1

00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:12,813

<i>2:00 a.m. ham,
2:00 a.m. ham</i>

2
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:16,817
<i>Everything rhymes with
2:00 a.m. ham</i>

3
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,786
So many lies.

4
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,555
What else was he hiding
from the world?

5
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,524
How could the deception
go so deep?

6
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,193
Can we ever trust anyone?

7
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,674
My daughter's roaming

8
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,265
the house in the middle
of the night looking terrified.

9
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:32,900
I should probably go talk to...

10
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,768
<i>2:00 a.m. ham</i>

11
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:45,546
You look like
you didn't sleep a wink.

12
00:00:45,612 --> 00:00:48,515
Looks can be deceiving.
Nothing is as it seems.
13
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,417
The world is a dark place.

14
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,892
Oh, Lisa seems really frazzled.

15
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,928
Did the climate change again?

16
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,262
I don't know. Probably.

17
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:11,138
She's been like that for hours.

18
00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:12,940
What is she doing under there?

19
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:17,377
Something so troubling
she doesn't want us to find out.

20
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:20,380
As her friends,
we should respect that.

21
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:24,685
The confession was coerced.

22
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,520
Honey, what are you
listening to?

23
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,523
You know, just some
gentle ASMR noises

24
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,792
to soothe me to sleep.

25
00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:34,394
You know, like...

26
00:01:34,461 --> 00:01:36,129
And...

27
00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,864
And...

28
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,866
Oh, that stuff doesn't work...

29
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Good night.

30
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:47,541
Music in a minor key?

31
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,811
You've been listening
to true crime podcasts?

32
00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:54,982
Hoda Kotb said on The Today Show
those are really disturbing.

33
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:56,783
- Hoda.
- Mom, I can handle it.

34
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,286
There's no swear words,
just killing.

35
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,355
How many of these
have you listened to?

36
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,724
I don't know.
Just two or three a day.

37
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,859
And then maybe a couple more
to take the edge off.

38
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:09,229
And then one in the morning
just to get normal.

39
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,765
Wha...
I'm not addicted, I swear.

40
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:15,068
I just need to know
who killed everybody!

41
00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:18,939
I just need to know.
I just...

42
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Aw, she's all murdered out.

43
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:25,746
These titles.

44
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:28,882
It's like they're trying
to intrigue people.

45
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:35,255
I better listen to one and make
sure Lisa's not too traumatized.

46
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,024
Whatever. I'm hitting the hay.

47
00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,372
Okay, I'm on episode eight

48
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:53,940
of Killing Her Softly.
49
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,842
We need to talk about
Angela's landlord.

50
00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:59,246
Why did he allow her
to pay for a year up front?

51
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,448
What did Sergei know?

52
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,251
We have much to discuss.

53
00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:06,053
Okay, pause.

54
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:08,055
It's like
the police intentionally

55
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:10,223
screwed up the investigation.

56
00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:12,459
Right? Drops of blood
you can explain,

57
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,595
- but drops of brain?
- I know.

58
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:17,397
Okay, play.

59
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:20,634
Okay, pause. They totally
ignored the text messages

60
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:24,271
- from the coroner's mistress.
- Okay, play. Play.
61
00:03:28,206 --> 00:03:29,276
Oh, yeah.

62
00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:34,881
How could a woman
with four PhDs be so dumb?

63
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:36,550
So dumb.

64
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:39,286
I've never seen two people
agree with each other so much.

65
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:41,121
I disagree. Come on, you two.

66
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:42,823
We're supposed to visit
Grampa today.

67
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,292
- Homie, we can't go.
- Our favorite podcast

68
00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:48,428
is recording a live episode,
and we have tickets.

69
00:03:48,495 --> 00:03:51,264
If we gasp loud enough,
we might hear ourselves.

70
00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:55,702
Save it for the show, Mom.

71
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,305
Now, remember, Bart,

72
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:01,074
Grampa's life is
very lonely and boring.

73
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:04,344
So make sure to look at
your watch every few seconds

74
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,079
so he knows you want to leave.

75
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:07,914
Here, take some of these.

76
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:13,253
Why is my dad's weird old tie
hanging on his doorknob?

77
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,030
You idiots!
Don't you know the code?

78
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,900
If the bolo's a‐hanging,
the dentures be clanging.

79
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:30,170
This is my new girlfriend,
Vivienne Saint Charmaine.

80
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:34,775
Abe‐y, you didn't tell me your
brothers were coming to visit.

81
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:37,911
- Oh, well. Oh, my.
- Aw, shucks.

82
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:41,381
Say, you look familiar.
Did you used to be younger?

83
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,950
Vivienne was a big‐time TV star.
84
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:48,021
She was on all the hit shows,
and I was a huge fan.

85
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:49,823
A little magazine.

86
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:52,793
But you probably know me best
as the scheming yet conniving

87
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:57,264
Olympic diver Darcy Covington
on Falcon Landing.

88
00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,232
Ma'am, if you're
a big shot has‐been,

89
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,635
why are you dating
a small‐town never‐was?

90
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:04,070
All my life,
I dated unwrinkled men

91
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,839
who told short, concise stories.

92
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:08,642
But Abe here showed me
what I've been missing.

93
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:11,444
He's so sweet he should
come with an insulin pump.

94
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:14,981
Well, thanks for stopping by,
but we've got two bingo games,

95
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,717
a couple's colonoscopy...

96
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,590
and then we're off
to a romantic dinner cruise.

97
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,060
- Dude.
- Bro.

98
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,930
- Seriously.
- I know.

99
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:39,139
From This American Crime
and KBBL Springfield,

100
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,508
it's Interminable,

101
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:46,546
one grisly story
told week after week after week

102
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,215
after week.

103
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,984
Hello. I'm Tabitha Shingle.

104
00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:55,021
She's even more dry in person.

105
00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,756
Some people look
at a neck and think...

106
00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:58,758
What a great place
for a scarf,
107
00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:01,628
and others think,
I'd like to choke that.

108
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:05,665
For Jackson Reeb of Lansing,
Michigan, it was the latter.

109
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:16,643
Hey, hey, hey.
Easy on the hurricane hold.

110
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,713
We're just doing a story
on the podcast craze.

111
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:21,248
Podcast?

112
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,116
Flash‐in‐the‐pan
wannabe journalism.

113
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,218
Mark my words, Jerry,
nobody cares.

114
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,587
Now to open this door.

115
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:34,261
Our podcast has gotten
over 20 million downloads

116
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:37,797
and is being adapted
into a streaming series

117
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:42,969
starring Alexander Skarsgard
on Amazon Prime.

118
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,975
Stupid podcasts.

119
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:50,710
Thank God I have my family.

120
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:53,213
Now to open this door.

121
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:06,693
This is Kent Brockman,
yesterday's news.

122
00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:11,064
And in the end, the donkey
turned out to be a horse.

123
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,832
You're only watching this

124
00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:15,435
because somebody left the TV on
in a doctor's waiting room.

125
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,204
Wait, wait a second.
We have breaking news!

126
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,240
There's been a murder
on the high seas.

127
00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:21,774
A local woman is presumed dead

128
00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:23,876
after going overboard
on a cruise ship.

129
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,479
A woman disappears
from a cruise.
130
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:28,147
I wonder who did it.

131
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,016
Could it be...

132
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:33,052
The husband or boyfriend?

133
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,521
That's the lady
Grampa was kissing.

134
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:39,325
Grampa's the husband
or boyfriend?

135
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,794
Authorities say the missing
woman is retired starlet

136
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:43,630
Vivienne Saint Charmaine.

137
00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:45,965
Her boyfriend or husband,
Abraham Simpson,

138
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:48,034
has been detained
for questioning.

139
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:49,435
Grampa? A killer?

140
00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:51,113
He doesn't have
that kind of follow‐through.

141
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:54,674
Did Abe Simpson do it?
No one can say for sure.
142
00:07:54,741 --> 00:07:58,945
But this story has the makings
of a hit crime podcast.

143
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:04,450
Join me as I take a fair and
unbiased look on Guilty Grampa.

144
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:07,220
This has been Kent Brockman,

145
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,589
bailing on TV news forever.

146
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:11,891
This is horrible.
What are we gonna do?

147
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:15,061
I've already subscribed.

148
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:22,535
A romantic sunset cruise,
the perfect setting

149
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,771
for new love between
a fading Hollywood actress

150
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,873
and a fully faded old man.

151
00:08:26,939 --> 00:08:31,144
But only one of them
would return to port alive.

152
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:33,379
I'm Kent Brockman,

153
00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:35,615
and this is Guilty Grampa.
154
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,617
Guilty Grampa is sponsored

155
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:40,353
by Shampoo Shuttle,
seasonal‐flavored shampoos

156
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,555
drone‐delivered
direct to your shower.

157
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,691
Showbiz princess
Vivienne Saint Charmaine

158
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:46,659
had finally met her prince,

159
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:48,928
local census resistor
Abe Simpson.

160
00:08:48,995 --> 00:08:51,297
Together they boarded
a romantic seniors cruise

161
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,032
across Springfield Harbor.

162
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:54,767
It was 2:33 p.m.,

163
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,434
and the passengers
were finishing dinner.

164
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:58,571
Suddenly, there were
the sounds of a commotion,

165
00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:01,441
a scream and then a splash.

166
00:09:01,507 --> 00:09:03,009
Vivienne was gone,

167
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,778
but did the truth
go overboard with her?

168
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,885
I have with me a woman
who was on that fatal cruise,

169
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:10,083
disgraced docent Agnes Skinner.

170
00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:11,784
Tell me about that night.

171
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:16,222
I was at the buffet when I heard
a woman scream, Abe, don't!

172
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,091
Then a splash.

173
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:19,559
What did you do next?

174
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:21,203
I saw they were refilling
the shrimp tower,

175
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:23,496
so I had to get over there
and touch them all.

176
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,997
Abe, don't.

177
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:28,034
Whatever could
Vivienne have meant by that?

178
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,503
Naturally, the police
questioned Abe Simpson.

179
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:34,040
His only defense?
I don't remember.

180
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:37,643
The old man would not confess.
Rude.

181
00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:39,145
So we swabbed his hands

182
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,881
to see if they tested positive
for pushing.

183
00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:45,284
It came back as no such test.

184
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,920
The only thing we could do
was let him go.

185
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:52,091
So maybe the old saying is true.

186
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:55,261
To catch a murderer,
you have to set them free

187
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,929
to murder again.

188
00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:59,265
This has been Guilty Grampa.

189
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,267
Ah, that podcast sucks butts.

190
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,136
Grampa's not some monster.

191
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,943
Am I inside?

192
00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:14,547
Vivienne and I went on
the cruise, had dinner,

193
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,550
drinks, dancing, drinks.

194
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,819
The rest is kind of a blur.

195
00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:22,054
And the next thing I know,
the cops are telling me

196
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:25,224
- I'm a person of interest.
- That's ridiculous.

197
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:29,162
You've never been a person of
interest, not for one second.

198
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:30,530
I don't remember nothing.

199
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:32,331
But I would never hurt Vivienne.

200
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:37,036
She was my last chance at love,
and now she's gone forever.

201
00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,574
Whoop. Got to take a zizz.
202
00:10:42,341 --> 00:10:43,809
Okay, quick,
he's in the bathroom,

203
00:10:43,876 --> 00:10:45,778
so we only have an hour to talk.

204
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:47,113
Now, on the count of three,

205
00:10:47,179 --> 00:10:49,615
say if you think
he's guilty or not.

206
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:51,384
One, two, three.

207
00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:53,462
- Not guilty!
- If I'm being honest, I think he's capable

208
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,955
of anything,
up to and including murder.

209
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:59,625
You're talking about
your own father.

210
00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:04,597
Grampa's a good man,

211
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,433
and everyone in this town
knows that.

212
00:11:10,703 --> 00:11:12,605
You're protecting a killer!

213
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,840
Murderer!
214
00:11:16,575 --> 00:11:19,044
Grampa boat‐pushed
my favorite sexy TV lady.

215
00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:22,214
I had a poster where she was
on top of a Trans Am

216
00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:24,383
and it said,
finely‐tuned machine.

217
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:27,152
It referred to both her
and the car!

218
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:32,324
Crime podcasts should be about
exposing truth,

219
00:11:32,391 --> 00:11:35,728
not irresponsible speculation.

220
00:11:35,794 --> 00:11:38,264
If only Kent knew Grampa
like we do,

221
00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:42,334
he would call that show
Not Guilty Grampa,

222
00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:45,437
which I bet would get
even more listeners.

223
00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:48,941
Hey! We got an ender.

224
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:50,209
Ender!

225
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:52,077
Ender!

226
00:11:57,182 --> 00:11:59,952
Homer, tell me about the
Abe Simpson you knew and loved.

227
00:12:00,019 --> 00:12:01,487
I mean, I knew him.

228
00:12:01,553 --> 00:12:03,489
Was he abusive?

229
00:12:03,555 --> 00:12:05,057
Oh, sure.

230
00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:06,926
I mean, he was a quiet loner,

231
00:12:06,992 --> 00:12:09,795
but he could be abusive
when he wanted to be.

232
00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:11,297
Really?

233
00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:13,832
And your mother...
how did she deal with all this?

234
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,801
You know, I'm not really sure.

235
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:17,937
She disappeared
when I was quite young.

236
00:12:18,003 --> 00:12:21,040
Another woman in his life
vanished.

237
00:12:21,106 --> 00:12:23,208
Stick some foghorns under that
and put it up stat.

238
00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:25,811
Wait, that may have
sounded bad.

239
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:27,713
You're not gonna podcast that,
are you?

240
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,591
You're not gonna podcast that,
are you?

241
00:12:32,584 --> 00:12:34,219
Imagine the worst person
in the world.

242
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:37,122
Now imagine his father.
That's Abe.

243
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,491
His roommates
kept turning up dead.

244
00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:43,529
90‐year‐old people don't just
suddenly stop breathing.

245
00:12:43,595 --> 00:12:44,697
Come on.

246
00:12:44,763 --> 00:12:46,365
He murdered me once.

247
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:49,368
That's why
my family doesn't visit.

248
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,603
My grandfather is not only
a great man,

249
00:12:51,670 --> 00:12:53,372
he's a World War Two hero.

250
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:55,374
They used to call him
Johnny Flamethrower.

251
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,711
He said the fires
would tell him who to burn.

252
00:13:01,814 --> 00:13:04,817
So I say to Ira Glass, NPR?
What does that stand for?

253
00:13:04,883 --> 00:13:06,552
No Possible Revenue?

254
00:13:09,521 --> 00:13:11,724
Hey, Kent. I'm Yeardley Smith.

255
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:14,593
Your voice sounds familiar.
Where do I know you from?

256
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:17,396
From my true crime podcast
Small‐Town Dicks,

257
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,630
and nowhere else.

258
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:20,332
Can I give you a word of advice?

259
00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:22,568
I'd be a fool not to say,
make it quick.

260
00:13:22,634 --> 00:13:25,604
As much as it's fun to report
on murder and mayhem,

261
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:29,475
these podcasts are accusing
real people of serious crimes.

262
00:13:29,541 --> 00:13:32,845
Without solid proof,
we can ruin lives.

263
00:13:32,911 --> 00:13:34,913
You're right.
We do rule the universe.

264
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:36,215
Can I ask you a question?

265
00:13:36,281 --> 00:13:38,317
- Of course.
- Who's doing your merch?

266
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:41,453
Because I'm only netting two
dollars a hat and 50 cents a mug

267
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,789
and I'm getting completely
screwed on onesies.

268
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:56,001
Today's podcast has
a killer bombshell

269
00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:58,203
about the killer
of the bombshell.

270
00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:01,473
Grampa's motive for murder?
Money.

271
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:03,275
You see,
Vivienne Saint Charmaine

272
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:05,677
had a million‐dollar
life insurance policy.

273
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:08,480
Ooh, and the beneficiary
was her new boyfriend,

274
00:14:08,547 --> 00:14:10,416
Abraham J. Simpson.

275
00:14:10,482 --> 00:14:12,084
The moment she drowned,

276
00:14:12,151 --> 00:14:14,820
Guilty Grampa
was swimming in cash.

277
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:17,089
Motive enough for you?

278
00:14:18,123 --> 00:14:20,793
He did it for money.

279
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:24,296
No. No, no, no.

280
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:27,366
I don't care what it looks like.
I know Abe.

281
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:30,069
He would never
do something so horrible.

282
00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:32,337
I did something so horrible.

283
00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:35,507
I finally listened
to that dad‐gum podcast...

284
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,578
And it convinced me
I'm a killer.

285
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:40,979
Lock me up.

286
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:43,849
You're under arrest
for spoiling the ending!

287
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:46,518
I was only on episode two.

288
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:49,188
Oh, and for murder. Yeah.

289
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,528
Abraham Simpson,
as you have pled guilty

290
00:14:56,595 --> 00:14:57,906
to the murder of
Vivienne Saint Charmaine,

291
00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,231
I'm giving you life in prison.

292
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:01,366
And I'm giving your podcast
five stars

293
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:02,634
but no comment.

294
00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:04,470
Who has the time?

295
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:10,609
Why did you confess, Dad?

296
00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:12,845
A majority of the family
believes you're innocent.

297
00:15:12,911 --> 00:15:16,315
But what that Kent Brockman said
about me was so darn convincing.

298
00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:19,751
I began to suspect myself
around episode four.

299
00:15:19,818 --> 00:15:21,320
Then by episode six,

300
00:15:21,386 --> 00:15:23,922
it seemed like it was
that hot‐tempered deckhand.

301
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:27,359
But by episode nine,
I knew I'd done it,

302
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:32,498
just as sure as Shampoo Shuttle
is the future of hair care.

303
00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:38,070
We can't give up hope.

304
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:40,439
I know Grampa's situation
looks bad,

305
00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:44,076
with the insurance money,
what Mrs. Skinner heard, but...

306
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:47,412
And the confession
didn't help, either, but...
307
00:15:47,479 --> 00:15:48,547
Take it, Mom.

308
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,082
But... But...

309
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:53,218
Oh, my God.
I'm not sure I have a but.

310
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:55,587
I'm not sure
I have a but either.

311
00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:58,257
I think Grampa
might have done it.

312
00:15:58,323 --> 00:16:01,760
He might have.
He totally might have.

313
00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:04,296
Oh, no.

314
00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:06,165
With all our
true crime training,

315
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:08,267
how could we have missed this?

316
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:10,435
We've become the people
that we hate most.

317
00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:14,907
The family members too deluded
to see the obvious truth.

318
00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:16,693
For the record,
I was willing to believe

319
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:19,411
he was the murderer
back when there was no evidence.

320
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,547
Just saying.

321
00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:22,915
Come back later.

322
00:16:22,981 --> 00:16:25,050
Were in the middle
of a terrible reckoning.

323
00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:27,085
I have shocking medical news

324
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:29,555
that will blow
your father's case wide open.

325
00:16:29,621 --> 00:16:31,823
Is there somewhere public
we can talk?

326
00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:33,125
I don't know.

327
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:42,100
Welcome, listeners around the
world and our proud astronauts

328
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,469
downloading in the darkness
of space.

329
00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:49,041
Tonight we both wrap up and drag
out the story of Guilty Grampa.
330
00:16:49,107 --> 00:16:51,543
You'll get a chance to hear
from the hottest stars

331
00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:53,078
of this heinous crime.

332
00:16:53,145 --> 00:16:55,781
We love you,
someone else's tragedy!

333
00:16:55,847 --> 00:16:57,950
And I'm thrilled to announce
the Guilty Grampa

334
00:16:58,016 --> 00:17:00,652
streaming series,
starring the Skarsgard

335
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:04,356
that started it all, Stellan.

336
00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:06,291
I only have a deal memo.

337
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,460
I haven't signed
the final paperwork.

338
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:11,129
Kent, there's something
you've got to know.

339
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,432
Something everyone's
got to know.

340
00:17:13,498 --> 00:17:15,400
On the day of
Vivienne's disappearance,

341
00:17:15,467 --> 00:17:18,170
she and Abe went in
for a couple's colonoscopy.

342
00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:20,906
They each swallowed
a tiny IntestoPod,

343
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,908
which records internal data

344
00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:26,144
and broadcasts a precise
GPS signal for 24 hours.

345
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:28,180
You can see here.

346
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:32,484
Once Vivienne fell off the boat,
she moved directly to shore.

347
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:36,088
She didn't sink. She swam.

348
00:17:36,154 --> 00:17:38,090
Vivienne's signal
then traveled south

349
00:17:38,156 --> 00:17:41,059
to a resort
in Zihuatanejo, Mexico,

350
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:44,329
where the guacamole
is made table‐side.

351
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,232
Vivienne is alive.
She faked her death.

352
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:50,068
Which means
Grampa didn't kill anyone.
353
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:53,505
But your podcast
convinced him that he did.

354
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,007
I wanted to say that part.

355
00:17:55,073 --> 00:17:57,609
Well, that's...
that's all very interesting,

356
00:17:57,676 --> 00:18:00,912
but it doesn't really fit
with the title of my podcast,

357
00:18:00,979 --> 00:18:02,648
to say nothing of the merch.

358
00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:07,452
Guilty Grampa! Guilty Grampa!

359
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,723
You sent me to jail.

360
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:13,592
You're no journalist.

361
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:18,430
You made us a murderer.

362
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:21,133
I have a confession to make.

363
00:18:21,199 --> 00:18:24,069
Guilty Grampa is not guilty.

364
00:18:26,104 --> 00:18:27,739
Oh, we all wish he did it.

365
00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:30,042
Everyone here loves DNA swabs,

366
00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:33,045
cell phone pings
and spatter analysis,

367
00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:35,447
that fantasy that
the bad guys will be caught

368
00:18:35,514 --> 00:18:37,749
and the police
will save the day.

369
00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:40,686
Geez. That's a lot
to put on a guy.

370
00:18:40,752 --> 00:18:43,822
From now on, I will report
with judicious restraint,

371
00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:46,191
leaving behind
sensational revelations

372
00:18:46,258 --> 00:18:50,062
in favor of painstakingly
accumulated uncertainties.

373
00:18:51,229 --> 00:18:53,498
And I know you will all
come along with me

374
00:18:53,565 --> 00:18:55,934
on this slow, measured ride.

375
00:18:57,536 --> 00:19:00,339
And with that
out‐of‐touch statement,

376
00:19:00,405 --> 00:19:03,709
Kent Brockman bid
a big fat farewell

377
00:19:03,775 --> 00:19:06,845
to his relevancy.

378
00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:13,452
Come on, Dad, cheer up.
You're an innocent man.

379
00:19:13,518 --> 00:19:16,388
Or so you'd have us believe.

380
00:19:16,455 --> 00:19:20,025
I thought Vivienne loved me,
but she played me for a sap.

381
00:19:20,859 --> 00:19:23,128
Why'd you set me up, baby?

382
00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:24,672
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,

383
00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:28,367
I never believed she liked you
for one second.

384
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:29,768
Well, I did.

385
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:33,071
I thought she was gonna be
the last love of my life.

386
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:44,916
Hi, Abe.

387
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:46,952
What the...

388
00:19:47,018 --> 00:19:49,955
Vivienne. Why'd you set me up?
389
00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:51,957
We set you up.

390
00:19:52,023 --> 00:19:53,358
You weren't supposed to confess.

391
00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:55,761
You were supposed
to meet me in Mexico

392
00:19:55,827 --> 00:19:57,095
with the insurance money.

393
00:19:57,162 --> 00:19:59,698
- That was the plan.
- What plan?

394
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:01,333
The plan where I faked my death

395
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,069
and waited for you
to meet me in Mexico

396
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,637
with the insurance money.

397
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:08,907
That's why I yelled,
Abe, don't... forget the plan,

398
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,843
- as I was diving off the boat.
- What boat?

399
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:15,113
I love you,
you senile old sex machine.

400
00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:17,783
Oh, what do we do now
that we're on the run?

401
00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:19,851
We live out the rest of our days

402
00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:22,687
in a place where no one
will ever notice us.

403
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:35,667
I'm putting
the space heater on ten.

404
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,569
Ooh, Abe.

405
00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:39,838
Oh, you naughty boy.