RHE 306

Unit 3.4.1

Name of Reviewer: Tyler Mankinen

Name of Author: Emma Johnston

Peer Review Worksheet
MAPPING A CONTROVERSY 1.1

DIRECTIONS: Bring at least a full 4-page draft of your essay to class and review with your classmates. Be sure the paper is properly
formatted, double-spaced, with 1-inch margins, and an MLA heading in the upper-left hand corner. Read your classmate’s essay
carefully, and answer the questions below.

College Submission Reminder: Two completed peer reviews (a peer review another student completed for you, and a peer review
that you completed for another student) are a requirement for submission together with your COLLEGE ESSAY: MAPPING A
CONTROVERSY 1.1 (MC 1.1).

Description:
1) What is the writer’s main claim about the controversy (i.e. the paper’s thesis)?
a) Transcribe (copy and paste) the sentence or sentences where this main claim is most clearly stated.
i) “An important question being asked, especially in the state of Texas is: “Is it better to expand Medicaid
coverage as a way to make healthcare coverage more affordable, or is it better to create alternative solutions
as a way to broaden affordable healthcare coverage?”.”

2) What controversy does the paper map? After reading the introduction, in your own words, describe the
controversy’s main question and the most important viewpoints and stakeholders in the controversy.
a) Transcribe (copy and paste) the sentence or the sentences where the writer identifies the controversy’s main
question, its stakeholders, and the most important viewpoints in the controversy.
i) QUESTION: “An important question being asked, especially in the state of Texas is: “Is it better to expand
Medicaid coverage as a way to make healthcare coverage more affordable, or is it better to create alternative
solutions as a way to broaden affordable healthcare coverage?”.”
ii) VIEWPOINTS:
● “Some people argue that Universal health care is nearing necessity due to the continually rising health
care prices, causing less and less people to have access to the resources and services they need”
● “However, others argue that Universal healthcare would ruin the free market, causing a loss of jobs and a
lack in quality of care, as well as an abuse of services.”
● “Another argument is that although Universal healthcare may prove beneficial to those who can’t afford
our current healthcare system, socialized or government run health care would only increase
government control.”
iii) STAKEHOLDERS: “The people involved in this issue include healthcare providers, nurse practitioners, medical
patients and government officials.”

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3) What viewpoints does this paper summarize?
a) Next to each viewpoint that you mention, describe at least one piece of evidence (one quotation or paraphrased
claim) that the writer presents to show that his or her summary of the viewpoint is fair and accurate to the
source. For example, “On page 2, paragraph 3, the author cites an editorial from the New York Times to show
that environmentalists tend to believe global warming is caused by human activity.”
i) “ Some people argue that Universal health care is nearing necessity due to the continually rising health care
prices, causing less and less people to have access to the resources and services they need…”
● On page 2, the author cites an article written by Elena Marks providing a perspective of someone who
feels that health care is becoming a larger necessity due to not only increasing health care prices but also
the increasing amount of Texas residents joining public health care plans.
ii) “However, others argue that Universal healthcare would ruin the free market, causing a loss of jobs and a
lack in quality of care, as well as an abuse of services.”
● On page 4, the author cites Sophie Novcak & Marty Makary’s perspective in their article entitled
“American Health Care is Broken, Especially in Texas. What Can We Do About It?”. They discuss the 3
main issues with government run health care and provide an explanation to why they feel that
government run health care is causing more harm than good in the community, primarily in regards to
economics.
iii) “Another argument is that although Universal healthcare may prove beneficial to those who can’t afford our
current healthcare system, socialized or government run health care would only increase government
control.”
● On page 2-3, the author cites the article: “Texas Provides a Model for Conservative Health Care Reform”
written by former governor Bobby Jindal. The author uses this source to better explain the reasoning of
those who are apposed to government-run healthcare especially in regards to the functionality and
efficacy of government-run healthcare.

4) Where does the author explain how the viewpoints intersect and how they differ?
a) Transcribe (copy and paste) two samples of a sentence or a group of sentences where the author explains the
connections, the similarities, and/or the differences among the viewpoints.
i) “Although both authors argue off of the same foundational information regarding the Biden administration
and the administration’s plans to expand Medicaid, they differ widely in their analysis of this information.”
ii) “Marks’ contributes evidence stating that those of all political affiliations have rallied in support expansion of
Medicaid because all over Texas county taxpayers supply “billions of dollars through property taxes to
support the costs of healthcare for uninsured residents who would be covered by Medicaid expansion”
(Marks, par. 7). On the other hand, Jindal leans towards leaning out.”
iii) “In Jindal’s article, he highlights the impact of republican led healthcare reform and emphasizes the need to
move away from Medicaid and Medicare, therefore countering Marks’ views.”

Evaluation:
1) Does the writer integrate textual evidence well? Does he or she use quotations too much or too little? Is
her/his explanation of quotations sufficient for you to understand how these quotes relate to the larger
controversy or context?
a) Transcribe (copy and paste) one example of good use of textual evidence and one example that could be
improved in revision.
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 i) Good use: “Another piece of supporting evidence Marks uses is the outcome of a new Medicaid 1115 waiver
created by the Biden administration as well as Texas officials, which would “bring more than 1 million Texans
affordable health insurance and protect our safety-net providers at the same time” (Marks par. 4).”
ii) Improved: “Marks backs her claims with statistics showing a recent “groundswell of support” (Marks, par. 3)
for the expansion of health coverage: “Polling data shows that Texans’ support of coverage expansion has
grown year over year, to 69 percent in 2020” (Marks, par. 3).”
● Needed change in citation format
● Can be worded differently to make the sentence flow in a more clear manner

2) How is the paper organized?

a) In one- or two-sentences, describe the main sections of the paper. For instance, “The first three paragraphs
introduce the controversy, the stakeholders, and the main viewpoints. Paragraphs 2 and 3 explain that
environmentalists believe global warming is caused by humans and that laws should reduce fossil fuel
consumption. Paragraphs 4 and 5 explain that politicians and many voters worry about the economic effects of
certain efforts to reduce fossil-fuel consumption.”
i) The first paragraph serves as an introduction to the controversy with multiple view points, stakeholders, and
terms being defined and introduced. Paragraph two introduces and explains the viewpoint of a stakeholder
who believes that universal health care is a necessity for various reasons. Paragraph 3 introduces and
explains the viewpoints of stakeholders who believe that the current health care model is flawed especially
in regards to economic policies while paragraph 4 provides examples such as bills to support the claims of
paragraph . Paragraph 5 synthesizes the similarities and differences between the viewpoints in paragraph 2
and 3 while paragraph 6 introduces the readers to the final stakeholders viewpoint. Paragraph 7 supports the
claims of paragraph 6 while paragraph 8 concludes the introduction to a controversy essay by recapping the
controversy and further synthesizing the similarities and differences among viewpoints.

b) After describing the paper’s main sections, identify: paragraphs that do not focus on one idea; paragraphs that
do not relate to the information coming before or after them; paragraphs that do focus on one ideas; paragraphs
that are well connected to the paper’s main argument.
i) The main paragraphs that does not focus on 1 idea are the introduction, conclusion and paragraph 5 because
their primary purpose is synthesization. These paragraphs focus on comparing and contrasting different
viewpoints so I think this is an acceptable strategy. The paragraphs with primarily 1 idea being the focus
point are those of the second, third, and sixth paragraphs where introduction to arguments were first
introduced. The remaining paragraphs still related to the second, third, and sixth paragraphs but include
multiple examples (which is good) but does not technically count as “1 idea”. The whole essay had a
sufficient quality of transitions therefore making the paper read easily and caused the paragraphs to feel
sufficiently connected to one another. However the transition between paragraphs 1 & 2 could use some
work to make the flow feel more connected (see question 3 under “suggestions”).

3) Where does the paper use transitional phrases well, and where could more transitions be added?
a) Transcribe (copy and paste) one effective transition sentence and one transition sentence that could be
improved.
i) One Effective Transition Sentence: “Although Marks’ claims that Biden’s democratic administration will be
making significant improvements in the way of healthcare coverage, former Governor Bobby Jindal argues in

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 his article “Texas Provides a Model for Conservative Health Care Reform” that Texas republicans have
“modeled a better way to get Americans affordable healthcare” (Jindal, par. 1). “
ii) Needs Improvement: “In an article written for the Houston Chronicle, Elena Marks claims that under the
Biden Administration, Texas has an opportunity to expand health insurance coverage.”
● Does not connect the intro paragraph to paragraph 2

4) Are any sentences well written, confusing, or strangely worded?

a) Transcribe (copy and paste) one well-written sentence and one sentence that you think could be improved.
i) Well Written: These terms are often used in arguments regarding Universal healthcare, which refers to the
extensive access to health services without financial complication, allowing people to have access to the
services they need when and where they need them.
ii) Needs Improvement: Similarly, Medicare is a federal program that supplies coverage for those over 65 or
under 65 with a disability, and Medicaid is a state and federal program that supplies coverage for those with
a low income.

Suggestion:
1) How can this writer improve the sentence or the paragraph that you copied as an example of a quotation
that needed work? Either describe the improvements, or rewrite the sentence.
a) The wording of the sentence above is slightly confusing in particular the part where the author discusses the
supplier coverage. Instead of writing “ federal program that supplies coverage for those over 65 or under 65
with a disability” the author could divide the categories into 2 by saying: “the federal program that supplies
coverage for those over the age of 65 and those with a disability regardless of age”.

2) How can this writer reorganize the paper (or certain paragraphs in the paper)? What paragraphs should
be moved where? What paragraphs should be rewritten to improve coherence?
a) A possible paragraph rearrangement could be the combination of paragraphs 4 & 5 because they both provide
examples to the previous argument stated in paragraph 3. This would make the connection between the
evidence in paragraph 5 and the argument in paragraph 3 much stronger and therefore would be more effective
in illustrating the argument in the controversy.

3) What transitional sentences can be added or revised for improvement? Try to rewrite at least one of
these transitional sentences. Or suggest adding a new transitional sentence at an important place in the
paper.
a) There is no transitional sentence in between the introductory paragraph (ie paragraph 1) and paragraph 2. The
author should experiment with adding a transitional phrase or sentence before the start of paragraph 2. An
example of a sentence that would make the transition more smooth would be “A stakeholder with an answer to
this question is Elena Marks, President and CEO of the Episcopal Health Foundation who in her article written for
the Houston Chronicle claims hat under the Biden Administration, Texas has an opportunity to expand health
insurance coverage.”

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4) Rewrite one awkward or confusing sentence to show how it can be phrased more simply or more clearly.
a) Sentence Before Revising: Some details that Jindal points out include: the second new law allowing physicians “in
other compact states” (Jindal, 8) to “receive expedited licenses to practice in Texas”, therefore “increasing the
supply of providers” which “will help underserved areas” (Jindal, par. 8), as well as the fifth law which “creates a
prescription-drug program allowing a private pharmacy to benefit managers to offer rebates to uninsured Texas”
(Jindal, par. 11) which encourages “comparison shopping by patients and competition among providers” (Jindal,
par. 11).
b) After Revision: To support their claim, Jindal cites examples to illustrate their arguments such as the second new
law which allows physicians “in other compact states” to “receive expedited licenses to practice in Texas”, which
in turn “[increases] the supply of providers” which “will help underserved areas” (Jindal, par. 8). Another law
that illustrates the claim is the fifth law which “creates a prescription-drug program allowing a private pharmacy
to benefit managers to offer rebates to uninsured” Texans which in turn encourages “comparison shopping by
patients and competition among providers” (Jindal, par. 11).

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