ENIGMATA

ENIGMATA
ENIGMATA
ENIGMATA
H | Your Burmese Poet
7th Book of Poem Project
- 4OEMS
I was always the quiet kid in the class. Being
an introvert, it was hard for me to convert my
thoughts into an actual conversation. So as a
child, I guess I was simply trying to find a way
to express myself somehow. Then I found
poetry, and it was beautiful.

H | YOUR BURMESE POET

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But you can forget me dear,

when it's raining outside
and you are having the laugh of your life.
I'm just a pillow after all.

- We all know how the story ends

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She was the masterpiece of all

tragic moments in life,
for which I'm destined to relive
time after time.

- Love is a beautiful tragedy

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Every night,
I pick up the same old book,
turn to the same old page
and read.
It has been almost 2 years.
Still I'm not finished reading
that one particular chatper
written about us.

- Since you left

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You looked a lot like my future heartache.

- First time we met

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"Have you seen an angel before?"

she asks.
"No, dear.
But I've seen a person prettier.
She is now standing one kiss away from me."
(Sometimes, if not always,
you have to give more than what
your other half expects
because love is when)
She blushes.

- I love you

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Don't you dare try to bury me under kisses,

for I'm no lover,
but love itself.

- Misconception

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It is true that overthinking kills us.

Last night,
I died drowning in my own thoughts.

- Suicidal

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If you are a lucky person,

I mean like really lucky,
you will meet someone
who understands you on a deep emotional level,
who feels your silence with silence,
who responds your waves with waves,
someone with the same fucking vibe you know.
But sorry to drop the bad news.
Most of the time,
that someone already has someone
who is not you.

- Lucky

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They say
heartbreak doesn't last forever.
(And I thought)
just like us.

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Your lips are the reason

sunflowers lift their heads up
in the middle of a midnight.

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No one is perfect,
but she is. (She really is.)
At that moment, I knew
my life can only go
one way or another,
so damn good or so damn bad.

- Her voice

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Again,
I promise myself that I will quit.
Again,
I found myself crawling back to the same old place.
You,
you are more addictive than nicotine.
And
I just love to be intoxicated.

- Old habit

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Walking past the dark empty lanes at night,

I see the stars in my eyes.
Not in the stargazing mood, so
I avert my eyesight and
see the flashing neon lights.
All the more to feel my thoughts
flash back to the past.

- I miss you

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She felt like home you know,

that warm sensation,
yellow smile and small laughs,
clarification of why I am put on this earth.
She is someone
I'll never get enough,
but I won't ever get again.
She was that someone.

- She felt like home

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"It's better this way,"

he whispered to himself.
Peripheral vision of her is quite enough, period.
Now he understands what it feels like
to be a sunflower.
It feels like yellow.

- Sunflowers in the stomach

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My brain is a mess.
I forget pretty much everything naturally.
But you aren't one of them.

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I'm trying my best

not to get attached to you too much.
But it's like swimming in the ocean and
trying not to get wet.

- Ocean baby

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I met.
I felt.
I melt.
I loved.
You left.
The end.

- It's a yellow story

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Lost love turns into sadness,

sadness turns into anger,
anger turns into tears,
tears turn into sleepless nights.
Those nights give birth to relentless thoughts.
I
am
so
lost.

- Yellow fever

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A yellow soul put inside a brown skinned angel.

It was a long name to note down in my diary,
but I loved calling you just like that.

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I'm getting lost in touch with human emotions again.

It's like
struck by a ptich-black lightning
and fell into a bottomless pit of
nothingness.
All I feel is
emptiness.
The worst part is
I don't want to be saved
by no one,
not even by me.
I feel so much comfortable
being helpless.
I'm done.
I think I'm done with the world.

- Old self

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Just you and me, we will go on a stargazing trip.

We will become one under the sky;
our minds in our hearts and
our hearts in our hands.
We will hold them all together with love.
Stars will be jealous of us.

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She is my Friday evenings in Monday mornings.

H | YOUR BURMESE POET

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I saw a kid today

on my way back home bus.
Sitting across from my seat,
that kid pointing his little fist
to every direction amusingly.
I couldn't help but felt warm
inside my chest.
That charming feeling,
as if leaves were dancing along
with the song of 2pm breeze.
This feeling
is something I have felt
countless times before.
Where in the world was it?
When in the world was it?
...

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Then our eyes met.

(Kid's and mine.)
Time paused for a split second.
Inexplicable thoughts surfaced up.
Those happy eyes,
I remembered now clearly.
They are just like hers.
It was raining by the time
I moved my eyes to the left,
but my thoughts stayed remained on her.
A yellow soul put inside a brown skinned angel.
It was a long name to noted down in my diary,
but I loved calling her just like that.
Her eyes were the windows to a heavenly realm.
Her nose was the bridge to a serene garden.
Her lips were the reason
sunflowers lift their heads up
in the middle of a midnight.
...

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And her cheeks,

were so perfectly perfect
that I could have kissed them
all day long and still wanted more.
Her neck, her hair, her hands, her breath,
I could talk for weeks and months,
and still the sentence would not meet its end.
But above all of them,
her soul felt very much like home,
a place I wanted to reside at
till infinite tomorrows.
The bus was stopping by the time
I got up from the seat.
No more rain drops outside.
It has been a year
that I'm lost.

- Can't find my way back home

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When she reads my poems and wonders

how I became this good with words,
the one and only explanation is
it's because we weren't good together.

H | YOUR BURMESE POET

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I think back now and

we were both right was what went wrong.

- Missing you is the 8th color of rainbow

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Eyes talk.
That's why he doesn't look her in the eyes.
He is afraid she will know straight away
that he loves her
so much
so deep
so obvious
like the yellow sun in the sky.

- His secret

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What makes it worse is that

I didn't need you,
I wanted you.
I wanted to hold your hand,
I wanted to kiss you neck,
I wanted to glue our lips,
I wanted to talk with you on rooftop at 2am,
lying down next to each other.
Eyes starring as fierecly as our feelings
for the stars, the moon, the future.
Our love burning so bright,
it could literally light up the whole night.
I wanted you in my life.
That's why I'm so fucked up right now.

- My voice won't come out

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I see waves.
They look angry,
they look sad.
But most of all,
they look hungry of love.

- Abandoned

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Maybe if we tell people the heart is not a game,

will they stop playing it?

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In my vision, all I see is us.

Wich is weird I have to say
because there is no us,
not anymore.
There is you and there is me.
One pronoun now became two.

- From lovers to stangers

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Broken hearts can be mended.

I don't want to.
It's all I have left of you, a broken heart.

H | YOUR BURMESE POET

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Strolling casually in the sunflower field,

you and I,
losing track of time.
I'm ignorant of days and nights
when I'm with you.
(Who wouldn't?)
Love makes us careless of time,
you make me careless of time.

- Chapter 1

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Only to find out that

there is no more flower under the sun.
You and I,
now we are on a ruined raft,
floating in a rough sea,
gripping so tight with the fear of drowning.
Waves are cold and blue and
we are soaking wet and exhausting.
I'm tired.
(You are too.)

- Chapter 2

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But I've never felt this much warm before.

I don't know why,
I don't need to know why.
As long as you are with me,
I'll never let go of this grip.
We will survive.
Gripping so tight because
we are so in love with us.
Everything is going to be alright.
(I promise you.)

- Chapter 3

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I promise you.

- Chapter 4

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Not a vocabulary nerd,

but I know life and love in one word is you.
This much I know.

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Dare to live is
dare to dream.
So at nights, I sleep.
When I wake up, I dream.

- Today and tomorrow

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6:00am - Wake up sweating. There remains pieces of

you from the dream.
9:00am - Work.
1:00pm - Food doesn't taste good, but I'm getting
used to it.
3:30pm - Smoke break. Your face appears. Crush it
in the ashtray.
6:00pm - 3rd cup of coffee on the desk. Reluctant of
going back home.
8:00pm - Walking, actually legs are just moving on
their own. Then home.
10:00pm - Shower. I get your scent. Please go away.
11:45pm - Noodle and coke as dinner.
2:00am - I miss you. Tears.

- Daily routine

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Loving you is like flying a kite

although I've never played withe a kite before.
I really can't explain why.

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My version of home is the sweet taste on her lips.

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Just a glance from her eyes and

the air is suddenly filled with magic.
I'm breathing in the scent of love.

- Two secconds

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One yellow leaf,

tow yellow leaves,
three years of us.
Withering plant, withering love.

- House of two broken hearts

H | YOUR BURMESE POET

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The only thing that doesn't change is the fact that

everything is in a constant change.
And yet, why do we still foolishly believe that
human relationships aren't one of them,
that they are going to last forever,
that we are not going to change?
Why?
Why do we impose this ridiculous idea on ourselves?
Doesn't this make you feel angry
and funny at the same time?

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Do I miss what I've loved or

do I love what I've missed?
It's hard to say.

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As the railroad leads the train to its destination,

my thoughts and dreams are self-navigated
to your presence.

- 95 tps

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I'd like to think that you are still here -

next to me, holding my hand,
leaning on my shoulder -
quietly counting my breaths.
I would like to think that whenever I take a selfie,
there will always be a silhouette of two lovers
on the phone screen.
(Fuck my consciousness.)
If only the reality isn't so real and
I don't know it too well.

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Yes, we ended. But let's rewind the time back

to the start, our first date.
Will I fall in love with you again, knowing that
it would end up like this in the future?
Yes, definitely.
"Why" is not the valid question here. Because
how could I not? It's "You."
I mean I'm loving you right now, in this moment,
with each heart beat, while writing this letter.
Love is not something that I have control of.
You can't undo your love for someone
once you've fallen in love.
Love is not something that is within our control.
The only explanation I have is I love you
because I love you. I am so in love with you.

- A strange thing called love

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The circle of love is a lot like the circle of a leaf.

They both die aching in yellow.

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Once upon a time, our planet was a small little

blue dot. It was tiny to the extent that the sky was
just one grass leaf far away from the earth.
But as time has grown old,
little by little, this blue dot became bigger.
Little by little, the distance between the sky
and the earth became wider.
That's when rain is formed. From time to time,
the sky would miss the earth so much that
it cries conversations down to the earth.
"It's raining," that's how we call it.
Inside each rain drop, there we could read
the unheard stories of once so close two lovers.

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I have this feeling that your lips taste like

hot coffee and cigarette on a rainy day.
Bitter, blue and beautiful.

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Sometimes, you gotta be heartless

because it hurts less in that way.

- Life of a river

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But it was me who left you.

- Confession

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What if all your 24 hours in a day feel like 2am?

- Vulnerable o'clock

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It's been almost three years already, still

I find myself clinging to the sensation of
laying down my head on your laps.
Jeans. She wore jeans.
(Sigh ...)
I just wanted to have a good nap
on her tight jeans for one last time.

- Insomnia

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Sunset seemed particularly yellow today.

I put on a consoling smile almost out of instinct,
hoping it would be of help to ease my troubled soul.
(Isn't it weird that we smile more when we are sad?)
Outside,
the air was burning with agony.
Inside,
my heart was falling into despair.
Before her,
there stood a volcano erupting silently.
And then,
"Goodbye," we said, quietly.

- 5 seconds before we walked away from each other

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Yes, I'm sexy.

My thoughts wear no clothes.
My soul is nude.

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Because when we lose someone we love,

we also lose a part of ourself with them.

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I know I'm in love with you

when I dream about you at nights.
But it's when I dream about you in daytimes that
I realize I've completely lost myself in love.

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Apocalypse starts from and ends on her lips.

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All the buildings inside of me are falling apart.

I watch the memory lane flooding
with the broken pieces of us.
When the rain falls, I fall.

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Her eyes, the color of the world.

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You are never coming back to me,

but I won't ever let myself to heal back from you.
I love you that much.
Yes, I love you that much.

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You are the rain flowing in my veins.

- Havoc

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Bring no cover, let's get our souls naked

under the rain drops.

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Tell me how not to love you.

Tell me because I have no idea how not to love you.

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We kiss the earth with our feet everyday,

but we never learn to love it.

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Everybody is drunk on something.

That's how we mark our spot in this mortal world.

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Heaven is a person (and she likes candies).

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Whether happiness or sadness,

this too shall pass.
So just live in the present
for this moment will never come again.

- Life is a boat

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I love rain.
It either makes me feel really good or really sad.

- Blue is the color of rain

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These bedtime stories were once

nightmares and tragedies.

H | YOUR BURMESE POET

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I'm not afraid of ghosts,

I'm afraid of my own thoughts.
It's not an easy task to fight myself back from them
while it only needs a snap to get lost.
Yes, I have depression, and this is my confession.
But let me ask you a question first.
What do you do when you have
nightmares in the daytime,
when even the sun shining so bright
can't light up your gloomy mind?
You see, it's always raining in my world.
Grey clouds are an old station
where the train is permanently stopped.
Everyday, I crawl out of bed with sizzling old wounds.
Helplessness, emptiness, lifelessness,
ask me am I fine and I would just nod.
Actually, I'm not. It's not that I'm not happy.
I can smile, I can laugh, I can tell jokes
so you all can have fun. But in the same time,
I'm drinking a cup of water with no water in it.
My mind is always on the edge of a cliff.
Friends and family, no matter how much they love me,
will never understand. Depression is not a trend.
In the end, nobody wants to suicide.
Neither did I. So this is my confession,
goodbye to life.

- Last letter

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A three-day, two-night trip to your lips

sounds very much enthralling to me.

- Summer vacation

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I drink too much of you and vomit my dreams.

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If loving you is a crime,

my sin is enough to get sentenced to death.
I'm so high on love.

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Some days,
your love for flowers is lost.
The blue sky is cowarding
behind grey thoughts.
It's a terrible feeling.

- I hope I'm fine

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I used to run away,

I used to chase after.
I've walked a hundred miles,
I've seen a thousand things.
But only when I stopped and stood still,
I found "my self" within me.

- Slowly and steadily I'm going nowhere

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Fairy tales might be fake, but she is real.

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"You never stay in one place,"

said by the sky to the cloud.
"Because I've never got the chance."
said by the cloud to the sky.
Such a common tragedy,
somethings in life are just not meant to be.

- The sky is blue desert

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I might not be that someone to you,

but you are the someone to me.

- Pathetically in love with you

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One is the citizen of heart and

one is the prisoner of love.
We aren't that different.

- Torn city

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Isn't it irony that the more I remember your smile,

the more I forget how to smile.

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And how awespiring it is to witness

the universe born out of two ordinary people.
Love, always and on every occasion, is unordinary.

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Out of all the tales told by a cigarette,

a girl of the hazy eyes is my favorite one to smoke.

- Midnight in my heart

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I don't know, maybe somewhere in the universe,

a glitch happened and now here I am. A misfit
trying to find the purpose of a life inside poems.

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I love it when we hug

and we fit perfectly together
like a set of jigsaw pieces.
Not a centimeter apart.

- Magic

H | YOUR BURMESE POET

As all things must meet an ending at some
point, this book has also ended here. Thank
you so much for reading. Like I've always
said, knowing that someone out there is
reading my poems means a lot to me. And if
you happen to come across a poem that you
can connect with in this book, please feel
free to post it on social media. It would make
me happy to see which of my poems vibe with
the readers. Tag @4OEMS, so I can find yours
easily.

I probably won't be able to make another

ebook within this year. I want to give more
time to spoken word poetry and, as some of
you have already known, I'm doing a
#356daysofpoetrymm challenge. So I'm
writing and posting one poem per day
regularly on Instagram and Facebook.
Something special will happen at the start of
2020. Again, thank you so much for your love
for poetry.

H | YOUR BURMESE POET

- 4OEMS
ENIGMATA
H | Your Burmese Poet
7th Book of Poem Project