MARK MANSON = Author. Thinker. Life Enthusiast. Previous Lesson Next Lesson LESSON 10: APPRECIATION AND CONFRONTATION § CONNEC TEgg COURSE § 3 i J__ts APPRECIATION AND CONFRONTATION When you begin to disinhibit yourself, something amazing happens — you suddenly find yourself less influenced by the opinions of others and you start to become more true to yourself. When we’re consumed by shame and anxiety, we are obsessed with living up to the standards of others. But when we become vulnerable, expose our shame, and become comfortable in situations where we were once uncomfortable, this suddenly frees us to live up to our own standards. Interestingly, this makes honesty easier. You no longer feel the need to tell little white lies to protect other’s feelings. You no longer feel the need to change yourself to make others happy. This newfound honesty becomes very powerful in relationships, because now people are being confronted by the real you — and not some display or performance you are putting on for them. Often when people begin to disinhibit themselves and express themselves honestly, they feel free, yet they feel guilty — as if they’re doing something wrong or selfish. But this is how honest living actually feels. This is how it is to set your own standards, your own boundaries and then live up to them. And when you do this, you attract the right people into your life, people who genuinely match your values, and you have no problem confronting people when they don’t match your values. Confrontation has a negative connotation. But it’s a necessary pain for healthy relationships. It’s required for us to not only negotiate and maintain our own values and boundaries, but to also respect the values and boundaries of others. And successful and honest confrontation can actually increase intimacy, trust and understanding between two people. But when you’re uninhibited and honest as well, you also express appreciation more freely. And appreciation also has a powerful affect on relationships as well. EXERCISE: Your final assignment is to be honest and confrontational about something that you have not been honest or confrontational about before. Also, express appreciation for somebody that you haven’t expressed appreciation for as well. Write up your experiences. NOTE: The written exercise mentioned in the video was part of the old course the video was recorded for. You can either ignore the written exercises or do them on your own. Previous Lesson Next Lesson