2 WHY, YOU RECKON TELL, sir, I ain't never been ‘mixed up in nothin’ lke that before nor since, and don’t tend to be agin, but T was hongry as hell that night, indeed, T'was! You- all standin’ here with me now in this here beggin’ grub line knows how hon gry aman can get. So I was goin” down a Hundred Thiry-third Street when another colored fellow what looks hongry sidetracks me and says, “Say, buddy, you wanta make a litle jack “Sure,” T says. “How?” “Stickn’ up a guy,” he says. “The fire white guy what comes ou o? one these speaks and looks like bucks, we gonna grab him!” “Oh, no,” says I. “Oh, yes, we wil” says this other guy. “Man, ain't you hongey? Didn't T see you down there at the charities today, not gettin’ nothin’—like me, neither? You dida’e gee it, did you? Hell, nol Well, you gotta take it, that's all, reach out and take it,” he says. “Even if you are. strvin’ don’t be no foel. You must be in love with white folks, or some- thing. Do’ you think they care anything about you?” “They sure don he says. “These here folks come up to Harlem spendin’ forty or fifty dollars down in these night clubs and speakeasis, and don’t care nothin’ "bout you and me out here inthe street, do they? Wel, they gon- na give mesome 0 their money tonight before fone of ’em gets back home.” “What about the cops?” “To hell with the cops! Now listen, now. T live right here, sleep fon the ash pile back othe furnace down in this here basement. Don’t nobody never come down there after dark. They let me stay here for keepin’ the furnace goin” st night. It’s kind of a fast house upstairs, you understand. Now, you grab this here guy we pick ‘out, push him down to the basement door, right here, I'l pull him in, and we'll drag him on back yonder to the furnace-room and rob him, money, watch, clothes, and all. ‘Then push him out in the rear court. If he hol- lers, and he sure will holler when that cold air hits him, folks just think he's some drunken white man what's fll ‘out with a chocolate baby upstairs, and thas had to run and leave his clothes be= hind him, "cause some o? these fast house madams don’t take no foolish- ness. And by that time we'll be long gone. What you say, boy?” WW Ebb se Pen ela? you, Twas © tired’ and hongry T’ didn’e hardly know what to say, so T said ll right, and we decided to doit. Looked MARCH 17,1954 like to me "bout that time a Hundred ‘Thirry-third Street was. just workin’ © folks from downtown Tookin’ for hot spots. It were just about midnight, “This guy's frone basement door was right near the floor o” the Rufus Bar, where that yellow woman sings them blues what all the o'fays is erazy about. And well, sir! Just what we wanted to happen happened right off. A big party o' young white folks in furs and things came down the street. ‘They musta parked their car on Lenox, “cause they wasn’t in no taxi ‘They was walkin’ in the snow. And just when they got right by us, one of them white women says to 2 young man with her, she says, “Ed-ward,” but she didn’t say it Tike we say Ede ward. She sad, “Ed-ward,” she said, “Oh, darlin’, don't you know left my purse and cigarettes and compact in the “May I have some more spinach, Mrs. Argyll?”‘THE NEW YORKER car, Please go and ak the Chauffeur to ie fam t you!" ‘And they went on inthe Raf, ‘The boy saree toward Lene Well, ec, Edward never 4d got back no more that eve= tin’ to the Rufus Bar. No, a, *eause we nabbed hi, When te came back down the set in his even clothes and. all, wth aswell Hack overcoat of he T wed Tad jst cp Tin soras not co sip up and Fallon the hard snowy grab> fed hin, Before he could any Jack Robinson, I pulled im own the sept the asement eon, the other fellow” jerke him in and by the tne he new wire be was, we tad that white boy tack yonder b= hind the furnace inthe coal “Don’t you holler,” I ssid. ‘There wasn’t much light back there, just the raw xs ‘comin’ out ofa jet, kinder blue= Tike, blinkin’ in the coal dust. ‘Took a few minutes before we could sce what he looked like. “Ed-ward,” the other, fel- low sid, “don’t you holler.” But Edward didn’t holler. He just sat right down on the ‘coal. I reckon he was sorta scared weak-lke, “Don’t you throw no coal neither,” the other fellow said. But Edward didn’t Took like he was gonna throw coal. “What do you want?” he said. by and by in a nice white-folks kind o” wie, “Am T kidnapped?” ‘Well, sit, we never thought o? that, kidnappin’. T reckon we both looked puzzled. I could see the other guy thinkin” maybe we ought to hold him for rinsm, ‘Then the other fellow musta decided that that weren't wise, Yeause he sys to this white boy, “No, you ain’t Kidnapped,” he says. | “We ain't got time for that. We's hongry rot, 0, buddy, gimme your money.” ‘The white boy handed out o hs coat pocket amongst other things the lady's pretty white beaded bag that he'd been sent after. The other fellow held it up. “Doggone!” he said. “My gal could go for this. She likes purty things. Seand up and lemme see what else you ‘The white guy got up and the other fellow went through his pockets. He took out wallet and a gold watch and a cigarettelighter and he got 2 Swell key ring and some other litte things that colored never use. “Thank you,” said the other guy, when he got through friskin’ the white hoy, “T guess Pll eat tomorrow! And emake right now,” he sid, openin’ up the white boy's cigarette case. “Have one,” and he passed them swell fags around to me and the white boy, too. “What kind i these?” he wanted to know. “Benson's Hedges,” hoy, kinder seared-Uke, other fellow was making an aveful face lover the cignrete Well, T don't like ’em,” the other fellow sid, frownin’ up. “Why don’t you smoke decent cigarettes? Where do you get off, anyhow?” he said to this white boy standin’ there inthe coal bin, “Where do you get off comin’ up here to Harlem with these kind of cigarettes? Don't you know don’t rno colored folks smoke these kind 0” cigarettes? And what're you doin’ bringin’ Jot o purty rich women up hhere wearin? white fur coats? Don’t 23 | v.s. COULEcTOR | rena. evens —= = you know i’s more'n we colored folks an do to get a black fur coat, let alone fa white one? I'm askin’ you a ques tion,” the other fellow ‘said. “The poor litle white fellow looked like he was gonna cry. “Don’t you know,” the colored fellow went on, “that 'T been walkin’ up and dowen Lenox: ‘nue for three or four months tryin’ t0 find some way to earn money to get my. shoes half-soled? Here, look at em.” “He held up the palms o” his fet for the white boy to see. There were sure big holes in his shoes. “Looks here!” he ssid to that white boy. “And still you igot the nerve to come up here to Har= Tem all dressed up in a tuxedo suit with a stif shire on and diamonds shinin? out othe front o” it, and 2 sik ‘muflier on and a big heavy overcoat! Gimme that overcoat,” the other fellow sid, He grabbed the little white guy and took off his overcoat. “We can’t use that John Barrymore outfit you got on,” he said, talking about the tux. “But we might be able to make earrings for our janes out o?a them studs. Take ’em off,” he said to the white kid. All thie time, I was just standin there, wasn’t doin’ nothin’. The other fellow had taken all the stuff, so far, and had his arms full “Wearin’ diamonds up here to H: lem, and me starvin’!” the other f ow ssid. “Goddamn! You wearin’ diamonds and Harlem starvin’” T’m sorry,” said the white fellow. “Sorry?” ‘seid the other guy. “What's your name?” “Edward Peedee McGill, III,” said the white fellow. “What third?” said the colored fel- low. “Where's the other two?” “My father and grandfather,” said the white boy. “D'm the third.” “Thad a father and grandfather, 00,” said the other fellow, “but T ain't no third. ['m the frst. Ain't never been nother black bastard like me, Tm a new model.” And he laughed out lou ‘When he Inughed, the white boy looked real scared. "He looked like hhe wanted to holler. He sat down in the coal agin. ‘The front of his shirt was all lack where he'd took the diamonds out. The wind came in through a broken pane above the coal bin and the white fellow sat there shiverin’, He was just kid eighteen or twenty maybe— runnin’ around to night clubs, “Weain'tgon- tna kill you,” the other fellow Keept laughin’. “We ain't time, But if you si in that coal long enough, white boy, you'll be Black as me, Gimme your shoes, T might maybe can sell ‘The white fellow took off his shoes. As he handed them to the colored fellow, he had to laugh, hisself, I looked so erazy handin’ somebody else your shoes. We all laughed. “But Dm laughin? last,” said the other fellow. “You twocan stay here and laugh if you want to, but Pm gone. So long!” ‘And man, don’t you know he ‘went on out from that basement and took all that stuff! Left sme standin’ just as empty-hand= eds when I come in there. Yes, sie! He left me with that white boy standin’ in the coal. He'd “IPsa good idea if it works.” MARCH 17,1954THE NEW YORKER 25 done took the money, the diamonds, the game, everybody must be as silly as authoring trade remain _ unsolved. land everythin’, even the shoes! And permitted by the treaty. ‘There can be no real relief until the ‘me with nothin’! Was T stung? I'm . government pays writers for restricting askin’ you! ‘ ag. their crop. “TARTC you gonna gimme none?” I __ New York imbiters wil have to wat . eg itt rat gonna gine ened” T Ie anotier year before bas are yyy Sere ha "Wheres my par” Tea, Te seme ear da the uy at Cane amy ays ‘couldn't even sce him in the dark—but PO0r fellows can wait siting down. p44, osing the old spirit. ‘There was T heard him . be : mats meeting in the Garden to cone |_"Get back there” he yelled at mey Charles Dickens is running 2 serial dem Hieron and the softies made ‘and watch that white boy tl T get out ig he papers about the Ie of Jens no effort to break up. ot here. Get back there” he halered, Rysny Nee Yorkers cam hardy sek “or Tl knock your vin? gizzard out! 4a see how the sory tums out 1 don't now you.” ‘ Flora reports the best tourist season fn many years, Miami gots congested GOT back, And there me and A hundred Britons eminent in vari- one night that Carmera had to stand on that white boy was standin” in a ous lines afirm ther faith in democratic ‘Tommy Loughran’s feet Strange coal bin, him lookin’ like 2 insiutions and their oppastion to 5 picked chicken—and me feel? like a Fascim. Other countries may go infor fool. Well, sr, we both had to laugh colored haberdashery, but England will, 1 President endorses the projected highway from the United States to Ee continue to be ruled by gentlemen in Mghway from the United as eee a exco and. Central Amerie. ‘There “ay sd the white ty “i he wht sis and wing el is cabling Weal good comcree ad - . cement fend Felton “Cece tee oeting?” sail the Nudd ig here to aay, said —Howano Brvzaxen white ello, eurning up hs ux collar. CuEmer declares TF survives the oe eae ee winter of 1984, i eerily i ==. “What?” T says. S ‘Music Hall thin week concern tet wil “This isthe firstexcng thing that’s James Roosevelt at ods with hit ver happened to me,” sd the white tks aout the Child Labor Amend= uy. “The first time in my life Thad ment. We are happy to report, how. ther, But, it seems, each happens to be 2 good time in Harlem. Everything yer, that Sie and Burzi are tand- Sieh Goran are love with cach fle’s been fake. You know, some-- ing solidly behind the President. other, bu, it are each happen 10 be thing you pay for. ‘This wae real.” Uahapelly married to someone Cae, Hence “Says buddy? T says, “iF had your the tier “it | Were Fiee’—Breetije money, PEEL always having spond ‘The CWA hasgiven outa few Iter- mrereper. one ay jabs, but the grave problems ofthe Hence something, anyway. "Then I went out and lonked, and there wasn’t no cops or nobody much ‘the srect, so Tsid “So Tong” to that white boy and left him sandin’ in the thor there in his stocking feet. Sa what do you supose i the matter wi eh falls, Why, you reckon, they si’ happy? —Lawostow Huan OF ALL THINGS Ti gaia: te is eon Washington to get saved from ruin, And gesh, how it dreads it! ‘Thieves broke into a showcase in the ‘Treasury Building and stole seventy- five dollar’ worth of gold coins. Te is believed that this is the first time the U.S. Treasury has ever been robbed ‘except by due process of law. CONVERSATION AT LOCH NESS ‘My child, I don’t see how you can Imagine that you saw a Man. Japan, Great Britain, and the United [Now please don’e argue or ins States are engaged in a warship-build- Such’ creatures simply don’t exist. ing contest. According to the rules of —Ciarence Day