Enhancing Personal

Effectiveness
Participant Journal

2018
 Enhancing Personal Effectiveness Participant
Enhancing Personal
Effectiveness
“The ''Inside-Out'' approach to personal and
interpersonal effectiveness means to start first with
self; even more fundamentally, to start with the
most inside part of self / with your paradigms, your
character, and your motives. The inside-out
approach says that private victories precede public
victories, that making and keeping promises to
ourselves precedes making and keeping promises
to others. It says it is futile to put personality ahead
of character, to try to improve relationships with
others before improving ourselves.”
- Stephen Covey
Learning Objectives
• Personal authenticity –Learn the process
of self-actualization i.e. Self-awareness
• Gain skills to obtain a positive powerful
mindset
• Develop more skills to observe and
analyse your personal effectiveness
• Increase your awareness on your
personal communication styles & build on
your interpersonal skills
• Gain knowledge & skills for putting
priorities of tasks & goals
• Enhance your abilities of decision making
• Provide tools to build confidence
Like any business cannot thrive without a
strategy, similarly, an individual cannot achieve
effectiveness without a personal strategy.
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Section 1 – Personal Authenticity
Advantages of Self-Awareness:
• Gain more control & make better
decisions
• Be more flexible & confident in our
approach
• Help ourselves deal with challenges in a
more positive and less anxious way
• Interact better, communicate more
effectively & understand our
relationships with others more fully
Group Activity - 1
How I see you... How
others see you...
Learning objectives:
By the end of this activity you will:
 be aware of differences between your
self-perception and how others see you
 identify your own qualities and strengths
 identify areas where you would like to
improve
This exercise will help you to examine how you
see yourself against what you believe others see
you as.
1. Fill out the open section about yourself
first. Rate yourself from 1- 10 in the
mentioned headings in Table 1.1
2. Use sub-section 1.1 to write, ‘How I feel
about myself & what I would like to
improve’
3. Ask a colleague to read the ‘open’ section
and add things to the ‘blind’ section
 Enhancing Personal Effectiveness Participant
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Section 2 – Decision Making Skills

Table 1.1 (1=Lowest; 10=Highest)

Colleague’s Sub-section 2.1 – Decision Making

Your Rating
Rating

Communication
A decision is a choice between alternatives and
Skills
decision making is the process of choosing one
Interpersonal alternative over the others. Making good
Skills decisions should be a process. It is a process of
identifying problems and resolving them, or of
Empathy
identifying opportunities and taking
Listening advantage of them.

Assertiveness

Confidence Sub-section 2.2 – Rational Decision Making

Genuineness 1. Identify the problem

Openness 2. List alternatives
3. Select the best alternative
Team Work 4. Implement the chosen alternative
Personality 5. Evaluate

Rational Model

Sub-section 1.1
Identify
Problem
How do I feel about myself and what would I like
to improve?
Generate
Repest if
alternative
................................................................................... required
solutions
...................................................................................
...................................................................................
...................................................................................
...................................................................................
...................................................................................
...................................................................................
Implement Select
................................................................................... & evaluate solution
...................................................................................
...................................................................................
...................................................................................

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The Situation
You have just crash-landed in the woods of
Group Activity – 2 SIX THINKING HATS Northern Minnesota and Southern Manitoba. It is
11:30 a.m. in mid-January. The small plane in
which you were traveling has been completely
White hat:
destroyed except for the frame. The pilot and
Facts
copilot have been killed, but no one else is
Figures
seriously injured.
Information
The crash came suddenly before the pilot had time
to radio for help or inform anyone of your
Red hat:
position. Since your pilot was trying to avoid a
Intuition
storm you know the plane was considerably off
Feelings
course. The pilot announced shortly before the
Emotions
crash that you were eighty miles northwest of a
small town that is the nearest known habitation.
Black hat:
You are in a wilderness area made up of thick
Logical
woods broken by many lakes and rivers. The last
Critical
weather report indicated that the temperature
would reach minus 25 degrees in the daytime and
Yellow hat:
minus 40 at night. You are dressed in winter
Logical positive
clothing appropriate for city wear – suits,
pantsuits, street shoes, and overcoats. No one’s cell
Green Hat:
phones or computers work.
Creativity
While escaping from the plane your group
Alternatives
salvaged the 15 items listed below. Your task is to
What is interesting?
rank these items according to their importance to
your survival. The group has agreed to stick
Blue hat:
together.
Overview pr process control hat
Looks not at subject itself but at the thinking
Winter Survival Decision Sheet - Individual
about the subject
results

Rank the following items according to their

Main Benefits of Six Thinking Hats:
1. Allow to say things without risk
2. Create awareness that there are multiple
perspectives on the issue at hand
3. Convenient mechanism for “switching gears”
4. Rules for the game of thinking
5. Focus Thinking
6. Lead to more creating thinking
7. Improve communication
8. Improve decision making
Group Activity – 3 Winter Survival
importance to your survival, starting with
“1” for the most important and proceeding to “15”
for the least important:
___ compress kit (with 28 ft, 2in. gauze)
___ sectional air map made of plastic
___ ball of steel wool
___ 30 feet of rope
___ cigarette lighter (without fluid)
___ family-size chocolate bar (one per person)
___ loaded .45-caliber pistol
___ flashlight with batteries
___ newspaper (one per person)
___ quart of 85-proof whiskey

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___ compass Use your journal to reflect on the following

___ extra shirt and pants for each
___ two ski poles person
___ knife
___ can of shortening
Winter Survival Decision Sheet - Group Results
Rank the following items according to their
importance to your survival, starting with
“1” for the most important and proceeding to “15”
for the least important:
questions:
 How do you feel you contributed in the
group?
…………………………………………………………………...
…………………………………………………………………...
…………………………………………………….....................
...............................................................................................
 Did you feel free to express your ideas?

___ compress kit (with 28 ft, 2in. gauze) …………………………………………………………………..

___ sectional air map made of plastic
___ ball of steel wool …………………………………………………………………
___ 30 feet of rope …………………………………………………………………
___ cigarette lighter (without fluid) …………………………………………………………………
___ family-size chocolate bar (one per person)
___ loaded .45-caliber pistol  Did you listen to others?
___ flashlight with batteries …………………………………………………………………
___ newspaper (one per person) …………………………………………………………………
___ quart of 85-proof whiskey …………………………………………………………………
___ compass …………………………………………………………………
___ extra shirt and pants for each
___ two ski poles person  What did you bring to the group?
___ knife …………………………………………………………………
___ can of shortening …………………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………
Winter Survival Evaluation Sheet …………………………………………………………………

___ compress kit (with 28 ft, 2in. gauze)
___ sectional air map made of plastic
___ ball of steel wool
___ 30 feet of rope
___ cigarette lighter (without fluid)
___ family-size chocolate bar (one per person)
___ loaded .45-caliber pistol
___ flashlight with batteries
___ newspaper (one per person)
___ quart of 85-proof whiskey
___ compass
___ extra shirt and pants for each
___ two ski poles person
___ knife
___ can of shortening
 Would you liked to have done/said
anything differently?
…………………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………
Sub-section 2.3 – Decision Making Style
1. Autocratic
Use when: ...............................................................................
......................................................................................................
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Ways to strengthen this style: ....................................... ......................................................................................................

...................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................
...................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................
...................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................
..................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
2. Consultative ......................................................................................................
Use when: ............................................................................... Sub-section 2.4 – Degree of certainty
......................................................................................................
...................................................................................................... Our conscious and unconscious decisions are
...................................................................................................... directly based of the degree of certainty the
...................................................................................................... potential solutions provide.
......................................................................................................
Certainty
Ways to strengthen this style: .......................................
 All the information the decision maker
......................................................................................................
needs is fully available
......................................................................................................
...................................................................................................... Risk
......................................................................................................  Decision has clear-cut goals
......................................................................................................  Good information is available
......................................................................................................  Future outcomes associated with each
alternative are subject to chance
3. Democratic
Use when: .............................................................................. Uncertainty
......................................................................................................  Managers know which goals they wish to
...................................................................................................... achieve
......................................................................................................  Information about alternatives and future
...................................................................................................... events is incomplete
.....................................................................................................  Managers may have to come up with
creative approaches to alternatives
Ways to strengthen this style: .......................................
...................................................................................................... Ambiguity
......................................................................................................  By far the most difficult decision situation
......................................................................................................
 Goals to be achieved or the problem to be
......................................................................................................
solved is unclear
......................................................................................................
 Alternatives are difficult to define
......................................................................................................
 Information about outcomes is
unavailable
4. Consensus
Use when: .............................................................................. Section 3–Task & Time Management
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
...................................................................................................... Urgent Not Urgent
......................................................................................................
Important

......................................................................................................
Ways to strengthen this style: .......................................
portant

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......................................................................................................
Quadrant of Quality & Personal ......................................................................................................
Necessity Leadership
ITC Method
Time
Management
Matrix Impact
Quadrant of
Deception
Quadrant of Waster Timing
Examples- Consequences
Q. What factors will affect your decisions in
Quadrant 1: ...................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
establishing priorities?
............................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................
............................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................
............................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................
............................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................
.

Quadrant 2: ................................................................................... ......................................................................................................

...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
..............................................................................................................
Quadrant 3: ...................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
Quadrant 4: ...................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
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......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Do you know what and who steal time from you?
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
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Sub-section 3.1 – Priority Setting

Q. Why is it important to set priorities?

......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................

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P: Prioritise task based on deadline
A: Allocate time to each task according to time
available and its priority
W: Work-life balance. Always make sure you
take time to decompress.
Section 4 – Personal Styles
Sub-section 4.1 – Learning Style
Learning Objectives
By the end of this session, the learner will:
 be able to talk about some of his /her own
personality traits
 gain greater understanding of his/her
learning style
How do you learn best?
We all learn in many different ways – we see
things, we hear things and we do things.
However, most people have a preference –
sometimes a very strong preference – for a
particular way of learning.
People who prefer to see information are often
referred to as visual learners, people who would
rather hear information are known as auditory
learners and people who prefer to learn by doing
are called kinesthetic learners.
It helps to know what kind of learner you are, as
people will generally learn best when they work
in their preferred learning style. This
questionnaire will give you a clue as to your
learning preference.
Remember, it is only a preference; we all learn in
many different ways.
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Journal
Answer each statement as honestly as you can.
Award a mark between 3 and 0 for each
statement.
3 – That’s definitely me! Absolutely agree.
All the time.
2 – That describes me quite well. Largely
agree. Some of the time.
1 – That doesn’t really describe me. Generally
disagree. Very rarely.
0 – That’s not me. Totally disagree. Never
Below are some helpful tips for effective learning
depending on your learning style….
Visual
If I have to spell a tricky word, I write it
out to see if it looks right
I remember things best when I write
them down
I take a lot of notes of what I read/ hear
I always look at the person who is talking
to me – it helps me concentrate
I find it easy to understand maps, graphs
and diagrams
When I have done a test I have often
pictured my notes/textbook
I am able to visualize pictures in my mind
I talk quickly – I tend to talk more than
I listen
I prefer to see a map than be given
spoken directions
I say things like, ‘I see what you mean’ or
‘I get the picture’
TOTAL /
30
Auditory
I prefer to listen to someone explaining
rather than read about it in a book
When I recall information, I can hear
the person I heard it from in my head
When spelling a tricky word, I say it over
 Enhancing Personal Effectiveness Participant
and over again to see if it sounds right
I say things like, ‘I hear what you say’ or
‘that rings a bell’
I often tilt my head to the side and/
or rest my head in my hand when
listening
I often talk to myself – say things aloud
– when working
I often repeat instructions to myself
under my breath
I find/would find it helpful to speak my
notes on to audio-cassette and play
them back
I would prefer people to tell me
directions rather than show me a map
I find it easy to listen to a speaker even
when I’m not looking at them
TOTAL
30
Kinaesthetic
I don’t like reading or listening to
instructions – I prefer to just get on
with it
I need to take regular breaks when I’m
working
If I have to spell a tricky word, I write it
in the air to see if it feels right
I wave my hands around a lot when I’m
explaining something
I say things like, ‘that feels right to me’
or ‘I’ve got the hang of it’
I like to learn in real life situations
I find it hard to sit still – I’m a fidgeter
I like to explore things – taking them
apart and tinkering with them
I like to walk around when I am
reading/talking
If I had to assemble a piece of furniture, I
would just work it out by trial and error,
rather than follow the instructions
TOTAL
30
Below are some helpful tips for effective learning
depending on your learning style….
If you are a Visual Learner you could:
Journal
Look at something in print to help you
remember it. Use colour, illustrations and
diagrams to help you learn. Highlight key words,
make a mind map or spider diagram, use
pictures to explain text.
If you are an Auditory Leaner you could:
Talk about a new idea and explain it in your own
words. Discuss ideas and problems with people.
Read things aloud and listen to yourself talking
aloud. Use a tape recorder for notes and
thoughts. Use active listening skills such as
questioning and summarizing.
If you are a Kinaesthetic Learner you could:
Write things out in step-by-step order. Convert
/ notes into a picture/diagram. Use touch and do
(e.g. simulation/role play). Type rather than
write. Help somebody else to do the task.
Sub-section 4.2 – Personality Style
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)
assessment is a psychometric questionnaire
designed to measure psychological preferences
in how people perceive the world and make
decisions.
Your Personality Type
Look at the statements below. For each line there
are two statements, choose one statement which
describes you best, by ticking the box. Then from
each section choose the letter most like yourself.
Make a note of each letter as indicated by the
arrow and enter in the spaces given on the next
page. There is no right or wrong answer. Do not
choose how you would like to behave, but how
/
you do behave.
Your
I Preference E
I think before I I think out loud
speak
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I prefer quiet I prefer variety and I like writing lists I don’t like writing
action lists
I like to be careful I like to act quickly I like things tidy I don’t mind things
I’m a good listener I’m a good talker untidy
I prefer finishing I prefer starting
I prefer to wait and I prefer to join in tasks tasks
see first I prefer a steady I don’t mind things
pace last minute
Your
S Preference N Your Personality Preference Profile

I look for the facts I look for

possibilities
I look for details I like to work out
what it means
You should have one of the 16 combinations
I focus on what I focus on how to
works now make it different below:
I like applying what I like learning new Now look up your personality type below:
I’ve already skills 1. ENFP - catalyst, imaginative, spontaneous
learned 2. INFP – curious, flexible, idealistic
I prefer to be I prefer to be
realistic imaginative
3. ENFJ – catalyst, sociable, responsible
4. INFJ – conscientious, insightful, organized
5. ENTJ – leader, decisive, analytical
Your 6. INTJ – original, driven, achiever
T Preference
F 7. INTP – theoretical, curious, analytical
8. ENTP – ingenious, outspoken, strategic
9. ISFJ – thorough, considerate, loyal
I follow my head I follow my heart
I ask is it the right I ask “how will it 10. ISTJ – responsible, loyal, organized
decision affect people” 11. ESTJ – decisive, organiser, logical
I’m objective I like pleasing 12. ESFJ – co-operative, warm-hearted,
people determined
I offer constructive I offer compliments
criticism I offer and support 13. ESFP – exuberant, friendly, flexible
I tend to tell the I tend to avoid 14. ESTP – spontaneous, flexible, pragmatic
truth upsetting people 15. ISTP – flexible, logical, tolerant
16. ISFP – loyal, friendly, practical

Your
J Preference P Learning Styles

We all learn best in different ways.

I like to plan and I like to wonder Your preference letters can help you choose
organize how things will
learning places and styles that best suit you.
turn
out

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I - Learn best E - Learn best ‘I’s written thoughts are usually well
- Somewhere quiet thought out and clear. When talking don’t
where you can - Working in groups stop when you’re interrupted, politely ask if
concentrate - When talking about you can finish your point and then you’ll listen
without being the subject to the other person (usually an E who often
interrupted interrupts!)
S - Learn best N - Learn best
- When you know you - When you know the
are learning theory behind the idea Can think Creatively and Solve Problems -
- When you know - When you can apply S/N Behaviour
how you can use the your learning in new
new learning ways S/N Behaviour is used whenever we take in
new information about something and try to
T - Learn best F - Learn best make sense of it.
- When there is a - With support and
logical order to follow encouragement S behaviour focuses on the facts, and using a
- When you can - When praised for step by step approach until we find a solution.
demonstrate that you good work
do or use the N behaviour focuses on the future, looking
learning forward to how something could be different.

J - Learn best P - Learn best
- When there is a - When there is a
clear structure and variety in the place
routine and style of study
- With an accurate
start time and finish
Communicates Effectively in Writing and
Face to Face - E/I Behaviour
E/I behaviour is how we interact with the
world, our direction of attention outward (to
people or things) or inward (our own
thoughts, feelings). To communicate
effectively we need to use the best of both.
‘E’s learn to listen. Do not dominate a
conversation. Encourage others to speak and
describe their ideas. Don’t interrupt or finish
people’s sentences! Learn to put your ideas
down in writing – this will help clarify your
ideas and appeal to I’s.
Both are important parts of the problem
solving. It is best to start with N behaviour
thinking about the longer term goals and
destination. Then use S thinking to identify the
steps required to get there and any potential
obstacles. S’s allow N’s to “daydream”.
Consider their ideas fully before dismissing
them. N’s allow S’s to point out the real
obstacles and work on solutions together.
Respect the Views and Contribution of
Others - T/F Behaviour
F behaviour means making decisions based
on a person’s feelings, thoughts and concerns.
Picking up on their body language and putting
yourself in their shoes. This is useful as you
are unlikely to upset someone or ignore their
contributions whilst discussing something
with them.
T behaviour focuses on the task or required
outcome rather than the person involved.
Sometimes this means the person may feel

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ignored or steamrolled. T behaviour is good to ISTP,INTP,ESTJ,ENTJ ISFP, INFP, ESFJ,

keep everyone focused on the task or purpose - Good at analysis ENFJ
of the discussion. It removes any thoughts of - Stand firm against - Good at describing
favouritism or sentimentality. But do also use opposition the impact on people
F behaviour to observe each person and check - Good at helping
out they understand and can agree with what other people feel
needs to be done. valued

Punctual and Manage Own Time- J/P ISTJ, ISFJ, ESTP,ESFP INTJ,INFJ,ENTP,ENFP
Behaviour - Get stuck (can’t see - Get bogged down in
way ahead) unimportant details
J behaviour person is a naturally good - See the future - Over-eat, drink or
timekeeper, managing their own time, sticking negatively exercise
to a plan or schedule is their preferred method
of work. Employers like this because the work ISTP,INTP,ESTJ, ISFP, INFP, ESFJ,
gets done. ENTJ ENFJ
- Have emotional - Criticize everything
P preference person generally finds it more outbursts - Take over without
difficult to work at a steady pace. They tend - Take criticism very listening
to enjoy starting tasks but often get bored or personally
easily distracted and move onto something
else.
Our type preferences can help us understand
They often complete work at the last minute.
our relationship with friends and family.
Employers tend not to like this approach.
P preference tip – at the start of a task e.g. In an argument…
revision, write down what you have to achieve
(goals) by the end of the allocated time. I E
- Would rather go - Talk louder and
Sometimes unexpected things happen at work away and think faster
and home. This is when a P preference is things through - Want to get things
useful. Changing a routine or schedule is easier - Keep quiet (until sorted out now!
for a P than a J. Sometimes J’s need to go with things build up so
the flow. Just because things have always been much that they
done a certain way does not mean a new explode!)
approach is the wrong way. S N
Type preferences can help us recognize our - Argue specific facts - Imagine huge
strengths when faced with problems… - Focus on details consequences from
small incidents
ISTJ, ISFJ, ESTP,ESFP INTJ, - Make sweeping
- Handle problems INFJ,ENTP,ENFP generalisations
with realism - Approach problems T F
- Recognize and use with enthusiasm - Tell people not to - Personalise
relevant facts and - See new possibilities “get emotional” everything
experience - Say, it’s not personal - Sometimes just give
in to keep the peace

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J P Learning Objectives
- Consider all the - Throw in extra issues By the end of this session, you will:
options before “and another thing”  be aware of your verbal and non-verbal
deciding - Argue both sides responses to difficult work situations
- Over simplify issues  have considered possible alternative
- Would rather go ways of responding
away and think
things through Amit Tiwari, age 22, was excited about his first
‘proper’ job which was in a local bank. Eager to
show that he deserved the job, he worked hard
Here are so me tips on how to avoid /get in the first six months. He liked his colleagues,
out of an argument … got along well with his manager, and was asked
to be involved in a project through which he
I E was able to meet other people in the bank.
- Allow people to talk - Text or e mail ideas
through their ideas before springing them The project aim was to develop a new system to
- Don’t assume their on people deal with customer complaints. Over a period of
ideas are rubbish - Listen! Only talk several weeks, Amit & his project team
because they’re when the other person colleagues worked hard to develop a solution.
thinking out loud has finished
S N The team consisted of Amit plus five colleagues:
- Don’t dismiss new - Don’t ignore two people were about his age and the other
ideas straight away practical details three were a lot older. Things ran smoothly for
- Let others dream - Consider how to get several weeks, until the time came for decisions
and fantasize there & not just the to be made. As soon as there was a deadline,
final destination Amit became aware that people began behaving
T F differently. Two members, who had always
- Consider peoples’ - Don’t take arrived late to meetings, began working very
emotions not just the everything personally slowly and putting off work for
task and the goals - Don’t be afraid of the project. Two others who had attended the
- Say what’s in it for disagreement meetings and usually worked quite hard began
people to spend more time chatting and joking rather
J P than working. One person who had never before
- Consider all of the - Focus on making given his opinions about the ideas put forward to
options before decisions solve the problem now said that the group
deciding - Stick to the point needed more time before it would be ready to
- Doing things the make a decision. Amit had worked hard all along
same way is not and wanted to finish this project so that he could
always the best move on to other projects. He was very
frustrated with the lack of progress being made
by the group and she was also worried that his
manager might think that he
had not been up to the job. Yet he did not want
Group Activity - 4 to speak up. He felt he was too young and had
not been at the bank long enough to give ‘orders’
CASE STUDY – AMIT TIWARI
to the older members of the team. And he did not
think she could go to her boss to complain about

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his older colleagues. He did not know why the

group was experiencing so many problems. Amit After self-awareness, another most important
thought to himself “why can’t they get along? aspect to enhance personal effectiveness is
Why can’t everyone on the team be more like communication skills. Let us understand the
me? I work hard and have pride in how this
importance of clear and specific communication
project is going to turn out. Why don’t the
others?” he began to skills from the story mentioned below, where
wonder if this was the right place for him. communication went horribly wrong.

Questions
1. Why is Amit upset? A rather old fashioned lady, was planning a couple
.......................................................................................
of weeks vacation in Florida. She also was quite
.......................................................................................
....................................................................................... delicate and elegant with her language. She wrote a
2. In what ways are the work styles of letter to a particular campground and asked for
Amit’s teammates different from his? reservations. She wanted to make sure the
……………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………… campground was fully equipped but didn’t know
…………………………………………………………… quite how to ask about the “toilet” facilities. She just
3. What causes those differences? couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in
……………………………………………………………
her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came
……………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………… up with the old fashioned term “Bathroom
4. Can these differences be sorted? Why or Commode,” but when she wrote that down, she still
why not? thought she was being too forward. So she started
……………………………………………………………
all over again; rewrote the entire letter and referred
……………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………… to the “Bathroom Commode” simply as the “B.C.”.
5. How would you handle the situation if Does the campground have its own “B.C.?” is what
you were Amit? she actually wrote.
……………………………………………………………
……………………………………………………………
Well, the campground owner wasn’t old fashioned at
……………………………………………………………
6. Have you had an experience similar to all, and when he got the letter, he couldn’t figure out
Amit’s? what the lady was talking about. That “B.C.” really
…………………………………………………………… stumped him. After worrying about it for several
……………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………… days, he showed the letter to other campers, but they
7. Do you feel you dealt with it well? If you couldn’t figure out what the lady meant either. The
could live it over again, what would you campground owner finally came to the conclusion
do differently?
that the lady was and must be asking about the
……………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………… location of the local Baptist Church.
……………………………………………………………
So he sat down and wrote the following reply:
Section 5 – Communication Skills

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“Dear Madam: I regret very much the delay in statement and indicate which option best
answering your letter, but I now take pleasure of
matches your behavior.
informing in that the “B.C.” is located nine miles 1 = disagree strongly, 2 = disagree somewhat, 3 =
north of the camp site and is capable of seating 250 agree somewhat, 4 = agree strongly
people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance 1 2 3 4
away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no
doubt you will be pleased to know that a great 1 I express my opinions
honestly, openly and
number of people take their lunches along, and
appropriately all of the
make a day of it..... They usually arrive early and stay time.
late. The last time my wife and I went was six years 2 I can get angry and
ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the am comfortable
letting this show.
whole time we were there. It may interest you to
3 I find it difficult to
know that right now, there is a supper planned to
say ‘no’.
raise money to buy more seats.....They plan to hold 4 If I do not agree
the supper in the middle of the “B.C.”, so everyone with a task I’ve
can watch and talk about this great event.....I would been given, I find a
like to say it pains me very much, not to be able to go way of dragging
my feet on it.
more regularly, but it is surely not for lack of desire
5 If someone knows
on my part....As we grow older, it seems to be more
more than me I feel
and more of an effort, particularly in cold weather..... comfortable in
If you decide to come down to the campground, asking for help
perhaps I could go with you the first time you go...sit from them.
6 I feel guilty if I
with you...and introduce you to all the other folks.....
leave on time for a
This is really a very friendly community....
valid reason and
other people are
still working.
7
Sub-section 5.1 – Communication Style I can be sarcastic.
8 I think my way of
The following communication styles have been doing things is
segregated as: better than other
 Assertive
people’s.
 Passive 9 If someone takes
 Aggressive advantage of me, I
 Passive aggressive find a way of
This questionnaire is designed to help you assess getting my own
your preferred communication style. Thinking back.
about your behaviour at work read each 10 I feel I have a right
to say no to other

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Journal

people’s requests 20 I am not afraid to

and to negotiate a be direct with
compromise. someone, even if
11 If I am in a large they think I am
meeting, I find I do being rude.
not speak up.
Before taking a look at the results of your quiz,
12 I like to be in let’s familiarize ourselves with the different
control of a styles of communication.
situation.
13 If the situation
There are two parts to our chosen
dictates, I can stare communication style:
people down.
1. How direct we are in expressing our
14 I make good eye views, wants and opinions – some
contact with other people can be very direct or blunt and
people. others less so – we might imply or infer.
15 If I am unsure 2. The thought or consideration that the
about a given task, sender of the message gives to the
I find it opinions, wants and needs of the
uncomfortable to recipient. Put simply, some people can
ask for help. be very thoughtful and others
16 I have been known thoughtless.
to talk about other In psychological terms each participant in the
people behind communication process ends each
their backs. communication as either a winner or loser.
17 When I have to
deal with someone Aggressive
in authority, I find  I am direct in expressing my needs,
it difficult to look desires and opinions giving little or no
them directly in thought to other people.
the eye.  In this communication style,
18 I am a good psychologically, the aggressive
listener and communicator wins but the other
equally other communicator loses.
people listen to
what I have to say. Passive Aggressive
19 Rather than  I indirectly make sure that others are
confronting aware of my needs, desires and opinions
someone about an and give little or no thought to theirs.
issue, I would  Using this communication style,
rather give them psychologically, the passive aggressive
the cold shoulder communicator wins but the other
or drop hints to communicator loses.
other people that I
am not happy. Passive

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 Enhancing Personal Effectiveness Participant
 I do not express my needs, desires and
opinions directly and I put others’ needs
above my own.
 Using this communication style,
psychologically, the passive
communicator loses and the other
communicator wins.
Assertive
 I clearly and directly express my needs,
desires and opinions in a way which is
considerate of others.
 Finally, in this communication style,
psychologically, we end in a win, win
scenario, for both sides within the
communication process.
Your highest score represents the
communication style you tend towards most of
the time, in your working environment. Even if
the highest score is ‘Assertive’, (which is where
we want to be) pay attention to your next
highest score, especially if it is within 2 points.
There is no right or wrong answer. But, we do
need to be aware of other styles we may tend to
use as others are judging us, constantly.
Sometimes, depending upon current stress
levels, we can lapse into another communication
style even without becoming aware of it. We do
this through our choice of words (both written
and spoken), our tone of voice and our body
language.
Sub-section 5.2 – How to communicate
assertively
There are 3 parts to developing an assertive
statement:
1) Your view of the situation
- in your own words, what is the issue or
situation as you see it?
2) Your feelings about the situation
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Journal
- describe how the situation makes you feel
without placing blame on others
3) Your wants regarding the situation or
outcome
- own your request for a resolution by using “I”
instead of “you”.
Group Activity - 5
For the following situations describe a passive,
aggressive and assertive statement or response.
Discuss the potential consequences for each.
1. You’ve been standing in the queue at the
shop for a long time and someone pushes in
front of you.
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Passive response
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Aggressive response
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Assertive response
2. You live in a flat with three other people. One
person is very messy and sloppy, leaving dishes
on the table and in the sink, eating your food,
leaving a mess in all rooms of the flat.
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Passive response
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................
Aggressive response
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Assertive response
 Enhancing Personal Effectiveness Participant
3. A salesperson calls you on the phone when
you are in the middle of doing something. She or
he is telling you all about their new
magazine
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Passive response
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................
Aggressive response
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Assertive response
4. You go to an expensive steakhouse and order
your steak medium rare and it is served to you
well done.
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Passive response
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Aggressive response
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Assertive response
Questions
In the above situations, which responses would
you most likely give? And why?
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Is there a pattern for your behaviour? Describe
it:
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
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Journal
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
If your approach to these situations is primarily
passive, why is this?
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
If your approach to these situations is primarily
aggressive, why is this?
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Which responses are the most effective and why?
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
What are some other responses that would work
well in these situations?
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Think of situations in your own lifewhere you
would like to have been assertive instead of
being passive or aggressive. Work out how you
could have acted assertively.
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Section 6 – Developing a Powerful
Positive Mindset
How you feel is the direct result of how you
communicate to yourself - your
interpretation of what is happening.
As Albert Einstein clearly stated, “Everyone is a
genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to
climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing
that it’s stupid”.
 Enhancing Personal Effectiveness Participant
Journal

Key Points: Potential

1) Practice being positive
2) Stop being judgemental
3) Find something to appreciate
Beliefs &
4) Decide not to be perfect Actions
Certainty
5) Have ‘Faith’
Section 7 – The cycle of Success
and Personal Effectiveness
Results
1. Predetermined goal setting
...................................................................................................... Section 8 – ACTION PLAN (Self
...................................................................................................... Study)
......................................................................................................

2. Change your ‘shoulds’ to your ‘musts’
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
3. Change your limiting beliefs
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
4. Intensify your moments
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
5. Success leaves clues
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
6. Give more than you can
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
1. The one or two areas in which I am most
strong:
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
2. The one or two areas in which I need more
improvement:
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
3. One thing I can do to improve:
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
4. How I will do this: (Be very detailed about
what you will actually do- when and where and
how often etc)
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Action planning support: Self Assessment
and Self Improvement Tasks
Here are some suggestions of things you can do
to make changes in the way you act.

1. Pick out something you do that you would like

to change. Think of something you could do

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instead. Practice this different way of behaving

for a week. Keep a record of every time you
change your behaviour. Did it work? Will you
continue? Reachable R G
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
Timed T O
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
2. Observe a person you admire. How would you
A
describe their attitude to life? Is there anything
you can learn from them to bring into your L
attitude and behaviour?
......................................................................................................
...................................................................................................... S
......................................................................................................
3. Ask someone you like and trust to give you
feedback about your qualities.
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
4. If you feel strong enough and you trust the
person enough, you may ask them to give you
some ideas about areas where you could change.
Do not ask anyone that you think might say
something hurtful to you. Criticism will do you
no good and just knock your confidence further.
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................
......................................................................................................

A C T I O N
P L A N
...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................
...............................................................................................................

Specific S
Measurable M
Achievable A
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