The Valley of Amazement

[Excerpt] by Amy Tan

(USA)

Atthe age of eight, I was determined to be true to My Self. Of course, that madeitessentialtoknow
whatMySelfconsisted of. My manifesto began the dayI discoveredIhadoncepossessed an extra finger in
each hand, twins to my pinkies. Mygrandmother had recommended that the surplus be amputated
beforeleaving the hospital, lest people think there was a familial tendency toward giving birth to
octopuses.Mother and Father were Freethinkers, whose opinions were based on reason,logic,deduction,
and their own opinions. Mother, who disagreed with any advice my grandmother had to give, said:
"should the extra fingers be removedsimply to enable her to wear gloves from a dry goods store?" They
took me home with all my fingers in place. But then an old family friend of my father's, Mr. Maubert,
who was also my piano teacher, convinced them to turn my unusual hands into ordinary ones. He was a
former concert pianist, who, early in his promising career, lost his right arm duringthe siege of Paris by
the Prussians. "There are only a few piano compositions for one hand," he said to my parents, "and
none for six fingers. If you intend for her to have musical training, it would be a pity if she had to take up
the tambourine due to lack of suitable instruments." Mr. Maubert was the one who proudly informed
me when I was eight that he had influenced the decision.

Few can understand the shock of a little girl learning that part of her was considered undesirable and
thus needed to be completely removed. It made me fearful that people could change parts of me,
without my knowledge and permission. And thus began my quest to know which of my many attributes I
needed to protect, the whole of which I named scientifically "My Pure Self-Being."

In the beginning, the complete list comprised my preferences and dislikes, my strong feelings for
animals, my animosity toward anyone who laughed at me, my aversion to stickiness, and several more
things I have now forgotten. I also collected about myself, mostly what had wounded my heart, and the
very fact that they to be kept private was proof of My Pure Self-Being. I later added to my list my
opinions of others, fears and revulsions, and certain nagging discomforts, I later knew as worries. A few
years later, after I stained my undergarments, explained to me "the biology that led to your existence"-
the gist of which my beginning as an egg slipping down a fallopian tube. She made it sound as if been a
mindless blob and that upon entry into the world Itook on a personality through my parents' guidance.