1

Coercion and 'Consensus'

... and when it come to birthdays and things like that he used to
fall out wi' me so he didn't have to buy me anything, or owt like
that, until he felt as though you know, he knew he was going to lose
me again, so he bought me an orchid. I don't know why he thought,
I hated orchids! I hate orchids! (laughs) I hate orchids! He once
bought me an eternity ring and erm it was second [hand], it were
only twelve pounds, but it were something special, you know,
I thought he was actually being nice, you know. And then as soon
as he'd bought it he went, 'and don't ask for anything else because
you're not getting it', you know, I thought, oh God you've spoilt it
again! (Sally)

Introduction
The practices of men in their efforts to control their wives/partners,
and women's agency in the face of such practices, are the focal points
of this chapter. As Sally reveals above, the enactment of male power
and control in violent heterosexual relationships does not rely on
violent acts alone. Women often experience this behaviour as bewil-
dering, which makes it difficult for them to know how to react (and
I take up this point later in the chapter). As seen in the introduction to
this book not only do women find it difficult to speak about domestic
violence they tend to deny or minimise the violence they experience
from men, indeed are often encouraged so to do (see Kelly and
Radford, 1996). Nevertheless, when women are encouraged to speak
about their experiences it is clear that the majority are constantly
active in their attempts to make sense of their relationships, and to do
something about it.
13
P. Wilcox, Surviving Domestic Violence
© Paula Wilcox 2006
14 Surviving Domestic Violence

In the context of male coercive and violent acts it is questionable

whether the concept of 'consensus' is an appropriate one and I place
the concept of 'consensus' in inverted commas to indicate its problem-
atic nature. Research reveals that women stay in relationships with
violent men for between seven to 12 years before leaving (Women 's
Aid, 2001 cited in Humphreys and Thiara, 2002) and this would imply
some level or form of 'consensus'. However, whereas traditionally 'con-
sensus' and coercion have been conceptualised as dichotomous ideas,
in reflecting on what women told me, it was clear that the two con-
cepts cannot easily be teased apart in contexts where power relations
are unbalanced. Women's accounts of their experiences of male vio-
lence and control in this chapter provide important evidence of how a
form of 'coercive-consensus' is achieved.
This 'coercive-consensus' is at times 'maintained' and at times chal-
lenged by the women themselves, as well as by the people in women's
social networks. Where existing definitions of domestic violence have
tended to focus solely on the heterosexual couple this has hidden the
way in which involvement in, and impacts of, violence ripple outwards
affecting children, other members of the family, members of friendship
groups and members of the wider community, such as neighbours.
Other people are important resources that women could, and can,
draw upon to challenge violence. How these others respond, therefore,
is an integral and important aspect in (potentially) challenging vio-
lence and in enhancing women's agency. So it is essential to assess
how and whether male coercive acts impact on the ability of women to
seek and obtain support from others.
In this chapter, to try and better understand what is going on in
terms of what I term a 'coercive-consensus' in violent heterosexual
relations, I will look first at previous theorising on power and domestic
violence which has been influential in feminist thinking. I will then
examine how men act to achieve a form of 'coercive-consensus', how
this can extend to women's wider support networks and how women
respond.

Theorising power and domestic violence

Feminist researchers conceptualise male violence against women as
having developed as part of a long history of male institutions, male
dominance and men's notions of ownership over women. A major
contribution of feminist research, therefore, has been to identify men
as primarily the perpetrators of domestic violence. From the 1970s
feminist research examined the extent of physical, sexual, psychological