I Forgive You

My mother will tell you that I was a quiet child

I will tell you that I was born screaming and everyone looked away
I once went 119 on the highway and no one stopped me
I once dug my name into my thigh and no one bothered to pronounce it
I once called my body sand
line drawn wit a razor and no one crossed it
that kind of invisible can make a girl disappear into any mouth.

I have spent years dreaming of a girlhood with my lips not stiched into a seam
imagine if my mother could say she loved me looking away
if my father knew my phone number
if there was never a boy burying my face into the hardwood
I would be anchored to resentment if I did not let time take hold of memory

witness me,
look at the girl I was
look at the me I am

hear me say,

I forgive you mother, for all the years you could not see me
searching for a quieter life, no children to hold to your breast
I forgive you father, even though you are a language I do not speak
I forgive you boy, who found me weeks after the ambulance did
I forgive you loves that did not love me back
I forgive you my love, for each night you thrash inside the darkness of your
head, drag yourself across the rocks of memory
I forgive you self, for all the years I could not love you