Conducting a Relationship History Relationship area Sample questions

Attraction and mate selection

“What was your first impression of your partner?”

“What did you like about your partner after the first date? Second date?”

“How did your impressions change over time?”

Bonding and sex

“Who initiated the first date?”

“Who took primary responsibility for initiating or planning dates?”

“What types of activities did you do when dating?”

“What types of activities did you do after marriage? After children arrived?”

“How was physical affection displayed?”

“When did you become sexually active as a couple?”

“Who typically initiates sexual activity?”

“How frequently did you have sex at this point in the relationship?”

“Did you ever argue over sex in your relationship?”

“Did sexual frequency change after any important events (e.g., getting married, pregnancy, affair)?”

Triangulation

“What role do the parents or in-laws have in your relationship?”

“How does work outside the home impact the relationship?”

“Do you feel your partner has ever been overinvolved with work, hobbies, family, or friends?”

“Have there been any affairs? If so, how was it resolved?”

Power and autonomy

“How did you decide to set up your finances (e.g., separate or joint accounts)?”

“How were major financial decisions made (e.g., buying a house)?”

“How were decisions made to relocate or move?”

Conflict

“When did you have your first fight, and what was it over?”

“How did you make up after the first fight?”

“Did the fight change how you looked at your partner or the relationship?”
“Did you have much conflict during your courtship? Early marriage?”

“What issues do you generally have conflict over?”

“At its worst, how bad has the conflict gotten?”

Commitment

“When did you decide to date each other exclusively?”

“At what point did you begin to think of marrying your partner?”

“Who first suggested or mentioned the possibility of getting married? How did the other respond?”

“Were there any unplanned pregnancies prior to marriage? How did it influence your plans to get
married?”

“Have there been any separations? How did you get back together?”

Character features

“What did you find different or strange about your partner when you first met him (or her)?”

“What did you later find different or strange about your partner as you got to know him or her better?”

“What did your family and friends think of your partner?”

“Have you ever worried about your partner’s use of alcohol or drugs?”

Life cycle

“How did your relationship change after you moved in together?”

“How did your relationship change after you got married?”

“How did things change in your relationship once children arrived?”

“How were decisions about child care made?”

“Were there any disagreements over parenting?”

“How did things change in your relationship after children left home?”

“How did things change when your partner retired?”

“Have either of you experienced the death or serious illness of a parent?

If so, how has it impacted the relationship?”