she G ET B UL LI E D F O R met on the set of the film Her Smell),
says. “I was a bit bummed that my her relationship came under a lot

love’’
show got cancelled. But then I WHO THE Y of scrutiny. She admits she finds
met with them, and a week later, the attention difficult at times.
I was in Canada filming the pilot. The hardest to deal with is “people’s
I thought it would be a successful opinions”, she says. “If gossip comes
show, but you never know. So for it out and stories are completely false,
to become what it was was crazy!”  what can you do? I’m not going to
Pretty Little Liars followed the lives It’s not about a gender or anything sit out there and be like, ‘This isn’t
of four high-schoolers whose clique like that. And I think that’s really true, this is what’s really happening.’
starts to fall apart when one of them important for people to understand. The most annoying part is having
disappears. It won multiple awards, There is no reason that somebody to sit back and be quiet while
and launched the careers of the likes should get bullied or talked about everybody talks about you and
of Lucy Hale and Shay Mitchell. or shut off for who they love. I think you have to deal with it. People
“I see that as my college years,” says acceptance right now is everything, can say whatever they want about
Benson. “We were together for seven and the more we can educate people me, but unless you know me, you
years, and I saw them more than my about these topics, the better it will don’t really know anything at all.”
own family.” She’s still very close become for everyone.” When she and G-Eazy – real
friends with Mitchell and her other Benson has always been extremely name Gerald Earl Gillum – were
co-star, Troian Bellisario, although private when it comes to her first spotted together last year, she ›
the pandemic has made seeing one
another difficult. “We all live by each
other,” she admits. “Minutes away.
So it’s very funny. I want to see them,
but I also have to be mindful right
now, even though I’m getting tested
weekly [for COVID-19]. It’s a scary
time for everyone. I’ve never met
Shay’s baby, and she’s like, ‘You have
to see her!’ They’re like my sisters
and they always will be.”
During its seven-year run, Pretty
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Little Liars covered some important

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storylines, including Mitchell’s

character Emily coming out, which
has been highly praised for its
authenticity. Benson, who was
previously in a relationship with
model Cara Delevingne, says it’s
storylines like this that make her
proud to have been on the show.
“I’m not quite sure how many shows
had that before ours,” she says. “[It’s
important], especially in this day and
age, to just be your true self and not
feel judged by how your heart feels
and by who you are as a human
being, and who your soul connects
with. I certainly feel that way about
myself. It’s who I connect with.

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 75
 “ IF GO SS I P CO ME S OU T
A N D S TO R I ES A RE
received a backlash on Instagram
from fans accusing her of cheating
COM PL E TE LY FA L SE ,

what can
on Delevingne. Delevingne took
to her Instagram Stories to defend
her, saying, “To everyone hating on

you do?’’
@ashleybenson please stop. You
don’t know the truth, only her and
I do and that’s exactly how it should
be.” Benson remained silent. The
actress says she’s very careful when it
comes to what she shares about her
life. “I usually keep my relationships
private,” she says. “You obviously
can’t help if you get photographed
together. [But] it’s more sacred that
way. Those private moments are for
you and your partner, and I think it’s
best not to be over-exposed, and you
can really protect your relationship
if you’re not exploiting it.” 
At the time of going to press, there
were reports that Benson and G-Eazy
had split. But when we speak they
are very much together and she is
happy to open up a little. Just last
year she featured on his track All The
Things You’re Searching For. They also
did a cover of Radiohead’s Creep.
“That was a random thing,” she
laughs. “We’ve been doing a lot of
things together in quarantine. Who
knows if it will ever be released or
not, but we’ve done 30 songs! That’s into a car accident. I’m very lucky
been really nice, because when you that I could buy a place [in New
don’t have anywhere to go, it’s really York] and live both lives on either
nice to get something out of it. He’s coast. When I get sick of New
taught me a lot about music.” She York, I go to LA, and vice versa.”
spends a lot of time in the studio has been hounded by paparazzi. Benson tries not to let the
watching him. “We always talk about She’s used to it, but it’s irritating. attention get to her. She sees a
whether we’d release anything or “I can’t leave my house without therapist regularly to stay on top
not. Again, that’s really nice for us getting followed every day,” she of her mental health. “Therapy is
to have for ourselves.” says. “I don’t want photos, and it’s good. I believe in it very strongly. It’s
They’ve also been doing regular annoying. It’s a complete invasion always good to talk with someone
date nights. “We do little jazz nights of privacy. In New York, I walk to about anything you’re dealing with,
– listening to jazz and pretending get my coffee and take the subway. whether it’s positive or negative. It’s
you’re in a restaurant. But you’re I never get bothered. If I do see some good to talk to a third party about
not, you’re at the dinner table. photographers, they’re so nice that what’s going on in my life.” Keeping
Anything to liven things up. You I’ll just give them a thumbs down a small group of friends has been
find ways to make it enjoyable.” and they’ll leave [me] alone. Whereas key, too. “I need to be surrounded
Even during lockdown, Benson here [in LA], they’ll harass you and by positive people. I have an
keep following you until you get

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amazing core group. That’s the best
thing that’s come out of quarantine,
having this very solid foundation
of friends who have my back, and
I have theirs. It’s really nice to have
that support for all of us.”  I didn’t know.’ She gave me a lot of
Since finishing Pretty Little Liars,
Benson’s focus has been indie films,
like Her Smell, which is where her
passion lies. It was her co-star on the
latter, Elisabeth Moss, who got her
the role in the film after a chance
meeting. “I met Elisabeth in Cannes
at a birthday dinner and she was
telling me that she was a fan of
Pretty Little Liars and Spring Breakers
[the 2012 crime film Benson starred
in with James Franco and Selena
Gomez]. I think she’s fucking
incredible,” says Benson. “We got
talking. She was like, ‘What do you
want to do after finishing Pretty
Little Liars? When I was on Mad Men,
advice on how to break the mould of
staying in the same lane, acting-wise,
and taking risks and saying no to
most things. So we really gelled on
that.” Moss then invited Benson to be
a part of the film. “I was like, ‘OK, I’m
never going to hear from her again.’
I was filming Her Smell a year later.”
celebrity
Having her business, Privé
Revaux, on the side has allowed
Benson to be selective about what
she does. In 2019, the company
recorded net sales of around
£14 million, and it continues to
grow. “I always see myself acting
for sure, and producing,” says
Benson. “[But] I always want to
have different companies under my
belt, because if I can make money
in that, then I am able to do the
indie films that I gravitate towards.”
Moss isn’t the only Hollywood
actress who has been pivotal in
Benson’s career. Before we speak,
I notice that Jennifer Aniston has
liked nearly every single one of
Benson’s Instagram posts. She
chuckles, “It’s so funny! We talk,
we’ve been trying to get dinner
since before the pandemic. We
have lots of mutual friends in
common and we talk here and
there.” Does she lean on the likes
of Aniston for advice? “Reese
Witherspoon, and her, and different
people that I’ve come to know –
we’re not best friends, [but we] see
each other at functions,” she says.
“Just seeing how they’ve handled
themselves, and how normal they
are having been in the industry
since they were young – the two
of them are so gracious and warm
and welcoming, and it’s always
a good thing to see them. I look
up to them very much.”
So, given how selective Benson
is about what projects she takes on
these days, I wonder what it takes
to grab her interest work-wise. “I love
to be challenged,” she says. “If I sit
on my arse and pick things that
I could do with my eyes shut, it’s
not satisfying for me.” With two
of her own films in the works and
music potentially on the way, not
to mention her entrepreneurial side
hustle, nobody can accuse her of
sitting on her arse, that’s for sure. ◆
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 77
78 · C O S M O P O L I TA N
 read

PEOPLE
o f t he
PANDEMIC
One year ago we entered into the first lockdown. Collectively, we’ve
experienced a national trauma, the impact of which will be felt for
years. But what effect has it had on individuals? We spoke to nine
people, all uniquely touched by the pandemic, to find out

A s t o l d t o C AT R I O N A I N N E S, C YA N T U R A N & A L I C E S N A P E

S
ometimes, with our 24/7 access
to news, the endless feed that
changes by the minute, it’s
easy to lose sight of the realities
behind each story. To forget that,
accompanying tales of packed-out
hospitals, rising infection rates and
the plummeting economy, there
are real people living among the
newspaper ink. A year has passed
since, on 23rd March, we were told
to “stay at home, save lives”. The
months that have followed have
taken their toll in so many ways that
it would be impossible to zoom in
(pun, unfortunately, intended) on
every single angle, so we have
assembled a group of people who
have had a remarkable year within
the crisis. Here are their stories. ›
 “ YOU HAD TO CRY. THIS ISN’T
A NORMAL SITUATION”
Rebecca Hunter, 30, is a nurse on a respiratory
ward at the Northumbria Emergency Care Hospital
My first day, in my first ever
nursing job, was when
COVID really exploded.
It was early April, and almost
every patient on my ward – which
had previously been mostly for
those with long-term lung
conditions – was in the very
worst stages of the virus. They
were all hooked up to oxygen
machines. Many were dying each
day and I’d be with them at the
end. It’s impossible not to get
attached; there was the woman
who – as she died – listened to
her son-in-law sing You Are My
Sunshine over Zoom. Straight
after, with no time to pause, I
had to go to the next bed, where
another man was dying. I read
out messages from his family as
he squeezed my hand. I couldn’t
help but cry. “It’s OK, pet,” he
said to me. “I’ve had a nice life.”
At first, I was hard on myself
for letting my emotions show. I’d
try to limit my grief to the drive
home. But as the months went
by, even my toughest colleagues
would break down. You had to.
I came to realise that as long
as I can do my job – and I can,
very well – then it’s OK to cry.
This isn’t a normal situation.
In all honesty, I don’t know
how I coped during that first
wave. Little things helped, like
the friend who texted me daily
– with no expectation of a reply.
But mostly it was witnessing how
incredible people are, and how
we come together in a crisis.
My colleagues were so smart:
learning on their feet about how
to adapt and what treatments
were seeing success. On one of
the hottest days of the summer,
when we couldn’t have the air
conditioning on in case it was
spreading the virus, one of the
senior managers sent us cans
of pop to cool down with. They
were his treat, on his day off.
As a team, we all made the
decision that we would never let
someone die on their own. I’m
so proud that we’ve kept to that.
I remember one week we were
so short-staffed and a dying
woman needed care. But there
was no one to tend to her, apart
from Cheryl, a colleague who
had lost her own husband to the
virus. Because she was grieving,
we’d kept her away from end-of-
life patients. But she decided she
had to be there for this woman.
She said, “This lady needs me.”
The courage that must have
taken still astounds me.
The second wave, in winter,
was worse than the first: we
knew more, but it was much
busier. There have been so
many points when pretty much
all the beds in intensive care
have been full – that’s a lot of
pressure on a team working in
an already intense environment.
That’s what many people don’t
understand: even if you’re not
frightened of catching the virus
yourself, the measures are there
to protect the NHS. I never
want to scare people but, with
conspiracies going around, it’s
important to share the reality
of what I see day in, day out.
Despite everything, I am
positive. Living through this has
made me so grateful for what
I have. I can’t say it hasn’t been
traumatic but – and I know this
XXXXXXX XXXXXXX
sounds fluffy – I can go for a
walk and feel happy. I appreciate
everything so much more now.
 read

“I LOST MY JOB
AND MY HOME”
Rochelle,* 27, worked in
hospitality before the
pandemic struck

I thought that 2020 was going to be

my year. My son was at nursery and I was
working as a bar supervisor at one of the
biggest stadiums in London. I was looking
forward to working hard, making more
money, and then… boom! Lockdown.
I was put on furlough and everything was “OUR GUESTS WATCHED OUR FIRST
so uncertain – my return-to-work date just
kept getting pushed back. But I knew they
DANCE OVER ZOOM”
weren’t going to let huge crowds of people
Jann Tipping, 34, and Annalan Navaratnam, 32, a
back into the stadium. I started to apply for
more jobs, but I was up against thousands of London nurse and doctor, got married in their hospital chapel
others. I just tried to keep myself in the right
mindset and trust that a job would come
along – even if it wasn’t the sort of role I’d
original one didn’t arrive on time.
have done before. But then I’d get emails JANN
PREVIOUS SPREAD: PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES. THIS SPREAD: PHOTOGRAPHS STOCKSY, REBECCA CARPENTER

saying I was overqualified! It helped knowing

there were so many others like me – it wasn’t
that we didn’t want to work, we just couldn’t.
There were no jobs. I concentrated on
keeping myself sane and those around me
healthy – my mum was recovering from breast
cancer and my dad has a heart condition.
We also lost my grandma in August. Having
to grieve and support my dad when we
PHOTOGRAPHY. ROCHELLE AND REBECCA PICTURES, POSED BY MODELS
Our wedding was set to be a
massive celebration. My family were
travelling over from Northern Ireland
and Annalan’s from Sri Lanka. It was
set for the Bank Holiday in August,
so everyone was going to make a real
holiday of it. But very early on in the
crisis, we realised we would have to
As lucky as we have been, we’ve
come through a lot – our jobs have
been incredibly tough, and we’ve lost
people we love. But we’ve made a
life for ourselves out of really hard
conditions. I’ve come to realise that
wherever Annalan is, that’s home.

couldn’t see each other was really tough.  

Then, in September, I had to move out
of my mum’s as my ex showed up – I had a
non-molestation order out against him – so
it wasn’t safe for me to be there any more.
It meant I had to be placed in temporary
accommodation, making me homeless.
I did lose myself for a while. I’d been
trying to be so positive but it was a lot
to take on. Slowly, I’m getting my happy
back. I had to keep smiling for my son.
Rochelle has been working with
homeless charity Beam. To help
someone like her get back on
their feet, go to Beam.org
cancel. We still desperately wanted to
marry each other, though – which is
why, after chatting to the chaplain of
St Thomas’ Hospital, where we both
work, we arranged the ceremony for
20th April. The chapel is beautiful and
has been part of the hospital for 150
years, and we were able to have two
witnesses: a nurse I job-share with,
and Rebecca, an NHS volunteer and
one of my oldest friends, who is also,
handily, a wedding photographer! She
helped with everything, even finding
a wedding dress for me when the
ANNALAN
We got engaged in 2018 and we’d
been waiting so we could afford to
have a huge day with everyone.
Without that, I just didn’t want to wait any
longer. And we still managed to include
our family and friends – we sent a bottle
of champagne to each household and
everyone made speeches over Zoom.
We even did our first dance on camera!
It’s been a testing year – not just for us,
but for everyone – but I know if it wasn’t
for Jann it would have been so much
worse. With her, I feel indestructible. ›

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 81
Xxxxxx
“I GRIEVED FOR MY DAD THROUGH A WINDOW”
Marty Cofie, a personal trainer from London, lost her dad to COVID in March 2020
My dad had only been ill for 48
hours before he died at home, with
my mum by his side. We know now
that it was COVID. The government had
just enforced the first lockdown, so I’d
given him a kiss a few days earlier. My
big, strong, politically fierce Ghanaian
dad, who was a grafter and provider.
How could the virus take someone so
vibrant in such a short space of time?
Our new world order meant that I couldn’t
hug my mum. All we could do was stand
at her window, our hands together but
separated by a pane of glass.
Almost a year has passed, and my
mum is still incredibly worried about
the virus and passing it onto those she
loves, but I’ve been able to touch her
since we formed a bubble. I felt the
weight of her soul in my arms in that
first embrace. I couldn’t unclench.
82 · C O S M O P O L I TA N
I’ve felt lonely. I’ve isolated myself from
friends because I needed to process the
trauma. My neighbour occasionally drops
round dinner or a bottle of wine. At one
point, between lockdowns, my closest
friends came over with champagne and
we danced in the garden – that they
were there was enough.
Losing Dad has broken us. COVID has
exacted its price on my family, but since
he died, I’ve gone back to the core values
he taught me about being a good person.
I’m a better mum because of it. Being
locked in a house together has given
me the space to understand my children
beyond the relationship of mother and
sons – we’ve become allies. And it’s
brought my mum and me closer; we’ve had
conversations we wouldn’t otherwise have
had. I don’t think I saw her as a woman
before – she was always just my mother.
Each morning in the shower, I write
“Dad” into the steam. That’s when I think
of him. Every day is different: sometimes
I wake up feeling positive, at other times
there’s a drop in my stomach and I miss
him so much it’s painful. I’m a personal
trainer, and one thing that’s kept me going
is the free Zoom class I teach every day
at 9.15am. I started it to help others, but
sometimes it’s my only contact with the
outside world. My Dad’s ashes are in an
urn on his favourite armchair in the living
room of our family home. When the world
opens up, we’ll take him back to Ghana.
But we still haven’t had a funeral. There
are too many of us, and in Ghanaian
culture, we must all be together – siblings,
cousins, everyone in the family. We’ll have
a celebration as soon as we can – when
there are no limits on numbers. It’s all
or nothing, so we choose all.

“HE MONITORED
EVERYTHING I DID ”
Sophie,* 21, from Norwich, explains how
she left her abusive partner last year
When the first lockdown hit
in March 2020, I was living
with my boyfriend, Lewis,*
who had become increasingly
emotionally abusive over the
three years we’d been together.
If I spent more than five minutes
in the bathroom, he’d knock
on the door and ask if I was
texting another guy. He made
a rule that I couldn’t go on
my phone after he fell asleep.
He’d monitor who I followed
on Instagram and wouldn’t let
me eat what I wanted. As he
didn’t let me out much anyway,
lockdown didn’t feel that
different. Plus, he lived in my
room, but thankfully I shared
my flat with a friend, Ryan,*
which made me feel a little
safer. I’d become increasingly
isolated from my female friends.
When we first met, Lewis was
funny and charismatic, and
everyone liked him. It felt like
a healthy relationship. But
slowly things started to change.
If I wanted to meet friends after
he’d finished at work, it would
turn into an argument. Soon,
I felt iffy if I was going out
without him. I wanted to tell
my friends what was going
on, but I couldn’t because
Lewis would read my messages.
As the pandemic hit, the flat
turned into a pressure cooker,
PHOTOGRAPHS JAHNAY TENNAI, DAN PRINCE
waiting to blow. Lewis was at
his most abusive after drinking,
and we’d started to drink more.
When he became so frustrated
during arguments that words
weren’t enough, he would throw
drinks in my face, kick and push
me, and once hurled a glass
read
at the back of my head. In
early May, we had yet another
petty argument and he threw
a games controller at me and
smashed a hole in my wall.
That night, I tried to leave
him, but he broke down and
cried uncontrollably.
The week after, I snapped.
“The only reason I stayed with
you is because you made it
too hard to leave,” I told him.
He stormed out of the flat,
saying he was going to a
bridge. I was terrified he’d
take his own life. When I
couldn’t find him, I realised
I had an opportunity, so I
hurried home and packed
a bag, but when I reached the
door, Lewis was outside. I was
screaming as he dragged me
back upstairs. He went to the
toilet and my flatmate looked
at me and said, “I’ll keep him
talking, just go,” so I fled to my
dad’s. Later, Ryan called and
said Lewis had assaulted him
and wrecked the flat. Ryan had
phoned the police, and Lewis
spent the night in a cell.
Even though I felt sad it was
over, I was also overwhelmingly
relieved. Life changed for
everyone last year, but it’s been
torturous for women trapped
with abusers. I couldn’t shower
alone or go to the toilet
without a knock on the door,
so even those things feel like
freedom to me now. ›
If you have been
affected by domestic abuse,
contact Women’s Aid;
Womensaid.org.uk
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 83
read
“ THE PANDEMIC STOLE TIME, BUT
FREEZING MY EGGS GAVE IT BACK”
Nikki Clare underwent three cycles of egg-freezing last year
I’d always naively assumed that
the only thing stopping me from
having children was finding the
right partner. But then, at the age
of 34, I discovered that my egg count
was very low. It was late 2019 and I’d
come out of a long-term relationship
at the start of the year. After calling my
mum as soon as I stepped out of the
clinic, I decided, then and there, that I
was going to freeze my eggs. I booked
three cycles – enough to extract the
20 to 24 eggs they recommend to
give a good chance of having a baby.
I paid over £15,000 in total – costly
for an insurance policy that might
not even pay out.
During my first cycle, I had to
inject myself with medication to
stimulate my ovarian follicles, and
once enough had grown, I then
administered a “trigger” injection
before going into the clinic for the
egg retrieval. Waiting to hear how
many eggs had been extracted
was agony. I’d heard stories of women
getting 25, so when the doctors told
me that I had six, I felt deflated, but
empowered. Six was better than none.
In the first week of March, I had my
second cycle, which brought nine
eggs, and I stood a great chance of
getting to 20 in my last cycle.
But then lockdown hit. Not only was
I left uncertain about when I’d be able
to complete my third cycle, but I was
also unable to date. My hope is to have
children with a partner and never have
to use my frozen eggs, and suddenly
neither was possible. The clock seemed
to tick faster than ever.
My clinic reopened in July, but it
wasn’t until October that I finally had
my last cycle. While I grieve for the
time I haven’t been able to look for
a partner, taking control has been
my silver lining. There’s no guarantee
“I LAUNCHED A
my eggs will produce a baby, but NEW BUSINESS”
where the pandemic stole time, freezing
my eggs has given a bit of it back. Ellie Taylor, 23, from
Sandwell, set up Blossoms
Activity Farm in March
I have always wanted to work with
animals. I studied animal care and then
PHOTOGRAPHS JAHNAY TENNAI, MARYAM WAHID, JAMES GLOSSOP. *NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED.
worked in vet practices for a bit before
coming up with the idea of launching a
farm where children could get hands-on
experiences with animals. The Prince’s Trust
gave me funding and advice, and I began
to search for land in January 2020. But
everything fell through when COVID hit
YOU CAN FIND BETH ON YOUTUBE BY SEARCHING FOR “BETH CLYDE”
– I lost my land and all my animals had to
live in different places. At one point, I had
10 chinchillas in my living room!
It was tempting to give up, but I decided
to launch a mobile business, bringing
animals into schools, care homes and kids’
parties. Of course, that’s been really hard
as well – and is impossible to do when we’re
in a full lockdown. I’ve got 18 animals that
need to be fed and cared for, and as it’s a
new business, I’m not eligible for furlough
schemes. But in August last year, I was able
to work, in full PPE. All the animals are in
one place now, too. It’s amazing seeing
everyone’s faces. Bringing animals to people
has added a lot of joy to a really tough year.
 “GOING THROUGH
CHEMO IN LOCKDOWN
WAS TOUGH”
Beth Clyde, 21, from Glasgow, was
diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma less
than a week before the first lockdown
I’d been having bad
chest infections for
months. I was also
absolutely exhausted, just
struggling through my life.
My doctor had tried all
sorts of different things –
from antibiotics to vitamin
injections – but none
of them were working.
It was during one of these
injections that the nurse
commented on my cough,
thinking there was a
chance it was COVID. This
was around March 2020,
and so much was still
unknown about the virus
that I was sent for a chest
X-ray. That showed I had
fluid on my lungs, so
I had to pack a bag and
be admitted to hospital
straight away.
After three weeks of tests
I received my diagnosis.
I had stage-two Hodgkin
lymphoma, a type of
blood cancer. I’d never
heard of it. I didn’t even
know it was cancer when
I first heard the words. As
I couldn’t have visitors, my
phone was on loudspeaker
so my mum could hear
what the doctors were
saying. That was one of
the hardest parts, trying to
process all the information
I was being given without
anyone beside me. That,
and when I first had to
go to chemotherapy.
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I was being treated as
an outpatient and was
dropped off at the door,
not knowing what to
expect and having to
enter alone. But as time
went on I got to know the
nurses, who would sit and
chat with me – I learned
all about their lives and
they learned about mine.
I was also relieved that
they now knew what
was wrong with me
and could treat it.
Because chemotherapy
depletes your immune
system, I had to shield
for four months while
living with my mum.
I couldn’t see friends
or family. But, in a
way, that made some
moments easier – if I’d
been able to see them
it would have got really
emotional and that would
have been so draining.
I could just use the time
to give in to whatever my
body needed – I slept a
lot. I also began to open
up on social media about
my illness, connecting
with others going through
cancer, and eventually set
up my YouTube channel.
It’s giving me a new
perspective – now I’m
in remission, I’m feeling
more like myself again.
I’ve met so many other
women my age going
through what I did and
want to support them. ◆
Beth was treated
at the Beatson West Of
Scotland Cancer Centre
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 85
 read

Can you
buy your way

sex
to a better

e s e x u al
life?
wellness industry is
worth
billion
Th t c a n y o u p u t a p s.
Bu r ice g
uara
ntee
on an
Pa i s l orgasm?
ey G
ilmou
r finds out…

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 87
 s n e ck is long a massage for “performance and

It nd smooth, orgasm issues” spring to mind.

curved like a
s w a n’ s .
t senses when you’re
near and glows
violet, whirring, then
dispenses perfectly
warmed-up lube, right
into the palm of your
hand. For about £145,*
The Pulse Warmer will
do what can easily be
achieved by rubbing
your hands together
a few times. If that’s not
for you, how about a
smartphone-controlled
sex toy that uses sensors
to track your body
heat and pelvic-floor
movements as you
masturbate, charting your
orgasms in real time?
That’ll also set you back
around £145. Or what
about a 24-carat gold-
plated G-spot vibrator?
For £10,000, it’s yours.
Clearly, our sex lives
have entered a new,
more luxurious realm.
As a sex and relationships
journalist, I often think I’ve heard
it all. And then something new
comes along that’s either completely
genius or so eye-rollingly outlandish
I find myself yelling at my computer.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for
people doing what they want to
improve their sex lives, as long as
they’re safe – but the sex-toy market
was valued at almost £20 billion in
2019 and is on track to be worth
about £35 billion by 2027 (and
that was before last year’s lockdown
saw sex-toy sales rocket). The more
our sex lives become commodified,
the more likely it is that we’ll be
marketed stuff we don’t really need.
Sexual wellness is no longer
confined to a dark corner of the
internet – sites like Cult Beauty
and Boots now have their own
sex sections, so you can browse
butt plugs while stocking up on
toothpaste. Goop – purveyor of the
controversial jade vagina egg – now
sells everything from a “date-night
box” (about £195 for a vibrator, sex
gel, massage oil, chocolate and the
“This Smells Like My Vagina” candle)
to a 14-carat gold-plated collar-and-
lead bondage set (about £400).
There are also sexual wellness
apps like Emjoy, an “audio guide
for intimate wellbeing” with a
£10.99 monthly subscription fee, and
Ferly, which promises to “radically
transform your relationship with
sex” from £12.99 a month. And all
this is before even mentioning the
range of workshops and treatments
that you can try (or at least you
could pre-COVID-19) in order to
“improve” your sex life. Tantric sex
retreats for couples starting from
about £650 and a £325 three-hour
But as well as expensive sex toys
most of us couldn’t even dream
of being able to afford, the market
has also expanded in the opposite
direction. Poundland has launched
its own range of sex toys, and you
can even pick up a seven-speed bullet
vibrator at your local Sainsbury’s
now for a mere £8. With the thriving
industry clearly here to stay, and
the sheer variety of products in all
manner of price ranges available,
does spending more on your sexual
wellness actually guarantee success?
Can you buy your way to better sex?
T E G
THE GOLD
OLD
S A N D A RD?
STA
STANDARD? D?
Ness Cooper has spent nearly £3,000
on her sex life in the past year. That
has included a Sybian (around £900)
– a sex machine with customisable
vibrating dildos you can ride – and
a rechargeable Doxy Wand vibrator
(£149.99). She has also invested in
new lingerie (“for regaining self-
confidence”) and a butt plug with
crystals inside (because she “needed
some sparkle in 2020”). Ness
regularly attends a pelvic-floor Pilates
class for better sexual enjoyment
and is a committed OnlyFans
subscriber, changing the model she
pays every month to support sex
workers through the pandemic.
It was after experiencing pelvic-
floor issues and difficulty orgasming
that Ness, now 31, decided to invest
more in her personal sexual
wellbeing. “Years ago, I realised
how important it is when looking
at wellbeing overall,” she explains.
“Sexual pleasure and satisfaction
is an integral part of life for many.
I’m willing to spend money on it,
but I’ve had to really think about
what can help me sexually.”
So has her investment paid off?
Does every penny spent equal
mind-blowing orgasms? It’s not quite
as simple as that. “I’ve found that

items that look pretty aren’t always
great. Often, sex toys made from
expensive materials can break really
easily, so they’re just decorative,” says
Ness. “There was one I wanted, due
to it being classed as a ‘luxury’ brand,
and it was meant to feel like oral sex
[when] applied to the clitoris. But
there was so much wrong with it, and
it even damaged my skin. Thankfully,
oral-sex simulators have improved
since. I also bought a real silver
vibrator that was terrible. Gold-plated
dildos were a big mistake too, as
the vagina’s natural lubricant just
stripped the plating off over time.”
“Essentially, all sex toys
out there have
the same components”
While Ness generally likes the
sex-position pillows she has invested
in, she has since found a cheaper
alternative: mobility pillows, as
well as those designed to help with
back pain, which can be found in
supermarkets. “One of the pillows
isn’t great, as it took a bit of trial
and error getting the right shape
for my body’s contours and needs.
But my cat loves it, at least… it’s now
a very expensive cat bed,” she tells me,
laughing. Courses and workshops
have always proved helpful for
Ness, too. “I always take something
away that helps me,” she says.
read
Overall, Ness has seen the biggest
payback on her investment when
she’s bought things for herself –
something she’s been
doing a lot more in the
past year, as she’s no
longer in a polyamorous
relationship and is
exploring dating on
her own. “What I buy
now is less couples-
focused and more
about me – something I probably
neglected for years,” she says.
W H O OWNS
WH
WHO O W NS YOUR
R G A S M ??
OR
ORGASM? ?
While I’ll groan when I see my
bursting inbox, full of bizarre NSFW
emails, I’m aware my job comes with
a great deal of sexual privilege. I’ve
been able to test and review sex toys
way beyond my budget, visit sex
resorts that would cost thousands,
and even attend a £100 workshop
that taught me how to use a strap-on.
I’ve been granted access to the luxury
sexual wellness world that I otherwise
couldn’t afford. Through this, I’ve
learned what’s worth a hefty price tag.
I’ve orgasmed with a £15 vibrator and
with a £200 one. And apart from
fancy packaging and millennial-pink
marketing campaigns, I’m not sure
the experiences were all that different.
Of the hundreds of toys I’ve tried,
only 10 remain in my under-the-bed
sex box. And of those, I only really
use five on regular rotation. I only
have one vagina, after all. My old
faithful is a £29.99 glass dildo from
Lovehoney, and on the pricier end
of the spectrum is my other favourite,
the Kip vibrator from female-owned
brand Dame Products. At about £60,
it’s not cheap, but its materials are
high quality – and having spent hours
chatting to the brand’s founder about
her activism within the industry, I feel
it’s a toy worth splashing out on. As
for the dildo, the glass is sustainable,
will last a lifetime, and – most
importantly – is body-safe. i
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 89
 Because the truth behind this
ever-expanding industry is that it’s
unregulated. When it comes to sex
toys, I’ve learned not to judge by
price, as this doesn’t seem to be an
indicator of how well-made a product
is. As there is no specific sex-toy
regulation in the UK, some products
are made from potentially toxic
materials that have been linked to
breast cancer. I only use toys that
are made from body-safe materials
like medical-grade silicone, ceramic,
metal and glass. And while free porn
has never been more accessible, it is
undoubtedly problematic. Pornhub
had to remove millions of videos last
year after they were found to feature
victims of child exploitation and sex
trafficking, and 40 subjects are now
suing the site’s owners, MindGeek,
for about £59 million. I rely heavily
on my subscription to ethical porn
site XConfessions instead. Starting at
about £9 per month, this gives you
unlimited access to independent adult
films by director Erika Lust, in which
the actors are paid fairly and have
creative input. After all, nothing
can put you off your stride more
quickly than wondering whether
or not the actor you’re watching is
actually enjoying themselves.
Then there’s the question of who
we want our money to go to. “A lot
of sex tech for women is still being
designed by men,” says Alice Stewart,
a creative technologist and founder
of Touchy Feely Tech, a company that
makes DIY vibrator kits and holds
workshops to teach people how to
build their own sex toys. But the tide
is turning, with more female-founded
companies that have women and
non-binary people in design roles
popping up. Examples include
Dame Products, MysteryVibe and
Lora DiCarlo. “It’s like there’s two
sides to this industry,” says Stewart.
“There are sex positive, female-
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founded companies advocating for

marginalised folks out there, and
while they’re expensive, they’re using

very new tech that’s patented and
for which they’ve won awards at
science and engineering trade fairs.
But then there’s the side serving the
mainstream, with cheap products,
copying ideas and selling 100 options.
The world I prefer to be in is the
one that often comes at a premium.”
This decision, Stewart is keen to
emphasise, is a personal one, not
because the smaller companies will
guarantee a better experience. “An
orgasm can also be achieved with
a very simple, cheap vibrator,” she
says. “Essentially, all the sex toys out
there have the same components.”
BEN
BENEATH
N E AT H THE
T about what you want from a sexual
IN
INVESTMENT
N V E S T M EN
NT
When we face a problem in our lives,
it’s tempting to open up Google, grab
our credit cards and simply throw
money at it. But just as owning the
world’s best hand weights won’t
automatically build muscle, spending
“Only you can decide
to let yourself enjoy
the sex you crave”
*SOME PRICES HAVE BEEN CONVERTED AND WERE CORRECT AT TIME OF GOING TO PRESS. †SPEAK TO YOUR
PHOTOGRAPHS DAN FORBES/TRUNK ARCHIVE, LEO ACKER, STOCKSY. BULLET VIBRATOR ANNSUMMERS.COM.
heaps of cash on your sex life doesn’t
come with an orgasms-or-your-money-
back guarantee. “In reality, most of the
challenges people have that prevent
them from enjoying a good and
flourishing sex life are psychological,Ӡ
says sex educator Portia Brown, who
shares insight on her Instagram
DOCTOR IF YOU THINK OTHER ISSUES MAY BE CONTRIBUTING
Lovehoney Happy
Rabbit, £79.99
This rechargeable vibrator
is great value for money.  
It’s made from body-safe
waterproof silicone, and has flexible clit vibrator is worth
a really long battery life, too.
account @freefroetic. “They’re not
necessarily issues that can be fixed
with a lube, a sex toy or a new
workshop. Although those things can
absolutely help.” Instead, says Brown,
we’d all be better off prioritising
“focusing on the internal part –
whether you’re dealing with shame,
body-image issues, boundary-setting
or communication, [it’s vital to]
reframe the way you think about
sex and its purpose in your life”.
Even when you do invest in your
sex life, it’s important to know what
you want from what you buy. “If
you’re not experienced using toys
or can’t be honest with yourself
experience, chances are you won’t have
the exhilarating time you hope for,”
says psychosexual therapist Lohani
Noor. “You can buy great sex toys or
even the services of an accomplished
sex practitioner, but only you can
decide whether or not you can let
yourself enjoy the sex
you crave in the way
you want. Ultimately,
communication is at
the foundation of every
good relationship, and
investment in it will
enable you to reap the
rewards of mutually satisfying sex.”
But this shouldn’t have to cost
anything, she says, championing
online quizzes as a way for people
to explore their sexual desires.
From my own experience and
through talking with the sex-positive
people trying to change the industry,
BEST
BE ST S EX T OY
OYSS FO
FORR BE
BEGI
GINN
GI NNER
NN ERS
ER S
Dame Products Lovehoney Magic
Pom Flexible B u l l e t, £12 .9 9
V i b r a t o r, £ 6 9. 4 5  Most bullet vibrators at this
Made from medical-grade price have one speed – this has
silicone, this waterproof, 10. It also takes A A A batteries
– cheaper than the watch
spending a little extra on. batteries bullets usually need.
read
I’ve learned there’s no simple answer
as to whether you really can buy your
way to a better sex life. Some people
do rely on sex toys to orgasm and
experience sexual pleasure, and if
spending money makes them happier,
who are we to judge? If they can drop
a month’s salary on golden anal
beads, then that’s great. But cheap
toys are many people’s gateway into
the sex-toy world, and they certainly
have an important role to play, too.
As the experts prove, investing time
and emotional energy – rather than
money – in yourself is what’s most
important for true sexual fulfillment.
As with most other things we spend
our money on, a quick fix and a
shopping spree don’t often actually
equal long-term happiness. In the
same way that bankrupting yourself
in order to buy a new designer
dress won’t solve all of your body-
confidence woes, spending £100
on a diamanté spanking paddle
doesn’t guarantee a rich and wild
sex life, either. Sexual wellness,
ultimately, comes from within. V
BEHIND THE SCENES
Paisley Gilmour
“Several of the experts I spoke to suggested a
brilliant hack: buy cheap versions of a few sex
toys to figure out what you like. Then, once you
know, you can buy a more expensive version.”
Satisfyer Pro 2,
£4 4 .95
 There’s no point spending
loads on a clit-sucker toy if
you don’t know if you’ll like
it. This one is a safe pair of
hands in that department.
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 91
 The
puppıes
of
Instagram
Fashion, beauty, homeware… pets? Sirin Kale investigates
the murky world of online animal trading ›
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 read

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C O S M O P O L I TA N · 93
She is a teacup chihuahua,
just three months old and
oh-so-small. You could fit
her in the palm of your hand,
or a reasonably sized pocket.  media platform where
i
found her on
Instagram – the
account has 10,000
followers, and
promises “the
best chihuahua
puppies in the
world,
w or worldwide delivery”.
Tiny dogs pose in front
of turquoise backdrops,
or on pink fluffy cushions.
The images are hashtagged
#puppiesofinstagram and
#puppiesforsale. I send a
DM to the account’s owner.
“She’s £2,500,” she tells
me, “delivery included. She’s
still small, so I can book
delivery now and she’ll be
with you within a month.”
She sends me a video of the
dog next to a hairbrush for
size – the hairbrush dwarfs
her. “She’ll be sent to the
UK by car, with a nanny,”
I’m promised. “Where
from?” I ask. “Ukraine,” she
responds. “It will take four
to six days.” I’m also told
she’s up to date with her
vaccinations, and will be
cared for en route to the
UK, in hotels.  a pug in October
I ask to see a video of the
puppy with her mother,
to see them interacting.
It never arrives, and when
I chase the seller, she goes
quiet. I ask about the
conditions the chihuahua
is being kept in – but again,
silence. I want to assume the
puppies are safe and cared
for… but there’s a feeling in
the pit of my stomach that
tells me otherwise.
Take a walk in your local
park and you’ll see them.
Puppies everywhere.
We have, as a nation,
gone absolutely wild for
dog ownership. As the
coronavirus pandemic
swept the country, many
people bought puppies,
reasoning that it would be
a good time to raise them,
as they’d be working from
home. Google searches for
“buy a puppy” increased
by 115% after lockdown
measures were announced
this time last year. Puppy
prices spiked: data from the
Dogs Trust reveals that the
asking price for sought-after
breeds including chow
chows, dachshunds, pugs
and French bulldogs
shot up after the first
lockdown, too. The
average price for
was £1,220,
compared to £684
pre-lockdown,
while French
bulldogs went for
£2,128, up from £1,251.
Whereas once prospective
dog owners might have
asked friends and
family for breeder
recommendations or
visited their local shelter,
we now turn online. And
for those illicit puppy
breeders, where better to
advertise than Instagram?
After all, it’s the social-
aesthetics rule, making
it the ideal shop window.
The hashtag #puppiesforsale
has featured on more
than 840,000 posts.  network of reputable
But, as with so much of
what we see online, all is
not as it seems. Molly-Mae
Hague and Tommy Fury
learned this the hard way
in June last year, when
their Pomeranian puppy,
Mr Chai, died from health
defects just six days after he
arrived with the couple. Mr
Chai was imported from
Russia by Cheshire-based
breeders Tiffany
Chihuahuas &
Pomeranians,
Molly- Mae
H a g u e’s
puppy died
last June
whose Instagram account
has over 100,000 followers.
“If we had the time again,
we would have got a dog
from the UK,” said Molly-
Mae after Mr Chai’s death.
After the news hit the press,
Tiffany Chihuahuas &
Pomeranians breeder Elena
Katerova insisted that “Mr
Chai was a healthy dog.
I only work with trusted
people and have a small
breeders who care for their
dogs to the very highest
standards.” While Mr Chai’s
death was found not to be
down to him being shipped
from Russia, Dr Samantha
Gaines of the RSPCA says
the Instagram puppy
market is of great concern. 
“There are people out
there who know how much
people want puppies,” she
says. “And they are taking
advantage of that.” She
explains that many of these
puppies – like the adorable
teacup chihuahua I was
offered on Instagram –
will most likely come
from puppy farms. “They
will have been reared
in poor conditions –
meaning they may have
health issues – before
being separated from
their mum and siblings
at too young an age, and
exposed to stressful
transportation,” says Dr
Gaines. “What the buyer
ends up with is a puppy
that hasn’t had the
best start in life. They’re
opening themselves up
to significant vet bills,
and a lot of heartache.”
Not to mention the
considerable hurt inflicted
on the animal itself.

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PUPPIES IN TRANSIT
When nail artist Sarah
Woods bought her £3,000
Pomeranian puppy Sushi
from a breeder she found
via Instagram, she was
so excited that she put
a deposit down straight
away because she couldn’t
bear the idea of losing the
animal to another buyer.
In the pictures and videos
she was sent before her
puppy arrived, Sushi was
an adorable bundle of white
fur – a healthy, active pup.
But when she arrived in
the UK, she was covered
in poo and unable to walk
from exhaustion, her fur
was matted, and she kept
vomiting. Sarah took her
to the vet the following day,
but there was nothing they
could do, and Sushi died
within days. “I had no clue
this goes on in the world,”
Sarah tells me. “I’d never
heard of puppy farms.
I feel so guilty for what
happened. I do blame
myself.” She buried Sushi
in her boyfriend’s garden.  enter the UK legally on
The bitches at puppy
farms are often constantly
impregnated and kept in
poor conditions. Their
litters may be taken away at
a very young age, causing
long-term health
and socialisation
problems. Often, the
animals are kept
in unsanitary and
stressful conditions,
and not given proper
medical attention or
vaccinations. As the
UK has stringent
animal welfare
standards, it can
often be easier for
unscrupulous puppy dealers
to source animals from
eastern Europe, where
regulations are more lax.
According to Kennel Club
data, 18% of puppies found
via social media get sick
or die before their first
birthday, and 24% of
owners experienced
complications when buying
their dogs via social media,
including not receiving the
animal’s medical history,
being overcharged, the
dog becoming unwell, or
having behavioural issues.
RED FLAGS
I show Dr Gaines my
conversation with the
chihuahua Instagram
account. “I would be
hugely worried about
buying a puppy from her,”
she sighs. “If the breeder was
genuinely putting welfare
first, they would be willing
to set up video calls so you
could watch the puppy
interacting with her mother.
Three months is also too
young for the puppy to
a pet passport, which is
another red flag. Plus, six
days is a long time for a
puppy to be on the road.”
“I always wanted a little
Pomeranian,” says Jess
Sarah with
her late
puppy Sushi
read
Dougan, 25, a property
developer from
Buckinghamshire. “But it
was always one of those
‘one day, maybe’ things”
– until COVID-19 hit,
and suddenly Jess had
time to rear a puppy at
home on her family farm.
In April, she messaged
an Instagram account
that advertises itself as
a high-end supplier of
Poms, and asked if there
were any puppies available.
The owner of the account
responded straight away,
and sent some pictures
of puppies via WhatsApp.
“I went through as many
tagged photos as possible
on her account,” says Jess.
“I thought that was me
doing my research.” Jess
agreed to pay £3,000 for
a black Pomeranian puppy
called Pixie, who would
be imported from Russia. 
“I fell in love with her
instantly,” says Jess, “and
I was worried that someone
else was going to buy her.
Looking back now, I should
have taken a moment.”
Jess waited nearly three
months for Pixie to arrive
– the delivery date kept
being pushed back because
of COVID-19, but Jess was
assured that Pixie would fly
to the UK, with a puppy
nanny by her side. As the
months crawled on, Jess
became desperate. “The two
weeks before she arrived
were the worst weeks of my
life,” she says. When Pixie
eventually arrived, the scene
was horrific. “A van pulled
up at the house, and there
were 25 dogs in the back,”
says Jess. “It was really hot,
and there was no air i
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 95
 conditioning. All the dogs
were barking, and none of
them had food or water.
Pixie could hardly open
her eyes. She just flopped
her head down. She looked
half-dead, and she was
covered in poo and sick,
and was tiny.”  Jess feels hugely guilty
Pixie was rushed to a vet,
who found that she had
parvovirus, which can
be fatal in dogs. But
the person behind the
Instagram account denied
that there was anything
wrong with Pixie, and
became abusive and
threatening when Jess asked
them to pay the vet bill.
“The vet said that if we
hadn’t taken her in, she’d
have had a seizure,” says Jess.
Thankfully, Pixie pulled
through, after three days
in intensive care at a cost
of £1,500. But she has
long-term behavioural
problems: she eats her
J e s s’s p u p p y
Pixie sur vived
cruel travel
conditions
own faeces, a common
behaviour among former
puppy-farm dogs (because
they weren’t fed enough),
and she has anxiety attacks
and vomits in cars because
she’s still traumatised by
her journey from Russia.
about what she unwittingly
put Pixie through. “I feel
really ashamed,” she says.
“I fully take responsibility
for being involved in
this. I got so caught up
in wanting a puppy, and
I ignored all the red flags.”
 
DOGS UNDER
THE INFLUENCE  Bowen has
It’s easy to listen to Jess’s
story and think: I’d never
fall into that trap. But from
looking at some of the
Instagram accounts online,
it’s not hard to see how
unsuspecting animal
lovers can be taken in. The
accounts look legitimate
and often have glowing
online reviews. “You guys
are amazing thanks so
much!” writes one reviewer,
with an emoji love heart.
“Cannot recommend
these puppies enough!”
says another. “It was the
followers that made
it seem so legitimate,”
says Jess. “They
put up all these
Instagram Stories
of the puppies
with their happy
families. They’d tag
people in them,
and you could go
on their pages
and see that they
were real profiles.”
Molly-Mae Hague’s
friend and fellow Love
Island contestant Olivia
Bowen knows
first-hand how
devious Instagram
puppy breeders
can be – she’s
experienced it
herself. Because
a significant
Instagram
following – 2.5
million – she’s
often approached
by puppy dealers
on the site,
offering her free
dogs in exchange
for a post. “It’s horrendous not bred yourself in
that people offer their dogs England (dog rescue
out like commodities,” says centres are exempt from
Olivia. She tells me that the legislation). Despite
Molly-Mae wasn’t given Mr this, enforcement is patchy,
Chai for free – the couple and many “puppies for
paid for him, and had no sale” accounts remain
idea about puppy farms. on Instagram. When I
“Lots of influencers just asked a spokesperson for
don’t know.” She always says Facebook (Instagram’s
no to offers of free puppies parent company) about
from Instagram dealers. “I
just block and delete them.”
LUCY’S LAW How to
Most of these Instagram
puppy dealers are make sure
operating illegally. Under
Lucy’s Law, which was
your puppy
introduced in April 2020 is coming
following a decade of
activism from animal-rights
from a safe
campaigners, it is illegal to breeder
sell puppies that you have

this, they told me: “We
do not allow the sale of
animals on Instagram,
and we’ve removed the
PIX, GETTY IMAGES, SHUTTERSTOCK, COURTESY OF
PHOTOGRAPHS BACKGRID, DAILY MIRROR/MIRROR
accounts brought to our
SARAH WOODS, COURTESY OF JESS DOUGAN
attention. We encourage
people to report these
activities to us, so we
can take appropriate
action.” (I reported all
the accounts I found
during the research of
this feature to Facebook.)
1 2
Do your research
“Make sure you get to
know the seller behind
the pet,” says Dr Gaines.
Run their name through
Google, and check
they’re licensed with
the local authority to
sell pets, if they’re a
commercial breeder.
tells you what questions
you need to be asking.
THE COST OF
COMPANIONSHIP
For those who do manage
to get dogs from ethical,
legal breeders, the benefits
are immense.  “She’s literally
my everything now,” says
Alice, a 31-year-old
communications worker
from London, of her
working cocker spaniel
Dotty. Alice bought Dotty
from a licensed, reputable
breeder for £2,000 in June:
she’d recently come out of a
long-term relationship and
was working from home for
the first time, and had the
time and energy to raise
Dotty. Plus, the company
was nice, after so long living
with her ex. “When I was
having a rubbish mental
health day, especially during
“You absolutely should lockdown, she gave me
not ever buy a dog through something to do,” says Alice.
Instagram,” warns Dr “Dotty was a reason to get
Gaines. “Absolutely do not. out of the house every day.”
Go directly to a reputable But having a puppy is
breeder.” She advises all seriously hard work. “It’s
prospective dog owners like having a baby,” says
to use a Puppy Contract Alice. “Training her is really
with their breeders: it’s time-consuming. She needs
a free toolkit designed to me all the time, she follows
encourage those buying me around all day, I’m
and breeding puppies to responsible for her 24/7.
do so responsibly, and it That was a shock – how
3 4
Ask for videos Sign a contract Report it
“Always make sure you Ask the breeder to sign If you suspect you’ve come
see the puppy interacting a Puppy Contract with across a puppy farmer,
with the litter, and their you. This is legally don’t buy the dog, evenen
mum,” advises Dr Gaines. binding, and helps you to “save” it – this fuels
If the breeder won’t let make sure your puppy the trade. Report the
you visit the puppy or see has been bred ethically. incident to your local
videos of it interacting You can download a authority instead. For
with its mother, it’s contract template at more advice, visit
time to walk away. Puppycontract.org.uk. Nawt.org.uk.
read
much work it was.” But it’s
all worth it, of course. “She’s
my little mate who’s always
there,” says Alice. “She gives
me unconditional love.” 
It’s this that makes the
Instagram puppy market
even more heartbreaking.
Most people don’t buy
puppies because they’re
going to look good on their
feed, but for company and
love, something needed
more than ever in the
past year. This need has
been commodified and
exploited, with many
people unaware of the
reality behind the adorable
facade. It’s an easy, tempting
trap to fall into – but when
it comes to Instagram
puppies, buyer beware. V
BEHIND THE SCENES
Sirin Kale
“I saw videos of Pixie when she first
arrived in the UK and she looked
so tiny and helpless – the thought
of what she endured in the back
of that van was horrific. I was also
really struck by how brazen many
of these Instagram puppy breeders
were: even when their accounts got
shut down, they simply opened
new ones, often flaunting their
wealth on private accounts.”
5
Trust your gut
Your instincts can tell you
a lot. “If something
doesn’t
doesn feel right, they
won’t give you
paperwork or
i
information, or are
pressuring you to
buy, walk away,”
says Dr Gaines.
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 97
XXXXXXX XXXXXXX
 read

tions of dishone s t revie

A ll e g a ws. R
h e p a s t f e w umours of foul
O v e r t y e a r s,
p l a y. beaut
o u n d t h e i r n a m y ’s b i g h i t t e r s
ha ve f e s at t
a che
b u t a r e d to claims of
ti o n – t h e y b ein
corrup g un

Tr u s t m e ,
f a i r l y v i c t i m i s e d?

I’m a
beauty
*NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED. †ACCORDING TO A STUDY CONDUCTED BY THE LEGO GROUP

Wo r d s K AT E PA S O L A

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 99
 “If you throw me under the bus,
I ’ l l k i l l y o u.
Phoebe* laughs. She has just told me
something that’s blown my mind, but
I reassure her the secret is safe with me.
As our interview was coming to a close,
I finished with: “What’s the question
you wish I’d asked?” I was nervous
about her response – this is basically
a journalist’s shorthand for “tell me a
secret, I dare you”. And it doesn’t help
that my interviewee knows every trick
in my book. She’s a PR, after all. Her
role, in beauty public relations, is to
make sure the brands she represents
end up in your make-up bag, by
spreading the word via journalists
and influencers. That
new highlighter you’re
suddenly desperate “The experience ruined
for? She probably had
something to do with it. who I thought were my
“I wish you’d asked me
about the strangest thing beauty idols forever”
I’ve seen when working
with influencers,” she
replied. “I’ve seen a rate card from
an influencer that included rates for
a negative review of a competitor
brand.” Phoebe swears me to secrecy
when I ask who it was – and then she
tells me, off the record, and my heart
sinks. A household name. “Slating a
competitor?” she continues. “It’s more
common than you think.” Phoebe had
every right to keep her mouth shut in
our interview. So why did she open it?
PEAK CRITIQUE
The beauty review as we once
knew it has evolved into something
unrecognisable. Back in the late
’00s, before monetization and
100 · C O S M O P O L I TA N
#sponcon (sponsored content), beauty
influencing was most often a hobby
– influencers reviewed products they’d
bought themselves. PR didn’t usually
come into it, save for a few brands
who blazed an otherwise untrodden
trail, sending free products to
influencers and hoping to be featured.  podcast, gained a titanic following in
Then content creators began, quite
rightly, leveraging their power to earn
money, taking fees from beauty brands
for mentions and adverts. Their work
started to generate huge pay-offs for
brands – so it was only right that they
got a cut. Plus, as hobbies transformed
into careers, overheads started to spiral,
from shooting equipment to computer
software, not to mention the labour of
maintaining a consistent social-media
presence across multiple platforms
with ever-changing algorithms. The
“beauty influencer” became a full-
time job, albeit a modern one. At
the same time, consumer thirst for
newness meant brands began to
launch products every few weeks.
Any influencer worth their salt was
added to PR lists to receive those
launches for free, before anyone else.
Because of that trajectory, these
days, it’s in the influencer’s interest
to review new products as quickly as
possible. There’s no time for ordering
on launch day and waiting for
shipping confirmations – miss the
boat and you’ll miss out on thousands
of views, retweets, likes or follows.
Samantha Ravndahl, a beauty content
creator and host of the Approachable
part due to her honesty when it comes
to the “touchy subject” of PR. An
influencer veteran, she’s spotted the
growing “immediacy” problem too.
“In the beauty reviews I grew up
watching, people would use the same
product for months,” she says. “Now,
as soon as that PR package
lands on your doorstep,
you want to be filming
a video and have it up as
soon as possible, because
that’s how you guarantee
you’re going to continue
to grow your channel.”
Spots on PR lists
have become furiously competitive,
especially for audience-favoured
brands like Kylie Cosmetics, Jeffree Star
Cosmetics, Glossier and Fenty. Now,
it’s a badge of honour to receive PR
parcels and pre-release information.
The hashtag “#gifted” holds so much
clout some influencers have been
known to buy products themselves,
then thank the brands publicly, in a
bid to fake brand deals and position
themselves as PR-worthy.
But most worrying of all? With the
ever-present risk across the industry
of being dropped from PR lists, the
temptation now exists to be glowingly
positive about every launch, and to

keep useful criticism under wraps.
“We’ve done it to ourselves,” says
Katie Braden, founder of Katie Braden
PR, social-media expert and brand
consultant. “There are influencers
who think positive reviews are the
way to stay in favour with that brand
– and to be honest, they’re not wrong.
If I send someone a product and they
do a beautiful video? Obviously I’m
going to send them more stuff.”
BUYING BIAS?
Thanks to his biting opinions and
whistleblowing efforts, make-up artist,
brand consultant and beauty-industry
figure Kevin James Bennett says he’s
been removed from “dozens” of PR
lists. “We don’t mince words. I do my
homework before saying something…
are you mad at me because I told the
truth?” he giggles over Zoom, an
assemblage of awards and trophies
behind him. In 2018, KJB attempted to
expose what he calls “hideous” failures
to disclose sponsored content in
influencing. His biggest scoop? KJB
witnessed an influencer’s management
quoting a brand for the service of
bashing a competitor, identifying
rates between £55k and over £60k.
The influencer in question is a famous
read
and trusted beauty YouTuber. After
sharing his revelation, KJB became
embroiled in a digital war with James
Charles and other influencers such
as RawBeautyKristi (KJB confirms
neither Charles nor Kristi were the
influencer he was accusing of taking
undisclosed payments or competitor-
bashing), who claimed he was
misguided or lying. “It was sort of like
Joan of Arc. Here we go, into battle!”
he says. “And tonnes of top influencers
were doing it. That’s why they all
freaked out when it was exposed.”
But where once, the world was
divided into a binary – influencer
or mortal, right or wrong, sponsored
or not – these days, it’s a lot more
complex. And there’s far more to
the story than meets the eye…
PR HUNGER GAMES
Though PR strategies vary hugely, a
new wave of competitions and public-
facing “PR searches” are also, arguably,
dismantling what was once a fruitful
relationship between content creators
and PRs. Brands and retailers, from
Kylie Cosmetics to Beauty Bay, have
held social-media competitions
for slots on their esteemed lists,
encouraging followers to share images
of their artistry (along with desperate
pleas and an approved hashtag) for
the chance to be considered. It has
turned what was once a private
business negotiation into a marketing
circus, fuelled by the attention
economy. And while winning slots
has gilded many influencers’ futures,
the experience for some – with reports
that certain other, unnamed brands
are providing unclear terms and
a lack of communication behind
the scenes – has also broken many.
Ex-beauty influencer Candice is too
traumatised by her experiences with
one such PR search to go back into
cosmetics blogging. Her dream of
being added to her favourite brands’
lists became what she calls an “ordeal”
just months after winning her place.
One influencer-favoured brand, ›
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 101
Xxxxxx
which she tells me committed to
a relationship with her for a year,
dropped her after four or five months,
“out of nowhere”. “They did that to a
lot of us small artists who got on the
list after their PR search,” Candice
explains. She was also later dropped
by a YouTuber-founded beauty brand,
again without explanation. Candice
was left devastated, quizzing herself
about what she may have done wrong.
It was influencer and beauty blogger
Lea’s* birthday when she received the
first PR-list “welcome package” from
a dream beauty company – a back-
breaking box containing “everything
on the website – lipsticks, lipglosses,
all the palettes, brushes galore”. “I was
not expecting to be picked,” she recalls
over Zoom, blinking her heavy lashes.
She tells me she currently receives PR
102 · C O S M O P O L I TA N
mailers and information from 42
different brands, but that “it’s difficult
to be taken seriously as a woman of
colour… we have a very hard time
being added to bigger PR lists”. After
being welcomed to the company in
question, she tells me there was an
absence of guidance accompanying the
bounty of beauty being sent her way.
So why, within eight months, did
Lea also find herself taken off the list?
“I don’t have any clarity,” she answers.
“But like me, most of the people
who were taken off the PR list at
that time were women of colour.” For
Candice, it was necessary to take a step
away from the industry to rehabilitate
her mental health. “The whole
experience ruined who I thought were
my beauty idols forever,” she recalls.
Lea is pushing for change, armed with
knowledge from past disappointments.
“I don’t let that stop me,” she grins.
When I ask PR Phoebe for her
thoughts on searches, she emphasises
the importance of brands sharing
terms and conditions with winners,
her opinion being that “running
a giveaway without this in place is
misconduct”. Her choice of the word
“giveaway” sticks with me. It begs the
question: are PR-list competitions just
marketing stunts packaged up as PR?
And if so, what does that mean for the
influencers caught up in them? 
After all, the buzzword “PR” has
become a particularly lucrative way
to shift product. Take Kylie Jenner’s
signed PR box, released to the public
as part of her Kylie x The Grinch
Christmas collection, which sold
out in a matter of minutes, despite
costing £280. At the time of writing,
it’s available on Ebay for over £3,300.
The prestige of PR is sky-high. 
Candice and Lea tell me they feel
they were used as part of a marketing
strategy, and they’re both in the dark as
to how they could have avoided this.
“I feel it was all strictly to get them
more business,” Candice adds. But
who’s responsible for dwindling
transparency in the industry? Is it
the brands muddying the waters of
PR and offering ill-outlined deals?

The influencers taking them up
on it? Or is it, in fact, the audiences
with an insatiable appetite for
immediate product reviews?
KN E E - J E R K R E VI E W S
One thing’s for sure: legitimate
beauty reviews still serve an important
purpose, especially as beauty shopping
moves online. Their diminishing
credibility holds hazards beyond
online drama. After all, pandemic
isolation has squashed consumer
interest in lipstick and palettes,
replacing it with a hunger for active
serums, moisturisers,
intensive beauty tools
and other cosmetic
routes to self-care. And
“I’ve noticed nobody
as KJB points out, while
a knee-jerk review of a
lipstick collection might that don’t disclose ads”
be enough information to
decide whether it’s right
for a customer, the same can’t be said
for reviews of intensive acids, retinols
and devices. At best, the latter could
lead to wasted money. At worst?
Serious dermatological dangers.
“Consumers shouldn’t have to
play detective in working out when
an influencer post is advertising,” a
spokesperson from the Advertising
Standards Authority tells me when
I reach out to confirm the scale of
OPENING PHOTOGRAPH TRAVIS RATHBONE/TRUNK ARCHIVE. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS AND
the problem. The rep tells me the
PROP STYLING MARTINA LANG. MIRROR, AMAZON.CO.UK. *NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED.
organisation is “harnessing new
technology” to assist in the problem of
misleading reviews, and undertaking
“monitoring sweeps online” to
identify and tackle the issue at scale
and speed. And it looks like the
ACCORDING TO A STUDY CONDUCTED BY THE LEGO GROUP
Federal Trade Commission, which
deals with advertising standards
in the USA, is in agreement. It’s
conducting a “scheduled periodic
review” of endorsement guidelines,
and Cosmopolitan learned that the
topic of paid-for competitor-bashing
posts was indeed raised in the
comments the FTC received. “We
take this issue seriously and have
committed substantial resources
†
to addressing misleading reviews
and other endorsement,” it said.
But for all the efforts of the
authorities, it’s arguable that the
problem could be solved closer to
home. Samantha feels that creating
a greater distinction between “first
impressions” and reviews might begin
to solve the problem for influencers,
balancing traffic and networking
with credibility. And among all of
the experts I consulted, there was
a consensus that we need influencers
to make consistent, responsible use
of hashtags like “#gifted” and “#ad”.
questions the people
But before pointing the finger, it may
be useful to check our own behaviour
as consumers. After all, Samantha
explains that influencers like herself
who are transparent about brand
deals usually feel as though they’re in
a double-bind. “I’ve noticed nobody
questions the people that don’t
disclose ads, because they don’t think
they’re doing them,” she says. “But
influencers that do disclose them?
People are like, ‘Oh, you’re a sellout,
you’re constantly posting ads.’ But I’m
posting the same amount as Person X
– you just know that mine are paid for.”
In a world where more young
people aspire to be YouTubers than
astronauts,† where COVID has
obliterated many people’s career
paths, and where “fake it till you
make it” reaches the realms of Forbes
magazine’s “Billionaire” covers and
USA presidencies, one question
remains. Can you blame influencers
for accepting deals, flattering brands
and doing all they can to maintain
contacts? That doesn’t mean we can’t
fight for authenticity. As consumers,
we should applaud influencers who
read
commit to transparency by
supporting their incomes through
membership platforms such as
Patreon and other fundraisers.
Samantha’s comments left me
thinking. How many times have
I rolled my eyes at an influencer’s
paid partnerships, forgetting that
content creators need to pay their bills?
How many times might my favourite
influencers have duped me into
supporting an undisclosed brand
deal? And how many less wealthy
influencers, dependent on receiving
PR, are being screwed over as we
prioritise the voices of well-
connected content creators
who can afford their own
samples? Holding brands
and influencers to account
is one thing, but it goes
hand-in-hand with
applauding ad disclosure,
supporting Patreons,
buying merch and discarding the
idea that we’re entitled to influencer
creativity for free – something we’d
never expect from any other industry.
After all, lies no longer shock us.
The truth can be twisted, loopholes
unearthed, sponsorships swept under
the rug. Never before have we had
such power to demand transparency,
so never before has transparency been
such prime real estate. But, as is the
case with all real estate, someone’s
got to pay for it. And when it comes
to beauty reviews, perhaps it’s our
turn to pick up the cheque. V

BEHIND THE SCENES
Kate Pasola
“While researching this article, I also found
tonnes of underground online communities who
offer fake positive reviews on online retailers
in return for refunds or free products. Learning
that has totally ruined my trust in the star
ratings I see when I’m shopping online.”
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 103
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Co a t, £2 95 ; s k ir t,
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G o re y. Tra i n e r s , £ 9 0 ,
N i ke a t S c hu h

109
 Mimi
Wade
T- sh i r t, £1 26 ; s k ir t,
£ 23 6 ; bot h M i m i
Wa de . V i n t ag e
Ch a ne l s un g l a s s e s ,
fr o m £ 9 0, J e an
Vi n t ag e. V i n t ag e
bo o ts , £6 5 , R oki t

110
Miscreants
London
Blazer, £110; top, £ 55 ;
trousers, £130, all
Mi screants London

Mod el C lementi n e
at Anti - Agenc y. Hai r
Asah i San o at Caren ,
usin g Bumble A n d
Bumb le. Make - up an d
n ail s Megumi Matsun o,
usi ng Sisley.
Ph otograp her ’s
assistan t Gu y
Gu nstone. Stylist ’s
assistant Emi ly-
El izab eth C larke.
C anin e mod el Toffee
at U rban Paw s

111
 love
SINGLE? SETTLED? WE’VE GOT YOU COVERED
WORDS PAISLEY GILMOUR. PHOTOGRAPH AARON DURALL

Is everyone astro-dating?
Could finding your match be written in the stars? According to Bumble, a million UK users
added the “zodiac” badge to their profile in just six months last year, implying that many single
folk believe astrological characteristics may provide an insight into whether someone is right
for us. Astro-dating might help us find people with traits we’re spiritually aligned with but,
says astrologer Kerry Ward, take it with a pinch of salt. “Someone’s star sign is more of an
icebreaker than a dealbreaker,” she says. Still, stargazing has never seemed so much fun…
To discover your sign’s ideal astrological match, visit Cosmopolitan.com/uk/starsigndating.

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 113
Xxxxxx

Cya
n ’s w
edd
ing
day

The love lessons I learnt

Our mothers’ words and

my
XXXXXXX XXXXXXX

actions can have a lifelong impact,

as these three writers explain…
114 · C O S M O P O L I TA N
 love
Cya
n
a wa and her
lk in mum
Oxf
ords on
hire

“My mum helped

me feel hopeful
about becoming
a mum myself ”
When Cyan Turan discovered
she was pregnant during
lockdown, she felt anxious.
But her mum taught her to
see things differently

E
very single one of us has a tiny,
butterfly-shaped gland in our necks.
Its role is to produce many of the
hormones that make our bodies function,
but when I was 25, I discovered my thyroid
was underactive. After a bout of panicked
web searching (thanks, Dr Google), I found
out that a side effect of my condition was
possible infertility. I’d never say it’s always
been my dream to become a mother, but
I’d also never contemplated a future in
which parenthood wouldn’t be an option.
I spent the latter half of my twenties with
a fear of infertility – not ready to have
children, but never too far away from the

from
worry that it might not happen for me.
ss Fast-forward to summer 2020 and my
r n e 18
e 0 husband and I decided – mid-pandemic

mum
ild in 2
W l – that we felt ready to try for a baby. I was
At tiva
s mentally preparing myself for many years
Fe
of fertility-related heartache when I found
out I was pregnant. Suddenly, my fears of
infertility gave way to joy, yes, but a new
fear: miscarriage. What if my screwed-up
hormones couldn’t support our baby?
XXXXXXX XXXXXXX

I found myself in a worry spiral, unable

to say to my parents, “You’re going to
be grandparents,” and holding back i

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 115
from buying tiny knitted booties
for fear that my pregnancy would
go wrong. The idea that I’d have
an actual baby at the end of it all
seemed unfathomable.
That was, however, until I spoke
to my own mum. She could sense
that I was being blasé to the point
of negativity, approaching this foetus
with unjustified pessimism. On the
phone one day, she asked how I was
feeling and I came out with my usual
“Fine, yeah, just hoping things will
be OK”. She stopped me mid-
sentence. “They will be,” she said.
Everyone had said it – after all, it
seemed no one but me assumed my
pregnancy would go wrong – but
I only believed it when it came from
her. Kindly, she impressed upon me
that I couldn’t see this pregnancy
by default as something that would
falter, but had to really step into the
idea that I. Was. Going. To. Have.
A. Baby. Empowerment is an
overused word, but she made me
feel optimistic for the first time in
months. I’d never really thought
about the role Mum would play
as I embarked on my parenthood
journey, but it turned out that role
was critical. For the first time, I could
see myself nine months down the
line with a baby. Of course, life can
throw cruel curveballs, but assuming
that they’re on their way was no
way to view my daughter’s future.
The next day, I went shopping.
The idea of buying anything for her
before felt like a curse, a sure-fire
way to jinx it all. Walking around
the baby section of the department
store, I was in a daze. Miniature
cardigans, wooden blocks, dresses
emblazoned with unicorns – they all
seemed so alien to me. But Mum’s
words rang in my ears. I pictured
myself dressing my baby, and
gingerly picked up some socks
– a tiny orange pair embroidered
with foxes. My baby is due on
Mother’s Day and – as you
read this – I’ll probably be
preparing to give birth. And
the first thing she’ll wear
(other than a nappy) will
be those fox socks.
“My mum
taught me how
not to love“
After Sara’s* mum left
and never returned, she
struggled to understand how
to be in a relationship
O
n the day my world was ripped
out from under my feet, the sun
was shining. I was just eight years
old, but two memories replay in my mind
from the moment I left my house for the last
time: putting on my bright-pink coat, and
the ice-cold look in my mother’s eyes.
My parents divorced when I was young,
and it was a given that I would live with my
mother. But from the start, it was clear that
she wasn’t maternal, and I was a burden.
My life with her was scarred by physical and
verbal abuse, and she was often neglectful.
On that sunny day, Mum and I walked up
the path to my dad’s house, where he was
waiting on the doorstep. There wasn’t a
goodbye, a hug or an “I love you”. She
just walked away, without looking
back. And I haven’t seen
her since.
I’m now 26, and Mum’s abandonment
has reverberated throughout my life. On
my darkest days, I’ve felt it would have
been easier to cope if she had died. There’s
something so unsettling about knowing
she’s out in the world somewhere – and
the impact of her sudden disappearance
is never more apparent than when I’m
navigating romantic relationships.
I’ve loved people dearly, but thrown them
away out of fear because I never wanted to
feel a rejection similar to what I felt on the
day Mum left. I’ve forced kind people away
without realising I was sabotaging my own
happiness. I thought shouting would make
my partners hear me – little did I know
that this isn’t how “normal” people
communicate with those they love.
At one point, I was with a man who
wanted nothing except to love me – little
did he know it was a battle he’d lost before
he’d even had the chance to try. We’d
argue, and I’d say awful things in an
attempt to end the relationship. He would
calmly explain that it was OK to talk out
our disagreement, but I couldn’t accept it.
Towards the end, he would wrap me up in
a warm hug, but I never hugged him back.
He was everything most people look for in
a partner, but I pushed him away by playing
out a narrative that wasn’t real. I wish I
could have pressed pause for long enough
to see that he wasn’t trying to neglect me or
my feelings, but to explore them with me.
My abandonment issues made me treat
good partners badly, but cling on to those
who weren’t so kind. A different partner
disappeared for a week and ignored my
calls. When he finally reappeared, I felt
grateful he hadn’t abandoned me and
brushed his unreasonable behaviour aside.
At 21, I was diagnosed with PTSD and
began therapy. I now know that love and
pain don’t have to be entwined. Love can
be fleeting and ever-changing, but that’s
fine. I need to let my guard down in order
for relationships to work. Loving
others doesn’t mean
that their demons are
automatically yours
– and Mum’s demons
are no longer mine.
Sara is the founder of
Run2YaMama, a blog
XXXXXXX XXXXXXX
that provides advice
and support for girls and
women with absent mothers
 love

C um
at
m

rio (le
n a f t),
(s d a
ec d
on , s
d is te
rig r
ht an
)w d
ith gra
he nd
r m
a
n
nd Ia
e r h usba d a y
h g
With r w eddin
e i
on th

standing on our black-and-white kitchen compromised, but she placed her

tiles, yelling that Bryan Adams was a liar.
That there was no way everything he did
was for another person. It was the same
a few years later, with Never Ever. All
Saints weren’t liars, but they did have to
“stop being so whiny and get over him”.
“Your purpose,” she’d tell us, after
scolding the radio, “is not to give a man
‘attention’ and ‘affection’.” These were
“My mum taught
INNES, COURTESY OF CYAN TURAN. SARA PHOTOGRAPHS POSED BY MODELS. *NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED
dreams high up on her list of priorities.
She knew that to achieve them, she had
to be headstrong and not succumb to
the traditional roles often associated
with the labels “wife” and “mother”.
Now, aged 35, I live my life as
independently as she did. I’m married,
but that’s not who I am. If a friend is in
Paris and I want to go and see her, I’ll

discussions she had with me and my sister jump on a coach that afternoon, only
PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, STOCKSY, KIRSTY MACKENZIE PHOTOGRAPHY, COURTESY OF CATRIONA

all the time, using pop music as a vehicle
me how to for her advice. She wanted us to forge our
own lives, independently of whoever we
be independent ” fell in love with. She knew the power of
a strong, supportive relationship – she’d
been with my dad since university – but
Catriona Innes lost her
she was also very keen not to let that,
mother as a teenager, but not or her role as our mother, define her.
before she taught her how to When she was offered the chance to
walk the Great Wall of China, she took
truly revel in her own freedom it – even though it meant leaving us for
a month. Childcare and housework was
always split 50/50 with my dad. She had
a life full of adventures, friendships and
learning (I often went straight to the library
messaging my husband once I’m settled
in my seat. We live together but so much
of our lives are separate. I work late,
I party for days without him, I have a vast
network of friends. Of course, we still
spend time together – and when I’m
with him, there’s no one else I’d rather be
with. Doing our own thing doesn’t have
to mean drifting apart – if anything, it
just means we have so many interesting
things to talk about when we are together.
I think the prospect of getting everything
you need from one person, your life
revolving solely around them, is not only
impossible, but boring. If I had to be in

T
he song played on a loop in our
house. It was 1991 and no one could
get Bryan Adams’ Everything I Do
(I Do It For You) off the number-one spot.
I was six years old, and the only thing I can
really remember from that year is my mum,
after school instead of going home, and
sat quietly beside Mum as she studied for
her PhD). Knowing how rich her existence
had been brought me great comfort
after she died from a brain tumour
when I was 19. She made sacrifices and
a relationship where that was expected of
me, I’d have left it long ago. By teaching
me to live how I wanted to, mum also
showed me how to love wildly, on my own
terms. And yes, I do – just occasionally
– find myself shouting at the radio. V

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 117
love

The dating
apps to know

if you’re
LGBTQ+
Paisley Gilmour, Cosmo’s
sex and relationships editor,
has the lowdown

Dating apps can

be a lifeline for
the LGBTQ+
community Her Feeld Scissr Lesly
Her says: Feeld says: Scissr says: Lesly says:
– especially “From lesbians “A dating app for “Where LGBTQ+ “A great community for
to queers, bois to open-minded couples women can connect, lesbians, bisexual and
during lockdown femmes, trans to fluid, and singles… Join share and chat. queer women to chat,
– providing us and everyone in solo or pair up with Designed by lesbians date and hook up with
between, Her is a partner, lover or for lesbians.” other LGBTQ singles
with a platform here for you.” curious friend.” How inclusive is it?  in their area.”
How inclusive is it?  How inclusive is it?  Although it claims to How inclusive is it? 
to connect with

PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES. *ALL APPS ARE FREE, WITH IN-APP PURCHASES AVAILABLE
The app connects The sexuality and be for all LGBTQ+ It was made by
those we might people of varying gender options are women, the app a group of “lesbian
LGBTQ+ identities with never-ending. You constantly refers to dating experts”, so
not encounter in friends and dates. So can specify kinks “lesbians”. They say the that’s a start!
yeah, pretty inclusive. and fantasies too. app is “without dudes”, What makes
our day-to-day What makes What makes but I’m not sure where it different? 
lives. Shortly it different?  it different? this leaves trans men. Lesly claims to
It has four million users It hooks you up with What makes put all profiles
after becoming and claims to be the sex-positive people it different?  through a rigorous
largest free dating who want everything It positions itself as verification process
single, I took it site for lesbian and from threesomes to Grindr for women – so to weed out any
upon myself to queer womxn. long-term love. it’s good for hook-ups. scammers or fakers.
The verdict: The verdict: The verdict: The verdict:
test some queer-
friendly dating Confusing to use, but I love the ethos of Users have complained Some users say the
very inclusive in terms the app but found about not having many free version* is pretty
apps to see of gender identities and navigating it tricky. That people in their area and useless, so to use the
how good they sexualities. But, erm, said, I ended up using not being notified when app to the best of its
no one messaged me. it to find a threesome. they receive messages. ability, you have to pay.
really are…

118 · C O S M O P O L I TA N
 love

After a night at
his, I woke up the
next day to him
announcing “great
Your Have you ever
tasted your own
ear wax?

news”… he’d just

got a text to say
not-so-secret LOL, what?

single
Maybe when
his STI test results I was a kid or
were negative. something?

behaviour
NICOLA, 30 How was it?
Describe it

I returned from a
walk to find my block
Bad dates, disastrous DMs and
of flats taped off.
When I asked what everything
y g in between...
was happening, the
police officer turned
around. It was a guy
I’d been on a very
awkward date with
five months before.
A MY, 3 5
Chat
He invited me
for a drink but
cancelled an hour
before. When
I bumped into him
a few days later,
he casually
mentioned he’d
had a partner
for eight years.
It was at this point I
thought about flushing
my phone down the
toilet. Liv,, 27
7
Due to lockdown, we w
Got a dating nightmare
met to walk around a
to share? Email your tales
Rosa of woe to singlebehaviour park – in winter. After
Aft
@cosmopolitan.co.uk or 10 minutes, he threw
thre
Tweet, Insta or DM us
with your single stories down his coat and
Lee* @CosmopolitanUK said, “Let’s sit here
here.”
Profile
He produced a bottle
bott
of wine and wanted
wante
So you’re cancelling, to pass it between u us.
why exactly? I declined (hello,
Because you’re busy
pandemic!), so sat
washing your hair or
something? shivering, watching
him get drunk.
Exactly that,, it L E N O R A ,* 2 2
takes me hourss
Sent

Don’t forget to
He arrived at the
AS TOLD TO JENNIFER SAVIN. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES. POSED BY MODELS.

GEORGINA, 21 wash your bum bar and said he

and armpits too. needed to quickly
pop next door to
Sainsbury’s, pick
I went back to his
something up and
after our date and After cancelling a first date with
GIF
a guy (who was giving me weird drop it off at home.
his flat was filthy –
vibes over WhatsApp), I thought it was
pennies and tobacco this was his response. odd but that maybe
were scattered It was 100% the he wanted to chill
everywhere, and the right decision.
some wine in case
*NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED

cushions looked like Rosa,* 30

we ended up going
they’d been ripped
home together. He
up by a dog. I didn’t
never came back.
hang around.

ANNIKA, 26 GEORGIE, 29

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 119
 explore
BECAUSE LIFE’S ALL ABOUT THE 5-9

On yer bike
More of us are embracing getting
around on two wheels, with app
Strava reporting a 162% year-
on-year increase in cycling in the
UK in 2020.* Plus, the number of
people looking for staycations has
surged (we’ll give you one guess
why). Whether it’s part of a holiday
(restrictions permitting) or just a
way to get out and see some of
your local area, cycling is great
exercise for both your body and
mind. Two wheels not your thing?
Turn the page for our road-trip
edit – Lycra not necessary. ›
WORDS DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT. PHOTOGRAPH STOCKSY. *STRAVA METRO’S ANALYSIS COMPARED
THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE TRAVELLING BY BIKE IN MAY 2020 WITH THE SAME PERIOD IN 2019

C O S M O P O L I TA N · 121
 M A N D A S TAT
rds A HA
Wo M

A weekend road trip is the perfect mix of freedom, sanctuary

and adaptability, making it the most desirable kind of holiday
when restrictions allow. Here are our picks of the routes to
try, as well as where to stay (and what to eat) along the way…

LONDON TO
LETCHWORTH
Head north out of London
on the A41 and, surprisingly
quickly, countryside replaces
buildings and your shoulders
start to drop. Sweep past Hemel
Hempstead into the glorious
Chiltern Hills before arriving at
Ashridge Estate in Hertfordshire.
After you’ve swooned at
Ashridge House (below)
and pretended the Duke of
Hastings is promenading you
The Pickled
Pheasant
MANCHESTER TO HOLMFIRTH
Escape the city and drive
east on the A628 towards
Denby Dale, through the epic
scenery at the northern end
of the Peak District. You’ll see
reservoirs lined by forest in
the Longdendale Valley, pretty
hamlets and the Pennine Hills,
before heading to Roydhouse,
where the Three Acres Inn
around your new manor, it’s
time to get a fresh-air fix.
Route highlight
The Ivinghoe Beacon Walk,
a circular hike in scenic
Ashridge National Trust
territory, takes you through
grassland and trees to the
top of a hill with amazing
360º views. There are
Bronze Age burial mounds
and prehistoric earthworks,
and in summer, the hill is
like something from a Disney
film, dotted with hundreds of
wildflowers and rare butterflies.
Eat & sleep
From Ashridge, head east
along country lanes until you
reach the A505. This takes
you through the market town
of Hitchin (tip: if you’re visiting
in June or July, stop off at
Hitchin’s lavender fields,
it’s an Instagram must) to
Willian, a tiny village just
makes a perfect spot for
lunch. Pile your plate high with
oysters and native lobster at
the seafood bar while enjoying
glorious countryside views.
Route highlight
Yorkshire Sculpture Park, a
200-hectare outdoor gallery
15 minutes’ drive from
Roydhouse, is dotted with
explore travel
outside Letchworth. Park up
The Fox
for the night at The Fox at
Willian (from £75 per night;
at Willian
Foxatwillian.co.uk), which
looks like a traditional pub but
has a large restaurant tucked
away at the back and eight
cosy bedrooms. The menu’s
chock-full of the sort of dishes
you’ll need after a hefty hike,
like 28-day aged cola-glazed
rump steak and hand-cut chips
or miso-barbecued
aubergine, lentil
dhansak curry and
hummus. Rooms
upstairs have
roll-top baths, but or a continental
the five chalet-style breakfast with
bedrooms at the rear croissants, yogurts,
of the pub have a motel cereal and juice can
vibe that befits a road trip: be delivered to your room.
think quirky artwork, walk-in Finally, go big-cat-spotting
monsoon showers and huge, at the nearby Woburn Safari
comfy beds. You can order a Park before winding your
full English the next morning, way back to the capital.
dramatic pieces by world- walls and pendant lamps,
renowned artists, including this is the kind of country
Damien Hirst, Andy pub you wish was your local.
Goldsworthy and Barbara Dishes on the menu include
Hepworth. Spend an afternoon Thai marinated red mullet,
looking at the works of art and pan-roast duck breast and
snapping selfies (#culture), a chocolate orange brownie.
then treat yourself to a coffee Each of the four beautiful
and cake in the café. bedrooms has a unique
Eat & sleep design, but all are high-end,
When you’ve had your fill with king-size beds swathed
of sculpture, it’s time to hit the in luxurious Egyptian linen
road again and make your and Temple Spa toiletries. i
way to The Pickled Pheasant,
a gorgeous gastropub with Time to
roomsms (from £90 per night; practise your
ar t-critic face
Thepickledpheasant.com)
epickledpheasant.com)
near
ar Holmfirth, a 20-minute
drive
ve away. Boasting traditional
features
tures (think oak beams
andd open fireplaces)
mixed
ed with modern
touches
ches like
darkk
bluee
C O S M O P O L I TA N · 123
12
 The Malvern
Spa Hotel

BIRMINGHAM Owners Kim and Alex

TO MALVERN
It’s a 40-mile drive south
from Brum to reach the
Malvern Hills, and boy, is
it worth it. The undulating
landscape is a designated
Area of Outstanding Natural
Beauty, and we concur – it
really is a sight for sore eyes.
Route highlight
Pull in at Pershore, a quaint
market town about 9 miles
from Worcester and just
next to the River Avon, where
you’ll find Bonkers Activities
(Bonkersactivities.co.uk).
Serious desktop-
background
material
specialise in all kinds of
paddleboarding, including
SUP yoga (that’s yoga
practised standing up on
a paddleboard, FYI). Book
a session in advance and
enjoy an afternoon paddling
down the Avon, passing swans
and beautiful countryside.
Eat & sleep
It’s a 25-minute drive
west from Pershore to
The Malvern Spa Hotel
(from £177 per night;
Themalvernspa.com).
Time it right and you’ll
be able to fit in a dip in
the outdoor
hydrotherapy
pool and a facial the week. Then drive out to St
before dinner at Run a bath before bed and Ann’s Well in Great Malvern,
The Grovewood make good use of all the where you can fill up an empty
restaurant, which complimentary Elemis toiletries, water bottle with fresh Malvern
might include before falling asleep cocooned spring water, said to be
delicious dishes in a cloud-like duvet. The next good for health. Apparently,
like vegetable day, enjoy a healthy breakfast Charles Darwin and Dickens
coconut curry, beef and perhaps a free fitness both did the same when they
bourguignon or class – pilates, yoga, body visited in the Victorian era,
halloumi burgers. pump and spin run throughout so you’re in good company.

NEWCASTLE TO KIELDER
Exit the city by driving the journey shoot by, and check times before you go

OPENING PHOTOGRAPH INSTAGRAM/@UKTRAVELLING. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES

north along the scenic
east coast, passing signs
for coastal villages with
storybook-esque names like
Newbiggin-by-the-Sea along
the way. Northumberland’s
dramatic landscape makes
before you know it, you’re (Holyislandcrossingtimes.
almost at the Scottish border. northumberland.gov.uk). Once
Route highlight you’re on land, park up and
Holy Island (or Lindisfarne as explore the island on foot –
it’s also known) lies just below there’s a castle, priory and
Berwick-Upon-Tweed and looks nature reserve, plus some
like a setting from Game Of shopping opportunities. Be
Thrones. sure to stock up on Holy Island
Even Gin and Pilgrim’s Coffee.
reaching it Eat & sleep
is exciting, From Holy Island, it’s two
thanks to a hours’ drive west to reach
causeway Kielder Water & Forest Park,
that gets home to England’s largest
cut off forest and a huge lake. Check
twice a into one of Kielder’s glass-
day by the fronted, Scandinavian-style
tide – do wooden lodges close to the
lake shore (from £150 per
night; Visitkielder.com). If
you’re lucky, the Sky Den, a
treehouse observatory created
as a project on TV’s George
Clarke’s Amazing Spaces,
will be available. Keep the
next day free to make the
most of your stay, whether
you choose to hire bikes,
go hiking, try a horse-riding
session or learn to sail.

K i e l d e r Wa t e r
& Fores t Park

CARDIFF TO
HAY-ON-WYE
A drive through the Brecon
Beacons National Park in
Wales is considered one of
the great British road journeys,
taking you through rolling
hills, mountains and fields
of sheep beneath vast skies.
From Cardiff, it takes around
an hour to reach Ystradfellte,
a village set in a southern
pocket of the national park
known as Waterfall Country.
Route highlight
Park in Cwm Porth car
park and explore the Four
Falls Trail, which, as its
name suggests, takes in four
amazing waterfalls that are
totally worth the five-mile hike.
Before setting off, make sure
you have plenty of snacks
and water, sturdy shoes (it’s
not a difficult walk, but this
is no place for sandals) and
Cy n e f i n
Retreats
swimming gear,
as you can take
a dip in the pool
below one of
the waterfalls,
Sgwd Yr Eira.
Don’t fancy
such a long hike?
Visit the Sgydau
Sychryd waterfall
instead, which is
more accessible, but still
drop-your-sandwich dramatic. 
Eat & sleep
Cut through the heart of
the Brecon Beacons from
Ystradfellte to reach Hay-
On-Wye, the pretty market
town that’s home to the
world-famous literary festival
each summer. Make Cynefin
Retreats (from £150 per night;
Cynefinretreats.com) your
base and stay in one of the
“luxe-pods” – each has
a curved wooden roof, an
open-plan living area, wood
burner, hot tub and Neal’s
Yard toiletries. Wake yourself
up the next day with a wild
swim in the nearby lake, then
head into Hay to browse all
the independent stores, from
bookshops to bakeries.
The new wild
night out
EDINBURGH
TO GLENCOE
First, head for Stirling,
around an hour’s drive
north of Edinburgh and
the perfect place for a pit
stop. Stretch your legs and
snap some selfies at the
city’s magnificent castle,
set high up on a hill and
overlooking stunning views.
Then it’s back on the road
to reach Glencoe, two
hours’ drive away in the
remote Scottish Highlands,
where you might recognise
the wild, towering peaks
from the Harry Potter
movies and Skyfall.
Route highlight
Skiing. We’re not even
joking. Glencoe Mountain
Resort lies in a natural bowl
with plenty of gentle slopes
and chairlifts, making it a
great place to learn to ski
or snowboard, or even just
to go sledging in a major
way (sledging’s free, and
you don’t need to bring
your own). The season
usually runs for half the
year, from October to
the end of April – but if
you visit in summer, there’s
still lots to do, including
mountain biking, tubing
and riding the chairlifts for
higher-altitude hikes.
explore travel
Climbing those
s l o p e s? H a n g
on for deer life
Eat & sleep
After a day spent bombing
around the slopes, you’ll
be hankering for crackling
log fires, a massive dose of
carbs and maybe a whisky
to wash it all down. Make
a beeline for Kingshouse
Hotel (from £120 per night;
Kingshousehotel.co.uk), just
a couple of miles away on the
West Highland Way. We love
its dramatic setting, at the
foot of Buchaille Etive Mòr.
The restaurant has enormous
glass windows – ideal for
spotting the local deer –
and a menu featuring dishes
like grilled langoustine and
Hebridian mac and cheese
using Isle of Mull cheddar.
The following day, circle back
to Edinburgh via Loch Ness
– with your phone charged
and ready to snap a pic, just
in case you spot Nessy. V
Us, skiing
away from our
responsibilities
125
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FA S H IO N EDIT
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E S S E NT I A L S E DIT
This month’s top tips

THIS EASTER SAY IT WITH TOYS!

Our Easter Bunny doesn’t come with calories, in fact it helps
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one last thing...

Remember MARCH
2001
this?
F i r s t n a m e:
L o v e r. S e c o n d
n a m e: L o v e r

SH AG GY CLA IM ED :
“I T WA SN ’ T ME”
Two decades ago, the phrase “it wasn’t
me” entered our lexicon. It has been stuck
there ever since, and we’ve got Shaggy to
thank for that. It Wasn’t Me featured on his
multi-platinum album Hot Shot, with risqué

WORDS DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT. PHOTOGRAPH JOHN ROGERS/GETTY IMAGES

lyrics about him being caught having sex
with another woman by his girlfriend.
It went to number one in both the US and
UK and is his biggest hit to date (yes, even
more so than Boombastic). Shaggy has
since released a collaborative album with
Sting, 44/876, and a dedicated Christmas
record. But… was it actually him?

130 · C O S M O P O L I TA N