CCOOVVEENNTTRRY

Y’’SS OONNLLYY
FFRRE E EE
QQUUAALLIITTYY
Edition No: 135
APRIL/MAY 2022
MMAAGGAAZZIINNEE

Loaded with HEALTH TIPS, POETRY, JOKES, QUIZZES, COMPETITIONS, CASH PRIZES and much more....!
COVERING ALL OF COVENTRY, KENILWORTH . MERIDEN . BALSALL COMMON . BUBBENHALL
 A WORD FROM YOUR EDITOR
Christine Jones
Hello and welcome to the April/May 2022 edition of
Chatterbox Magazine!
So the lighter & brighter days have finally arrived and long may they stay
with us! This issue is again being printed using Eco-Friendly, renewable
electricity and silk paper as opposed to high gloss, which is kinder to the
environment and perfect for recycling! I have tried to include a good mix of
reading material in this edition which comprises of some fun facts, short
Bio’s and some interesting topics that you might not of read about before,
plus all of the old favourites including, jokes, poetry, health, along with our Chatterbox is owned by
new ‘True or False’ quiz for you and the family to play, So just ENJOY!......
Christine Jones
As always I would like to say thank you to all of my readers and subscribers who
have waited patiently for this edition to finally arrive and who not only support the 2 Alpine Rise, Styvechale,
businesses in the magazine by using the services advertised but also support Coventry CV3 6NT
myself and the magazine with letters of thanks, articles and poetry - it is all much Correspondence can be sent to
appreciated. If you use a business in Chatterbox, please let them know where you the above address or email:
saw it. We need to support our local shops too or we will lose them. There are chatterbox@freeuk.com
many people I need to mention and thank for all of their help: Firstly, the world’s
All enquiries about content and
best daughter and Poet Laureate, Emilie, who as usual has helped me on this
edition despite being so busy with her own very intensive schedule....love you! We advertising to Christine Jones
send best wishes to Deirdre Ann who hasn’t been well enough to write the Zodiac Tel: 024 7641 4458
Thoughts for this edition, get well soon! Thanks to Christine Stafford, who has Mobile: 079 7709 1534
written ‘Down To Earth’ for us and some poetry too! Also thanks go to all of the Or Check Out Our New Website!
retailers and members of the general public, both new and old, all over Coventry www.chatterboxmagazine.co.uk
and its surrounding area, who distribute Chatterbox Magazine - you do an amazing
job, which is appreciated by both the readers and myself! Thanks to Ian Tuttle for We believe all the information to be
correct at the time of publishing.
his typesetting skills. Thanks to Steve & Chris Binnie, Bernard & Beryl, Linda The advertisements carried in this
Stephenson and Kev & Gill Curtis for delivering magazines and also all of my magazine are the copyright of Chatterbox
readers who help by picking the magazines up from me and taking them to various and may not be copied or reproduced
clubs, friends, neighbours and family - you are all great! Finally, I will leave you with without prior permission of the publisher.
this thought....“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new
dream.”

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Here’s the ultimate test all you armchair contestants have been waiting for. If you get stuck you
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MACULAR DEGENERATION
Age-related macular degeneration (AMD) is a painless eye
condition that generally leads to the gradual loss of central
vision but can sometimes cause a rapid reduction in vision.
Central vision is used to see what is directly in front of you. In
AMD, your central vision becomes increasingly blurred, leading
to symptoms such as:
· difficulty reading because the text appears blurry
· colours appearing less vibrant
· difficulty recognising people's faces
AMD usually affects both eyes, but the speed at which it
progresses can vary from eye to eye. AMD does not affect the
peripheral vision (outer vision), which means it will not cause
complete blindness.
If you notice that your vision is getting gradually worse, you
should see your GP or optometrist. If your vision suddenly gets
worse, images are distorted or you notice blind spots in your
field of vision, seek medical advice immediately. Either book an
emergency appointment with an optometrist or visit your local
accident and emergency (A&E) department. If it is thought you
may have AMD, you will be referred to a specialist called an
ophthalmologist for tests and any necessary treatment.
Why it happens
Macular degeneration develops when the macula (the part of
the eye responsible for central vision) is unable to function as
effectively as it used to. There are two main types of AMD,
called 'dry AMD' and 'wet AMD'.
14
Dry AMD
Dry AMD develops when the cells of the macula become
damaged as a result of a build-up of waste products called
drusen. It is the most common and least serious type of AMD,
accounting for around nine out of 10 cases. The loss of vision is
gradual, occurring over many years. However, an estimated one
in 10 people with dry AMD will then go on to develop wet AMD.
Wet AMD
Wet AMD develops when abnormal blood vessels form
underneath the macula and damage its cells (doctors some-
times refer to wet AMD as neovascular AMD).
Wet AMD is more serious and without treatment, vision can
deteriorate within days.
Who is affected
AMD is the leading cause of visual impairment in the UK,
affecting up to 500,000 people to some degree. For reasons that
are unclear, AMD tends to be more common in women than
men. It is also more common in white people and people of
Chinese ethnicity than people from other ethnic groups. As
would be expected by its name, age is one of the most
important risk factors for AMD. The condition is most common
in people over 50 and it's estimated that one in every 10 people
over 65 have some degree of AMD.
How AMD is treated
There is currently no cure for either type of AMD.
With dry AMD, treatment is mostly based on helping a
person make the most of their remaining vision, such as using
magnifying lenses to help make reading easier. There is also
some evidence to suggest that a diet rich in green leafy
vegetables may slow the progression of dry AMD.
Wet AMD can be treated with a type of medication called
anti-VEGF medication, which aims to stop your vision getting
worse by helping prevent further blood vessels developing. In
some cases laser surgery can also be used to destroy abnormal
blood vessels. Early diagnosis and treatment of wet AMD is
essential in reducing the risk of severe loss of vision.
Reducing your risk
It is not always possible to prevent macular degeneration as it
is not clear exactly what triggers the processes that cause the
condition. Your risk of developing the condition is also closely
linked to things such as your age and whether you have a
family history of the condition. However, you may be able to
reduce your risk of developing AMD, or help prevent it getting
worse, by:
· stopping smoking if you smoke
· eating a healthy diet high with plenty of fruit and vegetables
· moderating your consumption of alcohol
· trying to achieve or maintain a healthy weight
· wearing UV-absorbing glasses when outside for long periods
SINUSITIS
Sinusitis is inflammation of the lining of the sinuses, caused by
a viral or bacterial infection. The sinuses are small, air-filled
cavities behind your cheekbones and forehead. The main
symptoms of sinusitis are:
· a blocked or runny nose
15
· facial pain and tenderness
· a high temperature (fever) of 38ÊC (100.4ÊF) or more
· a sinus headache
Sinusitis is a common condition that can affect people of any
age.
The sinuses
You have four pairs of sinuses in your head. There are pairs of
sinuses:
· behind your forehead
· either side of the bridge of your nose
· behind your eyes
· behind your cheekbones
Your sinuses open up into the cavity of your nose and help
control the temperature and water content of the air reaching
your lungs. The mucus that's naturally produced by your
sinuses usually drains into your nose through small channels.
These channels can become blocked when the sinuses are
infected and inflamed. The sinuses behind the cheekbones (the
largest ones) are most commonly affected.
What causes sinusitis?
A viral infection is the most common cause of sinusitis. It's
usually the result of a cold or flu virus that spreads to the
sinuses from the upper airways. Following a cold or flu, a
secondary bacterial infection can sometimes develop, causing
the membranes that line the inside of the sinuses to become
inflamed.
An infected tooth can also sometimes cause the sinuses to
become infected.
Diagnosing sinusitis
Your GP will usually be able to diagnose sinusitis from your
symptoms (a blocked or runny nose with facial pain).If you
have severe or recurring sinusitis, your GP may refer you to an
ear, nose and throat (ENT) specialist who will try to determine
the underlying cause. The specialist may use a piece of
equipment called a nasal endoscope to examine the lining of
your nose and sinus openings. An imaging test, such as a
computerised tomography (CT) scan, may also be used to find
out what's causing your sinusitis.
Treating sinusitis
Around two thirds of people with sinusitis don't need to see
their GP. In most cases, the viral infection clears up by itself.
Sinusitis takes about two-and-a-half weeks to clear up (longer
than a cold). If you have mild sinusitis, over-the-counter
painkillers and decongestants will help relieve your symptoms.
See your GP if your symptoms don't improve after seven days,
if they're getting worse, or if your sinusitis keeps coming back.
In such cases, antibiotics or a steroid spray or drops may be
prescribed. In cases of very severe sinusitis, surgery may be
needed to improve the drainage and function of your sinuses.
However, surgery will usually only be recommended if all other
treatment options have failed.
Complications of sinusitis
Complications of sinusitis are fairly uncommon, but when they
occur they tend to affect children more than adults. If your
child has had sinusitis and their eyelid or cheekbone is
swollen, they may have a bacterial skin or tissue infection
(cellulitis).
16
Take your child to see your GP if you notice these symptoms.
Your child may be referred to an ENT specialist. In severe
cases of sinusitis, antibiotics are often used to control the
spread of infection to nearby bone. However, in very rare cases
(about 1 in 10,000), the infection spreads to nearby bone, or the
area around the eye, or to the blood or the brain.
Types of sinusitis
Sinusitis can sometimes develop quickly (over a period of a few
days). It can develop after a cold or the flu. This type of
sinusitis usually clears up within 12 weeks. Sinusitis that lasts
for more than 12 weeks is known as chronic sinusitis. It's less
common but can sometimes last for many months.
CHRONIC OBSTRUCTIVE PULMONARY
DISEASE (COPD)
Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) is the name for
a collection of lung diseases including chronic bronchitis,
emphysema and chronic obstructive airways disease.
People with COPD have difficulties breathing, primarily due
to the narrowing of their airways, this is called airflow
obstruction.
Typical symptoms of COPD include:
· increasing breathlessness when active
· a persistent cough with phlegm
· frequent chest infections
Why does COPD happen?
The main cause of COPD is smoking. The likelihood of develop-
ing COPD increases the more you smoke and the longer you've
been smoking. This is because smoking irritates and inflames
the lungs, which results in scarring. Over many years, the
inflammation leads to permanent changes in the lung. The
walls of the airways thicken and more mucus is produced.
Damage to the delicate walls of the air sacs in the lungs causes
emphysema and the lungs lose their normal elasticity. The
smaller airways also become scarred and narrowed. These
changes cause the symptoms of breathlessness, cough and
phlegm associated with COPD. Some cases of COPD are caused
by fumes, dust, air pollution and genetic disorders, but these
are rarer.
Who is affected?
COPD is one of the most common respiratory diseases in the
UK. It usually only starts to affect people over the age of 35,
although most people are not diagnosed until they are in their
50s. It is thought there are more than 3 million people living
with the disease in the UK, of which only about 900,000 have
been diagnosed. This is because many people who develop
symptoms of COPD do not get medical help because they often
dismiss their symptoms as a `smoker's cough'. COPD affects
more men than women, although rates in women are
increasing.
Diagnosis
It is important that COPD is diagnosed as early as possible so
treatment can be used to try to slow down the deterioration of
your lungs. You should see your GP if you have any of the
symptoms mentioned above. COPD is usually diagnosed after a
consultation with your doctor, which may be followed by
breathing tests.
17
Treating COPD
Although the damage that has already occurred to your lungs
cannot be reversed, you can slow down the progression of the
disease. Stopping smoking is particularly effective at doing
this. Treatments for COPD usually involve relieving the
symptoms with medication, for example by using an inhaler
to make breathing easier. Pulmonary rehabilitation may also
help increase the amount of exercise you are capable of doing.
Surgery is only an option for a small number of people with
COPD.
Living with COPD
COPD can affect your life in many ways, but help is available
to reduce its impact. Simple steps such as living in a healthy
way, being as active as possible, learning breathing techniques,
and taking your medication can help you to reduce the
symptoms of COPD.
Financial support and advice about relationships and end of
life care is also available for people with COPD.
Can COPD be prevented?
Although COPD causes about 25,000 deaths a year in the UK,
severe COPD can usually be prevented by making changes to
your lifestyle. If you smoke, stopping is the single most
effective way to reduce your risk of getting the condition.
Research has shown you are up to four times more likely to
succeed in giving up smoking if you use NHS support along
with stop-smoking medicines such as patches or gum. Ask
your doctor about this, call the NHS Smoking Helpline on 0300
123 1044 or go to the NHS Smokefree website. Also avoid
exposure to tobacco smoke as much as possible.
PRICKLY HEAT RASH
Prickly heat, also known as miliaria rubra, is an itchy rash of
small, raised red spots that causes a stinging or prickling
sensation on the skin. Prickly heat can develop anywhere on
the body, but it most commonly occurs on your face, neck,
back, chest and thighs. It usually appears a few days after
exposure to hot temperatures. The rash is made up of tiny
spots or bumps that are surrounded by an area of red skin. The
spots sometimes look like tiny blisters and can cause: mild
swelling, itching, a stinging or intense prickling sensation
What causes prickly heat?
Prickly heat usually develops when a person sweats more than
usual, such as during hot or humid weather. However, it is also
possible to get prickly heat in the winter.
The condition is caused when the body's sweat glands
become blocked. Excessive sweating can result in sweat
becoming trapped beneath your skin. The trapped sweat
causes skin irritation and the characteristic heat rash.
The symptoms of prickly heat are usually worse in areas that
are covered by clothing. This is because clothing can make you
sweat and sometimes causes friction (rubbing).
Who gets prickly heat?
Although anyone can get prickly heat, you are more at risk of
developing it if you're in a hot climate where you sweat more
than usual. The following also increase your risk:
· illness and immobility ± long periods of time spent in bed can
make you sweat more, particularly if you have warm bedding
· wearing too much clothing, particularly in the winter
· sitting too close to a fire or heater
18
· being overweight or obese ± which is more likely to lead to
excessive sweating
· Babies and children are also more at risk of getting prickly
heat, because their sweat glands are not fully developed.
Treating prickly heat
Prickly heat is not a serious condition and rarely requires any
specific treatment. The rash usually disappears after a few
days.
However, there are several things you can do to ease your
symptoms: Avoid excessive heat and humidity ± if you need to
go outside, spend time in the shade or take a small fan with
you. Further exposure to the heat will cause you to sweat more
and may make your rash worse. Drink plenty of fluids to avoid
dehydration, especially in hot weather.
Wear loose cotton clothing ± avoid wearing synthetic fibres,
such as polyester and nylon, which trap heat easier than
natural fibres. Keep your skin cool ± a cool bath or shower will
cool you down, soothe your skin and help prevent further
sweating. Staying in an air-conditioned room for a few hours a
day will also provide considerable relief. You can also use a
cold compress, but don't leave it on the skin for longer than 20
minutes.
Use calamine lotion ± this is available at most pharmacies
and will help soothe sore and irritated skin. Try hydrocortisone
cream ± low-strength hydrocortisone cream is also available
from pharmacies and is effective at treating very itchy and
irritated areas of skin. However, avoid using it on your face and
always follow the instructions. Antihistamine tablets may help
control itching ± but consult your GP first as they are not
always suitable.
20
 a meal for
two at
The Festival
Public House,
Leaf Lane, Coventry
Enjoy home-made food in a
traditional warm setting
Send your entry to Chatterbox
2 Alpine Rise, Coventry CV3 6NT
before May 7th 2022.
The first correct puzzle drawn out of the
entry box will be the winner

Across ± 1. Body of men (5) 6. Taut (5) 9. Superior (7) 10. Frightening (5)
11. Magnanimous (5) 12. Pleats (5) 13. Projectile (7) 15. Single (3) Name ....................................................................
17. Woes (4) 18. Aviators (6) 19. Wallow (5) 20. Impede (6)
22. Greek letter (4) 24. Gratuity (3) 25. Vacation (7) 26. Wading bird (5) Address ................................................................
27. Yearned (5) 28. Tale (5) 29. Daydream (7) 30. Urged (5) 31. Faith (5)
Down ± 2. Draw back (6) 3. Female monster (6) 4. Snoop (3) 5. Dugout (5) ................................................................................
6. Threadlike leaf (7) 7. Cupid (4) 8. Without sound (6) 12. Airman (5)
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23. Zodiac sign (6) 25. Inn (5) 26. In this place (4) 28. Be seated (3) Favourite page in Chatterbox ..........................

21
 ROASTED AUBERGINE
Ingredients
1 large aubergine , cut into chunks
2 tbsp olive oil
2 fat garlic cloves , unpeeled
300g pack cherry tomato
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 tsp caster sugar
handful basil leaves , plus extra to serve
250g pasta such as penne or fusilli
Prep:5 mins - Cook:15 mins - Easy - Serves 2
Method
Heat oven to 220C/200C fan/gas 7. Toss the aubergine chunks with the oil and whole garlic cloves in a roasting
tin with some seasoning. Roast for 10 mins, add the tomatoes, vinegar and sugar, then cook for another 5 mins.
Meanwhile, cook the pasta, then drain.
When the veg is tender remove the garlic cloves, snip off their ends and squeeze the roasted garlic onto a
board. Mash with a fork, then stir this garlic paste back into the veg with the basil leaves - squashing most of
the tomatoes as you go. Tip in the cooked pasta, stir everything together in the roasting tin, divide between 2
bowls, then scatter with a few more basil leaves to serve.
MAKING IT MEATY- Snip 4 bacon rashers into pieces and spread in a roasting tin. Add the garlic cloves, rubbed
in a little oil, then roast as recipe left. Add the tomatoes, vinegar, sugar and 1 tsp dried thyme, then continue as
recipe, swapping the basil for a handful chopped flat-leaf parsley.

CLASSIC TRIFLE
Ingredients
750g frozen summer fruit (raspberries, blackberries, red and blackcurrants)
250g caster sugar
9 sheets leaf gelatine
75g custard powder
1.2 ltr milk
1½-2 madeira cakes
4 tbsp sherry or cassis
300-450ml double cream
1 tsp vanilla extract2 tbsp icing sugar
2 crushed amaretti biscuits, to serve
Put 750g frozen summer fruit in a pan with 200g caster sugar and 1 litre water and bring to a gentle simmer.
Cook for 2 mins, then scoop out 6 tbsp fruit and 150ml juice. Now carry on cooking the fruit in the pan for 5
mins. Meanwhile, soak 9 sheets leaf gelatine in cold water to soften it. If you have a hand blender, blitz the
cooked fruit or mash with a potato masher, then strain through a sieve into a large bowl and push through the
pulp so just the skins and seeds are left. Squeeze excess water from the gelatine, add to the hot fruit syrup and
stir to dissolve. Cool, then chill until on the point of almost setting. Make the custard according to pack
instructions with 75g custard powder, 1.2 ltr milk and 50g caster sugar to create a really thick custard. Cover the
surface with baking paper while it cools a little.
Pile 1½ - 2 cubed madeira cakes into a trifle bowl, spoon over the reserved juice and berries, then 4 tbsp sherry
or cassis. Pour over a thick layer of custard, pushing it against the side of the dish to seal in the cake below.
Leave to cool and set with a skin - this makes a barrier for the jelly.
When the custard is cold and set, and the jelly is on the point of setting, spoon the jelly over the custard and
chill until ready to complete.
Whip 300 - 450ml double cream with 1 tsp vanilla extract and 2 tbsp icing sugar until just holding its shape, then
spoon round the bowl over the set jelly. Scatter with 2 crushed amaretti biscuits and chill until ready to serve.
Goes well with Homemade Irish cream

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 !!Win £30.00 CASH PRIZE!!
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win a £30.00 cash prize to spend on G O C L A T T I U Q C A P B S
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E L E U E S E M P A H T R A M
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27
GONE MISSING
One evening a man was sent out by his wife to buy cigarettes from
a shop. The shop was closed, so he went to a pub nearby to buy the
cigarettes there. Having got the cigarettes, he decided to have a
quick drink before leaving for home. As he sat down at the bar, he
noticed this stunning brunette perched on the next stool. He
couldn't believe how gorgeous she looked, he started chatting to
her. He bought her a drink and another and another. When the
bar closed she invited him back to her house. When they reached
her house they went straight to bed. The sex was fantastic. When
it was all over, he looked at his watch and saw that it was one
o'clock in the morning. `Oh no'! He exclaimed leaping out of bed.
`I hadn't realised it was so late. My wife is going to kill me. Have
you got any talcum powder?' The girl looked puzzled but handed
him the container of talcum powder, which he rubbed into his
hands. Then without saying a word he quickly left. Back home his
wife was waiting for him. `Where have you been'? She demanded
angrily. `Do you know what time it is? I only sent you out for a
packet of cigarettes and you have been gone nearly four hours!'
`Look I am really sorry,' he said. `I went to the shop for your
cigarettes, but the shop was closed. So I tried the pub around the
corner and while I was there, I met this great looking chick and we
ended up in bed together. `Let me see your hands!' said the wife;
and he showed her his hands covered in talcum powder. `You filthy
liar!' she boomed. `You've been bowling again!'
NOT MY SCENE
Colin led a hectic life, when he wasn't working hard; he was
bowling or playing tennis. One weekend his wife decided he
28
needed a break, so she took him to a strip club. He protested that
it really wasn't his scene, but she insisted that it would do him
good.
When they arrived, the club doorman said, `Hello Colin, how
are you tonight?' The wife registered her surprise. `He's just one of
the fellows I bowl with' explained Colin. Once inside the club,
they sat down and a waitress came over, `Nice to see you Colin,'
she said. `Your usual scotch on the rocks?' His wife's eyes widened.
`You must come here a lot! `No, no she is a member of the tennis
club.'
Moments later, a stripper sauntered over to the table, threw her
arms around Colin and purred. `Your favourite table dance Colin?'
At this the wife stormed out. Colin followed her and spotted her
getting into a taxicab. He jumped into the passenger seat and she
started ranting and raving at him. After a few yards, the cabbie
leaned over and said; `Looks like you picked up a right one tonight
Colin!'
IN TRAINING
During camouflage training, a private was disguised as a tree. But
he made a sudden noise, which was spotted by a visiting general.
The general took him to task. `Don't you know that by yelling and
jumping the way you did, could have endangered the lives of the
entire company! `I'm sorry sir,' replied the private. `But I can
explain. You see, I stood still while a flock of pigeons used me for
target practice, I didn't move a muscle when a dog peed on my
lower branches. But when two squirrels, ran up the leg of my
trousers and I heard the bigger one say, `Let's eat one now and save
the other `til winter `That did it.'
JUST BAD LUCK
Two rabbits and a hedgehog were sitting talking by the side of a
busy road. The hedgehog was keen to see what was on the other
side of the road, but was frightened of attempting the journey for
fear of being run over by a car. The rabbits gave him a piece of
advice: `If there's a vehicle coming', they said, `look it right
between the headlights, curl up in a tight ball, and let it pass over
the top and away you go. It's as simple as that'. A few minutes
later, the first rabbit tried to cross the road. Half way across, he saw
a car approaching. Lining himself up directly between the car's
headlights, he curled up in a ball and allowed the wheels to pass
either side of him. Then he scampered to the safety of the grass
verge on the other side. Shortly afterwards, the second rabbit
crossed the road. He was almost at the other side when he saw the
headlights of a huge lorry. Lining himself up directly between the
headlights, he curled up in a ball and allowed the wheels to pass
either side of him. Then he too scampered to the grass verge. Five
minutes later, the hedgehog finally plucked up courage to try and
cross the road. He had only gone a few yards when he saw
headlights approaching. He lined himself up directly between the
headlights, curled up in a ball and splat! He was run over. One
rabbit turned to the other and said `That was really bad luck. How
many Robin Reliant's do you get on this road?'
OUCH!
A tiny turtle began to climb a tree very slowly. Three hours later,
it reached the top, climbed on to an outside branch, jumped into
the air waving its front legs and crashed to the ground. Saved by its
29
shell, the tiny turtle started to climb the tree again. Four hours
later, it reached the top, climbed on to a branch, jumped into the
air, waving its front legs and crashed to the ground. Undaunted,
the tiny turtle tried again. This time it took five hours to climb to
the top of the tree. Once there, it stumbled to an outside branch,
jumped into the air waving its front legs and crashed to the
ground. As the tiny turtle dusted itself down for yet another
laborious ascent of the tree, two birds were watching from above.
The female bird turned to the male and said, `Darling, don't you
think it's time we told him he's adopted?'
THE OLD DAYS
An elderly couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was
falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to
talk. She said; `You used to hold my hand when we were courting.'
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to
get back to sleep. A few moments later she said; `Then you used to
kiss me'. Mildly irritated, he reached across and gave her a peck on
the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: `Then you used to bite my neck.'
Angrily, he threw back the bedclothes and got out of bed. `Where
are you going?' she asked. `To get my teeth!'
ALL FOR CHARITY
Cliff Richard arrived in Coventry to pay a charity visit to an old
people's home in order to cheer up the residents. But he was
dismayed when none of the residents seemed to recognise him.
Instead they all looked mystified. Finally he went up to one old
lady and said, `Do you know who I am?' The old lady whispered:
`Don't worry dear, Matron will tell you!'
THE HELICOPTER RIDE
A blonde received a certificate for helicopter flying lessons for her
birthday. One day she was bored and decided to take advantage of
the opportunity. When she arrived at the place, the man said:
`Well, there's only one helicopter here, and it only has one seat, if
I show you how to do it, do you mind going up solo?' Oh of course!
I can handle it,' the blonde replied. Well, he showed her the
inner-workings of the helicopter and sent her on her way; only
asking that she radio in every 400ft just to make sure everything
was going smoothly. At 400ft, she radioed in saying: `Wow! This is
so much fun!' At 800ft she radioed in again saying: `This is pretty
easy, I can do this all day!' At 1200ft she didn't. He waited and
waited, but didn't hear from the blonde. Seconds later he heard a
crash in the field next to the station. He ran out to see what had
happened, the blonde had crashed! Luckily she survived. `What
happened?' he exclaimed. `Well, I was doing fine, but, I started to
get cold, so I just turned off the big fan!'
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the
now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching
the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for
companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared
the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: `Fairy Godmother, what are
you doing here after all these years?' The Fairy Godmother replied:
30
`Well, Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life
since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is
there anything for which your heart still yearns?' Cinderella is
overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration and almost
under her breath she uttered her first wish: `I wish I was wealthy
beyond comprehension.' Instantly, her rocking chair was turned
into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat,
jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch,
quivering with fear. Cinderella said: `Oh thank you, Fairy
Godmother!' The Fairy Godmother replied: `it's the least I can
do. What does your heart want for your second wish?' Cinderella
looked down at her frail body, and said: `I wish I were young and
full of the beauty of youth again.' At once, her wish became
reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt
stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years and long
forgotten vigour and vitality began to course through her very
soul. Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke. `You have one more
wish, what will you have?' Cinderella looked over to the
frightened cat in the corner and said: `I wish you to transform
Alan my old cat into a beautiful, and handsome young man.'
Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in
his biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a
boy, so beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen,
so fair indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke. `Congratulations Cinderella.
Enjoy your new life.' And, with a blazing shock of bright blue
electricity, she was gone. For a few eerie moments, Alan and
Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breath-
less, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.
Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her
rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms.
He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden
hair with his warm breath: `I bet you regret having me neutered
now, don't you?'
HALLOWEEN COSTUME
A couple were invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The
wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party
alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and
said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was
no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his
costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one
hour, awakened without pain. As it was still early, she decided to go
to the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume
was, she thought she would have some fun watching him to see how
he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon
spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing
with every nice woman he could, copping a little feel here and a
little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him. As a rather seductive
babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time
to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he
wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a
little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one
of the cars and made love. Just before unmasking at midnight, she
slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed,
wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his
behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in and she
asked how the party was. He said: `Oh, the same old thing. You
31
know I never have a good time when you're not there.' Then she
asked: `Did you dance much?' He replied: `I'll tell you; I never even
danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and
some other mates, so we went into the den and played poker all
evening. But I'll tell you ... the man I loaned my costume to sure
had a really good time!'
NEVER BEEN WITH A WOMAN
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only
willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After
several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a
personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived
his entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting
married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom.
When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband
standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture
from the room piled in one corner. `What happened?' she asks.
`I've never been with a woman,' he says, `but if it's anything like a
kangaroo, I'm goanna need all the room I can get.'
JUST IN CASE
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his
family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation and
while they were visiting Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died.
With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American
Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to
the States for proper burial. The Consul, after hearing of the death
of the mother-in-law told George that the sending of a body back
to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as
much as $5,000. The Consul continues, in most cases the person
responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body
here. This would only cost $150. George thinks for some time and
answers: `I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back;
that's what I want to do.' The Consul, after hearing this, says: `You
must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the
difference in price.' `No, it's not that,' says George. `You see, I
know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in
Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can't
take that chance.'
THE WRONG TIME
James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very
attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually
looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks:
`is your date running late? `No,' he replies, `Q has just given me
this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.' The intrigued
woman says: `A state-of-the-art watch? `What's so special about it?'
Bond explains: `It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says: `What's it telling you NOW?' `Well, it says you're
not wearing any panties.' The woman giggles and replies: `Well it
must be broken because I am wearing panties!' Bond smirks, taps
his watch and says: `Damn thing's an hour fast.'
THE BOY ON THE PLANE
As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by
a five year old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper
32
tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does
to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and
kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an
elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly
walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with
an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General
leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something
into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his
mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other
passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly
makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants
touches his sleeve. `Excuse me, General,' she asks quietly, `but
could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?' The
old man smiles serenely and gently confides: `I showed him my
pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that
they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any
flight I choose.'
A QUICK CALL
A woman phoned her husband at work for a chat `Sorry darling' he
said, `but I am really busy at the moment and haven't got the time to
talk'. `Oh, this won't take long. It's just that I've got some bad news
and some good news. `Look', he repeated, `I really am busy; just give
me the good news. `Well' she said, `the air bag in the car works.'
PULLED OVER
An elderly woman was driving her husband home through the
countryside, when she was pulled over by a police man. The officer
stepped out of his car and quizzed the old woman. `Excuse me
madam, did you know that you were speeding? `What did he say?'
said the woman to her husband. The husband shouted, `He said
you were speeding'. `May I see your licence?' said the officer. `What
did he say?' said the old woman. `He wants to see your licence.
`She handed the officer her licence. The officer studied it
carefully. `I see you're from Leamington Spa,' he said. `I spent
some time there once, met this woman and had the worst sex in
my life'. `What did he say?' said the old woman. The husband
yelled, `He thinks he knows you!'
AT THE GALLERY
A visitor to the Herbert Art Gallery was perplexed by what
appeared to be a totally blank canvas. As chance would have it,
the artist responsible was standing next to him. `I don't wish to
appear offensive, but what exactly is this picture supposed to be?'
asked the visitor. `That sir is a cow grazing,' replied the artist
proudly. `Where's the grass? `The cow has eaten it sir.'
`So where's the cow? `You don't think the cow would be daft
enough to stay after she'd eaten all of the grass do you?'
TAKE THE CHUTE
Joe Biden, the Pope and a hippie were on board a small private
plane, when the pilot announced that they were all in trouble and
should bale out. Unfortunately there were only two parachutes
between the three passengers, meaning that one of the three would
be left to face almost certain death. Before they could discuss it,
Joe Biden snatched a parachute, ran for the door and jumped
33
screaming `I'm far too important a person to die!' The Pope and
the hippie looked at the one remaining parachute. The Pope said,
`my son, I have lived a good long life and I have faith that I will go
to a better place. You take the last parachute'. `It's O.K, you have
it' said the hippie, reaching down. `I'll have this one. The
president just jumped out holding my rucksack!'
JUST SWIM
An airplane with four engines was flying over the ocean, when one
of the engines failed. `Quick,' said the pilot to his crew `dump all
the food'. Soon afterwards a second engine failed, `Quick' said the
pilot, `dump all the empty seats'. A few moments later a third
engine failed `Quick' said the pilot `dump all the luggage'. Then
the fourth engine failed. `Can I have your attention please?'
announced the pilot over the tannoy. `All four engines have failed.
There's no chance of us reaching Kennedy Airport, so I'm going to
attempt to make a water landing. All the passengers who can swim
should move to the right side of the plane. All those who cannot
swim should move to the left side. Those of you, who can swim,
head for the island on the right. Those of you who cannot swim, I
would just like to thank you for flying with Delta air!'
A SAD TIME
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend, he comments, `You look terrible. What's
the problem?' `My mother died in August,' he said, `and left me
£25,000.' `Gee, that's tough,' he replied. `Then in September,' the
friend continued, `my father died, leaving me £90,000.' `Wow.
Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed.'
`Then last month, my aunt died and left me £15,000.' `Three close
family members lost in three months? How sad.' `Then this
month,' continued the friend, `absolutely nothing!'
GOOD CHOICE
An elderly man and a minister were sitting next to each other on a
plane. Since the flight had been delayed, the pilot announced that
once they were airborne, free drinks would be brought round to the
passengers, by way of an apology. Ten minutes after take-off, a
pretty young flight attendant came round with the drinks trolley.
The old man requested a whisky and a soda. `And what would you
like?' the flight attendant asked the minister. `No! No!' he roared,
`I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol!' The old man
looked confused and handing his drink back to the attendant said
`Sorry, I didn't know there was a choice!'
A FANTASTIC CURE
Undressing for bed one night, Matt Hancock noticed a red rash
around his manhood. Terrified, he thought, `I can't let my wife
see this, I must get this attended to at once'. So the next day he
went to see a doctor. `Doc', said Hancock, `I've got this red ring
round my, you know. What is it and how do I get rid of it?' The
doctor was unsure what the red ring was but prescribed some
tablets, take these for a week, if they don't work you had better
come back and see me. Hancock took the tablets, but they had
no effect. The red ring was still there a week later. So he went
back to the doctor who remained puzzled, but prescribed some
34
capsules saying `take these for a week and if they don't work you
had better come back and see me and we will have to try
something else.' A week later Hancock was really worried. The
red ring was still there. He went back to the doctor who was at a
loss to diagnose the complaint, gave him some cream in a tube.
`Rub this on every day for a week' said the doctor `and let me
know how you get on'. A week later a much happier Matt
Hancock rang the doctors surgery. `Great news doc, the rash has
gone, that stuff in the tube was wonderful, what was it?' The
doctor replied, `lipstick remover!'
THE BATHROOM
`Mum, does God go to the bathroom?' a son asked. The mum
replied, `No son, why?' The son said, `Well every morning Dad
goes to the bathroom and pounds on the door and shouts, `Oh
God! Are you still in there?!?!'
SUMMED UP
Teacher: `If you had one pound and you asked your father for
another, how many pounds would you have?'
Vincent: `One pound.'
Teacher: `You don't know your arithmetic.'
Vincent: `You don't know my father.'
SAVING LIVES
A fourth grade teacher asks the class, `Have any of you ever saved
somebody's life?' A little boy raises his hand, `Yes, my little
nephew's.' `Wow, what a little hero you are! How did you do that,
sweetie?' asks the teacher. The little boy replies, `I hid my sister's
birth control pills!'
A GOOD PRESENT
A married couple, Harry and Esther, are out shopping one
morning when Esther says, `Darling, it's my mother's birthday
tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like
something electric.' Harry replies, `How about a chair?'
GIVING TO CHARITY
Son: `Dad, there is someone at the door to collect donations for a
community swimming pool.'
Father: `Okay, give him a glass of water.'
THE VODKA DRINKER
A man walks into a bar and says to the barman, `Give me six
double vodkas.'
The barman says, `Wow, you must have had one hell of a day.'
`Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay.'
The next day, the same man comes into the bar and asks for six
more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the
man says, `I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!' On
the third day, the man comes into the bar and orders another six
double vodkas. The bartender says, `Goodness! Doesn't anybody in
your family like women?'
The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, `Yeah, my
wife!'
35
WHO'S THE DADDY?
A husband and wife have four boys. The odd part of it is that the
older three have red hair, light skin, and are tall, while the
youngest son has black hair, dark eyes, and is short. The father
eventually takes ill and is lying on his deathbed when he turns to
his wife and says, `Honey, before I die, be completely honest with
me. Is our youngest son my child?' The wife replies, `I swear on
everything that's holy that he is your son.' With that, the husband
passes away. The wife then mutters, `Thank Goodness he didn't
ask about the other three.'
LIFE BEFORE . . .
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the
internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know
either.
DIVING
Paddy and Murphy are havin' a pint in the pub, when some scuba
divers come on the TV. Paddy says, `Murphy, why is it them deep
sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on
their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat?' Murphy thinks for
a minute then says, `That's easy. It's `cos if they fell forwards,
they'd still be in the flippin' boat!'
EXTRA FOOD
A boy asks his father, `Dad, are bugs good to eat?' `That's
disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner,' the dad
replies. After dinner the father asks, `Now, son, what did you want
to ask me?' `Oh, nothing,' the boy says. `There was a bug in your
soup, but now it's gone.'
THE MANLYART OF BBQ-ING
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following occurs:
The woman buys the food.
The woman makes the salad, vegetables and dessert.
The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray with
the necessary utensils and sauces, then takes it outside to the
MAN, who is lounging by the grill, BEER IN HAND.
THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
The woman comes outside to tell the MAN that the meat is
burning.
He thanks her and asks if she will bring another BEER while he
deals with the situation.
THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND
HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins,
sauces, and brings them to the table.
After eating, the woman clears the table and does the washing up.
AND IMPORTANTLY:- EVERYONE PRAISES THE MAN
AND THANKS HIM FOR HIS COOKING EFFORTS.
THE MAN ASKS THE WOMAN HOW SHE ENJOYED HER
NIGHT OFF.
UPON SEEING HER ANNOYED LOOK, CONCLUDED
THAT THERE'S JUST NO PLEASING SOME WOMEN!
36
LITTLE JIMMYJOKES
A new teacher attending her very first class decided to try and put
the youngsters at ease.
`Stand up', she said, `anyone who thinks that they are stupid'.
After a long silence, Little Jimmy stood up.
`Do you think that you are stupid little Jimmy?' she asked.
`No Miss', he said. `I just didn't like to see you standing up by
yourself'.
Mummy why are you putting all of that cream over your face???
`It's to make me beautiful Jimmy' she said.
After 5 minutes she wiped it all off and little Jimmy said `What's
the matter Mum? Giving up?'
BIRTH CONTROL
After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that that
was enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband
went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to
have any more children. The doctor told him there was a
procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was
expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large
firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to
his ear and count to 10. The husband said to the doctor, `B'Jayzus,
I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how
putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me
with my problem.' `Trust me, it will do the job', said the doctor. So
the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held
the can up to his ear and began to count: `1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which
point he paused, and placed the beer can between his legs so he
could continue counting on his other hand. This fundamental
procedure also works effectively in many other countries.
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT
1. The meaning of opaque is unclear.
2. I wasn't going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my
mind.
3. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
4. A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter. How
dairy!
5. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
6. If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighbourhood,
weed know about it.
7. It's a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but
it's easy to Sumurais.
8. So what if I don't know the meaning of the word `apocalypse'?
It's not the end of the world.
9. Police were called to the daycare centre. Seems a 3-year old was
resisting a rest.
10. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it
was a nice jester.
11. If you need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
12. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.
13. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
15. Did you know they won't be making yardsticks any longer?
16. I used to be allergic to soap but I'm clean now.
17. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.
18. What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The
suspension is killing me.
19. Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!
20. My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it
seams.
21. What is a thesaurus's favourite dessert? Synonym buns.
22. A relief map shows where the toilets are.
23. There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an
oar deal.
THE WARNING
My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink. No
one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they
got sick of him and kicked him out the cinema.
WISE ITALIAN GRANDFATHER
An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to
his bedside, `Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my
chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me.' `But
grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your
Rolex watch instead?' `You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna
be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa
money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos.'
`Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife
inna bed with another man. `Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to
you watch and say, `Times up?!'
A DYING WISH
Morris Schwartz is dying and is on his deathbed. He is with his
nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, and knows the end is near.
So he says to them: `Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills
houses.' `Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza.'
`Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Centre.' `Sarah,
my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown'
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away,
she says to the wife, `Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been
such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property.
`Sarah replies, `Property shmoperty . . . the schmuck had a
newspaper round.'
37
THE CLEANER
An aeroplane cleaner was cleaning the pilot's cockpit, when he
saw a book titled, `How to Fly an Aeroplane for Beginners
(Volume 1)'. He opened the first page which said: `To start the
engine, press the red button.' He did so, and the airplane engine
started. He was happy and turned to the next page: `To get the
airplane moving, press the blue button.' `He did so, and the plane
started moving at an amazing speed. He wanted to fly, so he turned
to the third page which said: `To let the airplane fly, please press
the green button.' He did so and the plane started to fly. He was
excited...!! After twenty minutes of flying, he was satisfied, and
wanted to land, so he decided to go to the fourth page . . . and page
four says: `To be able to know how to land a plane, please purchase
Volume 2 at the nearest book shop!'
He will be buried tomorrow.
BIOLOGY EXAM
This is straight from Scotland. Students in an advanced Biology
class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was,
`Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'. The question was
worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard
put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck.
Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end
of the test, he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and its high enough off
the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A+.
GREAT CLINIC
Two elderly couples are having a nice night in. `Hey Jimmy, you
been going to some fancy sessions at that private clinic I hear!'
says one disdainfully of the other.
`Yes,' says Jimmy, `they use all the latest memory retrieving
techniques, visualization, association that kind of thing.' `Pah!'
says his old pal, `mumbo jumbo.' `No I swear it works!' says Jimmy.
`Okay, tell me the name of the clinic then?' his pal challenges him.
`Oh now, the name of the clinic, let me see . . .' his mind goes
blank for a while, `now, ah, GOT IT! What's that flower you get,
very perfumed, with a thorny stem?'
`A rose?' `That's it!' he turns to his wife, `Hey Rose, what was
the name of that clinic?'
THE 50TH ANNIVERSARY
An elderly couple was flying to Hawaii for a two-week vacation to
celebrate their 50th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address
system, the captain announces, `Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I
have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and
we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted
island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have
to live on the island for the rest of our lives.' Thanks to the skill of
the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later,
the husband turns to his wife and asks, `Honey, did we pay the car
bill this month?' `No, sweetheart,' she responds. Still shaken from
the crash landing, he then asks, `Did we pay our credit card bill yet?'
`Oh, no, I'm sorry. I forgot to send the money,' she says. `One last
thing, did you remember to pay the medical bill for the hospital
visit last month?' he asks. `Oh, forgive me, sweetheart,' begged the
wife. `I didn't send that one, either.' The husband grabs her and
gives her the biggest hug in 50 years. She pulls away and asks him,
`What was the hug for?' The husband answers, `They'll find us!'
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 What's Going On?
COVENTRY PROBUS CLUB
Coventry Probus Club for retired professional and business men
meets at St James Hall on Knoll Drive, Coventry at10.15 a.m. on the
first Friday of each month for tea/coffee and a presentation by a
guest speaker. For details of past and future events, see https://
coventryprobus.org.uk/
We also meet socially for lunches and other events, with partners.
Contact secretary Ray Starkey at 024 76411929 or
starkeyrb@outlook.com for details.
COVENTRY FIBROMYALGIA SUPPORT
GROUP
Meet at: St John the Baptist, Fleet Street, Coventry CV13AYon the
second Tuesday of the month @ 11am.
For further details please contact us on: 07951 406 214,
find us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/spottyducks
or e-mail us on covfibro@gmail.com
There is also a coffee morning everyTuesday when the group is not
on. This is run by Barbara, one of our members.
Tel: 07767 895208
PINLEY OVER 60'S CLUB
We meet at Aldermoor Life Centre Community Centre,
Roundhouse Road, Stoke Aldermoor, Coventry CV3 1DA
EveryThursday from 12.30 to 2.30 pm
For Bingo,Tea/Coffee and a chat.
We have coach trips throughout the year
All aged 55 years and over welcome.
For more information, call Jean Marsden on 07879 008 959
44
CORLEY BOWLING CLUB
Church Lane, Corley, CV7 8AZ
Are looking for new members, any age or
gender and any ability
Bowling is one of the few sports where members of the opposite sex
actually play on equal terms.We bowl in gents' leagues and ladies'
leagues with mixed games at weekends and bowl against 12yr olds
and 90yr olds. Expand your social life and get some nice easy
exercise.We roll up onTuesday evenings and open onTuesday 5 April
at 5.30pm.We provide free coaching and loan you a set of bowls.
Call Graham 01676 540112 orTrevor 07790 606173
COVENTRY RESOURCE CENTRE FOR THE BLIND
A Coventry charity providing expert advice and long term practical,
emotional and social support to adults from across Coventry who
are experiencing sight loss and living with visual impairment. Our
Centre at 33±35 Earlsdon Avenue South is open Monday±Friday,
9am±4.30pm.We help people find ways to stay independent and
carry on enjoying life and aim to ensure nobody is left to struggle
alone. If travel is difficult we can provide minibus transport. To find
out more about support, or to volunteer, call us for a chat on 024
76717522 or email admin@crcb.org.uk
JERRY'S OUTLOOK
We are a group who meet at the John White Community Centre in
Grange Avenue Binley every Wednesday 11.00 till 12.30 (tea, coffee
and biscuits available) for socialising and chatting and optional
activities including indoor bowling, dominoes, word games,
monthly quizzes, guest speakers, and coach trips, etc.We are a very
friendly group open to people of any age but at present mainly older
people. Transport can be provided by the`Ring and Ride'.
New members are always very welcome and more details can be
obtained fromVeronica (7645 6679) or David (7645 0703).
COVENTRY SPHINX FLAT GREEN BOWLS
CLUB
As a well-established bowls club in the Binley area of Coventry, we
are celebrating our 90th year since being founded.We are a small
and friendly club which plays Men's, Ladies and mixed outdoor
fixtures throughout the summer months (Apr-Sep) and indoor
short mat bowls from Oct-March. In this historic year we would
welcome new members of all ages and abilities to come along and
take a look at what we have to offer. Reduced membership is
available to first-time bowlers and we are able to offer help with
advice and equipment to get you started. For an informal chat or to
find out more detail please contact Steve on 07522360134 orTerry
on 07956604674 or head to our website at http://
www.sphinxbowlsclubcoventry.co.uk and take a look at us.
CHEDHAM'S YARD AT WELLESBOURNE
Church Walk,Wellesbourne, CV35 9QT
TheYard re-opens on 16 April with an Egg hunt for the children. The
yard will be open every Saturday from then until 1 October. Each
week there will be active demonstrations by the blacksmiths and
wood turners plus the option of signing up for a Blacksmith
Experience. During the season there will be special events such as
WheelTyring,Willow Weaving, Open Studios, Heritage Open Day and
much more including the 10th Anniversary of theYard. Programme
details will be posted on the web site when finalised.
www.chedhamyard.org.uk.
What's Going On?
THE SIXTIES COVENTRY AND ME!
A nostalgic look back at long lost times
Recently updated to appeal to those who have heard the talk before
If your group is interested in booking the talk, please contact
Larry Watson on 07982100 702
email: larrythebook@gmail.com

U3A'S IN COVENTRY ± A CELEBRATION OF

COVENTRY'S THREE GROUPS FOR RETIRED PEOPLE
During the last week of Coventry's City of Culture, Coventry's three
3A's are putting on a very big event as a celebration of our groups for
retired people. This will be open to everyone, and we hope that
people of all ages will come along to see how we make life much
more interesting for those of a certain age.
As well as setting out exactly what the U3A is all about, including
details of wide-ranging educational and recreational sub-groups,
we will be having displays relating to Coventry's 26 twin cities in
the form of craftwork and paintings which have kept some of our
members very busy over the last few months, so we hope lots of you
will come along to appreciate their efforts.
In order to attract people from different parts of the city, the event
will take place as follows:

TUESDAY 10th MAY 1p.m. to 3p.m. at WYKEN COMMUNITY

CENTRE
WEDNESDAY 11th MAY 11a.m. to 3.30p.m. at VISITORS'CENTRE,
WAR MEMORIAL PARK
THURSDAY 12th MAY 11a.m. to 4p.m. at ROOM 71, BELGRADE
THEATRE CAFE
FRIDAY 13th MAY 11a.m. to 4p.m. at ROOM 71, BELGRADE
THEATRE CAFE
Refreshments will be available
For further information, please phone Rene on 02476 675158

45

HAPPY MESSAGES
HAPPY EASTER to Everyone from
Charlotte.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN REMEM-
BRANCE to Dad and Grandad David
Wilkins for April 28th and Nan and
Greatnan Dorothy Kinder for May
16th. We still miss you both every day
that goes by. Love you lots, Chrissie,
Emilie and Christian. 8 8 8
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Godmother
Janet Budd in Oxford for April 4th.
Have a lovely day. Love from
Christine, Emilie & Christian. 8 8 8
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Kyle Evans for
his birthday on April 4th. Have a great
day. Love from Grandma and
Grandad. 8 8 8
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Linda
Pemberton for April 5th. Don't work
too hard! Best wishes from Pat `O'.
888
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Alison for May
18th. Have a great day. Love from
Mum and Dad. 8 8 8
HAPPY 85th BIRTHDAY Cynthia
Gailey for May 18th. Love from all the
family. 8 8 8
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Gill and HAPPY
BIRTHDAY to Adam both in April.
Love from all of us. 8 8 8
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Ken Geraghty
who will be 95 on April 7th. With love
and best wishes from Grace. 8 8 8
FOR SALE
FOR SALE 4 green plastic garden
chairs with tie-on cushions. Hardly
used. Excellent condition. »25. Tel:
024 7641 3849.
FOR SALE Black leather jacket. Size
18/20, as new. »30. Tel: 024 7644 2583.
FOR SALE 2 pairs mens shoes, size
8. New. Hand made, 1 black, 1 brown.
»40. Tel: 024 7644 2583.

Chatterbox Classified Free Advertising: Fill in the form below for any For Sale,Wanted or Happy Messages. Send
to Chatterbox, 2 Alpine Rise, Coventry CV3 6NT.
I would like the following advertisement/happy message to appear in the next edition of Chatterbox.
Closing date is May 7th 2022
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