Reflection

One thing I like that I did in my outside vignette was when I revised the sensory details. I started

off with saying, “Immediately you’d see the vibrant green everything, the feeling of the warm

and refreshing wind, the smell, the earthly smell of what’s around you.” I combined the sensory

details into a couple sentences, and its not as interesting because I’m not going too much into

detail and I was cramming the sensory details into those couple sentences. In my final draft, I

said, “…the green trees rustling in the wind, the green fluffy grass. You could feel the feeling of

the warm and refreshing wind making your clothes flutter…The screeching of the cicadas that

came out in August…The dirt, the cut grass, the smell of living.” These are a couple sentences

that I wrote from my final, and compared to when i wrote my draft its much more descriptive. I

like that I individualized each sensory detail and just focused on one for a couple sentences.

Doing that makes it easier to create and capture what I’m saying and to make a scene in your

head because the sentences are descriptive.

One thing I could’ve worked on was in my treasured star vignette when I said, “My mom would

show me the star and say, ‘Remember this?’ Even though it was a faint memory to me, it was a

clear memory to my mom. She showed the same smile she showed the day I made it, big and

gummy, and fixed it up to be treasured again.” With the other sentences in the vignette it

didn’t flow as good as I wanted it to. I kind of did a tense change by saying “would” then saying

“showed” and it makes it confusing because saying would is like it didn’t happen but that’s

what she would’ve done, then in the next sentence I was saying how she showed that same

smile and it did happen. If I were to write this again I would choose different wording for some

of the sentences and make it all one or two tenses that go with each other.