THE BEAUTY OF BOUNDARIES Nurture your “growth Discover the art of manifestation WL RevealedSOUL ANALYSE Empowering reminders that can be worn everywhere. 15% OFF with code: HAPPIFUL15S SOULANALYSE.COM Changing the way you speak to yourself.Drop the plate How are you? No, really, how are you? Ifthe answer is ‘emetional, exhausted, deflated, or demotivated, you wouldn't be the only one. Attimes, ican feel lke we give, and give, and give so much of ourselves, that we have nothing left. We have so many responsibliies, so many plates fo keep spinning. What would happen if one was to drop? ltwould be the end of the world, right? But how accurate is that thought? Is i fact, or something we. Just tell ourselves? Perhaps that plate is made of plastic, and i's OK to leave it fon the ground once in a while Reossess what you can handle right now, and only focus on those indispensable activities - the best china you only get out for special We can't do everything, all of the time. I say that again for the people at the back. You don't have to do everything, all of the time. Taking a step back, and listening fo yourself and what you need, is rot a luxury. The more you push yourself to your limits, the harder trying to keep everything in the oir will become, So refill that cup, recharge those batteries - whatever metaphor you want fo use, is time to take care of you. ‘There isn't a magic solution to ‘wellbeing, but, over time, that conscious decision to treat ‘yourself, your mind and body, with the love and attention you deserve, will pay off From the art of manifestation on PIG, to understanding limiting beliefs on p72, and learning, on p88, how fo take care of ourselves the day after anxiety strikes, wo're right here with you as you tune- into your needs, and discover how to put in the work to make it happen. Keep fighting for the person ‘you will become. Your future self deserves you taking a chance, o leap of faith, and committing to positive change. You are worth the effort. a ‘W | happifulcom F [happifuhg T | @hoppituing 1 | @happiful_magazineHolistic wellness 14 What is kaizen? The Jopanese philosophy that could help with your self-development 16 Manifest the best What's the truth about this wellbeing buzzword, and how can we use i 26 Envision this Create your own vision board, that actually works 41 Crystal clear The powerful way crystals could suppor self-care 82 Make meditation a habit Easy tips for beginners Food & health 52 Plant-based pleasure Cook up an extravaganza 74 Eat for your chakras Find whole-body harmony 79 Tally Rye on . ‘ : eee terion Positive pointers Relationships . 22 Perimeters of peace 32 Limiting beliefs 92 Treating PMDD Grace Victory on the importance Expert insight into theirimpact Avelifesiyle changes enough? St mainsining beuncores f 57 The long-run ‘ 34 The child-free choice How fo regain sexual inimacy Culture : inlong,term relationships 48 Affirmations for self-love ' 8 Good news 61When opposites attract | This month's uplifing stories 66 Digital carbon footprint Does it spell magic or disaster? ; How much of a mark are you 13 The wellbeing wrap leaving with your tech? 64 Spot inequality at home : 25 Unmissable reads 85 Quality time with you 72 Whenit comes fo an end The power of getting comfortable Tips from an expert on 54 Things to doin February with your own company dealing with a breakup69 Sawyr: Past the shame Hair pulling and skin picking filed her with shame, until she faced it ‘95 Natalie: In tune with me Connecting with an audience gave her the freedom to express herself Wellbeing 20 Take power back from stress 29 Reconnect with nature 38 Spot sensory overload Identify itn yourself and others 45 The power of hypnotherapy \What to expect from a session 4910 signs of adult ADHD 88 Day-ofter anxiety Take care of yourseff in the aftermath Try this at home 28 Tailor-made Tips to upeycle your clothes AO Support those grieving 78 Mindful origami activity 98 Things | wish I knew sooner Expert review Every issue of Happiful is reviewed by an accredited counsellor, to ensure we deliver the highest quality content while handling topics sensitively. There are a number of ways jn which we can maintain ‘and enhance our wellbeing. There is no 'best' approach but, rather, an approach that works best for you. Meditation has been used for centuries as a means of connecting with the self and maintaining wellbeing. Head over to p82 to explore helpful tios on how you can bring meditation into your life. The power of meditation is simple yet remarkable, it can take us away from our busy lifestyles, and allows time and space fo connect. This practice alone has great potential to improve how you feel, RAV SEKHON Reavis counesor tnd paychotheropi sth more tron 10Expert Panel Meet the team of experts providing information, guidance, ‘and insight throughout this issue ‘AMY REEVE Be Hon MEAMPDP Hip ‘Amy isa coach, clinical hypnotherapist ond NLP practioner THIMELA GARCIA Thies an author, registred yoga teacher, ond Catiied hols therapist, CHARLENE DOUGLAS Charlane isa psychodynamic couneellor He coach, and TV fox and reltionship expert, ‘SHANNON WESTERN Shannon is a nutriinit who speciale in duordered eating ‘nel womerts heath CAROLINE SILVESTRE Coraline ie CBT hypnotherapist witha interost Intelationship dynamics, HANNAH BECKETT-PRATT Hannah ie relational fronsoctional analysis countellr Set Oe «& BHAVNA RAITHATHA Bee Pon) tc MBA on Bhavnaise psychotherapist coach, Supervisor, and rine ANDY GILL faxnPe-errsre00 Ac Andy is therapist, ‘who wes coaching, hypnotherapy, ond yoga. ALEX ALLAN Nexis a registered ution theropit SUZANNE SHENDEREY Suzanne isa hypctherapist ‘ond integrative reltional Poychetherapist RACHEL COFFEY Rachel ieee coach, encouraging, confidence, GRAEME ORR BIC Gece Sagi Groom a counsalior ‘working with both individuals ond couples. CLAIRE ELMES Gloire isa therapist ond We cooch speciaizing in bolance, Our team EDITORIAL Rebocco Tha| Editor Katheyn Wheoor| Heed Write Bonnie Evie Giford, Kat Nchols| Senior Weitere ‘Becky Wight | Content & Marketing Offior Grace Victory Andy Gil | Columnists wey Doneughue| Head ofPormerthipe Elen Hoggard | Digal Edtor Keith Howitt | Sub-Eitor Rov Soknon| Expert Advisor ART DESIGN ‘Amyroon Burns | Mead of Product Cheeta Reynel | Creative Lead ton Mager | Mustrator ‘Tomlyn tzett| Graphic Designer ‘COMMUNICATIONS. ‘Ales Greedus|PR Manager ‘conTRIBUTORS. Vincent Vincent DrClra Russel, Emma Johnson, CChnsoo Grohom, Kate Hoos Suzanne Shondery, Hannah Seckt-Prat Sawyt Bere, ‘Nadi MeCeag Shannon Wester, Noe Holme 'SPECIALTHANKS {Graeme On, Rachel Coffey, Any Reeve, Cerone Sivesr, Alex Alan, Chrlene Dough, ‘Trimele Goren (MANAGEMENT ‘im Maunders| Director & Co-Founder ‘Emme While | Director Co-Founder Poul Mounder | Decor & Co-Founder ‘SUBSCRIPTIONS For new orders ond back orders, vist shophappifuleom, of call Newsstand on ‘+44 (0)227 277248 or mel, Subonquires@newsstondcouk ‘contact Hoppiflcfe Memioh, Bulding 3, Riverside Way, Comberly, Surrey, GUIS 3¥L mai us at halo@roppitileam HAPPIFULFAMILY Helping you find the help you need Counseling Directory Life Coach Decry, ypnethorapy Directory, Nuorist Rescurce, ‘Terapy DirectoryFind help Ifyou are in crisis and are concerned for ‘your own safety, call 999 or go to ABE Call Somaritans on 116 123 or ernail them ot jo@samaritans.org EEE ens SANEline 'SANEline offers support and information from ‘4:30pm-10 30pm: 0300 304 7000 ‘Mind offers advice Mon-Fri Sam-Gpm, excep! bank holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk ‘Switchboard ‘Switchboard is alin for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am=10pm: 10300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switehboard.\gbt ‘CONNECT WITH ALIFE COACH Learn more about life coaching and connect with a professional using lfecoach-directory.org.uk DISCOVER MORE ABOUT ADHD Te learn more about ADHD, and to access advice and services, visit adhtfoundation org.uk INFORMATION ON ANXIETY EEED Discover more about what it means to live with anxiety, ‘common causes, and guidance at anxietyukorg.uk Fry we sous ceursaper for FSC crea Neve epoca cowed oregano aha Searcher omrv an edstorl reviled toreodone aad by range bl natn oa {eran choty pat atoond ot arch nse tregne cnt ace anchors Provan er ger fomotonpurpoeconc Wome ‘coma att Map plow orl a bo heptane dort cc er peda ond! crore andy ne poies Mario iss ‘Spas canpan Imlay starr ndregwrein Engond an eles wthcorpany nr OSHS ‘Rt rumber 8 650537 Cu rg oe en by Rosan Magar 1 Suting§ vee Woy Cobre Srey SIV. Coverillustration Reader offer ox5 £59.99 For 12 print iesuest Pay for 10 months, get two free Hoppiful delivered to your door before it hits the shelves ‘Competitions and prize draws! Visit happiful.com happiful ‘One undeniable truth is that finding the right help for each individual is @ journey - what works for one of us will be different for someone else. But don't feel disheartened if you haven't found your path yet. Our Happiful family can help you con your way. Bringing together vvorious arms of support, each of our sister sites focuses on a different method of nourishing your wellbeing - from. counselling, to hypnotherapy, nutrition, coaching, and holistic therapy. Download our free Happiful app for more. Prices ond beefs oe correcta the time peng Fo fate an conden poate vist happitseorade ah ENVIRONMENT Could this bee the solution we're looking for? ‘The bee population is under threat; it’s something many of us, have lamented over as numbers decline. But, now, The Scottish Bee Company, a family-owned brand, haas pledged to increase the local bee population by an impressive 2084, all in just three years. ‘The brand is set on raising the population by working in collaboration with artisan bee farmers, and by launching Scotland’ first bee farming apprenticeship and charity - RePollinate - which hopes to create wildflower spaces for bees, and provide education 8 | February 2022 hoppifuleom and awareness. With all this under their belts, The Scottish Bee Company estimates it has already increased numbers by an incredible 23 million bees. Go-founder Iain Millar explains, “rm often asked why we founded The Scottish Bee Company, and why we're so passionate about bees and other pollinators. I respond with my own questions: did you have a cup of coffee this ‘morning, or grab an apple for a snack? Ifso, you can thank pollinating insects, which are responsible for roughly one- third of the foods that we eat.” “Education and increasing awareness isa significant focus at ‘the moment,’ Tain continues. “One of our missions isto shout as much. as we can about the qualities of Scottish honey. More demand and production of honey means we can pour even more investment back {nto the work that we're doing to support pollinators” With a focused plan, award winning honey, and a‘current bee count’ on their website where you can track the numbers yourself, itsounds like The Scottish Bee Company has got sustainability in the jar!TECH You'll never walk alone Walking home alone at night can be unnerving —in fact, in a survey by the ONS, two in five men, and four in five women, say that they feel unsafe when walking alone after dark in a park or open space. But now lifestyle and tech brand. Follo has launched the world first fully automated walking safety app of the same name, in a move to empower people to feel safer and more confident when going solo. The app is free, and works wherever you are in the world. As ‘you walk, it monitors the user's device until they reach their destination, focusing on four safety triggers — too fast (significant change in speed), stopped moving, WELLBEING Experts reimagine the ‘Kama Sutra’ off route, and inactivity. It’s able to pick up on any unusual behaviours and, in the first instance, will send a notification to the user’ phone to check that they are OK, and if unresponsive will alert the user’ pre-selected key contacts with a message containing their last recorded location, the reason for the alert, and alink to guidance on how they should respond. Everyone should be able to go about their lives feeling safe from danger, and tools like this one are just one small part of the whole picture when it comes toaddressing the underlying problems in our society. That for menopausal women According to a survey by the Menopause Experts Group, a massive 75% of women say that menopause has made sex less pleasurable, and 27% have stopped having sex altogether. And for those who are still having sex, many are having a lot less. But why is this happening? Well, it’s reportedly a combination of. factors, including experiencing joint pain during sex, vaginal dryness and discomfort, and a general sense of body So, ina bid to help women minimise the issues that may be holding them back, the ‘Menopause Experts have reimagined the iconic sex guide, the Kama Sutra, as The Calmer Sutra~ a guide that highlights positions that may be more supportive of the needs of ‘menopausal women. “Menopause shouldnt mean the end of your love life, but sadly its not surprising that half of women hhave found that sex has become alotless pleasurable during said, with this app, the tech firm is proving they're not just talking the talk, but walking the walk when it comes to safety. ‘menopause,’ says Dee Murray, CEO of Menopause Experts Group. Of course, sex isn't the be-all and end-all when it comes to intimacy, and Dee rightly points out that there are many other ‘ways to be close to your partner and build trust in relationships, including holding hands, showing ‘emotions, and cuddling. “Intimacy is also about talking and sharing things with one another’ she says. “It may justtake abit of effort and ‘understanding from both sides.” hoppifleom | February 2022| 9FAMILY The real reason kids love spending time with their grandparents... Children and their grandparents have an undeniably special bond, and in a bid to explore this special relationship further, toy retailer Play Like Mum surveyed 1,000 children aged five to seven, to ask them why they loved spending time with their grandparents. ‘The results? Itturns out, 47% of the little ones said that they liked spending time with their grandparents because ‘they ‘make them smile’, 40% said because they ‘play games with them, and a cheeky 35% said because they give them more treats! Considering the findings, child behavioural expert Laura Amies says: “It’s wonderful to see research that confirms what so many of us believe: that children love to spend time with their grandparents and vice versa!” ‘She points out thatthe findings reinforce theories about what children require for development, with kids benefiting from high-quality interaction = something thatis best done without the presence of phones, tablets, and TVs. “While there is, ofcourse, a place for these items, and a need for al children to become somewhat computer savvy, first and foremost a child must be able to navigate the world around them, and those within it Laura says. "Grandparents anchor their grandchildren to times gone by, and therefore promote the most important aspects of childhood!” hoppifulcom | Februcry 20221Take 5 Treat yourself to a break from the busyness of life, and spend a few moments indulging in some puzzling fun Spot the difference Cast your eyes over the two images below, and see if you can identify 10 tweaks made to the second picture - attention-to-detail is a must! Anagrams Unscramble the letters below to reveal the real words. Hint: we've got love on the brain LEVELS OF ‘ARM CONE CITY MAIN AIRBEDS UNO SCEPTRE GALLEONS VAGUEAnew UKlaw will recognise certain ‘marine animals ‘sentient beings (including ‘octopuses, crabs, ‘and lobsters) Inabidto phase out smoking, New Zealand is banning the sale The FOAin the Ushas approved the first-ever injectable treatment for HIV prevention Bonkey has offered tohelp buy the Reading sil where Oscar Wilde was held, soitcan be turned infoan arts centre The wellbeing wrap In an effort to show PT older staffhow valued | G@mmunity spirit they are, Saga is i offering a week's paid leave to celebrate the birth of a grandchild. The new policy recognises the vital role grandparents play in the lives of both their children and grandchildren, Pr a acrn) et Perel See ee aie ance ee cree ee er Spread the kindness S ‘Agood deed went viral over the festive > period, when a stranger helped to raise £5,000 7 to house @ rough sleeper in Reading, Harry Beardsley met 28-year-old john, invited him for lunch, and then paid for his accommodation fora few nights. Harry appealed for more support forohn on Twitter, ond boy cid the platform deliver With more than 40,000 likes, ond 13,000 retweets helping fo spread the word cid raise funds within a day john was able to secure clothes, food, ond a place to stay until mid-January. The true gifts giving - as Thank you for the music Particularly vinyl records, ‘opparently, as sles hit a 30+ high in 2021, with an 8% increase con the previous year. Abba's Voyage tookthe number one spot, followed by Adele's 30, and Fleetwood ‘Mac's Rumours, as people still enjoy the crackle of ‘an LP, despite the digital age. Sharing asmile An incredible philanthropic surgeon, based in India, has perforried more than 37000 free surgeries on children with cleft palates. Dr Subodh Kumar Singh has even founded his own hospital, where he performs the life-changing surgeries, andis @ par of the Smile Train charity project 1o inspire countless others. While other tycoons like Elon Musk and Richard Branson fight it out in the big space race, Bill Gates has shared he has no interest in going galactic -there are more pressing issues on Earth, He wants to get rid of diseases such as malaria and tuberculosis, and his goal for 2022 is to eradicate polio entirely! Pick up a penguin scientists reveal that giving presents can lower both your heart rate and blood pressure. Interestingly, receiving gifts didn't have the same effect, s0 perhaps this is a sign to surprise someone you love - it could be good for both your hearts. The pandemic has been hord on everyone, but those living in care homes have faced the challenge of being isolated from loved ones, on-and-off, for a long time. In an effort to cheer up residents and keep them entertained, a care home in Oxford celebrated an animal therapy day by bringing two penguins in. Charlie and Groot visited Richmond Villages, Witney, and brought many smiles oo.» Whether you want to kickstart your personal development, boost your self-awareness, or are just interested in seeing things from a new perspective, the Japanese business philosophy ‘kaizen’ could be just what you're looking for fyou‘re anything like me, the pace of life sometimes feels like it's just getting faster and faster. Days often seem like they're filled with relentless demands, and things to do. Being busy can be such a huge distraction that it's easy to lose sight of what we really want from life, which can leave us feeling restless and unfulfilled. Luckily, there's never been a better time to shake things up and try something new. ‘The Japanese business philosophy ‘kaizen’ started lif i the 1950s as a way to help make companies run more smoothly, but people are now using the same approach to transform their lives. When applied in a business setting, Kaizen aims to ‘make the working environment more efficient and effective by continuously reviewing how things are done, and ‘methodically making changes. This is said to create a better atmosphere, stronger team spirit, and improve productivity which, in turn, leaves employees feeling more engaged and fulfilled - and sometimes even less tired! ‘There's much more to than improving job satisfaction, though. Kaizen which means “change for the better” in Japanese ~ represents a powerful internal process. Apply kaizen to your life and change becomes easier, you feel more motivated, and better at tuning-in to your true potential So what is kaizen? Put simply, this approach is based on the belief that making positive, gradual changes will lead to significant results. Kaizen combines two Japanese terms: kai (good) and zen (change). Incorporating ‘good change’ into our everyday lives, by introducing small but consistent improvements, can have a big impact over time. Kaizen isntt a quick-fix approach to self-care and development its a slower, more mindful practice, which makes iteasier to apply. After all, changing things gradually is much more achievable than trying to change everything overnight. For instance, cleaning your teeth twice aday probably doesn't feel like a life-changing habit, but ifyou didn't doit you could be ‘opening yourself up to all sorts of health problems. So over time, a relatively small habit actually has a huge influence on your overall ‘wellbeing. Applying the kaizen approach works in the same way, helping us make big changes in ‘our lives by taking small steps everyday. 66 Our personal growth is continuous process, and kaizen helps remind us that we're all work-in-progress Harness your inner kaizen ‘The kaizen mindset is based around continuously ‘moving in the right direction, rather than reaching a destination. ‘We can use kaizen to achieve goals, but the overall concept isthat we never stop improving. Our personal growth isa continuous process, and kaizen helps remind us that we're alla work-in-progress. Plus, ‘mindfully setting ourselves goals enhances our self-awareness and helps us live in the present. ‘The first step in harnessing your inner kaizen isto start living with intention. To do this you need to connect with the person you want to become. Once you identify ‘what's most important to you, setting goals that really matter is much easier. So your kaizen Journey starts by reflecting on what’ working for you. Next, begin by identifying small changes you can make. Bear in mind you don't have to have all of the answers right now, youjust need to fee! like you're moving in the right direction. Kaizen is all about gradual adjustments, so start small and see where ittakes you. ‘As you focus on the improvements you'd like to make, try tolet go of assumptions, and be proactive and flexible about changing, Practising kaizen isa great way to remember you're in control of your life. This mindset incorporates the belief that there's solution to every problem. So think creatively and remember to think small - slowly does itis the kaizen way. However life's treating you at the ‘moment, incorporating kaizen is a great way to highlight the good stuff, and remind us we don't have to accept the status quo. holistic wellness Simple steps — big results! 1. Set small, achievable goals every day, and take things step-by-step. That way, you'll be moving forwards, ‘and heading in a positive direction. 2. Break bigger goals down into achievable, smaller steps. This helps make anything seem possible. 3. Choose the simple solution, even ifs rot perfect. You can fine-tune things with more changes in the future. 4, Avoid using money to make changes ~ you can find solutions without relying on your wallet. 5, Focus on the present moment, and. find at least one thing you can improve today. 6. Ask questions. The more you ask "Why?' the closer you'll get to the answers you're looking for. See what other people think, too. 7. Stay motivated by listing reasons why you want to change, and Visualising how they'll make you feel. ® @ happifulcom | February 2022|15holistic wellness Manifestation What's the reality? It was the buzzword of 2021, but what does manifestation look like in real life, and how can we use this tool to better our mental health? {tsa wellness technique that has soared in popularity recently, with Google searches for ‘manifestation ‘methods’ increasing by a massi 15,4929 in 2021 - but what exactly is manifestation? Well, speaking literally, it means to bring thoughts into existence = so what does that look like in practice? “Manifestation can seem to some as quite spiritual, or even “woo woo: I see it as something that all of us are doing every day of our lives? says Amy Reeve, a life coach and clinical hypnotherapist who uses ‘manifestation in her practice. “Take, for example, when you have a bad morning and the alarm doesnt go off and you're late, then maybe you are rushing and rip a hole in the top you put ‘on. Many people would start to ‘Well, this is an awful day? Once we get into that mindset, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, as we will continue to manifest negativity for the rest ofthe day. Equally, think of a day ‘when you felt like you were on top of the world and owning everything; it likely started off with one thing going right and you thought: ‘This is going to be a great day’ You manifested that ‘great day, it wasnt luck” When you put it like that, it sounds pretty straightforward, and it’s no wonder that interest in manifestation has skyrocketed in recent years, when the obstacles we've faced in our daily lives have grown ‘exponentially. ‘Amys explanation also highlights some of the misconceptions about ‘manifestation floating about there - namely that itsa simple case of ask and you shall receive’ ~ leading some to brand ititas ‘pseudoscience’ While there are yet to be any conclusive studies on manifestation specifically, ‘what is supported by science is that believing you can do something makes it more likely that you'll successfully do it, asis highlighted in the work of American psychologist Dr Carol Dweck, whose book, Mindset: (Changing The Way You Think To Fulfil Your Potential, dives into the power of our minds. ‘When asked how ‘manifestation can support our wellbeing more widely, Amy hasa different take. “Id argue the opposite: our wellbeing can support manifesting what we want in life,” she says. “If we dont feel good about ourselves, dont believe in ourselves, or dont love ourselves, then our wellbeing may be low and we will be unable to manifest great things into our lives. If we focus ‘on our wellbeing ~ be that growing our confidence, having abetter work-life balance, spending time every day doing what we love - then we will ‘more easily be able to manifest what we want from life, because wwe are in a place of strength, completeness, and contentment already. “Again, this isa self-fulfilling prophecy. The more we prioritise ‘our wellbeing and choose to feel ‘g00d, the easier itis to continue to feel good and manifest what it is we want from life.” hapeifulcom| Februcry 202217Ch) Peta eat] Seay Re I) ‘What's clear is that ‘manifestation alone w able to solve all our problems ich is an important and alistic point to take note of. But by taking a 360° approach to our health, working in everything from nut 5 through to setting boundaries and practising self-care, harnessing the positive feelin, from overall good wellbeing ‘comes more easly But, if you're not yet at that point, it might be helpful to first try to take stock of where yout at right now. 18 February 2022 hoppifulcom the positive can literally change the way we think 1 Wayne Dyer explained that manifesting is not about attracting what you want, itis an awareness and understandit that you attract what you are’ Amy continues. “So if you feel unworthy, incomplete, unconfident, or unloved, manifesting in those areas will be extremely challenging. That why we need to start by working on our confidence, self-worth, and self-belief, to come froma place of strength vhen I work with clients who have low self-esteem or self-worth, I get them to write ything negative that they perceive about themselves. ‘We then turn those into positive statements, and the client reads them out loud to themselves in a mirror every day for a month. For example, ‘No one loves me’ becomes I am infinitely loveableGive ita go Ready to try tapping into the power of manifestation? Here, ‘Amy Reeve offers some tips: “Being grateful for what we already have is so important. Practising gratitude every day, by saying out loud or writing down five things we are grateful for, can be helpful. First of all, it puts us in «@ positive mindset for the day. Secondly, we cannot manifest froma feeling of lack. Ifwe are so focused on what we don't have, we can never appreciate what we do have. The second piece of advice I would suggest is to get and Ilove myself” It may sound silly, but it works! Affirming the positive can literally change the ‘way we think about ourselves. Once we get to place where we feel good, manifesting becomes much easier” ‘Amy points to another example ofa client who keeps finding themselves in toxic relationships with partners who are not ‘good for them. Is the cause of this pattern because they are unlucky, or because their relationship with themselves ‘means that they're not in a good position to spot red flags at the really specific on what its. that you want. Do you want anew job? Great! How much do you want to get paid? What hours do you want to work? What do you want the career progression to look like? Ifits a relationship, what values do you want your partner to have? What type of life do you want fo have with that partner? How much independence do you want from a relationship? Write all this down. Once we know what we want, it can be much easier fo spot it when it arrives. start of a relationship? Decidedly, it the latter. “It’s easy to see that if this client ‘wants to manifest a healthy relationship, they first need to change the way they feel about themselves, in order to be able to manifest the relationship they desire,” Amy says. So, how can we manifest in practice? Well, you may want to start by simply setting an intention, thinking about the things that you desire ~ bearing in mind Amy's notes on first understanding who you currently are ~ the ways that you want to holistic wellness POND A ee feel, and tuning-in to the details ‘to assess what you might need to change in order to see those things become reality. You may also want to create a vision board, ‘which is a good way to visualise ‘the future that you want, and you can fill t with inspirational photos that represent the qualities that you desire. This is something you can get crafty with, by cutting out images from ‘magazines and newspapers - or intrest is often dubbed the ‘virtual vision board, and you can create as many boards as you desire, pinning the things that resonate with you, and sorting your boards into categories. Ultimately, every element of, ‘wellness comes together to create the full picture, and it’s never going to be the case that one single action will change a life. But bringing tools like ‘manifestation together with other areas of wellbeing, will set the course of your intentions, and could lead to brighter things on the horizon. Amy Roeve isa divorce ond separation ‘coach, clinical hypnotherapist and NLP ‘practioner. Find out more by visiting lifecoach-directoryorg.uk hoppifulcom | February 2022|197 powerful ways we can tackle stress Toke it seriously, and follow these steps for dealing with stress s anything causing you stress at the moment?” Its something ve asked patients hundreds of times during my work as a GP. Now more than ever, the ‘stress’ word is cropping up. We are frazzled - working from home, looking after elderly parents, ‘managing a long-term illness, facing redundancy, or working long hours to keep our businesses afloat - and stress ison the rise. But, from my experience, there are seven powerful ways we can tackle stress. However, before ‘we get started, we need to do the following: ers Accepting that you feel stressed, or that stress is contributing to physical symptoms, can be hard. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you are feeling the pressure. Pera ee eee Pens) Our brains do not differentiate between big stresses and small ones, it just registers stress. Major \Weting | De Clara Russel stressful life events may prompt us to seek help if it becomes obvious to ourselves, or those around us, that we are struggling. But the ‘small things’ that cause niggles and linger in our minds can be harder to spot. Our resilience and ability to weather the day-to-day storms can be gradually impacted by these ‘daily hassles. We might be talking about stress ‘more but are we listening to ourselves? Stress is dropped into conversation like talking about the weather, which can detract from the impact a build up of stress can have on us. Even iy six-year-old son said to me recently: “It’s OK, dont stress ‘mummy’ Stress was not a word that Thad in my vocabulary in primary school! ‘The effects of stress are varied and may be hard to identi disrupted sleep, snappiness, struggling to focus, or lacking ‘motivation are common, These features can be easy to miss, dismiss, or distract ourselves from, especially when life has r been as hectic as ithas been in recent months. 66 Stress is dropped into conversation like talking about the weather Our response to stress takes four stages: the initial event, how we perceive the event, our response to it, and the effect this has on us. The good news is that you can take steps today to combat and. ‘manage how you're feeling. ‘The power of movement Ifyouare an exercise avoider (like me) you will always be able to find something more enjoyable to do than get active. Buta ‘mere 20 minutes of activity has been shown to improve ‘our mood for up to 12 hours, so get moving and endorphinate,wellbeing ‘The Stanford Forgiveness project has demonstrated that forgiveness reduces stress, anger, and depression, and helps with feelings of optimism. It also supports our immune system, and reduces the risk of heart disease and chronic pain. Connecting with those we care about can have a buffering effect on stress. Supportive, positive relationships work both ways, and you can never underestimate the power ofa phone call or a friendly chat. Psychological research from Harvard shows our minds wander up to 47% of the time. Cultivating a mindful approach to the day-to-day routine helps us focus and be present. Regular practise of meditation has been shown to improve anxiety, depression, and quality of life, as ‘well as maintain a healthy mind and increase wellbeing. ‘Many studies have shown the link between being grateful, and elevated levels of positive feclings. Gratitude has been shown to decrease depression, increase resilience, improve sleep, decrease the risk of heart disease, and improve relationships. Taking time to express gratitude helps us slow down and focus on the present, and the positives Try to establish a winding down routine; you have a morning one, so invest in a bedtime one, too. Switch devices off atleast an hour before bed, avoid caffeine after 2pm, keep your bedroom cool, and have a notebook by your bed to write down any worries, ideas, or things to do, that pop into your mind. This applies to yourself and those around you. In April of 220, the Mental Health Foundation worked with YouGov to conduct an online survey of more than 4,200 UK adults aged 18 and over. Itrevealed that 639 of UK adults agree that when other people are kind it has a positive impact on their mental health, and the same proportion agree that being kind to others has 2 positive impact on their mental health. Ita win-win, OY Dr Clara Russell isa GP and co-founder of nogginbrain.co.uk Follow her on Twitter @DrClaraR happiflcom| Februcry 202221Create your safe space: the beauty of boundaries Protecting our emotional and physical space is imperative to our wellbeing, but so often setting and maintaining healthy boundaries gets overlooked. It's ime to change that narrative, as columnist Grace Victory explores her own relationship with boundaries, and how we can all benefit from respecting them more... f there was a word to describe the key focus currently in my life, itwould be ‘boundaries? — in every sense of the word. ‘Boundaries with myself, with work, with my relationships, and ‘with my place on social media. A few months after waking up from my coma, the theme of ‘boundaries’ was staring at me in the face. This life-changing experience made me confront sso many things I was running from relating to past trauma, and issues I needed to heal from my childhood. Personally, I've always found boundaries difficult - more so implementing my own than respecting everyone else’. Other people's boundaries are ‘quite simple and easy for me to understand, but I've definitely had to learn to not take things personally, and that boundaries are how we all remain safe. Growing up, [learned very quickly that boundaries were something to be overstepped 22 | February 2022 hapeileom and disrespected. I watched men abuse women, dance teachers tell students to lose weight, and at 16 experienced sexual trauma like ‘many women do - my boundaries were ignored in the worst way. For decades I internalised so ‘many of these events as “Ido not matter,” “I'm asking for too much; “I dontt deserve respect,” and “It not important for my needs to be met.” Now in my 30s, Ym really trying to unlear all of this, and live a life thats more emotionally aware and stable. Itis not bloody easy, but 'm showing up for myself and giving it my best shot. Thank God for therapy! ‘Maybe you can relate? Maybe you put up with too much? Maybe you make yourself small? Maybe you allow people to treat you less than? ‘The term ‘boundary’ essentially covers how we define acceptable and unacceptable behaviour within our relationships, and interactions with people ‘throughout our day-to-day lives. They are something that should be taught within our family homes growing up, but due to generational trauma they are often misconstrued, or not taught a all. Our elders may find boundaries disrespectful, or culturally inappropriate, but as adults we have to break these cycles not only for ourselves, but for our future children, too. Boundaries are our perimeters of peace, and they should be ‘treated with great importance. They are consent, they are consideration, they are empathy, they are compassion, and they are our harmony. ‘When developing more secure ‘margins, and understanding the appropriate behaviours in order to sustain your relationships, the best piace to start is your relationship with yourself. We often say “Tm going to book that doctor’s appointment today,” but come 6pm, the doctor’s surgery is now closed and you haven'tsorted your appointment. This is aclassic example of selfsabotage, and notbeing able to meet your ‘own needs. Perhaps you keep saying “yes” to overtime, when you're clearly already overworked, ‘stressed, and on the verge of burnout, but its easier to people- please because of a subconscious fear of rejection. ‘And you know what... I get it! Implementing boundaries can often feel alien-like, especially if you've experienced trauma, and/or you've never been taught appropriate boundaries. It actually might feel quite selfish Boundaries are | our perimeters of peace, and they should be treated with great importance and unfair to other people in your life, but without boundaries we leave ourselves open to giving too much of ourselves; pouring from an empty cup; a sense of unfulfillment; less autonomy of our bodies; a loss of authority over our lives; and a distrust for ‘our own intuition and the ability to make decisions. While there are some collective boundaries we can all relate to, and others depend on our individual needs, there seems to be one area in life where, across the board, our boundaries need some serious work: social media @GRACEFVICTORY — From following accounts that, make us feel awful, to stalking your ex-boyfriend's sister's best friend’ grandad’s new wife. We've all done it. We've all been there. And we can all change it. Poor boundaries with social media can also look like offloading trauma to someone ‘you follow but do not know, and commenting something sensitive on someone's post. Of course, we ‘may not know we've overstepped a person's boundaries until we overstep them, but when we know better, we do better, and it's imperative we have self awareness when using platforms like Instagram. Whenever we choose to dive into self-development, and work on ourselves, we should also ‘wrap ourselves up in compassion, grace, and patience. Changing, growing, and evolving take: and the journey towards better understanding of ourselves and others takes time. Our needs are all important, and its up to us to implement boundaries, honour our own and other people's, and have the courage to speak up ‘when someone's actions make us feel uncomfortable. You are brave, Go out into the world and show yourself just how capable you are. 3 For more on boundaries and ‘wellbeing you can purchase Grace’s book, ‘How To Calm It’ Love Grocer hoppifulcom | February 2022 23,ee Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you MISTY COPELANDFrom finding your focus to falling in love with yourself, we share four books you Y's time for a brand new kind of love story. Nobody plans to turn 30 in a prison cell. When Nino hits rock bottom, Iyou've ever felt your despite her misgivings (why self-worth wobble, or found woulda strong, sensible Taurus _yourself struggling to get back Thirty Things Love About need a life-changing journey to on track, then this is the book “Myself by fix herself?) 0 tatty little self- for you. Charming, funny, and Radhika help book has her hooked. Her _ life-affirming, discover how to coer] challenge? Take 30 bold steps find your love for yourself all Out 20 January in one year. over again. Must reads . ‘Stolen Focus: Why Find Me Among The Little You Can't Pay Them by Book of Vegan Attention Sisterhood Bakes by by Johann Hari Out now Holly Jade ES) Out now Exploring the Out 20 january as © Bestseling author topics of race, In the latest Tc 0 Johann Hari identity, and mustiry Uncovers the reasons why teens equality, Find Me Among, vegan cookbook, creator of ‘can only focus on one task for Themis a collection of stories The Litle Blog of Vegan, Holly 65 seconds, and office workers _told by 11 teenage girls from Jade, shares an array of mouth spend just three minutes per Stratford, London. Created watering, irresistible plant- task. Speaking with leading by the Sisterhood School, a based cakes and treats. With ‘experts, Johann shares how our programme focused on literacy _recipes ranging from simple to | inability to focusisn’t.a personal and leadership, this anthology _—_show--stopping, there are easy 2 failing i's something that has amplifies their experiences, to follow step-by-step guides been stolen from us all narratives, and perspectives. for bakers of every ability. 1can safely say we've all heard ofa vision board before, even if we've never experimented with crafting one for ‘ourselves. But do you know exactly what itis, how it works, or how it might benefit you? While its undoubtedly eye- catching, anda fun crafting activity, there's much more to a vision board than just aesthetics. In reality, a vision board is a ‘manifestation tool to help you realise your goals. ‘The truth is, putting pictures ‘on aboard wont magically make things happen you have to be willing to putin the work. But the purpose of a vision board is to 26 | February 2022 |happifulcom for the year ahead wg | Rebecee Thai help you gain a clearer idea of what you most want in life, and to serve as a daily reminder of what you're working towards. ‘There is no set of strict rules for how you go about crafting this - it’s all about expressing your vision in a way that works best for you. Perhaps you want to think about long-term goals, and the bigger picture. Or maybe it’s a case of focusing ‘ona specific area in your life that you want to pay particular attention to. Have a look online for some ideas and inspiration, but know that there's no wrong way to do this. Make your vision your own! Create your own vision board ‘To help you get started, here are six steps to create a vision board that actually delivers... ‘What do you most want, really? ‘Think big - what are your values, your big-picture goals? Where do you want your life to be in five or 10 years? To help you hone-in on this, ask yourself these questions: 1, How do you want to feel? This will help you focus less on possessions, and instead have ‘an emotional connection to ‘your goals. Perhaps you've seen a designer pair of shoes, or a luxury car an influencer you follow has posted online, and.2 you cant stop thinking about - But isi the item you really desire, or isit the confidence walking in those shoes might bring you, or the excitement, freedom, and thrill of an open road? Once you identify what itis you truly desire, you can connect more to your vision and make a plan for how to get there, Who do you admire most? Perhaps it their achievements, or their lifestyle, their tenacity, their openness? Maybe you envy the life of an influencer itthe wealth that piques your interest most, the fact they are their own ‘boss, or that they ‘seem to be able to spend more time with their family? Once you understand what appeals to you, you can consider how you can work towards gaining this more in your own life. .. What is your why? [Asking this question, and. repeating it, will help you dig deeper into your true values. Do you want a luxury holiday in order to relax? That may ‘well work, but what else could help you unwind on a more regular day, and how could you bring more of that into your routine? Understanding your underlying motivation helps to create a meaningful vision for the future. 4, What can you conclude? ‘Taking your answers into account, can you see an underlying theme? Could you sum up your aims with a word or phrase that emphasises the ‘theme for your goals? Once you know this, you can explore all the ways you can work towards achieving this in your life. Gather your thoughts. This is the fun bit: displaying your vision in a way that resonates most with you. You could use images or photographs (printed, or cut out from magazines), perhaps plane ticket stubs (if you're longing for travel), recipe scraps (if you're wanting to explore new skills), or quotes (potentially handwritten with calligraphy) - whatever conveys your dream best for you. Pethaps you could create an affirmation based on your theme word, which can be a phrase to reinforce your vision and include it on the board? It’s time to get creative Putit in plain sight. Whether itsa physical collage on a wall, in a frame, or a digital phone background, making sure ‘you keep your vision board somewhere you will see it regularly encourages motivation reminding you of what you're ‘working towards. holistic wellness 66 Understanding your underlying motivation helps to create a meaningful vision for the future ‘The vision board is just the start... From there, you need to take actionable steps to make your dreams a reality. For example, if you want to write a book, set yourself a target of writing a certain amount of ‘words per day, so you get into the habit. Remember, your vision can ‘change. You can keep adding. to, update, or create new vision boards - or even specific ones for different areas of your life. This is a practice that heips you tune-in with yourself, and give direction toyourdreams. Acknowledge your achievements, Pay attention to those wins, no matter how small, and congratulate yourself for ‘your progress. Its important to recognise how you're growing, to keep that motivation moving forwards. You've got this. IN For more support on manifestation. or living the life you truly want, visit lifecoach-directory org.uk hoppiteleom | February 2022 | 27Chic ways to upcycle clothes Simple ways to breathe new life into your wardrobe hen it comes to our wardrobes, who hasn't attempted a learout only to end up stuffing the same garments back in just in case? The problem is we hold ‘an emotional attachment to the item, so even when it doesn't quite fit, or is slightly damaged, ‘we cant bear to part with it, but it continues to hang there, unworn and unloved. But there is a simple solution - and one that helps to reduce the UK’s textile waste! Mending and upcycling clothes can help you move towards a more sustainable future, saves you money, and gives your outfits a new lease of life - what's not to love? Here are four easy ways to begin... Keep it simple When you're starting out, give yourself time to lean. Attempting to create an ensemble from scratch might leave you feeling overwhelmed and deflated. Instead, make small adjustments to what you already have - perhaps its experimenting with tie-dying, or adding some embellishments to an existing ftem. It could be watching a YouTube tutorial to fix a small tear, or updating buttons or a zip, to give your well-loved items a bit more longevity. 28| February 202 | happifulcom Witing | Rebecca Thair Size is a must ‘The power of a well-fitting garment can never be underestimated - when something fits like a glove, it can instill a new-found sense of confidence that radiates cout from you. So why not raid your wardrobe for your old favourites, or even clothes you thought looked great on the hanger but don't get the love they deserve because they're justa bit off. Could you hem the bottom of some trousers to sit better, or ake in a dress that’s lost its shape a bit? Get creative When you feel ready to really challenge yourself, its a chance to get creative and ‘revamp entire looks. Maybe adding a fabric belt toan oversized day dress gives it a fresh appeal, or removing sleeves from it gives you a new summer staple? Fabric-ate something new Unpicking clothes to see how they were constructed can help you visualise the process better, if you want to take things further. These could form patterns for you to make your ‘own pieces from the fabric of items you no longer wear. IN Just keep stitching... For inspiration and ideas, head 10: loveyourclothes.org.uk/ refashion-upcycle For sewing tips, patterns, id even workshops, visit: tillyandthebuttons.com Foronline tutorials, check ‘out Professor Pincushion on YouTube: youtube.com/c/ ProfessorPincushionWiring | Becky Wright here’ a reason people say to take a walk on the wild side of life - spending time outside can increase our intake of vitamin D, as well as reducing blood pressure, muscle tension, and the production of stress hormones. Nature is unequivocally good for our bodies. But the benefits go beyond the physical; there can be a variety of mental and emotional reasons for ‘wanting to step outside. Perhaps ‘you seek the mental clarity of having green space around you, or the grounding effect of feeling ‘your two feet firmly on the earth. Itcan feel like quite a personal ‘thing - what we seek from nature ~ and, perhaps, what you look to gain from the natural world changes each time you enter it. But, in order to truly reap the mental health benefits of the great outdoors, we should perhaps focus our intentions more. It’s ‘thought that, rather than the amount of time we spend outside, the quality of our interactions with nature is the most important factor (where our mental health is concerned), Feeling connected with our natural surroundings is ‘what we should be aiming for, for ‘maximum benefit. So, how can we develop our connection with the natural world? 1. IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN NATURE, BEIN NATURE Inother words, getting outside is the first step. To really take advantage of the time spent in fresh air, you have to focus on getting out of your head and into ‘your body. In our busy lives, there can bea temptation to make our journeys as quick and time- efficient as possible. That might ‘mean checking your emails while walking the dog, or catching up ona podeast on your cycle to work. Of course, productivity has its place. But could you benefit from completely switching off once in a while, and just being in the moment? Why not go for a walk and leave ‘your phone at home, or atleast putiton airplane mode? This can help you tune-out from a busy day, enabling you to focus on the present and notice what's around ‘yous the sights, sounds, and smells. wellbeing ways to increase your connection with nature © Do you need a breather? Try these tips to connect with the natural world to promote better mental health a « 2. INVOLVE ALL YOUR SENSES ‘Talking of sights, sounds, and smells, our senses are key tools in connecting to the natural world. One way to utilise them is to try the $-4-3-2-1 grounding technique the next time you go out. Look around you, focus, and slovily take in your surroundings. ‘Try to identify: 1, Five things you can see ~ the smaller the detail, the better. 2. Four things you can touch it could be grass ora tree if youre in a park, or maybe sand and water if you're at the beach. What do they fee! like? 3. Three things you can hear - birds, rain, wind, How nearby or distant are the sounds? 4, Two things you can smell bonfire, freshly cut grass, orthe smell of rain on the pavement. Research shows that exposing your lungs to fresh air can help to relieve stress and anxiety. So, be sure totake adeep breath. 5, One thing you can taste - you ‘might find that you have to use your imagination for this, element. happifleom| February 2022 |29Rather than the amount of time we spend outside, the quality of our interactions with nature is the most important factor (where our mental health is concerned) 3. SEEK OUT NATURE IN YOUR ONLINE CONSUMPTION Getting outside is the obvious way to connect to nature, but it’s not all about the great outdoors. ‘There are ways to access nature from inside your home, and even while you're watching TV or on your phone. In fact, research shows that viewing photos and videos of nature online can impact our emotions just as ‘much as being outside. Ina study by BBC Earth, participants who watched Justa few minutes of Planet Earth felt 46% more awe and 31% more gratitude than participants who watched other types of TV programmes. The research suggests that even brief engagement with nature content can lead to significant increases in positive emotions, including contentedness, joy, and amusement. So, the next time you're stuck for something to watch, opt for 1 programme about the natural world (extra points if it’s presented by Sir David Attenborough). Or start following some inspirational accounts on social media, and turn your time scrolling into an experience of wonderment of the natural world. Some of our favourite Instagram accounts are @bbcearth, @forestryengland, and. @earth.4. ENGAGE WITH WILDLIFE Call us biased, but one of the best things about the natural world has to be the animal kingdom. If you've gota pet, be sure to make time for play or to spend time in their company. Not only will it benefit you, but it's also great for their sense of wellbeing, too. Ifyou havent got a pet, there are plenty of other ways to access the magic of wildlife. You could set up a bidfeeder and keep an eye out for robins in your garden, or even watch out for pigeons in your local town. Birdwatching is renowned for its mindful benefits but, if you're not a fan of birds, there are a plethora of creatures you can look out for, and take more notice of - be it squirrels or bees. For more information about the benefits of nurturing local wildlife, to find a nature reserve near you, or to volunteer for a conservation project, visit wildlifetrusts.org ANIMAL MAGIC Animals offer mony innovative ways of supporting our mental health. Animal- ‘assisted therapy (AAT) is « therapeutic model that incorporates animals to help with both physical and mental health conditions. Studios have found AAT to be particularly helpful for decreasing anxiely, depression, and isolation, while increasing motivation, feelings of being socially supported, and decreasing the perception of pain. Nature can help us to maintain positive mental health, or if you're struggling with a mental health problem, itcan be a great supplement to other types of support, like talking therapies or medication If you'd like to explore how ecotherapy or walk and talk therapy could help you, you can find out more at counselling-directory.org.uk 5, BE INSPIRED TO GET CREATIVE Many people find nature inspires them to create, be it through painting, drawing, photography, or writing. There’ so much out there just waiting to be our source of creativity, from vibrant and fiery autumnal leaves to the crunch of frost underfoot ona cold winter morning. Creative activities offer their own wellbeing benefits, as they give us a chance to develop hobbies and flex our artistic ‘muscles -so theres even more reason to combine creativity with our natural environment! ‘When you next go for a walk, why not go with the intention of capturing your surroundings? You could take photos of five moments of natural beauty. Or you could try your hand at creative writing, noting down some sentences about what you experienced. IY hapeiflcom| Februcry 202231Andy Gill BANLPE-RYTJSY500 AC BWY ‘Andy Gillis « multi-modal therapist who uses coaching, hypnotherapy, and yoga to meet his clients’ needs. Find out more by visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk he dictionary defines a belief as “something that is accepted to be true”, ‘When we consider what ‘limiting belief’ is, it probably ymes as little surprise then that something you believe to be ‘rue thatis restricting you in some kind of way. Often, we can assume that limiting beliefs are bad things, but they generally serve our best interests, and those of the society ‘we function in. For instance, believing that I should not steal another person’s property is useful to society and myself it prevents me from committing an unlawful and socially unacceptable act. 32| February 2022 | happifleom What isa es eye es ‘o> limiting belief? Perhaps they started as a way to protect yourself, but now are holding you back; limiting beliefs can have a big impact on our life choices. Our expert columnist Andy Gill explores both the benefits and problems with limiting beliefs, as well as how we can rewrite the narrative... Limiting beliefs are created For example: Henry is really with good intention, tokeepus __excited by a new job opportunity safe and protect us. Our parents at work, He really wants to go for are naturally concerned for our anew role, but this role would welfare, and can pass on their require him to speak in public. anxiety and fear in the form Henry believes that if he has to ofa limiting belief. Equally, speak publicly he will fail, which a bad experience where we will result in the embarrassment were embarrassed, shamed, and shame of failure (and the loss or threatened might lead us to of his new job). It stops him from create alimiting belief that keeps applying for the role, thus sparing us from having to go through him the pain and suffering that experience again. he believes will inevitably come if However, the time when this he takes the job. ‘moves from being useful or ‘Abad experience at school led protective, toa problem, iswhen Henry to this belief. He had to ‘our limiting beliefs getin the way _recite a poem in front of class, of us living the lives we want to stumbled, lost his words, and, live, or inhibiting our personal inhis eyes, failed. His teacher growth and pursuing our life goals. gave him a bad grade, and hisclassmates made fun of him. He created a limiting belief to protect him from experiencing the same pain in the future. ‘Working with (and overcoming) limiting beliefs requires us to confront and challenge something that has become ‘true’ for us. When we accept a limiting belief as true’ it is very hard to dispute, challenge, or change it. ‘Asa coach, I work with my clients to loosen the hold of these ‘truths. I get them to think of limiting beliefs as personal stories, because a story is a narrative that may not be true, What if itis made up, what ifit isnt true? If my clients can hold the possibility that their limiting beliefs are instead limiting stories, then it becomes easier to question and challenge them, and rewrite the stories to help them grow and thrive! Gan you hold the possibility that you can learn to (re)write your own life story? How powerful might that be in transforming, your life? I EXPERT COLUMN Working with our limiting stories 1. Does this story serve me? For Henry, his fear of public speaking stems froma narrative that may no longer be helpful orrelevont this if now. Clients approach me to work on ther limiting bole wen they have reached a point in their lves where they tre no longer wiling to cutter the consequences of holding on tothom, 2. Is this story still true for me? Henry was much younger when he wrote his story about public speaking. He now has wealth of knowledge and life ‘experience that he didn't have {8 a child, so surely the story would have a different ending now? | encourage clients to carry out experiments to test their stories; the outcomes rarely match the disasters that we fear. For Henry, | would work with him to create public speaking experiments that he could start in a low-risk environment with friends, to test the reality of his story. 3. Write a new story. You will need a new narrative to replace the old one. If Henry chooses to believe that public speaking is something he can do, then he will become motivated to learn the skis to master it. He can grow into a new, more ‘empowering story, and he can apply for that new job! hoppitleom | February 2022 |33Choosing to be child-free: Why our stories need to be heard Becoming a parent is a big choice, and there shouldn't be shame whatever we decide. So why do women who choose to be child-free so often face questioning, accusations, and stigma? hen my sister and I were children, we had different tastes in toys. She begged for baby dolls and prams, while longed for stuffed animals. She wanted to play ‘mummies and daddies, while I pranced around pretending to be a cat. Guess which one of us now has a child? It wasn't until heard a similar ing told on the ‘We Are Childfree’ podcast that I realised my lack of desire to have children was, potentially, always there. In my teens and 20s I was ambivalent, assuming Y' decide later, but when I turned 35 last 34| February 2022 | heppifulcom year, I figured I should give it ‘more serious thought (biological clock warnings ringing loud in my ears). Discussing the subject with ‘my partner throughout, it didn't take too long for us both to come tothe conclusion that having children is not for us. Being comfortable talking about the decision openly, however, took a little longer. ‘This was when I discovered the We Are Childfree’ podcast. Hosted by photographer Zoé Noble, the show shares stories of child-free people around the world, looking into the ‘multifaceted reasons why some of us decide to be child-free, the stigma and misconceptions attached, and the need for changing attitudes towards this. Listening to the podeast, [felt a wave of relief. wasn't alone, and wasn'ta ‘bad’ woman for not wanting kids. “Tknow that, for me, I've always been like this,’ Zo says. “There's no big conspiracy. I just don't want children - to me its like asking, why do Tlike the colour blue? It simply who I am. So [knew that could maybe change the way people view child-free women in particular, because its womenpositive pointers who face this judgment and stigma more than men, for sure.” We only need to look at the constant barrage of speculation and questioning actors like Jennifer Anniston get in contrast to their male counterparts to see how accurate thisis. ‘The catalyst for wanting to share stories from fellow child-free women came during 2 taxi ride where the driver expressed his shock that Zo8 was married, but didnt want kids. GG Listening to the podcast I felt a wave of relief. | wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t a ‘bad’ woman for not wanting kids “For that whole drive he was determined to try to persuade me to change my mind, and I ‘was just so frustrated with that process. I knew then that there was a disconnect between what people think child-free people are, and what we actually are” hoppifulcom | February 2022| 3566 We don’t need to earn our keep on this planet. We don’t need to produce, produce, produce, to be somehow valuable to society Looking to address this disconnect, Zoé started a photography project, photographing child-free women at her home studio in Berlin, When the pandemic hit, her approach needed to change and this is when the podcast came to life, allowing her to speak to people around the world without limitations. Speaking with a diverse range of people from different countries and cultures was integral for the project, as Zo8 notes a statistic from the United Nations Population Fund’s 2021 State of World Population report that says in countries where data is available, only 55% of women are fully empowered to make their own choices over healthcare, contraception, and the ability to say yes or no to sex. ‘As well as sharing these necessary stories, the podcast advocates for women’ rights: our right to bodily autonomy, and our right to choose. This is about highlighting the struggles so many face, and breaking down stigma, one conversation ata time. 36| Fobruary 2022 | hoppifulcom One misconception I see regularly in regards to child-free ‘women is that its a‘sefish’ act, and that we aren't‘contributing’ to society. “People who are thinking about themselves are not selfish,’ Zo8 says. “I would say vwe are the opposite of that. We are thinking about not only ourselves, but the life of a possible child” Zo goes on to explain that, there are multiple reasons someone may choose not to have a child, including prioritising their mental and physical health, One woman from the project decided not to have children after struggling with eating disorders for 10 ‘years. Finally ata place where she was happy in recovery, she realised that having a child could un-do this progress and, for her, it simply isnt worth her putting her body and through it. “We don't need to earn our keep on this planet. We dontt need to produce, produce, d produce, to be somehow valuable to society,” Zoé reminds us. ‘The reality is that we are valuable just as we are. And, in fact, due to our decision to be child-free, many of us have more time, energy, and financial means to volunteer, support communities and be there for others. There are so many ways we can nurture and pass on our learning to others without having to have children of our own. As an auntie, can already see how wonderful it is to have children in my life Tcan support, without compromising my own needs and desires. Zo8 also points out that as well as supporting nieces and nephews, vwe can be in a great position to throw out a life-line for parents who may be struggling. If you're reading this and thinking, what if I just don't know if [want kids? You're not alone. Zo notes that ambiguity is a big issue in the child-free community, and there's nothing wrong with not knowing, What is important is to really check-in with your own wants and desire“I think a lot of people are actually getting confused about their own desires, because we dont give people the tools to decide what they should want in their lives. We set them off ‘ona path where you get the job, ‘you get the partner, the house, the child, and then you retire, and that’ it. Instead, we need to empower people to really think about what matters to them, what is their personality? What do they love? What do they not love? Those are important questions that you need to ask yourself” Zos also suggests, where possible, to try looking after children for an extended period of time (think a few days, nota positive pointers few hours) to get a clearer idea cof what parenthood could look like, The view of parenthood we see can sometimes be sterilised, as itsits in an environment where parents can feel judged for admitting they're struggling, Promoting honesty in this realm would not only help those decicl right for them, but it would help parents know they're not alone and they're doing an incredible job. Being a parent is hard work, and Ihave so much admiration for those who do it.I see the joy itbrings my loved ones, and that isan incredible thing. Knowing it wouldnt be the same for me, and admitting that... is also an incredible thing, “There are no guarantees in life?’ Zo8 adds. “But one thing is for sure, if you can truly choose the life path that you want, you have a far better chance of being happy - that lam sure of.” Visit wearechildfree.com to learn more about the podcast and growing community. hoppitleom | February 2022 |37Five signs of sensory overload in adults For those with a sensory processing disorder - or ADHD, PTSD, and autism — sensory overload can be a difficult thing to live with. Here, writer Emma Johnson describes her experience, and shares tips for spotting signs in yourself and others verstimulationmay _ Irritability and all ofthe external sensory notbevery obvious disproportionate information I'm receiving, I may from an outsider emotional reactions unconsciously use this as an perspective ~ and, work in a busy retail outlet. These habits can prove having ADHD, sometimes even environment, which means ‘exhausting, and sometimes Thave trouble spotting the signs my brain is regularly trying to harmful. To channel this into from the inside, too. But many process several things at once. aless damaging habit, Ihave a adults with ADHD, autism, or ‘Trying to deal with loud noises, fidget spinner ring that I wear. PTSD can experience discomfort __several people talking to me at Instead of picking my skin, or feel extremely overwhelmed ‘once, ll while working on the or being perceived as rude ‘when exposed to certain sensory checkout, can be very stressful, or impatient with my finger triggers. These can include: and sometimes overwhelming. tapping, I now spin my ring. ‘This can quickly become Fidgets are available in many Excessive noise cexternalised as frustration forms, however I chose this one “Intense or flashing lights and anger. Feeling too warm, as can keep it with me at work, + Growds or close contact with sweating, or overreacting to groups of people situations, can also be a sign Loss of, or shift in, focus “Textures of food, or clothing Ym over-stimulated. Removing In some cases, my attention irritating skin myself to somewhere calmer involuntarily shifts to something + Overpowering scents such as usually helps to diffuse my that is making me mildly perfumes discomfort. ‘uncomfortable. Most people can do their best to ignore irritants such as itchy tags, or Here, 1willdescribe five common _Bodly-focused signs of sensory processing repetitive behaviours uncomfortable materials in disorder (SPD) that experience, BFRB can involve hair-pulling, clothing, but once I've noticed it, ‘and share how I avoid and ease nail-biting, skin picking, and itsall [can think about. This can feclings of over-stimulation, knuckle cracking, toname afew. make staying on task particularly Familiarising yourself with these ‘These types of symptoms can.