Take advantage of your anger:

1. To communicate assertively. A short and calm statement, “I see you

are running around, and it’s already 9:30 p.m. I’m getting upset because
I’m very tired and in a moment I won’t have the strength to help you.
Please be ready for bed in your pajamas in five minutes.”
2. To act. Get dressed and go to the movies on your own, instead of
getting angry and waiting for your spouse to come back.
3. To change. If you are always in a hurry and the other drivers’
dangerous behavior sets off your time-strained nerves, you can decide to
leave your house 20 minutes earlier.

Anger is necessary

Anger is necessary because it protects boundaries — ours and those of the

people who depend on us. A father who never gets angry and upset at work,
allowing others to treat him poorly instead, may end up letting his anger out at
home on his loved ones, wounding them and losing their closeness.

There is also the matter of anger disproportional to the reason, where the
intensity far exceeds a seemingly trivial cause — for example, making a
catastrophe out of being left out of an important conversation by the boss,
instead of treating it like an error to be corrected.

When such anger happens often, we should look back and find out what
events in the past left wounds so deep, that even today in a similar situation
we react the same way. Perhaps your parents favored your siblings? Perhaps
your dad left, and you never got over/through that trauma? Often the anger
felt in the past has not been resolved and sits inside us like a time bomb, going
off whenever anything touches that particular nerve. This type of anger lets us
know that something needs to be repaired and taken care of inside us. It is a
good reason to seek help in anger management.