Spiritual Growth

I am the kind of Christ-follower that not only grew up in a church-going household, but

was born into a Christian family. Since before I was born, my parents were involved with the

church. My dad is a pastor and my mom is the church secretary, which consequently obligated

me to always go with them to church. When I was a child, I thought that since I grew up with

parents who are Christians, that by default made me a Christian too, but I didn’t live up to the

name. I knew what was right and what was wrong, yet I still did what I wanted. I ignored the

Bible and its teachings because, “There are too many restrictions; I just want to have fun.” I

always dreaded having to go to church during that season of my life. Not only that, but I felt like

it was the same unnecessary routine every Sunday. Whenever I read the Bible, it felt more like a

fairy tale than actual events in history. Yet again, I was a child and didn’t take a lot of the

important stuff as seriously as I should have. I used to consider Christians as crazy and intense

people. I would see them at different churches singing very intensely, and others not so much. I

didn't understand why the intensity was happening. What was the correct way to be Christian?

That was something I didn’t comprehend; how some people can be so different, when I thought

being Christian was only bound to a specific way.

Since I grew up in a Christian household, I was expected to be and act like a “good

Christian girl”. I desired to make my parents happy, and I longed for them to accept me. I

thought that if I did not do what they wanted me to do, I would never receive their approval. Not

only that, but I often thought that if I failed to behave the way they expected me to act in church,

they would feel disappointed in me. I was a child, so I looked for their acceptance because I

wanted them to tell me, “Good job!” or “I’m proud of you!” Those seemed to be words that I did
not hear often enough. Therefore, I always did what I was told to do in order to be

acknowledged. When I achieved the ideal behavior it made me feel like I did something right for

once and not feel like a burden to them. In my mind, being Christian meant that I would receive

parental love in exchange for appropriate behavior. If I learned all these religious terms and

Bible verses and acted obedient, then I would be good enough to receive my parent’s approval

and love.

These patterns of people pleasing for approval continued happening for as long as I can

remember. That is, until last year, 2021. That was the year when I started to take my faith

seriously and grow in my spirituality. Young Life Camp 2021 was when I committed to living

for Christ truthfully and honestly. Living out this decision has been a work in progress, full of

difficulty but not impossible. That camp really impacted my life, and it felt like a wake-up call,

but one that would stick with me for a long time. Thanks to Sadie Johnson, who is the mentor

that I am closest to, I was able to take the first step. Ever since then, she has been holding me

accountable and checking on my personal life. This relationship and her genuine intentionality

make me feel really loved. In the past, I had not been someone who easily trusted adults in my

life. However, Sadie changed my perspective, and I am glad that I took the risk to open my heart

to her. Ever since that day, I took the initiative to start paying more attention to what the Bible

says, having conversations about spirituality, and learning new things that I had no idea about.

My life has been enriched and I have loved learning new things with the people and

mentors closest to me. They help me grow more and more in my spirituality every day. I’m

really proud of the spiritual and emotional growth journey I have been going through. I have

learned to not let toxic people into my life again. Not only that, but I learned what it really means
to have healthy relationships with friends and the people around me. Healthy relationships

positively affect my mental and emotional health. Through this growth, I have met people that I

could relate to and grow alongside.

When I took the decision of wanting to take my relationship with God seriously, it was

not an easy process. There have been times when I have failed. I am human after all, and I will

be destined to fail many times. From those times, I will learn from my mistakes and try it again.

Even after trying to change my life for the better, it is hard. Now that I am more conscious of the

good that I want to do, more negative things try to bring me down. The more I want to change,

the harder the challenges. I tend to be a very negative person sometimes, which leads me to not

want to follow through with a lot of things. I have been slowly learning to appreciate the little

things in life and to pray to God whenever I feel this way. One thing is for sure though, I want to

change my life. I want to keep pursuing learning more about God and delight in His ways. Each

passing day, I discover more things about spirituality and Christianity which have led me to

crave more understanding of Him. I have had many conversations with friends and mentors

about how God impacted their life. Listening to the testimony of others being vulnerable while

talking about God and his ways of healing in their lives have made me realize just how much we

all need Him.

My relationship now with God is a work in progress. Jesus is like a best friend who will

always be there for you, even though you keep messing it up again and again. I don’t like doing

eloquent prayer because that is just not my style. I enjoy experiencing a personal and close

relationship with Him, so I just talk as if it was a conversation with a friend.

Lastly, I want to point out that I would not be here if it wasn’t for friends and Sadie

Johnson who have impacted my life in ways beyond what they could imagine. I would not be the
person I am today if it wasn't for each of them and their authenticity in showing love and passion

for Jesus, which has stuck with me ever since. I will continue to involve myself in learning more

about Jesus Christ in the present and in the years to come.