11/13/2015

Dear diary,
Today is my birthday. Grandma sent me birthday money and mommy
and daddy took me shopping. I saw you on the shelf and thought that
you would be perfect. My name is Lilia. I’m 8 years old now and I have
a mommy, a daddy, and 2 siblings named Emma and Aiden. Emma is 10
and shes so pretty. Daddy told her that one day he’ll have to chase every
boy away from her. Aiden is 4 and the baby. Mommy always calls him
her miracle baby because when he was born he was really really sick.
Hes not sick anymore but mommy still has to take him to the doctor and
give him special medicine. Mommy is a therapist. She talks to people
who need to feel better and she tries to make them happy again even
though it sometimes doesn’t work. Daddy is in the army. This means
that we have to move a lot and he sometimes has to go away for a long
time. I miss him every time. One time he was even gone for all of our
birthdays! Even mine! Ok daddys telling me I need to go to sleep now.
Goodnight!
P.S I mite not write in here every day Im really busy. xoxo 😊

12/1/2017
Dear Diary,
Wow it’s been a loooooong while since I first wrote in here. So much
has happened and now I have to tell you. I’m 10 now, and I have big
news! So today daddy came home like every other day (Well most other
days). He came in and asked mom about her day and gave her a big kiss
and then he came and asked me Emma and Aiden about our day and
then tickled us. Then he and mom told us to come get dinner. There was
Chikfila on the table! It was so weird because it wasn’t fast food night.
Emma looked at mom suspiciously. Then we ate. It was so good! Then,
daddy said he had something to tell us. Were moving! In just 6 months!
Emma screamed the word “what??” really really loud and then she
stomped to her room and slammed the door. Really really hard. Mom
and daddy looked at eachother and sighed. Emma is such a drama queen.
She did this the last time we moved which makes sense, but she also did
this when the lady who cuts her hair made it too short. We all finished
our dinner. I didn’t want to move again, but I didn’t feel like screaming.
I knew it was pointless to protest. “ Where are we moving?” I asked, my
voice kind of wobbly. Daddy said were moving to Texas. That’s not too
far from where we live now (Florida). After dinner, daddy started
throwing garbage away and Aiden started putting dishes in the
dishwasher. He was asking dad questions about Texas like if it was big,
if he would still have to go to school, and if we would have a house.
Mom went to Emmas room to talk to her. I followed and listened
through the door. I heard Emma say she hated dad’s job and that it was
impossible to really settle in one place and that she always felt insecure.
She sounded angry. Mom told her that even though it was always hard at
first, Emma always loved it and was happy. Then Emma started yelling
that mom just didn’t understand. I ran into my room right as mom left
Emmas room. Emma was crying really loudly now.

6/15/2018
Dear diary,
Were in the car driving to Texas right now. I said goodbye to all my
friends yesterday and then I cried myself to sleep. Emma is sitting next
to me but she wont talk to anyone just listening to music on her phone
and staring out the window. Aiden is playing on his tablet on my other
side. I’m bored. I wish we didn’t have to stinking move.
12/20/2018
Dear diary,
It’s been a while since I last wrote. I’m 11 now! Also we all love Texas
soo much! Emma was able to sign up for the school play this year and
she has like soooo many friends even though she was worried she
wouldn’t have any ever. I have a best friend now too, her name is Haley.
We both love Liv and Maddie and have older sisters! Aiden is also doing
really well we were able to find a doctor for him and he has friends too.
Mommy was able to find a job doing therapy and shes so happy now. Kk
gtg ttyl lol!!
P.s Im trying abbreviations I saw in Liv and Maddie
P.p.s I don’t really like them

1/16/2019
Dear Diary,
Dad’s deploying!! I know it’s been a long long time since I last
wrote (Sorry! 🙁) But this is a disaster! Ok its probably not a disaster but
still!! Anyways here’s what happened:
I was sitting in my room doing homework waiting for it to be
dinnertime, but IT NEVER CAME!! Seriously mom never called me
down, dad didn’t come home, until it was after 8! And when he came
home he looked over at mom and they went into their room and talked
really really quietly to eachother. I couldn’t tell what they were saying (I
was snooping). Then the talking stopped and I heard mom sniffle. “Was
she crying??” I thought to myself. Mom almost never cries and dad
doesn’t either. Then I heard dad sniffle too and then they started
whispering to each other. I decided to leave them alone and went to my
room to think about what might be wrong. Was someone sick? Was
someone DEAD?! (Probably not but you know). Mom called us to
dinner after like 10 minutes, even though her eyes were still red and
puffy. We all sat at the table quietly, until dad started talking. “Okay
guys,” he said. Oh. He had something to tell us. “I have some pretty big
and hard news.” He took a deep breath. We’re not moving again are
we?!” Emma cried. Dad smiled “No, we’re not. But I do have to go
away on deployment for a year.” Me, Emma, and Aiden all started
saying stuff like “No you cant go!” and “What?!” and “It’s not fair!”. I
felt tears burning in my eyes so I went to my room. I heard Emma stomp
off to her room and scream into her pillow and I heard Aiden still asking
mom and dad questions. Mom and dad tried to come talk to me but I
locked my door and told them to go away. And so here I am. It’s not
fair.
5/3/2019
Dear Diary,
Today dad left. We all cried. I cried so much my stomach hurt and
no more tears would come. I remember crying like this the last time he
left when I was seven, but that was only for like 9 months. Emma cried
too but they were quiet tears. I don’t even think she noticed they were
there. Aiden didn’t cry, he just waved and gave dad a super tight hug.
Now Emma is sitting in the front seat of the car where dad was sitting
when we drove him to the airport. Where he would have been sitting if
he didn’t have to leave for 1 year. 52 weeks. 365 days. 8760 hours
without my dad. It’s gonna be a long year.
11/13/2019
Dear Diary,
I feel bad for not writing for the last 6 months. Anyways I’m 12
now! I’m almost a teenager! I really wish dad could’ve been here. Mom
said that dad wanted to call me for my birthday today, but he never did.
Mom said he was probably busy somewhere where calling wouldn’t
work. I think she was disapointed too. Deployment has been hard for all
of us. Me, Emma, and Aiden all have new chores. Emma makes dinner
and gets our lunches ready, I do dishes, and Aiden clears the table. We
still have to do stuff like get our rooms clean, homework done, and keep
the living room clean on top of our new chores! And still go to school.
It’s like I never get a break. I also sometimes have to miss softball
practice because mom’s at work, napping, stressed out, or taking Aiden
to a doctor appointment. Emma misses a lot of practices too, and
sometimes she’s extra grumpy. But she has a boyfriend now (Her first
one!) so she can’t always be grumpy if he was willing to go out with her.
The sad part is that dad wasn’t here to tease her about chasing her
boyfriend off like he said he would. I miss him and I’m sick of never
getting a break, it literally always feels like a heavy, heavy pile of bricks
keeps building up on my back. 6 more months. Then dad will be home.
2/1/2020
Dear diary,
Dad will be home in just 2 months! He finally called us, he said he
was sorry that he wasn’t able to call very often the past few months
while but he was stationed in places without service or where his
commanders wouldn’t want them to contact anyone. I didn’t care much
about the reasons, and I could tell mom didn’t either. We were all just so
happy to hear from him again and see his face (We used facetime!). I
can’t wait for him to come home!
5/21/2020
Dear diary,
Today Emma weighed herself and announced that she had gained
15 pounds from stress eating since dad left. Mom wasn’t happy with her
weighing herself in the first place, saying that it didn’t matter, and that a
15-year-old didn’t need to worry about weight unless a doctor says so.
Emma rolled her eyes and said that weight gain is weight gain no matter
what, and mom threw her hands in the air and went for a walk before
coming back and having a really long talk with Emma. 1 more month.
 6/15/2020
Dear diary,
Dad will be home tomorrow, and I can’t wait! He hasn’t called us
since that last time 2 months ago, but that one time was enough to keep
me going until the end, and I think it helped mom too. She’s had us
clean the house like a million times so it can be perfect for dad when he
comes home!! 1 more day.
6/16/2020
Dear Diary,
We picked dad up from the airport today. We were all so excited,
mom was actually smiling her biggest smile, Emma wasn’t biting my
head off, and Aiden was more obedient to mom. I know I was brimming
with the joy and excitement of seeing dad after a whole year! When we
got there, we waited for dad to come through the hallway and grab his
luggage from the carousel. When we saw him we all started waving and
jumping up and down (Well not Emma, she thought that bit was
embarrassing). He waved but I couldn’t really see his face. After he
grabbed his luggage, he made his way over to us. When he finally made
it to where we were standing he hugged all of us, even mom and gave
her a kiss on the lips. But that’s when I noticed he wasn’t smiling all the
way. It was only a halfway smile, and I couldn’t figure out why he
wouldn’t smile all the way or even why his eyes weren’t smiling either.
Even after we got home, I still couldn’t figure it out. Maybe I’ll think of
something soon.
6/23/2020
Dear Diary,
It’s been a week since dad came home from deployment, and there
are so many more things that just aren’t right. Like he doesn’t joke as
much as he used to, doesn’t laugh (at least not a big real one, just a tiny
whisper of a laugh). He also has a far-off look in his eyes (not the good
kind, the sad kind) and when he’s not staring into space he’s watching
me, Emma, and Aiden like if he looks away for one second, we might
drop dead. He also doesn’t kiss mom as much as he used to. I don’t
know what to do. I wish I could know what was wrong.
7/20/2020
Dear Diary,
Today I decided to finally ask mom about what I was noticing
about dad. She told me she saw it too and had been researching it. She
said he had PTSD, which means that he saw something really bad during
his deployment and now he can’t get it out of his mind. She says she
thinks he’s just scared and nervous and sad all at once, and that he’s
having a hard time showing and feeling any other emotion. I guess that
explains a lot like how he seems less happy and joyful, and more sad
instead. I asked mom what might help him, and she said therapy, but it
would take a while and it would be very hard on all of us. I’m willing to
do whatever it takes to help dad to get fixed.
9/15/2020
Dear diary,
Dad has been doing therapy for a month now, and mom was right
it has been hard. Sometimes dad is just so sad it’s almost impossible to
be around him, but I pray every night for him and tell him I love him
whenever possible. I hope and pray he can recover.
11/1/2021
Dear diary,
It’s been over a year since I last wrote. Dad has been doing therapy
for one year now. I know it’s been a long time, but I’ve been so busy
lately. I think dad is getting better. He doesn’t stare off into space as
much as he first did, and he’s smiling now (Really smiling!) Mom says
he still has a long road ahead of him, but he’s on his way to being better,
even though he’ll never be exactly the same. He’ll still have those
memories and those feelings. I don’t know anything about his
deployment. I know he hasn’t told mom much about it, but even mom
won’t tell me any of the stuff she knows about. They both think I’m too
young and I know dad is still just having a really hard time talking about
it. I hope he gets better and keeps trying. I love you dad.