A New World as a Teen Mom

It was the summer of 1999 and there I was, a delinquent sixteen-year-old girl, sitting on the cold
lid of the toilet in the bathroom of my apartment, waiting for what felt like a decade, and staring
at the pregnancy test on the bathroom counter. My mind racing from this thought to the next, so
much that I couldn’t keep track of where my mind was. What if I was pregnant? What would my
mother think? How will my life change? Will my boyfriend be happy? My nerves were on high
alert like a soldier standing at attention.

I looked up at the clock, it was moving so slowly, I swore it clicked backwards several times. I
looked again at the box and referred to the directions. “One line, not pregnant, two lines, it’s time
to start thinking about someone besides yourself.” I concluded aloud. All of this was to take
place in the next two minutes. I watched the solution creep across the test strip window. The first
line appeared on the strip rather faintly, then as the solution continued up the strip, the second
line appeared, bold and strong indicating the test was complete. The first faint line had gained
substance and was now a clear, solid line. Two lines! “Ok,” I said to myself, “let’s not get too
worked up over this. I will take another test to be certain.” Again, two lines on the second test.
Wow! I was going to be a mommy!

I went from racing thoughts of how people might react to this news, to a profound sense of awe,
not concerning myself with all of the questions that were previously haunting my mind. I now
had a purpose, someone to care for and that would care about me. Wow, what a life altering
feeling! My heart swelled with a love I had never felt before. So, this is what true love is? I
thought. I had always expected it to come from some knight and shining armor of a boyfriend.
Nope, not in truth. It had come from this little person that was life inside my womb. This little
person that would grow under my care, love, and guidance. A baby, that even at that moment,
was affected by my actions. It was the moment God gave me a new direction in life, a savior
born to me. My goal had become to protect and love my baby and no one would be able to stand
in my way of doing so, not even myself.

I had struggled to find the courage several minutes later and was able to sit down on the stark
black futon in the living room, pick up the telephone receiver, and phone my mother. I sure was
nervous… I did not quite know how the words would form out of my mouth. I was so
overwhelmed that I wasn’t even sure I could articulate a meaningful sentence. After a couple of
rings, my mother’s voice was on the other end. She was at work and sounded professional when
she said “hello, this is Susan. How may I help you?” Then it was my turn and I had just let the
words spill out in a stream of nervous excitement. “Mom, it’s me. So, I want to congratulate you
on the possibility of becoming a grandma. I just…I just took two home pregnancy tests and they
both came back positive. I think I’m pregnant!”

After a long silence, I heard her say, “Okay, I will be there when I get off work. We will head to
the doctors tomorrow and go from there.” I told her that I was excited and I was not scared, I told
her that I hoped she could be excited for it as well and I stated before we hung up, “Mom, I love
you.” I hung up the telephone. Once the call was disconnected and I gathered myself from the
pool of relentless nerves I had just experienced, I reflected back on what just happened. Wait…
what did I just say? I thought. I had not told my mother that I loved her in over three years. But
all of a sudden, I felt this need to be near her, and to tell her how much I loved and missed her. 

My mom would be there in about an hour, so I had decided to get up from the futon, grab the two
duffle bags I had stuffed in the top of my closet and pack what clothes I wanted, my personal
hygiene products, and a few photographs I had on the nightstand alongside my bed. I knew that
the roommates I was living with, my boyfriend, and the people I was surrounding myself with,
would not be ready to change their lifestyle overnight for this new stage in my life. I knew that it
really wasn’t even my place to ask them to, outside of my boyfriend anyhow. Yet, I was
completely ready for my entire life to change; this was to be the most fulfilling thing in my world
and I was going to change my world to make it a blessing. I was ready to go back home, stop
partying, go back to high school, to stop and change everything I was doing. Everything, for my
baby.

Once my mom had arrived, I loaded myself and my belongings into the car. There was an uneasy
silence that filled the cab during the entire ride home. I knew she was disappointed and probably
even a bit scared. Once we arrived home, I asked her if she wanted to talk and she replied with a
quiver in her voice that the only thing to discuss was my lifestyle and how it would not be
suitable for a child. I sprung into conversation that I had already thought about this and I was
determined to be the best mother I could be and nothing else was more important. She gave a
slight smile and said, “lets all hope so”.