Peer Feedback Essay 1

1) No you don’t repeat yourself a lot. 

2) I think you should work on your thesis a little, since it’s kind of hard to find it. I thought
your thesis was in the Explanation of the Experiment.

3) No, I don’t think it’s confusing, maybe just a little more details and more research on
your topic can be good. But since the essay is in the beginning stages, I have no doubt you'll
add that later on.

4) Like I said before, putting in the research you found from the peer reviewed articles and
your own experiment. 

5) I think your sentences are just fine, just make sure that you avoid run-ons and such.

Teacher Feedback Essay 1

Penalties Chart

(see the Essay 1 Assignment Prompt & Syllabus’s Course Schedule for more information)

Assignment Submission / Attendance Penalty

Draft 1  No  -5%

Draft 2  Yes N/A 

Peer Review Workshop  Present N/A

Writing Workshop  Present  N/A

Minimum Requirement Evaluation

To earn the minimum grade of a C, your essay must…

1. Be in MLA format— No
2. Be on time—Yes
3. Have been peer reviewed in workshops—Yes
4. Meet the page requirements (1,000-1,200 words)—Yes
5. Have a controlling idea (claim) with evidence from the experiment and outside sources that
supports it—see Feedback from Rubric
6. Be cohesive and organized around your controlling idea—see Feedback from Rubric
7. Be specific and give details and examples—see Feedback from Rubric
8. Hand in essay and reflection on time—Yes
Feedback from Rubric

Controlling Idea

F | Text does not present a controlling idea, nor does the text present sub-claims that are
connected to the claim. Author has simply reported information.

Evidence

F | Text either does not present any evidence for the controlling idea or the evidence does not
further the author’s purpose and is tangential. Note: this evidence is supposed to derive from
the personally conducted experiment.

Description

C | Text presents an understanding of the concept of research, although it is clear that that the
author stumbles to fully comprehend. Text presents some evidence to demonstrate the
understanding.

Genre Competence (Research Paper)

F | Text does not present a clear understanding of the intention of the research paper genre,
including the conventions required of the audience and purpose of the genre.

Style, Grammar and the Writing Process

C+ | Style and grammar are somewhat appropriate for the assigned genre and audience. Text
appears to have not benefitted from proofreading and editing.
Instructor Comments

This Essay 1 Final Draft has much potential, but it only responds to half of the assignment prompt (the
research portion). The heart of paper assignment lies in the personal experiment that you are to have
conducted, the method and results of which you must spend a significant portion of the paper
describing before you interpret conclusions from the evidence and support them with your research
sources in the discussion section.

Please note also that the Turnitin score for this essay is 21% which is above the allowed threshold of
20% as described in the syllabus.

Final Draft Grade: F (54/100)