*Another pint of malibu, please.

*
*I think you've had enough, mate.*
*You don't understand. It's my job.*

I'm a drunk, that's my profession

Sloppy slurred and there to step in
At a moment's notice when a sot is what's required
A lush a soak a human sink
My very bones are made of drink
Just call me up discuss the price and then I'm hired

Who was the loaded boozy smoky

Man who started the karaoke
At the office party he was battered
Singing Mustang Sally backwards
That was me that was yours truly
I was hired to be unruly
By your boss who paid me handsomely
To sing before him dreadfully
Because a tone-deaf wailing boozo
Would make him sound like Caruso

I'm a drunk that's my profession

Sloppy slurred and there to step in
At a moment's notice when a sot is what is lacking
Inebriated desecrated
by the white wine quite sedated
Dial my number, pour the scotch and let's get cracking

Do you remember how your plainer friend

Who never had much luck with men
Buck-toothed boss-eyed halitosis
Large of girth and of proboscis
Blissfully she told you
Of the man who had enfolded her
Who was that mystery lover
It was me paid by her mother
Because even Casanova
Couldn't do her daughter sober.

I'm a drunk that's my profession

Sloppy slurred and there to step in
At a moment's notice when a sot just can't be sourced
It's not just for the crack
I am a boozy bacchic helpful dipsomaniac
That's my excuse, what's yours?