PIN-UP GIRLS

written by

Andrew Moore

5th Draft
June 6, 2011
Copyright (c) 2011
Andrew Moore
All Rights Reserved
 SCENE SYNOPSIS

ACT I

Backstage at "The High Jinks," a San

Francisco burlesque club, December, 1942

ACT II

April of 1943
 CAST OF CHARACTERS

MERV One of the few men allowed backstage,

mostly because he entertains the girls
while they're getting ready to go on
with his witty repartee and endless
supply of old-timey songs. Mid-40s

WILMA An aspiring actress and model. 18-25

years old.

LOTTIE Another aspiring actress and model.

18-25 years old.

BETTY JO A fierce lioness of a woman. She and her

longtime musical partner (Merv) moved to
San Francisco from New York in 1937 when
Mayor LaGuardia closed down the
burlesque halls. 50-60 years old.

ETHEL A virginal young woman, an "Oakie" with

ten brothers and sisters. She left home
to strike out on her own. 17 years-old
(she's lying about her age).

TILLIE A housewife, married to a Naval officer,

who began dancing to buy a refrigerator.
Although not too much older than her
fellow performers, she mothers them as
she does her own children. 25-35 years
old.

RUBY Daughter of a former U.S. Air Services

pilot and crop duster. Ruby is Helen's
best friend. She's also secretly in love
with Scotty.

HELEN A spitfire. Alone in the big city,

possessed of a new-found freedom like
nothing she has ever experienced before.
18-25 years old.

BOTTLES 4-F (and nicknamed) on account of his

eyesight. A horn player in the house
band. His eyesight is so poor in fact,
the girls are completely comfortable
walking around him half-naked -- when he
has his glasses off. 18-25 years old.

THE LADIES

AGNES Head of the Society for Decency and

Morals, local air-raid warden with the
Office of Civil Defense, and tuba player
with then Salvation Army. A pain in the
 ass. Always on the prowl for indecency,
and perhaps just a little too eager to
oogle the girls backstage. 20-60 years
old.

SCOTTY Former first chair trumpet at The High

Jinks. A Marine who fought and los his
arm on Guadalcanal. He is a real Norman
Rockwell-type who has been run through
the ringer. A good and decent guy whose
scars run deep and personal. 18-25 years
old.
 ACT I

SETTING: The women's dressing room,

backstage at "The HighJinks," a
burlesque club in San Francisco. It
is a well lived-in space,
perhapstoo cluttered. There is a
translucent dressing screen,
garment racks full ofmyriad
costumes and dresses, make-up
counters, etc. A beat-up piano sits
in acorner. The stage door leads
outside. Another exit leads to the
stage.

AT RISE: LOTTIE and WILMA, seated

near each other, are doingtheir
make-up.

MERV sits at the piano, playing and

singing.

MERV
A mother was kneeling to pray, for loved ones at war far
away. And there by her side, her one joy and pride, knelt
down with her that day

WILMA
You have to sing the mother part ...

LOTTIE
Oh yes! Do the voice!

MERV
(talking)
I'll do the voice!
(singing)
Then came a knock on the door. Your boy is commanded to war.
(as the mother:)
"No Captain please, here on my knees, I plead for one I
adore" Don't take my darling boy away from me, don't send
him off to war. You took his father and brothers three, Now
you've come back for more."

(MERV and the girls dissolve into

laughter.)

MERV
Such a corny old rag ...

(BETTY JO and ETHEL enter from The

stage.)
 2.

BETTY JO
(to ETHEL)
... back in the good old days, the New York days, if that
red light went on, bad news.

ETHEL
(to BETTY JO)
Gee. Did they really raid you?

BETTY JO
On more than one occasion, yes.
(of the backstage:)
Good God it's a pig sty back here! The girls in this day and
age have no sense.

LOTTIE
Sense enough not to take any wooden nickels.

BETTY JO
Loose stockings and dirty coffee cups galore. Ah well.
Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Still and
all, girls these days ...

MERV
Times are changing, Jo. Hairstyles change. Hemlines change.
Women never change.

ETHEL
Hello Merv.

MERV
Well! It's my favorite Okie! Hey ... Remember this?
(playing and singing)
Rock-a-bye your baby with a Dixie melody When you croon,
croon a tune from the heart of Dixie. Just place my cradle
mammy mine Right onthe Mason Dixon Line, and swing it from
Virginia To Tennessee with ...
(abruptly stopping)
Wait, that can't be right ... which side did Oklahoma take
in the Civil War?

BETTY JO
Don't you remember?

MERV
I can't seem ...

BETTY JO
Do you remember the color of your uniform?

MERV
Oh I get it.

(ETHEL laughs)
 3.

MERV (CONT.)
And you. I've got my eye on you.

(MERV exits to the stage.)

BETTY JO
(after him)
You want to get dressed, you old goat?

MERV (O.S)
Yes sir, General Bradshaw, sir!

BETTY JO
I should start docking pay for tardiness. We'll see if some
people show up late after that!

TILLIE
(entering from outside)
Sorry, Jo.

BETTY JO
Where's your head been lately, Tillie?

TILLIE
I know. It won't happen again.

(BETTY JO takes TILLIE aside. The

other girls continue totalk, sotto
voce.)

BETTY JO
(assessing)
Are you alright? You look a little peaked.

TILLIE
Oh, just allergies. You know.

BETTY JO
I've never known you to be allergic. Everything alright at
home?

TILLIE
Fine. Just fine. My kids are at a picture with their aunt.

(pause)

BETTY JO
How's James?

TILLIE
He's okay.

BETTY JO
You're a horrible liar. If you need some time off ...
 4.

TILLIE
I don't.

BETTY JO
Well. If you need to talk to someone, you know where to find
me.

(BETTY JO exits to the stage.)

LOTTIE
Hey ya, Tillie!

WILMA
Tillie! Oh it's most wonderful thing!

LOTTIE
We have a photo shoot on Monday!

WILMA
For Yank!

TILLIE
Oh that is a big deal! How did you swing it?

LOTTIE
You remember those pictures we took at the beach?

TILLIE
How could I forget? I'm still getting over the sunburn.

LOTTIE
The troops loved them!

WILMA
Someone passed them to someone ...

LOTTIE
... who passed them to someone else, and they wound up on
the desk of the editor-in-chief of Yank magazine! He
dispatched a messenger to find the source of the photo.

WILMA
Well, all it said on the photo was "Wish you were here,
kisses, The High Jinks."

LOTTIE
Not a lot to go on. So the messenger, he's tearing all over
base trying to find who the photo belongs too. And he runs
face first into a general ... how many stars?

WILMA
One, I think. But still, a general!
 5.

LOTTIE
The general is like a stone wall, right? And this messenger
is knocked back on his keister. The general, hes about to
tear this poor kid to pieces, when he sees the picture!

WILMA
This is the best part.

LOTTIE
He says, Why, son, looks like you're a patron of the High
Jinks. I try to get by there myself, whenever I'm in San
Francisco.

WILMA
He helps him up, dusts him off, and sends him on his way.
Isn't that something! The messenger was given a couple days
leave to come findus!

LOTTIE
Hes in the audience tonight! He stopped us on our way in.
We're hitting the big time!

WILMA
You said it sister!

(Lottie and Wilma squeal.)

TILLIE
What a hoot! I think I know that general. He is one star,
General Travis Wright. Quite a slice, that one.

WILMA
Tillie!

LOTTIE
James better look out!

(MERV reenters, wearing a red fez

and matching red vest.)

MERV
Much better.

(THE LADIES just look at him.)

MERV
What?

TILLIE
I thought Betty Jo told you never again.

MERV
Ah. Never say never again. Besides, its an expression of my
virility.
 6.

LOTTIE
The hat?

WILMA
Really?

MERV
Sure! Don't I look dashing? Debonair? Just like Victor
Mature.

LOTTIE
Are you kidding?

WILMA
You look ridiculous.

MERV
Well I think I look distinguished. Plus, I can do this.
(MERV whips his head around,
twirling the tassel onthe top
of his fez. THE LADIES laugh.)
Hmm. The house sounds a little empty tonight. Who are we
still missing?

TILLIE
Helen and ...

(RUBY enters through the stage

door, flush with exhilaration.)

MERV
Ruby! What's your story?

RUBY
Oh Merv! I'm so sorry, but it couldn't be helped.

MERV
I can't wait to hear this one.

RUBY
Mustangs, Merv!

MERV
What'd you get caught in a stampede?

RUBY
Not horses. Planes. P-51 Mustangs.

MERV
Oh Swell.

RUBY
A whole squadron taking the sky like winged thunder.
 7.

MERV
Winged thunder ... I like that. Sounds like a masked
marauder from the radio ...
(plays dramatically, speaking)
Out of the west, raised by wild condors. Death from above!
It's Winged Thunder!

RUBY
Oh stop it.

LOTTIE
Keep going.

(Ruby swipes Helen's hairbrush.)

RUBY
Don't encourage him.

TILLIE
Play something else!

MERV
Thank you. Thank you very much. But don't think I've
forgotten ... You're late. You're all late.

LOTTIE
We were on time ...

(Helen enters through the stage

door. She is wearing dirty
coveralls and pin-curls under a
scarf. Her face is smeared with
grease.)

HELEN
We're all working three jobs, Merv. You may not have
heard -- there's a war on.

MERV
Well hello sunshine. Did you lose a fight?

HELEN
I had to change the oil on my old crate.
(to the girls)
No cracks!

MERV
Did you get any oil into the car?

HELEN
Good one. Say, you performing with an organ grinder tonight,
or is there a Shriner's convention in town?
 8.

MERV
Touche! What a charmer you are! I'm ... oh my heart, I'm
overwhelmed with the love I feel ... someone ... anyone ...
(Singing and playing:)
You made me love you. I didn't wanna do it, I didn't wanna
do it

HELEN
Oh, stop it.

MERV
(singing)
You made me want you, and all the time you knew it. I guess
you always knew it.

HELEN
Oh I know it, all right.

MERV
You made me happy sometimes, you made me glad. But there
were times you made me feel so bad.

HELEN
You only think I've made you feel bad. Just you wait,
buster.

BETTY JO
(entering)
Has that red-haired pain in my ass finally ...
(seeing HELEN:)
Oh good. Nice of you to show up. In such a state.

HELEN
I had a hard time putting the plug in.
(to the girls)
No cracks!

BETTY JO
Well clean up. We'll have a little chat about your
punctuality later.
(Seeing MERV)
And you! What are you doing?

MERV
Spending quality time with the girls, Mater.

BETTY JO
Why are you wearing that?

MERV
They coordinate?

BETTY JO
The Santa suit, Merv. The Santa suit.
 9.

MERV
Oh horsefeathers.

(Merv leaves in a hurry.)

BETTY JO
That man will be the death of me yet. Remember you all,
we're doing a photo shoot in ten minutes. I don't want to
hold the door longer than I have to.

(Betty Jo exits. Over the course of

the following dialogue,from this
point to her next exit, Helen
transforms from a grease monkey to
drop-dead gorgeous.)

HELEN
(To Ruby)
How are things up in the air?

RUBY
Stellar. And life on the ground?

HELEN
Rolling along.

TILLIE
You kids need some new material.

(HELEN crosses to RUBY's station.)

HELEN
Did you take my hairbrush again?

RUBY
Oh! Where do you suppose that came from?

HELEN
Id appreciate it if you'd ask first.

RUBY
You'd say no.

HELEN
That's what I'm driving at.
(of letter)
You've been staring at that letter for weeks now. You
planning on answering it anytime soon?

RUBY
I just don't know. Id hate to leave the Air Patrol. They
really need me.
 10.

HELEN
And the WASP don't? If I was in your position, Id go for it.

RUBY
If I were in my position I'd probably hedge until the last
possible minute, and wind up making a mess of it.

HELEN
Good thing you're not you.

LOTTIE
Most girls keep pictures of their beau by their mirror. What
do you have?

WILMA
Airplanes.

LOTTIE
This sort of things in your blood.

RUBY
Flying the old biplane, looking for Jap subs is one thing. I
know dads old Jenny like the back of my hand.

HELEN
Your nail polish is chipped.

RUBY
They say the Air Service is flying everything. Fighters,
bombers, everything! Besides, Id have to relocate.

HELEN
I wish I could relocate.

TILLIE
How could you say that!

HELEN
I'm running out of men.

TILLIE
Oh ha ha. I should have seen that coming.

HELEN
Seriously, you can't earn a reputation if you're always the
new girl in town. Come to think of it ... Hey Ethel, how do
we know you don't have a reputation?

ETHEL
I do have a reputation.

WILMA
Do tell!
 11.

ETHEL
It's embarrassing.

TILLIE
Now you have to tell.

ETHEL
I won a watermelon seed spitting contest. I actually hold a
record.

HELEN
What'd'ya know. The girl spits.

TILLIE
That's coarse.

ETHEL
I don't get it.

HELEN
Stick around me, kid. You will.

RUBY
You ever think you should maybe tone it down a smidge?

HELEN
No. Tone what down?

RUBY
The boys. You have quite a fellow in Scotty.

HELEN
Scotty's on some exotic Pacific island shooting Japs, and
enjoying the fawning company of grateful Polynesian cuties.

TILLIE
That's what you always say. You don't know its true.

HELEN
Scotty had plenty of girlfriends before me.
(indicating Ruby)
Including you.

RUBY
I wouldn't call it that. We had a couple of dates.

HELEN
(To Ethel)
Look here, Shorty. This is Scotty.

ETHEL
Very nice. He looks good in uniform.
 12.

HELEN
Don't they all.

ETHEL
(taking off a locket)
Do you want to see a picture of my brother?

HELEN
Is he single?

RUBY
Let's see him.

(Ethel opens the locket and passes

it around.)

ETHEL
Hes a couple of years older than me. In the Army. They just
sent him to England.

TILLIE
Good looks must run in your family.

HELEN
So ... single?

ETHEL
Married. I haven't met her, but momma likes her.

RUBY
If Scotty were my boyfriend, Id stay true.

HELEN
And if he were my boyfriend, Id probably let the good times
roll until his return.

RUBY
Good thing you're not you.

(BOTTLES enters from the stage)

BOTTLES
Have you ladies seen my ...

THE LADIES
Specs!

(Bottles nearly jumps out of his

skin. He snatches theglasses off of
his face and sheepishly kicks at
the floor.)

BOTTLES
I forget sometimes.
 13.

HELEN
I've got your number, pal. You always seem to forget when
were getting dressed.

ETHEL
Bernard ...

BOTTLES
Yes Ethel?

ETHEL
Are you really as blind as all that?

(One of the girls hands Ethel her

locket. Ethel struggles to refasten
it.)

BOTTLES
Oh, I'm blinder still.
(rifle hands)
I'm so blind I couldn't pick the wings off an elephant.

LOTTIE
Elephants don't have wings.

BOTTLES
(mock surprise)
They don't? I should get my eyes examined!
(no one laughs)
And that's why I'm a trumpet player and not a comedian.

ETHEL
Will you do me a big favor?

BOTTLES
I would march to Northern Africa and back for you.

ETHEL
Will you help me fasten my locket? That is, if you can see
it.

BOTTLES
Oh sure. Things close by I have no trouble with. Now if only
I can find you.
(He stumbles around. THE
LADIES laugh at his
buffoonery.)
Maybe I should try my hand at comedy after all!

ETHEL
How much of that was a put-on?

BOTTLES
Only a bit. Emphasized for comedic effect.
 14.

ETHEL
Say, Bernard ...

BOTTLES
Yes, Ethel?

ETHEL
Would you ever consider taking a girl out?

BOTTLES
All fastened. Take a girl out? If it came to blows, I
suppose I'd have no choice.

ETHEL
Blows?

BOTTLES
Yeah. But let me tell you, some of them gals up in the
Lockheed plant, I wouldn't want to tussle with them. No sir.

ETHEL
Oh my.

BOTTLES
Gals like Helen? Not on your life.

HELEN
Love you, too.

ETHEL
What about me?

BOTTLES
Is this some kind of challenge?

ETHEL
Oh no! Just a friendly line of inquiry.

BOTTLES
Friendly? Talking about taking someone out? Well, sure. I
figure I could take you out.

ETHEL
Swell!

BOTTLES
You're a strange one, kiddo.
(leaving)
Thing is, my momma taught me not to fight with girls, so if
it came down to it, I'm afraid I'd be the one who got taken
out.

(AGNES enters, meeting Bottles at

the door. She's hell bent for
leather.)
 15.

AGNES
A man in a private feminine sanctuary!

RUBY
Hey everyone, I think Agnes finally figured out the birds
and the bees!

AGNES
Out! Out you rogue! You peeping Thomas!

HELEN
Sister, you got the wrong boy.

BOTTLES
I'm blind as a bat.

(Agnes picks up a broom and chases

out Bottles.)

AGNES
Out! Out!
(Bottles exits)
Vigilance, ladies. Vigilance!

HELEN
Don't you have your own broom?

AGNES
Of course! What does that have to do with anything?

HELEN
Well you cant ride ours, is all I'm saying.

AGNES
A word, Helen.

HELEN
Sure thing. "Nuts."

AGNES
No, no. I would like a word with you.

HELEN
Shoot.

AGNES
It is of a sensitive nature.

HELEN
We're just going to talk about you behind your back when you
leave. So you might as well spill it.

AGNES
Suit yourself. Where were you on the evening of the fourth?
 16.

HELEN
Down a dark alleyway killing hookers. Why?

AGNES
Do you know a young man named Michael?

HELEN
You're going to have to be much more specific.

AGNES
Michael Hughes, seventeen years-old, son of the Reverend
Noah Hughes.

TILLIE
Reverend Hughes of First Church?

AGNES
Reverend Hughes of First Church.

HELEN
Well what the hell was his son doing at a bar?

AGNES
So you do know the boy of which I speak!

HELEN
Uh ... I was just assuming. You know, young boy in trouble,
and I -- fine. Yes, I know the boy.

AGNES
So! It was you!

HELEN
Me what? Yeah, I remember the kid. He was sitting all by his
lonesome at the end of the bar nursing a cherry coke. I
bought him a whiskey sour. What of it? He's underage, so
what. I didn't let him into the bar.

AGNES
It is your contention that you simply bought the boy a
drink? Nothing more?

HELEN
Yes. And prohibition has ended in case you hadn't heard.

AGNES
Peculiar. I must look further into this matter. In the
meantime, you are in my prayers.

(AGNES exits.)

HELEN
Oh! That Agnes Fairweather really chaps my hide!
 17.

RUBY
A goody-two-shoes is what she is.

TILLIE
She plays tuba with the Salvation Army. I kid you not! I saw
her outside the Woolworth's.

ETHEL
What is her problem? She's in here every night!

LOTTIE
She's the head of the Society for Decency and Morals.

WILMA
And we're indecent.

LOTTIE
And immoral.

WILMA
Or so we're told.

RUBY
Michael Hughes, son of Reverend Hughes? Really?

HELEN
He wasn't wearing a name tag. I need a drink.

ETHEL
I'll get it!
(ETHEL makes coffee)
If it's one thing I know, it's how to make a pot of coffee.

TILLIE
I've noticed the improvement since Betty Jo brought you on.

ETHEL
I was so desperate to find work, and she's the only family I
have in the city.

(HELEN has retrieved a flask.)

HELEN
She has a soft spot for wayward souls.

TILLIE
(to HELEN)
Is that why she hired you?

LOTTIE
What brought you to the city?

ETHEL
I'm embarrassed to say ...
 18.

RUBY
You're talking to girls who take their clothes off in front
of strangers. Embarrassment is not something we know.

TILLIE
For instance, Helen.

HELEN
Thank you, Tillie.

TILLIE
Don't mention it.

ETHEL
I sort of ran away from home.

WILMA
Following a boy?

LOTTIE
Or your dreams of the big time?

ETHEL
Running away from my family.

HELEN
Trouble at home. I know all about that.

RUBY
Your parents are saints.

HELEN
Saints who wouldn't let me drink.

ETHEL
It wasn't anything they did in particular. It was ... what
they did as a profession.

WILMA
So what is it? You come from a line of bank robbers?

HELEN
Would she be working in this hole?

ETHEL
They're migrant workers.

LOTTIE
Oh.

(pause)
 19.

RUBY
Well that's not so bad. Agriculture is very important. My
dad was a crop duster.
(to HELEN)
Didn't your grandfather work on a farm?

HELEN
He owned a farm. But yeah, I guess he did some work. On the
books.

TILLIE
It's an honest living. I've known migrant workers. Strong
people, solid work ethic. My husband James -- we used to
take drives out to the citrus orchards. I always wondered
what it would be like to wake up with that fresh smell of
oranges in the air.

(TILLIE picks up a shaving mug and

inhales deeply.)

ETHEL
It can be wonderful. There were plenty of good times. Plenty
of lean times. But plenty of good times.

TILLIE
I bought this for him for Fathers Day a few years back.
There's still a sliver of soap in the bottom.

(She passes it to ETHEL.)

ETHEL
Oranges!

TILLIE
It took me forever to find that soap.

HELEN
Is that what smells like oranges this whole time?

RUBY
You didn't know?

HELEN
I assumed it was actual oranges.

LOTTIE
Let me smell ...

(The cup is passed around.)

TILLIE
It reminds me of him, and those drives. Wed pick up a huge
sack of oranges, turn around and come back. Half a day spent
in the pursuit of oranges.
 20.

WILMA
I haven't had dinner yet.

LOTTIE
I have a sudden craving for fresh fruit.

RUBY
I know what you mean. My dad's old Jenny always reminds me
of him. Obviously. But its the smell that really does it;
the grease, the engine, the old, cracked leather seats.

ETHEL
For me its always been the smell of coffee around a
campfire.
(The ladies share a nice,
quiet moment.)
Helen, how do you take your coffee?

HELEN
(swigging from her flask)
Why'd you make coffee?

TILLIE
I'll take a cup, sweetheart. Black is fine. I don't want to
use up all of Betty Jo's cream and sugar.

LOTTIE
Black for me, too. This war was so much more tolerable
before they began rationing cream.

WILMA
And sugar.

HELEN
And before the silk embargo.

THE LADIES
(sighing)
Silk.

TILLIE
I saw the loveliest dress the other day

WILMA
That reminds me. What will you wear to the shoot?

ETHEL
Oh! Was it gingham? I absolutely love gingham!

LOTTIE
I was thinking my silk dress.

HELEN
You would.
 21.

TILLIE
You have silk?

ETHEL
What's that supposed to mean?

LOTTIE
My grandmother's.

TILLIE
It was twill.

WILMA
I know a paratrooper who promised to mail me his
parachute.If he comes through, I'll be happy to share!

HELEN
Twill?

TILLIE
Twill.

ETHEL
How do you sew silk?

HELEN
That's a weird choice.

LOTTIE
Carefully.

TILLIE
Better than tweed.

TILLIE
I suppose so.

HELEN
Who's sewing silk?

WILMA
I know a paratrooper.

ETHEL
I like twill. Daddy used to wear tweed.

TILLIE
Ooo la la! He's sending you his parachute?

HELEN
Yeah, but did Momma?

LOTTIE
She won't shut up about this.
 22.

ETHEL
No.

HELEN
I rest my case.

TILLIE
Who can blame her?

(MERV busts in, dressed like Santa

Claus. A sad, matted beardhangs
loosely around his neck.)

MERV
Holy mackerel! I just got the word. Scotty's coming home!

(A cheer goes up.)

HELEN
Is it true, Merv?

MERV
As true as the stars above!

TILLIE
Oh that's wonderful!

RUBY
Is he alright?

MERV
I don't know. He just called ...

HELEN
Just called?

MERV
Yeah. Said he's gonna try to make the show.

HELEN
Hes already back?

TILLIE
How long has he been back?

RUBY
Is he okay?

MERV
He's already back. Gee, that is strange, isn't it? Don't
they usually write first or something?
 23.

HELEN
(to RUBY)
You didn't get a letter did you?

RUBY
No. Why would I get a letter?

HELEN
I didn't get a letter.

RUBY
(to herself)
I'm not his girl.

ETHEL
This is Helen's Scotty?

LOTTIE
Oh yes.

WILMA
Lucky girl.

HELEN
Merv, this doesn't make any sense.

MERV
Well, Merry Christmas anyway. If you'll excuse me, I have
reindeer to attend to. Tillie, you have a good eye for this
sort of thing. Give me a hand?

TILLIE
What girl wouldn't do Santa Claus a favor?
(Merv exits to the stage.)
That sounded dirty.

(Tillie exits, following Merv.)

RUBY
Oh, Helen.

HELEN
No, this is a good thing.

LOTTIE
What are you going to tell him?

HELEN
Maybe I'll tell him the truth.

RUBY
I wouldn't tell him anything.
 24.

WILMA
What?

RUBY
I'm gonna give them a hand wrangling the reindeer. Excuse
me.

(Ruby exits to the stage.)

HELEN
Too much sugar for a nickel. Everyone's so on edge! I swear,
you'd think the Pope was coming to town.

LOTTIE
Its just so unexpected.

WILMA
Out of the blue, really.

LOTTIE
Aren't you nervous?

HELEN
Over what?

WILMA
Oh come on ...

HELEN
Maybe a little. I'm trying not to think about it.

LOTTIE
I would be crawling the walls.

HELEN
Are you trying to drive me up 'em?

LOTTIE
I'm sorry. It's just like watching a ...

(awkward pause)

HELEN
Watching a what?

LOTTIE
Well, I was going to say -- but it's not nice.

HELEN
Train wreck?

LOTTIE
That's it.
 25.

HELEN
You may be right.

WILMA
You haven't seen him in years!

HELEN
It hasn't even been a year.

LOTTIE
That's even worse! The wound is fresh!

HELEN
Wound?

WILMA
And weren't you two supposed to get hitched?

HELEN
That was very much in the air when he left.

LOTTIE
Well, he must have assumed it anyway. You know men. They're
lost without a field guide. The way you two were carrying on
that night ...

HELEN
I just wanted him to come back safe.

LOTTIE
And he's such a romantic. Oh! What was it he said to you
before scooting out of here?

HELEN
"When we get back, I'm making an honest woman of you."

WILMA
Good luck with that!

HELEN
Hey!

LOTTIE
No offense deary. But ... it ain't exactly a state secret.
Well, maybe to him it is.

HELEN
I like boys. What's wrong with liking boys?

LOTTIE
Well, going down to the U-S-O to play cribbage with some
farmer's boy is one thing. It's another to go whoring around
...
 26.

HELEN
I am not a whore! I'm a victory girl.

WILMA
Wacky for khakis is what you are.

HELEN
Khakis. I love it when the crease goes all the way up the
back ...

LOTTIE
And how many of them were sailors?

(pause)

HELEN
I know.

WILMA
Sailors.

HELEN
On the bright side, Scotty probably doesn't know many
sailors.

LOTTIE
That's kind of the point, Helen. Marines don't exactly
cotton to sailors. It's the worst betrayal of all.

HELEN
You're right.

LOTTIE
And truth will out eventually. I feel so bad for him. To
find out while he was over there, putting his life on the
line ... You were granting shore leave in the back seat of a
Buick.

(pause)

HELEN
(defeated)
I drive a Chrysler.

(pause)

LOTTIE
But hey! Scotty's back, and he's in one piece.

WILMA
Thank God. This is going to be the best Christmas ever!

(Betty Jo reenters.)
 27.

BETTY JO
If you princesses are put together enough, I'd like you to
step out and pose for a picture with Santa Claus.

LOTTIE
Santa Merv.

BETTY JO
"Santa's Little Helpers" is the caption. We're going to pass
them out to the boys next week.

ETHEL
That's a swell idea!

BETTY JO
Sister act, shake it. Helen ... you have to put the clothes
on before you can take them off.

HELEN
Working on it, Jo.

ETHEL
Should I come along?

BETTY JO
Not this time, sweetie. Dancers only.
(to the others)
Mush, ladies. I'm holding the door for this.

(They exit, leaving Helen and

Ethel.)

ETHEL
Say, Helen.

HELEN
Yes pumpkin, what's on your mind?

ETHEL
Is it true what they were saying? About the sailors? It's
not a put-on ... I mean you have made love to boys?

HELEN
Yes. But I always tell them they're pretty first. And I
promise to call when we're ... you're not writing this down
are you?

ETHEL
This is a delicate matter. How do you ... make love ... to a
boy?

HELEN
You shouldn't. Ethel, go to church. Go to church and pray.
 28.

ETHEL
I'm serious.

HELEN
Look, boys ... are just something you learn. Like how to tie
your shoelaces. You know? There's nothing to it. You'll be
fine.

(pause)

ETHEL
Helen.

HELEN
Yes, Ethel.

ETHEL
Will you teach me to tie my shoelaces?

HELEN
Oh for the love of Pete.

ETHEL
It's just ... it's not just Bernard. It's me too. I get so
nervous around him ...

HELEN
You've lived a sheltered life.

ETHEL
Maybe I should write him a letter explaining my feelings.

HELEN
Nah, nah. See? You're thinking too complicated. Do what I
do. Kiss.

ETHEL
Oh! You mean "Keep It Simple ..."

HELEN
What? Hell no! Just grab Specky by his fat face and plant
one on him.

ETHEL
Oh.

HELEN
When in doubt, kiss.

ETHEL
I don't want to scare him off.
 29.

HELEN
Then I'd recommend a well-lit area. And no sudden movements.
Just ... get real quiet, see? And do what comes natural.

(pause)

ETHEL
Helen.

HELEN
Ethel.

ETHEL
What comes natural?

HELEN
Alright beanpole, on your feet.

ETHEL
You're really gonna show me?

HELEN
Will you shut up if I do?

ETHEL
Yes!

HELEN
Alright. Let's do this. You be the girl, I'll be the man.

ETHEL
Oh this is so swell.

HELEN
Yeah, yeah. So here's the scenario. We're like ... leaving
the Alexandria. Just saw that Rita Hayworth pic.

ETHEL
Oh I like Rita Hayworth.

HELEN
Yeah, everyone likes Rita Hayworth.

ETHEL
And Fred Astaire ... He's not much to look at, but when he
dances ...

HELEN
Are we doing this?
(as a man)
So. You want to head back to my place, or just do it on the
beach?
 30.

ETHEL
Bottles would never say that!

HELEN
That may be your problem.

ETHEL
Well if you're not going to take this seriously ...

HELEN
Alright, alright. Bottles. Bottles.
(Bottles impression.)
Gee whiz, Ethel. That was sure one Jim Dandy of a picture
show!

ETHEL
That's more like it. Thank you.

HELEN
You want to hit the drugstore for a cup of coffee? My treat!

ETHEL
Why. Bernard. I would love a cup of coffee.

HELEN
(as Bottles)
Gee, Ethel. You sure look swell tonight. I mean it, too.
Why, your eyes are as pretty as two coconuts on a white sand
beach.

ETHEL
Oh. Bernard.

HELEN
(as Bottles)
And your hair ... Your hair smells like heady wine.

ETHEL
Bernard!

HELEN
(as Bottles)
I've said too much.
(as Helen)
Okay. You got me where you want me. It's time to make your
move.

ETHEL
What do I do?

HELEN
Maintain eye contact. We're holding hands, right? You hold
hands with Bottles?
 31.

ETHEL
Yes, we hold hands.

HELEN
Good. Raise his hand to your cheek. Go on. I'm not going to
do it for you.

ETHEL
Oh. Now what?

HELEN
This is the best part. Heave a huge sigh, like you're gonna
burst out of your sweater. And say "oh ... Bernard ..." like
you're about to faint.

ETHEL
Oh Bernard ...

HELEN
Heave, cupcake, heave! Let's see you go up a cup size.

ETHEL
Oh, heave.
(big sigh)
Oh ... Bernard ...
(swoon)
I'm so light headed.

HELEN
Good. Go with it. About this time, Bernie should be as moony
as a whino. He'll probably be a bit confused, as well. So
you need to get the idea into that dense skull of his that
the place he most wants to be is on your kisser.

ETHEL
What do I do? Point?

HELEN
You are cute beyond words. You've got his hand here. close
your eyes and nuzzle his knuckles. Then slowly, look back at
him and open your eyes. Slow! Now reel me in. Close your
eyes.

(Before they have a chance to kiss,

Agnes Fairweather breaks in from
the stage entrance.)

AGNES
Do not corrupt that fair maiden!

HELEN
Great. Captain Killjoy.
(To Agnes)
Do you mind? We were trying to make some time!
 32.

AGNES
Remove your diseased hand from this cherub's embrace!

HELEN
That is the living end. No one calls me diseased who ain't
wearing a stethoscope.

(Betty Jo enters. The ladies Are

close behind, anticipating afight.)

BETTY JO
Dammit, Agnes you cant just barge in here! Who let you in?

AGNES
I let myself in. To undo a great injustice!

RUBY
You came to apologize for being born?

BETTY JO
Look here. I'm den mother to these miscreants. You got
something to say, you say it to me. And speak plain.

AGNES
I am a woman on a mission. Do not stand between me and what
must be done!

RUBY
Are you here to make sure our boobs are properly covered?

AGNES
You!

HELEN
Me?

AGNES
Defiler!

HELEN
That's Miss Defiler to the likes of you.

AGNES
How dare you sit there so cavalier, basking in your own smug
self-satisfaction, spreading your disease across the bay
like some sick, plague-infested rat!

(Helen kicks away from her station

and lunges at Agnes. Theother girls
pull her back. Agnes hides behind
the piano.)

HELEN
I'll give you a plague-infested rat!
 33.

AGNES
You fight dirty? I'm shocked! Imagine that!

HELEN
Let me at her!

AGNES
May God strike you down where you stand, harlot!

HELEN
Alright! Alright! Let go of me. Sticks and stones. Fine!

(The ladies release their grips.

Helen charges again. They grab her
again. Helen struggles against
them, gasping out insults.)

HELEN (CONT.)
Rip ... head ... piss ... throat ...

BETTY JO
Helen! Knock it off, missy, or you're out on your ass.

HELEN
(instant change, sore)
Yes ma'am.

BETTY JO
(To Agnes)
And you! You know better than to come back here and pull a
tiger's tail. What the hell has gotten into you?

AGNES
Language, Mrs. Bradshaw, language. Just because we find
ourselves in a dance hall is no reason to lose a sense of
propriety.

BETTY JO
Lady, you're treading on thin ice. You best get before I
lose more than my sense of propriety.

AGNES
But I must speak with you! Vigilance!

BETTY JO
Speak your piece, but I'm warning you. You'll keep a civil
tongue in your head or I'll let Sheba off her chain.

AGNES
It concerns that ... dancer. And it's of a sensitive nature.
 34.

BETTY JO
Helen, let's step outside with Miss Fairweather. The rest of
you ... you're on in fifteen. Quit the monkeyshines and hop
to.

(Betty Jo holds the door for Agnes

and Helen.)

HELEN
(exiting)
Is this about that preacher's son?

(Betty Jo closes the door after

them. The ladies look at each other
for a moment, and then run to the
door, ears pressed against it. A
heated, muffled conversation is
heard.)

RUBY
What are they saying?

TILLIE
Shush!

WILMA
You're pulling my hair!

HELEN (O.S.)
(muffled)
What?

ETHEL
What was that? She give him a snack?

TILLIE
I don't think she gave him a snack.

AGNES (O.S.)
(muffled)
Report it to the Board of Health!

RUBY
This doesn't sound good.

WILMA
You're still pulling my hair!

LOTTIE
Sorry!

TILLIE
They're coming!

(The ladies rush back to their

stations. Betty Jo and Helen
 35.

reenter. Helen looks devastated.

Betty Jo is speaking to Agnes)

BETTY JO
You just worry about the wayward lamb. I'll handle
everything on this end.

(Betty Jo closes the door. She

grabs a pen and paper and scribbles
something.)

HELEN
I had no idea, Betty Jo.

BETTY JO
It happens.
(gives her the note)
When were done tonight, head over to this pharmacist. He's
open all night. Tell him I sent you, and you need ...
(a bit quieter)
Tell him you need penicillin.

HELEN
Thank you. I wouldn't know what to do.

BETTY JO
Just do me a favor and be a little more careful.

(Betty Jo exits. The other girls

pretend as if they didn't just hear
that exchange. Helen slumps back in
her chair.)

HELEN
Did you all catch that?

LOTTIE
Just the part about how you need penicillin.

WILMA
Otherwise, no.

RUBY
At least this explains the burning. You know. That you've
been complaining about. In private.

HELEN
Could this day get any worse?

(Merv rushes in)

 36.

MERV
He's here - Scotty's here!
(The ladies react. Merv yells
over them)
Hold it down! There's something you need to know. Helen, you
better sit down.

HELEN
No.

RUBY
What's wrong?

TILLIE
Is he in one piece?

(Merv tries to tell them. He can't

get out the words.)

LOTTIE
What is it?

WILMA
What's wrong with him?

TILLIE
What is it Merv? Is he in a wheelchair?

RUBY
Oh god!

HELEN
A wheelchair? What do you ... I don't understand.

MERV
He's not in a wheelchair. He can walk. He's ...

SCOTTY (O.S.)
Hello! Anyone back there? Everyone decent?

HELEN
Just a minute!
(to Merv)
For God's sake what the hell happened to him?

SCOTTY (O.S.)
I'm coming back there!

RUBY
(yelling off)
Not yet! I'm putting on my robe!

MERV
It's his ... it's his ...
 37.

SCOTTY (O.S.)
I'm counting to five!

HELEN
Merv!

SCOTTY (O.S.)
One!

TILLIE
It'll be okay.

SCOTTY (O.S.)
Two!

TILLIE
Just act natural. Whatever ...

SCOTTY (O.S.)
Three!

TILLIE
Whatever it is!

SCOTTY (O.S.)
Four!

RUBY
I can't do this.

SCOTTY (O.S.)
Five!

(A moment passes.)

SCOTTY (O.S.)
Bottles is with me, and he wants to know if he can come
back!

LOTTIE
Tell him he knows the rules!

(Another pause. Bottles enters,

wearing his glasses.)

THE LADIES
Specs!

(Bottles is thrown. Scotty enters,

laughing. Hisleft arm is missing
below the elbow, replaced by a
hook.)
 38.

SCOTTY
They still doing that to you, son?

BOTTLES
He said it was okay!

SCOTTY
So you're blind and deaf!

BOTTLES
At least I can still twiddle my thumbs.

HELEN
Scott.

(HELEN rushes him with an embrace.)

SCOTTY
Hey ya, Helen. I've missed you, too.

RUBY
What happened!

SCOTTY
(of the hook)
Right. This.

HELEN
(of the hook)
Oh, Scott. this has to be a put-on.

SCOTTY
I'm afraid not. I know you're probably all worried for me,
but you don't have to be. the truth is, this happened pretty
early on. I've gotten used to this thing now, and it's like
I'm not even--

HELEN
Used to it? How long have you been back?

SCOTTY
Helen, I've been in Oak Knoll.

LOTTIE
The naval hospital?

WILMA
As in sailors?

SCOTTY
Yeah, imagine me hanging out with a bunch of sailors!

(Helen runs from the room.)

 39.

SCOTTY
What was that all about?

(silence)

ETHEL
Well!
(She plants one on Scotty.)
Welcome home!

SCOTTY
I should find Helen.

(Scotty pursues Helen. Bottles

follows.)

RUBY
(to Ethel)
What the hell was that?

ETHEL
When in doubt, kiss?

TILLIE

(Tillie retrieves knitting and

begins fussing with it. Merv has
sat down at the piano, and is
staring off into space.)

LOTTIE
Merv?

MERV
What?
(rising)
Not in the mood for a song, girls. We're ... the doors are
open. Curtain in ten. If you want a drink before the show
...

(Merv exits.)

LOTTIE
You know what this means?

WILMA
Helen's got some explaining to do.

LOTTIE
Not that! The bar's open. Our messenger!

WILMA
Oh! Yank!
 40.

LOTTIE
I'm ready. Do I look ready?

WILMA
You look ready. Uh, powder off. How do I look?

LOTTIE
Like my sister.

WILMA
I have a couple of our other pictures.

LOTTIE
Great. Lets hit it!

(Wilma and Lottie squeal and exit.)

TILLIE
Those two are like puppies.

RUBY
Chipmunks.
(pause. Of Tillie's knitting)
I wish I had something like that.

TILLIE
A sister?

RUBY
A hobby. I don't know, maybe I should start smoking.

TILLIE
That is a stupid, obsessive habit.

RUBY
What do you call that?

TILLIE
Leave it alone.

RUBY
You only knit when you're anxious.

TILLIE
If thats true then why havent I gotten anything finished?

RUBY
It's Scotty. I feel the same way.

TILLIE
No, sweetheart. I'm not worried about Scotty. I'm worried
for Helen.
 41.

RUBY
Why?

TILLIE
As much as I disapprove, shes is the captain of her own
ship. All that confidence is going overboard. Mark my words.

RUBY
Well I hope so. Scotty deserves someone more devoted to him.

TILLIE
(eying Ruby)
I think he already has a devotee.

(Scotty and Bottles enter.)

BOTTLES
Well find her, chum. When we do, well tan her hide for
running!

SCOTTY
Sounds swell.

BOTTLES
You guys see who decided to clock in? Looks like I'm back to
playing second trumpet parts.

TILLIE
Specs!

(Bottles takes off his glasses.)

BOTTLES
Now why do I have to take 'em off when old two-eyes here is
allowed to take in the sights like a tourist?

(Scotty grabs Bottles and tries to

smooch him.)

SCOTTY
I only have eyes for you anyway, Bottles.

BOTTLES
Get off of me you big oaf. You'll scratch me with that
thing.

TILLIE
Bottles!

SCOTTY
Its okay, Tillie. Really, I know its got to be a shock, but
it's no big deal. I got off easy!
 42.

BOTTLES
Yeah. We're the ones stuck looking at your ugly mug. So when
you coming back? Tonight? I've kept your horn in shape while
you were gone. There's a little tarnish on it, but other
than that it's tip top!

SCOTTY
Well see.

BOTTLES
Of course you're coming back. Hey, who wouldn't want a life
like this? Pretty girls, swinging tunes -- what more could
any man want?

ETHEL
Hello, Bernard.

BOTTLES
Hello.
(to Scotty)
Just you wait. We're doing some new stuff, this one old
rag,man I don't know where Merv finds this stuff!

ETHEL
Bernard ...

BOTTLES
Not now.

SCOTTY
Whos your friend?

BOTTLES
This kid?

ETHEL
Kid! That tears it! You look here, Henry Bernard Howard!
Youmay be nearsighted as an owl, but I'll be damned if
you're going to look past me one more time!

SCOTTY
I like this girl!

ETHEL
So here's what's going to happen. You are taking me to the
Alexandria to see the Rita Hayworth picture, you are taking
me for a cup ofcoffee at the drugstore after, and then we
are going to kiss.

BOTTLES
Do I have a say in this?

SCOTTY
Son, shut up!
 43.

ETHEL
In fact ...
(building up courage)
Lets seal the deal right now!

(Ethel grabs Bottles by his fat

face and plants one on him.)

ETHEL
Tonight. After the second show. Bring some spending money
because I like popcorn!

(Ethel exits.)

BOTTLES
Did I just get married?

SCOTTY
Well I'll say this much for her: shes one friendly honey.
Not a bad kisser, either.

BOTTLES
What?

SCOTTY
I tell you what. Dig out my horn. you can show me the new
stuff you're playing.

BOTTLES
Absolutely!
(exiting)
Wait, when did she kiss you?

(Scotty and Bottles exit.)

RUBY
Boys.

TILLIE
It is nice to hear the familiar baritone ring. I suppose
they'll be back to performing practical jokes.

RUBY
Looking forward to it.

(Helen enters, glancing around for

Scotty first.)

HELEN
Is he in here?

RUBY
He's humoring Bottles.
 44.

HELEN
The music closet. That should keep him occupied for a while.

(Helen returns to her station.)

RUBY
All this time I thought you were calloused and headstrong.
It turns out you're just plain fickle.

HELEN
Don't sugarcoat it.

RUBY
There are so many things I wish I had the courage to say
right now. Someday, Helen. Someday.

(Ruby exits.)

HELEN
What?

TILLIE
She's afraid you're going to break Scotty's heart.

HELEN
Break his heart. Maybe I won't! Maybe I'll ...

TILLIE
Settle down? Three children, white picket fence?

HELEN
Doesn't sound like my gig, does it?

TILLIE
Not particularly. But I suppose that's part of your charm.

HELEN
Thanks. I guess.
(pause)
I don't know how you do it.

TILLIE
Knit one, purl one. Easy as pie. I've tried to teach you ...

HELEN
Not that. Matrimony. You and James.

TILLIE
Oh.

HELEN
Men drive me nuts.
 45.

TILLIE
I know. I'm familiar with your track record.

HELEN
Not that kind of nuts. I'm talking crazy. It's like they
don't know what they want to be.

TILLIE
What would you have them be?

HELEN
I don't know.

TILLIE
When I met James, it was the middle of January. Pouring down
rain, like water through a colander. I step out of this
little cafeteria over on Prospect and guess what? No
umbrella. I see this guy across the street, just a
silhouette, really. Out of nowhere, he comes charging at me,
cars swerving to miss him ... in the process turning his
umbrella inside out. You know? Poof. He gets to me,
wheezing, sopping wet, and hands me this sad, broken
umbrella. "Here," he says. "Stay dry." Well, he is a sight.
I start laughing. He steams, saying, "Well you try to do a
good deed!" I apologize, and take him inside for a cup of
coffee.

HELEN
And that's how you met the father of your children?

TILLIE
Yes. And I knew it the moment he handed me that sad, broken
umbrella.

HELEN
Casanova as played by Bing Crosby.

TILLIE
At least they try. They're as lost as we are, sweetie.

HELEN
Well that works for the girl next door.
(pause)
I need to get onstage in a few.

(Helen rises to leave)

TILLIE
You can sample them all, but you're never gonna find
perfection. He doesn't exist. Neither does the perfect
woman. We're all a bunch of odd socks, looking for our mate.

HELEN
Thank you Tillie. Maybe you can knit me a husband.

(Scotty enters, horn in hand.)

 46.

SCOTTY
Do you ladies have a cloth I can ...

HELEN
Well, you found me. Now you hide. I'll count to twenty.

TILLIE
I just had a thought. You like soup? Chicken dumplings, just
like your momma used to make.

SCOTTY
I haven't had a decent dumpling in forever. I would love
some. Thank you.

TILLIE
They're a little cold ...

SCOTTY
They're still dumplings.

TILLIE
You boys don't get much homemade grub I suppose.

SCOTTY
Not much, no.

TILLIE
Here you go.
(uncomfortable silence)
You two need to talk. Tillie needs to visit the little
girl's room. Helen, sit.
(Helen continues to stand)
Smooth it over you two. Whatever you have to say to each
other, say it.

(Tillie takes her knitting and

exits.)

HELEN
You want coffee to go with that? Ethel makes the best
coffee.

SCOTTY
Yes. Please. Ethel's the new girl?

HELEN
Yeah.

SCOTTY
I think Bottles is sweet on her. He just doesn't realize it
yet, the big goof.

HELEN
Black?
 47.

SCOTTY
Sure thing. I can't remember the last time you got me a cup
of coffee.
(pause)
Jesus. I've been gone a lifetime.

HELEN
It just seems that way.
(of the hook)
Does it hurt much?

SCOTTY
Not anymore.
(awkward pause.)
I try not to dwell on it. There was something F-D-R said.
(as FDR:)
"Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their
own minds."

HELEN
That's a cheery thought.

(Scotty laughs.)

SCOTTY
Unless you happen to be pinned down in the mud by sniper
fire. At that moment, you feel a prisoner of fate.
(pause)
These are good.

HELEN
It's Ruby's recipe. She's quite the cook.

SCOTTY
Yeah. I remember.

HELEN
How long have you been back?

SCOTTY
A few months. Five months.

HELEN
Five months? Scott!

SCOTTY
Just listen, okay? I was in no state for the first few
weeks. The last thing I remembered was getting hit. I woke
up at Oak Knoll. They kept me pretty sedated the first
couple of days. As I woke up I began to realize what had
happened to me. It was a slow process. For that I'm
grateful, because I don't know what I would've done if it
all hit me at once. The doctor had a long talk with me. He
really was a great guy. He explained what happened ... I
don't want to go into specifics. There was no saving it. But
(MORE)
 48.

SCOTTY (CONT'D)
he said I was strong, and I was recovering well. I can't
tell you, Helen, he was the right guy to tell me all this.
Anyway, he introduces me to this big guy,a Navy guy, but I
don't hold that against him. 'Cause this guy, he lost both
arms in a training exercise. And he's wearing two of these
things, and Helen, he's doing fine. I'm doing fine.

HELEN
You should have told me you we're back.

SCOTTY
I wanted to get straight with this first, so you wouldn't
worry.

HELEN
Five months and not so much as a letter or anything. You
could've been dead. We've been following the action in
Guadalcanal. Tillie's husband is in the mix down there.
We've all been fretting it, afraid of getting the telegram.

SCOTTY
They only give those to the wives.

(Pause)

HELEN
So you're back.

SCOTTY
I am. And I want to be with you. It's all I've thought about
since I shipped out.

HELEN
Oh come on. You probably had a girl in every port.

SCOTTY
No. I wouldn't ... Helen, you're my girl.

HELEN
Yeah.

SCOTTY
You haven't forgotten, have you?

HELEN
Well you know ...

SCOTTY
Of course you haven't.

HELEN
This is all a bit strange for me.
 49.

SCOTTY
For me, too. I thought I'd never see you again. What
happened to me was a blessing. It brought me back to you.

HELEN
I guess I thought I'd never see you again, either.

SCOTTY
You remember the last thing you told me?

HELEN
My memory is a bit fuzzy ...

SCOTTY
Let me remind you.

(Scotty brings out an old, dog-

eared letter. Ruby enters and hangs
back, watching and listening.)

HELEN
Is that ... the letter?

SCOTTY
(reading:)
"Dearest Scotty. These last few hours are torture. We've
just said our goodbyes over coffee, and I've gone back to my
room to cry, and to tell you how much I love you. You're the
bravest guy ..."
(to her)
I'm gonna skip that part.
(reading)
"Suddenly this big city seems so very daunting and sinister.
I wish I would have you here to guide my way. Somehow I
guess I'll cope. But only because I know that each day
you're away places me a day closer to your return."
(to her)
I'm back, Helen. I'm really back.

HELEN
You really are.

SCOTTY
Let's go somewhere. I need to be with you.

HELEN
Okay, ease up there cowboy. I have two performances tonight.

SCOTTY
Of course. I can wait. Baby, I've been waiting for two
years.

HELEN
Yes you have. And I am so happy to see you.
 50.

SCOTTY
(noticing Ruby)
Ruby!

RUBY
No need for you to be embarrassed. Helen.

HELEN
Ruby.

RUBY
Merv is having a heart attack. He can't figure out the note
you gave him about your number.

HELEN
Do I have to explain everything to that man? How long has he
been playing piano, since last week? Honestly. Scotty, well
catch up more. I promise. But right now is a strange time
for me. I'm dancing and working, and I barely have time to
sleep, let alone ... make time. Uh, so ... I promise you
though, we'll hit the town and really kick up our heels.
Soon.

SCOTTY
Oh. Well, I certainly understand. It's unfair of me to show
up out of nowhere and expect you to drop everything you have
going on. I really mean that. But Helen ...

HELEN
Yes?

SCOTTY
I was kind of hoping that I could ... This is forward of me,
and all but ... I need someplace to stay.

HELEN
Well. You're ... staying with us! Ruby and I still have the
little place over that hardware store. Plenty of room for
one more. You don't mind, do you, Ruby?

RUBY
Of course not.

SCOTTY
That's great! It's only temporary. Just until I find a new
place.

HELEN
You sticking around for the show?

SCOTTY
If it's okay, I'd like to get some shut-eye. I'm not used to
our old schedule.
 51.

HELEN
You remember the way back?

SCOTTY
I ran over it every night in my mind.

(Scotty reaches in to kiss her. She

turns her head so he only manages
to kiss her cheek.)

HELEN
The key's on the counter. See you back ... home.

(Helen exits.)

SCOTTY
It is so good to see her again.

RUBY
She's a peach.

SCOTTY
Something's not right.

RUBY
You said it.

SCOTTY
How's that?

RUBY
Oh, you know. She's mouthy. Drinks all the coffee, hogs the
stage. And she's impossibly territorial when it comes to her
hairbrush.

SCOTTY
She seems a little distant.

RUBY
Scotty, there's something you should know. And something I
want to tell you.

SCOTTY
Yeah?

RUBY
When you went away, Helen, she ... she really missed you. I
don't think she ever really recovered. Some things changed.
And now, the shock of seeing you back, ... I know Helen
better than just about anyone. And I can tell that she's
overjoyed to have you back. But she's been without you for
so long that it's as if you're not real. She can see you,
and talk to you, but she doesn't feel like she can have you.
(RUBY grabs his hand)
She can touch you, but she can't quite tell you how she
(MORE)
 52.

RUBY (CONT'D)
feels about you. How much she loves you. Because she does,
she really does love you.

(pause)

SCOTTY
Ruby, I don't know what to say.
(pause)
Thank you. I feel so much better! You really do the trick.

RUBY
If only.

SCOTTY
I'm exhausted. Don't tell anyone, but I've been pacing the
street for the last half hour, trying to work up the courage
to come in.

RUBY
Wow. Our little secret. You can trust me.

SCOTTY
I always could.

(Scotty gives her a kiss on the

cheek and exits. Ruby stands there
for a moment, places her hand over
where we kissed her, and moves her
hand to her lips. Betty Jo and Merv
enter, arguing. Ruby sits at her
station, touching up her makeup.)

BETTY JO
Just the same, he's back and he's drawing air.

MERV
You putting him back in the bandstand?

BETTY JO
He wouldn't be back here if he didn't want to work.

MERV
I still say you shouldn't rush him.

BETTY JO
(abrupt)
Of course I should! He'll never get any better if I don't!

(pause)
 53.

MERV
Betty Jo Bradshaw. For some thirty years now we've worked
together. We've seen some good times, we've seen some nasty.
I believe I know you, Betty Jo, even better than you know
yourself. And you, my friend, are upset.

BETTY JO
You have some nerve.

MERV
Scotty knew what he was getting into when he shipped out.
He's a grown man. And he's not suffering. Just let him be.

(pause)

BETTY JO
You're on after the next number

(BETTY JO leaves)

RUBY
Everything okay?

MERV
Yeah. Fine and dandy. That hard-headed woman is in her
ownfantasy world, but other than that ... No. Everything is
not fine. This whole thing is a big shock.

RUBY
Scotty.

MERV
It's a damn shame.

RUBY
I just wish I could do something for him.

MERV
I know what you mean.
(pause)
I was supposed to fight in the Great War. Me and my best
buddy Al. We had it all planned out. We'd watch each other's
backs, see? If Gerry tried to sneak up on one of us, the
other would be there with a quick bayonet to the throat!

RUBY
Charming.

MERV
Don't tease an old man.
 54.

RUBY
Who's teasing? Boys will be boys. I think it's charming that
you two were willing to scuttle Gerry for each other. Did
you race your petfrogs, too?

MERV
Yes we did! And bless you for reminding me. Anyway. We both
presented ourselves to the US Army. Uncle Sam. You want us,
you got us! They didnt want me. They took Al.

RUBY
Flat feet?

MERV
Let's just say the US Army didn't feel that I measured up.
Anyway. I kept in contact with Al, writing letters. I moved
to Chicago, playing banjo and pi-nanner in seedy little
vaudeville clubs, all the while looking forward to seeing Al
again.

(A heavy pause.)

RUBY
You weren't there with the bayonet.

MERV
No I wasn't. I considered it a personal failing, that I
...didn't measure up. That I wasn't there.
(an emotional moment)
I'm sorry. I loved him.
(silence)
I couldn't be there to save him. I wanted to be there to
carry him those last steps. His mother -- she didn't approve
of us. Being friends. She wouldn't let me be a pall bearer.
Well, that's not fair. Shedidn't ask me to do it. That's not
the same thing as forbidding me from.

RUBY
She should've let you.

MERV
It's a mother's prerogative, but I felt "undone" about it.
Like that feeling you get sometimes when you know you've
forgotten something important, but you can't quite put your
finger on what. Uneasiness. General malaise.

RUBY
Like you're carrying a load of bricks on your shoulders, and
you just can't shake them off.

MERV
I had the opportunity soon after to go "over there" and
tour. That's where I met Betty Jo. You should have seen her
skinny ass in a flapper dress. It wasn't until France,
pounding away at the keys for them greasy, muddy, dirty,
(MORE)
 55.

MERV (CONT'D)
tired doughboys that I began to feel a little bit right.
(pause)
Ruby, get out of here. You have an opportunity that few men
have, let alone women.

RUBY
I'm scared, Merv. These birds aren't like my dad's old
Jenny. What if I don't make the cut?

MERV
Take the chance. You're stuck on this guy. And it's gonna
eatat you. It's gonna at eat you until you do something. You
can't change what's happened. But you have the choice to go
forward from this day, and do your damnedest ... the only
way you can.

RUBY
But I have a life here ...

MERV
Ruby, you're fired.
(They share a moment.)
How you fixed for cash? You have enough for the bus or train
or whatever it is ...

RUBY
I am a little short.

MERV
(bringing out cash)
Take this. Don't argue with an old man. Just give me a call
when you get wherever it is you're going. And write when you
get the chance.

RUBY
What do I tell the girls?

MERV
Don't worry about them. I'll tell them you were shanghaied.
Goodbye, Ruby.

RUBY
Thanks Merv. This isn't goodbye. I'll be back.

MERV
Go on, get.

(She leaves. Merv looks around at

the empty dressing room. He sits at
the piano. He takes out his pocket
watch and opens it. He retrieves a
photo. He looks at it for a moment.
He puts it back, and closes the
pocketwatch. He plays and sings,
slowly and with feeling:)
 56.

MERV
Don't take my darling boy away from me, Don't send him off
to war ...

(He stops abruptly, overwhelmed

with emotion.)

ETHEL
(entering)
Five minutes Ruby ... Where'd she go?

MERV
Ruby's left.

ETHEL
Left!

MERV
Off to seek her destiny.

ETHEL
There's no time for that! She's on in five!

MERV
C'est la vie!
(pause)
Now here's a thought. How would you like to dance?

(CURTAIN)

(END OF ACT ONE)

 57.

ACT II

SETTING: Same as before, but a bit

more lived-in. Ruby's oldstation
has been taken over by Ethel.

AT RISE: Tillie is crouched behind

a standing Ethel, paintingon a pair
of stockings. Ethel has her skirt
clutched about her waist.

ETHEL
I'm very ticklish.

TILLIE
Well try not to laugh or your seams'll be crooked.

ETHEL
Say, this sure looks real!

TILLIE
What can I say? I am an artiste!

BOTTLES
(entering)
Hey Ethel ...

TILLIE
Specs!

(He removes his glasses)

ETHEL
I'm mostly decent.

TILLIE
Force of habit.

BOTTLES
I need to talk to you. In private, if possible.

TILLIE
Not possible, honey. I'm painting on her seams. But I've
heard it all, if that's any consolation.

BOTTLES
Look, it's about the other night.

ETHEL
I don't want to talk about it.

BOTTLES
I don't know what got into me.
 58.

ETHEL
I don't want to talk about it!

TILLIE
Stop moving.

BOTTLES
I wasn't myself ... I never do ... things like that. You
have to believe me!

ETHEL
Bottles!

TILLIE
I'm going to smudge.

ETHEL
This conversation is over for good!

BOTTLES
We have to talk about what happened ... what I did!

TILLIE
(To Ethel)
Sweetheart, unless you want squiggles instead of a straight
line, I suggest you take some deep breaths.
(To Bottles)
And you! You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Whatever you
did!

BOTTLES
But you don't even know what I ...

TILLIE
I don't need to see the effect it's had on my fellow. Now
hit the bricks or I'll tell Betty Jo you've been sniffing
the unmentionables!

BOTTLES
You wouldn't.

(He stays for a moment. He realizes

she would, and exits.)

TILLIE
Just out of my own sordid curiosity, did he do what I think
he did?

ETHEL
Depends on what you think he did.

TILLIE
Make his move? Get assertively amorous? Invade Poland, if
you catch my drift?
 59.

ETHEL
I wish! My god! Back when I was a younger girl, but still a
young woman, you know? My daddy had to keep the shotgun
handy to chase off all manner of lech. See, Momma was a lazy
seamstress, and all my frocks were built for a girl without
certain ... developments. I took to wearing one of Pater's
old pair of overalls, but that didn't really help the
situation.

TILLIE
What is it about a suddenly busty girl in pair of loose
overalls that just drives the menfolk wild?

ETHEL
My guess is it's the busty girl.

TILLIE
No doubt.

ETHEL
So I'm lucky that my first word as a baby was "no." Because
I needed a lifetime of training to maintain my virtue. Some
of them migrant farmers are God awful ugly. But some of
them?

(ETHEL giggles)

TILLIE
Oh sorry ... was that me?

ETHEL
No, no. I was just thinking, how a few years ago I thought
that a guy with most of his teeth and a head full of pomade
was the ideal man.

TILLIE
That's not so strange.

ETHEL
It is after you've been around men in uniform. I'm beginning
to think Helen had it right. You know. Before Scotty came
back.

TILLIE
Never tell her I said this, but there's no excuse for that
kind of tramping about.

ETHEL
No excuse? Are you as blind as Bottles?

TILLIE
What about Bottles? He's certainly no Clark Gable.
 60.

ETHEL
He's barely even a Bud Abbott. What do I see in him? Why do
I let him frustrate me so?

TILLIE
He's a good guy?

ETHEL
He can be sweet, in his own goofy way.

TILLIE
So what did he do to you the other night to make you so
angry?

ETHEL
We've been dating a while, yeah? We were at Playland-at-the-
Beach. He went off to get some cotton candy, and forgot
about me. He actually hopped the car back home when he
remembered.

TILLIE
Oh, dear.

ETHEL
How do you forgive a guy for that? Not only does he keep his
hands to himself when I'd rather he share 'em. He forgot he
was on a date with me!

LOTTIE (O.S.)
No good, two-faced, back-stabbing ...

WILMA (O.S.)
Is it my fault you're ugly as sin?

LOTTIE
(entering)
Do not even sit next to me!

WILMA
(entering)
Why should I move? I'm going to be a star!

TILLIE
How'd the screen test go, ladies?

LOTTIE
How did it go? Let me tell you. I invite this one along for
moral support. And because she's got some gas rations she
ain't used, right? First off, she shows up at my flat
wearing that ... slip she calls a dress! The whole drive
down to Hollywood, she won't shut up about her big
photoshoot.You'd think she was Betty Grable the way she's
carrying on.
 61.

WILMA
Apparently I'm not the only one!

LOTTIE
Do not interrupt me. We roll through those beautiful
Paramount gates, make it to the studio, and Miss Attention
Grabber starts gamming it up for the suits.

WILMA
I was not gamming it up!

LOTTIE
Yes you were! Look sister, you want to piggyback on me, I'm
gonna start charging a percentage. On second thought, I'm
done carrying you. From now on, you're on your own!

WILMA
Well that's just swell!

(They sit.)

WILMA
I am not moving!

LOTTIE
Neither am I!

WILMA
Fine!
(to ETHEL)
Do you mind if I borrow your hairbrush?

TILLIE
What happened?

LOTTIE
I'd rather not talk about it.

ETHEL
Sure.
(to TILLIE)
What's this all about?

WILMA
Of course you'd rather not!

LOTTIE
What's that supposed to mean?

TILLIE
I don't know. Mind the paint. Ladies, please!

WILMA
Oh! I just noticed your legs!
 62.

LOTTIE
Ladies? Ha!

ETHEL
Oh yes. Tillie painted them.

TILLIE
Lottie, I'm sure Wilma didn't mean to ...

WILMA
What didn't I mean to do?

TILLIE
You two are like sisters, literally, twice nightly. Don't go
to pieces over some stupid screen test.

LOTTIE
Stupid? Ha!

WILMA
It's not my fault! How many times do I have to say it?

LOTTIE
You can say it until your voice grows as thin as your hair!

WILMA
Well. You don't so much turn a phrase as stick it in
someone's back and turn!

(Wilma exits through the stage

door.)

LOTTIE
I have to talk to Betty Jo. I will not share the stage with
that ... that !

(Lottie exits to the stage.)

TILLIE
And I thought the blitzkrieg was just in Europe.
(of the seams)
Done! Now we need to air dry them.

(Scotty enters with his trumpet.

He's looking pretty glum.)

TILLIE
Why so glum, chum?

SCOTTY
Same old story.

TILLIE
What is it this time?
 63.

SCOTTY
I accidentally jumbled her costume. I dropped her wardrobe
bag and ... you know the rest.

TILLIE
Well, chin up. She always gets this way when she debuts a
number.

SCOTTY
I suppose.

TILLIE
That gives me an idea. Helen's fans. Onstage! Well have
these legs dry in no time!

(Tillie and Ethel exit. Scotty

field strips his trumpet,prepping
it for cleaning and polishing. He
whistles as he works, polishing
thehorn. Ruby enters, spots him.)

RUBY
Field stripping the old horn?

SCOTTY
Still cleaning the tarnish off.

RUBY
You Marines are all alike.

SCOTTY
Ruby?
(He turns to see her.)
Oh my God!

(He jumps up to hug her. Its a

spontaneous gesture, but a bit too
intimate. He steps away nervously
from her. Covering:)

RUBY
It's me.

SCOTTY
When did you get back to the city?

RUBY
Just a couple of hours ago. I get to fly a bomber!

SCOTTY
What a gas! A bomber!
 64.

RUBY
I can't believe it either. But it's needed in San Diego, and
this is what I do.

SCOTTY
Wow. I'm just ... we're all just so proud of you.

RUBY
It's nothing, really. Not much different from dads old
Jenny.

SCOTTY
Listen to you. The old war vet.

RUBY
Hey now, watch who you're calling old!

SCOTTY
(saluting)
Yes ma'am!

RUBY
At ease, Private. We're not regular military anyhow. Still
just civilians. This costume's more for show.

SCOTTY
Well it suits you.
(pause)
I mean, you look official.

RUBY
Well, thank you. And I see you're getting back into the
swing of things around here.

SCOTTY
Trying to. Have you seen Helen?

RUBY
Not yet. I'm just getting in. I was hoping to ... have a
word...

SCOTTY
Yeah, well, no doubt she's off arguing with Merv. New number
and all. And he's playing too fast or else missing a verse
or who knows.

RUBY
I'll see her if I get the chance.
(pause)
Scotty. I don't have a lot of time here, but I wanted to see
you ...
 65.

SCOTTY
Oh sure! Well it's great to see you, too!
(yelling off)
Hey ladies ... come see who wandered in from the wilderness!

RUBY
I'd rather be alone for just a few minutes ... I have to
tell you ...

SCOTTY
I should probably put this thing back together again. Lend
me a hand? I'm a bit short.

(Ruby laughs, and quickly stifles

it.)

RUBY
That's not funny.

SCOTTY
Sure it is. Hey, if we can't laugh at misfortune, what can
we do?

RUBY
Run from it.

SCOTTY
How's that?

RUBY
Nevermind.
(pause)
Scotty, I ...

MERV
(entering)
Well I'll be damned! Kill the fatted calf, Betty Jo! Our
girl's home!
(embracing her)
Ruby! Oh baby is it ever good to see you!

(Tillie and Ethel rush back in)

TILLIE
Oh goodness gracious me! Our Ruby is back!

ETHEL
Ruby!

(Ruby is swamped. She smiles

through it it all, perhaps a bit
uncomfortable from all the
attention.)
 66.

MERV
Give her some room girls, give her some room.

(The ladies back away. Merv goes in

for another hug.)

TILLIE
You really left us in the lurch, kiddo.

RUBY
I'm sorry about that.

MERV
(disengaged)
But you've really made something of yourself.

ETHEL
I've been filling in for you!

RUBY
You have?

TILLIE
You back for good, or is this just a fly by?

RUBY
Just a fly by. I can't stay for long.

HELEN
(entering)
Goddammit! Has anyone seen my fans? There's two of them and
they're feathery. Well, what's wrong? Why are you all just
standing around like...

(She sees Ruby. A pause.)

HELEN
(To Ruby)
How are things up in the air?

RUBY
Stellar. And life on the ground?

HELEN
Rolling along.
(pause)
Or it will be if I can find my fans. Excuse me.

(Helen exits)

MERV
She'll come around.

(Wilma and Lottie reenter,

bickering.)
 67.

WILMA
Now you're just being pigheaded.

LOTTIE
You're the one to talk! With your upturned nose!

WILMA
As least I'm not pigeon-toed like you!

RUBY
Hello, ladies.

LOTTIE
Hey Ruby.
(to Wilma)
Pigeon-toed, ha! You love my feet, admit it!
(pause.)
Ruby!

(Lottie and Wilma hug Ruby, and

each other in the process. They
creep away from each other.)

WILMA
Look at you! A real pilot!

LOTTIE
Shes always been a real pilot, you idiot.
(to Ruby)
I love your uniform!

RUBY
Thank you ... and how are you two?

LOTTIE
There is no us two. Not anymore.

MERV
Alright, that tears it. Tillie and Ethel, why don't you take
the prodigal daughter out to find Mother Bradshaw?

TILLIE
Great idea. Let's go find Betty Jo.

ETHEL
That's a great idea. Come along, Ruby! I have to show you
the new lights we've put in!

(Ruby allows herself to be dragged

out by Ethel. Tillie, Ruby, and
Ethel exit.)

MERV
Alright. Court's in session. Spill, you two.
 68.

LOTTIE
She stole my screentest.

WILMA
I did not steal anything!

MERV
So I've heard the whole story. Here's what I want to know:
Did you or did you not gam it up for the suits?

WILMA
Maybe I gammed it up a little bit.

LOTTIE
Aha!

MERV
(pounding a heel on a table)
Order in the court!
(to WILMA)
The witness will proceed.

WILMA
It's just ... we do everything together! When she got this
screentest, it was like she was ...

MERV
Yes?

WILMA
Stepping out on me.

MERV
So.

LOTTIE
You told me you were okay with it.

WILMA
Well, I lied. I'm not okay with it. We're a team, or at
least I thought so! When you told me about this screentest,
well at first I thought you meant both of us. I didnt
realize it was just for you until you asked me to drive down
to Hollywood with you.

LOTTIE
You self-centered brat!

WILMA
Me, self-centered? Look in the mirror honey!

LOTTIE
Don't call me honey, babe.
 69.

WILMA
I'm not your babe, lady!

MERV
Lets not start that.

WILMA
Fine! You know what? I quit! You can take this club and that
penny-ante ass-wiggler and go to hell!

(Wilma exits to the outside.)

LOTTIE
Good riddance to bad rubbish!
(to Merv)
If she hadn't quit, I would have!

(Lottie exits to the stage.)

MERV
Well!
(playing and singing)
I'm forever blowing bubbles. Pretty bubbles in the air. They
fly so high, nearly reach the sky, then like my dreams, they
fade and die.
(speaking)
Come on, sing along!
(pause)
Anybody?

(Ethel rushes in, panicked, looking

for a hiding place.)

MERV
Ah, my favorite Okie ...

ETHEL
Hide me, Merv, hide me!

MERV
Behind the screen. Geez ...

(Agnes enters, with Betty Jo and

Ruby in tow.)

AGNES
She came this way.

BETTY JO
Look, just cause you have on a uniform doesn't mean you get
to barge around here like you own the place.
 70.

AGNES
Miss Bradshaw, I am well aware that there is an underage
girl dancing in this establishment, and I intend to see her
off the stage effective immediately!

BETTY JO
She ain't underage! I keep telling you ...

AGNES
Then surely you wouldnt object to a few questions to verify?
If everything is on the up and up, why then, there can be no
harm!

RUBY
Miss Fairweather, I can assure you that Ethel is no minor.
She is old enough to dance.

AGNES
Well, speaking of uniforms, surely you can understand that
simply because you wear one that doesn't guarantee your
veracity. What proof do you have?

(pause)

RUBY
We went to school together.

(pause)

AGNES
Nonsense. Her parents are farmers.

RUBY
Yes. And my dad was a crop duster after the Great War. We
moved around a lot, following the work. I met Ethel for the
first time in a Barstow school house. We are the same age.

AGNES
Is that so?

RUBY
Yes.

AGNES
You are absolutely positive shes the age of majority?

RUBY
Absolutely positive. I would tell you to ask my dad but
...dad's no longer with us. He died last spring. It was ...
sudden.
 71.

AGNES
My. Well, I'm surely sorry to have reminded you of your
tragedy. You certainly seem to be telling the truth. I'll
let it slide for now, but I warn you, Betty Jo: I'm keeping
an eye on things here! Vigilance!

(Agnes exits.)

ETHEL
Barstow?

RUBY
I took a stab.

ETHEL
The only thing they grow in Barstow is tumbleweed.

RUBY
Ah well. It's fortunate Agnes is so dense.

BETTY JO
Good save, Ruby. Maybe Ill forgive you a little for
tearingout on me. Were at fifteen, Merv. Ethel.

(Betty Jo exits. Helen enters.)

RUBY
Helen! I need to speak with you.

HELEN
Ruby girl, some of us still have to get ready to go on.

RUBY
I should probably do this in private.

MERV
Ethel, this is a perfect chance for us to go over your music
for the evening.

(Merv and Ethel exit.)

HELEN
You're back.

RUBY
Helen.

HELEN
It's the damnedest thing. Scotty was supposed to crash at
our apartment, remember? Only there was no you. Scotty
became a permanent resident.

RUBY
I thought you'd want it that way.
 72.

HELEN
Are you nuts? You are aware that I was taking penicillin at
the time, right? It was a living hell. And it only got
worse. I needed my best friend, and she was gone.

RUBY
I had to take my shot.

HELEN
Good for you. Really, kid, I'm glad you took your shot.

RUBY
I couldn't be here, around you and him.

HELEN
Are you being cute?

RUBY
You're going to have to shut up for a minute and listen to
me. I don't mean any offense, but if I don't get this out
all at once, I'm just going to hedge, and leave important
things unsaid.

(Agnes enters.)

AGNES
(to Ruby)
Just the person I hoped to see.
(to Helen)
Helen. Do you mind?

HELEN
Not at all. Go right ahead.

AGNES
I would like to speak with Miss Ruby in private.

HELEN
Well this is a private place. For dancers. Getting ready to
perform. Like me. Don't know if you're aware of this, but
there's this huge stretch of concrete outside that door,
hemmed in by the backs of buildings. Some folks call it an
alleyway.

RUBY
Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of her.

AGNES
Very well. I don't have time for these shenanigans, anyhow.
(to Ruby)
Barstow is not an agricultural town!

RUBY
Did I say Barstow? I meant Bakersfield.
 73.

HELEN
What's all this about?

AGNES
It's about Miss Ethel. I know she's underage.

HELEN
Ethel? Underage?

AGNES
Ruby assured me that they went to the same school when she
lived in Barstow. And that's impossible! Barstow is not an
agricultural town!

HELEN
You're overthinking this, Agnes. Of course Ethel is old
enough to dance. Have you ever heard of a little thing
called make-up?

AGNES
Of course I ...

HELEN
Don't tell her I told you this ... but Ethel's actually
older than me.

AGNES
Older than you? Impossible.

HELEN
Look. Sit here.

(Helen sits her down at a mirror.)

AGNES
What's this all about?

HELEN
Bags. You see these here?
(indicates.)
A little concealer, and they're gone!

RUBY
That's right. Put a little blush on these cheeks, and you've
taken off five years.

AGNES
Five years!

HELEN
And Agnes, listen, there's this new invention the Egyptians
came up with called lipstick.
 74.

AGNES
Oh my!

HELEN
Agnes, do you see? It's all a con. Not a dirty con, but a
con all the same. That's why they call it strip "tease."

RUBY
It's true. And look at you, Agnes. Why, I'd swear you were a
dancer yourself!

AGNES
You think so?
(collecting herself)
This is an outrage! An outrage! I'm, why I'm going to ...
(in the mirror again)
What did you do to my cheeks again?

HELEN
Look, let me give you a list of things, and you can nip into
the corner drugstore. Stock up on all the essentials.

(Scotty enters. He's looking for

something.)

SCOTTY
Well well! Who's the new chickadee?

AGNES
Chickadee!

SCOTTY
You making your debut tonight?

AGNES
Scandal! I've been taken in by your false charms!
(rising to leave)
Vigilance!

(Agnes takes the list Helen offers

and exits. Helen, Ruby and Scotty
share a good laugh.)

SCOTTY
I've never seen her so panicked!

RUBY
What a strange, old bird!

HELEN
(mocking)
Vigilance! Vigilance!
(standing to leave)
I should give Ethel the gen on the new line.
 75.

SCOTTY
New line?

RUBY
She's now the oldest dancer in the club.

HELEN
And Agnes Fairweather buys it, hook, line and sinker! What a
boob!

(Helen exits. Scotty continues to

look for something.)

SCOTTY
It's great to see you two palling around again.

RUBY
What are you looking for?

SCOTTY
I had a hat ...

RUBY
That old felt thing?

SCOTTY
Betty Jo has us in skimmers. Skimmers! Ah well. Could
beworse.

RUBY
You could be wearing a fez.

(Ruby finds a skimmer)

SCOTTY
Exactly. Merv looks like an idiot ...
(seeing the skimmer)
You found it.

RUBY
Winged thunder to the rescue.

SCOTTY
Winged what?

RUBY
Nevermind.

(She puts it on his head. Its a few

sizes too small.)

SCOTTY
How do I look?
 76.

RUBY
(laughing)
Oops.

SCOTTY
No, no, this may work.
(looking in a mirror.)
It doesn't work.

RUBY
No, it doesn't.

(Scotty removes Ruby's uniform

beret and puts the skimmer on her
head.)

SCOTTY
A perfect fit.

RUBY
I think I like my beret better.

(Something sparks. Scotty draws

close.)

SCOTTY
Hey, Ruby ...

RUBY
(pulling back)
Besides, I'm told the blue contrasts nicely with my hair.

SCOTTY
Yeah.
(catching himself.)
My hat.

(Scotty stands in place,

unthinkingly abusing Ruby's hat. He
notices what he's doing, and
nervously hands her back her hat.
He snatches the skimmer from her
head.)

RUBY
If only your head were a bit smaller.

SCOTTY
Yeah. I had the opposite problem with my first helmet. Too
big. Felt like a little kid with a bucket on his head. The
sergeant sure got sore at me. Turned out I had to adjust the
straps. I don't suppose you had any tough sergeants.
 77.

RUBY
Not per se. But Jackie can be a terror.

SCOTTY
Jackie Cochran? Tell me, is it true what they say?

RUBY
Depends on what they say.

SCOTTY
That they call you gals "Cochran's Convent?"

RUBY
True. There is a strict no fraternization rule.

SCOTTY
That's probably for the best.

RUBY
Oh, some of the girls don't think so.

(Ruby plays with his hair.)

SCOTTY
Well, I imagine. But, you know, less distraction. What are
you doing?

RUBY
You mussed your hair.

SCOTTY
You mussed my hair.

RUBY
Well, I'm straightening it.

SCOTTY
I'm wearing a hat.

RUBY
What hat?

SCOTTY
The one I lost.

RUBY
Right.

SCOTTY
(pulling away)
So ... no fraternizing. That must be rough.
 78.

RUBY
It's not so bad. It only applies to servicemen, anyway. Not
to civilians. Or veterans.

SCOTTY
(jumping up)
My hat!

(Scotty has located his hat in a

pile of costume pieces across the
room.)

RUBY
Good eyes.

SCOTTY
Yeah.

RUBY
Scotty, may I ask you a personal question?

SCOTTY
I don't mind at all.

RUBY
Why did you enlist in the Marine Corps?

SCOTTY
I was drafted, remember?

RUBY
Scotty, we both know that you enlisted.

(Helen quietly reenters and

observes.)

SCOTTY
There was a sense of duty. That's true. I wanted to grab a
piece of the fight. I think we all did, after Pearl Harbor.
But I suppose I needed to do something. Get out of here for
a while.

RUBY
I can certainly understand that. Scotty, I ...

(pause)

SCOTTY
Yes?

RUBY
I'm glad you found your hat.

(Scotty smiles at her and exits,

passing Helen.)
 79.

HELEN
Glad he found his hat.

RUBY
I still have feelings for him.

(WILMA and LOTTIE enter.)

WILMA
You want to do this? Lets do this.

LOTTIE
Fine! The sooner the better.

(Wilma and Lottie are at their

stations, sorting through their
things, divorcing their
belongings.)

RUBY
Back when I first met him, we went on a couple of dates, and
things started going a bit too fast.

WILMA
Those are my bobby pins.

RUBY
Scotty was a perfect gentleman, don't misunderstand. It was
me. I found myself getting a little out of hand and I was
scared. He lights me on fire.

LOTTIE
You have my tissues. These earrings are yours.

WILMA
You took my earrings?

RUBY
So you came around, and the two of you hit it off. I didn't
think I had any room to complain, after all I broke it off
with Scotty. And you didn't know any of this. So I pined.

LOTTIE
You took my locket!

WILMA
This old thing? You can have it back.

RUBY
When he went to war, I told you "I may write him from time
to time." You told me to go right ahead. So I did. I wrote
him everyday, actually. Some of the letters I actually sent.
Some of the letters I got to the postal box and decided
against sending. Letters telling him what I'm telling you.
 80.

LOTTIE
Is that my turkey feather boa?

WILMA
No, its mine. You gave it to me.

LOTTIE
Well I didnt give you My Friend Flicka!

WILMA
Take it. Its a stupid book, anyhow.

LOTTIE
You told me you loved it.

WILMA
I lied! Youre so overbearing about this stuff. I hate
thislocket. It looks cheap. I hate your taste in costumes, I
hate your taste inmusic. I hate this hairclip, I hate
butterflies, I hate the color green and I hate My Friend
Flicka.

HELEN
(to Wilma and Lottie)
Will you two shut the Hell up?

LOTTIE
What's it to you?

HELEN
This is all just sound and fury. You're not going to go
through with it!

WILMA
Maybe we will!

HELEN
And break up a good act? Come on. You two couldn't be closer
if you were actual sisters.

RUBY
Helen, I'm trying to tell you --

HELEN
This routine is tired!

RUBY
I love Scotty.

HELEN
(to Ruby)
I know!

(Ruby exits, astonished.)

 81.

LOTTIE
I don't want to split up.

WILMA
Me either. I like dancing with you.

LOTTIE
But you don't like the act.

WILMA
I like the act just fine.

LOTTIE
We can change the music, or the costumes, or ...

WILMA
Its okay. It really is.

LOTTIE
I'm sorry.

WILMA
I'm sorry too.

(Bottles comes crashing in from

outside with a ridiculous flower
arrangement.)

BOTTLES
Ethel! Ethel!

HELEN
Hold it down, son.

WILMA
Let's tell Betty Jo we're still doing the number.

LOTTIE
Are you sure?

BOTTLES
Ethel!

WILMA
Let's do it.

(Lottie and Wilma exit.)

BOTTLES
Have you seen Ethel?
 82.

HELEN
She's in the house.
(of flowers, sweetly)
Are those for me?

BOTTLES
What? No! They're for Ethel. Ethel!

HELEN
What the hell did you do to her?

BOTTLES
Nothing. I did nothing.

HELEN
Oh. I see. And you should have done something.

BOTTLES
I'm afraid that's the case, yes.

HELEN
Men today.

(Ethel enters with Scotty)

ETHEL
What's all the commotion? Oh, Bottles.

SCOTTY
Nice flowers. Those for me?

BOTTLES
Ethel, I need to talk to you. This is killing me.

HELEN
Yeah, give the kid a break.

ETHEL
I'm not interested. You've had your chance, and you've
fouled it all up.

SCOTTY
Yeah, Bottles, this may not be the time.

BOTTLES
Give me another chance, please! I know I messed up, but ...

HELEN
Can't you see the poor guy's got his heart on his sleeve?

ETHEL
I don't care. I have feelings too, and ...
 83.

SCOTTY
This is just a pointless display. A waste of time.

HELEN
But he feels bad, can't you see that? The boy is lower than
dirt!

SCOTTY
He can get even lower for all I care! He created this mess,
not her.

HELEN
And he wants a shot at cleaning it up! What's the harm in
letting him say what he needs to say?

SCOTTY
Because we're not interested!

HELEN
Well you're just being stubborn!

(Ethel exits. Bottles hands the

flowers off to Helen and pursues.)

SCOTTY
Those two are nuts.

HELEN
(handing him the flowers)
Yeah. Those two.

(Scotty ponders the flowers for a

moment.)

SCOTTY
Enough of this. Scrap it. You and me are hitting the town.
Finally, with reckless abandon, hitting the town. I'm taking
you down to the Steak and Stein for a big dinner,
candlelight and a gypsy serenade. Then we're going to the U-
S-O to dance until we throw up that expensive steak. Ice
cream down by the boardwalk, and then we're gonna find a
nice, quiet park bench to snuggle on.

HELEN
Nuts!

SCOTTY
Nuts?

HELEN
You can't get steak. Not with the rationing. And I'm not
shivering on a parkbench with an ice cream cone.
 84.

SCOTTY
I'll keep you warm, baby.

HELEN
Scotty, no.

SCOTTY
Fine. Just the dancing. Put on your most comfortable pair of
shoes. We're taking the night off.

HELEN
I don't want to take the night off. I have to work.

SCOTTY
Okay. No problem. At the end of the night, then. Well paint
it red, just like we did when we were a little bit younger
and whole lot dumber.

HELEN
I can't stay out all night. I have work tomorrow.

SCOTTY
Give me just an hour, Helen. Let's go dancing.

HELEN
No.

SCOTTY
Why won't you just dance with me?

HELEN
I can't do this right now.

SCOTTY
(of arm)
Is it this? Geez Louise ... is it all because of this?

HELEN
Of course not. Scotty, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of your
sacrifice.

SCOTTY
Then what? Baby, it's been ages since we danced together.

HELEN
I just don't feel like dancing is all.

SCOTTY
You dance every night!

HELEN
It's not the same.
 85.

SCOTTY
Then what? Give me the goddamn time of day already!

HELEN
I don't want to hurt you!

(pause)

SCOTTY
How could you hurt me?

HELEN
I'm afraid ... of who we might run into. Dancing.

SCOTTY
I don't understand.

HELEN
I haven't exactly been true. I've had a few boyfriends.

(Scotty is thrown for a loop. He

pulls a crumpled piece of paper out
of his pants pocket.)

SCOTTY
Do you remember that letter you wrote me? I haven't stopped
carrying it with me. I just got used to having it in my
pocket, I guess. Like a fellow gets used to the weight of
his wallet, or a pocket knife.
(He brings the letter out)
You remember what you wrote me?

HELEN
Don't read that stupid old thing ...

SCOTTY
(reading)
I know that each day you're away places me a day closer to
your return.

HELEN
Why do you keep carrying that old letter around?

SCOTTY
Because I keep hoping someday I'll recognize the girl who
wrote it.

HELEN
It was a different girl who wrote that, Scott. It wasn't me.

SCOTTY
What are you saying?
 86.

HELEN
I love you. I always will love you. But the girl who wrote
that hadn't seen much more than her own backyard. She wanted
nothing more than eighteen babies and soup in a stock pot.
She had her wedding day planned out to the napkins, but had
no idea what goes on during the honeymoon. She wasn't me.

(pause)

SCOTTY
How can you say that, and tell me you love me.

HELEN
I don't know, Scott. Except that I do.

SCOTTY
I'll always have a place in your heart, right?

HELEN
Yeah.

SCOTTY
It's just, you've changed, and even though I'm a swell guy,
you need different things. Right?

HELEN
In a nutshell.

SCOTTY
Some of the other guys got letters. What you call "Dear
John" letters. You know those? They all say the same thing.

HELEN
I'm sorry.

SCOTTY
Yeah. They say that, too.
(Scotty walks away from her.)
It's a free country, Helen. Do what you will. To tell the
truth, these past months ain't exactly been heaven in two
rooms.

HELEN
(pursuing him)
Scott, I don't want to hurt you.

SCOTTY
Baby, I've been hurt. This I'll live through.

(Helen exits. Scotty finishes

reassembling his trumpet. Ethel
enters. Bottles and Tillie pursue.)
 87.

BOTTLES
Please, I'm desperate here. Just listen to me!

ETHEL
No, no, no, a thousand times no!

TILLIE
Kids, kids, kids ...

(They wind up near Tillie's

station.)

BOTTLES
I can explain, I can ...

(Bottles carelessly knocks the

shaving mug to the floor,
shattering it.)

BOTTLES
Oh God, Tillie! The mug!

TILLIE
It's okay.

ETHEL
You clumsy oaf!

TILLIE
It's okay. It's just a mug.

BOTTLES
Ah nuts. I feel like a worm.

ETHEL
You should.

TILLIE

(pause)
That sounds so strange, to say it out loud. Two years ago,
at the very start of the war, his ship was attacked. He was
hit in the first wave.

SCOTTY
While we were taking that airfield on Guadalcanal.

ETHEL
And you didn't tell us?

BOTTLES
If we had known ...
 88.

TILLIE
There's nothing to do.

ETHEL
I still can't believe you wouldn't tell us!

SCOTTY
What ship was he on, ma'am? The George F. Elliot?

TILLIE
That was his ship.

SCOTTY
James Pruitt.

TILLIE
Lieutenant James Pruitt.

(Scotty tries to remember)

SCOTTY
I don't. I can't say for sure that I ever met him. I was on
the Elliot. But we usually stayed with our own. Didn't
really hang out with the Navy guys.

TILLIE
Yeah. Jim didn't have many nice things to say about you
leathernecks, either.

BOTTLES
It's okay. I can fix this.

TILLIE
Don't worry about it. Leave it. It's just a mug. It's the
last thing I've been holding on to.

(Merv enters.)

MERV
We're at five minutes, everybody.

TILLIE
Ethel, dear, help me with my fans.

ETHEL
Sure thing.

TILLIE
See you boys out there.

(Tillie and Ethel exit with fans.)

BOTTLES
Women.
 89.

SCOTTY
You're telling me.

MERV
Don't even talk to me about 'em.

BOTTLES
You've been around a while, right, Merv?

MERV
I'm old, if that's your question, you little shit.

BOTTLES
Right. So don't you have any sage advice about the fairer
sex?

MERV
Ah. Sage advice. First, don't ever call them the fairer sex
to their face. You'll see just how fair they can be.

SCOTTY
Bottles is on to something here. You've been with Betty Jo
for what, fifty years?

MERV
How old do you think I am?

SCOTTY
How do you manage it?

MERV
Boys, what I'm about to tell you may come as a shock. I kind
of assumed you knew, but its not exactly like I got a
blinking neon sign overmy head. The thing is, I'm not with
Betty Jo.

BOTTLES
Really!

SCOTTY
We just assumed.

MERV
You spend enough of your life with someone, you might as
well be married. But I don't ... ah, I don't exactly swing
... oh, this is difficult to say.

BOTTLES
(dawning realization)
Oh ... I get it.

SCOTTY
(catching on)
Sure, sure.
 90.

MERV
Say, guys, I hope this doesn't change the way you look at
me. I'm still the same old Merv, you know.

SCOTTY
Sure. You're just as lost as we are.

BOTTLES
That's why you don't swing. There's no shame in it.

SCOTTY
Women are a tough nut to crack. It's kind of nice to know a
guy like you, who's been around, is just as lost as the two
of us.

MERV
Trust me. I'm not as lost as you two.
(he sits at the piano)
Boys, when you've lived as long as I apparently have, you
learn a few things.

(Merv begins a song, but is cut

short by Betty Jo, who enters.)

BETTY JO
Don't you have anything better to do?

MERV
I was just about to tell the boys all about women and love.

BETTY JO
And they should take advice from you why?

SCOTTY
It's okay. We know all about Merv.

BOTTLES
Yeah. He cant figure women out, either. That's why he's a
bachelor!

SCOTTY
He's as lost as we are.

BETTY JO
Not as lost.

MERV
That's what I said!

BETTY JO
You gentlemen need to finish getting ready. My God! The
dancers are ready to go and my musicians are dickering
around in the dressing room.
 91.

BOTTLES
We have time yet.

SCOTTY
Sure. It's not like we have to put on make-up or anything.

MERV
Speak for yourself.

SCOTTY
We have time for a song.

BETTY JO
A song? I thought you were getting a lesson in love from St.
Valentine here.

MERV
Well, a lesson in song ...

BETTY JO
That's your answer for everything.

BOTTLES
Better than Ethel's answer for everything.

SCOTTY
Is she doing that kissing thing?

BETTY JO
Men. Stage!

MERV
Oh Betty Jo ...
(he plays a little intro)
Why don't you instruct the boys on love ...

BETTY JO
You're drunk.

MERV
Not a bit. Come on. You know you want to.

(Merv plays the intro again)

BETTY JO
I haven't sung in ages.

MERV
Oh come on.

BETTY JO
Absolutely not.
 92.

BOTTLES
Hey, we'd love to hear you sing!

SCOTTY
That's right! Give us a song, Betty Jo!

BETTY JO
Shouldn't you boys be tuning up your horns?

SCOTTY
Not until you sing.

BOTTLES
Yeah. Strike! Strike!

(Scotty and Merv join in, chanting

"Strike!")

BETTY JO
You clowns are gonna be my death.

SCOTTY
It's just a song.

BOTTLES
Just a verse, even.

MERV
Let's give them a taste of the good old days.

BETTY JO
One verse, one chorus.
(The boys cheer.)
Keep it down. This is one of them private concerts. Lets
see. Boa.
(she grabs a boa)
Gloves.
(she pulls on a pair of
gloves.)
And song.

MERV
What'll it be?

BETTY JO
You know the song. Lively and with feeling, Merv.

MERV
Yes ma'am!

(Merv plays, Betty Jo sings:)

 93.

BETTY JO
(singing)
Some of these days, you're gonna miss me baby. Some of these
days, you're gonna be so lonely. You'll miss my hugging,
you'll miss my kissing, you'll miss me darling when I've
gone away. I've been feeling lonely for you only, 'cause you
know you've had your way. And if you leave me, I know you're
gonna grieve me. Gonna miss me, miss me some of these days.

(The boys erupt in applause.)

MERV
That's the stuff they don't make anymore.

BETTY JO
Okay you miscreants. Vamoose or I'll dock you an hour.

BOTTLES
(exiting)
Yes ma'am!

SCOTTY
(exiting)
That was great, Betty Jo. Just great.

MERV
You ought to sing more often.

BETTY JO
No one wants to hear me sing.

MERV
What are you, kidding?

BETTY JO
These boys want a young flower, not an old prune.

MERV
These boys want a good time. That's all.

BETTY JO
Ha! They want a little leg and a little bazoonga.

MERV
Well if all they want is a little then were giving them way
too much.

BETTY JO
This is a young girls game, Merv. If I went onstage, sang a
little song, shook a little bit of what I've still got, I'd
empty out the place.

MERV
Methinks you doest protest-ith too much-ith.
 94.

BETTY JO
Oh no, you're not playing me like some wet-behind-the-ears
farmer's daughter.

MERV
What could you possibly mean?

BETTY JO
You should have your own recruitment office, set between the
WAVEs and the WACs.

MERV
Hey, I'm having a good time. I just like to encourage as
many people as I can to have a good time, too.

(Ruby enters)

RUBY
That's how you got me to dance. Nice to know you're still
keeping the faith.

MERV
Someone has to do it. Sixty years from now, they'll still be
doing this, in clubs three times this size. More girls than
you can shake a stick at, full orchestras, and lines around
the block. I'm telling you, this is the future.

BETTY JO
I hope were still around to see some of that.
(to RUBY)
You taking off again, Fifinella?

RUBY
Afraid so.

BETTY JO
You're welcome back anytime.
(awkward moment.)
Oh what the hell.
(BETTY JO hugs RUBY.)
You make us so proud. You stay safe, you hear? I want you
back in one piece.

RUBY
Wearing a two piece?

BETTY JO
Oh you. Merv?

MERV
Yes! Heading out, General Bradshaw ma'am!
(to RUBY)
As for you, you cutie. Take care.

(Merv give a hug. Helen enters as

Betty Jo and Merv exit.)
 95.

HELEN
Did you get what you came for?

RUBY
No.
(pause)
You should work things out with him. He's a good man.

HELEN
I know he's a good man. My world revolved around him, and
then he left. And you know what I discovered? There's a "me"
here. And it's not my goal in life to revolve around anyone.
I don't want anyone to revolve around me either. I just
wanna ... do what I want.

RUBY

HELEN
But I've changed.

RUBY
You keep saying that like it's a liver pill. We all change.

HELEN
I want my freedom.

RUBY
You don't have to sacrifice your freedom to be with Scotty.
You just have to be true to him. He deserves it.

HELEN
Then he doesn't deserve me.
(pause)
I can't go back to being who I was with him. I tried.

(pause)

RUBY
I've missed you.

HELEN
I've missed you, too. It's a dirty trick, skipping out
without so much as a "go to Hell."

RUBY
I just had to leave.

HELEN
Yeah.
(pause)
You should talk to him before you disappear back into the
wild blue yonder.

(Scotty reenters and makes a bee

line for his hat.)
 96.

SCOTTY
We're holding the curtain. Some b-movie actor showed up, and
Betty Jo's arranging a proper table. Would you believe it?
After all that, I forgot my hat.

HELEN
Good. I need to check in with Merv anyhow. Take care, Ruby.
Don't be a stranger.

RUBY
I'll try not to be. But they do keep me going.

HELEN
(referring to Scotty)
Straighten up and fly right.

(Helen exits.)

RUBY
I suppose I should head out. That B-17 isn't going to fly
itself.

SCOTTY
Yeah. Have a safe flight.

RUBY
Private.
(He turns)
It's good to see you again.

SCOTTY
Likewise.
(pause)
I got your letters. Every one of them.

RUBY
Did you ever tell her about them?

SCOTTY
Nah. Not that she'd care. I suspect. I just wanted to tell
you I ... There was a time ... Just, thanks, I guess. Thank
you.

RUBY
You're welcome.
(She begins to leave. She
turns back to him)
I never knew how you'd respond to all that. All those things
I wrote to you. But I never had the courage to come right
out and spill it, just tell you what I was putting between
the lines.

SCOTTY
Ruby ...
 97.

RUBY
(abrupt)
I love you.
(pause, to herself)
Oh! Yes.
(to him)
I love you, Scotty, more than anyone else ever could. I've
told you that already, but I want you to hear it again. And
I'm going to keep loving you to the end. I love you because
you're a good man, a decent man, and just the kind of man
I've always wanted in my life.
(to herself)
Wow.
(to him)
And if you don't feel the same, why, that's fine ...

(He embraces her with a kiss.)

RUBY
You're gonna have to wait for me. I have to get back to the
base. Can you wait for me?

(Pause. Scotty smiles.)

SCOTTY
I'll write you every day.

(They embrace again. Scotty walks

her to the door. Ruby puts her hat
back on, straightens it and her
uniform. She salutes Scotty, who
returns the salute with a grin.
Ruby exits. Scotty stands there for
a moment, places his hand on his
lips. He removes his hand,
straightens his posture. He looks
at the skimmer in his hands. He
drops it on Helen's vanity. Bottles
enters.)

BOTTLES
You okay?

SCOTTY
Bottles, tonights my last night.

BOTTLES
What?

SCOTTY
I think I'm done.

BOTTLES
What's this all about?
 98.

SCOTTY
I don't exactly know. I came back here for something. I've
been carrying this note ...
(Scotty pulls out the note.)
I thought it meant something. What I was holding on to was
an idea. A ...

(Scotty laughs.)

BOTTLES
What's so funny?

SCOTTY
Something F-D-R once said.

BOTTLES
If you've been hitting the hooch before a show, Betty Jo
will ...

SCOTTY
I'm serious about this.

(pause)

BOTTLES
Yeah, I can tell. You always get that wistful tone in your
voice when you're serious. It's quite soothing. You ought to
go into politics.

SCOTTY
You're back to first chair.

BOTTLES
Great.
(pause)
Ruby must have really worked her magic on you.

SCOTTY
Bottles, the only second chances you get in life are the
ones you take. Don't give up.

(Scotty picks the skimmer up and

exits to the stage. Ethel enters.)

ETHEL
I have to finish getting ready. So either leave, or take off
your glasses.

(Bottles starts to leave, but

stays.)

BOTTLES
Hello, Ethel.
 99.

ETHEL
Bottles.

BOTTLES
So it's not Bernard anymore?

ETHEL
Why are you still wearing your glasses?

BOTTLES
Because I want to see your face clearly when I tell you
this.

ETHEL
Oh.

(Big pause. A wind-up.)

BOTTLES
I'm sorry.

(pause)

ETHEL
You're ... sorry?

BOTTLES
I was an absolute fool. Yes. I'm sorry.

ETHEL
Bottles, I have to get ready.

BOTTLES
Dammit!
(pause)
I'm really lousy at this.

ETHEL
I'd say.

BOTTLES
You may find this hard to believe, considering what a catch
I am. But I'm not that experienced with girls.

ETHEL
You work at a burlesque club!

BOTTLES
I know! I know. I think that's part of the problem. Jeez
you're all so damn ... frustrating. But it's like I can't
see the forest for the trees anymore. It's too much. Of all
the pretty girls, I've just ... had enough. This is it. The
final straw. I'm broken.
 100.

ETHEL
You mean to tell me you've built up an immunity to pretty
girls?

BOTTLES
It's not that crazy. "Overwhelmed" is probably a better
word. I'm overwhelmed by you.

ETHEL
Then why do you keep coming back here? It's like
volunteering to be thrown to the lions. Maybe if you'd lay
off the pretty, you'd fully recover! That's your
prescription, Bottles. 10 milligrams of get the hell out of
here. Twice a day.

BOTTLES
That's not the problem. I told you I'm no good at this. It's
you. You ... you. I was so cool before I met you. A cucumber
is what I was. Nothing fazed me, nothing got too under my
collar. I could just take off the glasses, and everything
went hazy. Then I met you.

ETHEL
You hardly ever see me.

BOTTLES
I don't have to see you. I've fallen in love with you.
(shocked pause)
Alright, fine. I've fallen in love with you. And I have a
pretty good idea that you like me lots, too. It's too much
for me. I can't stop thinking about you. I scribble ...
little lines of ... poetry ... on my sheetmusic ...

(she laughs)

BOTTLES
Aw, dammit.

ETHEL
No, no, no. Bernie, that's sweet.

(Ethel goes round back of the

opaque screen and undresses.)

BOTTLES
It's too much. Scary. I was down at the Emporium last week
for two hours looking at china patterns. I haven't felt like
this. All I've wanted to do is run away, but there's nowhere
I can run that you aren't there with me.

ETHEL
That's real sweet, but you've been a rat. You took me for
granted. You hurt me.
 101.

BOTTLES
I did. I've never felt more 4-F. It's the last thing I ever
wanted to do.

ETHEL
And what have you wanted to do?

BOTTLES
Take you.
(pause)
That's not very gallant. But it's the truth.

ETHEL
I've been here for the taking.

BOTTLES
I know. And it scares the shit out of me.
(pause)
That's not very gallant either. That night, at Play-land? We
were supposed to ride the tunnel of love together. I
panicked. And I ran.

ETHEL
You know why I left my family? I have ten brothers and
sisters. I was tired of being ignored. Bernie, I'm not

(pause)
Do you still have your glasses on?

BOTTLES
(lying)
No. I took them off.

ETHEL
Then would you hand me my robe?

BOTTLES
Sure thing.

(He does so. He's startled by her

beauty.)

ETHEL
I thought you took your glasses off.

BOTTLES
I lied.

ETHEL
May I have my robe?

BOTTLES
No.

(He steps behind the screen with

her. They embrace passionately.
 102.

Ethel reaches up and turns off the

light.)

ETHEL
Oh Bernard ...

(They continue to coo behind the

screen as Agnes reenters.She creeps
around the stage, trying to locate
the source of the cooing. She finds
her way to behind the screen. Agnes
turns the light back on. She chases
Bottles away.)

AGNES
Fiend! Lech! Licentious beast! Out! Out I say or God help
you!

(Ethel laughs as Agnes continues

shooing Bottles away. At last it's
just Agnes and Ethel.)

ETHEL
Now don't even start in on me.

AGNES
You should not let a boy have such free reign.

ETHEL
Believe me, that wasn't free.

AGNES
Yes, well. Now that I have you alone ...

ETHEL
Please don't lecture me, Agnes. I'm having such a great
night, I really don't think I could ...

AGNES
Nevermind all that. I was just wondering ... This is a very
delicate matter, and I will trust you not to say anything to
the others.

ETHEL
Of course. Whatever is the matter?

AGNES
Do you suppose it would be possible ... that is to say, I
was wondering if you would be so kind as to ... autograph
one of your pin-up cards for me.

ETHEL
Agnes!
 103.

AGNES
Don't make a big show of it.

ETHEL
I'm flattered is all. I'd be happy to. Just "to Agnes?"

AGNES
That would do just fine.

ETHEL
To Agnes.

AGNES
Yes.
(pause)
I never miss a night, you know.

ETHEL
I know. But I thought your interest was of a spiritually
hygienic nature.

AGNES
It was. Until I saw you dance. Oh my. Is it hot in here?
Well. Thank you, Miss Ethel. And remember, not a word to the
others. And, uh, keep those boys away! Save yourself!
Vigilance!
(stopping herself)
Your make-up is exquisite!

(Agnes exits.)

ETHEL
If that don't beat all!

(BLACK OUT)

THE END