Action Steps for Targets to Take

There is much more to do than simply quit.

Though if you make your health top priority, leaving may be the healthiest choice.

Errors in Traditional Advice

Target must
confront the bully

Wrong. If you could have, you would have. It’s in your nature to think of what to say
an hour later. Bullies get the drop on targets using the power of surprise at
unpredictable times. Bushwhacking.

Complain to the
bully’s boss

Why? The bully’s boss either orders the bully to torment you, likes their aggression,
looks the other way while knowing exactly what is being done to you, or is afraid of
them, too. In any case that person will not stop the bully on your behalf.

Complain
to HR

Worst mistake ever. HR doesn’t tell you that they are a management support
function. No one in HR has the clout to affect behavior of higher level managers. HR
is not your friend. Alert them last.

Document
everything

Good advice with some limits. For incidents, note date, time, location, who was
present as witness (either eyewitness or “earwitness”). If no direct witness, who saw
your state immediately after incident? In future incidents, it would help if you asked
people: (1) if they heard what happened, and (2) has it ever happened to you? This
breaks the silence in a way that does not scare away coworkers.

Don’t Wait to Act

  Your paralysis is natural. The goal of humiliating you is to foster
personal shame. Shame, an overwhelming sense of worthlessness,
makes action difficult. Do not beat yourself up.

 Stop wishing bullies will voluntarily change and feel remorse over the
harm they have caused. They will not. More important, they will not
change to please you.

 Waiting on an investigation to conclude, whether by HR or a law firm,

postpones the inevitability of choices you have to make. It can take
months during which you can do so much to heal and move to the next
stage of your life. With reasonable certainty, we can say you will be
disappointed, demoralized and feel betrayed when it is finished.

Rationale for Taking Action

To externalize the source of your problems. It’s the bully and the abusive work
environment that rewards and sustains cruelty. Self-blame internalizes it. You did
nothing to provoke or invite the misery heaped on you.

Emotional abuse causes emotional injuries. Destructive emotions cloud decision

making. Our activity list can help minimize negative emotions. Further, it improves
your credibility. People are frightened by displays of negative emotions.

What You Can

(Should) Do
 Recognize the bullying as early as possible. Listen to peers and family.
Connect visceral feelings with events.
 Name IT. Attaching the correct label starts the healing. Synonyms:
Workplace bullying, abusive workplace conduct, mobbing, psychological
violence, horizontal violence, etc.

 Reject shame. You are not a worthless person.

 Spend quality (validating) time with trustworthy friends. Share your

story. They need to remind you who you were before the bullying
began.

 Find a “trauma-informed” mental health professional to consult. See

Target Tutorial Selecting A Therapist.

 Rent an attorney to explore legal options. See Target Tutorial Checking

Legal Options

 Start networking to find next job. Create a list of questions for interview.

 If still employed, break coworker silence and paralysis by asking if they

had similar experiences with same bully.

 Assemble data to make a “business case” that the bully is too expensive
to keep. See Target Tutorial Calculating Costs to Employers

 Rehearse your 15-min. presentation to reduce emotion, to speak only

business-speak as a consultant would.

 Find the highest ranking “neutral” (not related to, or lover of, the bully)
upper level manager to present to.

 Be prepared to be fired at the meeting because you dared to reveal the

abuse.

 Prepare to leave on your own terms with dignity.

  Rehearse for job interview question explaining your departure (would
not tolerate harassment).

 Remember you are not a job title. Dis-invest yourself from this or any
job. You are much more. Preserve your adult identity.

 Allow yourself to grieve the multiple losses.

 In future new relationships, do not automatically trust the person until

they have proven themselves trustworthy to you. Then, and only then,
you can be your open and generous self.

 Commit to never blame yourself for circumstances you are unable to

completely control.

 Get involved in the movement to help others who can benefit from your
newfound wisdom.

Expert Advice for the Target

Experiencing Workplace Bullying
in Real-Time
Purchase the WBI Targets’ Action Plan Video

You Don’t Want to Make a Bad Situation

Worse.
If you’re like most people targeted by a workplace bully, you’re competent,
trustworthy, good at your job, and able to play well with others. And it’s
natural for you to be trusting of your employer, Human Resources,
company policy, and the organizational ladder there.

It’s likely that’s your first problem. You’re not seeing your world at work for
how it is; you’re seeing it as you want it to be.

Ask anyone who has worked in a toxic environment long enough, and
they’ll give you the real dope on HR: they’re not there for you. They’re
there for Management. And they will do everything in their power to
protect Management from whomever Management paints out to be a
problem. Even you.

You may find it hard to believe because it’s contrary to how you approach
these things. So you look elsewhere for guidance, this blog article or that
podcast citing solutions for situations involving workplace bullying.

Almost without exception, the “common wisdom” floating out there does
targets like yourself much more harm than good, convincing you that your
adversaries are your allies, and that landmines to avoid – like asking HR
for help – are potential paths of safety and rescue.

Talk about adding insult to injury.

I Know What You Need to Know to

Navigate This.
I’ve spent nearly a quarter-century training people of all professions in
navigating these minefields, helping them diminish the additional fallout
from the bullying they were experiencing, aiding them to see possible
pathways out of the mess they’re in.

And now I’ve made it available and accessible for anyone experiencing the
hardship of workplace bullying.
My Targets’ Action Plan consists of two important resources:

1. A video in which I address all of the major fallacies and concerns re

working with HR, Management, etc. (Running time: 54 minutes)
2. A study guide that guides you through pivotal questions and
considerations to help you avoid the landmines awaiting you. (It will
take around an hour to complete.)

Workplace bullying takes many shapes and sizes, but the common threads
between experiences have been well-documented and researched. With
my help, you can stop from making a bad situation worse, and you can
begin to see better what opportunities lie before you.

The plan usually sells for $29.99, but you get it today for just $14.99.