Uvijek sam te voljela, a kada nekoga

voliš, voliš cijelu osobu, takvu kakva jest,
a ne ono što bi želio da bude.
Lav Tolstoj, Ana Karenjina



Posveta
Dragima J., F. i M.

U vama troje ostvarili su se svi moji snovi.


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Čekam da se probudiš,
»Ne idi, draga«, da me zamoliš.
Moje srce strepi, zebe,
Spremno je preklinjati.
Ali riječi od tebe ne dolaze,
A tu bol ne nogu podnijeti.
Sad moram otići bez pozdrava,
Ti nikad nećeš znati da sam plakala,
Moram otići bez pozdrava,
Sama sa suzama u očima.
Odlučila sam i otišla,
Daljina nam se ispriječila,
Sad te nema, daleko si,
Lažem samoj sebi,
Jer znam da srce neću moći osloboditi.
Sad moram otići bez pozdrava,
Ti nikad nećeš znati da sam plakala,
Moram otići bez pozdrava Sama,
 sa suzama u očima.
Odavno ti nisam dotaknula obraze,
Nedostaješ mi, a dani prolaze,
Gledam tvoje slike i pitam se
Je li bilo pogrešno ostaviti te.

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Sudbina nas je spojila,
Nas, dva stranca potpuna
 Obrušio si se na mene,
Poput plime, i izvukao me
Iz toplog zagrljaja obale.
Tad nisam znala što hoću,
No željela sam sve.
Sad želim samo tebe,
I da me trebaš ti,
Moje srce se nada samo
Da ćeš ga uvijek voljeti.
U nemirnim sam se vodama
Bez straha s tobom utapala,
Kad je oluja utihnula,
Moja ljubav je narasla.
Sad kad me puštaš da odem,
Sve mi je teže sakriti
Ovu bol koja prijeti
Da će kad-tad van prodrijeti.
Dok brojim dane do rastanka
I pitam se kako ću sama,
Srce mi plače i jeca
Jer ti si u svim mojim pjesmama.

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Moja draga, prekrasna, mala Amerikanko,

Nikada nećeš saznati koliko me boli to što sam te povrijedio.

Nisam želio biti ta osoba — samo još jedan broj na popisu onih
kojima ne možeš vjerovati zbog svih razočaranja koje su ti priuštili.
Povrijeđena si zbog mene, i nikada ti neću moći dokazati koliko mi
je žao zbog toga. Tražila si da ti dam vremena nasamo, i koliko god
ti to želio uskratiti, dat ću ti ga samo zato jer si ti to tražila.

Molim te, znaj da je svaki trenutak bez tebe kazna. Volim te i

obožavam svim srcem, a ova svađa medu nama je mučenje za mene.

Odabrao sam bijele ruže umjesto crvenih, jer one predstavljaju

moju neokaljanu ljubav prema tebi. Naša veza je započela s puno
 strasti koja zaslužuje ruže crvene poput krvi, no prerasla je u nešto
što nikada nisam ni smatrao mogućim. Naša ljubav je sasvim
duhovna i čista u svojoj prirodi. Vječna je, besmrtna i izdržat će sve.

Očajnički te molim i preklinjem Boga da me ne ostaviš. Volim te

svakim dahom svoga bića i život bez tebe bi jednostavno bio
pogrešan. Nekada sam mislio da imam sve, no sada ne mogu
zamisliti svijet bez tebe. To mjesto više ne postoji. Ti si moja
voljena, sada i zauvijek. Molim te, daj mi priliku da dokažem svoju
nepokolebivu ljubav i nježnost.

Zauvijek tvoj, Jack Henry.


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