A good essay contains the following parts:

•Introduction
Introduce the topic and say what you are going to talk about and capture the interest of the
reader with a question or a fact.
•1 st paragraph
The first point from the notes (you can mix points if they are related). This should be your
main point, you must justify why it is the most important.
•2 nd paragraph
The 2nd point from the notes, you need to link it to the first. Explain why it is of secondary
importance.
•3 rd paragraph
This is optional and can be linked to the second paragraphs. It explains the final point and
links to the others.
•Conclusion
A summary of what you have said in the main paragraphs and make your main point. It must
be interesting and the reader should learn something from it.

For and Against or just one side?

There are two approaches you can choose to write your essay.

1.For and against

This is the traditional approach where a writer discusses points in favour of their position
and against. Typically this means that one point will be used to contrast the general position. 
There are advantages to this method. Firstly, candidates are often more familiar with it and
find it easier to write. Secondly, it gives them more scope to use a wider variety of linking
language.
2.One side only
Writing an essay like this means that all the points will be included as if part of a list and
requires language like firstly, additionally etc.  Commonly a writer supports the idea. As
mentioned above it can limit some language people might want to use but it may suit some.

Stating facts
Formal: It is certainly true that…; It is certainly the case that…; Undoubtedly…; Undeniably…;
Unquestionably…

Neutral: Without a doubt…; Clearly…

Informal: Obviously…; Of course…; It goes without saying that…

Making general points

Formal: As a general rule…; For the most part…

Neutral: Generally…; In general…; In most cases…; On the whole…

Informal: Generally speaking…

Introducing supporting facts
Formal: Recent research has shown…; There is evidence to suggest…

Neutral: The latest figures suggest that…

Suggesting causes

Formal: This could be a result of…; This may be attributable to…

Neutral: This could be because…; This could/may/might be due to…

Informal: Perhaps this is because…

Making additional points

Formal: It is also the case that…; In addition…; Furthermore…; More importantly…; More
significantly…

Neutral: It is also true that…; What is more…

Informal: Another reason for this could/may/might be…; Besides…; Also…; On top of this…;
Another thing…

Stating results

Formal: Thus…; Consequently…; This has the effect of…

Neutral: Therefore…; As a result…; For this reason…

Informal: So…

Presenting alternative views

Formal: Nevertheless…; Nonetheless…; It can be argued that…

Neutral: Even so…; However…; On the other hand…; Despite this…

Suggesting something is not true

Formal: It is not necessarily the case that…

Neutral: It is not necessarily true that…; Not everyone agrees that…; It seems unlikely that…

Informal: It is not very likely that…

Contradicting a statement

Neutral: In actual fact…; In reality…

Writing about the present

Formal: Currently…

Neutral: Nowadays…; These days…; Recently…; In recent years…

Informal: Today…

HOW TO LOOK AFTER YOUNG CHILDREN

There is no doubt that one of the problems of (the word ‘problem’ collocates with ‘with’ before a
person/people) modern families is how to take care of young children. Some years ago, the most
common solution was to leave the new-borns with a family member. Usually, it was the mother,
who had to leave her job and sacrifice her career for the new arrival. Today, the situation is slightly
different, because, often, both parents have to work and no relatives are available to come
into (‘into’ is not the right word to use here - you could say - ‘come and support’) support of (don’t
write ‘of’ here. We say ‘support somebody’ in English, not ‘support of somebody’) the family. In
this essay, I will discuss two possible solutions (‘solution’ is not the right word here. ‘Solution’
implies that leaving the children with a family member is not an option, and that you will therefore
discuss two alternative methods. The problem is the next paragraph then talks about leaving the
children with a family member) and their advantages and disadvantages.

One of the advantages of leaving your children with a family member is that you trust this person (I
would say ‘this person will usually have your trust’ - because it is better to try and use the passive
voice in an essay. We also tend to use more nouns and fewer verbs in formal writing) and you
know (do you know that?) that they will certainly take care of them in the best way. Furthermore,
when the children are sick, you can leave them in bed and check their temperature frequently,
preventing complications. (I think you could develop this last sentence more and state that you
cannot do this if the children go to nursery). On the other hand, though, your children could (you
should use ‘may’ or ‘might’ rather than ‘could’ here. ‘Could not’ in this sentence means they were
not able to. It is a definitive statement and it does not imply possibility) not develop some important
social skills such as team playing (‘teamwork’ might be a better word to use here) and
sharing (‘connecting’ might be a better word to use. We tend to say ‘sharing’ + something) with
peers, but they could be left (for) some time in front of a screen (you could explain why this
wouldn’t be beneficial).

Another solution could be to make them attend a nursery. There are numerous advantages
in (‘advantages’ collocates with ‘to’) this approach as well, but, above all, I would
enlighten (‘enlighten’ is usually followed by an object) that children are taught to stay together, to
help each other and to have fun. Unfortunately, on the other hand, they run the risk of getting ill
more frequently and this could be a problem for parents who have to take maternity leave to
cure (‘look after’ or ‘take care of’ are better phrases to use here. ‘Cure’ is stronger and implies the
parents will heal them from a serious illness or disease) them.

To sum up (this expression is a little too informal for an essay), I think that I would choose a mixed
solution for my children: a family member during the first years but then a nursery as soon as they
start speaking and relating (‘building relationships’) with others, so that to (remove the word 'to' and
replace it with 'they') improve their abilities (‘ability’ should be countable singular here) to be part
of a group.