The Self

Question: Buddhism teaches that people suffer because of attachment to the self, but in the West
the discovery and strengthening of one's ‘identity,’ or self, is considered the path to success and
happiness. How do we reconcile these views? What is the Buddhist idea of self?

Shifu: In Buddhism we can think of the self in three ways: small self, universal self, and no-self. Most
people look upon their everyday selves as being their true selves, but if that were truly the case, then there
would be no reason to practice. What we commonly think of as our self, is what Buddhism calls the small
self—a name and idea we fabricate in response to the external environment. The small self emerges from
the constant process of evaluating our perceptions and making judgments: "This is my town, my friends,
my spouse, my situation, my views, my feelings." Our ideas of existence arise from our interaction with
the external environment, the people and things around us, as well as the internal environment, our
bodies, feelings and thoughts. Moment to moment, we string together evaluations of ourselves: "This
morning I felt refreshed and went to work. This afternoon I came home tired, but did chores. This evening
I desired company, so I went to a party, and before I go to sleep tonight I will think about tomorrow's
plans." From constant evaluations like these, we create an illusory small self.

Successful and accomplished individuals have a strong sense of existence and power, and if their
success persist, they will continue to believe strongly in their own existence. But no matter how
strong this sense of self may be, it is only the small self. Even to have a strong sense of self is
unusual. Most people do not always feel that they have a firm and focused existence and
character. Their perception of self is not strong and cohesive. Meditation can help people to
cultivate calmness, clarity, and inner resolve so that they may develop a stronger sense of small
self.

To “discover oneself” usually means cultivating a strong sense of small self. This is not
exclusively a Western way of thinking. It is common to all of humanity. Without the will power
that comes from a strong sense of self, one would accomplish little. Chan practice begins with
methods to establish a strong sense of small self. It is small because there is nothing genuine or
enduring that we can lay our hands on. The small self comes from our moment-to-moment
judgments, but we are not always aware that our evaluations, and therefore our ideas of self,
change from moment to moment.

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Ideas of the large or universal self posit an unchanging, eternal nature. In Chinese philosophy,
this is called li. Another idea of large self comes from spiritual experience. In dhyana and
samadhi, as well as in other spiritual practices, one can have a sense of experiencing an absolute
and unchanging spiritual self. At such times it seems as though all of existence moves while
one's true nature remains still, as if one's own essence is the basis for, or, indeed, is everything
else.

The concept of no-self is harder to grasp. Buddhism does not say that small self and large self are
bad or unworthy things. However, in either case there is attachment, and as long as there are
attachments, one cannot be truly liberated. With no-self, there are no attachments. It does not
mean that everything ceases to exist once you attain liberation. After liberation, wisdom and
merit continue to exist. Likewise, after a no-self experience, life goes on and there are still things
to do. However, in order to get to no-self, one must start from the beginning, and that means
developing a strong sense of small self.

Student: Does self-evaluation continue after liberation?

Shifu: It is not evaluation in the ordinary sense. It is more what we would describe as a natural
response. An enlightened being responds to the world spontaneously, without judging.

Student: You said that meditation can help to strengthen one's sense of small self. Wouldn't it
make it that much harder to let go of later on in practice?

Shifu: Before you practice, you have a scattered mind, and so you do not even know what a self is.
Meditation helps to concentrate the mind and build a focused, strong sense of self. Only when the small
self is concentrated can one move beyond it. In gong’an (koan) practice, one's self must be concentrated
in order to break through it.

First I teach people how to concentrate and strengthen their small sense of self. If they do not
experience enlightenment, at least they will have improved their self-esteem and confidence; and
they will not be as scattered as they were before. In the course of practice, the levels of self that
one experiences are as follows: first scattered small self, then concentrated small self, then large
(universal) self, and finally no-self.

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Student: What would one who has reached the level of large self think about and feel?

Shifu: Large self is an experience that comes and goes, like a spiritual revelation. At such a time
you feel at one with the universe—as if you were the universe. After the experience leaves, you
would again be normal, but the feeling would endure, and you would feel more expansive, more
settled, more compassionate, and more confident.

Student: Is it possible for this experience to last for a long time?

Shifu: The feeling can endure, but the experience will not.

Student: You said that after liberation, wisdom and merit continue to exist, and that this is no-
self. Can you expand on this?

Shifu: A fully enlightened person would have wisdom and merit, but would not perceive it as
such. If they thought, “I have wisdom and merit," they are still attached to an idea of self, and are
not truly liberated. It is others who perceive their wisdom and merit, and who come to them for
guidance.

Student: Why would someone want to go beyond universal self to no-self?

Shifu: Remember, these terms are invented so that we may talk about the experiences of
practitioners. If there were actually a ‘no-self’ to attain, it would just be another kind of self. The
same is true for large self. Practitioners would spend all their time chasing after attractive false
selves.

Who would want to go beyond universal self? People who want to experience Buddhist
enlightenment. However, once they reach that stage, they will not feel that they are enlightened
or liberated. In fact, they will return to their everyday world and their lives will continue, but
with a major difference: they will no longer have attachments.

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