2 A famous film star went into a shop in a small town, > Haven't 1. ..... +. you somewhere before? said the shop assistant. see) In the cinema, perhaps? said the film star with a > Maybe. Where do you usually sit? smile, > Don’t worry, I feel the same. This is the first operation P've ever ......... « (perform) 3 Hairdresser: ve a lot of strange customers in my time. (have) 10 you ever shaved Customer: Have you ever va ( Hove you cer sho man with a wooden leg? (shave) 4 man with Hardee: No. Lange ee tue») oe fey? What ate y 2 we 4 What are you fishing for we Peters > Mamamamamoolays. What do they look lik > Idon’t know: I've never .. cone. (catch) 7 The Present Perfect 1 ‘Complete the jokes by using the correct form of the verb in brackets: 1 Doctor, I'm very nervous. This is the first time I've ever ......+++. an operation, (need) 5 Have youever..........in the hor sun? (swim) > Don't be stupid. I only swim inthe sea. 6 What do you do? > Vma sailor. submarine? (work) > No. I can’t sleep with the windows closed. 7 Iewas my husband's birthday yesterday and he said, Take me somewhere I've never before. (be) > So where did you take him? Into the kitchen! B Have you ever .......... froma really bad headache? (ster) > Yes, quite often. What do you do about them? { > Istick my head through a window and the pane disappears! 9 Dr Findlay was passing one of his patient in the street. Hello, Mrs Merton. You haven't. . me for ages. (visit) > Lknow, doctor. P've been ill. 10 This is a very good coat. It is made from the best wool > Can I wear it in wet weather? Of course, madam. Have you ever. . + across a sheep with an umbrella? (come) Write down some sentences about yourself beginning I’ve never. Tove never flown on Concorde. Pve never been to Disneyland. Tee never told a lie in my life. ve never learned to drive.SUUUUNU UHH 8 The Present Perfect 2 Complete these jokes by using the Present Perfect of the verb in brackets: 1 Baby snake: Are we poisonous? ‘ Mother snake: Yes, we are. Why do you ask? Baby snake: Because T.... just........ my tongue. (bite) 2 You - your shoes on the wrong feet. (pst) > But these are the only feet I have. 3 Doctor, my son... +. ..++a bullet, (swallow) > Well, don’t point him at me! 4 What’s wrong, son? a Lecce juste ee... .a fight with your wife! (have) 5 Waiter! What is this? > It’s bean soup. I don’t care what it . (be) T want to know what itis now. 6 Mrs Millar went into @ department store to buy a new dress. At first she wanted a long dress, then she wanted a short one. After an hour she said to the shop assistant, T.........my mind again. (change) > And does the new one work any better? replied the irritated shop assistant. 7 Dad,t s+++.to become a train driver. (decide) > Well, son, [certainly won't stand in your way. 8 British scientists «a robot doctor. (invent) > Really! What does it operate on? Batteries, I think, 9 Hi, everybody! I «the chicken soup. (make) > What a relief, whispered Andrew. I thought it was for us! 10 Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I'm sorry to announce that one of our engines ........... (Stop). This means that the flight will be about 20 minutes late. (Ten minutes later) This is your captain again, P'm afraid another engine .......... . (stop) This means that the flight will now land 40 minutes lace, Please accept our apologies. A little old lady turned to the young man beside her and said > [hope the other engine doesn’t stop or we'll be up here all night! Underline all the verbs in the jokes which are regular. Make up some sentences about what you have done today. For example: P’ve washed the dishes twice today.9 Present Perfect / Past Simple Using the Present Perfect or the Past Simple, complete the following jokes: 1 =< YOU... (be) to America before? > No. This is my first time. Did you know that Christopher Columbus ........ (find) America? > Really? I never knew it was lost! 2 When you........ (ell) me this car this morning, you... (say) it was trouble-free. Since then, the brakes . (fail) and the door (fall) oft > Wel, sir, I did sell you the car but the trouble was free! 3 Doctog.1.;. (have) a sore stomach eve since... (et thr crab as we Paceee th + « (smell) bad when you « (ake) them out of their shell ‘What do you mean ~ took them out of theie shells? 4 Novy. ......+-everyone ......++ (read) the chapter on Lord Nelson for homework? > Yes, sic Kevin, in which battle... Lord Nelson... << (ie)? > Es, his last one, sir? 5 1........ (buy) this diamond ring from a man in the street. I's for my girlfriend. > Are they real diamonds? Thope so. If not, the man «just . (cheat) me out of £5. 6 —How’s your sister? >She........ (go) on a very strict diet to lose weight ‘And how is she geting on? > Fine. She... (disappear) last week. 7 Mrs Smith is very upset. She thinks she (lose) her cat. > When... she last. (see) it? Four days ago. > Why doesn’t she put an advertisement in the newspaper? Don’t be silly. Her eat can’t read. 8 Mydad........never soc... (visit) “A reward of £25 will be offered for the dentist. the safe return of my cat.’ Is that all > My dad will never go back to the dentist. she thinks of me!” Why? What happened? > The dentist... (take) all his teeth out. + (say)? 9 Robere was fishing in «private lake. An old man came up to him and asked: you (catch) anything? Yes, Tee big fish since Us ++ (start) this morning. > My name is Lord Arton and [own this lake Oh. My name is Robert and I'm a tecsible liar! It’s been three years since I had a holiday. ‘Write some sentences about yourself using the pattern: Tis been .. since I... (simple past) = 5