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 Sponsoring Committee: Professor Joanne K. Griffin, Chairperson
Professor Margret S. Wolf
Professor Arnold H. Grossman

A COMPARISON OF ADULT ATTACHMENT STYLE DIMENSIONS

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BETWEEN WOMEN WHO HAVE GAY OR BISEXUAL FATHERS

AND WOMEN WHO HAVE HETEROSEXUAL FATHERS

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Theodora Sirota
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Program in Research and Theory

Development in Nursing Science
Division of Nursing
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Submitted in partial fulfillment

o f die requirements for the degree of
Doctor of Philosophy in the
School of Education
New York University
1997

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 UMI Number: 9718726

Copyright 1997 by
Sirota, Theodora Hope

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All rights reserved.
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 W
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Copyright © 1997 Theodora Sirota
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 I hereby guarantee that no part of the dissertation which I have submitted for
publication has been heretofore published and/or copyrighted in the United States
o f America, except in the case of passages quoted from other published sources;
that I am the sole author and proprietor of said dissertation; that the dissertation
contains no matter which, if published, will be libelous or otherwise injurious, or
infringe in any way the copyright of any other party, and that I will defend,
indemnify and hold harmless New York University against all suits and proceedings
which may be brought and against aD claims which may be made against New York
University by reason of the publication of said dissertation.

Sirota

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 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

The process o f writing this dissertation has been like a long Odyssey with
many twists, turns, and long periods o f rough sailing. The successful completion of

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my journey could not have been accomplished without the help and support of

many people.
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I acknowledge with gratitude die guidance and unstinting availability o f the
three superb educators who were my dissertation committee members. Dr. Joanne
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Griffin, my chairperson, imparted her scholarly wisdom about parents and children

as well as women’s issues with her characteristic great sensitivity. I will be forever
grateful for her patience and her unending faith in my abilities, even when I lost
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patience and faith in myself. I am thankful to Dr. Margret Wolf for her enthusiastic
support of my work, and for teaching me how to construct a logical scholarly
discussion and analysis. I am indebted to Dr. Arnold Grossman for helping me to
develop critical attention to detail, and for sharing with me his vast knowledge of
gay and lesbian issues and research.
There are several prior and present faculty members of the Division of
Nursing whose support and encouragement have been important to me. Dr. Gean
Mathwig encouraged me to pursue the study of adult daughters o f gay or bisexual
fathers, even when others were doubtful that it was possible to gather an adequate

research sample. I am grateful to Dr. Diane McGivem for providing many years o f

iii

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 emotional support Special thanks go to Dr. Eriine McGriff whose mentorship and

belief in me sustained me greatly throughout my doctoral studies.

There are many other people without whose help I could not have
completed this dissertation. I am grateful to Dr. Cindy Hazan and Dr. Nancy
Collins for their interest in my research, for consulting with me, and for their land

permission to use instruments which they developed. Many thanks go to Dr.

Cynthia Mersmann for her help with statistical design. Bill Burton guided me

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expertly through the analysis o f the data, and patiently taught me much about
statistical theory and inference. Nancy Hall and Joe Eversole o f the Graduate
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Office provided information, advice, and support in a calm, reassuring manner
which helped me maintain my sanity throughout the dissertation process.
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I greatly appreciate the help o f all who assisted in collecting data for this

study. Grateful thanks go to Jessica and EHot CaSrSirota, Mary Hope Griffin-
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Thomassen, Amy Glazer, Dr. Linda Glazer, Dyana Kadushin, Cynthia Lyman, Dr.
Marc Naison, Deborah Peariman, Sheila Sandow, Dr. David Sirota, and Richard
VanNort.
I could not have completed this dissertation without the help o f my
wonderful family. Although my children Miriam and EHot often endured my
absence as a result of my doctoral study, they always encouraged me to "go for it!"
I recall with appreciation their pride and excitement as I passed over each hurdle on
the way to completing my studies. Special thanks go to my mother and stepfather
Esther and David Shapiro and my mother-in-law, Ida Sirota, for their loving
support throughout this process. Most of all I am grateful for the unwavering
devotion of my husband, David, who lovingly kept me going in this work even
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 when I contemplated giving it up, and who has always been my strongest

champion.
Finally, I wish to acknowledge and thank all of die women who participated
in this study. I was deeply touched by the enthusiasm for my research efforts
expressed by the participants who have gay or bisexual fathers. I am profoundly
grateful for their openness, candor, and willingness to share their feelings and
experiences with me. I sincerely hope that they find the results o f my efforts
deserving of the trust they have placed in me.

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 TABLE OF CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

LIST OF TABLES

CHAPTER

I THE PROBLEM 1

Introduction
Research Question
Definitions
EW 1
3
4
Delimitation 4
Theoretical Rationale for the Study 5
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Need for the Study 12
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H THE RELATED LITERATURE 14

Attachment Style 14
Infant Attachment IS
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Adult Attachment 18
Attachment and Adult Love Relationships 24
Fathers and Their Daughters 29
Father-InfantiToddler Observations 30
Fathers and Their Adolescent Daughters 35
Fathers and Their Adult Daughters 36
Divorce and Father Absence 40
Gay and Bisexual Fathers 42
Bisexual Fathers 50
Daughters o f Gay and Bisexual Fathers 53

IH METHOD 60

Sample 60
Data Collection 60
Instruments 62
Revised Adult Attachment Scale 62
Background Questionnaire 65

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 IV FINDINGS 66

The Sample 66
Reliability o f the Instrument 71
The Research Question 71
Ancillary Findings 76

V DISCUSSION OF THE FINDINGS 87

Limitations o f the Research 88

The Sample 88
The Instruments 91

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Revised Adult Attachment Scale
Background Questionnaire
Research Question
91
92
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Attachment Theory and the Theoretical
Rationale of this Study 95
Ancillary Findings 103
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Participants 104
Demographics 104
Religion 104
Sexual Orientation 106
Problems with Alcohol or Drugs 111
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Adult Love Relationships 112

Attitude Toward Homosexuals 116
Daughters' Reactions to Fathers' Disclosure
o f Homosexuality or Bisexuality 117

VI CONCLUSIONS, IMPLICATIONS,
AND RECOMMENDATIONS 122

Conclusions 123
Implications for Practice 125
Recommendations for Future Research 128

BIBLIOGRAPHY 132

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 APPENDICES 149

A LETTER TO PARTICIPANTS 149

B REVISED ADULT ATTACHMENT SCALE 150

C BACKGROUND QUESTIONNAIRE:
DAUGHTERS OF GAY OR BISEXUAL
FATHERS 151

D BACKGROUND QUESTIONNAIRE:
DAUGHERS OF HETEROSEXUAL FATHERS 157

E NEWSPAPER ADVERTISEMENT FOR

PARTICIPANTS W 162
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F POSTER ADVERTISEMENT FOR
PARTICIPANTS 163
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G TEXT OF RECORDED OUTGOING

TELEPHONE MESSAGE 164
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 LIST OF TABLES

1 Age, education, and income comparisons o f the two

study groups 67

2 Occupation and current lifestyle o f the two study groups 68

3 Racial background, religion, and religiousness o f the two

study groups 69

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Sexual preferences of die two study groups

Comparison o f "Did you question whether you were possibly

70
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lesbian or bisexual?" between heterosexual participants in
both study groups 70
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6 Comparison o f means of two groups on close dimension o f

revised adult attachment scale 72

7 Comparisons o f means of two groups on depend dimension

o f revised adult attachment scale 72
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8 Comparisons o f means of two groups on anxiety dimension

o f revised adult attachment scale 72

9 Attachment types o f die two study groups 74

10 Study participants' mean revised adult attachment scale

subscale scores for three dusters 74

11 Adult daughters o f gay or bisexual fathers' mean revised

adult attachment scale subscale scores for three clusters 75

12 Adult daughters o f heterosexual fathers' mean revised

adult attachment scale subscale scores for three clusters 76

13 Comparison between study groups on problems with

alcohol or drugs among participants and parents 77

IX

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 14 Comparisons between groups on comfort with seeking
and being in love relationships

15 Comparisons between groups on having other gay,

bisexual or lesbian relatives or friends

16 Comparison between groups on attitude toward homosexuals

17 Occupations and yearly income o f gay or bisexual fathers

and heterosexual fathers

18 Comparison between study groups on parents' marital status

19
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Comparisons between study groups on participants' current
relationship with father and mother
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20 Comparisons between study groups on attachment history
to father and mother
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21 Age at which daughters o f gay or bisexual fathers learned

about fathers' sexual orientation

22 Participants' initial and current reaction over learning about

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fathers' homosexuality or bisexuality

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 1

CHAPTER I

THE PROBLEM

Introduction

Gay and lesbian parenting is receiving heightened public attention as a result

of the national gay and lesbian rights movement Recently, gay men and lesbians
have been vocally challenging societal obstructions to custody o f their natural

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children and suing for die right to adopt and raise children in an atmosphere o f
ongoing debate and controversy over their acceptability and suitability as parents
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(Chira, 1993; Goleman, 1991; Gross, 1991; Raymond, 1994; Salholz, 1990). An
ever-increasing number o f openly gay and lesbian parents are quietly raising their
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children in the cities as well as in suburbia (Dunlap, 1996; Hewitt, Sandler, &

Brooks, 1996).
It is estimated that there are between six million and 14 million children of
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gay and lesbian parents in the United States (Bozett, 1987; Editors of the Harvard
Law Review, 1990); there are no figures available on numbers o f adult daughters
of gay fathers. Research about children o f gay and lesbian parents is currently in its
infancy (Patterson, 1992); only a handful o f studies exist where data have been
collected directly from children of gay fathers. Only one quantitative study (Paul,
1986) about adult children's experiences and perceptions of growing up with a gay,
lesbian, or bisexual parent in which daughters o f gay fathers participated is
currently found in the literature and no studies are found which are devoted
exclusively to adult daughters of gay fathers. Gottman (1990) attributes die scarcity

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of such studies to prejudice against gay fathers and a tendency to perceive gay
fathering as an anomaly.

It is widely accepted that parental characteristics and behaviors have an

early enduring effect on children's psychological and social development Rooted
in homophobic cultural and religious values, American beliefs about the influence
o f homosexual parents on their children continue to be negative and prejudiced.
The designations o f "homosexual” and "parent" have been considered inconsistent
or contradictory (Bigner & Jacobsen, 1989; Bozett, 1987; DiLapi, 1989) or at
"opposite extremes o f social acceptance” (Bozett, 1981, p. 552). The "gay
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lifestyle" has been considered inappropriate for childrearing (Baptiste, 1987;
DiLapi, 1990; Patterson, 1992). It is still commonly believed that gay people will
sexually abuse children or rear them to be homosexual (Baptiste, 1987; Bozett,
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1987, p. 47; Falk, 1989; Patterson, 1992; Raymond, 1994). It is also believed that
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the rearing of a child by a gay or lesbian person can adversely affect the child's
developing sexual identity, mental health, and social development (Green, 1978;
Harris & Turner, 1986; Martin & Hetrick, 1988; Smith, 1981).
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Current research challenges homophobic misconceptions, with a small but

growing body of empirical findings supporting no significant psychological or social

differences between groups of young and adolescent children of gay and lesbian
parents compared with children o f heterosexual parents (see Patterson, 1992, for a
review) or between adult children o f lesbian mothers compared with those of

heterosexual mothers (Golombok & Tasker, 1996; Tasker & Golombok, 1995).
However, existing research is generally characterized by small sample sizes,
questionable statistical power and sampling issues which render findings
inconclusive (Bozett, 1989; Gottman, 1990). Also, no direct research is currently
found comparing psychological or social dimensions between adult children o f gay

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or bisexual men and adult children o f heterosexual men. Moreover, some clinical

research findings, interview data and anecdotal reports suggest that adolescent and
adult children o f gay and lesbian parents may experience particular and subtle
challenges to their own self-definition, social integration and sexuality which they
perceive to be related specifically to their parents' sexual identity or lifestyle (see
Bozett, 1987b for a discussion) and which could possibly have implications for the

experience of their own adult relationships.

Patterson (1992) maintains that variables related to family processes such as
quality of relationships may be more important predictors of children's adjustment

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in families with a gay or lesbian parent than are more commonly studied variables
related to family structure (e.g. sexual orientation, number of parents in the home).
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She recommends studies from theoretical perspectives compatible with an emphasis

on function, such as attachment theory, with its stress on how quality of parenting
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affects security o f relationships experienced by offspring. It was the purpose o f this

exploratory study to investigate empirically whether there are differences in
women's attachment style associated with having a gay or bisexual father as
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opposed to a heterosexual father.

Research Question
Are there differences in adult attachment style dimensions between women
who report that their fathers are gay or bisexual and women who report that their
fathers are heterosexual?

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 4

Definitions
Adult Attachment Stvle Dimensions are a set o f enduring mental models consisting
o f beliefs about self and others, based on eaiiy experience with important
caregivers, notably father and mother. They are continuous into adulthood

(Bowlby, 1969; 1973; 1979; 1980), where they have implications for the
experience o f self and partner in adult love relationships (Collins & Read, 1990a;
Hazan & Shaver, 1987). Attachment style dimensions were measured by the
Revised Adult Attachment Scale (Collins & Read, 1990b); they are conceptualized
as three dimensions: close, or the extent to which an individual is comfortable with

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closeness and intimacy, depend, or the extent to which an individual can trust
others and depend on them to be available when needed; anxiety, or anxiety in
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relationships, such as fear of being abandoned or unloved (Collins & Read, 1990a).
Adult Daughters are women who report that they are eighteen years of age or
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older.
RjgfiYnal Fathers are fathers who, by their daughter's report, have an emotional and

erotic attraction to members o f both sexes.

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Gav Fathers are fathers who, by their daughter's report, have an emotional and

erotic attraction exclusively to members o f their same sex.

ffftems^ynal Father* are fathers who, by their daughter's report, have an emotional

and erotic attraction exclusively to members of the opposite sex.

Delimitation
This study was limited to women who can read and communicate in
F.nglish, a requirement for completing the study materials.

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 5

Theoretical Rationale for the Study

Attachment theory, proposed by Bowiby (1969, 1973,1980) and further
developed by Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, and Wall (1978) and others, provides a
basis for understanding and conceptualizing die nature o f a person's relational
bonds throughout his or her lifespan and for positing a theoretical link between a

person's childhood experience with his or her parents and his or her enduring adult
models of self and others in close relationships. The attachment system is
conceptualized as a biologically-based set o f behaviors consisting o f mental models
of self and others developed in the context of a person's relationship with early
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caregivers, particularly mother and father. It functions to maintain "felt security" in
childhood as well as in adulthood (Ainsworth, 1982,1989; Shaver, Hazan, &
Bradshaw, 1988; Sroufe & Waters, 1977; Weiss, 1982), laying the foundation for
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die establishment o f the two other systems which also operate in adult love
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relationships: caregiving and sexual mating (Shaver & Hazan, 1993). The child
organizes emotional experiences and regulates "felt security" in the context of
parental sensitivity and responsiveness to die child's affective signals (Sroufe &
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Waters, 1977).
Ainsworth et al. (1978, 1982) identified three characteristic attachment
styles in young children: secure, avoidant and anxious/ambivalent Recently,

researchers have found that childhood attachment history is predictive of the same
three styles in adulthood (Hazan & Shaver, 1987; Main, Kaplan, & Cassidy, 198S;
Shaver etaL, 1988). Researchers have found that secure attachment style is
characterized by comfort and confidence with others and belief in one's bkeabihty

as well as high self-esteem and assertiveness (Collins & Read, 1990a; Feeney &
Noller, 1990; Hazan & Shaver, 1987). Secure individuals view others as
trustworthy, altruistic, and dependable (Collins & Read, 1990a). Avoidant

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attachment style is characterized by emotional distance and distrust of others, self-

reliance and fear o f intimacy (Hazan & Shaver, 1987; Collins & Read, 1990a) as
well as hostility and dismissing o f distress as a defense against insecurity (Kobak &
Sceery, 1988 Bartholomew, 1990). Anxious/ambivalent attachment style is
characterized by self-doubt, clinginess and neediness (Hazan & Shaver, 1987) as
well as high anxiety (Kobak & Sceery, 1988; Collins & Read, 1990a). Collins and
Read (1990a) identified three dimensions underlying the three attachment
categories: close, depend and anxiety.
hi adult love relationships, research has shown that secure individuals

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experience greater mutuality and satisfaction in relationships; avoidant individuals
experience low couple orientation, fear of intimacy, and low partner idealization;
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anxious/ambivalent individuals experience high partner idealization and obsession,

anxiety over acceptability or partner dependability, and disappointment in

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relationships (Collins & Read, 1990a; Feeney & NoQer, 1990; Hazan & Shaver,
1987; Pistole, 1989; Mikulincer & Erev, 1991; Simpson, 1990). Adult attachment
style differences have been found to be predictive o f differences in dealing with
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distress or conflict in relationships (Collins, 1994; Kobak & Sceery, 1988; Levy &
Davis, 1988; Pistole, 1989) as well as differences in explanation, emotion, and
behavior in response to relationship events in both hypothetical and actual ongoing
heterosexual dating relationships (Collins, 1994).
Although a woman's early relationships with both parents have traditionally
been considered to be of key importance in the development o f her identity and
self-experience (Lamb, Tresch Owen, & Chase-Lansdale, 1979), the influence o f
the father-daughter relationship on a woman's development has been neglected in
research until relatively recently (Lamb, 1975). However, existing contemporary

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research supports die view that fathers influence their daughters' developing identity
and self-experience both directly and indirectly.

During infancy and early childhood, observational studies have shown that
fathers facilitate the establishment of core self- representation (Abelin, 1971; 1975;
1977) in their daughters. From early childhood into adulthood, fathers have been
found to encourage and facilitate traditional gender-role acquisition in their
daughters directly by behaving differently with daughters and sons (Lamb, 1977a;

Fagot, 1978; Block, 1978; McGuire, 1982; Nydegger & Mitteness, 1991). Some
fathers have been observed to withdraw from active involvement with their

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daughters by age two and to prefer interaction with their sons (Lamb, 1977a),

leaving daughters' rearing to mothers (Lamb, 1977a; McGuire, 1982) and

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maintaining an authoritarian position as well as physical and emotional distance
from their daughters (Youniss & Smollar, 1985). Fathers continue to treat
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daughters and sons differentially into adulthood, encouraging ladylike behavior,

discouraging independence and autonomy in their college-aged daughters (Block,
1978X and offering guidance and advice to sons versus affection and protectiveness
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to daughters (Barber & Thomas, 1986; Nydegger & Mitteness, 1991).

However, researchers have found that fathers who maintained direct
involvement with their daughters in caring, encouraging, and supportive roles
tended to have adolescent and adult daughters with higher self-esteem and general
psychological well-being, greater independence, goal-directedness, and success in
love relationships than those who did not maintain direct involvement (Fish &
Biller, 1973; Lozoflf, 1974; Richards, Gitelson, Petersen, & Hurtig, 1991;
Tessman, 1989). Also, there is empirical evidence that fathers serve as
heterosexual role models for their daughters, with implications for daughters'
choices of dating partners (Collins & Read, 1990a).

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 8

Furthermore, research findings indicate that adult women from divorced

households whose fathers were absent during childhood have difficulty interacting
with men (Hetherington, 1972), displaying negative, untrusting, or fearful attitudes
toward men and marriage (Kalter, Riemer, Brickman, & Chen, 1985; WaDerstein,

1985), precocious or promiscuous heterosexuality (Hetherington, 1972;

WaDerstein, 1985), premarital and teenage pregnancy (WaDerstein, 1985;
McLanahan & Bumpass, 1988) as well as marital difficulties and a high incidence
o f divorce (McLanahan & Bumpass, 1988).
Available research on gay parenting indicates that gay or bisexual fathers
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must cope with particular issues which could pose challenges to die father-daughter
relationship. Researchers have found that gay fathers must constantly contend with
societal prejudice and stigmatization as they strive to achieve a positive self-identity
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as homosexual within a homophobic society (Bigner & Bozett, 1990; Bozett, 1987;
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Bozett, 1980; Herek, 1984; Strommen, 1990). They must integrate a gay father

identity in a climate which considers "gay" and "father" contradictory designations

and they must strive to achieve acceptance in both heterosexual and homosexual
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culture (Bigner & Bozett, 1990). Some fathers have been found to experience
conflict over being parents and participating in gay life, which is considered to be
hostile to children and parenting (Bozett, 1981, 1987a). Married gay fathers face
the personal pain o f reconciling gay identity and desire for gay life with love for
their wives and children and the wish for social acceptance in heterosexual marriage
(Isay, 1996). Gay or bisexual fathers must resolve issues involving disclosure o f
their homosexuality and its effects on family members. Researchers have found
that gay or bisexual fathers who "come out" while married face spousal confusion,
shock, anger, or vindictiveness, probable marital conflict and possible divorce and
child custody issues with attendant fears o f losing their children (Bozett, 1982;

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Brownfain, 1985; Buxton, 1994; Coleman, 1985; Gochros, 1992; Matteson, 1985;
Miller, 1979; Wolf, 1985).
In spite o f the particular challenges faced by gay and bisexual fathers,
existing research on gay parenting has not revealed any major differences in overall
parenting o f younger children based on sexual orientation. However, sample sizes
are small, statistical power is questionable, and sampling procedures and
interpretation of data are often open to bias. Researchers have concluded that
parenting differences between gay and non-gay fathers have more to do with
differences in philosophy and style than with personal capacity to parent or

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appropriateness o f parenting behaviors (Miller, 1979a, 40 gay fathers and 14
offspring; Scallen, 1981, 20 gay fathers compared with 20 heterosexual fathers and
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20 "control" fathers; Turner, Scadden & Harris, 1985, 10 gay fathers compared
with 11 lesbian mothers; Harris & Turner, 1986, 23 gay and lesbian parents
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compared with 16 heterosexual parents; Bigner & Jacobsen, 1989b, 33 gay fathers
compared with 33 heterosexual fathers). The capacity to disclose their
homosexuality, both in the community and to their children, has been found to
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enhance both self-esteem and the capacity for positive parenting among gay fathers

(Miller, 1979a, N = 40; Bozett, 1980, N= 18).

Nevertheless, existing research and anecdotal reports on children o f gay
fathers have indicated that these children face particular personal concerns. Having
been reared in a homophobic society, most American children have been found to
internalize this point of view, resulting in their adoption o f homophobic attitudes
(McDonald & Steinhom, 1990). When children become aware of their parents'
homosexuality or bisexuality, they must integrate the fact and perceived
implications of the parent's sexual orientation within the context of their own
homophobia (McDonald & Steinhom, 1990). Researchers have found that most

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 10

children eventually accept a parents homosexual or bisexual orientation (Bozett,

1980; Miller, 1979a; Paul, 1986, M = 34) with daughters more accepting than sons
(Paul, 1986). Children have been found to react more positively if they learn about
a parent's homosexuality at an early age (Miller, 1979a; Moses & Hawkins, 1982).
Children who leam in adolescence tend to react more negatively, with gay fathers
harder to accept than lesbian mothers (Paul, 1986). However, findings support the
view that the process of acceptance leads to feelings of greater closeness and
communication with the homosexual or bisexual parent over time, even among
adolescents who were initially very negative (Paul, 1986). In contrast, there is

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evidence that some adult daughters o f gay fathers continue to exhibit intense
homophobia and disapproval o f their fathers (Bozett, 1986).
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Additionally, findings of clinical reports, interviews and survey research
indicate that children of gay fathers worry that they too will be gay or thought to be
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gay by others (Bozett, 1987; Hays & Samuels, 1989; McDonald & Steinhom,
1990; Moses & Hawkins, 1981; Paul, 1986) even though parental homosexuality
has been found to have little or no relationship to children's developing sexual
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orientation (Bozett, 1981; Hays & Samuels, 1989; Miller, 1979a). This anxiety has
been found to be related to compensatory behaviors such as precocious
heterosexual experimentation (Hays & Samuels, 1989) as well as concerns about
sexual functioning (Bozett, 1987; Hays & Samuels, 1989) and, in some adolescent
girls, anxieties about boyfriends (Hays & Samuels, 1989). Some o f these children
have been found to "feel different" from other children or to be socially isolated;
they worry about possible ostracism or rejection by peers, particularly in
adolescence, if the parent's homosexuality were to become known (Bozett, 1986;

Buxton, 1994; Gantz, 1983; Paul, 1986; Voeller & Walters, 1978). There is
evidence that children use self-protective strategies with peers such as selective

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