TRẦN LÂM HUY

Ver1

Differences between countries become less evident each year. Nowadays, all over
the world people share the same fashions, advertising, brands, eating habits and TV
channels. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this?

These days, there is no doubt that the world is undergoing a period of blistering
globalization. While this trend proves to be adverse to some extent, it is my firm
belief that its merits are by no account overshadowed.

(Không có cụm by no account, chỉ có on no account)

On the one hand, the monopoly of one culture represents no idle threats to others.
It is irrefutable that the monopoly of(lặp) lifestyles (không đi với monopoly) has
not allowed for a diversity of civilizations to flourish alongside. In other words,
young citizens show their preference for high-end designer bags(cụ thể quá) or the
solitary way of life rather than the long-established practice of conventional
fashions or family meals. Hence, the alarming rate of diminution of cultures and
traditional values is of no surprise to the general public.

On the other hand, it is my point of view that the benefits have demonstrated
superiority over the downside. First and foremost, the globalization of culture
means worldwide union. As human beings evolve, they have a tendency to hold
different viewpoints or develop varied sets of vocabulary, which exists as a menace
(ảnh hưởng thôi chưa tới mức đe dọa) to social integrity. Fortunately, the
unification of a myriad of life aspects has virtually brought this occurrence to an
end. To illustrate, an agreement on the use of an international language means a
decrease in the frequency of communication breakdowns, boosting the process of
business or correspondence. In addition, this trend acts as an impediment to the rise
of unhealthy and outmoded ideas. In many developing areas of the world, the
prevalence of old-fashioned beliefs, in most cases detrimental, is noticeable,
naming patriarchy or underage marriages. However, globalization has provided the
underdog with modern-day education systems, which means the deliverance from
the constraints of outdated prejudicial rituals.

(hơi nhiều mệnh đề quan hệ)

In conclusion, though the setbacks of the globalization of culture are evident, I
believe that its upside is certainly more discernible.

(KB ngắn)

Ver2

These days, there is no doubt that the world is undergoing a period of blistering
globalization. While this trend proves to be adverse to some extent, it is my firm
belief that its merits are on no account overshadowed.

On the one hand, the monopoly of one culture represents no idle threats to others.
It is irrefutable that the prevalence of one particular lifestyle has not allowed for a
diversity of civilizations to flourish alongside. In other words, young citizens show
their preference for high-end designer clothes or the solitary way of life rather than
the long-established practice of conventional fashions or eating rituals. Hence, the
alarming rate of diminution of cultures and traditional values is of no surprise to
the general public.

On the other hand, it is my point of view that the benefits have demonstrated
superiority over the downside. First and foremost, the globalization of culture
means worldwide union. As human beings evolve, they have a tendency to hold
different viewpoints or develop varied sets of vocabulary, which exists as a menace
to social integrity. Fortunately, the unification of a myriad of life aspects has
virtually brought this occurrence to an end. To illustrate, an agreement on the use
of an international language means a decrease in the frequency of communication
breakdowns, boosting the process of business or correspondence. In addition, this
trend acts as an impediment to the rise of unhealthy and outmoded ideas. In many
developing areas of the world, the prevalence of old-fashioned beliefs, in most
cases detrimental, is noticeable, naming patriarchy or underage marriages.
However, globalization has provided the underdog with modern-day education
systems, which means the deliverance from the constraints of outdated prejudicial
rituals.

In conclusion, though the setbacks of the globalization of culture are evident, I

believe that its upside is certainly more discernible. Therefore, societies should
welcome the chance to come into contact with new civilisations.
TRẦN THỊ HƯƠNG GIANG

Ver1

In recent years, it is irrefutable that the disparities(word choice) in cultures and

lifestyles of residents between countries all over the world become less apparent
each year(thay bằng 1 adv:gradually/steadily...). While I accept that this
phenomenon can sometimes create certain benefits, I believe that it is believed to
be likely to have more negative impacts.
On the one hand, the fact that people share the same fashions, advertising, brands,
eating habits, and TV channels(thay bằng 1 noun phrase ngắn
hơn:glabalisation/unification of…) is advantageous in several ways. It is
undeniable that netizens (spelling) could enjoy the diverse(thay bằng noun phrase a
diversity of) cultures and lifestyles all over the world when staying at home
country. It is because this phenomenon enables a great number(myriad) of brands
the opportunities to (launch their products on the worldwide market, reaching more
potential consumers abroad) introduce and sell their products in numerous
countries. Therefore, the residents do not have to travel abroad or study overseas to
be able to experience all of these. For example, if a person wants to have a
Starbuck coffee before going to work, they just can conveniently buy it in the store
nearby.(không cần ex)
On the other hand, the drawbacks are supposed to be outweighed(outshine). First
of all, almost every nation stands a high chance of losing its ethnicity and national
identity. The reason for this is that when people around the world all wear the same
clothes, eat the same food and watch the same films(wordy), they are likely to
forget the uniqueness of their country and have a tendency to imitate others’
traditions and cultures. As a consequence, people(lặp), especially youngsters
would ignore(word choice: be ignorant of) their nations’ history and all traditional
values would virtually be in jeopardy. Another minus point of this
phenomenon(lặp) is tourism industry would reduce the number of travelers abroad
each year (chuyển về noun phrase). It is a fact that due to its convenience, the
public are(is) no longer curious and interested in other countries. In other words,
instead of spending a large amount of money to travel overseas(undergoing the
time-consuming process of booking overseas tours), people can easily experience it
at home through several means of media or nearby foreign shops. Thus, it creates
financial loss in all countries in the world.(a plunge in global profits of the tourism
industry)
To summarize, given the arguments above, it is reasonable to conclude that
although globalization has some benefits, the drawbacks it has produced should not
be overlooked because the downsides far exceed the merits.

Ver2

In recent years, it is irrefutable that the difference in cultures and lifestyles of

residents all over the world become less apparent gradually. While this
phenomenon can create certain benefits, I believe that it is likely to have more
negative impacts.

On the one hand, globalization is advantageous in several ways. It is undeniable

that habitants could enjoy a diversity of cultures and lifestyles. It is because this
phenomenon enables a myriad of brands the opportunities to launch their products
on the worldwide market, reaching more potential consumers abroad. Therefore,
the residents do not have to travel abroad or study overseas to be able to experience
all of these.

On the other hand, the drawbacks are supposed to outshine. First of all, almost
every nation stands a high chance of losing its ethnicity and national identity. The
reason for this is that when people around the world all share the same living
lifestyles, they are likely to forget the uniqueness of their country and have a
tendency to imitate others’ traditions and cultures. As a consequence, residents,
especially youngsters would be ignorant of their nations’ history and traditional
values would virtually be in jeopardy. Another minus point of this trend is there
would exist a considerable decrease in the number of travelers abroad each year. It
is a fact that due to its convenience, the public is no longer curious and interested
in other countries. In other words, instead of undergoing the time-consuming
process of booking overseas tours, people can easily experience it at home through
several means of media or nearby foreign shops. Thus, it creates a plunge in global
profits of the tourism industry.

To summarize, given the arguments above, it is reasonable to conclude that

although globalization has some benefits, the drawbacks it has produced should not
be overlooked because the downsides far exceed the merits.