College Prep: Writing a Strong Essay

with Leigh Ann Chow

Exercise File for “Showing, Not Telling”

The Tell Sentences

Take a look at the “tell” sentences below and practice by writing out phrases that “show”
instead. Notice how each of the tell sentences includes a “to be” verb. When you revise the
sentence, find a more direct, active verb to show the action and energize the sentence.

1. Tell sentence: I was extremely nervous as I walked to the front of the room for my semi-final
round of the state forensics tournament.

2. Tell sentence: The night I was inducted into the national French honor society was one of the
proudest moments of my high school career.

3. Tell sentence: Rugby is an intense sport that has prepared me to work well in a team
environment.

4. Tell sentence: I am a kind, patient person who can handle challenges effectively.

5. Tell sentence: I am an ideal candidate for the computer science program because of my
passion for technology.

Your Show Sentences

Look at the possible “show” sentences below and notice the active verbs and specific details.

1. When the judge called my name, I stumbled to my feet, struggling to remember what the
school nurse made me do when I hyperventilated back in second grade.

2. As I squinted out at the audience against the glare of the auditorium spotlight, I caught my
French teacher’s eye and felt my heart swell as I saw her smiling ear to ear.

3. As we huddle in the scrum, my teammates and I are focused on a single purpose: getting
that ball.

4. I could see Charlie’s anger beginning to rise; he needed routine in order to calm him down,
and quickly. So even though I was convinced the words would stick in my throat, I burst into
a rousing version of the Wonder Pets theme. I was willing to sacrifice my dignity in order to
help him calm down.

5. My friends all know not to bother me the day Apple announces new products: I’ll be glued to
my MacBook, hanging on Tim Cook’s every word.

College Prep: Writing a Strong Essay with Leigh Ann Chow