First Love Does Dies

They said first love never dies but why does my first love died? Maybe because of the
mistake I did. Because of how foolish and irresponsible I am.

He did everything for me. He always gave me the things I want to have. He makes effort
just to see me happy. I know he suffered so much. I know the struggles he faced. I know the days how
tired he was but he keeps pretending that was still strong enough. I know the nights that he can’t sleep.
His reasons was the insomnia he has. I know he drinks some medicine. When I ask him what was it for,
he told it was also for his insomnia. I know everything that he does. I know but I didn’t care. As long as I
can go to the mall every day. Shop the dresses, skirts and clothes that are on trend. Eat on expensive
restaurants. Order the famous milktea which actually tastes horrible nevertheless it was a trend so I buy
one every day. Then I will post it on my Instagram story. At night, I will join my friends on their nightly
bar hopping. Get a dude to play with all night. Waking up the next morning with no hangover, shouting
at him for not bringing me my breakfast in bed. I know he was hurting every time I do but I didn’t care. I
always do.

I was interrupted by the loud ringing of my phone. I thought it was one of my friends
but it wasn’t. It was an unknown number. I didn’t know why I became nervous. I keep staring on my
phone for a minute. I was scared to answer it. I felt like if I answer this call, my life would never be the
same again.

My world crumbled upon hearing the man’s voice from the other line saying I need to
go to the hospital as soon as possible. I came there running with the tears blurring my eyes. No, this
can’t be. I can’t lose him. I saw him there lying on the hospital bed surrounded by doctors and nurses,
pumping my father’s chest. I don’t know what was happening. My mind was all over the place. Then
came the most annoying beeping sound I ever heard of coming from the machine. The doctors stopped
what he was doing. They can’t stop. They should do their job. They have to keep my father alive.

There I saw how pale his face was. How thin he became. The hair I used to love
brushing when I was a child was now gone. The strong arms I always play with just like a monkey bar
was now thin, leaving no trace of perfectly toned biceps he once had. I saw the man I loved dearly. How
come I didn’t noticed. No, I did notice but I didn’t care. I should have cared more. I should have been
more responsible. I should have been a good daughter. I should have been more attentive. I should have
known it was not plain insomnia but a brain cancer.

Now I can’t go back in time to do the things I should have done as a daughter to a loving
father. I made a mistake that I can’t undo anymore. A mistake that I will regret all my life.