MARK MANSON = Author. Thinker. Life Enthusiast. Previous Lesson Next Lesson LESSON 9: VULNERABILITY CONNEC TE COURSE Qs VULNERABILITY NV | Perhaps you noticed, either in the previous exercise, or when going out and pushing your conversations and interactions with other people deeper, that the more personal the subjects become, and the more unaccustomed you are to sharing that depth of information about yourself, the more nervous and socially anxious you become. Recall earlier in the course how we talked about poor social skills are generally rooted in social anxiety and social anxiety is rooted in feelings of unworthiness and shame. These feelings of shame are irrational beliefs or social conditioning that we took on at some point in our lives. The reason going deep triggers so much anxiety and resistance in us is because it rubs up against this shame. The more you share of yourself, the more you expose, and the more you’ re forced to confront your feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy. So what’s the solution? In my book Models, I refer to a concept called vulnerability. It’s a concept that Brene Brown has made popular recently in her books Daring Greatly and Gifts of Imperfection. Basically, vulnerability amounts to exposing aspects of yourself that are embarrassing or make you uneasy. Admitting insecurities. Sharing fears. Telling secrets. What Brown found through her research and what I found through coaching hundreds of men was that the more people expose their shame, the more confident and empowered they become as a result. Anxiety dissipates. And connections become fuller and more robust. As you go deep in your conversations, you’re going to run into situations where you’ ll want to censor or even hide yourself. You may get embarrassed about your family life or that you grew up being bullied and poor or that you had an eating disorder in college or that you think you’re not smart. Paradoxically, opening up about these issues helps resolve them AND generates empathy and understanding between you and the listener. One of my favorite quotes is by Dr. Robert Glover, he said, “We fall in love with each other’s rough edges.” What that means is it’s the imperfections in each other that draw us to one another and allow us to feel empathy and intimacy. EXERCISE: Go deep and write about one thing that makes you uncomfortable. Then go share that in a conversation with somebody. NOTE: The written exercise mentioned in the video was part of the old course the video was recorded for. You can either ignore the written exercises or do them on your own. Previous Lesson Next Lesson PICS nay Terms and Conditions / Privacy Policy / Contact / Subscribe / Login