Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Assertiveness -
The Middle Ground
between being a
Bully and a Doormat
You can assert yourself
in an area worthwhile
to you
A guaranteed
A guaranteed way to
win every argument Way to get
what you want
A way to get
others to feel Telling everyone
like you feel everything all the
or think like time
you think
Saying "yes" when you want Deciding on, and sticking to,
to, and saying "no“ when you
clear boundaries – being
mean "no“
happy to defend your position,
(rather than agreeing
even if it provokes conflict and
to do something just to please being confident about handling
someone else)
conflict if it occurs
Being assertive
does not involve
humiliating or
abusing other
people
Fear of rejection
Passive Reasons
Feeling responsible
Frequently
Aggressive gets angry
Childhood emotional
trauma
Over-correction of being
too passive
I am Assertive
Aggressive OK
You’re You’re
Not OK OK
Passive/ Passive
Aggressive I am
Not OK
Copyright © 2008 - 2012
managementstudyguide.com. www.managementstudyguide.com
All
Learning Objectives
with others?
others?
To Assert
Affirmations Techniques
ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR
'I can understand
Copyright © 2008 -your
2012 view
but my position is .....' www.managementstudyguide.com
managementstudyguide.com. All
Power of Affirmations
Better
Positive
for
Become
Improve
Cast
Gainoffself-
your
the
our
affirmations
our mental
inner
own
confidence
limitations
person
voices
well-being
give hope
Use Positive
Affirmations
Regularly
Some of these
I am independent of the approval of others affirmations may
appeal, others
may not.
I can always find opportunities in situations of change
Develop a set for
yourself
I am creating my desired future Copyright © 2008 - 2012
managementstudyguide.com. www.managementstudyguide.com
All
Affirmations for Life
I am what I am
Some of these
I am continually developing towards my inner self affirmations may
appeal, others
may not.
In giving I achieve more
Develop a set for
yourself
I am open to the opportunities thisCopyright
day brings
© 2008 - 2012
managementstudyguide.com. www.managementstudyguide.com
All
Skills for Assertiveness
I statements
Negative assertion
Negative inquiry
Fogging
Broken record
Copyright © 2008 - 2012
DESC (Describe, Express,
Specify, Clarify)managementstudyguide.com. www.managementstudyguide.com
All
DESC
ACCUSATION REPLY
• ‘You’re lazy’ • ‘Oh really, in what way?’
• ‘You’re always late’ • ‘Always? How do you
know that for a fact?’
• ‘You’re stupid’ • ‘My understanding may
be different from yours,
what exactly do you mean
by that?’
• ‘You’re selfish’ • ‘Can you explain why
this particular instance
has caused you to
brand me with
Copyright © such
2008 - a
2012
label?’
managementstudyguide.com. All
www.managementstudyguide.com
Negative Assertion
1. When people call us names,
or give us negative labels, we usually
wish to defend ourselves
Negative 2. Aggressive or manipulative people who
Assertion do this to us soon find our weak spots.
3. Negative assertion is like jujitsu where you
use the power of your protagonist to turn the
situation to your advantage
4. No one is perfect, so in negative assertion
All you do is accept the part of the that is true,
in a matter of fact way
Look at the examples:
‘If you think that, you must be stupid’
You: ‘I admit I’m not the brightest person
around’
‘And you are always making mistakes’
You: ‘Yes, I do make mistakes
occasionally’
Copyright © 2008 - 2012
managementstudyguide.com. www.managementstudyguide.com
All
I Statements
Interpretation and
Wants and needs
understanding
● ‘I feel betrayed’ Feelings and emotions •‘I have been asked to work late three
● ‘I feel taken advantage of’ times this week’
● ‘I want you to pay attention’ ● ‘I see that I have been passed over
● ‘I feel angry, disappointed,
● ‘I want your full co-operation’ for promotion again’
cross, annoyed’
● ‘I want you to be on time’ ● ‘I notice that you have not spoken to
This is not about feelings, but
The strength of these statements is me for three days’
really a way to express your
that they let the other person know Situation statements are powerful
opinion more strongly. Again,
your exact because they are factual and, as an
these statements are powerful
position and what you expect. observation on
because they are non- Copyright © 2008 - 2012
negotiable or irrefutable. your part, they are non-negotiable.
managementstudyguide.com. www.managementstudyguide.com
All
I statements
Situation:
Want:
Feelings:
‘I see
Interpretation:
‘So
Future I that‘I
want
feel
‘IAction:
think isyou
this to
you ‘Ithe
do amare
disappointed
whattime
going toI ask
trying
third
and annoyeddoyou as
littleeven
report
have
that ifnot
asI you I’mif to
possible
have
younotdotherethis to
without
repeat
done
again’
supervise as me’
I
myself’
requested’
you’
Disagreeing EXAMPLES
Gracefully Position: ‘I don’t think you
should go out tonight’
Affirmative 1. ‘Yes’
Softening 2. ‘I can quite understand why you would like
me to stay in and keep
you company as I have done the last three Saturdays’
Indicate 3. ‘Let me explain why tonight is so important to
me’
State 4. ‘I particularly want to see this production of
Macbeth because it has
had excellent reviews and if I don’t see it tonight I will
miss it’
Disagree 5. ‘So I have decided that I am going to go out’
Compromise 6. ‘But I am more than happy to keep you
company tomorrow.’
Passive NO – accompanied by
weak excuses and
rationalizations.
Do I want an alternative?
.
Listen to the request - Make sure you understand the request
completely before coming to a hasty conclusion. Clarify if needed.
Give a reason for your refusal – Without giving a reason, you may
come off as uncooperative or hostile. A clear and honest reason.
Offer to find an alternative – Let the other party know that you will try
to help them but you are Copyright
unable to perform the entire request.
© 2008 - 2012
managementstudyguide.com. www.managementstudyguide.com
All
Practical Tips for Saying “ NO”
”When”
Clinching fist
Shaking Head : NO
Copyright © 2008 - 2012
managementstudyguide.com. www.managementstudyguide.com
All
Verbal Assertive
Communication
Restatement: Clarification:
Say back to the pother Ask the speaker to be more
person what you have definitive about a point or to
heard him or her say. clear up an assumption that
you are making or a conclusion
that you are drawing.
Reflection:
Indicate what you both saw,
heard and interpreted when
the other person spoke. Copyright © 2008 - 2012
managementstudyguide.com. www.managementstudyguide.com
All
Elements of Assertive
Communication
This is a kind of This is more of a This is the most This kind of This is a type of
statement that does simple statement effective type of assertion has a statement which is
not require conveying what you assertion one can specific made when a
anything of the want out of a make. It tries to consequence mutual agreement
listener. situation. Simplicity imagine how the attached to it. has been violated.
- A T-Shirt with remains the key to other person may - “If you get this -“We had decided
“Save Whales” this kind of feel. proposal accepted to complete the
written on it does assertion. - “I Know that you I’ll see to it that you quarterly reports by
not demand any -“ I don’t want to may be feeling get a hike in the Friday cease work.
action from you but frustrated with so forthcoming Since that has not
go to the movie this
lets you know the many attempts, but review.” happened so far we
weekend”
stand of the person I just don’t want to will have to work
wearing it. leave any stone over the weekend”
unturned.”