This article was downloaded by: [New York University]

On: 10 October 2014, At: 15:32

Publisher: Routledge
Informa Ltd Registered in England and Wales Registered Number: 1072954 Registered
office: Mortimer House, 37-41 Mortimer Street, London W1T 3JH, UK

Journal of Poetry Therapy: The

Interdisciplinary Journal of Practice,
Theory, Research and Education
Publication details, including instructions for authors and
subscription information:
http://www.tandfonline.com/loi/tjpt20

The transition to nonparenthood: A

critical feminist autoethnographic
approach to understanding the
abortion experience
Tamara G. Coon Sells
Published online: 29 Jul 2013.

To cite this article: Tamara G. Coon Sells (2013) The transition to nonparenthood: A critical
feminist autoethnographic approach to understanding the abortion experience, Journal of Poetry
Therapy: The Interdisciplinary Journal of Practice, Theory, Research and Education, 26:3, 169-189,
DOI: 10.1080/08893675.2013.823314

To link to this article: http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/08893675.2013.823314

PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR ARTICLE

Taylor & Francis makes every effort to ensure the accuracy of all the information (the
“Content”) contained in the publications on our platform. However, Taylor & Francis,
our agents, and our licensors make no representations or warranties whatsoever as to
the accuracy, completeness, or suitability for any purpose of the Content. Any opinions
and views expressed in this publication are the opinions and views of the authors,
and are not the views of or endorsed by Taylor & Francis. The accuracy of the Content
should not be relied upon and should be independently verified with primary sources
of information. Taylor and Francis shall not be liable for any losses, actions, claims,
proceedings, demands, costs, expenses, damages, and other liabilities whatsoever or
howsoever caused arising directly or indirectly in connection with, in relation to or arising
out of the use of the Content.

This article may be used for research, teaching, and private study purposes. Any
substantial or systematic reproduction, redistribution, reselling, loan, sub-licensing,
systematic supply, or distribution in any form to anyone is expressly forbidden. Terms &
 Conditions of access and use can be found at http://www.tandfonline.com/page/terms-
and-conditions
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014
 Journal of Poetry Therapy, 2013
Vol. 26, No. 3, pp. 169189, http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/08893675.2013.823314

The transition to nonparenthood:

A critical feminist autoethnographic
approach to understanding the
abortion experience
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

Tamara G. Coon Sells*

A critical feminist autoethnography is used to illuminate the struggles associated with the elective
abortion decision and offer insight into, and understanding and knowledge of the physical and
emotional experience of the procedure, as well as the institutions associated with abortion. Framing the
abortion experience in this way qualitatively synthesizes feminist perspectives, symbolic interactionism,
and narrative to create a combined theoretical, analytical, and methodological approach.
Keywords Autoethnography; elective abortion; emotion; feminist perspectives; medical institu-
tions; parenthood

December 2007

Sitting alone in the woods on a cold foggy December afternoon, I find myself
thinking about the similarities between myself and a lifeless tree in the dead of
winter. I say aloud, ‘‘My arms are like the bare branches, swaying from the harsh
winds and trying not to break, but still reaching out for an incandescent embrace.
My body is like the exposed trunk, longing to feel whole again with the presence
and comfort of a shelter from the elements of this cold world. My soul is like the dry
roots, searching for the nutrients that another season will bring.’’

Throughout history, women around the globe have been performing their own
abortions, helping others perform abortions, or seeking medical help as a means of
pregnancy prevention (Feldt, 2004). Currently, more than forty million women
worldwide undergo a clinical abortion each year (Sedgh, Henshaw, Singh, Åhman, &
Shah, 2007). In 2007, I became a statistic when I terminated a pregnancy. While it
was a life-changing and terrifying decision, it also created a self-awareness and social

*Corresponding author. Tamara G. Coon Sells, Department of Human Development and Family
Studies, University of Missouri, 314 Gentry Hall, Columbia, MO 65211, USA. Tel: (573) 473-7771.
Email: tgc8qd@mail.missouri.edu
# 2013 National Association for Poetry Therapy
 170 T. G. C. Sells

awareness that may have superseded my comprehension if I had not lived this
experience. Although this is a critical topic to explore because of the new and
changing roles of women, as well as gender power dynamics, within the family unit
and in society, abortion is rarely discussed openly in public because of its religious,
ethical, moral, emotional, and political nature. Using my personal experience as a
starting point, and utilizing what I call a critical feminist autoethnography, the
current project is an attempt to conceptualize the abortion decision, the physical and
emotional experience of the procedure, the influence of the institution on abortion
discourse, and the way in which abortion is embedded within a wider cultural arena.
Framing the abortion experience in this way allows me to qualitatively synthesize
feminist perspectives, symbolic interactionism, and narrative to create a combined
theoretical, analytical, and methodological research approach.
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

Using critical feminist autoethnography to conceptualize the abortion

decision
Critical feminist autoethnography is a spinoff of autoethnography, which bridges
disciplines and combines social science, artwork, and literature by emphasizing the
combination of empirical research,creativity, and a personal essay on a lived
experience (Bochner & Ellis, 2002). Generating a new and different perspective
beyond a traditional review of the literature, autoethnographers incorporate
dialogue, scenes, characters, and/or plot, in addition to relaying research, to portray
their emotional experiences (Ellis, 2004).
Autoethnography is a postmodern methodology, with no set research design.
Some argue that it is a framework for thinking about the world and a way of being in
the world as an involved participant (Ellis, 2004). Others, like Tierney (2000), give
more direction to the researcher by explaining that three conditions should be met: 1.
the reality of the exchange should be constructed; 2. the nature of the voice should be
reflexive and embodied; 3. the purpose of the text should be social change.

The reality of the exchange is constructed

Autoethnographic writing is a way to reproduce, transmit, and communicate
‘‘knowledge gained through (visual, visceral) experience’’ (Scott, 1991, p. 776).
Although autoethnographers establish authority in their writing by beginning with
the self who was at the ‘‘scene of lived experience’’ (Gannon, 2006, p. 475), the
experience is as much collective as it is individual (Scott, 1991). The writer should
examine and critique the ways in which experience becomes experience by analyzing
the production of the lived experience as contextual, political, contested, con-
structed, and contingent, rather than assume experience as an isolated occurrence
(Scott, 1991). In other words, experience is both reality and constructed meaning, as
the writer’s interpretation and representation of the specific event, including the
time, place, and other actors, becomes the experience (Adams, 2009).
 Transition to nonparenthood 171

Incorporating symbolic interactionism, storytelling, and narrative embrace a

relation between individual experience and social roles, relationships, and structures
in such a way that aids in the construction and reconstruction of the self, society, and
social relations (Gergen, 1999; Hewitt, 2000; Jackson, 1989). As sharing stories is a
way to politically challenge socially constructed gender roles and social systems,
many feminist scholars highlight the need for acknowledging, understanding,
hearing, and relating to women’s experiences. Stories that involve struggles,
solutions, and strategies for change often motivate listeners to become active and
empower women by recognizing the difficulty of addressing controversial issues, such
as reproductive rights. Sharing personal stories about reproductive rights, and/or lack
thereof, is a powerful tool used to teach, inform, and connect with others (Feldt,
2004). In addition to connecting with others, storytelling aids in the discovery of new
ways to subvert the gender hierarchy and possibly challenge the cultural view of
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

motherhood.
The critical feminist autoethnographic method used in this project incorporates
storytelling and focuses inward on self-narrative within the social context by
examining simultaneously the subjective and objective (Ellis, 2004). This is achieved
by switching focus back and forth between the outward social and cultural aspect of a
personal experience and the inward process of resisting or embodying cultural
interpretations. Capturing the intersection between culture, society, and politics
(Pinar, 1997), autoethnography provides a direct standpoint, otherwise described as
a case study of the researcher (Ellis, 2004). In this way, the researcher views oneself
as a case example, a local life circumstance, among many others (Jackson, 1989).
Breaking through the objective nature of traditional study, autoethnography makes
the subjective experience an openly shared and identifiable lived experience.

The nature of the voice is reflexive and embodied

According to Tierney (2000), the nature of the autoethnographic voice should be
reflexive, which means to ‘‘turn back on our self the lens through which we are
interpreting the world’’ (Goodall, 2000, p. 137). Feminist scholars advocate
autoethnography because it embraces reflexive ethnography by personally and
academically reflecting on one’s lived experience. Using feminist views to con-
ceptualize reproductive freedom places abortion as both an individual and a social
argument because women make their reproductive choices as individuals experien-
cing certain social conditions and constraints (e.g., gendered and power relations of a
culture). As one’s particular standpoint influences the way she thinks, feels, or acts
and, thus, the way she interprets or constructs an event (Goodall, 2000; Smith,
1999), a woman’s choice of either continuing or terminating a pregnancy is a right to
make a moral decision based on her own personal standpoint (Gibson, 2004). My
personal standpoint influences the way in which I interpret and construct my story.
However, because my experience is embedded within the social and institutional
environment in which my abortion took place, the construction and interpretation of
my story may be profoundly parallel to the way in which other women coming into
contact with similar environments may construct and interpret their stories.
 172 T. G. C. Sells

Although I tell my personal abortion story in hopes of publicly connecting with and
creating a shared identification with other women, I tell this story knowing that my
voice, reality, and meaning of the experience are not any more exceptional, unique,
or significant than others.
The nature of the autoethnographic voice should also be embodied, which
refers to deliberately including a full range of sensory experiences to produce
cultural understanding (Gray, Ivonoffski, & Sinding, 2002). Embodiment is a sense
of feeling, mindset, way of being, way to analyze and conceptualize, and way to
consider, examine, and embrace a mindbody connection (Gibson-Graham, 2006).
Once one has experienced a lifestyle, or situation, the emotional sense that he or
she has embodied as a result of the lived experience influences thought processes
from that time forward. It is thought that embodiment influences one’s own
sense-making, but also influences others’. Like the processes of reflexivity and
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

embodiment, the act of writing an autoethnography has the capability to produce

social change.

The purpose of the text is social change

Autoethnography embraces both passion and cause, as well as political protest
(Jones, 2002). As reflexivity is the understanding of a practice as subjectively,
objectively, historically, and socially dynamic, studying a practice reflexively is to
change it politically and challenge the dualisms and dichotomies of subjective/
objective and individual/social so that these concepts are viewed as mutually
influenced (Kemmis & McTaggert, 2008). Using reflexivity, autoethnographers
create this dynamic by being explicitly involved in the text and elaborating on
conflicts between the personal and the professional and tensions between conven-
tional roles (e.g., wife, mother, sister, and daughter) and unconventional roles (e.g.,
vocation) (Tedlock, 2008).
Butler (1990) suggests that by performing an activity that subverts hegemonic
views, one constructs subjectivity and agency. Acknowledging the dialectical pull
between following social expectations and finding agency in one’s own desires, a goal
of feminist inquiry is to understand and change how gender is related to social
inequalities, strains, and contradictions by empowering the voices of those oppressed
(Chafetz, 1997). Abortion is, thus, a performative way to resist sex-role stereotyping
and challenge the patriarchal social institution of family because it deconstructs
motherhood as an ascribed status (Edelman, 1996).
My personal experience has propelled me to write this paper to make sense of
the ground that women before me have paved that allows today’s women to make the
choice I made, to give my story meaning in this world, to help others understand
their experiences sociologically, and to give others the comfort in knowing that their
stories have meaning, too (Ellis, 2004). Enacting Fraden’s (2001) reasoning, ‘‘there
is a delicate balance between . . . writing of and about without wanting to write for or
instead of someone else’’ (p. xviii), it may be a more convincing and meaningful
project if I begin by expressing my own experiences of and about abortion.
 Transition to nonparenthood 173

Abortion as a personal and political action

Using an autoethnographic analysis in the current project exposes my (i.e., the
researcher’s) experiential, emotional, and cognitive processes. When I first envi-
sioned this project, I feared exposing myself to my fellow academics because I was
not sure how they would perceive my decision. Further, I feared that exposing my
controversial experience would negatively influence my competition in the job
market. In the end, I knew that I had to share my story for the benefit of other
women, regardless of how the outcome would impact my career. Another initial
concern of this project was enacting an unregulated, personalized style rather than a
controlled, systematic writing style that I was taught to use in academia. This
particular style of writing (i.e., expressing myself and my story) did not come
naturally to me. I have settled on producing a two voice/identity format in which I
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

will be alternating between author as abortion experiencer, notated by italicized text,

and author as academic, notated by unitalicized text. The former offers a description
of the lived experienced, while the latter proposes an analysis to the description.
By sharing my voice, which is discursively embedded in a cultural and
institutional context, my hope is that a more equitable gendered power dynamic is
established surrounding the topic of abortion and among abortion institutions
(Pinar, 1997). It is important to defy cultural pressures to silence communication on
abortion, because ‘‘silence disenfranchises, disavows, and renders invisible the
woman and her experience’’ (Edelman, 1996, p. 33). A result of guilt, shame,
powerlessness, and vulnerability, silence denies women of fully mourning the loss
that they have experienced. But by acknowledging our shared experiences, we open
conversation on this personal topic and perpetuate the larger, cultural acceptance of
abortion and women’s rights.

Reflection. February 2008

That fateful evening when I found out that I was pregnant was an awakening
experience. But it was not because I became aware of the consequences of not
wearing contraceptive protection (that came later). Instead, it awakened me to the
physical vulnerabilities of being a woman. I was what my parents called a ‘‘Tom-
boy’’; I loved playing in the dirt, being outdoors, playing sports, and anything
destructive. I hated being called a ‘‘girl’’ or hearing the words ‘‘You . . . like a girl’’
because it seemed like an insult to me and other women. I always thought ‘‘I can
do anything you can do, and probably better,’’ and that’s what I strived to do my
entire life. But when I found out that I was pregnant, all of my masculine displays
to prove that I was just like one of the ‘‘boys’’ were invalidated. I had to face the
reality that I was a woman and because I was a woman, I had the biological
‘‘gift’’ to carry a baby.

Butler’s (1990) critique of the sex and gender binary systems and the notion of
constructing gender through discourse and performance provide an analysis. Having
conceived was a major dialectic to my being, as my biological sex and its implication
 174 T. G. C. Sells

was different from what I claimed and performed as my socialized gender. This made
me realize that no matter how much I strived to challenge the social norm of
woman femininity, I still possessed the internal organs of a woman that had the
capability of making me become feminine. This realization was quickly followed by
the awareness that, as a result of the women’s movement in the 1960s, I had
reproductive choices available to me that enabled me to challenge conventional
female roles of motherhood in exchange for the unconventional role of graduate
education (Ginsburg, 1998).

Reflection. February 2008.

At the age of 25, I had other ‘‘identities’’ and roles that I wanted to pursue that
did not involve children, like graduate education, a fulfilling career, and an
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

unrestrained lifestyle. Children, at least at that time in my life, were an

unfathomable alternative. I felt a conflict between my own personal desires and
the expectations of me by the dominant culture. I had pressures from all angles
telling me to ‘‘keep the baby’’ because ‘‘it was in God’s plan’’ and ‘‘you’ll have
help raising the child.’’ The reality was that it was my lack of contraceptive use
that caused me to become pregnant, and that my family lived several hours away,
making it difficult for them to help raise the child. Further, my partner, Bill, and
his family lived an hour away, so their involvement would not be sufficient, either.
Although I felt constrained by what my family and friends expected me to do in
this situation, forcing me to reluctantly waiver in my judgment at times, I
fortunately made a solid decision based on my own desires. However, having the
abortion has made me feel like a social outcast.

At this time, my feelings are shifting between outrage and loneliness* outrage
because I put myself in this situation, because I was treated so horribly by clinic
staff, and because I feel as though my happy and fulfilling life will never be the
same; and loneliness because I feel like a part of me is gone, because I think my
family, friends, and Bill won’t love me anymore as a result of choosing this option,
and because I realize how much hate is in this world after witnessing the protesting
outside of the abortion clinic.

Now, looking back on the experience, I realize that this procedure indicated when
my previous life ended and I was reborn into something new. I now have a completely
different outlook on life, as well as a newfound passion in feminist research.

Stages associated with the abortion experience

Now that some of my abortion story has been shared, I will describe the
chronological stages that I experienced in the process while also integrating other
research findings. I will include a thematic analysis of narrative by treating my story
as data and analyzing it to create themes in the content that may hold within or
across stories (Ellis, 2004). Many of these stages were constructed and named during
 Transition to nonparenthood 175

the actual lived experience, while others were constructed as I later voiced my story
to others. During these times, I often found myself simultaneously producing
research-oriented thoughts and building a stage-like structure to help organize my
ideas and emotions.

Stage 1 (August 11, 2007): Instability and insecurity

Bill and I were both twenty-five years old and had been dating for about a year
and a half when we decided to end our relationship. We realized that our lives were
taking different directions and that a serious relationship was no longer plausible.
The morning after we had a wonderful, intimate night together, the conversation
quickly went from discussing our future to ending our relationship. ‘‘You know
that I want to move closer to my family after I graduate, so why should we
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

continue this relationship if you refuse to move with me?’’

‘‘You can’t be mad at me for not wanting to move away from my family and
friends.’’

‘‘I know.’’

We hugged and cried away all of our future plans as a couple, not knowing that
the night before would change our lives forever. This was the night that we
conceived.

Although this exact scenario might not resonate with every woman, I have the
notion that most women will experience instability or insecurity in their life prior to
undergoing an abortion. Discovering an unplanned pregnancy at a time of turmoil
makes the already unstable environment more traumatic and, thus, sets the stage for
the future decision to terminate a pregnancy. For some, this may be losing a job, just
beginning a new job or school, moving to a new neighborhood, or a death in the
family. For me, an unstable relationship status was one of the underlying reasons why
I choose to later have an abortion.


Stage 2 (September 9 16, 2007): Fear of knowing
I had a very light menstruation the week prior, so I wasn’t alarmed until I began
to experience stomach cramps, wooziness, vomiting, troubles focusing, and
emotional swings. A good friend bought me a pregnancy test and told me in a
stern, yet motherly, tone, ‘‘Take this right now. Whatever happens, I’ll be here for
you.’’ Feeling as though she was a mother and I was her child, I thought, how can
I mother a child when I am so fearful of even knowing if I am pregnant?

In my mind, if I ignored the symptoms long enough they would just go away, but
if I took the test I would have to acknowledge that I was probably pregnant with Bill’s
baby. Having these symptoms for nearly a week, I eventually was forced to face the
 176 T. G. C. Sells

inevitable. Bill needed to know that I was having these symptoms and we both
needed to know if I was in fact pregnant. Knowing that I could not take the
pregnancy test without him being there, I called him.

‘‘I need you to come here right now’’ I told Bill while sobbing on the phone.

‘‘I can’t come tonight, but I’ll be there tomorrow. Why? What’s the matter?’’

‘‘I can’t tell you right now. It’s something that I need to tell you in person.’’

I now ask myself, why couldn’t I tell him over the phone? The truth was, I
missed him in my life and I thought that reuniting with him and speaking to him
face-to-face about something so pivotal would help to bring us back together. We did
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

not call off our relationship as a result of infidelity or loss of love, but out of a conflict
in where we wanted to live. After knowing that we could possibly have a family
together, this conflict seemed negotiable. I could imagine making sacrifices for the
survival of our family. But those sacrifices did not seem reciprocal because he would
not make the hour drive to see me that day. This reinforced my insecurities, anxiety,
and confusion, and contributed to a sense of loss*one that incorporated the loss of a
partner, loss of independence, and loss of future dreams (e.g., education and a two-
parent family).

Stage 3 (September 16, 2007): Let the truth be told

Dressed in mix-matched sweats, a bandana around my head, and flip-flops, I met
a friend for dinner. He asked me if something was wrong, because he had never
before seen me dressed so carelessly.

‘‘Bill is on his way, so we can find out if I am pregnant.’’ Stunned, he left it to me

to further explain. ‘‘I don’t know what to do. As you know, we broke up and we
have only spoken a couple of times since. Tonight will provide some answers,
though.’’

I desperately needed to know the fate of my life and our relationship, so moments
after Bill arrived I went in the bathroom and took the test. The two pregnancy
indicator lines turned bright pink within seconds. I looked away, took a second
glance, and they were still there. Instantly I had beaded up sweat all over my
body. Without a doubt, I was pregnant. Bill was in the kitchen when I slowly
walked out and just looked at him. He hugged me and we didn’t say a word for
about 10 minutes. We cried together, and then laughed. ‘‘You sure are hot for
being pregnant’’ he said to me. ‘‘Are you calling me a Hot Mama?’’ I ask as I
struck a sexy pose.

Looking back at these actions, it is stunning that we made a joke of something so

serious, but I also recognize that it was because we did not know how to handle the
 Transition to nonparenthood 177

intense emotions we were experiencing. Using humor was a way to deflect the actual
issue. And, besides, part of why I loved him so much was his humor. This stage made
us question why we couldn’t make our relationship work. If we loved each other and
were talking about the possibility of having a child together, why couldn’t we make
sacrifices to be together?
The next couple of days were a period of numbness alternating with extreme
sensation. I had days of living in numbness to nights filled with extreme emotion and
realization. Just as many women in Harden and Ogden’s (1999) qualitative study, I
experienced a range of emotions because I felt a lack of control in the situation. At
the same time, however, I could not take my mind off of being pregnant, almost like I
was living in a haze.


Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

Stage 4 (September 17 24, 2007): Decision period

Being in such a pivotal period, I felt a paradox between what others expected me to
do and what would be best for my situation and conditions. This paradox has also
been documented as a concern in several other studies on abortion (Aléx &
Hammarström, 2004; Fielding, Edmunds, & Schaff, 2002; Kero, Högberg, & Lalos,
2004; Lafaurie, Grossman, Troncoso, Billings, & Cháveze, 2005; McIntyre,
Anderson, & McDonald, 2001). However, in the span of the next week, I did not
experience shock, panic, anger, shame, or disbelief as many women report in the
situation of an unplanned pregnancy (Harden & Ogden, 1999); instead, I system-
atically slipped into a practical mindset, rationalizing and analyzing the effect that
pregnancy would have on my life.

An ultrasound informed Bill and me that the embryo was about 5 weeks old.
Feeling that I must make a reproductive decision quickly, that evening Bill and I
sat on a picnic table at a local park and weighed my options, from having an
abortion, seeking an adoption, to keeping the baby. I looked over to an empty
swing set and imagined our child running, playing, smiling, and calling me
Mommy. In the next moment, my mind wandered to schoolwork and I began to
worry that I wouldn’t be able to complete the 20-page literature review due that
Friday.

This unplanned pregnancy and thought of having a child signified a lack of

control that was very disempowering to me, because having a child at this point in
my life would detract from my dreams and aspirations in life. Ultimately, I knew
that I did not have the adequate resources to care for a baby. I was not financially
stable, nor did I have adequate interpersonal support, and I certainly did not have
the time or knowledge to properly care for a child. Further, having an insecure
relationship with Bill, I feared raising a child as a single mother. Although Bill
and I were contemplating getting back together, and this experience was bringing
us emotionally close, I doubted the permanency of our relationship and I knew
that having a child would create added stress. We were not married or engaged at
the time of pregnancy, nor did we consider having children for years down the
 178 T. G. C. Sells

road. One of the biggest concerns, however, was the fear that having a baby would
alter my life trajectory and interfere with my goals, such as a doctorate degree and
earning tenure in the academy. All of these factors directed us toward having an
abortion. After continuing on with my life for a week knowing that I was
pregnant, I made the call to the clinic.

Stage 5 (September 15, 2007): Invasion of the body

The following day, Bill and I made the long, 2-hour drive to the clinic. Never
having an awkward silence before, we now found ourselves scrambling to find a
topic of conversation other than our agenda for the day. When the silence became
too much, we repeatedly spoke of the same topics over and over, the weather, what
we had for lunch, his workday, and my coursework.
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

The clinic was located in a badly maintained part of the city, had an industrial
exterior, and plenty of pro-life advocates. ‘‘You are killing a human being! You are
going to hell!’’ we heard as we walked by.

The atmosphere of the clinic and the treatment I received from clinic staff was
similar to what other women have experienced (Aléx & Hammarström, 2004;
Harden & Ogden, 1999), in that it felt like an assembly line, very impersonal
and cold. I was expecting more of a personal and caring tone, so I was surprised
and somewhat insulted when I learned of how each and every woman had to
follow the one in front of her through a series of stations from signing paperwork,
having an ultrasound, and sitting in the waiting room with our ‘‘drivers’’ to
speaking with a counselor, getting a Dramamine pill and a shot of Versed and
Fentanyl to help us relax and eliminate pain and nausea, and having the abortion
procedure.

While in the waiting room, I could not help but to think of how my experience
was related to issues of death, power, and control. These concepts surround the issue
of abortion, as fetuses, potential mothers and fathers, practitioners that perform the
procedure, and the clinic personnel are all battling for life, power, and control in
some sense (Ginsburg, 1998). Further, the self and the social world are shaped by
social structures and the power that they exhibit (Gergen, 1999). Smith (1990)
advises that researchers make sense of everyday life by revealing the power relations
interwoven within institutions.
The power dynamic within the abortion experience was very evident to me then
and now. The activity surrounding abortion is institutionalized and, thus power-
driven. First, there is a power hierarchy between the state legislation and the
availability of the service and operation of the clinic. State laws mandate the mere
existence of the clinic and if an anti-abortion law is passed, clinics could close
immediately, leaving women without access to abortion. Second, there are several
power hierarchies that exist within the clinic, which impact the patient’s experience.
Security guards determine an individual’s access into the clinic. Receptionists,
 Transition to nonparenthood 179

ultrasound personnel, nurses, doctors, and counselors are also key actors within the
institution. The assembly-line organization in itself creates an ordered, impersonal,
and cold feeling to the process, not to mention the cold and almost rejecting style of
interaction patients encounter from the staff. Although the abortion institution
makes women’s reproductive choice available, this agentic choice is delegated solely to
the decision to terminate. The institution regulates and controls every maneuver
within the confines of the social space, producing an intimidating, criminal-like order
that does not foster respect, care, and liberation.
Although Shostak (2008) describes, ‘‘it is not ‘‘her’’ abortion alone, it is our
abortion’’ (p. 365), it seems that men are not involved as frequently as Shostak
believes they should be. One recent study actually found that under one-quarter of
women acquiring an abortion procedure were accompanied by the man by whom they
became pregnant (Beenhakker et al., 2004). Most of the other women seeking to
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

terminate a pregnancy that I came into contact with that day at the clinic were
accompanied by a friend or mother, and only a few were accompanied by their
boyfriends or husbands*the potential father. I felt very fortunate to have Bill with me.

‘‘Thank you for coming with me. I don’t know what I would do without you.’’

‘‘I would never let you do this alone. This is when we need each other the most.’’

We kissed and held hands for a few minutes. Bill and I intently looked over a
manual that graphically and textually explained the procedure and any
information we should know about the aftermath. Bill found the material and
thought of me undergoing surgery very traumatizing, and whispered to me, ‘‘Let’s
go. I can’t do this and I can’t let you do this.’’

‘‘We can’t go now . . . well, we could, but it wouldn’t help the situation. We can’t
run.’’ In this moment, I was called back to the counselor.

Most US states (i.e., thirty-two) require counseling for patients who wish to
terminate a pregnancy before the abortion can be performed (Alan Guttmacher
Institute, 2007), but only 40% allow the woman’s partner to have access to a private
meeting with their partner and a counselor (Shostak, 2008)

Crying, I reluctantly walked back to the counselor’s office. Expecting the worst,
this meeting actually turned out to be a blessing. The room had a window that let
in a small ray of sunshine; the first that I had seen in the three hours I had been in
the clinic. And although the counselor stated that it was not typical protocol to
have a partner or friend in the counseling room because his presence may interfere
with the woman’s wishes, after some coaxing she invited Bill to sit down with us.
She asked me questions, spoke to me like an educated person, and also told us that
it was nice to see such a strong and committed couple with bright future plans,
which made me feel like she was genuinely interested in my lifestyle and whether or
not this decision was the best one for me. Our talk was very refreshing and helped
 180 T. G. C. Sells

solidify my decision to terminate the pregnancy.

The next step was the operation waiting room, where I had the opportunity to meet
and talk with five other women. We shared with each other our backgrounds and
some of the reasons why we ended up in the same place and the same time. Three
of the women, all whom had a previous abortion, seemed to be coping very well
with the situation. One of these women, who was unmarried, in her late 20s with
one child, was having her third abortion. The other two women were having their
second abortion. One was married, in her late 30s and had 3 children, and the
other was unmarried, in her late teens with no children. Finally, two of the five
women seemed to be very affected by their situation. One of these women was
unmarried, in her early 20s with no children, and having her second abortion.
The other, who seemed to be just as scared as I, was unmarried, in her mid-teens
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

with no children, and having her first abortion. She did not say much to the other
women, but she explained to me that she only had sex one time and she didn’t
know that she was 11 weeks pregnant until two days ago. Her mom was making
her have an abortion, but she didn’t want to go through with it. Before we could
continue talking, I was called into the operation room. I hoped for the best for the
young woman, and myself.

Nothing could prepare me for the traumatic experience of the actual surgical
termination of pregnancy. Although the manual that the clinic provided us with was
detailed graphically, it echoed a scientific and medical, rather than a psychological,
discourse. I had also read qualitative research articles on the emotional experiences
of other women, but their synthesized accounts did not fully portray the pain and
psychological responses that I experienced. There are no adjectives that accurately
describe the feeling, but a few have remained in my mind: agonizing, violating, and
exposing.

The psychological and physical pain associated with the procedure still haunts me
today. The cold machine, like a vacuum, was forcibly inserted into my vagina
without any warning and sucked away what felt like was my entire internal
structure. I felt internally bare, empty, violated, and exposed. The doctor and
nurse aide wouldn’t speak a word to me, like I was an animal. I tried to ask them
how long it would take, and while I was screaming in pain I asked if they could
make the pain stop, but they didn’t supply me with even a recognition of hearing
my requests. No care or positive interaction was even attempted by the staff.
During and after the procedure I felt as though I did not have control over my
body, as though something else*another force, this ‘baby’, the doctor, the nurses,
the man who impregnated me*governed my every move, my every choice, my
every feeling; I no longer had my own senses. It felt as though I gave possession of
my bodily functions to someone, or something else. My personal boundaries and
self-awareness, self-identity, autonomy were discarded. I had a sense of power-
lessness. I had never before thought of my body as an object, as something outside
of myself, but now I am feeling that my body is a dispensable commodity.
 Transition to nonparenthood 181


Stage 6 (September 25 29, 2007): Cramped emptiness
Although I did not experience regret as some women report (Fielding et al., 2002),
the aftermath of my abortion procedure can be characterized as a period of
cramped emptiness, pain, disorientation, illness, and loneliness.

From the perspective of people who participate in and experience a particular

institution, Smith’s (1990) idea of institutional ethnography explores the institutional
order and corresponding power relations. This type of approach, however, is not
confined to the institution, but rather makes connections between it and other
micro- and macro-levels of society. Smith also proposes a critique of the social world
from women’s point of view, so as to explore the workings of society from below.
Women’s experiences within the abortion institution are linked to other levels of
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

society at every step, as has been described in the discussion of death, power, and
control. The treatment of women by clinic staff is yet another institutional
characteristic that affects women’s experiences, as the amount and quality of the
emotional support given by nurses and other medical staff are often cited as factors
of the emotional impact of an abortion (Aléx & Hammarström, 2004; Simonds, et
al., 1998). Although professionals working in abortion services have been perceived
to be more sympathetic, supportive, and caring and less judgmental than primary
care professions (Harden & Ogden, 1999; Kumar, Baraitser, Morton, & Massil,
2004), I did not receive this type of sympathetic and caring support from the medical
staff at my chosen abortion clinic.
The medical staff at the abortion institutions that I visited came into contact
with a countless number of women each day and likely became resistant to becoming
attached to their patients or even getting to know them as people because of being
overcrowded. Further, the staff and practitioners have a very emotional job, and
allowing themselves to become emotionally attached to their clients may cause
burnout and depression. While these seem like valid excuses as to why the staff did
not express concern, I still wonder, is this psychologically detached treatment an
attempt to discourage women from having an abortion? Was my experience
interpreted as traumatic because it was institutionally constructed to be traumatic?

After sitting me in a reclining chair in the recovery room, a nurse gave me a small
cup of sprite and bag of pretzels and told me that I needed to eat so the drugs would
dissolve and give way to normal bodily functioning. I was also told to go to the
restroom to put on a sanitary pad that would protect my clothes from the excess
blood, but they did not help me into the bathroom. While in the bathroom, I
remember vomiting in the toilet and falling to the floor as I went out of
consciousness. After coming to, I had to crawl to the door and back to my seat,
without the staff even taking notice. A few minutes later, I was feeling ill again
and asked the nurse to help me to the restroom. She told me that I already went so
I didn’t need to go again. I once again crawled to the restroom and vomited, laid
on the floor for what felt was a lifetime before coming to and crawling back to my
seat for a second time.
 182 T. G. C. Sells

Finally, when they said that our ‘‘drivers’’ could come in and get us, they gave me
a vomit-bag to take on the ride home. On the walk back to the car, I was forced to
interact with protestors when some middle-aged men called me and the other girls
‘‘whores’’ and ‘‘devils’’ and told us we were going to hell.

I felt very insulted and misunderstood by many people over that week period
and coming into contact with this group, whom I felt ignorantly stereotyped and
forced their views upon me, was very difficult for me. This was primarily because
these absurd remarks came from grown men who did not know my story, or any of the
other women’s stories. I wondered how they could find it in themselves to portray us
so shamelessly. Do the male protestors think that they will have a more profound
influence on women’s reproduction decisions because they are the ‘‘superior’’ sex, or
because they tend to have more political power than women? Do they think that
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

protesting to women who have already undergone the procedure will somehow take
back what has already been done or are they simply trying to instill guilt in us? Why
are they trying to silence and disempower an already oppressed group? Would these
men be proportionately involved in a child’s life if their wife, girlfriend, or one-night
stand were to have their child? Do they realize that one in three women undergo an
abortion in their lifetime (Alan Guttmacher Institute, 2003) and that their mother,
sister, or daughter probably is one of them?

On the drive home, I continued vomiting and going in and out of consciousness.
Bill later told me that he didn’t know what to say to me, how to comfort me, or
how to stop the vomiting. We did not speak much that evening, probably because
both of us were in shock and could not fully comprehend our actions. As he left for
work early the next morning, he gently kissed my forehead but said nothing. I was
forced to also go on with my day as though the procedure never happened. I drove
the hour to class, interacted with professors and classmates, and tried to keep my
tears to a minimum. I felt as though I was living in a cloud, functioning just
enough to get by but not really taking notice to any detail in life.

I remember trying to comprehend what I had lived through. Knowing that I

experienced conception and the beginning stages of pregnancy, but not childbirth,
although by choice, left me with an unsettled feeling partly because I had not had the
opportunity to mourn and speak of the experience with close friends and family.


Stage 7 (September 2007 August 2008): Living in silence
The quality of a woman’s post-abortion interpersonal support seems to determine
how well she functions emotionally (Goodwin & Ogden, 2007). However, like
women in other abortion studies, the amount of interpersonal support I had available
to me was limited because I could not share this experience with just anyone
(Edelman, 1996; McIntyre et al., 2001; Trybulski, 2006). The disgrace that I felt
from others as a result of this decision shaped the way in which I carried myself, my
self-confidence, and my friendships. I was no longer the open, energetic person I
 Transition to nonparenthood 183

used to be. A time of emotional isolation, I lived in silence about my abortion

experience for almost a year. The silence created a transparent social boundary
between me and many of my friends and family members. It may have been
unrecognizable to them, but I knew that this experience closed me off emotionally to
many people. Although I told a few close friends about the experience, I went against
my morals and lied to others. I was so afraid of being stigmatized for my choice that I
came up with a way to equate it with the natural alternative. I had the following
exchange with a few of my conservative, openly pro-life friends.

‘‘You don’t seem yourself lately. Is something bothering you?’’

‘‘Actually, yes . . . Please don’t tell anyone, but I recently had a miscarriage.’’
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

Of those friends that I was frank with, only a couple supported my decision.
Others were very disappointed in me and tended to detach themselves from our
friendship. Further, I was not able to speak with Bill about my feelings because he
did not know how to cope with the decision. I could not publicly grieve or mourn
because I felt silenced by the stereotypes, stigma, and judgments surrounding
abortion portrayed by the dominant, more conservative culture. Having lived the
experience, I suddenly became utterly aware of the ways in which the dominant pro-
life discourse expresses discontent with abortion and further suppresses discourse of
women’s choice and their experiences. I took notice of pro-life bumper stickers and
road-side advertisements that I once just glanced over.

‘‘Abortion is like reliving the Holocaust’’ one bumper sticker read.

I thought to myself, ‘‘How can you discredit the genocide of millions of Jews by
comparing it to a woman’s decision to terminate a pregnancy?’’ ‘‘You must not be
an empathetic, understanding, and loving person if you can judge someone else for
his or her actions without even knowing the constraints within the context of that
action.’’

Then I thought, ‘‘I am judging you the same way you are judging me . . . I should
stop . . . You simply have your perspective and I have mine.’’ I tried to keep this
nonjudgmental and accepting attitude about the person who would proudly place a
bumper sticker that read those horrible words on a vehicle, but I couldn’t help
feeling ignorantly stereotyped as selfish and evil . . . Why is it that many Americans
are so dedicated to their own beliefs and values that they discredit, and sometimes
disgrace, others for having differing views?


Stage 8 (August 2008 now): Sharing my story
This stage is the last, and also the most important, stage that I have experienced
on my journey through the abortion experience. After about a year of living in
silence, I decided to live proud and unnerved by the criticism associated with the
 184 T. G. C. Sells

abortion. After taking on this new attitude, surprisingly I found support from
many friends and acquaintances. Although it has only been a few years since I
took on this attitude, it will continue for the rest of my life and hopefully help me,
and others, to develop into more confident and self-assured persons.

During this time, I am sharing my story and growing from the experience, as it
gives me insight into myself and an understanding and maturity of life. This
experience has been the most thought-provoking of my life, often making me ponder
what life is, how to live it, and how to enhance it. This experience has helped me to
become an active pro-choice advocate, research abortion, and become a more
accepting and helpful person to others. Most importantly, this experience has helped
me speak out for women rights and aid in the quest to end gender-based
discrimination.
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

Concluding remarks
Although this story is not meant to be understood as a universal or an international
experience, it is important to understand the cultural experiences of other women. It
has been well documented that the decision to terminate a pregnancy is moderated
by contextual variables, such as value systems and social and cultural norms
(Andrews & Boyle, 2003; Harden & Ogden, 1999; Simonds, Ellertson, Springer, &
Winikoff, 1998). However, despite divergent health care provisions, political context,
religious context, and the legality of the procedure, research suggests that women
around the globe experience similar psychological and emotional responses when
deciding on abortion, undergoing the procedure, and also when coping with the
aftermath of the procedure.
When discovering an unplanned pregnancy, women from the United Kingdom
experienced a range of emotions, such as shock, panic, anger, shame, and disbelief
(Harden & Ogden, 1999). According to Slonim-Nevo (1991), Israeli women
experienced similar emotions of sadness, ambivalence, confusion, and fear before
they underwent an abortion procedure. An increased level of anxiety is also a typical
reaction to deciding upon abortion and preparing for the procedure in American
women (Wells, 1991). During and directly following an abortion procedure,
American, Swedish, and Canadian women alike tend to report pain (Wells, 1991)
and feelings of regret and guilt (Fielding et al., 2002), distress and anxiety (Fielding
et al., 2002; Kero et al., 2004; Wells, 1991), and grief, loss, emptiness, and suffering
(McIntyre et al., 2001). Opposing feelings of relief, happiness, liberation, and a
reduction in stress resulting from dealing with an unplanned pregnancy are also
reported during this time (Adler et al., 1992; Lazarus, 1985). Unsettled feelings and
emotional isolation resulting from not having an opportunity to mourn and speak
openly of the abortion experience are other cross-cultural responses to undergoing an
abortion (Edelman, 1996; McIntyre et al., 2001; Trybulski, 2006).
However, long-term responses to living through the cultivating experience of
abortion include more positive emotions. Similar to American women who have
 Transition to nonparenthood 185

reported a sense of liberation (Trybulski, 2006), empowerment, and personal growth

(Andrews & Boyle, 2003), Swedish women have reported a strengthened self-
esteem, personal growth, and maturity (Kero et al., 2004), and a greater under-
standing of themselves, their bodies, their fertility, and the meaning of adult
motherhood (Halldén, Christensson, & Olsson, 2005).

Implications for social reform

Contributing to the alienation and silencing of women who experience abortion is
the master narrative of American society. This dominant, cultural narrative suggests
that abortion is morally wrong and those who undergo it are irresponsible (McIntyre
et al., 2001). In contrast, the many nondominant, personal narratives reflect a more
tolerant view of abortion and call for an understanding and a space in which to
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

discuss meaningful experiences openly. In order to bridge the two narratives, we

must recognize the decision to undergo abortion, in addition to the emotional
responses to the procedure, as complex, multi-faceted, and distressing. Therefore,
these situated decisions should be understood as such (Kero et al., 2004). This
philosophy should be extended into the medical and familial arenas as well.
The discourse surrounding abortion, a women’s medical procedure, is
exceptionally different than discourse surrounding other medical procedures, as
well as gendered and offensive to women. First, the idea of choice to have the
procedure is something that separates the abortion discourse from other medical
procedures. Unlike most medical procedures, abortion is rarely recommended by
physicians. Second, the number of physicians willing to offer the abortion procedure
is declining, creating a shortage of abortion clinics around the country and a limited
number of days that abortion can be performed (Ginsburg, 1998). Third, abortion
takes place in a separate space than other medical procedures. Ninety percent of
abortions are carried out in clinics, isolated from most mainstream medical practices,
rather than in hospitals. Fourth, the nonnormative atmosphere of abortion clinics is
cold, crowded, and accessible to opponents, such as protestors, yet alienating. Many
women are also put under the care of insensitive and judgmental staff. Fifth, the fact
that abortions are not covered by health insurance as most other medical practices
are, as well as the fact that patients for most other procedures*including
vasectomies*are put under anesthesia while abortion patients are not, sets this
medical procedure apart from others.
These differences suggest that, although legal, abortion is not accepted or
respected by the medical social structure and that it is stigmatized because it is a
procedure that women solely experience. In an attempt to create an accepting
medical discourse and an open, caring relationship between clinic staff and the
patient, we must create an open dialogue about reproductive and women’s rights and
our discontent with the gendered medical institution.
Gender roles within the family should also be examined. Motherhood
immobilizes women both during the pregnancy (e.g., physically) and after, as the
historical and moral beliefs of women’s role within society hold them to be unequally
responsible for the care and rearing of children as compared to men. Also, claiming
 186 T. G. C. Sells

to support both reproduction and women in the workplace, the male-dominated

institutional culture fails to make the two roles compatible (Edelman, 1996). Rather
than perpetuating this gender role construction, we have the ability to reconsider and
reframe the meanings of pregnancy, abortion, choice, womanhood, and motherhood
by resisting cultural parameters placed on these terms, by breaking the silence and
calling for visibility, and by sharing our stories.
Another major goal of this project was to help eliminate the controversy
associated with the abortion decision. There is a social problem that lies within this
polarization of abortion beliefs, which is the tension, conflict, and stigma associated
with pro-life and pro-choice advocates toward one another. This tension has produced
atrocious outcomes, such as stalking, injuring, and even killing members of the
opposite assemblage (Ginsburg, 1998).
By dichotomizing abortion views into pro-life and pro-choice, the underlying issue
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

of gender equality is often overlooked. Because the abortion issue is essentially about
valuing women, not abortion, the two sides of the debate should unite in this quest
by changing the patriarchal structure of society, advocating for policy change that
supports equality of mothers, fathers, women, and men in the workplace, establish-
ing mandatory paid maternity and paternity leave policies, promoting more
convenient and reliable childcare, promoting universal health care, covering the
costs of abortion in health care policies, as well as encouraging equality in the
domestic sphere. Further, simply changing the language within abortion discourse,
and adopting a proactive discourse that promotes pro-women’s rights rather than pro-
choice or pro-life may help to reconcile the two sides of the debate (Richards, 2006).

Implications for future research

The use of autoethnography brought forth many answers about the abortion
experience, such as a stage progression of my emotional and physical processes that
could possibly be generalized to others. It also shed light on other characters in the
story, like my partner and the medical institution. Further study is needed, however,
on these and other secondary characters to better understand the experiences of the
potential father and those who choose to provide, or not provide, social support to a
woman undergoing the procedure. Study on the experiences of medical staff members
would also be beneficial, as it would offer a medical perspective of the procedure, such
as coping with work overload and political attack, and an insider’s view of the way
particular women respond to the clinic atmosphere and the procedure itself.
Although using autoethnography supplied many answers to the abortion
experience, it also left me with some questions. While I was formulating this project,
I wondered how similar my experience was to others. Is my story typical? How did
my social class, education, age, and relationship status influence my perspective on
abortion, my decision to undergo an abortion, and my access to an abortion facility?
How did my experiences at the clinic shape my view of having the procedure?
Unfortunately, I did not have any solid answers to these questions because, in
general, the abortion topic has been overlooked by researchers. When the
experiences of women have been reported, researchers tend to group all women
 Transition to nonparenthood 187

together as one and fail to take notice of the intricacies that each woman experienced.
For instance, social class, education, race, and age have not been teased apart in the
literature on abortion. Other areas in need of study are the context in which
pregnancy occurred, whether or not the abortion is elected for personal or medical
reasons, whether or not a woman has previously had children or undergone an
abortion, whether or not a woman has a committed partner, and the clinic
atmosphere in which the abortion is carried out. These demographics may play a
role in how women prepare for, experience, and cope with abortion and thus should
be studied to further aid in reframing the discourse surrounding abortion and
tailoring programs for women and their partners, families, and friends.
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

Final thoughts
January 2010

Sitting alone in the woods on a cold foggy January afternoon, I find myself thinking
about the similarities between myself and a tree in the dead of winter. I say aloud,
‘‘My arms are like the bare branches, strong, unswayed, and unbroken by the harsh
winds, and reaching high into the sky. My body is like the exposed trunk, shameless
and proudly showing rings of vibrant growth for all to see. My soul is like the roots,
planted and reaching deep into the Earth to provide never-ending enrichment.’’

Acknowledgements
I would like to acknowledge Dr. Peggy Placier for providing me with guidance and
interpersonal support throughout this project.

References
Adams, T. E. (2009). Mothers, faggots, and witnessing (un)contestable experience. Cultural Studies
Critical Methodologies, 9(5), 619626. doi:10.1177/1532708609339488
Adler, N. E., David, H. P., Major, B. N., Roth, S. H., Russo, N. F., & Wyatt, G. E. (1992). Psychological
factors in abortion: A review. American Psychologist, 47(10), 11941204. doi:10.1037/0003-
066X.47.10.1194
Alan Guttmacher Institute. (2003). State facts about abortion: 2003. Retrieved from http://www.
guttmacher.org/statecenter/sfaa.html.
Alan Guttmacher Institute. (2007, January 1). Mandatory counseling and waiting periods for abortion.
State Policies in Brief. Retrieved from http://www.guttmacher.org/statecenter/spibs/spib_MWPA.pdf
Aléx, L., & Hammarström, A. (2004). Women’s experiences in connection with induced abortion  A
feminist perspective. Scandinavian Journal of Caring Services, 18(2), 160168. doi:10.1080/07399
330390212199
Andrews, J., & Boyle, J. (2003). African American adolescents’ experiences with unplanned pregnancy
and elective abortion. Health Care for Women International, 24, 414433. doi:10.1080/0739933
0390212199
Beenhakker, B., Becker, S., Hires, S., Molano Di Targiana, N., Blumenthal, P., & Huggins, G. (2004).
Are partners available for post-abortion contraceptive counseling? A pilot study in a Baltimore city
clinic. Contraception, 69(5), 419423. doi:10.1016/j.contraception.2003.12.013
 188 T. G. C. Sells

Bochner, A., & Ellis, C. (2002). How does a conference begin?. In A. Bochner & C. Ellis (Eds.),
Ethnographically speaking: Autoethnography, literature, aesthetics (pp. 110). Walnut Creek, CA: AltaMira.
Butler, J. (1990). Gender trouble: Feminism and the subversion of identity. New York, NY: Routledge.
Chafetz, J. S. (1997). Feminist theory and sociology. Annual Review of Sociology, 23(1), 97120.
doi:10.1146/annurev.soc.23.1.97
Edelman, H. S. (1996). Safe to talk: Abortion narrative as a rite of return. Journal of American Culture,
19(4), 2939. doi:10.1111/j.1542-734X.1996.1904_29.x
Ellis, C. (2004). The Ethnographic I: A methodological novel about autoethnography. Walnut Creek, CA:
AltaMira.
Fielding, S. L., Edmunds, E., & Schaff, E. A. (2002). Having an abortion using mifepristone and home
misoprostol: A qualitative analysis of women’s experiences. Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive
Health, 34(1), 3440. doi:10.2307/3030230
Feldt, G. (2004). The war on choice: The right-wing attack on women’s rights and how to fight back. New
York, NY: Bantam Books.
Fraden, R. (2001). Imagining Medea: Rhodessa Jones & theater for incarcerated women. Chapel Hill:
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

University of North Carolina Press.

Gannon, S. (2006). The (im)possibilities of writing the self-writing: French poststructuralist theory and
autoethnography. Critical Studies Critical Methodologies, 6(4), 474495. doi:10.1177/153270860
5285734
Gergen, K. J. (1999). An invitation to social construction. London: Sage.
Gibson, S. (2004). The problem of abortion: Essentially contested concepts and moral autonomy.
Bioethics, 18(3), 221233. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8519.2004.00391.x
Gibson-Graham, J. K. (2006). A post capitalist politics. Minneapolis: Regents of the University of
Minnesota.
Ginsburg, F. D. (1998). Contested lives: The abortion debate in an American community. Berkeley: Regents
of the University of California.
Goodall, H. L. (2000). Writing the new ethnography. Walnut Creek, CA: AltaMira.
Goodwin, P., & Ogden, J. (2007). Women’s reflections upon their past abortions: An exploration of how
and why emotional reactions change over time. Psychology and Health, 22(2), 231248. doi:10.1080/
14768320600682384
Gray, R. E., Ivonoffski, V., & Sinding, C. (2002). Making a mess and spreading it around: Articulation of
an approach to research-based theater. In A. Bochner & C. Ellis (Eds.) Ethnographically speaking:
Autoethnography, literature, aesthetics (pp. 5775). Walnut Creek, CA: AltaMira.
Halldén, B. M., Christensson, K., & Olsson, P. (2005). Meanings of being pregnant and having decided
on abortion: Young Swedish women’s experiences. Health Care for Women International, 26(9),
788806. doi:10.1080/07399330500230961
Harden, A., & Ogden, J. (1999). Young women’s experiences of arranging and having abortions.
Sociology of Health and Illness, 21(4), 426444. doi:10.1111/1467-9566.00165
Hewitt, J. R. (2000). Self and society: A symbolic interactionist social psychology (8th ed.). Needham
Heights, MA: Allyn and Bacon.
Jackson, M. (1989). Paths toward a clearing: Radical empiricism and ethnographic inquiry. Bloomington:
Indiana University Press.
Jones, S. H. (2002). The way we were, are, and might be: Torch singing as autoethnography. In
A. Bochner & C. Ellis (Eds.), Ethnographically speaking: Autoethnography, literature, aesthetics
(pp. 4457). Walnut Creek, CA: AltaMira.
Kemmis, S., & McTaggert, R. (2008). Participatory action research: Communicative action and the
public sphere. In N. K. Denzin & Y. S. Lincoln (Eds.), Strategies of qualitative inquiry (3rd ed., pp.
336398). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Kero, A., Högberg, U., & Lalos, A. (2004). Wellbeing and mental growth*Long-term effects of legal
abortion. Social Science Medicine, 58(12), 25592569. doi:10.1016/j.socscimed.2003.09.004
Kumar, U., Baraitser, P., Morton, S., & Massil, H. (2004). Decision making and referral prior to
abortion: A qualitative study of women’s experiences. Journal of Family Planning and Reproductive
Health Care, 30(1), 5154. doi:10.1783/147118904322702009
 Transition to nonparenthood 189

Lafaurie, M. M., Grossman, D., Troncoso, E., Billings, D. L., & Cháveze, S. (2005). Women’s
perspectives on medical abortion in Mexico, Colombia, Ecuador and Peru: A qualitative study.
Reproductive Health Matters, 13(26), 7583. doi:10.1016/S0968-8080(05)26199-2
Lazarus, A. (1985). Psychiatric sequelae of legalized elective first trimester abortion. Journal of
Psychosomatic Obstetrics and Gynecology, 4(3), 141150. doi:10.3109/01674828509019579
McIntyre, M., Anderson, B., & McDonald, C. (2001). The intersection of relational and cultural
narratives: Women’s abortion experiences. Canadian Journal of Nursing Research, 33, 4762.
Pinar, W. F. (1997). Regimes of reason and the male narrative voice. In W. G. Tierney & Y. S. Lincoln
(Eds.), Representation and the text: Re-framing the narrative voice (pp. 81114). Albany: State
University of New York Press.
Richards, A. (2006). What is abortion?. In K. Jacob (Ed.), Abortion under attack: Women on the challenges
facing choice (pp. 2130). Emeryville, CA: Seal.
Scott, J. W. (1991). The evidence of experience. Critical Inquiry, 17(4), 773797. doi:10.1086/448612
Sedgh, G., Henshaw, S., Singh, S., Åhman, E., & Shah, I. H. (2007). Induced abortion: Rates and
trends worldwide. Lancet, 370, 13381345. doi:10.1016/S0140-6736(07)61575-X
Downloaded by [New York University] at 15:32 10 October 2014

Simonds, W., Ellertson, C., Springer, K., & Winikoff, B. (1998). Abortion, revised: Participants in the
U.S. clinical trials evaluate mifepristone. Social Science and Medicine, 46(10), 13131323.
doi:10.1016/S0277-9536(97)10063-6
Shostak, A. (2008). Men, me, and abortion: On doing the right thing. Men and Masculinities, 10(3), 360
366. doi:10.1177/1097184X06299042
Slonim-Nevo, V. (1991). The experiences of women who face abortions. Health Care for Women
International, 12(3), 283292. doi:10.1080/07399339109515951
Smith, D. E. (1990). The conceptual practices of power: A feminist sociology of knowledge. Toronto: University
of Toronto Press.
Smith, D. E. (1999). Writing the social: Critique, theory and investigations. Toronto: University of Toronto
Press.
Tedlock, B. (2008). The observation of participation and the emergence of public ethnography. In N. K.
Denzin & Y. S. Lincoln (Eds.), Strategies of qualitative inquiry (3rd ed., pp. 165213). Thousand
Oaks, CA: Sage.
Tierney, W. G. (2000). Undaunted courage: Life history and the postmodern challenge. In N. K. Denzin
& Y. S. Lincoln (Eds.), Handbook of qualitative research (pp. 537553). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Trybulski, J. A. (2006). Women and abortion: The past reaches into the present. Journal of Advanced
Nursing, 54(6), 683690. doi:10.1111/j.1365-2648.2006.03871.x
Wells, N. (1991). Pain and distress during abortion. Health Care for Women International, 12(3), 293302.
doi:10.1080/07399339109515952